Feaver will soon abate Oh Madam cry'd I how can you be so Cruel You gave the Wound but Administer a contrary Cure Wrack me no longer thus with Doubts and Fears either retalliate me in the same Nature or pronounce my Doom for on your Lips my Fate depends Indeed Sir answer'd she that requires more Consideration than the time will admit of now Yet take this for your Satisfaction if your Character and Quality answers your Appearance and your Passion be real you need not dispond of the Entertainment of that Trifle you are pleased to Charge me withal but it shall find a Reception Suitable to its merits At which she Sigh'd and said our Company waited for us but in the Evening would take an Opportunity to discourse further of it Now Madam you have raised my drooping Spirits to an Extacy of joy answered I Pardon my Presumption and Abrupt proceeding I beseech you in taking this opportunity to reveal my Passion and impute it to nothing but Love Almighty Love for what will not a sinking Wretch catch hold on to save his Miserable Life At which we separated and joyn'd our Company who were preparing for an Antidote against Fasting which we had scarcely compleated but were call'd on to Board our Leathern-Conveniency and were pen'd up like the Beasts in the Ark but I took care to have my Mistress my Opposite and being settled Whip proceeded on his Journey and having a plentiful Mornings Draught Tickled his Cattel drove like Iehu and soon convey'd us to the Sign of Englands Champion at Cole-brook an Inn famous for an Hostess and Extravagant Bills for short Commons Having refresh'd our selves with a good Breakfast we re-enter'd our Coop and was but very indifferent Company for our Masculine Traveller the Married Lady and Mrs. Betty the Chamber-Maid had a Long Game at Noddy However it presented me with several Opportunities of Saluting my Widdow and Exercise abundance of Palm Letchery but being come to Reading we Din'd at the Canonical Nabb where our Landlord was as Remarkable for his Bulk as our late Hostess for her Tail formerly he was a profest Baptist but being chosen one of the Head Loobies of the Corporation he renounc'd his Religion Embrac'd the Faith and was Christned Lumpus his Corps is of the size of a Rhinoceros Measures full three Yards in the Waste and his Legs bigger about than the Piers of the Town Bridge the Doctor of the Parish hath excommunicated him from the Church because his Snoaring not only drowns his Voice but disturbs the whole Congregation Being depriv'd of the Church he then took to the Flesh and is reported to have overlaid three of his Servants Having now stock'd our selves with Substantial Belly-Timber and Liquor'd our Whistles we pursued our Journey and were more Sociable the Ladies oblig'd us with several Songs which they perform'd with an Excellent Voice and good Judgment But my Thoughts was chiefly Ruminating on the Fair Object before me and how to manage my Amour at Night every fresh Glance discovered concealed Beauties nor was she unsensible of my Anguish for her repeated Sighs betray'd her yielding Heart Oh what Coelestial Motion had her Eyes Her Panting Breasts how they did fall and rise Conspiring both to fall my Sacrifice And our Merchant took Notice of her Sighs and asked her the Reason she told him 't was only a Foolish Custome but I believe had he ask'd me I could have given him a better Account But come Fellow-Travellers said he will you please to take a Dram of Right Nants A good Cordial on the Road and will digest our Dinner I protest I forgot it in the Morning So we accepted of his kindness and drain'd his Bottle but promised to recruit it the first opportunity and to pass the time away we engag'd Mrs. Pert to sing a Song and our Merchant and I promis'd to tell a Story She pleaded she could not Sing but would oblige us in relating a very strange Accident lately discover'd which was as followeth About fifteen Year since There was a Noted Tradesman near Aldgate had two Children a Son and Daughter the Son was Aged about fifteen Years and the Daughter twelve he had a desire to put his Son Prentice to some good Trade in the City and gave him his choice but he was very much Averse to it his Inclinations being altogether for the Sea and nothing would serve him but a Tarpaulin Master At last his Father with much Regret Consented to it and put him to a Master of a Ship that was bound for a Trading Voyage up the Streights At which the Young Man was Extraordinary Glad took Leave of his Friends and went Aboard with great Joy but before three Months was Expir'd News arriv'd that they were taken by the Algerines from whom at that time there was no Redemption The News of which and a Considerable Loss the Old Man had lately Sustain'd by Fire not only Reduc'd his Condition to a mean Subsistance but broke his Heart nor did his Wife long Survive him and with the remains of their decay'd Fortune the Poor Orphan was put to a Sempstriss but before her time was Expir'd one of Exeter fell in Love with her Marryed her and took her with him to Exon unknown to her Friends or Acquaintance in a few Years after he left her a Widow no Children and but little to Trust to which to improve she set up her Trade and Maintain'd her self very Handsomely Living in good Credit but her Unhappy Brother who had the Misfortune to be a Slave was bought by one that Liv'd several Leagues up in the Country never having any Opportunity of sending to England his Friends dispair'd of ever seeing him again and gave him over for Lost. But see how Providence Order'd it his Master Dyed and by reason he had been a good Servant not only Bequeath'd him his Liberty but also a great Sum of Money to Maintain him and his Mistress who had often given him several Evident Testimonies of her Affections wou'd have Married him provided he would Renounce his Religion and Embrace the Mahometan which he deny'd to do but her Love was so Violent or rather Lust so Raging that it o'ver flow'd the Bounds of Modesty and by the Allurements of her Gold intic'd him to satisfie her Exorbitant Desires by which means he had gotten a very Considerable Estate But the Natural Inclination for his own Native Country and great Desire to see his Friends out-ballanc'd the Embraces of his Mistress whose Gold was more prevailing than her Charms and came the first Opportunity for England and in a short time Arriv'd at Plymouth the next day reach'd Exon and having present occasion for some Linnen he Accidentally goes into his Unknown Sisters Shop and furnish'd himself then posts for London where to his great Grief he found as I have already Related and by no means could get any Information of his Sister his long Absence not only bereav'd him of his Friends but
Charming Inchantress and I interchang'd so many learing Ogles that I could hardly mind our Discourse Yet I understood so much that she was a Widdow the other a Wife and both Sisters and also Strangers to the Place they were going to as well as I and had no other Call but Recreation But I was for fulfilling the Scriptures in comforting the Widdow Supper being ended they call'd for a Bill which was presently brought out I lugg'd and was going to Discharge but they begg'd my Pardon and would by no means suffer me telling me I must submit to the Rule that is generally observ'd in Travelling for the Major of either Sex to Treat the Minor I must Acknowledge Ladies said I 't is an Old Custome so to do but we are not now on the Road however that Avail'd not they pleaded the Prerogative of the Majority and carry'd it Nolens Volens Seeing they were so Resolute I dispenc'd with the Affront considering I had often put up a greater and would not press too hard least it should prevail but that was a needless Thought for the Young Widdow drew from between her Snowy Breasts a Purse Cramm'd as full of Yellow-Boys as a Clerk of a Markets Bag of Copper Iohn's and Discharg'd the whole Seeing of which I thought I could do no less in Honour than call for my Flask Craving Leave to present them with it as my Foy and being a little Elevated with the Noble Juice we were as jocund and frollicksome as a Countrey-Vicar at a Gossiping In came the Wine without Disputing who should pay for it but at last Night the Lovers Bliss and Bane of good Company Oblig'd us to withdraw to our Chambers Upon which I told the Ladies I should think the time very tedious till I should be so happy as to Enjoy their good Company again We are apter to believe Sir answered they you will think the Iourney so by reason of the Dullness of it Say what I will Ladies said I you Foy'l me with my own Weapons and are pleas'd to retort my Words to their own Centre So after a profound Cringe or two with a Gripe of the Paw and as many Amorous Glances at my Charming Widdow who return'd me the like we parted But never any happy Bridegroom Long'd for the Approaching Night more than I for the succeeding Morning No sooner had I enter'd my Chamber but I found a Secret Passion had possest my Soul and I was all on Fire Ye Powers cry'd I what strange Fever 's this that Rages in my Breast and Riots in my Blood Not Liquid Fire by its first Cause Fomented burns Fiercer in Earths Center than I flame within Tame this Unruly Flame or touch her Heart that first Kindl'd it with a Cole from the same Altar Nay 't is impossible to relate how violent my Passion rag'd but in Love I was that 's certain but whether her Purse or Person begat this Flame is a very Nice Question and I protest I know not for as Mr. Cowley says Gold alone does Passion move Gold Monopolizes Love For Gold has Unresistable Charms as well as Beauty is of a Corroding Quality of an Attractive Nature and bears a great influence o'er the Opticks And 't was very probable that Purse was only Prologue to a far greater Sum so by consequence must needs have some Operation not but the Ladies were both very Amiable in the Bloom of Vigorous Youth bore a good Aspect had no mean Air Free and without Reserve in their Conversation and their Deportment declar'd them of no Vulgar Quality But the Charming Golden Widow was the Idol of my Soul Subject of my Thoughts and Center of my Wishes Musing on whom at last dull Morpheus Seal'd my Eyes to relieve my Captivated Senses But Oh ye Gods no Rest could I obtain The Charming Fair did o'er my Slumbers Reign And in strange Dreams Augment my Rapid Flame By that time Forked Cynthia had withdrawn her influence and bright Aurora rose from Thetis Lap I shook off the Drowsy God and blest the joyful Day Looking out of my Window I perceiv'd they were preparing for our Journey which made me Rig with all imaginable speed and as I was going down who should I meet but my Cherubimical Widow equip'd like a Goddess and Adorn'd with Ribbon like the Fore-Horse of a Country-Team After we had given each other the Time of the Day Lord Sir said she are you but just up Why we are almost Ready to go Certainly you Slept very Sound No Madam answered I since I have had the Happiness of see-you Rest has been a Stranger to my Brest Have I disturb'd you Sir said she If so I ask your Pardon and am sorry for it Ye Gods cry'd I what shall I say Or how shall I express my self Inspire my Tongue with Eloquence thou God of Love to make her sensible of my pain Oh Madam cry'd I you are Innocent of your Crime and guilty of the Fact You have Robb'd me of my Rest Fir'd my Blood and Stolen my Heart see how it Hovers o'er your Panting Breast and fain would gain Admittance I Vow Sir answered she your Discourse is so Mysterious that it wants another Oedipus to unfold And for what you are pleas'd to charge me withal is a false Accusation neither have I Vacancy to Entertain it Ah Madam reply'd I I could soon convince you of your Error if you would give me leave to search in a certain Corner you have about you that shall be Nameless At which she Blush'd and told me I was mightily Mistaken But allow it so since 't was Ignorantly committed and without any premeditated design she hop'd I would be so generous as to Forgive her Never Madam said I unless you vouchsafe to cast an Eye of Pity and Commiserate the Condition of your Languishing Lover on whom the God of Love if there be any such a Deity hath Empty'd his whole Artillery and pierc'd my Heart with your all-Conquering Eyes O Fye Sir answer'd she this is meer Railery and only for your Diversion a thing Customary with you General Lovers in whom every New Face Creates a new Flame of the Libertines Opinion that a Woman after she is once enjoy'd grows Dull and Insipid and what you have now so solemnly pretended to me is no more then you have already done to half our Sex if possible and such I take it By my Soul I thought she was a Witch by her guessing so right and was a going to tell her so for every Syllable she utter'd was as true as an Oracle But finding by her Parlying I had made a Breach I resolv'd to Storm the Castle If you Harbour any such thought of me Madam answer'd I by Heaven you do me wrong for so pure is my Flame and so Assiduous my Passion without you give me speedy hopes I shall fall a Sacrifice to your disdain and Phoenix-like expire in my own Flames 'T is but Breathing a Vâ—in Sir answer'd she and your
perceiv'd he Harbour'd no better Opinion of the Tuition of his own Country than of our Metropolian Seminary and my Story would but Augment his Disgust Now being got to the end of our Stage for that Day we referr'd mine for the next and Newbury was as wellcome to us as Michalemas Term to the Bauling Quill-drivers after the Long Vacation Our Quarters was at the King of Beasts and after we had Saluted our Ladies and bid them Wellcome to Newbury we View'd our Chambers gave Order for our Supper and Refresh'd our selves with a Glass of good Burgundy and having some spare time our Merchant went to Visit a Friend in Town and I gave the Ladies an Invitation to take a Walk which my Mistress was willing to but her Sister being something indisposed after her Journey desir'd to be excus'd and as Good-Luck would have it the Maid was oblig'd to stay with her So my Charming Widow after she had dismantled herself of her Riding Accouterments and I Augmented the weight of my Bush by almost half a Pound of Powder was ready to March our Landlord understanding we were dispos'd for a Walk Convey'd us out at his Back-gate where we found a most delicate Grotto of Nature's not Art's Composing half inviron'd with a Murm'ring Brook whose purling streams Created a most Melodious Harmony and the whole Composure seem'd a Second Paradise Having walk'd a turn or two I thought it convenient to put my Widow in mind of her Promise Pardon my Presumption Madam said I in taking the boldness to put you in mind of this Mornings Conclusion for no fitter opportunity than now can present it self here we are retir'd and the place seems to be dedicated for the same purpose Sir answer'd she how can I be assur'd your Passion is real since your Acquaintance is so slender in which if I should be deceiv'd how shall I be Ridicul'd by the Censorious World I presume not Madam reply'd I to lay any Claim of meriting your Esteem as to the Quality of my Person nor yet am I so despiseable in my Descent or Fortune to incur your disdain But Love Almighty Love who knows no Bounds or Equals is my Plea and notwithstanding my Love is of so late a Date it is as pure as Vestals Flames and firm as Fate and all my pretensions Honourable If so Sir said she I do Agnize your Passion and return you mine for Blushing I must own it when first I saw your Face an unusual Flame seiz'd my Heart and kindled in my Breast Vnknown Desires At this Confession I flung my circling Arms about her Lovely Wast and almost stiffled her with Kisses What then remains cry'd I my Life my Soul but to Quench our Desires and delay our Bliss no longer At which she started back and told me she thought or she was much Mistaken before she reveal'd her Passion I declar'd I design'd nothing but what was Honourable if so what means this unruly Proceeding Onely the extream Ardour of my Flame my Dear answer'd I for who can behold the Tempting Tree and forbear to pluck its luscious Fruit Not till the Priest hath made it Lawful Sir said she for Fear Oh for Fear By Heaven and all that 's Sacred Madam cry'd I those Fears are Needless for sooner shall the Silver Morn forget to dawn the Glorious Sun to steer its course than I prove false to you What then should hinder us now from Satisfying our Craving Appetites before the Sluggish Priest hath Crav'd a Blessing At which she sunk into my Arms and by her Dying Eyes gave her Consent then calling to mind the Alacrity to be us'd in Courting a Widdow and that now might be the Crittical Minute I lay'd her down on Nature's Carpet and made bold with Mother Earth for a Boulster and notwithstanding all her faint Resistance rifled her joys roving through all the hidden Labyrinth of Love and by our Mutual Embraces Quench'd our fierce Desires then Coo'd and Bill'd like a pair of Amorous Doves swearing Eternal Constancy afresh and to tye the Gordian knot the first opportunity But in our Discourse I took an occasion to make a scrutiny into her Affairs that I might understand what Bargain I was like to have if I perform'd my Promise She told me she had been a Widow near two years had no Child was worth 3000l and liv'd with her Sister who was Married to a Gentleman near Hackney and living so far off was the reason they lay at the Inn last Night This News methought Augmented her Charms and having enjoy'd the Shadow I hop'd in a short time to reap the Golden Substance Having out-staid our time a Messenger came to Desire us to make haste for our Company and Supper waited for us But when we came and had given them an Account of our pleasant walk and Description of the Delightful Grove but not a word of the Paradise of Love they seem'd to be sorry they did not go along with us that neither of us was I am certain Having Supt they brought us a Bill which was as reasonable as a Reckoning at a Hosier-lane Bawdy-House during Bartholomew-Fair for a Brace of Midling Trouts they charg'd us but a Lease of Crowns Six Shillings for a Shoulder of Mutton and a Plate of Gerkins three and Sixpence for Six Rowles and three Nipperkins of Belch and two Shillings more for Whip in Drinking our Healths Their Wine indeed was good so was their price and in a Bill of two pound four Shillings they made a Mistake but of Nine I ask'd what Countrey-man my Landlord was answer was made Full North and Faith 't was very Evident for he had put the Yorkshire most Damnably upon us But being to rise very Early we went to Bed soon after we had Supt and was called by Break of Day my Widow presented us with a Pot of Chocolat of her own Preparing and filling my Dishes fuller than ordinary I Conjectur'd 't was for my good Performances dasht with a little self-interest after which we recruited our Bottle and renew'd our Journey but I marked his Gate with a Cross as red as the Sign And before we had Travel'd a Mile the Ladies laid claim to my promise to relate my Story which I was oblig'd to perform and was thus There was a very Eminent Shopkeeper in Westminster had the misfortune to have a very Extravagant Son who by his Continual Profuseness Consum'd him a great many Baggs of a certain Commodity much better then Cherry-Stones he was not only very Indulgent to him but Maintain'd his Family he being of a Roving Mind could not Confine himself to Business but went from his Father and Family chang'd his Name and Rak'd about the Town but by Accident got Acquainted with two Young Women who kept Shop on the Royal-Exchange the youngest of them he Courted for a Wife and in a short time Married her made an Extraordinary Figure and as Mighty Pretences but he had not Enjoy'd her long before 't was