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accident_n do_v i_o hurt_v enough_o towards_o the_o make_v i_o turn_v back_o often_o yea_o and_o for_o the_o make_v i_o loose_v myself_o but_o such_o a_o one_o will_v have_v daily_o assist_v i_o to_o lay_v aside_o and_o leave_v those_o occasion_n which_o i_o take_v to_o offend_v almighty_a god_n in_o these_o beginning_n his_o divine_a majesty_n begin_v to_o do_v i_o so_o great_a favour_n that_o at_o the_o end_n of_o the_o time_n when_o i_o remain_v there_o which_o be_v about_o nine_o month_n in_o this_o way_n of_o solitude_n though_o i_o be_v not_o so_o free_a from_o offend_v god_n as_o the_o book_n appoint_v which_o i_o neglect_v as_o hold_v it_o impossible_a to_o continue_v still_o so_o watchful_a over_o myself_o i_o be_v careful_a not_o to_o commit_v any_o mortal_a sin_n and_o i_o will_v to_o god_n i_o have_v always_o be_v so_o but_o of_o veniall_n i_o make_v no_o great_a account_n and_o this_o be_v that_o in_o fine_a which_o destroy_v i_o but_o our_o lord_n begin_v to_o regale_n i_o so_o much_o by_o this_o way_n that_o he_o vouchsafe_v i_o the_o favour_n to_o give_v i_o quiet_a prayer_n and_o sometime_o it_o come_v so_o far_o as_o to_o arrive_v to_o union_n though_o i_o understand_v neither_o the_o one_o nor_o the_o other_o nor_o how_o much_o they_o both_o deserve_v to_o be_v prize_v but_o i_o believe_v it_o will_v have_v be_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o happiness_n for_o i_o to_o have_v understand_v the_o certainty_n thereof_o true_a it_o be_v that_o this_o union_n rest_v with_o i_o for_o so_o short_a a_o time_n that_o perhaps_o it_o may_v arrive_v to_o be_v but_o as_o of_o a_o aue_fw-la maria_fw-la yet_o i_o remain_v with_o so_o very_o great_a effect_n thereof_o that_o with_o not_o be_v then_o so_o much_o as_o twenty_o year_n old_a i_o think_v i_o find_v the_o whole_a world_n under_o my_o foot_n and_o so_o i_o remember_v well_o that_o i_o be_v wont_a to_o carry_v great_a compassion_n towards_o such_o as_o followed_z the_o way_n of_o the_o world_n though_o it_o 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i_o have_v so_o well_o deserve_v hell_n it_o be_v not_o to_o be_v esteem_v too_o much_o if_o i_o remain_v while_o i_o shall_v live_v here_o as_o in_o purgatory_n so_o that_o afterward_o i_o may_v go_v straight_o to_o heaven_n for_o this_o be_v my_o desire_n but_o yet_o even_o in_o this_o inclination_n of_o i_o to_o take_v this_o state_n upon_o i_o i_o doubt_v i_o be_v more_o move_v by_o a_o kind_n of_o servile_a fear_n then_o by_o love._n the_o devil_n in_o the_o mean_a time_n represent_v to_o i_o that_o i_o will_v never_o
i_o to_o see_v a_o soul_n so_o pertinacious_a and_o so_o ungrateful_a towards_o he_o who_o have_v vouchsafe_v it_o so_o great_a favour_n and_o i_o wish_v i_o can_v get_v leave_n to_o declare_v that_o multitude_n of_o time_n that_o i_o fail_v of_o my_o obligation_n to_o almighty_a god_n in_o this_o number_n of_o year_n by_o reason_n that_o i_o be_v not_o apply_v to_o and_o support_v by_o the_o strong_a pillar_n of_o prayer_n i_o pass_v through_o this_o tempestuous_a sea_n almost_o twenty_o year_n between_o these_o fall_n and_o rise_n though_o i_o rise_v ilfavourd_o enough_o since_o i_o return_v again_o so_o quick_o to_o fall_v in_o this_o kind_n of_o life_n tend_v towards_o perfection_n but_o yet_o in_o so_o base_a a_o way_n as_o that_o i_o make_v no_o account_n at_o all_o of_o venial_a danger_n sin_n and_o for_o such_o as_o be_v mortal_a it_o be_v true_a that_o although_o i_o fear_v they_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o even_o that_o as_o i_o ought_v since_o i_o absent_v not_o myself_o from_o 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believe_v many_o month_n and_o sometime_o peradventure_o a_o whole_a year_n that_o i_o keep_v myself_o from_o offend_v our_o lord_n and_o give_v myself_o much_o to_o mental_a prayer_n and_o i_o also_o use_v some_o yea_o and_o many_o diligence_n that_o i_o may_v never_o grow_v more_o to_o offend_v he_o and_o because_o all_o that_o which_o i_o write_v now_o be_v to_o be_v deliver_v with_o entirenes_n of_o truth_n i_o declare_v myself_o here_o as_o you_o see_v but_o i_o remember_v little_a of_o those_o good_a day_n and_o therefore_o it_o may_v be_v think_v they_o be_v few_o and_o the_o ill_a one_o many_o yet_o few_o of_o those_o few_o pass_v away_o without_o my_o allow_v a_o good_a long_a time_n for_o prayer_n unless_o i_o be_v either_o very_o sick_a or_o extreme_o busy_a the_o worse_a i_o be_v in_o my_o health_n the_o more_o i_o be_v unite_v with_o god_n and_o i_o procure_v that_o such_o person_n as_o use_v to_o be_v with_o i_o at_o those_o time_n may_v be_v so_o too_o and_o i_o beg_v 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of_o almighty_a god_n together_o with_o my_o ingratitude_n may_v be_v well_o discern_v and_o second_o that_o it_o may_v be_v also_o understand_v how_o great_a a_o blessing_n almighty_a god_n do_v to_o that_o soul_n which_o he_o dispose_v to_o use_v mental_a prayer_n with_o a_o good_a affection_n and_o will_v though_o yet_o it_o shall_v not_o be_v so_o very_o well_o dispose_v for_o it_o as_o be_v fit_a for_o in_o fine_a if_o he_o persevere_v therein_o what_o sin_n soever_o he_o commit_v and_o whatsoever_o temptation_n be_v offer_v and_o whatsoever_o fall_v be_v give_v he_o in_o a_o thousand_o strange_a fashion_n by_o the_o devil_n often_o i_o hold_v in_o fine_a for_o certain_a that_o our_o lord_n will_v draw_v he_o at_o length_n out_o of_o the_o storm_n into_o the_o port_n of_o salvation_n as_o now_o by_o all_o appearance_n he_o have_v draw_v i_o and_o i_o humble_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o i_o may_v never_o return_v again_o to_o be_v lose_v many_o holy_a and_o good_a man_n have_v write_v of_o the_o benefit_n which_o he_o obtain_v who_o exercise_v himself_o in_o prayer_n i_o mean_v mental_a prayer_n and_o glory_n be_v to_o almighty_a god_n for_o be_v the_o cause_n thereof_o and_o yet_o if_o that_o be_v not_o true_a though_o i_o have_v little_a humility_n yet_o be_o i_o not_o withal_o so_o insolent_a as_o that_o i_o will_v presume_v to_o speak_v upon_o this_o subject_n but_o of_o that_o whereof_o i_o have_v some_o experience_n i_o may_v vet_n presume_v to_o say_v somewhat_o and_o it_o be_v this_o that_o whosoever_o have_v begin_v to_o frequent_v the_o use_n of_o prayer_n i_o wish_v he_o not_o to_o give_v it_o over_o whatsoever_o sin_n he_o commit_v in_o the_o mean_a time_n since_o this_o be_v the_o mean_n by_o which_o he_o may_v recover_v himself_o again_o which_o he_o will_v find_v to_o be_v of_o much_o more_o difficulty_n without_o it_o and_o let_v not_o the_o devil_n tempt_v he_o to_o leave_v it_o as_o he_o do_v i_o upon_o a_o pretence_n of_o humility_n but_o let_v he_o firm_o believe_v that_o his_o word_n can_v never_o want_v truth_n who_o say_v that_o if_o we_o will_v repent_v ourselves_o in_o good_a earnest_n and_o resolve_v to_o offend_v the_o divine_a majesty_n no_o more_o he_o restore_v we_o to_o the_o same_o friendship_n which_o we_o have_v before_o with_o he_o and_o do_v we_o the_o same_o favour_n which_o he_o do_v we_o before_o and_o sometime_o they_o prove_v to_o be_v much_o great_a if_o the_o repentance_n deserve_v it_o and_o whosoever_o have_v not_o yet_o begin_v this_o exercise_n i_o beseech_v he_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v no_o long_o deprive_v himself_o of_o so_o great_a a_o benefit_n there_o be_v nothing_o to_o be_v fear_v here_o but_o much_o to_o be_v desire_v for_o though_o a_o man_n shall_v not_o proceed_v so_o far_o as_o to_o strive_v to_o gain_v such_o perfection_n as_o may_v prepare_v and_o as_o it_o be_v deserve_v those_o gust_n and_o regalo_n which_o god_n be_v wont_a to_o give_v to_o such_o person_n yet_o the_o least_o which_o he_o shall_v get_v will_v be_v that_o he_o shall_v be_v go_v on_o in_o the_o way_n to_o heaven_n and_o i_o know_v so_o much_o of_o the_o mercy_n of_o almighty_a god_n that_o i_o may_v conclude_v for_o certain_a enough_o that_o no_o body_n ever_o take_v he_o for_o a_o friend_n who_o he_o do_v not_o well_o requite_v for_o his_o pain_n for_o mental_a prayer_n be_v no_o other_o thing_n in_o my_o opinion_n than_o a_o treaty_n about_o make_v friendship_n with_o almighty_a god_n and_o a_o frequent_a and_o private_a commerce_n hand_n to_o hand_n with_o he_o by_o
who_o we_o know_v we_o be_v belove_v and_o as_o for_o you_o if_o you_o love_v he_o not_o yet_o for_o to_o the_o end_n that_o it_o may_v be_v a_o true_a love_n and_o that_o your_o friendship_n may_v last_v the_o condition_n must_v be_v reciprocal_a and_o we_o know_v there_o can_v be_v no_o want_n on_o our_o lord_n behalf_n and_o that_o our_o nature_n be_v vicious_a sensual_a and_o ungrateful_a and_o so_o we_o can_v perhaps_o obtain_v full_o at_o our_o own_o hand_n to_o love_v he_o so_o much_o because_o he_o be_v not_o of_o the_o same_o condition_n with_o we_o yet_o consider_v how_o much_o it_o import_v we_o to_o hold_v friendship_n with_o he_o and_o how_o much_o he_o love_v we_o we_o must_v pass_v on_o and_o pass_v over_o this_o pain_n of_o be_v much_o in_o his_o company_n who_o be_v of_o so_o different_a a_o condition_n from_o we_o o_o infinite_a goodness_n of_o my_o god_n how_o true_a it_o be_v that_o i_o think_v i_o see_v both_o thou_o and_o myself_o in_o this_o very_a manner_n o_o thou_o who_o be_v the_o very_a regalo_n of_o the_o angel_n in_o heaven_n how_o fain_o will_v i_o even_o defeat_v and_o dissolve_v myself_o total_o in_o love_v thou_o when_o i_o see_v and_o consider_v these_o thing_n and_o how_o certain_a a_o thing_n it_o be_v that_o thou_o be_v on_o the_o suffer_a hand_n in_o regard_n of_o such_o as_o will_v not_o suffer_v thou_o to_o remain_v with_o they_o o_o how_o good_a a_o friend_n do_v thou_o make_v thyself_o to_o thy_o friend_n o_o my_o lord_n and_o how_o do_v thou_o go_v endure_v he_o and_o regal_v he_o and_o thou_o expect_v till_o he_o make_v himself_o grow_v to_o be_v of_o thy_o condition_n and_o inclination_n and_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n thou_o endure_v and_o permit_v he_o to_o continue_v to_o be_v a_o while_n of_o his_o own_o and_o thou_o take_v o_o my_o dear_a lord_n by_o way_n of_o good_a payment_n those_o fit_n of_o time_n which_o he_o can_v be_v content_a to_o bestow_v upon_o thou_o and_o upon_o a_o minute_n of_o true_a sorrow_n and_o repentance_n thou_o forget_v all_o those_o sin_n whereby_o he_o have_v offend_v thou_o all_o this_o have_v i_o perceive_v clear_o in_o order_n to_o myself_o and_o for_o my_o part_n i_o can_v see_v o_o my_o creator_n how_o the_o whole_a world_n can_v forbear_v to_o procure_v to_o draw_v near_o to_o thy_o divine_a majesty_n that_o so_o it_o may_v be_v able_a to_o obtain_v this_o particular_a kind_n of_o friendship_n with_o thou_o such_o as_o be_v wicked_a and_o be_v not_o hitherto_o come_v to_o have_v the_o like_a inclination_n and_o disposition_n to_o thou_o shall_v yet_o come_v towards_o thou_o to_o the_o end_n that_o so_o thou_o may_v make_v they_o good_a and_o that_o they_o may_v endure_v thou_o to_o be_v with_o they_o though_o it_o be_v but_o for_o some_o two_o hour_n in_o the_o day_n yea_o even_o though_o they_o will_v not_o the_o while_n stay_v in_o thy_o company_n without_o a_o thousand_o distraction_n and_o tumbling_n up_o and_o down_o in_o wordly_a care_n and_o thought_n as_o i_o be_v wont_a to_o do_v and_o for_o recompense_n of_o this_o violence_n which_o they_o use_v to_o make_v against_o themselves_o by_o continue_v in_o so_o good_a company_n as_o thou_o for_o neither_o in_o those_o very_a beginning_n no_o nor_o even_o afterward_o also_o for_o a_o while_n can_v they_o tell_v how_o to_o do_v better_o thou_o force_v o_o lord_n the_o devil_n of_o hell_n to_o forbear_v a_o set_v fierce_o upon_o they_o and_o permit_v they_o to_o have_v daily_o less_o power_n than_o other_o against_o they_o yea_o and_o thou_o put_v they_o into_o man_n hand_n that_o they_o may_v overcome_v they_o so_o that_o thou_o o_o thou_o life_n of_o all_o life_n do_v never_o kill_v any_o one_o of_o those_o creature_n who_o put_v his_o confidence_n in_o thou_o nor_o of_o they_o who_o desire_v thou_o for_o a_o friend_n but_o thou_o sustain_v both_o the_o life_n of_o their_o body_n with_o increase_n of_o health_n and_o thou_o also_o do_v impart_v it_o to_o the_o soul_n for_o my_o part_n i_o can_v possible_o understand_v why_o man_n shall_v fear_v as_o they_o do_v to_o begin_v to_o use_v mental_a prayer_n nor_o of_o what_o it_o be_v in_o fine_a that_o they_o be_v afraid_a the_o devil_n indeed_o do_v not_o ill_a in_o order_n to_o his_o own_o wicked_a end_n to_o procure_v to_o do_v i_o hurt_v if_o by_o pretence_n and_o mean_n of_o i_o know_v not_o what_o fear_n he_o can_v procure_v to_o make_v i_o forbear_v a_o consider_v how_o much_o and_o how_o high_o i_o have_v offend_v almighty_a god_n and_o how_o much_o i_o be_o oblige_v to_o he_o for_o his_o great_a mercy_n and_o benefit_n and_o to_o think_v upon_o this_o truth_n that_o there_o be_v such_o a_o thing_n as_o glory_v in_o heaven_n and_o torment_n in_o hell_n and_o upon_o those_o great_a affliction_n and_o sorrow_n which_o our_o lord_n endure_v for_o i_o in_o this_o life_n for_o this_o be_v still_o my_o prayer_n when_o i_o be_v continue_v in_o all_o those_o danger_n and_o upon_o this_o do_v i_o think_v whensoever_o i_o be_v able_a and_o very_o often_o yea_o and_o for_o some_o year_n together_o i_o be_v busy_a about_o desire_v that_o the_o hour_n may_v come_v quick_o to_o a_o end_n still_o listen_v when_o the_o clock_n will_v strike_v then_o upon_o better_a thing_n yea_o and_o it_o happen_v to_o i_o many_o time_n that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o penance_n can_v be_v set_v before_o i_o so_o very_o great_a as_o that_o i_o will_v not_o more_o willing_o undergo_v it_o then_o recollect_v myself_o to_o mental_a prayer_n and_o it_o be_v certain_a that_o either_o the_o devil_n do_v set_v upon_o i_o with_o such_o a_o un-resistable_a force_n or_o else_o my_o own_o wicked_a custom_n do_v it_o that_o i_o may_v not_o go_v make_v mental_a prayer_n and_o the_o sadness_n of_o my_o hart_n be_v such_o even_o when_o i_o enter_v into_o my_o oratory_n for_o that_o purpose_n that_o i_o be_v fain_o to_o help_v and_o serve_v myself_o of_o all_o the_o strength_n and_o courage_n i_o have_v which_o they_o say_v be_v not_o very_o little_a and_o it_o have_v be_v see_v that_o god_n have_v give_v i_o more_o then_o be_v usual_o possess_v by_o woman_n but_o that_o i_o have_v employ_v it_o ill_o to_o force_v myself_o to_o make_v my_o prayer_n and_o in_o fine_a it_o please_v our_o lord_n to_o assist_v i_o but_o afterward_o when_o i_o have_v use_v these_o violence_n to_o my_o hart_n i_o find_v myself_o with_o more_o quiet_a &_o delight_n so_o that_o sometime_o i_o grow_v to_o have_v a_o express_a desire_n to_o pray_v now_o therefore_o since_o it_o chance_v that_o our_o lord_n do_v suffer_v and_o endure_v so_o wicked_a a_o creature_n as_o myself_o and_o if_o it_o appear_v plain_o that_o all_o my_o misery_n be_v redress_v by_o this_o mean_n what_o person_n how_o wicked_a soever_o he_o may_v be_v can_v find_v any_o thing_n to_o be_v afraid_a of_o here_o for_o how_o wicked_a soever_o any_o other_o body_n may_v have_v be_v he_o will_v never_o be_v so_o yet_o after_o the_o enjoy_n of_o so_o great_a favour_n from_o our_o b._n lord_n as_o i_o have_v receive_v and_o who_o can_v ever_o come_v to_o disconfide_a in_o his_o divine_a majesty_n who_o have_v patience_n with_o i_o so_o long_o upon_o this_o only_o reason_n because_o i_o desire_v and_o procure_v some_o mean_n for_o time_n and_o place_n wherein_o he_o may_v be_v with_o i_o and_o even_o this_o little_a thing_n i_o do_v often_o without_o any_o inclination_n of_o my_o own_o but_o only_o by_o the_o great_a violence_n which_o either_o i_o offer_v to_o myself_o or_o else_o be_v offer_v to_o i_o by_o our_o lord_n since_o praemise_n therefore_o the_o use_n of_o mental_a prayer_n be_v so_o fit_a yea_o and_o so_o very_o necessary_a even_o for_o such_o as_o serve_v not_o god_n but_o offend_v he_o and_o since_o no_o body_n can_v true_o find_v any_o such_o hurt_n which_o it_o can_v possible_o do_v as_o will_v not_o be_v much_o great_a without_o prayer_n at_o least_o how_o can_v such_o forbear_v it_o as_o serve_v almighty_a god_n and_o desire_v to_o serve_v he_o most_o certain_o unless_o a_o man_n have_v a_o mind_n to_o pass_v through_o the_o trouble_n &_o misery_n of_o this_o life_n with_o a_o addition_n of_o more_o misery_n and_o to_o shut_v up_o the_o very_a gate_n against_o god_n himself_o for_o fear_n lest_o he_o shall_v give_v he_o comfort_n by_o this_o mean_n i_o can_v possible_o understand_v this_o proceed_n of_o he_o i_o have_v real_o great_a compassion_n and_o sorrow_n for_o those_o poor_a soul_n who_o will_v needs_o serve_v almighty_a god_n upon_o their_o own_o cost_n for_o as_o for_o they_o who_o use_v mental_a prayer_n
whosoever_o be_v of_o experience_n may_v very_o easy_o discern_v and_o now_o i_o have_v set_v down_o the_o effect_n which_o those_o rapt_n that_o proceed_v from_o the_o spirit_n of_o almighty_a god_n be_v wont_a to_o produce_v it_o be_v true_a that_o some_o of_o they_o do_v it_o more_o and_o some_o less_o i_o say_v less_o because_o though_o in_o the_o beginning_n they_o work_v yet_o then_o the_o effect_n be_v not_o see_v experimental_o by_o way_n of_o outward_a expression_n nor_o can_v it_o be_v yet_o so_o well_o perceive_v that_o they_o have_v they_o and_o beside_o the_o perfection_n thereof_o go_v increase_v and_o the_o soul_n go_v procure_v that_o there_o may_v now_o be_v no_o memory_n of_o imperfection_n which_o will_v appear_v if_o there_o be_v any_o like_v so_o many_o cobweb_n and_o this_o now_o require_v some_o time_n and_o by_o how_o much_o the_o more_o humility_n and_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n increase_v in_o the_o soul_n so_o much_o the_o more_o sweet_a and_o fresh_a odour_n will_v these_o flower_n of_o virtue_n be_v sure_a to_o give_v both_o to_o themselves_o and_o other_o and_o it_o be_v most_o certain_o true_a that_o our_o lord_n know_v how_o to_o work_v so_o well_o upon_o any_o soul_n in_o one_o of_o these_o rapt_n that_o there_o will_v not_o much_o remain_v for_o the_o soul_n herself_o to_o work_v and_o labour_n in_o towards_o the_o acquire_n of_o perfection_n for_o no_o creature_n be_v able_a to_o believe_v without_o direct_a experience_n upon_o himself_o how_o much_o it_o please_v our_o lord_n to_o bestow_v upon_o a_o soul_n in_o such_o a_o occasion_n as_o this_o nor_o be_v there_o any_o kind_n of_o diligence_n of_o we_o which_o can_v in_o my_o opinion_n attain_v it_o i_o say_v not_o but_o that_o by_o the_o favour_n of_o our_o lord_n such_o as_o employ_v themselves_o many_o year_n by_o those_o way_n which_o they_o prescribe_v who_o write_v of_o prayer_n both_o concern_v the_o beginning_n and_o proceed_v thereof_o may_v arrive_v to_o 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and_o though_o sometime_o there_o be_v no_o disposition_n in_o she_o at_o all_o to_o receive_v it_o he_o yet_o dispose_v also_o the_o same_o to_o receive_v that_o benefit_n and_o blessing_n which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v to_o impart_v so_o that_o he_o give_v it_o not_o always_o because_o the_o gardener_n have_v deserve_v it_o by_o dress_v up_o and_o cultivate_a his_o garden_n well_o though_o yet_o it_o be_v very_o certain_a that_o whosoever_o do_v this_o as_o he_o ought_v and_o do_v procure_v withal_o to_o untie_v his_o whole_a affection_n from_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n will_v never_o fail_v to_o be_v regale_v by_o he_o but_o sometime_o because_o it_o be_v his_o pleasure_n as_o i_o have_v say_v to_o show_v his_o power_n and_o greatness_n even_o upon_o the_o most_o barren_a soil_n and_o to_o prepare_v it_o for_o the_o receive_v all_o kind_n of_o good_a so_o that_o now_o she_o seem_v not_o in_o some_o sort_n to_o have_v so_o much_o as_o a_o power_n to_o return_v to_o live_v in_o offence_n of_o almighty_a god_n as_o she_o be_v wont_a but_o she_o have_v her_o thought_n so_o habituate_v to_o understand_v what_o be_v truth_n indeed_o that_o all_o the_o rest_n seem_v but_o a_o foolery_n and_o fit_a to_o make_v sport_n for_o child_n she_o smile_v also_o in_o herself_o sometime_o when_o she_o find_v certain_a grave_a person_n who_o live_v in_o the_o exercise_n of_o prayer_n and_o religion_n make_v account_n of_o certain_a foolish_a point_n of_o honour_n which_o such_o a_o soul_n as_o this_o hold_v now_o to_o be_v direct_o under_o her_o foot_n some_o will_v say_v that_o this_o be_v but_o discretion_n and_o a_o preserve_n forsooth_o of_o their_o dignity_n and_o rank_n that_o so_o afterward_o they_o may_v be_v able_a to_o do_v the_o more_o good_a but_o that_o other_o soul_n understand_v very_o well_o that_o they_o may_v have_v do_v almighty_a god_n more_o service_n in_o one_o day_n if_o they_o will_v have_v make_v their_o authority_n and_o honour_n yield_v and_o shrink_v for_o the_o love_n of_o almighty_a god_n than_o they_o will_v ever_o do_v in_o ten_o year_n by_o uphold_v and_o authorise_v the_o same_o after_o their_o way_n but_o thus_o do_v this_o kind_n of_o soul_n lead_v a_o certain_a troublesome_a life_n and_o be_v ever_o subject_a to_o the_o cross_n though_o yet_o ever_o go_v on_o with_o increase_n and_o though_o the_o person_n who_o use_v to_o treat_v with_o she_o conceive_v she_o sometime_o to_o be_v even_o already_o at_o the_o very_a very_a top_n of_o perfection_n yet_o do_v they_o find_v short_o after_o that_o still_o she_o grow_v to_o be_v more_o improve_v for_o our_o lord_n go_v ever_o favour_v she_o more_o and_o more_o god_n himself_o be_v in_o effect_n her_o soul_n and_o it_o be_v he_o who_o have_v already_o take_v the_o charge_n of_o she_o into_o his_o hand_n and_o he_o shine_v even_o bright_o in_o she_o and_o seem_v to_o be_v assist_v she_o after_o a_o kind_n of_o evident_a manner_n both_o that_o she_o may_v not_o offend_v he_o and_o by_o continual_o also_o favour_v and_o stir_v she_o still_o up_o to_o serve_v he_o when_o once_o my_o soul_n arrive_v so_o far_o as_o that_o almighty_a god_n may_v be_v please_v to_o do_v she_o this_o great_a favour_n my_o misery_n and_o sin_n do_v cease_v even_o all_o at_o once_o and_o our_o lord_n give_v i_o strength_n to_o quit_v they_o and_o it_o move_v i_o no_o more_o to_o be_v afterward_o in_o those_o occasion_n of_o imperfection_n and_o with_o person_n who_o have_v former_o be_v wont_a to_o to_o bring_v distraction_n upon_o i_o then_o if_o i_o have_v not_o be_v there_o at_o all_o nay_o rather_o that_o which_o be_v wont_a to_o damnifve_v i_o grow_v to_o assist_v i_o now_o and_o all_o thing_n be_v now_o fit_a mean_n to_o make_v i_o know_v god_n more_o and_o to_o love_v he_o better_o and_o to_o see_v how_o deep_o i_o be_v oblige_v to_o he_o and_o to_o make_v i_o in_o fine_a very_o sorry_a for_o what_o i_o have_v be_v but_o yet_o i_o well_o understand_v withal_o that_o this_o come_v no_o way_n from_o i_o nor_o have_v i_o grow_v to_o gain_v it_o by_o any_o diligence_n of_o my_o own_o nor_o indeed_o have_v i_o even_o have_v time_n for_o it_o but_o only_o his_o divine_a majesty_n through_o the_o mere_a and_o only_o motive_n of_o his_o own_o goodness_n have_v give_v i_o strength_n for_o this_o purpose_n from_o the_o time_n when_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o afford_v i_o the_o favour_n of_o these_o rapt_n this_o strength_n have_v go_v on_o with_o increase_n and_o he_o have_v also_o hold_v i_o so_o fast_o with_o his_o hand_n that_o i_o may_v not_o return_v back_o again_o any_o more_o and_o now_o i_o think_v that_o it_o be_v nothing_o at_o all_o which_o i_o do_v on_o my_o part_n but_o i_o understand_v in_o a_o very_a evident_a manner_n that_o our_o lord_n be_v he_o who_o work_v and_o therefore_o i_o be_o apt_a to_o be_v of_o opinion_n that_o the_o person_n to_o who_o our_o lord_n do_v show_v these_o favour_n suppose_v ever_o that_o with_o all_o humility_n and_o fear_v he_o will_v understand_v and_o acknowledge_v that_o it_o be_v our_o lord_n himself_o who_o do_v they_o and_o that_o in_o effect_n we_o do_v nothing_o at_o all_o in_o the_o business_n may_v put_v himself_o into_o any_o company_n and_o that_o how_o distract_v and_o vicious_a soever_o it_o be_v it_o will_v not_o move_v or_o even_o concern_v he_o but_o that_o rather_o it_o will_v be_v of_o help_n to_o he_o and_o minister_v he_o some_o occasion_n or_o other_o whereby_o he_o may_v reap_v more_o advantage_n for_o his_o own_o good_a for_o these_o be_v already_o make_v strong_a soul_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o
ruin_n if_o he_o love_v thou_o and_o not_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n such_o a_o one_o walk_v by_o the_o valley_n of_o humility_n nor_o be_o i_o able_a to_o understand_v why_o any_o creature_n shall_v be_v afraid_a to_o put_v himself_o into_o this_o way_n of_o perfection_n and_o i_o beseech_v our_o bless_a lord_n even_o by_o what_o he_o be_v that_o he_o will_v give_v we_o right_o to_o understand_v how_o ill_o that_o security_n be_v which_o we_o look_v for_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o such_o manifest_a danger_n as_o where_o one_o be_v to_o be_v still_o trudge_v on_o in_o the_o rank_n and_o row_v of_o the_o world_n and_o that_o we_o may_v believe_v our_o true_a security_n and_o safety_n to_o consist_v in_o our_o procure_n to_o be_v still_o go_v on_o in_o the_o way_n of_o do_v service_n to_o almighty_a god_n away_o away_o let_v we_o all_o fix_v our_o eye_n upon_o he_o and_o let_v we_o not_o have_v any_o fear_n that_o this_o sun_n of_o justice_n will_v set_v or_o ever_o permit_v we_o to_o walk_v in_o such_o sort_n by_o night_n as_o that_o we_o may_v grow_v to_o be_v lose_v unless_o we_o first_o resolve_v to_o leave_v he_o nor_o let_v we_o fear_v to_o walk_v even_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o lion_n of_o who_o every_o one_o seem_v greedy_a to_o be_v carryingaway_o his_o several_a piece_n and_o these_o be_v certain_a thing_n which_o the_o world_n be_v wont_a to_o call_v by_o the_o name_n of_o honour_n and_o great_a estate_n and_o delight_n and_o the_o devil_n on_o the_o other_o side_n seem_v also_o willing_a here_o to_o fright_v we_o with_o certain_a frivolous_a toy_n a_o be_v thousand_o time_n over_o i_o be_o amaze_v and_o ten_o thousand_o time_n will_v i_o desire_v even_o to_o dissolve_v myself_o with_o pour_v forth_o my_o tear_n &_o to_o cry-out_a to_o the_o whole_a world_n all_o at_o once_o to_o proclaim_v my_o own_o great_a wickedness_n and_o blindness_n so_o to_o try_v if_o that_o may_v do_v any_o good_a towards_o the_o make_n man_n at_o last_o open_v their_o eye_n let_v he_o open_v they_o through_o his_o own_o infinite_a goodness_n who_o know_v how_o to_o do_v it_o and_o not_o permit_v that_o ever_o i_o may_v turn_v blind_a again_o amen_n the_o six_o and_o thirty_o chapter_n she_o prosecute_v the_o subject_n which_o she_o have_v begin_v and_o declare_v the_o final_a conclusion_n of_o the_o foundation_n of_o this_o monastery_n of_o the_o glorious_a s._n joseph_n of_o auila_n and_o of_o the_o great_a contradiction_n and_o persecution_n which_o the_o religious_a woman_n be_v put_v to_o suffer_v even_o after_o they_o have_v take_v the_o habit_n and_o of_o the_o many_o trouble_n and_o temptation_n which_o she_o be_v fain_o to_o undergo_v and_o how_o his_o divine_a majesty_n draw_v she_o out_o of_o all_o with_o victory_n to_o his_o own_o praise_n and_o glory_n be_v part_v from_o that_o city_n where_o i_o be_v i_o pass_v with_o much_o contentment_n by_o the_o way_n resolve_v to_o undertake_v and_o go_v through_o with_o all_o thing_n which_o our_o lord_n shall_v be_v please_v to_o lay_v upon_o i_o and_o that_o with_o a_o most_o frank_a and_o entire_a submission_n of_o my_o whole_a hart_n now_o the_o self-same_a night_n when_o i_o arrive_v at_o auila_n our_o dispatch_n with_o the_o breve_fw-la from_o rome_n arrive_v also_o there_o so_o that_o i_o be_v amaze_v at_o it_o and_o so_o also_o be_v all_o they_o who_o know_v of_o the_o haste_n wherewith_o our_o lord_n have_v solicit_v i_o to_o come_v away_o when_o they_o also_o know_v withal_o the_o great_a necessity_n which_o there_o be_v thereof_o and_o the_o coniuncture_n also_o otherwise_o which_o appear_v then_o for_o i_o find_v the_o bishop_n there_o and_o that_o holy_a man_n fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n and_o a_o certain_a cavalier_n also_o a_o very_a great_a servant_n of_o our_o lord_n in_o who_o house_n that_o holy_a man_n fray_n pedro_n be_v lodge_v for_o that_o cavalier_n be_v a_o person_n with_o who_o general_o the_o servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n be_v ever_o wont_a to_o find_v a_o safe_a retreat_n now_o both_o those_o person_n join_v together_o obtain_v so_o much_o at_o the_o bishop_n hand_n as_o that_o he_o be_v content_a to_o admit_v of_o the_o monastery_n which_o be_v not_o a_o thing_n of_o small_a importance_n consider_v that_o it_o must_v live_v upon_o alm_n but_o the_o bishop_n be_v real_o a_o friend_n to_o such_o as_o be_v indeed_o resolve_v to_o serve_v our_o lord_n for_o instant_o he_o will_v apply_v himself_o to_o do_v they_o favour_n but_o the_o approbation_n of_o that_o holy_a old_a man_n and_o his_o deal_n earnest_o with_o several_a person_n to_o assist_v we_o be_v the_o thing_n which_o make_v a_o end_n of_o the_o work_n if_o i_o have_v not_o chance_v to_o arrive_v in_o this_o very_a coniuncture_n as_o i_o have_v say_v i_o know_v not_o how_o the_o besines_n can_v possible_o have_v be_v dispatch_v for_o this_o holy_a man_n stay_v a_o very_a little_a while_n here_o and_o i_o think_v not_o above_o eight_o day_n and_o even_o then_o he_o 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better_v and_o perfect_v they_o and_o give_v they_o worth_a and_o my_o sin_n and_o misery_n he_o will_v instant_o hide_v yea_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v permit_v that_o even_o the_o eye_n of_o such_o as_o see_v they_o shall_v be_v blind_v and_o their_o memory_n fail_v when_o they_o will_v remember_v they_o he_o even_o guild_v our_o fault_n and_o make_v that_o virtue_n shine_v bright_a which_o he_o the_o same_o lord_n convey_v into_o i_o and_o wherein_o he_o offer_v i_o even_o a_o kind_n of_o violence_n that_o i_o may_v receive_v it_o but_o i_o will_v now_o return_v to_o speak_v of_o those_o thing_n which_o they_o have_v command_v i_o to_o declare_v and_o i_o say_v that_o if_o i_o be_v to_o set_v forth_o after_o a_o particular_a manner_n in_o what_o sort_n our_o lord_n proceed_v with_o i_o in_o these_o beginning_n i_o shall_v need_v another_o manner_n of_o understanding_n than_o my_o own_o to_o perform_v all_o that_o with_o advantage_n for_o which_o i_o be_o oblige_v to_o he_o 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through_o the_o contentment_n which_o i_o have_v to_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n when_o they_o observe_v i_o to_o love_v solitude_n so_o well_o and_o see_v i_o shed_v tear_n sometime_o which_o yet_o indeed_o be_v for_o my_o sin_n they_o think_v yea_o and_o they_o say_v that_o it_o grow_v but_o from_o some_o inward_a melancholy_n and_o disgust_v for_o my_o part_n i_o have_v a_o good_a inclination_n to_o all_o the_o observance_n of_o a_o religious_a life_n save_v only_o that_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o endure_v any_o thing_n which_o may_v carry_v so_o much_o as_o a_o appearance_n of_o contempt_n with_o it_o for_o i_o delight_v in_o be_v esteem_v
so_o hard_o that_o his_o affliction_n be_v very_o great_a i_o tell_v he_o once_o upon_o this_o occasion_n that_o since_o he_o have_v be_v so_o devote_a to_o that_o mystery_n when_o our_o lord_n carry_v his_o cross_n upon_o his_o back_n he_o may_v do_v well_o to_o conceive_v that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v be_v please_v to_o give_v he_o a_o feeling_n of_o some_o part_n of_o that_o which_o himself_o have_v undergo_v with_o so_o much_o trouble_v and_o my_o father_n be_v so_o comfort_v by_o this_o thought_n that_o i_o remember_v he_o not_o to_o have_v ever_o complain_v more_o he_o remain_v three_o day_n with_o very_o little_a show_n of_o understanding_n but_o yet_o the_o day_n whereon_o he_o die_v our_o lord_n restore_v it_o to_o he_o &_o that_o so_o entire_o as_o we_o be_v all_o even_o amaze_v to_o see_v it_o and_o he_o continue_v in_o it_o say_v the_o creed_n and_o as_o soon_o as_o he_o have_v pass_v through_o the_o first_o part_n thereof_o he_o expire_v when_o he_o be_v dead_a he_o look_v even_o like_o a_o angel_n and_o as_o such_o in_o manner_n of_o speech_n he_o ever_o seem_v in_o my_o sight_n to_o be_v both_o in_o soul_n and_o disposition_n or_o humour_n which_o he_o have_v extreme_o good_a nor_o do_v i_o know_v why_o i_o have_v speak_v thus_o much_o of_o he_o unless_o it_o be_v to_o confess_v and_o accuse_v my_o own_o wickedness_n so_o much_o the_o more_o since_o upon_o the_o sight_n of_o such_o a_o death_n and_o the_o knowledge_n of_o such_o a_o life_n i_o ought_v to_o have_v amend_v and_o reform_v i_o if_o it_o have_v be_v but_o to_o grow_v the_o like_a to_o such_o a_o father_n his_o confessarius_fw-la who_o be_v a_o dominican_n and_o a_o great_a learned_a man_n affirm_v that_o he_o make_v no_o doubt_n but_o that_o my_o father_n will_v go_v straight_o to_o heaven_n for_o he_o who_o have_v confess_v he_o diverse_a year_n speak_v much_o of_o the_o great_a purity_n of_o his_o conscience_n this_o dominican_n father_n be_v a_o very_a worthy_a man_n and_o a_o true_a servant_n of_o god_n do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o good_a for_o i_o confess_v myself_o to_o he_o and_o he_o undertake_v the_o profit_n of_o my_o soul_n with_o care_n and_o to_o make_v i_o well_o understand_v the_o way_n of_o perdition_n wherein_o i_o be_v walk_v he_o cause_v i_o also_o to_o communicate_v every_o fifteen_o day_n and_o begin_v first_o to_o treat_v with_o he_o by_o little_a and_o little_a i_o speak_v with_o he_o afterward_o at_o length_n about_o my_o prayer_n and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o must_v not_o fail_v to_o use_v it_o and_o that_o it_o can_v not_o by_o any_o mean_n but_o do_v i_o good_a i_o begin_v therefore_o to_o use_v it_o again_o and_o from_o that_o time_n forward_o i_o never_o leave_v it_o though_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o for_o the_o present_a give-ove_a the_o occasion_n of_o my_o imperfection_n i_o therefore_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n pass_v a_o most_o sad_a life_n for_o in_o prayer_n i_o come_v to_o understand_v my_o fault_n on_o the_o one_o side_n i_o be_v call_v by_o almighty_a god_n and_o on_o the_o other_o i_o follow_v the_o world_n all_o those_o thing_n which_o belong_v to_o god_n give_v i_o great_a contentment_n but_o those_o thing_n which_o be_v of_o the_o world_n tie_v i_o up_o in_o chain_n and_o it_o seem_v i_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o make_v these_o two_o contraries_n friend_n which_o yet_o be_v so_o much_o in_o enmity_n with_o one_o another_o namely_o a_o spiritual_a life_n on_o the_o one_o side_n and_o sensual_a pastime_n contentment_n and_o delight_n on_o the_o other_o in_o my_o prayer_n i_o endure_v much_o trouble_n because_o now_o my_o spirit_n be_v grow_v to_o be_v no_o long_o a_o lord_n but_o a_o slave_n and_o therefore_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o shut_v myself_o up_o in_o my_o hart_n which_o be_v the_o only_o way_n of_o proceed_v i_o former_o have_v hold_v in_o my_o use_n of_o prayer_n without_o shut_v up_o a_o thousand_o vanity_n together_o with_o myself_o i_o pass_v so_o many_o year_n in_o this_o manner_n that_o now_o i_o be_o astonish_v to_o consider_v that_o any_o person_n shall_v be_v able_a to_o endure_v the_o not_o leave_v either_o the_o one_o or_o the_o other_o in_o so_o long_a a_o time_n i_o well_o know_v that_o now_o it_o be_v no_o long_o in_o my_o hand_n to_o give_v over_o mental_a prayer_n for_o he_o hold_v i_o now_o in_o his_o who_o resolve_v to_o do_v i_o great_a favour_n o_o that_o i_o can_v declare_v the_o occasion_n of_o do_v ill_a which_o god_n remove_v from_o i_o in_o those_o year_n and_o how_o i_o put_v myself_o again_o into_o they_o and_o of_o the_o danger_n wherein_o i_o be_v to_o loose_v all_o the_o opinion_n and_o reputation_n which_o i_o have_v in_o the_o world_n from_o which_o he_o free_v i_o and_o of_o the_o haste_n which_o i_o make_v to_o discover_v by_o my_o action_n what_o kind_n of_o creature_n i_o be_v and_o the_o haste_n which_o our_o lord_n make_v also_o to_o cover_v these_o fault_n and_o to_o discover_v some_o little_a virtue_n of_o i_o if_o there_o be_v any_o and_o to_o make_v the_o same_o seem_v great_a in_o the_o eye_n of_o all_o man_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o they_o ever_o hold_v i_o in_o much_o account_n for_o though_o sometime_o my_o vanity_n will_v shine_v through_o my_o action_n yet_o they_o see_v other_o thing_n in_o i_o which_o appear_v good_a will_v not_o believe_v the_o ill_a but_o the_o true_a cause_n hereof_o be_v that_o the_o knower_n of_o all_o thing_n see_v that_o this_o be_v fit_a to_o be_v so_o ordain_v to_o the_o end_n that_o when_o afterward_o i_o shall_v come_v to_o persuade_v the_o world_n to_o do_v he_o service_n they_o may_v give_v i_o some_o little_a credit_n therein_o and_o that_o sovereign_a bounty_n of_o god_n do_v not_o so_o much_o consider_v my_o great_a sin_n as_o it_o do_v those_o desire_n which_o i_o have_v sometime_o to_o serve_v he_o and_o the_o great_a trouble_n i_o feel_v in_o myself_o for_o want_v power_n and_o strength_n to_o put_v the_o same_o in_o execution_n but_o o_o thou_o lord_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o how_o shall_v i_o ever_o be_v able_a to_o express_v with_o fullness_n and_o clearness_n enough_o the_o favour_n which_o thou_o show_v i_o in_o those_o year_n and_o how_o in_o that_o very_a time_n when_o i_o be_v offend_v thou_o most_o thou_o make_v such_o haste_n to_o dispose_v my_o soul_n to_o a_o most_o profound_a remorse_n and_o sorrow_n that_o so_o i_o may_v come_v to_o taste_v of_o thy_o regalo_n and_o great_a favour_n again_o the_o truth_n be_v o_o my_o king_n that_o thou_o do_v use_v the_o most_o curious_a and_o choice_a kind_n of_o sharp_a punishment_n which_o can_v possible_o to_o my_o think_n be_v find_v for_o i_o as_o one_o who_o do_v well_o understand_v what_o be_v likely_a to_o cost_v i_o the_o dear_a of_o all_o other_o thing_n for_o thou_o do_v punish_v those_o sin_n of_o i_o with_o great_a regalo_n and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v no_o impertinency_n which_o i_o utter_v though_o yet_o it_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o reason_n that_o i_o shall_v now_o even_o as_o it_o be_v lose_v my_o wit_n whilst_o i_o renew_v the_o memory_n of_o my_o ingratitude_n and_o malice_n towards_o thou_o but_o real_o it_o be_v so_o much_o a_o more_o painful_a and_o insupportable_a kind_n of_o thing_n for_o i_o to_o receive_v such_o favour_n upon_o the_o very_a neck_n of_o my_o have_v fall_v into_o so_o great_a offence_n than_o it_o will_v have_v be_v to_o endure_v grievous_a punishment_n that_o some_o one_o of_o those_o say_a favour_n so_o receive_v seem_v clear_o and_o very_o certain_o to_o have_v even_o overwrought_a and_o defeat_v and_o confound_v i_o more_o than_o all_o my_o infirmity_n and_o torment_n and_o other_o affliction_n put_v together_o be_v ever_o able_a to_o do_v for_o as_o for_o these_o latter_a affliction_n i_o find_v that_o i_o deserve_v they_o well_o and_o i_o think_v they_o may_v go_v in_o part_n by_o way_n of_o satisfaction_n for_o my_o sin_n though_o yet_o even_o in_o that_o kind_n of_o account_n i_o know_v that_o my_o sufferance_n be_v few_o for_o my_o offence_n which_o be_v so_o many_o and_o so_o very_o great_a but_o now_o to_o see_v myself_o receive_v so_o fresh_o so_o high_a favour_n while_o yet_o the_o while_n i_o make_v so_o ill_a retribution_n for_o those_o which_o i_o have_v receive_v before_o be_v in_o my_o account_n a_o kind_n of_o most_o terrible_a torment_n and_o i_o think_v it_o will_v be_v esteem_v so_o by_o all_o such_o as_o have_v any_o knowledge_n or_o love_n of_o god_n and_o we_o may_v easy_o find_v this_o to_o be_v true_a even_o by_o the_o natural_a condition_n of_o person_n
that_o i_o shall_v shed_v those_o tear_n do_v show_v i_o favour_n enough_o for_o his_o part_n since_o i_o forget_v the_o sense_n and_o tenderness_n thereof_o so_o soon_o and_o i_o recommend_v myself_o to_o that_o glorious_a saint_n that_o she_o may_v help_v i_o to_o obtain_v pardon_n of_o my_o sin_n but_o i_o conceive_v that_o i_o profit_v the_o more_o in_o that_o last_o time_n when_o i_o pray_v before_o the_o picture_n because_o then_o note_n i_o be_v grow_v into_o very_o great_a distrust_n of_o myself_o and_o place_v all_o my_o confidence_n in_o almighty_a god_n to_o my_o think_n i_o tell_v he_o then_o that_o i_o will_v blessing_n never_o rise_v from_o thence_o till_o he_o grant_v i_o the_o humble_a suit_n which_o i_o have_v make_v and_o i_o be_o full_o of_o opinion_n that_o it_o do_v i_o good_a for_o i_o have_v go_v improve_v much_o ever_o since_o that_o time_n now_o i_o continue_v to_o hold_v this_o manner_n of_o prayer_n because_o not_o be_v able_a to_o discourse_v with_o my_o understanding_n i_o procure_v to_o represent_v christ_n our_o lord_n to_o my_o mind_n as_o be_v then_o within_o my_o very_a self_n and_o jever_n also_o find_v it_o to_o prove_v better_o with_o i_o in_o my_o opinion_n when_o i_o conceive_v myself_o to_o find_v he_o all_o alone_a for_o he_o be_v alone_o and_o i_o be_v so_o much_o afflict_v i_o think_v he_o be_v to_o admit_v i_o yea_o and_o to_o assist_v i_o too_o as_o a_o person_n who_o be_v in_o necessity_n and_o misery_n of_o this_o kind_n of_o simplicity_n i_o have_v many_o and_o in_o particular_a i_o use_v to_o find_v myself_o very_o well_o in_o the_o prayer_n of_o the_o garden_n yea_o and_o i_o be_v in_o my_o kingdom_n when_o i_o may_v accompany_v he_o there_o i_o think_v also_o much_o upon_o that_o sweat_n together_o with_o the_o great_a affliction_n which_o he_o sustain_v then_o and_o i_o wish_v that_o i_o may_v have_v be_v permit_v to_o wipe_v that_o most_o painful_a sweat_n from_o his_o face_n but_o i_o remember_v how_o in_o fine_a i_o never_o dare_v resolve_v to_o presume_v to_o do_v it_o so_o grievous_o do_v my_o sin_n represent_v themselves_o to_o i_o howsoever_o i_o remain_v there_o by_o he_o as_o long_o as_o my_o thought_n will_v give_v i_o leave_v but_o the_o truth_n be_v i_o have_v store_n of_o such_o as_o torment_v i_o most_o night_n during_o many_o year_n before_o i_o go_v to_o rest_v and_o when_o i_o be_v recommend_v myself_o to_o god_n ere_o i_o sleep_v i_o ever_o think_v a_o little_a upon_o this_o passage_n of_o his_o prayer_n in_o the_o garden_n and_o that_o even_o before_o i_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n for_o they_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o may_v gain_v many_o indulgence_n by_o it_o and_o at_o least_o i_o be_o of_o opinion_n that_o my_o soul_n get_v much_o by_o this_o mean_n because_o thus_o i_o begin_v to_o make_v mental_a prayer_n even_o without_o express_o know_v what_o it_o be_v and_o then_o it_o be_v as_o usual_a for_o i_o not_o to_o omit_v this_o custom_n as_o not_o to_o fail_v of_o 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it_o do_v i_o also_o good_a to_o look_v upon_o field_n or_o flower_n or_o water_n for_o in_o these_o thing_n do_v i_o find_v the_o memory_n of_o our_o creator_n as_o i_o also_o do_v in_o my_o own_o ingratitude_n and_o sin_n all_o which_o particular_n be_v wont_a to_o awake_v i_o and_o recollect_v i_o and_o to_o serve_v i_o in_o stead_n of_o a_o book_n for_o as_o for_o heaven_n and_o such_o high_a thing_n as_o that_o my_o understanding_n be_v so_o dull_a that_o i_o can_v never_o i_o say_v never_o be_v able_a to_o have_v or_o frame_v any_o imagination_n or_o fancy_n concern_v they_o till_o our_o lord_n represent_v they_o to_o i_o by_o other_o mean_n and_o i_o have_v so_o very_o little_a ability_n to_o represent_v thing_n to_o my_o mind_n by_o way_n of_o the_o understanding-part_n that_o my_o imagination_n serve_v i_o not_o to_o work_v upon_o any_o thing_n but_o only_o what_o i_o see_v with_o my_o eye_n which_o yet_o other_o be_v able_a enough_o to_o do_v who_o know_v how_o to_o form_v 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great_a a_o friend_n and_o favourer_n of_o the_o use_n of_o image_n or_o holy_a picture_n miserable_a creature_n be_v they_o who_o lose_v this_o benefit_n through_o their_o own_o fault_n and_o it_o appear_v also_o well_o enough_o that_o they_o do_v not_o love_v our_o lord_n for_o if_o they_o love_v he_o they_o will_v be_v glad_a to_o see_v his_o picture_n as_o here_o it_o give_v we_o contentment_n so_o see_v the_o picture_n of_o those_o person_n who_o we_o love_v about_o this_o time_n they_o give_v i_o the_o confession_n of_o s._n augustin_n and_o it_o seem_v our_o lord_n do_v so_o ordain_v it_o for_o neither_o do_v i_o procure_v they_o nor_o have_v i_o ever_o see_v they_o i_o bear_v a_o very_a great_a affection_n to_o this_o saint_n because_o the_o monastery_n where_o i_o live_v before_o i_o grow_v to_o be_v religious_a be_v of_o his_o order_n and_o beside_o in_o regard_n that_o he_o have_v be_v a_o sinner_n for_o i_o always_o find_v particular_a comfort_n in_o those_o saint_n who_o after_o have_v be_v sinner_n be_v convert_v to_o our_o lord_n as_o conceave_a that_o i_o shall_v have_v help_n by_o their_o mean_n and_o that_o our_o lord_n may_v also_o be_v induce_v to_o forgive_v i_o as_o he_o have_v do_v they_o save_o only_o that_o i_o be_v discomfort_a by_o this_o consideration_n as_o i_o have_v say_v before_o that_o our_o lord_n call_v they_o but_o once_o and_o they_o return_v not_o to_o fall_v from_o he_o any_o more_o but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o have_v fall_v so_o often_o that_o it_o afflict_v i_o to_o the_o very_a hart_n but_o yet_o still_o when_o i_o consider_v the_o love_n he_o bear_v i_o i_o grow_v to_o be_v encourage_v again_o for_o i_o never_o disinherit_v his_o mercy_n though_o i_o doubt_v of_o myself_o very_o often_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n how_o mighty_o do_v that_o obstinate_a stiffness_n amaze_v i_o to_o which_o my_o soul_n must_v needs_o have_v be_v subject_a whilst_o it_o receive_v so_o many_o help_n at_o thy_o hand_n and_o all_o in_o vain_a and_o it_o strike_v i_o with_o much_o fear_n to_o consider_v how_o little_a i_o be_v able_a to_o win_v upon_o myself_o all_o that_o while_n and_o how_o i_o remain_v still_o bind_v up_o from_o resolve_v to_o give_v myself_o whole_o to_o thou_o but_o when_o once_o i_o begin_v to_o read_v the_o say_a confession_n i_o think_v that_o case_n which_o have_v be_v he_o be_v also_o now_o direct_o i_o own_o and_o i_o recommend_v myself_o much_o to_o that_o glorious_a saint_n but_o when_o i_o come_v afterward_o to_o his_o conversion_n and_o read_v how_o he_o hear_v that_o voice_n
in_o the_o garden_n it_o be_v to_o my_o think_n as_o if_o our_o lord_n have_v make_v it_o to_o be_v utter_v for_o i_o so_o quick_a be_v that_o sense_n which_o i_o have_v thereof_o in_o my_o hart_n and_o i_o be_v for_o a_o very_a great_a while_n even_o dissolve_v as_o it_o be_v in_o tear_n and_o feel_v a_o great_a affliction_n and_o vexation_n o_o my_o dear_a lord_n howmuch_o do_v a_o soul_n grow_v to_o suffer_v and_o what_o torment_n do_v it_o endure_v for_o the_o lose_n of_o her_o liberty_n while_o yet_o she_o be_v create_v and_o ordain_v to_o be_v the_o lady_n of_o herself_o and_o to_o command_v for_o my_o part_n i_o be_o in_o a_o wonder_n how_o i_o can_v be_v able_a to_o endure_v so_o great_a torment_n but_o bless_v be_v almighty_a god_n who_o give_v i_o life_n till_o i_o may_v get_v out_o of_o that_o so_o deadly_a a_o death_n and_o now_o i_o think_v my_o soul_n be_v obtain_v great_a strength_n at_o the_o hand_n of_o that_o divine_a majesty_n and_o that_o now_o he_o may_v grow_v to_o be_v please_v to_o hear_v my_o outcry_n and_o have_v compassion_n of_o my_o so_o many_o tear_n upon_o this_o my_o affection_n to_o spend_v more_o time_n with_o he_o begin_v to_o increase_v and_o to_o take_v myself_o also_o out_o of_o the_o way_n of_o ill_a occasion_n for_o when_o they_o once_o be_v go_v i_o begin_v to_o love_v his_o divine_a majesty_n again_o at_o least_o i_o think_v i_o may_v conclude_v myself_o then_o to_o love_v he_o but_o the_o truth_n be_v that_o i_o understand_v not_o as_o i_o ought_v to_o have_v understand_v in_o what_o the_o true_a love_n of_o god_n do_v consist_v and_o to_o the_o best_a that_o i_o be_o able_a to_o judge_v i_o do_v even_o scarce_o make_v a_o end_n of_o dispose_v myself_o final_o to_o resolve_v to_o serve_v he_o when_o his_o divine_a majesty_n begin_v already_o to_o vouchsafe_v i_o new_a regalos_n and_o favour_n and_o it_o seem_v that_o what_o other_o must_v be_v glad_a to_o endeavour_v to_o get_v with_o much_o labour_n our_o lord_n be_v fain_o to_o find_v mean_n to_o make_v i_o content_a to_o accept_v which_o be_v in_o these_o latter_a year_n to_o delight_v and_o regale_n i_o in_o great_a measure_n i_o never_o presume_v to_o desire_v that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o even_o so_o much_o as_o any_o tenderness_n of_o devotion_n but_o i_o only_o beg_v so_o great_a mercy_n as_o may_v win_v he_o to_o allow_v i_o pardon_v for_o my_o sin_n already_o commit_v and_o so_o much_o grace_n as_o that_o i_o may_v commit_v no_o more_o but_o i_o see_v how_o great_a they_o be_v dare_v never_o advise_o desire_v any_o regalo_n or_o spiritual_a delight_n at_o his_o hand_n for_o i_o think_v he_o show_v i_o pity_n enough_o and_o it_o be_v real_o a_o very_a eminent_a mercy_n to_o consent_v that_o i_o shall_v arrive_v to_o be_v in_o his_o presence_n consider_v how_o well_o i_o know_v that_o if_o himself_o have_v not_o procure_v it_o i_o shall_v never_o have_v come_v only_o once_o in_o my_o whole_a life_n i_o remember_v that_o whilst_o i_o be_v in_o great_a dryness_n of_o devotion_n i_o desire_v he_o to_o give_v i_o some_o little_a spiritual_a gust_n but_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o reflect_v upon_o what_o i_o have_v do_v i_o remain_v so_o full_a of_o confusion_n by_o it_o that_o the_o only_o vexation_n i_o have_v to_o see_v myself_o with_o so_o little_a humility_n do_v give_v i_o that_o very_a advantage_n which_o i_o have_v presume_v to_o beg_v i_o be_v not_o ignorant_a that_o it_o may_v be_v no_o way_n a_o unlawful_a thing_n to_o desire_v it_o but_o i_o conceive_v that_o this_o be_v true_a for_o they_o who_o be_v well_o dispose_v to_o receive_v it_o by_o their_o have_v procure_v true_a devotion_n with_o all_o their_o power_n which_o consist_v in_o not_o offend_v almighty_a god_n and_o in_o be_v incline_v and_o resolve_v to_o do_v all_o that_o which_o be_v good_a and_o i_o think_v those_o tear_n of_o i_o be_v but_o faint_a and_o feminine_a tear_n and_o without_o any_o force_n or_o strength_n since_o i_o obtain_v not_o that_o by_o 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begin_v to_o declare_v the_o favour_n which_o our_o lord_n do_v she_o in_o prayer_n and_o speak_v of_o that_o wherein_o we_o may_v be_v able_a to_o help_v ourselves_o and_o how_o much_o it_o also_o import_v we_o to_o understand_v the_o say_v favour_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v us._n she_o humble_o desire_v of_o he_o to_o who_o she_o send_v this_o account_n of_o herself_o that_o whatsoever_o she_o shall_v declare_v from_o hence_o forward_o may_v remain_v in_o secret_a with_o he_o since_o he_o have_v command_v she_o to_o set_v down_o in_o so_o particular_a a_o manner_n the_o favour_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v she_o i_o enjoy_v sometime_o as_o i_o say_v some_o beginning_n of_o that_o which_o i_o shall_v now_o declare_v though_o it_o use_v to_o pass_v away_o very_o quick_o it_o fall_v out_o in_o this_o representation_n whereof_o i_o speak_v when_o i_o place_v myself_o near_o christ_n our_o lord_n yea_o and_o sometime_o also_o when_o i_o will_v be_v read_v that_o there_o will_v come_v sudden_o upon_o i_o and_o without_o either_o expectation_n or_o any_o immediate_a preparation_n on_o my_o part_n such_o a_o evident_a feel_n of_o the_o favour_n presence_n of_o almighty_a god_n as_o that_o i_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n doubt_n but_o that_o either_o he_o be_v within_o i_o or_o else_o i_o all_o ingulfed_a in_o he_o this_o be_v not_o in_o the_o manner_n of_o a_o vision_n but_o i_o think_v they_o call_v it_o mystical_a theology_n and_o it_o suspend_v the_o soul_n in_o such_o sort_n that_o she_o seem_v to_o be_v whole_o out_o of_o herself_o the_o will_n be_v in_o act_n of_o love_a the_o memory_n seem_v to_o i_o to_o be_v in_o a_o manner_n lose_v the_o understanding_n in_o my_o opinion_n it_o discourse_v not_o &_o although_o it_o be_v not_o lose_v yet_o it_o work_v not_o in_o that_o kind_n as_o i_o be_v say_v but_o remain_v as_o it_o be_v amazed_z to_o consider_v how_o much_o it_o understand_v though_o yet_o it_o please_v god_n that_o it_o understand_v itself_o also_o not_o to_o understand_v full_o any_o part_n of_o that_o which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n represent_v to_o it_o before_o this_o time_n i_o have_v be_v use_v to_o find_v a_o very_a constant_a and_o continual_a tenderness_n or_o sweetness_n which_o i_o think_v may_v in_o some_o part_n be_v procure_v and_o it_o be_v a_o regalo_n which_o be_v neither_o whole_o sensual_a nor_o whole_o spiritual_a but_o it_o be_v whole_o the_o gift_n and_o blessing_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o it_o seem_v that_o we_o may_v great_o help_v towards_o the_o obtain_n this_o for_o ourselves_o by_o consider_v our_o own_o baseness_n and_o the_o ingratitude_n which_o we_o use_v towards_o almighty_a god_n how_o much_o he_o do_v for_o we_o his_o passion_n and_o grievous_a torment_n his_o whole_a life_n which_o be_v so_o full_a of_o affliction_n to_o delight_v ourselves_o in_o consider_v his_o work_n and_o his_o greatness_n &_o how_o much_o he_o love_v we_o and_o many_o other_o such_o thing_n as_o these_o upon_o which_o whosoever_o shall_v have_v care_n to_o profit_n will_v be_v able_a to_o fall_v many_o time_n though_o yet_o he_o have_v just_a then_o no_o particular_a design_n that_o way_n and_o if_o together_o with_o these_o reflection_n the_o party_n fall_v out_o to_o be_v possess_v and_o seize_v with_o any_o love_n of_o almighty_a god_n the_o soul_n will_v be_v all_o regale_v the_o hart_n will_v be_v full_a of_o tenderness_n and_o relent_a and_o tear_n will_v also_o abound_v which_o sometime_o we_o shall_v seem_v to_o have_v get_v as_o it_o be_v by_o force_n and_o at_o other_o time_n
our_o lord_n will_v seem_v to_o have_v bring_v they_o so_o upon_o we_o as_o that_o we_o be_v not_o able_a to_o resist_v they_o now_o it_o seem_v that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v to_o pay_v we_o here_o for_o the_o little_a poor_a care_n we_o take_v to_o serve_v he_o with_o so_o high_a a_o gift_n as_o that_o comfort_n be_v which_o he_o bestow_v upon_o a_o soul_n who_o see_v herself_o able_a to_o lament_v &_o weep_v for_o have_v offend_v so_o great_a a_o lord_n and_o i_o wonder_v not_o a_o whitt_n at_o this_o for_o i_o think_v she_o have_v reason_n enough_o and_o to_o spare_v for_o receive_v joy_n and_o comfort_n upon_o this_o occasion_n there_o do_v the_o soul_n rejoice_v &_o there_o do_v she_o regale_n herself_o i_o like_v that_o comparison_n well_o which_o offer_v itself_o to_o i_o now_o that_o these_o joy_n of_o prayer_n shall_v be_v somewhat_o like_o those_o other_o which_o be_v in_o heaven_n for_o as_o they_o see_v no_o more_o there_o then_o god_n be_v please_v that_o they_o shall_v see_v according_a to_o their_o desert_n &_o they_o acknowledge_v how_o small_a those_o desert_n be_v every_o one_o of_o they_o be_v high_o well_o content_a with_o the_o place_n wherein_o he_o be_v though_o yet_o there_o be_v a_o excessive_a difference_n betweme_v the_o joy_n of_o some_o and_o of_o other_o in_o heaven_n yea_o much_o more_o than_o there_o be_v between_o some_o spiritual_a joy_n and_o other_o here_o on_o earth_n which_o yet_o be_v very_o great_a and_o real_o a_o soul_n when_o god_n do_v she_o this_o favour_n at_o first_o be_v very_o apt_a to_o think_v that_o there_o remain_v no_o more_o then_o to_o be_v desire_v and_o she_o esteem_v herself_o then_o to_o be_v abundant_o satisfy_v for_o all_o the_o service_n which_o ever_o she_o be_v able_a to_o pay_v almighty_a god_n and_o i_o find_v that_o she_o have_v at_o least_o reason_n enough_o to_o think_v so_o for_o even_o one_o of_o those_o single_a tear_n which_o yet_o we_o may_v after_o a_o sort_n procure_v in_o 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and_o profit_n to_o one_o of_o those_o person_n who_o command_v i_o to_o write_v thus_o much_o and_o who_o our_o lord_n have_v draw_v further_o on_o in_o four_o month_n than_o i_o be_v able_a to_o get_v in_o seaventeen_o year_n but_o certain_o he_o dispose_v himself_o better_a and_o so_o the_o gardener_n have_v water_v his_o orchard_n without_o any_o trouble_n at_o all_o to_o the_o party_n with_o all_o these_o four_o kind_n of_o water_n though_o the_o last_o of_o the_o four_o have_v not_o yet_o come_v to_o his_o turn_n but_o by_o drop_n but_o the_o business_n go_v on_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o by_o the_o favour_n and_o help_v of_o our_o lord_n he_o will_v quick_o ingulfe_n himself_o therein_o and_o i_o shall_v be_v hearty_o glad_a if_o he_o laugh_v at_o i_o in_o case_n he_o find_v the_o manner_n of_o my_o declare_v this_o point_n in_o question_n to_o have_v be_v impertinent_a of_o they_o who_o begin_v to_o hold_v prayer_n we_o may_v say_v that_o those_o be_v the_o person_n who_o draw_v water_n out_o of_o the_o well_o which_o use_v to_o be_v very_o troublesome_a as_o i_o have_v say_v for_o they_o be_v likely_a to_o take_v much_o pain_n about_o recollect_v their_o sense_n which_o have_v be_v use_v to_o wander_v and_o go_v scatter_v up_o and_o down_o it_o be_v wont_a to_o be_v of_o trouble_n enough_o these_o man_n lesson_n have_v therefore_o need_n to_o go_v accustom_v themselves_o not_o to_o desire_v to_o see_v or_o hear_v impertinent_a thing_n and_o to_o observe_v their_o hour_n of_o prayer_n and_o to_o love_v to_o be_v alone_o and_o to_o consider_v the_o life_n which_o they_o have_v lead_v and_o to_o do_v it_o hand_n to_o hand_n by_o themselves_o and_o though_o all_o these_o whether_o they_o be_v either_o of_o the_o first_o degree_n or_o of_o the_o last_o be_v to_o employ_v themselves_o upon_o these_o thought_n very_o often_o yet_o there_o be_v to_o be_v of_o the_o more_o and_o of_o the_o less_o in_o these_o cogitation_n as_o i_o will_v show_v afterward_o at_o first_o they_o be_v wont_n to_o be_v in_o some_o pain_n because_o they_o use_v not_o to_o be_v full_o enough_o satisfy_v that_o they_o repent_v themselves_o sufficient_o of_o their_o sin_n and_o yet_o they_o fail_v not_o to_o do_v it_o since_o they_o resolve_v to_o serve_v almighty_a god_n in_o so_o very_o good_a earnest_n they_o must_v procure_v to_o meditate_v much_o upon_o the_o life_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n though_o the_o understanding_n will_v perhaps_o be_v weary_a of_o this_o but_o yet_o hitherto_o we_o may_v be_v able_a to_o be_v of_o some_o help_n to_o ourselves_o i_o mean_v together_o with_o the_o favour_n of_o our_o lord_n for_o without_o this_o the_o world_n know_v well_o enough_o that_o we_o be_v not_o able_a so_o much_o as_o to_o have_v a_o good_a thought_n now_o this_o be_v to_o begin_v to_o draw_v water_n out_o of_o a_o well_o and_o i_o pray_v god_n there_o fall_v out_o to_o be_v any_o but_o at_o least_o the_o fault_n be_v not_o we_o if_o there_o be_v none_o since_o we_o endeavour_v to_o draw_v it_o and_o since_o we_o do_v what_o we_o can_v towards_o the_o water_v of_o these_o flower_n and_o almighty_a god_n be_v so_o very_o good_a that_o when_o for_o reason_n best_a know_v to_o his_o divine_a majesty_n yea_o and_o perhaps_o even_o for_o our_o own_o great_a good_n he_o will_v have_v this_o well_o to_o be_v dry_a he_o be_v please_v so_o that_o still_o we_o do_v our_o part_n like_o good_a gardener_n to_o sustain_v these_o flower_n without_o any_o water_n at_o all_o and_o to_o make_v our_o virtue_n grow_v i_o mean_v here_o by_o water_n tear_n whereof_o
any_o because_o then_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o multiply_v our_o virtue_n by_o that_o mean_n the_o twelve_o chapter_n she_o prosecute_v her_o discourse_n of_o the_o first_o state_n or_o degree_n of_o prayer_n and_o declare_v how_o far_o we_o may_v arrive_v of_o ourselves_o by_o the_o favour_n of_o our_o lord_n and_o of_o the_o hurt_n it_o bring_v to_o desire_v that_o our_o spirit_n may_v rise_v to_o supernatural_a and_o extraordinary_a thing_n till_o our_o lord_n himself_o be_v please_v to_o ordain_v it_o that_o which_o i_o pretend_v to_o give_v to_o be_v understand_v in_o the_o last_o chapter_n though_o yet_o i_o divert_v myself_o much_o upon_o other_o thing_n in_o regard_n that_o i_o think_v they_o very_o necessary_a be_v to_o declare_v how_o much_o we_o may_v be_v able_a to_o acquire_v and_o how_o in_o this_o first_o part_n of_o our_o devotion_n we_o may_v to_o some_o proportion_n help_v ourselves_o because_o the_o consider_v and_o ruminate_v upon_o that_o which_o our_o lord_n suffer_v for_o we_o be_v wont_a to_o move_v we_o to_o compassion_n and_o the_o sorrow_n and_o tear_n which_o grow_v from_o thence_o be_v a_o very_a savoury_a and_o delightful_a kind_n of_o thing_n and_o so_o to_o think_v of_o the_o glory_n for_o which_o we_o hope_v and_o of_o the_o love_n which_o our_o lord_n bear_v we_o as_o also_o of_o his_o resurrection_n move_v we_o to_o joy_n which_o be_v neither_o whole_o spiritual_a nor_o whole_o sensual_a but_o this_o be_v a_o virtuous_a kind_n of_o joy_n on_o the_o one_o side_n as_o on_o the_o other_o that_o former_a pain_n be_v very_o meritorious_a and_o of_o this_o sort_n be_v all_o those_o thing_n which_o cause_n any_o such_o devotion_n as_o be_v acquire_v in_o part_n by_o the_o understanding_n though_o yet_o there_o be_v no_o merit_n nor_o gain_v therein_o unless_o almighty_a god_n be_v please_v to_o give_v it_o but_o now_o it_o will_v be_v very_o fit_a for_o a_o soul_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v not_o raise_v any_o high_a not_o to_o procure_v to_o exalt_v herself_o and_o let_v this_o be_v very_o well_o note_v for_o the_o contrary_a course_n will_v help_v she_o to_o nothing_o but_o loss_n in_o this_o degree_n or_o state_n she_o may_v perform_v many_o good_a act_n by_o way_n of_o resolve_v to_o do_v great_a thing_n for_o almighty_a god_n and_o to_o awake_v and_o stirr-up_a her_o love_n and_o other_o also_o by_o way_n of_o assist_v herself_o to_o grow-up_a in_o several_a virtue_n according_a to_o what_o be_v contain_v in_o a_o certain_a book_n call_v the_o art_n of_o serve_v god_n which_o be_v a_o very_a good_a one_o and_o very_o proper_a for_o such_o as_o find_v themselves_o in_o this_o state_n because_o the_o understanding_n do_v act_n and_o exercise_v itself_o here_o she_o may_v also_o represent_v herself_o as_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n and_o accustom_v herself_o to_o be_v great_o enamour_v with_o his_o most_o sacred_a humanity_n and_o to_o be_v ever_o carry_v that_o along_o in_o her_o company_n and_o to_o be_v often_o speak_v to_o it_o and_o to_o beg_v his_o continual_a assistance_n in_o all_o her_o necessity_n and_o even_o to_o complain_v to_o he_o of_o her_o affliction_n and_o to_o joy_v with_o he_o for_o her_o contentment_n and_o gust_n but_o yet_o not_o to_o forget_v he_o upon_o occasion_n thereof_o and_o all_o this_o without_o procure_v to_o express_v herself_o in_o any_o set_v kind_a of_o prayer_n but_o to_o make_v use_n of_o such_o word_n alone_o as_o may_v have_v conformity_n with_o her_o own_o necessity_n and_o desire_n this_o be_v a_o note_n excellent_a way_n of_o find_v profit_n and_o that_o in_o a_o very_a short_a time_n and_o whosoever_o shall_v earnest_o labour_v to_o carry_v this_o precious_a company_n with_o himself_o and_o shall_v have_v proceed_v well_o therein_o and_o shall_v have_v find_v the_o way_n of_o love_a in_o very_o good_a earnest_n this_o lord_n of_o we_o to_o who_o we_o owe_v so_o much_o i_o will_v give_v and_o pass_v my_o word_n that_o this_o person_n be_v a_o very_a good_a proficient_a for_o this_o purpose_n let_v it_o not_o trouble_v we_o a_o whitt_n not_o to_o find_v ourselves_o with_o sensible_a devotion_n as_o i_o have_v say_v but_o let_v we_o give_v thanks_n to_o our_o lord_n for_o give_v we_o so_o good_a desire_n to_o please_v he_o though_o our_o work_n be_v weak_a this_o way_n of_o carry_v christ_n our_o lord_n in_o our_o company_n be_v very_o useful_a in_o all_o the_o four_o state_n and_o degree_n of_o prayer_n it_o be_v a_o most_o secure_a and_o safe_a mean_n to_o go_v profit_v in_o the_o first_o degree_n and_o that_o we_o shall_v get_v quick_o to_o the_o second_o and_o then_o to_o be_v free_a also_o in_o the_o two_o last_o from_o those_o danger_n which_o the_o devil_n may_v provide_v for_o us._n for_o this_o in_o fine_a be_v that_o which_o we_o may_v be_v able_a to_o do_v and_o for_o any_o body_n to_o passe-up_a from_o hence_o and_o to_o exalt_v his_o spirit_n towards_o the_o feel_n of_o certain_a gust_n which_o be_v not_o allow_v he_o be_v but_o in_o my_o opinion_n to_o loose_v both_o the_o one_o and_o the_o other_o because_o in_o fine_a that_o be_v all_o supernatural_a and_o so_o the_o understanding_n be_v at_o a_o stand_v and_o lose_v the_o soul_n remain_v all_o desolate_a and_o with_o great_a dryness_n and_o since_o this_o whole_a building_n be_v ground_v upon_o humility_n the_o near_o we_o grow_v to_o almighty_a god_n the_o more_o shall_v we_o proceed_v and_o profit_n in_o this_o virtue_n and_o if_o we_o do_v not_o this_o all_o be_v lose_v and_o it_o seem_v to_o be_v no_o better_o than_o a_o kind_n of_o pride_n if_o we_o desire_v to_o get-up_a to_o a_o high_a rank_n since_o god_n do_v we_o but_o too_o much_o honour_n and_o favour_n consider_v how_o unworthy_a we_o be_v in_o suffer_v we_o to_o be_v so_o near_o to_o himself_o but_o now_o it_o must_v not_o be_v so_o understand_v as_o if_o i_o speak_v all_o this_o against_o raising-up_a our_o thought_n to_o consider_v the_o high_a thing_n of_o heaven_n or_o of_o god_n or_o of_o the_o greatness_n which_o be_v there_o above_o as_o also_o of_o his_o incomparable_a wisdom_n for_o though_o i_o never_o do_v this_o because_o i_o have_v no_o ability_n for_o this_o purpose_n as_o i_o have_v say_v and_o i_o find_v myself_o so_o miserable_a and_o so_o mean_a that_o god_n do_v i_o particular_a favour_n to_o enable_v i_o to_o think_v of_o earthly_a thing_n by_o mean_n whereof_o i_o may_v come_v afterward_o to_o understand_v this_o truth_n for_o even_o this_o be_v no_o small_a adventure_n for_o i_o and_o how_o much_o more_o be_v it_o so_o to_o consider_v celestial_a thing_n yet_o other_o may_v take_v benefit_n hereby_o and_o especial_o if_o they_o have_v learning_n and_o knowledge_n which_o be_v in_o my_o opinion_n a_o great_a treasure_n towards_o this_o exercise_n of_o prayer_n if_o it_o be_v accompany_v with_o humility_n i_o have_v see_v the_o truth_n of_o this_o very_o late_o by_o occasion_n of_o some_o learned_a man_n who_o begin_v not_o long_o ago_o and_o yet_o have_v proceed_v and_o profit_v very_o much_o which_o make_v i_o have_v a_o earnest_n and_o even_o a_o kind_n of_o impatient_a desire_n that_o many_o such_o as_o be_v learned_a will_v grow_v to_o be_v very_o spiritual_a man_n whereof_o i_o shall_v give_v the_o reason_n hereafter_o but_o now_o that_o which_o i_o have_v say_v namely_o that_o man_n must_v not_o exalt_v themselves_o to_o rise_v high_o than_o god_n do_v raise_v they_o be_v a_o certain_a kind_n of_o language_n of_o spirit_n and_o he_o will_v understand_v i_o who_o have_v experience_n of_o it_o but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o express_v it_o if_o he_o know_v not_o how_o to_o understand_v i_o by_o what_o i_o have_v say_v in_o mystical_a theology_n whereof_o i_o begin_v to_o speak_v the_o understanding_n cease_v from_o work_v because_o almighty_a god_n themselves_o suspend_v it_o as_o i_o will_v declare_v hereafter_o if_o i_o be_v able_a and_o if_o he_o give_v i_o grace_n for_o that_o purpose_n but_o as_o for_o we_o to_o presume_v yea_o or_o so_o much_o as_o to_o think_v of_o suspend_v it_o be_v that_o which_o i_o be_o say_v we_o shall_v not_o do_v nor_o must_v we_o leave_v to_o act_v and_o work_v thereby_o and_o therewith_o for_o if_o we_o do_v we_o shall_v be_v stupid_a and_o sottish_a and_o cold_a and_o we_o shall_v effect_v neither_o the_o one_o nor_o the_o other_o but_o when_o our_o lord_n suspend_v and_o stopp_n it_o he_o furnish_v it_o with_o matter_n upon_o which_o the_o party_n may_v employ_v himself_o and_o at_o which_o he_o may_v be_v amaze_v and_o he_o make_v he_o understand_v more_o in_o the_o time_n and_o space_n of_o say_v one_o
very_o little_a which_o i_o can_v do_v but_o yet_o as_o soon_o as_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v that_o i_o shall_v understand_v this_o deceit_n and_o trick_n of_o the_o devil_n if_o he_o object_v to_o i_o my_o loss_n of_o health_n i_o tell_v he_o it_o import_v little_a that_o i_o must_v die_v if_o he_o tempt_v i_o with_o love_n of_o rest_n and_o ease_n i_o tell_v he_o that_o it_o be_v not_o ease_v which_o i_o need_v now_o but_o the_o sufferance_n of_o a_o cross_n and_o so_o also_o in_o other_o thing_n for_o i_o see_v clear_o that_o in_o very_a many_o it_o be_v either_o a_o temptation_n of_o the_o devil_n or_o my_o own_o lazine_n though_o yet_o in_o very_a deed_n i_o be_v sickly_a enough_o but_o howsoever_o i_o now_o enjoy_v much_o better_a health_n since_o i_o be_o not_o so_o very_o curious_a and_o dainty_a as_o i_o be_v than_o i_o do_v before_o and_o it_o be_v therefore_o of_o great_a importance_n for_o they_o who_o begin_v to_o hold_v mental_a prayer_n that_o they_o do_v not_o subtilise_v too_o much_o with_o their_o thought_n and_o let_v they_o believe_v i_o herein_o for_o i_o know_v it_o by_o experience_n and_o perhaps_o it_o may_v be_v of_o good_a use_n for_o i_o to_o recount_v my_o fault_n that_o so_o other_o may_v take_v warning_n by_o i_o there_o be_v also_o another_o temptation_n and_o it_o be_v very_o usual_a to_o desire_v forsooth_o that_o every_o body_n may_v grow_v to_o be_v very_o spiritual_a when_o once_o themselves_o begin_v to_o taste_v of_o this_o great_a quiet_a &_o how_o much_o be_v to_o be_v gain_v by_o this_o mean_n it_o be_v not_o a_o ill_a thing_n to_o desire_v it_o but_o to_o procure_v it_o may_v peradventure_o not_o be_v good_a unless_o much_o discretion_n and_o as_o it_o be_v dissimulation_n be_v use_v in_o do_v it_o so_o as_o that_o they_o seem_v not_o to_o take_v upon_o they_o to_o teach_v for_o such_o as_o will_v procure_v to_o do_v good_a upon_o their_o neighbour_n in_o such_o case_n as_o this_o have_v need_n have_v their_o own_o 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present_o in_o that_o we_o will_v fain_o procure_v to_o redress_v it_o and_o this_o care_n disquiet_v we_o so_o much_o that_o it_o hinder_v our_o prayer_n yea_o and_o the_o great_a mischief_n of_o all_o be_v that_o we_o think_v that_o this_o be_v virtue_n and_o perfection_n and_o great_a zeal_n of_o god_n service_n i_o speak_v not_o of_o those_o affliction_n which_o public_a sin_n must_v give_v when_o they_o be_v usual_o commit_v by_o a_o community_n or_o when_o they_o grow_v to_o be_v of_o prejudice_n to_o the_o church_n as_o these_o heresy_n do_v whereby_o we_o find_v so_o many_o soul_n to_o be_v lose_v for_o this_o be_v a_o very_a good_a affliction_n and_o trouble_v and_o in_o regard_n that_o it_o be_v so_o good_a it_o disorder_v not_o and_o disturb_v not_o he_o who_o have_v it_o but_o well_o the_o secure_a way_n for_o that_o soul_n which_o desire_v to_o give_v itself_o to_o prayer_n be_v to_o seek_v to_o forget_v both_o all_o thing_n and_o all_o person_n and_o to_o attend_v to_o 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whereof_o we_o have_v need_n in_o all_o thing_n for_o whensoever_o that_o be_v want_v to_o we_o all_o other_o diligence_n serve_v to_o little_a purpose_n and_o we_o must_v therefore_o humble_o pray_v he_o to_o bestow_v this_o grace_n upon_o we_o wherein_o certain_o he_o will_v not_o be_v want_v if_o we_o be_v as_o careful_a as_o we_o ought_v let_v they_o also_o consider_v well_o of_o this_o advice_n who_o use_v to_o discourse_n much_o with_o the_o understanding_n and_o have_v power_n to_o draw_v many_o consideration_n and_o conceit_n out_o of_o some_o one_o for_o as_o for_o they_o who_o be_v not_o able_a to_o work_v with_o this_o faculty_n as_o i_o can_v not_o there_o be_v no_o cause_n of_o give_v they_o this_o advice_n but_o only_o that_o they_o will_v be_v content_a to_o have_v patience_n till_o our_o lord_n shall_v be_v please_v to_o help_v they_o to_o matter_n upon_o which_o to_o work_v and_o light_n where_o with_o to_o know_v how_o to_o do_v it_o since_o they_o be_v able_a to_o 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all_o their_o hope_n be_v lose_v though_o for_o my_o part_n i_o conceive_v that_o all_o that_o loss_n be_v gain_n but_o let_v they_o advice_n as_o i_o have_v say_v represent_v themselves_o as_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n and_o without_o weary_v of_o the_o understanding_n be_v speak_v and_o regal_v themselves_o with_o he_o and_o not_o tire_v their_o wit_n to_o find_v out_o and_o frame_v certain_a discourse_n but_o let_v they_o only_o present_v their_o necessity_n and_o the_o reason_n which_o he_o may_v have_v not_o so_o much_o as_o to_o endure_v they_o there_o some_o one_o of_o these_o consideration_n will_v serve_v at_o one_o time_n and_o some_o other_o at_o a_o other_o that_o so_o the_o soul_n may_v not_o be_v weary_a of_o feed_v always_o upon_o one_o dish_n these_o particular_n be_v both_o very_a gustfull_a and_o very_o profitable_a also_o if_o once_o the_o party_n be_v accustom_v to_o feed_v on_o they_o for_o they_o use_v to_o bring_v great_a support_n and_o 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degree_n of_o quiet_a prayer_n but_o so_o she_o be_v in_o trouble_n enough_o and_o though_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o this_o point_n of_o the_o knowledge_n of_o one_o self_n be_v never_o indeed_o to_o be_v utter_o give_v over_o nor_o be_v any_o soul_n in_o the_o way_n of_o prayer_n to_o think_v she_o have_v so_o much_o of_o the_o giant_n in_o she_o as_o not_o to_o understand_v that_o many_o time_n she_o must_v turn_v child_n and_o suck_v again_o and_o this_o must_v never_o be_v forget_v and_o perhaps_o i_o shall_v also_o speak_v often_o of_o it_o again_o in_o regard_n that_o it_o import_v so_o much_o because_o there_o be_v no_o state_n of_o prayer_n so_o high_a wherein_o it_o will_v not_o be_v necessary_a to_o turne-againe_a often_o to_o the_o beginning_n and_o this_o point_n of_o the_o knowledge_n of_o ourselves_o and_o of_o our_o sin_n be_v the_o daily_a bread_n bread_n which_o must_v be_v eat_v with_o all_o the_o meat_n how_o delicate_a soever_o it_o may_v be_v of_o such_o as_o 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we_o upon_o what_o it_o be_v convenient_a for_o we_o to_o feed_v so_o that_o it_o import_v we_o very_o much_o that_o the_o spirit_n director_n be_v well_o advise_v &_o i_o mean_v also_o that_o he_o be_v of_o good_a understanding_n and_o experience_n and_o if_o with_o this_o he_o be_v also_o learned_a it_o will_v be_v of_o mighty_a importance_n but_o yet_o still_o when_o all_o these_o three_o part_n shall_v not_o chance_v to_o meet_v together_o in_o the_o same_o man_n the_o two_o former_a quality_n of_o these_o three_o will_v fall_v out_o to_o import_v more_o than_o the_o three_o because_o they_o may_v easy_o procure_v to_o consult_v with_o such_o as_o be_v learned_a whensoever_o they_o shall_v have_v need_n thereof_o
need_n also_o of_o such_o consideration_n as_o these_o and_o there_o be_v time_n when_o almighty_a god_n will_v try_v they_o nay_o it_o will_v seem_v as_o if_o this_o divine_a majesty_n will_v forsake_v they_o for_o as_o i_o have_v say_v already_o and_o i_o will_v fain_o not_o have_v it_o be_v forget_v the_o soul_n in_o this_o life_n which_o we_o live_v increase_v not_o as_o the_o body_n do_v though_o yet_o we_o say_v it_o do_v and_o real_o it_o do_v increase_v but_o yet_o a_o child_n after_o he_o be_v grow_v and_o become_v tall_a and_o prove_v to_o be_v already_o a_o man_n return_v not_o to_o decrease_v again_o and_o to_o have_v a_o little_a body_n yet_o now_o in_o the_o point_n of_o a_o soul_n our_o lord_n will_v have_v it_o be_v otherwise_o by_o what_o i_o have_v see_v of_o myself_o for_o i_o know_v it_o not_o in_o respect_n of_o other_o and_o it_o ought_v to_o humble_v we_o for_o our_o own_o great_a good_a and_o to_o the_o end_n also_o that_o we_o may_v not_o be_v negligent_a as_o 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thereof_o he_o see_v that_o now_o he_o begin_v to_o bear_v a_o certain_a love_n towards_o almighty_a god_n which_o be_v far_o from_o any_o interest_n of_o his_o own_o &_o he_o covet_v to_o get_v time_n for_o solitude_n that_o so_o he_o may_v have_v the_o better_a opportunity_n to_o enjoy_v that_o good_a in_o fine_a that_o i_o may_v not_o weary_v myself_o too_o much_o this_o be_v a_o direct_a beginning_n of_o all_o good_a thing_n a_o state_n wherein_o the_o flower_n be_v now_o upon_o the_o very_a point_n to_o blossom_n and_o all_o this_o the_o soul_n see_v very_o clear_o and_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n at_o that_o time_n conceive_v but_o that_o god_n be_v and_o will_v be_v with_o she_o till_o such_o time_n as_o she_o shall_v return_v to_o find_v herself_o guilty_a of_o fayling_n and_o imperfection_n towards_o he_o for_o in_o that_o case_n she_o fear_v all_o thing_n and_o it_o be_v fit_a that_o she_o do_v so_o though_o yet_o there_o be_v mind_n soul_n in_o the_o world_n to_o which_o it_o 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have_v already_o show_v that_o there_o be_v then_o no_o power_n at_o all_o to_o do_v any_o thing_n that_o i_o express_v myself_o to_o his_o divine_a majesty_n much_o after_o this_o manner_n o_o lord_n consider_v well_o what_o thou_o do_v forget_v not_o my_o so_o very_a grievous_a sin_n so_o very_o soon_o and_o though_o thou_o have_v forget_v they_o so_o far_o as_o to_o vouchsafe_v to_o forgive_v they_o yet_o remember_v they_o also_o i_o humble_o beseech_v thou_o so_o far_o as_o to_o make_v thou_o put_v some_o limit_n upon_o those_o favour_n which_o thou_o be_v please_v to_o bestow_v upon_o i_o pour_v not_o o_o my_o creator_n so_o precious_a a_o liquor_n as_o that_o into_o so_o break_v a_o vessel_n as_o this_o since_o already_o thou_o have_v see_v how_o often_o i_o have_v scatter_v and_o spill_v it_o o_o lodge_v not_o and_o trust_v not_o such_o a_o treasure_n as_o this_o where_o the_o appetite_n and_o affection_n to_o all_o the_o consolation_n of_o this_o life_n be_v not_o yet_o so_o total_o lose_v and_o spend_v as_o it_o ought_v to_o be_v for_o if_o thou_o do_v it_o will_v be_v utter_o waste_v how_o can_v thou_o find_v in_o thy_o hart_n to_o deliver_v the_o strength_n of_o this_o city_n and_o even_o the_o very_a key_n of_o the_o fort_n into_o the_o hand_n of_o such_o a_o cowardly_a commander_n who_o be_v likely_a not_o to_o fail_v to_o give_v the_o enemy_n entrance_n upon_o the_o first_o assault_n which_o he_o shall_v make_v let_v not_o o_o my_o eternal_a king_n thy_o love_n to_o i_o be_v so_o great_a as_o that_o it_o shall_v make_v thou_o put_v such_o precious_a jewel_n as_o these_o into_o hazard_n and_o to_o i_o it_o seem_v o_o my_o lord_n that_o thou_o may_v give_v the_o world_n occasion_n hereby_o to_o undervalue_v these_o great_a favour_n of_o thou_o since_o thou_o put_v they_o into_o the_o custody_n and_o power_n of_o a_o creature_n who_o be_v so_o wicked_a so_o base_a so_o weak_a so_o miserable_a and_o of_o so_o little_a worth_n in_o any_o kind_n who_o though_o i_o now_o begin_v to_o labour_n that_o i_o may_v not_o utter_o loose_v they_o through_o thy_o favour_n which_o also_o have_v no_o need_n to_o be_v little_a consider_v what_o kind_n of_o thing_n i_o be_o shall_v yet_o be_v never_o able_a to_o gain_v any_o other_o creature_n to_o thou_o by_o mean_n thereof_o in_o fine_a i_o be_o a_o woman_n and_o no_o good_a woman_n but_o a_o very_a wicked_a one_o and_o it_o seem_v that_o these_o talent_n of_o thou_o be_v thus_o not_o only_o to_o be_v hide_v by_o this_o mean_n but_o even_o to_o be_v quite_o bury_v up_o since_o thou_o put_v they_o into_o so_o ungracious_a and_o unlucky_a a_o soil_n thou_o be_v not_o wont_a o_o lord_n to_o impart_v such_o favour_n and_o greatness_n as_o these_o to_o any_o soul_n but_o when_o there_o may_v be_v hope_n that_o she_o will_v be_v able_a to_o gain_v many_o other_o to_o thy_o service_n and_o thou_o know_v o_o my_o god_n already_o that_o i_o have_v sometime_o beg_v this_o favour_n and_o still_o i_o beg_v 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the_o grace_n and_o effect_n prayer_n which_o remain_v by_o this_o prayer_n in_o the_o soul_n and_o what_o that_o be_v which_o she_o may_v be_v able_a to_o do_v of_o herself_o and_o if_o she_o may_v any_o way_n conduce_v towards_o the_o bring_n herself_o to_o this_o high_a state_n it_o happen_v that_o this_o elevation_n of_o the_o spirit_n or_o union_n come_v both_o of_o they_o with_o a_o celestial_a kind_n of_o love._n for_o according_a to_o my_o way_n of_o understanding_n this_o union_n union_n be_v a_o different_a thing_n from_o elevation_n though_o yet_o the_o soul_n be_v elevate_v in_o this_o very_a union_n whosoever_o have_v not_o try_v and_o feel_v this_o last_o will_v be_v of_o a_o different_a conceit_n but_o yet_o in_o my_o opinion_n though_o even_o it_o shall_v be_v all_o one_o yet_o our_o lord_n work_v therein_o after_o a_o different_a manner_n and_o by_o the_o increase_n which_o the_o soul_n have_v of_o be_v able_a to_o untie_v herself_o from_o the_o love_n of_o all_o creature_n she_o seem_v to_o be_v very_o much_o great_a in_o that_o flight_n and_o elevation_n of_o the_o spirit_n and_o i_o have_v clear_o see_v that_o this_o be_v a_o distinct_a and_o particular_a favour_n although_o the_o thing_n themselves_o may_v be_v all_o one_o as_o i_o say_v or_o at_o least_o may_v seem_v so_o but_o a_o small_a fire_n be_v as_o true_o and_o real_o fire_n as_o a_o great_a one_o and_o yet_o still_o we_o see_v difference_n enough_o between_o the_o one_o and_o the_o other_o for_o before_o a_o little_a iron_n can_v be_v able_a to_o be_v make_v red_a hot_a in_o a_o small_a fire_n a_o good_a space_n of_o time_n will_v be_v spend_v but_o now_o if_o the_o fire_n be_v great_a the_o iron_n though_o it_o be_v also_o great_a will_v loose_v the_o appearance_n of_o iron_n very_o quick_o just_o so_o do_v it_o seem_v to_o i_o to_o happen_v in_o these_o two_o sort_n of_o favour_n from_o our_o bless_a lord_n and_o i_o know_v that_o whosoever_o may_v ever_o have_v arrive_v to_o be_v in_o rapt_v will_v understand_v i_o well_o but_o such_o as_o have_v have_v no_o experience_n therein_o will_v hold_v all_o that_o to_o be_v impertinent_a which_o i_o have_v say_v perhaps_o also_o it_o be_v so_o indeed_o and_o so_o as_o he_o will_v have_v have_v reason_n who_o believe_v it_o for_o how_o shall_v such_o a_o thing_n as_o i_o presume_v to_o speak_v of_o such_o a_o thing_n as_o this_o and_o to_o give_v some_o part_n of_o that_o to_o be_v understand_v which_o it_o seem_v impossible_a even_o to_o begin_v to_o declare_v with_o any_o word_n so_o that_o it_o be_v not_o strange_a a_o whitt_n if_o i_o talk_v idle_o but_o yet_o i_o believe_v this_o of_o our_o bless_a lord_n because_o his_o divine_a majesty_n know_v that_o next_o to_o this_o act_n of_o obedience_n my_o intention_n be_v no_o other_o then_o to_o make_v soul_n even_o as_o it_o be_v gluttonous_a after_o the_o obtain_n of_o so_o high_a a_o good_a that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o assist_v i_o herein_o and_o i_o be_o sure_a i_o will_v say_v nothing_o whereof_o i_o have_v not_o have_v much_o experience_n and_o it_o be_v a_o real_a truth_n that_o when_o i_o begin_v to_o write_v of_o this_o water_n i_o conceive_v it_o to_o be_v a_o more_o impossible_a thing_n for_o i_o to_o treat_v of_o it_o then_o to_o speak_v greek_a so_o very_o hard_o do_v i_o find_v it_o upon_o this_o i_o give_v it_o over_o and_o go_v to_o receive_v the_o bless_a sacrament_n but_o our_o lord_n be_v ever_o praise_v who_o do_v so_o great_a favour_n to_o ignorant_a person_n o_o virtue_n of_o obedience_n which_o be_v able_a to_o do_v all_o thing_n for_o almighty_a god_n do_v illuminate_v my_o understanding_n sometime_o by_o help_v i_o to_o the_o very_a express_a word_n which_o i_o be_v to_o use_v and_o at_o other_o time_n by_o represent_v the_o manner_n to_o i_o how_o i_o shall_v declare_v the_o thing_n so_o that_o as_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v to_o do_v in_o the_o former_a degree_n of_o prayer_n it_o seem_v that_o he_o will_v also_o here_o declare_v what_o i_o neither_o can_v nor_o know_v how_o to_o express_v but_o that_o which_o now_o i_o say_v be_v a_o most_o literal_a truth_n and_o so_o that_o which_o shall_v be_v good_a be_v his_o instruction_n and_o doctrine_n and_o whatsoever_o falls-out_a to_o be_v ill_a it_o be_v clear_a that_o it_o proceed_v and_o flow_v from_o this_o deep_a sea_n of_o mischief_n and_o sin_n which_o be_v myself_o and_o therefore_o i_o here_o affirm_v that_o if_o any_o have_v arrive_v to_o these_o point_n and_o particular_n of_o prayer_n wherein_o our_o lord_n have_v do_v so_o great_a favour_n
to_o this_o miserable_a and_o wretched_a creature_n as_o it_o be_v likely_a that_o there_o be_v many_o if_o they_o shall_v be_v please_v to_o treat_v of_o these_o thing_n with_o i_o as_o conceave_a that_o i_o be_o mistake_v and_o out_o of_o the_o way_n our_o lord_n will_v so_o assist_v this_o poor_a servant_n of_o he_o as_o that_o she_o may_v be_v able_a to_o go_v forward_o to_o uphold_v this_o truth_n but_o now_o to_o speak_v of_o this_o last_o water_n which_o come_v from_o heaven_n to_o satisfy_v and_o even_o fulfil_v the_o whole_a garden_n by_o the_o abundance_n thereof_o if_o our_o lord_n do_v never_o forbear_v to_o give_v it_o whensoever_o there_o be_v need_n it_o be_v evident_a enough_o already_o of_o what_o case_n it_o will_v be_v to_o the_o gardener_n and_o that_o there_o will_v never_o be_v any_o winter_n but_o always_o most_o temperate_a weather_n nor_o will_v there_o ever_o be_v any_o want_n either_o of_o fruit_n or_o flower_n and_o so_o it_o may_v be_v easy_o see_v in_o what_o delight_n he_o will_v remain_v but_o as_o long_o as_o we_o live_v in_o this_o world_n this_o condition_n be_v a_o kind_n of_o impossible_a thing_n and_o we_o must_v always_o be_v in_o care_n that_o whensoever_o we_o shall_v want_v one_o of_o the_o water_n we_o may_v procure_v another_o this_o last_o which_o fall_v from_o heaven_n come_v down_o sometime_o even_o when_o the_o gardener_n think_v of_o it_o least_o true_a it_o be_v that_o these_o thing_n be_v almost_o ever_o wont_a to_o happen_v after_o a_o long_a exercise_n of_o mental_a prayer_n for_o our_o lord_n use_v to_o come_v by_o degree_n to_o catch_v this_o poor_a little_a bird_n and_o to_o lodge_v it_o then_o safe_o in_o the_o nest_n to_o the_o end_n that_o it_o may_v rest_v and_o repose_v and_o after_o it_o have_v put_v itself_o long_o upon_o flight_n procure_v by_o the_o exercise_n of_o the_o understanding_n and_o will_v and_o in_o fine_a by_o all_o the_o power_n it_o have_v to_o go_v in_o search_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o to_o please_v he_o he_o vouchsafe_v to_o allow_v it_o a_o reward_n even_o in_o this_o life_n yea_o and_o this_o so_o very_o great_a a_o reward_n that_o any_o one_o little_a moment_n thereof_o may_v well_o suffice_v as_o a_o full_a satisfaction_n and_o retribution_n for_o all_o that_o care_n and_o trouble_v which_o he_o can_v ever_o have_v endure_v in_o this_o world_n the_o soul_n be_v thus_o in_o search_n of_o almighty_a god_n do_v find_v herself_o as_o it_o be_v even_o sink_v under_o a_o sweet_a and_o most_o excessive_a delight_n as_o be_v all_o in_o a_o certain_a way_n of_o dear_a faint_a so_o that_o the_o breath_n be_v even_o begin_v to_o fail_v and_o so_o also_o do_v all_o corporal_a strength_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o the_o creature_n be_v now_o not_o able_a so_o much_o as_o to_o move_v her_o hand_n but_o with_o much_o pain_n the_o eye_n be_v also_o close_v though_o without_o any_o purpose_n to_o shut_v they_o and_o when_o by_o accident_n they_o chance_v to_o be_v open_a she_o in_o effect_n see_v nothing_o distinct_o nor_o if_o she_o read_v can_v she_o so_o much_o as_o judge_v right_o of_o any_o letter_n nor_o can_v she_o even_o guess_v how_o to_o name_v it_o right_n she_o see_v that_o indeed_o there_o be_v letter_n but_o the_o understanding_n not_o give_v she_o any_o assistance_n she_o know_v not_o how_o to_o read_v though_o she_o will_v she_o hear_v but_o yet_o understand_v not_o what_o she_o hear_v so_o that_o she_o receave_v no_o other_o benefit_n at_o all_o by_o her_o sense_n but_o only_o that_o they_o will_v not_o permit_v she_o to_o take_v the_o full_a fruition_n of_o her_o delight_n and_o so_o upon_o the_o matter_n they_o do_v she_o more_o hurt_n then_o good_a as_o for_o speak_v it_o be_v a_o vanity_n so_o much_o as_o to_o think_v of_o any_o such_o thing_n for_o she_o can_v possible_o hit_v right_a so_o much_o as_o in_o frame_v any_o one_o word_n nor_o if_o she_o be_v able_a to_o judge_v it_o be_v she_o yet_o possible_o able_a to_o pronounce_v it_o in_o regard_n that_o all_o the_o strength_n of_o her_o body_n be_v absolute_o lose_v for_o the_o great_a increase_n of_o that_o of_o her_o soul_n that_o so_o she_o may_v the_o better_o enjoy_v her_o glory_n the_o exterior_a delight_n also_o which_o she_o feel_v be_v both_o great_a and_o very_o certain_a this_o prayer_n put_v the_o person_n to_o no_o manner_n of_o inconvenience_n in_o any_o kind_n how_o long_o soever_o it_o may_v last_v at_o least_o it_o never_o put_v i_o to_o any_o nor_o be_o i_o able_a to_o remember_v when_o our_o lord_n do_v i_o this_o favour_n how_o sick_a or_o weak_a soever_o i_o be_v that_o i_o ever_o find_v myself_o the_o worse_o but_o rather_o with_o much_o improvement_n even_o in_o the_o way_n of_o health_n but_o indeed_o what_o hurt_n can_v ever_o be_v do_v to_o any_o creature_n by_o so_o great_a a_o blessing_n as_o this_o it_o be_v so_o know_v a_o truth_n concern_v the_o exterior_a operation_n that_o there_o can_v no_o doubt_n be_v make_v but_o that_o there_o be_v natual_o great_a occasion_n for_o their_o alteration_n since_o our_o lord_n take_v all_o their_o strength_n from_o they_o though_o yet_o it_o be_v with_o so_o great_a delight_n that_o the_o same_o grow_v afterward_o to_o be_v great_a it_o be_v true_a that_o in_o the_o beginning_n this_o state_n and_o feeling_n be_v wont_a to_o pass_v away_o in_o very_o short_a time_n at_o least_o it_o happen_v so_o to_o i_o but_o as_o for_o these_o exterior_a sign_n as_o also_o in_o this_o fail_n of_o operation_n in_o the_o sense_n it_o be_v not_o so_o easy_o to_o be_v give_v to_o be_v understand_v when_o thing_n pass_v away_o in_o short_a time_n but_o yet_o they_o be_v discern_v with_o ease_n by_o the_o excess_n of_o the_o favour_n for_o the_o clearness_n and_o heat_n of_o the_o sun_n must_v needs_o have_v be_v then_o very_o great_a when_o all_o that_o which_o come_v in_o the_o way_n be_v so_o absolute_o melt_v and_o dissolve_v let_v this_o also_o be_v well_o note_v that_o in_o my_o opinion_n how_o long_o soever_o that_o space_n of_o time_n may_v seem_v to_o be_v wherein_o all_o the_o power_n of_o the_o soul_n be_v in_o suspense_n it_o must_v needs_o have_v be_v indeed_o very_o short_a and_o if_o it_o shall_v arrive_v to_o half_a a_o hour_n it_o be_v very_o much_o for_o my_o part_n i_o think_v i_o be_v never_o so_o long_o true_a it_o be_v that_o one_o can_v hardly_o judge_v how_o long_o they_o be_v since_o the_o party_n be_v deprive_v of_o outward_a sense_n but_o i_o say_v that_o it_o must_v needs_o be_v a_o very_a short_a time_n wherein_o no_o one_o of_o the_o power_n can_v be_v able_a to_o return_v again_o to_o itself_o but_o now_o the_o will_n be_v indeed_o the_o only_o power_n which_o maintain_v the_o work_n for_o as_o for_o the_o other_o two_o they_o quick_o become_v importunate_a upon_o she_o yet_o the_o will_n remain_v quiet_a and_o fix_v suspend_v they_o yet_o again_o and_o so_o they_o stay_v another_o little_a while_n and_o afterward_o return_v to_o live_v as_o before_o in_o this_o manner_n some_o whole_a hour_n of_o prayer_n may_v be_v pass_v yea_o and_o sometime_o they_o be_v pass_v so_o for_o when_o the_o two_o power_n of_o the_o soul_n have_v taste_v of_o that_o celestial_a wine_n and_o begin_v to_o be_v inebriate_v with_o it_o they_o easy_o be_v induce_v to_o loose_v themselves_o once_o again_o so_o to_o get_v still_o the_o more_o by_o the_o bargain_n and_o so_o they_o go_v to_o accompany_v the_o will_n and_o all_o three_o come_v to_o be_v in_o the_o act_n of_o enjoy_v but_o this_o point_n of_o be_v total_o lose_v and_o so_o without_o frame_v any_o imagination_n at_o all_o which_o power_n in_o my_o way_n of_o understanding_n be_v also_o whole_o lose_v i_o say_v last_v but_o a_o very_a little_a time_n though_o yet_o they_o come_v not_o always_o so_o whole_o to_o themselves_o upon_o a_o sudden_a but_o that_o they_o may_v remain_v even_o some_o hour_n as_o in_o a_o kind_n of_o be_v still_o a_o little_a out_o of_o the_o way_n and_o in_o disorder_n almighty_a god_n vouchsafe_v to_o recollect_v they_o again_o to_o himself_o by_o little_a and_o little_a and_o now_o let_v we_o come_v to_o the_o interior_a of_o that_o which_o the_o soul_n be_v wont_a to_o feel_v at_o these_o time_n and_o let_v they_o declare_v it_o who_o know_v how_o since_o it_o can_v be_v well_o understand_v and_o much_o less_o express_v i_o be_v think_v when_o i_o dispose_v myself_o to_o write_v this_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o have_v receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n and_o after_o the_o end_n of_o this_o very_a kind_n of_o prayer_n which_o now_o i_o write_v of_o what_o the_o
myself_o have_v receive_v so_o great_a favour_n from_o almighty_a god_n can_v ever_o procure_v to_o come_v to_o mental_a prayer_n and_o that_o for_o i_o it_o will_v suffice_v if_o i_o say_v those_o vocal_a prayer_n to_o which_o i_o be_v bind_v as_o other_o do_v but_o that_o since_o now_o i_o do_v not_o even_o thus_o much_o well_o what_o sense_n be_v there_o that_o i_o shall_v pretend_v to_o do_v more_o and_o that_o this_o be_v to_o express_v little_a reverence_n to_o almighty_a god_n and_o to_o underualue_n his_o favour_n it_o be_v fit_a to_o think_v and_o know_v all_o this_o but_o to_o put_v it_o in_o execution_n have_v be_v extreme_o ill_o do_v and_o be_v thou_o bless_v o_o lord_n who_o bring_v i_o the_o remedy_n for_o this_o temptation_n seem_v to_o have_v be_v no_o less_o than_o a_o beginning_n to_o that_o other_o which_o the_o devil_n bring_v upon_o judas_n but_o that_o traitor_n the_o devil_n dare_v not_o tempt_v i_o so_o open_o but_o will_v fain_o have_v come_v by_o little_a and_o little_a to_o set_v upon_o i_o as_o he_o do_v upon_o he_o and_o now_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n let_v all_o they_o who_o use_v mental_a prayer_n consider_v well_o that_o which_o follow_v very_o well_o let_v they_o know_v that_o during_o the_o time_n when_o i_o forbear_v it_o my_o life_n be_v much_o worse_o than_o before_o and_o let_v it_o be_v well_o consider_v what_o a_o fine_a kind_n of_o remedy_n the_o devil_n bring_v i_o and_o what_o a_o dainty_a ridiculous_a humility_n it_o must_v be_v which_o can_v fill_v i_o with_o so_o deep_a a_o disquiet_n for_o indeed_o how_o can_v this_o soul_n of_o i_o appease_v itself_o the_o ignorant_a foolish_a creature_n go_v away_o as_o fast_o as_o she_o can_v from_o her_o true_a repose_n and_o rest_n she_o have_v her_o favour_n and_o regalo_n present_a to_o her_o memory_n and_o she_o find_v that_o the_o contentment_n of_o this_o world_n be_v so_o loathsome_a as_o even_o almost_o to_o provoke_v a_o vomit_n but_o i_o be_o amaze_v how_o i_o can_v endure_v it_o though_o belike_o it_o be_v with_o some_o kind_n of_o hope_n that_o at_o the_o worst_a hand_n i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o remain_v free_a from_o sin_n for_o i_o never_o as_o i_o remember_v though_o yet_o it_o be_v now_o more_o than_o one_o &_o twenty_o year_n ago_o gave-ove_a a_o be_v resolve_v to_o return_v to_o prayer_n but_o o_o how_o ill-grounded_a and_o address_v be_v this_o hope_n of_o i_o for_o the_o devil_n will_v fain_o have_v turn_v i_o over_o till_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n that_o so_o from_o thence_o he_o may_v conduct_v i_o to_o hell_n but_o yet_o now_o afterward_o i_o frequent_v prayer_n &_o read_v which_o be_v indeed_o the_o way_n to_o see_v real_a truth_n &_o look_v down_o upon_o that_o wicked_a course_n which_o i_o be_v hold_v and_o often_o importune_v our_o bless_a lord_n with_o many_o tear_n i_o be_v yet_o so_o very_o wretched_a that_o i_o know_v not_o by_o any_o mean_n how_o to_o help_v myself_o but_o then_o again_o on_o the_o other_o side_n i_o grow_v to_o give-ove_a these_o good_a thing_n and_o employ_v myself_o upon_o certain_a idle_a pastime_n and_o expose_v myself_o to_o many_o occasion_n of_o ill_a and_o enjoy_v very_o few_o help_n and_o i_o may_v rather_o venture_v to_o say_v none_o at_o all_o but_o only_o such_o as_o may_v help_v i_o to_o fall_v for_o what_o may_v i_o ever_o hope_v but_o what_o i_o have_v say_v i_o believe_v that_o a_o certain_a religious_a man_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n who_o be_v very_o learned_a have_v great_a merit_n in_o the_o sight_n of_o god_n for_o he_o awake_v i_o out_o of_o this_o sleep_n and_o he_o make_v i_o as_o i_o think_v i_o have_v already_o express_v receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n every_o fortnight_n and_o so_o my_o misery_n be_v then_o not_o altogether_o so_o great_a i_o begin_v to_o come_v back_o again_o into_o myself_o though_o yet_o withal_o i_o forbear_v not_o to_o commit_v some_o offence_n against_o our_o lord_n but_o because_o i_o have_v not_o lose_v my_o way_n i_o go_v still_o on_o with_o fall_v &_o rise_v though_o yet_o but_o by_o little_a and_o little_a and_o he_o who_o never_o gives-ove_a to_o go_v forward_o will_v arrive_v at_o length_n by_o go_v soft_o though_o it_o be_v late_o for_o my_o part_n i_o conceive_v that_o for_o a_o soul_n to_o loose_v her_o way_n and_o to_o leave_v her_o prayer_n be_v indeed_o but_o one_o and_o the_o self_n same_o thing_n and_o our_o lord_n deliver_v we_o from_o it_o for_o his_o own_o mercy_n sake_n it_o be_v heerupon_o to_o be_v infer_v and_o i_o desire_v even_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n that_o it_o may_v be_v much_o observe_v that_o although_o a_o soul_n shall_v come_v to_o such_o pass_n as_o that_o our_o lord_n may_v do_v her_o great_a favour_n in_o prayer_n she_o must_v not_o yet_o be_v confident_a of_o herself_o since_o she_o may_v yet_o come_v to_o fall_v again_o and_o let_v she_o not_o by_o any_o mean_n expose_v herself_o to_o heed_n occasion_n of_o sinne._n let_v she_o be_v careful_a to_o consider_v thus_o much_o for_o the_o deceit_n of_o which_o the_o devil_n be_v wont_a to_o serve_v himself_o in_o this_o occasion_n be_v very_o great_a for_o though_o the_o favour_n which_o be_v impart_v to_o the_o soul_n be_v most_o certain_o from_o almighty_a god_n yet_o the_o traitor_n will_v not_o fail_v to_o serve_v himself_o of_o that_o very_a favour_n in_o whatsoever_o he_o can_v and_o especial_o for_o the_o disadvantage_n of_o person_n who_o be_v not_o strong_a in_o virtue_n and_o mortification_n nor_o be_v absolute_o untie_v and_o loose_a from_o all_o thing_n belong_v to_o this_o world_n for_o man_n in_o fine_a must_v know_v that_o they_o be_v not_o by_o mean_n of_o this_o prayer_n sufficient_o strengthen_v and_o fortify_v as_o i_o will_v declare_v afterward_o for_o the_o put_v themselves_o into_o occasion_n and_o danger_n how_o great_a desire_n and_o resolution_n soever_o they_o may_v have_v this_o be_v a_o excellent_a doctrine_n and_o it_o be_v not_o i_o but_o teach_v by_o 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absolute_o nothing_o at_o all_o of_o itself_o but_o as_o it_o chance_v to_o be_v at_o the_o time_n so_o it_o remain_v whether_o it_o be_v sit_v or_o no_o or_o whether_o it_o have_v the_o hand_n either_o open_a or_o close_v for_o though_o she_o lose_v her_o sense_n some_o few_o time_n and_o the_o same_o have_v also_o happen_v to_o i_o now_o and_o then_o yet_o have_v they_o seldom_o be_v total_o lose_v and_o that_o but_o for_o a_o very_a short_a time_n at_o once_o the_o most_o usual_a effect_n be_v wont_a to_o be_v that_o she_o find_v herself_o a_o little_a in_o
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last_v no_o long_o than_o the_o open_n as_o it_o be_v and_o shut_v of_o a_o eye_n for_o then_o in_o effect_n it_o be_v scarce_o feel_v at_o all_o but_o only_o by_o the_o very_a effect_n which_o it_o leave_v behind_o it_o and_o when_o on_o the_o other_o side_n this_o favour_n continue_v to_o be_v of_o much_o long_a extent_n but_o it_o occurr_v to_o i_o often_o to_o doubt_v whether_o the_o cause_n of_o this_o may_v not_o be_v that_o the_o soul_n dispose_v not_o herself_o entire_o for_o god_n till_o his_o divine_a majesty_n bring_v she_o up_o and_o breed_v she_o for_o himself_o by_o little_a and_o little_a and_o so_o bespeak_v she_o to_o resolve_v her_o self_n all_o at_o once_o and_o give_v she_o the_o very_a strength_n of_o a_o grow_v man_n to_o the_o end_n that_o she_o may_v cast_v all_o as_o it_o be_v a_o thousand_o mile_n off_o as_o he_o instant_o do_v with_o s._n marie_n magdalen_n and_o as_o he_o also_o do_v with_o other_o after_o the_o rate_n of_o their_o cooperate_a with_o he_o 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single_a drop_n of_o that_o huge_a and_o vast_a sea_n of_o benediction_n which_o i_o mean_v to_o give_v to_o such_o as_o i_o love_v and_o when_o he_o see_v that_o they_o receive_v it_o as_o he_o give_v it_o he_o give_v not_o only_o it_o but_o himself_o with_o it_o in_o fine_a he_o love_v they_o who_o love_v he_o and_o o_o what_o a_o good_a lover_n and_o good_a belon_v be_v he_o othou_fw-mi the_o lord_n of_o my_o soul_n o_o that_o i_o can_v find_v any_o fit_a word_n whereby_o i_o may_v give_v to_o be_v understand_v what_o thou_o bestow_v upon_o such_o as_o trust_v thou_o home_o and_o what_o they_o lose_v who_o arrive_v to_o this_o condition_n and_o yet_o will_v needs_o remain_v still_o with_o themselves_o but_o do_v not_o o_o thou_o my_o lord_n permit_v this_o since_o already_o thou_o do_v more_o than_o this_o for_o our_o sake_n in_o come_v to_o so_o base_a and_o wicked_a a_o lodging_n as_o this_o of_o my_o hart_n bless_a may_v thou_o be_v for_o ever_o and_o for_o ever_o amen_n and_o now_o i_o return_v most_o humble_o to_o beseech_v your_o reverence_n that_o if_o you_o mean_v to_o impart_v these_o thing_n which_o i_o have_v write_v concern_v my_o prayer_n they_o may_v be_v very_o spiritual_a person_n to_o who_o you_o do_v it_o for_o if_o they_o understand_v no_o more_o than_o some_o one_o way_n or_o if_o they_o have_v remain_v in_o the_o half_a way_n they_o will_v never_o be_v so_o well_o able_a to_o hit_v right_a now_o there_o be_v some_o who_o almighty_a god_n carry_v instant_o by_o a_o very_a sublime_a kind_n of_o address_n and_o they_o perhaps_o will_v conceive_v that_o other_o may_v also_o profit_v there_o and_o may_v quiet_v and_o calm_v the_o understanding_n and_o not_o serve_v themselves_o at_o all_o of_o the_o mean_n of_o any_o corporeal_a object_n but_o yet_o these_o creature_n with_o all_o this_o shall_v come_v in_o fine_a to_o remain_v as_o dry_v as_o a_o stick_n and_o some_o who_o have_v grow_v to_o enjoy_v a_o little_a quiet_a grow_v also_o to_o 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myself_o more_o to_o prayer_n our_o lord_n begin_v also_o to_o do_v i_o favour_n as_o one_o who_o in_o all_o appearance_n desire_v but_o that_o i_o will_v be_v content_a to_o receive_v they_o his_o divine_a majesty_n do_v therefore_o then_o very_o ordinary_o give_v i_o the_o prayer_n of_o quiet_a and_o many_o time_n that_o also_o of_o union_n which_o last_v very_o long_o fit_v of_o time_n but_o now_o when_o i_o understand_v that_o there_o have_v occur_v great_a illusion_n of_o certain_a woman_n and_o deceit_n which_o the_o devil_n put_v upon_o they_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v afraid_a as_o consider_v the_o delight_n and_o sweetness_n
do_v it_o himself_o as_o indeed_o he_o do_v nor_o yet_o can_v i_o ever_o imagine_v that_o it_o will_v prove_v to_o take_v effect_n with_o i_o as_o yet_o it_o fall_v out_o to_o do_v because_o already_o i_o have_v use_v some_o endeavour_n that_o way_n and_o the_o affliction_n which_o i_o receive_v by_o it_o be_v so_o great_a that_o i_o resolve_v to_o give_v over_o the_o attempt_n as_o be_v a_o thing_n which_o i_o hold_v not_o to_o be_v inconvenient_a to_o continue_v but_o now_o here_o our_o bless_a lord_n impart_v both_o liberty_n and_o strength_n to_o i_o to_o put_v it_o in_o execution_n i_o tell_v this_o very_a thing_n to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n and_o i_o give_v over_o that_o friendship_n according_a to_o what_o i_o have_v be_v command_v and_o it_o do_v they_o no_o little_a good_a with_o who_o i_o have_v be_v wont_a to_o converse_v to_o see_v this_o resolution_n grow_v in_o i_o almighty_a god_n be_v ever_o bless_v and_o praise_v who_o give_v i_o that_o liberty_n and_o power_n in_o one_o god_n moment_n which_o i_o have_v not_o be_v able_a to_o purchase_v and_o obtain_v of_o myself_o by_o the_o multitude_n of_o those_o great_a diligence_n which_o i_o have_v use_v many_o year_n in_o order_n to_o this_o end_n though_o yet_o i_o have_v employ_v myself_o so_o earnest_o upon_o this_o attempt_n that_o it_o have_v cost_v i_o a_o good_a part_n of_o my_o health_n but_o now_o this_o have_v be_v wrought_v and_o grant_v by_o he_o who_o be_v the_o omnipotent_a and_o true_a lord_n of_o all_o creature_n it_o put_v i_o not_o even_o to_o the_o least_o pain_n or_o trouble_v at_o all_o the_o five_o and_o twenty_o chapter_n she_o treat_v here_o of_o the_o way_n and_o manner_n of_o understand_v those_o word_n or_o speech_n which_o almighty_a god_n be_v please_v to_o utter_v to_o the_o soul_n though_o yet_o without_o hear_v any_o voice_n or_o sound_n and_o of_o some_o error_n or_o abuse_n which_o may_v happen_v herein_o and_o how_o the_o right_a may_v be_v know_v from_o the_o wrong_n 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mighty_a power_n and_o that_o his_o word_n be_v deed_n i_o think_v there_o be_v such_o a_o difference_n as_o there_o be_v between_o our_o speak_n or_o hear_v neither_o more_o â—orlesse_a for_o that_o which_o i_o speak_v i_o go_v order_v as_o i_o be_v say_v with_o my_o understanding_n but_o if_o another_o speak_v to_o i_o i_o do_v no_o more_o than_o hear_v without_o any_o trouble_n at_o all_o to_o myself_o one_o of_o these_o kind_n of_o word_n be_v like_o some_o thing_n whereof_o we_o can_v well_o determine_v whether_o it_o be_v not_o as_o of_o a_o man_n who_o be_v half_a asleep_a but_o this_o other_o be_v find_v to_o come_v from_o a_o voice_n so_o
the_o matter_n be_v that_o when_o these_o thing_n be_v of_o the_o devil_n it_o seem_v as_o if_o all_o kind_n of_o benediction_n do_v hide_v itself_o and_o even_o fly_v from_o the_o soul_n so_o untoward_a and_o unquiet_a and_o in_o so_o great_a disorder_n do_v she_o remain_v without_o any_o one_o good_a effect_n at_o all_o for_o though_o there_o may_v be_v a_o seem_a as_o if_o there_o be_v a_o plant_n of_o good_a desire_n in_o she_o yet_o they_o be_v not_o effectual_a or_o strong_a the_o humility_n which_o he_o leave_v behind_o he_o be_v false_a unquiet_a and_o without_o any_o suavitie_n at_o all_o and_o i_o think_v this_o may_v be_v easy_o enough_o understand_v by_o any_o creature_n who_o have_v experience_n of_o what_o a_o good_a spirit_n be_v but_o yet_o the_o devil_n be_v very_o able_a to_o play_v many_o trick_n and_o therefore_o there_o be_v nothing_o of_o this_o kind_n so_o certain_a and_o clear_a but_o that_o somewhat_o may_v still_o be_v fear_v at_o his_o hand_n and_o so_o it_o 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not_o in_o prayer_n for_o when_o i_o be_v and_o when_o our_o lord_n vouchsafe_v to_o do_v i_o any_o favour_n therein_o i_o grow_v present_o into_o good_a assurance_n and_o i_o think_v they_o be_v five_o or_o six_o of_o they_o and_o they_o be_v all_o great_a servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n but_o then_o my_o ghostly_a father_n tell_v i_o that_o they_o encounter_n all_o have_v grow_v to_o resolve_v that_o it_o be_v the_o devil_n and_o direct_v i_o not_o to_o communicate_v so_o often_o and_o that_o i_o shall_v endeavour_v to_o divert_v myself_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v much_o alone_a now_o i_o be_v extreme_o timorous_a in_o these_o case_n as_o i_o have_v say_v and_o the_o palpitation_n of_o my_o hart_n help_v i_o on_o therein_o so_o that_o i_o have_v not_o the_o courage_n many_o time_n to_o be_v alone_o in_o my_o room_n even_o by_o day_n but_o when_o i_o find_v what_o so_o many_o of_o they_o affirm_v which_o yet_o i_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n believe_v i_o grow_v to_o have_v a_o extreme_a scruple_n as_o conceave_a that_o this_o be_v a_o sign_n of_o very_o little_a humility_n in_o myself_o since_o they_o all_o be_v incomparable_o of_o better_a life_n than_o i_o and_o beside_o all_o this_o they_o be_v learn_v and_o in_o fine_a why_o shall_v not_o i_o believe_v they_o i_o force_v myself_o the_o best_a i_o can_v to_o do_v it_o and_o i_o think_v much_o of_o my_o own_o wicked_a life_n and_o how_o consider_v that_o it_o may_v be_v likely_a enough_o to_o be_v true_a which_o they_o say_v upon_o this_o i_o go_v into_o the_o church_n with_o this_o affliction_n and_o pass_v on_o into_o a_o oratory_n have_v forbear_v many_o day_n to_o communicate_v and_o avoid_v also_o to_o be_v alone_o which_o yet_o have_v former_o be_v my_o total_a comfort_n and_o all_o this_o without_o have_v one_o person_n with_o who_o i_o may_v treat_v for_o they_o be_v all_o against_o i_o nay_o some_o of_o they_o i_o think_v make_v themselves_o as_o it_o be_v merry_a with_o i_o whensoever_o i_o will_v be_v tell_v they_o what_o i_o think_v and_o other_o will_v be_v advise_v my_o ghostly_a father_n to_o take_v heed_n of_o i_o nay_o some_o will_v go_v so_o far_o as_o to_o say_v that_o it_o be_v clear_o the_o devil_n only_o my_o ghostly_a father_n though_o he_o conform_v himself_o with_o those_o other_o as_o i_o grow_v to_o understand_v afterward_o so_o far_o as_o to_o have_v i_o try_v do_v ever_o give_v i_o comfort_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o though_o it_o shall_v be_v the_o devil_n yet_o i_o not_o offend_v almighty_a god_n he_o will_v be_v able_a to_o do_v i_o no_o hurt_n that_o the_o difficulty_n will_v grow_v to_o be_v remove_v that_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o shall_v pray_v hearty_o to_o almighty_a god_n and_o that_o he_o and_o all_o those_o other_o and_o many_o more_o also_o than_o they_o will_v do_v the_o like_a and_o all_o my_o prayer_n and_o they_o who_o i_o conceive_v to_o be_v the_o servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n aim_v at_o this_o that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n will_v be_v please_v to_o carry_v i_o on_o by_o some_o other_o way_n and_o this_o kind_n of_o make_v continual_a intercession_n to_o our_o lord_n may_v last_v about_o a_o matter_n of_o some_o two_o year_n as_o for_o i_o i_o be_v capable_a of_o no_o comfort_n when_o i_o think_v once_o that_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o the_o devil_n to_o be_v so_o often_o speak_v to_o i_o and_o in_o i_o but_o in_o regard_n that_o now_o i_o employ_v no_o more_o hour_n of_o my_o time_n in_o solitude_n for_o prayer_n our_o lord_n give_v i_o recollection_n even_o when_o i_o be_v in_o conversation_n and_o so_o as_o that_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o avoid_v it_o and_o he_o say_v such_o thing_n to_o i_o as_o he_o please_v and_o i_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n be_v trouble_v that_o i_o be_v fain_o to_o hear_v he_o but_o once_o be_v all_o alone_a without_o have_v any_o creature_n by_o i_o upon_o who_o to_o ease_v myself_o i_o can_v neither_o pray_v nor_o read_v but_o be_v like_o a_o person_n even_o all_o amaze_v at_o so_o great_a tribulation_n as_o i_o endure_v and_o with_o so_o much_o fear_n to_o consider_v whether_o the_o devil_n be_v to_o have_v power_n to_o circumvent_v i_o in_o this_o manner_n or_o no._n and_o be_v all_o disorder_a and_o even_o tire_v without_o know_v what_o to_o do_v with_o myself_o for_o i_o have_v see_v myself_o in_o this_o affliction_n and_o that_o very_a often_o though_o yet_o never_o to_o my_o think_n in_o so_o great_a extremity_n as_o then_o i_o remain_v four_o or_o five_o hour_n after_o this_o manner_n for_o there_o seem_v to_o be_v no_o comfort_n at_o all_o for_o i_o either_o upon_o earth_n or_o yet_o from_o heaven_n but_o our_o lord_n leave_v i_o so_o in_o sufferance_n and_o under_o the_o fear_n also_o of_o a_o thousand_o danger_n o_o my_o dear_a lord_n and_o how_o true_o be_v thou_o a_o true_a friend_n and_o how_o powerful_a be_v thou_o to_o do_v what_o thou_o will_v and_o do_v never_o leave_v to_o love_v they_o who_o love_v thou_o if_o they_o love_v thou_o indeed_o let_v all_o thing_n praise_v thou_o o_o thou_o lord_n of_o the_o whole_a world_n and_o o_o that_o i_o can_v cry_v out_o loud_a enough_o through_o that_o whole_a world_n to_o declare_v how_o faithful_a and_o true_a thou_o be_v to_o thy_o friend_n all_o other_o thing_n grow_v to_o fail_v we_o but_o thou_o who_o be_v the_o lord_n of_o they_o all_o do_v never_o fail_v and_o it_o be_v little_a also_o which_o thou_o permit_v such_o as_o love_v thou_o to_o suffer_v for_o thou_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n how_o delicate_o and_o how_o smooth_o yea_o and_o how_o savoury_o also_o do_v thou_o know_v how_o to_o treat_v such_o soul_n o_o that_o a_o creature_n who_o i_o know_v have_v be_v so_o happy_a as_o never_o to_o have_v detain_v herself_o upon_o love_v any_o other_o thing_n then_o thou_o it_o seem_v indeed_o o_o lord_n that_o sometime_o thou_o trye_v such_o as_o love_v thou_o with_o a_o kind_n of_o rigour_n to_o the_o end_n that_o by_o that_o extremity_n of_o trouble_n they_o may_v afterward_o come_v the_o better_o to_o find_v and_o feel_v thereby_o the_o great_a excess_n of_o thy_o love_n o_o my_o god_n that_o i_o have_v understanding_n and_o learning_n yea_o and_o new_a word_n so_o to_o be_v able_a to_o exaggerate_v thy_o work_n according_a to_o that_o intelligence_n which_o my_o soul_n have_v thereof_o all_o this_o be_v want_v to_o i_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n but_o yet_o if_o thou_o forsake_v i_o not_o i_o will_v never_o be_v want_v to_o thou_o let_v all_o the_o learned_a man_n of_o the_o world_n rise-up_a against_o
and_o so_o make_v those_o wretch_n tremble_v for_o already_o we_o know_v well_o enough_o that_o the_o devil_n be_v not_o able_a to_o stir_v unless_o our_o lord_n permit_v he_o what_o then_o may_v be_v the_o ground_n of_o all_o these_o disorder_n it_o be_v certain_o that_o i_o be_o more_o afraid_a of_o they_o who_o be_v so_o fright_v by_o the_o devil_n then_o of_o the_o devil_n himself_o for_o he_o be_v utter_o unable_a to_o do_v i_o hurt_v whereas_o these_o other_o especial_o if_o they_o be_v ghostly_a father_n may_v put_v soul_n to_o much_o disquiet_n and_o for_o my_o part_n i_o have_v pass_v some_o year_n through_o so_o great_a trouble_n that_o now_o i_o be_o even_o amaze_v to_o consider_v how_o i_o have_v be_v able_a to_o endure_v it_o but_o bless_v be_v our_o lord_n who_o have_v assist_v i_o in_o so_o good_a earnest_n amen_n the_o six_o and_o twenty_o chapter_n she_o prosecute_v the_o same_o discourse_n and_o go_v relate_v and_o declare_v such_o thing_n as_o happen_v to_o she_o which_o make_v her_o loose_a fear_n and_o to_o be_v strengthen_v in_o a_o beleif_n that_o it_o be_v a_o good_a spirit_n which_o speak_v to_o she_o i_o esteem_v the_o courage_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v vouchsafe_v to_o give_v i_o against_o all_o the_o devil_n of_o hell_n to_o be_v one_o of_o the_o great_a favour_n which_o it_o have_v please_v his_o divine_a majesty_n to_o do_v i_o since_o for_o a_o soul_n to_o go_v cowardly_o on_o and_o to_o be_v fearful_a indeed_o of_o any_o thing_n but_o only_o to_o offend_v the_o majesty_n of_o almighty_a god_n be_v a_o extreme_a inconvenience_n for_o since_o we_o have_v a_o king_n who_o be_v omnipotent_a and_o so_o great_a a_o lord_n that_o he_o can_v do_v what_o he_o list_n and_o who_o bring_v all_o thing_n into_o subjection_n under_o himself_o there_o be_v no_o fear_n at_o all_o to_o be_v have_v and_o therefore_o as_o i_o be_v say_v we_o have_v no_o cause_n to_o doubt_v so_o that_o we_o walk_v sincere_o and_o with_o purity_n of_o conscience_n in_o the_o presence_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n and_o in_o order_n to_o this_o end_n i_o shall_v be_v glad_a to_o have_v all_o the_o fear_n in_o the_o world_n to_o offend_v he_o in_o any_o one_o instant_n of_o my_o whole_a life_n who_o be_v able_a in_o the_o very_a selfsame_a instant_n to_o destroy_v and_o annihilate_v we_o all_o as_o long_o as_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v with_o we_o there_o be_v no_o creature_n who_o can_v stand_v against_o we_o without_o have_v his_o head_n break_v for_o his_o pain_n you_o will_v peradventure_o say_v that_o this_o be_v very_o true_a but_o yet_o now_o on_o the_o other_o side_n where_o shall_v we_o find_v that_o soul_n which_o stand_v so_o straight_o as_o that_o she_o may_v be_v whole_o please_v to_o he_o and_o because_o she_o be_v not_o so_o she_o be_v in_o fear_n i_o answer_v that_o i_o be_o sure_a that_o that_o pure_a and_o innocent_a soul_n be_v none_o of_o i_o which_o indeed_o be_v very_o wretched_a and_o unprofitable_a and_o surcharge_v even_o with_o a_o thousand_o misery_n but_o yet_o still_o we_o have_v this_o comfort_n that_o almighty_a god_n do_v not_o proceed_v with_o such_o rigour_n as_o man_n do_v for_o he_o know_v and_o consider_v our_o frailty_n and_o the_o soul_n have_v way_n of_o understanding_n and_o find_v in_o itself_o by_o great_a conjecture_n whether_o real_o she_o love_v his_o divine_a majesty_n or_o no_o for_o in_o such_o as_o arrive_v once_o to_o this_o state_n our_o love_n to_o he_o be_v not_o now_o a_o kind_n of_o dissemble_a or_o disguise_v love_n as_o it_o use_v sometime_o to_o be_v in_o the_o beginning_n but_o it_o be_v accompany_v with_o so_o great_a impulse_n and_o even_o impetuosity_n of_o desire_n to_o see_v almighty_a god_n as_o i_o shall_v afterward_o declare_v or_o rather_o as_o i_o have_v declare_v already_o and_o all_o thing_n be_v wont_a to_o afflict_v all_o thing_n to_o weary_a &_o tire_v and_o all_o thing_n do_v even_o torment_v she_o unless_o it_o be_v only_a god_n or_o for_o god_n there_o be_v not_o so_o much_o as_o any_o repose_n which_o do_v not_o displease_v she_o because_o she_o find_v herself_o absent_a from_o her_o true_a repose_n and_o so_o it_o falls-out_a to_o be_v very_o evident_a that_o thing_n pass_v not_o here_o in_o a_o dissemble_a way_n it_o have_v happen_v to_o i_o in_o former_a time_n that_o i_o find_v myself_o in_o great_a tribulation_n and_o i_o be_v subject_a to_o many_o detraction_n by_o occasion_n of_o a_o certain_a business_n whereof_o i_o may_v have_v cause_n to_o speak_v afterward_o from_o all_o that_o house_n where_o i_o live_v yea_o and_o from_o my_o order_n and_o i_o be_v afflict_v upon_o many_o accident_n which_o occur_v then_o at_o which_o time_n it_o please_v our_o lord_n to_o utter_v these_o express_a word_n to_o i_o of_o what_o be_v thou_o afraid_a do_v thou_o not_o know_v that_o i_o be_o omnipotent_a i_o will_v accomplish_v all_o that_o which_o i_o have_v promise_v thou_o and_o indeed_o he_o accomplish_v it_o 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the_o memory_n of_o the_o sin_n of_o my_o former_a life_n and_o this_o he_o most_o ordinary_o use_v to_o do_v whensoever_o he_o intend_v to_o vouchsafe_v i_o any_o extraordinary_a favour_n and_o he_o do_v it_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o the_o soul_n discern_v herself_o as_o if_o she_o be_v real_o plant_v at_o the_o very_a day_n of_o the_o last_o universal_a judgement_n and_o the_o truth_n be_v represent_v to_o she_o with_o such_o a_o kind_n of_o perspicuity_n and_o claritie_n that_o she_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v with_o herself_o at_o other_o time_n he_o be_v please_v to_o inform_v i_o of_o certain_a danger_n concern_v both_o myself_o and_o other_o about_o thing_n which_o do_v not_o happen_v till_o three_o or_o four_o year_n after_o but_o they_o all_o be_v ever_o fulfil_v and_o some_o of_o they_o may_v also_o be_v name_v if_o there_o be_v cause_n so_o that_o there_o be_v so_o many_o particular_n whereby_o it_o may_v be_v understand_v that_o these_o thing_n be_v of_o almighty_a god_n as_o that_o in_o my_o opinion_n they_o can_v but_o be_v know_v and_o acknowledge_v the_o most_o secure_a proceed_n consist_v in_o that_o such_o a_o person_n do_v not_o fail_v to_o impart_v her_o whole_a soul_n to_o her_o ghostly_a father_n and_o that_o he_o be_v a_o learned_a man_n and_o that_o she_o do_v entire_o obey_v he_o at_o least_o this_o be_v the_o course_n which_o i_o take_v and_o without_o this_o i_o can_v have_v no_o rest_n nor_o be_v it_o indeed_o fit_a that_o we_o woman_n shall_v have_v any_o since_o we_o have_v no_o learning_n and_o there_o can_v be_v no_o hurt_n at_o all_o in_o this_o but_o many_o advantage_n and_o benefit_n as_o our_o lord_n himself_o have_v tell_v i_o many_o time_n i_o say_v many_o time_n i_o have_v once_o a_o ghostly_a father_n who_o mortify_v i_o very_o much_o and_o sometime_o he_o do_v even_o afflict_v i_o and_o bring_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o trouble_n and_o disquiet_v i_o in_o extraordinary_a manner_n and_o yet_o it_o be_v he_o who_o in_o my_o opinion_n do_v i_o the_o most_o good_a of_o they_o all_o and_o though_o i_o love_v he_o very_o much_o yet_o i_o have_v some_o temptation_n to_o leave_v he_o for_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o i_o be_v much_o prejudice_v by_o those_o inconvenience_n which_o he_o be_v wont_a to_o give_v i_o concern_v my_o prayer_n but_o yet_o ever_o when_o i_o be_v determine_v to_o do_v this_o i_o instant_o understand_v that_o i_o be_v to_o forbear_v it_o and_o i_o receive_v such_o a_o reprehension_n from_o our_o lord_n as_o defeat_v and_o as_o it_o be_v annihilate_v i_o more_o than_o all_o that_o which_o my_o ghostly_a father_n can_v
this_o end_n some_o little_a poor_a good_a work_n which_o i_o do_v if_o i_o do_v any_o i_o become_v devote_a to_o some_o saint_n to_o the_o end_n that_o by_o their_o mean_n i_o may_v be_v deliver_v from_o the_o devil_n i_o perform_v the_o devotion_n of_o nine_o day_n i_o recommend_v myself_o to_o saint_n hilarion_n and_o to_o s._n michael_n also_o the_o archangel_n for_o i_o have_v late_o apply_v myself_o to_o he_o for_o this_o purpose_n and_o i_o importune_v also_o mame_v other_o saint_n that_o our_o lord_n may_v be_v please_v by_o their_o intercession_n to_o conduct_v i_o in_o the_o way_n of_o truth_n i_o say_v that_o they_o will_v find_v some_o mean_n to_o perfect_v this_o business_n of_o i_o with_o his_o divine_a majesty_n in_o fine_a after_o the_o end_n of_o two_o year_n which_o both_o i_o and_o other_o person_n have_v whole_o employ_v with_o all_o their_o prayer_n and_o i_o in_o order_n to_o this_o end_n that_o our_o lord_n may_v be_v please_v either_o to_o conduct_v my_o soul_n by_o some_o other_o way_n or_o else_o vouchsafe_v to_o declare_v that_o this_o way_n wherein_o i_o go_v be_v right_a for_o now_o those_o word_n and_o speech_n which_o i_o have_v relate_v that_o our_o lord_n will_v be_v utter_v to_o i_o sometime_o be_v grow_v very_o ordinary_a &_o even_o continual_a that_o chance_v and_o occur_v to_o i_o which_o i_o will_v now_o declare_v as_o i_o be_v in_o prayer_n one_o day_n and_o it_o be_v upon_o the_o festivitie_n of_o the_o glorious_a s._n peter_n i_o see_v stand_v very_o near_o i_o or_o rather_o to_o say_v better_o i_o think_v i_o feel_v for_o indeed_o i_o see_v nothing_o at_o all_o with_o the_o eye_n either_o of_o my_o body_n or_o of_o my_o mind_n that_o christ_n our_o lord_n be_v close_o by_o i_o and_o i_o find_v in_o fine_a that_o it_o be_v he_o in_o my_o opinion_n who_o be_v speak_v to_o i_o but_o now_o i_o who_o be_v extreme_o ignorant_a till_o then_o that_o there_o may_v be_v any_o such_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n as_o such_o a_o vision_n fall_v at_o the_o first_o into_o a_o mighty_a fear_n and_o i_o can_v do_v nothing_o but_o weep_v though_o yet_o through_o his_o give_v i_o assurance_n by_o his_o speak_v but_o one_o only_o word_n i_o find_v myself_o as_o i_o have_v former_o be_v not_o only_o without_o fear_n and_o very_o quiet_a but_o even_o with_o regalo_n and_o delight_n i_o thought_n that_o christ_n jesus_n our_o lord_n go_v ever_o close_o to_o i_o on_o one_o side_n but_o the_o vision_n not_o be_v imaginary_a or_o represent_v in_o any_o form_n i_o perceive_v not_o in_o what_o shape_n he_o be_v but_o as_o for_o his_o be_v ever_o on_o my_o right_a side_n i_o find_v and_o feel_v that_o very_o clear_o and_o that_o he_o be_v the_o witness_n of_o whatsoever_o i_o do_v and_o that_o i_o can_v not_o be_v recollect_v though_o it_o be_v never_o so_o little_a or_o rather_o indeed_o unless_o i_o be_v much_o divert_v or_o distract_v but_o i_o must_v needs_o in_o fine_a understand_v that_o he_o be_v very_o near_o i_o i_o than_o go_v immediate_o to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n be_v sufficient_o vex_v and_o grieved_a that_o i_o must_v let_v he_o know_v it_o he_o ask_v i_o what_o form_n or_o figure_n he_o have_v when_o i_o see_v he_o and_o i_o tell_v he_o that_o i_o have_v not_o see_v he_o upon_o this_o he_o inquire_v then_o how_o i_o know_v that_o it_o be_v christ_n our_o lord_n to_o this_o i_o answer_v that_o i_o know_v no_o more_o but_o that_o i_o can_v not_o possible_o fail_v or_o forbear_v to_o understand_v and_o know_v that_o he_o be_v close_o to_o i_o and_o that_o i_o find_v and_o feel_v it_o plain_o and_o that_o now_o the_o recollection_n of_o my_o soul_n in_o prayer_n of_o quiet_a be_v far_o great_a and_o more_o continual_a &_o that_o the_o effect_n be_v very_o different_a from_o those_o other_o which_o i_o have_v former_o find_v and_o that_o the_o thing_n be_v very_o certain_a and_o clear_a for_o my_o part_n i_o can_v do_v no_o more_o but_o bring_v diverse_a comparison_n whereby_o to_o give_v myself_o 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because_o it_o be_v no_o imaginary_a vision_n how_o come_v i_o to_o understand_v and_o how_o can_v i_o undertake_v and_o affirm_v more_o clear_o &_o certain_o that_o christ_n our_o lord_n be_v stand_v near_o i_o then_o if_o i_o have_v see_v he_o with_o my_o very_a eye_n for_o it_o seem_v indeed_o to_o be_v as_o if_o a_o person_n be_v in_o the_o dark_a who_o see_v not_o another_o that_o stand_v by_o he_o or_o as_o if_o the_o same_o person_n be_v blind_a some_o resemblance_n i_o say_v this_o carry_v though_o yet_o not_o very_o much_o for_o in_o this_o last_o case_n a_o man_n may_v come_v to_o know_v it_o by_o the_o way_n of_o several_a sense_n because_o he_o may_v hear_v the_o other_o speak_v or_o stir_v or_o he_o may_v touch_v he_o but_o here_o there_o be_v nothing_o of_o all_o this_o nor_o be_v there_o here_o any_o darkness_n at_o all_o but_o only_o the_o thing_n be_v represent_v to_o the_o soul_n by_o a_o certain_a notice_n which_o be_v more_o clear_a than_o the_o sun_n i_o say_v not_o that_o any_o sun_n be_v see_v nor_o any_o clearness_n or_o brightness_n at_o all_o but_o only_o a_o certain_a light_n which_o illuminate_v and_o inform_v the_o understanding_n though_o yet_o without_o see_v any_o light_n to_o the_o end_n that_o the_o soul_n may_v enjoy_v so_o high_a a_o good_a now_o this_o bring_v great_a benefit_n with_o it_o yet_o be_v it_o not_o like_o such_o a_o presence_n of_o god_n as_o many_o time_n be_v feel_v in_o the_o mind_n and_o especial_o by_o such_o person_n as_o be_v arrive_v to_o union_n and_o quiet_a prayer_n who_o in_o resolve_v to_o begin_v to_o make_v that_o prayer_n seem_v to_o find_v the_o person_n ready_a at_o hand_n to_o who_o to_o speak_v and_o we_o seem_v to_o understand_v that_o he_o hear_v we_o by_o the_o effect_n and_o spiritual_a feeling_n which_o we_o find_v of_o great_a love_n and_o faith_n and_o other_o firm_a purpose_n and_o resolution_n accompany_v with_o much_o tenderness_n of_o denotion_n this_o be_v a_o great_a favour_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o let_v he_o esteem_v it_o much_o who_o have_v it_o for_o it_o be_v a_o very_a elevate_v and_o high_a prayer_n but_o yet_o it_o be_v no_o vision_n but_o here_o it_o be_v understand_v that_o almighty_a god_n be_v there_o by_o the_o effect_n which_o as_o i_o have_v say_v he_o work_v in_o the_o soul_n for_o in_o this_o manner_n of_o prayer_n do_v his_o divine_a majesty_n vouchsafe_v to_o give_v hemself_n then_o and_o there_o to_o be_v feel_v but_o now_o here_o it_o be_v clear_o find_v that_o christ_n jesus_n the_o son_n of_o the_o virgin_n be_v present_a in_o that_o other_o manner_n of_o prayer_n there_o be_v certain_a influence_n of_o the_o divinity_n represent_v but_o here_o together_o with_o they_o we_o find_v that_o the_o most_o sacred_a humanity_n also_o of_o christ_n our_o lord_n do_v accompany_v we_o to_o do_v we_o favour_n my_o ghostly_a father_n than_o ask_v i_o this_o question_n who_o tell_v you_o that_o it_o be_v jesus_n christ_n himself_o tell_v i_o so_o answer_v i_o and_o that_o many_o time_n but_o yet_o even_o before_o he_o tell_v i_o so_o it_o be_v he_o print_v upon_o my_o understanding_n that_o it_o be_v he_o yea_o and_o even_o before_o this_o he_o tell_v i_o so_o and_o yet_o still_o i_o see_v he_o not_o if_o any_o man_n who_o i_o have_v never_o see_v but_o only_o have_v hear_v news_n of_o he_o shall_v come_v to_o speak_v with_o i_o i_o be_v either_o blind_a or_o in_o the_o dark_a and_o shall_v tell_v i_o who_o he_o be_v i_o shall_v believe_v he_o and_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o so_o
by_o procure_v that_o few_o may_v have_v the_o wit_n to_o understand_v thou_o right_a but_o now_o to_o what_o a_o pass_n be_v we_o come_v since_o some_o will_v needs_o conceive_v that_o god_n be_v the_o pride_n better_o serve_v by_o they_o when_o they_o get_v themselves_o to_o be_v hold_v for_o discreet_a and_o wise_a yea_o this_o indeed_o must_v needs_o be_v so_o as_o now_o we_o be_v grow_v to_o understand_v the_o word_n discretion_n for_o now_o we_o will_v needs_o make_v ourselves_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v matter_n forsooth_o of_o small_a edification_n not_o to_o go_v up_o and_o down_o the_o world_n with_o great_a authority_n and_o composition_n of_o clothing_n and_o dress_v every_o one_o according_a to_o his_o condition_n nay_o even_o to_o the_o friar_n and_o priest_n and_o nun_n some_o be_v now_o grow_v to_o be_v of_o opinion_n that_o to_o wear_v any_o thing_n which_o be_v old_a or_o piece_a be_v a_o kind_n of_o novelty_n and_o a_o give_a scandal_n to_o the_o weak_a and_o so_o it_o be_v also_o now_o if_o they_o live_v with_o much_o recollection_n and_o use_v mental_a prayer_n to_o such_o a_o pass_n the_o world_n be_v grow_v but_o the_o study_n and_o practice_v of_o christian_a perfection_n &_o the_o great_a impulse_n which_o the_o saint_n be_v wont_a to_o have_v for_o the_o obtain_n thereof_o be_v the_o thing_n which_o i_o believe_v do_v more_o harm_n to_o the_o miserable_a &_o wretched_a action_n which_o be_v commit_v by_o evil_a man_n in_o these_o time_n than_o it_o can_v possible_o be_v of_o scandal_n to_o any_o creature_n that_o such_o as_o be_v religious_a shall_v publish_v that_o to_o the_o world_n by_o their_o work_n of_o which_o they_o talk_v by_o their_o word_n to_o the_o end_n that_o so_o mankind_n may_v grow_v to_o hold_v this_o world_n in_o mean_a account_n for_o out_o of_o such_o kind_n of_o scandal_n as_o these_o our_o lord_n will_v draw_v great_a service_n for_o himself_o &_o good_a for_o they_o and_o if_o some_o man_n will_v needs_o be_v 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of_o the_o mind_n and_o not_o suffer_v it_o to_o pass_v on_o and_o out_o so_o far_o like_o some_o pot_n comparison_n which_o do_v first_o so_o boil_v up_o and_o then_o so_o boile-ove_a as_o that_o the_o broth_n or_o water_n be_v quite_o spend_v and_o lose_v because_o no_o discretion_n be_v use_v in_o the_o quantity_n of_o wood_n or_o coal_n which_o be_v put_v under_o it_o and_o thus_o let_v they_o procure_v to_o appease_v and_o slake_v the_o flame_n which_o be_v feed_v by_o that_o vehement_a fire_n with_o sweet_a and_o gentle_a tear_n but_o not_o with_o such_o as_o be_v force_v or_o painful_a as_o they_o be_v wont_n to_o be_v which_o proceed_v from_o such_o a_o vehement_a kind_n of_o sense_n as_o i_o have_v former_o express_v for_o such_o be_v wont_a to_o be_v of_o very_o great_a inconvenience_n to_o the_o party_n myself_o use_v to_o have_v such_o as_o these_o in_o my_o beginning_n and_o they_o will_v ever_o leaué_fw-fr my_o head_n in_o such_o disorder_n and_o my_o spirit_n in_o such_o 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it_o the_o entry_n thereof_o seem_v body_n to_o i_o to_o be_v after_o the_o manner_n of_o a_o long_a and_o straight_o lane_n or_o rather_o as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v a_o low_a narrow_a long_a and_o dark_a oven_n the_o ground_n seem_v to_o be_v as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v like_o water_n all_o thicken_a with_o dirt_n and_o it_o be_v both_o very_a filthy_a and_o of_o a_o most_o pestilential_a smell_n and_o have_v a_o multitude_n of_o loathsome_a vermin_n as_o fly_n and_o worm_n and_o such_o other_o ugly_a creature_n in_o it_o at_o the_o end_n of_o it_o there_o be_v a_o certain_a hollow_a place_n as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v a_o kind_n of_o a_o little_a press_n in_o a_o wall_n into_o which_o i_o see_v myself_o crowd_v with_o great_a constraint_n now_o all_o that_o be_v even_o delightful_a to_o the_o sight_n in_o comparison_n of_o what_o i_o feel_v there_o and_o this_o which_o i_o have_v say_v of_o it_o already_o i_o also_o find_v to_o be_v very_o imperfect_o describe_v but_o as_o for_o the_o 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compare_v to_o this_o since_o this_o be_v whole_o another_o kind_n of_o thing_n and_o the_o torment_n of_o this_o world_n compare_v with_o this_o be_v no_o more_o than_o a_o mere_a picture_n in_o comparison_n of_o the_o life_n the_o very_a burn_a which_o be_v feel_v in_o this_o world_n be_v but_o a_o very_a trifle_n in_o respect_n of_o that_o other_o for_o my_o part_n i_o remain_v astonish_v and_o amaze_v at_o it_o and_o so_o i_o be_o even_o whilst_o i_o be_o write_v these_o thing_n though_o it_o happen_v to_o i_o six_o year_n ago_o and_o it_o be_v a_o most_o real_a truth_n that_o even_o now_o in_o the_o very_a place_n where_o i_o be_o but_o think_v of_o they_o the_o natural_a heat_n of_o my_o body_n begin_v to_o fail_v i_o even_o for_o very_a fear_n not_o do_v i_o ever_o remember_v what_o pass_v then_o but_o that_o all_o my_o affliction_n and_o trouble_n and_o whatsoever_o can_v be_v suffer_v in_o this_o life_n seem_v nothing_o to_o i_o and_o so_o also_o i_o think_v it_o seem_v that_o in_o part_n we_o complain_v here_o without_o reason_n and_o therefore_o i_o say_v again_o that_o this_o be_v one_o of_o the_o great_a favour_n that_o i_o ever_o receive_v in_o my_o whole_a life_n at_o the_o hand_n of_o our_o lord_n for_o it_o favour_n have_v benefit_v i_o very_o much_o both_o towards_o the_o make_v i_o loose_v all_o fear_n and_o care_n concern_v the_o tribulation_n and_o contradiction_n of_o this_o life_n as_o also_o to_o give_v i_o strength_n towards_o the_o endure_a they_o and_o final_o to_o render_v thanks_n to_o our_o bless_a lord_n for_o deliver_v i_o as_o now_o i_o
which_o howsoever_o i_o understand_v they_o not_o myself_o do_v yet_o fall_v out_o so_o fit_o for_o he_o that_o he_o be_v even_o amaze_v and_o our_o lord_n dispose_v he_o to_o believe_v that_o they_o come_v from_o his_o divine_a majesty_n and_o i_o on_o the_o other_o side_n though_o i_o be_v that_o poor_a miserable_a creature_n which_o i_o be_o do_v humble_o and_o earnest_o beseech_v our_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v perfect_o and_o entire_o convert_v that_o man_n to_o himself_o and_o make_v he_o abhor_v all_o the_o contentment_n and_o creature_n of_o this_o life_n and_o so_o for_o which_o let_v he_o be_v bless_v for_o ever_o he_o have_v be_v please_v to_o do_v it_o and_o that_o in_o so_o very_o perfect_a a_o manner_n that_o whensoever_o this_o servant_n of_o he_o be_v speak_v to_o i_o it_o make_v i_o in_o effect_n turn_v half_a fool_n and_o if_o i_o have_v not_o see_v it_o with_o my_o very_a eye_n i_o shall_v hold_v it_o for_o a_o doubtful_a thing_n how_o favour_n can_v possible_o be_v 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the_o quality_n of_o the_o service_n i_o say_v not_o yet_o but_o that_o this_o may_v also_o import_v much_o but_o that_o our_o lord_n forbear_v sometime_o to_o give_v that_o to_o a_o person_n in_o twenty_o year_n of_o contemplation_n which_o yet_o he_o forbear_v not_o to_o bestow_v upon_o some_o other_o in_o one_o our_o lord_n know_v the_o reason_n of_o this_o and_o it_o be_v also_o a_o deceitful_a error_n which_o abuse_v we_o when_o it_o seem_v we_o may_v understand_v and_o obtain_v that_o by_o account_n of_o year_n which_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n be_v have_v without_o experience_n of_o the_o very_a thing_n as_o they_o be_v and_o so_o many_o err_v as_o i_o have_v say_v in_o think_v that_o they_o be_v fit_a to_o judge_v of_o spirit_n without_o have_v any_o themselves_o i_o say_v not_o but_o that_o a_o learned_a man_n though_o he_o have_v no_o great_a knowledge_n of_o spirit_n may_v govern_v another_o man_n who_o have_v spirit_n but_o this_o be_v to_o be_v understand_v both_o in_o the_o exterior_a and_o in_o the_o interior_a way_n so_o far_o as_o it_o may_v carry_v a_o conformity_n with_o the_o natural_a power_n by_o the_o work_n of_o his_o understanding_n and_o as_o for_o those_o thing_n which_o be_v supernatural_a he_o must_v be_v careful_a that_o all_o go_v on_o with_o consent_n to_o holy_a scripture_n and_o for_o the_o rest_n let_v he_o not_o vex_v himself_o nor_o conceive_v that_o he_o understand_v that_o whereof_o indeed_o he_o know_v nothing_o nor_o stifle_v and_o choke_v those_o spirit_n which_o forasmuch_o as_o concern_v these_o thing_n be_v govern_v by_o another_o and_o a_o high_a lord_n for_o in_o fine_a they_o be_v not_o without_o a_o superior_a of_o their_o own_o be_v not_o amaze_v at_o this_o nor_o let_v these_o thing_n seem_v impossible_a to_o you_o for_o all_o be_v very_o possible_a to_o our_o lord_n but_o procure_v you_o to_o reinforce_v your_o faith_n and_o to_o humble_v yourself_o when_o you_o see_v that_o our_o bless_a lord_n know_v how_o to_o 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and_o i_o have_v long_o desire_v that_o it_o may_v be_v possible_a and_o compatible_a with_o my_o state_n that_o i_o may_v go_v beg_v my_o bread_n for_o the_o love_n of_o god_n without_o have_v so_o much_o as_o a_o house_n or_o any_o thing_n else_o but_o only_o i_o be_v in_o fear_n that_o if_o our_o bless_a lord_n shall_v not_o give_v the_o selfsame_a desire_n to_o other_o which_o he_o give_v to_o i_o they_o will_v live_v perhaps_o with_o disgust_n and_o consequent_o that_o it_o may_v prove_v a_o cause_n of_o some_o distraction_n or_o division_n for_o i_o see_v that_o there_o be_v some_o poor_a monastery_n which_o live_v not_o with_o much_o recollection_n and_o i_o consider_v not_o that_o their_o not_o be_v recollect_v be_v the_o cause_n of_o their_o be_v so_o poor_a and_o not_o their_o poverty_n the_o cause_n of_o their_o want_n of_o recollection_n for_o distraction_n make_v they_o not_o more_o rich_a nor_o be_v ever_o almighty_a god_n want_v to_o such_o as_o serve_v he_o in_o fine_a my_o faith_n be_v weak_a which_o that_o of_o this_o servant_n of_o god_n be_v not_o but_o now_o i_o who_o will_v be_v take_v the_o opinion_n of_o so_o many_o person_n for_o every_o thing_n which_o i_o be_v to_o do_v can_v find_v no_o body_n of_o this_o mind_n no_o nor_o even_o my_o ghostly_a father_n himself_o nor_o yet_o those_o other_o learned_a man_n who_o i_o consult_v in_o the_o case_n but_o they_o bring_v i_o so_o many_o reason_n against_o it_o that_o i_o know_v not_o which_o way_n to_o turn_v myself_o for_o i_o for_o my_o part_n who_o know_v already_o that_o it_o be_v the_o rule_n of_o the_o order_n and_o know_v also_o that_o it_o be_v a_o point_n of_o more_o perfection_n can_v not_o persuade_v myself_o to_o have_v revenue_n and_o though_o sometime_o they_o convince_v i_o towards_o their_o opinion_n yet_o still_o when_o i_o return_v to_o prayer_n and_o consider_v christ_n our_o lord_n so_o very_o poor_a and_o naked_a upon_o the_o cross_n i_o be_v not_o able_a so_o much_o as_o 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find_v so_o many_o inconvenience_n in_o it_o that_o they_o be_v earnest_a in_o persuade_v i_o not_o to_o proceed_v therein_o but_o now_o i_o tell_v they_o heerupon_o that_o if_o they_o change_v their_o opinion_n so_o soon_o i_o will_v hold_v myself_o fast_o to_o the_o first_o at_o this_o time_n upon_o my_o entreaty_n and_o because_o this_o lady_n have_v never_o see_v that_o holy_a man_n fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n our_o lord_n be_v please_v that_o he_o shall_v come_v to_o her_o house_n and_o he_o be_v so_o great_a a_o lover_n of_o poverty_n and_o have_v observe_v and_o practise_v it_o so_o many_o year_n be_v not_o ignorant_a of_o the_o riches_n which_o it_o contain_v and_o so_o he_o assist_v i_o much_o and_o command_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v by_o no_o mean_n forbear_v to_o carrie-on_a my_o desire_n and_o now_o through_o his_o opinion_n and_o help_v he_o be_v a_o person_n who_o can_v best_o give_v counsel_n in_o it_o as_o understand_v the_o matter_n in_o hand_n by_o long_a 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i_o harm_n and_o that_o in_o substance_n it_o will_v suffice_v if_o i_o be_v there_o when_o the_o election_n shall_v be_v make_v but_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v order_v thing_n otherwise_o the_o business_n of_o my_o journey_n be_v instant_o to_o be_v dispatch_v and_o do_v for_o the_o restlessness_n which_o i_o have_v in_o myself_o be_v very_o great_a together_o with_o my_o even_o want_v power_n to_o make_v my_o prayer_n and_o it_o seem_v also_o to_o i_o withal_o that_o i_o fall_v short_a in_o the_o performance_n of_o what_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v express_o command_v i_o and_o the_o while_n i_o do_v but_o pass_v my_o time_n there_o in_o ease_n and_o pleasure_n that_o it_o may_v seem_v as_o if_o i_o have_v no_o mind_n at_o all_o to_o labour_v and_o suffer_v and_o that_o all_o be_v upon_o the_o matter_n but_o talk_v whensoever_o there_o grow_v to_o be_v question_n of_o serve_v almighty_a god_n for_o else_o i_o be_v able_a to_o be_v where_o it_o be_v more_o perfection_n for_o i_o to_o find_v myself_o why_o do_v i_o forbear_v to_o effect_v it_o and_o if_o i_o shall_v die_v by_o the_o way_n in_o god_n name_n let_v i_o die_v but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n beside_o all_o the_o rest_n i_o find_v myself_o with_o a_o great_a press_v upon_o my_o very_a hart_n and_o our_o lord_n have_v whole_o deprive_v i_o of_o all_o kind_n of_o gust_n in_o my_o prayer_n in_o a_o word_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o such_o a_o condition_n as_o that_o now_o i_o be_v in_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o torment_n and_o i_o humble_o pray_v the_o lady_n where_o i_o be_v that_o she_o will_v allow_v i_o her_o leave_n to_o be_v go_v for_o already_o my_o ghostly_a father_n when_o he_o find_v i_o to_o be_v in_o that_o case_n will_v i_o also_o to_o begin_v my_o journey_n and_o our_o lord_n have_v also_o move_v he_o as_o well_o as_o i_o but_o the_o ladic_n have_v so_o great_a a_o sense_n of_o trouble_n for_o my_o departure_n that_o the_o same_o grow_v also_o to_o be_v another_o torment_n to_o i_o for_o she_o speak_v of_o how_o much_o trouble_v it_o have_v cost_v she_o to_o obtain_v this_o favour_n of_o leave_n at_o the_o hand_n of_o the_o provincial_n by_o mean_n of_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o importunity_n and_o real_o i_o hold_v it_o for_o a_o kind_n of_o very_o strange_a thing_n that_o she_o will_v be_v content_a to_o give_v way_n herein_o consider_v how_o very_o much_o she_o be_v trouble_v at_o it_o save_v only_o that_o i_o consider_v she_o as_o a_o very_a great_a servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o so_o i_o tell_v she_o once_o that_o my_o go_n import_v his_o service_n much_o with_o many_o other_o thing_n of_o that_o kind_n and_o let_v she_o also_o know_v that_o it_o be_v possible_a that_o i_o may_v return_v to_o see_v she_o again_o she_o grow_v with_o trouble_n enough_o to_o be_v yet_o content_a at_o last_o that_o i_o shall_v go_v but_o now_o i_o for_o my_o own_o part_n have_v no_o difficulty_n at_o all_o in_o do_v it_o for_o when_o once_o i_o come_v to_o understand_v that_o the_o thing_n be_v of_o more_o perfection_n and_o that_o it_o more_o import_v the_o service_n of_o almighty_a god_n that_o i_o shall_v go_v then_o stay_v i_o do_v by_o the_o contentment_n which_o it_o give_v i_o to_o content_v he_o pass_v easy_o over_o the_o pain_n of_o leave_v that_o lady_n who_o i_o see_v so_o much_o trouble_v at_o my_o journey_n as_o many_o other_o person_n also_o be_v to_o who_o i_o be_v oblige_v there_o very_o much_o and_o especial_o to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n who_o be_v of_o the_o
that_o time_n to_o give_v they_o the_o habit._n but_o now_o since_o the_o house_n where_o the_o monastery_n fall_v out_o to_o be_v make_v be_v that_o wherein_o my_o brother-in-law_n have_v dwell_v before_o for_o he_o as_o i_o say_v have_v buy_v it_o the_o better_a to_o disguise_v this_o business_n i_o have_v leave_v to_o stay_v there_o and_o i_o do_v nothing_o at_o all_o but_o by_o the_o opinion_n of_o learned_a man_n that_o so_o i_o may_v be_v sure_a not_o to_o depart_v one_o hair_n breadth_n from_o my_o obedience_n and_o when_o they_o see_v that_o the_o thing_n be_v to_o be_v so_o advantageous_a to_o the_o whole_a order_n in_o many_o respect_n they_o tell_v i_o i_o may_v do_v as_o i_o do_v though_o yet_o it_o be_v fit_a to_o proceed_v with_o great_a reservation_n and_o secrecy_n and_o to_o take_v care_n that_o my_o superior_n may_v not_o know_v what_o i_o be_v do_v for_o how_o little_a soever_o the_o imperfection_n have_v be_v which_o i_o must_v have_v commit_v therein_o i_o conceive_v that_o i_o will_v have_v given-ove_a the_o erect_n i_o say_v not_o of_o one_o monastery_n but_o of_o a_o thousand_o rather_o than_o have_v fall_v into_o it_o and_o this_o be_v certain_a and_o though_o i_o desire_v to_o sever_v myself_o whole_o from_o the_o world_n that_o so_o i_o may_v follow_v my_o profession_n and_o call_v with_o more_o perfection_n and_o clausure_n i_o desire_v it_o yet_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o whensoever_o i_o shall_v come_v to_o understand_v that_o it_o be_v to_o be_v for_o the_o great_a service_n of_o almighty_a god_n to_o give_v it_o over_o i_o will_v instant_o have_v be_v sure_a to_o do_v it_o with_o entire_a peace_n and_o repose_v but_o the_o while_n it_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o be_v even_o in_o glory_n for_o i_o to_o see_v the_o b._n sacrament_n expose_v and_o that_o four_o poor_a poor_a orphan_n be_v provide_v for_o since_o they_o be_v take_v without_o dowry_n and_o they_o be_v very_o great_a servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n for_o this_o be_v much_o endeavour_v at_o the_o begin_n that_o such_o person_n shall_v enter_v and_o be_v receive_v as_o may_v lay_v a_o good_a foundation_n by_o their_o example_n for_o the_o better_a effect_v the_o intention_n and_o design_n which_o we_o have_v to_o carry_v all_o thing_n on_o with_o much_o perfection_n and_o prayer_n and_o that_o such_o a_o work_n in_o fine_a may_v be_v finish_v as_o be_v to_o prove_v for_o the_o service_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n and_o in_o honour_n of_o the_o habit_n of_o his_o glorious_a mother_n for_o upon_o this_o do_v all_o the_o anxiety_n of_o my_o care_n work_n and_o beat_v and_o it_o give_v i_o also_o great_a comfort_n to_o have_v do_v express_o that_o which_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o command_v i_o and_o that_o there_o may_v be_v one_o church_n more_o and_o the_o same_o be_v dedicate_v under_o the_o name_n of_o my_o glorious_a father_n s._n joseph_n then_o there_o be_v before_o not_o yet_o that_o i_o conceive_v myself_o to_o have_v do_v any_o thing_n in_o it_o at_o all_o for_o i_o never_o have_v any_o such_o conceit_n neither_o have_v i_o yet_o but_o i_o ever_o understand_v that_o it_o be_v our_o bless_a lord_n who_o do_v it_o and_o that_o as_o much_o as_o concern_v my_o part_n be_v accompany_v with_o so_o great_a imperfection_n that_o i_o rather_o plain_o see_v that_o there_o be_v much_o more_o for_o which_o to_o blame_v i_o then_o to_o thank_v i_o but_o yet_o i_o must_v confess_v that_o it_o go_v with_o i_o for_o a_o great_a regalo_n to_o see_v that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v to_o use_v i_o as_o a_o instrument_n i_o be_v so_o very_o wicked_a as_o i_o be_o for_o so_o great_a a_o work_n as_o this_o so_o that_o in_o fine_a i_o remain_v with_o much_o satisfaction_n and_o gust_n in_o this_o behalf_n and_o as_o it_o be_v even_o out_o of_o myself_o in_o great_a depth_n of_o prayer_n but_o now_o upon_o the_o end_n of_o all_o this_o which_o may_v last_o about_o some_o three_o or_o four_o hour_n the_o devil_n procure_v to_o give_v i_o such_o a_o kind_n of_o spiritual_a battle_n as_o i_o will_v now_o declare_v he_o himself_o represent_v to_o i_o a_o doubt_n whether_o that_o which_o i_o have_v do_v have_v be_v well_o do_v whether_o i_o have_v not_o go_v against_o my_o obligation_n of_o obedience_n by_o procure_v to_o effect_v certain_a thing_n without_o have_v be_v direct_v therein_o by_o my_o provincial_n that_o i_o may_v very_o well_o imagine_v that_o my_o carriage_n have_v be_v of_o disgust_n to_o he_o in_o regard_n that_o i_o have_v submit_v the_o business_n to_o the_o ordinary_a and_o that_o without_o have_v acquaint_v he_o with_o it_o before_o though_o yet_o on_o the_o other_o side_n it_o be_v true_a that_o when_o he_o will_v not_o admit_v of_o the_o foundation_n and_o see_v that_o i_o do_v not_o alter_v my_o course_n i_o may_v probable_o enough_o imagine_v that_o he_o will_v not_o care_n much_o though_o it_o go_v on_o and_o whether_o these_o new_a religious_a will_v be_v content_a to_o live_v in_o so_o great_a restraint_n whether_o they_o be_v not_o to_o want_v bread_n to_o eat_v whether_o the_o whole_a business_n be_v not_o a_o absurd_a and_o foolish_a thing_n and_o who_o in_o fine_a must_v put_v i_o upon_o it_o since_o already_o i_o have_v a_o monastery_n of_o my_o own_o but_o now_o all_o that_o which_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v command_v i_o and_o all_o those_o opinion_n of_o the_o learned_a man_n who_o i_o have_v consult_v and_o all_o the_o prayer_n which_o i_o have_v cause_v to_o be_v make_v and_o that_o in_o effect_n without_o cease_v yea_o and_o also_o for_o the_o space_n of_o more_o than_o two_o whole_a year_n all_o this_o i_o say_v be_v as_o absolute_o slip_v out_o of_o my_o memory_n as_o if_o it_o have_v never_o be_v there_o and_o i_o only_o remember_v now_o that_o i_o do_v it_o according_a to_o my_o own_o opinion_n but_o all_o the_o virtue_n and_o faith_n which_o i_o have_v before_o be_v suspend_v in_o i_o then_o without_o my_o have_a strength_n either_o to_o act_v any_o thing_n or_o even_o so_o much_o as_o to_o defend_v myself_o against_o so_o many_o assault_n the_o devil_n be_v also_o tamper_n with_o i_o and_o examine_v i_o how_o it_o come_v to_o pass_v that_o i_o will_v needs_o go_v shut_v myself_o up_o in_o so_o straight_o a_o house_n and_o that_o with_o so_o many_o infirmity_n upon_o my_o back_n and_o how_o i_o will_v be_v able_a to_o undergo_v so_o great_a penance_n and_o give_v over_o to_o live_v in_o so_o goodly_a and_o delightful_a a_o place_n as_o the_o other_o be_v where_o i_o have_v always_o have_v so_o much_o gust_n and_o so_o many_o friend_n and_o perhaps_o these_o other_o will_v not_o prove_v so_o that_o i_o have_v take_v very_o much_o upon_o i_o that_o perhaps_o it_o will_v cost_v i_o despair_v at_o the_o last_o that_o the_o devil_n have_v pretend_v but_o to_o deprive_v i_o of_o repose_n and_o peace_n that_o so_o i_o may_v not_o be_v able_a to_o frequent_v prayer_n and_o to_o make_v i_o grow_v disorder_v and_o disturb_v and_o so_o by_o those_o degree_n to_o loose_v my_o soul_n such_o thing_n as_o these_o assemble_v in_o such_o sort_n as_o i_o have_v relate_v do_v the_o devil_n take_v care_n to_o set_v before_o i_o and_o so_o as_o that_o it_o be_v not_o almost_o in_o my_o power_n so_o much_o as_o once_o to_o think_v of_o any_o thing_n else_o and_o by_o this_o mean_n do_v he_o bring_v such_o a_o affliction_n and_o obscurity_n or_o rather_o downright_a darkness_n upon_o my_o hart_n as_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o express_v but_o now_o when_o i_o find_v myself_o to_o be_v in_o this_o case_n i_o go_v to_o visit_v the_o bless_a sacrament_n though_o yet_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o recommend_v my_o soul_n to_o it_o as_o find_v myself_o in_o my_o opinion_n with_o a_o certain_a kind_n of_o profound_a affliction_n as_o if_o then_o i_o have_v be_v in_o no_o less_o than_o the_o very_a agony_n of_o death_n to_o treat_v with_o any_o body_n about_o it_o i_o be_v not_o yet_o to_o presume_v for_o there_o be_v not_o yet_o so_o much_o as_o a_o ghostly_a father_n appoint_v for_o i_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n what_o a_o miserable_a kind_n of_o life_n be_v this_o which_o we_o lead_v where_o there_o be_v no_o secure_a contentment_n nor_o any_o thing_n which_o be_v not_o subject_a to_o change_v it_o thus_o be_v so_o very_o very_o late_o that_o i_o think_v i_o will_v not_o have_v exchange_v my_o condition_n in_o the_o way_n of_o be_v content_a with_o any_o creature_n of_o the_o whole_a world_n and_o now_o the_o selfsame_a cause_n even_o of_o the_o selfsame_a contentment_n do_v so_o torment_v i_o
that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v with_o myself_o o_o that_o we_o will_v look_v with_o attention_n upon_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n for_o every_o body_n will_v then_o be_v quick_o able_a to_o find_v by_o experience_n how_o little_a he_o be_v to_o lodge_v either_o his_o contentment_n or_o discontentment_n upon_o it_o it_o be_v most_o certain_a in_o my_o opinion_n that_o this_o be_v one_o of_o the_o feirce_v kind_n of_o fit_n of_o affliction_n that_o ever_o i_o have_v endure_v in_o my_o whole_a life_n and_o it_o seem_v as_o if_o my_o very_a spirit_n have_v half_o prophesy_v how_o much_o do_v still_o rest_v behind_o to_o be_v endure_v though_o yet_o that_o arrive_v not_o so_o far_o as_o this_o if_o it_o have_v continue_v but_o now_o our_o bless_a lord_n do_v not_o permit_v this_o poor_a servant_n of_o he_o to_o suffer_v long_o nor_o do_v he_o ever_o fail_v to_o succour_v i_o in_o my_o tribulation_n nor_o do_v he_o also_o in_o this_o for_o now_o he_o give_v i_o a_o little_a objection_n light_n wherewith_o to_o see_v that_o all_o this_o be_v of_o the_o devil_n and_o that_o i_o may_v discern_v the_o truth_n and_o that_o the_o whole_a business_n be_v but_o to_o put_v i_o into_o a_o fright_n by_o lie_n and_o so_o i_o come_v by_o degree_n to_o call_v to_o mind_n and_o to_o recover_v the_o great_a resolution_n which_o i_o have_v former_o conceive_v towards_o the_o service_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n as_o also_o my_o desire_n to_o suffer_v for_o he_o and_o so_o i_o grow_v also_o to_o consider_v that_o if_o real_o i_o intend_v to_o fulfil_v they_o i_o be_v not_o to_o busy_v myself_o about_o procure_v rest_n and_o ease_n but_o if_o i_o will_v endure_v affliction_n that_o this_o be_v the_o true_a way_n to_o merit_v and_o that_o if_o i_o will_v goe-through_a with_o they_o for_o the_o service_n of_o almighty_a god_n they_o will_v be_v in_o stead_n of_o purgatory_n for_o i_o &_o of_o what_o be_v i_o afraid_a &_o that_o since_o i_o desire_v affliction_n these_o which_o be_v offer_v now_o will_v be_v very_o fit_a &_o good_a and_o that_o where_o the_o great_a contradiction_n be_v feel_v the_o rich_a gain_n will_v be_v find_v and_o why_o shall_v my_o hart_n fail_v i_o for_o his_o service_n to_o who_o i_o owe_v so_o much_o and_o by_o these_o and_o other_o consideration_n and_o employ_v all_o the_o courage_n i_o have_v i_o make_v a_o promise_n in_o presence_n of_o the_o b._n sacrament_n to_o do_v all_o the_o very_a uttermost_a that_o i_o can_v to_o get_v leave_n to_o come_v to_o this_o monastery_n as_o also_o if_o i_o may_v do_v it_o with_o safe_a conscience_n to_o promise_n clausure_n but_o now_o at_o my_o resolve_v upon_o this_o the_o devil_n flee_v instant_o away_o and_o leave_v i_o very_o quiet_a and_o content_v and_o so_o i_o have_v remain_v ever_o since_o and_o all_o that_o which_o be_v observe_v in_o this_o house_n either_o by_o way_n of_o enclosure_n or_o penance_n in_o any_o kind_n have_v make_v itself_o both_o very_a delightful_a and_o seem_v very_o little_a and_o the_o contentment_n on_o the_o other_o side_n be_v so_o extreme_o great_a that_o i_o be_o think_v several_a time_n if_o i_o be_v able_a to_o find_v any_o thing_n in_o the_o whole_a world_n which_o can_v be_v of_o so_o much_o gust_n to_o i_o as_o this_o i_o know_v not_o also_o whether_o perhaps_o even_o this_o may_v not_o be_v the_o true_a reason_n why_o i_o enjoy_v better_a health_n now_o then_o ever_o or_o else_o that_o perhaps_o our_o lord_n will_v have_v it_o so_o because_o perhaps_o there_o may_v be_v some_o necessary_a use_n thereof_o and_o because_o it_o be_v but_o reason_n that_o i_o shall_v also_o do_v thosething_n which_o be_v perform_v by_o all_o the_o rest_n and_o therefore_o that_o he_o be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o so_o much_o comfort_n as_o to_o be_v able_a to_o do_v it_o though_o yet_o it_o be_v with_o some_o little_a trouble_n but_o certain_o all_o they_o who_o see_v it_o and_o be_v privy_a to_o the_o great_a infirmity_n to_o which_o i_o be_o subject_a be_v amaze_v at_o it_o bless_a be_v our_o lord_n who_o give_v it_o all_o and_o have_v power_n enough_o wherewith_o to_o do_v it_o but_o i_o fail_v not_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n to_o be_v very_o well_o weary_v with_o such_o a_o stiff_a contention_n and_o strife_n as_o this_o though_o yet_o i_o laugh_v at_o the_o devil_n for_o i_o clear_o see_v it_o be_v he_o and_o i_o conceive_v that_o our_o bless_a lord_n will_v permit_v it_o because_o i_o never_o know_v till_o then_o what_o it_o be_v to_o be_v in_o any_o disgust_n for_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n nor_o do_v i_o ever_o find_v any_o during_o the_o space_n of_o eight_o and_o twenty_o year_n and_o more_o that_o i_o have_v be_v one_o but_o now_o his_o divine_a majesty_n permit_v it_o to_o come_v upon_o i_o to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v the_o better_o understand_v the_o great_a favour_n which_o it_o have_v please_v our_o lord_n to_o do_v i_o in_o that_o state_n yea_o and_o the_o torment_n from_o which_o he_o have_v free_v i_o as_o also_o to_o the_o end_n that_o if_o afterward_o i_o see_v any_o one_o who_o shall_v be_v afflict_v in_o the_o same_o kind_n i_o may_v not_o be_v fright_v at_o it_o but_o may_v both_o have_v compassion_n of_o she_o and_o know_v also_o how_o to_o give_v her_o comfort_n if_o there_o shall_v be_v cause_n but_o now_o have_v pass_v this_o brunt_n and_o be_v desirous_a to_o rest_v a_o little_a when_o i_o shall_v have_v dine_v for_o in_o all_o the_o night_n before_o i_o have_v take_v none_o as_o also_o in_o many_o other_o night_n i_o have_v not_o fail_v of_o care_n and_o trouble_n enough_o when_o yet_o i_o be_v also_o tire_v out_o in_o the_o day_n as_o they_o know_v very_o well_o what_o pass_v not_o only_o in_o the_o monastery_n but_o in_o the_o city_n there_o be_v grow_v to_o be_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o noise_n and_o disquiet_v upon_o the_o occasion_n which_o have_v be_v former_o touch_v yea_o and_o there_o seem_v to_o be_v some_o colour_n for_o the_o same_o just_o then_o the_o prioress_n require_v i_o to_o be_v call_v and_o that_o i_o must_v go_v to_o she_o at_o the_o instant_n and_o meet_v with_o her_o commandment_n i_o leave_v my_o religious_a full_a of_o pain_n and_o care_n and_o so_o instant_o go_v to_o she_o but_o i_o than_o perceive_v well_o that_o i_o be_v to_o be_v sure_a of_o trouble_n enough_o though_o yet_o the_o house_n be_v then_o dispatch_v i_o be_v not_o in_o very_a much_o pain_n howsoever_o i_o betake_v myself_o to_o prayer_n beseech_v our_o bless_a lord_n to_o be_v good_a to_o i_o and_o beg_v of_o my_o father_n s._n joseph_n that_o he_o will_v bring_v i_o back_o again_o to_o his_o house_n and_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o offered-up_a all_o that_o which_o i_o may_v chance_v to_o endure_v for_o his_o sake_n and_o i_o be_v to_o be_v very_o well_o please_v if_o it_o fall_v out_o that_o i_o may_v suffer_v any_o thing_n for_o he_o or_o be_v able_a to_o serve_v he_o and_o so_o i_o go_v away_o with_o opinion_n that_o they_o will_v instant_o commit_v i_o to_o prison_n whereby_o i_o yet_o conceive_v that_o they_o will_v so_o have_v do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o pleasure_n for_o then_o i_o shall_v not_o have_v be_v vex_v with_o their_o talk_n and_o i_o shall_v have_v enjoy_v a_o little_a solitude_n whereof_o i_o be_v in_o very_o great_a want_n for_o they_o have_v even_o as_o it_o be_v grind_v i_o to_o dust_n by_o force_v i_o to_o converse_v so_o long_o with_o such_o a_o multitude_n of_o people_n but_o be_v then_o arrive_v and_o have_v give_v account_n of_o myself_o to_o the_o superior_a she_o be_v a_o little_a appease_v and_o they_o all_o agree_v to_o send_v i_o to_o the_o provincial_n and_o so_o the_o cause_n be_v to_o depend_v before_o he_o and_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o be_v come_v thither_o for_o judgement_n i_o find_v myself_o with_o much_o contentment_n to_o see_v that_o i_o be_v suffer_v somewhat_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n for_o as_o for_o have_v do_v any_o thing_n either_o against_o his_o divine_a majesty_n or_o yet_o against_o the_o order_n i_o conceive_v not_o that_o i_o have_v offend_v but_o rather_o have_v endeavour_v to_o augment_v it_o to_o the_o uttermost_a of_o my_o power_n and_o will_v be_v glad_a with_o my_o whole_a hart_n to_o die_v for_o it_o for_o all_o my_o desire_n be_v that_o it_o may_v be_v fulfil_v according_a to_o the_o uttermost_a perfection_n but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o call_v to_o mind_v the_o sentence_n which_o be_v pass_v upon_o christ_n our_o lord_n and_o i_o acknowledge_v what_o a_o nothing_o this_o be_v
in_o respect_n of_o he_o i_o accuse_v myself_o then_o as_o in_o fault_n yea_o and_o as_o very_o faulty_a and_o so_o i_o make_v no_o doubt_n but_o i_o be_v in_o the_o opinion_n of_o all_o they_o who_o know_v not_o very_o much_o of_o the_o cause_n and_o after_o they_o have_v give_v i_o a_o great_a reprehension_n though_o not_o yet_o with_o so_o much_o rigour_n as_o the_o fault_n may_v seem_v to_o deserve_v and_o as_o many_o of_o they_o tell_v the_o provincial_n that_o i_o have_v commit_v i_o be_v absolute_o for_o my_o part_n resolve_v to_o hold_v on_o this_o course_n and_o so_o i_o rather_o desire_v that_o they_o shall_v pardon_v i_o and_o then_o punish_v i_o if_o they_o will_v but_o by_o no_o mean_n remain_v unkind_a or_o ill-affected_a towards_o i_o in_o some_o thing_n i_o plain_o see_v that_o they_o have_v no_o reason_n at_o all_o against_o i_o but_o that_o they_o condemn_v i_o without_o cause_n as_o when_o they_o say_v i_o have_v do_v whatsoever_o i_o have_v do_v to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v be_v hold_v in_o great_a opinion_n and_o to_o be_v talk_v of_o and_o such_o other_o toy_n as_o that_o but_o in_o other_o i_o see_v clear_o that_o they_o say_v true_a as_o namely_o that_o i_o be_v much_o worse_o than_o the_o rest_n and_o that_o since_o i_o have_v not_o keep_v the_o observance_n of_o that_o house_n which_o be_v maintain_v with_o so_o much_o piety_n and_o devotion_n there_o how_o can_v i_o come_v to_o think_v of_o perform_v another_o rule_n of_o more_o rigour_n and_o that_o this_o be_v but_o to_o raiseup_a novelty_n in_o the_o world_n and_o to_o scandalize_v the_o people_n but_o yet_o all_o this_o cause_v no_o tumult_n in_o my_o hart_n nor_o put_v i_o to_o any_o pain_n at_o all_o though_o yet_o i_o show_v to_o be_v in_o some_o lest_o otherwise_o they_o may_v conceive_v that_o i_o undervalue_v what_o they_o say_v but_o in_o fine_a the_o provincial_n command_v i_o to_o give_v account_n of_o myself_o to_o they_o of_o the_o former_a monastery_n and_o that_o i_o must_v necessary_o do_v it_o and_o so_o be_v at_o great_a peace_n within_o myself_o and_o our_o lord_n assist_v i_o therein_o i_o give_v such_o a_o discharge_n of_o my_o action_n as_o that_o neither_o the_o provincial_n nor_o the_o religious_a woman_n who_o be_v in_o that_o assembly_n find_v any_o thing_n for_o which_o to_o condemn_v i_o after_o this_o i_o speak_v more_o plain_o to_o he_o in_o private_a and_o i_o do_v it_o also_o more_o at_o large_a and_o he_o be_v very_o well_o satisfy_v with_o i_o and_o promise_v i_o that_o if_o the_o city_n shall_v proceed_v towards_o a_o be_v quiet_a again_o he_o will_v give_v i_o leave_v to_o go_v to_o my_o monastery_n but_o the_o disorder_n and_o distemper_n of_o the_o city_n be_v so_o very_o great_a as_o i_o shall_v now_o declare_v within_o two_o or_o three_o day_n after_o that_o time_n the_o governor_n and_o other_o magistrate_n of_o the_o town_n and_o some_o also_o of_o the_o chapter_n of_o the_o cathedral_n church_n meet_v together_o and_o they_o all_o declare_v joint_o that_o by_o no_o mean_n they_o must_v permit_v the_o work_n to_o go_v forward_o that_o it_o will_v result_v to_o the_o evident_a disadvantage_n of_o the_o commonwealth_n that_o they_o must_v not_o fail_v to_o remove_v the_o b._n sacrament_n from_o thence_o and_o by_o no_o mean_n permit_v the_o business_n to_o proceed_v one_o only_o doctor_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n although_o he_o be_v of_o a_o contrary_a opinion_n to_o we_o i_o mean_v not_o in_o that_o point_n of_o the_o monastery_n but_o in_o that_o other_o of_o be_v incapable_a of_o revenue_n and_o poor_a say_v that_o there_o be_v no_o cause_n why_o the_o house_n shall_v instant_o be_v dissolve_v after_o that_o manner_n but_o that_o it_o ought_v to_o be_v well_o consider_v that_o there_o will_v be_v time_n enough_o for_o this_o that_o it_o be_v a_o case_n which_o belong_v to_o the_o bishop_n and_o diverse_a other_o thing_n of_o this_o kind_n which_o do_v very_o much_o good_a to_o the_o business_n for_o consider_v how_o great_a the_o fury_n of_o the_o people_n be_v it_o be_v happy_a that_o they_o do_v not_o put_v the_o dissolve_v of_o the_o house_n present_o in_o execution_n and_o this_o show_v that_o the_o thing_n in_o fine_a be_v to_o take_v effect_n and_o that_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v please_v to_o have_v it_o so_o and_o that_o they_o all_o can_v do_v little_a against_o his_o will_n and_o pleasure_n but_o yet_o they_o all_o assign_v their_o reason_n and_o express_v good_a zeal_n in_o what_o they_o say_v and_o yet_o thus_o without_o their_o give_a offence_n to_o almighty_a god_n they_o make_v both_o i_o and_o diverse_a other_o suffer_v who_o favour_v the_o business_n the_o tumultuous_a disposition_n of_o the_o people_n be_v so_o great_a that_o now_o there_o be_v no_o talk_n of_o any_o thing_n else_o and_o they_o all_o agree_v in_o condemn_v i_o and_o in_o go_v to_o complain_v of_o i_o to_o the_o provincial_n and_o to_o my_o monastery_n as_o for_o i_o i_o be_v no_o more_o trouble_v at_o what_o they_o say_v then_o if_o they_o have_v not_o say_v it_o but_o the_o only_o fear_v i_o have_v be_v whether_o or_o no_o they_o will_v dissolve_v the_o house_n for_o this_o put_v i_o to_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n and_o so_o also_o do_v it_o to_o see_v that_o the_o person_n who_o assist_v i_o lose_v credit_n and_o be_v otherwise_o also_o put_v to_o much_o inconvenience_n by_o it_o but_o as_o for_o that_o which_o they_o say_v of_o i_o i_o be_v rather_o glad_v of_o it_o than_o otherwise_o and_o if_o i_o have_v have_v any_o faith_n it_o will_v have_v make_v no_o alteration_n in_o i_o at_o all_o but_o when_o there_o be_v a_o want_n in_o some_o one_o virtue_n all_o the_o rest_n be_v wont_a to_o be_v cast_v into_o a_o kind_n of_o slumber_n and_o so_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v during_o those_o two_o day_n wherein_o the_o two_o assembly_n whereof_o i_o speak_v be_v make_v among_o the_o people_n and_o i_o be_v very_o much_o afflict_v our_o lord_n say_v these_o word_n to_o i_o do_v thou_o not_o know_v that_o i_o be_o powerful_a of_o what_o be_v thou_o afraid_a and_o thus_o do_v he_o assure_v i_o that_o the_o house_n shall_v not_o be_v dissolve_v whereby_o i_o remain_v full_a of_o comfort_n but_o then_o do_v they_o dispatch_v their_o agent_n or_o sollicitour_n to_o the_o council_n royal_a with_o their_o information_n and_o so_o there_o come_v order_n from_o thencÄ—_n to_o send_v a_o relation_n thither_o of_o the_o whole_a proceed_n so_o that_o heet_n we_o may_v behold_v the_o beginning_n of_o a_o great_a suit_n in_o law_n for_o already_o some_o be_v go_v to_o the_o court_n on_o the_o part_n of_o the_o city_n &_o other_o be_v instant_o to_o go_v on_o the_o part_n of_o the_o monastery_n and_o on_o the_o other_o side_n neither_o have_v we_o any_o money_n nor_o do_v i_o know_v what_o to_o do_v but_o our_o lord_n provide_v all_o thing_n for_o us._n and_o as_o for_o i_o my_o father_n provincial_a do_v never_o forbid_v i_o to_o deal_v in_o it_o for_o he_o be_v so_o true_a a_o friend_n to_o all_o virtue_n that_o although_o he_o do_v not_o assist_v in_o the_o work_n yet_o he_o will_v not_o be_v against_o it_o though_o yet_o withal_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o he_o will_v never_o give_v i_o leave_v to_o pass_v to_o this_o new_a monastery_n till_o he_o may_v see_v what_o kind_n of_o end_n the_o business_n will_v have_v in_o the_o mean_a time_n the_o servant_n of_o god_n be_v all_o alone_a and_o do_v more_o with_o their_o prayer_n than_o all_o that_o which_o i_o be_v able_a to_o do_v by_o way_n of_o negotiation_n though_o yet_o still_o it_o be_v necessary_a to_o use_v diligence_n enough_o sometime_o it_o will_v seem_v that_o all_o be_v want_v and_o especial_o one_o day_n before_o the_o provincial_n come_v hither_o when_o the_o prioress_n command_v i_o not_o to_o treat_v any_o more_o about_o that_o business_n but_o to_o give_v it_o utter_o over_o but_o than_o go_v i_o to_o almighty_a god_n and_o say_v o_o my_o lord_n this_o house_n be_v not_o i_o but_o it_o be_v make_v for_o thou_o and_o now_o there_o be_v no_o creature_n to_o negotiate_v the_o business_n for_o we_o and_o therefore_o thy_o divine_a majesty_n must_v be_v please_v to_o do_v it_o heerupon_o i_o find_v myself_o real_o and_o instant_o at_o so_o great_a ease_n and_o so_o without_o any_o manner_n of_o trouble_n as_o if_o i_o have_v have_v the_o whole_a world_n on_o my_o side_n to_o employ_v itself_o for_o i_o and_o so_o i_o hold_v all_o the_o business_n to_o be_v in_o safety_n upon_o this_o a_o certain_a priest_n a_o very_a great_a servant_n of_o
almighty_a god_n who_o have_v assist_v i_o always_o and_o be_v a_o great_a friend_n and_o favourer_n of_o all_o perfection_n go_v to_o the_o court_n to_o follow_v the_o business_n and_o labour_v in_o it_o very_o much_o and_o so_o also_o that_o holy_a cavalier_n of_o who_o i_o make_v mention_v before_o do_v very_o much_o therein_o and_o show_v it_o favour_n in_o all_o kind_n he_o endure_v also_o great_a trouble_n and_o persecution_n for_o it_o otherwise_o and_o i_o find_v he_o ever_o like_o a_o father_n to_o it_o and_o so_o i_o do_v also_o to_o this_o day_n and_o our_o lord_n do_v still_o inspire_v they_o who_o be_v our_o friend_n with_o such_o a_o deal_n of_o fervour_n that_o every_o one_o of_o they_o take_v our_o business_n to_o hart_n as_o much_o as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v proper_o his_o own_o and_o as_o if_o his_o whole_a honour_n and_o life_n have_v be_v concern_v in_o it_o though_o yet_o they_o have_v indeed_o no_o other_o interest_n then_o only_o in_o regard_n that_o they_o think_v it_o do_v import_v the_o service_n of_o almighty_a god_n but_o now_o it_o seem_v clear_o that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n assist_v the_o good_a and_o virtuous_a priest_n who_o be_v also_o a_o doctor_n and_o he_o indeed_o be_v one_o of_o they_o who_o help_v we_o most_o for_o the_o bishop_n employ_v he_o about_o it_o in_o his_o name_n in_o a_o certain_a great_a giunta_n or_o public_a meeting_n which_o be_v frame_v about_o it_o and_o therein_o he_o stand_v alone_o for_o we_o against_o they_o all_o and_o in_o fine_a he_o find_v mean_n to_o appease_v they_o for_o he_o make_v a_o kind_n of_o overture_n by_o a_o certain_a way_n which_o be_v sufficient_a to_o entertain_v and_o suspend_v their_o proceed_n &_o indeed_o there_o be_v not_o any_o one_o who_o can_v otherwise_o have_v suffice_v to_o keep_v they_o from_o resolve_v instant_o to_o employ_v even_o their_o very_a life_n for_o the_o overthrow_v of_o the_o business_n this_o servant_n of_o god_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v be_v also_o the_o man_n who_o give_v the_o habit_n to_o the_o religious_a and_o set-up_a the_o b._n sacrament_n there_o and_o he_o be_v subject_a to_o persecution_n enough_o for_o his_o labour_n this_o battery_n continue_v about_o half_a a_o year_n and_o to_o relate_v in_o particular_a manner_n the_o great_a trouble_n which_o pass_v in_o all_o that_o time_n will_v be_v along_o business_n for_o my_o part_n i_o wonder_v extreme_o at_o what_o a_o coil_n the_o devil_n keep_v against_o a_o few_o poor_a woman_n and_o how_o every_o body_n can_v understand_v that_o forsooth_o twelve_o religious_a and_o a_o prioress_n for_o they_o be_v no_o more_o can_v be_v think_v to_o be_v of_o such_o mischief_n to_o a_o whole_a city_n i_o mean_v such_o mischief_n to_o they_o who_o oppose_v it_o but_o as_o for_o the_o religious_a they_o be_v indeed_o of_o so_o austere_a life_n that_o if_o any_o hurt_n or_o error_n be_v to_o grow_v by_o that_o design_n it_o must_v be_v only_o to_o they_o and_o as_o for_o be_v of_o prejudice_n to_o the_o place_n it_o carry_v not_o so_o much_o as_o any_o appearance_n and_o yet_o they_o can_v meet_v with_o enough_o who_o will_v find_v mean_n and_o that_o forsooth_o with_o good_a conscience_n to_o cross_v it_o but_o yet_o now_o at_o length_n they_o come_v so_o far_o as_o to_o affirm_v that_o provide_v always_o that_o they_o will_v get_v revenue_n and_o live_v upon_o it_o they_o be_v content_a to_o give_v way_n and_o that_o the_o business_n may_v go_v on_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v then_o so_o weary_a to_o see_v all_o they_o who_o assist_v we_o in_o so_o great_a trouble_n which_o i_o regard_v much_o more_o than_o my_o own_o that_o i_o grow_v to_o be_v of_o opinion_n that_o it_o will_v not_o be_v very_o ill_o do_v to_o accept_v their_o licence_n under_o the_o condition_n of_o have_v revenue_n till_o the_o time_n may_v grow_v quiet_a by_o degree_n and_o that_o so_o we_o may_v get_v to_o be_v without_o it_o afterward_o at_o other_o time_n i_o be_v very_o imperfect_a and_o wicked_a begin_v to_o think_v that_o perhaps_o our_o lord_n will_v not_o mislike_v that_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o since_o we_o can_v not_o obtain_v our_o end_n otherwise_o and_o therefore_o i_o be_v already_o grow_v to_o consent_v to_o this_o accord_n but_o be_v in_o prayer_n the_o night_n before_o the_o final_a conclusion_n thereof_o when_o the_o accord_n be_v even_o already_o begin_v our_o lord_n command_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v consent_v to_o no_o such_o thing_n as_o they_o intend_v and_o that_o if_o we_o begin_v to_o take_v revenue_n they_o will_v never_o give_v we_o leave_v to_o forgo_v it_o and_o diverse_a other_o thing_n he_o also_o tell_v i_o the_o self_n same_o night_n that_o holy_a creature_n fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n appear_v to_o i_o for_o than_o he_o be_v dead_a and_o before_o also_o he_o die_v he_o write_v to_o i_o and_o take_v notice_n of_o the_o great_a opposition_n &_o persecution_n which_o be_v raise_v against_o we_o he_o say_v he_o be_v hearty_o glad_a 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time_n to_o understand_v thing_n but_o just_a so_o as_o we_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o understand_v they_o ourselves_o and_o even_o they_o be_v wrest_v much_o from_o the_o true_a sense_n and_o so_o we_o also_o do_v in_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n and_o we_o will_v needs_o make_v ourselves_o believe_v that_o we_o must_v tax_v even_o our_o own_o profit_n in_o spirit_n according_a to_o the_o measure_n of_o the_o time_n wherein_o we_o have_v have_v any_o exercise_n of_o prayer_n nay_o it_o seem_v that_o we_o have_v have_v a_o mind_n to_o put_v a_o tax_n and_o limit_n upon_o he_o who_o by_o no_o mean_n will_v be_v subject_a to_o any_o when_o there_o be_v question_n of_o impart_v his_o favour_n which_o he_o be_v wont_a to_o dispose_v when_o he_o will_v and_o who_o can_v impart_v more_o benediction_n to_o one_o in_o six_o month_n then_o to_o another_o in_o a_o great_a multitude_n of_o year_n and_o this_o be_v a_o most_o certain_a truth_n which_o i_o have_v see_v so_o express_o verify_v even_o 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and_o even_o confound_v in_o the_o presence_n of_o almighty_a god_n to_o see_v that_o what_o his_o divine_a majesty_n can_v not_o finish_v in_o my_o soul_n through_o my_o fault_n in_o such_o a_o multitude_n of_o year_n since_o i_o use_v prayer_n and_o wherein_o he_o begin_v to_o do_v i_o favour_n he_o have_v yet_o be_v able_a to_o accomplish_v in_o they_o within_o three_o month_n yea_o and_o even_o with_o some_o of_o they_o in_o three_o day_n with_o do_v they_o also_o far_o less_o favour_n then_o to_o i_o though_o yet_o withal_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o our_o bless_a lord_n pay_v they_o so_o well_o for_o their_o pain_n that_o they_o be_v all_o very_o far_o from_o be_v sorry_a to_o have_v do_v whatsoever_o they_o have_v do_v for_o the_o love_n of_o he_o for_o this_o purpose_n i_o can_v wish_v that_o we_o may_v call_v to_o mind_n how_o many_o year_n they_o be_v since_o we_o make_v our_o profession_n and_o have_v use_v mental_a prayer_n not_o yet_o for_o the_o give_v they_o any_o 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the_o hand_n of_o almighty_a god_n for_o this_o benefit_n do_v they_o reap_v by_o the_o truth_n which_o faith_n teach_v they_o and_o shall_v not_o we_o also_o trust_v they_o there_o but_o document_n must_v we_o limit_v and_o confine_v they_o by_o our_o narrow_a measure_n according_a to_o the_o meanness_n &_o straightness_n of_o our_o own_o poor_a mind_n no_o no_o this_o must_v not_o be_v but_o rather_o if_o ourselves_o can_v arrive_v to_o be_v owner_n of_o those_o strong_a affection_n and_o firm_a resolution_n which_o abound_v in_o they_o for_o these_o thing_n can_v be_v well_o understand_v without_o experience_n let_v we_o procure_v to_o humble_v ourselves_o and_o not_o condemn_v they_o for_o else_o by_o seem_v to_o have_v a_o care_n of_o their_o advantage_n and_o profit_n we_o shall_v deprive_v ourselves_o of_o our_o own_o and_o we_o shall_v also_o loose_v the_o occasion_n which_o our_o lord_n show_v we_o so_o fair_a for_o our_o own_o great_a humility_n and_o that_o we_o may_v the_o better_o understand_v how_o much_o be_v want_v to_o we_o as_o also_o how_o much_o more_o absolute_o those_o other_o soul_n be_v likely_a to_o be_v untie_v and_o free_v from_o worldly_a thing_n than_o we_o and_o how_o much_o near_o they_o be_v approach_v to_o almighty_a god_n than_o we_o since_o we_o see_v that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v come_v so_o much_o close_o up_o towards_o they_o than_o us._n for_o my_o part_n i_o can_v understand_v no_o more_o in_o this_o case_n neither_o indeed_o have_v i_o any_o desire_n to_o understand_v more_o then_o that_o i_o have_v rather_o have_v such_o prayer_n as_o have_v be_v obtain_v and_o exercise_v but_o a_o short_a time_n may_v be_v find_v to_o have_v great_a effect_n and_o which_o instant_o appear_v for_o it_o be_v impossible_a that_o a_o creature_n shall_v be_v content_a to_o throw_v away_o a_o whole_a world_n at_o once_o upon_o the_o only_o reason_n of_o please_v almighty_a god_n without_o a_o mighty_a force_n of_o love_n than_o such_o a_o other_o kind_n of_o prayer_n as_o shall_v have_v continue_v many_o year_n and_o yet_o never_o in_o fine_a have_v make_v a_o end_n of_o resolve_v upon_o any_o more_o at_o the_o last_o then_o at_o the_o first_o to_o do_v aniething_fw-mi for_o the_o pure_a love_n of_o almighty_a god_n unless_o it_o be_v some_o poor_a little_a fiddle_v babble_n which_o be_v no_o big_a than_o a_o grain_n of_o salt_n which_o have_v neither_o bulk_n nor_o weight_n but_o be_v such_o as_o that_o any_o bird_n may_v be_v able_a to_o carry_v it_o away_o in_o her_o bill_n for_o i_o confess_v we_o hold_v it_o not_o for_o a_o matter_n
different_a kind_n be_v round_o about_o i_o which_o circle_v i_o in_o and_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o cuerie_n one_o have_v offensive_a weapon_n in_o his_o hand_n wherewith_o to_o hurt_v i_o as_o lance_n sword_n and_o dagger_n and_o other_o have_v also_o long_a staff_n in_o a_o word_n i_o can_v not_o get_v from_o thence_o by_o any_o way_n or_o mean_n without_o danger_n of_o death_n especial_o be_v alone_o and_o not_o have_v any_o one_o creature_n to_o help_v i_o and_o be_v thus_o in_o so_o great_a affliction_n of_o spirit_n that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v i_o liftedup_a my_o eye_n towards_o heaven_n and_o see_v christ_n our_o lord_n not_o then_o in_o heaven_n but_o yet_o very_o high_a and_o far_o off_o from_o i_o in_o the_o air_n who_o reachtforth_o his_o hand_n towards_o i_o and_o favour_v i_o from_o thence_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o i_o fear_v neither_o all_o that_o other_o people_n nor_o yet_o these_o who_o all_o be_v unable_a to_o do_v i_o hurt_v how_o much_o soever_o they_o shall_v desire_v it_o this_o vision_n seem_v at_o the_o first_o sight_n to_o be_v without_o any_o fruit_n or_o good_a effect_n at_o all_o but_o it_o have_v yet_o do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o good_a because_o i_o have_v understand_v what_o it_o signify_v for_o i_o see_v myself_o in_o that_o encounter_n short_o after_o and_o know_v that_o it_o be_v nothing_o else_o but_o this_o vision_n and_o i_o also_o come_v to_o know_v it_o to_o be_v a_o very_a picture_n or_o rather_o map_n of_o the_o world_n for_o as_o many_o as_o be_v in_o it_o abstract_v ever_o from_o those_o few_o who_o apply_v themselves_o to_o do_v our_o lord_n particular_a service_n seem_v to_o carry_v arm_n against_o this_o wretched_a soul_n of_o we_o as_o namely_o honour_n estate_n delight_n and_o the_o like_a for_o it_o be_v evident_a that_o the_o soul_n be_v all_o overcast_v with_o a_o net_n before_o it_o be_v aware_a at_o least_o all_o these_o thing_n do_v the_o best_a they_o can_v to_o endanger_v and_o wrapp_v 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i_o only_o find_v remedy_n by_o lifting-up_a my_o eye_n to_o heaven_n and_o cry_v upon_o almighty_a god_n and_o i_o remember_v very_o well_o what_o i_o have_v see_v in_o this_o last_o vision_n of_o i_o and_o it_o do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o good_a towards_o a_o not_o put_v confidence_n in_o any_o creature_n for_o there_o be_v no_o one_o of_o they_o firm_a and_o stable_n but_o only_o god_n alone_o be_v entire_o and_o true_o so_o but_o in_o these_o great_a affliction_n our_o lord_n have_v ever_o use_v to_o send_v i_o some_o person_n or_o other_o who_o in_o his_o name_n may_v lend_v i_o his_o hand_n as_o he_o signify_v to_o i_o that_o he_o will_v and_o as_o he_o do_v also_o let_v i_o see_v in_o this_o last_o vision_n and_o so_o i_o tie_v not_o myself_o to_o any_o thing_n but_o only_o to_o please_v our_o bless_a lord_n and_o this_o have_v serve_v to_o sustain_v this_o poor_a little_a virtue_n which_o i_o have_v in_o desire_v to_o serve_v he_o and_o let_v he_o be_v bless_v for_o ever_o but_o find_v myself_o once_o very_o unquiet_a and_o in_o great_a disorder_n yea_o and_o in_o skirmish_n or_o rather_o in_o a_o very_a battle_n without_o be_v able_a to_o recollect_v myself_o yea_o and_o my_o thought_n be_v scatter_v and_o disperse_v upon_o thing_n which_o be_v not_o very_o perfect_a and_o withal_o not_o seem_v to_o be_v so_o utter_o untie_v from_o all_o thing_n as_o i_o use_v and_o be_v still_o so_o wicked_a as_o i_o be_v i_o grow_v afraid_a that_o the_o favour_n which_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v do_v i_o may_v fallout_a to_o be_v illusion_n and_o in_o fine_a i_o then_o remain_v with_o a_o very_a great_a obscuritic_n of_o mind_n but_o now_o whilst_o i_o be_v in_o this_o pain_n our_o lord_n begin_v to_o speak_v to_o i_o and_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o must_v not_o be_v thus_o afflict_v but_o that_o find_v myself_o in_o that_o case_n i_o may_v well_o understand_v even_o thereby_o in_o how_o great_a misery_n i_o must_v remain_v if_o once_o he_o shall_v depart_v from_o i_o and_o that_o there_o be_v to_o be_v no_o security_n at_o all_o as_o long_o as_o we_o shall_v continue_v in_o this_o world_n i_o be_v also_o give_v to_o understand_v how_o well_o our_o labour_n be_v employ_v in_o this_o strife_n and_o war_n since_o it_o will_v not_o fail_v to_o be_v follow_v with_o so_o high_a a_o reward_n and_o i_o think_v our_o bless_a lord_n have_v compassion_n of_o they_o who_o live_v in_o this_o world_n but_o that_o i_o must_v not_o think_v that_o he_o have_v forget_v i_o yea_o and_o that_o he_o will_v never_o leave_v i_o but_o yet_o so_o as_o that_o still_o i_o must_v also_o do_v my_o part_n in_o help_v myself_o and_o this_o do_v our_o bless_a lord_n declare_v to_o i_o with_o a_o kind_n of_o tender_a compassion_n and_o regalo_n accompany_v with_o certain_a word_n whereby_o so_o high_a favour_n be_v do_v i_o as_o i_o need_v not_o stand_v here_o to_o relate_v and_o these_o other_o which_o follow_v here_o now_o his_o divine_a majesty_n say_v also_o often_o to_o i_o with_o demonstration_n of_o most_o particular_a love_n thou_o be_v now_o grow_v to_o be_v i_o and_o i_o be_o thou_o and_o those_o word_n which_o i_o be_o ever_o wont_a to_o say_v and_o to_o my_o think_n i_o say_v they_o with_o much_o truth_n be_v these_o which_o follow_v what_o care_v i_o o_o my_o lord_n for_o myself_o but_o only_o for_o thou_o but_o i_o confess_v those_o word_n of_o he_o to_o i_o be_v of_o great_a regalo_n to_o my_o hart_n though_o yet_o withal_o they_o be_v of_o excessive_a confusion_n when_o i_o remember_v what_o kind_n of_o creature_n i_o be_o but_o hart_n it_o seem_v that_o i_o have_v need_n of_o more_o courage_n for_o the_o receive_n of_o those_o high_a favour_n then_o even_o for_o the_o endure_a of_o unspeakable_a affliction_n but_o now_o when_o these_o thing_n be_v in_o motion_n all_o the_o poor_a good_a action_n of_o my_o life_n be_v utter_o forget_v by_o i_o and_o then_o it_o be_v only_o represent_v to_o my_o mind_n how_o wicked_a i_o be_o and_o that_o without_o any_o discourse_n at_o all_o of_o my_o understanding_n so_o that_o even_o this_o also_o do_v seem_v at_o certain_a time_n to_o have_v somewhat_o of_o the_o supernatural_a in_o it_o sometime_o there_o come_v also_o upon_o i_o so_o earnest_a and_o even_o eager_a appetite_n of_o receive_v the_o bless_a sacrament_n that_o i_o know_v not_o whether_o it_o can_v be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o express_v they_o to_o the_o full_a it_o happen_v to_o i_o one_o morning_n that_o it_o rain_v so_o extreme_o as_o to_o seem_v no_o way_n fit_a for_o i_o to_o go_v out_o of_o door_n but_o yet_o be_v once_o get_v abroad_o i_o be_v already_o grow_v also_o to_o be_v so_o far_o out_o of_o myself_o through_o that_o desire_n of_o communicate_v that_o although_o they_o have_v set_v lance_n even_o point_v and_o hold_v fast_o against_o my_o very_a breast_n i_o think_v i_o can_v have_v pass_v even_o through_o they_o all_o and_o how_o much_o more_o then_o through_o water_n and_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o arrive_v at_o church_n i_o be_v take_v with_o a_o very_a great_a rapt_v for_o i_o think_v the_o very_a heaven_n be_v open_a and_o not_o by_o one_o overture_n only_o as_o i_o have_v see_v it_o at_o other_o time_n and_o i_o see_v another_o also_o above_o that_o upon_o which_o i_o understand_v by_o way_n of_o a_o certain_a notice_n which_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o express_v the_o divinity_n itself_o to_o be_v though_o yet_o i_o see_v not_o the_o divinity_n and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v uphold_v by_o certain_a mysterious_a beast_n and_o i_o be_v
i_o have_v to_o converse_v with_o they_o but_o our_o lord_n do_v ever_o counsel_v i_o in_o all_o thing_n yea_o so_o far_o as_o even_o to_o tell_v i_o how_o i_o shall_v carry_v myself_o towards_o weak_a person_n and_o some_o other_o also_o and_o he_o never_o lay_v the_o care_n of_o i_o aside_o but_o i_o be_o much_o trouble_v to_o find_v that_o i_o be_o good_a for_o so_o little_a in_o his_o service_n as_o also_o that_o i_o can_v do_v the_o less_o through_o my_o spend_v more_o time_n than_o i_o wiâ—h_v upon_o so_o weak_a and_o waste_v a_o body_n as_o i_o be_v as_o i_o be_v once_o in_o prayer_n and_o the_o hour_n of_o our_o go_v to_o rest_n come_v on_o i_o find_v myself_o in_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n and_o know_v that_o my_o ordinary_a vomit_n will_v arrive_v and_o obserue_v myself_o to_o be_v so_o tyed-up_a to_o these_o care_n and_o the_o spirit_n on_o the_o other_o side_n desit_v to_o have_v some_o time_n for_o itself_o i_o grow_v to_o be_v even_o so_o tire_v that_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v great_o afflict_v and_o to_o weep_v much_o and_o that_o happen_v very_o often_o to_o i_o and_o this_o condition_n put_v i_o to_o such_o a_o kind_n of_o anger_n that_o i_o think_v i_o do_v in_o those_o time_n even_o abhor_v myself_o though_o yet_o it_o be_v true_a withal_o that_o i_o do_v not_o abhor_v myself_o indeed_o nor_o yet_o be_o want_v in_o what_o be_v necessary_a for_o i_o and_o i_o rather_o pray_v god_n that_o i_o take_v not_o more_o care_n of_o myself_o than_o i_o shall_v and_o so_o i_o fear_v i_o do_v but_o now_o whilst_o i_o be_v in_o this_o grief_n our_o lord_n appear_v to_o i_o and_o regale_v i_o very_o much_o and_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o must_v endure_v these_o trouble_n and_o goe-through_a with_o they_o for_o love_n of_o he_o and_o that_o my_o life_n be_v necessary_a yet_o and_o so_o i_o think_v i_o never_o see_v myself_o in_o any_o very_a great_a pain_n which_o i_o value_v since_o i_o resolve_v to_o serve_v this_o lord_n and_o comforter_n of_o i_o with_o all_o 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even_o a_o kind_n of_o sleep_n in_o this_o life_n which_o make_v i_o find_v that_o whatsoever_o i_o see_v be_v but_o dream_v nor_o be_o i_o able_a to_o say_v that_o i_o reap_v either_o much_o contentment_n or_o trouble_v by_o any_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n and_o if_o yet_o some_o thing_n give_v i_o any_o it_o pass_v away_o with_o so_o very_o great_a speed_n that_o i_o even_o wonder_v at_o it_o and_o it_o make_v but_o just_a such_o a_o kind_n of_o impression_n upon_o i_o as_o a_o thing_n will_v do_v whereof_o i_o have_v dream_v and_o it_o be_v a_o most_o perfect_a truth_n that_o although_o i_o shall_v afterward_o have_v a_o piece_n of_o a_o mind_n either_o to_o be_v glad_a of_o any_o contentment_n or_o to_o be_v sorry_a for_o any_o mis-accident_n and_o trouble_v it_o be_v real_o no_o more_o now_o in_o my_o power_n but_o just_a so_o as_o any_o man_n who_o be_v discreet_a will_v take_v either_o trouble_n or_o joy_n from_o a_o dream_n of_o his_o own_o for_o now_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v already_o be_v please_v to_o awake_v and_o open_v the_o eye_n of_o my_o soul_n from_o out_o of_o that_o folly_n wherein_o it_o be_v and_o whereas_o by_o my_o not_o be_v mortify_v nor_o dead_a to_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n i_o be_v wont_a to_o have_v much_o feel_n of_o such_o thing_n as_o happen_v his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v now_o that_o i_o shall_v loose_v my_o true_a sight_n no_o more_o in_o this_o sort_n sir_n do_v i_o live_v now_o and_o i_o
beseech_v your_o reverence_n my_o good_a father_n to_o beg_v of_o almighty_a god_n that_o he_o will_v either_o take_v i_o quick_o to_o himself_o or_o else_o i_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o he_o give_v i_o power_n to_o serve_v he_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o humble_o beseech_v almighty_a god_n that_o what_o i_o have_v write_v here_o may_v be_v of_o some_o use_n to_o your_o reverence_n and_o i_o have_v not_o do_v it_o without_o some_o trouble_n in_o regard_n of_o the_o little_a convenience_n which_o i_o have_v but_o happy_a shall_v this_o trouble_n be_v if_o i_o have_v chance_v to_o hit_v any_o thing_n right_a and_o if_o our_o bless_a lord_n may_v receive_v some_o one_o only_a act_n of_o praise_n by_o occasion_n thereof_o i_o shall_v esteem_v myself_o to_o be_v full_o pay_v though_o your_o reverence_n shall_v burn_v it_o all_o immediate_o after_o and_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o wish_v that_o this_o shall_v happen_v till_o those_o three_o person_n have_v see_v it_o of_o who_o you_o know_v since_o they_o be_v and_o have_v be_v my_o ghostly_a father_n for_o if_o the_o thing_n be_v not_o right_a it_o will_v be_v fit_a that_o they_o give-ove_a the_o good_a opinion_n which_o they_o have_v of_o i_o and_o if_o on_o the_o other_o side_n thing_n go_v well_o i_o know_v that_o they_o be_v good_a and_o learned_a man_n and_o they_o can_v not_o be_v ignorant_a from_o whence_o it_o come_v and_o they_o will_v give_v he_o glory_n and_o praise_n who_o have_v do_v it_o though_o he_o have_v serve_v himself_o of_o i_o therein_o i_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o he_o will_v ever_o keep_v your_o reverence_n in_o his_o holy_a hand_n and_o make_v you_o so_o great_a a_o saint_n as_o that_o you_o may_v with_o spirit_n and_o light_n illuminate_v this_o miserable_a creature_n who_o have_v so_o little_a of_o the_o humble_a in_o she_o and_o so_o much_o of_o the_o bold_a as_o that_o she_o have_v presume_v to_o write_v of_o these_o high_a thing_n i_o beseech_v our_o lord_n that_o i_o have_v not_o err_v therein_o whilst_o my_o aim_n and_o desire_n be_v to_o hit_v right_a and_o to_o obey_v and_o that_o in_o fine_a there_o may_v be_v somewhat_o for_o which_o our_o lord_n shall_v be_v praise_v for_o this_o be_v that_o great_a suit_n which_o i_o have_v make_v to_o he_o now_o these_o many_o year_n and_o since_o i_o have_v want_v work_n whereby_o to_o comply_v with_o this_o aim_n i_o have_v adventure_v upon_o commandment_n to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v put_v this_o irregular_a and_o confuse_a life_n of_o i_o into_o some_o order_n though_o yet_o without_o employ_v either_o any_o more_o attention_n or_o time_n then_o that_o which_o be_v mere_o necessary_a for_o write_v it_o and_o so_o i_o have_v only_o set_v those_o thing_n down_o which_o have_v occur_v to_o i_o and_o pass_v in_o i_o with_o all_o plainness_n and_o truth_n to_o the_o very_a uttermost_a of_o my_o endeavour_n and_o i_o humble_o beseech_v our_o bless_a lord_n that_o since_o he_o be_v so_o powerful_a as_o that_o if_o he_o will_v he_o can_v he_o may_v be_v please_v to_o make_v i_o whole_o hit_v the_o mark_n in_o performance_n of_o his_o holy_a will_n and_o not_o permit_v that_o this_o soul_n be_v lose_v which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v be_v please_v by_o so_o many_o way_n and_o even_o cunning_a industry_n of_o he_o yea_o and_o that_o so_o many_o time_n to_o deliver_v and_o bring_v out_o of_o hell_n and_o to_o draw_v up_o so_o very_o close_o to_o himself_o amen_o benedictus_fw-la deus_fw-la this_o book_n be_v finish_v the_o first_o time_n in_o june_n in_o the_o year_n of_o our_o lord_n god_n 1562._o it_o be_v write_v then_o without_o distinction_n of_o chapter_n but_o afterward_o it_o be_v write_v by_o this_o glorious_a saint_n again_o and_o then_o it_o be_v divide_v into_o chapter_n and_o many_o thing_n also_o be_v add_v by_o she_o which_o happen_v afterward_o and_o particular_o that_o which_o concern_v the_o foundation_n of_o the_o monastery_n of_o s._n joseph_n of_o auila_n a_o letter_n write_v by_o the_o glorious_a s._n teresa_n to_o her_o ghostly_a father_n who_o have_v command_v she_o to_o write_v she_o own_o life_n for_o as_o much_o as_o may_v concern_v her_o manner_n of_o prayer_n and_o the_o favour_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v show_v she_o and_o this_o letter_n do_v she_o send_v to_o he_o together_o with_o the_o book_n itself_o the_o holie-ghost_n be_v always_o with_o your_o reverence_n amen_n it_o will_v not_o be_v amiss_o even_o almost_o to_o exaggerate_v the_o service_n which_o now_o i_o be_o do_v to_o your_o reverence_n that_o so_o you_o may_v even_o hold_v yourself_o to_o be_v the_o more_o oblige_v to_o take_v very_o particular_a and_o great_a care_n to_o recommend_v i_o to_o almighty_a god_n and_o this_o i_o may_v well_o presume_v to_o do_v since_o it_o have_v cost_v i_o so_o very_o dear_a to_o see_v myself_o thus_o set_v down_o in_o writing_n and_o to_o have_v bring_v by_o occasion_n thereof_o so_o many_o of_o my_o great_a misery_n to_o my_o remembrance_n though_o yet_o withal_o i_o can_v affirine_v with_o much_o truth_n that_o i_o have_v have_v far_o more_o aversion_n and_o trouble_v upon_o my_o declare_v the_o favour_n which_o it_o please_v our_o bless_a lord_n to_o do_v i_o than_o it_o will_v have_v be_v for_o i_o to_o discover_v even_o the_o offence_n themselves_o which_o i_o have_v commit_v against_o his_o divine_a majesty_n but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o have_v do_v what_o your_o reverence_n have_v command_v in_o order_n to_o the_o enlarge_n myself_o in_o this_o discourse_n though_o yet_o withal_o it_o be_v upon_o condition_n that_o your_o reverence_n will_v also_o do_v what_o you_o promise_v in_o tear_v whatsoever_o you_o shall_v not_o like_v i_o have_v not_o finish_v so_o much_o as_o the_o very_o read_v it_o over_o after_o i_o have_v write_v it_o even_o now_o when_o your_o reverence_n send_v to_o i_o for_o it_o and_o therefore_o it_o may_v very_o well_o chance_v that_o some_o thing_n be_v ill_o declare_v and_o other_o very_o unnecessary_o repeat_v for_o the_o time_n wherein_o i_o be_v able_a to_o do_v it_o do_v prove_v so_o very_o straight_o and_o short_a that_o i_o can_v not_o so_o much_o as_o look_v over_o what_o i_o have_v write_v i_o beseech_v your_o reverence_n to_o reform_v my_o error_n herein_o and_o to_o command_v it_o to_o be_v copy_v out_o and_o send_v to_o father_n auila_n for_o else_o perhaps_o the_o hand_n may_v be_v know_v to_o other_o but_o i_o desire_v very_o much_o that_o such_o order_n may_v be_v take_v as_o that_o he_o may_v see_v it_o since_o i_o partly_o begin_v to_o write_v it_o upon_o that_o design_n for_o when_o he_o shall_v once_o conceive_v that_o i_o go_v in_o a_o way_n which_o be_v right_a i_o shall_v be_v very_o much_o comfort_v by_o it_o and_o so_o when_o i_o shall_v have_v use_v this_o diligence_n there_o will_v be_v on_o my_o part_n no_o more_o to_o be_v do_v i_o humble_o pray_v your_o reverence_n to_o do_v in_o all_o thing_n as_o you_o shall_v think_v fit_a and_o consider_v that_o you_o be_v even_o oblige_v therein_o for_o such_o a_o one_o as_o trust_v her_o soul_n in_o your_o hand_n after_o so_o confident_a a_o manner_n as_o for_o you_o i_o will_v be_v recommend_v it_o to_o our_o bless_a lord_n all_o the_o day_n of_o my_o life_n and_o i_o beseech_v you_o therefore_o make_v great_a haste_n to_o serve_v his_o divine_a majesty_n to_o the_o end_n that_o you_o may_v be_v the_o better_a able_a to_o do_v i_o also_o favour_n with_o he_o since_o your_o reverence_n will_v easy_o see_v by_o that_o which_o go_v in_o company_n of_o this_o how_o well_o all_o your_o endeavour_n will_v be_v employ_v in_o go_v on_o as_o you_o have_v already_o begin_v and_o in_o bestow_v yourself_o total_o upon_o he_o who_o have_v give_v himself_o so_o whole_o to_o we_o without_o any_o limit_n at_o all_o let_v he_o be_v bless_v and_o praise_v for_o ever_o and_o for_o my_o part_n i_o hope_v through_o his_o mercy_n that_o both_o your_o reverence_n and_o myself_o shall_v one_o day_n grow_v to_o understand_v more_o clear_o the_o great_a blessing_n which_o he_o have_v be_v please_v to_o show_v we_o both_o that_o so_o we_o may_v be_v able_a to_o praise_v he_o for_o all_o eternity_n amen_n a_o table_n of_o the_o chapter_n 1._o chap._n the_o saint_n show_v how_o our_o lord_n begin_v to_o stirr-up_a her_o soul_n in_o her_o childhood_n to_o the_o performe_a of_o virtuous_a action_n and_o of_o the_o help_n which_o it_o give_v in_o order_n to_o this_o end_n to_o be_v bear_v of_o virtuous_a parent_n 2._o chap._n she_o show_v how_o she_o go_v loose_v in_o the_o way_n of_o virtue_n and_o how_o very_o much_o it_o
import_v to_o converse_v in_o childhood_n with_o virtuous_a person_n 3._o chap._n she_o treat_v how_o her_o fall_v into_o virtuous_a company_n be_v the_o occasion_n of_o she_o return_v to_o awake_a good_a desire_n in_o herself_o and_o how_o our_o lord_n begin_v to_o give_v she_o some_o light_n of_o the_o error_n wherein_o she_o have_v former_o be_v 4._o chap._n she_o relate_v how_o our_o lord_n assist_v she_o to_o force_v herself_o to_o take_v the_o habit_n of_o religion_n and_o of_o the_o many_o infirmity_n which_o our_o lord_n begin_v to_o bring_v upon_o she_o 5._o chap._n she_o prosecute_v the_o relation_n of_o the_o great_a infirmity_n which_o she_o have_v and_o of_o the_o patience_n which_o our_o lord_n give_v she_o in_o they_o and_o how_o benefit_n be_v draw_v out_o of_o mischief_n as_o will_v be_v see_v by_o a_o certain_a particular_a which_o happen_v to_o she_o in_o the_o place_n whither_o she_o go_v to_o be_v cure_v 6._o chap._n she_o treat_v of_o how_o much_o she_o owe_v our_o lord_n for_o his_o give_v her_o conformity_n to_o his_o holy_a will_n in_o so_o great_a affliction_n and_o how_o she_o take_v the_o glorious_a saint_n joseph_n for_o her_o intercessor_n and_o how_o advantageous_a that_o devotion_n prove_v to_o be_v 7._o chap._n she_o show_v by_o what_o degree_n and_o mean_n she_o go_v loose_v the_o favour_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v do_v she_o and_o how_o ill_o she_o begin_v to_o live_v and_o she_o also_o declare_v the_o harm_n there_o be_v in_o not_o maintain_v clausure_n in_o the_o monasterye_n of_o religious_a woman_n 8._o chap._n she_o treat_v of_o the_o great_a good_a it_o do_v she_o towards_o the_o not_o loose_v her_o soul_n not_o to_o have_v whole_o give_v over_o her_o prayer_n as_o also_o what_o a_o excellent_a remedy_n that_o be_v towards_o the_o gain_n of_o whatsoever_o good_a thing_n which_o be_v lose_v she_o persuade_v all_o creature_n to_o use_v it_o and_o declare_v the_o great_a benefit_n thereof_o and_o although_o we_o shall_v afterward_o leave_v it_o yet_o still_o it_o will_v prove_v a_o great_a good_a to_o have_v use_v so_o great_a a_o help_n for_o some_o time_n 9_o chap._n she_o declare_v by_o what_o mean_v our_o lord_n begin_v to_o awake_a her_o soul_n and_o give_v her_o light_n in_o so_o great_a darkness_n and_o to_o strengthen_v also_o her_o virtue_n that_o so_o she_o may_v offend_v he_o no_o more_o 10._o chap._n she_o begin_v to_o declare_v the_o favour_n which_o our_o lord_n do_v she_o in_o prayer_n and_o speak_v of_o that_o wherein_o we_o may_v be_v able_a to_o help_v ourselves_o and_o how_o much_o it_o also_o import_v we_o to_o understand_v the_o say_v favour_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v us._n she_o humble_o desire_v of_o he_o to_o who_o she_o send_v this_o account_n of_o herself_o that_o whatsoever_o she_o shall_v declare_v from_o hence_o forward_o may_v remain_v in_o secret_a with_o he_o since_o he_o have_v command_v she_o to_o set_v down_o in_o so_o particular_a a_o manner_n the_o favour_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v she_o chap._n 11._o she_o declare_v in_o what_o the_o fault_n consist_v of_o not_o obtain_v to_o love_n god_n with_o perfection_n in_o short_a time_n she_o begin_v to_o deliver_v it_o by_o a_o comparison_n which_o contain_v fowre_a degree_n of_o prayer_n and_o she_o treat_v here_o of_o the_o first_o which_o be_v very_o profitable_a for_o beginner_n &_o for_o those_o also_o who_o have_v no_o sensible_a delight_n or_o gust_n in_o prayer_n 12._o chap._n she_o prosecute_v her_o discourse_n of_o the_o first_o state_n or_o degree_n of_o prayer_n and_o declare_v how_o far_o we_o may_v arrive_v of_o ourselves_o by_o the_o favour_n of_o our_o lord_n and_o of_o the_o hurt_n it_o bring_v to_o desire_v that_o our_o spirit_n may_v rise_v to_o supernatural_a and_o extraordinary_a thing_n till_o our_o lord_n himself_o be_v please_v to_o ordain_v it_o 13._o chap._n she_o proceed_v in_o this_o first_o degree_n and_o state_n of_o prayer_n and_o give_v advice_n against_o some_o temptation_n which_o the_o devil_n be_v sometime_o wont_a to_o bring_v this_o discourse_n be_v very_o profitable_a 14._o chap._n she_o begin_v to_o declare_v the_o second_o degree_n of_o prayer_n wherein_o our_o lord_n be_v already_o please_v to_o give_v the_o soul_n more_o particular_a gust_n which_o she_o declare_v to_o the_o end_n that_o she_o may_v make_v they_o be_v understand_v to_o be_v supernatural_a this_o discourse_n be_v very_o much_o to_o be_v note_v 15._o chap._n she_o prosecute_v her_o discourse_n of_o the_o same_o matter_n and_o give_v some_o advice_n how_o person_n be_v to_o carry_v themselves_o in_o this_o kind_n of_o quiet_a prayer_n she_o treat_v how_o many_o soul_n come_v to_o arrive_v to_o this_o degree_n of_o prayer_n and_o that_o few_o pass_v beyond_o it_o the_o particular_n which_o be_v touch_v beer_n be_v not_o only_o very_o profitable_a but_o very_o necessary_a 16._o chap._n she_o treat_v of_o the_o three_o degree_n of_o prayer_n and_o go_v declare_v some_o very_a high_a point_n and_o what_o a_o soul_n which_o arrive_v thus_o far_o may_v be_v able_a to_o do_v and_o what_o effect_n these_o so_o great_a favour_n of_o our_o lord_n be_v accustom_v to_o work_n the_o sense_n hereof_o be_v very_o fit_a to_o raise_v the_o spirit_n high_a in_o the_o praise_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o it_o be_v also_o of_o great_a consolation_n for_o the_o soul_n which_o arrive_v to_o this_o state_n 17._o chap._n she_o prosecute_v the_o same_o argument_n about_o this_o three_o degree_n of_o prayer_n and_o finish_v the_o declaration_n of_o the_o effect_n which_o work_n and_o declare_v also_o the_o disadvantage_n which_o the_o memory_n and_o imagination_n be_v wont_a to_o bring_v in_o this_o case_n 18._o chap._n she_o treat_v of_o the_o four_o degree_n of_o prayer_n she_o begin_v here_o to_o declare_v in_o excellent_a manner_n the_o great_a dignity_n to_o which_o our_o lord_n advance_v that_o soul_n which_o be_v exalt_v to_o this_o state_n it_o serve_v to_o animate_v man_n much_o to_o endeavour_v that_o they_o may_v arrive_v to_o so_o high_a a_o condition_n since_o it_o may_v be_v obtain_v in_o this_o world_n through_o the_o goodness_n of_o our_o lord_n though_o it_o can_v be_v deserve_v let_v this_o be_v read_v with_o consideration_n and_o care_n 19_o chap._n she_o prosecute_v the_o same_o discourse_n and_o begin_v to_o declare_v the_o effect_n which_o this_o degree_n of_o prayer_n work_n in_o the_o soul_n she_o persuade_v man_n earnest_o not_o to_o turn_v back_o nor_o to_o give-ove_a their_o prayer_n though_o they_o shall_v happen_v to_o fall_v even_o after_o they_o have_v receive_v these_o favour_n she_o speak_v of_o the_o great_a harm_n which_o will_v arrive_v to_o they_o if_o they_o do_v otherwise_o this_o discourse_n be_v much_o to_o be_v note_v and_o it_o be_v of_o great_a consolation_n for_o weak_a person_n and_o sinner_n 20._o chap._n she_o treat_v of_o the_o difference_n between_v union_n and_o rapt_v and_o declare_v what_o kind_n of_o thing_n a_o rapt_v be_v she_o speak_v also_o of_o the_o blessing_n which_o that_o soul_n have_v which_o our_o lord_n through_o his_o goodness_n bring_v thither_o and_o of_o the_o effect_n which_o rapt_n use_v to_o produce_v this_o discourse_n be_v of_o much_o admiration_n 21._o chap._n she_o prosecute_v and_o finish_v this_o last_o degree_n of_o prayer_n she_o declare_v what_o the_o soul_n find_v therein_o when_o she_o return_v to_o live_v again_o in_o the_o world_n and_o the_o light_n also_o which_o our_o lord_n give_v concern_v the_o deceit_n and_o error_n of_o the_o same_o world_n this_o chapter_n deliver_v excellent_a doctrine_n 22._o chap._n she_o treat_v of_o how_o secure_a a_o way_n it_o be_v for_o person_n who_o give_v themselves_o to_o contemplation_n not_o to_o raiseup_a their_o spirit_n to_o high_a thing_n unless_o our_o lord_n raise_v they_o up_o and_o that_o the_o humanity_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n be_v indeed_o to_o be_v the_o mean_n towards_o the_o high_a contemplation_n of_o all_o other_o she_o speak_v also_o of_o a_o error_n wherein_o once_o she_o be_v this_o chapter_n contain_v matter_n of_o much_o profit_n 23._o chap._n she_o return_v to_o declare_v the_o course_n of_o her_o life_n and_o how_o she_o first_o begin_v to_o think_v of_o grow_v to_o great_a perfection_n and_o by_o what_o mean_v she_o do_v it_o this_o chapter_n be_v very_o profitable_a for_o such_o as_o be_v to_o govern_v soul_n in_o order_n to_o prayer_n and_o to_o make_v they_o know_v how_o they_o be_v to_o behave_v themselves_o in_o their_o beginning_n and_o of_o the_o benefit_n she_o reap_v by_o know_v it_o herself_o 24._o chap._n she_o prosecute_v the_o former_a discourse_n and_o show_n how_o her_o soul_n go_v profit_v when_o once_o she_o