carry them to the North of Norway and there to set the Innocent ashore where none but the merciless inhabit and being shipt my jealous Father saw them under sail below the Hope and rhen return'd well satisfied But our Servants by our order the next tide brought 'em back and here I thank Heaven they are safe and have escaped the wicked purpose of my Father Lo. I thank Heaven too both for your virtuous act and their preservation how glorious do you now appear you shine so bright your dazling Virtues hurt my tender sight I dare not gaze too much Ma. My Lord preserve your sine manag'd Tongue for the lovely Beauty that deserves it you came to court the true Heiress and Fate has purposely preserv'd her for you Enter Lidia Lid. O my sweet dear Lady your Cousins will receive you with such joy I fear an Extacy will follow I 'll call them presently Ma. Now you shall behold a Beauty worthy of the Lord Arminger whose Parts and Fortune parallel yours but had she no wealth and were as low as poor Mariana the power of her Beauty wou'd humble the proudest of Monarchs and make him stoop to court her Lo. Had she all this Beauty and the Worlds Treasure in her own Exchequer she cou'd no more tempt me to love her than she cou'd tempt the dead A Maâ—ble Statue her Beauty may give life and motion to sorce it to weep and tell its amorous passion make it die for love and so turn Statue again All this I think is in the power of Love and yet it cannot work a change in me my heart is link'd so firmly to your Virtues Magick cannot break the chain Enter Belmaria Innocentia Fidelia Lidia Seaman Ma. O my dear and lovely Belmaria my pretty Innocentia Fi. We have embrac'd and kiss'd already Sister wept for joy and given thanks not so much as my ungodly Seaman old Captain Hammock but has rendered thanks to see us together again Bel. O you dear Preservers how shall we reward your Virtues how shall we proclaim the honour due to your merits 'T is fit the World should know that Heaven reigns in Wemen Fi. I but the wicked World will hardly believe it In. O let me kiss and clip and hug thee O thou's my goodly Cousin thou wad not let us be murdered Honey no more wad thou thou pratty Creature thou Fi. Sister whilest we rejoyce to see each other we lose our selves in neglecting of my Lord. Ma. My Lord most earnestly I crave your pardon Lo. This precious love you shew each other requires my praise and wonder not my pardon Your Servant Madam yours lovely Innocentia In. What pratty words he said to me Cousin Bel. We ought to rejoyce at the sight of these Miracles these Cherubins for such Virtue my Lord deserves such heavenly Attributes Lo. Madam you cannot say enough they are Angels onely wrapt up in Mortality disguized in lovely Flesh and Bloud to shew the world what blessed Creatures the whole Sex of Womankind were meant In. Now waise me Cousin that my Tongue could but tattle as prattily as this deft Lords does Bel. My Lord we intend equally to divide our Fortunes with them to be less grateful wou'd render us unworthy of our lives which they so virtuously have preserved In. Marra Sister my Cousin shall have half of every thing I have thou 'st have half my Portion nay by my Conscience thou 'st have half my Husband when I have him Fi. But Cousin suppose this brave Lord were your Husband wou'd you let me have half of him In. Now by my Saul I think I shou'd not A wattanerin he 's too pratty a man to part with Cousin Lo. Lovely sweet Innocence I thank your kind opinion Madam Ma. Good Belmaria did you say half your Portions my Lord have they not brave and generous Souls does it not add to their Beauties and make them look more lovely speak my Lord Lo. With great astonishment I admire their offer the worst of men must needs adore such Gratitude Ma. And the best of men despise us shou'd we accept the offer Lo. It was my fear you wou'd when you so highly extoll'd their Generosity Ma. My Lord if we have done good the deed rewards it self Virtue 's a free gift from above and to be bought and sold no more than Heaven Fi. Virtue was never mercenary yet and if it shou'd my Lord we have not such a stock as to sell it out by retail Bel. This is obstinacy not honour to refuse a Friendship justâ—y due to you you 'd make us ungrateful to raise your selves a Fame In. Let this deft Honey Lord be Judge now they sav'd us fra being devour'd by wild Bears Honey Lord then shou'd not we give them half we have thou pratty man thou Fi. Dispute this no more but come to the point I present your Lordship with the real Heiress my Sister was but a false Nine-pin put upon you Ma. 'T is true my Lord this is your true prize and worthy of your Greatness Bel. Hold Cousin shall I be offer'd up to one that may reâ—use me that 〈…〉 In. Marra wad to the Lord of Heaven they wad all say so then I hope at last he wad come to be my sweet Honey Husband Ma. We are now to think of safety for home we must not go therefore we beg your Lordship to take us into your protection Omnes We all desire that favour my Lord. In. Favour marra it's e'en a Blessing and good Honey Sister let 's ne'er go fra this pratty Lord whilest we live Lo. I receive you Ladies with such care as tender Mothers take of Infants and if my Honour Life and Fortune can preserve you from your Fathers cruelty you are safe Sea Your safety lies in securing your Father Madam bring him to publick justice and then you 're safe Ma. O say that no more my Lord and Belmaria you have milder tempers we have preserved your lives and to publish my Fathers shame were to murder us Fi. The ill he meant you see is mercifully prevented how ungrateful then wou'd you all appear to us but thy Nature like thy horrid Aspect is all rough and surr'd thy love to her is surr'd all over like a sick mans tongue so that love in thee is a perfect Fever and when thou' rt well it is no longer love but turns again to brutish Seaman Lo. What way can you propose to secure your selves and conceal your Fathers shame Ladies Ma. If we cou'd find a way to bring him to repentance Bel. I dear Cousin that were a blessed work indeed we cou'd all wish that but how Ma. Why thus your Lordship we desire to get my Father hither and tell him we are fallen desperately ill indeed distracted say something has appâ—ared to us and frighted us and desire him to come with all speed lest we die before he has a sight of us Fi. Very good my two Cousins Lidia and
and vigorous the course of Nature joyn'd with envious Age cannot prevent the sprightly youth I now feel growing in me Enter Servant Ser. Sir Alderman Buffoon is come to see you Sel. Alderman Buffoon dost thou call him prethee good Foolane tell Alderman Buffoon that he may come in 'T is Alderman Buffoon I know him a vast rich Citizen go you in Mariana no more my Daughter but my Niece Ma. I understand you Sir Exit Mariana Enter Alderman Ald. Sir Marmadukeâ— I come to congratulate your good fortune Sel. Good fortune in what Sir Ald. In being sole Guardian to your Brothers Daughters Sel. Where lies the good fortune of that Ald. O Sir it gains you esteem in the world besides good advantage may be made on 't Sel. Advantage what do you take me for a Knave Ald. Fâ—eno and yet I think you are no Fool. Sel. All the Town knows their Fortune what advantage then can I make unless I wickedly betray my trust Ald. Said like a worthy Gentleman I know your Principles are honourable your Spirit high but your Fortune is low consider that Sel. Pray you come to your meaning Sir Ald. An honest advantage may be made and I come to offer it Sel. I wou'd have you know were there no other but the common thing called Honesty that wou'd guard me from corruption But here 's a stronger tie a Tender Conscience alas Doomsday is ever in my thoughts and I dare not hear you Ald. I wonder your High Spirit and a Tender Conscience shou'd agree so well 't is strange too that having been so lavish as to spend your great Estate you shou'd now be so good a Husband as to lay up for Doomsday a thing so far off Sel. Death Sir do you come to affront me Ald. No I say again an honest advantage may be made if there were twenty Doomsdays Will ten thousand pounds damn you ask any manâ— opinion put case it wou'd I know twenty Citizens with tender consciences that make long prayers too and yet wou'd run the risque of Doomsday for ten thousand pound Sel. O most fearful I hope you 've better thoughts of me alas I have a Grave to think on and in my Chamber stands my Coffin with my Father skull upon 't and when I awake they are the first objects that my eyes encounter and can you ever hope to corrupt me then Ald I never knew a tender conscience afâ—aid of an honest motion before since you 're turn'd a simple Precisian farwell Sir Sel. Nay pray stay an honest motion may be heard at last Ald. Well said than thus it is I have a Nephew that I 'll make my Heir and if you 'll match your Northern Niece to him I 'll settle five thousand pounds a year on him and at my death the rest and I 'll give you ten thousand pounds for your consent you know I can make this good Sel. Where 's your Nephew fetch him presently but I will take no money Ald. Well well who is your Goldsmith Sel. I have no Goldsmith nor will I take money 't is vitious Bribery yet now you talk of a Goldsmith Mr. Cash is as just a man as can be dealt with Ald. 'T is enough I understand you Sel. You must not understand me so indeed Sir Ald. Away away you 're too modest too honest to live among men I 'll do it and bring my Nephew presently Exit Alderman Sel. Ha ha I laugh to think how this Fellow will report my tender conscience to the Citizens well if this Fool will fall into a Trap that never was laid for him then 't is not I but Fate destroys him THIRD ACT. SCENE I. Enter Lord Bowman Aimwell Poet Servants and Bottles Lo. GEntlemen pray ye salute my Friend Overwise he has undertaken to be the Poet to whom the Squire is bound Prentice Omnes Your humble Servant Mr. Overwise Over Gentle Worthies I am your contracted and betroth'd Friend Lo. Can there be a finer phras'd Fool than this Bo. No certainly he is our contracted and betroth'd Fool. Over My Lord no the word Lord is too common it tastes of Vulgerality Aim Gods so there 's a fine word Vulgerality is your own coyning Sir Over Staâ—p'd in my own Mint Sir I hope so to refine the English Tongue that the Dukes and Peers of France will come over hither to learn the Language Aim That 's a great project do you hope to see it in your own life time Over No question Sir do you hope to see Pauls built Aim Yes without doubt Over At the same time I expect the Peers of France to learn the English Tongue Lo. But Mr. Overwise prethee what are those Squirts and Bottles for Over They are proper instruments to initiate an Ass withall you must second me as I have order'd the ceremony he will really be very much abused Bo. Abused hang him to murder him requires no more compassion than drowning of a Kitlin Enter Hercules and Squire Her Save you my Lord save ye Gentlemen you honour me to come to this ceremony which is my Sons Master Siâ—s Bo. This is the worthy person your Son is bound Prentice to Her Are you a Poet worthy Sir Lo. Yes Sir he is one of those that swinges the Gods about Over I am by my profession a poor Poet Sir Her That 's no wonder for I never heard of a rich one in my life Over O Sir Poets like Philosophers despise wealth the fame of worthy Wit is all we aim at Her You may aim but ne'er hit the mark I doubt however 't is an honourable ambition Well what is he to be the first year Over The first year he takes his degree of Ass Her O'tis true you told me of a ceremony to enter or initiate him into the Order of Asshood Lo. I have heard of Manhood but never of Asshood before Over Sir the ceremony is great the rule was among the ancient Poets when a man took his degree to hath in the Liquor of the Gods but we modern Wits steep our Brains altogether in Burgundy and Pontack and we find it does the business every whit as well Her But how do you know that Over By comparing the ancient and modern Wits together Come Sir you must strip to your Shirt get the Bottles and Glasses Bo. The ceremony to a stranger will seem to be a gross abuse however I assure you it is no more than what all men undergo that are bound Prentice to Poets Omnes That we all upon our Honours do assure you Sq. Nay then I will undergo it whatsoever it be Her We can suffer as much abuse as any Family in England upon the score of Poetry Over Come kneel down Sir now fill every Gentleman a Bumper of Claret You must know for six moneths together he must swallow daily two Verses and by old custom he must begin with Chancer and so go through all the English Poets till he come to modern Mr. Bayes The ceremony
her Seaman shall appear at that window like Ghosts call him Bloudy Murderer bid him repent and so vanish Ma. That must shake his Spirits being guilty and I hope may work upon his hardned heart Lo. We all hope that I much approve of this contrivance and if you please I 'll instantly about it Bel. My Lord we shall for ever own the obligation In. Good Honey Lord take heed my naughty Nunâ—le do not kill you now Lo. Sweet lovely Innocentia I thank you your faithful Seavant Ladies Exit Lord. In. Faithful to us all marra I se sure Iste have the least share of you then Bel. Come dear Mariana this tryal I hope will bring your poor Father to an humble penitence Ma. It is the onely blessing upon earth my Soul prays for Fi. I hope for something else upon earth before I die Sister Omnes We shall all rejoyce to see you both enjoy your wishes Exeunt FIFTH ACT. SCENE I. Enter Buffoon Bowman Laton La. O Sir Hercules there 's rods in piss for you ' y saith my Uncle is so incens'd against thee for putting that damn'd Joke of Whetstones Park upon him that he resolves to have the whole Nation search'd but he will have thee Her I thought a Deer out of Whetstones Park had been welcomer to him than all the Venizon i' th' world how came he to know it Bo. Why it seems he inquir'd of some of his Brother Lawyers where about in Middlesex a place call'd Whetstones Park stood and withall told 'em he had bargain'd for two Brace of Deer yearly out on 't during his life La. Upon that they all fell a laughing at him ready to split and told him it was a Park of Bawdy-houses which made him fall into so great a rage that he has sent his Clerk Constables and Devil and all to search for thee Her Why you know 't was Sir Thomas Lovill with the wooden Leg that put Whetstones Park upon him I 'll go to him as I am Sir Hercules and bid him produce his lame Knave Sir Thomas Lovill hast thou the Deed of thy Fathers Estate Man La. I have it Old Boy he was so pleas'd that I fought with thee in the defence of his Reputation that he gave me the Deed presently and the Lawyerâ— assure me that it is aâ— firm a Deed as ever yet was maâ—e Her Then never â—ear me I 'll get off well enough I 'll warrant you La. I 'll own the whole to him come we 'll contrive it as we go Exeunt SCENE II. Enter Lord Arminger and Guardian Lo. Sir Marmaduke I have something to impart to you but you being subject to violent passions I am not willing to communicate such unwelcom news to you Sel My Lord to shew the dear respect I bear you passion shall be my slave for once I 'll stop his violent source and yoke him to humility therefore let me know the worst of ill my cruel Fate has destin'd Lo. In short your Nieces are fallen desperately ill Sel. Is that all my Lord if they be sick we will have a Doctor Lo. Not sick but worse a ghastly fear and trembling has possest them something appears to 'em and frights 'em for they ran to me and cryed Save us Save us and ask'd me if I saw nothing and pointed with their Fingers crying aloud There they are There they are have they ever had such Fits before Sel. Often my Lord often ever when they dream of Hopgoblins the next day they run to me for shelter dam 'em their base womanish fear will destroy their glorious preferment Lo. Their desperate Fits wou'd make me think 'em guilty of Murder but for my full persuasion of their sweet and blessed innocence and what unspeakable comfort it is to be innocent what say you Sir Sel. Yes it is a fine childish comfort for to be innocent is to be ignorant to be ignorant is to know nothing and they that know nothing are unworthy to be reckon'd of the race of Man And that is my opinion of Innocence my Lord. Lo. I am troubled to hear this it is no religious Answer Sel. It was no religious Question I wou'd see my Nieces are they here my Lord Lo. Yes they are here bloudy Villain I 'll fetch those blessed Innocents which by thy virtuous Daughters were preserv'd Ghost above Sel. Ha ha what thou art a foolish Scarcrow call'd a Ghost art thou not Lo. Who is 't you speak to what is 't you sâ—e Sel. Nothing I speak to nothing I see nothing do you my Lord Lo. No Sir but such distracted starts as those your Nieces had Sel. Then good my Lord withdraw in short the Devil and I have conference once a week and now 's the time Lo. I 'll fetch your Nieces their Virtues may fright your Devil â—way Exit Lord. Sel. Now thou venemous Serpent clad in ghostly white come down that I may kill thee over again and so have thee doubly damn'd Sea Thou canst not Fool hurt me I am an aiery Spirit Sel. Come down and I 'll knead and mould thy aiery Spirit into substance that I may tear it into air again what art thou Sea A damn'd Soul of thy preferring dispatch and die the Devils are stark made in Hell that thou art so long on Earth therefore make haste they want thee Sel. If the Devil wants me let him if he dares come fetch me I dare him and his whole Host of Furies bring Proserpine his Wife and in spite of all his Guards I 'll keep her here on earth and make Prince Pluto my Cuckold and what a shame 't wou'd be to Hell to have it said Miss Proserpine is kept Sea Cease thy madness Fool I am that Seaman who undertook the bloudy Murder of thy Nieces but was prevented by being all drowned at Sea Sel. Drowned art thou sure of it Sea Too sure Sel. Then take notice I am their Heir at Law come down sweet Ghost and let me kiss thee for never did Spirit bring such blessed news Bel. O wicked Uncle repent In. Repent for thou's my naughty Nuncle Sel. What a Yorkshire Ghost what Northern Devil is thy Guardian now Sea Since thou canst not wretched man repent behold us all in flesh and bloud and clad in pure innocence Sel. Alive all alive O happy hour O blessed minute Come come down dear Nieces and behold your poor Uncle rejoycing in his tears to find you all thus secretly preserved what Saint was 't that saved you Bel. Your virtuous Children so we come good Uncle In. Take heed thou dissemble not good Nuncle Exeunt above Sel. My own Daughters betray me I that thought my subtilty above the reach of Devils by Children to be deluded O dam ' em how like innocent truth their words fell from 'em and I an infatuated Fool believed Enter Lord Fidelia Belmaria Innocentia Lidia Seaman Lo. Sir Marmaduke I take you in my arms and am o'erjoy'd to see such penitential tears flow
from you Sel. O my Lord I find my Children have made known my wicked purpose and my shame confounds me so I dare not look upon your virtuous Figure O let me see my heavenly Babes Ma. Here dear Father let us for ever kneel and for evermore thank Heaven for this your blest conversion Fi. O dear Sir what comfort 't is to see you satisfied that these are safe Sel. A blessed comfort indeed they are Saints my Lord too good to dwell on Earth and therefore shall to Heaven thus Stabs Mariana Lord and Seaman disarm him ye Devils Lo. Hold thou cursed Wretch take his Sword from 's side whilest I disarm him of his Dagger Fi. Run run for Surgeons let all the Houshold run Lo. Houshold imploy the whole World for Surgeons and let all the business of the Earth stanâ— still till Mariana be recovered Ma. Have merâ—y on my distressed Father my Lord. Sel. A curse on thee for a Religious Jilt Lo. What can he now expect but publick justice for all the Records of Hell cannot produce such wickedness as is in thee but for Mariana's sake yet repent and all shall be forgot Sel. Repent Seaman that Lord 's turn'd Fool did Quality ever trouble it self with repentance before it lies not in the road of Greatness Fetch me the Devil and I 'll thank you I have revengful work for him and his whole Tribe give me my Sword Sea You are in no conâ—ition to be trusted with a Sword Sir Sel. Lord of all Mankind trust not that treacherous Slave he once seemed to me the bravest and the bloudiest Villain that ever Man or Devil imployed and the false Dog turn'd tail prov'd honest and betray'd me My Children too prov'd false who wou'd stay in this wicked world I and my damn'd Issue will out on 't to see them â—ry in torments wou'd please me better than to be a Monarch Lo. Thou Wretch think of thy Soul and then repent Sel. I cannot revenge allows no time to think of Souls the Heralds know every thing takes place of Penitence that comes sneaking behind and is allow'd no place of Honour but Vengeance rides i' th' front o' th' battel and I his right hand man therefore this Tongue shall never utter any worâ—s but Vengeance Furies and Torments Torments Furies and Vengeance revenge Devils revenge Exit Seldin Lo. What an Example of Desperation's here Pray you Siâ— be careful of hiâ— till I senâ— Ministers to comfort him I wonder so wicked a man shou'd have such virtuous children Exeunt SCENE III. Enter Judge and Clerk at one door Bowman Laton Buffoon Squire at another La. Clerk take heed be sure you be true to us Clerk I 'll stick as close to you as your Shirt Sir Her Save you my Lord I understand one Lovill a Rogue with one eye and a wooden leg has inform'd you that I have with most reproachful and ignominious words bespatter'd your Judgship Jud. Oho! then it seems you are Sir Hercules Buffoon that have as you call it bespatter'd me write a Warrant Clerk I 'll clap you up and clap an Action of ten thousand pounds upon you for scandal Sir Sq. That will be a damn'd Clap indeed Clap him up and Clap an Action this Judge talks of nothing but Claps I believe he knows Whetstones Paâ—k better than I do Her Clap me up I scorn your words my Lord bring that Villain Lovill to my â—ace to justifie his words if he dare Jud. I am afraid Clerk he dares not come because of the roguish bargain he put upon me of two Brace of Deer out of Whetstones Park it seems a Park of Baâ—dy-houses Rogue Rogue Sq. My Lord I 'll take that bargain off your hands I 'll give you two Brace of Fallow Deer for your two Brace of Whetstone Jud. Yours is such another Park as Whetstone I suppose but for Lovill I 'll clap him up in a Jayl where he shall never come out Sq. Another Clap this old Fellow has been a Swinger in 's days Her He 's a sherking Knave and no Knight my Lord. Jud. How came he to be call'd so then Bo. In the time of the Civil Wars he found friends it seems to get a blaâ—k Warrant for a Baronet and not finding a good Customer for it he sawcily bestow'd the Honour upon himself Jud. He is the first Subject that ever made himself a Knight Her Not by some few my Lord but I am told you threaten to undo me for which I 'll clap an Action of the Casâ— upon you my Lord. Sq. Then there will be Clap for your Clap and the stone in your foot still my Lord. Jud. If I find this Lovill I 'll purge your ill manners for you Her The Rogues Oath will not be taken he has been Knight of the â—ost these twenty years there came in his Knighthood 't is his trade he has nothing else to live on Jud. Did you ever hear two men rail at one another thus Sir Bo. I think the like was never known my Lord. Jud. Well till Lovill be found I 'll secure you Sir Her I defie both Law and Lawyers for I have a Protection Jud. A Protection I believe the Devil voids Protections faster than Children void Worms let me see it Sir Her I have it not yet but if you 'll call for a Pen and Ink I 'll write my self one presently Jud. This Fellow seems to be some Jester rather than a Knight Bo. He may be a Jester and yet a Knight too Jud. But hold Clerk was not this Gentleman here with Sir Thomas Lovill Bo. My Lord I was not here I have a Twin Brother indeed very like me I suppose it might be him Jud. That may be but I am certain this young Squire was here and said he was Lovill's Son Sq. My Lord I was not here I have a Twin Brother indeed very like me I suppose it might be him Jud. This Fellow 's a Fool and not a Squire sure Sq. My Lord a Fool and a Squire are Twin too you 'll scarce know one from the other Jud. Clerk sure this is Sir Thomas Lovill's Son Sq. I had rather be thought the Son of a Whore Lovill's a Rogue that deals with Pick-pockets and can help people to stolen goods again Bo. This is you all this while Knight Jud. You all deny the truth Sir Buffoon you 'll deny too that my Nephew cudgell'd you Her I scorn to be cudgell'd I confess he caned me indeed and he kick'd me so that my Haaches look as black as a Westphaâ—ia Ham or the Traytors Quarters upon the City gates La. Upon my word my Lord I never caned nor kick'd him nor did I ever in my life see the man before this day Jud. Did you not beat him then for abusing me so grosly La. No my Lord. Jud. Then give me my Deed again Sirrah La. No my Lord. Jud. Why did you own you base Fellow that you were caned and kick'd Her Because my Lord I
take delight in Lying 't is my darling virtue I love it better than you love Whetstone Venison my Lord. Jud. You Rascal I 'll have you â—udgell'd because you scorn it Bo. O my Lord exercise your patience and take some other course Jud. Then I suppose that you Sirrah hired that Rogue Lovill to tell me stories of your Valour to wheedle me out of my Estate La. I did so my Lord. Jud. You impudent Fellow hast thou the Face to justifie it La. Yes my Lord. Jud. And this ridiculous Squire is Lovill that Rascal's Son Sq. Yes my Lord and I am this Knights Son too my Lord. Jud. You abominable Fool how can that be Bo. Because my Lord Sir Hercules disguiz'd himself with a black paâ—â—h and a wooden leg a purpose to put this trick upon you Jud. Clerk bear witness here are two Knights found in one person both confessing each other to be notorious Rogues here 's a Pilory in the case besideâ— Whipping in abundance Her You have done well ouâ—s what have you brought me to Jud. The misfortune is that these two Knights have but one back to bear all the whipping due to 'em both Her I defie your whipping pull off my Coat look you here Sir I am the Court Fool and here 's my Fools Coat to protect me Jud. Death had ever Lawyer so many tricks put upon him cheated of my Office my Estate and not content with that but thus grosly to abuse me too La. Your Conscience knows you cozen'd my Father grosly and I have got it again by a trick so there 's trick for your trick and the stone in your foot still Jud. I think there 's a flaw in the Deed if there be Villain I 'll make thee the wretchâ—d'st Begger in the Nation Bo. We have been with Council and they say it is the firmest Deed that ever yet was drawn so that you have the credit of being the best Conveyancer of all the Town Jud. Then am I the first man that ever was undone by being too good a Lawyer but I 'll find some other way to destroy thee thou accursed Villain Exeunt Judge and Clerk Sq. As angry as you are I expect my bargain of Whetstones Park my Lord. Her Now Boys let 's to the Tavern eat drink and rejoyce for Dagon the Law is beaten down and shall be no longer worshipped Exeunt SCENE IV. Enter Fidelia and Innocentia Fi. How do you my dear Innocentia my Soul mourns to hear you say you 're sick Child In. Prethee â—ousin do not call me Child by my Saul I have Womans thoughts in me my head akes so it plays Riveskin with me waes me my Heart greips me too Fi. You mistake Jewel 't is the Belly that gripes not the Heart In. Nay God waite it 's e'en my Heart that is it I can do nought but think of that praâ—ty Lord Cousin then my Heart gâ—iâ—es me so that I se e'en ready to be dead what means that hast thou any skill to tell me Cousin Fi. Alas my dear Cousin I doubt you are in love In. Now waes me I se quite undone then thou knows Cousin that sweet Honey Lord kiss'd my hand e'en now and he kissâ—d it so prattily that I have kiss'd it a thousand time since because that pratty Lord kiss'd it and is that love thinkest thou Couâ—in Fi. I and desperate love too shall I tell him how you love him Cousin In. I and e'en Gods Bâ—nnison and mine light on thee for it but I doubt Cousin thou'll speak can word for me and twâ—â— for thy self Fi. O sie Cousin do not think I am so treacherous In. By my Saul I se sure I shou'd serve thee sea Fi. Poor sweet Jewel I pity thee exceedingly Enter Lord Arminger Lo. O Fidelia rejoyce your Sisters wound proves but a scratch all danger 's past she 's drest and coming forth Fi. I heartily rejoyce but my Lord this sweet Creature is so in love with your Lordship that if you be not civil to her I really think 't will kill her Lo. Heaven forbid pretty Lady be assured I pay you my respects with all the love my Honour can give way to In. Let me but once a day look at thy pratty Face and then kiss my hand for me thou deft pratty Man and that 's all the blessing I desire in the warld Enter Mariana Lo. Assure your self of those and thousands more but behold your sweet Sister O my dear Mariana Providence I hope has lent you life to make mine easie to me Ma. Stop there my Lord made not you a Contract with my Father to marry Belmaria the eldest Heiress Lo. I grant I did so Madam Ma. And was not I without a Fortune falsly put upon you did you not court me as Belmaria and truly love me as Belmaria Lo. Your Fathers Dagger is in every word you 've spoke and has not scratch'd but wounded In. Now waes me my pratty Lord 's in love with thy Sister Cousin Lo. Mariana you accuse me as if I had broke my Faith by Heaven I never yet was false Ma. You will be if you persist in a love sprung from a false foundation you made love to an Impostor a false woman and now you know the Cheat are you so weak to think your Honour is engaged to make that Courtship good to that Impostor Lo. An Impostor is the welcom'st blessing upon earth to me if it appear in your lovely Figure In. Now by my Saul he 's more in love with her than I se with him waes me Ma. I believe my Lord you truly love me and that 's my onely Curse In. Ten thousand like Curses fall on me they wou'd be my best Blessings Cousin Ma. When I consider how falsly how by a trick you came to love me I must in honour pronounce my own doom anâ— say I 'll never marry In. God in Heaven keep her ever in that mind Ma. The wrong else to Belmaria wou'd look as if we saved her from one murder to execute a worse upon her Enter Belmaria Bel. Mariana you nor your Lord have injured but had your Father prov'd faithful perhaps I had been your Bride my Lord. In. Waes me what shall I do my Sister 's in love with him too wad I had been devour'd with wild Bâ—ars Ma. Had my Father been faithful Belmaria says you had been hers mark that my Lord can you after this ever make court to me my Lord this heart and every drop of bloud within it has more love for you than Dido quitted life for yet all this can I conqueâ— to be just therefore must not in point of Honour marry What strong Arguments I use to destroy my self Fi. I thank Fate I am not in Love's Lime twigs for here 's the Devil and all to do In point of â—onour foâ—sooth one will not marry and the other will not marry so that I find the Punctilio's of Honour will destroy Geneâ—ation and is 't not pitâ—
of a day done in seven minutes Sq. Then shou'd we have all the rest of the day to be drunk in La. I believe thou speakst Short Hand already Squire for always when thou' rt dâ—unk thou putst twelve words into one Sq. That is not Short Hand 't is call'd Clipping the Kings English I hope Sir you 'll teach Women to scold in Short Hand Tongue and that wou'd be great Service to the Nation Bo. Good my Lord let us laugh this insufferable Short Hand Fool quite out of the Land Omnes The Short Hand Tongue ha ha ha away Fool away Over I 'll make you all Fools with one Philosophical Question Tell me whether at the great or the small end of a Spiders Egg does Nature make Production La. Thou art the Product of an Ass I 'm sure Sq. Pray you Sir let me ask you one question Is your name Overwise or Otherwise Over It is not proper for me to say I 'll quarrel with you but Sir I 'll make a Cessâ—tion of Friendship with you and so draw upon you Bo. Hold hold put up put up away Short Hand Ass. Over Well I pity all Fools from the Gentleman to the Lord and Lady Fools and so I take my leave Exit Overwise Sq. I hope you 'll take your leave in the Short Hand Tongue Aim My Lord we hope you will befriend us so far as to admit us Suitors to these Heiresses Lo. Gentlemen were I not concern'd I wou'd serve you frankly but being their Guardian were you my Brothers I wou'd not betray my Trust but will match them to men of such Honour and Wealth as shall deserve their Fortunes and this Resolution you cannot take unkindly La. No my good Lord your answer has fully satisfied us Bel. What a Noble Lord is this Cousin Ma. Come pretty Cousin I 'll give you half I have now nay I 'll give you half my Husband In. Thank you Honey Cousin but Iste be a little Whore then shall I not Ma. No sweet Cousin I 'll have a care of that Fi. My Lord we must see honest Captain Hammock here and his Miss well rewarded and all 's done Lo. And it shall be done to their Satisfaction EPILOGUE Wrote and spoke by J. H. Com. MEthinks Right Worthy Friends you seem to sit As if you had all ta'en Physick in the Pit When the Play 's done your jaded Fancies pall After Enjoyment thus 't is with us all You are Meer Epicures in Thinking and in fine As difficult to please in Plays as Wine You 've no true taste of either judge at random And cry De gustibus non disputandum One's for Vin d'Hermitage Love's lofty inditing Another Old Hoc he a Style that 's biting Both hate Champaign and Damn soft natural Writing And some forsooth Love Rhenish Wine and Sugar Plays in Meeter Like dead Wine swallowing Nonsense Rhimes make sweeter There 's one 's for a Cup of Nants and he 't is odds Like old Buffoon loves Plays that swinge the Gods True English Topers Racy Sack ne'er fail With such Ben. Johnson's humming Plays prevail Whilest some at Tricks and Grimace onely fleer To such must noisy frothy Farce appear These new Wits relish Small Smart Bottle Beer French Gouts that mingle Water with their Wine Cry Ah de French Song Gosoun dat is ver ' fine Who never drink without a relishing Bit Scapin methinks such sickly Tastes might hit Where w' entertain each squeamish nicer Palat With Sawce of Dances and with Songs for Salad Since then 't is so hard to please with choicest Dyet Our Guests wh'm Wit and Sense do dayly riot Since Wit is damn'd by those whom Wits we call As Love that stands by Love by Love does fall When Fools both good and bad like Whores swallow all I wish for your sakes the Sham Wits o' th' Nation Would take to some honest some thriving Vocation The Wit of our Feet you see every Night Says more to our purpose than all you can write Since things are thus carried a Wit 's such a Tool He that makes the best Plays does but best play the Fool. A Dreaded Fool 's your Bully A Wealthy Fool 's your Cit A Contented Fool 's your Cully But your Fool of Fool 's your Wit They all Fool Cit of 's Wife He fools them of their Pelf But your Wit 's so damn'd a Fool He onely Fools himself O Wits then face about to Sense Alas I know it by my self a Wit 's an Ass. For like you in my time I 've been Foolish in Rhime But now so repent the Nonsensical Crime I speak it in Tears which from me may seem odly Henceforth I 'll grow wiser Damn Wit I 'll be Godly That when by new Grace I have wip'd off old Stains In time I may pass not for Count but Sir Haynes FINIS