see_v much_o sin_n in_o my_o best_a service_n so_o beg_v god_n will_v not_o deal_v with_o i_o as_o i_o deserve_v which_o will_v have_v be_v hell_n and_o destruction_n but_o come_v to_o partake_v i_o have_v great_a hope_n of_o his_o presence_n so_o soon_o as_o i_o have_v plead_v with_o god_n my_o last_o year_n engagement_n than_o find_v i_o some_o reviving_n and_o hear_v the_o two_o great_a point_n of_o the_o covenant_n that_o god_n will_v be_v our_o god_n &_o we_o shall_v be_v his_o people_n open_v then_o do_v i_o resign_v up_o myself_o to_o god_n with_o a_o more_o than_o ordinary_a resignation_n my_o end_n in_o come_v to_o this_o ordinance_n be_v to_o geâ—_n the_o partition_n wall_n betwixt_o i_o &_o my_o god_n cast_v down_o which_o i_o hope_v be_v attain_v my_o pride_n and_o other_o sin_n be_v pardon_v provide_v i_o do_v not_o run_v into_o they_o again_o i_o cleave_v close_o to_o christ_n and_o will_v not_o let_v he_o go_v without_o his_o blessing_n which_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n give_v i_o though_o satan_n present_v many_o thing_n to_o prevent_v i_o thereof_o the_o lord_n say_v here_o to_o i_o i_o will_v he_o thy_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n say_v i_o do_v engage_v to_o he_o one_o of_o thy_o people_n leave_v all_o that_o come_v in_o competition_n with_o my_o sweet_a saviour_n etc._n etc._n the_o fifteen_o sacrament_n be_v october_n 5._o 1682._o he_o begin_v thus_o blessing_n praise_n and_o honour_n be_v ascribe_v unto_o my_o god_n and_o redeemer_n who_o have_v neither_o forget_v nor_o forsake_v i_o though_o i_o do_v deserve_v it_o and_o god_n wrath_n too_o for_o my_o manifold_a sin_n whereof_o murmur_v in_o some_o measure_n i_o be_o afraid_a be_v one_o &_o seek_v praise_n among_o man_n be_v another_o though_o sense_n of_o sin_n have_v too_o little_o be_v upon_o my_o heart_n this_o last_o month_n yet_o now_o be_v it_o more_o than_o usual_a but_o less_o than_o my_o sin_n require_v i_o plead_v with_o god_n that_o he_o command_v i_o to_o believe_v to_o this_o i_o have_v great_a comfort_n return_v and_o after_o much_o struggle_v the_o lord_n assure_v i_o my_o sin_n be_v pardon_v then_o have_v i_o such_o representation_n of_o my_o redeemer_n as_o i_o have_v oft_o before_o when_o god_n justice_n implead_v i_o for_o my_o sin_n my_o sweet_a saviour_n do_v then_o answer_n i_o have_v dye_v and_o satisfy_v for_o he_o at_o this_o the_o devil_n envy_v tell_v i_o all_o this_o be_v but_o a_o fable_n and_o will_v have_v divert_v i_o but_o by_o grace_n i_o overcome_v he_o o_o how_o be_o i_o oblige_v to_o love_n god_n who_o have_v give_v i_o smile_n when_o i_o deserve_v nothing_o but_o frown_n shall_v not_o i_o be_v more_o careful_a to_o please_v he_o and_o more_o fearful_a to_o offend_v he_o he_o end_v as_o he_o begin_v blessing_n praise_n and_o honour_n be_v to_o my_o god_n and_o my_o redeemer_n for_o ever_o etc._n etc._n the_o sixteenth_o sacrament_n be_v november_n 5._o 1682._o on_o which_o he_o say_v thus_o i_o have_v break_v my_o covenant_n with_o god_n for_o the_o last_o month_n by_o fall_v into_o these_o sin_n i_o engage_v and_o resolve_v against_o before_o dulness_n in_o duty_n and_o distraction_n return_v upon_o i_o have_v not_o strive_v so_o much_o against_o they_o as_o i_o shall_v and_o have_v little_a communion_n with_o god_n my_o deadly_a sin_n prevail_v wherefore_o nothing_o but_o fearful_a look_v for_o of_o judgement_n be_v before_o i_o be_v remiss_a in_o my_o preparation_n yet_o god_n deal_v not_o with_o i_o according_a to_o my_o desert_n for_o than_o have_v i_o be_v set_v up_o as_o a_o monument_n of_o divine_a displeasure_n among_o man_n but_o before_o i_o sit_v down_o i_o strive_v to_o raise_v my_o repentance_n yet_o can_v not_o mourn_v as_o my_o case_n require_v i_o plead_v god_n promise_n that_o his_o son_n be_v send_v to_o save_v such_o as_o i_o be_o etc._n etc._n i_o run_v over_o christ_n suffering_n in_o my_o mind_n particular_o and_o seat_v my_o soul_n at_o the_o foot_n of_o my_o bleed_a saviour_n on_o the_o cross_n that_o his_o precious_a blood_n may_v cleanse_v away_o all_o my_o load_n of_o sin_n i_o do_v justify_v god_n in_o all_o his_o deal_n with_o i_o and_o his_o withdrawment_n from_o i_o than_o do_v i_o receive_v christ_n as_o my_o king_n resolve_v to_o forsake_v all_o for_o he_o and_o to_o follow_v he_o through_o all_o some_o wander_n trouble_v i_o in_o christ_n wine-cellar_n but_o be_v soon_o cut_v off_o etc._n etc._n as_o to_o the_o sacrament_n in_o december_n he_o acknowledge_v his_o omission_n of_o it_o by_o his_o own_o negligence_n and_o folly_n the_o seventeen_o sacrament_n be_v on_o january_n 7._o 1681_o 3._o where_o he_o write_v thus_o i_o do_v endeavour_v to_o prepare_v yet_o but_o alittle_o for_o this_o great_a ordinance_n and_o can_v not_o for_o a_o long_a time_n get_v my_o affection_n inflame_v as_o former_o with_o love_n to_o the_o lord_n jesus_n however_o i_o cast_v my_o sin_n at_o his_o foot_n to_o be_v wash_v away_o that_o the_o difference_n may_v be_v take_v up_o and_o god_n may_v reconcile_v to_o my_o poor_a soul_n again_o which_o bless_v be_v the_o lord_n be_v hopeful_o accomplish_v i_o do_v bewail_v my_o fearful_a break_a covenant_n the_o return_n of_o my_o multitude_n of_o sin_n especial_o my_o deadly_a sin_n pride_n i_o again_o view_v over_o distinct_o the_o suffering_n of_o christ_n how_o he_o be_v scourge_v etc._n etc._n and_o all_o for_o poor_a i_o this_o set_v i_o upon_o mourning_n but_o i_o can_v not_o shed_v tear_n yet_o complain_v of_o the_o hardness_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o beg_v that_o christ_n precious_a blood_n may_v both_o soften_v and_o cleanse_v it_o than_o i_o think_v i_o see_v christ_n upon_o the_o cross_n stoop_v to_o i_o and_o give_v i_o his_o hand_n when_o he_o see_v i_o can_v not_o get_v up_o my_o heart_n to_o he_o hereupon_o i_o clasp_v about_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n who_o have_v reconcile_v god_n to_o i_o than_o i_o resolve_v in_o his_o strength_n never_o to_o fin_n in_o the_o like_a manner_n any_o more_o and_o be_v angry_a with_o myself_o for_o deal_v so_o unkind_o with_o so_o kind_a a_o father_n who_o have_v rather_o a_o sinner_n shall_v repent_v than_o die_v god_n be_v love_v to_o i_o who_o can_v look_v for_o nothing_o but_o fury_n in_o the_o high_a measure_n for_o my_o backslide_n my_o heart_n will_v have_v wander_v but_o by_o god_n goodness_n those_o wander_n be_v take_v short_a i_o here_o solemn_o engage_v to_o walk_v more_o close_o with_o god_n for_o the_o future_a all_o my_o say_v which_o if_o i_o do_v not_o o_o how_o great_a will_v be_v my_o sin_n how_o vast_a will_v be_v my_o unworthiness_n beyond_o what_o my_o tongue_n can_v express_v upon_o the_o whole_a as_o our_o lord_n say_v of_o the_o good_a centurion_n i_o have_v not_o find_v so_o great_a faith_n no_o not_o in_o all_o israel_n so_o â—m_n i_o like_v to_o say_v of_o this_o gracious_a youngman_n i_o have_v not_o find_v such_o savoury_a soul-experience_n on_o record_n â—o_o not_o in_o all_o england_n this_o will_v further_o more_o full_o appear_v by_o the_o sequel_n in_o his_o exercise_n self_n examination_n and_o evidence_n chap._n iii_o after_o his_o experience_n come_v in_o the_o second_o place_n his_o exercise_n which_o be_v twofold_a first_o concern_v â—iety_n second_o concern_v impiety_n both_o before_o his_o effectual_a vocation_n and_o after_o it_o those_o before_o he_o take_v with_o his_o own_o hand_n these_o memorial_n follow_v 1._o about_o the_o year_n 1671._o have_v read_v jehosephats_n life_n i_o be_v a_o little_a startle_v and_o grow_v melancholic_a that_o be_v the_o first_o time_n i_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o pray_v and_o desire_v another_o to_o join_v with_o i_o in_o it_o but_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o he_o can_v not_o pray_v without_o help_n of_o some_o form_n no_o more_o i_o say_v can_v i_o but_o use_v a_o form_n in_o a_o spell_a book_n which_o i_o pray_v often_o but_o very_o negligent_o then_o go_v to_o epson_n where_o i_o have_v a_o good_a master_n who_o pray_v morning_n and_o evening_n with_o his_o family_n and_o religious_o instruct_v we_o which_o do_v bring_v i_o to_o pray_v without_o a_o form_n yet_o can_v not_o dâ—_n it_o with_o seriousness_n though_o i_o be_v exhort_v to_o it_o both_o by_o my_o master_n and_o by_o 〈◊〉_d minister_n that_o come_v oft_o thither_o 〈◊〉_d this_o place_n i_o begin_v to_o be_v willing_a to_o heaâ—_n the_o word_n though_o i_o little_a mindeâ—_n what_o i_o hear_v till_o i_o read_v the_o pilgrim_n progress_n which_o make_v i_o again_o grow_v melancholic_a the_o former_a be_v wear_v off_o to_o the_o observation_n of_o other_o then_o the_o good_a providence_n of_o god_n bring_v to_o my_o hand_n mr._n baxter_n call_v
to_o take_v he_o than_o be_v my_o thought_n fix_v upon_o christ_n though_o they_o have_v be_v wander_v two_o day_n before_o and_o i_o have_v lose_v my_o belove_a yet_o nothing_o can_v give_v i_o peace_n till_o i_o here_o find_v he_o and_o sweet_a communion_n with_o he_o wherein_o i_o hear_v he_o say_v to_o my_o soul_n thy_o sin_n small_a and_o great_a be_v pardon_v and_o thy_o pardon_n be_v seal_v i_o see_v as_o it_o be_v his_o precious_a blood_n spurt_v out_o of_o his_o side_n into_o my_o heart_n oh_o my_o soul_n ever_o for_o ever_o love_v this_o lovely_a lord_n admire_v and_o adore_v he_o who_o have_v seal_v thy_o pardon_n never_o sin_n more_o but_o walk_v suitable_o to_o all_o this_o etc._n etc._n the_o four_o sacrament_n be_v november_n 6._o 1681_o whereof_o he_o say_v thus_o i_o have_v long_v for_o this_o ordinance_n because_o i_o have_v more_o than_o ordinary_a sin_n such_o as_o pride_n that_o i_o have_v long_o groan_v under_o which_o make_v i_o long_o for_o the_o sprinkle_n of_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n blood_n to_o wash_v they_o away_o i_o be_v also_o pester_v with_o passion_n as_o well_o as_o pride_n with_o unbelief_n with_o wander_a thought_n and_o some_o time_n with_o blasphemy_n o_o curse_a curse_a sin_n and_o o_o wicked_a wicked_a heart_n once_o to_o think_v whether_o god_n be_v or_o no_o when_o thou_o have_v have_v such_o clear_a evidence_n of_o a_o deity_n these_o be_v my_o five_o deadly_a odious_a sin_n which_o i_o beg_v may_v be_v purge_v from_o i_o o_o that_o i_o may_v never_o see_v nor_o feel_v they_o more_o at_o this_o ordinance_n i_o find_v relief_n and_o feel_v the_o wine_n fall_v down_o low_o and_o low_o i_o desire_v it_o may_v carry_v of_o all_o my_o filth_n so_o as_o to_o leave_v none_o remain_v and_o there_o do_v i_o resolve_v through_o grace_n to_o leave_v those_o five_o sin_n and_o never_o have_v any_o thing_n to_o do_v with_o they_o etc._n etc._n the_o five_o sacrament_n be_v december_n 4._o 1681._o wherein_n say_v he_o i_o do_v again_o lay_v my_o sin_n before_o the_o lord_n fear_v their_o return_n upon_o i_o do_v desire_v a_o meek_a and_o humble_a heart_n against_o my_o pride_n and_o passion_n i_o do_v again_o resign_v myself_o to_o god_n have_v break_v covenant_n with_o he_o and_o beg_v with_o the_o syrophaenician_a woman_n to_o touch_v the_o hem_o of_o christ_n garment_n that_o i_o may_v be_v cleanse_v from_o my_o issue_n of_o sin_n but_o can_v not_o at_o that_o instant_n get_v so_o nigh_o he_o but_o afterward_o have_v i_o a_o clear_a representation_n of_o christ_n suffering_n in_o the_o garden_n where_o he_o bear_v the_o wrath_n of_o god_n sweat_a drop_n of_o blood_n through_o his_o clothes_n in_o a_o cold_a season_n so_o that_o he_o come_v as_o from_o bozra_n with_o die_v garment_n than_o i_o see_v the_o crown_n of_o thorn_n upon_o his_o head_n and_o his_o head_n beat_v with_o the_o soldier_n iron-glove_n which_o make_v the_o thorn_n wound_v his_o holy_a head_n in_o 72._o place_n so_o that_o the_o blood_n run_v down_o upon_o his_o body_n i_o see_v also_o the_o heavy_a weight_n of_o the_o cross_n lay_v upon_o he_o and_o how_o he_o be_v spit_v upon_o revile_v and_o deride_v this_o bless_a sight_n prevent_v wander_v thought_n till_o the_o last_o prayer_n though_o i_o do_v not_o deserve_v the_o least_o crumb_n of_o comfort_n for_o unpreparedness_n to_o so_o great_a a_o work_n which_o have_v god_n deal_v out_o my_o desert_n will_v have_v be_v no_o less_o than_o hell_n etc._n etc._n the_o six_o sacrament_n he_o do_v partake_v of_o be_v january_n the_o first_o 1681_o 2._o upon_o which_o he_o make_v these_o remark_n i_o have_v be_v some_o day_n before_o more_o than_o ordinary_a in_o my_o preparation_n and_o prayer_n for_o a_o profitable_a receive_n and_o when_o i_o come_v to_o it_o i_o be_v sore_o afraid_a that_o i_o shall_v lay_v stress_n upon_o preparatory_a act_n therefore_o beg_v i_o of_o god_n that_o he_o will_v not_o deal_v with_o i_o according_o i_o labour_v to_o act_v my_o requisite_a grace_n as_o 1._o repentance_n lay_v open_a before_o the_o lord_n all_o my_o old_a year_n sin_n to_o that_o new-year_n day_n and_o labour_v to_o mourn_v for_o they_o more_o than_o former_o especial_o for_o my_o deadly_a deadly_a sin_n spiritual_a pride_n passionateness_n wander_v thought_n in_o holy_a duty_n unbeleif_n worldliness_n etc._n etc._n and_o i_o hope_v god_n give_v there_o both_o pardon_n of_o they_o and_o power_n against_o they_o 2._o my_o thankfulness_n i_o actuate_v as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v for_o so_o rich_a a_o mercy_n beg_v for_o it_o both_o hard_a and_o always_o 3._o my_o love_n though_o i_o have_v much_o too_o little_a experience_v the_o sweet_a kiss_n of_o christ_n mouth_n and_o embrace_n of_o his_o love_n i_o see_v christ_n on_o the_o cross_n embrace_v i_o as_o well_o as_o i_o he_o and_o say_v to_o god_n i_o have_v pay_v a_o ransom_n for_o he_o this_o man_n be_v he_o etc._n etc._n this_o be_v so_o sweet_a that_o i_o can_v embrace_v the_o stake_n or_o even_o go_v into_o hell_n so_o i_o may_v thus_o enjoy_v he_o who_o my_o soul_n love_v and_o when_o i_o hear_v the_o minister_n say_v mourn_v for_o your_o sin_n that_o murder_v your_o lord_n i_o answer_v within_o myself_o how_o can_v the_o child_n of_o the_o bride_n mourn_v while_o the_o bridegroom_n be_v with_o they_o twice_o do_v wander_v thought_n offer_v themselves_o but_o be_v by_o grace_n suppress_v at_o the_o first_o rise_n have_v now_o oblige_v my_o understanding_n will_n memory_n affection_n conscience_n yea_o all_o to_o attend_v god_n service_n while_o thus_o fill_v with_o this_o enjoyment_n i_o long_v to_o be_v in_o heaven_n and_o desire_v that_o welcome_a welcome_o friend_n death_n that_o i_o may_v sing_v with_o the_o holy_a saint_n and_o angel_n hallelujah_n to_o to_o the_o lord_n then_o say_v i_o o_o my_o soul_n let_v nothing_o draw_v thy_o love_n from_o thy_o lord_n for_o the_o world_n friend_n relation_n pleasure_n profit_n all_o thing_n put_v together_o can_v never_o give_v such_o joy_n to_o thou_o as_o thou_o have_v find_v from_o lovely_a lovely_a jesus_n in_o this_o bless_a ordinance_n therefore_o lay_v not_o out_o thy_o love_n upon_o any_o thing_n beside_o he_o who_o have_v do_v and_o be_v do_v great_a thing_n yea_o and_o will_v do_v great_a for_o thou_o such_o be_v my_o warm_n warm_a love_n at_o this_o supper_n the_o seven_o sacrament_n be_v february_n the_o 3._o 1681_o 2._o upon_o which_o he_o remark_n thus_o when_o i_o find_v my_o heart_n not_o full_o fix_v by_o my_o new_a year_n day_n sacrament_n but_o notwithstanding_o all_o my_o strive_v i_o be_v yet_o trouble_v with_o distraction_n in_o duty_n i_o long_v for_o this_o ordinance_n very_o much_o and_o think_v it_o long_o till_o it_o come_v that_o account_n may_v be_v make_v even_o between_o god_n and_o my_o poor_a soul_n i_o be_v dull_a for_o 2._o or_o 3._o duty_n before_o and_o can_v not_o get_v my_o heart_n raise_v whereby_o i_o see_v that_o i_o deserve_v nothing_o though_o wander_v thought_n press_v upon_o i_o yet_o be_v they_o cut_v short_a 2_o or_o 3_o time_n &_o i_o find_v relief_n from_o those_o sin_n i_o have_v lay_v open_a before_o the_o lord_n in_o the_o forego_n sacrament_n i_o bewail_v my_o break_a covenant_n my_o distraction_n my_o deadness_n and_o coldness_n in_o duty_n etc._n etc._n and_o at_o this_o sacrament_n my_o dear_a redeemer_n meet_v i_o &_o say_v to_o i_o i_o have_v pardon_v those_o thy_o sin_n at_o thy_o request_n this_o much_o affect_a and_o inlve_v i_o in_o love_n to_o he_o see_v he_o then_o as_o it_o be_v come_v from_o heaven_n to_o the_o earth_n and_o from_o earth_n to_o the_o cross_n shed_v his_o precious_a blood_n for_o i_o and_o from_o the_o cross_n into_o glory_n and_o methinks_v christ_n say_v to_o i_o go_v sin_n these_o your_o sin_n no_o more_o which_o oblige_v i_o to_o a_o close_a walk_n and_o to_o be_v more_o watchful_a than_o before_o all_o this_o month_n the_o lord_n keep_v i_o from_o pride_n but_o alas_o my_o other_o sin_n return_v to_o foil_v i_o the_o eight_o sacrament_n be_v march_n 5._o 1681_o 2._o upon_o this_o he_o say_v thus_o i_o have_v more_o than_o ordinary_a communion_n with_o god_n before_o it_o and_o have_v not_o have_v a_o sweet_a season_n for_o a_o long_a time_n which_o make_v i_o long_o till_o it_o come_v in_o this_o ordinance_n i_o see_v my_o dear_a redeemer_n as_o it_o be_v dead_a with_o a_o company_n of_o holy_a angel_n hold_v of_o he_o and_o a_o great_a darkness_n over_o all_o the_o place_n this_o be_v grief_n to_o my_o soul_n but_o present_o he_o that_o be_v dead_a i_o see_v he_o alive_a again_o and_o come_v into_o the_o midst_n of_o we_o to_o see_v
what_o we_o come_v for_o i_o go_v to_o he_o and_o tell_v he_o methinks_v that_o my_o soul_n love_v he_o and_o i_o be_v come_v to_o meet_v he_o for_o strength_n against_o corruption_n and_o by_o his_o help_n i_o can_v forsake_v the_o world_n and_o sin_n which_o i_o hate_v to_o enjoy_v he_o etc._n etc._n then_o he_o tell_v i_o my_o pride_n shall_v not_o prevail_v against_o i_o this_o month_n nor_o my_o other_o sin_n but_o by_o own_o neglect_n this_o be_v sweet_a and_o refresh_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o this_o be_v the_o occasion_n of_o the_o devil_n great_a rage_n against_o i_o as_o appear_v by_o my_o diary_n march_v 14._o yet_o can_v he_o not_o prevail_v but_o christ_n keep_v his_o promise_n in_o keep_v i_o from_o pride_n etc._n etc._n oh_o what_o cause_n have_v i_o to_o love_v the_o lord_n jesus_n who_o i_o see_v here_o again_o come_v from_o heaven_n to_o earth_n to_o the_o cross_n to_o the_o grave_a and_o to_o heaven_n again_o and_o all_o this_o to_o save_v my_o soul_n here_o sin_n be_v make_v more_o odious_a christ_n more_o dear_a and_o here_o i_o renew_v my_o covenant_n with_o god_n etc._n etc._n the_o nine_o sacrament_n be_v april_n the_o second_o 1682._o upon_o which_o he_o say_v thus_o some_o time_n before_o this_o i_o be_v in_o a_o dull_a frame_n by_o the_o hurry_v of_o our_o trade_n at_o this_o time_n as_o may_v be_v see_v by_o my_o diary_n little_a life_n can_v i_o find_v till_o the_o noon_n before_o that_o day_n than_o have_v i_o the_o presence_n of_o my_o dear_a lord_n in_o a_o lively_a manner_n and_o measure_n after_o this_o wander_a thought_n dulness_n and_o coldness_n unsuitable_a to_o so_o sweet_a a_o supper_n seize_v upon_o i_o but_o by_o run_v over_o again_o the_o same_o circumstance_n of_o my_o saviour_n suffering_n especial_o his_o agony_n in_o the_o garden_n and_o all_o for_o such_o a_o wretch_n as_o i_o i_o find_v relief_n get_v hatred_n of_o my_o sin_n beg_v pardon_n of_o they_o and_o not_o only_o so_o but_o get_v power_n against_o they_o yet_o wander_a thought_n 4_o or_o 5_o time_n do_v trouble_v i_o but_o by_o christ_n strengthen_v i_o i_o overcome_v they_o and_o hope_v to_o have_v my_o pardon_n seal_v and_o to_o have_v power_n for_o the_o future_a for_o watch_v better_a against_o they_o and_o against_o my_o deadness_n and_o break_v my_o covenant_n etc._n etc._n which_o make_v i_o long_o to_o quit_v the_o world_n whereupon_o it_o be_v answer_v i_o i_o shall_v short_o be_v free_v from_o all_o sin_n yet_o in_o this_o sacrament_n i_o have_v the_o least_o communion_n with_o god_n than_o in_o any_o before_o but_o still_o much_o more_o infinite_o more_o than_o i_o deserve_v who_o sure_a i_o be_o deserve_v not_o the_o least_o mercy_n the_o ten_o sacrament_n be_v may_n 7._o 1682._o upon_o which_o he_o write_v thus_o i_o have_v not_o long_a desire_n after_o this_o bless_a ordinance_n have_v lose_v much_o of_o my_o life_n i_o have_v in_o duty_n before_o through_o much_o hurry_v of_o our_o worldly_a affair_n this_o morning_n i_o wrestle_v with_o god_n but_o have_v not_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n which_o make_v i_o think_v of_o not_o go_v yet_o consider_v that_o be_v not_o the_o way_n to_o be_v better_a i_o venture_v but_o find_v no_o life_n at_o first_o yet_o a_o little_a after_o i_o feel_v some_o reach_v after_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n this_o make_v i_o resolve_v to_o walk_v more_o close_o for_o the_o future_a after_o this_o it_o please_v god_n to_o come_v in_o out_o of_o his_o free_a love_n and_o to_o give_v i_o a_o clear_a sight_n of_o my_o sweet_a saviour_n go_v to_o his_o cross_n and_o i_o follow_v he_o and_o lay_v myself_o down_o at_o his_o foot_n when_o i_o can_v do_v nothing_o then_o have_v i_o plain_a vision_n of_o my_o lovely_a lord_n ascension_n and_o his_o angel_n look_v upon_o he_o whereat_o i_o find_v much_o go_n out_o of_o my_o soul_n after_o he_o yet_o wander_v thought_n do_v trouble_v i_o for_o i_o have_v not_o bring_v my_o break_a covenant_n my_o dulness_n and_o deadness_n before_o the_o lord_n so_o as_o to_o be_v deep_o humble_v for_o they_o the_o eleven_o sacrament_n be_v june_n 4_o 1682._o upon_o which_o he_o he_o remark_n thus_o i_o have_v no_o time_n be_v very_o bad_a in_o my_o preparation_n for_o this_o bless_a sacrament_n so_o doubt_v whether_o i_o shall_v go_v to_o it_o but_o fear_v it_o may_v be_v the_o last_o i_o shall_v enjoy_v in_o peace_n i_o then_o go_v yet_o it_o prove_v the_o worst_a i_o ever_o yet_o have_v i_o hardly_o feel_v any_o moving_n of_o affection_n only_o a_o little_a mourning_n for_o my_o breach_n of_o covenant_n my_o coldness_n and_o deadness_n etc._n etc._n have_v a_o little_a sight_n of_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n but_o o_o my_o misery_n for_o not_o keep_v my_o engagement_n make_v in_o the_o forego_n ordinance_n whereby_o i_o fear_v the_o holy_a spirit_n be_v grieve_v and_o sin_v away_o o_o sad_a sad_a lamentable_a deplorable_a be_v my_o state_n when_o i_o have_v sin_v my_o god_n from_o i_o my_o condition_n be_v wretched_a now_o and_o without_o more_o care_n it_o may_v yet_o be_v much_o worse_o the_o twelve_o sacrament_n be_v on_o july_n second_o 1682._o whereupon_o he_o note_v thus_o i_o be_v but_o little_a in_o preparation_n in_o order_n to_o my_o participation_n of_o this_o holy_a ordinance_n yet_o much_o more_o than_o on_o the_o last_o on_o friday_n morning_n before_o i_o have_v much_o of_o god_n presence_n but_o because_o i_o have_v not_o take_v a_o catalogue_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o have_v break_v my_o vow_n with_o god_n it_o be_v just_a with_o he_o to_o hide_v his_o face_n from_o i_o and_z o_o my_o deadly_a sin_n get_v again_o too_o much_o advantage_n against_o i_o yet_o praise_v be_v the_o free_a grace_n of_o my_o god_n i_o have_v his_o presence_n in_o this_o ordinance_n and_o see_v my_o dear_a redeemer_n go_v along_o bear_v his_o heavy_a cross_n and_o his_o suffer_v thereupon_o and_o when_o his_o side_n be_v pierce_v methinks_v i_o stand_v under_o and_o his_o precious_a blood_n do_v drop_v down_o upon_o i_o but_o still_o i_o be_v too_o little_o grieve_v for_o sin_n and_o have_v 3._o time_n wander_n which_o through_o grace_n pass_v away_o as_o the_o wine_n go_v down_o i_o desire_v my_o sin_n may_v be_v purge_v away_o and_o renew_v my_o resolve_n of_o walk_v better_o both_o before_o and_o in_o this_o sacrament_n design_v to_o shelter_v my_o soul_n in_o the_o hole_n of_o his_o bless_a side_n that_o be_v pierce_v as_o the_o dove_n do_v in_o the_o hole_n of_o the_o rock_n the_o thirteen_o sacrament_n be_v august_n 6._o 1682._o on_o which_o he_o record_v thus_o the_o hurry_v of_o the_o world_n have_v make_v menegligent_a before_o it_o yet_o do_v i_o try_v myself_o by_o my_o catalogue_n of_o sin_n draw_v up_o in_o february_n before_o such_o as_o pride_n whereof_o i_o have_v a_o great_a deal_n breach_n of_o covenant_n whereof_o i_o be_v great_o guilty_a wander_n dullness_n in_o duty_n etc._n etc._n and_o then_o another_o great_a one_o the_o neglect_n of_o self_n trial_n after_o my_o vow_n &_o renew_a covenant_n to_o do_v it_o after_o sacrament_n wherein_o i_o have_v find_v much_o sweetness_n i_o can_v not_o still_o call_v myself_o to_o a_o strict_a account_n nor_o actuate_v my_o repentance_n as_o become_v a_o worthy_a receiver_n though_o my_o sin_n be_v many_o and_o great_a at_o my_o first_o sit_v down_o i_o have_v but_o little_a sense_n of_o sin_n but_o after_o god_n show_v i_o something_o of_o himself_o than_o have_v i_o some_o sorrow_n of_o soul_n and_o something_o of_o my_o dear_a lord_n but_o once_o god_n seem_v to_o come_v out_o in_o fury_n towards_o i_o yet_o methinks_v i_o see_v my_o dear_a redeemer_n stop_v it_o here_o again_o i_o lay_v under_o the_o cross_n to_o be_v wash_v from_o my_o sin_n and_o do_v see_v as_o before_o christ_n come_v from_o heaven_n to_o earth_n to_o hiâ—_n cross_n and_o to_o his_o grave_a and_o from_o thence_o into_o glory_n this_o i_o view_v with_o a_o little_a oh_o too_o little_a life_n than_o the_o devil_n tempt_v i_o to_o make_v no_o new_a engagement_n of_o reformation_n but_o the_o lord_n help_v i_o and_o i_o hearken_v not_o to_o the_o tempter_n about_o 4._o time_n wander_n come_v but_o through_o grace_n they_o continue_v not_o yet_o have_v i_o small_a act_n of_o love_n and_o out-going_n of_o soul_n after_o my_o god_n and_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n the_o fourteen_o sacrament_n be_v september_n 3._o 1682._o on_o which_o he_o observe_v thus_o i_o have_v but_o little_a of_o god_n some_o time_n before_o this_o till_o saturday_n night_n though_o i_o have_v be_v much_o in_o preparation_n yet_o my_o god_n come_v not_o in_o till_o then_o and_o indeed_o i_o
to_o the_o unconvert_v which_o through_o grace_n show_v i_o the_o necessity_n of_o my_o conversion_n yet_o all_o this_o time_n never_o consult_v with_o any_o man_n about_o my_o sin_n but_o only_o confess_v they_o to_o god_n till_o i_o meet_v with_o mr._n hooker_n soul_n preparation_n for_o christ_n which_o convince_v i_o to_o advise_v with_o some_o godly_a minister_n hereupon_o i_o do_v address_v to_o one_o though_o a_o stranger_n to_o he_o say_v sir_n i_o can_v i_o dare_v not_o any_o long_o refrain_v have_v ask_v myself_o what_o fitness_n i_o have_v to_o die_v be_v answer_v i_o be_v unfit_a till_o i_o have_v ease_v my_o heart_n to_o you_o as_o follow_v 1._o when_o i_o be_v 7._o year_n old_a i_o tear_v my_o bible_n and_o cast_v away_o my_o catechism_n 2._o i_o have_v break_v the_o sabbath_n by_o ramble_v abroad_o play_v at_o farthing_n with_o naughty_a boy_n and_o wash_v myself_o in_o the_o field_n when_o i_o shall_v have_v be_v at_o the_o church_n etc._n etc._n 3._o by_o excuse_v my_o sin_n with_o a_o lie_n so_o add_v one_o sin_n to_o another_o for_o cover_v it_o 4._o nor_o have_v i_o be_v free_a from_o youthful_a lust_n which_o young_a timothy_n be_v bid_v to_o flee_v but_o my_o corrupt_a heart_n have_v have_v working_n after_o the_o act_n several_a time_n yet_o have_v be_v wonderful_o prevent_v by_o the_o advice_n of_o my_o godly_a sister_n who_o lay_v before_o i_o christ_n word_n mat._n 5.28_o whoever_o look_v on_o a_o woman_n to_o lust_n after_o she_o etc._n etc._n however_o i_o be_o guilty_a of_o heart-adultry_n yea_o 5._o i_o have_v err_v and_o laugh_v when_o i_o have_v hear_v the_o word_n preach_v with_o power_n etc._n etc._n hereupon_o the_o good_a minister_n give_v i_o grave_a council_n and_o comfort_n suitable_a to_o my_o penitent_a case_n and_o condition_n yet_o notwithstane_v all_o this_o i_o be_v not_o effectual_o call_v nor_o thorough_o convert_v and_o make_v a_o new_a creature_n until_o afterward_o i_o hear_v that_o sermon_n upon_o mat._n 5.25_o 26._o as_o the_o account_n above_o mention_v specifi_v but_o alas_o in_o my_o apprenticeship_n through_o the_o hurry_v of_o the_o world_n in_o our_o way_n of_o trade_v especial_o in_o may_n and_o june_n etc._n etc._n i_o become_v negligent_a of_o my_o close_a walk_v with_o god_n not_o mind_v as_o i_o may_v to_o continue_v in_o his_o love_n when_o god_n my_o adversary_n be_v reconcile_v to_o i_o i_o neglect_v daily_o self-examination_n or_o do_v it_o only_o to_o half_a part_n be_v dull_a and_o sleepy_a through_o weariness_n with_o worldly_a work_n at_o night_n than_o my_o old_a corruption_n get_v head_n again_o upon_o i_o i_o break_v my_o covenant_n make_v at_o the_o agreement_n with_o my_o adversary_n and_o i_o apostatise_v from_o these_o sweet_a thought_n i_o former_o have_v upon_o my_o god_n and_o dear_a redeemer_n for_o which_o have_v he_o not_o be_v gracious_a i_o have_v be_v damn_v and_o rot_v in_o hell_n for_o ever_o this_o consideration_n make_v i_o exclaim_v against_o myself_o say_v o_o silly_a soul_n to_o heed_n a_o perish_a die_a world_n before_o heaven_n such_o sadness_n and_o darkness_n seize_v on_o i_o at_o this_o time_n when_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n i_o find_v have_v be_v the_o substance_n of_o my_o thought_n and_o discourse_n that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v nor_o whither_o to_o go_v at_o last_o i_o turn_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o beg_v of_o he_o that_o he_o will_v not_o take_v the_o forfeiture_n nor_o suffer_v i_o to_o run_v this_o ready_a way_n to_o utter_v destruction_n i_o cry_v lord_n it_o be_v just_a with_o thou_o to_o hurl_v mein_fw-ge to_o hell_n and_o into_o the_o hot_a place_n thereof_o and_o never_o wait_v long_o upon_o such_o a_o cumber-ground_n as_o i_o be_o but_o to_o thou_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n do_v i_o run_v for_o refuge_n as_o one_o that_o be_o hungry_a and_o hardly_o bestead_v poor_a blind_a naked_a wretched_a and_o miserable_a a_o loathsome_a wretch_n unworthy_a to_o be_v call_v a_o servant_n much_o less_o a_o son_n have_v so_o wicked_o depart_v from_o my_o god_n yet_o through_o thou_o will_v i_o venture_v again_o to_o my_o god_n and_o by_o thy_o strength_n i_o will_v better_o mind_v my_o future_a walking_n o_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n i_o die_v without_o thou_o o_o come_v in_o once_o again_o and_o let_v i_o feel_v once_o more_o what_o it_o be_v to_o have_v christ_n dwell_v in_o my_o soul_n o_o find_v a_o time_n of_o love_n wherein_o to_o disperse_v those_o dark_a cloud_n and_o shine_v upon_o my_o dead_a and_o darken_v soul_n o_o have_v my_o night_n no_o day_n it_o be_v a_o hell_n to_o i_o to_o be_v thrust_v away_o from_o god_n i_o know_v the_o cause_n be_v all_o at_o home_n my_o sin_n my_o sin_n o_o let_v it_o be_v do_v away_o then_o shall_v i_o recover_v the_o light_n of_o thy_o countenance_n as_o former_o and_o in_o so_o do_v i_o do_v engage_v to_o amend_v my_o manner_n depend_v on_o thy_o help_n my_o hand_n be_v witness_n john_n draper_n now_o to_o bind_v his_o soul_n and_o slippery_a heart_n to_o god_n the_o better_a in_o observe_v this_o new_a engagement_n he_o write_v down_o many_o profitable_a rule_n in_o his_o pocket_n book_n as_o 1._o in_o a_o day_n of_o humiliation_n i_o must_v lay_v all_o my_o sin_n before_o the_o lord_n and_o resolve_n to_o forsake_v they_o 2._o i_o must_v look_v upon_o my_o sin_n of_o passion_n as_o a_o fever_n in_o my_o mind_n of_o lust_n as_o fire_n in_o my_o bone_n of_o pride_n as_o a_o fatal_a tympany_n in_o my_o soul_n of_o covetousness_n as_o a_o insatiable_a and_o unsufferable_a thirst_n and_o the_o sin_n of_o envy_n or_o malice_n as_o rank_a poison_n in_o the_o heart_n 3._o if_o i_o will_v run_v so_o as_o to_o obtain_v i_o must_v cast_v off_o all_o those_o weight_n or_o sin_n that_o do_v so_o easy_o beset_v i_o 4._o i_o must_v resolve_v to_o begin_v betimes_o the_o run_v of_o this_o race_n 5._o nor_o must_v i_o loiter_v in_o the_o way_n 6._o nor_o must_v i_o cumber_v myself_o with_o the_o needless_a encumbrance_n of_o the_o world_n 7._o i_o must_v look_v to_o every_o part_n of_o my_o way_n with_o equal_a care_n and_o observation_n 8._o nor_o must_v i_o ever_o think_v i_o have_v go_v far_o enough_o till_o i_o have_v obtain_v the_o prize_n 9_o and_o the_o further_o i_o have_v run_v in_o this_o race_n the_o more_o eager_a shall_v be_v to_o obtain_v the_o end_n 10._o i_o must_v always_o think_v that_o i_o be_o upon_o the_o brink_n of_o eternity_n and_o therefore_o shall_v give_v all_o diligence_n to_o make_v my_o call_n and_o election_n sure_a work_v out_o my_o salvation_n and_o make_v sure_a work_n for_o a_o better_a world_n before_o i_o go_v hence_o to_o be_v see_v no_o more_o 11._o i_o must_v ever_o come_v to_o god_n as_o to_o a_o soul-pittying_a a_o sin-pardoning_a and_o a_o prayer-hearing_a god_n 12._o i_o must_v be_v fervent_a in_o prayer_n yet_o submit_v to_o god_n soveraignâ—y_n 13._o occasion_n of_o be_v too_o â—ong_o alone_a be_v to_o be_v avoid_v so_o â—s_v strong_a drink_n and_o too_o full_a a_o diet_n 14._o i_o must_v be_v think_v oft_o death_n judgement_n hell_n and_o heaâ—en_n those_o four_o last_o thing_n 15._o i_o must_v not_o stretch_v my_o christian_a liberty_n too_o far_o for_o he_o that_o dare_v go_v so_o far_o as_o he_o think_v he_o may_v go_v sometime_o far_o than_o he_o shall_v etc._n etc._n 16._o i_o must_v bridle_v my_o tongue_n and_o not_o be_v too_o apt_a to_o speak_v of_o thing_n whereof_o i_o be_o not_o certain_a and_o much_o more_o to_o the_o same_o purpose_n both_o for_o particular_a and_o general_a instruction_n too_o long_o to_o insert_v here_o this_o holy_a youngman_n put_v down_o in_o his_o pocket_n book_n also_o how_o he_o have_v be_v exercise_v with_o temptation_n to_o sin_n as_o to_o theft_n adultery_n play_v at_o card_n and_o profane_v the_o sabbath_n etc._n etc._n as_o also_o with_o trial_n to_o prevent_v temptation_n instance_v that_o in_o a_o lash_n upon_o his_o eye_n with_o a_o coach-whip_n whereby_o the_o lord_n heal_v he_o of_o high_a lustful_a eye_n which_o have_v be_v too_o full_a of_o adultery_n 2._o pet._n 2.14_o chap._n iu._n now_o come_v we_o to_o the_o three_o head_n his_o examination_n of_o himself_o in_o the_o working_n of_o his_o heart_n relate_v to_o his_o communion_n with_o god_n it_o be_v not_o enough_o to_o this_o good_a soul_n to_o examine_v himself_o only_a when_o he_o be_v approach_v to_o the_o lord_n table_n on_o the_o lord_n day_n as_o be_v before_o specify_v but_o he_o look_v upon_o it_o as_o his_o duty_n to_o do_v it_o every_o day_n both_o every_o sabbath-day_n when_o there_o be_v no_o sacrament_n and_o every_o week_n day_n also_o make_v it_o his_o continual_a daily_a
be_v impossible_a for_o nature_n to_o endure_v without_o murmur_a the_o loss_n of_o such_o a_o mercy_n as_o health_n but_o grace_n can_v weigh_v these_o consideration_n first_o consider_v who_o be_v the_o author_n of_o your_o affliction_n it_o spring_v not_o out_o of_o die_v dust_n nor_o come_v by_o chance_n but_o it_o be_v my_o father_n hand_n that_o appoint_v the_o time_n place_n measure_n and_o manner_n so_o must_v not_o murmur_v second_o consider_v though_o you_o be_v a_o son_n of_o god_n yet_o your_o sin_n have_v deserve_v hell_n and_o thither_o have_v you_o be_v cast_v have_v not_o your_o dear_a redeemer_n die_v for_o you_o but_o see_v you_o be_v deliver_v from_o wrath_n to_o come_v and_o this_o be_v all_o your_o hell_n you_o be_v like_a to_o have_v to_o wit_n this_o present_a chastisement_n therefore_o you_o may_v not_o murmur_v etc._n etc._n three_o consider_v god_n never_o afflict_v willing_o but_o when_o need_n be_v and_o for_o gracious_a end_n to_o subdue_v sin_n and_o to_o strengthen_v grace_n to_o wean_v from_o the_o world_n and_o to_o make_v heaven_n more_o desirable_a etc._n etc._n his_o bowel_n still_o yearn_v while_o his_o rod_n be_v on_o our_o back_n if_o this_o be_v so_o shall_v you_o not_o be_v patient_a four_o meditate_v much_o on_o the_o joy_n of_o heaven_n and_o the_o happy_a rest_n there_o prepare_v for_o you_o which_o transcend_v our_o apprehension_n while_o we_o tabernacle_n in_o house_n of_o clay_n o_o the_o river_n of_o pleasure_n the_o mansion_n of_o bliss_n the_o region_n of_o happiness_n the_o crown_n of_o life_n the_o sceptre_n of_o power_n the_o robe_n of_o glory_n and_o the_o throne_n of_o honour_n that_o be_v there_o prepare_v for_o the_o lamb_n follower_n no_o sin_v be_v there_o to_o provoke_v god_n no_o suffering_n to_o molest_v we_o no_o weep_a eye_n sigh_v breast_n or_o complain_v tongue_n be_v find_v there_o no_o cry_v there_o o_o my_o head_n my_o head_n and_z o_o my_o bowel_n be_v pain_v etc._n etc._n but_o all_o rest_n in_o the_o arm_n of_o love_n and_o in_o the_o bosom_n of_o christ_n o_o happy_a soul_n that_o be_v now_o get_v thither_o and_o since_o you_o will_v short_o be_v there_o shall_v you_o not_o be_v submissive_a to_o and_o rejoice_v in_o the_o will_n of_o god_n that_o he_o give_v you_o both_o a_o happy_a and_o a_o comfortable_a departure_n out_o of_o time_n into_o eternity_n be_v the_o prayer_n of_o etc._n etc._n the_o last_o character_n be_v that_o of_o my_o own_o from_o my_o own_o personal_a knowledge_n of_o he_o which_o though_o it_o be_v not_o so_o much_o as_o be_v that_o of_o many_o other_o who_o be_v more_o conversant_a with_o he_o yet_o be_v enough_o to_o give_v i_o a_o prospect_n of_o his_o almost_o unparalleled_a piety_n i_o never_o converse_v with_o a_o more_o mortify_v youngman_n from_o youthful_a vanity_n so_o serious_a in_o his_o deportment_n so_o savoury_a in_o his_o discourse_n with_o so_o grave_a a_o aspect_n and_o and_o so_o compose_v a_o countenance_n as_o i_o seldom_o law_n in_o this_o our_o english_a israel_n he_o have_v so_o faithful_o follow_v these_o follow_a rule_n first_o let_v not_o god_n find_v i_o in_o my_o bed_n when_o he_o look_v for_o i_o on_o my_o knee_n second_o nor_o wander_v thought_n eat_v out_o the_o life_n of_o my_o duty_n three_o nor_o be_v slight_a in_o read_v god_n word_n or_o hear_v it_o preach_v which_o i_o shall_v digest_v in_o my_o heart_n and_o repeat_v in_o my_o life_n four_o i_o must_v redeem_v time_n five_o deny_v myself_o six_o do_v more_o than_o other_o seven_o be_v careful_a of_o my_o company_n eighth_n leave_v the_o savour_n of_o grace_n behind_o i_o in_o all_o company_n nine_o be_v holy_a in_o all_o my_o relation_n as_o a_o servant_n etc._n etc._n ten_o no_o sin_n must_v sit_v light_n eleven_o nor_o may_v i_o live_v in_o that_o which_o i_o know_v or_o fear_v to_o be_v a_o sin_n twelve_o it_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o mourn_v for_o sin_n my_o own_o and_o other_o thirteen_o to_o be_v much_o in_o holy_a ejaculation_n have_v god_n oft_o in_o my_o mind_n and_o heaven_n oft_o in_o my_o sight_n fourteen_o to_o be_v oft_o look_v into_o my_o own_o heart_n fifteen_o to_o resist_v the_o first_o rise_n of_o sin_n sixteenth_o to_o bridle_v my_o tongue_n seventeen_o to_o feed_v in_o god_n fear_n at_o my_o meal_n time_n eighteen_o to_o do_v all_o my_o secular_a and_o sacred_a affair_n for_o god_n glory_n the_o good_a of_o other_o as_o well_o as_o myself_o etc._n etc._n that_o he_o familliarize_v his_o soul_n with_o these_o and_o the_o like_a help_n and_o due_o and_o daily_o weigh_v himself_o in_o the_o balance_n of_o the_o sanctuary_n soon_o become_v a_o none_o such_o in_o christian_a attainment_n so_o that_o the_o way_n of_o this_o godly-wise_a youngman_n be_v above_o as_o prov._n 15.24_o raise_v the_o foot_n of_o his_o soul_n to_o walk_v in_o a_o high_a region_n and_o above_o the_o head_n of_o most_o other_o youngman_n sure_o i_o be_o his_o conversasion_n be_v in_o heaven_n as_o phil._n 3.20_o while_o his_o commoration_n be_v on_o earth_n the_o rabbin_n say_v that_o cain_n sin_n be_v not_o divide_v aright_o for_o god_n for_o which_o fault_n they_o suppose_v god_n bring_v that_o brand_n of_o go_v about_o eversigh_v and_o tremble_v etc._n etc._n but_o i_o may_v without_o vanity_n affirm_v that_o if_o any_o young_a man_n learned_a to_o divide_v aright_o betwixt_o his_o general_n and_o particular_a call_n this_o holy_a youngman_n do_v who_o seldom_o or_o never_o will_v suffer_v they_o to_o justle_v out_o one_o the_o other_o as_o he_o will_v not_o give_v his_o masters-time_n to_o god_n worship_n so_o nor_o god_n time_n to_o his_o master_n service_n i_o wish_v all_o apprentice_n will_v learn_v to_o write_v after_o so_o fair_a a_o copy_n and_o to_o dress_v themselves_o by_o so_o lovely_a a_o looking-glass_n i_o know_v also_o how_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n rest_v upon_o he_o in_o most_o eminent_a act_n and_o emanation_n and_o i_o stand_v admire_v not_o only_o at_o his_o most_o evangelical_n experience_n exercise_n examination_n and_o evidence_n above_o mention_v but_o also_o at_o his_o most_o sensible_a and_o savoury_a letter_n not_o only_o write_v with_o his_o own_o mortal_a hand_n but_o with_o a_o most_o gracious_a heart_n in_o one_o of_o which_o i_o find_v how_o he_o oblige_v his_o correspondent_a a_o godly_a young_a man_n to_o holiness_n with_o these_o argument_n first_o we_o have_v covenant_v not_o to_o allow_v ourselves_o in_o any_o know_a sin_n but_o to_o use_v all_o mean_n for_o the_o death_n and_o destruction_n thereof_o second_o to_o forsake_v all_o that_o be_v dear_a to_o we_o in_o this_o world_n rather_o than_o forsake_v god_n and_o his_o gospel_n three_o to_o watch_v over_o our_o own_o heart_n against_o the_o temptation_n both_o of_o prosperity_n and_o adversity_n lest_o we_o be_v draw_v from_o god_n four_o to_o take_v the_o law_n of_o god_n for_o the_o rule_n of_o our_o thought_n word_n and_o action_n square_n our_o whole_a life_n thereby_o five_o to_o neglect_v nothing_o we_o know_v to_o be_v our_o duty_n six_o to_o resign_v up_o ourselves_o to_o god_n and_o avouch_v he_o for_o our_o lord_n seven_o to_o own_o jehovah_n as_o our_o portion_n promise_v to_o serve_v he_o all_o our_o day_n eight_o to_o improve_v christ_n as_o he_o be_v the_o new_a and_o live_a way_n for_o access_n to_o the_o father_n nine_o to_o be_v marry_v to_o christ_n accept_v he_o for_o our_o head_n and_o husband_n in_o all_o state_n and_o time_n take_v our_o lot_n as_o it_o fall_v though_o suffering_n and_o death_n do_v accrue_v we_o must_v renounce_v our_o own_o will_n and_o wisdom_n etc._n etc._n in_o another_o i_o find_v the_o saint_n pedigree_n first_o what_o christ_n be_v to_o we_o he_o be_v our_o lord_n 1._o cor._n 1_o 2._o our_o friend_n cant._n 5.16_o our_o flesh_n and_o blood_n heb._n 2.14_o our_o brother_n ver._n 17._o our_o father_n isa_n 63.16_o our_o husband_n rom._n 7.4_o what_o we_o be_v to_o christ_n his_o servant_n rom._n 6.22_o his_o friend_n john_n 15.14_o his_o kinsman_n mark_v 3.21.35_o his_o brethren_n john_n 7.3_o his_o son_n gal._n 3.26_o his_o spouse_n sister_n love_n and_o dove_n cant._n 4.9_o the_o church_n be_v one_o vine_n john_n 15._o 1._o one_o seed_n gal._n 3.16_o one_o temple_n eph._n 2.16_o one_o body_n rom._n 12.5_o one_o spirit_n 1._o cor._n 6.16_o and_o one_o christ_n 1._o cor._n 12.12_o and_o upon_o the_o survey_n of_o this_o pedigree_n he_o cry_v out_o lord_z what_o be_v man_n thou_o be_v thus_o mindful_a of_o he_o make_v he_o in_o some_o respect_n high_a than_o angel_n thou_o have_v crown_v he_o with_o glory_n and_o honour_n etc._n etc._n psal_n 8._o in_o another_o letter_n to_o his_o elder_a sister_n write_v about_o three_o a_o clock_n in_o