The true Effigies of the late Reverend Divine Mr. HANSERD KNOLLIS Aetatis suae 93. F. H. van Hove sculp THE LIFE and DEATH OF That Old Disciple of Jesus Christ and Eminent Minister of the GOSPEL Mr. HANSERD KNOLLYS Who Dyed In the Ninety Third Year of his Age. Written with his own Hand to the Year 1672. and continued in General in an Epistle by Mr. VVilliam Kiffin To which is added His last Legacy to the Church LONDON Printed for John Harris at the Harrow in the Poultrey 1692. 〈…〉 FUIMUS The Right honble Charles Viscount Bruce of Ampthill Son Heir Apparent of Thomas Earl of Ailesbury Baron Bruce of Whorleton THE EPISTLE TO THE READER IT was the special Charge God gave to his people of old that the many signal Provioences and Mercies that they had received from him should by them be recorded and left to their Childrens Children to that end that the memorial of his goodness might cause them to love and fear his Name and therefore they are required to bless the Lord from the Fountain of Israel from the very beginning of all his Favours towards them and it is no small favour the Servants of God are made partakers of that his people of old have left so many testimonies of the gracious goodness and Providences of God towards them they being a means to strengthen the Faith of his People in a dependency upon him in all those variety of dispensations that do attend them in this World that whatever troubles they meet withall in this Life they may know that God deals no otherwise with them than be hath done to those that formerly have feared his Name and may be comforted with the same comforts and supports which his Servants formerly have received from God The Author of these ensuing Experiences was that ancient and faithful Servant of God Mr. Hanserd Knollys who departed this Life in the 93d year of his Age having bin employed in the Works and Service of Christ as a faithful Minister for above 60 Years in which time he laboured without fainting under all the discouragements that attended him being contented in all conditions tho' never so poor in this World under all persecutions and sufferings so he might therein serve his blessed Lord and Saviour I have my self known him for above 54 years and can witness to the Truth of many things left by him under his own hand st is great pity that the last 20 years of his Life cannot be found amongst his Writings which to the knowledge of many were attended with the same fufferings as formerly and with the same holy Behaviours under them he in that time was a Prisoner in the New-Prison for the Truths sake many months where with great chearfulness he remained comforting and encouraging all that came to visit him with many blessed Exhortations to cleave to the Lord none were sent empty away without some spiritual Instructions and many of his Fellow-prisoners were greatly strengthened and comforted by that heavenly Counsel that dropped from his lsps spending much of his time there in Prayer and Study of the Word of God daily preaching to them the things that concern the Kingdom of God He was chosen an Elder to a Congregation in London with whom he laboured for near 50 years under many difficulties that dsd attend him but neither the poverty of the Church nor the Persecutions that attended him were any temptation to him to neglect his Duty towards them but was willing to be poor with them in their poverty and to suffer with them in their sufferings being willing to labour for his own and his Families Bread by keeping a School when they were not able to supply his wants altho he wanted not opportunity to have advanced himself in the World if he would have accepted of them but like a faithful Pastor he chose rather to be poor and suffer affliction than to leave the Duty and Work he was called unto in which he was employed untill he arrived to the age of above Ninety years and when he found weaknesses attend him his love and affection to that poor Church was such that he was daily exercising his thoughts to have an able Minister for them in his room declaring to several of his Friends what great satisfaction it would be to him to see one settled amongst them and that he would be willing to part with something of that little which he had if there was need for his Maintenance of the Church towards the supply of him And it pleased God to provide one for them to his great satisfaction and rejoycing And so great was his natural affection and tender care for his Daughter and Grand-children who he knew were like to come to some distress that he did accordingly at that great Age again undertake the Teaching of a School that he might do to the uttermost of his ability to provide for them And having finished his Work he fell asleep in the Lord the 19th of September 1691. That these Experiences may be of use to all those that read the same is the Desire and Prayer of Thine in the Lord William Kiffin THE LIFE and DEATH OF Mr. Hanserd Knollys I Hanserd Knollys was Born at Calkwell near Loweth in Lincoln-shire and was removed thence with my Parents to Schartho near Market Grymsby in the same County About the sixth Year of my Age I fell into a great Pond and was preserved from being drowned by the water bearing up my Coats till my Father came leaped in and pulled me out About the tenth Year of my Age I having construed the 35th chap. of Jeremiah in my Latin Bible to my Father he took occasion to disswade me from the love and use of strong Drink and said he would give me 20 l. if I would drink water but withall told me he would not have me do it to the prejudice of my Health and charged me to make no Vow to God so to do for I did not understand how Sacred a thing a Vow is and how it did bind the Soul and it would be Sin not to perform my Vow whereupon I drunk water eleven years and never in all that time drank any Wine nor strong Drink About that time my Father kept a Tutor in his House to teach me and my Brother who was a godly and conscientious Young Man He gave us good Instructions for our Souls and convinced us of the Sin of Sabbath-breaking and of Disobedience to our Parents After my Father had preferred our Tutor to a place of greater Profit we went a little while to Grymsby Free-School till my Father got another Tutor for us into his House and one day going to the Free-School we fell out and fought upon which I was much convinced that we had sinned against God and against our Father who had often told us we were Brethren and ought not to Fall out by the way And I said Brother we have sinned come let us be Friends
which I now see is but filthy Rags c. Then God gave me those two Promises Isa 43.22 23 24 25. and Isa 54.9 10. and filled my Soul with joy and peace in believing so that I brake forth into praises and Thanksgiving The next day I went again to Mr. Wheelwright and told him what God had done for my poor Soul who said unto me now I was somewhat prepared to preach Jesus Christ and the Gospel of Free Grace to others having bin taught it of God and having heard and learned Jesus Christ my self And he advised me to wait still upon God in Prayer and Christ would appear again to me by his Holy Spirit in his Word and shew me and teach me how to preach then I went home again and continued in Prayer And one day begging earnestly of God in Prayer that if he had designed me to that great Work of preaching the Gospel that then he would give me some Testimony out of his Holy Word of his calling me thereunto whereupon those words were spoken by his Spirit to my Heart Act. 26.16 I have appeared unto thee for this purpose to make thee a Minister and a Witness both of those things which thou hast seen and of those things in which I will appear unto thee whence I believed that now I had received a Call and Commission from my Lord Jesus Christ to preach the Gospel of his Free Grace And I blessed God and expected a further Appearance of Jesus Christ unto me That Night in my sleep Christ put into my mind that the next Lords day I should preach on that Text Rom. 8.1 And he dictated to me in my sleep what Doctrine I should preach from that Text. The next day I went and told all this to Mr. Wheelwright who said Now my beloved Brother and Fellow Labourer in the Gospel of the Grace of God Christ hath given you Authority a Call and a Commission to preach I pray you be humble and holy and delay not to do your Masters Work or words to that effect That Night in my Sleep the Lord taught me more and the third night also and I retained it all in my Memory and writ it down and searched the Scriptures which I received in my sleep for the Confirmation of my Doctrine And the next day being the Lords Day I preached that which I had received from the Lord and God made it useful and powerful to Conversion as appeared to me afterwards Thus I was night by night taught of God to preach the Doctrine of Free Grace according to the Tenor of the new and everlasting Covenant for three or four years together whereby very many Sinners were Converted and many Believers were established in the Faith in which three or four years space I preached in three several places at Wood-enderby at Fulleby on the Hill and at Wainfleel where I was silenced and from thence removed to London and thence to New-England with my Wife and one Child About the Year 1636. I was persecuted and prosecuted in the High Commission Court by vertue of a Warrant wherewith I was apprehended in Boston and kept a Prisoner in the Man's House who served the Warrant upon me But God helped me to convince him and he was so greatly terrified in his Conscience that he set open his doors and let me go away but before I went I tarried so long in London waiting for a passage that when I went aboard I had but 6 brass farthings left and no Silver nor Gold only my Wife had 5 l. that I knew not of which she gave me when we came there By the way my little Child dyed with Convulsion fits our Beer and Water stank our Bisket was green yellow and blew moulded and rotten and our Cheese also so that we suffered much hardship being 12 weeks in our passage but God was gracious to us and lead us safe thro' those great Deeps and e're we went ashore came one and enquired for me and told me a Friend that was gone from Boston to Rode Island had left me his house to sojourn in to which we went and two Families more with us who went suddenly to their Friends and other Relations in the Countrey and I being poor was necessitated to work daily with my Howe for the space of almost three weeks The Magistrates were told by the Ministers that I was an Antinomian and desired they would not suffer me to abide in their Patent But within the time limited by their Law in that Case two Strangers coming to Boston from Piscattuah hearing of me by a meer Accident got me to go with them to that Plantation and to preach there where I remained about four years and then being sent for back to England by my aged Father I returned with my Wife and one Child about three years old and she was great with another Child and we came safe to London on the 24th of December 1641. in which Year the Massacre in Ireland broke forth and the next Year Wars brake forth in England between King and Parliament I was still poor and sojourned in a Lodging till I had but sixpence left and knew not how to provide for my Wife and Child but having prayed to God and encouraged my Wife to trust in God and to remember former Experiences and especially that Word of promise God had given us and would perform to us Heb. 13.5 having paid for my Lodging I went out not knowing whither Gods good hand of Providence would lead me to receive something towards my present Subsistence And about seven or eight doors from my Lodging a Woman met me in the Street and told me she came to seek me and her Husband sent her to tell me that there was a Lodging provided and prepared in his house by some Christian Friends for me and my Wife I told her my present Condition and went along with her to her house and there she gave me 20 s. which Dr. Bastwick a late Sufferer had given her for me and some Linnens for my Wife which I received and told her and her Husband I would fetch my Wife and Child and lodge there and so I returned with great joy and my Wife was very much affected with this Mercy and Divine Providence being so suitable and seasonable a supply unto us and she said Oh dear Husband how sweet is it to live by Faith and trust God upon his bare Word Let us rely upon him whilst we live and trust him in all Straits with many such like expressions And after we had returned praises to God we went to our new Lodging where we found all things necessary provided for us and all charges paid for 15 weeks and my Wife being bruised much on Shipboard had sore Labour and lay under great weakness above ten weeks all which time two Doctors an Apothecary and a Chyrurgeon did daily attend her and administred unto her freely without any Money and at the end of 16 weeks we
as his own must be done in general by letting the Christian Reader know That this holy Man's Life was all of a piece and that he maintained his Zeal Fidelity and Integrity in the latter part of it as well as in the former even to the end of it He was not very long sick not keeping his Chamber above five weeks nor his Bed above ten days All the time of his Sickness he behaved himself with extraordinary Patience and Resignation to the Divine Will longing to be dissolved and to be with Christ not so much to be freed from Pain and Trouble as from Sinning which he expressed to one with him with a more than ordinary Transport of Joy A little before his Death he wrote the following Epistle which he left as his last Legacy to the Church Mr. Knollys's last Legacy to the Church written a little before his Death To the Church whereof I am Pastor Grace Love and Peace by Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour Amen HOly Brethren Partakers of the Heavenly Calling I not being able to Preach any more unto you do take liberty by writing to give you this as my last Counsel and I hope the whole Church will seriously consider what I have written as the last words of your very aged Pastor whose departure as I hope is at hand First of all I do humbly beseech my Reverend and Beloved Brother Steed for Christs sake that the fervent Love to the Church and the watchful Care over the particular Members of it Expressed and Published in his little Epistle touching Singing may be revived and also that the Brotherly Love of the Ministring Brethren and likewise of all my beloved Brethren who are helps in Government may be stirred up to Help to Assist to provoke the rest unto good Works Gal. 4.18 Now I do unfeignedly and without vain boasting commend many of you my beloved Brethren and Sisters for continuing in the Apostles Doctrine and Fellowship in breaking of Bread and in Prayer but as for the rest who forsake the assembling of themselves with rhe Church on the Lords Day I commend them not especially not only in this time of Liberty but when it was a time of violent Persecution when I was shut up a Year and four Months blessed be God for Prison Mercies in New-Prison And having mentioned that time of Persecution can I pass it by without commending the constant Assembling of our Brethren and Sisters all that time every Lords day to worship God And may I not with great Comfort commend the Labour of Love of our Ministring Brethren in the Work and Doctrine of the Gospel without ceasing as you well know and among whom they still labour and faint not And now some of our younger Brethren begin to improve their Gifts and Talents for the Glory of God and the Edification of the Church whom I desire may be encouraged Another thing very commendable in this Church is the Charity which they have added to their Brotherly kindness 2 Pet. 1.7 It was great Brotherly kindness which was manifested to the Church by those Brethren who lookt out our Meeting-House and prepared it for us as it now is And unto this many of our Brethren and Sisters have added their Charity in a free and very liberal Collection and Contribution given into the Trustees of the Fund And I hope they will be ready to do the like again when the like Necessities call for it Read I pray you the 8th and 9th Chapters of the second Epistle unto the Church of Corinth All this and much more are the Riches of Grace which God hath freely given by our Lord Jesus Christ unto this Church for his own Glory Nevertheless I must in Love and Faithfulness to your precious and gracious Souls holy and beloved tell you of some things not to shame you for I my self am found guilty as well as you and more than some of you but to warn you and to counsel you as a Father doth his Children and they are these First That several of us are fallen in some degree from our first Love cooled in our Spiritual Affections to Jesus Christ and to the Saints Must not you and I confess that it is not with us now as it was in the day of our first Espousals God the Father the Word and the Holy Spirit remembers it Jer. 2.1 2. And we should remember from whence we are fallen and should say I will go and return unto my first Husband for then was it better with me than now Hos 2.7 Rev. 2.4 5. Now the first part of my Counsel which I desire to take and receive from Christ and to give unto you my dearly beloved Brethren and Sisters who are convinced and have confessed it before the Lord on several days of Fasting and Prayer First I do Counsel you to Repent Rev. 2.5 And I must tell you Beloved that our assembling once in four Weeks and spending four hours from Eleven to Three in Praying and Preaching as we have often done is not such a Fast as will make our Voice be heard on High Isa 58.3 4. Several things are essentially necessary to Evangelical Repentance that it may be acceptable unto God by Jesus Christ Namely Godly Sorrow which worketh Repentance never to be repented of 2 Cor. 7.9 10. A broken Contrite Spirit Psal 51.17 James 4.9 10. Isa 66.2 3. Isa 57.15 Read these Scriptures Zech. 12.10 11. Alas where are our Tears of Godly Sorrow our broken Hearts and our afflicted Souls Reformation after Humiliation Repent and do thy first Works Rev. 2.5 O Holy Brethren let us do so let you and I beg Grace that we may both Mourn and turn from all our Sins to the Lord with all our Hearts We have cause to repent of our Formality and Laodicean Lukewarmness especially for want of zeal for the House of God Psal 69.9 Rev. 3.19 Col. 4.12 13. Joh. 2.17 Secondly I Counsel you to be zealous Zeal is a fervent and constant affection of a gracious Soul in a good thing managed with Discretion Gal. 4.18 If our zeal be not fixed upon a right Object and good Matter it may be hot and great but it cannot be good Compare the zeal of Paul Phil. 3.6 with the zeal of Epaphras Col. 4.12 13. To guide our zeal aright two things especially ought to accompany it First The light of Knowledge Rom. 10.1 2 3. Read the words again and again and as often as you read this Paper Many professours of the Law then were very zealous of Establishing their own Legal Righteousness and many professors of the Gospel now are as zealous to establish their own Legal Righteousness and not Christs O! say some If I could pray so mourn so as others do if I were so Holy and so Humble c. then I would believe O! say others if I could get power over my Corruptions and strength against Satans Temptations and Victory over the allurements of this present evil World then I
and pray God to pardon this and other our Sins whereupon we both kneeled down upon the plowed Land and I prayed wept and made Supplication to God as well as I could and found so great Assistance from God at that time that I never used any set Form of Prayer afterwards which done we both kissed each other and went to School Afterwards I went to Cambridge and there a godly Minister preached on Hosea the 5th Chap. and 17. ver His Doctrine was That the joyning to Sin by often committing it after Conviction of Conscience for it did provoke God to give over many to the power of their Corruptions and let them alone to dye in their Sins I was thereby convinced that it was my Case for I had oftentimes broken the Sabbath after Conviction and I had disobeyed my Parents and had often told Untruths The same Lords-day at Night another godly Minister preached at five a Clock upon Eph. 2.3 and thereby I was much more convinced of my sinful Condition and that I was a Child of Wrath without Christ and Grace c. which Work of Conviction remained strongly upon me above one year under which I was filled with great Horrour and fears of Hell sore buffettings and Temptations of the Devil and made to possess the Sins of my Youth But yet I prayed daily heard all the godly Ministers I could read and searched the Holy Scriptures read good Books got acquaintance with gracious Christians then called Puritans kept several days of Fasting and Prayer alone wherein I did humble my Soul for my Sins and begg'd Pardon and Grace of God for Christs sake grew strict in performing Holy Duties and in Reformation of my own Life examining my self every night confessing my Sins and mourning for them and had a great Zeal for God and an Indignation against Actual Sins both committed by my self and others June 29th 1629. I was ordained Deacon and the next day June 30th I was ordained Presbyter by the Bishop of Peterborow having Preached above 16 Sermons before I would be Ordained by way of Tryal of my Ability for that great Work of the Ministry After my Ordination the Bishop of Lincoln gave me a small Living at Humberstone where I preached twice every Lords Day and once every Holy-day That which made me strict and Laborious in Preaching was partly the Work of Conviction upon my Conscience but more especially a Providential Acquaintance that I had gotten with a very godly old Widdow in Gainsburgh where I taught the Free-School before I came to Humberstone who told me of one called a Brownist who used to pray and expound Scriptures in his Family whom I went sometimes to hear and with whom I had Conference and very good Counsel Whilst I was at Humberstone there lived a very Religious Widow who falling sick sent for me and charged me that I would not depart her House on the day-time until she ended or mended least Satan should tempt her above her strength The Doctor of Physick had given her over some godly Ministers Friends and Relations did take leave of her as a Dying Woman She received nothing for several days but a little Julep which was put into her Mouth with a Spoon and ran most of it out again lay speechless two or three days her Family mourning over her and expecting her Death every Hour I had brought some of my Books to her House and was studying her Funeral Sermon and when I had almost finished the same the Devil set upon me with a violent Suggestion That the Scriptures are not the Word of God He had suggested this Temptation to me divers Times before but prevailed not Now the Tempter assaulted me with this Argument Whatever you ask in the Name of Christ God will do it but that Scripture was not true and if I would put it now upon Tryal I should find it not to be true for if I would ask the Womans Life in the Name of Christ God will not do it and thereby I should know the Scriptures are not true nor are they the Word of God for his Word is true To which I answered Satan thou art a Lyar a Deceiver and a false Accuser The Holy Scriptures are the Word of God and the Scriptures of Truth And seeing thou hast often tempted me in this kind and now dost assault me again that I may for ever silence thee thou wicked and lying Devil I will trust in God and act Faith in the Name of Christ in that very Word of his Truth which thou hast now suggested I will leave my Study and go and pray for her and believe that God will hear my Prayers thrô the Intercession of Jesus Christ and restore her Life and Health that thou mayst be found a Lyar Whereupon I went into the Parlour where she lay speechless without any visible motion or use of any Senses and I locked the Door and Candles being in the Room I kneeled down by her Bed-side and prayed above half an hour using my Voice and then she began to stir toss and struggled so much that I was constrained to stand up and holding her in her Bed still prayed over her Sathan then gave me a great Interruption and suggested to me she was a dying and these were the pangs of Death upon her I notwithstanding this Assault of the Devil was assisted by the Holy Spirit to pray and believe still and in a short time she lay very quietly and I kneeled down again and prayed fervently and within half an hour whilst I was yet praying she said The LORD hath healed me I am restored to Health Then I returned praises to God and she did joyn with me lifting up her eyes and hands still saying I am Healed Then I rose up from my knees and asked her how she did O Sir said she God hath heard your Prayers and hath made me whole Blessed be his Holy Name Then I unlocked the Door and some of her Kinswomen and Servants being at the Door came in and asked me if she were dead to whom I answered No. Then they asked me How she did I bad them go to her and ask her self She had been speechless four days I told them she could speak now and as soon as they came to her Bed-side she lift up her self and said I am well the Lord hath heard Prayer and healed me I am very weak and sore in my bones but I am in Health I pray you give me something to eat and as soon as they brought her some broth she sat up and eat it and took some of her Julep and from that time received strength and the next day she did rise and walked with a Staff which being heard of many godly Ministers and Christians came to visit her and to know the truth of what was told them touching her Recovery I told them it was not any thing in me but it was the Lord that had done it for His own Glory and to silence
Sathan who was never suffered to tempt me in that kind afterwards God bruised Sathan under my feet and my Lord Jesus Christ made a conquest of him and gave me the Vâ—ctory and helped me to give him the Glory of it The next Year after this I Married a Wife with whom I lived 40 years by whom I had Issue 7 Sons and 3 Daughters who was a Holy Discreet Woman and a meet Help for me in the ways of her Houshold and also in the way of Holiness who was my companion in all my Sufferings Travels and Hardships that we endured for the Gospel She departed this Life the 30th of April 1671. in full Assurance of Eternal Life and Salvation Presently after I was Married I was convinced of some things about the Worship of God which I had conformed unto to be sinful to wit the Surplice the Cross in Baptism and admitting wicked persons to the Lords Supper whereupon I resigned my Living to the Bishop who offered me a better Living I told him I could not conform any longer and would do nothing but preach which he connived at for two or three Years Shortly after I was convinced that my Ordination received from the Bishop was not right and thô I had preached some years by Virtue of that Ordination I had not received any Seal from Christ of my Ministry for thô many had been reformed and moralized yet I knew not that I had been Instrumental to convert any Souls to God And thereupon I renounced that Ordination and silenced my self resolving not to preach any more untill I had a clear Call and Commission from Christ to preach the Gospel And to that end I gave my self to Prayer day and night for several weeks together and at last being at Prayer in a Wood at Woodenderby in Lincoln-shire where I had preached before and prayed with loud cries and tears that Christ would count me worthy and put me into the Ministry and shew me how to glorifie God in the Ministry and thô I was much melted and enlarged in Prayer at that time yet I had no answer from the Lord After Prayer I walked and meditated under the Wood-side till Sun-set and then went homeward resolved not to preach till the Lord made my call to that great Work of preaching the Gospel clear to me And as I was going home an answer of my Prayers was given to me in these words Go to Mr. Wheelwright and he shall tell thee and shew thee how to glorifie God in the Ministry but I heard no voice nor did I see any Vision only those words were plainly and articulately spoken into my Ears and Understanding At which I was astonished and said Lord let me not be deluded nor deceived then was brought to my mind that passage of Cornelius sent to Peter who should tell him what he should do whereupon I was fully perswaded it was an answer of my Prayets from the Lord and I was filled with such joy that I went on my way rejoycing leaping and praising God The next Morning going to seek out Mr. Wheelwright who was a silenced Minister whom I had heard of by some Christians that he had been Instrumental to convert many Souls but I knew him not nor did I know where he was but I was resolved to find him out for I had heard that he was near Lincoln about 25 miles from me where he lived privately And as I was getting up on Horseback one of my Neighbours coming by asked me whither I was riding to whom I said I did not certainly know I was going to Mr. Wheelwright who was as I heard about Lincoln No sald he Mr. Wheelwhright and his Family came to dwell at a Village which was but three miles from my house for said he I saw him come thither but three nights since with his Family and houshold goods in a Coach and a Wagon Thither I rid presently and found it so and I told Mr. Wheelwright that yesternight I was praying as before and was sent unto him by the Lord c. And after he had asked me many things about the Work of God upon my Soul and I had told him he said I could not glorifie God neither in the Ministry nor in any other way or Work for I was building my Soul upon a Covenant of Works and was a stranger to the Covenant of Grace At which I was startled troubled and somewhat amazed but I told him I was assured God had sent me to him and by his mouth I should be instructed how to glorifie God in the Ministry of the Gospel and I did earnestly intreat and beseech him to apply himself to give me his Counsel and directions touching that Matter Then Mr. Wheelwright opened to me the Nature of the Covenant of Free Grace which I confessed to him I was a stranger to in a great measure having bin only under legal Convictions and a Spirit of Bondage and tho' I had some discoveries of my want of Christ yet I had sought Righteousness as it were by the Works of the Law and got my peace by performing duties and rested on them Mr. Wheelwright desired me to consider what he had said to me and to come to him 2 or 3 days after So I left him at that time and went home exceeding sorrowful about my Souls Condition but I gave my self to Prayer and begged of God to teach me the Covenant of Grace and to that end I searched the Scriptures and I heard one Mr. How preach upon Gal. 2.20 I live by the Faith of the Son of God whereby I saw that I had lived a Life of Works and not of Faith Then I began to see a necessity of believing in Christ for pardon and Salvation and hearing the Minister say that Christ was the Author Root and only Foundation of Saving Faith and that God did give the Faith of Evidence Heb. 11.1 in some New Covenant Promise Gal. 3.14 and that those Promises were given of God 2 Pet. 1.4 I prayed that Night and next Morning and in the night season that God would give me such a promise The next day I locked my self in the Church and in the Chancel or Quire so called I prayed very earnestly mourning and bemoaning my self and my Souls Condition fearing and with great brokenness of Spirit and many tears expressed my fears that God would leave me and forsake me and then I should utterly perish for ever And then that promise Heb. 13.5 I will never leave thee nor forsake thee was given me which Promise stopt me a little in Prayer and I brake forth into this kind of Expostulation with God saying Lord who am I I am a vile sinful Sinner the chief of Sinners most unworthy of Pardon and Salvation How Lord never leave me nor forsake me O infinite Mercy Oh Free Grace who am I I have bin a graceless Soul a formal Professor a legal performer of Holy Duties and have gone about to establish mine own Righteousness
Bodies of several persons who were suddainly restored to health immediately in time of Prayer with them or by and through Faith in Jesus Christ especially in this City of London and of the Sickness called the Plague both in former years and in the year 1665. Not to me but to God be given Glory and praise for in his Name through Faith in his Name they were healed 3. By inabling me standing by me and strengthning me by his Holy Spirit and sanctifying Grace to preach the Gospel in season and out of season with all boldness neither being ashamed nor afraid to bear my Testimony for Christ his Gospel Churches Ministry Worship and Ordinances against the Antichristian Powers Ministers Worshippers and Traditions of the Beast the great mystical Whore and the false Prophet Nor have I been terrified by the Adversary By virtue of the Acts of Parliament touching private Meetings and Conventicles Commencing May the 10th 1670. I was taken at a Meeting in George-yard and the then Lord Mayor committed me to the Compter in Bishops gate for preaching there but having Favour in the Eyes of the Keepers I had liberty to preach to the Prisoners there twice every day of the Week in the common Hall where most of the Prisoners came and heard me and some of them blessed God that ever I came to that Prison Soon after I was set at Liberty at the Sessions in Old-Baily God made me his Prisoner by a sharp and painful Distemper in my Bowels called the griping of the Guts and he brought me near to the Grave But in time of my greatest Extremity God remembred Mercy forgave mine Iniquity healed my Disease and restored my Life from Death No Tongue can express my pains yet God gave me much patience wherein I possessed my Soul I had 1. A very clear Discovery from the Lord of the Cause why he so contended with me one was the meritorious Cause of some former Visitations and especially of this sore Disease 2. I saw the Sin of my sinful Nature which was not so Crucified as that it was destroyed but I found some motions of it of late stirring in my sinful heart The Sence of this was a very sore burden and trouble to my Soul in this day of my Calamity for which I mourned in secret before the Lord and lay at the Throne of Grace loathing my self and begging that God would kill that Sin and destroy it and all the rest of my Sins And received this answer his Grace was sufficient for me he had pardoned and he would subdue and destroy that and all other mine Iniquities according to his everlasting Covenant of free Grace Satan was sometimes very busy during this time of Sickness and tempted me sorely in the Night season sometimes suggesting to me that I was but an Hypocrite at other times that my Evidences for Heaven were not good whom God helped me to resist steadfastly in the Faith and he fled away Another cause why the Lord now contended with me was for the Tryal and Exercise of my Graces which he had given me It was the Tryal of my Faith and the exercise of my Patience and that I might be to his praise and an example unto weak Believers whose Eyes were upon me and were observing and hearkning how I did behave my self under all the great Rebukes and Chastisements of the Lord upon me For they had heard that God had taken one Grand-Child away by Death and Visited another who was above 16 years old with the Small-pox and she was likely to die and one Son died and was Buried during my Sickness and mine Eldest Son was dead and Buried in the Country whereof I was told before I was Recovered my other Sons Wife had sore Labour a Dead-Man-Child and she likely to die And my dear loving Wife then began to be sorely afflicted with a pain and swelling in her Face of which she since Died. But God did give a proportionable measure of Faith and Patience to me his poor unworthy Servant under all this his fatherly Chastisements He did strengthen me with strength in my Soul and upheld me with the right hand of his Righteousness so that I fainted not nor was I weary His Rod and his Staff did comfort me He brought out my Will unto a free Submission Subjection and Resignation to his own most wise and holy Will Yea my Facher's Visitations did so preserve my Soul that I did sing and rejoyce under the sights and smiles of Christ even whilst I was sighing and sorrowing for my transgressions Two learned well practised and judicious Doctors of Physick had daily visited me and consulted my Cure sereral days together and I was fully perswaded that they did what possibly they could to effect a Cure And knew also that God did not succeed their honest and faithful Endeavours with his Blessing Although God had given a signal and singular Testimony of his special Blessing by each of them unto others of their Patients at least sixteen at the same time I resolved to take no more Physick but would apply to that holy Ordinance of God appointed by Jesus Christ the great Physician of value Jam. 5.14 15. And I got Mr. Kiffin Mr. Vavasor Powel who prayed over me and anointed me with Oyl in the Name of the Lord And the Lord did hear Prayer and heal me For there were very many godly Ministers and gracious Saints that prayed day and night for me with submission to the Will of God that the Lord would spare my life and heal me and make me more useful and serviceable to the Lord to the Church and to the Saints whose Prayers God heard and as an Answer of their Prayers I was perfectly healed but remained weak long after My dear Wife remained weak and full of pain and was very greatly afflicted with pain day and night but the Lord gave her a great measure of Faith and Patience even to the end She enjoyed the Light of Gods Countenance had full Assurance of Gods Love the Pardon of her Sins and of eternal Life And having patiently endured six months sore pains upon the thirtieth of the second month called April 1671. being the Lords Day about four or five a clock slept in Jesus I was doing my Masters Work at that time in the Congregation and toward the end of my Sermon had a strong impulse upon my Spirit That my dear Wife was departing and in my Prayer after Sermon was drawn forth by Faith to commend her to God that gave her me and blessed him for receiving her Soul into Abrahams bosom and placing her among the Spirits of just men made perfect in the Paradise of God Since the death of my dear Wife it hath pleased God to stretch forth his Hand upon my only Son then living and to afflict him with a deep Consumption occasioned as I judge by Grief for his dearly loving and beloved Mother for he drooped ever since she first was taken ill of
that Distemper of Rhume which fell from her Head into her Face of which she dyed And he hath been worse and worse ever since she dyed And I having had great Expences and a great Charge of dear Relations and owing some considerable debts I was necessitated to teach School again in my old Age That I might pay my Debts succour my dear Relations and not be too great a burden to the Church of God And this I have willingly and chearfully undertaken that if Persecution do come upon me again which I expect and prepare for and I shall be haled to prison or forced to flye It may be my Mercy and Comfort as at all other times of my many removals in the days of my Pilgrlmage and Persecutions That no person shall have any occasion to come to me and say Pay me what you owe me before you go for I desire to owe no man any thing but Love and honestly to pay every man his own And if Death seize on my body that I may leave enough of my own behind me to pay all my Debts and a little for the Relief of Gods Poor and some of my poorest natural Relations I had a Summoning in June last to prepare my self for the Grave by a sudden and sore Fit of the Wind-Cholick and Vomiting And on the 3d of October last 1671. I had another Summons to be ready to depart this life by another sudden more violent tormenting Fit of the Wind-Cholick and Vomiting And I am alarmed by these awakening Visitations of the Lord to prepare and be ready That when my Lord and Master comes or calls for me to come to him I may be found so doing that he may say Well done thou good and faithful Servant enter thou also into the Joys of thy Master The next Tryal my heavenly Father saw needful for me to be exercised under was the Sickness and Death of my then only living Son my Isaac my most loving and beloved Son who was translated the 15th day of November 1671. which great Tryal and Loss God made gain to him and easie to me by a manifest and powerful Work of Conversion Repentance and Faith upon his Soul in the time of his Sickness which administred much Comfort to me so that I sorrowed not for him as one without hope who exercised very great patience under his very great pain soreness and burning Feaver whilst his flesh marrow and moisture consumed and acted Faith and Hope very lively and constantly upon Christ in that Word John 6.37 And him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast off Very often expressing his former bondage and slavery to Sin and Sathan which he bewailed and acknowledged often Gods free and rich Grace in giving him Christ and Pardon and Salvation now at last which he had neglected the Offers and Tenders of so often Some Combats he had but after a manifestation of Christ to his Soul he dyed in Faith and Peace And albeit my natural Affections caused me to weep often and the sense of Gods Hand Rod upon me caused me to mourn very much in secret yet the Almighty by his Rod and Staff did so comfort me that I walked through this Valley also of the shadow of Death without fear of Evil and was assisted and enabled to perform the Work of my Ministry in the Congregation without any omission or interruption And that very Night my only Son dyed the Lord brought to my mind that Scripture Mic. 7.14 Feed thy people with thy Rod which was made a seasonable suitable and powerful Word by the Teachings of the holy Spirit unto my Soul in my solitary Condition Who thus administred Food yea and a Feast also to my Soul For by this Rod of God I had served into my Soul a Dish of sour or bitter Herbs I mean sorrow for my sins but I fed also on the Paschal Lamb in whole blood I saw all my sins washed away And the Spirit of God witnessed with my Spirit that I was the Child of God and one of those Children with whom God will keep Covenant and not take away his Love from me though he visited my Transgressions with the Rod and mine iniquities with stripes Psal 89.28 34. which Scripture was then brought again with power upon my Heart The next Dish of spiritual Food under this Rod which God brought me or sent me by his Spirit in his Word to feed upon was full of Love Then that holy Scripture came to me not in word only Rev. 3.19 20. but in Power and in the Spirit and in much Assurance wherein in he shewed me his Face and I saw my Fathers Face in that Glass of the Gospel Heb. 12.6 7. which the holy Spirit held forth to me by this Rod and shed abroad in my heart the Love of the Father in his Son Jesus Christ After this the next day God gave me a Dish of spiritual Fruits by this Rod to feed upon served up in that holy Scripture No affliction at the present is joyous but grievous but the fruit thereof shall be peace and righteousness to them that have been exercised therein And after God had thus fed me feasted me several days and nights together with this his Rod he very graciously pronounced his Blessing upon me by his Rod in these words Blessed is the man whom thou correctest and teachest out of thy Law or Word unto which I was helped heartily to say Amen It 's good for me to be and that I have been afflicted c. And after God had communed with me from his Mercy-seat and had instructed me I experienced such Divine Loves shinings and spiritual sweetness as Jonathan did when he tasted a little Honey-dew on the End of the Rod in his hand and was enlightned and refreshed So that I was enlivened or revived fed and feasted by the Rod and Word even the Bond of Gods everlasting Covenant of free Grace and Love About 4 or 5 months after the Death of my Son his Wife married a Gentleman of 300 l. per annum and left me engaged to receive and pay all my Sons Debts and to preserve his Credit and his Wife 's I borrowed 200 l. to help to pay his Debts and suffered the loss thereof which necessitated me still to keep School to pay my Debts And I having a Grand-daughter with me three years before she being nineteen years old did take the Charge of my Houshold-affairs and of my Boarders who managed all things with so much discretion that my life was very comfortable and I had great Content In Septemb. 1672. my only Daughters Husband went by her consent into the Country and left her Thus far was written with his own hand and there we must be forced to break off tho' abruptly the remaining part of his Life written by himself as this was being as Mr. Kiffin mentions in his Preface unhappily lost which because 't is â—mpossible to be supplied by any Hand so particularly