mistake this Argument for a kind of universal dispensation It is not easie â—nâ—eed yet possible It is not necessary yet very profitable It is but a help to devotion yet helps would not be sleighted where all is but too little and we can never be sure enough No man is excused without trial Neither can he answer it to Vertue or Conscience that might probably have obtained if he had not neglected it Bâ—t what talk I of helps to Devotion or Perfection in Vertue A Mediocrity will serve turn A discreet Religion that can cut the thred and just turn the sâ—ales No plucking out of eyes I beseech you no cutting off of hands but a method of practical Divinity as short and easie as flesh and blood can contrive And good reason For then at least we are not in danger of will-worship the hideous bug-bear of so devouâ— and Orthodox an Age as ourâ— XII Of Duties Matrimonial and Conjugall Love HAving briefly treated of single Life It remains now to take a survey of Conjugall The first concerns few and those esteemed but a kind of Anchorites and looked upon as the Schismaticks of humane Society The second is of a general extent And whatsoever is said upon that subject seems to touch Mankind Give me leave therefore to offer somewhat by way of Essay only without Argument or reproof in relation to Duties so vast and publick as those of Matrimony And let not any marvail That being neither in Act nor Contemplation as yet a Husband I am so busie to thrust my self into the Charge and instruct the maried For I conceive That as a third Party uninteressed I were the fitter if need required to interpose However since I undertake to state no Controversies but deliver Truths generally received and favourable alike to both sides My forwardnesse in this kind if it deserve no commendation can procure no just offence The Duties then betwixt man and wife are considered as common to both or peculiar and proper to either common to both And so they owe reciprocally each to the other 1 To make their Union an Act of prudent choice not of chance fondness or meer Avarice For it is no wonder that should miscarry which was misconceived Or that bitterness should be in the event where folly was in the Design 2 Communication of Vertuous knowledge and spiritual Commerce We cannot but desire to promote the happiness of those we love And that Passion should be so much the more fervent by how much its end is more excellent wherefore such as delight in each others well-fare here on earth cannot but far more earnestly covet to meet in Heaven 3 Mutual Fidelity For falshood of affection dissolves the Bond of Matrimony And those that transgress the limits of lawful love are already before God in a State of nullity We may say of them like St. Paul upon another account They have apostated from the faith and are worse then Infidels 4 Quiet Conversation and compliancâ— without publick jarrs or secret grudges If any discords happen yet they ought to be little short that by a sweet ingenuous return of friendship they may rather quicken then discompose the Harmony 5 Communion and Constancy in good and evil Fortunes To joy and sorrow thrive and wither live and die together since they are involved in each others sufferings and have espoused not persons only but Conditions even Afflictions and Infirmities 6 An intire affection to and care of their common issue whereby Conjugall love is increased and intended like reflected heat Indeed what greater re-enforcement of affectioâ— can there be since faithfull friends despair in any thing so lively to express or testifie their love and respect to deceased Parents as in the endearment of their surviving Children Peculiar Duties are either of the Man to his Wife or the Woman to her Husâ—band The Husband owes his Wife 1 By his freedom and Complaisance in her society as much as in him lies to gratifie her just and kind expectations improve the comforts of her life and sweeten her solitudes lest she have cause to think her self in the condition of a Widow even whilst she is maried For since whilst she was free and might have refused her love to his Person bribed or swayed her to submit to his yoak He were very ungrateful to neglect her that chose him If elective Princes oppress they have no excuse since they violate not only the Rights but even the good will of their Electours 2 Tendâ—rness to her errours and a kind of equal jurisdiction not assuming the Authority of a censoriouâ— Paedagogue not pâ—tting her to the wrack of observancy not expecting so much regard as discreet VVives of their own accord allow 3 Confidence in her Vertue and honest freedom in her Actions and behaviour For jealousie is like a perpetuall alarm Herein most unjust That it bindâ— its Criminal to prove the Negative And arraigns her for a Crime whereof being once charged she can never purge her self 4 Communication of Counsels and secrets so far at least as will consist with Justice to others and by his own Prudence For he that locks up his bosom from his Wife especially in matters of Common Interest questions her fidelity or at best condemns her discretion 5 An Equal use of temporal Blessings Indeed a Wife is not like a Steward or Receiver Neither ought any Action of Accompt to lie against her who sharing with her Husband in Wealth and Poverty may not be presumed prodigal of her own Interest and improvident for her Children 6 A sober and careful Managery of his Estate without sinful imbezelling or sloathful impayring that Wealâ—h which is but half his own For what delight can there be in a declining fortune What feeming fondness can repair sucâ— a reall injury The VVife may well pitty or indulge but cannot truly affect a Husband from whose Luxury she apprehends or feels her own ruine let him pretend what love he will if she do noâ— distrust she hath too much cause to disdain it The VVife ows her Husband 1 Serenity of undoubted Vertue able of it self to prevent suspition or confute jealousie And this indeed is rather presumed then prescribed â—ince he that examines the Chastity of VVomen â—mpeaches it And hath already strangled their Innocency before he have proved their Guilt 2 Singular Modesty and simplicity of behaviour as the necessary Handmaid of honour For though unchastity be the fouler sin against God and her self Yet the scandall of Impudence iâ— far the greater wrong to her Husband 3 Sincere Love and endearement the perfection of Matrimonial union This would tame the roughest Satyre and molliâ—ie the fiercest Scythian This would reclaim the most dissolute and wean the most extravagant Where it prevails not it is a signe there remains no trace of Vertue or tincture of Ingenuity in that soul In all traverses of fortunâ— or distempers of mind this will teach her Husband to court his ease and
relief in her Company and retire to her as to a Sanctuary No kindness will he think worthy of her kindness No return equal to her merits She shall reign in his affâ—ctions as a perpetual Mistress 4 If not a Confidence in his Prudence Yet in most cases a submission to his Judgement not disputing his Authority nor fâ—rcing him to assert it For such Controversies are ever unseasonably moved The power of Wives consisting in the generous love of their Husbands who if they be not barbarous will even strain Compliance with them And preventing their reasonable desires will of their own Accord know That to insult over their Wives is to unman themselves 5 Discretion if need be to keep secrets That by her Imbecillity she force not her Husband to the unhappy choyce of unkind reservedness or indiscreet confidence of standing in her behalf upon his Guard or betraying his own affairs and prudence And lastly Frugality whereby her Huâ—band shall finde that to trust her liberally is his best and most honourable thrift And being encouraged by her approved Mesnage securely refer his domestick Affaires to her Charge and Government XIII Of Flattery I Have alwayes pittied the misfortune of the great and beautiful whom either the fondness of Custom the treachery of others or their own imbecillity hath rendred so obnoxious to cheap and Mercenary Tongues that they seldom hear trâ—th form any but their Confessours It seems indeed a kind of homage to their Quality and Sâ—xe But the friendship of it resembles his favour that is strangled in silk Yet so sensual a Quality is Pride that it had rather be smoothered in a Feather-Bâ—d then accept of hard Lodging which would hurt its tender Limbs It refusâ—s nothing that is pleasant But the bitteâ— Potion will not down The Palate disgusts it the Stomack loaths it and the Belly fears griping Indeed the manners of great Men are commonly so proud and ulcerate that they will not endure the Probe Their actions are like that virulent scab which they call the Noli me tangere Truth agrees with none but the Innocent And Reproof complies only with those whose lives if they be not blâ—meless yet are not ripe and rank with scandall They fear not the Censures of others that are Catoes to themselves And such have great reason to slight the Attestations of forein applause as have the satisfaction of a Witnesse without exception within them The Birth of Flattery bears date from the Fall of Adam It is our nakedness which this officious Vice would seem to hide with its charitable Fig-leaves They are the wrinkles of ouâ— withered beauty which require this sedulous Hand-maid to help us lay on the fucus When Women began to paint Men were encouraged to cajole And ever since Greatness hath declined to look day in the face appearing only like Masquerâ— in twi-light Copper-lace hath been in fashion Whilsâ— Ladies were vertuouâ— plain-dealing was not rejected as barbarous And whilst Princes were upright honest freedom was not proscribed as seditious Parasites prove of late as necessâ—ry to them as Cooks their sins seeming to be but drie Venison without the sawce of the Court And as gnats ever swarm in unwholsom Ayres so through the corruption of the times are sycophants spawnâ—d and multiplied among us Nay They are become so busie and familiar that the Traveller can scarce keep them out of his eyes No Vertue or sagacity is free from their attempts For like the Wolves in Germany by daily preying upon Carkasses they come at last to venture upon living men And have learned of Sathan still to tempt though with little hope of succesâ— They find no question That as we say of Towns and Forts There is none which may not be either wonne by Assault or taken by Approach or reduced by Famine so all men prove either soluble or malleable to flattery That not only Princes may be soothed in their Titles Ladies in their Features and Souldiers in their Exploits But Philosophers in their gooâ—ly Bâ—ards Friers in their meritorious Cowles and Prelates in their Reverend Miterâ— It is true That one address doth not â—it them all For neither do we bait Salmons as we do Gudgeoâ—s nor hunt the politick Fox like the nimble Stagge some can swallow a lump of down-right pâ—ayse which as we say of hard and driâ— Cheese would choak the very Dawes without mincing or chewing Oâ—hers will not endure to be courted in broad Scotch nor scarce in good old British Yet they cannot resist the Charms of Italian For others Language will not suffice without the help of Arts and Sciences The figures of Rhetorick the gravity of Ethicks the subtilty of the Schools and Authority even of the Gospel to serve them like Henry the first of France reported to be poysoned with consecrated Wine Indeed Flattery is no Profession for the unlearned Novices must not think to practise upon this Scene nor Asses to tune this Harp For grosse commendation is like Sugar unrefined fitter for Clysters than Sawces And loud Panegyricks are alwayes either despised or suspâ—cted Tiberius as he feared plain-dealing so he hated broad flattery And when Dolabella mooved That he might be received in triumph at his return from Campania deeply resented the bitterness of the scoff So jealous are the guilty And so difficult it is to flatter those that censure themselves Sycophants therefore if they would not run the hazard of infamous discovery must understand not only Languages and Arts but Passions Prejudices and as they speak at Court blind sides in one word Persons A precious and pious Quality indeed that diverts us from contemplating and lamenting our own foul sins to study and serve the execrable Vices of other men They will not therefore content themselves with specificial knowledge but descend to individuâ—ms They prie and seek oâ—t the Vain to sooth them The Ulcers of Discontent to rub and exasperate them The Coals of Faction to blow them The greedy and Covetous to tempt and feed them The Ambitious to inflame them They find compliance for the humorous and Froward Faith for Travellers Prostration for Insolency and a fools Paradice for Self-love They must know how to stalk with the glory and confidence of Cethegus the flegme of Lentulus the pedigree of Cornelius the reproach of Autronius and the necessities of Pisâ— For I take Flattery not to be that common and harmless faculty of good Language and plausible address But a Diabolical Aâ—t of holding Intelligence with natural corruption and accomodating it self to our Vices whatsoever they be Certainly as it is said of comâ—on lyers That they had need have vast memories so much more may we affirm of the busie Flatterer That he deserves not only a peircing wit a demure cariage and a tongue that never stammers But browes of brasse and cheeks that have forgotten to blush The temper of a Stoâ—ck The patience of a Mule The feet of a fawning Spagnel and knees of an humble
or drinking moderately Truly it is both a great Vertue and a great Wisdom A great Vertue in its Principle and Design A great wisdom in its Progresse and Issue Its design is self-Conquest and tâ—e soveraign Command of Reason over senâ—e A noble disdain to serve the belly An ambition to be as spirituall as is posâ—ible And to resemble the perfection of Angels who subsist without those feeble and dishonourable supports Upon these grounds The generous soul conâ—ines her self to simple nourishment to exalt Vertue as far as she can without robbing nature Upon these indeed yet not upon these only she hath yet higher and worthier designes To obey Gods Commandements in the regular use of his Bounty To serve him with vigour and serenity of thought To offâ—r him the sacriâ—â—ce of chast and pure Moditation To give example of Christian sobriety to others To be Christs frugall and discreet Almoner To reign over her Affections and Lusts To wean her self from the love of this World To grow old in the service of God These are her excellent aims and endeavours And accordingly they prosper with her For as Solomon asking only Wisdom had riches and honour cast in so Temperance aiming directly at Gods service collaterally procures her own advantage And her events are as happy as her end was honourable She hath clear digestion not like the Gourmand whose afternoons and nights reproach his Meales No soure Vapours revenge the sweetness of her Morsel No Cholick or Crudities torment her she hath firm and vigorous Constitution not like the Epicure whose abrupt health resembles only the intervalls of Frensies Her health is entire so that nothing but the soul takes Physick she hath lightness of body not charged with drosse and bulk If she take a bruise There is no resort of peccant humours like that of VermiÌ„ne to Carrion And if she get a wound she hath no Ulcer thaâ— bleeds Wine and Porrage she hath even temperature The Quartane fiend doth not haunt her The Calenture doth not burn her she iâ— not like Tinder to every spark of Infection No â—legme intercepts her breath she takes no head Pills to purge the brain nor sirrups to ripen and void her Rheume lest the Gangreen seise upon her Lungs In sine shâ— is subjectâ— to few Diseases and none incurable but Age She hath free and easie mirth not like the surprisals of disbanded laughters but such as exceeds not Moderation Decency or it self Her reason is still awake and unclowded No mists of prejudice are cast before her eyes Neither is she in danger to put a fallacy upon others or her self receive one Her passions are curbed and offer not to swell She can reprove without anger or be angry without sinning And her temper is the wonder of those with whom she converses Her will being unseduced by the Appetite is simply obedient and followes Conscience with an implicite faith Her soul is at perfect leisure to perform all its functions Nay to receive divine impressions and enlarge it self aâ— if it were out of the body Her affairâ— be they never so crabbed or difficult entangle her not but yield to her diligence and prove only Entertainments so as she hath nothing to interrupt her present happiness or intercept her future And let none object That many temperate men are far from arriving at these perfections since alas Temprance is unhappily mistaken for a meer negative Vertue of not surfeiting or Wine-bibbing As for the simplicity of Diet a Spartane Table and the slender proportion of that which is enough it is scarce known now a dayes surely our Bills of Mortality acquaint us not how many digge their Graves with their teeth who I fear are more in number then those that fall by Sword Famine and Pestilence XXVIII Of Gratitude AMongst the Characters of heroicall Vertues I may not omit one so eminent as that of thankfulness since he that exhorts others to be thankful pleads the Cause both of God and Man A great Vertue said I nay rather a great Duty and but a little Vertue since eminent Vertues are such only as seem to supererogate Or at least enlarge themselves beyond the narrow Chanel of not offending Yet I cannot concur in Opinion with those that would have Gratitude to be a limb of Commutative Justice no more then I esteem Bounty a species of Commerce But this I dare not affirm that the unthankful are but Galley-slaves to the Law and cannot pretend to so much as natural Conscience for it is observable That even Beasts of Prey that have no bowels of mercy nor sense of Justice have yet a kind of Religion to remember benefits Nothing is unthankful but evil Angels and wicked men An Ungrateful man is a Felon to Reason which recommends to him Gratitude if possible before Religion it self And layes it as the Corner-stone oâ— naturall Divinity which exalts Lex talionis above all Lawes and even teacheâ— us to serve God because he made and feeds us Now if we be thereby commanded to do in Justice as we would be done to How much more are we directed to deal in Charity as we have been dealt with Especially since thankfuâ—ness hath no need of Art nor is tied to outward advantages But is an Act of so great simplicity as nothing but malice it self can prevaricate Ingratitude is the worst kind of disloyalty and breach of Confidence For injured benefits are like Jewels secretly deposited with friends who for want of witnesse never restore them with this only difference that there our honesty here our piety is concerned Yet let me not seem in condemning the Vice too much to eclipse the Vertue For Gratitude is the most free and natural Issue of well-born souls not allured with hopes of reward nor extorted with penalties but an invisible habit which hath only conscience for its Jury and God for its Judge Parallel to Charity the Queen of Graces whose glory it is that she might safely have been uncharitable Whose reward to have expected none FINIS