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lord_n know_v speak_v word_n 17,505 5 4.2222 3 false
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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A67520 Sot's paradise, or, The humours of a Derby-ale-house with a satyr upon the ale. Ward, Edward, 1667-1731. 1698 (1698) Wing W754; ESTC R3048 4,085 18

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ask's us Why so dunk and why so late Little in Person tho' in Office Great He Huckles much tho' what by that he means Let Oldish Shirley or such Learned Brains T' inform the World imploy their Skilful Pens Next sat a Drone whose Wits had but a Dull-Edge His Gravity and nice Grammatick Knowledge Spoke him some Senior Cockscomb of a Colledge He Learned Reasons offer'd unto some Why Gerounds end in di in do or dum Then grave attention gave and sat hum Drum Next him a Spark bedawb'd with Golden Twine So very Grave and eke so very Fine I took him for some Statesman on Design Some humble Lord so generously free Seeking Applause and Popularity Came here to Court the good Mobility I turn'd about and view'd him for a space No Sword he 'd on and in his Meen no Grace Dulness instead of Grandure in his Face My Judgment er'd I quickly found its faillure No Honour in his Speech in 's Looks no Valour A Lord thought I wounds this must be a Taylor When e'er he spoke it matter was of fact So Emphattical his Words and so compact No Strowling Player could be more exact Against him Teague an Irish Barber sat Who has a Thousand Whimsies in his Pate Makes Wigs tunes Bagpipes does the Lord knows what By chance said I What is 't a Clock I Pray After some time he 'd studdy'd what to say He Answer'd By me Shoul 't's Shaterday Each loving each as truly as a Brother In all things act alike Speak Drink and Smother Delight as Monkeys to Buffon each other Like the Twin-stars these two United are It 's no great matter whether both appear If you see one in him the other's there The Ale at last to these weak Noddles stole Supply'd the want of Brains in every Skull And made them Merry tho' it made me Dull The Taylor begg'd of his Reverse a Tune Teague for his Bagpipes sent and fix'd his Drone Then Play'd Dundee's Farwel and Sung O hone This pleas'd the Mob and made them hoop and hollow As when the Brindled Dog against the Fallow Pins down the Bull and makes him Roar and Bellow I Teas'd and Tir'd with this Bear-Garden Play In doleful dumps did for Ten Tankards Pay And Sick not Drunk I homwards steer'd my way A SATYR UPON Derby-Ale BASE and Ignoble Flegm dull DERBY ALE Thou canst o'er none but Brainless Sots prevail Chokes them if New and Soure art if Stale Thou drownst no Care or do'st thou Elevate In stead of quenching Drouth do'st Drouth create Makes us dull Sots at an expensive rate Old English Ale which Upstart Fops disdain Brew'd by our Grandsiers Chear'd the Heart of Man Quench'd Drouth with pleasure and prolong'd their Span. But thou Poor Slime thou art not Ale for why Thou neither Cheares the Heart or Brisks the Eye The more we Drink the more we still are Dry. Rare Fat'ning Swill to Belly up Lean Guest It feeds a Man in six Months to a Beast And gives him bulk for a Church-Ward'n at least Puff'd up with thee Dispirited Debas'd We into Gray's-Inn reel O Pump be prais'd There Quench that Drouth thy Treacly Dregs have rais'd One hearty Draught prepares for Pipe of Funk Three Tankards whets my Appetite for Punk Four makes me Sick but Ten wont make make me Drunk O'er Nipperkins of thee six Hours I sit Till spent my Total and benum'd my Wit Thus nothing have and just for nothing fit Our Wits or Thoughts thou never canst advance Above th' Affairs of Poland or of France Wounds thou' rt a Booby to a Cup of Nantes Thou' rt fit for those who are from Troubles free Thou Cur'st no Spleen thou art unfit for me I'd's live almost drink Adam's Ale as thee Thou mak'st us Fat in little time 't is true The same will Swins-Flesh and Potatoes do They covet Flesh not Brains that follow you Thou Noble Ale Mere Caudle and unfit For Men of Care to drink or Men of Wit Poor English Coffee for a plodding Cit. Guzzle for Carmen Foggy and Unfine For nothing fit but to Exhaust our Coin Water to Brandy and Small-Beer to Wine Forgive my drowsy Muse where e'er she nods She 's not Inspir'd or Tutor'd by the Gods She Rimes o'er Ale others o'er Wine that 's odds What if you say she 's Dull it 's no great matter Gross Muddy Ale 's a heavy Theam for Satyr Tom Brown be judge or honest Ben Bridgwater FINIS