Lord Dukes order to be Secretary and Civility Master to fool him and his Wife in there new Government He I hear is upon his way hither and she too ought to be here to meet â—m with the dowdy her daughter I wonder their Tawny Ladiships staâ— so loâ—g Mary Sir Gentleman if I may presume to be so bold Teres Prithee hold thy Tongue I le speak to him my self hem â—em if your business Sir * Putting her by Makâ—s awkerd Curtesies be not much in haste be pleas'd to know Sir that I am the Governor Sancho's Wife Sir and therefore desire you would do your self the honour Sir to conduct me to his house Sir Mannell It must be they their Comical Figures shew they can be no other Mary And look friend I am his daughter Moll you must know otherwise called Mary the Buxom and now yoâ— know us pray will you tell my Vather that we are come de' e hear Mannel In happy time good Ladies for I have been here ready this two hours to attend your motion Mary Deslikins de' e hear Mother he calls us Ladies already Aside Teres Humph you will be prating still you will shew your self a hoyden why look Friend to deal plainly we had made our noble entrance sooner but the Waggon broke and we were forc'd for three hours to tarry the mending Mannel The Waggon why did your Excellencies then condescend to make your approaches to your Government by the contemptible â—onvenience of a Waggon Terâ—s Why truly yes friend for want of better our Excellencies for once made a hard shift Mary There was ne'r a Cart to be had in Town you must know but one that was carrying Lime to make Morter to mend the Town Hall Mannâ—l A Cart a Chariot sure you must mean Misse-Pritty Teres A Cart did you ever hear such a Jade ay ay Sir Miss meant a Chariot as you say Pox take her would she were whipt at a Cart a little a thing that runs upon Wheels Sir a fine stately thing that runs I say upon Wheels To Mary aside Mannel Ay it may run upon Leggs for any thing thou knowst of it Aside Mannel Ay ay your Ladiship is in the right it does run upon Wheels indeed But come now I beseech you give me leave to usher ye to your House I am my self a small Officer under the Governour and your Ladiship to him I serve as Secretary and to you as Civility Master Teres Good Mr. â—ivility I shall â—oon know your good qualities Mary Oh ho ho O Lord I canâ—t keep from laughing for the life of me Mannel My duty at present is to conduct you to the Chief Matron to be new dress'd as fits a Governours Wife it must be done instantly therefore pray follow me that you may be ready to receive your Lord who intends to be here at Dinner Teres Well pray lead the way friend I le warrant I le keep touch with ye Mary Lord bless us whatâ—s to be done now I am in such a quandary I know not what I say nor do for my part Exeunt with Mannel SCENE II. Enter Duke and Sancho dressâ—d Fantastically as a Governour between hiâ— and the Dutchess Luscinda Cardenio Rodriguez and Servants following Duke HAve the Chief Citizens and leading Men of the Island notice of their new Governours Arrival Servant They have my Lord and this is the place where they designâ—d to meet him Duke 'T is well is there ought else my most illustrious Don in which my self or the Dutchess there can honour ye Don Qâ— Ds'death is that a look like a Governour hold up thy head for shame his joy my Lord has prest so much upon his spirits his Tongue at present is not at liberty Carden The favours these illustrious persons bestow hourly would make a Dumb man speak to return thanks Luscin And yet he stands as if he did not mind ' em Dâ—tch Any thing in my power the Noble Governour is sure he may command unless it be to give him leave to Ravish my woman Rodriguez Rodr. Me I had rather see his Governourship hang'd than he should come but as near as to whisper me marry choak him what the first day of his wearing Socks Don Quix. Oons is he Dumb indeed Ioggs Sancho Sancho Hark good Mistress Conserve-maker hold your self contented All Rats lookee care not for mouldy Cheese if you Virginity is to be hangd upon the Tree till I shake it off the Crows may come and pick at it for Sancho Carden Oh this is well now a few wise sayings â—rom a Governor look decently Sancho Some of which should profit your pert Lady then methinks that she is so quick at putting her Spoon into another mans Porridge look friend too much Tongue too much Taile I say no more but the Hen discovers her Nest with Cackling Luscin Oh unfortunate person now have I rowz'd a sleeping Lyon that will tear me to pieces Dutch No no Madam the wise Governour will consider the fâ—ailty of our Sex Sancho As to your Grace I must needs say I am beholding and if my Government stretch to my mind but an inch or two I will shew my self thankful as well as I can but for your fleeâ—ers and especially Goody Warming Pan there the Governour turns his Rump upon 'em as things below his place and Sagacity Rodrig Well and I turn my Rump upon theâ— too ' dslife ye were but a Stirrup holder the to'ther day were ye Duke Come good words Roderiguez there 's distinctioâ— between Sancho and you now Rodrig Ay the worse world in the mean time I thought I might have deâ—erv'd an honour from your Grace considering all things as well as that Sheepsheerer Weeps Carden Ha ha ha Faith my Lord Mistress Rodriguez is the right and but that the Governour here has got the start of us and that his people are coming to wait upon him I would put one Shoulder to heave him out of his Authority for the hard Joke he gave my Wife Sancho I but in the mean time don't sell the Bears Skin before you have caught him All are not Thieves that Doggs bark at you may turn the buckle behind ye now Friend Enter Pedro and Baratarians Pedro Health to the Duke and next the Governour Bowing to the Duke and Sancho †to whom I as his Physitian in ordinary and the Mouth of these grave Citizens thus tender homage and am proud t' inform him we come to wait upon him to his Government Don Qu. Your hat Sancho your hat ' dsdeath don't you see they are all bareheaded Come come look grave and speak after me weâ—l imitate the Polish Election and give it them in Latin Sit bonus Populus Sancho Sit bonus Populus Speaks loud and Clounishly Don Qu. Bonus ero Gubernator Sancho Bonus ero Gubernator They shout Duke So then since all things move in their right ordeâ— here now let 's part and bonos nocios Governour Sancho The Governour is your Graces
so that methinks I could hear more Ambr. Oh thou dear Manes of my brave Friend Chrisostome art thou not angâ—y with thy poor Ambrosio whose ill plac'd stars maliciously compel him to vindicate the honour of thy Murdress Marcel Siâ—ce the good deed y' have donâ— cause 't was for me so much offends your thoughts oblige us both and kill me for I can bear death better than your words Kill me and I am then ouâ— of your debt and you reveng'd for Chrisostome Ambr. No live however and if a woman can repeâ—t for ' twe're damnation certain now to kill thee live therefore but let me see those baneful Eyes no more lock from henceforth those Ignes Fatui up that lead men wandring into Bogs and Ditches veil 'em I say that I agen may never be troubled to defend your Caterwawling a creature that can purr and â—hen can squeak that scratching can repulse the eager Lover and yet be prompt and willing to ingeâ—der Away there 's counsel for ye Come Sir now march before me something remains for you too go on Diego Had I but done the deed I had not car'd Exeunt Manet Marcella Marcel Yet thou art brave Oh Heaven what shall I do to pay the Debt of Gratitude I owe thee what a forlorn and miserable Wretch had I been but for thee Oh I am lost What Beauty Riches or the Gloss of Honour with all th' allurements never could subdue is conquer'd by this great this generous Action My Heart is melting and a new strange passion fills all my bosom that firm resolute will that stood unshock'd to the deserts of Chrisostome is wholly Captive to the brave Ambrosio In vain is Art or Obstinacy now In vain does weakned Force resist the stronger The Fort 's o're-pow'r'd and can hold ouâ— no longer Exit SCENE II. Enter Duke Cardenio and Mannel Duke Is the Doctor ready with his disguise for Merlin Man He has beâ—n drest this hour my Lord the Page too is perfect in his part of Dulcinea we only wait my Lady Dâ—tchesses coming back who is gone after the Hawk the back side of the Wood And then we shall begin the Comedy Carden The Knight and the Parson are still in hot argument yonder the Cassock and the Helmet are at mortal odds the Church Militant scorns to truckle to the Camp he 'll not ask him pardon he says tho all the Knights of the Round Table were by to back him Duke I took this opportunity of slipping from 'em to take-breath a little and laugh by my self See here they come away Mannel to your Fellows and assoon as ever it begins to be dark do as I 've order'd Man We 'll be punctual as the minute my Lord. Enter Don Quixote and Bernardo Duke Well Chaplain is the business reconcil'd have you done Justice to this noble Knight Bern. I profess I think I have I have told him plainly he is a Mad-man and have conscientioâ—sly propos'd to him a certain remedy Don Q. I have not told you yet that a Clergyman may be a Blâ—ckhead tho I may suppose it only to shew the different manners betwixt my Function and yours Cardeâ— Nay if the Swoâ—d and the Gown can agree no better we are like to see but an ill Reformation Duke Once more I say ask him pardon Bernardo Bern. For what my Lord I profess I begin to fear he has infected your Grace with â—is own distemper Duâ—e Ha ha ha ha He 'll call me Fool presently Beâ—n For me that have swallowed and digested Sciences as common as Loins of Mutton to affâ—ont Learâ—ing so vilely to compare with one that 's ignorant of all A downright Madman Don Q. Good words Priest gâ—od words did Religion teach you to be rude Sir Cassock Besides to shew I am not so ignorant as you 'd make me know I have learnt the Sciâ—nces and made aâ—dition to excel your Gown by one much better than â—he rest Knight Errantry Bern. That a Science oh riâ—iculous â—harkee prithee prepare thy brains a little to answer me one question Duke Ay now they buckle to 't Bern. What 's a Knight Errant good for Don Q. Every thing He that is honoured with that Function understands a Science that contains in 't all the rest which thus I make appear First He must be skill'd in the Law to know Justice distributive and commutative to do â—ight to every one He must be a Divine to know how to give a reason clearly of his Christiaâ— Profession He must be a Physician and chiefly an Herbalist to know in a Wilderness or Desarâ— what Herbs have vertue to cure Wounds for youâ— Knight Errant must not be looking out every pissing while for a Surgeon to heal him He must be an Astronomer to know in the night what a Clock 't is by the Staâ—s He must be also a Maâ—hematician and principally a good Cook because it may very often happen he may have occasion to dress his own Dinner Nor should he only be adorâ—'d wiâ—h all divine and moral vertues but he must descend to Machanicks also for he must know how to shoe a Horse to mend a Sâ—ddle to soal a Booâ— to dearn a Stocking to stitch a Doublet and in short to do all things that reason can imagine And all these things and as many more is your Knight Errant good for Caâ—d What say to this my good Divinity Teacher methinks the Knight has given ye a very fair accompt of his Fâ—nction Don Q. And now I have answered his question I think 't is but reasonaâ—le to ask him one I demand of hiâ—â—hen and put it fairly to his Coâ—â—cience I say I desire to know of him What a Chaplain's good for Duke By my troth a shrewd question Card. And pâ—t home too as the case now stands Bern. Oh sinful Caitiff is that a question to be asked in these religious times Come come I 'll tell thee that presently Humh good for Why in the first place let me see What 's a Chaplain good for Oh now I have it why all the serious part of the world must allow that They laugh Humh What 's a Chaplain good for Well I profess I was ne're so puzzled in all my life Chaplain offers to speak and they hinder him Carden Ay 't is plain now the cause is lost the Chaplain's confounded he has not a word to say for himself ha ha ha Duke Ha ha ha ha Eagerness and Rage have so choak'd him he has no utterance Ha ha ha ha Bern. What am I become a jest fye my Lord where is the decency where is the sagacity Oh strange this is very unseemly And I 'll be gone lest choler arise and I exceed the bounds of discretion Oh my Lord this is very unseemly Exit Duke Now will he be musty this month and we shan't get a word from him Don Q. Hah what dreadful sounds are these Horrid Sounds are heard within Card. Most wonderful A Noise like a Womans
the prize Of the Wares most fit for sale What store of Beans Wou'd dawb their Cloaths To save a Nose By following those That carry the Milking Pail Carden Merlin is pleas'd at Sancho's condescension which he has drovd by this strange Entertainment Don Q. And Dulcinea smil'd most radiantly Luscind And at her going made a low bow to Sancho Duke Come Governour now let us home to Supper where we 'll confer about some publick matters relating to your Charge Dutch Take heed you are not cruel our Islanders will ne're endure a Tyrant Sancho Oh let me alone for that Madam I 'll be as mild as a Milch Cow I have nothing rough about me but my Beard Thus goes the World Sirs many must fall low â—hilst others rise up high Many get Governments the Lord knows how And so Gadzooks have I. Exeunt ACT III. SCENE I. Marcella walks over the Stage pensively Afterwards Enter Cardenio and Ambrosio Card. SO Cynthia rose amidst the Myrtle Grove Speaking as Marcella passes by Like the Queen Mother of the Stars above Oh dear Ambrosio good morrow to thee what you come from seeing Execution done upon Diego Ambr. I have seen him soundly whipt and turn'd our of his Employment this morning Card. Insolent Villain was there no one to attacque but the chief Beauty of our Groves the Glory of the Plains and Darling of the Shepherds the admir'd Marcella Leandro her Father it seems was there too who I hear has made a particular Suit to the Duke about his Daughter Ambr. Your Intelligence is good Sir Card. My Intelligence is good Why how now Friend art thou grown resty is that all to say my Intelligence is good nay then you shall find my Intelligence is better for I heard a Bird sing that the old Man weighing your late bâ—ave action done for her and knowing you to be the Dukes kinsman has made an offer of his Daughter for a Wife for you Ambr. So Sâ—r. Card. So Sir I gad and I think very well too Sir what a Pox ails thee Why thou art as musty as if thou hadst been offer'd a Witch without a Portion or dost thou banter me with a fit of dissimulation Hah come come Sir welcome your happy Planet with smiles Plato Socrates and Aristotle are good Companions when a man has an Estate but horribly dull and phlegmatick fellows when the Assets are wanting Ambr. Very well Sir Card. Thou art the Duke's Relation and I know he loves thee and will do very well for thee but still a fortune of thy own making is more honourable and I know Leanardo dotes on his sine Daughter and will give her a world of Wealth nor is his Family to be despis'd for all he fancies a rural Life among the Shepherds he being as I 'm inform'd lineally descended from the noble Cid Ruy diaz Ambr. And what of all this Sir Card. What of all this Why then thou' rt a happy fellow I think to have the prospect of enjoying so sweet a Creature with so plentiful a Fortune Yet what most surprises me is to hear that her sudden Love to thee has quite alter'd her nature and she that from her Infancy was noted for th' most reserved and coy of all her Sex now talks of Love blushes sings amorous Sonnets and lives quite contrary to her former custom Ambr. So let her live prithee why dost thou trouble me with the recital of a Womans follies their Wiles their Mischiefâ— and their Protean Changes I know too well already I am as well skill'd in the Philosophy of that damning Sex as e're was Aretine and hate 'em as he did with such a rancour that I have an Odium even for her that bore me for being female in her generation if thou wouldst please me say the plague's amongst ' em But he that bids me for a Wife prepare Is forming the worst Hell and fixing of me there Ex. Card. What the Devil ails him the young fellow 's bewitch'd I think I thought he came hither on purpose to follow her for I 'm sure I saw her go down that walk just know But since 't is otherwise I 'm certain she must meet him and then a kind word and a sweet look or two I warrant willsoon convert him from his Heresie Enter Page Page My Lord Duke has been looking for ye Sir this hour he 's now in the Hall with the Dutchess ready to see the second Exploit which we are going to banter Don Quixote with which is the Adventure of the Countess Trifaldi if you intend to laugh Sir come away for we are just going to begin Card. I 'll follow thee the Jest must needs be excellent Exeunt Re-enter Ambrosio and Marcella following Ambr. Was ever man so teiz'd with what he hated the more I shun the Plague the more I am infected how dar'st thou follow me Marc. What dares not Courage do I am in your debt Sir and like a generous Bankrupt am so honest I cannot rest nor harbour any quiet till I have made repayment Ambr. By torâ—uring me is that the way Tormentor Marc. Heavens can you talk of tortures I being here that undergo the greatest that are possible Is there a greater torture for a woman than to suppress her humnour vail her Pride which she sometimes calls Modesty and be forc'd blushing beneath a thousand thousand shames to curse her Stars like me and own she loves Ambr. Why then Antipodes to Amity dost thou pretend to Love Marc. Oh that thy tongue were a sharp pointed Dagger to wound my heart that it might bleed an answer as it does now my Soul when it compels me to answer yes I do Ambr. What me is 't me thou lovest speak sweet damnation Marc. I will not speak thou Devil Gods what am I doing Oh give me back one minute of my past strength that I may have the pleasure but of railing a little at him and 't will be heaven to me where does thy Witchcraft lye thou Sorcerer in thy eyes thy tongue or in what other part Tell me that I may tear the fatal Charm and give my poor tormented Soul some ease Ambr. Hey Fits Eruptions This is woman right now there 's now a Legion of Cub Devils within her that tumble up and down and make her mad Marc. Forgive me Sir these strange effects of passion these stubborn weeds which I will now endeavor to root out and demolish Ambr. That was a flattering Feind now soft and moving to make us think she is a Foe to Pride Marc. I have seem'd proud Sir but 't was all Hypocrisy which Patience and warm pursuing had discovered as now your Charms have done and made me flexible Ambr. Ha ha ha ha now dearest Chrisostome look down and smile to see the Victim offered to revenge thee SONG I. DAmon let a Friend advise ye Follow Cloris tho she flies ye Tho her Tongue your Suit is slighting Her kind Eyes you 'll find inviting Womens Rage like shallow
full fraight I le do what I can â—ut especially for that about Garlick and Belching let me alone and so Sir wishing ye to be an Emperor in the space of a whistling-time we take our leaves To feast and give our Islanders a Playday And meet our Spouse who now must be a Lady Pedro and the rest Long live the Governour of Barataria Huzza Exeunt Sancho and Baratarians one way and Don Quixot another weeping SCENE III. Enter Teresa and Mary new dressâ—d with Mannel Mary LOrd is this me odslidikins they have made me so fine that would I were hangâ—d if I know whither 't is me or no. Teres Well and what 's to be done next good Mr. Civility what you have shown us already is curâ—ouâ—â—â—fine iâ—akins Mannel Leave off that course that Clownish word ifakins and if you would swear like a Lady o th' Mode â—ou must say by my Soul mâ— Lord by my Honour Madam by the universe Cavalier unless you are at Cards among your selves and then you may inlarge a little as thus SoonsI have had horrid ill luck to night I haâ—e lost 50 quadruples Damme Teres Well thatâ—s very prety by the universe Cavalâ—er Mary It has such a pure sound with it when one swears a little and methinks the words Mother come off so roundâ—â— that would I may never make water more if I had not rather Teres O Lord O Lord there the Quean had it out broad why ye clownish Jade have I Mannel Hold hold good Madam let me mannage her you must consider she is not yet wean'd from her Countrâ— Dialect Oh sâ—e Miss you have said such a paw thing that I warrant ne're a one of the Town Ladies would have said for a Thousand pounds Oh you must not offer to say such a paw thing as that nor do such a paw thing as that for the World though ye are in never so great an extremity Mary No I cod that 's very hard though Teres Let me come to her Sir ' dlife this rude Hilding will spoil all our preferment Mannel Oh Patience patience Madam she must come too 't by degrees Young Lady I blame you not for speaking but for the manner of it therefore from henceforth when you would express your self on that occasion if you are visiting or elsewhere you must say Dear Coâ—sin or Madam I 've an extream desire to make a Natural Evacuation Mary A Natural Evacuation O Lord that 's pretty I swear Mannel Oh Modesty is the most darling Jewel amongst all well-bred Ladies though it often occasions 'em distress enough too I remember once at a certain noble Lord's Tryal a certain ruddy plump young Lady dyed a green Manteau and Petticoat into a perfect Blew through her riggid Modesty and the violent Effect of Natural Evacuation But come now practise your gate agen a little Walk walk hold up your Heads So snap your Fanns Very good Wag your Hipps a little more Admirable Adroit and Easie leave but off the Country hobble now and I defie any Court-Lady of 'em all to out-do ye They Iig about Terâ—s Well I swear methinks Iâ—m chang'd quite to another thing already Manâ—el Oh here 's the Governour I hear the Musick Loud Trumpets within Enter Sancho sâ—rutting with Pedro and Baratarians Mary Oh that ever I was born is that my Vather Staring and clapping her hands Tâ—râ—s Ah Blessing on the pretious Eyes on thee my dear Yoke-mate my Sancho and art thou then a Governour indeed mine own Oosle-cock She runs to embrace him Mannel Oh hands off good Madam such greeting is not decent in great Ladies Takes her from Sancho 's Neck Terâ—s Gadslidikins I could smother him in that fine Coat methinks Mary I must speak to him he looks like one of the great fat Men they call Judges that used to ride so purely through our Town Oh brave Vather Oh brave Father isâ—t you Vather is 't you Oh Law oh Law Iumps and laughs Sancho Ha ha ha ha the poor Fools are almost craz'd through meer Joy 't is well Spouse mine 't is well but not too much of â—ondness now good Crooked Rib and Daughter mine take care of Romping Remember who I am Teres Ah dear Gravel-face dear Ferret-eyes Leering at him Mannel Madam Madam you forget Mary I am my Lord the Governour Sancho Panca's most humble Servant upon my Honour and wou'd I may ne'er make â—â—ter if Mannel stops her Sancho Well said Mary the Buxom that 's my good Girl hold thee there Moll Teres And I am his Lordshipâ—s every thing his hot Loaf and Butter Suet-pudding his Pancake by the Universe Mannel Pretty well that Madam indifferent Sancho 'T is very well good Mouse-trap in me 't is vâ—ry well and you see I have been as good as my word I told ye what my Squireship would come too Teresa but you would not believe you would be obstinate A Woman a Woman Teres I was under some little doubt my Lord by my Soul I must confess Speaks mincing Mannel Very well that last Madam extreamly well Mary I would have laid a Groat I should have had no new Lockram Smocks of your giving me Vather not this Mannel Aw not a word more of that 't is well he do s not hear ye Sancho Here 's Dapple too come along with me Chuck the poor Ass on my Conscience is as glad of his Preferment as thou art I 'd have brought him in here but that we should have wanted an Elbow-Chair for him to sit down in Mannel There s an Alcove within with a State and Velvet-cushions my Lord Sancho No no 't is no matter now though the Creature is good Company enough Faith he 's trapd so richly you 'd wonder if you saw him he s all over Embroider'd like a High Sheriff of a County upon an Entertaining-day Pedro Please your Excellence to sit and rest a little for I 'm of Opinion that this sultry Climate bears no Affinity with the Choller of your Complexion especially when irritated by Motion Excuse me my Lord 't is my duty to be careful of your Constitution which I perceive at present to be somewhat languid and sudorous be pleased therefore to sit and see the Sports that are provided to entertain ye Sancho Ay with all my heart and d' ye hear Doctor Prithee let me have as few of your cramp words as you can for they 'll work more upon my Constitution than any Dose of Pills you can give me Come family of the Panca's set down by me and let 's see these Sports he talks of and afterward let 's go to dinner for I feel a kind of a governing stomach that methinks grumbles to be satisfied I could eat heartily Pedro Good my Lord think not too much of Eating 't is very unwholsome Sancho How Eating unwholsome prithee honest Gut-scowrer perswade me to that if thou canst Ha ha ha that s a very good Jest â—aith Sancho Teresa and Mary sit down then Musick sounds and an
never have endured him after Iaq. Pshaw wagh I did not mean jokingly not I by Conscience I warrant when she 's my Wife Mary shall have no cause to complain And by Conscience I like Mary much the better because I think she 's a Maid and for my part I don't love a Pippin that other Folks have handled Now though she be a little unsightly sometimes yet I believe Mary is a pure Maid by Conscience Teres As when I bound her head first with a Biggen I 'll be sworn for her besides the Girl is mighty meekly minded she 'll not speak for Money Meat nor Cloaths she 'll soon think she has enough I 'll say that for Mary Sanc. Ah the Devil 's in that old lying Jade ' oons the noise of 20 Powder-mills come not near her if she want but her Bread and Butter in a Morning aside Contrary to Woman-kind Crooked Rib for the Proverb says a young Woman a Priest and your Poultry think they never have enough Ha ha ha Teres So old Sandy-beard you have always some good thing to say of the Women still but I 'm sure you have no cause to prate for you have had a good one and if you did not like me because I was young when we married you might have taken my Mother she was old enough and we both lived in a house Sanc. No No Matrimony not so neither one had as good eat the Devil as the Broth he 's boil'd in Besides you were both so like there was nought to chuse She had a Tongue like Thunder and I think Spouse mine yours is not always as still as a Dormouse Like Mother like Daughter faith and if the Mare have a bald Face the Philly will have a Blaze Teres Humph will it so goodman Garlick-eater Hang ye don't lye vexing me but come your ways home and help to sit our Mary she 's like to have her Shoes soal'd and her blue Jacket edg'd with green if you won't look after it but stand Idling here Iaq. Nay pray be quiet now by Conscience I must have a word or two more with my Vather in Law about Mary's good Parts for I confess I like her mainly because she 's a 〈◊〉 I was 〈◊〉 to a Widow a while ago but I would not have her for besides that she was no Maid she had four great Faults she had three Children and a lame Leg. Sanc. He that marries a Widow and three Children marries four Thieves You have 〈◊〉 it a Scouring Son in Law Teres Well then since you must have another Cup of Prate I 'll leave ye and get me gone to Mary the Girl must have some Colberteen Lace set upon her Wedding Smock Bless me what a do has there been about that Smock Mother she cries are the Gussets big enough here Is it sloped enough at top and wide enough at bottom I 've had above a hundred Questions about that Smock I warrant that Smock has been bleaching in her head above this two Months Ex. Ter. Iaq. So now she 's gone Vather let 's dicourse a little more for I 've a huge Inckling to know a few more of Mary's good qualities By Conscience I look upon Mary to have a notable Understanding Vather-in-Law Sanc. Understanding She can make a Pudding that 's as much Understanding as a Wife has need of Iaq. Now if she be but virtuous against which she has one wicked sign your Nose Vather-in-Law for to quip you with a Proverb too one may know by your Nose what Mutton you love I say if she be but virtuous and has but an eye to her honour as Gentlefolks call it then all 's right Sanc. Virtuous Ay I warrant her she 's as virtuous as the Skin between her Brows but you must not give your self so much to Jealousie nor Doubt Son-in-Law He that 's afraid of every Grass must not piss in a Meadow if you fear why will you go to 't why will you marry Iaq. Why by Conscience I don't know I go to 't as other folks do I think for ready Pudding Besides Mary has such a way with her such a jigging crumptious whim with her Backside that she 's as full of Temptation as an Egg is full of Meat she has a pure stroke with her fackins Then to say the truth Mary's very well forehanded too Sanc. Forehanded oons this Oaf makes a Mare of my Daughter Iaq. We shall do hugely together I 'll set her to weeding in the Wheat the next day after we are married she has curious spud Fingers to grub up the Charvil Sanc. Fingers I think she has and the nails of them are an Inch long for the purpose she has not cut them this Twelvemonth to my knowledge Iaq. Then by Conscience she must help the Plough too a little now and then You wont be angry if I documentize her and make her a good Huswife Vather-in Law Saâ—c Angrly â—o not 〈◊〉 prithee â—oâ—e her in wiâ—h thy â—elf Tib and Crookhorn and the rest of the Oâ—en if thou wilt An 〈◊〉 Wife lets the Pig burn by the â—ires when thou hast her Boy e'en draw together a gods-name Iaq. By Conscience and so we shall for my mind gives me we shall do mighty well together for 't is odd to think how it came about buâ— ever since I saw Mary's Bubbies as she was sitting withouâ— her Wastcoat at our Sheering I have had a main Good will to her by Consâ—ience I have thought of those Bubbies I warrant above a hundred times and things have grown up to a head and put forward mightily since that time Can Mary spin Vather-in-Law Sanc. Spin Oons like a Spider boy Her Mother before her was as good at it as ever put Spindle between her legs Iaq. Gadsdiggers come away then for I 'll go presently and get ready my Wedding-Tackle and to morrow go to Church and say the words and then at night Vather-in-law at night oh Lord ha ha ha ha Exit Iaques Sanc. Ha ha ha ay at night oh poor Man ha ha and yet she 'll hold ye tack if I don't mistake her for all y' are so crank and so take this Proverb with you by way of Advice If you an old Flea-bitten ride you need not fear the Dirt But when you back a young Colt See your Saddle be well girt Exeunt The End of the First Act. ACT II. A poor Cottage discovers Teresa and Mary sitting on Stools busie about making a Smock Teres HEre Mary prithee thread my Needle good girl whileâ—t I turn down this Selvidge here Maâ— Ay come let 's see 't rises from the Stool And so Mother you say you had a main deal of Prate about me with Vather and my Man that is to be hoh hah hoh hah What a dickins I think I can't do 't here I 'm blind I think with living so long a Maid hoh hoh D' ye think I shall thread it better to morrow Mother Hoh hoh hoh Teres Ay ye Jade