World to settle its Affectionâ— upon How much the more earnestly ought it to fix them upâ—â— God after its Conversion LEt me â—ot O my God haâ—â—less Zeal Gratitude aâ—â— Fidelity towards thee than 〈◊〉 should have towards a Friendâ— who had offer'd to lay down hâ—â— life for the preservation of mine and to this superlative testimonâ— of his love did continually addâ— thousand other benefits Since thou hast been pleas'd 〈◊〉 humble thy self O my God 〈◊〉 making me offers of thy Graâ—â— and Favour and loading 〈◊〉 with thy Benefits let me not forget thee doubt of thy Mercy or wilfully shut my eyes and neglect to pay thee those acknowledgments of thy love and bounty which in strict Justice is but my reasonable service For is it just that I who pretend to act upon Principles of Generosity who boast of my good Nature Affection Integrity and Gratitude towards my Friends should be defective only in my Duty towards God living without Faith without Love or so much as the Acknowledgment of his Benefits Is it just that I a poor miserable creature who owe all that I have unto my glorious Creatour should offer up to him only faint acknowlegdments fickle desires and in truth the least part of my self Is it just that I who have been so industrious to gratifie my Idol-passions who never forgot any thing which might conduce to their satisfaction should complain of the difficulty and impossibility of placing them upon their due object and devoting my heart to the love of thee Lastly Is it possible that the soul which thou didst create to be the Temple of thy Divine Love should not be perswaded to return unto thee the center of its happiness after it has wandred a thousand and a thousand times from the way of thy Commandments unless thou art pleas'd to prepare its paths and draw it to thy self with the cords of thy Grace No Lord this is not reasonable and therefore maugre all the opposition I find in my corrupt nature in submitting my self to the easie yoak of thy Commandments thy love which predominates in my Soul above the love of the world the creature or my self shall unite me inseparably unto thee by the inexhaustible love of â—esus Christ By that love which has taught me by experience that there is nothing in this World worthy my friendship nothing but continual troubles and base ingratitude which has discover'd to me by these gentle Corrections that thou art a jealous God and requirest the sacrifice of my whole heart unto thee in acknowledgment of thy infinite Mercies my Infidelity and the sacrilegious misplacing of my Affections Ah Lord since thou requirest nothing to prepare me for the pardon of my sins but the cultivating of my love and the conversion of my heart unto thee Behold here is a heart ready to receive thy Commands ready to obey thee which is truly to love thee ready to undergo any thing which conduces to the advancement of thy Glory or the salvation of my Soul REFLECT XIII That a Penitent Soul should not examine what Sins are Damnable and what not but avoid all appearance of Evil every thing which may displease God lest indulging it self in lesser crimes it relapse at last into Habitual Debauchery IF it is thy pleasure to make my Repentance in some measure answer my Crimes to prolong my life ond punish me in the same place where my Offences were commited If it is thy pleasure to make my Sins my punishment and those Lusts which I have hitherto idoliz'd the Executioners of thy Justice my heart is fixed O God my heart is fixed Nevertheless Grant that I may be preserv'd in my Integrity thereby that my present Aversion to sinful Pleasures may be an Antidote sufficient to defend me from the infected breath of popular Applause that my Repentaance may be more pleasing to thee and profitable to my self But O Lord let me not only be preserved from those Notorious Crimes which this day render me the Object of thy Mercy but grant also that I may hate Sin more for the Malignity of its Nature than from the Dread of thy Vengeance let my Aversion to it proceed rather from thy love than any respect to my self that is let me abhor it more for displeasing thee than because it would be my ruin Let me not with the greatest part of the World nicely weigh how much Carnal Liberty I may take and yet continue in a state of salvation but let me avoid every thing which displeases thee as well as those grosser acts of sin which will certainly damn my soul For what is more impious O my God than to say I know that this Action will displease thee that this Temptation is alluring that these Pleasures obstruct the Emanations of thy Grace and in short that the Vanities of this World are at enmity to the life of Godliness and yet I am resolv'd to venter on them to disregard the all-seeing Eye of a jealous God the Remorse of my own Conscience and all this because I am assured that God is a merciful God that he loves me and is willing to pass by my Offences For is not this Way of Reasoning us'd by the greatest part of those servile Souls whose Religious Actions proceed more from fear of the Devil than out of love to God May not this Neglect of thy Grace which these Men esteem so small an Offence grieve thy Holy Spirit and become the Occasion of their Eternal Reprobation For the Devil by tempting us at first to smaller Crimes insinuates himself into our Affections and by degrees renders the most detestable sins familiar this he knows is the surest way to destroy us for by little and little it weakens the love and fear of God in our Souls it gives him possession of our hearts and at last delivers them up unto him for a prey For who knows but this variety of company this vain and frothy conversation which fills my heart with frivolous Desires and weakens the Influences of thy Grace may in the end seduce me from the simplicity of thy Word and the observation of thy Holy Law Who knows but thou mayest leave me to my self when thou perceivest that my Disobedience and Ingratitude towards thee proceeds from the abuse of thy Grace In fine Who knows but the Splendour of Worldly Pomp which is continually before my eyes which I behold with so much complacency and those Maxims of Carnal policy which are perpetually sounding in my ears may at last render me forgetful of those Solemn Protestations which but a few days ago I made unto thee when with Tears and Sighs I so earnestly besought thee to have Mercy on me and to deliver me from the jaws of Death REFLECT XIV She prays unto God instantly that he would be pleas'd to knock off those Chains which unite her Affections to the Creature to grant her fresh Recruits of his Mercy and Grace to make the right use of them AH Lord
who art terrible only to stubborn and impenitent Offenders let not my Ingratitude divert the benign designs of thy Mercy unto my Soul let not that sickness by which thou didst intend to awaken me and bring me nearer to thy self harden my heart and fill up the measure of my sins Let not the return of my Life and Health bring along with it those Vicious Habits and that Inordinate Love of the Pomps and Vanities of the World which I so passionately renounc'd when the Terrors of Death were upon me when the Sight of my Sins and the Torments of Hell made all my Joints tremble and my Knees smite together Deliver me also from my self O my God from that natural inclination of my Will to all that is Evil and that aversion to Good which from time to time prevails with me to put off my Repentance Make thy Arm bear and break asunder those Bonds which unite my Affections too close to the Creature and engage me too earnestly in the love of my self Hear me when I cry unto thee for fresh supplys of thy Mercy and redeem me from the vain conversation of the World But above all let that Grace that Love that Bounty with which I am almost overwhelmed kindly operate upon my Soul and after they have made me sensible how much a stranger my heart is to those Resolutions which the Terror of thy approaching Judgments extorted from me then let them accomplish those Gracious Purposes for which they were sent by thy Indulgent Providence Lastly Let not the hardness of my heart constrain thy Mercy to give place to Justice let it not render thy Fatherly Corrections ineffectual or provoke thee to leave me to my self and give me up to my Unmortifi'd Affections Grant me with Tears I beseech thee Grant me thy Love for without it I have no Strength no Merit and by its assistance I shall be able to surmount all the Difficulties which obstruct my Conversion and to persevere to the end in the Way of thy Commandments REFLECT XV. What kind of Life that Person ought to lead who is under a Necessity of Conversing much in the World that 't is her Duty to resist whatsoever is contrary to the Commands of Jesus Christ ENlighten the Faculties of my Soul O my God with that Divine Love which will shew me the vanity of these transient Enjoyments and enable me patitenly to bear my DISGRACEFUL BANISHMENT Imprint in my Mind such lively Idaea's of thy Mercy and such grateful Resentments of thy Benefits as may be always before my eyes and produce a real change in my heart a sure sign of my amendment by thy healthful Corrections Let a Good Life be the effect of my earnest desires to give my self up to thee let me chuse to die a thousand times rather than offend thee and let me be found at thy coming amongst those Wise Virgins who have trimm'd their Lamps with Good Works And tho' for the most part those persons who would pass from one Extream to another in a Moment from the most degenerate Debauchery to the highest Pitch of Devotion are unsuccessful in their endeavours and finish nothing because they undertake too much yet I cannot give bounds to my desires I cannot but wish to love thee as much as I am able 't is this which above all things I thirst after and to this end I beseech thee Enliven my Impotent Endeavours with thy Grace I will not defer my Repentance O my God until the Night of thy Justice overtakes me when no man can work but I will be up and be doing as soon as ever the day of thy Grace springs from on high and endeavour to work out my Salvation I will not ask councel of my Lusts or deliberate with my self whether 't is time to forsake my vicious conversation and become a new creature Nor am I so vain as to think my self capable of great matters For I am conscious of my own Wants my Sluggishness and my inconstancy and therefore with eyes lift up to Heaven I patiently expect the dawning of thy love and the gentle influences of thy Grace upon my soul I will begin to magnifie thy Mercies amongst those who maintain a continual Trafick of Sin and Vanity with whom my Discourse us'd to be about Riches Honours Pleasures and Prosperity I will declare to those persons who worship nothing but their Interest that thou art my God the only Object of my Adoration that in the enjoyment of thy Favour consists all my Riches my Grandeur and my Happiness that all I have is in thy hands and that when thou hast consummated the Great Work of my Conversion I shall be more happy than if I had Conquer'd all the Kingdoms of the World I will forsake that frothy and effeminate Company with whom I have lost so much precious time which I will endeavour to redeem by convincing them that the unprofitable vain and idle course of life which they look upon as their Priviledge will destroy the health of their Everlasting Souls If I cannot attain to be Eminently Religious I will endeavour to be as good as I can if I cannot produce the testmonies of an ardent Affection I will dedicate to thee my Infant Love if my Faith is not so Active as that of the humble Centurian which inclined thee to give a present return unto his Prayers yet I will take advice of thy Ministers and with united Prayers Implore the Augmentation of it That I may live up to those Religious Principles which thou hast planted in my Soul I will dread the Company of those debauch'd Wretches who glory in their Wickedness and as the Holy Scripture speaks have not God in all their thoughts Yea Lord I will break off all engagements with those profess'd Libertines whose society instilis Irreligion into our Minds and is a blemish to the most unspotted Reputation who puff us up with such an opinion of our selves as justly merits the desertion of thy grace and guild over their Monstrous Vices with the specious Names of good Nature and Honour Tho' their Persons and Humour may be agreeable to me yet I am resolv'd faithfully to perform these Vows which I have made unto thee O my God and that henceforwards I will not maintain any strict Correspondence Familiarity or Friendship with them For certainly the hating of those who hate thee is but a small acknowledgment of thy infinite love REFLECT XVI That she should associate her self with those persons who truly fear God and that she ought not to entangle her self again in those things which the World calls State Riches Fortune and Grandeur O Lord in whose hands are the hearts of men and who turnest them whether soever thou pleasest change the inclinations of my Soul and sanctifie my Love that in the choice of my Friends I may regard more thy Grace than any Natural Endowments rather the edifying of my self and the seasoning my heart with thy holy Truths than
at the Foot-stool of thy Throne and let me not lie poring on a Picture or repeat my Prayers from a Book which I do not understand but let the Subject of my Devotions be my own Wants and whatsoever may render me more humble For I am too sensible of my own Imperfections to distract my Mind with other Objects besides my own Misery and the infinite Mercy of my God REFLECT XX. That the Misery to which Sin has reduc'd us ought to be the Subject of our Prayers and that 't is good to begin them with the Considerations of the stupendious Mysterie of our Saviour's Passion ALas how can I meditate on my Vileness who am puft up with Pride who can only Pray unto thee to break off my Ambition and Vain-glory which like unmanagable Horses precipitate my Soul into the Abyss of thy fiery Indignation How can I hearken to thy Word or taste the sweet Comforts of thy Holy Spirit who am surrounded with a thousand Passions a thousand Vanities which distract my thoughts when I come to appear before thee What can I do more than Groan within my self when as the Royal Psalmist has it my feet are hurt with the fetters of sin and I am in Captivity to my Unmortified Affections until the gentle Influences of thy Grace create in my heart a love to thy Law How can I lift up my self to Heaven whilst my Affections are groveling on the Earth How can I contemplate thy Greatness and thy Excellencies whilst my mind is distracted by its own Miseries and astonished at that imminent danger which only gives me space to beg thy Mercy and to say with the Apostles Lord save us or we perish Nevertheless O my Lord since the remembrance of thy bitter Passion ought to be deeply engraven upon my Soul Grant O my God that the beginning of my Prayer may have a respect to that adorable Mysterie that my heart may be mollifi'd by the consideration of thy sufferings render'd more susceptable of the impressions of thy Love and thy Grace and Meditate with more benefit on its own Vanity REFLECT XXI That we ought not to be weary of Praying because we do not find present Comfort but that we should be faithful to our Resolutions and have recourse to this Holy Exercise when we are wrack'd by the greatest pains and distress'd by the severest Afflictions OH that I could be so constand in my Resolutions as every day to prostrate my self at the Foot-stool of thy Throne at that set-time which I have consecrated unto thee when thou art pleas'd to give me Audience and that nothing might divert me from performing this one thing necessary Let me constantly throw my self at thy feet in whatsoever condition my Soul may be to the end that when distractions and barrenness of mind hinder me from fixing my thoughts upon thee or speaking of any thing but those Vanities which have taken possession of my heart then the labour which I undergo those painful pangs which I endure and those irksom attempts which I make to pour forth a Prayer may render it more acceptable unto thee Let me not fancy that thou hast abandoned me because my mind is sometimes overwhelmed with the load of my Corruption because at such a time as this I cannot form so much as one good thought For I will still look up and pray unto thee I will say with that great King the holy David I am like a beast before thee without spirit without speech and without consideration Tho' I cannot perform this Duty with a steady intention of mind yet I will not depart from the Foot-stool of thy Throne I will pray unto thee with my Heart and with my Will I will put my trust in thy Goodness and tho' thou may'st not for the present unite my Soul unto thy self by the sweet influences of thy Grace yet thou wilt accept of my endeavour in this deplorable condition and esteem it as a testimony of my sincere affection that it cleaves unto thee as well when thou art pleased to withdraw thy Comforts as when it enjoys thy ravishing Consolations But good Lord let me not only Pray unto thee with my Understanding and with my Tongue but also with my Heart Let me not only Pray unto thee in my Closet and in the Church where the consideration of thy Divine Presence inspires me with Devotion but grant O my God that by Acts of Faith Hope and Charity I may consecrate unto thee the Oratory of my Heart in which I will offer up the Sacrifice of Prayer For the Devotion of a true Christian is not confin'd to Words but extends it self unto his Thoughts and Actions in all Places and upon all Occasions I will do this in the midst of my Wordly Business nay in the midst of my Diversions when retiring my self into that Closet of my Breast which is dedicated to thee alone where no eye but thine sees me I will address my prayer unto thee When I find my self most expos'd to Temptation when I have the greatest sense of my ovvn Weakness when Self-love most Tyrannizes over me and the svveet poyson of pleasure most allures my Soul then will I sigh most fervently unto thee and without waiting for a suitable place or more convenient time I will presently lay open the Wounds of my Soul and implore thy help This shall be at the beginning and end of all my Actions in the Morning and at Night in the midst of my Journeys my heart shall take thee for its Polar Star it shall relye upon thee in every condition yield it self up to thy Conduct and implore the succours of thy Grace And this will be done with the greater ease because I shall better express my own vvants and my entire dependance on thy Mercy by one single sigh which proceeds from the bottom of my Oppressed Heart than by the most prolix Devotions I will joyn vvith thy Saints and praise thee in thy Sanctuary with my Lips and my vvith voice but I will also Pray unto thee with Sighs ahd Groans unutterable in my greatest dangers and under the most violent pains I will look up unto thee and in all the actions of my life with holy David I will have thee always before my eyes REFLECT XXII The indispensable Necessity of Prayer without which 't is impossible to have any serious thoughts of our Salvation WHat is that Soul O my God who lives in this World without Prayer I speak not of those persons who only mind their Pleasures and providing for their Bodies who are Christians in Name only and may be more fitly rank'd amongst brute Beasts than reasonable Creatures But I mean those who frequently reflect upon themselves who consider to what end a Rational Soul was given them and dominion over the rest of the Creation Who consider that there is a God I mean are convinc'd that none but Fools doubt of it Who consider how it comes to pass that those persons
who believe the Histories of Alexander and Caesar yet question that of Jesus Christ Who consider whether that Faith which was propagated by twelve poor Fishermen and confirm'd by an infinite number of Miracles wrought in the sight of all nations can now reasonably be call'd in question Who consider whether that Army of Martyrs who seal'd this Faith with their Blood are not a sufficient cloud of Witnesses to evince its Truth Who consider whether all those Prophesies in the Old Testament concerning the Coming and Kingdom of the Messiah which have been punctually accomplish'd ought to pass for Fables Who consider those incomprehensible Mysteries the Effects of the Omnipotent Grace of Jesus Christ and his infinite Love towards us his poor Creatures Lastly Who consider all God's wonderful Works upon their Souls that admirable Conduct which at the same enlightneth our Understandings by his Fatherly Corrections and preserves us which by his Divine Providence orders all things for some end best known unto himself and makes every thing tend to the welfare and advantage of his Elect. 'T is for these persons who having the clouds of their Understandings dispell'd by the light of these indubitable truths yet are presently blinded by the vanities of the World 't is for their Good as well as my own I consider That a Soul in this World without Prayer without reflection and without Reliance upon God's Providence is like a Ship in the midst of a Tempest without a Pilot like a Man who fancies himself wonderfully enlightned and yet is blinded with the thinkest Mists of Ignorance and Error He is like that person who fancies he knows God has Faith Hope and Charity and yet adores his Idol-passions he is like a Traveller in a strange Country without either Guide or Compass who the faster he walks the farther he wanders from his Home He is like that person who being tumbled into the bottom of a deep Pit yet will not make use of the Cord which is let down to draw him up Lastly He is like that foolish builder who endeavours to erect a Magnificent Pallace without a Foundation For how can he work out his Salvation who has not God in all his thoughts How can he observe his Laws and obey his Commandments who never thinks on them How can he bridle his Tongue and all his head-strong Passions without the assistance of God's Grace And how can he obtain this Grace who will not be at the pains to ask it How can he avoid falling into Despair who goes on in a sinful course of life which he knows will end in the Damnation of his Soul Who either uses the most preposterous means imaginable to quiet his Conscience that is by putting out of his mind the thoughts of another Life an Eternity and a God or else doth not place his trust in him In fine How can he be a good Christian and love Jesus Christ who does not know him does not consider that he dy'd for us does not meditate on his Life his Actions or his Holy Gospel REFLECT XXIII She desires of God the Gift of Prayer that she may make Death Eternity and God's Judgments the Subject of it which are the proper means to season our Souls with the Fear of God AH Lord since I am convinc'd that Prayer which is nothing but the lifting up of our Souls unto thee our continual endeavour to pluck down the strong-holds of Satan and establish the Kingdom of Jesus Christ is so easie so necessary and so Profitacle a Duty Since I am assured by thy Holy Word and the Examples of Holy Men that 't is a floating plank which will bear up my Soul in all the storms of this life and convey it safe into the blessed Haven of Eternity that is to the Heavenly Jerusalem which is above where all tears shall be wiped away from our eyes and we shall enjoy those pleasures which are at thy right-hand for evermore Give me an earnest Desire and Delight in Praying to thee let it be as pleasant and familiar as ever the Vanities of the World have been for which I have so often hazarded the Salvation of my Soul But since Death is the end of all things and the most profitable Subject of our Meditations Grant O my God that I may daily consider my last end when to speak in the Words of the Holy Scripture my breath goeth forth I return to the earth and in that very day my thoughts perish That Time which will come like a Thief in the Night and seize upon our Souls That Time after which there will be no more space for Repentance That Time for which we ought to be prepared all the days of our life that we may not be surprised thereby That Time on which depends the Happiness or Misery of our Souls to all Eternity O Death how dreadful are thy Approaches to those persons who never thought of thee who placed all their Happiness in the Goods of this World O Death how terrible art thou to those men unto whom thou art the end of their Happiness and the beginning of their Sorrows In short By which they are deprived of all the Enjoyments of this World of that Body which they so much Idoliz'd of a Voluptuous Life and the gratification of their Inordinate Appetites I say How terrible art thou to those who never knew God but only to offend him But then how much more amazing is the Contemplation of Eternity to those men who never pursu'd any other Happiness but what this life affords who never thought of Repentance and forsaking their sins until they were unable to pursue their Lusts and rendred incapable to receive the impressions of any other Passion but Fear O Eternity Eternity how exquisitely Tormenting are the thoughts of thee to that person who beholds Hell ready to receive him for the punishment of their sins who dares not Hope in God's Mercy but would think himself sufficiently happy could he but have the same end with the Beasts that perish And finally O Eternity How dreadful are the thoughts of thee to that person who at his last hour finds that he cannot Love God and yet cannot chuse but Fear him But O blessed Eternity how comfortable art thou to that person who has led a good Life and mortifi'd his Corruptions in this World To a Sinner who is Converted has Repented of his Sins and has a good Foundation of Hope in thy Mercy To him who is accustomed to die daily and has forsaken the World and its Vanities before he is compelled to it by the unalterable Law of Nature In fine to him who sincerely loves God and enjoys in this life the earnest of Eternal Happiness REFLECT XXIV That she will every Day offer up unto God the Sacrifice of Thanksgiving for opening her Eyes and converting her unto himself That she will Write down these Resolutions which she made at the time of her Conversion to the end that she may be always
my own Diversion For thou knowest Lord how insensibly those things which I frequently behold make impressions upon my mind how conformable I am to the company with which I converse and how wonderfully good or bad Examples influence my Life and Conversation Grant therefore O my Lord and my God that I may take delight in the Company of Vertuous and Religious Men that instead of talking about the World and it vanities my discourse may be concerning Eternity thy Grace thy Greatness and those infinite Mercies which thou hast been pleased to bestow upon my Soul and if those impressions which sin has left upon my mind should for the present render me averse to these innocent pleasures if the taint of my corrupt Nature should disrelish these Diversions which yield more solid satisfaction than the most sensual enjoyments of this World then I beseech thee to enlighten my Understanding with thy Grace and strengthen my Faith to withhold me from gratifying my inordinate Appetites to work in me a repentance for those sins which render me incapable of the sweet Comforts of thy Holy Spirit For O Lord if thou dost not expect that I should exercise much Rigour on my Body 't is because I should be more fervent in Spirit and mortifie my corrupt Appetites the more for a deep sense of thy Death and Sufferings is absolutely necessary to restore the health of my Soul Now seeing the best way to rectifie my warp'd desires is to bend them towards the contrary extream Grant that the by as of my corrupt Nature may never pâ—evail on me to bestow so much as one favourable look on my divorced Lusts for 't is but reasonable that I should punish my self for my too earnest pursuits of sensual pleasure by mortifying those Irregular Appetites and denying my self even Lawful Diversions it is but just that I who have trifled away so much time on the Stage of the World should retire my self from those pleasures which are the fewel oâ— my inordinate lusts and denâ— my self the World and all its pleasures that I may be truly the Disciple of the Lord Jesus Let the certain assurance of a future Life O my God demonstrate to me the Frailty and Vanity of those things which we call State Wealth Fortune and Grandeur Let me not with the greatest part of the World engage all the force of my Affections in the pursuit of them as if there were no future Life Happiness or Eternity Let me esteem them according to their true value but let me place my Affections only upon that solid good where true Joys are to be found For how can any real Contentment proceed from such empty Trifles How can any lasting satisfaction be built upon such fading Enjoyments which make themselves wings and fly away when we think we have the surest possession of them Lastly Let me contemplate thy Works in the Government of the World in which as in the Scene of a Comedy Providence orders the Persons disposes the Riches and Honours and lulls asleep the generality of Mankind who being rouz'd up at the end of the Act stand amaz'd that they have been all the while in a Dream that the gaudy Apparitions are vanish'd and nothing left but dust and smoak Yea Lord I confess that after I have throughly ransack'd all the stores of sensual Enjoyments I cannot find any real satisfaction or lasting pleasure but only in thy Love and thy Service REFLECT XVII That Charity towards our Neighbour obliges us carefully to avoid not only every Action which may be injurious to his Life Goods and Reputation but also detracting Speeches and foolish jesting O That my Soul might be inspir'd with thy Love O my God that it might be my only Treasure my Glory and my Delight that those chaste and Divine Pleasures which flow from it might enlighten my Understanding and allure my Will â—o cleave unto thee that it might work in me a hearty sorrow for my past Offences and a holy fear of thy Divine Majesty that it might take possession of my Soul and not endure the most darling lust to lurk therein O that my love to my Neighhour might in some measure answer thy love to me that I might love his Soul above my own Life and never be prevaild upon for the gain of the whole World to wound my Conscience by injuring him either in estate or good name But since generally nothing is esteem'd a breach of Charity towards our Neighbour but such open Violence or abusive Language as a sober Heathen would blush at since few persons make a conscience of those Jears which touch a man to the quick those Genteel ways of less'ning his Reputation by insinuating his Frailties and ridiculing his Humour because 't is done in sport and for diversion of the Company Therefore I beseech thee O Lord open my eyes and convince me that these sins which I am apt to call pardonable Infirmities displease thee the more in that they are agreeable to our corrupt Natures and the genuine off spring of self-love Let me heartily detest this mischievous diversion to which I have been too much given up let my sorrow for this sin in some measure equal the pleasure I took in it and let that which was the great Incentive of my Guilt produce a Fountain of Tears to blot it out For is it not highly reasonable O Lord that I should bewail that Mirth whereby I have injur'd my Neighbour and undone my self and that Laughter which has cost me my Soul and the Favour of my God Is it not just that seeing I cannot make any extraordinary demonstrations of my Repentance and Love to thee I should testifie the sincerity of my Intentions by abstaining from every thing which gratifies my Natural Corruption that by a discreet reservedness in my discourse for the future I should endeavour to make amends for the former lavishness of my Tongue and by casting out all those sins which have offended thee invite thy return into the Temple of my Soul Whensoever therefore O my God I have any desires to conform my self to the World to gratisie my depraved Appetites or to shew the gayety of my Humour whensoever these sinful delights come into my mind and begin to blow up the sparks of my corruption whensoever I perceive these motions of complacency towards my self and envy against my Neighbour these ferments of my passions and melancholy distemper of my mind which if in the least encouraged will easily get the better of me Then let me consider O Lord that if I do not carefully suppress these first motions to sin I resign up my Soul to its most inveterate Enemies and on the contrary if I nip them in the bud if I sacrifice my passions and my pleasures unto thee I shall encline thee to have Mercy upon me and to blot out my Offences I shall give thee the Homage of a contrite and penitent Heart In which thou art well pleased Shew me therefore