my soul let me hear often from you I have a Right me-thinks to the Knowledg both of your Heart and of your fortune and to your Care to inform me of it too But what ever you do be sure to come and above all things in the world to let me see you Adieu And yet I cannot quitt this Paper yet Oh that I could but convey my self in the Place on 't Mad fool that I am to talk at this Rate of a thing that I my self know to be Impossible Adieu For I can go no farther Adieu Do but Love me for ever and I care not what I endure THE SECOND Letter THere is so great a difference betwixt the Love I write and That which I feel that if you measure the One by the Other I have undone my self Oh how happy were I if you could but judg of my Passion by the violence of your own But That I perceive is not to be the Rule betwixt you and me Give me leave however to tell you with an honest freedom that tho' you cannot love me you do very ill yet to treat me at this Barbarous Rate It puts me out of my Wits to see my self forgotten and it is as little for your Credit perhaps as it is â—or my Quiet Or if I may not say that you are Unjust it is yet the most Reasonable thing in the World to let me tell you that I am Miserable I foresaw what it would come to upon the very Instant of your Resolution to leave me Weak Woman that I was to expect after this that you should have more Honour and Integrity then other Men because I had unquestionably deserv'd it from you by a transcendent degree of Affection above the Love of Other Women No no Your Levity and Aversion have overrul'd your Gratitude and Justice you are my Enemy by Inclination whereas only the Kindness of your Disposition can Oblige me Nay your Love it self if it were barely grounded upon my Loving of you could never make me happy But so far am I even from that Pretence that in six Moneths I have not receiv'd one sillable from you Which I must impute to the blind fondness of my own Passion for I should otherwise have foreseen that my Comforts were to be but Temporary and my Love Everlasting For Why should I think that you would ever content your self to spend your Whole Life in Portugal and relinquish your Country and your fortune only to think of me Alas my sorrows are Inconsolable and the very Remembrance of my past Enjoyments makes up a great part of my present pain But must all my hopes be blasted then and fruitless Why may not I yet live to see you again within these Walls and with all those Transports of Extacy and Satisfaction as heretofore But how I fool my self for I find now that the Passion which on my side took up all the faculties of my soul and Body was only excited on your part by some loose Pleasures and that they were to live and die together It should have been my Business even in the Nick of those Critical and Blessed Minutes to have Reason'd my self into the Moderation of so Charming and deadly an Excess and to have told my self before-hand the fate which I now suffer But my Thoughts were too much taken up with You to consider my self So that I was not in Condition to attend the Care of my Repose or to bethink my self of what might poison it and disappoint me in the full Emprovement of the most Ardent Instances of your Affection I was too much pleas'd with you to think of parting with you and yet you may remember that I have told you now and then by fits that you would be the Ruin of me But those Phancies were soon dispers'd and I was glad to yield them up too and to give up my self to the Enchantments of your false Oaths and Protestations I see very well the Remedy of all my Misfortunes and that I should quickly be at Ease if I could leave Loving you But Alas That were a Remedy worse then the disease No no I 'le rather endure any thing then forget you Nor could I if I would 'T is a thing that did never so much as enter into my Thought But is not your Condition now the worse of the two Is it not better to endure what I now suffer then to enjoy Your faint satisfactions among your French Mistresses I am so far from Envying your Indifference that I Pitty it I defie you to forget me absolutely and I am deceiv'd if I have not taken such a Course with you that you shall never be perfectly happy without me Nay perhaps I am at this Instant the less miserable of the two in regard that I am the more employ'd They have lately made me door-keeper here in this Convent All the people that talk to me think me mad for I answer them I know not what And certainly the rest of the Convent must be as mad as I they would never else have thought me Capable of any Trust. How do I envy the good Fortune of poor Emanuel and Francisco Why cannot I be with you perpetually as they are tho in your Livery too I should follow you as Close without dispute and serve you at least as faithfully for there is nothing in this World that I so much desire as to see you But however let me entreat you to think of me and I shall Content my self with a bare place in your Memory And yet I cannot tell neither whether I should or no for I know very well that when I saw you every day I should hardly have satisfy'd my self within these Bounds But you have taught me since that whatsoever you will have me do I must do In the Interim I do not at all repent of my Passion for you Nay I am well enough satisfi'd that you have seduc'd me and your Absence it self tho' never so rigorous and perhaps Eternal does not at all lessen the vigour of my Love which I will avow to the Whole world for I make no secret on 't I have done many things irregularly 't is true and and against the Common Rules of good Manners and not without taking some Glory in them neither because they were done for your sake My honour and Religion are brought only to serve the Turn of my Love and to carry me on to my lives end in the Passionate Continuance of the Affection I have begun I do not write this to draw a Letter from you wherefore never force your self for the Matter for I will receive nothing at your hands no not so much as any Mark of your Affection unless it comes of its own accord and in a Manner whether you Will or No. If it may give you any satisfaction to save your self the trouble of Writing it shall give me some likewise to excuse the Unkindness of it for I am wonderfully enclin'd to pass over all
ak'd every time you came into the Convent and my very life was at stake when you were in the Army It put me out of all Patience to consider that neither my Person nor Condition were Worthy of you I was afraid that your Pretensions to me might turn to your Damage I could not Love you enough me thought I liv'd in dayly Apprehension of some Mischief or other from my Parents So that upon the Whole Matter my Case was not much better at that time then it is at present Nay had you but given me the least Proof of your Affection since you left Portugal I should most certainly have made my Escape and follow'd you in a disguise And what would have become of me then after the loss of my honour and my friends to see my self abandon'd in France What a Confusion should I have been in What a plunge should I have been at What an Infamy should I have brought upon my family which I do assure you since I left loving of you is very dear to me Take Notice I pray'e that in Cold thoughts I am very Sensible that I might have been much more Miserable than I am and that once in my Life I have talk'd Reason to you but whether my Moderation pleases you or not and what Opinion soever you entertain of me I beseech you keep it to your self I have desir'd you already and I do now re-conjure you never to Write to me again Methinks you should sometimes reflect upon the Injuries you have done me and upon your Ingratitude to the most Generous Obligations in Nature I have Lov'd you to the degree of Madness and to the Contempt of all other things and Mortals You have not dealt with me like a Man of honour Nothing but a Natural Aversion could have kept you even from adoring me Never was any Woman bewitch'd upon So easy terms What did you ever do that might entitle you to my favour What did you ever Lose or but so much as hazzard for my Sake Have you not entertain'd your self with a thousand other delights No not so much as a Sett at Tennis or a Hunting-Match that you would ever forbear upon any Accompt of Mine Were you not still the first that went to the Army and the last that came back again Were you ever the more Careful of your Person there because I begg'd it of you as the greatest Blessing of my Soul Did you ever so much as offer at the Establishment of your fortune in Portugal A place where you were so much esteem'd But one single Letter of your Brothers hurry'd you away without so much as a moments time to consider of it and I am certainly inform'd too that you were never in better humour in your Whole Life than upon that Voyage You your self cannot deny but that I have reason to hate you above all men Living and yet in Effect I may thank my Self for I have drawn all these Calamities upon my own head I dealt too openly and plainly with you at first I gave you my heart too soon It is not Love alone that begets Love there must be Skill and Address for it is Artifice and not Passion that creates Affection Your first design was to make me Love you and there was not any thing in the World which you would not then have done to compass that End Nay rather than fail I am perswaded you would have lov'd Me too if you had judg'd it necessary But you found out easier ways to do your Business and so thought it better to let the Love alone Perfidious Man Can you ever think to carry off this Affront without being call'd to an Accompt for 't If ever you Set foot in Portugal again I do declare it to you that I 'le deliver you up to the Revenge of my Parents It is along time that I have now liv'd in a kind of Licentious Idolatry And the Conscience of it strikes me with horrour and an Insupportable Remorse I am Confounded with the Shame of What I have done for your Sake and I have no longer alas the Passion that kept the foulness of it from my Sight Shall this tormented heart of Mine never find ease Ah barbarous Man When shall I see the End of this Oppression And yet after all this I cannot find in my heart to wish you any Sort of harm Nay in my Conscience I could be yet well enough content to see you happy which as the Case stands is utterly Impossible Within a While you may yet perhaps receive another Letter from me to shew you that I have outliv'd all your Outrages and Philosophiz'd my self into a state of Repose Oh what a Pleasure will it be to me when I shall be able to tell you of your Ingratitude and Treacheries without being any longer concern'd at them my Self When I shall be able to discourse of you with Scorn When I shall have forgotten all my Griefs and Pleasures and not so much as think of your Self but when I have a mind to 't That you have had the better of me 't is true for I have Lov'd you to the very Loss of my Reason But it is no less true that you have not much cause to be proud on 't Alas I was young and Credulous Cloyster'd up from a Child and only Wonted to a rude and disagreeable sort of People I never knew what belong'd to fine Words and Flatteries till most unfortunately I came acquainted with you And all the Charmes and Beauties you so often told me of I only look'd upon as the Obliging Mistakes of your Civility and Bounty You had a good Character in the World I heard every body Speak well of you and to all this you made it your Business to engage me but you have now I thank you for 't brought me to my self again and not without great need of your Assistance Your two last Letters I am resolv'd to keep and to read them over oftener than ever I did any of the former for fear of a Relapse You may well afford them I am sure at the Price that they have cost me Oh how happy might I have been if you would but have given me Leave to Love you for ever I know very well that betwixt my Indignation and your Infidelity my present thoughts are in great Disorder But remember what I tell you I am not yet out of hope of a more peaceable Condition which I will either Compass or take some other Course with my self which I presume you will be well enough content to hear of But I will never have any thing more to do with you I am a fool for saying the Same things over and over again so often I must leave you and not so much as think of you Now do I begin to Phansie that I shall not write to you again for all This for what Necesity is there that I must be telling of you at every turn how my Pulse beats THE END Books Printed for and sold by H. Brome since the dreadful Fire of London 1666 to 1678. The Life of the great Duke of Espernon being the History of the Civil Wars of France beginning 1598. where D' Avila leaves off and ending in 1642. by Charles Cotton Esq The Commentary of M. Blaiz de Montluc the great Favourite of France in which are contained all the Sieges Battels Skirmishes in three Kings Reigns by Charles Cotton Esq Mr. Rycaut's History of Turkie The History of the Three last Grand Seigniors The History of Don Quixot fol. Bishop Wilkin's Real Character fol. Bishop Cosens against Transubstantiation Dr. Guidots History of Bathe and of the hot Waters there The Fair one of Tunis Domus Carthusiana or the most Noble Foundation of the Charter House in London with the Life and Death of Thomas Sutton Esq The History of the Sevarites a Nation inhabiting part of the third Continent
conjure you and assist me in the Work of surmounting the Infirmity of my Sex and that I may put an end to all my fruitless deliberations by an effectual despair A Tragical Conclusion would undoubtedly bring me often into your thoughts and make my Memory dear to you And who knows how you might be Affected with the Bravery of so Glorious a death A death Incomparably to be preferr'd before the Life that you have left me Farwel then and I wish I had never seen the Eyes of you But my heart Contradicts my Pen for I feel in the very moment that I write it that I would rather chuse to Love you in any state of Misery then agree to the bare Supposition that I had never Seen you Wherefore since you do not think fit to mend my fortune I shall chearfully submit to the worst on 't Adieu but first promise me that if I die of grief you will have some Tenderness for my Ashes Or at least that the Generosity of my Passion shall put you out of Love with all other things This Consolation shall satisfie me that if you must never be mine I may be secur'd that you shall never be Anothers You cannot be so Inhumane sure as to make a mean use of my most Affectionate despairs and to recommend your self to any other Woman by shewing the Power you have had upon me Once more Adieu My Letters are long and I fear troublesom but I hope you 'l forgive them and dispense with the fooleries of a Sot of your own making Adieu Methinks I run over and over too often with the story of my most deplorable Condition Give me leave now to thank you from the Bottom of my heart for the Miseries you have brought upon me and to detest the Tranquillity I liv'd in before I knew you My Passion is greater every Moment than other Adieu Oh what a World of things have I to tell you THE FOURTH Letter YOur Lieutenant tells me that you were forc'd by foul Weather to put in upon the Coast of Algarve I am afraid the Sea does not agree with you and my Fears for your Misfortunes make me almost to forget my own Can you imagin your Lieutenant to be more concern'd in what befals you than I am If not How comes he to be so well inform'd and not one sillable to me If you could never find the means of writing to me since you went I am very Unhappy but I am more so if you could have written and would not But what should a body expect from so much Ingratitude and Injustice And yet it would break my heart if heaven should punish you upon any account of mine For I had much rather gratifie my kindness than my Revenge There can be nothing clearer than that you neither Love me nor Care what becomes of me and yet am I so foolish as to follow the Dictate of a blind and besotted Passion in opposition to the Counsels of a demonstrative Reason This Coldness of yours when you and I were first acquainted would have sav'd me many a sorrowful Thought But where 's the Woman that in my Place would have done otherwise than I did Who would ever have question'd the Truth of so pressing and Artificial an Importunity We cannot easily bring our selves to suspect the Faith of those we Love I know very well that a slender Excuse will serve your Turn and I 'le be so kind as to save you even the Labour of That too by telling you that I can never consent to conclude you guilty but in order to the infinite Pleasure I shall take to acquit you in perswading my self that you are Innocent It was the Assiduity of your Conversation that refin'd me your Passion that inflam'd me Your good humour that Charm'd me your Oaths and Vows that confirm'd me but 't was my own precipitate Inclination that seduc'd me and what 's the Issue of these fair and promising Beginnings but Sighs Tears Disquiets nay and the worst of Deaths too without either Hope or Remedy The Delights of my Love I must confess have been strangely surprizing but follow'd with Miseries not to be express'd as whatever comes from you works upon me in Extreams If I had either obstinately oppos'd your Address or done any thing to put you out of humour or make you jealous with a design to draw you on If I had gon any crafty artificial wayes to work with you or but so much as check'd my early and my growing Inclinations to comply with you tho' it would have been to no purpose at all you might have had some Colour then to make use of your Power and deal with me accordingly But so far was I from opposing your Passion that I prevented it for I had a kindness for your Person before you ever told me any thing of your Love and you had no sooner declar'd it but with all the joy imaginable I receiv'd it and gave my self up wholly to that Inclination You had at that time your Eyes in your Head tho' I was Blind Why would you let me go on then to make my self the miserable Creature which now I am Why would you â—rain me on to all those Extravagances which to a person of your Indifference must needs have been very Importune You knew well enough that you were not to be always in Portugal Why must I then be singl'd out from all the rest to be made thus Unfortunate In this Country without dispute you might have found out handsomer Women than my self that would have serv'd your turn every jot as well to your course purpose and that would have been true to you as far as they could have seen you without breaking their hearts for you when you were gon and such as you might have forsaken at last without either Falsness or Cruelty Do you call this the Tenderness of a Lover or the Persecution of a Tyrant And 't is but destroying of your own neither You are just as easie I find to believe ill of me as I have always been to think better of you than you have deserv'd Had you but lov'd me half so well as I do you you would never have parted with me upon so easie Terms I should have master'd greater Difficulties and never have upbraided you with the Obligation neither Your Reasons 't is true were very feeble but if they had been the strongest imaginable it had been all one to me for nothing but death it self could ever have torn me from you Your Return into France was nothing in the World but a Pretext of your own contriving There was a Vessel you said that was thither bound And why could not you let that Vessel take her Course Your Relations sent for you away You are are no stranger sure to the Persecution that for your sake I have suffer'd from mine Your Honour forsooth engag'd you to forsake me Why did you not think of that scruple when you deluded me to the loss
of mine Well! but you must go back to serve your Prince His Majesty I presume would have excus'd you in that point for I cannot learn that he has any need of your Service But Alas I should have been too happy if you and I might have liv'd and dy'd together This only Comfort I have in the bitterness of our deadly separation that I was never false to you and that for the whole World I would not have my Conscience tainted with so black a Crime But can you then that know the Integrity of my Soul and the Tenderness that I have for you can you I say find in your heart to abandon me for ever and expose me to the Terrours that attend my wretched Condition Never so much as to think of me again but only when you are to sacrifice me to a new Passion My Love you see has distracted me and yet I make no complaint at all of the violence of it for I am so wonted to Persecutions that I have discover'd a kind of pleasure in them which I would not live without and which I enjoy while I love you in the middle of a thousand afflictions The most grievous part of my Calamity is the hatred and disgust that you have given me for all other things My Friends my Kindred the Convent it self is grown intollerable to me and whatsoever I am oblig'd either to see or to do is become odious I am grown so jealous of my Passion that methinks all my Actions and all my Dutys ought to have some regard to you Nay every moment that is not employ'd upon your service my Conscience checks me for it either as misbestow'd or cast away My Heart is full of Love and Hatred and Alas what should I do without it should I survive this restlessness of thought to lead a Life of more tranquility and ease such an Emptiness and such an Insensibility could never consist Every Creature takes Notice how strangely I am chang'd in my Humour my Manners and in my Person My Mother takes me to task about it One while she speaks me fair and then she chides me and asks me what I ail I do not well know what answers I have made her but I Phancy that I have told her all The most severe even of the Religious themselves take pity of me and bear with my Condition The whole World is touch'd with my Misfortunes your single self excepted as wholy unconcern'd Either you are not pleas'd to write at all or else your Letters are so cold so stuff'd with Repetitions the Paper not half full and your Constraint so grosly disguis'd that one may see with half an Eye the pain you are in till they are over Dona Brites would not let me be quiet the other day till she had got me out of my Chamber on to the Balcon that looks you know toward Mertola she did it to oblige me and I follow'd her But the very sight of the Place struck me with so terrible an Impression that it set me a Crying the whole day after Upon this she took me back again and I threw my self upon my Bed where I pass'd a thousand Reflections upon the despairs of my Recovery I am the worse I find for that which people do to relieve me and the Remedies they offer me do but serve to aggravate my Miseries Many a time have I seen you pass by from this Balcon and the sight pleas'd me but too well and there was I that fatal day when I first found my self strook with this unhappy Passion Methought you look'd as if you had a mind to oblige me even before you knew me and your Eye was more upon me than the rest of the Company And when you made a stop I fool'd my self to think that it was meant to me too that I might take a fuller view of you and see how every thing became you Upon giving your Horse the spur I remember my heart was at my mouth for fear of an untoward leap you put him upon In fine I could not but secretly concern my self in all your Actions and as you were no longer indifferent to me so I took several things to my self also from you and as done in my favour I need not tell you the sequel of Matters not that I care who knows it nor would I willingly write the whole Story lest I should make you thought more culpable if possible than in Effect perhaps you are Beside that it might furnish your Vanity with subject of reproach by shewing that all my Labours and Endeavours to make sure of you could not yet keep you from forsaking me But what a fool am I in thinking to work more upon your Ingratitude with Letters and Invectives than ever I could with my Infinite Love and the liberty that attended it No no I am too sure of my ill Fortune and you are too unjust to make me doubt of it and since I find my self deserted what mischief is there in Nature which I am not to fear But are your Charms only to work upon me Why may not other Women look upon you with my Eyes I should be well enough content perhaps to find more of my Sex in some degree of my Opinion and that all the Ladyes of France had an esteem for you provided that none of them either doted upon you or pleas'd you This is a most ridiculous and an impossible Proposition But there 's no danger I may speak it upon sad Experience of your troubling your head long with any one thing and you will forget me easily enough without the help of being forc'd to 't by a new Passion So infinitely do I love you that since I am to lose you I could e'en wish that you had had some fairer colour for 't It is true that it would have made me more miserable but you should have had less to answer for then You 'l stay in France I perceive in perfect Freedom and perhaps not much to your Satisfaction The Incommodities of a long Voyage some Punctilioes of good Manners and the fear of not returning Love for Love may perchance keep you there Oh you may safely trust me in this Case Let me but only see you now and then and know that we are both of us in the same Country it shall content me But why do I flatter my self Who knows but that the Rigour and Severity of some other Woman may come to prevail upon you more than all my Favours tho' I cannot believe you yet to be a Person that will be wrought upon by ill usage Before you come to engage in any powerful Passion let me entreat you to bethink your self of the Excess of my Sorrows the Uncertainty of my Purposes the Distraction of my Thoughts the Extravagance of my Letters the Trusts I have repos'd in you my Despairs my Wishes and my Jealousies Alas I am affraid that you are about to make your self unfortunate Take warning I beg of
better have Supported your Ingratitude it self though never so foul and Odious than the Deadly Deadly Thought of this Irrevocable Separation And it is not your Person neither that is so dear to me but the Dignity of my unalterable Affection My soul is strangely divided Your falseness makes me abhor you and yet at the same time my Love my Obstinate and Invincible Love will not consent to part with you What a Blessing were it to me now if I were but endu'd with the Common Quality of other Women and only Proud enough to despise you Alas Your Contempt I have born already Nay had it been your Hatred or the most Raging Jealousie All this compar'd with your Indifference had been a Mercy to me By the Impertinent Professions and the most Ridiculous Civilities of your Last Letter I find that all mine are Come to your hand and that you have read them over too but as unconcern'd as if you forsooth had no Interest at all in the Matter Sot that I am to lie thus at the Mercy of an Insensible and Ungrateful Creature and to be as much afflicted now at the Certainty of the Arrival of those Papers as I was before for fear of their Miscarriage What have I to do with your telling me the TRVTH OF THINGS Who desir'd to know it Or the SINCERITY you talk of a thing you never practis'd toward me but to my Mischief Why could you not let me alone in my Ignorance Who bad you Write Miserable Woman that I am Methinks after so much pains taken already to delude me to my Ruin you might have streyn'd one point more in this Extremity to deceive me to my Advantage without pretending to excuse your self 'T is too late to tell you that I have cast away many a Tender Thought upon the Worst of Men the most Oblig'd and the most Unthankful Let it suffice that I know you now as well as if I were in the heart of you The only favour that I have now to desire from you after so many done for you is This and I hope you will not refuse it me Write no more to me and remember that I have conjur'd you never to do it Do all that is Possible for you to do if ever you had any Love for me to make me absolutely forget you For Alas I dare not trust my self in any sort of Correspondence with you The least hint in the World of any kind Reflection upon the reading of this Letter would perchance expose me to a Relapse and then the taking of me at my Word on the other side would most certainly transport me into an Extravagance of Choler and Despair So that in my Opinion it will be your best course not to meddle at all with Me or my Affairs for which way so ever you go to work it must inevitably bring a great disorder upon both I have no Curiosity to know the success of this Letter Me-thinks the Sorrows you have brought upon me already might abundantly content you even if your Design were never so malicious without disturbing me in my Preparations for my future Peace Do but leave me in my Uncertainty and I will not yet despair in time of arriving at some degree of Quiet This I dare promise you that I shall never hate you for I am too great an Enemy to Violent Resolutions ever to go about it Who knows but I may yet live to find a truer friend than I have lost But Alas What signifies any mans Love to me if I cannot Love him Why should his Passion work more upon my heart than mine could upon Yours I have found by sad Experience that the first Motions of Love which we are more properly said to Feel than to Understand are never to be forgotten That our souls are perpetually Intent upon the Idol which we our selves have made That the first Wounds and the first Images are never to be cur'd or defac'd That all the Passions that pretend to succour us either by Diversion or Satisfaction are but so many vain Promises of bringing us to our Wits again which if once lost are never to be recover'd And that all the Pleasures that we pursue many times without any desire of finding them amount to no more than to convince us that nothing is so dear to us as the Remembrance of our Sorrows Why must you pitch upon Mee for the subject of an Imperfect and Tormenting Inclination which I can neither Relinquish with Temper nor Preserve with Honour The dismal Consequences of an Impetuous Love which is not Mutual And why is it that by a Conspiracy of Blind Affection and Inexorable fate we are still condemn'd to Love where we are Despis'd and to hate where we are Belov'd But what if I could flatter my self with the Hope of diverting my Miseries by any other Engagement I am so sensible of my own Condition that I should make a very great scruple of Using any other Mortal as you have treated me and though I am not Conscious of any Obligation to spare you yet if it were in my Power to take my Revenge upon you by changing you for any other a thing very Unlikely I could never agree to the gratifying of my Passion that way I am now telling my self in your behalf that it is not reasonable to expect that the simplicity of a Religious should confine the Inclinations of a Cavalier And yet methinks if a body might be allow'd to reason upon the Actions of Love a man should rather fix upon a Mistress in a Convent than any where else For they have nothing there to hinder them from being perpetually Intent upon their Passion Whereas in the World there are a thousand fooleries and Amusements that either take up their Thoughts intirely or at least divert them And what Pleasure is it or rather how great a Torment if a body be not Stupid for a man to see the Woman that he loves in a Continual Hurry of Delights taken up with Ceremony and Visits no discourses but of Balls Dresses Walks c. Which must needs expose him every hour to fresh jealousies Who can secure himself that Women are not better Satisfied with these Entertainments than they ought to be even to the Disgusting of their own Husbands How can any man pretend to Love who without examining Particulars contentedly believes what 's told him and looks upon his Mistress under all these Circumstances with Confidence and Quiet It is not that I am now Arguing my self into a Title to your Kindness for this is not a way to do my business especially after the Trial of a much more probable Method and to as little purpose No no I know my Destiny too Well and there 's no strugling with it My Whole Life is to be miserable It was so when I saw you every day When we were together for fear of your Infidelity and at a distance because I could not endure you out of my sight My heart
LICENSED Dec. 28. 1677. Ro. L'Estrange FIVE LOVE-LETTERS FROM A NUN TO A CAVALIER Done out of French into English LONDON Printed for Henry Brome at the Gun at the West-end of St. Pauls 1678. TO THE Reader YOu are to take this Translation very Kindly for the Authour of it has ventur'd his Reputation to Oblige you Ventur'd it I say even in the very Attempt of Copying so Nice an Original It is in French one of the most Artificial Pieces perhaps of the Kind that is any where Extant Beside the Peculiar Graces and Felicities of that Language in the Matter of an Amour which cannot be adopted into any other Tongue without Extream Force and Affectation There was it seems an Intrigue of Love carry'd on betwixt a French Officer and a Nun in Portugal The Cavalier forsakes his Mistress and Returns for France The Lady expostulates the Business in five Letters of Complaint which She sends after him and those five Letters are here at your Service You will find in them the Lively Image of an Extravagant and an Unfortunate Passion and that a Woman may be Flesh and Bloud in a Cloyster as well as in a Palace FIVE Portugaise LETTERS Turn'd into ENGLISH The first Letter OH my Inconsiderate Improvident and most unfortunate Love and those Treacherous Hopes that have betray'd both Thee and Me The Passion that I design'd for the Blessing of my Life is become the Torment of it A Torment as prodigious as the Cruelty of his Absence that causes it Bless mee But must this Absence last for ever This Hellish Absence that Sorrow it self wants words to express Am I then never to see those Eyes again that have so often exchang'd Love with Mine and Charm'd my very soul with Extacy and Delight Those Eyes that were ten thousand worlds to mee and all that I desir'd the only comfortable Light of Mine which since I understood the Resolution of your Insupportable Departure have Serv'd mee but to weep withall and to lament the sad Approach of my Inevitable fate And yet in this Extremity I cannot me-thinks but have some Tenderness even for the Misfortunes that are of your Creating My Life was vow'd to you the first time I saw you and since you would not accept of it as a Present I am Content to make it a sacrifice A Thousand times a day I send my Sighs to hunt you out and what Return for all my Passionate Disquiets but the good Counsel of my Cross fortune that whispers me at every turn Ah wretched Mariane why do'st thou flatter and Consume thy self in the vain pursuit of a Creature never to be Recover'd Hee 's gone hee 's gone Irrevocably gone h 'as past the seas to fly thee Hee 's now in France dissolv'd in pleasures and thinks no more of thee or what thou suffer'st for his false sake then if he had never known any such woman But hold Y 'ave more of Honour in you then to do so ill a thing and so have I then to believe it especially of a Person that I 'm so much concern'd to justify Forget me 'T is Impossible My Case is bad enough at best without the Aggravation of vain suppositions No no The Care and Pains you took to make me think you lov'd me and then the Joyes that That Care gave Me must never be forgotten and should I love you less this Moment then when I lov'd you most in Confidence that you lov'd me so too I were Ungratefull 'T is an Unnatural and a strange thing methinks that the Remembrance of those blessed hours should be now so terrible to me and that those delights that were so ravishing in the Enjoyment should become so ter in the Reflection Your last Letter gave me such a Passion of the heart as if it would have forc'd its way thorough my Breast and follow'd you It laid me three hours sensless I wish it had been dead for I had dy'd of Love But I reviv'd and to what End only to die again and lose that Life for you which you your self did not think worth the saving Beside that there 's no Rest for me while you 're Away but in the grave This fit was follow'd with other Ill Accidents which I shall never be without till I see you In the mean while I bear them yet without repining because they came from you But with your Leave Is this the Recompense that you intend me Is this your way of treating those that love you Yet 't is no Matter for do what you will I am resolv'd to be firm to you to my last gasp and never to see the Eyes of any other Mortal And I dare assure you that it will not be the worse for you neither if you never set your heart upon any other woman for certainly a Passion under the degree of mine will never content you You may find more Beauty perhaps elswhere tho' the time was when you found no fault with mine but you shall never meet with so true a heart and all the rest is nothing Let me entreat you not to stuff your Letters with things Unprofitable and Impertinent to our Affair and you may save your self the trouble too of desiring me to THINK of you why 't is Impossible for me to forget you and I must not forget the hope you gave me neither of your Return and of spending some part of your time here with us in Portugal Alas And why not your whole Life rather If I could but find any way to deliver my self from this unlucky Cloyster I should hardly stand gaping here for the performance of your Promise but in defiance of all opposition put my self upon the March Search you out follow you and love you throughout the whole world It is not that I please my self with this Project as a thing feasible or that I would so much as entertain any hope of Comfort tho' in the very delusion I might find pleasure but as it is my Lot to be miserable I will be only sensible of that which is my Doom And yet after all this I cannot deny but upon this Opportunity of writing to you which my Brother has given me I was surpriz'd with some faint Glimmerings of Delight that yielded me a temporary Respite to the horrour of my despair Tell me I conjure you what was it that made you so sollicitous to entangle me when you knew you were to leave me And why so bloudily bent to make me Unhappy why could you not let me alone at quiet in my Cloyster as you found me Did I ever do you any Injury But I must ask your Pardon for I lay nothing to your Charge I am not in condition to meditate a Revenge and I can only complain of the Rigour of my Perverse fortune When she has parted our Bodies she has done her worst and left us nothing more to fear Our hearts are Inseparable for those whom Love has United are never to be divided As you tender