then indeed you beare unto her 10. Now if at last God hath answered thy praiers and fulfilled thy desires and hath given thee a vertuous wife hath given thee her friends and thy friends consent and hath most firmely united your affections in a sweet and inviolable bond of love so that now the match is struck and thou enjoyest thy hearts desire then forget not thy former serious resolutions and intentions Didst thou not resolve when thou wast in the multitude of thy thoughts entangled in thy affections surprised with feares and doubtfull of thy hopes that if God would be pleased to quiet thy thoughts settle thy affections banish thy feares and make sure thy hopes that then thou wouldst with all thankfull acknowledgement return to him the glory of it Remember therefore what hath gone out of thy mouth and as he hath turned thy petition into fruition so doe thou turn thy resolution into action and presently fall a blessing of him 1. Bless him that ever hee put it into thy heart to fall upon this course of seeking of him when as others in all their thoughts and amidst the variety of their wayes and contrivances this is the least yea not any of them To seek God in such a matter as this they think it a thing as ridiculous so unprosperous now that thou shouldst make choyce of this way above all others which by experience thou hast found to be the best and surest here is cause of blessing 2. Again bless him that he hath given thee any wisedome in choosing that hee hath restrained thee from hurrying thy affections headlong as many do without wit or discretion upon any which their rude fancie and roving eye is cast upon giving the reines to their unbridled affections to run unadvisedly upon any where they see no other excellency but only that which is in wealth honour beauty parts or the like as for grace they desire it not at all or if they do only as the over-waight to so many pounds of Gold yea some are so besotted that where none of these are yet there shall their affections be how then hast thou cause to bless God that he hath given thee such spirituall wisedome wherewithall to over-master thy affections so as they are carryed out only there where there are better motives to draw them as for Beauty Riches and the like these thou desirest only as Adjuncts as the shell Grace that is the substance that is the kernell for which thou takest so much pains to get and being gotten takest so much delight in enjoying 3. Bless him not only for applying thy minde to seek a vertuous and gracious mate but that he hath crowned thy seeking with finding that thou hast found a Rose among the Thistles and a Lilly among the Thornes that among so many thousands he hath as it were cull'd out one whose gracious and godly disposition is every way answerable to thy desire and whose qualification is every way sutable to thy nature he hath not dealt so with every one many have sought but not found and few have had their expectations answered in their enjoyments 4. Again bless him not only that thou hast found but that thou hast found with so much facility and delight he hath made thy pains easie and thy labours delightfull thou hast obtained a great blessing with little cost shouldest thou have obtained her as many have done with the undergoing of a troubled minde a disquieted spirit many tumultuous thoughts restless vexations yet thou couldst not but bless nay shouldest thou have been put to it with David to obtain thy wife with the danger of thy life by dint of sword to slay an hundred Philistims and bring their fore-skins for a dowrie 1. Sam. 18. 25. or with Othniel who won his wife with the hazard of his life by smiting Kiâ—…athsepher and taking it Josuah 15. 17. yet there was cause to bless but if thou hast been so far from undergoing such difficulties as that thou hast with no danger but a great deal of safety and much felicity obtained her God having removed for thee even all those lesser impediments that at any time did but lie in the way as rubs to hinder it and hath in all thy way made good that promise to thee Isa. 26. 3. keeping thee in perfect peace because thy mind was stayed on him Oh then what cause hast thou to bless 5. Bless him that he did freely give thee the good will and consent of thine and her friends the procuring of which some have sought with many a sad thought and turbulent minde but could not obtain it and those that have ventured so far as to match themselves without it have incurr'd the loss not only of their friends favour but of their own comfort 6. And bless him if hee hath weaned thy affections from any that formerly they were cast on now seeing Gods providence otherwise disposing of her thou wast hereby wrought not to a malicious hatred against her or to a fretting vexation in thy self as many have been who having been once crossed in their affections have for the time to come resolved irreconcileable hatred against the party and rashly vowed perpetuall virginity to themselves a thing not in their own power But herein mayst thou bless that thou didst willingly submit to God as to that which was best for thee still preserving thy affections towards her so as to pray for and desire her welfare rejoyce in her prosperity and mourn with her in adversitie And for thy selfe didst patiently commit thy selfe unto the Lord waiting till hee would provide for thee who hath now answerably satisfied thy desire and given thee such a blessing as that thou hast not lost by waiting 7. And lastly bless him that hee hath so prospered all your enterprizes that hee hath so heard your prayers as that now hee hath given you a ful and compleat fruition of them hee having now knit your affections one towards another in a most firm and indissoluble union so that all your former distempered thoughts are now quieted your affections setled your fears banished and your hopes respecting so great a temporall mercy enjoyed {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Some other directions for unmarried persons YOU have in the former Discourse seen many Directions how to make a godly choice of one with whom you would marry Before I give you like Directions how to live as becommeth Christians in that married estate I shall minde you of some things needfull to be known and made use of before that your marriage be consummate 1. Do not please and deceive your self with a mis-apprehension of the married estate promising to your self to reap and injoy that good and as many will call it that happiness which is not to be found in it 2. There is an insufficiency in marriage as in all other earthly though lawfull and good things to give full content and to satisfie your desires you must bring
through Citie Country Town and Village but after the most diligent scrutinie what have they at length found Peradventure riches Alas that 's vanishing It may be honour that 's a burden perchance beauty that 's vanity at the best or civility that is but guilded impiety yea should they at length stumble on a good wife yet if not thus sought they shall either not long enjoy her or else not so comfortably because of many bitter ingredients which God will cast into it which otherwise might have been a sweet portion 5. Otherwise in stead of finding a blessing thou mayst find a curse what greater blessing then to enjoy a meet help one who may rejoyce thy heart in this thy pilgrimage one who may accompany thee and cheer thee up in the way when thou art treading many a weary step to the land of rest But on the contrary what heavier curse canst thou groan under to what soarer vexation canst thou be yoak't to then to an unequall yoak-fellow It is that which wil imbitter all thy comforts bereave thee of all thy delights rob thee of all thy contentments yea make thy life wearisome and death uncomfortable 6. Hence it is that they who otherwise seek inherit so much anxiety and trouble in their seeking who in stead of imploring Gods aid and assistance imploy their owne wits in contriving how to accomplish their desires and if their ends faile and their expectations are crossed how are they disturbed with the thought of it their spirits being dull and stupid their minds altogether lost in that which they desire to find consume and weare out all their comfort and content in the pursuit of that which now they become uncapable to attain being bereaved of themselves their comforts and peradventure their wits all at once so at length make themselvs fitter for Bedlam then the mariage bed when as on the contrary those who set themselves to seek her of God enjoy much pleasure and quiet in seeking contentment in finding and comfort in the possessing 7. Hereby shalt thou yeeld unto him due obeisance acknowledging him to be thy supream governour going to him as children to the Parent for guidance and direction in all their affaires a thing well-pleasing unto him But if on the contrary we will rush into such weighty businesses and venture our selves upon things of so great concernment without acquainting him with it or seeking to him for it or imploring his aid and assistance for the accomplishing of it what is it but to pluck our neckes from his yoak casting off all obedience and subjection to him as if wee had no dependance on him and therefore would slight all direction from him 8. Then lastly how ever it fal out thou mayst find comfort in it Bee she vertuous or vicious if vertuous then comfort will flow in on every side great comfort wil redound to thee that God was graciously pleased to bend his eare unto thee and give thee so favourable a pledge of his loving kindnesse Every time thou casts thine eye upō her thou mayest wth rejoicing cast up thine eyes to God and say Lo this is the wife that thou hast given me and blesse him in that thou hast so goodly an heritage If vitious yet if thou hast the inward testimony of thy conscience bearing thee witnesse that thou didst sincerely commit thy way unto the Lord and roll thy selfe upon him for direction in it Lo here thou mayst assuredly take comfort that all shall be for thy good he who brought thee to this condition shall support thee in it he wil either lighten the weight of thy burden or strengthen the weaknesse of thy shoulders But now if this web of trouble hath been of thine owne weaving if by thine own negligence thou hast been much wanting in thy duty to God and by indirect meanes hast haled this crosse upon thee and God not cast it on thee then lay thy hand upon thy mouth patiently submit repentance is fitter for thee then comfort Now who wil not but easily be convinced that no course is like this for the procurement of a good wife It were well if our hearts could as easily be brought to subject to the practice of it as our minds brought to submit to the truth of it But here it may be demanded how or in what manner must God be sought and dealt withall by those who desire this blessing The only way as for this so for all other mercies is prayer a means under which may well be written Probatum est for seldome any who diligently applied themselvs to this way ever failed of their end therefore let it be your study in the best manner you are able to direct your supplications to him to this purpose 1. That he would give you wisdome and understanding in your choyce for only the wise in choice seale to their joyes that when any one is presented to your view that your heart might not be taken either with their beauty or riches or naturall endowments so as to be carelesse and negligent in seeking and searching after that which is the main That grace in her heart may be the only orient pearle that shines so bright in your eyes Had we indeed nothing but a corporal substance then beauty riches honour and the like might be chiefly desired most sought after as things most agreeable and delightfull unto sense but we are endowed with a most noble soule too high born to feed on such husks all these will afford no more relish then the white of an egge Therefore other dainties must be provided other qualifications must be sought for which may be more sutable to this noble faculty And what can that be but grace that alone is the dainties with which the soule thrives shall therefore the chiefest of our desires and the greatest of our endevours be laid out for that which will nourish the body but poyson the soule which will feed the slave but starve the child God forbid yet thus many doe and thus shall we do if God withdraw from us his wisedome and deliver us up to our owne folly 2. Again beg of God that he would never knit thy affections to any whose affections he hath not knit to himselfe that thy love might never be sincere to them whose love is not sincere to God And because we many times see that there may be a rotten karkasse under a faire Sepulcher and deadly poyson under a smooth skin that there may be gall and bitternesse in their hearts whose mouthes drop as the hony and the hony comb that there may be loathsome hypocrisie under the faire shewes of sincerity And because God alone searcheth the heart and trieth the reines we can judge only by outward appearance therefore desire of him that he would search and try them and see if there be any way of iniquity found in them and discover it to you that so your affections might not be as some mens eyes
led astray with false fire 3. Now if upon discovery it evidently appeares that as yet the truth of grace is not wrought in her heart then earnestly beg of God that he would withdraw thy affections and take away the edge of them for it is to be questioned whether thy heart be sincerely gracious if thy affections can be sincere to them which are graceless Fling not the reins of thy love upon the neck of thy affections but beg of God that he who subdueth all things to himselfe would subdue thy affections bring them into subjection to his will that they might be like the Captains servant to goe and come at his pleasure 4. But now if thou hast so far ingaged thy self that it is neither able nor lawfull for thee to withdraw thy affections and yet canst not evidently perceive that there is truth of grace in her heart then double thy requests before God pray and pray earnestly that he would bestow on her his distinguishing mercies that he would implant the seeds of saving grace in her heart and make them to appeare in her life give not over night or day give not sleep to thine eyes nor slumber to thy eye lids till thou hast obtained this for her what fellowship hath light with darkness or Christ with Belial yea enlarge thy requests unto God that he would first unite her unto Christ before he joynes her unto thee that he would first marry her unto his Son before he marries her unto thee that he would make her one with him before he make her one with thee that he would make you members of one head before he make you one body that yee might be both one spirit before ye are one flesh that he would first joyn your hearts and then joyne your hands 5. Now if by diligent search it doth manifestly appeare that God hath done more then ordinarily for her soule that there are the impressions of a new creature stampt upon her and that the pangs of the new birth are over then the chiefe but yet not all thy work is done thou mayst not presently sit down and conclude This is a wife for me and I will be an husband for her No there is yet a further inquiry to be made for as thou mayst not make choice of any who is not godly so neither mayst thou chuse of every one that is she may be good yet not good for thee she may be a fit wife yet not fit for thee Further therefore inlarge thy requests that God would provide for thee not only a good wife but a meet wife meet in every respect 1. In regard of age a green head will not suit with gray haires neither do we usually graft young plants upon old stocks to see youth joyn'd to age is a thing no lesse ridiculous to others then incongruous in it self such matches never please any but the parties yea and them but for a while 2. A meetnesse not only in regard of age but parentage would be convenient let birds of a feather flock together pares cum paribus The Eagle will not joyn herselfe with a Sparrow neither is it fit for an Asse to associate with a Lion they seldome joyne without confusion which is commonly the event of such unequall matches being begun with the discord of parents and end for the most part in the dissention of parties 3. Seek a meetnesse in regard of estate in some equall proportion* though meanes ought not chiefly to be sought so neither altogether to be neglected 1. Marry not one that hath nought lest she be set at nought by thee or by thy friends Rachel was not so much despised for her barren womb as many now are for their barren purse 2. Againe seeke not one whose estate doth far surpasse thine Jerem. 45. 5. Indeed if God by his providence cast such an one upon thee thou mayst embrace it but it is one thing to seek it and another thing to have it cast upon thee But this is the Haven which most men desire and here lieth the rock on which many men are split Some are so desirous of riches that no competent portion will serve their turne but having many large proffers yet remain unsatisfied and so while they covet all at length perhaps lose all so that there is danger in seeking what is there then in finding a wife richly laden Surely that saying is true Non videmus idmanticae quod in tergo est we see not that part of the wallet that is behind we view the fore-part of her wallet laden wth wealth and there we fix our eyes without either care or desire to looke further But had we wisedome to cast our eyes into that part which is behind we should behold it fil'd with sorrow and trouble in full measure thrust downe heapt up yea if not running over How many inconveniences attend such marriages they best know who feele the weight of them and groan under the burden of them yet some there are whiâ—h reason and daily experience inform us of as first thou dost incur the danger of losing all thy right of respect that 's due unto thee who in stead of reverencing thee will disrespect thee in stead of making thee her head will set thee at her feet and because in riches she weighes most therefore she will look in authority to sway most she whose desire should be to thee now thine must be to her and because she hath brought thee thy estate therefore will she take upon her without controlment to consume thy estate And if by words or actions thou any way shew thy dislike thou shalt soon find it to the losse of thy peace and the increase of thy daily trouble and vexation yea to an higher pitch will this flame arise if there be not grace to qualifie it 3. There should be a respect had to her constitution and disposition two passionate natures will not well agree much like the meeting of two mill-stones when there is no corn between it endaÌ„gers the firing of the whole Mill litle peace and great trouble is the portion of that family where such meet Neither will two melancholy bodies sute well when any crosse or trouble befalls them how will they be able to bear one anothers burden or comfort one another when as melancholy the nourisher of grief is as much predominant in the one as in the other By this then it may plainly appeare that it is a businesse of great importance wisedome is not more necessarie and beneficial neither is rashnesse more obnoxious in any thing then in this For being once done it cannot be undone Why is it that every corner almost ecchoes with these or the like complaints One will say I would I had never seen thy face another will say I never enjoyed merry day since I knew thee a third I would I were unmarried again Some bewailing their condition with teares others railing with oathes and a third
raging with curses All which is nothing else but the fruit of an indiscreet and unadvised brain which leapt before they lookt and so run headlong upon their own ruine But now if by thy diligent prayers God hath been so gracious to thee as to bring to thy view and to thy proffer one endowed with all those qualifications before mentioned and so every way fit for thee yet before thou setlest thy selfe to wooe her wooe both thy friends and her friends labour to obtaine their free wil and consent unto it you know the proverb Stoln goods will not prosper if thou takest her without her friends consent shee 's no better then stoln for thou violently takest from them that which they doe not willingly give thee and how canst thou expect a blessing should accompany this thievish match Again if thou givest thy self to her without thy friends consent thou robbest them of their priviledge and becom'st thine own carver a thing contrary to the rules of reason and Gods word Against the rules of reason for what more reasonable then for a man to dispose of his owne and what more his own then his children They are the parents right they brought them into the world they came out of their own loyns and were bred up at their own breasts they have suffered much and done much for them How many sick sits and weak faintings were they subject to in their conception How many terrible pangs and painfull dolours did accompany their production With what diligent care and fervent pains and frequent cost were they at for their education How many a wakeful night and wearisome rest and tedious thoughts and dolefull teares and earnest prayers have they poured out for them Let not him be worthy the name of a child who having received thus much from their parents will not with all possible subjection acknowledge it And what better testimony of thy acknowledgement canst thou give then in this to submit thy selfe to him who under God hath been the cause of thy being and so earnestly seeks after thy well-being It is a part of the parents duty seasonably and carefully to provide in this kind for their children Thus did Abraham for his son Isaac Gen. 24. 2. 3. And Isaac for his son Jacob Gen. 28. 12. And Hagar for her sonne Ismael Gen. 21. 21. And as the sons so the daughters were at the parents disposing therefore saith Caleb I will give thee Achsah my daughter to wife Josh. 15. 17. And Saul gave David Michol his daughter to wife 1 Sam. 18. 27. yea Naomi was carefull to provide for Ruth her daughter in law Ruth 1. 2. And is it not then the childrens duty to submit to their parents providing Yea surely for so did Jacob Gen. 28. 6 7. Nay it is observable that the parents consent amongst the heathen is a thing requisite in marriage Gen. 34. 4. Therefore said Shechem to his father Hamar Get me this maid to wife implying that unlesse his Father would get her he could not take her And what doe they but heap up woe to themselves and sorrow and griefe upon the gray haires of their aged parents who do otherwise Gen. 26. 34 35. Therefore seeing it is the Parents duty to provide and thine to submit beg of God that he would direct the hearts of thy parents to pitch upon one who may be every way qualified and meet for thee as before mentioned that their hearts may not be so carried away with some particular object at which they look most and like best be it beauty or honour or friends or riches or the like for with these many are so taken that if they see these attend her be there else never so much unfitness and incongruity yet they are resolute none but she shall have their consent but that their affections might be taken most with that which deserves it best and then desire that thy affections may be pliable to his that he would bring them into a submissive frame and not like some whose affections having taken an head run themselves upon this desperate resolution that what ever become of it they are resolved fall back or fall edge like or dislike none shall stop them none shall hinder them certainly where such unbridled resolutions meet in either it plainly argues that God was sought of neither neither of the parent for the child nor of the child for himselfe But surely this is the fruit of prayer and here is the finger of God when the thoughts intentions and affections of both sweetly and harmoniously meet and conjoyne in one The building up of this match will be like the building up of the Temple 1 Kings 6. 7. wherein was heard neither the voyce of the Hammer or the axe so here all things shall come forward so prosperously and so easily that there shall not need an hammer to drive them and all obstacles shall be so dissolved that there shall be no need of an Axe to hew them asunder Now having successively wooed thy parents then proceed to obtain the good will of the party but first be sure she be one to whom thy affections can be entirely knit Let no riches entice thee nor beauty allure thee nor friends perswade thee no nor grace move thee to make any thy wife where thou dost not find thine affections equally drawing thee to it for where entire love begins not the match there jarring discords for the most part will end it First be sure that thy affections are on her and then labour to get her affections unto thee This mutuall love is the foundation on which this marriage structure must be built and the pillars which must continually support it Indeed it is the very kernell of the businesse he who will attempt it without this must expect that it cannot stand firm but will ere long shatter about his eares And as thy care must be to get her good will so how thou gettest it for herein many bewray abundance of weaknesse and a bundle of folly 1. Some will declare their kindred from what a noble stock they are derived how nobly descended what royall blood runs in their veines Thus they seek by honour to win their wives 2. Others will unlock their Treasuries lay open their riches spread before them their revenues declare unto them the length and breadth of their possessions with large proffers and promises that the quintessence of them all shall be extracted for their use and service Thus riches shall be a net to entrap their affections 3. Some will acquaint them what large priviledges they shall obtain what liberty they shall enjoy what ever is in the house or in the field or in the purse shall be at their disposing that without controllment they shall come and goe walk and ride at their own pleasure These pretend liberty but intend to bind them sure to themselvs 4. Others there be who will spend their time and studies in
able you must allow her plentifull and comfortamaintenance as food apparell c. even the very same for kinde and proportion sutable with that which you provide for your self for she is your self that she may live like your wife cheerfully with you 22. And as you may dislike and reprove your wife when shee doth ill so much rather are you to take notice of and give her due praise and incouragement when shee doth well Give her of the fruits of her hands saith the Lord by Salomon Hee hath little if any grace ingenuity or love to his wife which will not do it 23. If God take you out of this life before your wife if good provision be not already certainly made for her then you before your death are by your last Will and Testament to take care for her comfortable maintenance after your death in which I would not have you to do as too many fond and foolish husbands do give all or most part of your estate to your wife you having children leaving them to her disposing This doth but expose her to temptations By experience you may see that many enter into such second marriages as prove to be a great wrong if not an utter undoing of the children of her former husband 24. But do not as too many also do neglect their wives and give all or most part of their estate to their children leaving his wife their mother to need to be maintained by them how unnaturall many children prove to their mothers when all their fathers means is in their hands is seen too oft in wofull experience consider well your estate and accordingly give her so much that her children may have more need of her then she of them that shee may of her self without them live comfortably and they may expect to be beholden to her rather then that shee should need to be beholden to them and this will better contain them in dutie to her when you have left her in an estate able to do them good if they continue loving and dutifull to her There is also duty peculiar to the wife to be performed to the husband 1. FIrst you that are a wife must see in your husband whom God hath given to you and set over you a stamp of Gods Image and authority wherby he is become above you and is made your head and you are made his inferiour and are made subject to him whatsoever his birth parts or wealth was or is or whatsoever yours is or was you must now look upon him as bearing som of the Image and glory of Gods power and authoritie which God hath invested him withall for your good hee is now thy lord hee is now thy better he is one who must be highly esteemed of thee one to whom your desire must be subject one who hath rule over you 2. You must shew your love to him and due esteem of him and due reverence of his person you must see that you reverence your husband saith the Apostle you must reverence him in your heart It was Michaels great and shamefull sin that she despised her husband David in her heart 3. Shew reverence to your husband in word and gesture in word and deed when you speak either before him or of him or to him you must shew in all these that you have an honourable esteem of him For this Sarah whose daughter you are if you doe well is commended by the holy Ghost There is time and place for very familiar speech to the husband but never for a slight neglective contemptuous or rude speech or behaviour to him you must alwayes reverence him 4. You must also shew your love in being subject and obedient to him 5. This obedience must be a ready hearty and an universall obedience to all his reasonable lawfull commands or significations of his will God saith Let wives be subject to their own husbands in every thing This generall in every thing admits onely this limitation that it be in the Lord If your husband commandeth what God forbiddeth or he would restraine you in that wherein Christ hath made you free in this case you are to obey GOD rather then man If you enter into marriage according to the directions formerly given by that holy young man now with the Lord which he took out of the word of God and shall live in a married estate according to these present directions taken from the same holy Scriptures you shall live comfortably one with another and shall be a blessing each to other and shall adde much to one anothers happinesse here in this life I will shut up all in a few words of caution and advise unto both husbands and wives Consider that although this estate if you be not wanting to your selves be full of comfort benefit and matter of delight and content yet it will be but for a time it may be but for a very short time that you shall live together This will cause you to redeeme the time with thankfulnesse to God enjoy each other and doe good to each other as well as in receiving good one from another while you may lest else it prove to the surviving party great griefe of heart that he or shee did let slip that good opportunitie wch God had given them Moreover you must consider that there is another choice to be made which if you be the same you professe your selves to be you have already made which is better and everlasting namely you have handfasted and betrothed your selves to Jesus Christ This cōcerneth that one thing needfull which when you have obtained it shall never be taken from you without whom all earthly blessings in the end will prove curses your whole heart must be taken up about this and wholly placed here What is said of riches when they increase that may be said of the good of marriage Set not your heart thereon as upon that wherin you should place your happines or set up your rest Christ Jesus and his kingdome are first to be sought he must be your chiefe love and desire you must obey him in all things absolutely you must wholly live to him at all times and must delight and satisfie your selfe alwayes in his love your love and delight in one another must be in a subordination to your love to him and as it will stand with your love and obedience to him The Apostle adviseth you that are married to be as if you married not you that have husbands as if you had none and you that have wives as if you had none It is not meant that when you are married you may separate at pleasure and live one from another as too many doe nor yet to neglect one another though you live together But your lives must not be so bound up one in another but that you can part one with another And you must use this estate as you doe
all other earthly good things with such moderation of affection and indifferency of judgement that by no means it take you off from your love to God and Christ and from cleaving to him and that you can without murmuring or inordinate griefe part therewith when you see that it is the will of God you shall enjoy them no longer Be you sure therefore that you use this estate as you are to use all other good things of the world as not abusing it For the Apostle saith the time is short in which ye shall live together and the world and the fashion of it passeth away Therefore in whatsoever state you are in and whatsoever you doe let your eye be principally upon and towards your best beloved Christ Jesus to be alwayes loving and faithfull to him waiting for the comming of this your Bridegroome when your spirituall marriage shall be consummate At whose comming at and after the Resurrection there is neither marrying nor giving in marriage but you shall be like the holy Angels in heaven and shall ever be with him the Lord the blessed husband of his Spouse the Church partaking of all his beautie riches and glory For when he shall appeare in whose presence are fulnesse of joy and pleasures for evermore we shall be like him for we shall see him as he is and our vile bodies shall be made like his glorious body according to the working whereby he is able to subdue all things to himselfe Now to this King Eternall Invisible onely wise God and our blessed Saviour be all honour and glory for ever and ever Amen To whose grace and blessing I doe heartily commend you with the whole Israel of God An Abstract of former Directions whereby you may take a short view of all and it may serve as a Table to shew where each particular in the Discourses is spoken of more fully A Good wife is to be sought of God page 2. He can and will best direct you to find ibid. Shee cannot be had from any other p. 3. It is the easiest way to finde her ibid. Never any can be said to have found who hath not thus sought p. 4 5. Otherwise in stead of finding a blessing thou maist find a curse p. 6. They who seek otherwise do usually finde much trouble p. 7. They who rightly seek a good wife of God enjoy much pleasure in seeking contentment in finding and comfort in posiessing p. 8. Thus seeking is well pleasing to God and is an argument of acknowledgment of his soveraignty and of your subjection unto and dependance upon him p. 7 8. If you seek her of God then how ever it fall out you may have comfort in this that you have done your duty in respect of God whether shee prove vertuous or vitious p. 9 10 11. How God is to be sought This is by Prayer p. 12. That he will give you wisdome to make a good choice that grace in her may be your chief aim pag. 12 13. Beg of God that your affections may not be knit to any whose affections he hath not first knit to himself p. 14 15. Otherwise that God would withdraw your affections p. 16. If you be ingaged so far that you cannot well go back then double your desires that God will give her grace and that hee will first unite her to Christ before he joyn her unto thee p. 17 18. Desire of God that shee may be not only endued with grace but that she be a wife every way meet and sit for thee p. 19 Fitness for age parentage estate constitution and disposition of natures are with wisdome to be considered p. 19 20 21 22 23 24 25. The former concurring then First acquaint your friends in whose power you are and get their consent p. 26. Also before you do woo her you must get her friends consent p. 26 27. Reasons why you must have consent of your own and of her friends p. 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33. Parents or Guardians being consulted with and consenting Foresee this before thou do woo her that thou canst entirely affect her pag. 33 34. Mutuall love must be the foundation on which the marriage structure must be built p. 34. In getting her good will care must be had how and that it be wisely and rightly done 34. 35. Not so much in setting forth to her thy parentage p. 35. Nor thy wealth ibid. Nor the liberty and priviledges she shall enjoy if she will have thee p. 35 36. Nor with flatteries ibid. Nor by seeking to blind and inveagle her by presents and gifts p. 37. Nor at all with foolish unbeseeming wanton gestures and behaviour ibid. Much less by any solicitations to have your lustfull will of her to make her sure as too many do which is abominable 37 38. The right way of wooing 38 39. Pray to God to direct thee in such a course as may best gain her affections and may be most prosperous in it self and best pleasing to him p. 39. A Directory for such prayer p. 39 40 41 42 43 44 45. When you or some friend make the motion to her whom thou wouldst make thy wife or to her friends deal fairly and truly do not make a shew either of thy Religion or thy outward estate more then indeed it is p. 46. In prosecution of your suit be serious and ingenuous and loving but never pretend more love then indeed you do beare unto her p. 46 47. After God hath answered your desires You must make a thankfull acknowledgement thereof unto God p. 47 48. A Directory for this blessing and giving glory unto God p. 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55. Other usefull Considerations of single persons before marriage Expect not to enjoy that good in the married estate which it cannot give unto thee p. 58. 65. There is an insufficiency in marriage to give thee full content and of it self to satisfie thy desires p. 58. Let not heat of love make thee blind so that thou canst not see things as they are in thy Beloved p. 58 59. Duties to be done cares to be taken and evils to be born in the married estate must be fore-thought of prepared for as well as the joyes and the good of marriage p. 60 65. Whensoever you marry you shall have troubles in the flesh p. 60 61. If you look for that happiness in marriage which God never intended it should give you you shall in stead thereof finde nothing but vanity and vexation of spirit p. 61. Yet none are hereby to be deterred from marrying who have a calling to marry p. 61. Marriage is of excellent and necessary use p. 61 62 63. Such may be the condition of an unmarried person that the good and comfort of marriage may countervail and exceed the troubles of it p. 62. The least sin is worse then the greatest earthly trouble p. 62. In the married estate may be expected very great earthly comforts