certainly hell cannot be worse Hell is infinitely worse but he may not think so Thus Judas was desirous to die when he went and hanged himself Thus many in despair do make away themselves I confesse some in despair may be fearfull to die as Cain was fearfull to die it was fear of death made him speak thus unto God It shall come to passe that every one that findeth me shall slay me Gen. 4.14 The reason was because though he were in despair yet he was not so sensible of his horrour as Judas was for Cain could go and build for all this and train up his children in musick and the like for all this but Judas was in a case more sensible of his misery 2. Dolour of pain may make a wicked man desire to die Thus it was with Saul Saul had received his deaths wound and was in most grievous pain he could not die presently neither could he live but lying in very great pain between both desired the Amalekite to stand upon him and slay him 2. Sam. 10.9 though Osiander think the Amalekite lyed unto David to curry favour with him but Josephus and others think he spake the truth Sure it is that many wicked wretches having no peace of conscience to sweeten and allay their torments have been desirous to die nay some have hastened their own death 3. Malecontentednesse shame and disappointment of their aims may also make wicked men desirous to die and if death come not soon enough of it self to dispatch away themselves with cruel self-murder Thus it was with Achitophel when he saw his counsel was not followed he haltered himself He had no peace of conscience to comfort him against all his dumps and discontents and therefore he was desirous to die 4. Wicked men being vexed at something for the present may seem to be desirous to die and yet if death should come indeed they would be of another mind and be content death should be further off Nay Jonas that strange man of a good man O for a fit he would be dying yea that he would Lord take my life from me for it is better for me to die then to live I suppose if God had taken him at his word he could have wished his words had been in again But thus it is often in the mouthes of wicked people I would I were dead and I would I were out of the world not for any peace of conscience they have nor for any desire of death but onely for a momentany pang If they were to die indeed they would be loth enough to it Like the man in the Fable who being wearied with his burden of sticks lay down and called for Death but when Death came indeed to take him and said What shall I do man thou calledst me I pray thee said he help me up with my burden of sticks When he was to die indeed then he would rather have his own wearisome burden It is but a fable but this is the fashion of many 5. When wicked men are desirous to die indeed sometimes not out of discontent or any such like reason yet it cannot be out of any true peace of conscience They may go away like lambs as we say but it is in a fools paradise It may be whilest they lived they thought to go to heaven but when they dy then all their thoughts perish as the Psalmist speaketh in another case To return therefore where we left O beloved is there any of you that want the peace of a good conscience and do ye know what you want what a great benefit and blessing That ye may see this and fully know it and by knowing it earnestly desire it consider First that it is the very head of all comforts A worthy Divine calleth it Abrahams bosome to the soul Ye know what a blessing it was unto Lazarus to be taken from his fores into Abrahams bosome The peace of a good conscience is like this bosome of Abraham Who would not gladly lie in it Such a man who hath it can never look upon another mans comfort but a good conscience will say Yea and I have my comfort too When Paul was commending of Timothie see how his own conscience spake of himself at the same time He worketh the work of the Lord as I also do Mark his conscience would be putting in comfort for himself Doth Timothie work the Lords work yea and so do I too saith his conscience It is Musculus his observation upon the place Secondly A quiet conscience maketh a man to tast the sweetnesse of things heavenly and spirituall It maketh the word to be to him as to David Sweeter then hony yea then the hony-combe I have not departed from thy judgements O Lord saith he thus saith his conscience now what followeth next How sweet are thy words unto my tast yea sweeter then hony unto my mouth A good conscience maketh a man tast sweetnesse in prayer when his conscience telleth him he prayeth aright It maketh him tast sweetnesse in a Sabbath when his conscience telleth him he sanctifieth it aright so also in the sacrament when his conscience can witnesse he receiveth aright What is the reason so few of you tast sweetnesse in these things The reason is this Because ye have not the peace of a good conscience It would find sweetnesse in every good dutie in every good word and work Thirdly A good quiet conscience maketh a man tast sweetnesse in all outward things in meat in drink in sleep in the company of friends it putteth a Better upon a very morsel Prov. 17.1 Brown bread and a good conscience there is a Better upon it then upon all the costly fare of the wealthie without it Bernard calleth a good conscience a soft pillow Another calleth it a dear bosome friend Solomon calleth it a continuall feast It maketh a man tast sweetnesse in every outward thing The healthy man onely can take pleasure in recreations walks meats sports and the like they yield no comfort to those that are bedrid or sick or half-dead But when the conscience is at peace the soul is all in good health and so all things are enjoyed with sweetnesse and comfort Fourthly It sweetneth evils to a man as troubles crosses sorrows afflictions If a man have true peace in his conscience it comforteth him in them all When things abroad do disquiet us how comfortable is it to have something at home to chear us so when troubles and afflictions without turmoil and vex us and adde sorrow to sorrow then to have peace within the peace of conscience to allay all and quiet all what a happinesse is this When sicknesse and death cometh what will a good conscience be worth then Sure more then all the world besides If one had all the world he would then give it for a peaceable conscience Nay what think ye of judgement and the tribunal of Christ Do but think what a good
should not be so apt to think themselves forsaken of God by reason of temptations as sometimes they are they should rather count it joy as James speaketh chap. 1.2 But yet many of the wicked despair finally by this means Because they do so often fall into temptations therefore they conclude they are forsaken of God 3. Ignorance of Gods word When the guiltinesse of sinne meeteth with minds not instructed in the doctrine of free grace and reconciliation by Christ this is a cause of despair 4. So also inured custome of sinning is another cause When men are often quickned and grow dead again then quickned again for a fit and then hardned again in the end they fall to despair These and the like are the causes of despairing consciences And thus I have shewed also the second thing propounded to be handled namely the sundry degrees of troubled consciences III. The third thing is the difference between the troubled conscience in the godly and in the wicked The consciences of Gods children may be troubled and are many times and the consciences of the wicked they are troubled too now the question is How do they differ I answer 1. That trouble in the conscience of wicked men is accompanied with impenitency and sometimes with blasphemy I would I were able to resist God saith Francis Spira like those in the Revelation who blasphemed God because of their torments Sometimes it is accompanied with cursings as Isai 8.21 sometimes with infinite murmuring But in Gods children it is not so When their conscience is troubled they justifie God and clear God and give him the glory of all and submit under his hand and subdue their hearts unto him as David in his trouble did not fret and murmure against God but saith he If God have no pleasure in me lo here I am let him do with me what seemeth him good So that the trouble of conscience in the children of God and in the wicked doth much differ in this first respect 2. The trouble of conscience in the wicked ariseth onely from the apprehension of Gods wrath and fear of judgement for sinne not for the sinne it self and from the love of holinesse But that in Gods children ariseth chiefly for sinne and the want of the apprehension of Gods love unto them How long wilt thou forget me O Lord for ever how long wilt thou hide thy face from me Psal 13.1 Mark whence the trouble of the Psalmist came This was his trouble that God did hide his face 3. Trouble of conscience in the wicked never maketh them part with sinne never breedeth a hatred of sinne in them but that in Gods children doth True it is that a wicked mans troubled conscience may make him vomit up his sinne like a dog that vomiteth up his troublesome meat but he doth not vomit up his stomach to that meat for when the trouble is over he returneth to his vomit again So a carnall man returneth to his deadnesse of heart again and to his securitie again when the trouble is over Pharaoh whilest his conscience was troubled at the sense of Gods judgements O then saith he I have sinned I pray Moses let me have your prayers and I will let you go If the children of Israel could have packed up and departed while this trouble had lasted they might have been gone But when he saw there was respite he hardned his heart again Mark His trouble of conscience did not make him part with his sinne But that in Gods children doth 4. That in the wicked driveth them from God They have little heart to come unto him They see nothing but wrath and they rather go about to seek ease in other things then to seek his favour as Saul sought ease in musick and Cain in building castles and cities and Judas in a desperate course Their trouble fetcheth them not to God But the trouble in Gods children worketh otherwise In the midst of trouble of conscience they rest upon God as Heman crieth O Lord God of my salvation in the midst of the troubles of his soul The eyes of Gods children are still towards heaven they think still they should have some help from God They pray and cry and though God seemeth to neglect them yet they cannot give over They will not be beaten off from waiting on God when he will speak comfort to them 5. That trouble that is in the wicked maketh their heart sullen but that in the godly melteth their heart My soul is like melting wax saith David in his troubles of conscience His soul melted before God and was even poured out before him Psal 22.13 This is a kindly working Thus ye see the difference Vses 1. BY this we see what a miserable thing it is to have such a troubled conscience It is the greatest misery that can be it is even a hell to men here upon earth it is like a dismall ghost to terrifie the soul it is like a burning furnace in the bosome it maketh the life bitter In a word the spirit of man is not able to bear it The spirit of man will sustein its infirmities but a wounded spirit who can bear As long as a mans spirit is sound it will bear any thing Some have born agues fevers stones colicks convulsions rackings torturings as long as a mans spirit is sound he is able to bear any of them all of them but a wounded spirit who can bear Never was there man that was able to bear a wounded spirit We may see by many of Gods children how heavy it is David rored with the anguish of it a strange phrase Heman was ready even to runne out of his wits with it While I suffer thy terrours saith he I am distracted Psal 88.15 Moses putteth himself into the number We are even consumed by thine anger Psal 90.7 Ethan complaineth that it was like a burning fever How long O Lord wilt thou hide thy face for ever shall thy wrath burn like fire Psal 89.46 If it be thus with Gods children what may we think of the wicked If we could search into the bosomes of some wicked men who are enemies to God then we might see and understand the true weight and burden of this troubled conscience Cain crieth out of more then he can bear Judas thought to find more ease in hell then in his own heart So terrible was the torture of his troubled conscience that he murdered himself thinking verily that hell could not be worse 2. See here what an infinite misery every sinner shall one day be in Though he be not troubled with this harpye for the present though he be not yet gastered with this furious hag yet the day will come when he shall I say the time will come when all ye that are wicked shall be haunted with this hellish agony of a troubled conscience either here before ye die or when ye die or at the furthest when your souls are
departed out of your bodies This is unavoydable to all that live and continue in sinne Though for a while ye live in mirth and pleasure and securitie and conscience letteth you alone though like Nabal to day ye feast and make merry yet there is a conscience within you an Abigail which to morrow will tell you of it and then your hearts will die within you and be like stones as cold and as heavie as a stone within you As Samuel met with Saul Because thou hast forsaken the Lord the Lord also hath forsaken thee so conscience will find you out However for a while ye slight and neglect it or else perhaps suppresse it yet it will find you out as Eliah did Ahab and then ye will say as he did Hast thou found me O mine enemy yea I have found thee Thou hast sold thy self to work wickednesse in the sight of the Lord thou hast been a profane beast thou hast runne against heaven and against God and Christ and thy life hath been full of rebellions c. now I have found thee out The day will come when thy conscience shall be like Jobs messenger Ye know what news the messengers brought Job first news of one great evil and then of another greater and then of a third worst of all cattel and goods taken away servants dead sonnes and daughters dead I onely am left alive to tell thee So I say the time will come when conscience shall thus report Thy pleasures are dead thy profits are dead thy comforts are dead thy heart is dead thy soul is cursed and must die for ever and I onely am left alive to tell thee And then he shall crie out Cursed was I that ever I was born and cursed be the womb that bare me and the paps that gave me suck Then shalt thou mourn at the last when thy flesh and thy bodie are consumed and thy conscience shall say How have I hated instruction and my heart despised reproof I have not obeyed the voyce of my teachers nor enclined mine ears to them that instructed me Such dolefull messages conscience will bring in one day and then it shall hisse like a snake in thy bosome Know now that for all these things thou shalt come to judgement And so thy conscience shall bray thee like a fool in a mortar as it were with a pestill and it shall pounce thee and beat thee and distresse thee for evermore This is the moth that getteth into the cloth and doth eat it When thou with rebukes dost correct man for iniquitie thou makest his beautie to consume away like as when a moth fretteth a garment This will make thy face gather blacknesse and thy spirit be overwhelmed for evermore I must adde another use yet For all this is the law and untill ye be in Christ ye are all under the law the curse of it the rigour of it And we are bound to tell you how ye shall find it if ye do not submit to the righteousnesse of Christ But though we do preach the law yet we do preach it in the hand of a mediatour saith Paul Gal. 3.19 a terrible killing law but yet in a mercifull hand in the hand of a mediatour to drive us to seek for mercie and therefore The third use shall be to call upon you to be humbled and to see that there is no living for you in your sinnes Go and stoop to Christ Jesus who onely can purge your guiltle consciences by his bloud I beseech you consider ye who yet abide in your sinfull estates and are yet in the flesh I beseech you consider what the event will one day be If ye will not look out your consciences will find you out at the last and then wo be to you Your consciences will make all things grievous and bitter to you even those things which in themselves are most sweet and good When ye heare of heaven of mercie of the bloud of Christ these will but encrease your miserie conscience will say You have no part in them When you heare the word any promise or comfortable passage in it your conscience will say Yea this is my miserie I have no share in these things This will be a hell unto you and will torment you before your time This will also make all outward good things bitter unto you When you see wife and children and friends then conscience will whisper and say I shall not have these long ere long I shall have none but damned companie When you see your goods estates and the like conscience will mutter Alas ere long I shall be in a place where a drop of water shall not be afforded me to cool my tongue When you see the light and other comfortable objects O wo is me I shall shortly be in a place where I shall see nothing but darknesse utter and everlasting darknesse Conscience will make your afflictions intolerable your sicknesse intolerable your death-bed intolerable the face of death intolerable I beseech you brethren consider these things you that have not felt a troubled conscience untill this houre Ye hardly know yet what it is ye will know it to your sorrow if you do not consider it There is a phrase in Ezek. 30.24 where God saith he will make Pharaoh grone with the gronings of a man deadly wounded So it will be with you if you will not hearken and submit to Jesus Christ conscience will make you grone with fearfull grones O wo is me I am undone without hope without remedie Consider this therefore and be wise before the things which concern your peace be hidden from you And let me the rather exhort you to this in regard of the danger of the times The Lords wrath is gone out and his judgements do flie through the earth and his plagues do fall on every side of us What will your guiltie consciences do now oh you can never endure them Ye had need of purged consciences now lest ye be quite comfortlesse in the day of visitation How miserable is their case who want the peace of conscience in the time of distresse When troubles and afflictions are without then how grievous is it to want peace and comfort within When Gods mortall arrows are in your bodies then to have the arrow of his wrath sticking in your souls this will adde sorrow to sorrow and make your estate much more uncomfortable and unsupportable Beloved peace of conscience is good at all times but it is most precious when calamities fall on us Then to have the peace of a good conscience that may bring us good news from heaven that all is well within all peace there this is such peace as all the world cannot give nor sell nor buy Never more need of the peace of conscience then now As one said of the books of faith There be abundance of books written of faith buy them all up saith he ye will need every one