Selected quad for the lemma: love_n

Word A	Word B	Word C	Word D	Occurrence	Frequency Band	MI	MI Band	Prominent
love_n	affection_n	life_n	love_v	3,278	5	5.8521	4	false

Text snippets containing the quad

ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A19453	The court of good counsell VVherein is set downe the true rules, how a man should choose a good wife from a bad, and a woman a good husband from a bad. Wherein is also expressed, the great care that parents should haue, for the bestowing of their children in mariage: and likewise how children ought to behaue themselues towardes their parents: and how maisters ought to gouerne their seruants, and how seruants ought to be obedient towards their maisters. Set forth as a patterne, for all people to learne wit by: published by one that hath dearely bought it by experience.	Guazzo, Stefano, 1530-1593. Civil conversatione.	1607 (1607)	STC 5876; ESTC S105096	41,315	73

the Parents in suffring of them to grow too old or stuborne before they breake them of their obstinacie I Must néeder in this place mention vnto you a youth of fifterne or sixteene yeares of age of a ready wit but otherwise vicious and lewd of life which hapned through the fault of the father and mother who were so far from correcting him that they durst not so much as threaten him nor say any word to him that might displease him and I remember when he was fiue or fire yeares olde if any tolde them that they must rebuke him for some faulte he had done they would excuse him by and by saying he was not yet of age to know his fault And beeing seauen or eight yeares olde they would nouer beate him nor threaten him least through some great feare his bloud should be chase or inflamed whereby he might be cast into an ague No at ten yeares olde they thought not good to trouble nor molest him alledging that stripes and threats would too much pull downe his courage and take from him his stout and proud stomacke and though now for his haughty conditions he be hated of all the whole Cittie yet they leaue not to excuse him still saying he must first grow and then after be wise and that within few dayes they wil send him to schoole where he shall learne wit But now many a one lookes when hee shall be of age to he hanged o●● the gallowes to heare him before the people to lay the fault vpon his father and mother and iustly curse their foolish lone and shamefull cockering attempting as one did once to teare their nose and their eares of with his teeth CHAP. XIX ¶ Yf a childe be of neuer so good a wit yet for want of good bringing vp groweth to be ouer-bad and base in conditions and this oftentimes falleth out by the cockering of their Parents BY this example in the former Chapter reci●●d it is verified that a child though of nouer so good a witt yet beeing ill brought vp proueth too bad but this great tockering and compassion is proper to the mother who commonly bringeth vp her children with more tender affection and discretion and according to the olde saying it is an hard matter for a mother to be fond of her children and wise both together but yet the right loue is to beate and correct them when they shall deserue it for certainely the rod doth not tessen the mothers loue but rather increase it for if the excesse of loue be to be blamed in the mother much more is it to be reproued in the father whese part it is ito examine and correct his childrens faults assuring himselfe the onely way to spoyle them is to be too much fond and tender ouer them But now I must tell you which be these fathers that I call more then fathers in my oppinion they be those which are too cruell to their children and beate them continually like slaues for the least fault in the world Truely those fathers are to be misliked of all men for that without any discretion they measure their children by themselues and require at their hands a matter impossible whch is to haue them be olde in their youth not suffering them to inioy that liberty which is alowed to their age and in my minde they descrue no other name then of Schoole-maisters for that they cannot manner their children well vnlesse they haue a rod in their hand for if they were right fathers they would be content that their children shoulde learne of them nothing else but to refrayne from doing ill and to vse to doe that which is good and honest which a childe is brought too rather by loue then by force but the authoritie which some vn-wise fathers take vpon them is so great that without respecting age time or place they will heepe their children vnder by force and make them doe enery thing contrary to nature yea euen to wear their apparell after the fashion of the good men of the time past In this they doe amisse and hereby they make their children not to loue them harsely and to obey them rather for feare then affection And besides they consider not that the beating without measure and the keeping them in continuall feare is the cause that a man cannot iudge to what manner of life they are by nature inclined Moreouer it dulleth their wits and represseth their naturall strength in such sort that their is no liuely spirit left in them and comming in any company they know neyther which way to looke nor what to doe but stand like simple Idiots There I giue this counsell vnto all parents to leaue their butchery beating and consider rather that for larke of yeares their children cannot haue perfect vnderstanding and experience in thinges whereby they are to be borne withall when they doe amisse CHAP. XX. ¶ Of the great commendations of such parents as keepe their children in awe whilest they are young I Like those fathers well that can keepe their children in awe onely with shakeing their head at them or vsing some such like signe and can onely with a word correct them and make them ashamed of their fault yet I am perswaded that there are few fathers that know how to keepe the meane but they will orther be too rough or too gentle to their children whereof as the one driues them to desperatenes so the other bringeth them to wantonnes We must thinke that a childe hath giuen vnto him a father and a mother to the end that of the wisedome of the one and the loue of the other that meane I speak of might be made and that the seueritie of the father may be somwhat mittigated by the leuity of the mother Now this calls to mind an other disagréement betwéen the father and the childe which is the partiall loue of the father towardes his children for in my minde it is a great fault that he should loue one more then an other and that all being of his flesh and bloud he should cast a merry countenance vpon some of them and an angry looke vpon other some Yet this is the nature of man that a father loneth not all his children alike and yet he whom he loueth least cannot iustly complaine of him for the in-equality of loue is permitted to the fathers affection A father that is a husbandman hauing one sonne a scholler an other a Marchant and an other a husbandman of those three it is a great chaunce but hee will loue the husbandman best for he seeth him like himselfe in life and manners wherein his other sonnes in duty must be content for by nature we are led to like those things which resemble vs most Oh how hard a thing it is for the father after partiall loue is once entered into his hart to giue iustice indifferently The greater is the wisedome of the father who preferring the deserts of his children before his owne

for being both young they are the like-lier to haue children and the like-lyer to liue to see the bringing vp of them and in their olde age to enioy their seruice and comfort At which time the Children may do as mu●d for their Parents as their Parents die for them before in their youth But now I must needes confesse that all this talke is besides the matter for I haue hetherto spent the time in a discourse which tendeth to no other end but to teach a man to choose a wise that is young well borne well brought vp reasonable rich indifferent beautifull of a sound and good iudgement and of a good wit and capacitie But we haue not p●●spoken a worde of the manner of life betwixt the husband and the wise as our purpose was to doe CHAP. VI. ¶ Heere followeth the manner of life that ought to bee obserued and kept betwixt Man and Wife and how a man were better to choose a young Wife then to take one that is aged I THINKE that to liue kindly with ones wife it is necessarie that he be well framed to loue her therefore it is néedefull first to learne to know her good qualities and conditions and which are the good parts of a woman whereby men are induced to loue them Likewise it is requisite for the Father that loueth his Daughter before he marry her to sift throughly the qualities behauiour and life of his sonne in lawe For it is a true saying that hee which lighteth vpon a good Sonne in Law getteth a good sonne and be that mateth with an ill one casteth away his daughter Now the hussband knowing the goodnes of his wife being to liue with her he must aboue all things loue her most hartely and vnfaynedly for so the Lawe of God commandeth him For that is the strong foundation which surely vpholdeth Mariage and that being neclected by the husband breedeth him great shame and Infamy For not in louing that which be hath with care and diligence gotten and once iudged worthy his loue He manifestly sheweth himselfe to be vnconstant and fantasticall and that he were better to be matcht with same fury of Hell them with a louing wife if he be of that condition himselfe Therefore the Husband ought to accompany his loue with continuall feare to loose by his owne fault the goodwill of his wife for he cannot giue her a more assured signe of her bonest loue then in behauing himselfe towards her in such sort as he woulde haue her vse her selfe towardes him which doing he shall be sure to finde her both kinde and louing vnto him For let all men be assured that the greatest part of ●he faults committed by wiues in this age take the beginning from the faults of their husbands who for the most part require of their wiues such an eract obseruing of the Lawes of Mariage but they themselues make no accompt of them You shall see some husbands that both in worde and deed● will vse such rigor towards their wiues and vsurpe such superiority ouer them as is commonly vsed towards ●●auts and if abroad they by chaunce receiue any iniurie then their wiues are sure to go to wracke for it when they come home she wing themselues cowards towards others and goodly men towards their poore wiues By reason whereof it is no ●ar●aile it being ouercome with griefe and rage they call to the diuels to help them and that at that instant some lasciuious mates take occasion to tempt her and hope to attaine her for that shee is then ready to follow whatsoeuer enuy wrath and desperation shall put into her head But on the other side when the wife knoweth that all the beames of her husbands loue sayth and loyalty shine onely vppon her holding her more deare then all other earthly thinges you shall see her consume cleane away in burning flames of loue and cast al her care in thinking and doing that which she knoweth will please him And make sure account that a friend loueth not so well his friend a brother his brother or a childe his father as a wife doth her husband whereof there ariseth on both sides such assurance of trust and securitie of minde as maketh them liue in most contented happynes together But againe the assurance of trust and tranquilitie of minde possesseth not the harts of all husbands for I am fully perswaded that there are a number in the World though they set a good face on the matter which doe in hart mistrust their wiues behauiour this common distrust that men haue of their wiues doth truly proceede from the weakenes of loue which is usuall with most men For certainly make this account that at the gate where suspition commeth in loue goeth out But if perchaunce the Husband haue some occasion giuen him to mistrust let him examine his owne life well and he shall finde how the occasion came from himselfe and that he hath not vsed her as be ought to haue done but if he begin to repent himselfe and begin once to regard her as the one halfe of himselfe he will also begin to banish suspition and to thinke that he which loueth is beloued and that in mutuall loue raigneth inviolable sayth But yet there is a certeine inward spirit telleth me that this rule before spoken of is rather praysed then practised For he that would obserue it must let the Reyne lye too l●●se on the womans necke and must referr the care of both their good names onely to her small discretion which is not the custome of out country of England where women are looked too with honest dilligence This reason bringeth an olde saying into my minde which is this A dishonest woman cannot be kept in and an honest woman ought not But those men that take vpon them the keeping of their wiues honesty doe thinke the world will iudge the better of them for it for they thinke that men laugh at those husbands which giue their wiues the head too much they perswade themselues that if they do not keepe their wiues short they keepe them not as they ought to doe Besides they thinke this with themselues that the wife seeing the husband take no care of her will imagin he doth not care for her making belike this reckening that no man else will desire her CHAP. VII ¶ How some sort of men by giuing of their Wiues ouer much liberty doe perswade themselues that that is the next way to make them honest THE other sort of men which willingly giue their wiues their free liberty perswade themselues that that is the next way to keep them honest alledging this reason that the wife seeing the husband make himselfe master of her honour is displeased with it and taketh no more care to keepe it But when her honour is committed to her owne keeping she is carefull of it as of that which is her owne besides that we naturelly are destrous of the things forbidden and

partiall loue maketh his sences yeeld to reason and sheweth himselfe in deeds a like towards all I will not deny but the father by his authoritie may distribute his fauours as he seeth good to one more to an other lesse according to the state and doings of his children for as by gentle vsage he incourageth a child that is well giuen to doe well so by hard handling he may bring one that is vntoward to goodnes Yea if he haue any childe that is past grace without any hope of recouerie he may lawfully not onely loue him lesse then the rest but quite cast him out of his fauour But those fathers are greatly to be blamed who with vniust partiality and without any reasonable consideration on will vse one child as ligetimate the other vnlawfull whereof it followeth that he which is so meanely accounted of doth not onely fayle in affection to his kindred but beginneth to fall to secret warre with his owne brothers whereby the father that might establish peace and concord amongst his children shall by his partiality plant amongst them a roote of continaull discord Therefore the father ought to be well aduised how he preferreth in good will one childe before an other and not to doe it vpon euery light occasion I likewise thinke it a great folly insome fathers that make some of their children their darling and minion with out seeing any towardnes in them in the world and let euery man to haue knowledge of their fond causles affection yet it often falleth out that those children by reason of their wanton and dilicate bringing vp proue doults and simple sotts whereas contratiwise those which are banished from their fathers loue and driuen to shift for themselues doe oftentimes by their owne paine and trauell so aduaunce their estates that they are in better case then their father or their lawfull brothers to whom oft-times they afford ayde and succour in their distresses we may boldely then say that the in-iustice of the father bréedeth disagreement betweene his children and himselfe But now againe to our purpose It is commonly seene and that for the most part those children which are most made of fall out the worst and haue many misfortunes which makes me remember a prety Iest of an Ape that had two young ones at a litter whereof she loued the one and cared nothing for the other which Ape vpon occasion was driuen from her den and hauing taken that which she loued in her armes and tyed the other at her backe in running she stumbled and fell howne against the hard ground and so killed her young one she had in her armes and loued so well but the other which was at her backe had no harme at all whereby we may see that the Father oftimes doth pennance for his fondnes But to returne to our matter there is yet remaining one occasion of the disagreement betweene the Father and the Childe which is when the Father will not suffer his Children to come forth of their Infancy meaning that when eyther thorough the authoritie of olde age or couetou●nes the father though his Children be growne to mans estate will alow them neither more liuing nor more liberty even they had when they were Children therefore let al men learne know that Children now adayes are borne wise and haue gray haires in youth and as men liue not so long in these dayes as they did in times past so they grow sooner to ripenes of wit now thē they did here to fore therefore I am to aduise the Father if he tender the well doing of his Childe to alow him with discretion some liberty in matters of the House suffring him sometime to inuite to welcome make his companions good cheere to giue entertainment to strangers and as occasion shal serue to vse the goods of the house to serue his turne but aboue all things he must still counsell the Sonne to play the good husband to see to things about home whereby he may be able to keepe augment his estate keep himselfe frō falling into decay Hereof will rise thrée good effects the first is the loue of the sonne who seeing his father withdraw himselfe by litle little frō the gouerment of the house to the intent to put him in his roome receiueth therby wonderful countentment and thinketh himselfe in mind much bound vnto him not onely honoreth him but witheth him long to liue on earth The second is the commoditie of the sonne who by this meanes after his fathers death shall haue no neede to seeke counsel at his friends kinsfolks hands nor to put the ordering of his house to the discretion of his seruants hauing by the foresight of his father at things long before in his owne hands so that the gouerment of his house shall not be strange nor troublesome vnto him as it is to many when they haue lost their Father The third is the sweete rest and content of minde which the Father inioyeth in his old dayes both for that he feeleth himselfe ridde from all worldly troubles and besides seeth his Sonne by his example gouerne his house orderly and for my part I count it the chiefest felicitie in this world for a man to haue about him a number of goodly Children which are growne to perfection whom he may tearme the light of his eyes and the staffe of his age and mee thikes it must needes be a greater comfort to the Father to see a proofe of his Childe and how discreetly he can dispose of his lyuing and order his houshould then to doe it himslefe now when the Father shall be arriued to the hauen of such happinesse mee thinkes he may ioyfully looke for the last hower of his life and die most contentedly Yet in the holy Scriptures in it written Giue no authoritie ouer thee neither to thy Sonne neither to thy Wife neither to thy Brother nor to thy Friend and giue not away thy liuing to another while thou art aliue least thou afterward repent it Yet there haue been in time past and are at this day many wise Fathers which depart with their Liuinges to their Children and yet incurre no inconuenience by it mary they doe it in such sort that they neither bring themselues in subiection to their Children nor into such case that they are not able to liue without them But now in briefe I giue the Father to vnderstand that there is nothing in this world wherein there ought more care and diligence to be bestowed then in the bringing vp of Children for thereof proceedeth for the most part either the mayntenance or the decay of Houses therefore he must begin in time to furnish their tender mindes with the feare and knowledge of God and such good conditions that they may learne to liue as if they were still at the poynt to die that he indeauour to keepe them in obeydience rather by loue then feare and cause them to doe

Master and seruant must both thinke that some faults must be borne withall on both sides Which consideration the Seruant not onely ought to haue remembring that it is his duety to submit himselfe to the will and pleasure of his Master But the master much more knowing that Seruants being for the most part of bace cōdition and naturally inclined to doe ill will not haue that fidelitie diligence and affection towards him as he would haue towards any prince that he should serue and considering that it were better for him to winke at some faults in his Seruants then to disquiet himselfe in going about to reforme them CHAP. XXV ¶ Of the great abuses of some Seruants towardes their Masters which is rather for want of wit then for any other cause THERE are some Seruants I know who in their Masters presence looke as though butter would no melt in their mouth but out of their sight they will play their parts kindely Yea and will not sticke to make moes at their maister behinde his backe ●nt the master must not in any wise suffer his seruants to commit eyther in worde or deede any fault whereby God himselfe or his neighbour may be dishonoured giuing them to vnderstand that he will entertaine no naughtynesse in his House but that he hatet● it mostally whereby though he be not able to roote out their wickednes yet at least bee will doe his best endeau●our to make thee honest and to feare God Touching some other naturall imperfections of small importance as to be rude soolish vndiscreete crasty forgetfull quarelons spightfull negligent and such like they ought to be borne withall if they cannot be reclaymed from them Though for my part I thinke such Seruants better lost then found and the house it● worse that they are in yet I know some honest Gentlemen who so long as their seruauants are trusty and faithfull care not though they be soolts or ●esters to make them merry There are likewise some Masters who when their Seruants take their pleasure of them with mockes and scoffes rather take pleasure in it then seeme angry with them ●ike as he who called his Seruant King of fooles who answered I would to Bed I were King of sooles I would net doubt then but I should beare Rule euer him which is better then my selfe This Seruant was without doubt profitable vnto him or else be would not haue taken this scoffe at his bandes but for all that all Masters are not so make minded to be serued with such men nor all Seruante so happy to meet with such masters Therefore I will set downe some such order that the Master and the Seruant may liue and continue long time quietly together CHAP. XXVI ¶ How a Seruant may liue quietly with his Maister if hee be of any reasonable gouerment FIRST of all I thinke it necessarie that be which doth desire to be well serued require in his seruant three speciall thinges that is to say loue loyaltie and sufficiency such a one that a master shall eastly come by which will shew himselfe to be a good and looing Master following the commaundement of the wise man loue him whom thou noutishest and he shall be forced to loue thee againe if Masters will but thinke that Seruants are men and their humble friends they shal win their good wils and incourage them to do diligent seruice but withall I hold well that the master keepe his state and degree to loue them well but not to imbrace them for being haile-fellow well met with his Seruant he should shew himselfe too low mindrd and not fit to commaund and to be as it were a seruant with seruants which would redound to his reproach besides he should soone perceius that too much familyarity would breed contempt and therefore men of Iudgement will behane themselues with their seruants in such fort that they will nerther make them too sawey by ouermuch familiarity nor to fearefull by ouermuch seueritie For in no wise let a master be terrible to his seruant least in forwning stil vpon him he make him thinke that neyther he loueth him nor liketh of his seruice which is the way quiterd disco●●rage him And yet in giuing good countenance to his Servant be must be wary to obserue fit time and place for as it beformeth the master abroad in the presence of straungers to cast a graue and sad looke vpon vis seruants so it is his part being at home in his owne house to looke more pleasantly vpon them and to speake more familiarly vnte them which is thing they loue of life and are thereby incouraged to doe him good seruice CHAP. XXVII ¶ How the Maister with good perswasions may gouerne his Seruant and in the obstinacie of his Seruant what will insue vnto him YOV sée héere then that a maister may with his honour shew curtesie to his seruāts and thereby get their gadwil and loue pet must be not perswade himselfe that his seruants ought to discharge him of al his busines but that he must take part with them consider that it is no easte matter to gouerne seruants and that the greater number be shall haue the greater wil be his trouble to guide them for there falls out many houshould quarrels and contentions where there are many seruants he must also thinke that there is no seruant so well framed to the seruice of other Masters but that he must be faine to receiue new lawes of his new lord and therefore he must not thinke that at the first bash his seruant is made to his bowe but he must leasurely and patiently let him vnderstand his mind to speake fraely vnto him as well to make him leaue his olde fashions which perchance be liketh not as to frame him to his owne fancy And if I were to take a serūat I would rather choose a fresh-water sowler which neuer had serued thē one accustomed of lōg time to seruice For those which haue serued in many houses haue for the most part gotten the vse of some ill quality which they will barely be brought to leaue but one that is but rawe in seruice sheweth himselfe more tractable more gentle and more fit for all manner of seruice the master commonly will be the better pleased with his goodwill then with the others skill for it is a thing too hard to chaunge the manners of an old seruant and yet a master for a time must be faine to vse great patience and take great paine with a young seruant but yet to avoide the more trouble let him be su●e to chase one of a good wit and fit for seruice This brings into my mind a pleasant story of a Spanish Gentleman that had one day good tryall of the good wit of a new come seruant which Gentleman hanging sent his other seruants about other busines after be had mate ●un dresse vp the house be willed him to couer the table which be did and though that day