particulars would be long In a word thou thinkest possibly as once good David in another case that all men are liars thy temptations may beget such hasty expressions as to say the case hath not been with others as they represent it or to doubt their deliverance to be but feigned at the best or else a short parrole a meet reprieve not a discharge from the like or worse enthrallment Or if things have been truly related it only proves what God can do not what Hell will do as if the mercy of God did not bear an equal proportion with his power Think of what thou wilt or canst that may make against thee and yet I shall continue to beg Give not up your hopes hold on seeking after God you have not yet waited forty years he will come in a time when you look not for him Your case is not yet desperate 'T is not so bad with you but 't was as bad with me 2. My earnest suite is also that in stead of regarding dreams visions voices and other delusions you give credit to the un-erring word of God and oppose that against them all The generall drift design and scope of the book of God is to perswade man unbelieving man that God is mercyful That sin never damned any man yet simply and of it self but as qualified by wilfulness and unbelief That though God be a consuming fire a jealous God yet fury is not in him Is 27.4 His jealousie he puts upon him as a Cloak a meer covering a loose garment and this he never puts on till provoked by the obstinate refusals of love and mercy Even under the dark and terrible administrations of the Law how clearly did this doctrine shine forth Exod. 34 6 7. The Lord the Lord gratious and merciful long suffering and abundant in goodness and truth Keeping mercy for thousands forgiving iniquity transgressions and sin This is his name for ever this his memoriall to all generations This the strong tower of souls hungring and thirsting after righteousness Oh le ts not be beaten out of this perswasion by any Hellish suggestion What great advantage the Devil makes of dreams visions and the like now under the Gospel wherein God speaketh to us only by his Son Heb. 1.1 2. the woful experience I have doth in some measure manifest The overmuch credit I gave to the delusion laid upon me in my first sickness was the root of all the rest This is my second request oppose the word of God against all such Hell-hatcht conceipts as would put you upon the wrack of affrighting doubts Fly from these to that least you suffer as I have done 3. Moreover let me begg this that you stand not to hear what every one saith about Religion but fall thou upon the profession and practise of real Godliness with all the speed thou canst He that is a professor in truth and not in hypocrisy to which conscience it self is able most commonly to bear witness hath the name and glory of the Lord engaged for his relief He that beareth his testimony for Gâ—d and his truths in sincerity God cannot find in his heart to do by him what in justice he might The sins of such as these strike high at the honour of God and therefore well might the Lord destroy and blot out their names for ever But yet he will not Dan 9 18 19. They bear his name upon them what would the more wicked part of the world say if God should arm himself with fury against his own would they not say where is now your God what is become of all your prayers and all your services which you pretend were done for his glory The merciful Lord foreseeth this and his own glory restraineth the hands of the destroyer Deut. 32.26 27. I said I would scatter them into corners and blot out their remembrance from among men were it not that I feared the wrath of the enemy God will not doe against the Professors of his name as much as he can for fear least the enemy should say and do more then he ought Our God is seldom employed in long and wrathful rebukes of his own when they are exposed to the outward rage of their enemieâ— He spareth them then however they escape at another time Oh! then let me intreat thee to make choice of the wayes of holiness as the best and safeest wayes to walk in Run not to seek for shelter from your fears and sorrows amidst the prophane rout of merry worldlings Their sparks of joy cast but little light and how soon shall that be put out alas poor souls the way of peace have they not known City of refuge The horns of the Alter is the likeliest place for security against the Avenger of bloud Consort thy self with those that walk in the truths of practical piety according to the mind of God plainly revealed in his holy word My deliverance God wrought for his own name sake There were sins enough in me fuel enough to maintain the fire of divine displeasure for ever But the name and glory of God are pretious to him If thou hast made profession in sincerity and truth thou maist expect deliverance more then others A sincere professor under teoubles hath more reason to hope then others for the glory of the Lord is engaged for his defence 4. I have this further to add from my own experience That though thing expectation of deliverance must be from God yet not without the use of means 'T is the God of peace alone that can make peace in thy troubled soul or else all thy labour will amount to nothing The lips and labours of the most learned are but fruitless Is 57.19 till the Lord create the fruits of them both and make them yeild peace Cent. 1.18 And yet 't is good to feed by the Shepherds tents A faithful Gospel ministry is an unvalluable mercy Their gifts in preaching and writing are the purchase of the bloud of Christ From the fountain of sacred truths are these Buckets filled And all for the use of poor weak souls that want skill and strength of their own God hath crowned the labours of such and made them men of renown for conversion of souls their labours are the issue of the blessed spirit Ob then lets not rob the Lord of his glory in raising up such lights who have spant themselves in guiding our feet in the ways of peace by their pretious labours the word of God hath been so unfolded and the glorious attributeâ— so explained and sweetly applyed that if poor souls have not been much advantaged the fault hath been too much their own Let me begg of you then to praise the Lord for and to make use of and shew all the due respect you can to these they are the horsemen and the Chariots of the Gospel-Israel the best visible assistance that Earth can afford for management of our spiritual war against the powers of Hell By the
again endeavouring by his old way to carry on his former designs and as I have declared his fore-laying the way for the catching of poor sinners before sin committed I shall now speak a word or two of his methods and devices in the pursuing the servants of God after the Lord hath shewed great mercies and hath appeared unto them To the intent that I may further discover his wiles and temptations whose mallice is great against God and the Sons and Daughters of men but especially against the Saints and by reason of his great power being an Angel though of darkness he not only acts his own servants and slaves as he is the Prince of the air that ruleth in the Children of dissobedience but acteth upon Gods own Children and servants that fear the Lord. As I shall give you several instances as namely upon Jobes three friends though godly men how he did act them to have perswaded Job to confess himself an Hypocrite put it â—nto the heart of Judas to betray his Master â—eâ— and Peter 100 to perswade his Lord and Master that none of those things should beâ—â—ll him at Jerusalem which Christ himself had foretold should come to pass yea how did he prevail with the Scribes and pharisees to complot and agree with the Souldiers to say his Disciples came by night and stole him away endeavouring thereby to have concealed the Resurrection and so to have blasted the work of mans Redemption I shall now speak a word or two more of hingeneral practise upon the world for it is said the world lyeth in wickedness therefore must needs be acted by that wicked one who ruieth in the Children of disobedience that is upon the generality of the men of the world The gate of Heaven being strait and few of the Sons and Daughters of men go thither in comparison of the world God Almighty all along from the begining for the carrying on of his glory and building up his Church hath powred out his spirit upon the Sons of men making some Prophets and some Apostles and that upon the meanest of men as you see the Prophets Herdsmen and men of mean occupations and the Apostles Fisher men for you know it is said not many noble not many great nor many wise after the wisdome of the world for by such mean men the Lord doth make his glory and wisdom to be more conspicious when these that are illiterate and not bred up at the feat Gamaliel when such as these shall confound the wisdom of the world his glory shines more illusterously though without humanâ— learning for having received the wisdom of the spirit are made wise to salvation discoruing not only the misteries of mans redemption but their own particular salvation through Christ which the wisdom of the world knew not And so the Prophets and Apostles have had the honour of being Pen men of the Scripture by the holy Ghrist so that the words which they spake shall be the standing word by which the world shall be judged But such is the present condition of these times that the Lord hath given his spirit and excellent gifts to be improved for his glory O how duth the men of this world actâ—d by Satan being indeed his main master piece sets his own Instruments upon the servants of God by reproachful terms and all other ways of mischief and in a taunting deriding way of scorn crying our O you have the Spirit O you are Saints and you can preach Whereas surely it may be replyed unto them if they have not the spirit they are none of Christs and if none of his servants then you know what you are if not Saints then Davils and without holyness you shall never see the Kingdom of God And to others in a taunting manner you are Preachers surely if God hath given out such gifts though they do noâ— take upon them the ministry yet such gifts may be imployed to edification and to build up themselves and others in the faith of the Gospel why then should this be offensive doth not the Apostles say if any may hath a word of exhortation let him speak Suppose that God hath given such parts for from him cometh every good and perfect gift Will you reproach the spirit of the living God or obscure the graces of God O this indeed is a mighty Stratagem of Sathan whereby he doth much hinder the glory of God what if God hath given grace and gifts to mean Persons as mean as Fisher men I say to Glovers Shoomakers Taylors Weavers and other Tradesmen and why not as well as Fisher men Herds men and Tent-makers shall not their gifts be improved It is true the Prophets and Apostles had the spirit given them in great measure and shall not God give unto such as before mentioned in their measure Alas I would ask you by what spirit do these men act who are so industerous to improve all their knowledge and utmost endeavors to walk exactly in all the Commandments of God having respect thereunto shall such be reproached But it may be objected that these men have not humanâ— learning they have not been at the Universities well then It is grace that makes a man more excellent then his Neighbour I do not speak against humanâ— learning it may be a good handmaid to Divinity but grace must be in the Chayre she must be Mistriss grace is the glorious Ornament that makes the poor Saints shine in their conversations and glorifie their Father which is in Heaven when the men of great humanâ— learning oftentimes drown themselves in the ways of the world and make their condemnation to be the greater by it And by their scandelous lives bring dishonour to God and the Gospel of Jesus Christ but the day draweth near when the Dragon Beast and false Prophet with the Locusts of Hell shall be bound up together and cast into that fire which burneth with fire brimstone for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it when the feet of him shall be beautiful upon the mountains that publisheth peace and salvation saying unto Zyon thy God reigneth then shall the voice of thy watchmen be heard and lift up their voice and shout together for they shall see him eye to eye when the Lord shall give deliverance to Zyon I shall give you one instance more and that is of my self sines the Lord came into my soul witnessing he had given me eternal sife as I have declared and set forth in my blesphemous thoughts and when we shall take in hand the performance of the duties of Gods worship as singing of Psalms reading the word and in Prayer when we give the Lord his glorious titles he is ready to thrust the contrary unto our hearts and plays the Devil indeed to contradict what we say and by the assistance of that unregenerate proceeding lines He I say Sathan hath so endeavoured to do me all the mischief that possible he could not leaving a stone unturned
is heir of the world by thy free donation O bring forth that glorious day that thou speakest of by thy servant Isaiah when the Sun shall be ashamed and the Moon abashed when the Lord shall reign in Mount Zyon and Jerusalem before thine antients gloriously and that thou wilt open the mouths of thy servants to preach and declare that deluge of fire that shall cause the Heavens to melt and the Earth to be burnt up which thy servants Peter Malachi and Isaiah have preached many hundred years of by the word of the Lord telling it shall come to pass which now in this day is almost forgot That so it may not come upon this Generation unawares as the flood 〈◊〉 upon the old world But make thy servants mouth as a Trumpet to proclaim the day of the Lords vengeance by fire which he will contend with all flesh by The mouth of that dreadful God which did destroy the old world by water hath spoken it and will certainly bring it to pass for he shall come in flaming fire to render vengeance on his enemies who is now a Lamb but then will be a Lyon in which dreadful day the greatest of men shall cry to the Mountains to cover them and the Rocks to dash them in pieces who would not let him Reign over them and to reward his poor servants that now suffer for his glory And so come Lord Jesus come quickly Amen Amen FINIS A Song of Praise Psalm 145. 1. MY God! oh King I le thee extol and I will bless thy Name For ever still and ever will I spread abroad thy Fame 2. Thee ev'ry day extol will I and I thy Name will praise For evermore and ne're give e're till Death shall end my dayes 3. Great is the Lord and greatly too he to be praised is And to be sought beyond all thought no greatness like to his 4. One generation praise thy works unto another shall And shall declare how great how rare thy mighty acts are all 5. I will the glorious honour of thy Majesty unfold My glory sings of wondrous things that never can be told 6. Men shall likewise the power of thy dreadful acts declare With them will I to magnifie thy greatness bear a share 7. They of thy mighty goodness and likewise thy rightousness In memory abundantly with Songs shall it express 8. Jehovah he is gratious and of compassion full To anger flow his mercies who can ever dissanul 9. Jehovah he is good to all his tender mercies fly Abroad so farr all his works are clean overspread thereby 10. They shall O Lord thy works all praise and they thy Saints shall bless Thy Kingdoms glory thy Saints shall story and talk of thy greatness 11. That to the Sons of men might be his mighty acts made known And gloriously in Majesty his Kingdom might be shown 12 Thy Kingdom is a Kingdom still an everlasting one To ages sure still doth indure thy great dominion 13. The Lord upholdeth all that fall he underprops his own Up raiseth he all these that be with troubles bowed down 14. Upon thee wait the eyes of all them thou their meat dost give Seasonably and opening thine hand feedest all things that live 15. Jehovah he is righteous righteous his wayes are all His works are pure merciful sure and very liberall 16. To all that call upon him stands Jehovah very nigh They shall not fall that on him call if in sincerity 17. Those that do fear him the desire of such he will fulfill And if they cry assuredly deliver them he will 18. Jehovah doth preserve all them that heartily him love The wicked all the right hand shall of vengeance them remove 19. The praises of the Lord my mouth shall willingly express His name 't is fit let all flesh it for ever ever bless
by raising the benumbed Souls of sinners from that natural Lethargy and carnal security that lyeth upon their whole inward man understanding will conscience affections the Soul and all that is within the Soul of an unregenerate person standeth not in awe of divine precepts promises or threatnings till awakened by divine power God may speak once yea twice yet man perceiveth it not until in a dream in a vision of the night when deep sleep falleth upon men in slumberings upon the bed then he openeth the ears of men and sealeth their instruction Job 33.14 c. 't is usually some rough dealing that is required to rouze the sinner out of his pleasant but false dreams of peace Sometimes he is chastned with pain upon his bed and the multitude of his bones with strong pains so that his life abhorreth bread and his soul dainty meat His flesh is consumed away that it cannot be sâ—on and his bones that were not seen stick ouâ— his Soul dâ—aweth nigh to the Grave and his lâ—fe to the destroyers Thus God ruineth and tortureth Sinners into the way of Life maketh room for the Messenger the interpreter the One among a thousand to shew unto Man his uprightness verses 20.21 22 23. Mount Sinai's terrible thunderings did not more powerful make way for the reception of the Law then the conviction of sin by the Law doth for the embracement of the Gospel and the embracement of it for the settlement of inward distractions In a word The wounds of conscience plainly shew not only the power of the Law by which sin is strengthned armed and enabled to work death but also the power of the Gospel in setting poor distressed Souls at freedom from The Law Sin and Death 3. 'T is a most senceless imagination to judge any mans person or way to be the more excellent because less troublesome in it By this crooked rule the unblushing forehead of an Harlot may pass for an hopeful sign of her future happiness the Bedlam may boast of his better condition then others because he feels not those prickings of pins and needles which if others had they would cry out of And yet 4. How many instances have the records of time given us of the confounding terrors that wicked men on the sudden have been overwhelmed with how oft may it be observed how God distributeth sorrow to such in dreadful measures and how from the heighth of censuall delights God casts them down into destruction how are they brought into desolation as in a moment they are utterly consumed with terrors Ps 73.18 19. God hath appointed a day wherein he will make known his wrath upon all the vessels of wrath eminently And this is called in Scripture Rom. 25. The day The great and terible day of the Lord The day of wrath But alas how few fear this because t is future the heart of man fears not wrath to come though no wrath like it Things present affect most And the Apostle hath told us why because such are blind and cannot see afar off 2 Per. 1.9 But now let such remember the stoutest siners have been unhorst and perished even in the very way God puts not off all to the gâ—eat and last desires he hath his petty fessions sometimes some are tormented before their time They fall into the hands of a loving â—od when they little thought of it Job 21.17 How oft is the Candle of the wicked put out Gen. 4.14 Who would have thought that that heart of Cain which feared nothing should so suddenly be smitten with the fear of every thing Dan. 5.6 Or that Belshazzar who just now could boldly bid defiance to the God of Israel should upon the first sight of what he understood not be surprized with such an hellish fit of quaking Ch. 4.32 Or that great Nebuchadnâ—zzar now feeding his fancy with the splend our of his own works and swelling himself into a conceited Deity should in the same hour yea while the word was in his mouth became as a Reast v. 37. How easily can God abase such as walk in pride should the Lord commission our own thoughts against us no need of any other enemy to make us miserable and this he hath often done as in the cases already mentioned Stories both sacred and prophane afford us a large account of many more â—ragicall overthrows of the enemies of holyness And few ages pass without some drops of wrath â—mminently falling upon the heads of one siner or other which were we but wise to consider them would fully inform us that Gods dealings with his Saints and servants in desertion of comfort and permission of Satan to agonize them in this world However it seem tedious and tiresome for a while and they apt to speak as once Job did he teareth me in his wrath who â—ateth me he gnasheth upon me with his teeth Yet weighing in an equall Ballance these dealings of God with his Children with those earfull cruptions of wrath that seize upon the â—ngodly and it will soon appear that the wayes of God to his people are not severity but lenity not fury but mercy tender mercy and loving kindness Thus distress oâ— conscience is not so concomitant to profession of the Gospel as the enemies thereof feign Luke 15.7 but that sometimes it may be found among the jovial crew of unrighteous men needing no repentance and whensoever it falleth upon such it is much more lamentable then that which is let out upon poor humble bruised obedient Sinners Because when the Lord riseth up agâ—inst the Souls of those that hate and forget him he comes 1. With greater fury Ps 11.6 An horrible tempest is the portion of their cup. Is 54.8 Now when he troubleth his Children for sin he hideth his face from them in wrath but then it is but in a little wrath Hab. 3 2. and his wrath makes him not at any time to forget his love he can remember that in the midst of it still 2. With sewer advantages there is less hope of such a ones recovery Distresses of whatsoever sort are like violent purges to the body preparatives must be had or else a body full of humors and unaccustomed to such means is beset with dangers who knows which way dreadful convictions of divine displeasure may drive the amaz'd and affrighten'd Soul 't is possible to God but very improbable to man that he who hath hardned his own heart against God and his fear and been forging arguments and studying offences and picking quarrels against the ways and worship of God should ever take to those as his proper remedy in times of temptation Satan will do all he can to keep up a dislike in such a One against those things that make for true peace or if peradventure Satan be cast out of the outward conversation and the man seems to recover his peace by a partial reformation yet how truly hath our Lord set forth the doleful doom of such half begotten
and full assured understanding of him But contrarily walking unevenly or carelesly must needs be a sinful and foolish thing For such a frame of heart as this is inviteth a departing Devil to return When holy dilligence and watchfulness will enforce an approaching Devil to depart He rallyeth up his forces while we slight the pursuit whereas in the hottest onset resist him and he will fly from you This was my own folly after my first deliverance Sins and miscarriages against my good God cost me dearly For after many years patience of God it pleased him to withdraw his presence from me and cast me in a more horrible pit of soul distress then I had known This second violent impulse of the Devil though many years past between it and the first and the way he used in them both were somewhat unlike I now find to be no other then a more subtile artifice of his aiming at the same thing Which now to the best of my abillity I shall plainly declare It pleased the Lord to suffer the enemy Satan to break in upon my soul in so fearful a manner that he forced me to blaspheme my God though unwillingly And taking the advantage of my weakness laid another delusion upon my fantasie perswading me that I had betrayed my Lord Christ and so caused my own tongue to exclaim against my self that my sins were so great that I thought Judas's sins were nothing to mine and that I had overthrown the world In this delusion the Lord suffering him mine enemy to have a strong power over me he presented to me as though I had committed some bloudy murther which afterwards he endeavoured to have had me acted tending to revive and with greater fury to set on the first temptation that Christ had forsaken me In all this he managed his design upon me so that I apprehended the suggestion not to be of Satan but of God insomuch that being asked who told me these things which I uttered with so much dread against my self mine answer was that it was God By all this Satan took advantage to confirm his first delusion which indeed was no other then a forelaying the way for the better effecting of his accursed purpose and practice a-against me For in the first he acted as if it had been Christ and now the Lord permitting it for good ends which at last he accomplished suffered him to tempt me and by that temptation to prevail so farr that my tongue spake something against my Lord Jesus and this sin he made use of to perswade me that now I was indeed forsaken of God I cannot say but that Satan might have been discovered to have been no other then Satan that this impulse was his not Gods if men under such desertions had not their judgements much darkened for herein he acted like himself with violence and at unawares it was a surprize on a suddain Nor can I say but that I had at that very time hopeful signs of the grace of God within me could I but have seen it For it was not a sin committed with full consent of my will or without horror 'T was my unregenerate part that was prevailed over onely And so grievous was it to me that in my confession of sins to the Lord afterwards I acknowledged that he might justly make me an amazement to Angels and men and such thoughts carried about me many years Nevertheless the hour of temptation being an hour of darkness and the Lord permiting the enemy thus to prevail and not only so but also to assault me with blasphemous thoughts this helped forward my doubtings and raised fearful thoughts in me that the first apprehensions I had of being forsaken of Jesus Christ were not the delusions of the Devil but the certain perswasions of God because I thought now I had committed a sin most answerable to it After certain days being under this sad condition it pleased the Lord to stir up the hearts of divers of his people to keep a day of fasting and prayer at the place where I lay among whom was that blessed man of God Mr. Pierson who prevailed with the Lord for my deliverance out of the violent extremity of this temptation But alas the sting of that fiery Serpent the Devil in this delusion had so far entred that much pain and anguish remained still I could not get rid of many fearful thoughts arising from the remembrance of the sin committed and also from the credit I too much gave to that suggestion that upon the discovery and bringing to light of this notorious sin 〈◊〉 should be a shame to all my Friends and to Religion and be brought also to some shame â—l end which my deadly Adversary as 〈◊〉 shall shew in its place by another stratagem would indeed have brought me unto My fears thus abiding and doubts growing on still as though Christ bad sorsaken me and Satan with all his might labouring to carry on his design to spoil me of the comforts which the Lord had formerly given me as I had oppertunity I would still be speaking to godly Ministers and enquiring whether the disertion I lay under were not a final forsaking and labouring to resolve my doubts whether I had not finned that unpardonable sin against the holy Ghost all this while ashamed to disclose the sin I had as before committed it being so strange a fin and so damnified my self by not discovering of it And from those to whom I made known my condition I received some comfort thenceforth I followed the preaching of the Word constantly entertained the Ministers and people of God at my house kept many days of humilliation and prayer for the pardon of my sins and through the course of about twenty years the Lord bare me up in his armes that I fâ—ll not into any great depâ—h of continued â—â—rrors CHAP. III. He holds on his profession Walking remisly und der long peace is awakened by aflictions more dangerously wounded with temptations but mercifully rescued NOw being so gratiously delivered out of the paw of the Lyon and Bear from a first and second combate with monstrous delusions 't was high time to begin to put on for assurance of the pardon of sin To arise and akâ— the staff of faith and hope in hand and march along after the Ark of the Covenant through this weary land this wilderness of temptation in which I had been led so far already But many inward doubts and fears I had within me still faith though it held me up in the way of profession yet was it not so strong as with others it administred not an abundant entrance into the Kingdom of our Lord and Saviour I could approve the things that are excellent but wanted greatly those consolations of God arising from the Faith of Adoption which are the strength of passengers through the vale of Baca. Notwithstanding my assurances of pardon were thus wanting and I subject to re-enslavement thereby I held it
my duty and safety to become partner with the people of God in all the divine ordinances and providences that should be imposed upon them the sence of which duty made me tye my endeavours with theirs to draw the Ark of the God of Israel to its own place 1 Sam. 6.12 And although like the Kine went on lowing all the way yet to the best of my understanding I kept the strait wayes of the Lord and did not wickedly depart from my God After the intestive broils of those times were somewhat abated and leisure with liberty lay common for any man to be as good as he would Though I thankfully embraced the freedom of the Gospel as a singular favour from Heaven yet I must confess as matter of much sorrow that neither the many afflictions nor mercyes under which I was exercised were so well improved as they should But contrarily I forgot to return to God according to his benefits Not long after this I found my sins growing to so great a bulk that I could not look up My former sin began to grow fresh in my remembrance and the Lord to withdraw the light of his countenance which I had now for a good season and in a good measure enjoyed my communion with him began much to abate and his rod of affliction such as I had not known before began to smart upon my back In my former trials then which I thought once none could be greater I was not brought so near the brink of utter ruins as I was in this and what followed First the Lord began to lay on a load of sore and gauling afflictions upon my loines mainly By bringing a day of silence upon his Ministers from whose lips I had often received sufficient drops of that water of life to quench the thirst of my heart panting after God And blocking up the solemn assemblies of his Saints permitting things so contrary to my judgement to be introduced and added to his worship These together with some other heavy afflictions at home from some of mine own relations did so concur with my former tryals that I now concluded more then at any time before God had withdrawn himself from me Hereupon he was pleased to suffer that cruel enemy Satan that old Serpent to break in upon my soul with such dread and terror that he made my body to quake upon my bed so that I was fain to have one to lye upon me to keep me from shaking thinking then he had an opportunity to accomplâ—sh his hellish tragedy my self being so abused by his former delusions and still entertaining thoughts that God had forsaken me that cursed enemy to the most glorious and ever blessed God would have tempted me as once Jobes Wife dâ—d her husband to curse God and this he pressed with much violence but through the mercy of God was not able to accomplish his wicked design though he seemed to me to affirm with as strong affirmations and as bloudy oaths as ever were heard from any swearing wretch that I was damned territâ—ing me in the night with fearful dreams and visions of a spiritual nature which were most dreadful to my apprehensionâ— and not being be through the goodness of God to make my tongue his cursed instrument departed for a season as though he would have rented the Heavens and the Earth But reviving again his temptations she whom God had given me for a meet helper fighting against him by earnest prayer to Almighty God and likewise many Christian friends that came to see me he now began to desist and fail in that way and therefore began to try another viz. In relation to the former delution as though I should do some murtherous act And now shewing himself to be according as our God hath said of him a murtherer from the beginning he with strong temptations endeavoured to make me imbrue my hands in the bloud of my dearest friend who had been so helpful to me against his former temptations which was most grievous to my poor soul and fearing least his violent temptation might have overcome me I being so much in his hands desired her that she would withdraw her self telling her the temptation But she something amazed thereat undauntedly lifted up her soul to the Lord by holy ejaculations and resolved she would not give that enemy one inch of ground But casting us both upon the protection of the Almighty with a lively faith in the Lord Jesus vanquished the enemy at that time Yet this temptation continnued about two months in all which time my poor soul being most dreadfully afflicted I did again earnestly desire my Wife to get some company in the house by night but having little help or comfort from others she the more uncessantly acted faith and prayer until our gratious God had given us deliverance CHAP. IV. His strugling under and against temptations The means most used and blessed for his support Cast again the fourth and last time into the furnace of fiery hot instigations to blaspheme the means used and owned for coming thence An happy issue ANd having now passed some five or six years since the last grievous visitation all this time labouring for the pardon of sin in the use of means appointed of God to get out of that sad condition wherein I was still haunted with blasphemous and horrible injections and cursed instigations to curse and swear which that wicked enemy could not after his utmost endeavours bring any further then my tongues end Now I say labouring under these temptations and making my condition known to my Godly acquaintance they affirming that these were not my own but Satans suggestions some comfort I had from them labouring in the word of the Lord and prayer This was one good stay Making use also of those blessed streams flowing from the word of God I mean the works of those blessed servants of Christ who have laboured much in writing upon such subjects As namely Dr. Preston upon the attributes which I read above twelve times over Dr. Thomas Goodwins Child of light walking in darkness Mr. Bridges's lifting up of cast down Mr. Simonds his deserted soul And that pretious piece of that worthy Mr. Burroughs Saints walking by faith without sight and sence And Mr. Baxâ—ers thirty two directions traversing these books over through the Lords blessing Were a great comfort and support in bearing up my soul against the enemies cruel attempts and wearisome afflictions under which I strugled having no assurance of the pardon of my sins and lying still under the guilt of that great transgression so long past committed and under many more since Moreover though I could not pray with a free spirit yet under all this heavy load I still followed the Lord by earnest prayer that he would come and take away both guilt and filth of sin and destroy that cursed nature from which Satan took his advantage against me and help me though he tarry yet still to wait for
him in the way of his judgements And now publick assemblies which were wont to be a great solace to me in my distress being not to be enjoyed in that purity I expected and the practise of the publique ministers being so contrary to my judgement and conscience I neither could nor would upon any terms become a hearer of them and thereupon did rather choose to expose my self to the scorn and displeasure of men in keeping meetings every Lords day in my Family Spending that day in prayer and praises and as occasion was offered dayes of humiliation These duties having most of them been my practise for many years wherein I served the Lord withall my might though sometimes under much dejection about the beginning of April my good God through the purchase made by the bloud of his Son that blessed seed of the Woman through whom he had covenanted with out first Parents immediately after the fall to give eternal life having by earnest prayer and intercession I humbly claiming this from the Lord that he would account and make me righteous through that purchase and redemption made by Christ now resolved to take up and put an end to the quarrel which he had against me for all my sins yet to let me know my deserving and to manifest a further work upon me did suffer the enemy to break in again upon me in most dreadful manner Charging upon me that one sin as formerly named above others with such violence and power That I believe I was in as great despair for the time as ever man was My soul by that malicious enemy to mankind being stuffed with all abominations of hellish thoughts injections cursed instigations with other base and abominable vile immaginations he at last infused into me as much malice against my blessed God as possibly he could I thought now I was utterly forsaken living in expectation of nothing but the lower most hell and brought now again almost to blaspheme When I saw that I was in this most dreadful case fearing I should I have wilfully blasphemed I could have been well content that God should have damned me and thrown mâ— into hell fear of being over tempted and thereby to blaspheme God made me weary of life When my Wife would put me on to pray for a blessing upon my meat I did it feignedly being willing to be starved if I could And now in this dreadful condition so dreadful that I believe few Sons of Adam were ever in a worse that did not do the things that I feared i. e. blaspheme God and destroy himself I say being in such a condition and the sin so often spoken of lying still heavy upon me and shame withholding me from revealing it for many years it pleased God to over-rule my spirit that I sent for a worthy Minister of Jesus Christ who coming to me the day before my deliverance I acquainted him with that sin which did so lye upon my Conscience and never was revealed before Well remembring how holy David Ps 32.3.5 who while he kept silence his waxed old through his roaring all the day long did but say he would confess his sin and the Lord forgave his iniquity So the Lord the very next day came and set my soul at rest The comfort and help that I found from my natural relations and friends this woful condition was none at all but instead of pitty I met with reproach from many only my dear yoke fellow was my fellow sufferer of whom I can say the Lord gave her to me for such a day as this to be his blessed instrument of my deliverance for when I was even distracted she laid the glory of the Lord deeply to her heart and did daily bring the word of God to my soul reading with great dilligence the holy Scriptures Which being done then powring forth her soul to the Lord with ardent affections and with a mighty faith in our gratious God who had manifested his great love to her in former troubles the experience of which encouraged her to go on still in earnest and frequent prayer and expectation that the Lord would accomplish the work of deliverance And upon the sixteenth day of April 1669. a day for ever to be solemnized as glorious and honourable to the Lord by me his poor creature she going on in her constant course of prayer after she had given the Lord his holy and reverend titles using Moses his arguments brake forth into these words My Father my Father what wilt thou do with mine husband he hath been speaking and acting still in thy cause oh destroy him not for thine own glory Oh! what dishonor will come to thy great name if thou do it Oh! rather do with me what thou wilt oh do with me what thou wilt but spare my Husband c. Thus laying hold of that word of God in the Prophet With a lively faith concerning your Sons and your Daughters command you me and striving mightily in prayer the duty being eâ—ded the Lord immediately appeared and then that Lyon of the tribe of Judah that blessed seed of the Woman that second Adam that promised Messiah the Son of the living God who had formerly broke the Serpents head he who in a single duel had disarmed the Devil in the Wilderness tâ—od the Wine press of his Fathers wrath alone this Jesus the Saviour who knew how to succour tempred souls made hare his holy arm and his own right hand brought dâ—liverance he delivered me from my strong enemy and saved mâ— from him that hated me He that is pleased to stile himself a God hearing prayer and in most of his great works delights to advance his own power by using small and unlikely means after long tarrying and in a time when I looked not for him came now and owned his own ordinance crowned the cryes and faith and patience of a poor Woman with such success that my praise shall be continually of him The proud mâ—y scorn but the humble shall hear ther of and be glad That roaring Lyon mine adversary the Devil that old Serpent that red-Dragon that unclean Spirit that Lyar Accuser Murtherer from the beginning that Apollion to the Geeckâ— Abbaddon to the Jews and destroyer to all for as are the names given him by the word of truth so is his nature and so hath he laboured mightily for a long season to shew himself in me even now when he thought himself almost seated in the pâ—ssâ—ssion of his long sought Dominion and that there was no casting of him out of my soul which â—e abused making it his dunghil whereon he laid all the filth of hellish thoughts and abominations that he could wanting nothing but my will that Fort-royal to have put me under an eternal vassalage to his long laid desigâ—s now I say was that accursed enemy to God and me his poor creature sent to his own place by my dear Lord Christ that holy Son of the blessed God who took
upon him my nature that he might become my Lord and King Saviour and Redeemer who brake the doors of Brass rescued me from the Rape of Hellish furies cast them out delivered my darling soul from the power of the Dog and barred the Gate that he could enter no more to stuff my thoughts with his detestable injections although he attempted a return Thou hast thrust fore at me oh mine enemy that I might fall but the Lord helped me many a time may I now say have these things afflicted me from my youth many a time have they afflicted me from my youth yet they have not prevailed against me The Plowers plowed upon my back they made long their furrows but the righteous Lord he hath cut asunder the cords of the weeked one I was brought low and the Lord helped me He hath delivered my soul from death mine eyes from tears and my feet from falling Oh Lord my God I will give thanks to thee for ever CHAP. V. Concluding the whole experiment with an account of the unconceivable sweetness of divine consolations the usual consequent of long and sort temptations a more then abundant reason to abide Gods leisure under the heavy load of dâ—sertions Of the cause of writing ANd now at last when the Lord my Lord of whom the Father said sit thou at my right hand until I make thy enemies thy foot-stoolâ— had set my soul at freedom by his mighty power he sent his blessed spirit the holy Ghost that most glorious self evidencing and sweet comforter whose sweetness no heart can conceive but he who hath tasted how good he is who shewed me from the Father and his blessed Son that all the miseries afore mentioned pressing me down were the delusions of Satan and whereas he intended to have made me a shame and reproach to all that should know or hear of my overthrow that now my God hath taken advantage of the greatness of my sins thereby to magnifie his mercy in pardoning thereof according to my cry in the day of my distress and that now I was of Abrahams Family numbred among the spiritual Children of Abraham a priviledge which I often especially under my troubles prized highly and desired earnestly to be partaker off The blessed spirit bearing witness of these things wrought in my soul such unconceiveable joy that in the words of Thomas I cryed out my Lord and my God so ravishing were the kisses of those divine lips of love that my heart was silled with joy unspeakable and glorious my mouth with laughter my body much weakened by the anguish and horror of my soul so that I kept my Chamber for many dayes together was now revived and my youth renewed as the Eagle that casteth her Beak so that I became as lightsome as if I had not known sorrow to the great admiration of my Friends who had known my long confinement to my Chamber by reason of sorrow and heavyness My heart my sorrowful heart of which I was wont to cry out None so fad none so disquieted as thou was now through the joy of the Lord quite altered The spirit of my God now covering me with the glorious robes of his Sons righteousness turned my mourning into dancing put off my Sackcloath and girded me with gladness gave me a garment of praise for the spirit of heavyness so that then and since being upheld by the same hand I could say I carry about me a chearful heart and a much more healthy body notwithstanding the great disappointments I in my worldly condition then met with and still lye under Being now enabled by faith to apprehend my self justified through the righteousness of God even the righteousness of Jesus Christ imputeth to poor sinners the guilt the obligation of my sins to punishment being taken away I can now through the tender mercy of God whereby the day spring from on high hath visited me comfortably give a challenge to Death and the Grave Oh Death where is thy sting oh Grave where is thy victory my dear Lord having ransomed me from the power and fear of the grave and helping me in despight of him that hath the power of death that is the Devil to look upon my self as one of those whom God the Father hath given to the Son as part of the travaile of his soul so that the Lord Christ delights in me as the gift of his Father and the purchase of his own bloud And my God loveth me with the same love wherewith he loveth his Son and all the promises of grace made to sinners in the holy word through Jesus Christ I have an interest in and expect to have fulfilled to me as far as it shall tend to his glory and my good He that gave me his Son will freely also give me all good things Well may I therefore take up the words of the Prophet Oh Lord I will praise thee for though thou wast angry with me thine anger is turned away and thou comfortedst me For the iniquity of my soul thou wast wroth with me and smotâ—st me but now thou hast healed me and restored comforts to me the Lord Jehovah is my strength and song he also is become my salâ—ation I waited patiently for the Lord and he encâ—â—ned his ear to me and heard my cry he drew my feet out of an horrible pit out of the miry clay and hath set me upon a Rock and established my goings What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits I will call upon him as long as I live I will pay my vows unto the Lord now in the presence of all his people When the Lord Jesus is pleased to go away to withdraw the comfortable warm beams of his love and presence from the sight and sence of his poor people Joh. 16.6 like the Apostles their hearts are filled with heavyness they think every day a week and every week a month and every month a year the time seemeth tedious till he return till he lifteth up the light of his countenance till he restores comforts to them like the mother of Sisera they are putting forth their heads crying why are his Chariot wheels so long in coming But oh that such would remember what I now find that it is expedient for them that he should sometimes go away from them withholding his consolations for the holy Ghost the Comforter shall one time or other come to such as wait for it with such joy and peace that passeth all understanding of eye ear and heart of man And then long time spent in waiting shall seem but a little moment Is 40 2. and they shall receive double pay for all the punishments of their iniquities The Children of this world in this are wiser in their generation then the Children of light no discouragement of wind or rain can make them forbear their seasons of sowing in hope nor can the interposition of many perillous months delay work a dissolution of the hope that
blessing of God upon my long use of the labours of those worthy men have I found much encouragement to hold up to this day under various tryals a short account of which may conduce to my end in this particular which is to stir you up to get and give the Lord the glory of such comfortable assistants Time was when I lay under darkness deprived of the light and comfort of Gods Countenance I thought he acted towards me as an enemy one affliction came in upon the back of another that my hands began to flagg My sins I apprehended to be so great that my prayers brought me in but little comfort or none at all I was ready to cry out the decree is past I conceited that his mercy was clear gone for ever In reading Dr. Preston upon the attributes it pleased God to give me some satisfaction by reading there that there is a certain decree concerning the time appointed for every man to dye yet do not we forbear to eat or take physick and though there be a time when God doth reject a soul and cast him off as he did Saul yet this decree being unknown to us there is a door of hope opened for sinners yet to come to God for though the day of death be determined yet who doth neglect the use of means to preserve life and page 93 he saith O thou poor soul wouldest thou repent and pray wouldest thou change thy life if there were any hope why if there be no more grace in thee then this and thou dost pray and repent well as thou canst God cannot but hear thee For he is an immutable God who hath stiled himself a God hearing prayers And from reverend Mr. Bridges who in his lifting up of down casts among many other things saith Did you ever read in all the book of God that ever God did forsake a man finally that was sensible of it and complained thereof simply for its self and thinks the time long and tedious till the Lord comes again 〈◊〉 such a one he concludes in the word of the Lord is not fallen totally or finally So likewise when under those horrible instigations to curse to swear to blaspheme and in the very act of duty or speaking of the blessed God injections to the contrary How hath the Lord gratiously met with me and supported me by the hearing and reading of the labours of Gods faithful Ministers Mr. Bolton in his comforting of afflicted Consciences who tells us these are not ours but Satans sins and will in the day of reckoning be laid upon his score and some comfort have I met with from Mr. Baxter in his thirty two directions and others Under all my troubles God directed me to one or other of his Servants who by speaking or writing gave much ease to my troubled mind Above all others I am bound to thankfulness to God for the Comfort I received from two one is that learned blessed man Dr. Th. Goodwin in his Child of Light walking in darkness The abundance of refreshment that I found from those ten directions of his in that book was such as I am much bound to bless God for him The other is Mr. Burroughs in the book I mentioned before where especially these things were a great stay to me 1. That God tenders himself to all to whom the Gospel comes in a Covenant of Grace and not of works 2. All the good that God doth his Creatures especiall in relation to eternal Life is for his Names sake 3. There is no qualification in the Creature made by God himself as a◠condition for believing 4. That it is the great glory of God and the design that he hath in this world to glorifie himself in the way of his free grace and faithfulness towards the Children of men 5. That it is as delightful to Jesus Christ to have the end of his death fulfilled as it is to us to have our own Salvation 6. God leaves his own people sometimes without sence of his love for many good ends 7. God hath more glory in saving a poor Soul then in casting him off When such a one comes in to God freely confessing his sins judging himself God hath more glory in the salvation of him then in his damnation That Sermon likewise of Mr. Bridges Christ in travel helped me much against my fears of Apostacy and falling away where Use 2. p. 141. he saith if Christ will see the travel of his Soul and be satisfied here we may see the reason why we cannot be satified with that opinion of the Saints Apostacy This also being unsatisfactory to the heart of Christ can a man be satisfied to see one of his members torn from him can a man delight in it or endure it surely then this Doctrine of falling from grace must needs be false if Christ travelleth for the salvation of his people he shall see their perseverance Thus have I acquainted you with part of the great advantage I found in making use of the labours of the Ministers of Christ oh love them lay out for them look upon them as the gift of Christ for the good of you and the Lord enlarge them and multiply such labourers in his harvest To conclude what I have upon experience to say to thee poor sad soul you have seen how touch misery I have felt and how the Lord drew me out of it therefore look upon thy condition as a mourner in Sion Is 61.3 chap. 33.18 to be much better then the most jovial sinner in Sion let those dreadful chastisements of God laid upon you by the hand of Satan either in the way spoken of before or in any other whatsoever never pass with you as sufficient cause of doubting of the love of God Learn to make a difference between matter of humilliation and matter of doubts and desperation 2 Cor. 12.7 1 Joh. 3.23 Satans buffetings may well beget humblings in a Paul But cannot dissolve the Commandment of believing in the name of the Son of God Be thy troubles what they will remember The Mount is the place of vision When you are at the highest top of troubles you are nighest to deliverance Gen. 22.14 In the Mount will the Lord be seen hath been a fruitful place of comfort to me often in my distress Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee because he trusteth in thee Trust ye in the Lord for ever for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength Is 26.3 4. For the vision is yet for an appointed time but at the end it shall speak and not lye though it tarry wait for it because it will surely come it will not tarry Hab. 2.3 There hath no temptation 1. Cor. 10.3 God shall tread Satan under your feet shortly Rom. 16 20. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of God Lam. 3.26 2. 〈◊〉 word or two to you that have been in deep waters at
this Amalek of inbred corruption against which we have been fighting with the sword of the Spirit many a weary day Numb 24.20 I say then this Amalek the first of the nations that warred against Israel our souls his end shall be that he be destroyed for ever 3. Such a sence of sin remaining in us as hinders our rejoycing in expectation of the future glory or joyful thanksgiving for our present deliverances is not our duty but our sin God will not be robbed of his glory under a pretence of mourning for his dishonour as soon as God the Father hath delivered us from the power of darkness and translated us into the Kingdom of his dear Son Col. 1.12 13. 'T is then our duty to give thanks to him who hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance among the Saints in light He that readeth the book of the Acts and considereth how the holy Ghost takes notice of the affection of joy in the converts of those times Act. 2.46 Act. 8.8.39 Act. 9.31 Act. 16.34 may readily conclude that it is as natural for babes in Christ as soon as they are born to rejoyce as it is for others to cry The life of a real Christian should be a continual holy-day And therefore let us keep the feast according to that of our Apostle 1 Cor. 5.8 And follow the advice of that holy man Mr. Downam to that purpose in his Christian warfare who himself was not only troubled with this old man but also with blasphemous suggestions as he himself told me many years past when I went to seek comfort in my condition Let us submit lye down acquiese and be satisfied in the wisdom and goodness of God whose providence is every where and over ruleth all things in Heaven and earth for his own glory and his peoples good And rejoycing in our hopes of glory and interest in all the blessed promises of the word of God so go on in our Christian warfare with good courage not feating men or Devils as to perform out duties towards God and reach out after the end of our faith the salvation of our souls Christ in his word hath given us good assurance of our obtaining this In fidelity is the Devils greatest engine to destroy our rejoycing of hope Would the Lord but go on with his Conquest over unbelief and raise our faith into a more sollid substance of things hoped for Heb. 11.1 And a clearer evidence of things not seen Would he but teach us how to live by faith how rich a living would it afford us how sweetly might we in the contemplation of the truth and worth of that promised glory triumph over all adversities That state wherein poor man shall behold the face of the blessed God in such a fullness that the glorious Angels Heb. 2.16 are not capable of the like man who hath a nearer relation to Jesus Christ hath also a nearer standing to the very throne then the blessed Angels themselves Rev. 4.4 c. is so transporting so ravishing in the foresight thereof that we may well take up that triumphant song Oh Death where is thy stâ—ng oh Grave where is thy victory 1 Cor. 15.55 Behold what manner of love the Father hath loved us withall that we should be called the Sons of God Now are we the Sons of God And it doth not yet appear what we shall be but we know that when he shall appear we shall be like him for we shall see him as he is Oh! the length the heighth the breadth and depth the fulness of that love of Christ that passeth knowledge Now I come to the third sort of Professors â—nd they are such as have never been greatly â—roubled who though they have been scared â—nd lightly touched by the Arrows of the Almighty yet cannot say they have stuck fast â—ithin them and that the Poison thereof â—ath at any time drunk up their spirits To â—hese my request is that they would suffer a â—ord of warning from one who hath more â—â—eply drunk of the Cup of trembling That â—â—up which his Lord and master drank to the â—ottom that so in a little he might be conâ—â—rmable to his head and having obtained â—ercy might be found faithful The main of all I have to say to such is â—â—at my hearty prayer to God for them is â—â—at they all may be strengthened with all might according to his glorious power unto all patience and long suffering with joyfulness Col. 1.11 That they may walk worthy of the Lord in all well pleasing Remembring 1. The gentler dealings of the Lord with them then with others calls for hearty acknowledgement of thanksgiving Judg. 8.16 He might have taught you with the bryars and thorns of the Wilderness whereas he hath led you with the gentle cords of a man Hos 11.4 Spared you as a man spareth his Son that serveth him Mal. 3 17. He hath made you free without serving a long and hard Apprenticeship under the yoke of bondage He hath gone an easier way with yoâ— then the way of the Philistins Exod. 13.17 you have not seen warr as others have done Let the miseries of me and others provokâ— you to thankfulness and fruitfulness in everâ— good work 2. Remember your condition is not yet 〈◊〉 safe your danger is not so farr over but thâ—â— you have need of caution your great caâ—â— should be that your latter end might be peaâ—â— Prize the peace of your Conscience aâ—â— while you are in with God oh keep in wiâ—â— him still if you let sin in you drive God 〈◊〉 of your souls And when he is gone all yoâ—â— peace is gone all your comfort of hope is gone too A privation of the light of his countenance will beget a dismal night of horror sin will tumble you down from your Heaven of Communion with God and then the valley of the shadow of death will be your walk and Hellish fiends shall frighten you there with continual alarums of your falling lower into the depths of Hell And how long it may be thus with you who can tell oh how will you be able to bear such changes as these are learn of me and others in like case and be wise think not that your present favour of men or gain of Silver and Gold or flattering pleasures of vanity will make you satisfaction for the harms done by sin Or that the remembrance of these will ransome you from or purchase you the least gentler usuage under the hand of terror Your profession is no priviledged condition Sin can find out the sinner even when he hath taken Sanctuary in Sion Is 33.14 Nothing but righteousness can deliver from death Prov. 10 2. Be found any where or doing any thing else and be sure your sin will find you out Num. 32.23 Those things that appear to thee to be plainly sinful or of the lawfulness whereof thou makest a doubt peremtorily refuse the one and patiently forbear till thou art well
root that beareth Gall and Wormwood and it come to pass when he heareth the words of this curse that he bless himself in his heart saying I shall have peace though I walk in the immagination of my heart to add drunkenness to thirst the Lord will not spare him but then the anger of the Lord and his jealousie shall smoak against that man and all the curses that are written in this book shall fly upon him and the Lord shall blot out his name from under Heaven and the Lord shall seperate him unto evil Deut 29.19 20. According to all the curses of the Covenant that are written in this book of the Law Because I have called and you refused I have stretched out my hand and no man regardeth but ye have set at nought my councels and would none of my reproofes I also will laugh at your calamity I will mock when your Fear cometh When your Fear cometh as desolation and your Destrection cometh as a whirle-wind when Distress and Anguish cometh upon you c. Prov. 24 c. How express is the holy Law of God terror hath an appointed season distress and anguish lye in the Womb of time God hath hiâ— vials of wrath tribulation and anguish to powrâ—â—â— upon enery soul of man that doth evil Rom. 2. 〈◊〉 and who knows what a day may bring forth Prov. 27.1 7. How many a time hath Hell-fire flashed in thy face already and yet thou returnest not I mean how oft hast thou found terror seizing upon thee at all times which yet thou hast shaken off again I can hardly believe there is any sinner in the world that now sinneth with the greatest delight and freedom but findeth that his way is beset with dangers I know not what may be said of such who live in Countryes where the word of God hath not been familiarly taught the Apostle of the Gentiles seemeth to speak the same thing plainly concerning them Even they have witness bearing Consciences and thoughts the mean while accusing or else excusing one another Rom. 2.15 The Devils servants have an hard Apprentiship before they be made free They sin with much bondage before they come to sin with delight The spirit of God hath striven with them their own hearts have smitten them secret warnings have they had within themselves oh do not this thing which God hateth now what do these things mean why they shew you what is like nay sure to be the wages of sin that God will not be blamed when he shall sentence you to an eternal bondage under his heavy wrath He now would have frightned you out of your sinful state and you would not he sent his spirit to strive with you and wring your weapons of sin out of your hands and you would not let them go he gave you some tastes of the Cup of trembling shook the full bottles of wrath before thy eyes which he might have put to thy lips and held them fast there until thou hadst been overwhelmed with terrors He drew his bow and whet his sword that thou beholding that mightest prepare thy seâ—f to escape the prepared instruments of death So that poor sinner thou art not an utter stranger to the things that I am perswading thee to think off the terrors of God Some small appearances may be have been sometime found in thee upon commission of some extraordinary sin Well see to it this is the bitter root which though thou labour to bury it under the Earth a while will without doubt spring up into a mighty tree bringing forth the fruits of shame pain and death 8. Thou goest on merrily in the way of thine own heart labouring to suppress thy sorrows at the first rising Thou hast no thoughts of thy latter end which thou smotherest not in their very beginning But remember though thou fearest not thy self now upon the Earth but thy danger is better thought off in Hell Oh I think with thy self that the story of dâ—mned Dâ—vâ—s was not penned from the mouth of Christ in vain Luke 16.27 c. rather judge it to be as indeed it is an argument fetcht from Hell to carry thee over into the ways of Heaven All thy old acquaintance and relations who once while they were in the Land of the living spent their days in pleasure drawing thee on to use the good things that are now present Wisd 2.6 c. Come on let us fill our selves with costly wine and Ointments and let no flower of the Spring pass by us Let us Crown our selves with Rose-bud before they be withered let none of us go without his part of our jollity let us leave tokens of our joyfulness in every place for this is our portion and our lot is this Let us oppress the poor righteous man let our strength be the Law of justice let us lye in wait for the righteous because he is not for our turn he is clean contrary to our doings he upbraideth us with our offending the Law and objecteth to our infamy the transgressings of our education He professeth himself to have the knowledge of God and he calleth himself the Child of the Lord he was made to reprove our thoughts he is grievous unto us even to behold for his life is not like other mens his ways are of another fashion we are esteemed of him as counterfeit false come he abstaineth from our ways as from filthyness he pronounceth the end of the just to be blessed and maketh his boast that God is his Father let us see if his words be true and let us prove what shall happen in the end of him For if the just man be the Son of God he will help him and deliver him from the hand of his enemies let us examine him with despightfulness and torture him that we may know his meekness and prove his patience let us condemn him with a shameful death for by his own saying he shall be respected In contemplation follow these boon Companions down to Hell and you shall find them of another mind Wisd 5.2 c. There they shall be troubled with terrible fear and shall be amazed at the strangeness of the despised righteous mans salvation so farr beyond all that they looked for And repenting and groaning within themselves for anguish of spirit shall say This was he whom we had sometimes in derision and a Proverb of reproach we fools accounted his life madness and his end to be without honour How is he numbred among the Children of God and his lot is among the Saints therefore have we erred from the right way we wearied our selves in the way of wickedness and destruction what hath Pride profitted us or what good hath riches with our vaurting brought us all those things are passed as a shadow and as a Post that hasteth away and as a Ship that pâ—sseth over the waves of the water or when as a bird hath flown through the air or like an arrow shot at
that tended that way And by reason of the indwelling of sin the remainder of the curse for our first transgression which the best of Gods servants do carry about them taking advantage thereof being like unto Tinder that is ready to take fire as soon as is toucht doth cast his fiery darts into our souls part within us our hearts are ready to opose every truth of God and so we have a daily warfare and great strivings to keep our hearts from consenting to his wicked injections and much ado to bring them into a subjection unto the truths of God and like unto the Bird that hath a dogg tyed unto his legg whereby he is hindred from flying up into the Air and so by his impressions left upon our souls which is so weighty a burden that unders us from soaring up to Jesus Christ by 〈◊〉 and so vigilant is that cursed enemy to the glory of God and mans salvation that he goeth about day and night seeking whom he may davour and taking advantage of our weakness in our sleeps annoying us often with sinful dreams then laying his delusions upon us who still pursuing me according to his former methods lately in the night acted upon me in my sleep as though I had been in the number of them who were dragged from the Tribunal seat to Hell having received the sentance of condemnation with the damned and all this to the end and purpose it possible he could to have blasted that glorious mercy I received from the Lord by the witness of his blessed spirit that God did rather take the advantage of the greatness of my sins for the magnifying of his mercy rather then his justice in my condemnation and that I was of Abrakams family as I have declared in my Narrative in the day when the Lord gave me deliverance out of his hand But so impudent is this fiend of Hell called by the word of truth a lyar from the begining and so the Father of lyes using his old trade towards me with the subtlety of the old Serpent and all this to daunt my faith and to have blasted the mercy which I received from my gratious God who hath laid it upon my soul by such a witness that I believe and know all the Devils in Hell shall not be able to overthrow it And that I may magnifie and set forth the goodness of God I will take up the words of the Prophâ—t Isaiah O Lord my God I will exalt thoe and praise thy name for ever for thou hast done wonderful things according to thy councel of old thou hast been a strength to the needy in his troubles a refuge against the tempest so that the blast of the mighty was as a storâ—â— against the wall the Lord will destroy death and wipe away tears from the faces of his and take of their rebakes the Lord hath spoken it and â—ill make it good and in that day will men say â—â—lo this is our God we have waited for him yea in the way of his judgements he will save us and we will be glad in his salvation He shall bring down the pride of Moab and lay their defensed walls as low as the dust in that day shall this song be sunged in the Land of Judah we have a strong City salvation shall God sâ—t for walls and bulworks Open ye the gates that the righteous Nation may enter therein for by an asured purpose wilt thou preferve in parfect peace for ever because they trusted in thee Trust in the Lord for ever for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength Thou wilt make equal the righteous way of the just the desire of our souls is to the remembrance of thy name for when thy judgements are upon the Earth the Inhabitants of the Earth shall learn righteousness even they that fear thy name but the wicked will not do so nor behold the Majesty of the Lord O Lord they will not now behold thy hand but they shall see it and be confounded with the zeal of thy people but unto us thou wilt ordain peace for thou kast wright all our works for us thy dead men shall live and with my body shall they arise even with my body and shall behold the King in his beauty Awake and sing ye that dwell in the dust thy dew is as the dow of kerbs and the Earth will cast out his dead and in that day of this power shall the coming in be like the drops of dow that arise from the Womb of the worning Thou hast drunk of the brook in the way therefore shall thy head be lifted in that day for the Lord â—â—mâ—â—h out of his place to visit the iniquity of the Inhabitants of the Earth and the Earth shall disclose his blood And to receive the Kingdoms for his inheritance and the utmost parts of the Earth for his possession beirg Heir thereunto by donatian of the Father and â—hâ—n shall that good word of the Lord be â—â—de good that at the â—â—me of Jesus every knee shall bow both in Heaven and Earth and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is both Lord and King to the praise and glory of the Lord for the Father hath said when he brirgeth his first begotten again into the world 〈◊〉 all the Angels and every Creature worship him And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see together O Sion that bringest good tidings get thee up into the Mountains O Jerusalem that bringest good ridings lift up thy voice with strength be not affraid say to the Cities of Judah behold your God behold he comith with power and his arme shall rule behold his Reward is with him and his work before him and he shall feed his flock like a Shepherd and gather his lambs in his armes and carry in his bosome and guide them with them which are with young It is he that hath measured the waters in his fists covered the Heavens with a span comprehended the dust of the Earth in a measure weigheth the Mountains in Scales and the Hills in Ballances Who hath instructed the spirit of the Lord of whom took he Counsel Who instructed him and taught uim in the way of his judgements Behold the Nation are as a drop of water or counted as the dust oâ— the Ballance He taketh up the Isles as a little thing Lebanon not sufficient for a fire nor the beasts thereof for a burnt Offering to whom the will you liken God he sitteth upon the Circle of he Earth and the inhabitants are as Grasshoppets he spreadth out the Heavens like a Curtain he bringeth the Princes to nothing and maketh the Judges of the Earth as vanity to whom then will ye liken me saith the holy one lift up your eyes and behold who hath Created all these things he bringeth out his Armies by number and calleth them all by their names by the greatness of his strength nothing faileth O ye suffering Saints
Hell Gates and yet are delivered Let me put you in remembrance of these two or three duties 1. Oh see that you ingage your hearts unto the Lord I will love the Lord with my whole heart I will love him dearly Ps 103.1 c. Bless the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me bless his holy name Bless the Lord oh my soul and forget not all his benefits who forgiveth all thine iniquities who healeth all thy diseases who redeemeth thy life from destruction who crowneth thee with loving kindness and tender mercies Oh pray that your love to him who hath delivered your souls from the snares of cruel death and pulled your feet out of the miry Clay where there was no bottom may encrease and abound more and more Josh 24.14 Sincere affections and dissobedience are the only returns that God looks for Deny not these in the highest degree 2. Give up your lives for the Lord. Be content he shall dispose of them in the way he knoweth best for his glory If he shall call you forth to suffer death for a testimony of your love to him and the Gospel of his Son think it not too much for him Well mayst thou undergo ten thousand natural deaths were it possible for Jesus Christs redemption from the hands of thy spiritual enemies is cause enough for thee to serve him without fear of what man can do unto thee Look upon thy past deliverance as things never no never to be forgotten nor sufficiently to be required by thee 3. Take care now thou hast found him whom thy soul loveth oh take care for his undisturbed residence You know what it is to want the comforting presence of Jesus Christ let those who know not the terrors of the Lord and the fearful consequents of his forsakings venture the displeasure of him by their slighting of his precepts and slothfulness in his paths but let not us do so we that know what it is to be thrown into the depths of horror and how hard as well as sweet is our recovery thence oh let not us dare to sleep upon the top of the mast but rather keeping fast hold upon our beloved by the hand of Faith beg of him that he would not depart out of our hearts lay a strict charge over all the cares and comforts and companies and conditions of this life Canticles 2.7 by the Roes and by the Hindes that they stir not up nor awake our Love until he please 4. If the Lord Jesus Christ shall please for his own glory to walk a while out of your hearts again if he shall at any time withdraw the comforts of the Holy Ghost loose not in Satan again by unbelief distress not your selves overmuch by giving way to the least mistrust as if he would never return Ps 77. and more remember his loving kindness and his works and wonders of old think he never goes away but when it is expedient for us Joh. 16.7 and having already sealed us by the holy spirit of promise given us eye-salve enlightning our understandings in the knowledge of his love whereby we are perswaded our names are written in the book of Life Râ—m 11.29 The gifts and calling of God are without repentance 2 Cor. 1.10 He that hath delivered may well be trusted that he will do so again John 10 29. No Man or Devil can take us out of the hands of God John 13.1 Whom be loveth he loveth to the end Phil. 1.6 He that hath begun a good work will carry it on to the day of Christ 5. You have been delivered from the violence of temptations but remember that yet we carry about us such sinful natures the Fruits of our first Parents transgression that would again put up his head against God and his most righteous Laws yea and take part with Satan against him and our selves too there is yet an unregenerate part the remnant of the old Adam remaining in the best and holiest of mâ—n after all the forty years temptations of Israel in an howling wilderness and when they are brought into the Land of rest Judg. 3. yet there the Amorite will be found nothing but dissolution will fetch the leprosie of natural corruption out of our earthly tabernacles Lev. 14.45 and especially will this cursed corruption annoy us with offers to do the same things that Satan before he was dispossessed would have done my experience tells me some of the old filth still sticks behind The wise God will have it so that the vileness and greatness of our old sins might not be forgotten that we may be poised down with humility and put a longing after natures dissolution till which time sin now twisted with our nature will not be removed this remnant of the old man with its stirrings cannot choose but be an heavy burden to the new Rom. 7.24 't is such a body that it made the very soul of a Paul groan and cry out for a deliverance Ex. 17.16 This â—malck God hath sworn it that he will have war with it for evnr As good Souldiers of Christ our Captain let us be perswaded to hold on our war against this party of corruption yet abiding in our natures and in so doing we have the comfort of these ensuing considerations 1. That this remainder of cursed nature though it be not utterly destroyed yet shall it not have dominion over us so as to bring forth Fruits unto death or to be charged upon our persons to condemnation Rom. 8 2. For by Christ our Lord we are dischargea and set at freedom from the Law of sin and death being under the Covenant of grace we have received the spirit of life and power even that blessed spirit that raised our Lord Jesus Christ from the dead which hath quickned us and put life and power into us in a good measure enabling us to crucifie the flesh with its affections and lusts Gal. 5.24 so that its dominion is taken away though its life be continued for a season 2. And it is but for a season that its life is continued in us the war will not hold always there is a time coming when we shall be delivered from this bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the sons of God Rom. 8.19 c. 23. and not onely we but those very Creatures the Heaven and the Earth shall be set free from that bondage of corruption which lyeth upon them by reason of the sin of man in that day we shall be made like unto the Son of God in our measure The transfiguration upon the Mount seemeth to be a resemblance of that glory wherein Jesus Christ shall appear as he was the Son of David when he shall come to take the Kingdom unto himself then shall the poor benighted Sons of the day welcome in that joyful morning with a new Song and Psalms of tryumphant victory in their hands Rev. 15.3 then shall all the enemies of our Souls be totally subdued and even