O bace gongarian wight wilt thou the spicket willd Nym. His minde is not heroick And there 's the humor of it Fal. Well my Laddes I am almost out at the heeles Pis. Why then let cybes insue Nym. I thanke thee for that humor Fal. Well I am glad I am so rid of this tinder Boy His stealth was too open his filching was like An vnskilfull singer he kept not time Nym. The good humor is to steale at a minutes rest Pis. T is so indeed Nym thou hast hit it right Fal. Well afore God I must cheat I must cony-catch Which of you knowes Foord of this Towne Pis. I ken the wight he is of substance good Fal. Well my honest Lads I le tell you what I am about Pis. Two yards and more Fal. No gibes now Pistoll indeed I am two yards In the wast but now I am about no wast Briefly I am about thrift you rogues you I do intend to make loue to Foords wife I espie entertainment in her She carues she Discourses She giues the lyre of inuitation And euery part to be constured rightly is I am Syr Iohn Falstaffes Pis. He hath studied her well out of honestie Into English Fal. Now the report goes she hath all the rule Of her husbands purse She hath legians of angels Pis. As many diuels attend her And to her boy say I. Fal. Heree's a Letter to her Heere 's another to misteris Page Who euen now gaue me good eies too examined my exteriors with such a greedy intentiō with the beames of her beautie that it seemed as she would a scorged me vp like a burning glasse Here is another Letter to her shee beares the purse too They shall be Excheckers to me and I le be cheaters to them both They shall be my East and West Indies and I le trade to them both Heere beare thou this Letter to mistresse Foord And thou this to mistresse Page Wee le thriue Lads we will thriue Pist. Shall I sir Panderowes of Troy become And by my sword were steele Then Lucifer take all Nym. Here take your humor Letter againe For my part I will keepe the hauior Of reputation And there 's the humor of it Fal. Here sirrha beare me these Letters titely Saile like my pinnice to the golden shores Hence slaues avant Vanish like hailstones goe Falstaffe will learne the humor of this age French thrift you rogue my selfe and scirted Page Exit Falstaffe and the Boy Pis. And art thou gone Teaster I le haue in pouch When thou shalt want bace Phrygian Turke Nym. I haue operations in my head which are humors of reuenge Pis. Wilt thou reuenge Nym. By Welkin and her Fairies Pis. By wit or sword Nym. With both the humors I will disclose this loue to Page I le poses him with Iallowes And there 's the humor of it Pis. And I to Foord will likewise tell How Falstaffe varlot vilde Would haue her loue his doue would proue And eke his bed defile Nym. Let vs about it then Pis. I le second thee sir Corporall Nym troope on Exit omnes Enter Mistresse Quickly and Simple Quic. M. Slender is your Masters name say you Sim. I indeed that is his name Quic. How say you I take it hee is somewhat a weakly man And he has as it were a whay coloured beard Sim. Indeed my maisters beard is kane colored Quic. Kane colour you say well And is this Letter from sir Yon about Misteris An Is it not Sim. I indeed is it Quic. So and your Maister would haue me as it t were to speak to misteris Anne concerning him I promise you my M. hath a great affectioned mind to mistresse Anne himselfe And if he should know that I should as they say giue my verdit for any one but himselfe I should heare of it throughly For I tell you friend he puts all his priuities in me Sim. I by my faith you are a good staie to him Quic. Am I I and you knew all yowd say so Washing brewing baking all goes through my hands Or else it would be but a woe house Sim. I be shrow me one woman to do all this Is very painfull Quic. Are you auised of that I I warrant you Take all and paie all all goe through my hands And he is such a honest man and he should chance To come home and finde a man here we should Haue no who with him He is a parlowes man Sim. Is he indeed Quic. Is he quoth you God keepe him abroad Lord blesse me who knocks there For Gods sake step into the Counting house While I goe see whose at doore He steps into the Counting-house What Iohn Rugby Iohn Are you come home sir alreadie And she opens the doore Doct. I begar I be forget my oyntment VVhere be Iohn Rugby Enter Iohn Rug. Here sir do you call Doc. I you be Iohn Rugbie and you be lack Rugby Goe run vp met your heeles and bring away De oyntment in de vindoe present Make hast Iohn Rugbie O I am almost forget My simples in a boxe in de Counting-house O Ieshu vat be here a deuella a deuella My Rapier Iohn Rugby Vat be you vat make You in my Counting-house I tinck you be a teefe Quic. Ieshu blesse me we are all vndone Sim. O Lord sir no I am no theefe I am a Seruingman My name is Iohn Simple I brought a Letter sir From my M. Slender about misteris Anne Page Sir Indeed that is my comming Doc. I begar is dat all Iohn Rugby giue a ma pen An Inck tarche vn pettit tarche a little The Doctor writes Sim. O God what a furious man is this Quic. Nay it is well he is no worse I am glad he is so quiet Doc. Here giue dat same to sir Hu it ber ve chalēge Begar tell him I will cut his nase will you Sim. I sir I le tell him so Doc. Dat be vell my Rapier Iohn Rugby follow may Exit Doctor Quic. VVell my friend I cannot tarry tell your Maister I le doo what I can for him And so farewell Sim. Mary will I I am glad I am got hence Exit omnes Enter Mistresse Page reading of a Letter Mis. Pa. Mistresse Page I loue you Aske me no reason Because theyr impossible to alledge Your faire And I am fat You loue sack so do I As I am sure I haue no mind but to loue So I know you haue no hart but to grant A souldier doth not vse many words where a knowes A letter may serue for a sentence I loue you And so I leaue you Yours Syr Iohn Falstaffe Now Ieshu blesse me am I methomorphised I thinke I knowe not my selfe Why what a Gods name doth this man see in me that thus he shootes at my honestie Well but that I knowe my owne heart I should scarcely perswade my selfe I were hand Why what an vnreasonable woolsack is this He was neuer twice in my companie and if then I
Let him take her simply for my goods goes With my liking and my liking goes not that way For. Well I pray go home with me to dinner Besides your cheare I le shew you wonders I le Shew you a monster You shall go with me M. Page and so shall you sir Hugh and you Maister Doctor S Hu. If there be one in the company I shal make two Doc. And dere be ven to I sall make de tird Sir Hu In your teeth for shame Shal wel wel God be with you we shall haue the fairer Wooing at Maister Pages Exit Shallow and Slender Host I le to my honest knight sir Iohn Falstaffe And drinke Canary with him Exit host Ford. I may chance to make him drinke in pipe wine First come gentlemen Exit omnes Enter Mistresse Ford with two of her men and a great buck busket Mis. For. Sirrha if your M. aske you whither You carry this basket say to the Launderers I hope you know how to bestow it Ser. I warrant you misteris Exit seruant Mis. For. Go get you in Well sir Iohn I beleeue I shall serue you such a trick You shall haue little mind to come againe Enter Sir Iohn Fal. Haue I caught my heauenlie Iewel Why now let me die I haue liued long inough This is the happie houre I haue desired to see Now shall I sin in my wish I would thy husband were dead Mis. For. Why how then sir Iohn Fal. By the Lord I de make thee my Ladie Mis. For. Alas sir Iohn I should be a verie simple Ladie Fal. Goe too I see how thy eie doth emulate the Diamond And how the arched bent of thy brow Would become the ship tire the tire vellet Oranie Venetian attire I see it Mis. For. A plaine kercher sir Iohn would fit me better Fal. By the Lord thou art a traitor to saie so What made me loue thee Let that perswade thee Ther 's somewhat extraordinarie in thee Goe too I loue thee Mistris Ford I cannot cog I cannot prate like one Of these fellowes that smels like Bucklers-berie In simple time but I loue thee And none but thee Mis. For. Sir Iohn I am afraid you loue misteris Page Fal. I thou mightest as well saie I loue to walke by the Counter gate VVhich is as hatefull to me As the reake of a lime kill Enter Mistresse Page Mis. Pa. Mistresse Ford Mis. Ford where are you Mis. For. O Lord step aside good sir Iohn Falstaffe stands behind the aras How now Misteris Page what 's the matter Mis. Pa. Why your husband woman is cōming With halfe Windsor at his heeles To looke for a gentleman that he ses Is hid in his house his wife 's sweet hart Mis. For. Speak louder But I hope t is not true Misteris Page Mis. Pa. T is too true woman Therefore if you Haue any here away with him or your vndone for euer Mis. For. Alas mistresse Page what shall I do Here is a gentleman my friend how shall I do Mis. Pa. Gode body woman do not stand what shal I do and what shall I do Better any shift rather then you shamed Looke heere here 's a buck-basket if hee be a man of any reasonable sise hee le in here Mis. For. Alas I feare he is too big Fal. Let me see let me see I le in I le in Follow your friends counsell A side Mis. Pa. Fie sir Iohn is this your loue Go too Fal. I loue thee and none but thee Helpe me to conuey me hence I le neuer come here more Sir Iohn goes into the basket they put cloathes ouer him the two men carries it away Foord meetes it and all the rest Page Doctor Priest Slender Shallow Ford. Come pray along you shall see all How now who goes heare whither goes this Whither goes it set it downe Mis. For. Now let it go you had best meddle with buck-washing Ford. Buck good buck pray come along Maister Page take my keyes helpe to search Good Sir Hugh pray come along helpe a little a little I le shew you all Sir Hu. By Ieshu these are iealosies distemperes Exit omnes Mis. Pa. He is in a pittifull taking Mis. I wonder what he thought Whē my husband bad them set downe the basket Mis. Pa. Hang him dishonest slaue we cannot vse Him bad inough This is excellent for your Husbands iealousie Mi. For. Alas poore soule it grieues me at the hart But this will be a meanes to make him cease His iealous fits if Falstaffes loue increase Mis. Pa. Nay we wil send to Falstaffe once again T is great pittie we should leaue him What wiues may be merry and yet honest too Mi. For. Shall we be cōdemnd because we laugh T is old but true still sowes eate all the draffe Enter all Mis. Pa. Here comes your husband stand aside For. I can find no body within it may be he lied Mis. Pa. Did you heare that Mis. For. I I peace For. Well I le not let it go so yet I le trie further S. Hu. By Ieshu if there be any body in the kitchin Or the cuberts or the presse or the buttery I am an arrant Iew Now God plesse me You serue me well do you not Pa. Fie M. Ford you are too blame Mis. Pa. I faith t is not well M. Ford to suspect Her thus without cause Doc. No by my trot it be no vell For. Wel I pray bear with me M. Page pardō me I suffer for it I suffer for it Sir Hu You suffer for a bad conscience looke you now Ford Well I pray no more another time I le tell you all The mean time go dine with me pardō me wife I am sorie M. Page pray goe in to dinner Another time I le tell you all Pa Wel let it be so and to morrow I inuite you all To my house to dinner and in the morning wee le A birding I haue an excellent Hauke for the bush Ford Let it be so Come M. Page come wife I pray you come in all your welcome pray come in Sir Hu By so kad vdgme M. Fordes is Not in his right wittes Exit omnes Enter Sir Iohn Falstaffe Fal Bardolfe brew me a pottle sack presently Bar With Egges sir Fal Simply of it selfe I le none of these pullets sperme In my drinke goe make haste Haue I liued to be carried in a basket and throwne into the Thames like a barow of Butchers offoll Well and I be serued such another tricke I le giue them leaue to take out my braines and butter them and giue them to a dog for a new yeares gift Sblood the rogues slided me in with as little remorse as if they had gone to drowne a blind bitches puppies in the litter and they might know by my sise I haue a kind of alacritie in sinking and the bottom had bin as deep as hell I should downe I had bene drowned but that the shore was sheluie and somewhat
her by that signe and steale her thence And vnknowne to my wife shall marrie her Hu. So kad vdge me the deuises is excellent I will also be there and be like a Iackanapes And pinch him most cruelly for his lecheries Mis. Pa. Why then we are reuenged sufficiently First he was carried and throwne in the Thames Next beaten well I am sure you le witnes that Mi. For. I le lay my life this makes him nothing fat Pa. Well le ts about this stratagem I long To see deceit deceiued and wrong haue wrong For Well send to Falstaffe and if he come thither T will make vs smile and laugh one moneth togither Exit omnes Enter Host and Simple Host. What would thou haue boore what thick-skin Speake breath discus short quick briefe snap Sim. Sir I am sent frō my M. to sir Iohn Falstaffe Host. Sir Iohn there 's his Castle his standing bed his trundle bed his chamber is painted about with the story of the prodigall fresh and new go knock hee le speak like an Antripophiginian to thee Knock I say Sim. Sir I should speak with an old woman that went vp into his chamber Host. An old woman the knight may be robbed I le call bully knight bully sir Iohn Speake from thy Lungs military it is thine host thy Ephesian calls Fal. Now mine Host. Host Here is a Bohemian tarter bully tarries the comming downe of the fat woman Let her descēd bully let her descend my chambers are honorable pah priuasie fie Fal. Indeed mine host there was afat woman with me But she is gone Enter Sir Iohn Sim. Pray sir was it not the wise woman of Brainford Fal. Marry was it Musselshell what would you Sim. Marry sir my maister Slender sent me to her To know whether one Nim that hath his chaine Cousoned him of it or no. Fal. I talked with the woman about it Sim. And I pray sir what ses she Fal. Marry she ses the very same man that Beguiled maister Slender of his chaine Cousoned him of it Sim. May I be bolde to tell my maister so sir Fal. I tike who more bolde Sim. I thanke you sir I shall make my maister a glad man at these tydings God be with you sir. Host. Thou art clarkly sir Iohn thou art clarkly Was there a wise woman with thee Fal. Marry was there mine host one that taught Me more wit then I learned this 7. yeare And I paid nothing for it But was paid for my learning Enter Bardolfe Bar. O Lord sir cousonage plaine cousonage Host. Why man where be my horses where be the Germanes Bar. Rid away with your horses After I came beyond Maidenhead They flung me in a slow of myre away they ran Enter Doctor Doc. Where be my Host de gartyre Host. O here sir in perplexitie Doc. I cannot tell vad be dad But begar I will tell you van ting Dear be a Garmaine Duke come to de Court Has cosened all de host of Branford And Redding begar I tell you for good will Ha ha mine Host am I euen met you Exit Enter Sir Hugh Sir Hu. Where is mine Host of the gartyr Now my Host I would desire you looke you now To haue a care of your entertainments For there is three sorts of cosen garmombles Is cosen all the Host of Maidenhead Readings Now you are an honest man and a scuruy beggerly lowsie knaue beside And can point wrong places I tell you for good will grate why mine Host. Exit Host. I am cosened Hugh and coy Bardolfe Sweet knight assist me I am cosened Exit Fal. Would all the worell were cosened for me For I am cousoned and beaten too Well I neuer prospered since I forswore My selfe at Primero and my winde Were but long inough to say my prayers I de repent now from whence come you Enter Mistresse Quickly Quic. From the two parties forsooth Fal. The diuell take the one partie And his dam the other And they le be both bestowed I haue endured more for their sakes Then man is able to endure Quic. O Lord sir they are the sorowfulst creatures That euer liued specially mistresse Ford Her husband hath beaten her that she is all Blacke and blew poore soule Fal. What tellest me of blacke and blew I haue bene beaten all the colours in the Rainbow And in my escape like to a bene apprehended For a witch of Brainford and set in the stockes Quic. Well sir she is a sorrowfull woman And I hope when you heare my errant You le be perswaded to the contrarie Fal. Come goe with me into my chamber I le heare thee Exit omnes Enter Host and Fenton Host. Speake not to me sir my mind is heauie I haue had a great losse Fen. Yet heare me and as I am a gentleman I le giue you a hundred pound toward your losse Host. Well sir I le heare you and at least keep your counsell Fen. Thē thus my host T is not vnknown to you The feruent loue I beare to young Anne Page And mutally her loue againe to mee But her father still against her choise Doth seeke to marrie her to foolish Slender And in a robe of white this night disguised Wherein fat Falstaffe had a mightie scare Must Slender take her and carrie her to Catlen And there vnknowne to any marrie her Now her mother still against that match And firme for Doctor Cayus in a robe of red By her deuice the Doctor must steale her thence And she hath giuen consent to goe with him Host. Now which means she to deceiue father or mother Fen. Both my good Host to go along with me Now here it rests that you would procure a priest And tarrie readie at the appointment place To giue our harts vnited matrimonie Host. But how will you come to steale her from among thē Fen. That hath sweet Nan and I agreed vpon And by a robe of white the which she weares With ribones pendant flaring bout her head I shal be sure to know her and conuey her thence And bring her where the priest abides our cōming And by thy furtherance there be married Host. Well husband your deuice I le to the Vicar Bring you the maide you shall not lacke a Priest Fen. So shall I euermore be bound vnto thee Besides I le alwaies be thy faithfull friend Exit omnes Enter sir Iohn with a Bucks head vpon him Fal. This is the third time well I le venter They say there is good luck in old numbers Ioue transformed himselfe into a bull And I am here a Stag and I thinke the fattest In all Windsor forrest well I stand here For Horne the hunter waiting my Does comming Enter mistris Page and mistris Ford. Mis. Pa. Sir Iohn where are you Fal. Art thou come my doe what and thou too Welcome Ladies Mi. For. I I sir Iohn I see you will not faile Therefore you deserue far better then our loues But it grieues me for your
A Most pleasaunt and excellent conceited Comedie of Syr Iohn Falstaffe and the merrie Wiues of Windsor Entermixed with sundrie variable and pleasing humors of Syr Hugh the Welch Knight Iustice Shallow and his wise Cousin M. Slender With the swaggering vaine of Auncient Pistoll and Corporall Nym. By William Shakespeare As it hath bene diuers times Acted by the right Honorable my Lord Chamberlaines seruants Both before her Maiestie and else-where LONDON Printed by T. C. for Arthur Iohnson and are to be sold at his shop in Powles Church-yard at the signe of the Flower de Leuse and the Crowne 1602. A pleasant conceited Comedie of Syr Iohn Falstaffe and the merry Wiues of VVindsor Enter Iustice Shallow Syr Hugh Maister Page and Slender Shal. NEre talke to me I le make a star-chamber matter of it The Councell shall know it Pag. Nay good maister Shallow be perswaded by mee Slen. Nay surely my vncle shall not put it vp so Sir Hu. Wil you not heare reasons M. Slenders You should heare reasons Shal. Tho he be a knight he shall not thinke to carrie it so away M. Page I will not be wronged For you Syr I loue you and for my cousen He comes to looke vpon your daughter Pa. And here 's my hand and if my daughter Like him so well as I wee 'l quickly haue it a match In the meane time let me intreat you to soiourne Here a while And on my life I le vndertake To make you friends Sir Hu. I pray you M. Shallowes let it be so The matter is pud to arbitarments The first man is M. Page videlicet M. Page The second is my selfe videlicet my selfe And the third and last man is mine host of the gartyr Enter Syr Iohn Falstaffe Pistoll Bardolfe and Nim. Here is sir Iohn himselfe now looke you Fal. Now M. Shallow you le complaine of me to the Councell I heare Shal. Sir Iohn sir Iohn you haue hurt my keeper Kild my dogs stolne my deere Fal. But not kissed your keepers daughter Shal. Well this shall be answered Fal. I le answere it strait I haue done all this This is now answred Shal. Well the Councell shall know it Fal. T were better for you t were knowne in counsell You le be laught at Sir Hu. Good vrdes sir Iohn good vrdes Fal. Good vrdes good Cabidge Slender I brake your head What matter haue you against mee Slen. I haue matter in my head against you and your cogging companions Pistoll and Nym. They carried mee to the Tauerne and made mee drunke and afterward picked my pocket Fal. What say you to this Pistoll did you picke Maister Slenders purse Pistoll Slen. I by this handkercher did he Two faire shouell boord shillings besides seuen groats in mill sixpences Fal. What say you to this Pistoll Pist. Sir Iohn and Maister mine I combat craue Of this same laten bilbo I do retort the lie Euen in thy gorge thy gorge thy gorge Slen. By this light it was he then Nym. Syr my honor is not for many words But if you run bace humors of me I will say mary trap And there 's the humor of it Fal. You heare these matters denide gentlemē You heare it Enter Mistresse Foord Mistresse Page and her daughter Anne Pa. No more now I thinke it be almost dinner time For my wife is come to meet vs. Fal. Mistresse Foord I thinke your name is If I mistake not Syr Iohn kisses her Mis. Ford. Your mistake sir is nothing but in the Mistresse But my husbands name is Foord sir. Fal. I shall desire your more aequaintance The like of you good misteris Page Mis. Pa. With all my hart sir Iohn Come husband will you goe Dinner staies for vs. Pa. With all my hart come along Gentlemen Exit all but Slender and mistresse Anne Anne Now forsooth why do you stay me What would you with me Slen. Nay for my owne part I would litle or nothing with you I loue you well and my vncle can tell you how my liuing stands And if you can loue me why so If not why then happie man be his dole An. You say well M. Slender But first you must giue me leaue to Be acquainted with your humor And afterward to loue you if I can Slen. Why by God there 's neuer a man in christendome can desire more What haue you Beares in your Towne mistresse Anne your dogs barke so An. I cannot tell M. Slender I thinke there be Slen. Ha how say you I warrant your afeard of a Beare let loose are you not An. Yes trust me Slen. Now that 's meate and drinke to me I le run yon to a Beare and take her by the mussell You neuer saw the like But indeed I cannot blame you For they are maruellous rough things An. Will you goe in to dinner M. Slendor The meate staies for you Slen. No faith not I. I thanke you I cannot abide the smell of hot meate Nere since I broke my shin I le tel you how it came By my troth A Fencer and I plaid three venies For a dish of stewd prunes and I with my ward Defending my head he hot my shin Yes faith Enter Maister Page Pa. Come come Maister Slender dinner staies for you Slen. I can eate no meate I thanke you Pa. You shall not choose I say Slen. I le follow you sir pray leade the way Nay be God misteris Anne you shall goe first I haue more manners then so I hope An. Well sir I will not be troublesome Exit omnes Enter sir Hugh and Simple from dinner Sir Hu. Hark you Simple pray you beare this letter to Doctor Cayus house the French Doctor He is twell vp along the street and enquire of his house for one mistris Quickly his woman or his try nurse and deliuer this Letter to her it t is about Maister Slender Looke you will you do it now Sim. I warrant you Sir Sir Hu. Pray you do I must not be absent at the grace I will goe make an end of my dinner There is pepions and cheese behinde Exit omnes Enter sir Iohn Falstaffes Host of the Garter Nym Bardolfe Pistoll and the boy Fal. Mine Host of the Garter Host. What ses my bully Rooke Speake schollerly and wisely Fal. Mine Host I must turne away some of my followers Host. Discard bully Hercules cassire Let them wag trot trot Fal. I sit at ten pound a weeke Host. Thou art an Emperour Caesar Phesser and Kesar bully I le entertaine Bardolfe He shall tap he shall draw Said I well bully Hector Fal. Do good mine Host. Host. I haue spoke Let him follow Bardolfe Let me see thee froth and lyme I am at A word Follow follow Exit Host. Fal. Do Bardolfe a Tapster is a good trade An old cloake will make a new Ierkin A withered seruingman a fresh Tapster Follow him Bardolfe Bar. I will sir I le warrant you I le make a good shift to liue Exit Bardolfe Pis.
away no more Enter Mistresse Quickly Quic. Good you god den sir. Fal. Good den faire wife Quic. Not so ant like your worship Fal. Faire mayd then Quic. That I am I le be sworne as my mother was The first houre I was borne Sir I would speake with you in priuate Fal. Say on I prethy heere 's none but my owne houshold Quic. Are they so Now God blesse them and make them his seruants Syr I come from Mistresse Foord Fal. So from Mistresse Foord Goeon Quic. I sir she hath sent me to you to let you Vnderstand she hath receiued your Letter And let me tell you she is one stands vpon her credit Fal. Well come Misteris Ford Misteris Ford. Quic. I sir and as they say she is not the first Hath bene led in a fooles paradice Fal. Nay prethy be briefe my good she Mercury Quic. Mary sir shee l haue you meet her between eight and nine Fal. So betweene eight and nine Quic. I forsooth for then her husband goes a birding Fal. Well commend me to thy mistris tel her I will not faile her Boy giue her my purse Quic. Nay sir I haue another arant to do to you From misteris Page Fal. From misteris Page I prethy what of her Quic. By my troth I think you work by Inchantments Els they could neuer loue you as they doo Fal. Not I I assure thee setting the atraction of my Good parts aside I vse no other inchantments Quic. Well sir she loues you extreemly And let me tell you shee s one that feares God And her husband giues her leaue to do all For he is not halfe so iealousie as M. Ford is Fal. But harke thee hath misteris Page mistris Ford Acquainted each other how dearly they loue me Quic. O God no sir there were a iest indeed Fal. Well farwel commend me to misteris Ford I will not faile her say Quic. God be with your worship Exit Mistresse Quickly Enter Bardolfe Bar. Sir heer 's a Gentleman One M. Brooke would speak with you He hath sent you a cup of sacke Fal. M. Brooke hee s welcome Bid him come vp Such Brookes are alwaies welcome to me A Iack will thy old bodie yet hold out Wilt thou after the expence of so much mony Be now a gainer Good bodie I thanke thee And I le make more of thee then I ha done Ha ha misteris Ford and misteris Page haue I caught you a the hip go too Enter Foord disguised like Brooke For. God saue you sir. Fal. And you too would you speak with me Fal. Mary would I sir I am somewhat bolde to trouble you My name is Brooke Fal. Good M. Brooke your verie welcome For. I faith sir I am a gentleman and a traueller That haue seen somewhat And I haue often heard That if mony goes before all waies lie open Fal. Mony is a good souldier sir and will on For. I faith sir and I haue a bag here Would you wood helpe me to beare it Fal. O Lord would I could tell how to deserue To be your porter For. That may you easily sir Iohn I haue an earnest Sute to you But good sir Iohn when I haue Told you my griefe cast one eie of your owne Estate since your selfe knew what t is to be Such an offender Fal. Verie well sir proceed For. Sir I am deeply in loue with one Fords wife Of this Towne Now sir Iohn you are a gentleman Of good discoursing well beloued among Ladies A man of such parts that might win 20. such as she Fal. O good sir. For. Nay beleeue it sir Iohn for t is time Now my loue Is so grounded vpon her that without her loue I shall hardly liue Fal. Haue you importuned her by any means Ford. No neuer Sir Fal. Of what qualitie is your loue then Ford. I faith sir like a faire house set vpon Another mans foundation Fal. And to what end haue you vnfolded this to me For. O sir when I haue told you that I told you all For she sir stands so pure in the firme state Of her honestie that she is too bright to be looked Against Now could I come against her With some detectiō I should sooner perswade her From her marriage vow and a hundred such nice Tearmes that shee le stand vpon Fal. Why would it apply well to the veruensie of your affection That another should possesse what you would enioy Meethinks you prescribe verie proposterously To your selfe For. No sir for by that meanes should I be certaine of that which I now misdoubt Fal. Well M. Brooke I le first make bold with your mony Next giue me your hand Lastly you shall And you will enioy Fords wife For. O good sir. Fal. M. Brooke I say you shall Ford. Want no mony Syr Iohn you shall want none Fal. Want no Misteris Ford M. Brooke You shall want none Euen as you came to me Her spokes mate her go between parted from me I may tell you M. Brooke I am to meet her Between 8. and 9. for at that time the Iealous Cuckally knaue her husband wil be from home Come to me soone at night you shall know how I speed M. Brooke Ford. Sir do you know Ford Fal. Hang him poore cuckally knaue I know him not And yet I wrong him to call him poore For they Say the cuckally knaue hath legions of angels For the which his wife seemes to me well fauored And I le vse her as the key of the cuckally knaues Coffer and there 's my randeuowes Ford. Meethinkes sir it were very good that you knew Ford that you might shun him Fal. Hang him cuckally knaue I le stare him Out of his wits I le keepe him in awe With this my cudgell It shall hang like a meator Ore the wittolly knaues head M. Brooke thou shalt See I will predominate ore the peasant And thou shalt lie with his wife M. Brooke Thou shalt know him for knaue and cuckold Come to me soone at night Exit Falstaffe Ford. What a damned epicurian is this My wife hath sent for him the plot is laid Page is an Asse a foole A secure Asse I le sooner trust an Irishman with my Aquauita bottle Sir Hu our parson with my cheese A theefe to walk my ambling gelding thē my wife With her selfe then she plots then she ruminates And what she thinkes in her hart she may effect Shee le breake her hart but she will effect it God be praised God be praised for my iealousie Well I le goe preuent him the time drawes on Better an houre too soone then a minit too late Gods my lise cuckold cuckold Exit Ford. Enter the Doctor and his man Doc. Iohn Rugbie goe looke met your eies ore de stall And spie and you can see de parson Rug. Sir I cannot tell whether he be there or no But I see a great many comming Doc. Bully moy mon rapier Iohn Rugabie begar Hearing be not so dead as
shallowe a death that I abhorre For you know the water swelles a man and what a thing should I haue bene whē I had bene swelled By the Lord a mountaine of money Now is the Sacke brewed Bar. I sir there 's a woman below would speake with you Fal. Bid her come vp Let me put some Sacke among this cold water for my belly is as cold as if I had swallowed snow-balles for pilles Enter Mistresse Quickly Now what 's the newes with you Quic. I come from misteris Ford forsooth Fal. Misteris Ford I haue had Ford inough I haue bene throwne into the Ford my belly is full Of Ford she hath tickled mee Quic. O Lord sir she is the sorrowfullest woman that her seruants mistooke that euer liued And sir she would desire you of all loues you will meet her once againe to morrow sir betweene ten and eleuen and she hopes to make amends for all Fal. Ten and eleuen saiest thou Quic. I forsooth Fal. Well tell her I le meet her Let her but think Of mans frailtie Let her iudge what man is And then thinke of me And so farwell Quic You le not faile sir Exit mistresse Quickly Fal. I will not faile Commend me to her I wonder I heare not of M. Brooke I like his Mony well By the masse here he is Enter Brooke For. God saue you sir. Fal. Welcome good M. Brooke You come to know how matters goes Ford. That 's my comming indeed sir Iohn Fal. M. Brooke I will not lie to you sir I was there at my appointed time For. And how sped you sir Fal. Verie il fauouredly sir. For. Why sir did she change her determination Fal. No M. Brooke but you shall heare After we had kissed and imbraced and as it were euen amid the prologue of our incounter who should come but the iealous knaue her husband and a rabble of his companions at his heeles thither prouoked and instigated by his distemper And what to do thinke you to search for his wiues loue Euen so plainly so For. While ye were there Fal. Whilst I was there For. And did he search and could not find you Fal. You shall heare sir as God would haue it A litle before comes me one Pages wife Giues her intelligence of her husbands Approach and by her inuention and Fords wiues Distraction conueyd me into a buck-basket Ford. A buck basket Fal. By the Lord a buck-basket rammed me in With foule shirts stokins greasie napkins That M. Brooke there was a compound of the most Villanous smel that euer offended nostrill I le tell you M. Brooke by the Lord for your sake I suffered three egregious deaths First to be Crammed like a good bilbo in the circomference Of a pack Hilt to point hee le to head and then to Be stewed in my owne grease like a Dutch dish A man of my kidney by the Lord it was maruell I Escaped suffication and in the heat of all this To be throwne into Thames like a horshoo hot Maister Brooke thinke of that hissing heate Maister Brooke Ford. Well sir then my shute is void You le vndertake it no more Fal. M. Brooke I le be throwne into Etna As I haue bene in the Thames Ere I thus leaue her I haue receiued Another appointment of meeting Between ten and eleuen is the houre Ford Why sir t is almost ten alreadie Fal Is it why then will I addresse my selfe For my appointment M. Brooke come to me soone At night and you shall know how I speed And the end shall be you shall enioy her loue You shall cuckold Foord Come to mee soone at at night Exit Falstaffe For. Is this a dreame Is it a vision Maister Ford maister Ford awake maister Ford There is a hole made in your best coat M. Ford And a man shall not only endure this wrong But shall stand vnder the taunt of names Lucifer is a good name Barbason good good Diuels names But cuckold wittold godeso The diuel himselfe hath not such a name And they may hang hats here and napkins here Vpon my hornes Well I le home I ferit him And vnlesse the diuel himselfe should aide him I le search vnpossible places I le about it Least I repent too late Exit omnes Enter M. Fenton Page and mistresse Quickly Fen Tell me sweet Nan how doest thou yet resolue Shall foolish Slender haue thee to his wife Or one as wise as he the learned Doctor Shall such as they enioy thy maiden hart Thou knowst that I haue alwaies loued thee deare And thou hast oft times swore the like to me An Good M. Fenton you may assure your selfe My hart is setled vpon none but you T is as my father and mother please Get their consent you quickly shall haue mine Fen Thy father thinks I loue thee for his wealth Tho I must needs confesse at first that drew me But since thy vertues wiped that trash away I loue thee Nan and so deare is it set That whilst I liue I nere shall thee forget Godes pitie here comes her father Enter M. Page his wife M. Shallow and Slender Pa. M. Fenton I pray what make you here You know my answere sir shee s not for you Knowing my vow to blame to vse me thus Fen. But heare me speake sir. Pa. Pray sir get you gon Come hither daughter Sonne Slender let me speak with you they whisper Quic. Speake to Misteris Page Fen. Pray misteris Page let me haue your cōsent Mis. Pa. I faith M. Fentō t is as my husband please For my part I le neither hinder you nor further you Quic. How say you this was my doings I bid you speake to misteris Page Fen. Here nurse there 's a brace of angels to drink Worke what thou canst for me farwell Exit Fen. Quic. By my troth so I will good hart Pa. Come wife you an I will in wee le leaue M. Slēder And my daughter to talke together M. Shallow You may stay sir if you please Exit Page and his wife Shal. Mary I thanke you for that To her cousin to her Slen. I faith I know not what to say An. Now M. Slender what 's your will Slen. Godeso there 's a Iest indeed why misteris An I neuer made wil yet I thāk God I am wise inough for that Shal. Fie cusse fie thou art not right O thou hadst a father Slen. I had a father misteris Anne good vncle Tell the Iest how my father stole the goose out of The henloft All this is nought harke you mistresse Anne Shal. He will make you ioynter of three hundred pound a yeare he shall make you a Gentlewoman Slend I be God that I vill come cut and long taile as good as any is in Glostershire vnder the degree of a Squire An. O God how many grosse faults are hid And couered in three hundred pound a yeare Well M. Slender within a day or two I le tell you more Slend I thanke
late crosses Fal. This makes amends for all Come diuide me betweene you each a hanch For my horns I le bequeath thē to your husbands Do I speake like Horne the hunter ha Mis. Pa. God forgiue me what noise is this There is a noise of hornes the two women run away Enter sir Hugh like a Satyre and boyes drest like Fayries mistresse Quickly like the Queene of Fayries they sing a song about him and afterward speake Quic You Fayries that do haunt these shady groues Looke round about the wood if you can espie A mortall that doth haunt our sacred round If such a one you can espie giue him his due And leaue not till you pinch him blacke and blew Giue them their charge Puck ere they part away Sir Hu. Come hither Peane go to the countrie houses And when you finde a slut that lies a sleepe And all her dishes foule and roome vnswept With your long nailes pinch her till she crie And sweare to mend her sluttish huswiferie Fai. I warrant you I will performe your will Hu. Where is Pead go you see where Brokers sleep And Foxe-eyed Seriants with their mase Goe laie the Proctors in the street And pinch the lowsie Seriants face Spare none of these when they are a bed But such whose nose lookes plew and red Quic. Away begon his mind fulfill And looke that none of you stand still Some do that thing some do this All do something none amis Hir Hu. I smell a man of middle earth Fal. God blesse me from that wealch Fairie Quic. Looke euery one about this round And if that any here be found For his presumption in this place Spare neither legge arme head nor face Sir Hu. See I haue spied one by good luck His bodie man his head a buck Fal. God send me good fortune now and I care not Quic. Go strait and do as I commaund And take a Taper in your hand And set it to his fingers endes And if you see it him offends And that he starteth at the flame Then is he mortall know his name If with an F. it doth begin Why then be shure he is full of sin About it then and know the truth Of this same metamorphised youth Hir Hu. Giue me the Tapers I will try And if that he loue venery They put the Tapers to his fingers and he starts Sir Hu. It is right indeed he is full of lecheries and iniquitie Quic. A little distant from him stand And euery one take hand in hand And compasse him within a ring First pinch him well and after sing Here they pinch him and sing about him the Doctor comes one way steales away a boy in red And Slender another way he takes a boy in greene And Fenton steales misteris Anne being in white And a noyse of hunting is made within and all the Fairies runne away Falstaffe pulles of his bucks head and rises vp And enters M. Page M. Ford and their wiues M. Shallow Sir Hugh Fal. Horne the hunter quoth you am I a ghost Sblood the Fairies hath made a ghost of me What hunting at this time at night I le lay my life the mad Prince of Wales Is stealing his fathers Deare How now who haue we here what is all Windsor stirring Are you there Shal. God saue you sir Iohn Falstaffe Sir Hu. God plesse you sir Iohn God plesse you Pa. Why how now sir Iohn what a pair of horns in your hand Ford. Those hornes he ment to place vpon my head And M. Brooke and he should be the men Why how now sir Iohn why are you thus amazed We know the Fairies man that pinched you so Your throwing in the Thames your beating well And what 's to come sir Iohn that can we tell Mi. Pa. Sir Iohn t is thus your dishonest meanes To call our credits into question Did make vs vndertake to our best To turne your leaud lust to a merry Iest. Fal. Iest t is well haue I liued to these yeares To be gulled now now to be ridden Why then these were not Fairies Mis. Pa. No sir Iohn but boyes Fal. By the Lord I was twice or thrise in the mind They were not and yet the grosnesse Of the fopperie perswaded me they were Well and the fine wits of the Court heare this Thay le so whip me with their keene Iests That thay le melt me out like tallow Drop by drop out of my grease Boyes Sir Hu. I trust me boyes Sir Iohn and I was Also a Fairie that did helpe to pinch you Fal. I t is well I am your May-pole You haue the start of mee Am I ridden too with a wealch goate With a peece of toasted cheese Sir Hu. Butter is better then cheese sir Iohn You are all butter butter For. There is a further matter yet sir Iohn There 's 20. pound you borrowed of M. Brooke Sir Iohn And it must be paid to M. Ford Sir Iohn Mi. For. Nay husband let that go to make amēds Forgiue that sum and so wee le all be friends For. Well here is my hand all 's forgiuen at last Fal. It hath cost me well I haue bene well pinched and washed Enter the Doctor Mi. Pa. Now M. Doctor sonne I hope you are Doct. Sonne begar you be de ville voman Begar I tinck to marry metres An and begar T is a whorson garson Iack boy Mis. Pa. How a boy Doct. I begar a boy Pa. Nay be not angry wife I le tell thee true It was my plot to deceiue thee so And by this time your daughter 's married To M. Slender and see where he comes Enter Slender Now sonne Slender Where 's your bride Slen. Bride by Gods lyd I thinke there 's neuer a man in the worell hath that crosse fortune that I haue begod I could cry for verie anger Pa. Why what 's the matter sonne Slender Slen. Sonne nay by God I am none of your son Pa. No why so Slen. Why so God saue me t is a boy that I haue married Pa. How a boy why did you mistake the word Slen. No neither for I came to her in red as you bad me and I cried mum and hee cried budget so well as euer you heard and I haue married him Sir Hu. Ieshu M. Slender cannot you see but marrie boyes Pa. O I am vext at hart what shal I do Enter Fenton and Anne Mis. Pa. Here comes the man that hath deceiued vs all How now daughter where haue you bin An. At Curch forsooth Pa. At Church what haue you done there Fen. Married to me nay sir neuer storme T is done sir now and cannot be vndone Ford I faith M. Page neuer chafe your selfe She hath made her choise wheras her hart was fixt Then t is in vaine for you to storme or fret Fal. I am glad yet that your arrow hath glanced Mi. For. Come mistris Page I le be bold with you T is pitie to part loue that is so true Mis. Pa. Altho that I haue missed in my intent Yet I am glad my husbands match was crossed Here M. Fenton take her and God giue thee ioy Sir Hu Come M. Page you must needs agree Fo. I yfaith sir come you see your wife is wel pleased Pa. I cannot tel and yet my hart 's well eased And yet it doth me good the Doctor missed Come hither Fenton and come hither daughter Go too you might haue stai'd for my good will But since your choise is made of one you loue Here take her Fenton both happie proue Sir Hu. I wil also dance eat plums at your weddings Ford. All parties pleased now let vs in to feast And laugh at Slender and the Doctors ieast He hath got the maiden each of you a boy To waite vpon you so God giue you ioy And sir Iohn Falstaffe now shal you keep your word For Brooke this night shall lye with mistris Ford. Exit omnes FINIS