hang'd For abusing Confession and for making me So wretched by 'th report Can this be truth Rom. No but direct falshood As euer was banisht the Court did you euer heare Of a mother that has kept her daughters husband For her owne tooth He fancied you in one kind For his lust and he loued Our mother in another kind for her money The Gallants fashion right But come nere thinke on 't Throw the fowle to the Deuill that hatcht it and let this Bury all ill that 's in 't shee is our mother Iol. I neuer did find any thing i th world Turne my blood so much as this here 's such a conflict Betweene apparant presumption and vnbeleefe That I shall dye in 't Oh if there be another world i' th Moone As some fantasticks dreame I could wish all men The whole race of them for their inconstancy Sent thither to people that Why I protest I now affect the Lord Ercoles memory Better then the others Rom. But were Contarino liuing Iol. I doe call any thing to witnesse That the diuine Law prescribed vs To strengthen an oath were he liuing and in health I would neuer mary with him Nay since I haue found the world So false to me I le be as false to it I will mother this child for you Rom. Ha Iol. Most certainly it will be guile part of my sorrow Rom Oh most assuredly make you smile to thinke How many times i th world Lordships descend To diuers men that might and truth were knowne Be heyre for any thing belongs to 'th flesh As well to the Turkes richest Eunuch Iol. But doe you not thinke I shall haue a horrible strong breath now Rom. Why Iol. Oh with keeping your counsel t is so terrible foule Rom. Come come come You must leaue these bitter flashes Iol. Must I dissemble dishonestie you haue diuers Counterfeit honestie but I hope here 's none Will take exceptions I now must practise The art of a great bellyed woman and goe faine Their qualmes and swoundings Rom. Eat vnripe fruit and Oatmeale to take away your colour Iol. Dine in my bed some two houres after noone Rom. And when you are vp Make to your petticoat a quilted preface To aduance your belly Iol. I haue a strange conceit now I haue knowen some women when they were with child Haue long'd to beat their Husbands what if I To keepe decorum exercise my longing Vpon my Taylor that way and noddle him soundly Hee le make the larger Bill for 't Rom. I le get one shall be as tractable too 't as Stockfish Iol. Oh my phantasticall sorrow Cannot I now be miserable enough Vnlesse I weare a pyde fooles coat Nay worse for when our passions Such giddy and vncertaine changes breed We are neuer well till we are mad indeed Exit Rom. So nothing in the world could haue done this But to beget in her a strong distaste Of the Lord Contarino oh Ielousie How violent especially in women How often has it raisd the deuil vp in forme of a law case My especiall care must be to nourish craftily this fiend Tweene the mother and the daughter that the deceit Be not perceiued My next taske that my sister After this supposed child-birth be perswaded To enter into Religion t is concluded Shee must neuer marry so I am left guardian To her estate and lastly that my two Surgeons Be waged to the East Indies let them prate When they are beyond the Lyne the Callenture Or the Scuruy or the Indian Pox I hope Will take order for their comming backe Enter Leon Oh heere 's my mother I ha strange newes for you My sister is with child Leo I doe looke now for some great misfortunes To follow for indeed mischiefes Are like the Visits of Franciscan Fryers They neuer come to pray vpon vs single In what estate left you Contarino Rom. Strange that you can skip From the former sorrow to such a question I le tell you in the absence of his Surgeon My charitie did that for him in a trice They would haue done at leasure and been paid for 't I haue killed him Leon. I am twentie yeares elder since you last opened your lips Rom. Ha Leon. You haue giuen him the wound you speake of Quite thorow your mothers heart Rom. I will heale it presently mother for this sorrow Belongs to your errour you would haue him liue Because you thinke hee 's father of the child But Iolenta vowes by all the rights of Truth T is Ercole's it makes me smile to thinke How cunningly my sister could be drawen To the Contract and yet how familiarly To his bed Doues neuer couple Without a kind of murmur Leo. Oh I am very sicke Rom. Your old disease when you are grieu'd You are troubled with the Mother Leo. I am rapt with the Mother indeed That I euer bore such a sonne Rom. Pray tend my sister I am infinitely full of businesse Leo Stay you will mourne for Contarino Ro. Oh by all meanes t is fit my sister is his heire Exit Leo. I will make you chiefe mourner beleeue it Neuer was woe like mine oh that my care And absolute study to preserue his life Should be his absolute ruine Is he gone then There is no plague i' th world can be compared To impossible desire for they are plagued In the desire it selfe neuer oh neuer Shall I behold him liuing in whose life I liued farre sweetlier then in mine owne A precise curiositie has vndone me why did I not Make my loue knowne directly t 'had not been Beyond example for a Matron To affect i' th honourable way of Marriage So youthfall a person oh I shall runne mad For as we loue our youngest children best So the last fruit of our affection Where euer we bestow it is most strong Most violent most vnresistable Since t is indeed our latest haruest-home Last merryment Fore Winter and we widdowes As men report of our best Picture-makers We loue the piece we are in hand with better Then all the excellent worke we haue done before And my sonne has depriu'd me of all this Ha my sonne I le be a fury to him like an Amazon Lady I de cut off his right pap that gaue him sucke To shoot him dead I le no more tender him Then had a Wolfe stolne to my tear i' th night And robb'd me of my milke nay such a creature I should loue better farre Ha ha what say you I doe talke to somewhat me thinks it may be My euill Genius Doe not the Bells ring I haue a strange noyse in my head oh fly in pieces Come age and wither me into the malice Of those that haue been happy let me haue One propertie more then the Deuill of Hell Let me enuy the pleasure of youth heartily Let me in this life feare no kinde of ill That haue no good to hope for let me dye In the distraction of that worthy Princesse Who loathed food and sleepe
The Deuils Law-case OR When Women goe to Law the Deuill is full of Businesse A new Tragecomaedy The true and perfect Copie from the Originall As it was approouedly well Acted by her Maiesties Seruants Written by IOHN WEBSTER Non quam diu sed quam bene LONDON Printed by A. M. for Iohn Grismand and are to be sold at his Shop in Pauls Alley at the Signe of the Gunne 1623 The Scaene NAPLES The Actors Names Romelio a Merchant Contarino a Nobleman Crispiano a Ciuill-Lawer Ercole a Knight of Malta Ariosto an Aduocate Prosper 9. Iulio A Capouchin Cantilupoe Sanitonella Leonora Iolenta A wayting Woman TO THE RIGHT VVORTHIE AND All-accomplisht Gentleman Sir THOMAS FINCH Knight BARONET SIR let it not appeare strange that I doe aspire to your Patronage Things that taste of any goodnesse loue to bee shelter'd neere Goodnesse Nor do I flatter in this which I hate onely touch at the originall Copy of your vertues Some of my other Works as The white Deuill The Dutchesse of Malfi Guise and others you haue formerly seene I present this humbly to kisse your hands and to find your allowance Nor doe I much doubt it knowing the greatest of the Caesars haue cheerefully entertain'd lesse Poems then this and had I thought it vnworthy I had not enquired after so worthy a Patronage Your selfe I vnderstand to bee all curtesie I doubt not therefore of your acceptance but resolue that my election is happie For which fauour done mee I shall euer rest Your Worships humbly deuoted IOHN WEBSTER TO THE IVDITIOVS READER I Hold it in these kind of Poems with that of Horace Sapientia prima stultitia caruisle to bee free from those vices which proceed from ignorance of which I take it this Play will ingeniously acquit it selfe I doe chiefly therefore expose it to the Iudicious Locus est pluribus Vmbris others haue leaue to sit downe and reade it who come vnbidden But to these should a man present them with the most excellent Musicke it would delight them no more then Auriculas Citherae collecta sorde dolentes I will not further insist vpon the approouement of it for I am so farre from praising my selfe that I haue not giuen way to diuers of my Friends whose vnbeg'd Commendatory Verses offered themselues to doe me seruice in the Front of this Poeme A great part of the grace of this I confesse lay in Action yet can no Action euer be gracious where the decency of the Language and Ingenious structure of the Scaene arriue not to make vp a perfect Harmony What I haue fayl'd of this You that haue approoued my other Workes when you haue read this taxe me of For the rest Non ego Ventosae Plebis Suffragia venor The Deuil 's Law Case OR When Women goe to Law the Deuill is full of Businesse Enter Romelio and Prospero Prospero YOu haue shewen a world of wealth I did not thinke there had bene a Merchant Liu'd in Italy of halfe your substance Rom. I le giue the King of Spaine Ten thousand Duckets yearely and discharge My yearely Custome The Hollanders scarse trade More generally then I my Factors wiues Weare Shaperoones of Veluet and my Scriueners Meerely through my imployment grow so rich They build their Palaces and Belvidears With musicall Water-workes Neuer in my life Had I a losse at Sea They call me on th' Exchange The fortunate Youngman and make great suite To venture with me Shall I tell you Sir Of a strange confidence in my way of Trading I reckon it as certaine as the gaine In erecting a Lotterie Pros. I pray Sir what doe you thinke Of Signiour Baptisto's estate Rom A meere Begger Hee 's worth some fiftie thousand Duckets Pros. Is not that well Rom. How well for a man to be melted to snow water With toyling in the world from three and twentie Till threescore for poore fiftie thousand Duckets Pros. To your estate 't is little I confesse You haue the Spring-tide of Gold Rom. Faith and for Siluer Should I not send it packing to th' East Indies We should haue a glut on 't Enter Seruant Ser. Here 's the great Lord Contarino Pro. Oh I know his busines he 's a suitor to your sister Rom. Yes Sir but to you As my most trusted friend I vtter it I will breake the alliance Pros You are ill aduised then There liues not a compleater Gentleman In Italy nor of a more ancient house Rom. What tell you me of Gentrie 't is nought else But a superstitious relique of time past And sift it to the true worth it is nothing But ancient riches and in him you know They are pittifully in the wane he makes his colour Of visiting vs so often to sell land And thinkes if he can gaine my sisters loue To recouer the treble value Pros. Sure he loues her intirely and she deserues it Rom. Faith though shee were Crookt shoulderd hauing such a portion Shee would haue noble Suitors but truth is I would wish my noble Venturer take heed It may be whiles he hopes to catch a Gilt head He may draw vp a Gudgeon Enter Contarino Pros Hee 's come Sir I will leaue you Con. I sent you the Euidence of the peece of land I motioned to you for the Sale Rom. Yes Con. Has your Counsell perus'd it Rom. Not yet my Lord Doe you intend to trauell Con. No Rom. Oh then you loose That which makes man most absolute Con. Yet I haue heard of diuers that in passing of the Alpes haue but exchang'd their vertues at deare rate for other vices Rom. Oh my Lord lye not idle The chiefest action for a man of great spirit Is neuer to be out of action we should thinke The soule was neuer put into the body Which has so many rare and curious pieces Of Mathematicall motion to stand still Vertue is euer sowing of her seedes In the Trenches for the Souldier in the wakefull study For the Scholler in the sorrowes of the sea For men of our Profession of all which Arise and spring vp Honor Come I know You haue some noble great Designe in hand That you leuy so much money Cont. Sir I le tell you The greatest part of it I meane to imploy In payment of my Debts and the remainder Is like to bring me into greater bonds as I ayme it Rom. How Sir Cont. I intend it for the charge of my Wedding Rom. Are you to be married my Lord Cont. Yes Sir and I must now intreat your pardon That I haue concealed from you a businesse Wherein you had at first been call'd to Counsell But that I thought it a lesse fault in Friendship To ingage my selfe thus farre without your knowledge Then to doe it against your will another reason Was that I would not publish to the world Nor haue it whispered scarce what wealthy Voyage I went about till I had got the Myne In mine owne possession Rom. You are darke to me yet Com. I
for indeed Painting and Epitaphs are both alike They flatter vs and say we haue been thus But I am the partie here that stands accused For Adultery with this woman in the yeare Seuentie one now I call you my Lord to witnesse Foure yeares before that time I went to 'th Indies And till this month did neuer set my foot since In Europe and for any former incontinence She has vowed there was neuer any what remaines then But this is a meere practise 'gainst her sonne And I beseech the Court it may be sifted And most seuerely punisht San Vds foot we are spoyled Why my Clyent 's prooued an honest woman Win. What doe you thinke will become of me now San. You 'l be made daunce lachrima I feare at a Carts Ari. You Mistris where are you now tayle Your Tennis court slips and your tane drinke In a morning for your hote liuer where 's the man Would haue had some dealing with you that you might Keepe counsell the better Win. May it please the Court I am but a yong thing And was drawne arsie, varsie into the businesse Ario. How young of fiue and fortie Win. Fiue and fortie and shall please you I am not fiue and twentie Shee made me colour my haire with Bean-flower To seeme older then I was and then my rotten teeth With eating sweet-meats why should a Farrier Looke in my mouth he might mistake my age Oh Mistris Mistris you are an honest woman And you may be asham'd on 't to abuse the Court thus Leo. Whatsoere I haue attempted Gainst my owne fame or the reputation Of that Gentleman my sonne the Lord Contarino Was cause of it Conta. Who I Ario. He that should haue married your daughter It was a plot belike then to conferre The land on her that should haue bin his wife Leo. More then I haue said already all the world Shall nere extract from me I intreat from both Your equall pardons Iul. And I from you sir Crisp. Sirrah stand you aside I will talke with you hereafter Iul. I could neuer away with after reckonings Leo. And now my Lords I doe most voluntarily Confine my selfe vnto a stricter prison And a seuerer penance then this Court can impose I am entred into Religion Con. I the cause of this practise this vngodly woman Has sold her selfe to falshood I wil now reueale my selfe Erco. Stay my Lord here 's a window To let in more light to the Court Cont. Mercy vpon me oh that thou art liuing Is mercy indeed 1. Sur. Stay keepe in your shell a little longer Erco. I am Ercole Ario. A guard vpon him for the death of Contarino Erco. I obey the arrest o' th Court Rom Oh sir you are happily restored to life And to vs your friends Erco. Away thou art the Traytor I onely liue to challenge this former suite Toucht but thy fame this accusation Reaches to thy fame and life the braue Contarino Is generally supposed slaine by this hand Con. How knowes he the contrary Erc. But truth is Hauing receiued from me some certaine wounds Which were not mortall this vild murderer Being by Will deputed Ouerseer Of the Noblemans Estate to his sisters vse That he might make him sure from suruiuing To reuoke that Will stole to him in 's bed and kild him Rom. Strange vnheard of more practise yet Ari. What proofe of this Erco. The report of his mother deliuered to me In distraction for Contarino's death Con. For my death I begin to apprehend That the violence of this womans loue to me Might practise the disinheriting of her sonne Ario. What say you to this Leonora Leo. Such a thing I did vtter out of my distraction But how the Court will censure that report I leaue to their wisdomes Ario. My opinion is That this late slaunder vrged against her sonne Takes from her all manner of credit Shee that would not sticke to depriue him of his liuing Will as little tender his life Leo. I beseech the Court I may retire my selfe to my place of pennance I haue vowed my selfe and my woman Ario. Goe when you please what should moue you Be thus forward in the accusation Erco. My loue to Contarino Ari. Oh it bore very bitter fruit at your last meeting Erco. T is true but I begun to loue him When I had most cause to hate him when our bloods Embrac'd each other then I pitied That so much valour should be hazarded On the fortune of a single Rapier And not spent against the Turke Ario. Stay sir be well aduised There is no testimony but your owne To approue you slew him therefore no other way To decide it but by Duell Con. Yes my Lord I dare affirme gainst all the world This Noble man speakes truth Ari. You will make your selfe a party in the Duell Rom. Let him I wil fight with thē both sixteen of them Erco. Sir I doe not know you Cont Yes but you haue forgot me you and I haue sweat In the Breach together at Malta Erco. Cry you mercy I haue knowne of your Nation Braue Souldiers Iulio Now if my father Haue any true spirit in him I le recouer His good opinion Doe you heare doe not sweare sir For I dare sweare that you will sweare a lye A very filthy stinking rotten lye And if the Lawyers thinke not this sufficient I le giue the lye in the stomacke That 's somewhat deeper then the throat Both here and all France ouer and ouer From Marselys or Bayon to Callis Sands And there draw my Sword vpon thee And new scoure it in the grauell of thy kidneys Ari You the Defendant charged with the murder And you Second there Must be committed to the custody Of the Knight-Marshall and the Court giues charge They be to morrow ready in the Listes Before the Sunne be rissen Rom. I doe entreat the Court there be a guard Placed ore my Sister that shee enter not Into Religion shee 's rich my Lords And the perswasions of Fryers to gaine All her possessions to their Monasteries May doe much vpon her Ario. Wee le take order for her Crisp There 's a Nun too you haue got with child How will you dispose of her Rom. You question me as if I were grau'd already When I haue quencht this wild-fire In Ercoles tame blood I le tell you Exit Erco. You haue iudged to day A most confused practise that takes end In as bloody a tryall and we may obserue By these great persons and their indirect Proceedings shaddowed in a vaile of State Mountaines are deformed heaps sweld vp alofts Vales wholsomer though lower and trod on oft San. Well I will pu vp my papers And send them to France for a President That they may not say yet but for one strange Law suite we come somewhat neere them Exeunt Explicit Acti quarti ACTVS QVINTVS SCENA PRIMA Enter Iolenta and Angiolella great bellied Iolen. How dost thou friend welcome thou and I Were play-fellowes together