case another time Rose Oh Madam yonder 's your Persecutor return'd Enter Sir John Mill. I 'll into my Chamber to avoid the sight of him as long as I can Lord that my old doting Father should throw me away upon such an Ignoramus and deny me to such a Wit as Sir Martin Ex. Mill. and Rose from above Mood O Son here has been the most villainous Tragedy against you Sir John What Tragedy has there been any blood shed since I went Mood No blood shed but as I told you a most damnable Tragedy Warn A Tragedy I 'll be hang'd if he does not mean a Stratagem Mood Jack Sawce if I say it is a Tragedy it shall be a Tragedy in spight of you teach your Grandam how to piss what I hope I am old enough how to spout English with you Sir Sir John But what was the reason you came not after me Mood 'T was well I did not I 'll promise you there were those would have made bold with Mistress Bride an' if she had stir'd out of doors there were Whipsters abroad i'faith Padders of Maiden-heads that would have truss'd her up and pick'd the lock of her affections e'r a man could have said what 's this but by good luck I had warning of it by a friends Letter Sir John The remedy for all such dangers is easie you may send for a Parson and have the business dispatch'd at home Mood A match i'faith do you provide a Domine and I 'll go tell her our resolutions and hearten her up against the day of battel Exit Sir John Now I think on 't this Letter must needs come from Sir Martin a Plot of his upon my life to hinder our marriage Warn I see Sir you 'l still mistake him for a Wit but I am much deceiv'd if that Letter came not from another hand Sir John From whom I prithee Warn Nay for that you shall excuse me Sir I do not love to make a breach betwixt persons that are to be so near related Sir John Thou seem'st to imply that my Mistress was in the Plot Warn Can you make a doubt on 't do you not know she ever lov'd him and can you hope she has so soon forsaken him you may make your self miserable if you please by such a marriage Sir John When she is once mine her Vertue will secure me Warn Her Vertue Sir John What do you make a mock on 't Warn Not I I assure you Sir I think it no such jesting matter Sir John Why is she not honest Warn Yes in my conscience is she for Sir Martin's Tongue 's no slander Sir John But does she say to the contrary Warn If one would believe him which for my part I do not he has in a manner confess'd it to me Sir John Hell and Damnation Warn Courage Sir never vex your self I 'll warrant you 't is all a Lye Sir John But how shall I be ' sut'd 't is so Warn When you are married you 'l soon make tryal whether she be a Maid or no Sir John I do not love to make that Experiment at my own cost VVarn Then you must never marry Sir John I but they have so many tricks to cheat a man which are entay'ld from Mother to Daughter through all Generations there 's no keeping a Lock for that Door for which every one has a Key Warn As for Example their drawing up their breaths with Oh! you hurt me can you be so cruel then the next day she steals a Visit to her Lover that did you the Courtesie before-hand and in private tells him how she cozened you twenty to one but she takes out another Lesson with him to practise the next night Sir John All this while miserable I must be their May-game VVarn 'T is well if you escape so for commonly he strikes in with you and becomes your friend Sir John Deliver me from such a friend that stays behind with my Wife When I gird on my Sword to go abroad Warn I there 's your man Sir besides he will be sure to watch your haunts and tell her of them that if occasion be she may have wherewithall to recriminate at least she will seem to be jealous of you and who would suspect a jealous Wife Sir John All manner of ways I am most miserable Warn But if she be not a Maid when you marry her she may make a good Wife afterwards 't is but imagining you have taken such a mans Widow Sir John If there were all but the Man will come and claim her again Warn Examples have been frequent of those that have been wanton and yet afterwards take up Sir John I the same thing they took up before Warn The truth is an honest simple Girl that 's ignorant of all things maketh the best Matrimony There is such pleasure in instructing her the best is there 's not one Dunce in all the Sex such a one with a good Fortune Sir John I but where is she Warner Warn Near enough but that you are too far engag'd Sir John Engag'd to one that hath given me the earnest of Cuckoldom before-hand VVarn What think you then of Mrs Christian here in the house There 's 5000 l. and a better penny Sir John I but is she Fool enough Warn She 's none of the wise Virgins I can assure you Sir John Dear Warner step into the next Room and inveigle her out this way that I may speak to her Warn Remember above all things you keep this Wooing secret if he takes the least wind old Moody will be sure to hinder it Sir John Do'st thou think I shall get her Aunts Consent Warn Leave that to me Exit Warner Sir John How happy a man shall I be if I can but compass this and what a Precipice have I avoided then the revenge too is so sweet to steal a Wife under her Fathers nose and leave 'um in the lurch who has abus'd me well such a Servant as this Warner is a Jewel Enter Warner and Mrs. Christian to him Warn There she is Sir now I 'll go to prepare her Aunt Sir John Sweet Mistress I am come to wait upon you Chr. Truly you are too good to wait on me Sir John And in the Condition of a Suitor Chr. As how forsooth Sir John To be so happy as to marry you Chr. O Lord I would not marry for any thing Sir John Why 't is the honest end of Woman-kind Chr. Twenty years hence forsooth I would not lye in bed with a man for a world their beards it will so prickle one Sir John Pah What an innocent Girl it is and very child I like a Colt that never yet was back'd for so I shall make her what I list and mould her as I will Lord her innocency makes me laugh my Cheeks all wet Sweet Lady Aside Chr. I 'm but a Gentlew man forsooth Sir John Well then sweet Mistress if I get your Friends consent sha'l I have yours Chr. My old Lady may do what she will forsooth but by my truly I hope she will have more care of me then to marry me yet Lord bless
me what should I do with a Husband Sir John Well Sweet-heart then instead of wooing you I must wooe my old Lady Chr. Indeed Gentleman my old Lady is married already cry you mercy forsooth I think you are a Knight Sir John Happy in that Title only to make you Lady Chr. Believe me Mr. Knight I would not be a Lady it makes Folks proud and so humerous and so ill Huswifes forsooth Sir John Pah she 's a Baby the simplest thing that ever yet I knew the happiest man I shall be in the world for should I have my wish it should be to keep School and teach the bigger Girls and here in one my wish it is absolv'd Enter Lady Dupe La. Dupe By your leave Sir I hope this noble Knight will make you happy and you make him Chr. What should I make him Sighing La. Dupe Marry you shall make him happy in a good Wife Chr. I will not marry Madam La. Dupe You Fool Sir John Pray Madam let me speak with you on my Soul 't is the pretti'st innocent'st thing in the world La. Dupe Indeed Sir she knows little besides her work and her Prayers but I 'll talk with the Fool. Sir John Deal gently with her dear Madam La. Dupe Come Christian will not you marry this noble Knight Chr. Yes yes yes sobbingly La. Dupe Sir it shall be to night Sir John This Innocence is a Dowry beyond all price Exeunt Old Lady and Mrs. Christian. Enter Sir Martin and Sir John musing Sir Mart. You are very melancholy methinks Sir Sir John You are mistaken Sir Sir Mart. You may dissemble as you please but Mrs. Millisent lyes at the bottom of your Heart Sir John My Heart I assure you has no room for so poor a Trifle Sir Mart. Sure you think to wheadle me would you have me imagine you do not love her Sir John Love her why should you think me such a Sot love a Prostitute and infamous person Sir Mart. Fair and soft good Sir John Sir John You see I am no very obstinate Rival I leave the field free to you go on Sir and pursue your good Fortune and be as happy as such a common Creature can make thee Sir Mart. This is Hebrew-Greek to me but I must tell you Sir I will not suffer my Divinity to be prophan'd by such a Tongue as yours Sir John Believe it what'er I say I can quote my Author for Sir Mart. Then Sir whoever told it you ly'd in his Throat d' you see and deeper than that d' ye see in his stomach and his guts d'ye see tell me she 's a common person he 's a Son of a Whore that said it and make him eat his words though he spoke 'em in a prâ—vy-house Sir John What if Warner told me so I hope you 'l grant him to be a competent Judge in such a business Sir Mart. Did that precious Rascal say it Now I think on 't I 'll not believe you in fine Sir I 'll hold you an even Wager he denies it Sir John I 'll lay you ten to one he justifies it to your face Sir Mart. I 'll make him give up the Ghost under my fist if he does not deny it Sir John I 'll cut off his Ears upon the Spot if he does not stand to 't Enter Warner Sir Mart. Here he comes in Pudding-time to resolve the question come hither you lying Varlet hold up your hand at the Bar of Justice and answer me to what I shall demand Warn What a Goodier is the matter Sir Sir Mart. Thou Spawn of the old Serpent fruitful in nothing but in lyes VVarn A very fair beginning this Sir Mart. Didst thou dare to cast thy Venom upon such a Saint as Mrs. Millisent to traduce her Vertue and say it was adulterate VVarn Not guilty my Lord. Sir Mart. I told you so Sir John How Mr. Rascal have you forgot what you said but now concerning Sir Martin and Mrs. Millisent I 'll stop the Lye down your Throat if you dare deny 't Sir Mart. Say you so are you there agen i'faith Warn Pray pacifie your self Sir 't was a Plot of my own devising Sir Mart. Leave off your winking and your pinking with a Horse-pox t' ye I 'll understand none of it tell me in plain English the truth of the business for an'you were my own Brother you should pay for it belye my Mistress what a Pox d' ye think I have no sense of Honour Warn What the Devil 's the matter w' ye either be at quiet or I 'll resolve to take my heels and be gone Sir Mart. Stop Thief there what did you think to scape the hand of Justice Lays hold on him The best on 't is Sirrah your heels are not altogether so nimble as your tongue Beats him Warn He p Murder Murder Sir Mart. Confess you Rogue then Warn Hold your hands I think the Devil 's in you I tell you 't is a device of mine Sir Mart. And have you no body to devise it on but my Mistress the very Map of Innocence Sir John Moderate your anger good Sir Martin Sir Mart. By your patience Sir I 'll chastise him abundantly Sir John That 's a little too much Sir by your favour to beat him in my presence Sir Mart. That 's a good one i'faith your presence shall hinder me from beating my own Servant VVarn O Traytor to all sense and reason he 's going to discover that too Sir Mart. An'I had a mind to beat him to Mummy he 's my own I hope Sir John At present I must tell you he 's mine Sir Sir Mart. Hey-day here 's fine jugling Warn Stop yet Sir you are just upon the brink of a Precipice Sir Mart. What is 't thou meanest now a Lord my mind mis-gives me I have done some fault but would I were hang'd if I can find it out Aside Warn There 's no making him understand me Sir Mart. Pox on 't come what will I 'll not be fac'd down with a Lye I say he is my man Sir John Pray remember your self better did not you turn him away for some fault lately and laid a Livery of black and blue on his back before he went Sir Mart. The Devil of any fault or any black and blue that I remember either the Rascal put some Trick upon you or you would upon me Sir John O ho then it seems the cudgelling and turning away were pure invention I am glad I undestand it Sir Mart. In fine it 's all so damn'd a Lye Warn Alas he has forgot it Sir good Wits you know have bad Memories Sir John No no Sir that shall not serve your turn you may return when you please to your old Master I give you a fair discharge and a glad man I am to be so rid
of you were you thereabouts i'faith what a Snake I had entertaâ—n'd into my bosom fare you well Sir and lay your next Plot better between you I advise you Exit Sir John VVarn Lord Sir how you stand as you were nip'd i'th'head have you done any new piece of Folly that makes you look so like an Ass Sir Mart. Here 's three pices of Gold yet if I had the heart to offer it thee Holds the Gold afar off trembling Warn Noble Sir what have I done to deserve so great a Liberality I confess if you had beaten me for my own fault if you had utterly destroyed all my projects then it might ha' bin expected that ten or twenty pieces should have been offer'd by way of recompence or satisfaction Sir Mart. Nay on'you be so full o' your Flowts your Friend and Servant who the Devil could tell the meaning of your signs and tokens an'you go to that Warn You are no Ass then Sir Mart. Well Sir to do you service d' ye see I am an Ass in a fair way will that satisfie you Warn For this once produce those three pieces I am contented to receive that inconsiderable tribute or make 'em six and I 'll take the fault upon my self Sir Mart. Are we Friends then if we are let me advise you Warn Yet advising Sir Mart. For no harm good Warner but pray next time make me of your Council let me enter into the business instruct me in every point and then if I discover all I am resolv'd to give over affairs and retire from the world Warn Agreed it shall be so but let us now take breath a while then on agen For though we had the worst those heats were past Wee 'l whip and spur and fetch him up at last Exeunt ACT. V. Enter Lord Lady Dupe Mistress Christian Rose and Warner Lord. YOur promise is admirably made good to me that Sir John Swallow should be this night married to Mrs. Christian instead of that he is more deeply engag'd than ever with old Moody Warn I cannot help these ebbs and flows of fortune La. Dupe I am sure my Niece suffers most in 't he 's come off to her with a cold Complement of a mistake in his Mistress's Virtue which he has now found out by your Masters folly to be a Plot of yours to separate them Chr. To be forsaken when a woman has given her consent Lord. 'T is the same scorn as to have a Town render'd up and afterwards slighted Rose You are a sweet youth Sir to use my Lady so when she depended on you is this the faith of Valet de Chambre I would be asham'd to be such a dishonour to my proâ—ession it will reflect upon us in time we shall be ruin'd by your good example Warn As how my dear Lady Embassadress Rose Why they say the Women govern their Ladies and you govern us so if you play fast and loose not a Gallant will bribe us for our good wills the gentle Guiny will now go to the Ordinary which us'd as duly to steal into our hands at the stair-foot as into Mr. Doctoâ—s at parting Lord. Night's come and I expect your promise La. D. Fail with me if you think good Sir Chr. I give no more time Rose And if my Mistress go to bed a Maid to night VVarn Hey dey you are dealing with me as they do with the Banquers câ—ll in all your debts together there 's no possibility of payment at this rate but I 'll coin for you all as fast as I can I assure you La. Du. But you must not think to pay us with false Money as you have done hitherto Rose Leave off your Mountebank tricks with us and fall to your business in good earnest VVarn Faith and I will Rose for to confess the truth I am a kind of a Mountebank I have but one Cure for all your Diseases that is that my Master may marry Mrs. Millisent for then Sir John Swallow will of himself return to Mrs. Christian. Lord. He says true and therefore we must all be helping to that design Warn I 'll put you upon something give me but a thinking time In the first place get a Warrant and Bailifs to arrest Sir John Swallow upon a promise of marriage to Mrs. Christian. Lord. Very good La. Du. We 'll all swear it Warn I never doubted your Ladiship in the least Madam for the rest we will consider hereafter Lord. Leave this to us Ex. Lord. La. Du. Mill. Chr. Warn Rose where 's thy Lady Mill. What have you to say to her Warn Only to tell you Madam I am going forward in the great work of projection Mill. I know not whether you will deserve my thanks when the work 's done Warn Madam I hope you are not become indifferent to my Master Mill. If he should prove a fool after all your crying up his wit I shall be a miserable woman VVarn A fool that were a good jest i'faith but how comes your Ladiship to suspect it Rose I have heard Madam your greatest Wits have ever a touch of madness and extravagance in them so perhaps has he VVarn There 's nothing more distant than wit and folly yet like East and West they may meet in a point and produce actions that are but a hairs breadth from one another Rose I 'll undertake he has wit enough to make one laugh at him a whole day together He 's a most Comical person Mill. For all this I will not swear he is no fool he has still discovered all your plots Warn O Madam that 's the common fate of your Machivilians they draw their Designs so subtile that their very fineness breaks them Mill. However I 'm resolv'd to be on the sure side I will have certain proof of his wit before I marry him Warn Madam I 'll give you one he wears his cloaths like a great Sloven and that 's a sure sign of wit he neglects his outward parts besides he speaks French sings dances plays upon the Lute Mill. Does he do all this say you Warn Most divinely Madam Mill. I ask no more then let him give me a Serenade immediately but let him stand in the view I 'll not be cheated Warn He shall do 't Madam but how the Devil knows for he sings like a Scritch-Owle and never touch'd the Lute Mill. You 'll see 't perform'd Warn Now I think on 't Madam this will but retard our enterprise Mill. Either let him do 't or see me no more Warn Well it shall be done Madam but where 's your Father will not he over hear it Mill. As good hap is he 's below stairs talking with a Seaman that has brought him news from the East Indies Warn What concernment can he have there Mill. He had a Bastard-Son there whom he loved extremely but not having any news from him these many year 's concluded him dead this Son he expects within these three dayes Warn When did
taken down Sir John What new device is this tro Mood I know not what to make on 't Sir John to Tony. Pray Mr. Fool where 's the rest o' your Company I would fain see 'em again When they are up the Company dances about 'em then dance off Tony dances a fig. Landl. Come down and tell 'em so Cudden Sir John I 'll be hang'd if there be not some Plot in 't and this Fool is set here to spin out the time Mood Like enough undone undone my Daughters's gone let me down Sirrah Landl. Yes Cudden Sir John My Mistress is gone let me down first He offers to pull down the stools Landl. This is the quickest way Cudden Sir John Hold hold or thou wilt break my neck Landl. And you will not come down you may stay there Cudden Exit Landlord dancing Mood O Scanderbag Villains Sir John Is there no getting down Mood All this was long of you Sir Jack Sir John 'T was long of your self to invite them hither Mood O you young Coxcombs to be drawn in thus Sir John You old Sot you to be caught so sillily Mood Come but an inch nearer and I 'll so claw thee Sir John I hope I shall reach to thee Mood And 't were not for thy wooden breast-work there Sir John I hope to push thee down from Babylon Enter Lord Lady Dupe Sir Martin Warner Rose Millisent vail'd Landlord Lord. How Gentlemen what quarrelling among your selves Mood Coxnowns help me down and let me have fair play he shall never marry my Daughter Sir Mart. leading Rose No I 'll be sworn that he shall not therefore never repine Sir for Marriages you know are made in Heaven in fine Sir we are joyn'd together in spig't of Fortune Rose pulling off her mask That we are indeed Sir Martin and these are Witnesses therefore in fine never repine Sir for Marriages you know are made in Heaven Omn. Rose Warn What is Rose split in two sure I ha' got one Rose Mill. I the best Rose you ever got in all your life Pulls off her mask Warn This amazeth me so much I know not what to say or think Mood My Daughter married to Warner Sir Mart. Well I thought it impossible any man in England should have over reach'd me sure Warner there was some mistake in this prithee Billy let 's go to the Parson to set all right again that every man may have his own before the matter go 100 far Warn Well Sir for my part I will have nothing farther to do with these Women for I find they will be too hard for us but e'n sit down by the loss and content my self with my hard fortune But Madam do you ever think I will forgive you this to cheat me into an Estate of 2000 l. a year Sir Mart. And I were as thee I would not be so serv'd Warner Mill. I have serv'd him but right for the cheat he put upon me when he perswaded me you were a Wit now there 's a trick for your trick Sir Warn Nay I confess you have out-witted me Sir John Let me down and I 'll forgive all freely They let him down Mood What am I kept here for Warn I might in policy keep you there till your Daughter and I had been in private for a little consummation But for once Sir I 'll trust your good nature Takes him down too Mood And thou wert a Gentleman it would not grieve me Mill. That I was assur'd of before I married him by my Lord here Lord. I cannot refuse to own him for my Kinsman though his Father's sufferings in the late times hath ruin'd his Fortunes Mood But yet he has been a Serving-man Warn You are mistaken Sir I have been a Master and besides there 's an Estate of 800 l. a year only it is mortgaged for 6000 l. Mood Well we 'll bring it off and for my part I am glad my Daughter has miss'd in fine there Sir John I will not be the only man that must sleep without a Bedfellow to night if this Lady will once again receive me La. Dupe She 's yours Sir Lord. And the sam Parson that did the former execution is still in the next Chamber what with Cawdels Wine and Quidding which he has taken in abundance I think he will be able to wheadle two more of you into matrimony Mill. Poor Sir Martin looks melancholly I am half afraid he is in love Warn Not with the Lady that took him for a Wit I hope Rose At least Sir Martin can do more than you Mr. Warner for he can make me a Lady which you cannot my Mistress Sir Mart. I have lost nothing but my Man and in fine I shall get another Mill. You 'll do very well Sir Martin for you 'll never be your own Man I assure you Warn For my part I had lov'd you before if I had follow'd my inclination Mill. But now I am afraid you begin of the latest except your love can grow up like a Mushrome at a nights warning Warn For that matter never trouble your self I can love as fast as any man when I am nigh possession my love falls heavy and never moves quick till it comes near the Centre he 's an ill Falconer that will unhood before the quarry be in sight Love 's an high mettal'd Hawk that beats the Air But soon grows weary when the Game 's not near Epilogue AS Country Vicars when the Sermon 's done Run hudling to the Benediction Well knowing though the better sort may stay The Vulgar Rout will run unblest away So we when once our Play is done make haste With a short Epilogue to close your taste In thus withdrawing we seem mannerly But when the Curtain 's down we peep and see A Jury of the Wits who still stay late And in their Club decree the poor Plays fate Their Verdict back is to the Boxes brought Thence all the Town pronounces it their thought Thus Gallants we like Lilly can foresee But if you ask us what our doom will be We by to morrow will our Fortune cast As he tells all things when the Year is past FINIS
with promise to return strait to his Lordship but after I am gone send an Excuse that I have given you a Cordial and mean to watch that night in person with you Chr. His Lordship then will find the Prologue of his trouble doubting I have told you of his ruffling La. Dupe And more than that fearing his Father should know of it and his Wife who is a Termagant Lady but when he finds the Coast is clear and his late ruffling known to none but you he will be drunk with joy Chr. Finding my simple Innocence which will inflame him more La. Dupe Then what the Lyon's skin has fail'd him in the Foxes subtlety must next supply and that is just Sweet-heart as I would have it for crafty Folks treaties are their advantage especially when his passion must be satisfi'd at any rate and you keep shop to set the price of Love so now you see the Market is your own Chr. Truly Madam this is very rational and by the blessing of Heav'n upon my poor endeavours I do not doubt to play my part La. Dupe My blessing and my pray'rs go along with thee Enter Sir John Swallow Mrs. Millesent and Rose her Maid Chr. I believe Madam here is the young Heiress you expect and with her he who is to marry her La. Dupe Howe're I am Sir Martins Friend I must not seem his Enemy Sir John Madam this fair young Lady begs the honour to be known to you Mill. My Father made me hope it Madam La. Dupe Sweet Lady I believe you have brought all the Freshness of the Country up to Town with you They salute Mill. I came up Madam as we Country-Gentlewomen use at an Easter-Term to the destruction of Tarts and Cheese-cakes to see a New Play buy a new Gown take a Turn in the Park and so down agen to sleep with my Fore-fathers Sir John Rather Madam you are come up to the breaking of many a poor Heart that like mine will languish for you Chr. I doubt Madam you are indispos'd with your Voyage will you please to see the Lodgings your Father has provided for you Mill. To wait upon you Madam La. Dupe This is the door there is a Gentleman will wait you immediately in your Lodging if he might presume on your Commands In whisper Mill. You mean Sir Martin Marrall I am glad he has entrusted his passion with so discreet a person In whisper La. Dupe Sir John let me intreat you to stay here that my Father may have intelligence where to find us Sir John I shall obey you Madam Exeunt Women Enter Sir Martin Sir John Sir Martin Marrall most happily encounter'd how long have you been come to Town Sir Mart. Some three dayes since or thereabouts but I thank God I am very weary on 't already Sir John Why what 's the matter man Sir Mart. My villainous old luck still follows me in gaming I never throw the Dice out of my hand but my Gold goes after 'em if I go to Picquet though it be but with a Novice in 't he will picque and repicque and Capot me twenty times together and which most mads me I lose all my Sets when I want but one of up Sir John The pleasure of play is lost when one loses at that unreasonable rate Sir Mart. But I have sworn not to touch either Cards or Dice this half year Sir John The Oaths of losing Gamesters are most minded they foreswear play as an angry Servant does his Mistress because he loves her but too well Sir Mart. But I am now taken up with thoughts of another nature I am in love Sir Sir John That 's the worst Game you could have play'd at scarce one Woman in an hundred will play with you upon the Square you venture at more uncertainty than at a Lottery for you set your heart to a whole Sex of Blanks But is your Mistress Widow Wife or Maid Sir Mart. I can assure you Sir mine is a Maid The Heiress of a wealthy Family Fair to a Miracle Sir John Does she accept your service Sir Mart. I am the only person in her favour Enter Warner Sir John Is she of Town or Country Warn aside How 's this Sir Mart. She is of Kent near Canterbury Warn What does he mean this is his Rival Aside Sir John Near Canterbury say you I have a small Estate lies thereabouts and more concernments than one besides Sir Mart. I 'l tell you then being at Canterbury It was my Fortune once in the Cathedral Church Warn What do you mean Sir to intrust this man with your Affair thus Sir Mart. Trust him why he 's a friend of mine Warn No matter for that hark you a Word Sir Sir Mart. Prethee leave fooling and as I was saying I was in the Church when I first saw this fair one Sir John Her Name Sir I beseech you Warn For Heaven's sake Sir have a care Sir Mart. Thou art such a Coxcomb Her name 's Millisent Warn Now the Pox take you Sir what do you mean Sir John Millisent say you that 's the name of my Mistress Sir Mart. Lord what luck is that now well Sir it happen'd one of her Gloves fell down I stoop'd to take it up And in the stooping made her a Complement Warn The Devil cannot hold him now will this thick-skull'd Master of mine tell the whole story to his Rival Sir Mart. You 'l say 't was strange Sir but at the first glance we cast on one another both our hearts leap'd within us our Souls met at our Eyes and with a tickling kind of pain slid to each others breast and in one moment setled as close and warm as if they long had been acquainted with their lodging I follow'd her somewhat at a distance because her Father was with her Warn Yet hold Sir Sir Mart. Sawcy Rascal avoid my sight Must you tutor me So Sir not to trouble you I enquir'd out her Father's House without whose knowledge I did Court the Daughter and both then and often since coming to Canterbury I receiv'd many proofs of her kindness to me Warn You had best tell him too that I am acquainted with her Maid and manage your love under-hand with her Sir Mart. Well remember'd i'faith I thank thee for that I had forgot it I protest my Valet de Chambre whom you see here with me grows me acquainted with her Woman Warn O the Devil Sir Mart. In fine Sir this Maid being much in her Mistresses favour so well sollicited my Cause that in fine I gain'd from fair Mistress Millisent an assurance of her kindness and an ingagement to marry none but me Warn 'T is very well you 've made a fair discovery Sir John A most pleasant Relation I assure you you are a happy man Sir but What occasion brought you now to London Sir Mart. That was in expectation to meet my Mistress here she writ me word from Canterbury she and her Father shortly would
Bailiffs over the Stage Sir Mart. Now I 'll redeem all agen my Mistress shall see my Va our I m resolv'd on 't Villains Rogues Poultroons what three upon one in fine I 'll be with you immediately Exit Warn Why Sir are you stark mad have you no grain of sense left he 's gone now is he as earnest in the quarrel as Cokes among the Puppets 't is to no purpose whatever I do for him Exit Warner Enter Sir John and Sir Martin having driven away the Bailiffs Sir Martin flourisheth his Sword Sir Mart. Victoria Victoria what heart Sir John you have received no harm I hope Sir John Not the least I thank you Sir for your timely assistance which I will requite with any thing but the resigning of my Mrs Dear Sir Martin a good night Sir Mart. Pray let me wait upon you in Sir John Sir John I can find my way to Mrs. Millcsent without you Sir I thank you Sir Mart. But pray what were you to be arrested for Sir John I know no more than you some little debts perhaps I left unpaid by my negligence once more good night Sir Exit Sir Mart. He 's an ungrateful Fellow and so in fine I shall tell him when I see him next Monsieur Enter Warner Warner A propos I hope you 'l applaud me now I have defeated the Enemy and that in sight of my Mistress Boy I have charm'd her i'faith with my Valour Warn I just as much as you did e'n now with your Musick go you are so beastly a fool that a Chiding is thrown away upon you Sir Mart. Fool in your face Sir call a man of Honour Fool when I have just atchieved such an Enterprise Gad now my blood 's up I am a dangerous person I can tell you that Warner Warn Poor Animal I pity thee Sir Mart. I grant I am no Musician but you must allow me for a Sword-man I have beat 'em bravely and in fine I am come off unhurt save only a little scratch i'th'head Warn That 's impossible thou hast a Scull so thick no Sword can pierce it but much good may 't d' ye Sir with the fruits of your Valour you rescu'd your Rival when he was to be arrested on purpose to take him off from your Mistress Sir Mart. Why this is ever the Fate of ingenuous men nothing thrives they take in hand Enter Rose Rose Sir Martin you have done your business with my Lady she 'l never look upon you more she says she 's so well satisfied of your Wit and Courage that she will not put you to any further tryal Sir Mart. Warner is there no hopes Warner Warn None that I know Sir Mart. Let 's have but one civil Plot more before we part Warn 'T is to no purpose Rose Yet if he had some golden Friends that would engage for him the next time Sir Mart. Here 's a Jacobus and a Carolus will enter into Bonds for me Rose I 'll take their Royal words for once She fetches two disguises Warn The meaning of this Dear Rose Rose 'T is in pursuance of thy own invention Warner a child which thy wit hath begot upon me but let us lose no time Help help dress thy Master that he may be Anthony old Moody's Bastard and thou his come from the East-Indies Sir Mart. Hey-tarock it now we shall have Roses device too I long to be at it pray let 's hear more on 't Rose Old Moody you must know in his younger years when he was a Cambridge-Scholar made bold with a Towns-mans Daughter there by whom he had a Bastard whose name was Anthony whom you Sir Martin are to represent Sir Mart. I warrant you let me alone for Tony but pray go on Rose Rose This Child in his Fathers time he durst not own but bred him privately in the Isle of Ely till he was seven years old and from thence sent him with one Bonaventure a Merchant for the East-Indies VVarn But will not this over-burden your memory Sir Sir Mart. There 's no answering thee any thing thou think'st I am good for nothing Rose Bonaventure dy'd at Surat within two years and this Anthony has liv'd up and down in the Moguls Country unheard of by his Father till this night and is expected within these three days now if you can pass for him you may have admittance into the house and make an end of all the business before the other Anthony arrives Warn But hold Rose there 's one considerable point omitted what was his Mother's name Rose That indeed I had forgot her name was Dorothy Daughter to one Draw-water a Vintner at the Rose Warn Come Sir are you perfect in your Lesson Anthony Moody born in Cambridge bred in the Isle of Ely sent into the Moguls Country at seven years old with one Bonaventure a Merchant who dyed within two years your Mothers name Dorothy Draw-water the Vintners Daughter at the Rose Sir Mart. I have it all ad unguem what do'st think I 'm a Sot but stay a little how have I liv'd all this while in that same Country Warn What Country Pox he has forgot already Rose The Moguls Country Sir Mart. I I the Moguls Country what the Devil any man may mistake a little but now I have it perfect but what have I been doing all this while in the Moguls Country He 's a Heathen Rogue I am afraid I shall never hit upon his name Warn Why you have been passing your time there no matter how Rose Well if this passes upon the Old man I 'll bring your business about agen with my Mistress never fear it stay you here at the door I 'll go tell the Old man of your arrival Warn Well Sir now play your part exactly and I 'll forgive all your former errors Sir Mart. Hang 'em they were only slips of Youth how peremptory and domineering this Rogue is now he see 's I have need of his service would I were out of his power agen I would make him lye at my feet like any Spaniel Enter Moody Sir John Lord Lady Dupe Millisent Christian Rose Mood Is he here already say'st thou which is he Rose That Sun-burn'd Gentleman Mood My dear Boy Anthony do I see thee agen before I dye welcome welcome Sir Mart. My dear Father I know it is you by instinct for methinks I am as like you as if I were spit out of your mouth Rose Keep it up I beseech your Lordship Aside to the Lord. Lord. He 's wond'rous like indeed La. Dupe The very image of him Mood Anthony you must salute all this Company this is my Lord Dartmouth this my Lady Dupe this her Niece Mrs. Christian. He salutes them Sir Mart. And that 's my Sister methinks I have a good resemblance of her too honest Sister I must need kiss you Sister Warn This fool will discover himself I foresee it already by his carriage to her Mood And now Anthony pray tell 's a
little of your Travels Sir Mart. Time enough for that forsooth Father but I have such a natural affection for my Sister that methinks I could live and dye with her give me thy hand sweet Sister Sir John She 's beholding to you Sir Sir Mart. What if she be Sir what 's that to you Sir Sir John I hope Sir I have not offended you Sir Mart. It may be you have and it may be you have not Sir you see I have no mind to satisfie you Sir what a Devil a man cannot talk a little to his own flesh and blood but you must be interposing with a murrain to you Mood Enough of this good Anthony this Gentleman is to marry your Sister Sir Mart. He marry my Sister ods foot Sir there are some Bastards that shall be nameless that are as well worthy to marry her as any man and have as good blood in their veins Sir John I do not question it in the least Sir Sir Mart. 'T is not your best course Sir you marry my Sister what have you seen of the world Sir I have seen your Hurricanos and your Calentures and your Eclipticks and your Tropick Lines Sir an'you go to that Sir Warn You must excuse my Master the Sea 's a little working in his brain Sir Sir Mart. And your Prester Johns o' th' East-Indies and your Great Turk of Rome and Persia Mood Lord what a thing it is to be Learned and a Traveller Bodikins it makes me weep for joy but Anthony you must not bear your self too much upon your Learning Child Mill. Pray Brother be civil to this Gentleman for my sake Sir Mart. For your sake Sister Millisent much may be done and here I kiss your hand on 't Warn Yet again stupidity Mill. Nay pray Brother hands off now you are too rude Sir Mart. Dear Sister as I am a true East-India Gentleman Mood But pray Son Anthony let us talk of other matters and tell me truly had you not quite forgot me and yet I made woundy much of you when you were young Sir Mart. I remember you as well as if I saw you but yesterday A fine grey-headed grey-bearded old Gentleman as ever I saw in all my life Warn aside Grey-bearded old Gentleman when he was a Scholar at Cambridge Mood But do you remember where you were bred up Sir Mart. O yes Sir most perfectly in the Isle stay let me see oh now I have it in the Isle of Silly Mood In the Isle of Ely sure you mean Warn Without doubt he did Sir but this dam'd Isle of Silly runs in 's head ever since his Sea-Voyage Mood And your Mothers name was come pray let me examine you for that I 'm sure you cannot forget Sir Mart. Warner what was it Warner Warn Poor Mrs. Dorothy Draw water if she were now alive what a joyful day would this be to her Mood Who the Devil bid you speak Sirrah Sir Mart. Her name Sir was Mrs. Dorothy Draw-water Sir John I 'll be hang'd if this be not some Cheat. Mill. He makes so many stumbles he must needs fall at last Mood But you remember I hope where you were born Warn Well they may talk what they will of Oxford for an Vniversity but Cambridge for my money Mood Hold your tongue you Scanderbag Rogue you this is the second time you have been talking when you should not Sir Mart. I was born at Cambridge I remember it as perfectly as if it were but yesterday Warn How I sweat for him he 's remembring ever since he was born Mood And who did you go over with to the East-Indies Sir Mart. Warner Warn 'T was a happy thing Sir you lighted upon so honest a Merchant as Mr. Bonaventure to take care of him Mood Sawcy Rascal this is past all sufferance Rose We are undone Warner if this discourse go on any further Lord. Pray Sir take pity o' th' poor Gentleman he has more need of a good Supper than to be ask'd so many Questions Sir John These are Rogues Sir I plainly perceive it pray let me ask him one question which way did you come home Sir Sir Mart. We came home by Land Sir Warn That is from India to Persia from Persia to Turky from Turky to Germany from Germany to France Sir John And from thence over the narrow Seas on Horseback Mood 'T is so I discern it now but some shall smoke for 't Stay a little Anthony I 'll be with you presently Ex. Mood Warn That wicked old man is gone for no good I 'm afraid would I were fairly quit of him aside Mill. aside Tell me no more of Sir Martin Rose he wants natural sence to talk after this rate but for this Warner I am strangely taken with him how handsomely he brought him off Enter Moody with two Cudgels Mood Among half a score tough Cudgels I had in my Chamber I have made choice of these two as best able to hold out Mill. Alas poor Warner must be beaten now for all his wit would I could bear it for him Warn But to what end is all this preparation Sir Mood In the first place for your Worship and in the next for this East-India Apostle that will needs be my Son Anthony Warn Why d' ye think he is not Mood No thou wicked Accomplice in his designs I know he is not Warn Who I his Accomplice I beseech you Sir what is it to me if he should prove a Counterfeit I assure you he has cozen'd me in the first place Sir John That 's likely i'faith cozen his own Servant Warn As I hope for mercy Sir I am an utter stranger to him he took me up but yesterday and told me the story word for word as he told it you Sir Mart. What will become of us two now I trust to the Rogues wit to bring me off Mood If thou woud'st have me believe thee take one of these two Cudgels and help me to lay it on soundly Warn With all my heart Mood Out you Cheat you Hypocrite you Imposter do you come hither to cozen an honest man Beats him Sir Mart. Hold hold Sir Warn Do you come hither with a lye to get a Father Mr. Anthony of East-India Sir Mart. Hold you inhumane Butcher Warn I 'll teach you to counterfeit again Sir Sir Mart. The Rogue will murder me Ex. Sir Mart. Mood A fair riddance of 'em both let 's in and laugh at 'em Exeunt Enter again Sir Martin and Warner Sir Mart. Was there ever such an affront put upon a man to be beaten by his Servant Warn After my hearty salutations upon your back-side Sir may a man have leave to ask you what news from the Moguls Country Sir Mart. I wonder where thou hadst the impudence to move such a question to me knowing how thou hast us'd me Warn Now Sir you may see what comes of your indiscretion and stupidity I alwayes gave you warning of it but for this time I am
content to pass it by without more words partly because I have already corrected you though not so much as you deserve Sir Mart. Do'st thou think to carry it off at this rate after such an injury Warn You may thank your self for 't nay 't was very well I found out that way otherwise I had been suspected as your Accomplice Sir Mart. But you laid it on with such a vengeance as if you were bearing of a Stock-fish VVarn To confess the truth on 't you had anger'd me and I was willing to evaporate my choler if you will pass it by so I may chance to help you to your Mistress no more words of this business I advise you but go home and grease your back Sir Mart. In fine I must suffer it at his hands for if my shoulders had not paid for this fault my purse must have sweat blood for 't the Rogue has got such a hank upon me Warn So so here 's another of our Vessels come Enter Rose in after the storm that parted us what comfort Rose no Harbour near Rose My Lady as you may well imagine is most extreamly incens'd against Sir Martin but she applauds your ingenuity to the Skies I 'll say no more but thereby hangs a Tale. Sir Mart. I am considering with my self about a Plot to bring all about agen Rose Yet again plotting if you have such a mind to 't I know no way so proper for you as to turn Poet to Pugenello Warn Hark! is not that Musick in your house Musick plays Rose Yes Sir John has given my Mistress the Fiddles and our Old-man is as jocund yonder and does so hug himself to think how he has been reveng'd upon you Warn Why he does not know 't was we I hope Rose 'T is all one for that Sir Mart. I have such a Plot I care not I will speak an'I were to be hang'd for 't shall I speak dear Warner let me now it does so wamble within me just like a Clyster i'faith law and I can keep it no longer for my heart Warn Well I am indulgent to you out with it boldly in the name of Non-sense Sir Mart. We two will put on Vizards and with the help of my Lordland who shall be of the party go a Mumming there and by some device of dancing get my Mistress away unsuspected by 'em all Rose What if this should hit now when all your projects have fail'd Warner Warn Would I were hang'd if it be not somewhat probable nay now I consider better on 't exceeding probable it must take 't is not in Nature to be avoided Sir Mart. O must it so Sir and who may you thank for 't Warn Now am I so mad he should be the Author of this device How the Devil Sir came you to stumble on 't Sir Mart. Why should not my brains be as fruitful as yours or any mans Warn This is so good it shall not be your Plot Sir either disown it or I will proceed no further Sir Mart. I would not lose the credit of my Plot to gain my Mistress the Plot 's a good one and I 'll justifie it upon any ground of England an'you will not work upon 't it shall be done without you Rose I think the Knight has reason Warn Well I 'll order it however to the best advantage hark you Rose whispers Sir Mart. If it miscarry by your ordering take notice 't is your fault 't is well invented I 'll take my Oath on 't Rose I must in to 'em for fear I should be suspected but I 'll acquaint my Lord my old Lady and all the rest who ought to know it with your design Warn We 'll be with you in a twinkling you and I Rose are to follow our Leaders and be pair'd to night Rose To have and to hold are dreadful words Warner but for your sake I 'll venture on ' em Exeunt Enter Lord Lady Dupe and Christian. La. Dupe Nay good my Lord be patient Lord. Does he think to give Fiddles and Treatments in a house where he has wrong'd a Lady I 'll never suffer it La. Dupe But upon what ground will you raise your quarrel Lord. A very just one as I am her Kinsman La. Dupe He does not know yet why he was to be arrested try that way agen Lord. I 'll hear of nothing but revenge Enter Rose Rose Yes pray hear me one word my Lord Sir Martin himself has made a Plot. Chr. That 's like to be a good one Rose A Fool 's Plot may be as lucky as a Fools's Handsel 't is a very likely one and requires nothing for your part but to get a Parson in the next room we 'll find work for him La. Dupe That shall be done immediately Christian make haste and send for Mr. Ball the Non-conformist tell him here are two or three Angels to be earn'd Chr. And two or three Possets to be eaten may I not put in that Madam La. Dupe Surely you may Exit Christian. Rose Then for the rest 't is only this Oh! they are here pray take it in a whisper my Lady knows of it already Enter Moody Sir John Millisent Mill. Strike up agen Fiddle I 'll have a French Dance Sir John Let 's have the Brawls Mood No good Sir John no quarrelling among Friends La. Dupe Your Company is like to be increas'd Sir some Neighbours that heard your Fiddles are come a mumming to you Mood Let 'em come in and we 'l be Jovy an' I had but my Hobby-horse at home Sir John What are they Men or Women La. Dupe I believe some Prentices broke loose Mill. Rose go and fetch me down two Indian gowns and Vizard-masks you and I will disguise too and be as good a Mummery to them as they to us Exit Rose Mood That will be most rare Enter Sir Martin Warner Landlord disguised like a Tony. Mood O here they come Gentlemen Maskers you are welcome He signs for a Dance I believe you are welcome Mr. Musick strike up I 'll make one as old as I am Warner signs to the Musick for a Dance Sir John And I 'll not be out Dance Lord. Gentlemen Maskers you have had the Frolick the next turn is mine bring two Flute-glasses and some stools Ho we 'll have the Ladies health Sir John But why stools my Lord Lord. That you shall see the humour is that two men at a time are hoysted up when they are above they name their Ladies and the rest of the Company dance about them while they drink this they call the Frolick of the Altitudes Mood Some High-lander's invention I 'll warrant it Lord. Gentlemen-maskers you shall begin They hoyst Sir Mart. and Warn Sir John Name the Ladies Lord. They point to Mrs. Millisent and Mrs. Christian A Lou's Touche Touche Mood A rare toping health this come Sir John now you and I will be in our altitudes While they drink the Company dances and sings they are
Sr Martin Mar-all OR THE Feignd Innocence A COMEDY As it was Acted at His HIGHNESSE the DUKE of YORK'S THEATRE LONDON Printed for H. Herringman at the Sign of the Blew Anchor in the Lower Walk of the New Exchange 1608. Prologue FOols which each man meets in his Dish each day Are yet the great Regalio's of a Play In which to Poets you but just appear To prize that highest which cost them so dear Fops in the Town more easily will pass One story makes a statutable Ass But such in Plays must be much thicker sown Like yolks of Eggs a dozen beat to one Observing Poets all their walks invade As men watch Woodcocks gliding through a Glade And when they have enough for Comedy They stow their several Bodies in a Pye The Poet 's but the Cook to fashion it For Gallants you your selves have found the wit To bid you welcome would your bounty wrong None welcome those who bring their Chear along The Names of the Persons Lord Dartmouth In love with Mrs. Christian. Mr. Moody The Swash-buckler Sir Martin Mar-all A Fool. Warner His Man Sir John Swallow A Kentish Knight Lady Dupe The old Lady Mrs. Christian. Her young Niece Mrs. Millisent The Swash-bucklers Daughter Rose Her Maid Mrs. Preparation Woman to the old Lady  Other Servants Men and Women  A Carrier  Bayliffs The SCENE Covent-Garden THE Feignd Innocence OR Sir MARTIN MARRALL ACT. I. Enter Warner solus Warn WHere the Devil is this Master of mine he is ever out of the way when he should do himself good This 't is to serve a Coxcomb one that has no more brains than just those I carry for him Well! of all Fopps commend me to him for the greatest he 's so opinion'd of his own Abilities that he is ever designing somewhat and yet he sows his Stratagems so shallow that every Daw can pick'em up from a plotting Fool the Lord deliver me Here he comes O! it seems his Cousin's with him then it is not so bad as I imagin'd Enter Sir Martin Marral Lady Dupe La. Dupe I think 't was well contriv'd for your access to lodge her in the same house with you Sir Mart. 'T is pretty well I must confess Warn Had he plotted it himself it had been admirable aside La. Dupe For when her Father Moody writ to me to take him Lodgings I so order'd it the choice seem'd his not mine Sir Mart. I have hit of a thing my self sometimes when wiser Heads have miss'd it But that might be meer luck La. Dupe Fortune does more than Wisdom Sir Mart. Nay for that you shall excuse me I will not value any mans Fortune at a rush Except he have Wit and Parts to bear him out But when do you expect ' em La Dupe This Tide will bring them from Gravesend You had best let your man go as from me And wait them at the Stairs in Durham-yard Sir Mart. Lord Cousin what a do is here with your Counsel As though I could not have thought of that my self I could find in my heart not to send him now stay a little I could soon find out some other way Warn A minute's stay may lose your business Sir Mart. Well go then but you must grant if he had stay'd I could have found a better way you grant it La Dupe For once I will not stand with you Exit Warner 'T is a sweet Gentlewoman this Mrs. Millisent if you can get her Sir Mart. Let me alone for plotting La Dupe But by your favour Sir 't is not so easie Her Father has already promis'd her And the young Gentleman comes up with 'em I partly know the man but the old Squire is humoursome He 's stout and plain in speech and in behaviour He loves none of the fine Town-tricks of breeding But stands up for the old Elizabeth way in all things This we must work upon Sir Mart. Sure you think you have to deal with a Fool Cousin Enter Mrs. Christian. La Dupe O my dear Neice I have some business with you Whispers Sir Mart. Well Madam I 'le take one turn here i' th Piazza's A thousand things are hammering in this head 'T is a fruitful Noddle though I say it Exit Sir Martin La Dupe Go thy wayes for a most conceited Fool. But to our business Cousin you are young but I am old and have had all the Love-experience that a discreet Lady ought to have and therefore let me instruct you about the Love this rich Lord makes to you Chr. You know Madam he 's Marry'd so that we cannot work upon that ground of Matrimony La Dupe But there are advantages enough for you if you will be wise and follow my advice Chr. Madam my Friends left me to your care therefore I will wholly follow your Counsel with secrecy and obedience La Dupe Sweet-heare it shall be the better for you another day well then this Lord that pretends to you is crafty and false as most men are especially in Love therefore we must be subtle to meet with all his Plots and have Countermines against his Workes to blow him up Chr. As how Madam La Dupe Why Girl hee 'l make fierce Love to you but you must not suffer him to ruffle you or steal a kiss but you must weep and sigh and say you 'l tell me on 't and that you will not be us'd so and play the innocent just like a Child and seem ignorant of all Chr. I warrant you ' I le be very ignorant Madam La Dupe And be sure when he has tows'd you not to appear at Supper that night that you may fright him Chr. No Madam La Dupe That he may think you have told me Chr. I Madam La. Dupe And keep your Chamber and say your head akes Chr. O most extreamly Madam La Dupe And lock the door and admit of no night-visits at Supper I 'l ask where 's my Cousin and being told you are not well I 'l start from the Table to visit you desiring his Lordship not to incommode himself for I will presently wait on him agen Chr. But how when you are return'd Madam La Dupe Then somewhat discompos'd I 'l say I doubt the Meazles or Small-pox will seize on you and then the Girl is spoil'd saying Poor thing her Portion is her Beauty and her Vertue and often send to see how you do by whispers in my Servants ears and have those whispers of your health return'd to mine if his Lordship thereupon askes how you do I will pretend it was some other thing Chr. Right Madam for that will bring him further in suspence La Dupe A hopeful Girl Then will I eate nothing that night feigning my grief for you but keep his Lordship Company at Meal and seem to strive to put my passion off yet shew it still by small mistakes Chr. And broken Sentences La. Dupe A dainty Girl and after Supper visit you again
Mart. Dear Rogue What is 't Warn Excuse me for that but while 't is set a working You would do well to scrue your self into her Fathers good opinion Sir Mart. If you will not tell me my mind gives me I shall discover it again Warn I 'l lay it as far out of your reach as I can possible For secrets are edg'd Tools And must be kept from Children and from Fools Exeunt ACT. III. Enter Rose and Warner meeting Rose YOur Worship 's most happily encounter'd VVarn Your Ladiship 's most fortunately met Rose I was going to your Lodging VVarn My business was to yours Rose I have something to say to you that VVarn I have that to tell you Rose Understand then VVarn If you 'l hear me Rose I believe that VVarn I am of opinion that Rose Prithee hold thy peace a little till I have done VVarn Cry you mercy Mistress Rose I 'l not dispute your ancient priviledges of talking Rose My Mistress knowing Sir John was to be abroad upon business this Afternoon has asked leave to see a Play and Sir John has so great a confidence of your Master that he will trust nobody with her but him VVarn If my Master gets her out I warrant her he shall show her a better Play than any is at either of the Houses here they are I 'le run and prepare him to wait upon her Exit Enter Old Moody Mistress Millesent and Lady Dupe Mill. My Hoods and Scarfs there quickly La. Send to call a Coach there Mood But what kind of man is this Sir Martin with whom you are to go La. A plain down-right Country Gentleman I assure you Mood I like him much the better for 't For I hate one of those you call a man o' th' Town One of those empty fellows of meer out-side They 've nothing of the true old English manliness Rose I confess Sir a Woman 's in a sad condition that has nothing to trust to but a Perriwig above and a well-trim'd shoe below To them Sir Martin Mill. This Sir is Sir John's friend he is for your humour Sir He is no man o' th ' Town but bred up in the old Elizabeth way of plainness Sir Mart. I Madam your Ladiship may say your pleasure of me To them Warner Warn How the Devil got he here before me 'T is very unlucky I could not see him first Sir Mart. But as for Painting Musick Poetry and the like I 'l say this of my self Warn I 'l say that for him my Master understands none of 'um I assure you Sir Sir Mart. You impudent Rascal hold your Tongue I must rid my hands of this fellow the Rogue is ever discrediting me before Company Moody Never trouble yourself about it Sir for I like a man that Sir Mart. I know you do Sir and therefore I hope you 'll think never the worse of me for his prating for though I do not boast of my own good parts Warn He has none to boast of upon my faith Sir Sir Mart. Give him not the hearing Sir for if I may believe my friends they have flatter'd me with an opinion of more Warn Of more than their flattery can make good Sir 't is true he tells you they have flatter'd him but in my Conscience he is the most downright simple natur'd creature in the world Sir Mart. I shall consider you here after Sirrah but I am sure in all Companies I pass for a Vertuoso Mood Vertuoso What 's that too is not Vertue enough without O so Sir Mart. You have Reason Sir Mood There he is again too the Town Phrase a great Compliment I wiss you have Reason Sir that is you are no beast Sir Warn A word in private Sir you mistake this old man he loves neither Painting Musick nor Poetry yet recover your self if you have any brains aside to him Sir Mart. Say you so I 'le bring all about again I warrant you I beg your pardon a thousand times Sir I vow to Gad I am not Master of any of those perfections for in fine Sir I am wholly ignorant of Painting Musick and Poetry Only some rude escapes but in fine they are such that In fine Sir Warn This is worse than all the rest aside Mood By Coxbones one word more of all this Gibberish and old Madge shall fly about your ears What is this in fine he keeps such a coil with too Mill. 'T is a Phrase a-la-mode Sir and is us'd in conversation now as a whiff of Tobacco was formerly in the midst of a discourse for a thinking while La. In plain English in fine is in the end Sir Mood But by Coxbones there is no end on 't me thinks If thou wilt have a foolish word to lard thy lean discourse with take an English one when thou speakest English as So Sir and Then Sir and so forth 't is a more manly kind of nonsence and a Pox of In fine for I 'l hear no more on 't Warn He 's gravell'd and I must help him out Aside Madam there 's a Coach at Door to carry you to the Play Sir Mart. Which House do you mean to go to Mill. The Dukes I think Sir Mart. It is a damn'd Play and has nothing in 't Mill. Then let us to the Kings Sir Mart. That 's e'ne as bad Warn This is past enduring aside There was an ill Play set up Sir on the Posts but I can assure you the Bills are altered since you saw 'um and now there are two admirable Comedies at both Houses Mood But my Daughter loves serious Plays Warn They are Tragi-Comedies Sir for both Sir Mart. I have heard her say she loves none but Tragedies Mood Where have you heard her say so Sir Warn Sir you forget your self you never saw her in your life before Sir Mart. What not at Canterbury in the Cathedral Church there this is the impudentest Rascal Warn Mum Sir Sir Mart. Ah Lord what have I done as I hope to be sav'd Sir it was before I was aware for if ever I set eyes on her before this day I wish Mood This fellow is not so much fool as he makes one believe he is Mill. I thought he would be discovered for a wit this 't is to over act ones part aside Mood Come away Daughter I will not trust you in his hands there 's more in 't than I imagin'd Exeunt Moody Mill. Lady Rose Sir Mart. Why do you frown upon me so when you know your looks go to the heart of me what have I done besides a little lapsus linguae Warn Why who sayes you have done any thing you a meer Innocent Sir Mart. As the Child 's that be born in my intentions If I know how I have offended my self any more than in one word Warn But don 't follow me however I have nothing to say to you Sir Mart. I 'le follow you to the worlds end till you forgive me Warn I am resolv'd to lead you