truth is Polygamy even in the Patriarchs was at the best but an infirmity which though connived at was not allowed of by God and therefore not to be imitated by us That Marriage is nearest to the primitive institution surest of divine Benediction which is only between two persons who thus united are here called Husband and Wife and so much be spoken of the Relations Passe we on to the Obligations laid upon them These are summed up by the Apostle in two words and those may very well be exprest in two Monosyllables Love and Fear that the Sugar to sweeten all the duties of authority belonging to the man this the salt to season all the duties of subjection belonging to the wife Both the marks which they must severally shoot at in all their carriages and behaviours one towards another The mans duty is set down first and indeed fit it is the man should be first in the practice of his duty precedency cals for presidency priority of place priority of duty the inferiours are best encouraged to do their part when they that are above them become exemplary to them in performing theirs the man would be accounted nay indeed is superiour to the wife but then he must go before her in a good example that by the doing of his she may be animated in performance of her duty In the duty of the man there are three things worthy our Observation 1. The quality of the act Love 2. The propriety of the object his wife 3. The energy of the rule upon which it 's grounded by which it 's measured so as himself First The act required is Love in the handling whereof I shall endeavor to resolve a double Quaery namely 1. Why this duty is particularly mentioned 2. Wherein the practice of it consists 1. It 's a Question not unfitly moved why the Apostle makes choice of Love to express the mans duty by since there are many duties which the man oweth to the wife as well as love To which I answer That it is not without speciall reason both in regard of the present fitnesse and the comprehensive fullnesse of this duty of Love 1. The fitnesse of expressing the mans duty here by Love will appear whether you looke backward or forward 1. The Apostle a little before cals upon the Wives to submit Now indeed that which belongs to the man in most direct opposition to submitting is governing but men are apt enough to exercise their authority without bidding and besides this was already implyed in the womans duty of submitting letting that go therefore he rather chooseth to call upon the man for Love both because that men are most apt to be defective in this and likewise that this will teach them how to use their authority For though it is not love but fondnesse which makes a man forget himself and that power God hath given him over the Wife yet true Love will learn him to exercise this power sparingly mildely and affectionately It is too often seen that men because of their superiority insult over their Wives and why this but for want of Love no marvel if authority degenerate into Tyranny where this Moderator is absent for this cause it is that the Apostle supposeth the power of governing and requires Love as potestatis temperatum that which should temper and moderate the use of that power 2. In the following clause S. Paul mindes the Wife of reverence and therefore the Man of Love to intimate that his expression of Love is the best way to gain reverence from the Wife in which respect the Scholiast saith excellently If thou wouldst have thy Wife to reverence thee do thou love her To force a fear from the Wife by an austere churlish and surly carriage is that which neither befits the Husbands place to exact nor the Wives to yield the Woman must be not drawn but led not forced but wooed unto her duty by Love 2. As this duty of Love was the most fit to be here mentioned so is it the most comprehensive of all other duties so that in naming this he implies all the rest What the Greek Orator answered when asked what was the chief thing in an Orator first action secondly action thirdly action the like may be returned to any that shall enquire what is the prime duty of an Husband first affection secondly affection thirdly affection And as Love in general is said by the Apostle to be the fulfilling of the Law in which respect it is fitly resembled to Davids Instrument of ten strings and wittily called a good Catholick so Love in particular is the fulfilling of that Law wherein the duty of the man to the wife is required which that it may the better appear passe we on to the 2. Quest Namely Wherein the exercise of this Love consists To resolve which we must consider it in its Antecedent Concomitants and Consequents 1. The Antecedent of this Love is a due estimation of the Wife Judgement is the source and spring of affection from which it proceeds and according to which it is proportioned what the mind esteems not the heart affects not whereas what we highly prize we dearly love The Love then of a man to his wife supposeth in him a singular accompt and an high valuation of her Thus every man ought to esteem of his wife as donum Dei God's gift and that choice and precious such a present as the whole world cannot afford him the like And yet more particularly the man ought to look upon his Wife under that notion which was the special end of God's giving her namely as an help meet for and sutable to him The Wife since the fall is appointed for three ends ad remedium ad sobolem in adjutorium for a remedy against fornication for the procreation of Children and for helpful communion this last was no doubt the first in divine intention and so ought to be in the mans apprehension He that taketh a wife only as a remedy will love her but as men do physick for use yea for meer necessity He that marrieth onely for posterity will love her as a Mother not as a Wife He onely can rightly love a Wife who looketh upon her and accordingly taketh her for a oke-fellow and companion The right estimation then of a Wife is to account her as next to himself and so above either children or servants Thus the Father willeth the man to consider that by Marriage he becomes not a Master but an Husband and taketh not an Handmaid but a Wife In this respect the Psalmist comparing the Wife to a Vine placeth her by the sides of his House not in fastigio on the top of an House nor in pavimento by the floor of an house but in lateribus by the sides of the House a middle place between both Lateribus sibi junguntur qut pariter ambulant they that go by our sides are our companions such
which this answer is fitly returned This pattern of self-love is annexed not as if the other were not abundantly sufficient both to perswade and direct to the duty but because this as S. Chrysostome saith excellently is {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} a more domestick and familiar example The love we bear to our selves is plainly felt and discerned by us not so Christ's Love to his Church it being a love which passeth knowledge every man knoweth how he loveth himself only the spiritual man knoweth and that but in a scant measure how Christ loveth his Church besides our love to our selves as it is better known so more easily imitated whereas Christ's love to his Church is both so transcendent in its own nature and so far remote from our apprehension that though we must follow after it yet we may despair ever to come near it But it may be further objected Is not self-love a vice are not those hypocrites branded for this among others that they are Lovers of their own selves how then comes it to passe that self-love is here set down as the rule of a mans love to his Wife To which it is easily answered That it is not self-love but the exorbitancy of it which is elsewhere condemned as a vice and it is not an inordinate but a regular self-love which is here commended as a rule The first and primary object of our love is God himself and as he is a superexcellent good so our love to him must be a superlative love such was David's when he cried out Whom have I in heaven but thee and there is none upon earth that I desire besides thee not goods nor children nor wife no nor self may be loved as God Next to and under God comes in self there being nothing except God which can or ought to be dearer to a man then himself this is that love by which in general the love to our neighbour and more particularly the love to the wife ought to be regulated for so our Apostle here proposeth it that a man should love his wife as himself This as in the Text may very well admit of a double construction there is a sicut similitudinis and veritatis an as of likenesse and resemblance and an as of verity and samenesse both these may be here used and accordingly it representeth two things in order to Conjugal love namely modum and motivum the manner how and the reason why the man should love his Wife 1. The most proper and frequent acception of this Conjunction as is only to note likeness and thus the meaning is that a mans love to his Wife should be like that he bears to himself so that by tracing the similitude we shall learn much of the manner how this love is to be performed and that in these following parallels 1. A mans love to himself is cordial without dissimulation Though a man may seign amity to others yet no man ever in this kind dissembled with himself such should a mans love be to his Wife not an outside but an inside not a feigned but a hearty love The Poet calls love {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} a fire that burns withinin and Plutarch saith of friendship That as minerals are hid in the bowels of the earth so this must be seated in the bottom of the heart And surely much more true ought this to be of the love between man and wife who as they are one flesh so should their hearts be joyned together in one and as it was said of Jonathan that his soul was knit to David so ought the soul of the Husband to the Wife The Ring in Marriage is put upon the fourth finger of the left hand concerning which Aulus Gellius acquaints us from Appion that the Aegyptians in anatomizing mens bodies observed nervum quidem tenuissimum ab eo uno digito ad cor hominis pergere ac provenir̄e that singer of all the rest to have a small nerve passing from it to the heart the truth of this I leave to skilful Anatomists to determine the moral use which the man ought to make of it is good that putting the Ring on such a finger he be admonished of that neer union there ought to be between and dear affection in his heart to his wife 2. A mans love to himself is constant No man in his right minde was ever brought to hate himself such ought his love to be to his wife not like Nero's quinquennium for a short time a few years but as long as the relation so long must the affection continue even till death do part them The Ring given in marriage is of a circular figure and a circle is the image of constancy to teach the man how perpetual his love should be This latter will follow upon the former since quos verus amor tenuit tenebit that affection which is unfaigned will not be fading And yet more particularly look as though a man see others stronger healthier handsomer then himself yet he doth not therefore fall in love with them to slight himself or wish his head upon their shoulders So though other women be more beautiful and lovely then his own Wife yet must he not dote on them and neglect her or so much as wish an exchange And yet further as nothing can make a man to be out of love with himself though he be deformed or by some sad accident maimed and debilitated so neither ought any natural defect or accidental mischance cause a remission much lesse a cessation of the mans love to his wife 3. A mans love of himself is tender no man can handle one so tenderly as he doth himself If thou hast a blear eye a lame foot or any other member afflicted wilt thou presently pluck it out or cut it off or wilt thou not rather use it with the greater regard such must a mans affection be to his Wife expressing it self in gentle and tender dealing with her how chary are men of their glasses because as they are bright so brittle the woman is the weaker vessell which must not be a cause of contempt but respect and the more weak she is by reason of any sicknesse or distemper whatsoever so much the more tender care ought to be had of her Indeed I read of some who in stead of tendernesse have been cruel to themselves in cutting and lancing but they were either idolatrous as Baal's Priests or Daemoniaacks as he in the Gospel and surely we may account them either besotted in their minds or possessed with a divel who lay violent hands upon their wives The Husband indeed is to govern the wife but consiliis non plagis with counsels not stripes neither divine nor humane Law intrusts the man with a power of castigation over his Wife yea the civil Law alloweth her a Bill of Divorce si probare possit maritum verberibus illam
is the wife to the man and so ought to be in his esteem Indeed the formation of woman out of mans rib clearly represents this truth On the one hand she was not made of the Head and therefore not domina she must not rule over the Husband nor yet of any anterior part and therefore not praelata she must not be before the Husband On the other hand she was not made of the foot and therefore not serva to be kept under as a servant nor yet of any hinder part and therefore not postposita to be put behind as a child but she was made of a rib in his side and therefore socia to be esteemed and used as a fellow-helper 2. The Concomitants or ingredients of this Love are desire and delight The Moralists distinguish of a double Love to wit amor benevolentiae and amor complacentiae a love of benevolence whereby we heartily wish and accordingly endeavour the good of another a Love of complacency whereby we are well pleased and satisfied in the enjoyment one of another Both of these make up the mans Love to his Wife namely a cordial desire of her welfare and an affectionate delight in her society The most proper act of Matrimonial Love is complacency in which respect this Loving is called elsewhere a rejoycing and the Wife is called the Wife of the bosome the desire of the eyes The bosome is a place of repose and the things we put in our bosomes are such as we take delight in for this cause Christ is said to be in the bosome of the Father to note that it is he in whom the Father is well pleased and John is said to lean on Jesus bosome because the Disciple whom Jesus loved and in whose converse he was singularly delighted The desire of the eyes is that which in the absence we long for and the presence of which we behold with joy So that both these expressions do plainly intimate what contentment and satisfaction the man ought to take in the converse and enjoyment of his Wife And therefore it is Solomon's counsel Let thy Wife be to thee as the Loving Hinde and as the pleasant Roe or according to the Hebrew an Hinde of Loves a Roe of favours the mates of those females are the Hart and the Roe-buck which as Naturalists observe are of all other creatures the most inamored with their mates to instruct the man what an affectionate wel-pleasednesse he should have with his wife 3. The Consequents of this Love are chiefly protection provision and Toleration Love is ever active being like the fire which where it is sends forth light and heat Indeed Exhibitio operis probatio amoris action is the most real proof of affection only that love being true which is not otiosus but officiosus in word but in deed Thus the husbands love to his wife must manifest it self 1. In protecting her to his power from injuries it is the Psalmists expression Thou Lord wilt blesse the righteous with favour wilt thou compasse him as with a shield Love alwayes improves what ability it hath in being a shield to what it affects so ought the husbands love to expresse it self in defending his wife from wrong It is well observed that the rib of which woman was made was taken from under the mans arm to teach him that as the use of the arm is to keep off blowes from the body so the office of an husband is to ward off dangers from his wife It is the speech of Ruth to Boaz Spread thy skirt over thine handmaid The Hebrew word which we render skirt properly signifieth a wing and so the metaphor is borrowed from birds who spread their wings over their young ones to preserve them from harm this was that Boaz owed to Ruth as a kinsman but much more when an husband it being the mans part to spread the skirts or wings of protection over his wife That expression which Abimelech used to Sarah concerning Abraham Behold he is to thee a covering of the eyes is very considerable to this purpose since as Ainsworth hath well observed it denoteth not only subjection on the Womans but protection on the mans part 2. By providing for her conveniencies Love is full of care and care is diligent in providing such a provident care the man oweth to his wife and that not onely so far as is necessary this being due to the meanest servant in the Family but as is convenient and sutable both to her relation as a Wife and to his place and condition This duty is that which the Apostle expresseth a little before in two significant words of nourishing and cherishing the former whereof as one hath well observed referreth to food the latter to raiment both which in a plentifull measure the man according to his degree and estate ought to afford his wife and the latter word being a metaphor borrowed as another hath observed from the hens sitting upon her egges to keep them warm and thereby to hatch her brood doth elegantly expresse what a tender cherishing care Matrimoniall Love obligeth a man unto Indeed when the man marrieth a wife she leaveth her friends with whom she was educated and her friends commit her to her Husbands custody good reason he should have a special care to provide for her and because this Love must be Christian as well as conjugal this care ought to be conversant not only about her bodâ— but her soul In which regard the Apostle Peter willeth Husbands to dwell with their Wives as men of knowledge instructing them in the things which concern their everlasting welfare 3. By bearing with their infirmities S. Paul speaking of charity among other properties telleth us she is not easily provoked she beareth all things and S. Peter that she coveerth a multitude of sins though love be not blind yet oft-times she winketh as not willing to take notice of the wrongs that are done Thus ought the Husband to expresse his affection to his Wife Indeed this is the trial of his love not to be stirred up to wrath when yet provocation is given but silently to passe by and patiently bear with her failings every one will love when he is pleased but that is love to bear when provoked this is that which the Apostle intendeth when to this precept of love he addeth a prohibition of bitternesse Husbands love yove your Wives and be not bitter against them that is ob leves causas exasperari upon slight causes small offences to have their love abated or wrath exasperated This the Heathen Philosopher saw who therefore willeth Husbands to passe by {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} their wives infirmities And thus you have beheld the several lines of the mans duty meeting together in this one center of love What now remains but that all men learn to square their practice by this precept but alas how just cause
is there given by a great part of men for a sad complaint or rather a sharp reproof I would to God there were not some who in stead of affecting abhor loving loath their wives and the most though not guilty of the contrary vice yet are too defective in the exercise of the vertue they do not hate and yet they do not love their wives and in this the bare want of love is no small sinne Be pleased to consider a while in particular the contrarieties between the rule and mens practices How many Husbands have base and unworthy esteems of their wives as if they were their drudges being more kinde to their servants then them Little better are they who with that Emperour imagine wife to be a name dignitatis not voluptatis as if it were enough for wives that their Husbands vouchsafe to honour them in marrying them and in the mean time they may indulge themselves the licentious liberty of voluptuous conversing with other women whence it is their wives society is rather a burthen then a pleasure to them No lesse justly are they to be condemned who prodigally consume that estate in riot and luxury by which their wives and family should be maintained with needful conveniences Surely in such men Nec amor viget mariti nec fides Christiani there is neither the faith of a Christian nor the love of an Husband Finally how deservedly are they to be blamed who put a sinister construction upon all their wives actions if she be devout she is an hypocrite if grave she is melancholy if chearful she is wanton if she stay at home she is a drone if she go abroad a gadder so that nothing their wives doe can please them whence it is that they are apt to quarrel with them de lanâ caprinâ upon every trifle and are often enraged without any just occasion By these and several other waies do men discover a great defect of this duty which our Apostle here calls for but I wish that such would sadly consider how repugnant these courses are to Christianity since what S. John saith in another case I may no lesse truly say in this If a man say I love God and hateth his brother he is a liar for if he loves not his brother whom he hath seen how can he love God whom he hath not seen In like manner If a man say he loves God and hateth his wife he is a liar for if he loves not his wife whom he seeth how can he love God whom he hath not seen Be we therefore all of us exhorted to a careful and chearful performance of our duty and as the Apostle elsewhere adviseth in the general Let all things be done in charity so shall I in this particular Let all things a man doth to his wife be done in Love his looks his speeches his carriage his actions his familiarity yea his authority his admonitions yea his reprehensions let all be sweetned with love as the salt is first set on and last taken off from the Table and is eaten almost with every dish so let love accompany him in the whole course of his behaviour towards her Thus ought conjugal love to be extended but withal it must be limited to the right object his wife which leadeth me to the Propriety of the Object Thy Wife To clear this be pleased to distinguish of a three-fold Love spiritual natural and matrimonial Spiritual Love is that we bear to a woman as she is a Christian and so where there are the greatest measures of grace there ought to be greater degrees of love and in this respect another woman may deserve love when a mans own wife doth not because she may want those impressions of grace which others have Natural Love is to a woman as woman and thus a man may love other women besides his wife but still he must love his wife before other women Matrimonial Love is of the wife as she is a wife and this is solely and wholly due from every man to his own wife The Greek word {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} here used signifieth as much as {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} which is by some therefore made the Etymology of it such a love whereby a man rests satisfied in the object loved this is that which Solomon requireth where he saith Let her breasts satisfie thee at all times and the contrary to this the Law forbiddeth where we read Thou shalt not covet thy Neighbours Wife A fault too common though very hainous as Nadab and Abihu offered strange fire in the Censer so a great many harbour strange fire in their hearts I mean love to strange women yea with such a spirit of lewdnesse are some possessed that they therefore cannot love them because they are their Wives It is an expression which though odious some mouths have not been ashamed to utter I could love her were she not my Wife as if a man should say I could love these Lands these Goods but that they are mine which how unreasonable a reason it is cannot but be obvious to every man Oh far be this distemper from us learn we therefore as to refine our love that it be not sensual so to confine it that it be not extravagant It was the praise of Constantine that he was Juvenis Uxorius though young devoted in his love only to his Wife let him be our pattern The Ring given in Marriage is but one to teach the man that his love must be singularly contracted to the person of the Wife The truth is that love which is as it were cut into many rivulets must needs run weakly nay he that giveth not all his love to his wife indeed giveth none at all besides that is most true in this sense Deus amat cor extensum non divisum the Husbands love must be extended but not divided a heart and a heart is hateful in God's sight nor can such expect his benediction It is well observed that in the beginning whilest the waters were over the earth there was nothing but barrenness but when they were gathered into one place the earth brought forth fruits and the Sea fishes that love will be most fruitful which is only setled upon the Wife and therefore let this counsel be acceptable to all men Cause the stream of thy affection to run in one channel the lines of thy delight to meet in one center Love as intirely as thou canst so it be thy own Wife and so much the rather because she is thy self which leadeth me to The Energy of the Rule upon which this love is grounded and by which it must be measured as himself It is a question here moved by some Why the Apostle having proposed so excellent a pattern already as that of Christ's love to his Church should now add another of a far inferiour nature to wit our love to our selves to
assecisse if she have evidence that her Husband striketh her and the reason is added quia verbera sunt ab ingenuis aliena stripes are for flavish not ingenuous persons yea even among the Heathen we finde not any unlesse mad or drunk practising this unnatural cruelty 4. A mans love to himself is industrious whilest his head is ever contriving and his hand acting what may do himself good nor doth he account the greatest study or pains too much for his own advantage nay what is not a man willing to part with lands goods all he hath for the preservation of himself such ought his love to be to his Wife parting with going about any thing which may conduce to her comfort and this not grudgingly but freely Right Love is not in verbal Complement but real implement nor need beneficence be squeezed as wine out of the grape but it floweth naturally from love as water from the fountain thus doth the loving Husband prevent his wives desire in seeking and endeavouring her good 5. The love of a man to himselfe is pure not for base and sinister ends it is not himself as thus or thus accomplished but purely himself that he loveth such ought a mans love to be to his wife not because she is rich or young or fair but because she is his Wife When Martia Cato's daughter was asked why she did not marry she answered Non se invenire virum qui se magis veliet quam sua she could not finde a man that would love her more then hers I wish it might not be charged on too many men they love only with their eyes and their fingers because of the beauty they see in or the money they receive with their wives not with their hearts out of an ingenuous or rather pious respect to that relation of a Wife wherein they belong to them 6. And lastly A mans love to himself is superlative proximus quisque sibi Charity ever beginneth at home and self-love surpasseth a mans affection to any other whatsoever thus ought his love to his wife transcend his love to all other relations exigit vehementissimam dilectionem quia non potest esse vehementior quam sui ipsius dilectio Our Apostle in this expression cals for vehemency of affection because self-self-love is of such a nature The Ring given in Marriage is of gold the choicest among mettals to intimate that the dearest affections belong to the Wife for this cause saith Moses a man shall leave father and mother and cleave to his Wife not as if Marriage engaged men to put off naturall affection to their parents and when they begin to be husbands they must cease to be children this is a glosse fit for none but a Pharisee to put upon that Scripture but conditionally if they shall seek to alienate his affection from his Wife and comparatively if a man be put to that sad strait that either his wife or his parents must perish he ought first to relieve his Wife and if you will know the reason of all this it is because she is himselfe which bringeth me to the 2. Consideration of this as under the notion of identity as that is being himself it is that acception in which this conjunction is sometimes taken where it is said concerning Christ We saw his glory as of the only begotten Son of God it noteth not a likeness but a reality being the onely begotten Sonne of God and in the same construction is that commendation given of the Thessalonians for receiving the Word as that is being indeed the Word not of man but of God the same sense is here to be given as that is not only non minus quam seipsum not lesse then himself but quia illa est altera ego because she is a second self To this purpose is that of S. Jerom who maketh it to be a sicut non similitudinis sed ponderis and thus where a little before it is said He that loveth his wife loveth himself the meaning is not only that he doth good to himself but that she is himself The truth of which will easily appear upon a double consideration Of her original by creation being made of a rib which was a part of the man so that when a man taketh a wife reparat latus suum repetit costam suam he repaireth his side regaineth his rib and laieth her in his bosome who was taken out of his side In that expression in Genesis of making an he'p meet for him the last words for him are fitly rendred according to the original coram ipso that is as a glasse that reflecteth upon him his own image ipse coram se himself before himself that which he seeth being taken out of himself Chiefly of her neer Conjunction by marriage with the man in which respect as they are one flesh so the Law maketh them one person Man and wife what are they but as two springs meeting and so joyning their streams that they make but one current so that the water of the one and the other cannot be severed or as those two branches in the Prophets hand enclosed in one bark and so closing together that they make but one piece and the same fruit cometh of either Indeed so close and near is the communion that as to use they have all things common bodies children houses conditions of prosperity and adversity And now what improvement should all men make of this consideration but to enlarge and encrease their affections towards their wives Indeed it is a most unnatural thing for a man not to love himself it is no lesse not to love his wife even irrational creatures teach a man to love himself and in that to love his Wife a man loveth his goods because sua his own parents love their children as suos being their own much more should he love his Wife as seipsum being himself though a mans own goods be not so wealthy children so comely as anothers yet the nearness of relation engageth to affection Nemo patriam amat quia magnam sed quia suam every mans Countrey is most acceptable to him because though not so great or fertile as others yet it is his own his native soyl Be thy wife far inferiour in riches beauty and such like ornaments to other women yet this obligation lieth upon thee to love her because she is thine yea so much thine as that she is thy self And thus I have given a dispatch to the mans duty I now proceed with lesse brevity but no lesse fidelity to The womans part as it followeth in those words and the wife see that she reverence her husband We are not here to imagine that when the Apostle calleth upon the woman for reverence he excludeth love love is no less the wives duty then the mans conjugal affection must be mutual and reciprocal the Husband must love his Wife as himself and
the Wife love her Husband as her self so that whatsoever hath been said concerning the man in this respect must and ought likewise to be observed and practised by the woman Hence it is that elsewhere this is expressed concerning the younger women that they love their husbands The truth is the Apostle here requireth love and somewhat more from the wife such a love as expresseth it self by fear such an affection as yieldeth chearful subjection The Wife see that she do not only love but reverence her husband To this purpose Theophylact saith aptly the wife must love her husband as a member and fear him as the head the man indeed being the superior is only bound to love but the woman being imperfect and inferior is obliged to fear It is an observation not unfitly taken notice of by the golden mouth'd Father and therefore not to be passed by that the Apostle enlargeth about love and only mentioneth fear {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} he setteth down the extent of love in leaving father and mother and cleaving to the wife the manner by Christ's love to his Church and a mans to himself not so of fear and he giveth this reason {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} because he would have love especially to prevail both in man and woman since whereas fear will not cause love love will produce fear Upon the same ground I have in imitation of the Apostle spent the greatest part of the time in handling love allotting to it an elder Brothers portion though withall I must not neglect in some measure to prosecute this of fear which particularly belongs to the wife If we cast our eyes on the 5. verse of the following Chapter we shall find the Apostle setting down fear as a chief ingredient in the servants duty and here a Verb of that Noun is used to express the wives duty to the husband but though there be this agreement in the word yet there is a great deal of difference in the thing and therefore the Scholiast speaking of servile fear maketh this exception {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} this is not that fear which is enjoyned the Wife The fear of a slave and a wife differ specifically the slaves fear is only of the rod not the person the wives only of the person not any rod The slaves fear is oft-times accompanied with hatred of his master the wives fear is alwaies attended with a love of her husband The fear of a servant and a wife differ gradually since according to the measure of the distance so is the degree of the fear and thus the servant being in a far lower condition and so at a greater distance from the Master then the wife from the husband his fear must be of a more aweful and submissive temper in which respect the Apostle useth two words the one expressing an high degree of the other to wit fear and trembling such a fear as is joyned with trembling whereas the wives fear is only so much as doth declare that the man is superiour nor must it be of that nature as to cause a trembling at but rather a delighting in her husbands presence not such as maketh her to quake when she seeth him but only keepeth her from rising up against contradicting of and insulting over him To unfold more particularly both the intent and extent of this reverence which is the wives debt to the Husband be pleased to know that there is an inward and outward reverence due from all inferiours and in special the wife the intent of this fear wherein it consists we shall finde in the inward the extent of it how far it reacheth we shall see by the outward acts The inward reverence carrieth in it an act both of the judgment and the will Of the judgement dictating the Husbands superiority of the will dreading to doe any thing which may displease him 1. This principle must be firmly asserted to and acknowledged by the wife that the husband is her superiour indeed there is a double priority belonging to the man 1. In respect of sex he being the male and the woman the female upon which difference the man is called the image and glory of God and the woman the glory of the man man God's image and glory because in him a resemblance of God's dominion and majesty as being Lord of the world and the woman the mans glory it being an high honour to the man that so noble a creature as the woman should be inferiour to him 2. Nor is this all the ground of his superiority since not only as man he is before the woman but as an husband he is over the wife and therefore as in respect of sex so much more of relation and office is the mans authority to be asserted In which regard those titles of head and guide are given to him since what the guide is to the traveller and the head to the members that is the Husband to the wife for direction and government Indeed this truth is so clear in sacred Writ that it cannot be ignorance but arrogancy want of sufficient information but peremptoriness of pride that causeth in any a denial or so much as a doubt concerning it That pattern of women Sarak acknowledged this when not out of a feigned flattery but a just humility she called her Husband Lord and this is the first step of that reverence here commanded and commended to all the daughters of Sarah that they cordially assent to the Husbands primacy and authority over them 2. From this naturally floweth in the will an aversation from what offendeth her husband whereby out of an awful respect to his power and place she dareth not displease him yea in consideration of which she abhorreth it as the greatest evil next to the breach of God's precepts to contradict her Husbands will Hence it is that as the Apostles expression is {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} she taketh care and that a serious thoughtful care which way she may please her Husband so as it is her joy when she can give him content and her grief when any thing falleth out that crosseth his will and proveth distasteful to him Thus as the iron is drawn by the Loadstone the marigold openeth and shutteth with the Sun and the glasse reflecteth the form and figure the posture and motion of the body so doth her will conform it self next under God's to her Husbands pleasure 2. Upon both these followeth that outward reverence in her First Gestures When by her respectful carriage and observant demeanour towards him she testifieth her reverent regard of him in token of this it was that Rebeccah when she saw Isaac lighted of her camell and covered her self with a Veil this is that fear which S. Peter mindeth the Wives of in those words Whilest they behold your chaste conversation