Barn Maister Berry Bow Maister Berry I wish you well sir maister Fiddle I am yours for a congee Fiddle After the French salutation I am yours for the like curtesie Berry Maister Barnard to morrow is your day Of payment sir I meane the hundred pound For which I haue your bond I know t is sure You will not breake an houre then if you please To come to dinner sir you shall be welcome Barn Sir I did meane to visite you at home Not to pay downe the money but intreate Too moneths for-bearance Ber. How forbeare my money Your reason why I should forbeare my owne Barn You know at first the debt was none of mine I was a suretie not the principall Besides the money that was borrowed Miscarried in the venture my friend died And once already haue you prisoned me To my great charge almost my ouer-throw And some-what raisde the debt by that aduantage These things considered you may well forbeare For two moneths space so small a summe as this Ber. How I may forbeare Sir I haue neede of money I may indeed sit monilesse at home And let you walke abroad spending my coyne This I may doe but sir you know my minde If you do breake your day assure your selfe That I will take the forfeit of your bond Crip. The forfeit of his bond Ber. I sir the forfeit t is no charitie To fauour you that liue like Libertines Heer 's a Crew All A crew what Crew Ber. A crew of vnthrifts carelesse dissolutes Licencious prodigalls vilde tauern-tracers Night watching money-wasters what should I call yee O I want words for to define you rightly But this I know London ne're fostred such As Barnard Bowdler and this paltrie crutch Crip. And you want words sirra I le teach thee words Thou shouldst haue come to euery one of vs As thus thou wretch thou miser thou vilde slaue And drudge to money bond-man to thy wealth Apprentice to a penny thou that hourds vp The frie of siluer pence and half-penies With shew of charitie to giue the poore But putst them to increase where in short time They grow a childs part or a daughters portion Thou that inuents new clauses for a bond To cousin simple plainenesse O not a Dragon No nor the deuils fangs are halfe so cruell As are thy clawes thus thus thou shouldst haue railde The forfeit of his bond O I could spit My heart into his face thou blood-hound that dost hunt The deere deere life of noble Gentrie Berry Cripple t is knowne I am an honest man But for thy wordes Barnard shall fare the worse As for thy selfe Fid. Who he sir neuer regard him I know the vildest thing by him O t is abhominable Ber. Dost thou so Fiddle speake hold take thou that speake of his shame speake freely I le protect thee Fid. I tell you sir t will make your haire to stand on end as stiffe as a Rubbing-brush to heare his villanies What 's this you haue giuen me Ber. A shilling Fiddle Fid. Haue you any skill in Arithmeticke Ber. Why dost thou aske Fid. Sir I would haue you to multiply could you not make this one shilling two or three I would not be knowne to beg but if out of your cunning you can doe this tricke of multiplication I shall speake the better Ber. O ther 's another shilling for thee now let mee heare what villanies thou canst charge the Cripple with Fid. So sir this is multiplication now sir if you know the Rule of addition you are an excellent Scholler can you not adde Berry What dost thou meane Fid. An other shilling sir Ber. There is another shilling now Fiddle speake Fid. Why then attend you Hilles and Dales and stones so quicke of hearing this Cripple is All What is he villaine Fid. An honest man as any is in all the towne Ber. An honest man Fid. I by this siluer and as good a fellow as euer went vpon foure legges if you would multiply till mid-night I would neuer speake otherwise Ber. Fiddle thou art a knaue and so is hee Come let vs home Barnard looke to thy bond If thou doe breake thy day I do protest By yon chaste Moone Fid. The chaste Moone why the Moone is not chaste Ber. How prou'st thou that Fid. Why sir ther 's a man in the middle of her how can she be chaste then Berr. Then by my life I sweare I le clap him vp Where he shall see neither the sunne nor moone Till I be satisfied the vtmost penny And so fare-well Exit Fid. Gallants good-night if time and place were in prosperitie I were yours for an houres societie I must after yon mulbery with my torch adue deare hearts adue Exit Bowd. Come Barnard le ts to the dancing le ts tickle it to night For to morrow thy heeles may be too heauy Barn All 's one my heart shall be as light as fire Come shall we goe Bowd. Cripple will you along Crip. My busines stayes me heere Bowd. Fare-well then dogge of Israell farewell Exeunt Crip. Al 's one my heart shall be as light as fire Sblood were I endebted a hundred pound My fortune faild and fled as Barnards are Not worth a hundred pence as Barnards is I shoud be now deuising sentences And Caueats for posteritie to carue Vpon the inside of the counter wall Therefore I le now turne prouident I le to my shoppe And fall to worke Enter Phillis Phil. Yonder 's his shop O now you gods aboue Pittie poore Phillis heart that melts in loue Instruct the Cripple to finde out my loue Which I will shadow vnder the conceit Of my inuention for this piece of worke O teach him how to yeeld me loue againe A little little loue a dramme of kinde affection His many vertues are my true direction By your leaue M. Drawer Crip. Welcome Mistresse Flower what 's your pleasure Phil. My cause of comming is not vnknowne to you Here is be spoken worke which must be wrought With expedition I pray haue care of it The residue I referre to your direction Onely this hankercher a yong Gentlewoman Wishd me acquaint you with her mind herein In one corner of the same place wanton loue Drawing his bow shooting an amorous dart Opposite against him an arrow in a heart In a third corner picture foorth disdaine A cruell fate vnto a louing vaine In the fourth drawe a springing Lawrell tree Circled about with a ring of poesie and thus it is Loue wounds the heart and conquers fell disdayne Loue pitties loue seeing true loue in paine Loue seeing Loue how faithfull Loue did breath At length impalà loue with a Laurell wreath Thus you haue heard the Gentle-womans minde I pray be carefull that it be well done And so I leaue you more I faine would say But shame forbids and calles me hence away Exit Crip. Sweet faire I pittie yet no reliefe Harbors within the closet of my soule This Phillis beares me true affection But I detest
Brother t is a base taske by this light But to procure a further force of loue I le do ot yfaith I will sweete Ferdinand About it then prouide thee some disguise But see you stay not long in any wise Heere shall you finde me goe dispatch Ferd. For this I le loue thee euerlastingly Franke Meane time I le crosse your loue and if I can Heere 's no villanie twixt vs three brothers My brother Ferdinand he would haue the wench And Anthonie he hopes to haue her too Then what may I faith hope well as they doe Neither of them know that I loue the Maide Yet by this hand I am halfe mad for loue I know not well what loue is but t is sure I le die if I haue her not therefore Good brothers mine beguile you one an other Till you be both gulld by your yonger brother Enter Ferdinand Ferd. Heere is a Porters habite on with it brother Frank Your hand then brother for to put it on So now t is well come brother what 's my taske Ferd. This first that thou make haste to Anthonies Aske for a burden and thou shall be sure To haue his letter to my deere loue Phillis Deliuer it not but keepe it to thy selfe Till thou hast giuen this paper to her hands Whose lines do intimate thy chaste desires This is the summe of all good Franke make haste Loue burnes in me and I in loue doe waste Exit Franke Waste still but let me in my loue increase Now would not all the world take me for a Porter How strangely am I metamorphosed And yet I neede not be ashamed neither Ioue when his loue-scapes when he attempted euer Transformd himselfe yet euer sped in loue Why may not I then in this strange disguise This habite may prooue mighty in loues powre As beast or bird bull or swanne or golden showre Enter Anthonie Antho. Within the centre of this paper square Haue I wrote downe in bloudy characters A pretty poesie of a wounded heart Such is loues force once burst into a flame Doe what we can we cannot quench the same Vnlesse the teares of pitty moue compassion And so quench out the fire of affection Whose burning force heats me in euery vaine That I to Loue for safety must complaine This is my Orator whose dulcet tongue Must pleade my loue to beauteous Phillis Now for a trusty messenger to be Imployd heerein betwixt my loue and me And in good time I see a Porter nie Come hither fellow dwellst thou heere about Franke Sir my abiding is not farre from hence And Trusty Iohn men call me by my name Anth. Canst thou be trusty then and secret too Being imployd in weighty businesse Franke Sir I was neuer yet disproou'd in eyther Anth. Then marke me well in Cornhill by th' Exchange Dwells an old Merchant Flower they call his name He hath one onely daughter to whose hands If thou conueniently canst giue this letter I le pay thee well make thee the happiest Porter That euer vndertooke such businesse Franke Sir giue me your letter if I doe it not Then let your promisde fauour be forgot Anth. Anthony Golding is my name my friend About it then thy message being done Make haste to me againe till when I leaue thee Exit Franke And so fare thee well louing brother It had bin better you had sent some other Let me consider what is best be done Shall I deliuer his letter No Shall I conuey it to my riuall brother Nor so Shall I teare the same No not for a million What shall I then do mary like a kinde brother Open the booke see what is written there If nought but loue in loue haue thou a share Brother by your leaue I hope you le not deny But that I loue you God blesse my eie-sight A Sonnet t is in verse now on my life He hath perusde all the impressions Of Sonnets since the fall of Lucifer And made some scuruy quaint collection Of fustian phrases and vplandish wordes A Letter FAire glory of vertue thy enamorate Pleades loyally in pure affection Whose passion Loue do thou exonorate And he shall liue by thy protection Nor from thy loue shall he once derogate For any soule vnder this horizon Yeeld thou to loue and I will faile in neither So loue and truth shall alwayes liue together Yours deuoted Anthony Golding Before God excellent good Poetry Sbloud what meanes he by this line For any soule vnder this horizon No matter for his meaning meane what he will I meane his meaning shall not be deliuered But for my other trust my other letter That shall come short too of faire Phillis hands There is a Cripple dwelling heere at hand That 's very well acquainted with the Maide And for I once did rescue them from thieues Swore if he liude he would requite that kindnes To him I will for councell he shall be My tutor by his wit and pollicie Exit Enter Boy in a Shop cutting of square parchments to him enter Phillis Phi. Why how now sirra can you finde nought to doe But waste the parchment in this idle sort Boy I do but what my mistris gaue in charge Phi. Your mistris in good time then sir it seemes Your duety cannot stoope but to her lewre Sir I will make you knowe that in hir absence You shall accompt to my demaund your mistris And your mistris will is thus and thus you le doe But answere to the motion I haue made Or you shall feele you haue another mistris now Speake why when I say Boy Indeede I know your glory Your pride 's at full in this authoritie But were it not for modest bashfulnesse And that I dread a base contentious name I would not be a by-word to th' Exchange For euery one to say my selfe going by Yon goes a vassal to authoritie Phil. You would not sir had I the yeard in hand I de measure your pate for this delusion And by my maiden chastitie I sweare Vnlesse Reach for the yeard and the boy stay her hand Boy What vnlesse I know your wilfulnes These wordes are but to shew the world your humour I often vse to square these parchment peeces Without occasion I am sure you are not witting The Lawnes you lately bought of maister Brookes Are new come home brought by the Merchants seruant I know you are short membred but not so short Of your remembrance that this is newes to you Phil. Y' are best to braue me in a taunting humour Wil t please you ope the doore where 's Vrsula Oh heere 's good stuffe my backe 's no sooner turnd But she must needes be gadding and where I pray Boy Shee 's gone to M. Pawmers on th' other side Phil. On great occasions sir I doubt it not Sit and worke in the shop Enter M. Richard Gardiner booted and M. William Bennet two gentlemen at one ende of the stage Ben. Kinde Dicke thou wilt not be vnmindfull of my
the humor of fond loue Yet am I hourely solicited As now you see and faine she would make knowne The true perplexion of her wounded heart But modestie checking her forwardnesse Bids her be still yet she in similies And loue-comparisons like a good Scholler By figures makes a demonstration Of the true loue enclosed in her heart I know it well yet will not tell her so Fancie shall neuer marry me to woe Take this of me a yong man 's neuer mar'd Till he by marriage from all ioy be bar'd Exit Enter Franke singing Frank Yo gods of Loue that sits aboue and pitty Louers paine Looke from your thrones vpon the mones that I do now sustaine Was euer man thus tormented with loue Song Ye little birds that sit and sing Amidst the shadie valleys And see how Phillis sweetly walkes Within her Garden alleyes Goe pretie birds about her bowre Sing pretie birdes she may not lowre Ah me me thinkes I see her frowne Ye pretie wantons warble Go tell her through your chirping billes As you by me are bidden To her is onely knowne my loue Which from the world is hidden Goe prety birds and tell her so See that your notes straine not too low For still me thinke I see her frowne Ye pretie wantons warble Go tune your voices harmonie And sing I am her Louer Straine lowde and sweet that euery note With sweet content may moue her And she that hath the sweetest voyce Tell her I will not change my choice Yet still me thinkes I see her frowne Ye pretie wantons warble O flie make haste see see she falles Into a prety slumber Sing rownd about her rosie bed That waking she may wonder Say to her t is her louer true That sendeth loue to you to you And when you heare her kinde reply Returne with pleasant warblings Auaunt delusion thoughts cannot winne my loue Loue though diuine cannot diuine my thoughts Why to the ayre then do I idle heere Such heedles words farre off and ne're the neere Hie thee yong Franke to her that keepes thy heart There let sweet words they sweeter thoughts impart But stay here comes my mellancholly brothers both I le step aside and heare their conference Exit aside Antho. What is my brother Ferdinand so neere He is my elder I must needs giue place Anthony stand by and list what he doth say Haste calles me hence yet I will brooke delay Ferd. Shall I exclaime gainst fortune and mishap Or raile on Nature who first framed me Is it hard chance that keepes me from my loue Or is this heape of loathd deformitie The cause that breeds a blemmish in her eye I know not what to thinke or what to say Onely one comfort yet I haue in store Which I will practise though I ne're try more Anth. Oh for to heare that comfort I doe long I le turne it to a straine to right my wrong Ferd. I haue a brother riuall in my loue I haue a brother hates me for my loue I haue a brother vowes to winne my loue That brother too he hath incenst my loue To gaine the beauty of my deerest loue What hope remaines then to inioy my loue Anth. I am that brother riuall in his loue I am that brother hates him for his loue Not his but mine and I will haue that loue Or neuer liue to see him kisse my loue What thou erst sayd I am that man alone That will depose you brother from loues throne I am that man though you my elder be That will aspire beyond you one degree Ferd. I haue no meanes of priuate conference So narrowly pursues my hinderer No sooner am I entred the sweet court Of louely rest my loues rich mansion But riuall loue to my affection Followes me as a soone enforced strawe The drawing vertue of a sable jeat This therefore 's my determination Within the close wombe of a sealed paper Will I right downe in bloody Characters The burning zeale of my affection And by some trusty messenger or other Conuey the same into my loues owne hand So shall I know her resolution And how she fancies my affection Antho. Yet subtill Fox I may perchance to crosse you Brother well met whither away so fast Ferd. About affaires that doe require some haste Antho. T is well done brother you seeke still for gaine Ferd. But you would reape the haruest of my paine Farewell good brother I must needes be gone I haue serious businesse now to thinke vpon Yet for I feare my brother Anthonie I le step aside and stand a while vnseene I may perchance discry which way he goes Thus policie must worke twixt friends and foes Aside Anth. So hee is gone I scarsely trust him neither For t is his custome like a sneaking foole To fetch a compasse of a mile about And creepe where he would be well let him passe I heard him say that since by word of mouth He could not purchase his sweet mistresse fauour He would endeuour what his wit might doe By writing and by tokens O t is good Writing with inke O no but with his blood Well so much for that now I know his minde I doe intend not to be farre behinde Hee le send a letter I will write another Doe what you can I le be before you brother I le entercept his letter by the way And as time serues the same I will bewray Mine being made a Porter I le procure That shall conuey that heart-inticing lure About it then my letter shall be writ Though not with blood yet with a reaching wit Exit Ferd. And shall it so good brother Anthonie Were you so neere when we in secret talk'd Wilt ne're be otherwise will you dog me still Enter Franke Welcome sweete Frank such news I haue to tell As cannot chuse but like thee passing well Thou knowest my loue to Phillis Frank Brother say on Ferd. Thou likewise art acquainted with my riuall And I doe build vpon your secrecie Frank Sblood and I thought you did not I de retire Brother you know I loue you as my life Ferd. I dare professe as much and there-vpon Make bold to craue thy furtherance in a thing Concernes me much Franke Out with it brother If I shrinke backe repose trust in some other Ferd. Then thus it is my brother all in haste Is gone to write a letter to my loue And thinkes thereby to crosse me in my sute Sending it by a Porter to her hand If euer therefore thou wilt aid thy brother Helpe me in this who seekes helpe from no other Frank By the red lippe of that daintie saint I le aid thee all I may Ferd. It is enough then brother I le prouide A Porters habite alike in euery point Will you but so much humble your estate To put your selfe in that so base attyre And like so meane a person waite his comming About his doore which will not be ore long Thou shalt for euer binde me to thy loue Franke
Stay there my horse Whence comes this eccho of extreamitie All Helpe helpe Frank What doe I heare a virgin call for helpe Hands off dam'nd vilaines or by heauen I sweare I le send you all to hell Fight and driue them away Crip. Hold forbeare I came in rescue of Virginitie Phil. He did he did and freed vs once from thrall But now the second time they wrought his fall Frank Now you distressed obiects do you tell Vpon what mount of woe your sorrowes dwell Phil. First get we hence away and as we goe Kinde gentleman our fortunes you shall know Crip. Thanks worthy sir may but the Cripple be Of power to gratifie this courtesie I then shall thinke the heauens fauour me Phil. No more now for Gods sake let vs hence Crip. If I doe liue your loue I le recompence Exeunt Enter Mall Berrie Mall NOw for my true-loues hand-kercher these flowers Are pretie toyes are very pretie toyes O but me thinkes the Peascod would doe better The Peascod and the Blossome wonderfull Now as I liue I le surely haue it so Some maides will chuse the Gilliflower some the Rose Because their sweet cents do delight the nose But very fooles they are in my opinion The very worst being drawen by cunning art Seemes in the eye as pleasant to the heart But heer 's the question whether my loue or no Will seeme content I there the game doth goe And yet I le pawne my head he will applaude The Pescod and the flower my pretie choice For what is he louing a thing in heart Loues not the counterfeit though made by art I cannot tell how others fancie stand But I reioyce sometime to take in hand The simile of that I loue and I protest That pretie pescod likes my humor best But I le vnto the Drawers hee le counsell me Heere is his shop alas what shall I doe Hee 's not within now all my labor 's lost See see how forward loue is euer crost But stay what Gallant 's this Enter M. Bowdler Bow A plague on this Drawer hee 's neuer at home Good morrow sweet-heart tell me how thou dost Mall Vpon what acquaintance Bow That 's all one once I loue thee giue me thy hand and say Amen Mall Hands off sir Knaue and weare it for a fauor Bowd. What dost thou meane thy loue pretie foole Mall No foole the knaue O grosse A gentleman and of so shallow wit Bowd. I know thou camst to the drawer Mall How then Bowd. Am not I the propperer man Mall Yes to make an asse on Bowd. Will you get vp and ride Mall No I le lackey by his side and whip the asse Bowd. Come come leaue your iesting I shall put you down Mall With that face away you want-wit Bowd. By this hand I shall Mall By the asse-head you shall not Bowd. Go to you are a woman Mall Come come ye are a man Bowd. I haue seene as faire Mall I haue heard as wise Bowd. As faire as Mall Berry Mall As wise as yong Bowdler Bowd. As M. Bowdler Mall Hoida come vp Bowd. Go thou down then Mall No good asse bate an Ase of that Enter Barnard Bar. What M. Bowdler will it nere be otherwise Still still a hunting euery day wenching Bowd. Faith sir the modest behauior of this Gentlewoman Hath insinuated my company Mall Lord how eloquence flowes in this Gentleman Bowd. Faith I shall put you downe in talke you were best to yeeld Mall No sir I will hold out as long as I may Though in the end you beare the foole away Bowd. Meane you by me you gull me not Mall No by this night not I Bowd. For if you did I would intoxicate my head Mall Yea I dare sware you 'le goe a foole to bed Bowd. Meane you by mee you gull me not Bar. No I dare sweare the Gentlewoman meanes well Mall And so I doe indeed himselfe can tell But this it is speake Maidens what they will Men are so captious thei 'le euer conster ill Barn To her sir to her I dare sware she loues you Bowd. Well then faire Mall you loue me as you say Mall I neuer made you promise did I I pray Bowd. All in good time you will do else you lie Will you not Mall No for-sooth not I Bowd. Barnard she gulles me still Barn T' is but your mis-conceit try her againe You know by course all women must be coy To her againe then she may happely yeeld Not I in faith Mall Then mine shall be the field Wisedome adue once more faint heart farewell Yet if thou seest the Drawer I prethee tell him Mall Berry hath more worke for him to doe And for your selfe learne this when you doe woe Arme you with courage and with good take heede For he that spares to speake must spare to speede And so farewell Exit Bowd. Call her againe Barnard Barn Shee 's too swift for me Why this is the right course of gullerie What did you meane hauing so faire an aime So fondly to let slip so faire a game Bowdler become a man for maides will stand And then strike home art thou not yong and lustie The minion of delight faire from thy birth Adonis play-pheere and the pride of earth Bowd. I know it but a kind of honest blood Tilts in my loynes with wanton appetites She bade me doe a message to the Drawer And I will doe it there will come a day When Humfry Bowdler will keepe holiday Then Mall looke to your selfe see that you be sped Or by this light I le haue your maidenhead Larn Spoke like a gallant spoke like a gentleman spoke like your selfe Now doe I see some sparkes of manhoode in you Keepe in that key keepe in the selfe same song I le gage my head you le haue her loue ere long Exeunt Enter Ferdinand and Franke Franke Wilt thou not tell me brother Ferdinand Now by this light I le haunt thee like a sprite Vntill I know whence springs this melancholy Ferd. O brother Thou art too yong to reach the depth of griefe That is immur'd within my hearts deepe closet A thousand sighes keepe daily centinell That beate like whirle-winds all my comfort backe As many sobbes guard my distressed heart That no reliefe comes neere to ayde my soule Millions of woes like bands of armed men Stop vp the passage of my sweete reliefe And arte thou then perswaded that thy wordes Can any comfort to my soule afford No no good Franke deere brother then forbeare Vnlesse with griefe in me you le take a share Fran. Griefe me no griefes but tell me what it is Makes my sweete Ferdinand thus passionate I le coniure griefe if griefe be such an euill In spite of Fortnne Fates or any Deuill Ferd. Wilt thou not leaue me to my selfe alone Fran. Brother you know my minde If you will leaue your dumpish melancholy And like my selfe banish that puling humour Or satisfie my exspectation By telling
whence your sorrow doth proceede I will not onely cease to trouble you But like a true skilfull phisition Seeke all good meanes for your recouerie Fer. Well brother you haue much importun'd me And for the confidence I haue in you That you le proue secret I will now vnfold The loade of care that presseth downe my soule Know then good Franke loue is the cause hereof Frank How loue why what 's that loue Ferd. A child a little little boy that 's blind Frank And be ore-come by him plagude by him Driuen into dumps by him put downe by a boy Master'd by loue O I am mad for anger By a Boy is there no rosemary and bayes in England To whip the Ape by a boy Ferd. I such a boy as thou canst neuer see And yet ere long mayst feele his tirranie Hee 's not visible yet aimes at the heart Wo be to those that feele his wounding dart And one of them I am wounded so deepe That in my passions I no meane can keepe Vnhappy time woe to that dismall howre When loue did wound me with faire Phillis flowre O Phillis Phillis of flowers sweetest flower That euer garnish'd any princely bowre Farewell farewell my woes will ne're remoue Till I inioy faire Phillis for my loue Exit Frank What 's heere Phillis and loue and loue and Phillis I haue seene Phillis and haue heard of loue I will see Phillis and will heare of loue But neither Phillis nor the power of loue Shall make me bond-slaue to a womans becke Enter Anthonie Who 's here my second brother male-content I le stand aside and note his passions Ant. O loue that I had neuer knowne thy power Frank More louers yet what the deuill is this loue Anth. That these my wandring eyes had kept their stay That I my selfe had still beene like my selfe That my poore heart had neuer felt the wound Whose anguish keepes me in a deadly sound Oh how deluding dreames this night ore-past Drench'd my sad soule in pleasures floting sea Me thought I clasp'd my loue within my armes And circling her sau'd her from threatning harmes Me thought there came an hundred in an houre That sought to rob me of my sweetest flower But like a champion I did keepe her still Within this circle free from euery ill But when I wak'd and missd my Phillis there All my sweete ioyes conuerted into feare Frank What brother Anthony at praiers so hard Tell me what saint it is thou inuocates Is it a male or female howsoeuer God blesse thee brother th' art in a good mind But now I remember me thy saint is blind Anth. How blind Frank I brother blind I heard thee talke of loue And loue is blind they say Anth. I would it were as blinde as Ebon night That loue had neuer hit my heart so right But what is loue in your opinion Frank A voluntary motion of delight Touching the superficies of the soule A substance lesse diuine then is the soule Yet more then any other power in man Is that which loues yet neither is enforc'd Nor doth enforce the heart of man to loue Which motion as it vnbeseemes a man So by the soule and reason which adorne The life of man it is extinguished Euen at his pleasure that it doth possesse Anth. Thus may the free-man iest at mannacles The furre-clad citizen laugh at a storme The swartie Moore diuing to gather pearle Challenge the scalding ardor of the sunne And aged Nestor sitting in his tent May tearme wounds sport warre but merriment Frank T is true fore God it is and now me thinks My heart begins to pittie hearts in loue Say once more Anthony tell me thy griefes Let me haue feeling of my passion Possesse me deeply of thy melting state And thou shalt see Anth. That thou wilt pittie me Frank No by my troth if euery tale of loue Or loue it selfe or foole-bewitching beautie Make me crosse-arme my selfe studdy ay-mees Defie my hat-band tread beneath my feete Shoo-strings and garters practise in my glasse Distressed lookes and dry my liuer vp With sighes enough to win an argosie If euer I turne thus fantastical Loue plague me neuer pittie me at all Enter Phillis Anth. Yonder she comes that holds me prisoner Frank What Phillis the faire maid of the Exchange Is she god Cupids iudge ouer mens hearts Brother I le haue one venny with her tongue To breathe my wit and iest at passion By your leaue Mistresse Flower Phil. Your rude behauiour scarse offers you welcome Frank I prethee tell me Phillis I heare say Thou keepst loue captiue in thy maiden thoughts Phil. That is a thought beyond your reach to know Frank But shall I know it Phil. On what acquaintance then might you deeme mee fond If as you say loue be at my command Frank May not your friend command as great a matter Phil. I le know him well first for that friend may flatter Frank Why I hope you know me Phil. That 's a question Franke Well if you doe not you shall before I stirre Know you yonder lump of melancholie Yonder bundle of sighes yonder wad of grones The same and I were chickins of one broode And if you know him as I am sure you doe Being his brother you needes must know me too Phil. I partly haue a guesse of yonder Gentleman His name is Maister Golding as I take it Ant. Golding I am and thine sweete faire I am And yet not thine but a most wretched man Thou knowst my cause of griefe my wound of woe And knowing it why wilt thou see it so Put salues of comfort to my griefes vnrest So maist thou heale my sore of heauinesse Franke Hearke you faire maide are you a Surgeon I prethee giue my brother Anthony Somewhat to heale the loue sore of his mind And yet t is pitty that he should haue help A man as free as aire or the Sunnes raies As boundlesse in his function as the heauens The male and better part of flesh and blood In whom was powrde the quintessence of reason To wrong the adoration of his Maker By worshipping a wanton female skirt And making Loue his Idoll fie dotard fie I am ashamde of this apostacie I le talke with her to hinder his complaints Phillis a word in priuate ere you goe I loue yee sweete Phil. Sowre it may be so Franke Sowre and sweete faith that doth scarce agree Phil. Two contraries and so be we Fra. A plague on this courting come wee le make an end Phil. I am sory for it since you seeme my friend Franke I but thou canst not weepe Phil. Then had I a hard heart Franke How say you come brother now to your part Ant. At your direction no this merry glee Good brother sortes not with my melancholie Loue couets priuate conference so my sorrow Craueth your absence which I faine would borrow Franck No maruell then we say that loue is blind If it still reuell in obscurity I will
depart I will not hinder loue I le wash my handes fare well sweet turtle doue Exit Phil. Yfaith your brother is a proper man Franck What 's your will with me Phil. Euen what you please Franck Did you not call me backe Phil. Not to my knowledge Franck No sbloud somewhat did farewell farewell Phil. He is a very very proper man Franck I am in haste pray vrge me not to stay Phil. The man doth dote pray God he hits his way Franck Fore God ther 's not a maide in all this towne Should sooner winne me but my busines calls me Giue me thy hand next time I meete with thee Lesser intreaty shall wooe my company Phil. Yfaith yfaith Franck Yfaith this was the hand what meanes my bloud Doe I not blush nor looke extreamely pale Is not my head a fire my eyes nor heart Ha art thou here I feele thee loue I faith By this light well via farewell farewell Exit Antho. Now he is gonne and we in priuate talke Say wilt thou graunt me loue wilt thou be mine For all the interest in my loue is thine Phil. Your brother Ferdinand hath vowd as much Na more he sweres what man so ere he be Presumes to be corriuall in his loue He will reuenge it as an iniurie And clothe the theefe in basest obloquie Antho. I is my brother my competitor I le court my loue and will solicite thee Were Ferdinand himselfe in company What saist thou to my sute Phil Time may doe much what I intend to doe I meane to pawse vpon Ant. Let it be so If that my brothers hinderance be all I le haue thy loue though by my brothers fall Exit Phil. Two brothers drownd in loue I and the third For all his outward habite of neglect If I iudge rightly if I did not dreame Hath dipt his foote too in Loues scalding streame Well let them pleade and perish if they will Cripple my heart is thine and shall be still Exit Franke I am not well and yet I am not ill I am what am I not in loue I hope In loue let me examine my selfe who should I loue who did I last conuerse with with Phillis why should I loue Phillis is she faire faith so so her forehead is pretty somewhat resembling the forehead of the signe of the maiden head in c. What 's her haire faith to Bandora wiars there 's not the like simile is it likely yet that I am in loue What 's next her cheekes they haue a reasonable scarlet never a Diars daughter in the towne goes beyond her Well yet I am not in loue Nay she hath a mole in her cheeke too Venus mole was not more naturall but what of that I am Adonis and will not loue Good Venus pardon me Let vs descend her chinne O Helen Helen where 's your dimple Helen it was your dimple that bewitcht Paris and without your dimple I will not loue you Helen No yet I am safe Her hand lettes handle that I sawe her hand and it was lilly white I toucht her palme and it was soft and smoothe and then what then her hand did then bewitch me I shall be in loue now out of hand In loue shall I that euer yet haue prophand loue now fall to worship him Shall I that haue ieasted at louers sighes now raise whirle windes shall I that haue flowted ay-mees once a quarter now practise ay-mees euery minute shall I defie hat-bands and treade garters and shoostrings vnder my feete shall I fall to falling bands and be a ruffin no longer I must I am now liege man to Cupid and haue read all these informations in his booke of statutes the first chapter page millesimo nono therefore hat-band avaunt ruffe regard your selfe garters adue shoo-strings so and so I am a poore enamorate and enforcde with the Poet to say Loue orecomes all and I that loue obey Exit Enter M. Flower Flow. Now afore God a very good conceit But too much sleepe hath ouer taken me The night hath plaid the swift-foote runne-away A good conceit a very good conceit What Fiddle arise Fiddle Fiddle I say Enter Fiddle Fid. Heer 's a fidling indeed I thinke your tongue be made of nothing but fiddlestrings I hope the fiddle must haue some rest as well as the fiddle-sticke well Crowde what say you to Fiddle now Flow. Fiddle it is a very good conceit Fid. It is indeed Master Flow. What dost thou meane Fid. To goe to bed againe Sir Flow. No Fiddle that were no good conceit Fiddle Fid. What a fidling doe you keepe are you not ashamde to make such musicke I hope sir you will christen mee anew shortly for you haue so worne this name that ne're a wench in all the towne but will scorne to dance after my fiddle Flow. Well Fiddle thou art an honest fellow Fid. That 's more than you know Master Flow. I le sweare for thee Fiddle Fid. You le be damn'd then Master Flow. I loue thee Fiddle Fid. I had rather your daughter lou'd me Elow, T is a rare conceit ifaith Fid. I hold with you Master if my yong mistresse would like so well of my musicke that she would dance after no bodies instrument but mine Flow. No Fiddle that were no good conceit Fid. A shame on you I thought you would not heare on that side Flow. Fiddle thou toldst me M. Golding was in loue with my daughter Fid. True master therin you say well Flow. And he intreats me to meet him at the starre in cheap to talke concerning the match Fiddle True still maister Flo. And I haue sent for my neighbour M. Berry to beare me company Fiddle True all this is most naturall truth Flo. And now Fiddle I am going on my way Fiddle Nay that 's a lie that hath marrd all was your conceipt so tirde you could tel troth no longer Flo. Why Fiddle are we not going Fiddle No indeede sir we are not we stand still your conceit failde in that Flo. Fore God t is true I am not ready yet what 's hee Enter Bobbington Bob. By your leaue sir I would craue a word in secret sir Flo. At your pleasure heere 's none but my man Fiddle Fiddle I sir maister Fiddle is my name sir Laurence Syro was my father Bob. Sir this is my businesse my name is Racket I haue a ship of my owne vpon the riuer Flo. By your leaue sir captaine Racket is your name Bob. Some call me so indeede sir Flo. It is a good conceit I pray proceede Bob. Sir I am now bound to sea and wanting some monie for the better furnishing of my wants Flo. O you would borrow mony of me Bob. That 's my sute indeede Flo. That 's no good conceit Bob. Na heare me sir if you wil supply me with ten pound til my returne from Barbary I will leaue in your hands a diamond of greater value than the mony Flo. A Diamond is it a Diamond or but a counterfet Fiddle
And the conclusion I would haue set downe A flat resolue bound with some zealous oath Neuer to yeeld to eyther of their sutes And if this sort not well to your content Condemne the Cripple Franke But this will aske much time And they by this time looke for my returne Crip. Why then my selfe will fit you presently I haue the Coppies in my custody Of sundry Letters to the same effect Franke Of thy owne writing Crip. My owne I assure you sir Franke Faith thou hast robd some Sonet booke or other And now wouldst make me thinke they are thine owne Crip. Why thinkst thou that I cannot write a letter Ditty or Sonnet with iudiciall phrase As pretty pleasing and patheticall As the best Ouid-immitating dance In all the towne Franke I thinke thou canst not Crip. Yea I le sweare I cannot Yet sirra I could conny-catch the world Make my selfe famous for a sodaine wit And be admirde for my dexteritie Were I disposde Franke I pre thee how Crip. Why thus there liu'd a Poet in this towne If we may terme our moderne Writers Poets Sharpe-witted bitter-tongd his penne of steele His incke was temperd with the biting iuyce And extracts of the bitterst weedes that grew He neuer wrote but when the elements Of Fire and Water tilted in his braine This fellow ready to giue vp his ghost To Luciaes bosome did bequeathe to me His Library which was iust nothing But rolles and scrolles and bundles of cast wit Such as durst neuer visit Paules churchyard Amongst them all I happened on a quire Or two of paper filld with Songs and Ditties And heere and there a hungry Epigramme These I reserue to my owne proper vse And Pater-noster-like haue kon'd them all I could now when I am in company At ale house tauerne or an ordinarie Vpon a theame make an extemporall ditty Or one at least should seeme extemporall Out of th' aboundance of this Legacie That all would judge it and report it too To be the infant of a sodaine wit And then were I an admirable fellow Franke This were a peece of cunning Crip. I could doe more for I could make enquirie Where the best witted Gallants vse to dine Follow them to the tauerne and there sit In the next rowme with a calues head and brimstone And ouer heare their talke obserue their humours Collect their jeasts put them into a play And tire them too with payment to behold What I haue filcht from them This I could doe But O for shame that men should so arraigne Their owne fee simple wits for verball theft Yet men there be that haue done this and that And more by much more than the most of them Franke But to our purpose Cripple to these letters Cripple I haue them ready for you heere they be Giue these to your two brothers say that Phillis Deliuered them with frownes and though her name Be not subscribde which may not well be done It may perhaps giue them occasion To thinke she scornd them so much grace and fauour This done returne to me and let me know Th' occurrants of this prastise as they growe And so farewell I can no longer stand To talke with you I haue some worke in hand Exit Franke Farewell mad Cripple now Franke Golding slie To put in practise this new pollicie But soft heere comes the Maide I wil assay Euter Phillis and Fiddle To pleade my owne loue by a stranger way By your leaue sir Fid. Porter I am not for you you see I am perambulating before a female Franke I would craue but a word with you Fid. Speake in time then Porter for otherwise I doe not loue to answer you and bee as briefe as you can good Porter Fran. I pray you sir what Gentlewoman is this Fiddle Certes Porter I serue a Gentleman that Gentleman is father to this Gentlewoman this Gentlewoman is a maide this maide is faire and this faire maide belongeth to the Exchange and the Exchange hath not the like faire maid now Porter put al this together and tel me what it spels Franke I promise you sir you haue posde me Fid. Then you are an asse Porter t is the faire Maide of the Exchange Fran. Hir name I pray you sir Fiddle Her name Porter requires much poeticalitie in the subscription and no lesse iudgement in the vnderstanding her name is Phillis not Phillis that same dainty lasse that was beloued of Amintas nor Phillis shee that doated on that comely youth Demophoon but this is Phillis that most strange Phillis the flowre of the Exchange Phil. What would that Porter any thing with me Franke Yes Mistris since by chaunce I meete you heere I le tell you though it not concernes my selfe What I this morning sawe there is a Gentleman One master Golding the yongest of three brothers They call him Franke O this man lies very sicke I being at his house perchance enquired What his disease was of a seruant there Who said the doctors cannot tell themselues But in his fittes he euer calles on Loue And prayes to Loue for pitty and then names you And then names Loue againe and then calles Phillis And sometime startes and would forsake his bed And being askt whither he sayes he would goe to Phillis My busines calld me hence but I heard say His friends doe meane to intreate you to take the paines To visit him because they do suppose The sicke man loues you and thence his sickenes growes Phi. Porter is this true Or art thou hired to this I prethee tell me Franke Mistris not hired my name is Trusty Iohn If I delude you neuer trust me more Phi. I thanke thee Porter and thanke Loue withall That thus hath wrought the tyrant Golding's fall He once scornd Loue jeasted at wounded hearts Challengde almighty beauty raild at passion And is he now caught by the eies and heart Now by Dianaes milke white vaile I sweare The goddesse of my maiden chaste desires I am as glad of it as glad may be And I will see him if but to laugh at him And torture him with jeasts Fiddle along When we returne if they doe send for me I le arme my selfe with flowts and crueltie Fiddle Porter wee committe you if you be a crafty knaue and lay in the winde for a vantage you haue your answere marke her last wordes I le arme my selfe with flowtes and cruelty Exeunt Frank I le arme my selfe with floutes and crueltie Will you so Phillis what a state am I in Why I of all am furthest from her loue Sblood if I now should take conceit at this Fall sicke with loue indeed were not my state Most lamentable I by this hand were it Well heart if thou wilt yeeld looke to thy selfe Thou wilt be tortur'd well what remedie Enter Anthonie Here comes my brother Anthonie I am for him Anth. Porter what newes spake you with Phillis Frank I too late to my griefe Spoke with her sir Yfaith I thinke I
be her loue Maister Flo. How wife Mistris Flo. Euen so husband Maister Flo. You will not crosse my purpose will you Mistris Flo. In this you shall not bridle me I sweare Maister Flo. Is she not my daughter Mistris Flo. You teach me husband what your wife should say I thinke her life is deerest vnto me Though you forget the long extreamitie And paine which I indurd when foorth this wombe With much adoe she did inioy the life she now doth breathe And shall I now suffer her destruction Maister Flo. Yea but conceit me wife Mistris Flo. A figge for your conceits in this I know there can be none that Say he be his fathers eldest sonne and a merchaunt of good wealth yet my deere Anthonies as rich as he What though his portion was but small at first His industrie hath now increasd his talent And he that knoweth the getting of a penny Will feare to spend she shall haue him if any Maister Flo. By the Mary God wife you vex me Mistris Flo. T is your owne impatience you may chuse Maister Flo. I will not wed my daughter to that Anthony Mistris Flo. By this Maister Flo. Hold wife hold I aduise thee sweare not For by him that made me first I vow She shall not touch the bed of Anthony Mistris Flo. And may I neuer liue so God me help If euer she be wed to Ferdinand Maister Flo. The diuel 's in this woman how she thwartes me still Mistris Flo. Fret on good husband I will haue my will Maister Flo. But conceit me wife suppose we should consent our daughter should wedde either of them both and shee dislike the match were that a good conceit Mistris Flo. All 's one for that I know my daughters mind if I but say the word Maister Flo. I would be loath to wed her against hir will Content thee wife wee le heare her resolution And as I finde her to her owne content To either of them she shall haue my consent Mistris Flo. Why now old Flower speaketh like himselfe Maister Flo. Agreed and faith wife t is a good conceit Enter Phillis And see where my daughter comes welcome gerle How doth your Mistris Phillis God blesse thee Phillis rise Phi. God haue the glory in perfect health she is Maister Flo. T is good I am glad she doth so well But list my daughter I haue golden newes To impart vnto thee A golden Golding wench must be thy husband Is 't not a good conceit Phi. Father I vnderstand you not Maister Flo. Then my gerle thy conceit is very shallow Maister Ferdinand Golding is in loue with thee Mistris Flo. No daughter t is thine Anthony Maister Flo. Ferdinand is rich for he hath store of gold Mistris Flo. Anthony is rich yet is not so old Maister Flo. Ferdinand is vertuous full of modestie Mistris Flo. Anthony's more gratious if more may be Maister Flo. Ferdinand is wise being wise who would not loue him Mistris Flo. Anthony more wise then Gerle desire to proue him Maister Flo. In Ferdinand is all the beauty that may be Mistris Flo. He is deceiu'd t is in thine Anthony Phi. Deare Parents you confound me with your wordes I pray what meane these hote perswasions Maister Flo. Thy good my daughter Mistris Flo. If but rulde by me Maister Flo. But for thy ill-fare Mistris Flo. If she tend to thee Maister Flo. The trueth is this that each of vs hath tane A solemne vow that thou my louing daughter Shalt wed with one of those two gentlemen But yet referre the choice vnto thy selfe One thou shalt loue loue Ferdinand if me Mistresse Flo. If loue thy mother loue thine Anthonie Phil. In these extreames what shall become of me I pray you giue me respite to consider How to disgest these impositions You haue imposde a busines of such weight Pray God your daughter may discharge her selfe Maister Flo. Thinke on 't my gerle we will withdrawe awhile Phi. A little respite fits my resolution They walke Those Gentles sue too late there is another Of better worth though not of halfe their wealth What though deform'd his vertue mends that misse What though not rich his wit doth better gold And my estate shall adde vnto his wants I am resolu'd good father and deere mother Phillis doth choose a Cripple and none other But yet I must dissemble Maister Flo. How now my soules best hope tell mee my gerle Shall Ferdinand be he Phi. I pray a word in priuate Maister Flo. Mary with all my heart Phi. In all the duety that a childe can shew The loue that to a father it doth owe I yeeld my selfe to be at your commaund And vow to wed no man but Ferdinand But if you please at your departure hence You may inforce dislike to cloude your brow To avoyde my mothers anger and suspition M Flo. Before God a very good conceit Hence baggage out of my sight Come not within my doores thou hadst been better Runne millions of miles bare footed then Thus by your coy disdaine to haue deluded me Oh mine owne flesh and blood the mirror of wit Now will I hence and with all the speed I may Send for my sonne I le haue it done this day Exit old Flow Mistresse Flow. What is he gone and in so hot a chafe Well let him goe I need not question why For well I wote his sute is cold t' must die Daughter I gather by thy pleasant smiles Thy mother hath more interest in thy loue Than discontented Flower thy aged father Phi. Mother you haue for when I well consider A mothers care vnto her deere bought childe How tenderly you nurcde and brought me vp I could not be so much vnnaturall As to refuse the loue you proffer me Especially being for my chiefest good Therefore when married I intend to be My loyall husband shall be Anthony Mistris Fl. Liue euer then my deere deere daughter Phillis Let me imbrace thee in a mothers armes Thus thus and thus I le euer hugge my daughter Him hence thou sendst with frowns me hence with laughter Come Phillis let vs in Exit Mistris Flower Phi. Forsooth I le follow you Am not I a good childe thinke you To play with both hands thus against my parents Well t is but a tricke of youth say what they will I le loue the Cripple and will hate them still Exit Enter Cripple in his shop and to him enters Franke Franke Mirrour of kindnesse extremities best friend While I breathe sweete bloud I am thine Intreate me nay commaund thy Frances heart That wilt not suffer my insuing smart Cripp. Sweet signior my aduise in the reseruation of those Letters Which I will haue you hide from eie of day Neuer to feele the warmth of Phoebus beames Till my selfes care most carefull of your weale Summon those lines vnto the barre of Ioy Francke I will not erre deere friend in this commaund Cripple So much for that now listen further
Francke Not yet two houres expiration Haue taken finall end since Beauties pride And Natures better part of workemanship Beauteous Phillis was with me consorted Where she mongst other pleasing conference Burst into termes of sweet affection And said ere long she would conuerse with me In priuate at my shop whose wounded soule Strucke with loues golden arrow liues in dread Till she doe heare the sentence of my loue Or be condemn'd by iudgement of fell hate Now since that gracious opportunitie Thus smiles on me I will resigne the same To you my friend knowing my vnworthy selfe Too foule for such a beautie and too base To match in brightnesse with that sacred comet That shines like Phaebus in Londons Element From whence inferior starres deriue their light Wherefore I will immediatly you take My crooked habite and in that disguise Court her yea win her for she will be wonne This will I doe to pleasure you my friend Frank For which my loue to thee shall neuer end Crip. About it then assume this shape of mine Take what I haue for all I haue is thine Supply my place to gaine thy hearts desire So may you quench too hearts that burne like fire Shee 's kind to mee be she as kinde to you What admiration will there then insue Franke I will leaue thee now be thou fortunate That we with ioy your loues may consummate Farewell farewell when I returne againe I hope to finde thre in a pleasing vaine Exit Fran. Farewell deere friend was euer known a finer policie Now brothers haue amongst you for a third part Nay for the whole or by my soule I le loose all What though my father did bequeath his lands To you my elder brethren the moueables I sue for Were none of his and you shall runne through fire Before you touch one part of my desire Am I not like my selfe in this disguise Crooked in shape and crooked in my thoughts Then am I a Cripple right come wench away Thy absence breeds a terror to my stay Enter Phillis Yonder she comes now frame thy hands to draw A worser workeman neuer any saw Phil. Yea yonder sits the wonder of mine eye I haue not been the first whom destenie Hath thwarted thus imperious Loue Either withdraw the shaft that wounds my heart Or grant me patience to indure my smart Remorcelesse loue had any but thy selfe Beene priuie to my direfull passion How I consume and waste my selfe in loue They would haue beene yea much more pittifull But all auailes not demaunding for my worke Shall be a meanes to haue some conference Shee speakes to Franke Good morrow to you is my handkercher done Frank Yea Mistresse Flower it is finished Phil. How sweetly tunes the accent of his voyce Oh do not blame me deerest loue aliue Though thus I dote in my affection I toyle I labor and I faine would thriue And thriue I may if thou wouldst giue direction Thou art the starre whereby my course is led Be gracious then bright sunne or I am dead Frank Faire Mistresse Phillis such wanton toyes as these Are for yong Nouices that will soone bee pleasde The carefull thoughts that hammer in my braine Bid me abandon wanton loue t is vaine Phil. For me it is Frank Is my vngarnishd darke and obscure Cell A mansion fit for all-commanding loue No if thou wilt sport with loue And dally with that wanton amorous boy Hie thee vnto the odoriferous groues Phil. There is no groues more pleasant vnto me Then to be still in thy societie Franke There of the choisest fragrant flowers that grow Thou maist deuise sweete roseat Corronets And with the Nimphs that haunt the siluer streames Learne to entice the affable yong wagge There shalt thou finde him wand ring vp and downe Till some faire saint impale him with a crowne Be gone I say and doe not trouble mee For to be short I cannot fancy thee Phil. For to be short you cannot fancie me Oh cruell word more hatefull then pale death Oh would to God it would conclude my breath Frank Forbeare forbeare admit that I should yeild Thinke you your father would applaud your choice Phil. Doubt not thereof or if he do not all 's one So you but grant to my affection Crip. I am too base Phil. My wealth shall raise thee vp Crip. I am deform'd Phil. Tut I will beare with that Crip. Your friends dislike brings all this out of frame Phil. By humble sute I will redresse the same Frank Now to employ the vertue of my shape Faire mistresse If heretofore I haue remorselesse beene And not esteemd your vndeserued loue Whereby in the glasse of your affection I see my great vnkindnesse forgiue what 's past And here I proffer all the humble seruice Your hie prizde loue doth merrit at my hands Which I confesse is more then I vnable Can gratefie therefore command my toyle My trauell yea my life to pleasure you Phil. I take thee at thy word prowd of thy seruice But yet no seruant shalt thou be of mine I will serue thee command and I le obey This doth my soule more good yea ten times more Then did thy harsh deniall harme before Let vs imbrace like two vnited friends Heere loue begins and former hatred ends Enter Ferdinand and Anthonie walking together Ferd. Brother Anthony what newes from Venice Are your ships return'd I had rather aside Heare newes from Phillis Oh brother Franke Thy absence makes me burne in passion Anth. Sir I had letters from my factors there Some three dayes since but the returne of one aside Of one poore letter yet not answered Makes me starke madde a plague vpon that Porter Damn'd may he be for thus deluding me Ferdinand spies Phillis and turnes backe How now brother why retire you so Ferd. Yonder 's a friend of mine acquaintance With whom I would gladly haue some conference I pray thee stay I will returne immediatly Goe to Phillis and court her to themselues Anth. Of your acquaintance is she so good brother Onely with you acquainted and no other Faith I le trie that take heed sir what you doe If you begin to court I needs must woe Go to her too Brother haue you done Ferd. But two words more at most You haue not then receiu'd any such letter A vengeance take the lazie messenger Brother if I liue I le quittance thee for this Fran. Good words deere brother threatned men liue long Anth. You haue done Ferd. Yes Anth. Then by your leaue brother You had one word I must haue another Talke in priuate Ferd. I know our businesse tends to one effect O that villaine Franke it mads my soule I am so wrong'd by such a foolish Boy Frank That foolish boy may chance prooue to be witty What and the elder brothers fooles Oh ti 's pittie Anth. That villaine Porter hath deluded me Confusion guerdon his base villaine Frank What are you cursing too then we catch no fish Comes there any
more heere 's two Snights to a dish Ferd. Well since I haue such opportunitie I le trust no longer to vncertaintie He courts her againe in priuate Anth. At it so hard brother well woe apace A while I am content to giue you place Frank Well to her both both doe the best you can I feare yong Franke will prooue the happier man Phil. You haue your answere trouble me no more Fer. Yet this is worse then my suspence before For then I liu'd in hope now hope is fled Anth. What male content is Ferdinand strooke dead Fortune be blithe and aide the second brother Talke in priuate Franke Thinke you to haue more fauour then an other To her a Gods name liue not in suspence While you two striue I needs must get the wench Phil. I am resolu'd and sir you know my minde Frank What you repulst too Phillis is too vnkinde Phil. Here sits my Loue within whose louely brest Liues my content and all my pleasures rest And for a further confirmation Which to approoue euen in sight of both you here present I giue my hand and with my hand my heart My selfe and all to him and with this ring I le wed my selfe Frank I take thy offering And for the gift you gaue to me take this And let vs seale affection with a kisse Ferd. Oh sight intollerable Anth. A spectacle worse then death Frank Now gentlemen please you draw neere and listen to the Cripple Giue them the letters and they stampe and storme Know you that letter sir what say you to this Both How came they to your hands Frank Sirs a porter euen of late left them with me To be deliuered to this Gentlewoman Anth. A plague vpon that Porter if ere I meete him My rapiers point with a deaths wound shall greet him Exit Ferd. Franke thou art a villaine thou shalt know 't ere long For proffering me such vndeserued wrong Exit Frank So vomit forth the rhume of all your spight These threats of yours procure me more delight Phil. Now gentle loue all that I haue to say Is to entreat you seeke without delay My fathers kinde consent for thou hast mine And though he storme yet will I still be thine Make triall then t is but thy labour lost Though he denie thee it requires no cost Frank I will assaile with expedition Phil. God and good fortune go with thee farewell Exit Frank Well I will goe but not in this disguise Arme thee with policie Franke Franke must be wise Now would the substance of this borrowed shape Were here in presence and see where he comes Enter the Cripple Poore in the well framd limbes of nature but Rich in kindnesse beyond comparison Welcome deere friend the kindest soule aliue Here I resigne thy habite backe againe Whereby I prooue the happiest man that breaths Crip. Hast thou then sweet blood been fortunate Frank Harke I will tell thee all Whisper in priuate Enter Bowdler Mall Berry and Ralfe Bowdler capers and sings Ralf Faith sir me thinkes of late you are very light Bowd. As a feather sweet Rogue as a feather Haue I not good cause sweet Mall sweet Mall Hath she not causde the same well if I liue sweet wench Either by night or day I will requite your kindenesse Franke Now I will take my leaue to put the same in practise Exit Franke Crip. Good fortune waite on thee Bowd. Mall thou art mine by thine owne consent How saist thou Mall Mall Yes forsooth Ralfe I am witnesse sir Bowd. But that is not sufficient Mall if thou art content Mall heer 's a Rogue hard by a friend of mine whom I will acquaint with our loues and hee shall bee partaker of the match Ralf Nay sir if you meane to haue partners in the match I hope Ralfe can helpe to serue your wiues turne as well as another what ere he be How say you mistresse Mall All 's one to me whom he please Bowd. Come then sweet Mall wee le to the Drawer There to dispatch what I further intend Mall And well remembred husband Ralfe A forward maiden by this light husband before the Clarke hath said Amen Mall He hath worke of mine I pray forget it not Bowd. I will not Mall Now you lame Rogue where is this maidens worke my wiues worke you rascall quicke giue it her Crip. Sweet Seignior the sweet Nimphes worke is almost finished but sweete blood you driue me into admiration with your latter words your sweet wiues worke I admire it Bowd. I yee halting Rascall my wiues worke shee 's my wife before God and Ralfe how saist thou Mall art thou not Mal. Yes for sooth and to confirme the same Heere in this presence I plight my faith againe And speake againe what erst before was said That none but you shall haue my maiden-head Bowd. A good wench Mall ifaith now will I to thy father for his good wil Cripple see you remember what is past for I will call thee in question for a witnesse if neede require farewell curre farewell dogge Exit Bowdler and Ralfe Crip. A due fond humorist Parenthesis of iests Whose humour like a needlesse Cypher fils a roome But now Mall Berry a word or two with you Hast thou forgotten Barnet thy thoughts were bent on him Mall On him Cripple for what was it for marriage Crip. It was for loue why not for marriage O monstrous Were I a maide and should be so bewitch'd I 'de pull my eyes out that did lend me light Exclaime against my fortune banne my starres And teare my heart so yeelding her consent To Bowdlers loue that froth of complement Mall Cripple you lose your time with your faire teares To circumuent my heart Bowdler I loue thee Barnard I hate and thou shalt neuer mooue me Crip. I will thou dost loue Barnard and I can prooue it Mall That I loue Barnard by heauens I abhorre him Crip. Thou lou'st him once againe I say thou lou'st him For all thou hast borne Bowdler still in hand Mall What wilt thou make me mad I say I hate him Crip. I say thou lou'st him haue not I been at home And heard thee in thy chamber praise his person And say he is a proper little man And pray that he would be a suter to thee Haue I not seene thee in the Bay-window To sit crosse-armde take counsell of thy glasse And prune thy selfe to please yong Barnards eye Some times curling thy haire then practising smiles Sometimes rubbing thy filthy butter-teeth Then pull the haires from off thy beetle-browes Painting the veins vpon thy breasts with blew An hundred other trickes I saw thee vse And all for Barnard Mall For Barnard t was for Bowdler Crip. I say for Barnard Nay more thou knowst I lay one night at home And in thy sleepe I heard thee call on Barnard Twentie times ouer Mall Will you be sworne I did Crip. I I will sweare it And art thou not ashamde thus to be changde To leaue
the loue of a kinde Gentleman To dote on Bowdler Fie fie reclaime thy selfe Imbrace thy Barnard take him for thy husband And saue his credite who is else vndone By thy hard fathers hatefull crueltie Mall Cripple If thou canst prooue that euer I Did fancie Barnard I will loue him still Crip. Why I le be sworne thou didst Mal. And that I doated on him in my sleepe Crip. I le be sworne I could not sleepe all night In the next roome thou didst so raue on him Mal. I cannot tell I may well be deceiu'd I thinke I might affect him in my sleepe And yet not know it let me looke on him Yfaith he is a pretty hansome fellow T is pitty he should waste himselfe in prison Hey ho Crip. What 's the mater wench Mal. Cripple I will loue him Crip. Wilt thou yfaith Mal. Yfaith I will Enter two Serieants Crip. Giue me thy hand a bargaine t is enough Mal. But how shall he know I loue him Crip. Why thus I will intreate the Serieants To goe with him along vnto thy father And by the way I le send yong Bowdler from vs And then acquaint my Barnard with thy loue He shall accept it and auouch the same Vnto thy father wench do thou the like And then I hope his bonds are cancelled Barn Cripple shall we haue your company Crip. My friends hold here there 's mony for your paines Walke with your prisoner but to maister Berry And ye shall either finde sufficient baile Or else discharge the debt or I assure you Wee le be your ayde to guarde him safe to prison 1. Serieant Well we are willing sir we are content To shew the Gentleman any kind of fauour Crip. Along then hearke maister Bowdler Exeunt Enter Maister Flower Mistris Flower Maister Berry and Fiddle Maist Flo. Welcome good maister Berry is your stomack vp sir It is a good conceit yfaith Fiddle It is indeede sir Master Flo. What Fiddle Fid. If his stomacke be vp to goe to dinner Maister Flo. Fiddle bid maister Berry welcome Fid. What else maister with the best belly in my heart the sweetest straine in my musicke and the worst entertainment that may be Fiddle bids your worship adesdum Berry Thankes Fiddle and maister Flower I am much beholding to your curtesie Mistris Flo. Fiddle I wonder that he staies so long Thou toldst me Anthony would follow thee Fid. I and hee le be heere I warrant you Maister Flo. I le tell you sir it is a rare conceit My wife would haue her marry Anthony The yonger brother but against her minde I will contract her vnto Ferdinand And I haue sent for you and other friends To witnes it and t is a good conceit Mistris Flo. Fiddle are all things ordred well within Fid. All 's well all 's well but there wants some saffron To colour the custards withall Mistris Flo. Heere take my keyes bid Susan take enough Maister Flo. Fiddle are all our guests come yet Fid. I sir and here comes one more than you lookt for Exit Enter Franke Franke God saue you Master Flower as much to you Master Berry Maister Flo. Welcome M. Golding y are very welcome sir Franke My brother Ferdinand commends him to you And heere 's a letter to you from himselfe Maister Flo. A letter sir it is a good conceit I le reade it strait Giues the other Letter to mistris Flower Maister Flower I am beholding to you for your kindenesse and your furtherance in my loue-suite but my minde is changed and I will not marry your daughter and so farewell This is no good conceit what Ferdinand Delude olde Flower make me deceiue my friends Make my wife laugh and triumph in her will What thinke you Fiddle Fid. Why sir I thinke it is no good conceit Maister Flo. Thou saist true Fiddle t is a bad conceit But heare you sir Mistris Flower reades her Letter I vnderstand by Fiddle your forwardnesse in my sute to your daughter but neuertheles I am determined to drawe backe and commit your daughter to her best fortunes and your selfe to God Farewell Why this is like my husbands bad conceit Haue you ore-reachd me Flower you crafty fox This is your doing but for all your sleight I le crosse you if my purpose hit aright Fra. Tut tell not me sir for my credite and reputation is as it is and there 's an end if I shall haue her why so Maist. Flo. Sir the conceit is doubtfull giue me leaue but to consider of it by my selfe Franke With all my heart Mistris Flo. Maister Golding a word I pray sir You know my daughter Phillis doe you not Franke Mistris I doe Mistris Flo. She is a starre I tell you Franke She is no lesse indeede Mistris Flo. I tell you sir vpon the sodaine now There came an odde conceit into my head Are you a batcheller Franke I am indeede Mistris Flo. And are you not promisde Franke Not yet beleeue me Maister Flo. Maister Golding Mistris Flo. Well do you heare sir if you will be pleasde To wed my daughter Phillis you shall haue her Franke To wed your daughter why she loues me not Mistris Flo. All 's one for that she will be rulde by me Disdaine her not because I proffer her I tell you sir Merchants of great account Haue sought her loue and Gentlemen of worth Haue humbly sude to me in that behalfe To say the trueth I promisde her to one But I am crossd and thwarted by my husband Who meanes to marry hir vnto another Now sir to cry but quittance for his guile I offer her to you if you accept her I le make her dowrie richer by a paire Of hundred pounds than else it should haue beene Franke Why this is excellent past all compare Sude to to haue her gentle mistris Flower Let me consider of it Mistris Flo. Nay nay deferre no time if you wil haue her I le search my coffers for another hundred Fran. Say I should yeeld your husband will withstand it Mistris Fl. I le haue it closely done without his knowlege Is it a match Franke Well well I am content Mast. Fl. Why then old Flower I le crosse your close intent Master Flo. It shall be so and t is a good conceit It shall be so if but to crosse my wife Hearke maister Golding the conceit doth like me You loue my daughter so me thought you said You said moreouer that she loues you well This loue on both sides is a good conceit But are you sure sir that my daughter loues you Franke For proofe thereof shew her this ring Maister Flo. A ring of hers t is well Franke I but conceit mee If I had wood her in my proper shape I do beleeue she neuer would haue likde me Therefore since I shall haue her giue me leaue To come and court hir in my borrowed shape Maister Flo. With all my heart and t is a good conceit And heere 's my hand
about a little worke I haue of hers Maister Flo. What worke you knaue no thou hast some conceit to robbe me of my daughter but away I like not that conceit out of my doores Phi. Vnhappy Phillis and vnfortunate Fra. Sir I am content I le not moue your patience Phi. Life of my liuing body if thou goe Though not aliue take me hence dead with woe she sounds Berry In troth sir you are too blame Master Flow. What is she dead it is no good conceit Speake to me Phillis O vnhappy time Sweete Girle deere daughter O my onely ioy Speake to thy father wench in some conceit What not a word Berry Now may you see what fell impatience Begets vpon such tender plants as these Mistris Flow. Now may we see the folly of old age Gouern'd by spleene and ouerweening rage Master Flow. Speake to me daughter And thou shalt haue what not couetst thou gold Thou shalt not want for crownes thou shalt haue all O was my furie author of thy trance Did I deny thy loues accesse to thee Speake but one word and thou shalt be his wife By heauen thou shalt Phil. I take you at your word it is no paine To die for loue and then reuiue againe Berry Now M. Flower how like you this conceit Hath shee not ouer reach'd you M. Flow. My word is past and yet for all my rage I rather choose to faile in my conceit And wed thee Phillis to thy owne content Heere take my daughter Cripple loue her well Be kinde to her and I le be kinde to thee Thou art but poore well I will make thee rich And so God blesse you with a good conceit Frank I thanke you when I leaue to loue my wife Heauen hasten death and take away my life M. Flow. T is well done Franke I applaude thy wit And now I know I faile not in conceit Enter Cripple Fredinand Anthonie Bowdler Crip. Gentlemen sweet bloods or brethren of familiarity I would speake with Phillis shall I haue audience Phil. Helpe me derre father O helpe me Gentlemen This is some spirit driue him from my sight Frank Were he the deuill thou shalt not budge a foote Bowd. Zounds two Cripples two dogs two curres t is wonderfull Frank Feare not deare heart Phil. Hence foule deformitie Nor thou nor he shall my companion be If Cripples dead the liuing seeme to haunt I le neither of either therefore I say auaunt Helpe me father Frank Deere heart reuoke these words Here are no spirites nor deformities I am a counterfeit Cripple now no more But yong Franke Golding as I was before Amaze not loue nor seeme not discontent Nor thee nor him shall euer this repent Ferd. M. Flower I come to claime your promise Anth. I come for yours your daughter I doe meane M. Flow. My promise why sir you refusde my promise And sent me word so in your letter Mistresse Flow. And so did you to me and now t is past Your brother Franke hath both our free consents Ferd. Sir sir I wrote no letter Anth. By heauen nor I Frank But I did for you both I was your Scribe The whilst you went to see your house a fire And you as I remember I did send To see your sister drown'd at London-Bridge Ferd. Y faith good brother haue you ore reach'd vs so Anth, So cunningly that none of vs could know Ferd. For all this cunning I will breake the match Anth. And so will I Frank Why brothers shee 's mine by her fathers gift Ferd. Brother you lie you got her with a shift Franke I was the first that lou'd her Ferd. That 's not so t' was I Anth. Catch that catch can then brothers both you lie M. Flow. Yea but conceit me Gentlemen what doe you meane to spoile my daughter you claime her and I haue giuen her your yonger brother this is no good conceite why how now Phillis still drooping cheare thee my girle see a companie of Gentlemen are at strife for thy loue looke vp and in this faire assembly make thine owne choise choose where thou wilt and vse thine owne conceit Phil. But will my father then applaud my choise M. Flow. I will Phil. And will these worthy Gentlemen be pleasde How euer my dislike or liking prooue All We will Phil. I must confesse you all haue taken paines And I can giue but all for that paines taken And all my all is but a little loue And of a little who can make deuision I would I knew what would content you all Ferd. Thy loue Anoth. Thy life and loue Frank Thy life thy loue thy selfe and all for me For if I want but one I then want thee Phil. If then I giue what either if you craue Though not what you desire will it suffice Ferd. I wish but loue Phil. And as a friend you haue it Anth. I life and loue Phil. And as your friend I vow to loue you whilst I liue as doe now Frank I aske but all for I deserue no more Phil. And thou shalt haue thy wish take all my store My loue my selfe Frank By heauen I aske no more Brothers haue done and Dad to end all strife Come take her hand and giue her for my wife M Flow. With all my heart and t is a good conceit Bowd. Gentlemen patience is your fairest play Ferd. Impatience puls me hence for this disdaine I am resolu'd neuer to loue againe Exit Anth. Stay brother Ferdinand I le follow thee Farewell all loue t is full of treacherie Exit Bow By heauens Franke I do commend thy wit Come Mall shall thou and I aske blessing too for company Mall You and I sir alas we are not play-fellowes though we be turtles I am prouided Bowd. Prouided why am not I thy Menelaus Mall I sir but this is my Paris I am resolu'd And what I doe is by authoritie Bowd. Is it euen so is Hellen stolne by Paris Then thus in armes will Menelaus mourne Till Troy be sack'd and Hellena returne Exit Enter M. Wood and Officers Wood This is the man officers attach him vpon fellonie Office M. Flower I arrest you vpon fellonie and charge you to obey M. Flow. Arrest me vpon fellonie at whose sute Wood Sir at mine where had you that Dyamond on your finger it was stole from me and many other Iewels to the value of a hundred pownd M Flo. This is no good conceit hath Captaine Racket Banded old Flower to such an exegent I hope my credit somewhat will asist me Well whither must I goe Wood Straight to the bench where now the Iudges are To giue you speedy tryall M. Flow. Words here are little worth wife and friends all Goe with me to my tryall you shall see A good conceit now brought to infamie Exeunt FINIS