as an abominable evil in me and desired the Lord to look with an eye of Pardon and compassion upon me and not to suffer me to hearken to the Devil's suggestions to dishonour him but make me esteem highly of all his Commands desiring he would according to his promise put his fear into my heart that I might not depart from him and that seeing he is able to save to the utmost and had promised so to do as also to tread down Satan under foot and to work and none should let All which he having given me experience of his making them good to my soul formerly I now begg'd he would further strengthen my Faith concerning them as also in that good word of his in keeping me by his Almighty Power through Faith unto Salvation And now did I find the Lords gratious answer to my poor souls desire in many of these things as first in upholding and keeping me against the Tempters suggestion as I had desired that I was not overcome by them though when I awaked this night the Tempter met me again with his Assaults but I was helpt to strive against them crying to the Lord for help to stand strength to overcome and he did help and succour me against them and incouraged me to believe his word and to call to mind the depths of distresses he had by his out-stretched Arm and infinite love and pitty raised my soul out of and he minded me how he had supported me when I was ready to sink under the weight of my Iniquities and wrath due to them yet he then upheld me and delivered me and had said he would not forsake me These considerations did support and enable me still to trust in him that had wrought so wonderfully and appeared so eminently for my poor soul as he had done and I was now inabled to believe that good word (x) Isai 49.10 They shall not hunger nor thirst neither shall the heat of the Sun smite them for he that hath mercy on them shall lead them even by the springs of Waters shall he guide them As also that (y) John 7.38 He that believeth on me the Scripture hath said out of his belly shall flow Rivers of living waters These with many more promises were now given in fully answering to all my wants and removing my fears I was also inabled to judge him faithful that had promised and so to look upon his promises as so many love-tokens from him in the way of his free grace to my soul through Christ my Redeemer and seeing Baptism now upon all the considerations aforesaid my duty to which again was added afresh this Scripture (z) Rom. 6.4 5. Therefore we are buried with him by Baptism into death c. And my soul laid under the Power of the truth in it that as I did expect advantage by the Lord Christ his death and Resurrection to my poor soul so I ought by my visible obedience to this his Command to declare my putting him on and my being planted in the likenesse of his death being buried with him by Baptism into death and also my being raised with and by him and the Power of his Resurrection unto newnesse of life and my resolving in his strength to walk accordingly all which ends Baptism according to this Scripture I judged lively held forth I was upon the whole inabled to come to resolve through grace to yield obedience thereunto as unto a Command of Christ my Lord expecting his assistance and blessing therein According to his word (a) John 14.21 He that hath my Commandments and keepeth them he it is that loveth me and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father and I will love him and will manifest my self unto him As also that word (b) Isai 64.5 Thou meetest him that rejoyceth and worketh Righteousness those that remember thee in thy wayes In the Faith of which promises and fear of the name of the Lord I intend through his gratious assistance to yeeld obedience accordingly in that and all his Commandments the love of Christ being of a constraining nature to my soul by which I have been caused to consider what he hath done for me in perfecting the work of my Redemption and also to think how little I am called to do or suffer for him who hath done so much for my sake (c) Isai 53.5 He being wounded for our transgressions and bruised for our Iniquities the chastisements of our peace being on him by whose stripes we are healed (d) Philip. 2.7 Who being in the Forme of God thought it no robbery to be equal with God yet made he himself of no Reputation but humbled himself and became obedient to death even to the death of the Crosse for our sakes These considerations are of a Constraining nature to my soul to obey him in all things I also considered what I should have undergone to Eternity had it not been for what he hath done and suffered to deliver me from wrath to come I also thought how little all the suffering of this world are to those I should have under-gone had not he Redeemed me from those Eternal miseries which indeed makes all the afflictions of this present life seem little and light to me when I seriously think of them According to that (e) Rom. 8.18 For I reckon the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us and that (f) 2 Cor. 4.17 18. our light affliction that is but for a moment worketh for us a far more exceeding and Eternal weight of glory while we look not at the things which are seen but at the things which are not seen for the things which are seen are temporal but the things which are not seen are Eternal and that (g) 2 Cor. 5.14 the love of Christ constrains us because we thus judge that if Christ died for all then were all dead that they which live should not live unto themselves but unto him which died for them and rose again And that (h) 1 Cor. 6.20 for you are bought with a price therefore glorify God both in your souls and bodies which are his and ought to be offered up as a living sacrifice (i) Rom. 12.1 Holy and acceptable unto him which is but our reasonable service according to the will of him who hath of his own will begotten us unto a lively Faith in Christ Jesus unto whom be glory in the Churches by Christ Jesus thorowout all Ages World without end AMEN FINIS An abstract of the principal parts of the fore-going Narrative which the Reader will find to be in substance as followeth though by reason of the mixture and variety of the matter it cannot be so distinctly composed as otherwise it might be I. A Particular Relation of her distressed estate and condition for fourteen years time wherein she was exercised with various temptations concluding
this late redeemed captive and other pretious ones to admire the Riches of God's infinite grace and say as in Rom. 11.33 O the depth of the Riches both of the wisedom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgements and his wayes past finding out And in the mean time may hereby be helped to put some check to their own troubled thoughts at least so far as not to make them as is too usual the Rule and measure of those infinite transcendent thoughts and wayes of God towards them And truely the bringing forth of such a glorious work as this out of such a barren Womb of apprehended impossibilities when even Faith hopes and hearts of the strongest failed concerning it I cannot but think was given in at such a season to raise our Faith and hope in the Lord by looking upon this signal mercy at a pledge and pattern of what God will yet do not onely for poor disconsolate souls in like conditions but also for the recovery and raising his publicke works so far gone back in these Nations in this sad declining day as causeth many of Zions Friends to speak sadly and doubtfully of them as they of Christ Luke 24.20 21 22 23. Who were sad in the sense of his being taken from them as in v. 17. and to be mourning as Mary in John 20.13 And some of them are ready to faint with crying Lord how long and Help Lord as in Psal 12.1 While their Enemies insult as in Lament 2.16 Saying Certainly this is the day that we looked for And as in Psa 35.20 21. are devising deceitful matters against them that are quiet in the Land and yet are subject to say as in Jer. 50.7 They offend not c. Yea some of Zions pretended lovers raised and lifted up it 's to be feared too highly by her are dealing unkindly with her and that under highest pretences of real affection to the name and cause of God and interest of his people as in Isai 66.5 Saying Let the Lord be glorified c. all so much involved in our late publicke transactions but now almost all given up into the hands of those that hate reproach and scorn them which is a sad cause of lamentation and O that it may lie with due sense upon the hearts of all Zions mourners to spread before the Lord as a lamentation and more especially the causes of it some of which are mention'd as I judge Lament 1.8 9. Jerusalem hath grievously sinn'd c. That so we may be led thereby to the cure which I fear we much want as they of old Jer. 8.6 They spake not aright no man repented him of his wickedness saying What have I done Ah! the Lord hath yet a work to do on Mount Zion before the rod can will be removed as in Isa 10.12 Wherefore it shall come to passe that when the Lord hath performed his whole work upon Mount Zion and on Jerusalem c. And were that done judgement would soon return to Righteousnesse and all the upright in heart should follow it But alluding to the Acts 26.8 I would yet say Why should it be thought a thing incredible that God should raise the dead considering what he hath done in this late captives case and what is Prophesied and promised he will do more publickely in the most needful season Isai 5.9 from the first to the sixteenth much our case as thou maiest read at leasure and yet his cure reacheth it mention'd in v. 17. compare also Isa 51.3 where he hath promised to comfort Zion with all her waste places c. and in v. 22 23. Thus saith thy Lord the Lord and thy God that pleadeth the cause of his people Behold I have taken out of thine hand the cup of trembling even the dregs of the cup of my fury thou shalt no more drink it again but I will put it into the hand of them that afflict thee c. And many other pretious words of the like import which I shall not mention here being well considered doth afford us in this vally of Achor a door of hope But that I may not detain thee from this Feast of fat things the best of which is last according to Christs old Method John 2.10 I shall haste to a close in the words of the Psalmist Psal 107.43 Whoso is wise and will observe these things even they shall understand the loving kindnesse of the Lord Which that my soul with thine may be taught to do and improve accordingly I beg thy earnest supplications for me at the throne of grace who am the most unworthy to make mention of the name of the Lord or any concerns of his yet desire to be found in this evil day bearing my part with his poor Mourners having much cause under the sence of my own and sight of other abominations abounding in this day calling to that duty Yet cannot but rejoyce in this great deliverance wrought for this poor soul hoping and longing for the remaining deliverances purchased for and promised to whole Zion which the Lord hasten in his time even so AMEN W. ALLEN Sand in Devon the second day of the first Moneth 1657. To every true Mourner over his own and Zion's sins and sorrows especially to such in the Churches of Christ in Ireland to whom the soul-sinking sorrows of Mistrisse Deborah Huish the Subject of the ensuing treatise was well known John Vernon their Brother in Christ and Companion in Heavinesse for Zions sake wisheth grace for strength in weaknesse to wait still in weeping and supplication until the times of refreshment shall come from the presence of the Lord Amen Even so come Lord Jesus come quickly Amen BEloved you have herewith brought unto you an Olive-branch shewing forth the floods abatement and the rest and safety of the soul that is entered into the Ark of God the ransome of a poor Prisoner out of the Pit indeed in which there was no water which will be I know the more welcome to some of you I hope only to the praise and glory of God on high because you so long wept before his Heavenly Throne and made your humble supplication to him almost unto fainting for her who was bound of Satan so many years yet that the height and depth length and breadth of the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord might be the more admired of all and magnified herein And this Monument of mercy may remain in the Churches throughout all ages towards the support of such as sit in darknesse and see no light I am willing though most unworthy to adde my mite towards the compleating this account of the grace of God extended to my poor late distressed Sister Mistrisse Deborah Huish who is now made rich in Faith through grace and the wise Virgin-subject of this ensuing Relation to the truth of which as delivered by her with much fear and joy with trembling received and faithfully written from her lips by my dear
succour from him let me adde further this observaâ—ion to yours that a special Friend whose affection led him further and longer at a certainty then mine or any I observed to weep for her and to reprove others for fainting and neglects of her before him yet lately wrote from Ireland to me his despairing also concerning her at the very interim God our God who comforteth those that are cast down was surely succoring her and incouraging his poor mourning fainting followers whose Spirits were willing though the Flesh was weak as he will further do in their sight unto publick admiration for those who in this evil time shall go forth weeping bearing pretious seed according to his promise Psal 126.5 6. and their Prayers in the fourth verse Yea when there is but little Faith in the Earth for alas how have we even we that were nearest related also left off our hope for this poor soul Yea how have I to my shame that had the charge of her failed most herein I must say indeed to my abasement the weights and fear of her untimely end the cares of keeping her from any Instrument to accomplish it and the dread of divers kinds that so long encompassed me concerning her with the trouble we had to get her eat her bread and to gaining her under hearing the word of God which is more necessary with the discouraging influence of living under the dayly droppings of those many dismal predictions she uttered of her suddain and certain ruine destruction after more then three years care of the kind aforesaid and so many attempts and faintings Alas Paimed now at no more in my own mind then to get her safe again delivered into her dear Parents hands that my face might not be covered with shame according to my fear of her untimely end at such distance from them which being accomplished by the good hand of God in our safe Voyage through his special grace who led us and our little ones through his stormy deep and after some hazzards landed us in safety which I wish we may not let slip alas she almost fell out of my memory and was seldom in my Prayer the Lord grant me the mercy of her earnest supplications for which Jobs Friends were made humbly to apply to him through like frailty towards him in his sorrow as I have reason to impute to my self towards her herein Thus hath the Lord our God stained the pride of all glory as he shall yet more publickely do unto his praise and give grace to the humble that they who glory might onely glory in him as the great end of his works of wonder his great Salvations and the operations of the Almighty in the Earth that the faint who relie on the Lord may be revived that youths and every confident one may faint and be humbled before him Wherefore Beloved I beg the best effects in every heart of this unspeakable mercy and to the glory of God in the highest which I trust is the onely end why my poor Brother and Companion in mourning for our own sins and shortnesse and for yours also which have the greatest hand in hiding good things yea the expected publicke Salvations also from us have agreed by the Advice of divers who are also in the dust for Zion in this dark declining day to recommend this token of good from God our Father and yours unto you towards the support of your sinking souls in his cloudy gloomy houre with our poor Epistles full of affection to your pretious souls affixed to this gratious earnest of releasing drooping dying Captives who shall draw nigh to and alone depend on God And these I trust shall come to every hand with some effect of our earnest Prayer that the Lord God Almighty to save would accompany it and greatly bless this grain of Mustard seed to make it grow and multiply unto the Faith and refreshment of many the abasement of all and the glorious exaltation of our King who sitteth at the right hand of the Father for us and sends the Comforter to succour his feeble ones in earnest of his care of those who cast their care upon him who onely hath the healing Medicines and will surely right soon therewith visit such in every Nation When all the proud how high soever and they who still do wickedly shall be as stubble before him Mal. 4.1 2. 2 Sam. 22.28 Oh that this pretious answer to your supplications in the best season might be now improved as a prop to uphold your hands with the Rod of God therein in this doubtful day that Amalek may not prevail Oh! wrestle fervently in the unspeakable priviledge of Faith and with Christ in your Armes present your weepings and spread your supplications before the Father in other distressed cases still before you by this incouragement yea let us improve it to publicke as well as private benefit for surely patterns of mercy should be so made use of 2 Cor. 1.10 And call for Faith in the path of them as the most natural improvement 1 Tim. 1.16 Heb. 13.5 as well as to dread the expectation of a contrary portion in the contrary path Psal 125.5 And as the Declaration of Judgements with the cause assigned or the way into them warneth all and speaks incouragement to none so the manifestation of grace and the path thereof is an incouragement to all in the same path and Spirit which was eminently seen of old in God's special presence with Israel in driving back Jordan by his mighty Power for their present deliverance and their adversaries destruction for which they erected Pillars of praise to encourage the future Faith and hope of faithful ones that should follow God fully as his Servant Joshua did Yet could not Israel then have the least ground to expect the driving back of Jordan again or removing other difficulties to have incouraged their retreat or furthered any humane design to which they were sometimes subject through unbelief Neither in our dayes have any persons ground to suppose much lesse to conclude that the Lords eminent presence in the high places of the field scil Naasby and other parts with his people while they faithfully followed him can now yeeld any incouragement to expect the like presence of God while they are turning back and declining from him Neverthelesse new appearances of the like glorious presence with the truely humble followers of the Lord as the matter should require might again be safely expected from the Majesty on high who by the former no doubt manifested his right-hand Power for the strengthening of the Faith and hope of all upright followers of him according to Psal 33.8 9 10 11. and Psal 36.6 7 8 9. and Mic. 6.5 And the very end of the Lords deferring to relieve Lazarus whom he loved until he was dead and laid in the Grave and so no visible hopes left unto his Disciples touching his present resurrection was to the intent they might believe Joh.
the mercy of God But behold here the God of truth whose grace is sufficient to support under and deliver effectually from such soul-sinking considerations making Satan appear to be what indeed he is a Lier And seasonably succouring this dejected despairing soul who for a long time had the sentence of death in her self and was far from expecting that blessed issue that is fince brought forth in her soul by the mighty Power and naked Arm of the Lord who hath hereby helped her to see what little reason she had or hath to trust in her self and the sure ground he hath now given her to stay on him as the living God who raiseth the dead so that she is now made able yea willing to acknowledge His great gooddesse that hath delivered her from so great a death 2 Cor. 1.9 10. and doth deliver and is still helped to hope and trust that he will yet deliver and strengthen her Faith to quench all the flâ—y darts of the Devil Behold yet further the exceeding Riches of God's grace not a little illustrated by setting free this Prisoner sometimes even past hope in her own and some others apprehensions She that was for a long season sadly concluding with the distressed Church in Lament 3.18 That her strength and hope was perish'd from the Lord Is now saying with Saul in Acts 9.6 Lord what wilt thou have me to do And with the Psalmist thankfully inquiring What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits towards me And in some measure inabled to resolve with him To take the Cup of Salvation and to call upon the name of the Lord as Psal 116.12 13 14. And she that was lately in her own esteem not so good as a Dog yea to use her own words worse then any Devil is now By the Father of mercies and God of all consolations made meet to be partaker of the inheritance of the Saints in light The sad sentences she had oft past upon her self in the sense of her sins being now gratiously reversed by her Heavenly Father who hath set her feet in a large place so that now if sin Satan her own corruptions or any other spiritual Adversary comes to lay any thing to her Clarge she may be ready the Lord assisting to produce her pardon and able to say from blessed experience as in Rom. 8.33 34. It is God that justifâ—eth who is he that condemneth that it is Christ that died yea rather that is risen again who is even at the right hand of God who also maketh intercession for us And I hope this eminent instance of his grace abounding above the abounding of sin added to other Examples of this kind recorded in his holy word will help to support and succour some poor souls under the like discouragement to hope in his mercy who waits to be gratious and surely he hath gratious ends in affording this and such like deliverances which greatly concernes all persons to labour to understand and improve aright First then let sinners of all sorts both in Zion and out of it from the insuing narrative take notice of the sad ensnaring and soul-destroying nature of sin and the wages of it which this poor soul as she feared had certainly found to be eternal death had not the God of grace whose loving kindnesse is better then life caused her to hear the joyful sound of the voice of the Son of God that her soul might live John 5.25 Secondly from the consideration of the mercy she hath obtained let poor sinners be incited and incouraged to come unto God through Christ for mercy who knows how to multiply pardon to the worst of sinners as in Isai 55.7 with Nehe. 9 17. Especially let such as are inquiring the way to Zion with their faces thitherward Though with trembling hands hearts and all that are planted in the house of the Lord be incouraged to wait upon God who will in no wise cast out those that come unto him Let the first of these labour to look to the Lord that they may be enlightened (a) Psalm 34.5 And let the other be confirm'd in the experience they have had of his great goodnesse that so God may have all the glory from both as a Fruit of this special favour afforded to this his hand-maid in so signal a return of many Prayers for which proportionable praises should wait for and be duly rendered unto our God in Zion who is a present help in the needful time of trouble I shall not adde but to intreat thee to read and consider well before thou censurest or seeme to despise the ensuing subject as the day of small things but labour rather to weigh the worth of this mercy in the Balance of the Sanctuary That so thou mayest understand the end and use of it and be help'd to improve it aright to the praise of the Author of every good and perfect gift and the profit of thine own soul that so thou mayest be able to say with the Prophet of old Micha 7.18 Who is a God like unto thee that pardoneth Iniquity and passeth by the transgressions of the remnant of his heritage that retaineth not his anger for ever because he delightin mercy And from thence be incouraged to wait upon him for the fulfilling that faithful word Isai 40.29 30 31. He giveth power to the faint and to them that have no might he increaseth strength c. Compared with Psal 27.14 Wait on the Lord and be of good courage and he shall strengthen thine heart wait I say on the LORD ROB. DOYLY To all both small and great that have either tasted of the rich grace of God or desire to be made partakers thereof through Jesus Christ our Lord. Men and Brethren THough we were very much strangers both to the person and state of this gratious hand-maid of the Lord the subject of this ensuing treatise during the time of her sore bondage and captivity of Spirit and so had no share with those that in a solemn manner expresly on her account sympathized sighed and groaned to God in her behalf Yet having now through grace we trust we may say to the advantage of our souls heard out of her own mouth in the midst of the Congregation to which we belong to wit the Church of Christ at Dalwood in Dorset the wonderful deliverance which God hath wrought fâ—r her poor soul We cannot but in a special manner rejoyce with her and blesse the Most High for his unspeakable mercy That this work is of the Lord and soul-work indeed it speaks for it self to all the wise in heart That the Relation is very faithfully made We do hereby testify having as we said before heard out of her own mouth the substance of the whole who then in point of circumstance would have been more particular and large had not time and the earnest sollicitation of a near Relation of hers whom God had used in some good measure
as an Instrument of her enlargement concurr'd to prevent her Two or three of our observations while she related this unto us we cannot but mind the Reader of 1. That having layen so long as the Narrative mentioneth under such â—error of soul And having now newly received her enlargement she was so filled with admiration at the exceeding Riches of the grace of God in her deliverance as that it many times stopt her Spirit for a considerable season and she could in all appearance have dwelt long between sentence and sentence in a secret inward silent lifting up of her soul to God in thanks-giving 2. We observed very much faithfulness and tendernesse of soul in her faithfulnesse in that she dwelt as long upon and spake as largely to the darkest passages of her blaspheming God and maligning his people though doubtlesse the remembring of such things was with grief of soul to her as in speaking to the highest manifestations of the grace of God in her present enjoyments of her soul expressing her self to the same effect with the Apostle Rom. 5.20 Where sin abounded grace did much more abound Tendernesse In that with very much circumspection she endeavoured to keep even to a tittle both to the matter and Method of Gods dealing with her And if at any time she or any else who knew her in her afflicted estate and endeavoured to help her memory slipt she would presently correct both herself and them and state the matter aright and in its place before she would let it passe 3. That her rejoycing was mixed with much holy fear and trembling still esteeming her self as a poor Worm before the Mighty God of Israel though exalted to many glorious Priviledges through his rich grace We might speak further what we observed of the crafty wiles of Satan in the manner of his working with her poor soul first training her on from sin to sin and from degree to degree still forestalling her with a perswasion that she was already both in the sin and in the degree which he would train her into And when by that slight he had got her further on then perswading her that she had out-sinned all grace so endeavouring to destroy all hope And indeed this is our common observation of the working of Satan to wit That to persons that are in a wretched state and insensible thereof he lesseneth sin and wideneth grace that they may run the more greedily in their evil wayes making out to them as if the gate of grace opening to life were wide enough for all persons to passe in at with all their sins But to those persons that are brought to the sight of their sins and their wretchednesse thereby he wideneth sin and narroweth grace making out to them as though their sins though not against the Holy Ghost are greater then can be forgiven in both which he is a grievous deceiver Also we might here more largely shew the Reader what subtle slights Satan used with this Servant of the Lord to hinder her obedience to the Commandments of Christ and particularly to that of Baptisme presenting it as a poor low thing c. But as to that we shall in this place onely give thee notice that when she was in the highest revelations and had the most sealing Testimonies of the grace of God to her soul She was then led forth most affectionately to own the Lord Jesus in that despised Ordinance and appointment of his as may be seen more at large in the Narrative it self suitable to that word given to Paul after his great revelations of grace Act. 22.16 where it was said unto him by the Spirit And now why tarriest thou arise and be Baptized and wash away thy sins calling on the name of the Lord. What we shall further say in this matter shall be onely to signifie that upon the whole she desiring to give up her self to the Lord to walk in all his Commandments blamelessely and to have fellowship and communion with his people in the exercise of all the Gospel-Priviledges instituted by Christ their King and Head for his Body the Church and particularly with this Congregation to watch and be watched over by them She was with universal satisfaction accepted and accordingly Baptized and received Many fierce Assaults hath the Enemy of her peace made against her since the chain of her bondage was broken but against all the Lord hath made very gracious provision through the word bringing home through the Power of his Spirit many sull promises to her soul and establishing her through them To the God of Peace who through his own Rich and free love after many years horrour of soul is become her Peace do we desire to commit all his chosen Vessels to honour for his calling in his season unto and for his establishing and growth of those that are called in the truth as it is in Jesus which Jesus we desire to own as our King our Crown and hope of glory and to whose appearing with that glorious Kingdom we desire to be dayly better prepared That at his coming we may have the honour to be of that blessed number that shall wait upon him with Hallelujahs singing forth praise glory and honour to the Father and to the Lamb for ever and ever Amen Your Friends and Brethren in the hope of the Gospel Hen. Parson Jo. Owen Jam. Hill 1658. The Captive taken from the strong or a true Relation of the gratious Release of Mistriss DEBORAH HUISH by the Arme of the Almighty from under the power of the Tempter by whose firy Conflicts she had been sorely vexed for about fourteen years as it was faithfully written from her own Mouth c. ABout fourteen years ago I was cast into deep despair by reason of blasphemous thoughts cast into my mind when I was applying my self to the reading the word of the Lord which thoughts were despising slighting and contemning God his word works and wayes with which being frequently assaulted I came to gather Conclusions that God had past an irrecoverable decree against me for my final condemnation and though I had reluctancy in my heart against such thoughts yet many times I did give my consent to them and approved of them and from thence came to have great horrour seize upon me for many dayes and nights after Causing me to conclude these to be but the fore-runners of that great destruction from the Lord which I judged was prepared for me and such thoughts as these at first were continually almost born in with great weight upon my soul about which time my Sister Anne Vernon then Huish observing my dejected frame desired to know the cause I told her then that God had rejected me for my blasphemous thoughts I had conceived against him worse then any Devil but my Sister indeavored to perswade me these thoughts were not mine but the Devil 's this gave me some respit for a little time bur I was suddenly assaulted again and
have continued under such assaults eversince more or less till the time hereafter specified when the Lord of his free Mercy began to make way for my escape I do also remember that I had not onely despising slighting thoughts of God but also of his people calling them in my thoughts though not with my lips lyars But when I did think I consented to such thoughts then horrour would seize upon me even to overwhelme me and in this condition I remained till my going into Ireland which was about June 1654. After my coming there the Lord visited me with the Small-pox and in that time of sicknesse I thought I had some refreshment from the Lord by consulting his word but was suddenly after assaulted with more and worse blasphemous thoughts then ever before and then did verily believe I was possessed with the Devil and did think I talked with him and heard him say that God loved to torment and bring misery upon his Creatures which thoughts were so pressing upon me that I was ready to wish the destruction of the Almighty and did to my thinking hate him crying out in the hearing of many I am undone to Eternity and so remaineth till lately And so dreadful were these last mentioned thoughts to my soul that from that time I concluded I had committed the sin against the holy Ghost which before I did onely think I had but now was confirmed in it and began to think I had really trampled under foot the blood of Jesus Christ and had done despite to the Spirit of grace and thence concluded that nothing now remained but a fearful looking for of vengeance that should devour the Adversary and this put me into unexpressible torments night and day thinking the Devil would come and fetch me away and I believed I was certain of it and when any went to pray for me I thought that hastened my destruction and therefore I hated them for it and had in my mind many sad wishes as to those that prayed for me counting Hell my portion and that I should by such means be sooner cut off and that they sin'd in praying I having sin'd against the holy Ghost thought they ought to hate me but not pray for me I did also think I alwayes heard a fearful sound in my ears especially when it was windy or rainy weather and then thought I should be cast into Hell presently which made an unexpressable torment of mine to think of it and yet under all the means used to seek God for me I found no benefit But at Dublin when dayes were set apart to seek God for me I dreaded those dayes above all other thinking verily that God was ingaged in honour to come out against me in fierce indignation as also against such as sought him on my behalf and I did many times think the Lord in a way of judgement would turn me into some filthy hateful Monster or other as a Memorial of his just displeasure against me and all the time that prayers were put up for me which was very frequent in Dublin as also discourses very often with me I could not perceive that any ever took the least hold on my heart but still I had that Scripture oft on my thoughts (a) Psal 65.5 By terrible things in righteousnesse wilt thou answer them which I understood to be some answer in a way of judgement as to me I had also that Scripture much on my heart (b) Matth. 12.31 32. He that sins against the holy Ghost shall never be forgiven in this world nor in that which is to come And as to reading the Scriptures my heart was much averse to it oneiy sometimes out of compassion to others I did read and sometimes did mind them what the casting off the Scriptures had cost me who is now rejected for ever wishing them to take heed of the like but it was very seldome that I did this and long ere I could bring my heart to it I do also remember when I lived at Clantarfe in Ireland and used to go to Dublin sometimes to hear the word I have often thought when I went I should be destroyed ere I came back again and when I did hear I strove all I could to forget what I heard or read having my expectations of Hell so heightened by all such means that I could not endure it would have given any thing I might never have gone to have heard or prayed more it did so increase the torments of my soul And when I came into the place where I used to hear I stâ—ll expected to hear some sudden voice from Heaven declaring my destruction and did think many times that the wind arose just as I came to that place to hear and did believe the Lord must needs appear in judgement against me for coming and sitting as one of his people among them whom I in my heart hated and would long that the duties might be ended that I might be free from those feares that were upon me while there I do also remember that almost every thing did afright me either a cloudy day the Sun or Moon Eclipsed or the Suns rising red in a morning or the wind blowing high All these I thought were signes of my destruction that I did believe the Lord would execute upon me for my hatred against him and his wayes And indeed such an inveterate hate I had against him that I judged I loathed and abhorred the doing good to any saying in my self that the Lord would damn and destroy me and why should I do any good I also wished many times I had never been born or had never had eyes to see or ears to hear or else had been made the most contemptible Creature in the world because when they die there is an end of them but when I die my misâ—ry then begins I also wished I might â—â—ever hear any one speak more from the Scriptures to me for I reckoned all that had spoken to me either in sicknesse or in health would be witnesses against me and so aggravate my sin and misery because I had such warnings and had not harkened to them but to the Devil and especially Mr. Patient a Minister of the word in Dublin coming to me in the time of my sicknesse and speaking of the great danger of an impenitent state if the Lord should cut the thrid of life that such persons would drop immediately into Hell the which he endeavoured to demonstrate to me that I thought he would be the principal witnesse against me of all that had spoke with me so that I now saw my self without hope and the mercy of the Lord utterly taken from me not as it was from Saul but far worse I having sinned against far greater light and more warnings and after such tasts and enlightnings to fall away it was impossible to renew me again unto repentance but concluded I should suddainly be destroyed and that without remedy This being my case I
in an inexpressible horrour I likewise remember the cause of my going to lie at Mistriss Roe's was to get out of the room I lay in at my Brothers where I was sensible I had so sinned by wicked thoughts against God as aforesaid from whose presence also as well as from that room I would if I could have fled it was so dreadful to me But alas my fears were not at all abated but increased by going thither it being the house where the Church met and where was frequent speaking and praying At which I still thought the Lord would come out and witnesse against me making me an example of his justice in the sight of all his people whose often speaking to me and praying for me I did believe would aggravate my condemnation greatly And when any of them spake of the promises to me it was a great terrour to my soul to see them cast such Pearls before Swine to whom they did not belong by all which things spoken to me I was kept in a more certain looking for a fearful firy indignation from the Lord to destroy me and my heart was the more enraged with an inveterate hatred as I judged against God and his people by all the means used about me And after all these things coming to Waterford with my Brother Vernons Family and remaining there I had not the like terrour as before but was stupid and more sencelesse being as I judged given up to a seared conscience and heart yet many times sorely terrified with the like thoughts as aforesaid But was exceeding glad sometimes that I was forgotten in Prayer as I thought and then did believe it was revealed to them that prayed so that they knowing what I was prayed not for me for I had a great dread on my heart still about being prayed for judging it hastened my destruction and that I should by that means be made a fearful example of vengeance to shew to others what I was and thus it continued all the time I was at Waterford no words spoken to me or to the Lord for me doing me any good as I could perceive so that I still concluded God could not lie nor repent therefore I must be damned and that it was but in vain to attempt the contrary I also do remember when we came to Sea to come for England we were in a storm but I was in a sencelesse stupid condition little minding my danger all the time And after my Brother and Sister Vernon landed at Milford and the rest of our Family with my self and Brother Allen were come to Sea again to go for Minhead in a night and a day we had a very gracious passage given us bringing us safe into the Bay of Minhead And when there coming from the Ship-side being all in the Boat we had also an eminent deliverance the Boat being in great danger to be turn'd over by a Rope that was catched about the top of the Boats Mast just as we put off from the Ship which had it not been suddenly loos'd had pull'd the Boat over and buried us in the Sea I was yet under all these mercies with a senselesse frame of Spirit onely I had some few thoughts of the infinite power of God in upholding all things and believed I was preserved for the sake of them I came with in the Ship But coming into the Town of Minhead and finding a hand of visitation in that place I concluded that was for my sake and that I was now come into the mouth of destruction yet I was something grieved to see the prophanenesse of the place and house where we were which was as to sin worse then Ireland whence we came and then I thought of the terrible Judgements of God against sin and sinners that lived under such rich means of grace as they here in England did But leaving Minhead and coming towards my Fathers house in Devonshire I did not now doubt though I had spoken confidently before that the Lord would never let me see England nor my Friends at home but the Lord would bring us safe thither yet remember not any thankfull sense I had of the mercy received but was thinking most part of the way as I came home what a grief I should be to my Friends and relations again yet sometimes a little sense seemed to be on my heart of the mercies aforesaid as I remember and I did speak of them to some in the Family after I came home But soon after I was in a dead stupid posture as before perceiving no good to me either by speakings or prayer though used by some Friends then in the Family frequently nor could I nor durst I pray believing my Prayer was abominable and therefore when my Sister Vernons hour of Child-bearing drew near I could not seek God f r her but was unsensible of her danger approaching and after her delivery I was then in greater terror then before thinking then that God would bring swift destruction upon me as upon a Woman in travel and I should not escape Now as to the Lords manner of working on my heart of late It here followeth ON the tenth day of the eleventh Moneth 1657. hearing a Sermon upon Col. 3.3 (f) Col. 3.3 about persons in a natural estate being dead it was of an afrightning consideration to me to think that Death and Hell was their Portion and that Worms as in the discourse was mentioned should feed on such Even that Worm of conscience that should gnaw continually withal considering as was then hinted how loathsome a dead Creature is fit onely to be fed on by all other devourers which I saw also to be my state and saw my loathsomnesse in all my Actions as also that without Faith it is impossible to please God which was set home upon my heart and also that I was a subject of his wrath which did abide upon me so should do to Eternity Yet all this did not put me upon the use of any means to get out of my condition in which I still remain'd despairing of any way for my escape After this on the four and twentieth day of the eleventh Moneth I heard again from another subject (g) Psal 50.23 Psalm 50.23 about Gods salvations being shewed to those that order their conversations aright I had from this discourse many fears on my heart especially from that oft repeated Scripture (h) Psal 119.155 Salvation is far from the wicked because they keep not thy Law Which was very terrible to me and considering how abominable I was in God's sight by casting his Laws behind my back that Scripture was much on my heart (i) Psal 50.16 What hast thou to do to take my Words into thy mouth seeing thou hatest to be Reformed Which made me believe he would deal with me as is mentioned in vers 22. of that Psalm even tear me in pieces and none should deliver And because I had rejected him as I
against all Impenitent Rejectors of him of which number I was one and looking on him as a God of infinite power able to cast me into Hell in a moment and I remaining a Subject of his wrath in a state of unbelief it made me fear exceedingly but withal considering that still to remain in this condition nothing but destruction could be expected as also that there was no flying from his presence before whom all places persons and things are open and bare and from whom nothing can be hid Hell and destruction being open and known to him how much more the hearts of the Sons of Men I hence concluded my condition to be exceeding sad and then considering what a Rebel I had been setting at nought his counsels and casting his Laws behind my back yea despising hating and contemning him it made me afraid to go to him But seeing no way to go from him and my self in this desperate condition I must needs be ruin'd by him if I came not unto him He at last led me to this resolution of flying to him begging mercy at his hands for the sake of Christ as one who saw my self in the High-way to Hell and knowing that his right hand would easily find out all his Adversaries that had hated and opposed him So that there would be no escaping but by flying to Christ there being NO OTHER NAME UNDER HEAVEN GIVEN FOR SALVATION UNTO POOR SINNERS BUT THIS ONELY And so out of this great depth I was inabled to look towards his holy Temple crying to him for mercy without which I saw I was undone for ever so I continued crying to him and striving with my own soul to hope that the Lord would for Christs sake shew mercy to me because he had shewed mercy to very vile sinners though I knew none so vile as I being the chief of sinners having long despised and rejected that mercy that then I sought yet seeing what a woefull condition I should for ever be in without it I cryed to him for it and then had some Meditations given in of the way of God's shewing mercy considering how he had found out a way for mercy and truth to meet together in Christ for the Salvation of poor sinners yea the chief of sinners and the Lord brought at that time some passages to my remembrance that I had heard about the City of refuge provided in the time of the Law which was then minded typed out Christ as the City of refuge prepared of God for poor pursued sinners to flie unto from that wrath that all would be else concluded under to Eternity And the Lord also was gratiously pleased to enable me to have recourse to Christ as the onely refuge left for my poor soul begging hard for mercy upon his account and the account of what he had done and suffered for such poor sinners as I was and I was helpt also to consider the large extent of his mercy to the vilest of sinners and suddenly after I was gratiously helpt to hope in his mercy and supported and incouraged from that good word then brought with power upon my soul (p) John 3.7 He that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out which did greatly support me in good hopes of mercy from him and after that this other good word was brought in with great power upon my heart (q) Heb. 7.25 Wherefore he is able to save to the uttermost all that come unto God by him seeing he ever lives to make intercession for them This also added much to the ground of my hope in his mercy that though I had been such a Rebel and great transgressor as I had been yet he having said he would in no wise cast out any that came to him was able to save to the uttermost it much upheld and comforted my soul in looking towards him Another Scripture brought in at the same time to my heart was (r) Esai 43.12 13. I am God and besides me there is no Savior I will work and none shall let it whence I was inabled to believe that he was able to do all things by the word of his power and to break through all oppositions that stand in his way that he was able to break down every strong hold and subject every high thought to his obedience I then had Meditations of the heights and depths lengths and bredths of that infinite mercy that was in Jesus Christ and the Lord by such Meditations on his holy word did greatly incourage strengthen and raise up my poor weak unworthy soul very often and powerfully repeating these Scriptures last mentioned over and over to my poor soul and now was my soul greatly refreshed in hopes of his mercy to me but a little after the same night Her first Assault after comfort received I was sorely assaulted again to call in question all the hopes I had of mercy from the Lord in the sense of which I was made to cry yea roar out in bitter distress to the Lord striving not to let go my hold but to call to mind what he had before spoken Namely That those that come to him he will in no wise cast out together with the rest of the Scriptures before mentioned given in at first for my incouragement and the Lord again in this sore conflict brought in all those Scriptures afresh upon my heart and so relieved me gratiously at this time also Her second Assault But yet the tempter continued his assaults tempting me yet to cast off my confidence in the Lord as also to blaspheme God But the Lord upheld me by putting and keeping under his everlasting Armes By which I was stayed upon him trusting in him and was not left to the will of mine Enemy but was inabled still to hope in his mercy and hang upon that word of his promise He that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out then the Lord was pleased eminently to proclaim his name unto my soul The Lord the Lord God pardoning iniquity transgression and sin And thus I was inabled through his infinite mercy and by his Almighty Power to stay my self upon him by hoping still in his mercy for ever blessed be his name And the same Scriptures were kept on my heart all the first day of the week following with great life and power succouring me against Satans temptations that this day also I was assaulted with sometimes to cast away my confidence as aforesaid from thoughts of what I had been and done against Christ but the Lord inabled me to withstand that temptation also by his good word in which he had caused me to trust namely He that comes to me I will in no wise cast out As also that he would work and none should let So that I went to God through Christ desiring he would inable my soul to follow hard after him begging in order thereto that he would uphold me causing my soul to
was committed to him and to present me before his Father without spot and blamelesse at that great day of his appearing And I was now made willing to be at his dispose and to be governed by him desiring that he onely might have Dominion in my soul and I be inabled by him to follow him whithersoever he goes and into what condition soever he would carry me according to that Character given of his redeemed ones (w) Rev. 14.4 These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth Which Scripture was at that time born in with great weight on my soul making me earnestly beg That I might be inabled to deny my self and take up his Crosse and follow him depending on him for whatever I might stand in need of being inabled through grace to believe that all the promises are in him yea and Amen Yea the good of every of them laid up in him more fully then in them And afterwards I was inabled to resign up my self to him as before expressed and then did the promises plentifully flow into my soul As first That I should (x) Isa 45.17 be saved with an everlasting Salvation and should not be ashamed world without end and that none should be able to pluck any believer out of Christ's hand So that I was inabled to say (y) Isa 45.24 25. In him have I righteousnesse and strength And in him shall all the Seed of Israel be justified and shall glory And that promise also (z) Psalm 84.11 He will be a Sun and ashield yea grace and glory will he give and no good thing will he withhold c. And I was inabled to believe That I should be kept by the mighty Power of God through Faith unto Salvation These with many more pretious promises with the comforts of them in a far larger measure then I can now relate were given in to me I had also particular promises for guidance and leading given in to my soul as that (a) John 7.17 If any man will do my will he shall know of the Doctrine whether it be of God or not And (b) Psalm 32.8 I will guide them with mine eye and (c) Hos 6.3 Then shall ye know if you follow on to know the Lord And that also (d) Prov. 8.20 I lead in the way of righteousnesse in the midst of the paths of Judgment And I had many promises also as to provision as (e) Psalm 36.8 They shall be abundantly satisfied with the fatnesse of thy house and shall drink of the Rivers of thy pleasures And also that (f) Isai 25.6 In this Mountain will the Lord make a Feast of fat things a Feast of Wine on the lees well refined And I was inabled now to believe My life was hid with Christ in God and that because he lived I should live also and that he was come that we might have life and might have it more abundantly as also that he ever liveth to make intercession for us and that he was come into the world that whosoever believes in him should not abide in darknesse and that he would be a Sun as well as a shield yea he would give grace and glory and no good thing will he withhold c. And in contemplation on these promises and the grace contain'd in them the durablenesse of them which I was assured should not fail in one tittle to be made good I was kept up the third day of the week in a holy Admiration of my soul enjoying sweet refreshment for the most part from the consideration of the infinite goodnesse of God set off and exceedingly heightened to my soul by the consideration of that abounding evil in me to whom all this rich mercy had been shewed And in this frame for the most part both the fourth day of the week and the night also and likewise on the fifth day of the week it was much the same with me But on the fifth day at night again the Enemy assaulted Her fourth Assault from Satan and conflicted very sore with me To make me look on all the grace received as a poor and low thing And I was also tempted to filthy and blasphemous thoughts against God This was before I went to lie down to take my rest which storm caused me to fly to my refuge the Lord Jesus for help in this needful time Saying unto him in my soul Because thou hast been my refuge therefore under the shadow of thy Wings will I put my trust I then also pleaded the Lord's good word in which he had caused me to hope Namely That those that came unto him he would in no wise cast out and that he had said he would never leave nor forsake me nor would turn away from me or let my soul depart from him All which I pleaded with him earnestly begging from him strength to resist the Enemies temptations that I might not dishonour the Lord by hearkning or consenting to any of his temptations or suggestions I also pleaded with him his good word of treading down Satan under foot shortly and his making good that word that the Gates of Hell shall not prevail against his Saints This being his word which he hath said should endure for ever in which my soul hath trusted Yet still these Assaults were continued Assaults continued to cause me to cast off my hope but the Lord succoured and upheld me and at last through mercy vanquished my Enemies for me also giving me such a wrestling frame of Spirit during the conflict that I could not let him go till he had bless'd me by making good the word I pleaded with him in many respects to my poor soul For ever blessed be his Name for such Riches of grace as he came in to my soul with In this conflict also making me witnesse to the truth of his word that he is indeed a God that keeps covenant and mercy and that for ever with such as fear him And after I had been thus conflicting I was enabled to read in his word comfortably without molestation any more this night and had my heart much refresh'd in beholding the Lord's faithfulnesse to me in my hour of tryal which made my soul more firmly rest upon him trust in him seeing he had not suffered his faithfulnesse to fail nor altered the thing gone out of his mouth nor removed nor took away his loving kindnesse from me And so I lay down to rest having been thus eminently refresh'd and supported by the Lord I had also my sleep made sweet to me and when I awoke in the night season it was with this Scripture (g) Zeph. 3.17 He will rest in his love he will rejoyce over thee with singing As also this Scripture He will never leave thee nor forsake thee Then also had I a most pretious view of the eternal love of God to my soul letting me see the reason why I was not long since
consumed which was because he had made an everlasting Covenant on my behalf in Christ Jesus my Lord in all things well ordered and sure and that he was ever mindful of his Covenant Oh! this was sweet and this even this was the reason I was not cast off in my rebellions because he hath loved me with an everlasting love therefore with loving kindnesse hath he drawn me and that for his own name sake he deferr'd his anger that he cut me not off nor did he retain his anger for ever because mercy pleased him he delighted to be gratious The coming in of these did even satisfie my soul as with Marrow in the thoughts of his infinite Eternal unchangeable love Which I saw indeed was the reason of my not being consumed because he is God and changeth not and in his protection and infinite love and mercy my soul did now rejoyce seeing its safety under the shadow of his Wings believing I should for ever be kept by him and he would uphold me with the right hand of his righteousnesse and would never fail nor forsake me but would rest in his love The sixth day I was kept up much in the sense of love peace and joy afforded me the night before from God my gratious Father my soul still trusting in his word with which he had refreshed and supported me And still I was inabled to believe to my great comfort That his word should endure for ever from which word last mentioned I have been inabled to plead with God in my conflicts after this manner Lord thou hast promised that they that come to thee thou wilt in no wise cast out and if so then canst thou not turn away from doing thy people good but wilt according to thy good word sprinkle them with clean water and from all their idols and Iniquities thou wilt cleanse them yea thou wilt take away the stony heart and give them hearts of Flesh with thy Laws writen in them and thy fear put so into their inward parts as they shall not depart from thee this Lord is thy word in which thou hast caused my soul to trust Thus have I been inabled to plead his new Covenant-mercy to my souls support and upholding in straits blessed be his name This night I had a good nights rest and was much refresh'd on the seventh day in the morning with thoughts much enlarged upon the great good laid up by the Lord for them that fear him and had many promises presented afresh to my soul for future encouragement so that I was inabled through his grace to admire his infinite love in Jesus Christ and to have my soul fully satisfied in that onely and to testifie my satisfaction therein by desiring and endeavouring for ever to be to the praise of his rich grace made known to me by being dedicated wholly to his service Whose workmanship I am being created in Christ Jesus to good works to the end we should walk in them Giving glory and honour to Christ Who alone is worthy to receive it from us having redeemed us out of all kindreds and tongues c. and having wash'd us in his own Blood and made us Kings and Priests unto God the Father and we shall Reign for evermore I also considered it was for this end that he gave himself to redeem us that we might be a peculiar people to himself zealous of good works And to this end I desired My soul might have Fellowship with him in his death sufferings and resurrection being made conformable to him in his death and raised up and brought forth by the power of his Spirit in the Fellowship of his resurrection Fifth Assault from Satan But this seventh day at night I was again assaulted with blasphemous thoughts and tempted to slighty and low thoughts af all his grace and love made known to me And was seized with much fear as I am usually in all these conflicts lest I should be overcome and dishonour God by hearkning consenting to the suggestions of his and my Enemy But the Lord this night also was not wanting to me but did uphold me in waiting upon him inabling me to seek to him rest upon him his word in which he had caused my soul to trust And in this way he came in to me manifesting himself exceeding gratious to my relief and helped me to vanquish those temptations giving me strength against them and inabling me to speak to his praise what he had done for my soul to the end it might be recorded yet when I came this night to speak of these things that so they might be recorded I was much afraid I should not be able being much straitened and shut up but the Lord opened my heart and my mouth spake through his assistance to his praise The seventh day at night I went to bed late and when I awaked in the morning the Lord made my Meditations of him to be sweet to me causing me much still to rejoyce in the love of God my Saviour My first Meditation being of his infinite love and wisdom in finding out a way for recovering and reconciling poor lost fallen man to himself and such a way wherein mercy and truth might meet together righteousnâ—sse and peace might kâ—sse each other And this Scripture was much on my heart g 1 Joh. 1.9 If we confesse our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins And that was sweet to see it was not onely mercy but faithfulnesse and justice to forgive sins unto poor penitent sinners for the sake of Christ The Mediator between God and man in whom God saw himself and Justice fully satisfied and the poor believer might see himself fully acquitted as if he had not sinned And all this I saw as the Fruit of Christs death and resurrection he having in our stead fully discharged our debts which we else could never have satiâ—fied by whom onely we receive the Atonement I had also a far more pretious and inlarged discovery of these things then I am now able to mention with many choice Scriptures brought to my mind as to this head Namely (h) Psalm 68.18 Thou hast ascended on high Thou hast led captivity captive Thou hast received gifts for men yea for the rebellious also that the Lord God might dwell among them and that by Christ all hand-writings that were against us were taken out of the way and nailed to his Cross who hath spoiled principalities and Powers triumphing over them openly And that by him the sting of death and strength of the Law were taken away According to his good word (i) 1 Cor. 15.55 56 57. Oh Death I will be thy death O Grave I will be thy destruction The sting of death is sin and the strength of sin is the Law But thanks be to God who giveth us the Victory through our Lord â—esus Christ Oh! these Scriptures were FOOD AND STRENGTH to my soul At this time also
that Scripture was given in (k) Titus 3.4 After the kindnesse and love of God our Saviour towards man appeared not by works of righteousnesse which we have done but according to his mercy he saved us by the washing of regeneration and renewing of the holy Ghost which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour So that I saw our Sanctification was the Fruit of his purchase for us and Free-gift to us it being one great end in his laying down his life that he might redeem purifie to himself a peculiar people zealous of good works I had many Meditations also (l) Ezek. 16.6 c. about the Lords passing by us when we lay polluted in our blood and cast out to the loathing of our persons in the day we were born that then he should say to us Live and that this should be the time of love and spreading his skirt over us as also to consider that the promise of Christ (m) Gen 3.15 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman and between thy seed and her seed It shall bruise thy head and thou shalt bruise his heel was given to fallen man in that nick of time of the greatest misery which he had brought on himself and posterity I had then also many Meditations of God's power by which he is able to keep us through faith unto Salvation with many promises given in to that purpose as that (n) Psalm 34.22 none that trust in him shall be desolate As also that was made sweet to my soul (o) Isai 33.16 17. namely His place of defence shall be the munition of Rocks bread shall be given him and his Waters shall be sure and thine eyes shall see the King in his Beauty and behold the Land that is very far off These were MEAT TO ME INDEED at that time Thus to consider the safety of believers as founded upon the Rock of ages And also that Scripture (p) Isai 26.12 Lord thou wilt ordain peace for us for thou also hast wrought all our works in us and likewise that (q) Prov. 10.3 the Lord will not suffer the soul of the righteous to famish but he casts away the substance of the wicked And r Prov. 10.29 the way of the Lord is strength to the upright but destruction shall be to the workers of Iniquity And that s John 14. â—7 Peace I leave with you my peace Is give unto you not as the world giveth give I unto you Let not your heart be troubled neither let it be afraid And t John 14.13 because I live you shall live also And u Job 5.19 he shall deliver thee in six troubles yea in seven there shall no evil touch thee And w Isai 58.11 their souls shall be as a watered Garden that God hath blessed And x Isai 27.3 I the Lord do keep it I will water it every moment lest any hurt it I will keep it night and day With these promises was my soul refresh'd greatly this night and from hence was I led to meditate on the great care love and tender pity of the Lord towards his poor people in making so many pretious promises for support and succour for his poor Saints which made me even with Astonishment admire his grace herein and then was that good word brought in sweetly refreshing me y Isai 41.17 When the poor and needy seek water and there is none and their tongue faileth for thirst I the Lord will hear them I the God of Israel will not forsake them I then called to mind how largely my soul had experienc'd the truth of that word that even when I was ready to fail and sink my soul even scorcht up with the heat of the wrath of the Lord without any refreshment yea without a heart to seek it he made good this to me For ever blessed be his name and the Riches of his grace made known in Christ to my soul And now did the Lord bring my soul to this Well of consolation and made me drink abundantly of the River of his pleasures streaming out in these promises and gave me Fruit indeed from the Tree of Life feeding me from that word also (z) Isai 55.3 I will make an everlasting Covenant with you even the sure mercies of David Which I saw were sure indeed as laid no in Christ for believers Eâ—en in him whom God hath exalted as a Prince and a Saviour to give repentance unto Israel for remission of sins who himself was tempted that he might be able to succour those that are tempted Whom God hath raised from the dead that our liâ—e and hope might be in him who hath called poor and weary souls to come to him for rest and hath made me amongst others largely experience the truth of that word in causing my soul to find rest onely in him after a long and sore travail and wearysome journey Yet again this first day of the week I was assaulted in hearing the word Preached Her sixth Assault from Satan with many filthy suggestions cast in to cause me to undervalue the grace of God made known And this was both forenoon and afternoon but yet I was gratiously helpt to strive against them and to cry out to the Lord for help and assistance to resist the wicked one begging The Lord would not suffer me to dishonour his holy name by consenting to the temptors suggestions and then I call'd to mind that word wherein he had caused me to trust Namely (a) Heb. 13.5 That he vvould never leave me nor forsake me but vvould put his fear so in my heart as I should not depart from him neither should the Gates of Hell prevail against me And thus by flying to him as my Sanctuary I was inabled to resist and overcome my Enemies who else had been too hard for me I had also this day Her seventh Assault from Satan while I was hearing some sad considerations about falling avvay after grace received which made my soul to tremble in the thoughts of it to think how dishonourable that would be to the name of God but I had some hopes in his word which supported and strenghthened me against these fears Namely That the Lord vvould keep me by his Povver through faith unto Salvation and would also according to his Covenant put his fear in my heart that I should not at least utterly depart from him but yet had many fears that if he should but eclipse his love to my soul that might also be to the dishonour of his name and an occasion of stumbling to others which also made my soul full of fears in the thoughts of it But this somewhat flay'd me that he who hath begun a good work will finish it and will be careful of his own glory which in my souls upholding is so much concerned She is helped to consider what she owed unto the Lord for all
his mercy I was after these conversings with the Lord and sweet Communion with him led to consider what all this calls for at my hand and was caused to desire to testifie my love to Jesus Christ in wayes of obedience to all his Commands who had so plentifully manifested his love to my soul and at last was led to some Meditations about Baptism looking upon it as a duty incumbent upon all believers whereby they did evidence their love to Christ in obedience to his Commands But withal I had some fears on my heart about my being carried on in that duty which I see to be so contemn'd and despised but did judge these were but the tempters suggestions and therefore did earnestly desire of the Lord that he would inable me to evidence my sincerity to him by following him in his most despised paths and that I might not dare to neglect any duty he calls for at my hands then also was I brought to mind that Scripture b Phil. 1.29 To you it 's given not onely to believe but also to suffer for his sake And that he onely could give this gift which was a great honour to be conferr'd upon his poor Saints to be counted worthy to suffer for his name and I begg'd It might ever be so accounted by me that Scripture also I had on my mind c Matth. 10.37 He that loveth Father or Mother more then me is not worthy of me As likewise d Mar. 10.29 No man that hath left house or Brethren or Sisters or Father or Mother or Wife or Children or Lands for my sake and the Gospels but he shall receive an hundred fold now in this time houses and Brethren and Sisters and Mothers and Children and Lands with persecution and in the world to come life Eternal Now by a hundred fold in this life I understood to be in peace of conscience that would be more then all the comforts I could forsake for it Besides in the world to come life everlasting And that Scripture also I had (e) 2 Cor. 4.17 18. For our Light afflictions which are but for a moment do work for us a far more exceeding and Eternal weight of glory whilest we look not at the things which are seen but at those things that are not seen for the things that are seen are temporal but those that are not seen are Eternal I also minded Moses his eying the recompence of reward made him despise the pleasures of Pharaoh's Court and likewise what the Saints mentioned (f) Heb. 11. had endured by eying the glory set before them and looking to that City that had foundations whose builder and maker is God And upon these and such like considerations my soul was incouraged to follow Christ resolving in his strength I would do so in every of his Commands he should make known to me to be my duty to walk in although by so doing I were a reproach and scorn minding David's words (g) Psalm 71.7 I am a wonder unto men but thou art my strong refuge And thence I reasoned if God were my refuge I did not care though I were a wonder unto men in pursuit of my duty upon some further considerations I saw Baptisme more clear to be my duty I being commanded (h) Heb. 6.12 To follow those who through Faith and patience inherit the promises And this path of Baptism I find Christ and all his Disciples walk'd in and therefore in this I judged I was to follow being commanded to be a follower of them I also considered (i) Acts 2.41 Then they that gladly received the word were Baptized c. I likewise considered Christs Commission (k) Matth. 28.19 Go teach all Nations Baptizing them c. Teaching them to observe all things that I Command you Of which I find Baptisme to be one this still cleared it up to my soul further as a duty I also considered that the Laws of a King were to be obeyed by all his Subjects and this I judged one of the Laws of Christ and therefore to be obeyed by all his Subjects I also weighed several other Scriptures about the nature use and ends of Baptisme particularly (l) Rom. 6.4 5. which did manifest to me that Baptisme was a duty injoyned to all believers they thereby manifesting their conformity to Christ in his death in order to their being raised up by him again and brought forth in the Fellowship of his Resurrection unto newnesse of life all which I found much incouraging and ingaging my heart to that duty This night also my sleep was made very sweet to me through the Lord's goodnesse I waked often and slept again and still found sweet refreshings in my soul seeing my self very safe under the protection of Christ I then endeavoured to sleep again minding what had been told me that I ought to have compassion on my body and my sleep was comfortable to me Every time I awaked having these words given m Zep. 3.17 to me He will rest in his love And these n Mal. 3.6 I am God I change not and I will never leave thee nor forsake thee So that I was sweetly composed and inabled to rejoyce under the protection of Christ having those words also brought to my mind o Psalm 31.21 The Lord hath shewed me his marvelous loving kindnesse in a strong City and hath laid help upon one that is mighty And that Scripture p Isai 26.3 Trust in the Lord for ever for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength in which my soul rejoyced greatly as also in that word q Isai 40.11 He shall gather the Lambs in his Arms and carry them in his bosome and gently lead those that are with yong From which the Lord gave me faith in my soul that he was able to keep me so as none should be able to pluck me out of his hand so that I was made to rejoyce in that unspeakable safety that I had under his Protection Another pretious promise to me was r Isai 42.3 4. A bruised Reed shall he not break nor smoaking Flax shall he not quench till he bring forth judgement to victory He shall not fail nor be discouraged till he have set judgement in the Earth and the Isles shall wait for his Law And hence I considered that he was my Counseller as well as my Protector and what a wonderful Counseller he is which I considered at large from (s) Isai 9.6 Unto us a Child is born and unto us a Son is given the Government shall be upon his shoulders and his name shall be called the wonderful Counseller the everlasting Father the Prince of peace and of his Government and Kingdom there shall be no end As likewise those words came to my mind (t) Acts 3.22 A Prophet shall the Lord your God raise up unto you of your Brethren like unto me him shall you hear in all things
herself guilty of the unpardonable sin and so a subject of the wrath of God Whch she dayly expected to be poured down upon her and was hopelesse of any deliverance notwithstanding the frequent means used by many for her relief both by fervent Prayers for her and Faithful endeavours by Christian advice and counsel to her from Pag. 1. to Pag. 19. II. A Particular discovery of the Lords manner of working on her heart by his word and Spirit convincing her of her sinful state and helping her to look unto Christ alone for Salvation notwithstanding many fears mixed with her hopes From Pag. 19. to Pag. 31. III. A discovery of several Assaults from the Tempter and gratious supplies of strength from the Lord by which she was helped to resist them and to flie unto him for refuge From Pag. 31. to Pag. 40. IV. Several pretious promises and seasonable words brought in pâ—werfully to her soul for her support and succour under several Assaults From Pag. 40. to Pag. 56. V. She is helped to consider what she shall render unto the Lord for all his benefits and special deliverances he hath wrought for her and is helped to resolve in his strength to give up her self as a living and acceptable sacrifice unto his service From Pag. 56. to the end A TABLE Containing several Texts of Scripture that were variously applied according to her state and condition as the Reader may perceive by comparing them with the several places to which this Table directs I. Scriptures made use of to increase terror in her distressed estate HEb 10.27 29. Pag. 4 Psalm 65.5 Pag. 5 Matth. 12.31 Pag. 6 Heb. 6.4 5 6. Pag. 8 Isai 57.20 21. Pag. 11 Matth. 15.26 Pag. 12 Rev. 14.11 Pag. 13 Joel 2.31 Pag. 14 II. Scriptures made use of to convince her of her sinful and sad estate COl 3.3 Pag 19 Psalm 50.23 Pag. 20 Psalm 119.155 Pag. 21 Psalm 50.16 Pag. Idem 1 Sam. 2.10 Pag. Idem III. Scriptures made use of to incourage her to wait upon the Lord in the use of means to trust in him and to follow him fully HEster 4 16. Pag. 23 2 Kings 7.4 Pag. Idem John 6.37 Pag. 30 Heb. 7.25 Pag. Idem Isai 43.13 Pag. 31 Psalm 63.8 Pag. 34 2 Cor. 5.21 Pag. 35 1 Cor. 1.30 Pag. 36 Col. 1.19 Pag. 38 Rev. 14.4 Pag. 40 IV. Several choice promises and pretious words brought powerfully to her soul for her support engaging to duty ISai. 45.17 24 25. Pag. 40 Psalm 84.11 Pag. Idem John 7.17 Pag. 41 Psalm 32.8 Pag. Idem Hosea 6.3 Pag. Idem Prov. 8.20 Pag. Idem Psalm 36.8 Pag. Idem Isai 25.6 Pag. Idem Zeph. 3.17 Pag. 45 Heb. 13.5 Pag. Idem 1 John 1.9 Pag. 49. Psalm 68.18 Pag. 50 1 Cor. 15.55 56 57. Pag. Idem Titus 3.4 5. Pag. 51 Ezekiel 16.6 Pag. Idem Gen. 3.15 Pag. Idem Psalm 34.22 Pag. 52 Isai 33.16 17. Pag. Idem Isai 26.12 Pag. Idem Prov. 10.30 Pag. Idem Prov. 10.29 Pag. 53 John 14.27 Pag. Idem John 14.19 Pag. Idem Job 5.19 Pag. Idem Isai 58.11 Pag. Idem Isai 27.3 Pag. Idem Isai 41.17 Pag. Idem Isai 55.3 Pag. 54 Malach. 3.6 Pag. 60 Psalm 31.21 Psalm 61 Isai 26.3 Pag Idem Isai 40.11 Pag Idem Isai 42.3 4. Pag. Idem Isai 9.6 Pag. 62 Acts 3.22 Pag. Idem Psalm 103.3 Pag. Idem Heb. 13.5 Pag. 55 Rom. 12.1 Pag. 73 1 Cor. 6.20 Pag. Idem V. Scriptures convincing and confirming her in the duty of Baptism and even constraining her thereunto HEb 6.12 Pag. 59 Acts 2.41 Pag. Idem Matth. 28.19 Pag. Idem Rom. 6.4 5. Pag. 60 John 14.21 Pag. 71 Isai 64 5. Pag. Idem Isai 53.5 Pag. 72 Phil. 2.7 8. Pag. Idem VI. Scriptures supporting her in the thoughts of sufferings PHil 1.29 Pag. 57 Matth. 10.37 Pag. Idem Marke 10.29 Pag. Idem 2 Cor. 4.17 18. Pag. 58 Heb. 11. Pag. Idem Psalm 71.7 Pag. 59 Rom 8.18 Pag. 72 VII Scriptures by which she was relieved against her fears under several Assaults And had her hopes of fresh supplies from the Lord increased HEb 13.5 Pag. 55 Rom. 16.20 Pag. 65 John 6.37 Pag. 30 Heb. 7.25 Pag. Idem Psalm 146.5 Pag. 66 Isai 49.10 Pag. 70 John 7.38 Pag. Idem The Reader is desired to take notice that some of the Texts in this Table are not mentioned in the Margent onely the words expressed in the Page which being but short may soon be discerned ERRATA READER SEveral Faults having escaped the Presse I have pointed out the Chief which thou art desired to take notice of viz. In the first Epistle Page 11. Line 9. read Isai 59. In the Book p. 2. l. 1. for irrecoverable re irrevocable p. 4. l. 1. r. remained p. 5. l. 3. r. made it and l. 4. re mind p. 7. l. 21. re hatred p. 22. Margent re 2 Kings 7.4 pag. 30. Margent read John 6.37