Selected quad for the lemma: lord_n
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A66573
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The projectors a comedy / by John Wilson.
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Wilson, John, 1626-1696.
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1665
(1665)
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Wing W2923; ESTC R38668
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40,935
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67
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THE PROJECTORS A Comedy By John Wilson Aetatemhabet ipse de se loquatur Imprimatur Roger L'Estrange Jan. 13. 1664. LONDON Printed for John Playsere at the White Lyon in the Upper Walk of the New Exchange And William Crook at the Three Bibles on Fleet-Bridge 1665. PROLOGUE IT is so hard to please when things must be Mouldy with Age or gilt with Novelty That in effect 't is but a Cross or Pile In all that 's written whether well or ill Nor have we ventur'd on this liberty That we suspect your judgments no they 're free Free as that Reason that inform'd 'em first And were those common cloggs of Interest Once shaken off would be the same agen What shall I say shall I entre at ye then A poor inducement If ye will not do 't Out of good Nature let me bribe ye to 't I now ye hearken But mistake me not We give no mony back That were a plot Upon our selves Yet we 've as good a shift Ye that would learn to thrive we 'll teach ye Thrift And ye that would get more Why faith for you We have The Lord knows what new Projects too And you ' I forget my self To run too far May chance to cloy ye ere you see your fare The Persons Sir Gudgeon Credulous A Projecting Knight Suitor to Mrs. Codsgood Jocose A Courtier Ferdinand His Son Suckdry An Usuâ—er All in for Projects Squeeze An Exchange Broker Gotam A Citizen Driver Jocose's Servant Lean chops Suckdrie's Servant Servant Mrs. Godsgood A Widow Mrs. Gotam Wife to Gotam Mrs. Squeeze Wife to Squeeze Nancy Suckdry's Daughter The Scene LONDON THE Projectours ACT. I. SCAENA I. Enter Suckdry solus as coming from a Journey Suck NOw send that all things be well at home But troth I half doubt it my minde so misgives me It could not be for nothing sure that the Rats eat a hole in my pocket last night and a Crow kept scraping and kawing at me this morning uh my fears are out This Rogue has given me the slip and is run away with my cloak bag Enter Lean-chops with a cloak-bag under his arm Oh Lean-chops art thou come I profess thou didst half fright me This London is so villanous a wide place I was afraid I had lost thee and must have been at the charge of crying thee Art thou come Rogue Lean. As you see Sir But it seems must thank this for your care and my welcome And yet I 'le undertake it might have lept safe on a Dunghil for any thing that 's in 't Suck Away sirrah I have often told you of your surly proud heart sirrah sirrah he that scorns a little shall never be master of a great deal No more I say but stand forth and le ts see whether we have lost any thing by the journey He takes out a Roll and reads Lazarus Suckdry I God wot a poor man as poor as Lazarus I must be contended Here I am Zachary Lean-chops Lean. Here sir. Suck 'T is well Lets on Item one horse three shoes and a half two stirrups one saddle one bridle one girth one crupper and half a saddle-cloth Lean. All safe and forth-coming Suck Very well observe one doublet with a new pair of Foreskirts one paire of Breeches with a blew Codpiece Point one pair of Stockings Lean. Without feet Sir Suck No matter no matter 'T is not seen one paire of Boots one Spur and Spur-leather one pair of Gloves one Basket-hilt sword one Girdle-hanger one Hatt one Band one Coat one jump and one switch Lean. All in view Suck Item In the cloak-bag one Sessions Suit and Cloak one pair of blew Stockings with orange coloured garters and roses Three shoes one Comb with five teeth one razor half a washing ball and a piece of a Glass let me see is it fast all safe ha Lean. As you left it He deserves to to be damn'd after it that would venture a hanging by stealing any of 't Aside Suck Come Lean-chops come This place is a little too publick We 'll look over the rest when we come home Lean. Unless we chance to meet a Rag-man by the way and then Rags to Rags and Rubbish to Rubbish Aside Suck Follow me and have a care Here comes a couple Enter Joeose Driver One does not know what they may do Have a care I say Have a care Joc. Mr. Suckdry Your servant welcome to Town Suck Thank you good Sir uh uh he believes I have money in my Cloak-bagge would I were well rid of him Aside walking Jo. How do you you do not look well let me give you a glass of wine 't will comfort your heart Suck Wine uh uh I dare not my Doctor tells me 't is naught for me I was right He thinks I have got mony and would make me drunk to steal my Cloak-bag uh uh Aside Jo. Come it shall cost you nothing Suck Another time uh uh This Rogue Lean-chops has smelt 〈◊〉 my gold at home and told him where it lies buried uh uh Aside Jo. What ailes you Sir Suck Uh uh sick A sit of the Chollick I must home Jo. But perhas I have somewhat to say to you may deserve your stay You have a daughter Suck A poor Girle God wot What of her Jo. Call her not poor she that is vertuous and handsome is rich enough Suck Ah Sir But every man is not of your opinion Alas poor child she wants a Portion There 's something else requir'd besides vertue and handsomness This may bring admirers that sweet-hearts but 't is mony mony that gets the husband Jo. Let not that trouble you I have a Son and though I say it a handsome fellow One that throw him where you will shall live in the world Suck But I can give nothing with my daughter poor wench She 's a right Philosopher She carries all she has about her Good Sir do not abuse our Poverty uh uh Jo. Nor do I Here 's my hand I 'm in earnest What say you Suck I have told you already she has no mony Jo. And I have answered it Shall we bring 'em together Suck For that as you please you know her Portion uh uh I am sick and cannot stay to talk it longer now Farewel Sir This is a Trap to catch my gold But he may be mistaken Old Rats are not so easily taken as young Cats think uh uh Aside Exeunt Suck-Lean Jocose Farewel my Sonne and I 'le see you within a few daies Dri. But with your leave Sir I hope you are not in earnest Jo. No But I am And if I can but compasse it shall think it the best daies work I ever yet did in my life This fellow as poor as he seems tell him but of a good Mortgage shall lend you ten thousand pound upon 't at a dayes warning and yet would have the world believe him to be a poor man And such in troth he is since he dares not enjoy what he has for
I whether my Tailor be a good Musician or my Coach-man be able to Con a Ship it is enough to me that he perform what I intend him for For my own part I am so well assur'd of the thing that I could wish I were no Knight but had staid to have been made a Lord for altogether And so let me say to thee once again Widow of mine be happie Jo. For that of Happie be so as long as you can But pray take me along with ye No longer Widow nor yours I beseech you Sir Gud. How 's this Who dare say the contrarie He were better Jo. Have broken your Worship's pate With this Ladie 's leave That dare I or if you will not believe it pray Madam lend me your Busk Sir Gud. Mr. Jocose 't is impossible I never thought you would have serv'd me thus Jo. And why not would you engross all to your self He projects and She projects too Good Sir Gudgeon there 's Conscience in everie thing Sir Gud. 'T is well you are my friend But do n't ye presume too far Jo. Further than this Ladie I shall not and yet so far with her good favour I ever shall Sir Gud. But you may come short home You know the necessitie of attending more grand Affairs lies upon me But Jo. Does the fool prate Mrs. G. G. Nay Mr. Jocose Sir Gudgeon runs out Jo. I obey And now Madam I leave it to your own judgment how much I was out in my Character And if there remains any thing to your further satisfaction pray let me know it Mrs. G. G. I 'l consider of it within Exeunt ACT. V. Enter Mrs. Gotam Mrs. Squeeze severally Mrs. Sq. MRs. Gotam well met whither so fast Mrs Got. Marrie to find out this Rogue that has abus'd my Husband I tell thee what Squeeze He and his Staff-men have made such a stink in our house that all the neighbours are up and crie A Wedding a Wedding I have been this half hour a shaking the Bride-laces off my petticoat Mrs. Sq. Why what 's the matter Mrs. Got. Hang him for a fool He cries 't is a new way of making Gun-powder But when he 's in a condition of receiving it I 'll ring him such a peal I ll Gun-powder him Mrs. Sq. And mine 's as bad o' the t'otherside He 's so full of business he 's ev'n mad He talks of nothing but Sonnets Madrigalds Acrosticks Love-letters Wedding-Posies and I know not what Well if thy Husband's Project be the beginning of Love I am confident mine 's the end of 't Mrs. Got. O that these men must do all things by themselves and never advise with their Wives till it be too late But I 'l make my Gentleman know a piece of my mind before I have done with him Enter Gotam sputtering Mrs. Sq. Peace peace here he comes Got. Uh Hum Puth ' Ta'd need be profitable I am sure 't is not very toothsome Mrs. Got. And whither Gentleman whither so fast Your Wife 's nothing with you But I 've a Crow to pluck w' ye Where 's my Coach and the eight Horses you talk'd of and the new Dining-room to our Country-house D' ye think to rob me thus Got. Nay good wife dear hony they 're all a coming Do'st not see what pains I have been taking and all to make thee a Ladie Prythee 't is all for thee Good faith it is Mrs. Got. Marry fough All what Got. What ever I bring to perfection Thou must have patience 'T is but an Embrio yet Mrs. Got. Pray leave me off your Brewing unless it were to better purpose I was finely holpt up when I married you and refus'd more likelie men everie way and such as would have maintain'd me like a woman But the devil ow'd me a good turn Got. Nay dear wife thou art alwaies in this Key What encouragement can it be to a man when his wife believes nothing but what she should not Mrs. Got. Say speak what should I believe or what should I not believe you 'l teach me will you Got. No good wife But we may hear one another though Mrs. Got. I ve heard too much Thou lets everie one lead thee by the Nose and make thee an Ass and a Beast And I could find in my heart to make thee too Look better to your business Come come where be the Keys of the Chest give 'em me Got. What to do Mrs. Got. What to do with my own why was it not al mine And dost thou grutch me my own Go go try thy Experiments with what thou broughtst thy self unless they were better or more likelie Enter Mr. Driver Got. Mr. Driver Never in better season Dr. Why how now Mrs. Gotam Sitting in judgment upon your Husband Mrs. Got. If I do 't is my own husband and one that if you please Sir has been fool'd enough by you Got. Nay Wife you wo'nt spoil all the Gentleman is a Civil Gentleman and an excellent person in his way Mrs. Got. I ll excellent ye both What fine Project is this you have put my Husband upon Had your Master no one to fool but his own flesh and blood Dr. What does your Wife mean Mr. Gotam Got. Alas Sir if you liv'd at our house you 'd never ask that question 't is her ordinarie exercise to keep her selfe in breath Mrs. Got. I 'll breath you must you abuse me too remember this Gentleman Dr. But may not I know whence all this heate Mrs. Got. You know but too well And as you have brought him on pray bring him off or I ll make the house too hot for you and your Master too I 'll powder you Dr. And why How goes it forward Got. In plain Troth Sir between our selves I half doubt the Woman's mad She has thrown all the Tubs about house and rais'd the Neighbous about our ears Dr. And you think you 've done a wise action now to discover in one minute what some men might have study'd their whole lives for but never found Mr. Got. Indeed Sir And do you believe there was any thing in 't Dr. It matters not whither there were or no Your own follie He tares a paper will best teach you There There 's the Counter-part of your Articles and to let you see how much I scorn to take advantage of you I discharge you of all monies due by vertue of 'um Got. You 've done well Wife yo 've made a fair hand â—n't Mrs. Got. Nay pray Sir Enter Squeeze singing Dr. Not a word more I ha' done with 't Squeez And wilt thou gang with me my Jo And wilt thou gang with me Now for thy Daddy 's Benison I prythee now gang with me Dri. I here 's your diligent man He has traverst Scotland already Now Mr. Squeeze how goes all affairs Sq. Why as a man may say on Wheels I had no sooner set up my Bills and hung out a large Label with this Inscription in Capital Letters