Greenwich-PARK A COMEDY ACTED AT THE Theatre-Royal BY THEIR MAJESTIES SERVANTS Written by WILLIAM MOUNTFORT LONDON Printed for J. Hindmarsh at the Golden-Ball in Cornhill R. Bentley in Russel-street in Covent-Garden and A. Roper at the Mitre in Fleet-street And are to be sold by Randal Taylor near Stationers-Hall M DC XCI TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE ALGERNOON Earl of ESSEX Viscount Malden Baron Capell of Hadham and Lord Lieutenant of the County of Hartford My Lord THE General good Character the World gives of your Honour and Virtues has embolden'd me to beg your Favourable Protection of this Comedy And though it be a hard matter for so young a Pretender to escape the industrious Ill Nature and Malice of the Town yet I shall have this satisfaction that if they 'll not allow me a Judge of Poetry they must of Persons and they cannot impartially disapprove of my choice in a Patron Indifferent Authors in most Ages have been incourag'd and preserv'd under the Clemency of the Nobility in hopes they might be better But the severity of our Wits would have the first Plays which are now written equal to the best of Ben Johnson or Shakespear And yet they do not shew that esteem for their Works which they pretend to or else are not so good Judges as they would be thought When we can see the Town throng to a Farce and Hamlet not bring Charges But notwithstanding they will be Criticks and will scarce give a man leave to mend like the rigid Precepts and manner of the most Famous Master of Westminster Who though he has bred the greatest Men of Parts and Learning in this Age yet I believe if the Impatience and Spirit of his Knowledge could have submitted to the slower Capacities of his Scholars he might have made many more Poetry I must confess has ever been my Delight as Honour and Goodness your Lordships And the I can never expect to be as perfect in the first as you are in the last I am sure of two good supports from such Excellencies and which your Lordship never omitted expressing to those who have seek'd your Protection Your early Gallantry for the Liberty and Welfare of your Country in so needful a time and where the small number of Volunteers magnifies your Lordships being one proves the Spirit of your Predecessors is left behind 'em And though this Nation has heartily mourned the loss of one of 'em Yet the death of a good Subject like that of a good King is best dispens'd with by the Publick when his Virtues shine in his Offspring I would avoid the Censure of Flattery and of tyring your Lordship with the Commendations which you justly deserve but perhaps may not desire I have only this to say that it is not to be doubted but the Spirit which has inspir'd this Noble Undertaking of waiting on your Prince will merit a Providence to preserve your Person And as you will be a Credit to his Camp may you return to be an Ornamemt to his Court And as you are the Pride of our present young Nobility may you be a Pattern for the future Then I shall wish for the fancy of Mr. Cowley with the Judgment of Mr. Dryden to express my Sence of your Worth But in the mean time I humbly entreat your Lordship would accept of the Hearty well Wishes and perfect though distant Respect Of Your Lordships most Humble Obedient and Devoted Servant WILLIAM MOUNTFORT Dramatis Personae MEN. SIr Thomas Reveller an old wicked lewd Knight Mr. Lee. Both jolly Citizens and Companions with Sir Thomas Mr. Raison a Grocer Mr. Nokes Mr. Sasaphras a Drugster Mr. Vnderhill L. Worthy a young Nobleman newly return'd from Travel Mr. Hodgson Y. Reveller Son to Sir Thomas a wild young Fellow kept by Mrs. Raison and Courts Florella for a Wife Mr. Mountfort Sir William Thoughtless a foolish Knight Mr. Bowen A Beaux Mr. Bowman Bully Bounce Mr. Bright WOMEN Dorinda a private Mistress kept by my Lord Worthy and in Love with Young Reveller Mrs. Barry Daughters to my Lady Hazard Florella in love with Y. Reveller Violante with the L. Worthy Florella Mrs. Mountfort Violante Mrs. Lassels Mrs. Raison in love with Y. Reveller Mrs. Knight Lady Hazard Mrs. Osborn Aunt to Dorinda Mrs. Corey Constable Watch Masqueraders c. SCENE GREENWICH Prologue WIth the sad prospect of a Long Vacation The Fear of War and Danger of the Nation Hard we have toil'd this Winter for new Plays That we might live in these Tumultuous Days Sad Days for us when War 's lowd Trumpets sound Nothing but Beaux and Parsons will be found Look to 't you Men of Battel of Renown They 'll claw your Ladies off when you are gone Servants for â—â—â—â—ity Your Beaux's of Sense Will 's Coffee-House is the Office of Intelligence And for the Masks who hunt the smaller Fry Their Chocolet-House will their wants supply Our Play presents you with all sorts of Men From keeping Courtier to the horn'd Citizen Whose handsome Wife brings in the constant Gain At Greenwich lies the Scene where many a Lass Has bin Green-Gown'd upon the tender Gross If Flamstead's Stars would make a true Report Our City Breed's much mended by the Court What Wagers about Mons were-lately laid Had all that Money to the King been paid It might have sav'd the Tax of each Man's head I heard a Shop-keeper not long since swear If England's old Militia had been there We had spoil'd the Monsieur's Projects for this Year Since they depend so on their own Commanders Why weren't the Royal Regiment sent for Flanders With English hearts of Oak and Horns well steel'd To Butt the Puny Monsieur from the Field But those who threaten him so much I fear Were they encampt where any Foe was near Wou'd wish themselves behind their Counters here Epilogue WEll Sirs is 't Peace or War that you declare I am ready arm'd so is my Second here If you 're displeas'd with what you 've seen to Night Behind Southampton House we 'll do you right Who is 't dares draw 'gainst me and Mrs. Knight Be kind Gallants if you can mercy show Press not the Plant which of it self does how Ladies your Goodness is our best support The Men must like the Play if you are for 't And sure the Vizards will not cry it down Since our Intrigues resemble still their own Here all your Coquet tricks to th' life are shown Will you take us to answer your desires We look like two kind keeping Country Squires You 'll say we are Chits too slight and little made You 'l scarce find larger in this Age I Gad. For such a Pigmy-Race are now â—â—me up They 're but half sprouted like a second Crop The Fathers Sins are in their Offspring shown And each now Puny Chit's an elder Son Nature disowns the slender half-got Race Every Lath-Carcass with his small Pigs-face By Art endeavours Nature to out-do And since he can't pass for a
an Eunuch fo la la la ah that Eye Sir Thomas that Leer of the left Eye has broke many a heart you old Rogue George's Eye Son George has the same Eye to a T all 't is a wicked Dog at a Wench but a cursed Rogue keeps all his Whores to himself he won't let his none Dad come in for a snack I 'm forc'd to lay on my own Maids and then the Coach-men get 'em with Child and the Whores put 'em upon me ad I must take up I must take up my Life and take down my flesh I have had 20 Coach-men within this 10 year and every one of them has left me the Illegitimate substance of his Brawny Ability Enter Steward gives Sir Tho. the Account Sir Tho. Is this a sincere Account of the last 3 months Stew. 'T is both sincere and Just. Sir Tho. It may be so but 't is very Extravagant three hogsheads of strong Beer Drank out in one Day by Harvest People Stew. Yes and please you Sir Tho. Yes and vex me it went thorough 'em as fast as they Drank it they could never hold so much Stew. Yes and make nothing on 't Sir Tho. So methinks Stoln one night 5 Piggs 7 Turkeys 9 Geese 11 Ducks 13 Hens and 15 Dozen of Pidgeons by the new-rais'd Dragoons what will they do when they come to be old Souldiers But they 're always in an Enemies Country tho' Quarter'd on their own Fathers Spent likewise 40 s. at several times with the Overseers about agreeing for giving Security for 4 Maids with Child Maids with Child Stew. Servants and like you Sir Tho. Yes they have serv'd me finely which were left so by the aforesaid Souldiers so what they rob us of in poultry they give us in Bastards a pretty Exchange Spent at fair Sarah the Dairy-Maids crying-out who in her Labour laid the Child to your Worship why you Son of a Whore laid it to me I han't known her this 12 Months Stew. Sir she Swore Sir Tho. Sirra she 's a Bitch if she swore any such thing and I can satisfy a Jury of Midwives I have keen past it this 10 years a young Dragooner I 'll be hang'd else Owns what an Age we live in that the Civil Powers must keep Whores for the Military and maintain the Children at their own Charge I had a Sister but 12 year ago that run away with a Welsh Ensign who made a Beggar of her in 2 years Poxt her the third was Hang'd the 4 th for a High-way Man and she Burnt in Wales for a Clipper Stew. 'T is a crying shame Sir that ones own Kindred can't be safe for them Sir Tho. It is so wherefore I will Petition that the Army may have a certain allowance of Strumpets which shall be maintain'd by the Country Gentlemen that we may keep our Families and Relations for our own use Enter Sasaphras Sasa Good Morrow Sir Thomas the Worshipful how is it Sir Sir Tho. Mr. Sasaphras the Drugster 'faith warm with last Nights Toping my Head Akes and my Hand Shakes this Morning Sasa Ah Sir Thomas that will be at our years if we drank water but indeed we roar'd mightily were very Merry and Bumper'd it about chearfully ad my Neighbour Raison the Grocer was pure and Wicked after you left us Sir Tho. Ay! Sasa Ay fackings Sir Tho. Why Prithee What did you for I went home at 9 of the Clock Sasa Why we were Delitions and Lewd and had a mind to play some of your Covent Garden Tricks and Court-Diversions and Mr. Billet the Wood-Monger goes Home very Drunk and like a true Gentleman kick'd his Wife and went to Bed to his Maid Sir Tho. A very goodnight I saith Steward depart this Wickedness is too Gentile for your Capacity Stew. Yes Sir and would become me as ill as your Companions These Citizens would feign do something like Courtiers but I find they affect their Vices as they do their Fashions never till the Gentry are both weary and asham'd of ' em Exit Stew. Enter Raison Rais. Sir Thomas good day Neighbour Sasaphras the same well how is it Gentlemen Pure Bonny Blith Brisk Gay Jolly Whimsical what say you season'd with last nights Wetting for to days soaking does not the Spirit of Claret shine in your Souls and illuminate your Faculties inspiring your Understandings fit for fresh Wantonness ha Sir Tho. Well said Landlord Raison the Honour of the Grocers I faith Sasa And Master of the Company you forgot that Sir Thomas Rais. How now Sasaphras the Drugster old Ingredient for Claps Infusion for Potions and Author of wry faces Sas. Free from the Noose of Matrimony Old Spicer of Plumb Porridge Quest Ale and Funeral Dead Claret Sir Tho. To him Sugar-Loaf Rais. Well said Batchelor old Baudy Solitude and Single Fornication Sasa Why thou' rt as brisk Rais. Why my Wife 's gone into the Country I 'm Lord of all and Master of my self Sasa Till she returns Neighbour Raison Rais. Right Neighbour chip Roots Sir Tho. I gad if she were mine I should be loth to trust her in such publick places as thou dost as Epsome Islington Wells and Greenwich Park Ad if I were a young Fellow my Mouth would so water at her Rais. Like enough I warrant you there are Fellows water at her and it may be she thirsts after them may be she 's Honest or may be I 'm a Cuckold all Married Men must stand to their Wives Mercy and if I should be one I have so much Sence as not to make a noise about what I cannot help and had rather be a private Plague to my self than a Publick Jest to the World Sir Tho. Advice to Cuckolds Seneca the 2 d. Rais. Pshu Pox if we Marry Gentlewomen they 'l play us Gentlewomens Tricks we Citizens marry them for Love and they take us for Interest I wonder at the Impudence of any Tradesman to think to keep a Gentlewoman to himself SINGS Ye Citizens of London That will have Gallant Wives Ye never would be undone If you 'd Marry Dames in Quoives But Gentlewomens Tales Have got the Itch of Loving And when the Fancy once Prevails Their Buttocks will be Moving Sasa Ah Boys ifackins he 's in a rare Cue to day his Wife's absence has new Soul'd him Sir Tho. We will not baulk this good Humour where shall we Dine Rais. Faith with me Sir Thomas this is my Birth day and I 'le Drink To the Memory of he that got me she that bore me And Heaven grant Wife thou dy'st before me Enter Servant Serv. Sir There 's my Lord Worthy newly come from Travel and my young Master below Sir Tho. Entreat my Lord to Approach but bid your young Master wait below till I send for him Exit Servant Sasa Why what a crooked temper'd Knight's this he will do nothing his Son would have him nor suffer him to follow his own desires Enter Lord Worthy L. Wor. Sir Thomas
that dare but think so damn'd a lye and so forth Mrs. Rais. I never saw such a little fury I must tame him in my own Sex for I find this will never do Flor. Draw Sir Mrs. Rais. Pray Sir Flor. Rot you Drives Mrs. Rais. about the Stage Mrs. Rais. How Sir Flor. Burn you Mrs. Rais. Dear Sir Flor. Sink you Mrs. Rais. Stay Sir Flor. Dam you Mrs. Rais. Hold Sir I must discover my self Flor. Roast fry and frigacy chop slice and mince your Soul into Atoms Mrs. Rais. Hold Sir I am a Woman Kneels Flor. This shall not save you Mrs. Rais. My name 's Raison my Husband keeps a Grocers Shop at the Stocks-Market and here he comes to justifie it Flor. Rise Madam Enter Raison Rais. I could not find out my Wife but there was a Woman order'd me to come into the Park and said she 'd follow me Flor. I am resolv'd to thrash him a little for I 'm sure he 's a Coward Sir Do you know this Lady Rais. Lady Sir what a Lady in Breeches Flor. Aye Sir she says she is your VVife this Lady in Breeches Rais. Nay 't is no great wonder for she always wore 'em since I had her Mrs. Rais. Oh! dear Raison I disguis'd my self thus for the Masquerade and making love to a Lady out of waggery this Gentleman has drawn upon me Flor. Aye Sir and I don't know but by her impertinence I 've lost the Lady for ever therefore I will have satisfaction Rais. VVhy Sir my VVife's excellent at giving every body satisfaction but me Flor. No quibbling Sir but take her Sword and do me Justice Rais. I Sir why I 'm no fighting man Sir Flor. No fighting man Sir Rais. No Sir I can pay those that fight and that 's as much as was ever requir'd from a Citizen Flor. Not fight and an Officer in the Royal Regiment Rais. VVhy that 's only Ornament Sir it was never designed for use but if we would fight we have taken an Oath not to strike a blow out of our own VValls Flor. If you won't fight Sir I must have the satisfaction of kicking you thus Sir thus Sir Rais. It may be a satisfaction to you Sir but little or none to your humble Servant Kicks him Mrs. Rais. Nay Sir if you have any value for a VVoman let me intreat for him Flor. Well Madam to shew I am a Man of Honour for your sake I will forbear him Rais. Aye but she let him kick me first Flor. And now Mrs. Florella has had her Frolick as well as your Ladyship Mrs. Rais. and Rais. Florella I had some suspitions of that effeminate Face indeed Confusion how shall I be laugh'd at Rais. I thank you Madam for the Maiden-head your Bullyship Flor. Come Mr. Raison you 'r ne'er the worse Man and I 'll make you ample Satisfaction for I ll Marry Mr. Reveller and then you may keep your Spouse to your self Rais. Well I am the first Man that ever was kick'd by a Woman that was not his Wife sure Enter Lord Worthy and Young Reveller Flor. Here comes Reveller and my Lord Worthy I 'll have a Frolick with him too you 'l stand by me Mr. Raison Rais. Not if he kicks like your Ladyship L. Wort. And your first Acquaintance with this Woman was at the Wells Y. Reve. The very morning before you came to Town L. Wort. Hell and Confusion Oh! damn'd Jilt methinks your Conquest was very easie considering the Character you give of her Beauty and Conversation that in three Days you should bring her to compliance Flor. They 'r discoursing about a Mistress I think Mr. Raison pray stand aside a little and observe Y. Reve. Faith what she saw in me I cannot tell our Familiarity was somewhat hasty I confess not but I could have stay'd a twelve Month so I had been sure at the end of those Joys she gave last Night L. Wort. Damnation on the Artful Whore Now I reflect methought to me her Love was all affected and her Embraces which she seem'd with bashfulness to give proceeded from uneasiness by Heav'n Do you not know her Y. Reve. The Name she told me was Dorinda I do believe she is of some Fashion and Debauched by some Noble Man or other and kept here for security of not being known L. Wort. Legion of Devils burst her canker'd Heart-strings Y. Reve. She hurried me away about Nine a Clock out of her back Door I suppose the Spark was come for one of her Scouts came and whisper'd her it was a hearty well wisher to St. Valentines Day for she coupled us as lovingly and as securely as if she had been to have had me her self I think she call'd her Aunt It was the wholsomest look'd Dame L. Wort. O true bred plump fac'd Baud then Florella is quite laid aside Y. Reve. No my Lord That I design for my constant Habitation this is only a Lodging by the by to divert my self with whenever I 'm uneasie at home L. Wort. And you'r going now to her Y. Reve. If I can gain admittance Flor. I 'll have a brush with you first Reveller you 'r a Son of a Whore She strikes him Rais. Oh fie draw upon a Woman He lays Hand on his Sword Y. Reve. What my little Mad-cap in Breeches Flor. Hearing your Father resolv'd not to give you a Groat and in despair you had got a Commission to go to the Wars Mrs. Raison and I come to offer our selves as Volunteers Y. Reve. Mrs. Raison a couple of amiable Supporters faith Alcibiades never regal'd himself with two Titer Lasses My Lord will you take 'em aside a little till I step in to this Dorinda for I am very impatient to know the meaning of that Box o' the Ear. L. Wor. A friendly Request truly but I shall alter your Joys speedily Ladies pray walk this way a little Mrs. Rais. Mr. Reveller won't you Y. Reve. I 'll but correct my Watch by the Sun-Dial and L. Wor. Let him alone Madam Ex. Y. Reve. Flor. So he 's gone to his Mistress I 'm sure Mrs. Rais. What the Lady that gave him the Box o' the Ear Rais. Gad I believe the whole Sex are turn'd Kickers and Cuffers L. Wort. The same Madam and if you 'll promise me to use your Interest to your Sister to pardon me in some things I have err'd in I 'll not only restore you Mr. Reveller wholly to your self but entertain you with an unexpected piece of Diversion Flor. I do not know what you mean but in any thing that 's Honourable your Lordship may command me L. Wort. I ask no more Madam Flor. Hey-day here 's Sir Thomas and my Lady with Fiddles 't is a mad old Knight my Mother will never recover the Fatigue of this Nights disorder Enter Sir Tho. Reveller Lady Hazard Violante Sasaph and Musick Lady Haz. For Heav'ns sake Sir Thomas give over your Frolick I am so sick and untoward pray let me and
Reveller invite him to Dinner with two or three more and drink her out of my head The Daughter of a Knight with a pox the Honourable Sir Francis Haughty Brother to the Viscount Blusteror Baron of Rockey Hills in Scotland Well take warning all by me I Robert Raison Grocer To have and to hold and so Sir Took the Daughter of a Knight from Covent Garden I Worth 10000 l. she not one Farthing Exit SCENE II. Tower Hill Enter at one door the Lord Worthy and Servant At the other Young Reveller L. Wor. Bring my things out of the Boat and call me a Coach Water Yes Master Y. Rev. I think I have heard that voice I 'm sure I have seen that face L. Wor. George Reveller Embraces Y. Rev. My Lord Worthy Welcome ashore how long has this happy Island been blest with your approach L. Wor. Prithee sweet Orator lay aside thy Rhetorick and Preserve if for Friends of lesser date I am glad to see thee and take my Joy heartily Embraces Y. Rev. Nothing more acceptable by the pleasure of friendship But my Lord being so long abroad in the Courts of celebrated Breeding I was afraid a hearty English Salute might have been too gross for the tender Constitution of Italian Ceremony L. Wor. Why faith George there are follies all over the World but by my long absence and observation I have studied to despise 'em I can be Courteous without Formality Cleanly without Vanity Friendly without Flattery free from Prodigality yet Generous in what is necessary Honest without Partiality and can be merry with a Friend without talking Bawdy or Divinity Y. Rev. Faith my Lord I can't match you if you expect such Virtues here you must e'ne keep company by your self Why you 'l be envy'd by the Wise and scorn'd by the Fools for a true English man abhors what he cannot reach and neglects what he can L. Wor. Well George if thou art as free from these sins as thou wert when I left thee I shall compleat my Travels in thy so wish'd for Conversation and repent that my curiosity abroad kept me so long from home Y. Rev. Nay my Lord I was heartily griev'd my Fortune would not admit of my accompanying your Lordship abroad but I have been faithful in my Correspondence to your four years Travels and my Letters never mist of any passages here that were worth your acceptance L. Wor. Dear George I thank thee for 'em and but that I thought I should sooner reach thee than a Letter I had given thee notice of my arrival for I came in the Pacquet Boat from Callis to Dover where I took Post to Greenwich shifted my self and so came hither and had I not met with you was going to seek you Y. Rev. I am glad this accident prevented that trouble I was just going to Greenwich but if you please we 'll go back to the Change pick up an honest fellow or two and dine at the Rummer in Queenstrees which tho' the dearest is indeed the best accommodated house we can boast of L. Wor. What are all the famous Houses about Covent-Garden and Charing-Cross abolished Y. Rev. Faith my Lord they are mightily degenerated since Strephon the wise the witty and the gay and the Prince of all Company as well as all hearts forsook us Those that are left of that glorious Society are retired from the world and mourn the remembrance of their lost Companions that Wit and good fellows are as hard to be found as Conscience in a Jury or Honesty in a Guardian L. Wor. Well since those Golden Days cannot be call'd again we must make the best of our present Insufficiency and be as happy as we can tho' not to such perfection For to tell thee truth George we have a very indifferent Character abroad and the respect to an English man is lessen'd extreamly our understanding is become a jest by our not knowing what we wou'd have and the next Age must play the Fool within its own bounds for as the Gent. Usher says in the Rehearsal for Politicians no body else will take us Y. Rev. 'T is a sad truth my Lord for our distractions which we might heal we strive to enlarge and our misfortunes abroad are occasion'd by our sollys at home Our Nobility love their Ease and Pleasure the Gentry are Careless and stubborn the Commonalty grumbling and Positive the Clergy Ambitious and froward and the Mobile mad for an Insurrection L. Wor. So much for Politicks but setting State Affairs aside how does the old Gentleman your Father Y. Rev. Why 't is a tuff Thief my Lord he 'll bend double before he 'll break and prefers living with his Equals below before going to his Betters above â—â—â—lfes me as most Parents do their Children who are at vast charge to give 'em the Education of Gentlemen and when they 're fit for the society of such starve ' em L. Wor. Is he in Town Y. Rev. Ay my Lord and ten to one but we meet him at Change he 's a jolly Spark and loves his Whore and his Bottle as well as the Lewdest of Eighteen L. Wor. Are our Youth so perfect at 18 George Y. Rev. Ay my Lord as our Grandfathers were at 50 Youth now keeps Company with Age and Men with Boys Vice is so much Improv'd within these ten years and madness so Pregnant that within five more our Lads at 12 will begin to Whore and bear Drink as Portuguese Women do Children and be past it at five and twenty they 're Downright fots at 30 Drivel on till 40 when being fit for nothing but Hospitals they expire in a Flux and you read in the Bill of Mortality they dyed of a Fever L. Wor. Well prithee let 's be gone for I long to see some of these whose Characters thou hast given Y. Rev. As we go my Lord we 'll call at the old Gentleman's Lodgings Probably he 's at home I must imform you as you go of his humour that you may the better know how to manage him Next have a care you buy not the sight of these Sparks too dear for they 'l fasten on you with the least Encouragement you give 'em and they 'l worry you with more Questions than an old Scholar would his Son when he comes home from School at Christmas L. Wor. O fear not I Love Fools as I do a Landskip they 're always best at distance Tom bring the things Exeunt SCENE III. Sir Thomas Reveller Dressing himself Enter Boy Boy Sir the Steward has brought his Accounts according to your Worships Order Sir Tho. Bring him in I look frouzy this morning ad I must leave off this Drinking it will kill me else For the heat of my Body 's so violent it will set the Clarret within me a Boyling and make a hash of my Bowels for Satan Yet I look pretty well of my Age too What a pox I 'm but eight and forty and have Lungs as shrill as
Look yonder are my Daughters Sir Thomas with your Son and another Gentleman Sir Tho. Ad so my Lord Worthy the Flower of Europe Madam ad if he takes a likeing to your Daughter we shall have a Glorious Son-in-Law George my Lord your Lordships humble Servant pray be pleas'd to know my Lady Hazard the Mother of these Girls and in all likelyhood of Election to be the Partaker of my Flesh and Blood L. Wor. You much honour me Sir Thomas and I wish my interest there were equal to yours here Vio. If he goes on as he begins he may get the start of ' em La. Haz. Your Lordship has so noble a Character that were I a stranger to your Quality the fame of your Virtues would recommend you alone nor would I willingly call her Friend or Relation that could refuse such goodness L. Wor. I humbly thank your Ladyship Sir Tho. Very well Faith very well said of both sides and so much for Complements Come Neighbour Sasaphras Landlord Raison bear up Sirs what a Pox Dos'd stupified hum drum Wine used to have another Operation Rais. Pox on 't I 'm sorry we left off Drinking Prithee let 's to 't agen I don't care for Womens Company Sir Tho. Why was it not thy own Proposal to come down to Greenwich to Sup with thy Spouse and be merry with this good Company Rais. Truth is I was but half Drunk when I had a mind to my Spouse I find since the last Bottle I am incapable Y. Rev. I am sorry your Husband 's in such a condition Madam To Mrs. Rais. Mrs. Rais. I am more sorry you 're in such Company Sir I have not only a Beast for a Husband but a Villain for a Lover Y. Rev. Madam Mrs. Rais. Rascal Y. Rev. Your Servant Flor. What are you angry Mrs. Raison Mrs. Rais. A little troubled he should make my Husband such a Sot Madam Flor. Such things will be you may repair the Lady's loss Mr. Reveller Y. Rev. I wish I might Madam for I was always enclin'd to help the afflicted Sasa Come what do we do here Sir Thomas a Pox of these Petticots they spoil more Company than e're they Created let 's have some Wine and cold Chickens go upon Flamstead's Leads and huzza to the Neighbouring Counties Rais. Ay ay let 's huzza let 's huzza Y. Rev. Nay faith Mr. Raison since you have Fiddles we 'll have a Dance and what you will Sir Tho. Why you impudent Rascal how come you to speak of a Dance before I thought on 't Y. Rev. You forget Sir Thomas what we shook hands about Sir Tho. Gads so I beg thy Pardon George come then let 's have a Dance Sasa Hang Dancing Sir Thomas 't will put us all into a Sweat and make the Air unpleasant La. Haz. I think we had better Dance at home for we shall have the whole Town here gaping at us Sir Tho Agreed then we 'll first to Supper and then for a Rubbers at scampring My Lord we must desire your good Company La. Haz. By all means L. Wor. 'T is a Blessing I have Pray'd for Sir Tho. Lead on then George handle your Mother-in-Law and I 'le take Water-wag-Tail my Lord here 's yours Sas take Mrs. Raison and let the Husband bring up the Rear Rais. stumbles on Flor. Flor. He had better lead the way that he mayn't fall upon us Rais. I think I ought to go first as being the only Married Person among you Besides as I 'm a Cuckold I 'm a single Man in this Company Fidlers Play Buffcoat la la la. Flor. Well said Mr. Raison Madam bear up your Husband 's good Company To Mrs. Rais. Mrs. Rais. What means this Devil Sir Tho. Come away with it la la la. Exeunt Singing and the Musick Playing ACT III. SCENE The Park The Moon Shining Enter Dorinda and Aunt Dor. HAs not the Clock struck Eleven yet Aunt No but 't is very near it I 'le in and wait my Lord 's coming Dor. Do. Oh! Reveller thou' rt slow or I 'me in haste Love should be still before hand with the time For 't is a Thief that often Robs our Joys How tedious are the Moments of my Longing Whilst Worthy at a years end comes too fast Yet such a Slave I am to my Impatience That for one early Minute with my Love I 'de meet an hour sooner what I hate Enter Reveller Drunk follow'd by Mrs. Raison's Maid Y. Revel 'T is a fine Moon Shiny Night much ado I have stole from my Company and much ado I have to manage my Footing 3 Bumpers more had rendred me incapable of Crawling now for this Mistress it is the prettiest wittiest thing I ever met with shine out thou Pale-Fac'd Bawd to Midnight Wooers Blush if thou canst to make thy Flame more chearful for I will do a deed if she will let me shall make thy Cheeks glow little Luna and wish instead of Lighting the World thou wer 't in her Condition of Peopling it oh thâ—re's Man's Meat already has thy Blood child any simpathetical motion towards mine if you expect a Lover tell me if not leave the place for one that does There 's a convenient Pond at the lower end if thou' rt in a Despairing Condition Dorin 'T were hard to be droun'd so near a good Harbour would not that Flesh and Blood you talk of fling out a Rope to save me Y. Revel O 't is the Devil I know the Instrument by the sound well Madam I know not whether you 'l esteem it a Favour but I have left Wit and Wine Women and Wealth to shew how much I am your Humble Servant Maid 'T is as my Mistress Raison suspected and I 'le acquaint her instantly Aside Exit Dor. Well Sir and I have neglected my Repose ventur'd catching Cold and run the hazard of a Parents fury to bid you welcome Y. Revel So far we are upon the square but how must I accost you shall we chat easie and naturally without the Cant of Romance and Ridiculous Whineing or must I open my Heroical Budget for extravagant Raptures Dor. Keep it shut I beseech you Sir for as I desire no Lies I expect no flights let our Expressions be Cordial whether they prove effectual or no what a Condition the Knave 's in now Cunning help me Y. Revel Why then as I hope to be Sav'd and that 's a Presumption Dor. Hold Sir I must give you some Cautions in the first place I am a Maid therefore talk Decently in the next place I am Honourable therefore talk Respectfully and thirdly I am and will be Honest therefore talk Virtuously Y. Revel Oh Lord what Company hast thou betray'd me into Virtuously and Honest the very words have made me Sober if I were Dying of a Hycop the surprise of a Thumb Ring would destroy it Dor. I 'le try you Sir For if I yield I lose him after it It is the Pride of Man with Oaths to win us And
Butler's never idle and I will see this Miracle Y. Rev. Nay pray Sir Mr. Raison and Mr. Sasaphras I conjure you by the Worth and Honour of Citizens stand by me and keep my Father out or I am ruin'd for ever Rais. Yes George you shall find we Citizens have Honour and Worth Come Sir Thomas here 's a Bumper to you Sas. Agreed Sir Thomas your Inclinations Sir Tho. They 're in his Bed-Chamber here 's her Health Drink you Dog that we may be upon the square with her Drinks So now I 'll see her Offers to go in Rais. holds him Rais. You shan't go in Sir Tho. Gad but I will Sas. Faith but you shan't Sir Tho. By the Hectors of Covent Garden Rais. By the Members of Grocers Hall Sir Tho. Why is not the Whore as free for me as for him Rais. Sir I have given him the VVord of a Citizen to stand by him and my â—uncto will not allow me to violate the Honour of my Corporation Sir Tho. Why you Cuckoldy Dog it may be your own Wife for ought you know Rais. I care not if it were my Mother and he were getting an Heir to disinherit me he shall not be interrupted and tho' I am as it were dead Drunk yet I will stand by him I say I will stand by him Falls down Sir Tho. So suddenly fell the Walls of Jerico and Joshua plunder'd the Town Y. Rev. Mr. Sasaphras Sas. Hold there Sir Thomas I stand in the Gap and like the Bassa of Buda will dye in defending the place Saf draws Y. Reveller ' s Sword and stands between the door and Sir Thomas Sir Tho. Why what a Pox have we got a Hydra No sooner one Head down but another sprouts up Why dare you fight Sas. Dare ' ounds draw come for the Pass yours or mine Sir Tho. And hast thou really Courage Draws Sas. Have you a Heart Sir try if I can hit it come on Sir come on Sir Tho. Nay if thou' rt so hot upon fighting thou' rt no Citizen I 'm sure and considering how Captains and Lac'd Coats have been admir'd by Shopkeepers Wives thou may'st be the hasty Off-spring of an Afternoon's Recreation in Moorfields Sas. Come Come will you Tilt for this Lady Sir Tho. No I shan't do like the Fools now a days Tilt for a Whore I don't know Come Sirrah since I must not see her Puts up tho' I am sure it is Raison's Wife Rais. I care not I 'll stand by him Sir Tho. What Liquor have you have you any Cherry Sirra Cherry the Comfort of midnight Y. Rev. Yes Sir Sir Tho. Fetch it then three Beer Glasses of Cherry Sirrah Sas. Ay now you say something Puts up Sir Tho. He had as good let me see her for I 'll debilitate him so with Brandy he shall be useless to her Enter Servant with three large Glasses of Cherry Brandy Hold let me tast 'em all to know if the Rogue has not palm'd something else for his Master Sincere and Spiritual a conceal'd Body and yet a considerable Tasts Body too Come to the Memory of our poor Brother departed Sas. Agreed Sir Tho. So now George fall to your Lady and if the Brandy does its part I think thou wilt faulter in thine Sas. Take care of the good Man George for the good Woman's sake Y. Rev. I warrant you ten thousand thanks Sir Tho. Sirrah remember this when I have a Wench Strike up A Pox of the Rogue that runs c. Ex. Sir Tho. Sas. and Musick Y Rev. Now to the Female if fear has not kill'd her Sirrah draw Raison into your Room and take care he peeps not out in the morning till all 's safe Each Whoremaster his Cuckold thus o're-powers We make 'em Drunk and then their Wives are ours Servant takes up Raison who all the while cries I 'll stand by him Ex. ACT IV. SCENE I. Dorinda's Apartment Enter Lord Worthy and Dorinda Lo. Wor. MY dear Dorinda Darling of my sences how sweet is Love after so long an absence my hours have been as troublesome without thee as they have been delighted in being with thee nor will I ever travail more for Knowledge my utmost Study Center'd still in thee I have wandered like a Child without my Guide follow'd the Notion of improving Arts when I had left my Natural Genius here Dor. My Lord you know you are welcome to these arms but if the separation was so tedious to you who 've had such vast variety of Countrys and of Courts of all that 's worthy the pursuit of Fancy think how uneasy has been my solitude no object Entertainment or acquaintance nothing diverting to deceive the time my prospect limited my measures fix'd nothing but Lectures from a peevish Aunt nay had I not been bless'd with constant Letters which satisfied me that my Lord was safe I must have sunk beneath the sad restraint Lo. Wor. I 'le study how to recompence thy patience the generous compliance thou hast shewn in thy submission to my Jealous Love the dread of loosing thee inflicted it but I 'm united now for ever here nor will I e're torment thee more with absence great Natures utmost Curiosity can never match Dorinda's full perfections Dor. Oh tedious Raptures and Insipid Eloquence aside Be constant to your words and I am happy but you were saying you must go to London Lo. Wor. My Love Dor. I say if you do go to London do not stay long may I expect you back at Dinner Lo. Wor. I have Accounts to settle Bills to receive things to look after that belong to thee some Presents Dor. Presents alas you 'r all I covet Lo. Wor. No my Delight I have brought o're some toys some Silks and Points still what I saw that might adorn my Love I pick'd up by degrees in Travelling to let you know you never was from hence Dor. But be sure you come at Night Lo. Wor. Will the Night come think'st thou I could stay from thee but I 'le not leave thee yet Dor. Nay then you 'l be so late you 'l not come home the earlyer you are there the sooner you 'l be here Lo. Wor. And won't you take it ill I leave you Dor. Unkind suspition can I pretend to love and be displeas'd at ought is for my Lords conveniency Lo. Wor. Blessings upon thee adiew then for a while Dor. Be sure you think upon me Lo. Wor. My Soul is useless when not employed on thee my Life Dor. My hearts Devotion Lo. Wor. I cannot stir whilst I behold thee Dor. You shall not stay to Prejudice your Business she seems to hug him and all the while drives him towards the door Lo. Wor. At Night my Love betimes Dor. Forgot not Lo. Wor. I warrant you Exit Wor. Dor. He 's gone and all this day is mine within there Aunt Enter Aunt Aunt What 's my Lord gone Dor. To London put on your hood and scarfe and get me mine 't is a fine 〈◊〉
diverted but our Company Encreases Enter Mrs. Raison in mans Cloths severall others Lady Hazard Lord Worthy Sir Thomas Sas. and Raison c. Mrs Rais. Now for the Ladys 't is Youth and Beauty not Sence and Breeding Conquers now adays I think I 'm a pretty man whate'ro I am for a woman and this beardless boy may have as good success with the fair Sex as if I had been a Page in a particular Family and Destin'd from my Childhood for a comfort to my Ladys old age I must finde out Florella whom I will Court with such an eagerness that if she seems inclining I 'le make young Reveller curse her from his heart and think her easy to each Fops addresses Rais. I wonder which is my Wife among all these Sr. Thomas Sr. Tho. I don't know which is thy Wife but I believe any of 'em may be thy Whore upon a good Occasion I never saw such confusion of Babell Rais. My Lamb is among 'em that 's certain but I know no more how to distinguish her then a Shepheard a stray sheep that 's mixt with another flock Sas. This is a heav'nly Life Sr. Thomas we lead sitting up all night and being sick all day Disturbing all Men and abusing all Women Loving all mischief and Hating all good affecting of Lewdness when you know you 'r incapable this will bring you to the Devill in time old Knight Rais. Ay and thee and I if we do not reform Sas I 'm affraid shall Sweat in those Everlasting Hummums with him Sr. Tho. No pox thou hast a Proverb on thy side thy Spouse will save thy Soul in spight of thy teeth Rais. All in good time your worship's coming into the nooze my Lady Hazard may give me an Opportunity of returning your Jest for they say Merchants Widdows are as good at it as Tradesmens Wives Sas. I faith Sir Thomas you are too blame I think considering your age and what a brisk Son you have to think of Matrimony you 'l not only Rob her of her Joynture but cheat her expectations Sr. Tho. Good lack d' ye hear the Batchelor prithee old Cracker of other mens pipkins trouble thy head with thy own abilitys and distrust not mine Gad sookers I am a Boy to thee yet thou shavings of Harts-horn and Ivory Enter Young Reveller Yo. Reve. Caelia was Coy and hard to Win With Artfull Cunning play'd the Virgins Part But when she once had try'd the Sin She hugg'd the Charming Tingling dart Cry'd nearer Dearest to my heart Thou' rt Lord of all within Oh what a Luscious Feast of Love I 've had the unexpected Conquest rais'd the Joy full of desire and trembling with my doubts I lay half-satisfy'd then half destroy'd she cry'd oh do not do not ruine me Weakly she struggl'd till she seem'd quite tyr'd then fainting sigh'd do force me Villain do I took the yielding moment in its Prime and sent my expiring Soul to seek for hers Flor. So there 's Reveller but I can't find out this Mrs. Raison I 'm sure she is among 'em I have a Trick to play her and would no more be disappointed in my Mischief than she would in her man Mrs. Rais. What can become of this Florella there 's my Villain whom I will plague with Jealousy if possible as much as he has tortur'd me L. Wort. Dear George your late she Company has mourn'd for you Y. Reve. Oh! Friend such an Adventure such Joy such Delight such unspeakable Pleasure incomprehensible Transport Imagination cannot reach it Fancy draw it Nature match it the World value it Art improve it L. Wort. What the Devil art thou mad Y. Reve. Mad aye and so would you had you been where I have seen what I have felt heard and understood what I have thou hadst been in the uppermost Region by this time L. Wort. Dear George What is it Y. Reve. I 'll tell you when my Soul 's cool enough for my Tongue to relate it at present Reflection's so vast in my thoughts it stifles my Speech being above its expression Flor. Some fair Lady I suppose Sir Y. Reve. You may suppose Sir but ask no questions as you value your Nose Sir Flor. Did the Lady you Dinn'd with entertain you kindly Sir Y. Reve. Look you Sweet-heart I gave thee a caution about Questions such familiarity at first sight is not agreeable to my Constitution therefore keep thy Tongue within compass left my Feet go beyond measure Flor. I won't provoke the Rogue lest he should be as good as his word and force me to discover my self Where the Devil is this dry'd Fig of his Sir Tho. Sirrah Sirrah Where have you been till this time Y. Reve. About some urgent Business of my own Sir Sir Tho. Of the Devil's you Dog the Flesh and the Spirit Ounds Sirrah What is the meaning I can't Whore and Drink with you Y. Reve. There is a natural Infirmity Sir allyed to 59. which in cases of this Matter do bear a debilitated Influence over the frigiditated Circumstances of halting Inclination which being preingag'd to a foregoing want of Power renders the Faculties incapable of exerting those necessary Ingredients which commonly are requir'd in the Eager Occurrences of Predominant Desire Sir Tho. Why you Rhodomontading Canting Bantering Sputtering Offers to strike him L. Wort. Hold hold Sir Thomas Sir Tho. Why the Rogue 's a Bantring of me spitting out his superfluous Bombast and ridiculing my Understanding as if his Father was liable to his nonsensical Raillery Get out of the House Sirrah Omnes Nay hold Sir Thomas not so Sir Tho. I have liv'd to a fine age a fine time I mean indeed Sirrah get you out Lady Haz. Nay Sir Thomas let me intercede Sir Tho. Why 't is a shame Madam what an impudent Son in Law will he be to your Ladyship when 't is such an insolent Rascal to his own Father Lady Haz. I warrant you Sir Y. Reve. Hark you Sir lay by your mustiness or my Lady shall know how brisk your Worship was at the Wells to all the Masques you met with Sir Tho. Dog Rogue shall she so well I won't disturb the Company now but another time Winks at his Son and puts his Finger on his Nose Lady Haz. Come come a Dance All. Aye a Dance a Dance Sir Tho. Gad so it 's break o'day Come on then strike up now Rogue I 'll frigididate you Cuts a Caper Enter Dorinda and Aunt Dor. My Fears are true and he is false as Hell Aunt What could you expect less from such a wild Fellow Dor. Peace Mischief inconstant Villain alter'd in an hour Are all those Charms which extasy'd his Sences Those melting Joys his Life could scarce dispence with When all his Spirits with excess of bliss Lay gasping as in Fits struggling for vent As if his Soul had sickned with the pleasure And nature could not bear the vast delight Aunt Come will you go home now you 'r satisfied Dor. There 's Worthy and
my Children go to rest Sir Tho. Not till Night saith Madam and then not much Rest neither for I am resolv'd we 'll Dance to a Priest and be made Flesh and Blood out of hand Lady Haz. How Sir Thomas Sir Tho. Even so my Lady it must be done and no time so sitting as now we are in a good humor therefore let 's nick it Widows when they 'r heated must be kept stirring Lady Haz. Oh fie Sir Thomas It requires consideration Sir Tho. Consideration in Matrimony Nay then I 'll be hang'd if any man ever weigh'd the State of Marriage seriously and enter'd into 't afterwards I 'll be bound to answer for my Father's sins Flor. I wonder then Sir Thomas you that have prov'd it once will venture upon it again Sir Tho. Why How now you little Smock-fac'd Dog a pretty Boy faith Sirrah Sirrah if you were in Italy Flor. Nay nay but answer me as I 'm in England Sir Tho. VVhy because I 'm sure I can't have a worse VVife than I had before and I would try if there be any better Mrs. Rais. Then I find you Marry more for the Experiment than for any Comfort the Lady's to have of you Flor. Therefore if I might advise my Mother Sir Tho. Thy Mother Rais. Florella and my Wife Sir Thomas not being loose enough in their own Habits have chose one to be lewd in with less Scandal Flor. Good Sugar-Loaf none of your Censures you know the length of my Foot Rais. Yes and the breadth I thank you Sir Tho. Ah my little Squirril turn'd hector Lady Haz. Florella I wonder at your Frailty to commit such an Absurdity in Discretion by giving your self up to Sir Tho. Nothing but a harmless Frolick Madam I beseech your Ladyship not to construe it worse than it is Viol. Well my Lord you have behav'd your self so like a Man of Honour in this discovery of your Mistress that it shall no way turn to your prejudice in my esteem L. Wort. Heav'n make me capable of deserving so much Goodness Sir Tho. But where 's George what 's become of that Rogue L. Wort. Sir Thomas I have a favour to beg of you and this good Company pray ask no Questions but follow me into this House I have a Key here commands it Lady Haz. What should this mean Sir Tho. Faith I know not but let 's follow him Flor. Now Vulcan and Venus will be caught in a Net Mrs. Rais. Some Comfort I shall know who this Rival is come Husband Rais. Ay VVife where you please Exeunt SCENE Dorindas Apartment Reveller following of her Y. Reve. Can nothing appease you Dor. Ungrateful Villain VVas the Prize so poor it could not merit one Night's Constancy Oh! Curse upon my Folly which betray'd me VVhich gave such hasty Credit to thy Oaths My Generosity overcame Discretion And I 'm despis'd for being kind too soon Y. Reve. Conscience give way a little Madam by Heav'ns I went strait home nay was in Bed when my Father came and pull'd me out and forc'd me to go with him Dor. By Hell 't is false you went strait thither I had you dogg'd Y. Reve. So that won't do then Why then in short I should have been pull'd out of my Bed if I had not gone and 't was better as ' t was Dor. Why Did you not swear to me you would not see Florella last Night Y. Reve. The Devil take me if I know I did I fanci'd several for her but as I hope to be reconcil'd to you I did not to my knowledge see her and to make you amends I won't see her this Week Dor. You 'd sooner hang your self Y. Reve. Nay if you won't believe Dor. I have believ'd too much and you have promis'd more than you can keep Y. Reve. By the dear Joys possess'd I will be faithful Dor. And will you not marry Florella Y. Reve. Buy Trouble so dear when I can have Pleasure so cheap Dor. And you will never Y. Reve. Impossible I should keep me here ever with thee thus and scorn thy Sex besides Dor. Oh take me all then thus let us grow and never separate Embraces L. Wort. within By Heav'n a shreik destroys thee down Enter Worthy his Sword drawn and forcing the Aunt upon her Knees Bawd down Dor. Destruction thou art come Y. Reve. My Lord Reve. draws L. Wort. Put up George here 's my Aim Runs at Dor. Y. Reve. Honour forbid that and a Man so near holds him L. Wort. I thank thee my Passion was too violent What canst thou say persidious hellish Jilt Dor. I am struck o' th sudden and have nought to help me where art thou cunning thou Devil at a pinch canst thou be backward when a Woman wants thee Y. Reve. The meaning of all this L. Wort. I 'll tell thee George Oh! had I trusted thee before thou hadst not wrong'd me Dor. Or had I caution'd him thou hadst not know it Curse on my Folly L. Wor. This Lady that has been thy Whore was once my Mistress this Reverend Matron sold her to me her Father was an ancient Servant in our Family and dying left her with this Widow'd Aunt whose curs'd Avarice betray'd her to me In short I had her for 500 l. for I did love her to my shame I own it above the World 'T is six Years since in which time her Ladyship has somewhat weakned my Estate for as I had no Wish above her Love I had no Power above her Wish all she commanded and she has well repaid me thy Ignorance and my Breach of Friendship in not trusting thee makes thee unblamable but she sure 's doubly damn'd to wrong me with the only Man she knew my Friend Y. Reve. By Heav'ns it staggers me and I could wish L. Wort. It is too late forget her as I shall and we shall be much happier What sayest thou Bawd is 't true what I have said Dor. Ay let her speak I 'll stand to what she says L. Wort. Say It 〈◊〉 true Aunt Yes Dor. Convulsions â—â—oâ—â— thee Aun But as I hope to dye ouâ— of 〈…〉 house 't was all against my will but she threatened to run away and leave 〈◊〉 to beg if I did not comply and being old and uncapable of gettling bread in my 〈◊〉 employment I thought it better to wink at her Fornication than 〈◊〉 through her Indignation Y. Rev. Madam this has a Face Dor. So has an Ass Confusion on ye all is going L. Wort. Nay not so fast good Madam we 'll part with Witness tho' we met with none Sir Thomas VVill you enter Don. Must I then be derided poor Insulter Enter Sir Tho. Sas. Viol Lady Haz. Flor Mrs. Rais. Rais. c. Y. Reve. No let her go my Lord. L. Wort. Nay George dispute it not by Her 〈…〉 some revenge Sir Tho. VVhy what are we to do here is there any Conveyance we must be VVitnesses to Y. Reve. Yes here has been a Conveyance only
Reveller may a Man be admitted to your Embraces after six years absence Embraces Sir Tho. Heartily Glad to see you on my Soul my Lord. Pray be pleas'd to know my Landlord Raison and his Neighbour Mr. Sasaphras a Drugster ingenious Men both particular Members of the Common Council and in all private Affairs consulted for the good of the Publick L. Wor. Seeing 'em in your Company is a sufficient Testimony of their good Parts Sasa Sir Thomas is pleas'd to be Witty my Lord but we have some Power in this City and should be Proud if your Lordship had occasion to use it Rais. We are plain Men my Lord but have good Credit and can make our Friends welcome we can Drink without being Exceptious be Merry without State-Affairs hate parting when we are good Company abhor knowing how the time goes therefore no body carries a Watch amongst us Sir Tho. Pray my Lord how long have you been in London L. Wor. Faith Sir Thomas not an hour and if my Good Fortune had not thrown me on your Son must have been a Wanderer much longer but he has the strangest fancy he told me he 'd bring me to his Father and I could not get him up stairs by any Perswasion Sir Tho. I sent to him to stay below L. Wor. No Sir Thomas before I saw your Servant he swore he would not come up Sir Tho. Swore it I 'll make him break his Oath or break his Neck Jack go and bid George come up Exit Servant Rais. I suppose he has told your Lordship his Father's Humour he 's forc'd to act by contraries with him I swear it's pity he 's a fine Gentleman and I love him extreamly Sir Tho. I never knew a Cuckold in my Life but was fond of the Rogue that made him one L. Wor. Why truly Sir I think Nature has been juster to him than his Fortune which I am sorry is not equal to his Merit and all the Virtues I could wish my self or in a Friend I find in him Enter Servant Serv. Sir your Son 's gone Sir Tho. How Gone L. Wor. He 's but gone to Guildhall he said he 'd walk there till I came Sir Tho. Fetch him Sirrah Exit Servant Rais. 'T is true indeed my Lord and I am sorry his Father won't let him live like a Gentleman Sir Tho. What you 'd have him Master of my Purse as your Wife is of yours as long as the world knows he is a Gentleman what 's matter for his living like one ' Gad I know abundance about this Town that live like Gentlemen and are asham'd to own their Parents Sasa So far I must side with Sir Thomas he allows his Son to live on the sharp and that 's like most of the Gentlemen of this Age. Sir Tho. Come come 't is best pinching 'em in their Youth they 'l the better know how to prize Money in their Age. L. Wor. 'Faith Sir Thomas that Precept seldom takes effect for a Son is apt to run into Extravagancies the latter part of his Life to make amends for the ill usage of the first and when Pleasure 's in view Consideration's a Foe Rais. Understandingly spoken my Lord this Travelling is an ingenious thing 't is pity that there are not half a dozen Members of the Common Council sent yearly abroad to learn Politicks at the Expence of the Nation Sir Tho. What how to Cheat more than you do Pox Tradesmens Politicks consist in Lying only and ye need not go out of your Parishes to learn that L. Wor. But pray Sir Thomas how long have you forsook the Court and Embrac'd the Order of Citt Sir Tho. Why ever since Knavery took Place of Honesty Sasa And that 's a long time Sir Thomas Sir Tho. I speak in my days Pimp Rais. There 's a Bob for Batchelors for they 're all so Sir Tho. There 's nothing but Whoring and for Whoring I think we are pretty even with 'em here but there 's Gaming and Perjury Murder and Blasphemy Divinity and Hipocrisie running in Peoples Debts and borrowing of Money I 'le say that for the Honour of the City I have liv'd here this 3 years and han't been struck for a Guiney by any younger Brother among ' em Sasa He that won't provide for his own Son will scarce lend to an Acquaintance Sir Tho. Peace Bedlam Kicks backwards My Lord shall I describe you the Life of a t'other end of the Town thorow-pac'd Rakehell Rais. Pray let him my Lord he 's an admirable Satylist Sir Tho. 'T is to speak ill of every Man yet be courteous to all Men borrow of most Men and pay no Man always at home to their Whores and ever abroad to their Creditors to Cheat their Brothers Debauch their Sisters to be Drunk Nightly Arrested Weekly Beaten Monthly Poxt Quarterly Live Cursedly Dye Wretchedly and so be Damn'd to all Eternity Sasa Here 's the Spleen of the City my Lord we can be as sharp upon them as they upon us sometimes L. Wor. Pleasantly describ'd in faith Sir Thomas Enter Y. Reveller But see your Son Sir Tho. What was the Reason you did not wait on my Lord up stairs Sirra Y. Rev. You sent me word it was your Pleasure I should stay below Sir Tho. And therefore you went away Jackanapes Y. Rev. I thought it not for your Honour I should keep Company with Footmen L. Wor. Nay Sir Thomas You must not look upon him now as your Son but a Friend of mine and pray be Civil to him for my sake Sir Tho. Sir for my Lord's sake you 're very welcome Bows very low Y. Rev. Nay Good Sir Sir Tho. Why Tom Totty will neither Austerity nor Civility please you Rais. Good my Lord take him off here will be a Quarrel else L. Wor. Well Sir Thomas I 'm resolv'd we 'll Dine together since I did not pay my Foy when I left the Town I 'll pay my Welcome to 't Rais. If your Lordship pleases let me give you your Welcome Sir Thomas has Promis'd to Dine with me 't is my Birth Day and if you 'l grace it with your Presence I 'le give you a Cleanly and Hearty Entertainment we 'll have Wine in abundance speak but one at once Wit as it happens and no Wives L. Wor. Truly Sir the Invitation is indeed alluring Sir Tho. Come my Lord be good Natur'd for once and let my Landlord have the Maidenhead of your Arrival Y. Rev. I think my Lord we can't do better Sir Tho. Who spoke to you Jack Sause you may Dine elsewhere L. Wor. Nay Sir Thomas you forget he 's my Friend Y. Rev. Nay Sir I ask your Pardon for I 'm engag'd now I think on 't at Pontacks tho' not with such good Company Sir Tho. Indeed Sir and now I think on 't you shall not be engag'd at Pontacks Y. Rev. Indeed Sir but I am Sir Tho. I will break your Head if you say that again Y. Rev. Why Sir my