shall at most onely exchange a Wound Thy sacred Image guards my heart entire and keeps it safe from danger Go to the Banquet entertain the Ladies and be merrie Sir Ly. By Cocks bones shall she and be very merrie to think she 's like to have so brisk a Spark to her Bed-fellow Go thy ways William and God's blessing go with thee Boy if thou wants a second I can push yet I 'm not so old efaith Well I humbly thank ye Sir we shall think better on 't perhaps before we fight Dian. Or shall Sir John go he 's a man of mettle I assure you Brother Sir John What the Devil do ye mean I have mind to take this opportunitie to be with thee thou little wanton Friend Fear not Sir I 'll excuse ye Goes out bowing to Mar. Sir John You little amiable mischievous Ape you what a seurvie malicious Jest did you break upon me to make the Proverb good You had rather lose your Friend than your Jest Dian. A Jest it was a parlous true one then I said you were all Mettle A brazen face a leaden brain and a copper nose and beard Sir John Wit Lightning and Quick-silver thou little more than Dwarf and something less than woman Dian. A Wasp a Wasp Your Wit stings Sir Sir John Thou' rt plaguie sharp pray God thou be'st not too far gone in Love if thou shou'dst I must be forc'd in honour to marrie thee tho introth't wou'd be hardly brought about Dian. No matter Sir things got by strugling bring the greater pleasure when dull Consent but palls the Appetite Then thou' rt a fool too the most admirable necessary for a Husband in the whole Creation and the best Block to carve a Cuckold in Sir John Whe what a tart Monkey's this By my troth if thou hadst not so much wit I cou'd finde in my heart to take thee for better for worse for I finde thou cou'dst bear me with all my faults Dian. Bear with thee I wonder how thy Mother bore thee nine whole months about her when I 'll be sworn I can scarce endure thee in my sight an hour Sir John Alas for you sweet Soul good lack A pox of your Wit By the Lord Harry you are the proudest scoffing scurvie idle fantastical whimsical Ads nigs because you have read St. George for England Amades de Gall and the Legend of Lyes you are licens'd forsooth to abuse all the world Egad Sir Lyonell your Father shall know 't Offers to go out Dian. He must not tho Nay do not go in Rancor good dear Knight for I must confess a secret to you which if you knew my heart you wou'd believe there were nothing so cruel there as you imagine I speak very kinde things of you between my Maid and I anight as I am going to bed and next my Prayers too Heaven forgive me I spoke things of you that I wou'd not wish you shou'd know Sir John Nay look ye for my part if I have not most religiously vow'd my heart yours been drunk twice a day to your health swallow'd Fire and inches of your Cuff-strings eat Candles pledg'd your health in Chamber-lie run Pins into my Arms and done all manner of gallant and heroick actions I 'm the veriest son of a Whore breathing and yet to tell me after all this I have a brazen face a leaden brain and a copper nose weeps 't is most intolerable insupportable and prodigious I 'll be sworn Dian. And de ye love me so indeed Sir John Love you ' Sbud whosoever says I do not and honour you too Egad nay and if you wou'd wou'd marrie you is a son of a Whore and a Scoundrel by the Lord. Dian. And let me tell you in return that Heaven forgive me And my Sister knows I have took drink and slept upon 't that if ever I marrie it shall be you and I will marrie and yet I hope I do not say it shall be you neither Come let 's to the Banquet Sir John Oh dear Creature I do not say you do Lord how was I mistaken in thy heart But will you hereafter cast a kinde look at me to put me in countenance before Companie That I wou'd be at now Dian. Much may be done Come let 's to the Banquet Sir John And will you my prettie little Darling of mine eyes marrie me As I hope to breath my Purse Bodie Soul and all shall be thine Dian. Most affectionately spoken Well get my Fathers consent and as for mine the Devil take me if ever thou gets it Aside Sir John A Kiss and 't is a Match Thus Hymen shou'd begin A falling out sometimes proves falling in Exeunt Enter Wellman and Friendly as in the street Well Well my dear friend tell me with open heart hath not my Reasoning reclaim'd thy Folly preserv'd thy falling Vertue and secur'd it Friend There is no Vertue in Blood no Reasoning in Desire But shall I not in this fond act of Love do that which will to thee render my name abhorr'd and make thee hate me Well By Heaven no. Friend And shall I then may I enjoy Corina Well Thou shalt by all our Friendships Here take this Ring shew it to that fair Devil it will confirm me dead which rumour with my absence will make good Possess thy Love grow wearie in her Arms then be thy self again Friend But if Report grows strong and I am seiz'd where shall I finde thee Well At Glistens my Goldsmith in Cheapside to whom I 'll tell our business and designe Friend Thither I 'll come and tell thee how I thrive Till when farewel Goes out Well When woman 's in 〈◊〉 heart the soul 's all hell Now Repentance the after-clap of â—ools light on thee I have an Art left that may reclaim thee yet I 'll make thee fall into the vilest dangers even worse than womans Lust No Goldsmith will I see or tell my storie to but in some sit disguise I 'll hide my self impossible to be discover'd and leave thee to two friends a Whore and Law that will be plague sufficient for one man but is this friendship in me pawses No matter No man is purely vertuous no Vertue purely kind The end being good the way is well design'd Goes out SCENE changes to Corina's house Enter Corina in anger followed by Trickwell with Plate and Mrs. Dunwell Cor. Oh impudence am I then fallen so low to be sollicited by Pimps and Panders Hell take the trade if this be the effects on 't Trick Madam whatever you may think of me my Present has the shew of Qualitie here 's Plate a Present that a Lord might make ye and I was once a Gentleman tho I am fallen so low by faithless Vice yet tho undone poor and depriv'd of all I have a heart and will that still remains and fain wou'd venture on when Beautie calls And if I have a stock which Heaven and my own industrie has lent I must employ
faith I will resigne her and you see Diana will like thee nere the worse for 't Friend I 'll but embrace her hear her speak and at the most but kiss her Well Oh heark he that cou'd live upon the scent of Meat wou'd live cheaply Friend I shall never become heartily a man o' th' Town a kind of flat ungracious Debauchee an unsufficient dulness reigns about me Well This Italian breeding has spoil'd thee and stiffen'd thy behaviour Come come thou shalt to her and she shall like thee Friend But if she shou'd not Friend Well Fear her not 't is her Trade and what she 'as practis'd long with many Lovers Friend Was she not true to thee Well I do believe she was whilst she was mine Friend Was she a sinner ere you saw her then Well Oh a very Strumpet Pardon me truth Come have a good heart and thou shalt possess her since thou' rt so in love Friend Death man 't is Destiny I cannot help it Well Nay I hope so Come come she sells but flesh so that even in the enjoying thou 't regain again thy freedom Go thy ways Exit Friend Enter Trickwell How now Raskal what make you up so early Trick He that will thrive must be early stirring Sir I am going to get the Peny Sir Aye Heaven has endow'd me with industry I thank it Well And what good Acquaintance have you Sirrah no handsome women Trick Faith Sir yes some do start up now and then but a Pox on 't when they have run through all the Trades and Degrees of the Citie they pass at the other side of the Town for new Faces and are caught up by your Courtiers for innocent and honest though the Citie-Surgeon have had good Customers of 'um and by my Troth Sir I hate to cheat a Gentleman with false Ware But last night VVell What last night Trick I was horrid drunk at Supper with one Sir John Empty a brave young fool for my purpose I brought him a Wench one Betty Cogit a Pox on her a pretty drunken Whore 't is and handsome if she can serve you I can bed my Knight with any other VVell Away you 're a Rogue I 'll talk about it another time Farewel Have a care of Mr. Dashit Sirrah Exit Well Trick Let Mr. Dashit have a care of me I 'll take care he shall be cozen'd most plentifully Now for some new device what shall it be Enter Jack a boy with Barbers things Jack Pray Sir which is the way to Cheapside to the Sun-Tavern Trick Sun-Tavern Childe what wou'dst thou do there Jack Whe Sir I am sent for to trim Mr. Dashit and tho he be my God-father I know not the way to his house Trick Why art thou a Barber Jack A Barber-Surgeon Sir Trick To what Bawdy-house does your Master belong and what 's your name Jack John Scowre an 't like your Worship Trick John Scowre Good Mr. John Scowre I desire your farther acquaintance Nay be cover'd my dainty boy Is thy Master at home Jack My Father forsooth you mean but he 's dead Trick And laid in 's Grave good boy Jack Yes Sir and my Mother keeps shop Trick A good witty boy thon't live to read a Chapter to the Family and write Sermons John in time wo't thou not Jack In grace a God Sir Trick And whither art thou going now John Jack Marry forsooth to trim Mr. Dashit the Vintner He 's my Godfather I told you forsooth Trick Good boy hold up thy head Prithee do one thing for me my name 's Hazard Jack He good Mr. Hazard Bows Trick Lend me thy Barbers Implements Jack Oh Lord Sir Trick Well spoken a fine boy What are they worth childe Jack Oh Lord Sir worth I know not Trick A witty childe Here 's a shilling for thee Where dost live John Jack At the three Washballs forsooth in Mincing-lane Trick Aye I know 't a delicate boy I have an odde Jest in my head childe to trim Mr. Dashit 'T is for a wager boy a humour I 'll return thy things presently Hold let 's see Takes off his Apron and takes his things Jack What mean ye Mr. Hazard Trick Nothing child but a Jest Go drink a flaggon and I 'll return presently Jack Pray Sir do not stay Trick As I 'm an honest man The three Washbals John Jack Aye Sir Trick Good And if I do not shave Mr. Dashit my ingenaity wants an edge Let me see a Barber My villanous tongue will betray me I must step in and disguise a little For my speech what if it be broken French or a Northern or a Welch Barber Good the Widow Scowres man good newly hir'd a Journey-man very well I have my Cue and will proceed happy be luck Exit Trick SCENE changes to Corina's house Enter Corina with her Hair loose raving and Mr. Dunwell Dun. Nay dear sweet childe do not torment thy self thus violently say Wellman be to be marri'd are there no more young Gentlemen no more both handsome and rich Come come you cou'd not expect to build Tabernacles with him Cor. Damn your sententious Nonsence let me go loose as the winds when mad when raging mad 'T was you Heaven curse ye for 't that first seduc'd me swore that he lov'd me wou'd eternally and when my Vertue had resolv'd me good damn'd Witch whose trade is Lying and Confusion you hard besieg'd it round with tales of Wellman repeated all his Charms so often o're my Heart began to yield and Vertue fade like flowers with too much heat which when you saw a Curse upon your Tongue you told him where the part was feeblest here told him my strength and how he best might conquer and he oh lovely Tyrant found it true and never ceas'd till he had vanquisht all Leave me thou Witch that hast reduc'd this soul this body too to nothing but a Grave Dun. To nothing Marry and that 's not my fault I have made as many proffers of your Virginity since he ruin'd it as if you had been my own Daughter a thousand times so I have but you were so peevish you ever stood in your own light nothing wou'd down with you but Wellman Cor. Hell take thy tongue or blast it Dun. Aye for God forgive me it has been a thousand times forsworn for you and yet I 've brought you to nothing Have I not brought you English and French Merchants of the best Rank Jews of the richest Tribes Irish Lords Scottish Earls and lastly the Dutch Agent who offer'd ye a Tun of money and is all this nothing Come come had you had grace you had made something of all these but nothing but Wellman was regarded Cor. Oh that hated Name like some black Charm it curdles up my bloud Dun. And yet a' my conscience the Gentleman 's an honest Gentleman and one you have got fairly by I hope him to you and have I this for my labour Well Mary Dunwell weeps go thy ways Mary Dunwell
Faith he had a Reprieve but now the Warrant 's sign'd for Execution and he is to be hang'd to morrow Well Well what 's that to thee Nan. Whe faith we have liv'd lovingly hitherto together and we 'll e'ne dye as lovingly for I am resolv'd to be hang'd honestly with him Sir Ioh. Honestly hang'd how so Nan. Whe I 'll tell you Sir when the Tidings came to me of poor Iack's being apprehended I soon knew which way the World wou'd go with him I ne're snivel'd and nouted like a feeble Woman for the matter but e'ne resolv'd bravely to take a Turn at Tyburn with him Sir Ioh. Lord have Mercy upon us Nan. In order thereunto what does me I but hearing of a Fellow that had lost a parcel of Goods of value but goes my ways to him accuses my self for the Thief was sent to Newgate and to my great Joy and Satisfaction was condemn'd with honest Iack efaith On my Soul Mr. Wellman I trembled for Fear I thou'd have been acquitted but the honest Jury took Pity on me and brought me in Guilty When the Devil wou'd any of your Wives of Quality have show'd this conjugal Constancy Sir Ioh. Lord deliver me what a wicked World is this that People shou'd have the face to confess their Villainies she confesses all now and some are hang'd and confess nothing Well And wo't thou be so good natur'd to take a Turn with him at the Gallows Nan. With as much Joy as e're I kiss'd him Well Whe this is the most admirable Proof of Love I ever heard off Sir Ioh. Proof of Love proof of the Devil Man what to be slain at Tyburn for Love whe 't is most damnable and as nonsensical as to be hang'd for Religion Nan. I find by your Principles that you 'l keep out of Harms way Sir Joh. Nay o' my Conscience I shall ne're increase the Number of the noble Army of the Martyrs Enter Shamock chain'd Sham. Nan where are you here 's the Fellow has brought home our Coffin Nan. Let him bring 't in my dear you shall see Mr. Wellman what a Device I have found out never to part with dear Jack I have bespoke a Coffin to hold us both Sir John How a Coffin Lord have Mercy upon 's how great the Devil is with this Woman but what care have you taken of your Soul all this while Nan. That 's the Business of Mr. Ordinary he has so much a year allow'd him for managing that Affair and has undertaken mine Come bring in the Coffin Enter Fellow with a Coffin They look on 't Sham. Whe what a Coffin's here Is this a Coffin fit for Christians D' ye see and all pitch't within too ye Dog we shall stick to 't a pox on ye for a nasty Son of a Whore Sir Joh. Bless me sure these Reprobates never think of going to Heaven To Wellman Nan. Ay! I gave him two broad pieces in hand too and two more I have in my Pocket to give him Trick Which I must be acquainted with aside Nan. But he shall be damn'd e're he be so well paid Sham. Besides Sirrah you might have had the Manners to have lin'd it with a little Bays this cold Weather but you have neither Conscience nor fore-cast Sir Joh. Lord Brother Wellman I believe some Priests have been tampering with 'em they are so wicked Well Ha Ha Ha! a notable Observation Sham. I 'de forgot too I 'll lay my Head to a Halter this Coffin will not hold us both Sir Joh. Hark ye Friend don't lay with him for he 's o th' surer side Nan. Yes my Dear as for that I believe we may make Shift 't is but my laying my Arm under thy Head and thou thine over my Breast and we shall lye as snug these cold nights Sir Joh. Whe the Devil 's in these People Nan. But I have a cursed Misfortune befallen me Sham. What 's that my dear Betty Betty The Whore the Laundress who had all the Linnen I was to be buryed in like an ungrateful Baggage knowing I was to be hang'd and she to have no more of my Custom has pawn'd all my lac'd Linnen too so that dear Jack I shall come to thy Arms but scurvily equipt to morrow Sham. Le ts arrest her Lord Lord that People shou'd have no Conscience nor Honesty in 'em what will this wicked World come to Sir Joh. Ay! and to rob the Gallows too unmerciful Tyrant Trick comes up to ker Trick Young Woman young Woman this is no time to think of Trifles and gew gaws the best dress is that of Repentance let your Conscience be clean and neat within and no matter for Lace and Tawdrums dress up your Soul I say Picks her Pocket Betty Whe what a Pox have we here Trick One who has preacht better Doctrine to your Ladyship e're now and one who am appointed to put you in mind of your long home Betty Whe ye Fool you have I been taking such pains to prepare my self for this Journey and need your Advice in the Devils name get ye gone ye canting Rascal here 's honest Jack can teach me how to dye worth a Legion of you formal Gown-men Sham. Gad thou' rt a noble Lass Sir John In Troth and so she is 't is Pity she shou'd be damn'd Trick goes to Dashet Betty to the Joyner Betty Well Sirrah here is your two pieces more because I scorn to be worse than my word Feels in her Pocket hah my money 's gone what 's the meaning of this I had 'em and the two pieces for Jack Catch too in my Pocket when I came down Sham. Whe what a Pox have we Thieves amongst our selves this is fine doings efaith Betty Hang 't let it go they are some poor Devils that wanted it go out and wait till I go up and I 'll pay you Exit Joyner Sir Joh. Or let him call again to Morrow in the Evening Trick talking this while to Dashet he making Grimaces of Wo and crying and wringing his hands Mrs. Dashet crying by him Mrs. Dashet Well Husband this is a very comfortable man Dash He is so But good Mr. Parson leave my Soul a little while to it self I pray and let us have a little of your counsel concerning my Body I owe Mr. Glister the Goldsmith 40 l. and suppose Mr. Parson when I am going to Execution he shou'd be so unneighbourly as to set a Ser jeant upon my back 't was for a Bowl bursts out into loud crying Trick Ah! trouble not thy self my Christian Brother with transitory matters but have an Eye an Eye I say to the main chance picking his pocket I 'll warrant your shoulders but as for your neck Plinius Secundus or Marcus Tullius Cicero or some body says that a threefold Cord is hardly broken Dash A very Learned man this well I am not the first honest man that has been hang'd and I hope shall not be the last crying still Trick True Sir
hands Timothy Trick Oh doubt me not Sir I 'll shave your Worship as cleverly as your Worship shall confess by that time I 've done Hah 't is Cash Feels the Money-bag Whilst he is washing him they talk Mr. Dash Well Timothy and what 's the News Timothy You Barbers are notable News-mongers good Commonwealths-men You Trick Marrie Sir I know none but of the Speaking Childe and the Monster Mr. Dash How the Monsters what Monsters good Timothy Trick Has not your Worship heard of the Monster the Gravesend-Monster Mr. Dash By my Troth not I. Trick Why Sir there came ashore last night four and twentie huge horrible monsterous devouring Mr. Dash Bless us what Trick Whales Sir which no sooner came ashore but they turn'd into fearful Elephants that roar'd then into Cockatrices that crow'd and frighted all the Judges out of Westminster-hall Dash Good Lord Trick And in a moment these Cockatrices were turn'd into so many huge Giants in Scarlet with Triple Crowns on their heads and forked Tongues that hiss so loud the noise is heard to the Royal Exchange which has put the Citizens into such a Consternation that 't is thought the world 's at an end Dash Good Lord And what may this portend Timothy Trick Portend Sir Poperie Sir Poperie and these Monsters are call'd the four and twentie Whores of Babylon Dash Oh monsterous Four and twentie Whores the Nation will be over-run with Poperie indeed Timothy Bless us what monsterous things are these Popish Monsters Well in grace of God my Wife and I will go see these four and twentie Whores Nay nay God bless little England this must portend right-down Poperie that 's certain Well and hast thou no merrie News Timothy Trick Faith Sir they say that there 's five and twentie couple of Bears are to dance a Dance in Paris-Garden before the King and four and twentie couple of French Apes play to 'em upon Flute doux Dash Oh Pox Timothy this must be a lye Timothy and this be not a lye I am an Ass efaith Four and twentie Bears dance to Flutes douxes Ha ha ha Trick 'T is credible reported Sir Shut your Eyes close Sir closer yet Sir this Ball will make 'em smart Dash Aye aye Timothy I do wink Trick Hold Sir your head will take cold Puts on a fools cap. I 'll put on your good Worships Night-cap So now I 'll shave you Sir This must â—â—ong with me this Beaver too and now adieu worshipful Mr. Dashit Leaves him in the Suds the Bason in 's hand and runs away with the money Exit Dash Ha ha ha Four and twentie couple of English Bears dance to the Musick of French Apes Ha ha ha in faith good Timothy thou makest my Worship smile But heark ye Timothy dost know one Trickwell a villanous Rogue Timothy cheated me last night of Fiftie pound in Plate but I 'll Plate him with a Pox an I catch him Come haste good Timothy Art thou free Timothy I am one of the Common Council Timothy and may do thee good shortly Why Timothy Timothy dost leave me in the Suds Why Timothy I shall be blinde with winking wipes his Eyes Timothy Hah you Wife my money Wife Enter Mrs. Dashit Mrs. Dash What 's the noise here you are always bawling Mr. Dash ' Owns ye Whore where 's Timothy Mrs. Dash What Timothy Mr. Dash Why the Barber Jade the Barber Mrs. Dash The Barber I saw him go half a quarter of an hour since Why are you not trim'd Mr. Dash Trim'd a Pox trim ye where 's the money the money the money ye Jade I am trim'd with a vengeance Mrs. Dash What 's the money gone the whole Fiftie pound in the bag Mr. Dash I have wink'd fair in the Devils name Enter Jack Kneels Jack Pray Godfather give me your Blessing Mr. Dash A Pox of Blessing I am Cursing Rogue where 's Timothy thy Mothers man Timothy Jack My Mother has no such forsooth Mr. Dash My money my fiftie pound A Plague of all Timothies who was 't trim'd me Jack I know not Godfather onely one met me and borrow'd my Furniture for a Jest he said Mr. Dash What kind of Fellow was 't Oh Jack A little slender nimble well-spoken fellow Sir Mr. Dash Oh 't is Trickwell that Rogue Trickwell a black Hair and Eye-brows and grey Eyes Jack Yes Godfather Mr. Dash Aye aye 't is he Raise the street upon him I 'll hang him if there be Law for money Oh I shall faint Wife wife fetch me the Rosa solus Mrs. Dash Good Husband take comfort in the Lord I 'll play the Devil but I 'll recover it have a good heart 't is but a weeks false scoring in the Parliament-time Fetches the bottle he drinks Mr. Dash So some comfort Wife whe Wife I say is there any Musick in the house Mrs. Dash Yes Sweet-heart Mr. Squeeks Noyse Mr. Dash Bid 'em play then And John come kiss me now now now and John come kiss me now sings Bid 'em play laugh thou and be merrie for I 'll go dance cast up my Accounts and hang my self presently I will not curse but a Pox on Trick-well he has shav'd me he has trim'd me I will go hang my self but first let 's have a Dance Exeunt dancing with the bottle in 's hand and sings John come kiss me c. ACT the Third SCENE the First Enter Marinda Diana Ample Mar. COme prithee Ample sing the Song Wellman made upon the Kiss I gave him Dian. No prithee don't my stomack turns against kissing extreamly Mar. Why Diana Dian. By the faith I have in this Beautie 't is the most unsavorie Ceremonie the most sawcie Custom to Ladies every Fellow now-a-daies with greasie sweatie Faces stinking Breath and nastie Teeth must take a bodie over the Lips with such familiaritie nay they think 't is grateful to us too Lord there was an old Judge laid me over the face last night and did so squeeze his grizly Brissles through my Lips I 'd as live a kist a row of Pins with the points to me and yet I was forc'd to take it take it with a Curtsie too for my part I had as lieve they should belch in my face Mar. Fie what a Comparison's there Dian. Sutable to the beastly Complement and yet I love kissing too if I may chuse my man and place Mar. Fie if any one shou'd hear ye Dian. Let a thousand I 'd not be asham'd 't is not those that talk roguishly that are to be suspected you shall have a hypocritical holy Sister mince that publickly that she 'll receive with open arms privately For my own part I consider Nature without Apparel without disguising I give thoughts words and truth a modest boldness I love no prohibited things and I wou'd have nothing prohibited but by Vertue Mar. But we must consider the world who thinks severe modestie a womans Vertue Dian. Fie fie Vertue is freedom handsome cheerful mirth I hate a severe froward
ignorant ill-bred behaviour in a woman 't is uncivil hang 't I 'll have none on 't Ample what think you Amp. Faith Madam I can onely stand up for Kissing I never ventur'd farther tho I wou'd fain Dian. Thou art not of my minde for I 'll nere marrie Amp. Marrie God forbid what will you do then Dian. Ene strive against the flesh Marrie no faith Husbands are like Lots in a book one may prick a hundred times and finde all blanks A Husband a Hangman a careless domineering insolent thing that grows like Corral whilst under water soft and tender but married and above the waves hard stubborn not to be bow'd nor manag'd whilst your humble servant Oh how assiduous troublesomely officious and busie but wed the worst-bred Tyrant and Sloven in nature No no I 'll live my own woman I and let the worst come to the worst I had rather be call'd Wanton than a Fool. Mar. Oh but a vertuous Marriage Dian. Vertuous Marriage there 's no more affinitie between Vertue and Marriage than a man and his Horse Wedlock may manage Vertue in the right way but 't is oftner loose and unbridled I hate restraint upon my Vertue or to owe it to the honour of a Husband yet I like thy match well enough a handsome man good humour wittie and wilde but my Sir John is such a tool fit to make nothing but a Cuckold of See if they be not here Enter Sir John Emptie and Wellman Well My sweet Marinda Sir John Good morrow my little Sooterkin how is 't my prettie Life Nay I call all my Mistrisses so Dian. Indeed How many Mistrisses have you had Sir John Some Nine or thereabouts Dian. Then you have had nine lives like a Cat. Sir John Mew you wou'd be kist for that Dian. Yes if I lik'd the mouth that offer'd it Sir John By my troth that must not be mine I do not love to endanger my back with stooping so low if you wou'd wear Chipeeners much might be done Nay let me alone to finde a Rowland for your Oliver Dian. Your pestilent wit will never make me asham'd of my shortness the faults I can mend my self I blush at but those which Nature made let her bear the shame for me I have nothing to do with it but you never forget to be wittie on my Beautie Sir Knight I shall be even with you Sir John Nor remember by my troth but as I do Religion for Controversie sake onely no hurt Dian. But Brother for I 'll now call you so since my Father this night resolves to contract you Shall we not have Fiddles and dance Sir John I 'm sure will make one and my Citie Lover the Aldermans son Mr. Shatter he 's a most spruce Dancer of the first bench in the School I 'll promise ye Sir John Fore Gad and well remember'd he borrow'd a Diamond-Ring of me last night to make a Visit in to a Ladie and was 't you The Devil take me an I had thought that he shou'd nere a had it Adsbud he 's here Enter Mr. Shatter Shat. Good day to my fair Mistriss Dian. Good morrow sweet Mr. Shatter Sir John Sweet Mr. Shatter Pox on him is he a Rival now Dian. You 're fine to day rich in Jems Mr. Shatter Shat. A Toy Madam I bought to please my finger Dian. I am more pretious to you than your finger why not to oblige me Come I 'm no profess'd beggar you know Shat. Faith and troth Madam as I hope to be sav'd Oh Lord as the saying is I protest upon my honour Dian. Do not pawn it for such a trifle Shat. As I 'm a Gentleman as God shall sa ' me I 'll give a Dian. Is this yours to give Shat. Oh Lord Madam that 's such a thing now why shou'd your Ladyship you 're the strangest Joker I protest Dian. Hum now I remember I think I have seen this on a persons hand an humble servant of mine one Sir John Empty Shat. Pox of her memorie a such another Madam Whe what a Devil 's he to her now Dian. Nay I 'm sure this is it Shat. Troth 't is Madam the poor fellow wanted a little money to treat some women last night and so he pawn'd it to me 'T is a Pawn good faith or else you shou'd have it Sir John Heark ye thou base lying son of a cheating Cit how dares thy impudence hope to prosper Were it not for the respect I bear this noble Companie I wou'd so bang thee Pulls him aside Dian. How now what 's the matter here Shat. Nothing Madam nothing He was a little uncivil with me last night for which because I shou'd not call him to an account he desir'd to make me any satisfaction The Coward trembles at my very presence but I have him on the hip I 'll take the forfeit of his Ring Sir John Heark ye Sir what 's that you whisper to her Pulls him aside Shat. Nothing Sir but to satisfie her that the Ring was yours not pawn'd to me but lent to grace my finger and so I told her I begg'd your pardon for being a little too familiar with your Reputation Dian. Yes indeed he did and said you wou'd make him any satisfaction for a rudeness you did him last night but he wou'd take the forfeit of the Ring for 't Sir John How now ye base Scoundrel Takes him roughly Shat. Hold hold my Mistriss does but rally faith Dian. Thy Mistriss I disown thee thou' rt a childe I 'll give thee to my woman Come Sister let 's make us ready for the Ball anon Come you shall be friends Sir John He shall renounce you then and restore my Ring Adsbud he shall Shat. With all my heart to do you service Sir Gives him the Ring Sir John And here I make an offer of it Dian. Well I 'll take it Sir to make me thine to night Farewel Brother till anon Exit Mar. Dian. Sir John Amp. Well To be huft thus by a Coward a beaten Coward what madness has possest thee Shat. Aye but how the Devil did I know he was a Coward cou'd not you have whisper'd me that Well Well Sir I 'll try to make your peace with Diana Leave me I 've business now Exit Shat. Enter Friend How now my friend what news from Love is the Ladie of sin kinde prithee say how in faith I 'll not be angrie Friend Oh Wellman no Age did ere produce so damn'd a Creature so fair and yet so false had I been vicious what a desperate wretched thing I 'd been Well Prithee what 's the matter Friend Heaven I have been tempted to thy death Well What is the Furie mad Friend Most damnable Well Hearing I'm to be marri'd Friend She rav'd at first like winds let loose to ruine But fixt on this resolve she calm'd again And listen'd to my love my eager love which when it urg'd her to create me happie she prest me to this
Murder as the way the onely means to gain her heart for ever Mad with my flame I cou'd deny her nothing and then my lawless lust not I protested confirm'd it with a thousand Oaths to kill ye and bring this Ring to witness you were dead and then her lovely bodie was my hire Well Horrid nothing's defam'd but by its proper self Physicians abuse Remedies Lawyers spoil Law and woman onely is a shame to woman You 've vow'd to kill me Friend Most solemnly for friend I must enjoy her Oh that a man of sense shou'd fancie pleasure in one whose soul 's so black and infamous but 't is my fate and I must bow before it Well Thou shalt I will contrive the means to satisfie thee Come I give a Ball to night to my Marinda thou shalt be there and by the way I 'll tell thee what we will do to make a seeming Quarrel that all the world as well as this Corina may think I 'm kill'd indeed whilst I lodg'd in some place obscure may give thee time to cool this feavourish blood Shew her this Ring protest me surely dead and when thou' rt satiated we 'll laugh at follie Come let us go Exeunt SCENE changes to the street a shop-door Enter Mr. Glisten and Dashit with a great silver Bason or Punch-bowl Enter Trickwell in the habit of a Pedler with a box with Trinkets before him Jervice Dash Well Neighbour Glisten I am beholden to you for this credit till next week and I am pleased in my choice of this piece of Plate a Punch-bowl is a most fashonable thing now French Wines are prohibited I know 't will please my Wife Well I am fortie pound indebted to you for 't honest Mr. Glisten Glist Your word 's sufficient Sir an 't were for a thousand pound Dash A Pox of the Rogue that robb'd me Well I shall catch him and if I do he shall half rot in Fetters in the Dungeon till he despair then I 'll hire a Parson on purpose that shall perswade him he is damn'd then after see him with my own eyes hang'd without singing any Psalm Lord Lord that he shou'd have but one neck Glist Oh Neighbour you must use a Conscience in all things but do your will You 'll command me no farther Dash No onely lend me your servant to carrie this Bowl home to my Peg I am to step into Leaden-hall Glist Willingly Sir Here Jervice carrie home this Plate Dash To my Wives own hands deliver it good Jervice Jer. I 'll warrant you Sir Dash To her own hand honest Jervice Jer. I have deliver'd better things than this to a womans own hand Sir before now Exit Jer. with the Bowl and Glisten in Trick Monsieur please you to buy a very fine delicate Ball a sweet Ball a Camphere-ball Dash Prithee away Trick One a Ball to shave one a Ball to scowre Dash Name 'em not to me talk not of shaving a Pox of the Rogue I have been shav'd I have Exit Dashit Trick I 'll shave ye smoother yet That Bowl that delicious Bowl I must be drunk out of I have a fancie for 't it is too good for cheating Vintners I say it must be mine therefore my worshipful Dashit look to 't What tho there be rounds in a Ladder and knots in a Halter hang the Devil I 'll do 't I must draw a Lot for the great Punch-bowl Goes out SCENE changes to Mr. Dashit's house Enter Mrs. Dashit and Jervice with the Bowl Mrs. Dash Nay Jervice stay and drink good Jervice and how does Mrs. Glisten I knew her well she was a very good patient Creature efaith she has born and born and bore again good woman as well as I with a bad Husband yet I can finde no fault in Mr. Glisten Here 's to him Jervice he knew me before I was married an honest man he is drinks and a thriftie I 'll warrant him and his Wife 's a proper woman as any in Cheapside Jer. Yes indeed forsooth so she is Mrs. Dash She paints now and yet she keeps her Husband's Customers still Introth Jervice a handsome Wife in a fine carv'd seat is the best Ware in a mans shop Jer. Yes indeed forsooth so ' t is Mrs. Dash But well Jervice remember me to your Master and Mistriss and tell 'em I acknowledge the receipt of this acknowledge the receipt This 't is to have good Education and to be brought up in a Tavern and though my Husband be a Citizen all London knows I keep as good Companie as any she within the Walls Good day honest Jervice Exit Jervice Enter Trickwell drest like a Prentise with a Jole of Salmon Trick Fair hour to you Mistriss Mrs. Dash A prettie Complement I 'll write it down A beautiful thought to you Sir Trick Your Husband and my Master Mr. Glisten has sent you a Jole of fresh Salmon and they intend to come both to Dinner presently to season your new Bowl forsooth which your Husband intreats you wou'd send back by me that his Arms may be engraven on it which he forgot before Mrs. Dashit Are you sent by no Token Nay I have a wit Trick Yes forsooth by the same Token he was dry shav'd this morning Mrs. Dash A sad Token but true here pray commend me to your Master and Mistriss and tell 'em I expect 'em impatiently Gives him the Bowl takes the Salmon Exit Trick Impatient was well again Sam why Sam I say Sam. Anon anon forsooth Mrs. Dash Come quickly spread the Table lay Napkins and do ye hear perfume the Room a little it does so smell of this prophane Tobacco I could never endure this ungodly Tobacco since our Doctor told me 't was a bane to Propagation So spread handsomly Lord these Boys do things so arsie-versie You shew your breeding Well I am a Gentlewoman by my Sisters side I can tell you so methodically Hum I wonder where I got that word Oh 't was Sir John Empty bid me kiss him methodically 't is a sweet man Enter Mr. Dashit Mr. Dash Well Tony Dashit be not discourag'd be not disheartned thou wilt recover all Mrs. Dash Oh are you come Husband where are they Dash How now how now how now what a Feast towards and in my private Parlour Who treats who treats Peg Mrs. Dash Prithee leave fooling are they come Dash Come who come Mrs. Dash Lord How strange you make it Dash Strange what 's strange is the woman mad Mrs. Dash Aye strange You know of none that sent me a Jole of Salmon you and said they wou'd come dine with me Dash Hah fresh Salmon peace not I peace the Messenger has mistaken the house let 's eat it up quickly before it be inquir'd for Come come Vineger quickly Sam. Some good luck yet efaith I never tasted Salmon that relisht better in my life Well 't is a rare thing to feed at other mens cost Mrs. Dash Other mens cost prithee did not you send
and think of him no more but of the dear reward you are to give for all my service Come will you not Cor. I will but you 'll receive it decently and not with hands distain'd i'th'blood of him that lately was so dear to me Friend Still on that subject do not put me off I 've left the business of my life undone and had not power to go about my Pardon so hastie for the dear reward I was and is it thus you treat me Cor. You 'll finde me all you wish give me an hours time to compose my self and all this upon my brow is but a modest decencie one hour of joy will chase it all away Friend Do not you dally with me Cor. No by Heaven when you return I 'll give ye your reward and what you most deserve a Halter 't is Aside false and perfidious wretch Friend Here keep this Ring and think each minutes absence is a long year in love Farewel Exit Cor. Farewel vain credulous treacherous fool farewel Mischief inspire me now with all your Arts methinks the sight of this instructs my Soul in a most noble piece of Villanie I will to fair Marinda with this Ring and frame a storie of so cunning mischief shall stab her through the ear into the heart By Heaven 't is greatly brave and I 'll begin it Then when this false believer does return I 'll be prepar'd for him What Hoe who waits Enter Dunwell and Wellman Well Now what a Devil is this woman grown Aside Cor. My Hoods and Fan and call a Coach immediately Exit Dun. and you Sir I must beg to wait on me Well Where ever you command This was happie Ex. all SCENE changes to Sir Lyonell's house Enter Sir Lyonell Marinda Diana and Maid and Sir John Mar. Nay good Sir be not angrie that I sent I was afraid some harm wou'd come of it and so I fear there is Sir Ly. And did no one hear of him Mar. None pray Heaven he be well my heart misgives me Sir Ly. Well if he be lost there 's a brave fellow gone and in a time the King had need of Souldiers there 's idle Husbands enough for you Baggages Dian. I have a little kind of a scurvie pain too which I do not use to feel about my heart for Friendly but none shall see it in my troubled looks not that I care who knew the loving secret but I 'll not be laught at Sir Ly. Leave your whimpering do Wou'd thou hadst a heart like thy Sister here When wou'd she cry for a man thus Dian. Faith Sir when I have as much need of a man as she that is when I want one I cannot dissemble Sir John Look ye Sir she has need enough and thanks to fortune she 's provided for with your good liking noble Sir Lyonell Sir Ly. Come Sir let 's have one Marriage well over before we think of another Wou'd we cou'd hear of these Sparks too 't is almost midnight they might have staid till day-light and have kill'd one another like Christians decently not by dark as Cats and Dogs worrie each other I know not what to think on 't Enter a Boy Boy Here 's a Ladie in a Coach below desires to speak with you Sir Ly. A Ladie at this hour she shall be welcome old as I am I 'll not deny a Ladie Exit Boy Enter Corina and Wellman disguised Sir Ly. I hope your business is with me fair Ladie Dian. ' Twou'd be but ill dispatch'd then Cor. I know not Sir first let me crave your name or are you Father to the fair Marinda Sir Ly. I am fair Mistriss for want of a better By the Mass she 's very handsome aside This is the Maid you name Cor. My time 's but short and what I have to say I must dispatch Madam you had a Lover once Young Wellman Mar. Had good Heavens I hope and have Cor. No Friendly has basely kill'd him Mar. Oh wretched lost Marinda Swoons Sir Ly. Look to my Daughter Cor. Madam look up this great concern he merits not 't was pitie brought me here to undeceive ye his Vows and Soul were mine intirely mine Mar. Why didst thou call me back to life again or say in pitie that you undeceiv'd me If you knew Wellman false why did you stay me You shou'd have let me di'd 't had been more charitable but if as you affirm he lov'd you best which I believe from that fair form of yours whilst I remain I needs must love you too Dian. This must be malice sure Cor. Madam do ye know this Ring he gave it me and told me such things of your tiresome Passion as gave us cause of laughter all the evening Mar. I cannot blame him that he lov'd me not when so much Beautie as appears in you gave him permission to adore it but methinks 't was ungentile to make a sport of me he shou'd have pitied follies he created he lov'd me first alas I sought him not weeps Help me Diana for I feeble grow To morrow shou'd have been my Wedding-day now I invite you to my Funeral bring Flowers and strow the way to my cold Grave and lay me down in peace Sir Ly. Lead her in and be careful of her but Madam Talks aside Well I cannot hold I must reveal my self going stops Yet stay Heavens shall I suffer her to die so good so gentle and so sweet a Mistriss Were there but three such women in the world two might be sav'd Yes I 'll have patience yet to see the utmost that this Devil aims at Sir Ly. Confest it said ye Madam and to you on what Acquaintance pray Cor. He was in love with me and seeing no hope of gaining me whilst Wellman was alive he pick'd a Quarrel with him and dispatch'd him and vaunted of the Villanie to me Please you to go where I 'll direct you Sir he shall confess the Murder Sir Ly. Madam I 'll go and you Sir John must bear me companie Sir John With all my heart Sir Sir Ly. Madam your hand Roger go you to Mr. Constable bid him be readie if I have occasion and careful who passes the streets to night Exeunt all SCENE the Street Enter Dashit and Sam. Dash Sayst thou Sam at one Mrs. Dunwell's house whe she 's a Bawd Sam. Yes Sir or my intelligence is false There lies a Ladie Sir with whom he 's desperately in love and having no purchase-money 't is thought hires the Bawd at the price of 's own bodie to get the young Ladie Sir They call her Corina Dash Lord Lord what will this wicked world come to And there thou sayest I may be sure to finde this villanous Trickwell Sam. He never lies from thence all day Sir as I am inform'd 't is now about his hour of departure and this way he must come Dash Get ye home Sam I 'll ene take Mr. Constable and a Watchman or two and fall to searching Get ye
he 't is a most rare Creature I 'm half in Love already Cor. Innocently was the unhappy cause they lov'd me both were Rivals in my Favour nor knew I which my heart inclin'd to most Wellman had Wit Youth Gaity and good Humour lovely well made fit to engage a heart and Friendly too was handsom very discreet very Amorous soft in his Language modest in his Actions and tho' their Charms were different yet 't was hard to say who was the greater Conquerour so I by favouring both made either jealous Sir Joh. S'bud wou'd I had shar'd of that without the danger aside Sir Ly. But Wellman was to have married my Daughter Marinda to morrow was the day Cor. To please his Father Sir he made you think so he has oft with sighs to me confess'd he could not love Marinda I hope she will believe and dye in rage and then I shou'd lye contented in my Grave aside Sir Ly. I pity thee in troth now but he was such a Villain that but for his Fathers sake I 'd let him dye unreveng'd but Sir Jeffery Wellman's my Friend and therefore I 'l be dispos'd by you Enter Dunwell Dunw Madam here 's the Villainous man come as gay as a young Bridegroom Cor. Pray Sir retire with these Gentlemen into my Closet and you shall hear he will confess the murder and having witness you may apprehend him and do you the while prepare the Watch and let 'em wait below Well With what a Fury is a Whore inrag'd Puts Sir Lyonel and Sir John into the Closet and Wellman and Dunwell go out Cor. So now my Revenge grows high cou'd I but hang this Friendly which I wou'd because 't was Wellman's Friend and make Marinda mad Oh! with what Joy I 'd follow for 't is I Must end the last Act of the Tragedy Enter to her Friendly fine Friend Now my Corina now my Heavenly Fair I come to take that Joy which from thy Eyes I find thou wilt allow my panting heart And here upon my knees receive my Vow If ever I prove false to so much Beauty May I be ever scorn'd by Men and Heaven Oh! the excessive Joy that fills my Soul With thought of my approaching happiness Come le ts draw nearer to our bliss thy Chamber Cor. But stay Draws him near the Closet Fri. Oh! do not kill me with that fatal stay Cor. You have not told me yet how you kill'd Wellman Fri. Oh! name him not some fit of Love or Rage will seize thy Soul at naming him and ruin me My dear Corina Mistris of my Life name him no more Cor. Now on thy Life by all I hold most dear now Wellman is no more the repetition will be wondrous grateful Prethee how fell the perjur'd faithless man tell it me o're agen and I 'll resign my self for ever to thy Arms. Fri. Tell thee and take thee Were each word Blasphemy wou'd every Syllable betray my Life I 'de hast to utter it for that Reward though I can tell no more than what I 've done already that we met at a Ball prepar'd for the contracting of Wellman to Marinda where I being out in a Dance or I at least pretending so I struck him we drew but being parted there I challeng'd him out and it being late we fought i' th street where I had th' Advantage of him and kill'd him Cor. What did you with the Body Fri. Drag'd it into Fleet Ditch with the next Tide to flote where Fortune pleas'd and slew my dear Corina Cor. You shall dye for 't fond easie Fool Enter Sir Lyonel Sir John and lay hold of him Wellman from below with Officers Sir Ly. Seize the Murderer Oh wicked Villain base and treacherous Fri. Base and perfidious Woman hold off your hands and let me ask this Devil why she does thus Cor. Ah fool that cou'dst believe my Love so slight to let thee live that murder'd him I liv'd for Fri. Well ye Gods you have reclaim'd my Wildness and brought me back to man and now I see the Strong Deformity of sinful Passion Sir Ly. Come Come Sir we came not here to talk 't is Morning already carry him directly to the Old Baily the Sessions is now and let him be hang'd out of the way Fri. You 've Reason Sir and deserve this Usage but yet unhand me thus I 'de been serv'd had I indeed kill'd Wellman but Sir he lives lives at his Goldsmiths one Glister in Cheapside Cor. Heavens Lives Lives to be married Oh Sir Ly. We are not to believe that Sir to Prison with him till he can prove this true Fri. No rudeness Sir I 'll go unguarded Death what a vile poor degenerate thing a Mercenary Woman is Sir Joh. How a Mercenary Woman Where the Devil have I liv'd and how past my time I knew her not before this is her Man I must get acquainted with him Friend a Word I pray Sir Ly. How Sir this Woman set you on nay then Mr. Constable pray lay hold of her and see her forth coming Cor. With Joy since Wellman lives and lives to be perjur'd no matter what becomes of poor lost me weeping Fri. No Sir let me instruct you take my Word I am a Gentleman and known to you she shall be forth coming if there be an Occasion tho' she be false she is a Woman still a beauteous lovely Woman come Sir I 'll follow you Dunwel leads in Corina Well I 've yet a little Pity on my Heart and that forsaken Beauty I have ruin'd and looking on Sir Joh. But Sir you do not mind me Well Said you Sir Sir Joh. I ask'd you Sir who this Lady was to whom I perceive you belong whether a man may be welcome for his Money you conceive me Well Sir Angryly Sir Joh. Nay Sir I ask your Pardon Sir no Offence I hope I 'am a Knight by Birth Sir and have Sir some sixteen hundred a year Sir no contemptable Fortune for a Gallant Well A Gallant Sir Sir Joh. Whe yes Sir a Gallant Sir whe what a Devil I speak no Treason I hope in the Lord. Well But Sir you do as bad this Lady is of Quality and has a Fortune too or if she had not she has Beauty sufficient to intitle her to be a wife Sir Joh. Say you so Friend I must confess I am very much taken with her Beauty but that I have a sort of an Ingagement upon my Person to Mrs. Diana now but I like this better by much Sir and if she can but clear her self of the Business of this Murder and has but any reasonable Fortune and I get my self off this Diana Well Who is she Sir Sir Joh. Sir Lyonel Worthy's Daughter Sir a little learing Titt as any 's in England Well Sir to serve you cou'd you help me to the Speech of her I wou'd do much and have some artful Cunning. Sir Joh. Help thee whe I 'll carry thee immediately man but do 't so as
she may be very willing to part with me or else poor thing t will grieve me to disappoint her Well I 'll warrant you for doing that and clearing this Lady and securing you a Portion Sir Joh. E Gad and I 'm a Man made then come along thou shalt have a handsom Reward for thy Pains too Exeunt SCENE Sir Lyonel's House Two Chairs a Table Enter Marinda and Diana and Maid Mar. But Sister is 't a Sin to hang one's self Is it a Crime to dye when Life 's a Torment Methinks Heaven shou'd forgive it Dia. Prethee leave these Disputes ye make me sad A Humour that I hate and yet for Friendly I 've try'd to weep and sigh and have attain'd to 't With very much adoe Mar. Oh thou art happy wou'd I were unconcern'd An even brutal Temper that no Miseries Cou'd touch nor Mirth cou'd elevate Dia. Call you that brutal give me that solid one I hate your thin and unsubstantial Soul That every ject or small Assault of Grief Breaks through and makes ridiculous Mirth and Rage For every petty accident Give me a Soul A Humour that 's in Grain not one that Fades like Colours in the Sun and changes like Your Cheeks now pale now red and tells the World The Secrets of your Heart and yet I must confess I 'm Griev'd for Friendly for you know I lov'd him Yet not so much to whine or dye for him Mar. 'T is true when I consider he was false methinks I should not dye Dia. Nay as for that I think you are mistaken I believe him true enough and that was some insensed Mistris some of his Family of Love that envyed your Happiness only and came to put you in Despair and I believe Wellman is not dead nor can I think Friendly cou'd be so base upon any account to kill him he 's virtuous has some Religion in him and much honesty prethee be pacified come sit you have not slept to night sit and le ts sing to you and I dare hold you my Diamond Pendants to fifty Guinneys Wellman is alive Come Ample sing a Song Enter Wellman and Sir John at the door Sir Joh. Look ye Sir I have brought you in now lay your lyes as close together as you please do you my bus'ness and no matter how I must to the Sessions house this morning to give my Evidence against Friendly Ex Sir Joh. Ample sings a Song Mar. Away I 'll hear no more I cannot sleep Alas there is no Musick like my sighs and grones leave me and let me go to rest and Wellman Dia. Ample she swoons help help Well By your leave sweet Creatures Dia. Uncivil Sir what are you Well One that brings comfort hah the Lady dying stand off I have a Cordial in my Voice oh she 's gone curs'd be my Trial See 't is Wellman calls Dia. Wellman ha ha ha Sister look up he 's here Well She stirs give her more Air. Mar. How have I slip'd off Life where am I hah in Heaven sure and this is Wellman kneeling Art thou an Angel there Well I would not wish it yet no we have an Age to come in love e're we arrive to that Mar. You live then softly I shall dy with Joy else Well Call back the Blood into thy paled Cheeks thou Miracle of Women I made this tryal only to secure my Faith and I believe you love and I am happy by all that 's good I never was unjust that Woman that beauteous Sinner whom you saw I 've been to blame with but you must forgive the Errours of my Youth Mar. I do and her and must love whom you 've lov'd Well I thank thy goodness but it shall not need hereafter I 'll tell thee all my Life but now my time is short and I must yet remain in this Disguise 'till Friendly's Tryal's past for he shall suffer to the last degree for leaving thee Diana for another Dia. And has he been so wicked Well Yes but is now reclaim'd but 't was but in obedience to your Commands you 'd have him try to lose his Maidenhead and he forsooth fell desperately in love but I 'll return the Penitent into your Arms again Di. Faith Brother I do love the Fugitive that 's flat and if my Father please will marry him but he 's for Sir John Empty Well But Sir John Empty is not for you his heart 's ingag'd to this Corina my quondam Mistris she strikes all dead that look on her and I 'm to get your consent he may leave you Dia. Alas pray tell him tho' 't will break my very heart yet what must be must be Marriages are made in Heaven and so forth Enter Sir John running Well Let me alone but see where he comes breathless Sir Joh. News news news news Dia Mackerel Mackerel Mackerel fresh come ashore Sir Joh. Whe how now Mrs. Marinda whe you look blith and brisk upon 't Dia. Whe ay is not that better than louring and pouting and puling which is troublesom to the living and vain to the Dead for my own part let my Husband laugh at me when I 'm dead so he smile upon me whilst I live I love a chearful countenance in all conditions Sir Joh. Ay but to see a Woman whine and yet the Devil a tear falls mourn and yet keep her cheeks full Dia. Ay there 's the Devil Sir Joh. And yet I was heartily afraid y faith that I shou'd a seen a Garland on that Beauty's Herse but Time Truth Experience and variety have great power over Woman-kind Dia. Well Sir but to the business the News you were so big with Sir Jo. Why 't is this the Publick Sessions this day holden at the Old Baily has condemn'd poor Frank Friendly Well Hah Whe Sir he offered to produce Mr. Wellman at one Mr. Glisters a Goldsmiths Sir Joh. That 's all one when it came to the test Glister deny'd he ever saw or heard of him and his own Confession hangs him without more witness and with him Dashit the Vintner is condemn'd for Robbery and several others Well How Dashit for Robbery and was it prov'd against him Sir Joh. Only shrewd suspicions 't is thought he 'l have a Pardon a Cloak was stolen that Cloak he had The Justice was in Drink that committed him the Judges severe and in haste the Jury hungry and so the Knave was cast but hang him he has cheated me with many an unmerciful Bill but Lord to hear his mone his wishes his curses his prayers and his ill-tim'd Zeal by my troth they wou'd have made a Comedy But Sir the Lady the poor Lady you serve and who betrayed Friendly is sent to Newgate Well I 'll take my Oath 't is a lovely Gentlewoman 't is a thousand pities they say she must be try'd the next Sessions Wellman joggs Diana and whispers Dia. Let me alone for a neat and seasonable lye aside how Sir a Lady pray who mean ye Well She
therefore have a righteous Stomach for you perhaps may sup in Heaven to morrow Dash Alas Sin I have no stomach to it at all Sir please you to take my Trencher I never eat at night Mrs. Dash Ah Husband I little thought you shou'd have had need to have thought of Heaven so soon oh had you been hang'd deservedly 't wou'd ne're have troubled me for there 's many an innocent man has been hang'd deserv'dly but to be cast away for nothing oh oh bawls Trick Comfort your self good Mistris moderate Grief is decent you 'l shortly be a Widow and I 'm a Batchelor I 'll come and visit ye and give you Christian consolation Mrs. Dash Ah Sir you shall be heartily welcome and pray make haste oh oh crying still Dash Well I do here make my Confession before all good Christian People and do declare that if I owe any man any thing I do heartily forgive him Sir Joh. In truth Religiously spoken Whe this is something Da. But but if any manowes me any thing let him pay my Wife Sir Joh. A good reason too y faith Da. There are the Writings of that Rogue 's Estate who has brought me to this untimely End dear Writings to me God knows Mrs. Dash Where had you these Dash I took 'em out yesterday thinking to have carry'd 'em to my Lawyers in order to taking the forfeiture of 'em now thou may'st do 't Mrs. Da. Ay ay Husband I 'll warrant'ye I shall be diligent Dash And now good Yoke-fellow take leave of thy honest and true Dashet weeping Mrs. Dash No Husband an 't please the Lord I 'll not leave you now I 'll see you hang'd first cryes Trick Hah my writings now for a trick of dexterity to retrieve those and I 'm a man again aside but Brother you must remember your sins too and iniquities you must consider you have been a Broacher of prophane Vessels you have made us drunk with the juice of the Whore of Babylon for whereas good Ale Perry Syder and Metheglin were the true Ancient British and Trojan Drinks you have brought in Popery meer Popery French and Spanish Wines to the subversion staggering and overthrowing of many a good Protestant Christian oh remember the Sins of the Cellar beloved the Mid-night sins that have been unsavoury to the tasts of your Customers when you put the change upon 'em remember your double scorings and long Bills ah remember your long Bills this while he picks Mrs. Dashets pocket of the Writings Well This is that Rogue Trickwell aside Dash Ah! I confess I confess and forgive cryes has any heard of one Trickwell Trick Trickwell yes I know him well a very honest Religious man and an unright Dealer with his Neighbours and their Wives speak well of him Dash I 'll take it upon my Death he 's the cause of my hanging but I heartily forgive him and if he wou'd but yet come forth and save me I wou'd set him free from the Law and discharge him for injuring me Well And wou'd you from the bottom of your Soul forgive him all his cheats and Rogueries Dash I wou'd and be bound in a thousand pound Bond to save him from the Law ah but 't is impossible cryes Well Why look ye Sir behold your worshipful Friend and humble Servant Thomas Trickwell Trick Hah discovered by Mr. Wellman Dash Trickwell Well Now bawling Mr. Dashet Dash Who wou'd have look't for a Wolf in Sheeps cloathing or a Knave in a Parson's Gown Trick No railing Dashet if you do I 'l swear against you yet Dash Ay do and damn your Soul Trick What with a little Perjury the Lord have Mercy on our Age then No no Sir I 'll retrieve you from the Gallows but as for your Goods and Moneys it must go towards the use of my two hundred pound a year which you have kept me from this two years and of which now thanks to my Dexterity I stand again possest shows the Writings Dash How my Writings gone Trick Thank God you 're so rid of them for I had been an eternal Rent charge upon you else if I had not hang'd you you know you had 'em for a little damn'd ballderdash Wine Dash Well I 'de better loose my Writings than my Life Well Hold Trickwell yonder Woman I have been oblig'd to and you have had Relief from no Writings nor Pardon under marrying Mrs. May here pointing to Dunwel Trick Lord Sir what a Bawd Well The better Sirrah she has a good Calling then when all fails Dun. Gods Blessing of your heart Sir Well No grumbling do 't or I 'le deliver remember Sirrah how you used my Mistress last night and had the Impudence to rival me aside to him Trick Well Sir of two Evils I 'll chuse this give me thy hand Moll thou 'st been a loving Soul I must confess Dash So there 's some Revenge I cou'd even cry for Joy now Mrs. Dash And so cou'd I too if I knew for what Enter Sir Lyonel Sir Ly. Here where 's Mr. Friendly here 's your Reprieve Sir Hah Marinda and Diana Dia. Yet with their Husbands Sir Sir Ly. How How hah Mr. Wellman alive and with Mr. Friendly God bless ye God bless ye all I 'm glad on 't Sir Joh. Ay Sir and I am maryed to this Lady Sir Ly. I 'm glad of that too Enter Keeper with a Reprieve Here Mrs. Betty where are you Here 's a Reprieve come for you Betty Hah a Reprieve What Devil ow'd me this malicious Spight a Reprieve dam thee thou ill thou ominous looking Dog ever the Messenger of Hellish Tidings Oh! I cou'd tear thy hated Tongue out Rogue beats him Sham. Nay dear better be patient and if we must part Betty Art thou turn'd cruel too and preachest Patience Patience with Life no I defie my Fate Scorning to live without thee thou shalt see I 'll find a thousand ways to dye with thee Led weeping with Sham. out Sir Ly. By ' th Mass a hearty Wench I 'll warrant her but come let 's away good Boys let 's home and Dance but first give Money to these poor Wretches Throws his long Purse amongst ' em From this dire place many to Death have gone But to be marry'd very rarely one FINIS