supply his wants James 1. 17. Every good and perfect gift comes from above c. A wife though she be not a perfect gift yet she is a good gift These beames are darted from the Sunne of righteousnesse Hast thou a soft heart it's of Gods breaking Hast thou a sweet wife shee 's of Gods making Let me draw up this expression with a double application 1. When thou layest out for such a good on earth look up to the God of heaven Let him make thy choice for thee who hath made his choice of thee Look above you before you look about you Nothing makes up the happinesse of a married condition like the holinesse of a mortified disposition Account not those the most worthy that are the most wealthy Art thou matched to the Lord match in the Lord How happy are such marriages where Christ is at the Wedding Let none but those who have found favour in Gods eyes finde favour in yours 2. Give God the Tribute of your gratulation for your good companions Take heed of paying your rent to a wrong Landlord When you taste of the streame reflect on the spring that feeds it Now thou hast foure eyes for thy speculation foure hands for thy operation foure feet for thy ambulation and foure shoulders for thy sustentation What the sinne against the Holy Ghost is in point of divinity that is unthankfulnesse in point of morality an offence unpardonable Pity it is but that Moon should be ever in an Eclipse that will not acknowledge her beames to be borrowed from the Sunne He that praises not the giver prizes not the gift and so I passe from the Agent to the Object a help She must be so much and no lesse and so much and no more Our ribs were not ordained to be our Rulers They are not made of the head to claim superiority but out of the side to be content with equality They desert the Author of nature that invert the order of nature The woman was made for the mans comfort but the man was not made for the womans command Those shoulders aspire too high that content not themselves with a roome below their head It 's between a man and his wife in the house as it is between the Sunne and the Moone in the heavens when the greater light goes down the lesser light gets up when the one ends in setting the other beginnes in shining The wife may be a Soveraigne in her husbands absence but she must be subject in her husbands presence As Pharaoh said to Joseph so should the husband say to his wife Genesis 41. 40. Thou shalt be over my house and according to thy word shall all my people be ruled onely in the Throne will I be greater than thou The body of that Houshould can never make any good motion whose bones are out of place The Woman must be a helpe to the man in these foure things 1. To his Piety 2. To his Society 3. To his Progeny 4. To his Prosperity To his Piety by the ferventnesse of her excitation To his Society by the fragrantnesse of her conversation To his Progeny by the fruitfulnesse of her education To his Prosperity by the faithfulnesse of her preservation 1. To his Piety by the ferventnesse of her excitation 1 Pet. â— 7. Husband and wife should be as the two milch-kine which were coupled together to carry the Arke of God or as the two Cherubims that look't one upon another and both upon the Mercy-Seat or as the two tables of stone on each of which were engraven the Lawes of God In some families married persons are like Jeremiah's two baskets of figges one very good the other very evil or like fire and water whil'st the one is flaming in devotion the other is freezing in corruption There is a twofold hindrance of holinesse first of the right side secondly on the left on the right side when the wife would run in Gods way the husband will not let her go when the fore-horse in a teame will not draw he wrongs all the rest when the General of an Army forbids a Martch all the Souldiers stand still Sometimes on the left How did Solomons Idolatrous wifes draw away his heart from heaven A sinning wife was Satans first ladder by which he scaled the walls of Paradise and took away the Fort-Royal of Adams heart from him Thus she that should have been the helpe of his flesh was the hurt of his Faith His natures under-propper becomes his graces underminer and she that should be a Crown on the head is a crosse on the shoulders The wife is often to the husband as the ivy is to the oak which drawes away his sap from him 2. A help to his society by the fragrantnesse of her conversation Man is an affectionate creature now the womans behaviour should be such towards the man as to requite his affection by increasing his delectation That the new-borne-new-borne-love may not be blasted as soon as it 's blossomed that it may not be ruined before it be rooted A Spouse should carry her selfe so to her husband as not to disturb his love by her contention nor to destroy his love by her alienation Husband and wife should be like two candles burning together which makes the house more lightsome or like two fragrant flowers bound up in one Nosegay that augments it's sweetnesse or like two well tuned instruments which sounding together makes the more melodious musick Husband and wife what are they but as two springs meeting and so joyning their streames that they make but one currant It 's an unpleasing spectacle to view any Contention in this Conjunction 3. To his Progeny by the fruitfulnesse of her education that so her children in the flesh may be Gods children in the Spirit 1 Samuel 1. 11. Hanna she vowes if the Lord will give her a Sonne by bearing him she will returne that son to the Lord by serving him A Spouse should be more careful of her childrens breeding than she should be fearful of her childrens bearing Take heede last these flowers grow in the Devils Garden Though you bring them out in corruption yet do not bring them up to damnation Those are not Mothers but Monsters that whil'st they should be teaching their children the way to heaven with their lips are leading them the way to hell with their lives Good education is the best livery you can give them living and it 's the best Legacy you can leave them dying You let out your cares to make them great O lift up your prayers to make them good That before you dye from them you may see Christ live in them Whil'st these Twigges are greene and tender they should be bowed towards God Children and Servants are in a Family as Passengers are in a Boat husband and wife they are as a paire of Oares to row them to their desired Haven Let these small pieces of Timber be hewed and squared for the Caelestial building By
putting a Scepter of Grace into their hands you will set a Crown of glory upon their heads 4. A helpe to his Prosperity by her faithful preservation being not a Wandrer abroad but a Worker at home One of the Antients speakes excellently She must not be a Field-Wife like Dinah nor a Street-Wife like Thamar nor a Window-Wife like Jezabel Phideas when he drew a woman painted her sitting under a Snaile-shell that she might imitate that little Creature that goes no further than it can carry it's house upon it's head How many women are there that are not labouring Bees but idle Drones that take up a roome in the Hive but bring no Honey to it that are Moths to their husbands Estates spending when they should be sparing As the man's part is to provide industrously so the womans is to preserve discreetly the one must not be carelesly wanting the other must not be causlesly wasting the man must be seeking with diligence the woman must be saving with providence The Cock and the Hen both scrape together in the dust-heap to pick up something for their little chickens To winde up this on a short bottome 1. If the Woman be a helpe to the man then let not the man cast dirt on the Woman Secundus being asked his opinion of a Woman speakes thus Viri naufragium domus tempestas quietis impedimentum c. But surely he was a Monster and not a man fitter for a Tombe to bury him than a wombe to beare him Some have stiled them to be Like Clouds in the Sky Like Motes in the Sun Like Snuffs in the Candle Like Weeds in the Garden It is not good to play the Butcher with that naked Sex that hath no armes but for imbraces A Preacher should not be silent for those who are silenced from preaching because they are the weaker Vessels shall they be broken all to pieces Thou that sayest women are evil it may be thy expression flowes from thy experience but I shall never take that Mariner for my Pilot that hath no better knowledge than the splitting of his own Ship Wilt thou condemne the frame of all for the faults of one as if it were true Logick because some are evil therefore none are good He hath ill eyes that disdaines all objects To blast thy helper is to blame thy Maker In a word we took our rise from their bowels and may take our rest in their bosomes 2. Is the woman to be a helpe to the man Then let the man be a helpe to the woman What makes these Debtors be such ill Pay-Masters but because they look at what is owing to them but not at what is owing by them If thou wouldst have thy wifes reverence let her have thy respect To force a feare from this relation is that which neither befits the husbands authority to enjoyne nor the wifes duty to performe A wife must not be sharply driven but sweetly drawn Compassion may bend her but compulsion will break her Husband and Wife should act towards each other with consent not by constraint There are foure things wherein the husband is to be a meet help to the wife 1. In his protecting of her from injuries It 's well observed by one that the rib of which woman was made was taken from under the mans arme as the use of the arme is to keep off blowes from the body so the office of the husband is to ward off blowes from the wife The wife is the husbands Treasury and the husband should be the wifes Armory In darknesse he should be her Sun for direction in danger he should be her shield for protection 2. In his providing for her necessities The husband must communicate maintenance to the wife as the head conveyes influence to the members Thou must not be a Drone and she a Drudge A man in a married estate is like a Chamberlaine in an Inne there 's knocking for him in every roome Many persons in this condition waste that estate in Luxury which should supply their wives necessity Nec amor viget mariti nec fides Christiani they have neither the faith of a Christian nor the love of a husband It 's a sad spectacle to see a Virgin sold with her own money unto slavery when Services are better than Marriages the one recieves Wages whil'st the other buyes their Fetters 3. In his covering of her infirmities Who would trample upon a Jewel because it 's fallen in the dirt or throw away a heap of wheat for a little chasse or despise a golden wedge because it retaines some drosse These Roses have their prickles Now husbands should spread a mantle of charity over their wives infirmities They be ill Birds that defile their own nests It 's a great deal better you should fast than feast your selves upon their failings Some husbands are never well longer than they are holding their fingers in their wives sores Such are like Crowes that fasten onely upon carrion Do not put out the Candle because of the snuffe If the gold be good allow it grains Husbands and wives should provoke one another to love and they should love one another notwithstanding of provocation Take heed of poysoning those Springs from whence the Streames of your Pleasure flowes 4. By his delighting in her Society A wife takes Sanctuary not onely in her husbands house but in his heart The Tree of love should grow up in the Family as the Tree of life grew up in the Garden They that choose their love should love their choice They that marry where they affect not will affect where they marry not Two joyned together without love are but two ty'd together to make one another miserable And so I passe to the last stage of the text a help meet A helpe there 's her fulnesse a meet help there 's her fitnesse The Angels were too much above him the creatures were too much below him he could not steppe up to the former nor could he stoope down to the latter The one was out of his reach the other was out of his race but the woman is a parallel line drawn equal with him meet she must be in three things 1. In the Harmony of her disposition Husband and wife should be like the image in a looking-glasse that answers in all properties to the face that stands before it or like an Eccho that returneth the voice it recieveth Many marriages are like putting new wine into old bottles An old man is not a meet help for a young woman He that sets a gray head upon greene shoulders hath one foot in the Grave and another in the Cradle Yet how many times do you see the spring of youth wedded to the winter of old age A young person is not a meet help for an old woman raw flesh is but an ill plaister for rotten bones He that in his non-age marries another in her dote-age his lust hath one wife in possession but his love another in
reversion 2. In the Herauldry of her condition Some of our Europian Nations are so strict in their junctions that it 's against their Lawes for the Commonalty to couple with the Gentry It was well said by one If the wife be too much above her husband she either ruines him by her vast expences or reviles him with her base reproaches If she be too much below her husband either her former condition makes her too generous or her present mutation makes her too imperious Marriages are stiled matches yet amongst those many that are married how few are there that are matched Husbands and wives are like locks and keyes that rather break than open except the wards be answerable 3. In the holinesse of her Religion If adultery may separate a marriage contracted Idolatry may hinder a marriage not perfected Cattle of diverse kinds were not to ingender 2 Corinthians 6. 14. Be not unequally yoked c. It 's dangerous taking her for a wife who will not take God for a husband It is not meet that one flesh should be of two spirits Is there never a Tree thou likest in the Garden but that which beares forbidden fruit there are but two channels in which the remaining streames shall runne 1. To those men that want wives how to choose them 2. To those women that have husbands how to use them 1. To those men that want wives how to choose them Marriage is the tying of such a knot that nothing but death can unloose Common reason suggests so much that we should be long a doing that which can but once be done Where one designe hath been gravelled in the Sands of Delay thousands have been split upon the Rock of Precipitance Rash adventures yields little gaine Opportunities are not like tides that when one is past another returnes but yet take heed of flying without your wings you may breed such Agues in your bones that may shake you to your graves 1. Let me preserve you from a bad choice 2. Present you with a good one First to preserve you from a bad choice Take that in three things 1. Choose not for Beauty 2. Choose not for Dowry 3. Choose not for Dignity He that looks for beauty buye a picture He that loves for Dowry makes a purchase He that leapes for Dignity matches with a Multitude at once The first of these is too blind to be directed The second too base to be accepted The third too bold to be respected 1. Choose not by your eyes 2. Choose not by your hands 3. Choose not by your eares First choose not by your eyes looking at the beauty of the person Not but that this is lovely in a woman but that this is not all for which a woman should be beloved He that had the choice of many faces stampes this Character upon them all favour is deceitful and beauty is vaine The Sunne is more bright in a cleare Sky than when the Horizon is clouded But if a womans flesh hath more of beauty than her spirit hath of Christianity it 's like poison in sweet-meates most dangerous Genesis 6. 2. The sonnes of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair c. One would have thought that they should rather have look'd for grace in the heart than for the beauty in the face Take heed of Inning at the fairest signes The Swan hath black flesh under her white feathers Secondly Choose not by your hands for the bounty of the portion When Cato's daughter was asked why she did not marry she thus reply'd she could not find the man that loved her person above her portion Men love curious pictures but they would have them set in golden frames Some are so degenerate as to think any to be good enough who have but goods enough Take heed for sometimes the bag and baggage go together The person should be a figure and the portion a Cypher which added to her advances the summe but alone signifies nothing When Themistocles was to marry his daughter two Suitors courted her together the one rich and a foole the other wise but poore and being demanded which of the two he had rather his daughter should have answered mallem virum sine pecunia c. I had rather she should have a man without money than money without a man Thirdly choose not by your eares for the dignity of her parentage A good old stock may nourish a fruitlesse branch There are many children who are not the blessings but the blemishes of their parents They are nobly descended but ignobly minded Such was Aurelius Antonius of whom it was said that he injured his Country in nothing but in being the father of such a childe There are many low in their descents that are high in their deserts Such was the Coblers sonne who grew to be a famous Captaine when a great person upbraided the meannesse of his original my nobility saith he begins with me but thy nobility ends with thee Piety is a greater honour than parentage She is the best Gentlewoman that is heire of her own deserts and not the degenerated off-spring of anothers vertue Secondly to present you with a good choice in three things 1. Choose such a one as will be subject to your dominion Take heed of yoking your selves with untamed Heifers 2. Choose such a one as may sympathize with you in your affliction Marriage is just like a Sea-Voyage he that enters into this Ship must look to meet with stormes and tempests 1 Corinthians 7. 28. They that marry shall have trouble in the flesh Flesh and trouble are married together whether we marry or no now a bitter cup is too much to be drunk by one mouth A heavy burden is easily carried by the assistance of others shoulders Husband and wife should neither be proud flesh nor dead flesh You are fellow-Members therefore should have a fellow-feeling While one stands safe on the shore the other should pity him that is tost on the Sea Sympathy in suffering is like a dry House in a wet day 3. Choose such a one as may be serviceable to your salvation A man may think he hath a Saint when he hath a Devil but take heed of a Harlot that is false to thy bed and of a hypocrite that is false to thy God Secondly To those women that have Husbands how to use them In two things 1. Carry your selves too wards them with obedience Let their power command you that their praise may commend you Though you may have your husbands hearts yet you must not have their heads As you will his love so you should love his will Till the husband leave commanding the wife must never leave obeying As his injunctions must be lawfull to her subjection must be loyal 2. With faithfulnesse In Creation God made not one woman for many men nor many women for one man Every wife should be to her husband as Evah was to Adam a whole world of women and every husband should be to his wife as Adam was to Evah a whole world of men When a river is divided into many channels the main current starves To conclude Good Servants are a great blessings good Children a greater blessing but a good wife is the greatest blessing and such a helpe let him seeke for her that wants one let him sigh for her that hath lost one let him take pleasure in her that enjoyes one And the Lord God said it is not good c.