our best esteemed friends Maister Spark and Maister Ruffell Fel: Our good wishes euer waite vpon our best belooued friendes Maister Ruffell and Maister Sparke Ambo Wee both are much indebted to your Ladiships Fle: Looke yee signior that 's she whose loue meanes to assault your braines since you haue blowne vp your owne sconce with Tobacco Pet. As I am truely generous shee 's modest Faire Mistris you are so wise that neither time nor age could euer cousen you of beautie and I sweare euen by the Alpes high heauen-touching tops the trauelers narrowe passage and by the towring head of high mount Chiego the Sea-mās southward marke by these the witnesses vnto my trauell I doe vow that you are passing fayre From: If I be not faire sir I must be foule Pet A Foule Lady what bird might that be Fro: A foule Ladie y' are a sawcy Iacke to call mee so that you are Pet. O be not angry for I protest I cannot but commend the whitenes of your skin From: Mary muffe I thinke a be a Tanner and meanes to buy me for my skin Pet Gods mee shee 's angrie what shall I doe now Signior Fle. To her agen man doe not leaue her the Moone is now vpon change she will turne Pet I pray you Ladie knowe mee by the title of some kindenes From. Kindenes faith sir you are mistaken in mee you must seeke your flurts some other where and I pra'y come not to make a foole of me alas man though I am a waiting-woman do not think I spend my time in nothing but tempering of colours working of drawn-worke warming of Smockes and pinning in of ruffes faith yes Fle: And you come to her Signior you must come to her as countrie Gentlewomen doe into the fashion that is in the taile and latter end on 't From, Faith I and ye come to begin your knauerie on me I le take you down I am none of your young simpering waiting-women that are asham'd to be counted proud therefore suffer euerie Seruingman to vse them at their pleasure Pet. Now on my conscience Mistresse my loue is honest and I desire marriage Fro. Indeed if you meane mariage I am content to beare the more with you but I pra'y sir when shal we be maried by my troth I aske you because I haue beene so often deceiued I warrant you I haue bin promised dealt vpon promises in the way of mariage aboue an hundred times Pet. At our next meeting we wil set down a day for the effecting of it Flo. Gentlemen we haue some small discourse which a little requires secrecie therefore if it please ye to walke in and make vse of our better roomes wee will not long be absent from you Sp. Ruf With all our heartes Exeunt Manent two Ladies the Lord and Knight Felicia and the two Wenches disguised hide themselues Flo. Worthy Lord doe not thinke immodestie in mee though contrarie to the bashfull habite of my sexe I am inforc'd by loues almightie power to reueale the secretes of my heart Your Letters haue so much preuailed with mee that in a worde I must confesse I loue you Fel. Worthie Knight I would my wordes had but the power so worke in you that which your lines haue done in me then should the happie consolation of my life dwell euer in your loues embracements Kni. Assure ye Ladie your gift of loue to mee shall bee deserued though nothing but my liues deare breath requite its Piso. And I will rather die a shamefull death then liue a hatefull life which I must do vnlesse I find a meanes that may deserue your loue Flo. No we your tongue goes like a well tuned Instrument and makes my heart within my bosome daunce with ioy to heare such large requitall of my loue but durst you to maintaine this your affection although it were with some daunger of your life Piso. Durst I I vowe euen by my soules eternitie I durst Flo Alas if you knew all t' is your owne good not mine and yet I lie t' is my good too since my life depends vpon your safetie Piso. What is 't deare Ladie although it be the death of man if it be pleasing vnto you I le doo 't Flo O let me embrace so deare a spirit in so deare a bosome and since you haue bound your selfe by promise I will be plaine there are two that hate you two because wee loue you and often haue perswaded vs by giftes and large protestations to haue vs loue them if they kil'd you Piso What vs Kni: Who wee Flo Nay t' is too true for while you liu'd they said there was no hope for them to looke for any loue from vs nowe wee poore sillie women fearing least they without consent of vs should doe that which their hatred doth intend wee thinke it fitte preuention first be vsed by giuing them to drinke of what themselues haue brude Piso First murther them Fel. True so shall ye then be sure T' inioy our loues we yours and liue secure Piso. But what are they Ladies Flo. Sparke Fel. And Ruffell Pis: They die for 't though they were my fathers sons Kni. They shall not liue Piso Let little children feare the shallow Brookes for I can swim though 't be through Seas of blood let foolish feare goe dwell with women for bloodie resolution shall not part from me I le kill them both euen with mine owne hands I le doo 't Flo. O no I le reueale it then vnlesse you first do swear and take a Sacrament what euer hap to keepe our names vntoucht Piso Vntoucht wee le doo 't Fel. Then for the meanes Kni: Wee le stabb them Piso Wee le fight with them Flo No so you may misse them and they kill you Fel: Giue them a Figg Flo Make them drinke their last Fel. Poyson them Piso But for the meanes Flo You two shall make a banquet and in a cuppe of Wine a health shall passe Piso In which I le mingle mingle such a dram as they shall ride to heauen in post vnlesse they misse the way Kni. But where shall we get the poyson because you knowe t' is daungerous and will breede suspect where ere wee buy it Piso. I haue a Countrey-man in towne an Apothecarie one Signeur Aluino a fellow that is well stor'd and will sell me of the best Nan If a were of my minde a would thinke no poyson too good for you Flo Come then I would haue you goe about the preparation of the feast Exeunt Fle, Now boyes you haue a couple of goodly maisters Nan I Fleir and thou hast a couple of vertuous Mistresses O they are a couple of damn'd peeces that will plot or counsell the death of two such worthie Gentlemen Su. For one of them the earth did neuer beare a worthier creature Nan Which is that Su, Which is that Why sister haue you so oft confest that his all perfection'd spirit poyntes him out for vertue
youe neuer run bare before them Nan Neuer we sir Fle. Whither are you going Sus. Sir we want a service end are going to get a Master Fle. Come come I le preferre you both thou shalt serue a Countrey-man of mine hee s going to trauaile shalt goe with him thou shalt serue one of my Ladies Su. We would willingly serue two nere friendes because we are brothers and indeed two twins and therefore are loath to be parted Fl: Two twins that 's all one come come you shall serue 'am Nan You shall pardon vs sir Enter Flor Sparke Felec Ruffell Piso Knight and Fromaga Flor. I hope you le not condemne me for my loue Sp: I haue no reason Lady Flo I offered you vnaskt Sp: That with a number oft hath bought Flo Partlie they haue and partlie not for I would haue you know my function seldom sels affection what though I haue euill liu'd repentant teares can wash away my sin which I le poore foorth like droppes of winter raine and now hencefoorth euer I le this life abhor and to the earth my knees I le dayly bow to get mercy from heauen loue from you Nan O the deuill take impudencie she courts him Sp. Madam the loue that I may giue you fully doe inioy but I haue sworne with other loue then as a Brother doth a sister neuer to loue any Fel. O sir my fortunes are not fellowes with my birth they make me stoope to base deiected courses but would you loue me I would as swift as thought flie this life and leaue lusts fowlest sinne for fleshlye beastes to sleepe and wallow in Su: Shame to thy sex no more Ruff: Lady in all the honest offices that friendship may commaund commaund me still but yet I haue not seene the face to which I owe so much of loue as may iustly arrest my affections and when I doe I le pay so due a debt without imprisonment Pis: Methinkes yond Lady growes fayrer much then she was wont me thinks her feature mendes her comely gesture much hath drawne my heart to loue her O but shee 's a whore Nan Gentlemen doe you lack a Boy Sp. No Nan O God I am vndone Su: Sir do' y want a Seruant Ruff: No Su: O Lord what shall I doe Pis: What canst doe Na: Any thing that a Boy should doe Kni. Woot dwell with me Su: T is partly as you le vse me Kni: I le vse thee well Su: Well Pis: Tell me are you both content to dwel with vs two Both As please you two Pis. Then thou shalt liue with me Kni. And thou with me Sp: Come Gentlemen will you bee going Both We attend you sir Sp. Ladies our occasions cals vs hence and I am sorrye we must leaue you Exeunt manent Piso and Nan Flo. Gentlemen you all both haue and euer shall bee welcome Pis: Lady I will leaue you much affection more then I thought to lend you but I deale on vse and haue much interest Flei: Caught I hope hold hooke and line hee 's fast by heauen Flo. My Lord what you lend me with much interest shall be repaide Pis. Adew Flo. Fare you well refusd Fel. Contemn'd Flo Disdain'd Fel: Abus'd Flo Adyes Fel, A shall not liue Flor. Disdaine the Daughter of such a Signior Fel, Condemne a Ladie borne sister we are wrong'd Flo But if you le consent I haue a proiect laid that in requitall both of them shall die Fel. You make my soule sweet harmony come le ts about it then Exeunt Finis Act Secundi Actus Tertius scena prima Enter the Ladies each with a Letter and Fleire aside Flo. Are we in priuate Fel, We are Flo Pray Sister what moouing lines of loue has your Knight toucht your affection with Fel. Faith his stile is plaine onely a little courtlike silken phrase it has but I hope your lord hath sent rich words like iewels for your eares against your nuptiall day Flo. Faith a woes with lines that might perswade another thought not mee which I le lend your eyes vpon the like receiued curtesie from you Fel. With all my heart Change Letters Flo. What haue we heere Reade Lady I know the noblenes of your disposition defends you from the least Sparke of basenesse wherefore I inuocate euerie particular vertue of yours to be mediators to your best iudgement for my better estimation in your loue my affection is zealous my intent honorable my desire mariage thus desiring your resolued answere I rest Euer at your disposure lacke Haue-little Knight Vpon my life some friend did pen it for the foole Fel. Let me see what 's this Reade You the vnderstanding spirit of a woman let the splender of your Beautie with some heate of your affection shine vpon the creature that adores yee and with the heauenlye comfort of your loue melt and thaw dispaire from in dying heart which if it liue it liues to loue it dye if it dyes in loue but howsoeuer t is your's t was made for you liues by you and dies without you Yours in the moste affectionate degree of affection Don Piso De Florence Sister vpon my life this is sonne and heire to Duke Piso that now is Flo O would hee were but whosoere he bee a must bee made a match to giue fire to the hell blacke pouder of our reuenge yet your loue the wise Knight and he are two in one there are no such friendes as they Fle. Then let them march both hand in hand in one way Flo Then shall be thus these two being earnest suters for our loues wee le graunt vpon condition that suddenly they murther Sparke and Ruffell but first to take the Sacrament if euer it be knowne as knowne 't will be to keep our names vnspotted in the action this being done Fel. Let them challenge vs wee and our loues are won but say they should reueale vs Flo. O none will breake a Sacrament to heape vp periury on other sinnes when death hel stands gaping for their soules Fel. But say they raile on vs Flo. If they doe t is knowne we lou'd Sparke and Ruffel and men will thinke they kild a'm for our loues since they liu'd in our fauour these in disgrace Fel, I like it well come le ts hasten it For this is euen as true as er'e was text Plots are but dreames vntill they take effects Exeunt Fle. O God I think the path to hell that women tread is broder then the way men goe how they walke by couples to the Deuill Enter Piso. Pis. O that I should loue a whore a very common Cocatrise my thoughts are drown'd in a gulf of sinne shee 's a very Canniball which doth deuoure mans flesh and a Horse-leach that sucks out mens best blouds perfection a very prisoners box that 's ope for euery mans beneuolēce and I am Heire vnto a Duke yet loue her doth any man heere loue a whore I who I I I t is I an
you know they speak truth Flo Why are wee whores Fel, What are we else Flo. Why we are Curtizans Fel. And what difference pra'y Flei. O great great madam your whore is for euery rascall but your Curtizan is for your Courtier Flo He has giuen you a difference now Flei, And indeed Madā I said so for in truth I was very āgry with am but they said you were for euery seruingmā too Flo Did they say so Flei, Yes indeede Madam I hope I haue touch'd you now Flo He hold my life this slaue the Seruingman that was with me this morning has brag'd of my kindenes to him Flei, Nay that 's like lie neuer trust a fellow that wil flatter fleire and fawne for foure nobles a yeare Flo Well I le nere haue Seruingman touch anie linnin of mine agen Flei, Yes Madam a may touch't when t is at the Laundresses Flo I at my Laundresses or else not but what a rascal 's this by this light I le neuer suffer seruingman come neere me agen Flei, Yes Madame to deliuer you a letter or so Fl. By this hand not vnlesse the Rogue kisse his hand first Flei, O Madam why since blew coates were left oft the kissing of the hand is the seruing mans badge you shall know him by 't but Madam I speake something boldly of you now and then when I am out of your hearing to heare what the world wil say of you for you know that 's the way to pumpe filthie wordes out of their mouthes if there bee anie in them Fel. And doe so still wee allow thee to say anie thing for thereby we shall know our friendes from our foes Flei, I assure your Ladiships I loue you and am sorrie for you from my soule although you know it not Flo Wee doubt it not Fel. Come sister will you in Flo I prithee Fleire informe vs how the tide of opinion runs on vs least we be drown'd in the slaunderous imaginations of the world Flei, I shall be very vigilant of your reputations Amb Be so Exeunt Sisters Enter Ruffell Flei, VVho comes heere a Gods-name O my gallant ruffles it out in silke where haue you bin all this while Ruff, Faith at Court Fleire when wert thou there Fl, Faith but yesterday where I saw a Farmers Son sit newly made a courtier that sat in the presence at cardes as familiar as if the chayre of state had bin made of a peece of his fathers Barne-doore O t is a shame I would haue state be state in earnest and in game I like your Courtier for nothing but often saying his praiers Ruff, What I thinke thou seldome faist thy prayers since thou hast almost forgot thy Pater-noster Flei, Faith I pray once a weeke doost thou pray oftner Ruff, I did pray oftner when I was an Englishman but I haue not praid often I must confesse since I was a Brittaine but doost heare Fleire canst tell me if an Englishman were in debt whether a Brittaine must pay it or no Flei, No questionlesse no Ruff, I 'me glad of that I hope some honest statute will come shortlie and wipe out all my scores Fl, But what 's the newes now abroad Maister Ruffell Ruff, Why they say the Courtiers shall make the Cittizens no more Cuckolds Fl. Excellent newes yfaith excellent newes then the Court will grow rich Ruff, Rich Why man why Fl, VVhy then your Courtier will not bestow his mony in buying the Merchants idle commodities to ly with his wife Ruff, Fleire I did but to trie thee the tide of the floud is turn'd man Fl, Then let them sweat for 't Ruff, For what Fl, If they striue against the streame Ruff. No but I meane the Cittizens must cuckold the courtiers Fle, Excellent newes y faith excellent newes then the court will grow rich Ruff, What like your weauers shuttle make cloath forward and backward but how I prithe but harke you Fleire are you capable of a secret Fl, As your common Cockatrice that receiues the secrets of euery man Ruff: Then I must intreat I may trust thee Fl, That 's because I am no Taylor for if I were thou wouldest intreate me to trust thee Ruff, Sirra they say your Ladies are a couple of common Punckes I hope I may trust you with a secret Fl, Sir sir do y' heare do y' thinke they are no worse Ruff, VVorse why can they be worse Fl, O sir I they may be priuate Puncks why I tell you he that takes vp his priuate Punckes linnin were better take vp anie commodity about the Town if t were a commoditie of Mousetrappes a should not loose much by the bargaine Ruff, But hark you Fleire hark you t is suppos'd I can tell you they are a couple of priuate Puncks Fl. Nay then there 's some hope thei le proue honest women Ruff. Yea how Fleire how Fl. Why your priuate punck would leaue being a punck rather then be priuate to one man for nothing and then if al men were like thee they would be honest for thou hast nothing to giue am Ruff, VVhat a cogging fleiring Rogue is this nothing will anger him but do y' heare Fleire art thou a procurer or a knaue for one of them I am sure thou art Fl. A procurer what 's that Ruff. One that procures meanes for procreation vulgarly cald a Pander Fl, By this light now were I a notable Rogue should I denie my profession why I am a procurer sir Ruff, Nay then thou art a Knaue too that 's certaine for there is such a simpathie between a Procurer and a knaue as there is betwixt an Alcumist and a Begger Fl, But looke you sir pra'y wil you tel me one thing now Ruff. VVhat 's that Fl, Are you a VVhoremaster or a Theife for one of them i me sure you are Ruff, By this light now a comes neere mee too why I am a whoremaster Fl, Nay then you are a theef too that 's certaine for your whoremaster alwaies filcheth for victuals for you knowe flesh is mans foode mary sir you cannot be hang'd for 't t is but petti lassarie at moste but you may chance bee whipt for 't and burn'd too but not i th' hand Signior not i th' hand Enter Sparke Sp. Saue ye Gentles Ruff. Then we are enemies to the Iewes Fle. O my good preferrer how does your worshippe you are a stranger heere Sp. Faith I haue been with two Gentlewomen in whose companie thou first sawst vs and there the Knight Sir Iohn Haue-little is so in loue with the younger as a knowes not whether a should reioyce shee had so much beautie or lament because he is like to inioy none on 't Fl, By my troth I tooke him for a Coniurer when I first saw him a talkt so much of his soule and the Deuill Sp: Why a sould his soule to the Deuillman for the veluet that lines his cloake Fl. And when will he giue the Diuell his dew Sp, Nay