Scudmore Scud. Canst thou this holy Church enter a Bride And not a Coarse meeting these eyes of mine Bella. Yes by my troth what are your eies to me But gray ones as they are to euerie body The Gentleman I do a little know Hee 's franticke sure forward a Gods name there Luce. Sister this is not well and will be worse Scud. Oh hold thy Thunder fast Count What is the matter Pen. I le aske my Lord What is the matter Sir World Some ydle words my Lord t' may be haue past Twixt Scudmore and my Daughter heeretofore And he has dreamt em things of consequence Pen. Pish nothing else set forward Neu. By your leaue Scud. Can there be such a soule in such a shape My Loue is subiect of such miserie Such strange impossibilities and mis-fortune That men will laugh at me when I relate The Storie of it and conceiue I lye Why Madam that shall be Lady in Posse do Titles Honors and Fortunes make you so forgetfull Bell. You are insolent nay strangely sawcie Sir To wrong me in this publicke fashion World Sirrha go too there 's Law Scud. There is indeede And Conscience too old Worldly thou hast one But for the other wilde Virginia Blacke Affricke or the shaggy Scithia Must send it ouer as a Merchandize Ere thou shew any heere Pen. My honor'd Lord Say but the word I le force him from the doors Count I say the word do it Scud. You my Lords fine foole Abra. I he Sir Scud. No nor you my Lord fooles foole Nin. Ware Boy come backe Lady Come back I say Sir Abraham Intrant Templum Stra. T is such a forward child Scud. My passion and my cause of griefe 's so great That it hath drownd all worthy parts in me As drinke makes Vertues vselesse in a man And with too much kils naturall heat in him Or else I could not stand thus coldly tame and see them enter but with my drawne sword Should haile her by the haire vnto the Altar and Sacrifice her heart to wronged loue Kate On my life t is so Stra. Worthy friend I am exceeding sorrie to see this But cannot helpe it Scud. I le follow and vnfold all in the Church Alas to what end since her minde is chang'd Had she bin loyall all the earthly Lords Could not haue borne her so what hainous sinne Hath she committed God should leaue her then I neuer dreamt of lying with my Mother Nor wisht my Fathers death nor hated Brothers Nor did betray Trust nor lou'd money better Then an accepted friend No such base thought Nor act vnnaturall possest this breast Why am I thus rewarded women women Hee 's mad by Heauen that thinkes you any thing But sensuall Monsters and is neuer wife Nor good but when he hates you as I now I le not come neere one none of your base sex Shall know me from this time for all your Vertues are like the Buzzes growing in the fields So Weakely fastned te' e by Natures hand That thus much winde blowes all away at once Ye fillers of the world with Bastardy Worse then Diseases you are subiect too Know I do hate you all will write against you and fight against you I will eate no meate Drest by a woman old or young nor sleepe Vpon a bed made by their still giuen hands Yet once more must I see this Foeminine Diuell When I will looke her dead speake her to hell I le watch my time this day to doo 't and then I le be in loue with death and readier still Cornets His mortall stroke to take then he to kill Exit Scud. Loud Musieke Enter as from the Church Worldly Neuill like the Parson Count Bellafront Strange Katherine Sir Inno Ninnie Lady Ninnie Sir Abra Lucida Wagtaile Pendant Poutes meetes em Count Sweet is the loue purchast with difficulty Bell. Then this Crosse accident doth rellish ours Stra. I rather thinke ours happier my faire Kate Where all is smooth and no rub checkes our course Ent. Captaine Cap. Are ye married Count Yes Cap. The Deuill dance at your wedding but for you I haue something else to say let me see heere are reasonable store of people know all my beloued Brethren I speak it in the face of the Congregation this woman I haue lyen with oftener Om. How La Nin. Before God you are a wicked fellow to speak on 't in this manner if you haue Stra. Lyen with her Cap. Yes Good-morrow God giue ye ioy Exit World I am speechlesse with my anger follow him If it be true let her be prou'd a Whore If false he shall abide the slander deerely Abra. Follow that list I will not meddle with him World Why speak'st thou not to reconcile those looks That fight sterne battels in thy husbands face Kate Thou art not so vnworthy to beleeue him If I did thinke thou didst I would not open My lips to satisfie so base a thought Sprung from the slander of so base a Slaue Stra. It cannot be I le tell you by to morrow I am no Foole Kate I will finde some time To talke with this same Captaine Pouts de' e call him I le lye we 'e to night Kate Sir you shall not What staine my Honor hath receiu'd by this Base Villaine all the world takes notice of Marke what I Vow and if I keepe it not May I be so giuen o're to let this Rogue Performe his slander Thou that wert ordain'd And in thy Cradle markt to call me wife And in that Title made as my defence Yet suffered'st him to go away with life Wounding my Honor dead before thy face Redeeme it on his head and his owne way Euen by the sword his long profession And bring it on thy necke out of the field and set it cleere amidst the tongues of men That all eyes may discerne it slandered Or thou shalt neare enjoy me as a wife By this bright Sun thou shalt not Nay I le thinke As abiectly of thee as any Mongrill Bred in the Citty Such a Cittizen as the Playes flout still and is made the subject Of all the stages Be this true or no T is thy best course to fight World Why Kate I say Kate Pray pardon me none feeles the smart but I T is thy best course to fight if thou be'st still and like an honest Tradesman eat'st this wrong Oh may thy Spirit and thy state so fall Thy first borne childe may come to the Hospitall Stra. Heauen I desire thee heare her last request and graunt it to if I do slacke the first By thy assured Innocencie I sweare Thou hast lost me halfe the Honor I shall win In speaking my intent Come le ts to dinner Kate I must not eate nor sleepe weepe till 't be done Bell. Sister this resolution is not good Ill thriues that Marriage that begins in blood Kate Sister informe your selfe I haue no Ladyship To guild my infamie or keepe tongues in awe If God loue Innocencie
my fighting wastcoate and the Ruffe That feares no tearing batter downe the windowes VVhere I suspected you might lie all night Scratch faces like a VVilde-Cat of Pict-hatch Cou. Pendant thou 't make me dote vpon my selfe Pen. Narcissus by this hand had farre lesse cause Cou. How knowst thou that Boy They were all one my Lord Pen. How do I know I speake my Conscience His beauties were but shaddowes to my Lord VVhy Boy his presence would enkindle sin And longing thoughts in a deuoted Nun Oh foote Oh Legge oh Hand oh body face By Ioue it is a little man of wax Cou. Th' art a rare Rascall T is not for nothing That men call thee my Commendations Boy For nothing no he would be loath it should Enter Captaine Poutes Cou. Good Morrow and good welcome Captaine Poutes Cap. Good Morrow to your honour and all ioy Spring from this match and the first yeare a Boy I commend these two verses a purpose to salute your Honor Cou. But how haps it Captaine that your intended mariage with my Father in Lawes third daughter is not solemnized to day Pen. My Lorde tels you true Captaine it woulde haue sau'd meat Faith I know not Mistris Kate likes me not shee sayes I speake as if I had a pudding in my mouth and I aunswered her If I had it was a white pudding and then I was the better arm'd for a woman for I had a case about mee so one laught and the other cried fie the third saide I was a Bawdy Captaine and there was all I could get of them Cou. See Boy if they bee vp yet Maids are long lyers I perceiue Boy How if they will not admit me my Lord Cou. VVhy should not they admit you my Lorde you cannot Commit with em my Lord Boy Marry therefore my Lord Exit Boy Cou. But what should be the reason of her sodain alteration she listned to thee once Ha Pen. Haue you not heard my Lord or de' e not know Cou. Not I I sweare Pen. Then you know nothing that is worth the knowing Cap. That 's certaine he knowes you Pen. There 's a young Merchant a late Sutor that deals by wholesale and Heire to Land well descended of worthy education beholding to Nature Cou. Oh t is young Strange Cap. I st he that lookes like an Italian Taylour Out of the lac'd wheele that weares a Bucket on 's head Cou. That is the man yet beleeue mee Captaiue it is a noble sprightly Cittizen Cap. Has he money Cou. Infinitely wealthy Cap. Then Captaine thou art cast would I had gon for Cleeueland Wordly loues money better then I loue his Daughter I le to some Company in Garrison God b'wy Cou. Nay ye shall dedicate this day to me We speake but by the way man nere dispaire I can assure you shee 's yet as free as Ayre Pen. And you may kill the Merchant with a looke I 'de threaten him to death my honor'd Lord Shall be your friend goe too I say he shall You shall haue his good word shall he my Lord Cou. Sfut he shall haue my bond to do him good Pen. Law T is the worthiest Lord in Christendome Oh Captaine for some fourscore braue Spirits once To follow such a Lord in some attempt Cap. A hundred Sir were better Enter old Sir Innocent Ninnie my Lady Ninnie Sir Abraham and Mistris Wagtayle Cou. Heere 's more Guesse Cap. Is that Man and Wife Pen. It is Sir Innocent Ninne that 's his Lady And that M. Abraham their onely sonne Count discoursing with In La Abra looking about Cap. But did that little old dri'de Neats tongue that Eele-skin get him Pen. So t is said Captaine Cap. Methinkes he in his Lady should shew like a Needle in a Bottle of Hay Pen. One may see by her Nose what Pottage shee loues Cap. Is your name Abraham Pray who dwels in your Mothers backside at the signe of the Aqua-vitae bottle Pen. Gods precious Saue you Mistris Wagtaile Wag. Sweet M. Pendant Puls hir by the sleeue S. Abr. Gentlemen I desire your better acquaintance you must pardon my Father hee 's somewhat rude rude my Mother grosly brought vp as you may perceiue Cou. Yong M. Abraham cry ye mercie Sir Abra. Your Lordships poor friend Sir Abra Ninny The Dubadub of Honor piping hot Doth lye vpon my Worships shoulder blade Inno. Indeed my Lord with much cost and labour wee haue got him Knighted and being Knighted vnder fauor my Lord let me tell ye hee 'le proue a sore Knight as ere run at Ring He is the one and onely Ninnie of our house La. Nin. He has cost us something ere he came to his Hold vp your head Sir Abraham Abra. Pish pish pish pish Cou. De' e heare how Pen. Oh my Lord Cap. I had well hop'd she could not haue spoke she is so fat Cou. Long maist thou wear thy Knights-hood thy spurs Pricke thee to Honor on and pricke off Curs Abra. Sir Abraham thankes your Honour and I hope your Lordship will consider the simplicity of Parents a couple of old fooles my Lord and I pray so take em Om. Ha ha ha Abra. I must be faine to excuse you heere you 'le needs be comming abroad with mee if I had no more wit then you now we should be finely laugh'd at Inno. Berlady his worship saies well wise wee 'le troble him no longer with your Honors leaue I le in and see my old friend Sir Iohn your Father that shall be La. Nin. I le in to and see if your Bride need no dressing Exit Inno. Cou. Sfut as much as a Triple I thinke hast them I pray Captain what think'st thou of such a woman in a long Sea Voyage where there were a dearth of Victuals Cap. Venison my Lord Venison Pen. I faith my Lord such Venison as a Beare is Cap. Hart she lookes like a blacke Bumbard with a pint pot waiting vpon it Exeunt Lady Wag. Cou. What Countrimen were your Ancestors S. Abra Abra. Countrimen they were no Countrimen I scorne it they were Gentlemen all My Father is a Ninnie and my Mother was a Hammer Cap. You should be a Knocker then by the Mothers side Abra. I pray my Lord what is yon Gent. he looks so like a Sarazen that as I am a Christian I cannot endure him Cou. Take heed what you say Sir hee 's a Soldier Pen. If you crosse him hee 'l blow you vp with Gunpowder Abra. In good faith he lookes as if he had had a hand in the treason I le take my leaue Cou. Nay good Sir Abraham you shall not leaue vs Pen. My Lord shall be your warrant Abra. My Lord shall be my warrant Troth I doo not see that a Lords warrant is better then any other mans vnlesse it bee to lay one by the heeles I shall stay heere and ha my head broake and then I ha my mends in my owne hands and then my Lords warrant will helpe me
me twentie pound more then the other Luce. Introth both are not worth halfe the mony Count I hold my life one of them was broake and cost so much the healing Abr. Right hath your Lordship said t was broke indeed At footeball in the Vniuersitie Pen. I know he is in loue by his Verse vaine Stra. He cannot hold out on 't you shall heare Abra. Well since I am disdain'd off Garters blew VVhich signifies Sir Abrams loue was true Off Cypresse blacke for thou befits not me Thou art not Cypresse of the Cypresse Tree Befitting Louers Out greene Shoo-strings out Wither in pocket since my Luce doth pout Gush eyes thumpe hand swell heart Buttons flie open Thankes gentle Dublet else my heart had broken Now to thy Fathers Countrey house at Babram Ride post There pine and die poore poore Sir Abram Omnes Oh dolefull dumpe Musicke playes World Nay you shall stay the wedding Hark the Musick Your Bride is readie Cou. Put Spirit in your Fingers Lowder still And the vast Ayre with your enchantments fill Exeunt Om. Actus secundus Scen prima Enter Neuill like a Parson THus for my friends sake haue I taken orders And with my reasons and some hyre besides VVon the knowne Priest that was to Celebrate This Marriage to let me assume his place And heere 's the Charracter of his face and beard By this meanes when my friend confronts the Maide At the Church doore where I appointed him To meete him like my selfe for this strange shape He altogether is vnwitting of If she as one Vice in that sex alone Were a great Vertue to inconstancy past Ioyne impudency and sleight him to his face Shewing a resolution to this match By this attempt it will be frustrate And so we haue more time though but till night To worke to speake with her or vse violence For both my bloud and meanes are at his seruice The reason too I do this past his knowledge Is that his ioy may be the more compleat When being resolu'd shee 's married and gone I can resolue him otherwise Thus I know Good deeds shew double that are timely done And ioy that comes past expectation Enter Scudmore in Tawny Yonder he comes dead in his melancholy I le question him and see if I can raise His Spirit from that it restlesse rests vpon He cannot know me Ho Good-morrow Sir Scud. Good-morrow to no liuing thing but one And that is Neuill Oh the Vowes the Vowes The protestations and becomming Oaths Which she has vtter'd to me so sweet so many As if she had beene couetous not to leaue One word for other Louers which I pittied She saide indeede I did deserue em all Her lips made swearings sound of piety So sweet and prettily they came from her And yet this Morne shee 's married to a Lord Lord Lord how often has she kist this hand Lost her selfe in my eyes plaid with my haue And made me a sinne I am not subiect too Go away prou'd emproued by her fauors And yet this Morne shee 's married to a Lord The Bels were ringing as I came along Neu. Yes Sir t is for the great Marriage twixt Scud. Pray hold there I know it too well The Tokens and the Letters I haue still The dangers I haue past for her deere sake By day and night to satisfie her wishes That Letter I so lately did receiue And yet this Morne shee 's married to a Lord Oh memory thou blessing to all men Thou art my curse and cause of misery That tel'st me what I haue bin in her eyes and what I am as it is impossible To find one good in the whole word of women But how I loose my selfe and the remembrance Of my deere friend who said he would meet me heere What is this Priest that walkes before the Church Why walke you heere so earely Sir Neu. I am appointed Heere to attend the comming of the Brides Old Sir Iohn Worldyes Daughters Scud. Are there two Ne. Yes Sir the eldest marries Count Frederick Scud. Oh Neu. The middlemost weares willow for his sake The youngest marries the rich Merchant Strange Scud. He is right worthy and my well knowne friend But Parson if you marry Bellafront The horror of thy Conscience shall exceed A Murtherers Thou shalt not walke alone Nor eate nor sleepe but a sad Louers grones and cursses shall appeare and fright thy soule I tell thee Priest they 're sights more terrible Then Ghosts or Sprights of which old wiues tell Tales Thou shalt run mad thou shalt be damn'd indeed Neu. Now God foresend the reason Sir I pray Scud. She is contracted Sir nay married Vnto another man though it want forme And such strange passages and mutuall Vowes T' would make your short haire start through your blacke Cap should you but heare it Neu. Sir I le take no notice Of things I do not know the iniur'd Gentleman May bring em after into the Spirituall Court and haue a faire pull on 't a poore Gentleman For so I take him by his being deceiu'd Gainst a great Count and an old wealthy Knight Scud. Thou Pancridge Parson Oh for my frend Nevil Some wile or other might remoue this Priest and giue vp breathing to crosse their intent Neu. Alas my deere friend Scud. Sir do but you refuse To ioyne em Neu. Vpon what acquaintance Sir They are great persons and I meane to rise I hope in time to haue three liuings man and this were not the way I take it Sir Scud. Why looke thee there is Gold Neu. Oh by no meanes Scud. I seldome knew 't refusd yet by thy Coate But where it would haue bin a cause of good Ne. But looke ye you shall see I 'me a Deuine Of Conscience quite opposite to a Lawyer I le giue you Counsell Sir without a fee This way they are to come if you dare doo 't Challenge her as your owne at the Church doore I will not hinder you Musicke playes Scud. Oh harke they come Neuill my friend well I must something do Oh why should Musicke which ioyes euerie part Strike such sharpe killing discords to my hart Musicke Enter Sir Iohn Worldly who meets the Parson entertaines him Count Bellafront Strange Kath. Lucida with Willow Pendant Sir Inno Ninnie my Ladie Ninnie Mrs. Wagtayle S. Abram Melancholy W.P. walk gravely afore all softly on Scudmore stands before and a Boy singes to the tun'd Musicke The Song THey that for Worldly wealth do wed That buy and sell the Marriage bed That come not warm'd with the true fire Resolu'd to keepe this Vow entire To soone finde discontent To soone shall they repent But Hymen these are no such Louers Which thy burning Torch discouers Though they liue then many a yeare Let each day as new appeare As this first and delights Make of all Bridall Nights Io Hymen giue Consent Blessed are the Marriages that nere repent Count How now who 's this Pen. Young Scudmore Om. T is young