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lord_n work_n work_v worm_n 22 3 9.4765 4 false
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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A95862 Versatile ingenium, The Wittie companion, or Jests of all sorts. From citie and countrie, court and universitie. : With an account of the life of the laughing philosopher Democritus of Abder̀a. / By Democritus Junior. Burton, Robert, 1577-1640. 1679 (1679) Wing V257A; ESTC R185956 129,090 241

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in the middle and there I would have you kiss if you won't you may let it alone 247. A Fellow reported his Mistriss was a Whore which she hearing rebuk'd him sharplie for it But one that stood by told her he was drunk when he said so Yes says the fellow and in vino veritas Well says she then I pardon you 248. A Fidler was bragging what a chast Wife he had Says a Merchant I 'll lay my ship against thy fiddle if I may have opportunitie I get her good will to lie with her The wager was laid and he had libertie to try her But the Fidler in the mean time went to the window and sung this song Hold out Sweet-heart hold out Hold out but this two hours If thou hold out there is no doubt But the ship and all is ours I faith sweet Robin I cannot He hath caught me about the middle He hath me won thou art undon Sweet Robin thou hast lost thy fiddle 249. After Supper in a Colledg in Oxford some of the young Schollars were throwing bones one at another which the Principal spying sent them word Now the Bellies were full the Bones should be at rest 250. A Schollar was jeered on the rode for haveing but one spur on Faith says he if one side of my horse goes on it is not likelie the other side will stay behind 251. A Scholar had got a miserable tired horse and being six or seven miles to Oxford could not get him above a foot-pace A man advised him to take a long stick and prick it into a bottle of hay and hold it before his head which he did and the horse snapping hastilie at the hay put one legg before another and performed his journey 252. A Gentleman rideing up Cheapside by chance his horse stumbled against a door and fell down Says the Mistress of the house thinking to jeer him Sir does your horse use to do so Yes says he when he comes just against a Cuckolds door Why faith says she then you are like to have twentie falls before you 'd come to the upper end of Cheapside 253. A Gentleman being in a place where there was verie small beer said this beer sweats extreamly for 't is all in a water Another said the beer was dead It may be so says a third for 't was verie weak when I was here last Also the Beer being dead one prais'd it Why so because we must speak well of the dead 254. One Pace a bitter Jester in Queen Elizabeths days came to court Come says the Ladies Pace we shall now hear of our faults No says he I don't use to talk of that which all the town talks of 255. A Gentlewoman being with child her husband was carving at the table a couple of coneys and beginning with the flaps his wife call'd to him Pray Husband give me a fla'p o' th' coney What says he before all this companie Wife 256. A man with a great beard coming thorrow Thamsstreet there was a stop with carts He standing near a Car-horse the horse took his beard for a bottle of hay and snapt at it A pox take you says he who made you a Barber 257. A Tinker crying for work an apprentice ask'd him why he did not stop the two holes in the Pillorie Says the Tinker If you 'll afford me your head and ears I 'll find you hammer and nails and my work into the bargain 258. A drunken Fellow was brought before a Justice and what question soever the Justice ask'd him he still said Your Worships wise Then he committed him till the next day then sent for him again and told him of his idle talking yesterday Why what did I say Why whatsoever I said to you you still said Your Worship 's wise that I thought thou wert mad Truly says he if I said so I think I was mad indeed 259. 'T is said the Stork breeds on the tops of houses in places made purposelie for her by the inhabitants and when she has bred up her young she lets fall the fattest of them to her Landlord in point of gratitude So a Wench being bred on the alms of the Parish was got with-child and went away and left it on the Parish Being ask'd the reason she told them the storie of the Stork 260 A little slender Northern Lass was ask'd how she durst venture on so big a man O says she a little worm may lie under a great stone 261. Some Tylers working on the top of the house one by chance dropt down thorrow the rafters Says one I like such a fellow dearlie for he is one that goes through his work 262. A Lord haveing an Irish Footman whom he loved verie well the Cook it seems had abused him upon which to be revenged he feigned himself sick The Lord came to him and ask'd him what he wanted for he 'd spare no cost to recover him He finding his kindness to him said he long'd for a thing but 't was not fitting to ask it yet he knew 't would cure him Says the the Lord Name it and thou shalt have 't Then he desired that the Cook might fry him a good brown Turd with sweet butter and then put some sugar upon it and he 'd eat it The Cook was commanded to do it but he refused it Says the Lord if you will not do it I 'll turn you out o' th' doors Then he did fry it as he desired and brought it up to him Says the Footman my Lord you know the Cook is my enemie and I believe he has put some poison in it and if he will not tast of it I am sure it is so Well with much importunitie the Cook took a bit and eat it O Pox says the Footman that 's the onlie bit that I would have had seeing you have eat that take all the rest 263. A fat Man rideing upon a lean Horse was ask'd Why he was so fat and the horse so lean said Because I look to my self and my Man to my horse 264. A Wench complained to a Justice that such a man would have ravish'd her Says the Justice Did he offer to tie anie part of thy bodie Yes says she he tied my hands so fast that I could not stirr them and he would have tied my leggs too but I had the grace to keep them far enough asunder 264. Another Wench complained to a Justice that such an one would have refresht her Thou meanest says the Justice Ravish Yes Sir says she I meant so indeed I warrant says the Justice this Rogue has ravish'd thee manie times before this And she to aggravate the matter said Yes Sir at least twentie times before now which sav'd his life 265. Says a man haveing a candle in his hand By this candle wife I dreamt this night that thou madest me a Cuckold She haveing a piece of bread in her hand said By this bread but I did not Eat the bread says he Nay says