every Blockhead 4 Rogue Would some of the Strangers would come out to us be sure they 're full of Money Footpad Come let 's roar out our Song of the Gypsies with laudable voices and that may train 'em out of the house 1 Rogue Come on let 's be merry by our selves 2 Rogue Come I love singing mightily Footpad So well that as thou livest singing thou wilt diesinging a Psalm I mean 2 Rogue Oh the brave jolly Gypsie Who often in tipsie And has strong Ale good store With a little black Whore When credit does fail With fat Hostess for Ale He grows dogged and sullen Steals her Geese and her Pullen And Linen that 's bleaching If it be within reaching 'T is juggled away By night or by day Then Fortunes we tell But stealing does well To help out the Trade Which is somewhat decay'd When Maids are a kissing Their things never missing Then we take our time And think it no crime And then the next morning Their Hue and Cry scorning We care not a straw For their Statute Law 1 Rogue Here come some of ' em Enter Justice Spoilwit Colonel Bounce and Sir John Noddy and Bulter Just We 'l take a Turn here before Dinner bring us word when her Ladiship comes down Butl. I will Sir I must go look after my Mistress Margery here are so many Gentlemen's Men I shall have one or other shap her up Just I'faith was it you that made this Musick you are brave Gypsies melodious Gypsies Sir John Where are the rest of your Company Footpad They are behind an please your Worship but I am chief All Rogues This is our Captain Just What I warrant you can tell Fortunes prethee look in my hand and tell me mine Col. Prethee Justice why wilt thou be such an Ass dost thou think they can tell Just Colonel I do assure you I have known notable understanding men men of excellent parts Gypsies 1 Rogue Sir I 'le warrant you I 'le tell you yours Col. I 'm sure I 'le give you nothing 1 Rogue 'T is no matter 2 Rogue Sir let me see your hand The Justice and Sir John give 'em money 1 Rogue By your Venus Trench You should love a Wench Col. Should why I do you Puppy and so does all the World Footpad I see plainly that you will be Knighted and marry a rich Widow As they tell their Fortunes they pick their Pockets Col. Ounds ye lying Rogues to flatter him so Just Good Sir have patience i'faith they are men of skill I know ' em Footpad How Fools will lie and help to cozen themselves Just So God save me I have known some Gypsies predict as well as Lilly or Gadbury 2 Rogue Sir it has been your mishap In your time to get a Clap. They all laugh Col. What dull Rogues these are why you Rascals is there a Gentleman that has not had a Clap Sir John Faith and Troth I have had six little and great ha ha ha Just Ha ha ha but i'faith shall I be Knighted and marry the Lady hah 1 Rogue Pray Sir let me see By your hand and this line You love a Glass of Wine Col. Why you abominable dull Rascal does not every body love Wine and Women there 's a Secret indeed why thou stupid blockheaded Puppy I could beat thy brains out if thou had'st any come a Pox on 't let 's be gone Just Nay good Colonel have patience alas you do not understand these things these are gifts Col. Gifts I 'm sure I 'le give them nothing 3 Rogue Alas Sir I am ingram man I desire no money I 'le pray for your Worship Col. Ay I think you may have wit enough for that Footpad By this Line of Honour Sir I find you 'l be made a Lord before you die Col. Come away you blockheaded Justice Just Well I come a Lord Oh brave a Lord well stay here and I 'le get my Lady to send for ye and pray let her know that she is to marry me Col. Come away poor witless Cheats poor Fools Sir John Ha ha ha look you there Justice Sir John strikes away one of the Gypsies Sticks Just Ha ha ha I thought we should have ye i'faith hah ha ho ho. Sir John Ha ha ha have I caught you Justice Sir John walks with his hand upon the Justice's shoulder whips off his Hat Just Ha ha ha you will never leave i'faith you are the pleasantest man ha ha ha Col. Come these are the silliest cheats Ex. Col. Justice Sir John Footpad Go your ways you 'l find your selves Fools by and by 'T is true you are witty but my judgment 's righter Since my Pocket's full and your Pocket's lighter Come my brave Rogues let 's be gone this was a brave booty let 's away and shift and divide lest if we should stay we may be taken and hang'd about this business All. Come away noble Captain Ex. Rogues Enter Lady Haughty Isabella Nan. Lady Where are my doughty Lovers I have stay'd a pair of minutes for 'em at least Isab Some Ladies would be as proud of such a Train of Lovers as Lawyers are of many Clients or Divines of heaps of Parishes to follow them Lady Some Lady would struct and take upon her like a new upstart Favourite to a Prince that flyes above the Gentry of his Country and uses 'em scurvily Indeed I have not much reason to triumph to day for I have none but Coxcombs Isab But you have every day variety as a Favourite has Lady And I use 'em scurvily too but yet they come and dissemble fawn flatter worship and fall down before me as if they took me for the golden Calf and I all the while look upon them with the same scorn that a new-raised Favourite does upon his Betters Nan. Did your Ladiship find such great affliction in Matrimony that you are such a violent enemy to it Lady So much as I am resolved never to be so constrained again I 'le continue as free as Nature made me why should we submit to that foolish Animal Man Let him be head I 'le keep the Fools at a distance and make them crouch Nan. But I hear of one Courtier too that is coming down that will win you the finest nice perfum'd periwig'd feather'd Person in the World Lady I know who 't is what shall I marry an outside of a man a Fellow put together by a Milliner Perfumer Feather-man and French Taylor Isab When Women fall much in love with men for their fine Cloaths I wonder they are not more in love with the Taylors that made ' em Lady A rich Suit out of an old Wardrobe would make as good a Husband I 'le give a Receipt of him Take fine rich Cloaths and do not pay for 'em take a Barber for a Counsellor rail at all but the present scorn and endeavour to depress all Arts and Sciences which he knows nothing of whisper Proclamations in your ears for Secrets tell
you what the King said to him once upon a time that shall be nameless when he scarce takes notice of him once a year perhaps speaks to him neer Nan. Oh but they are rare men for making Love Madam Lady Faith they have but one Receipt of making Love which is like an Almanack for the Meridian of the Court and generally serves 'em for all England Quack-salvers Empiricks in Love that have but one Receipt for every thing The common High-way of Love flatter you and condemn others extol your Wit and yet think to make you a Fool praise your Vertue and yet strive to lie with you Isab And at such easie rates too swear he is your Vassal and lie at your feet nothing but lie cog flatter and dissemble which can cozen none but overweening self Lovers Lady Right Cousin they can deceive none but those that contribute to deceive themselves Nan. Lord should one suspect honest Gentlemen when they give one so good words too Lady They that do not suspect will be more than suspected Nan. For what Madam Lady For Fools Nan. But here come the Gentlemen now Madam Isabella observe Sir John Noddy 't is the merriest pretty Gentleman Enter Justice Sir John Colonel they salute the Ladies Lady Gentlemen you are welcome Sir John how do all our Friends in your Country how does my Lord your Neighbour Sir John Very well Madam I was a hunting with my dear Lord t'other day and he lighted and we all lighted and I sneaked behind one of his Gentlemen and thrust him into a plash of water ha ha ha Just Very good i'faith ha ha ha Sir John But had you seen my Lord how he laught the tears ran trickling down his Honour's cheeks he desired me to forbear or I should kill him then charged every body not to speak of it that he might tell it first when he came home Nan. Madam did not I tell you what a pretty witty wild Gentleman Sir John was Just Madam yonder are Gypsies without have told us our Fortunes if your Ladiship please to hear your's i'faith they are rare men men of excellent skill He feels in his Pocket ha hum what a Devil Oh Pox where 's my money O Devil Lady What 's the matter have the Gypsies bewitch't you Just O Lord Oh they or some body have pick't my Pocket of five pound in Silver and forty pound in old Gold Col. Truly Justice they are men of skill excellent skill Sir John Ha ha ha oh oh hum what have your Pocket pick't Justice that a man should be such an Ass Col. Ha oh Devil where is it Ounds they have done the same for me I have lost every cross Just Oh have you so Colonel Sir John I am the Son of a Strumpet if they have not got all mine too Just Ha ha ha Knight your Pocket pick't that a man should be such an Ass Knight The Cook knocks on the Dresser for Dinner carrying up Lady Come Gentlemen let 's in the Cook summons us to Dinner with that knocking comfort your selves after your losses here is money in the house you may make use of it Gentlemen if you please but let 's to dinner Just Come Madam we wait on you I shall have a hundred pound paid me by a Fellow that lives hard by you shall have what you will as far as that goes Gentlemen Sir John pulls off his Periwig and flings it away Sir John Thank you good Sir there ha ha ha oh good Justice now I am even with you ha ha Just Ha ha oh oh well go thy ways I never saw such a merry man in my life Lady What a strange Coxcomb is this Knight Cousin come Isab He is so but methinks the other is a handsom Gentleman there is a noble roughness in his countenance that speaks an honest plainness and a wise contempt of those Fools he is in company with his Mine and Air pleases me strangely Lady Allons Gentlemen Col. We wait on you Madam Ex. omnes ACT III. Lady Haughty Isabella Colonel Justice Sir John Codshead and Crambo and Nan at the lower end of the Table at Dinner Sir John COme Madam Isabella are you for some Plaice here is a great Plaice Ladies love to take place ha ha ha Just Very good ha ha ha Isab You are the pleasantest company Sir John where do you learn these things amongst the Wits Sir John No Madam Pox the Wits are dull Fellows they call themselves Wits but they are dull very dull I keep company with the Clinchers they are the rare company Col. Did ever man light into the company of such Fools Lady What are these Clinchers Sir John What are they why they are the gravest of Divines and Lawyers Judges will do 't upon the Bench at an Arraignment and sometimes your States-men are good at it they cannot forget when they were Sophisters Just Faith Madam these Clinchers are the wittiest people in the World Lady Pray Mr. Spoilwit cut me a piece of that Rabit Just Madam it is a raw bit and not a Rabit for it is not half roasted ha ha Sir John Ha ha Crambo Very good ha ha ha Codsh 'T is very good the Devil take me Crambo Again at the Devil Codsh Peace I hope my Lady took no notice on 't Col. to Isab I never knew any great Lady keep above one Fool and my Lady has four or five Madam Isab I think she had best put 'em in Livery Sir Just Here is a very good Fowl will you prove a Goose Sir John ha ha ha Sir John Ha ha no no but there 's a very good Woodcock Justice ha ha I love a Woodcock Justice ha ha Crambo Very good on both sides Col. That Poet Madam is a very dull Fellow Isab As dull a Poet as one shall see in a Summers day this man has sense and looks like a Gentleman Aside Sir John What are you for a Gull Justice ha ha ha Just No no I had as live's eat of an Owl Sir John I love not a Gull Sir John ha ha ha there I gave it him i'faith Colonel Sir John Ha ha ha very good i'faith well there is nothing like this Wit at Dinner Just Wit is never so good as at Meals it makes one digest the meat so rarely Lady Wit is indeed a fine thing but do grave Men Divines and Lawyers and Men of great business use this kind of Wit Sir John Oh ever while you live they are the wittiest people they are so full of Jests and will so laugh especially at Meals Just I'faith Sir John's in the right your Wits your flashy Wits are nothing to them when they please to be merry Sir John Oh there was a Judge that use to come our Circuit the purest company a Gentleman ask't a Lady whether she would have any Custard says the Judge Cus-turd you may be ashamed to name so uncivil a thing to so fine a Gentlewoman ha ha ha Just Passing good ha ha ha Sir
merry Knight he 's of the Noddy's of the North an arch Wag indeed la. The Justice leans upon his Cane Sir John Noddy strikes it away and the Justice is ready to fall upon his Nose Sir John Ha ha ha ha ha brave Justice ha ha Just Ha ha ha ha well go thy ways thou art an arch one you would make one die with laughing ha ha ha Coll. mocking them Ha ha ha ha i'faith Sir you would make one die with laughing Pox on him is this a merry witty Knight with his Monkey tricks Sir John Faith I love to be merry my Lord my Neighbour is so pleas'd with me he 'l never be without me Just Indeed Colonel he 's excellent company he would make one burst with laughing Sir John I remember yesterday at my Lords ha ha ha ha Just What Sir John ha ha ha Sir John I laid a hot stone in the Window and his Man Tom came and ha ha ha did so horribly ha ha The Justice all the while laughs with him Col. What burn him Sir John Ay ay and he threw it away and ran for Sallet-oil ha ha ha it had like to have kil'd my Lord. Just Ha ha ha very good nay you are the best at these things in the world i'faith he is Colonel Col. As God save me but if he should use me so I would beat him exceedingly Sir John Another time one of my Lords Men stood very soberly I held my finger thus and called him Jack of a sudden and he turn'd suddenly and hit his Nose such a bump ha ha ha I had almost died with laughing and all that were by laugh'd so it was wonderful my Lord hearing it ask't what was the matter which they told him then says he I thought it could be no body but my Neighbour Jack Noddy for there is not such a witty Fellow in the whole Country again Just No more there is not i'faith Sir John Col. The Devil take me if I see any such thing he is for ought I see a most gross absurd Coxcomb Sir John But says my Lord these are gifts that Nature bestows on men on some more on some less as she pleases his Lordship is in the right they are gifts that 's the truth on 't but ha ha ha I remember another was standing by the fire I heated the great end of my Riding-rod and put it in his hand he flew such a way ha ha ha from the fire oh oh oh oh Men Women and Children laught so horribly swearing that Sir John Noddy was the best company in the Earth and the wittiest Gentleman Just Look you there Colonel he is a very merry brisk facetious person indeed Col. He is a very witty person indeed Sir John Alas Sir no not I not I by no means Sir yet I swear my Lord will seldom be without me especially at christmas if I be but away a fortnight at any time he sends poste for me he cannot be without me Col. Does no body ever take you on the pate for these things Sir John No no sometimes they I say Leave your fooling or I 'le knock you I vow I 'de teach you better manners were it not for my Lord or so then I laugh and protest I meant 'em no harm and drink drunk with 'em and all 's well again Just Ay ay why who can take such pretty innocent mirth ill Sir John And then I entertain them well at my house and my Sister makes much of them they love me the best of any Gentleman in the Shire of any Quality Col. I find you have a very good Sister that will make much of people Sir John I Sir she 's as good a Sister as any man has I thank God Col. Justice one word with you does he come to make Love to the Widow Just I believe he does Sir John gives the Justice a jerk in the Ham and laughs Sir John Ha ho oh oh hum Just Ha ha ha oh oh 'um get you gone you Wag. Sir John This is a Trick I have made my Lord laugh with till he has been ready to fall down Col. For ought I hear he is the merriest Lord in Europe Enter the Butler Just Oh how now James art thou come Butler I am glad to see your Worship well Sir John I am your Worship 's humble Servant Sir John beats the Butler's Hat out of his hand Just Butler laugh Ha ha your Worship will never leave these things ha ha Just Ha ha ha well you are the very'st arch one but dear Sir John forbear you will kill me with laughing I shall break a vein i'faith Butler Come Gentlemen will you please to take a cast of my Office and take a Cup of lusty Canary or Maroh Beer that will make a Cat speak Sir John Well said James but where 's my Lady Butler Not drest yet come Gentlemen be pleased to walk in the while her Ladiship 's a dressing Just Come Gentlemen I am for a Cup of Sack before Dinner clearly Sir John takes the Justices Cane and sets it before James who falls down Just Ha ha oh oh forbear good Sir John or I must leave you I am not able to endure it ha ha oh oh 'um Sir John Faith I cannot help it I love to be merry ha ha ha James Nay I know your Worship will never leave till your mouth be cold as the saying is ha ha ha Exeunt omnes laughing Enter Codshead walks musing Codsh Ha you are all my Rivals but there 's ne're a handsome Fellow amongst them the Devil take me I am cursing again like a Devil look there again like a Devil what shall I do to speak I see the Justice is going with the Butler he will be as drunk as an Owl drunk as an Owl why there 't is again I will bite my tongue like a Devil but that I 'le remember it again like a Devil I shall be undone what will become of me I am in a desperate condition Gad take me I shall lose the Widow now am I swearing again I will bite my tongue enough to remember it let me see your eyes Madam your bright eyes ah it was a coming your bright eyes have so enslaved me that the De ah it was just a coming there that I can no longer as I ho there it was again that Madam I can no longer call my heart my own that was pretty well You are the pretty Thief that stole it and go O Lord it was e'en out this is a cruel pain but Madam think me not rude if I apprehend your Ladiship for this Love-felony for if you do not restore my heart or give me some comfort the oh I shall be as dull as a oh hold hold it must be overcome with great labour and industry Well before I marry her I will do what I can to abstain but when I have her I am resolved to take my full swing ha there was a whole sentence without oaths or curses
Rogue but by my Patent Footpad Why thou would'st have money enough to overcome the Grand Signior thou unconscionable Fellow 1 Rogue Faith I love to wish to the purpose but let 's in Footpad Come on but remember still that thieving is a more profitable Roguery than fidling and therefore be sure to keep thy hand in ure 1 Rogue Shall I ever live to have it said of me that my right hand forgot to steal no no never may I live to see that day Footpad Nobly spoke and like a Roman Thief I mean but here come the Ladies let 's in Exeunt Enter Lady Haughty Isabella and Nan. Lady Ha Cousin I am afraid this victorious Colonel has overcome you Isab Not so Madam but he appears the better for being amongst the Fools here Lady That 's true but prethee dissemble not with me for I find this blustring Souldier has storm'd your heart Isab My heart Madam why should you imagine it Lady 'T is so no more I 'le endeavour to mollifie this Dub a Dub this tempestuous Colonel for you Isab I beseech you Madam don't believe this of me Aside And yet to say truth I begin to believe it of my self I would I had not seen him Lady He seems to be a good honest rough Fellow and may make a good Husband here 's Nan is such an arrant Lover of Sir John Noddy she 's mawdlin for him Nan. Madam I neither can nor will dissemble he 's is so fine a witty facetious person no body needs be ashamed of him and the handsomest Gentleman upon earth Lady Come I 'le endeavour to oblige ye both come on Gentlemen you are come to take the Air. Enter Sir John Justice and Colonel Sir John No Madam I am come to take something else Lady What 's that Sir John Sir John Your heart Madam ha ha ha that was well Lady You won't rob me will you Just Prethee stand by you take her heart My bucksom Lady I am come to you An ancient Justice that in Love does sue To draw with you in that most happy yoke Of Wedlock and you 'l find him heart of Oke I know your humor 's pleasant gay and merry And so is mine you 'l find with a hey down derry Lady You 're a very merry Justice though not in your prime You have been a Spark I warrant you in your time And Sir you 're heartily welcome in Rime There 's Poetry for your Poetry Just Ha ha very good i'faith was a Spark I am still so and as merry a Fellow as any of the Quorum i'faith Sir John If mirth will please you if I make you not merry I 'le lose my Knighthood that cost me five hundred pound Why I make every body die with laughing that I keep company withal ask my Lord my Neighbour on my conscience and soul I shall be the death of him for one Lady Then 't will be dangerous venturing upon you I shall be in fear of my life for you Col. blustring up to her Stand by who is it that dares pretend to this Lady while I am present hah Sir John The Colonel 's mad he looks as if he would eat one Just Fair Lady I 'le withdraw my Suit must cease When War appears no Justice of the Peace Lady No stay what will you quit me so what are you Sir what would you have Col. I am a Souldier and to speak plain English I am for you which way you will any way in the world Lady As how good boisterous Sir you mean to make Love as they make War with Fire and Sword Col. Faith Madam I would lie with you and not marry you or marry you and not lie with you or lie with you and then marry you or marry you and then lie with you or neither marry you nor lie with you chuse which and take your course Lady Why you are all Gun-powder would you blow up a poor Widow at first Isab Did not I tell you he was a pleasant man Madam Lady I see you love War Cousin and have a mind to folow the Camp Col. Why look you in short you are a very merry Widow and I am a merry Souldier if you like me so faith make no more words on 't here 's my hand Lady and there 's an end on 't Lady But what if I do not like you Noble Colonel Col. Why then so I hope a man may keep a poor little thing of his own as the world goes when the worst comes to the worst and that will offend no body Lady Good Colonel let me be a little free with you Col. Take your course Lady Have not you been advised by some experienced frail Matron that a Widow is to be won with huffing and blustring Col. I am my own Counsellor God ye are most of you too cunning to be won by Stratagem and you must be carried by storm Lady You are a mad Colonel and I like you the better for it I hate the common Road of Woing in the Dunstable High-way of Matrimony I love to be woed fantastically but let 's see what you can do for me now Do you shew your parts and these Gentlemen shall shew theirs that I may chuse discreetly Col. What a Pox Madam do you take me for your Dog your Spaniel to fetch and carry and shew tricks for you Lady Good Mr. Mars be not so passionate Col. Ounds Madam do you think to rank me with Coxcombs Sir John Who the Devil does he call Coxcomb a Knight a Coxcomb that 's impossible Just I'faith if I thought he meant me I 'de bind him to the good Behavior a Justice a Coxcomb that were a good one i'faith Col. Death Madam I am not to be used thus Lady Then good Sir leave me to those that will be used so I will divert my self here pray take you a Walk with my Cousin in the mean time and see if she will use you better Col. With all my heart Madam give me leave to wait upon you since she 's no better company Ex. Col. and Isabella Lady Come let me see what good qualities you have give me leave to sit and judge betwixt you that I may chuse discreetly a Chair in the first place he that I marry must sing well that 's certain Sir John Oh Pox if singing will do I 'le fit you to a hair i'faith Just If I ever fail you in that Madam Lady Come on Justice and begin Just Hem will you hear how a Spanish Lady wooed an English Man Garments gay as rich as may be Deck't with Jewels had she on Lady Good Justice some other I like not that so well Sir John Ha ha ha I thought how he 'd please her Just Now I shall fit you When as King Henry govern'd the Land The second of that Name Besides his Queen he dearly lov'd A fair and Princely Dame Most parlous was her Beauty found Her favour and her face A sweeter Creature in this World Did never Prince
one but now you I supply the place Just Why I am a Justice of Peace Sir Col. But you have Honour have you not Sir Just Faith yeâ— a kind of Country honour a Pox of this French honour of Duels and Seconds fighting but they have left it off and we like Fools must continue it but I 'le not deny it I was as good a Back-sword man in my time as any at Grays-Inn I tell you that I have had there many a Venue Col. You are a Man of Honour and I am obliged to you Just Faith I will mow 'em I will have a Leg or an Arm of 'em at least but what shall I do with my hundred pound Enter Footpad in the shape of a poor old Cripple Col. Let the Conqueror take it 't will be the spoil of the field by right of War Footpad I less you sweet Masters one penny to a poor Lazer for charity sake which will gain you Heaven thousands of blessed Acres for the cheap Purchase of a poor earthly transitory Penny Just Get you gone one cannot talk together for this Rascal Footpad Good Gentlemen if not for charity to be rid of me Pox on these lazy Rogues will they never come Sweet-fac'd Gentlemen Right Worshipful Right Honourable and well-beloved Gentlemen spare a penny for the poor vanquish with your bounty my numerous and horrid enemies hunger thirst cold and saving your presence lousiness that makes me itch and scratch for your money bless ye sweet Masters remember the poor Just There a Pox go with ye one can never be quiet for those Beggars Footpad A thousand blessings fall on you for your curses when they come thus attended bless you Masters bless you a plague on those Rogues will they never come what an opportunity shall we lose Col. Yonder I think I see 'em coming Just Let 'em come I fear 'em not i'faith I 'le slash 'em have at a Leg or an Arm I say Col. Ah brave Justice but what will you do with your money Just There 's no body near I think I had best make this poor Cripple hold it he looks as if he were honest Col. If he were not honest he 's alone and a Snail would out-run him Just Come hither poor Fellow Footpad Bless you sweet Master Just You must do me a courtesie Footpad I can do nothing but pray for your sweet Worship Just Take this hundred pound and hold it till I go into the next Close and dispatch a little business Footpad Alas Sir I am a poor man a wretched poor Cripple that walks on wooden Legs a Snail pace with great agony and pain alas any body may take it from me Just No I 'le trust thee with it Footpad 'T is a sign your Worship is weary of your money for the present but I 'le be faithful to your Worships Bag. Aside Now I shall do it without those Rogues Just Come take it man Footpad Oh I shall never hold it wanting my Limbs both Legs and Arms Sir Just Come try Gives him the Bag. Footpad Oh I shall never hold it Falls down with the Bag. Oh oh that ever I was born Oh the pain I suffer Oh the heavy burthen of Riches Col. I never saw such a weak Fellow in my life help him up come give him his Crutches tye it upon his back like a Knapsack They tye it upon him Footpad Oh good your Worship make haste for I am not able to sustain this heavy burthen long Enter Sir John Noddy and Codshead Col. They are come Footpad Pray hear me Gentlemen though I am a poor man I will do nothing behind your backs Oh oh I am faint oh I am weak oh oh I am ready to depart He runs away and leaves his Crutches the Col. and Justice run after the Rogue Just Stop Thief Rogue Dog Col. This is a rare Cripple Codsh Holloa what do you run from us you mighty Colonel oh Cowards hey Cowards Sir John Ay ay they run they yield come let 's be going we have the Victory without fighting prethee let 's go what should we stay for Codsh Hold I think I see them coming back again Sir John The Devil you do a plague on 'em they do come let 's be going they ran from us and that 's enough for our honour Codsh You are my Cousin German and you shall not put up a box on the Ear and a Kick if you do Sir I will cut your throat my self for the honour of my Family Sir John Pox on the honour of my Family for me would I were of another Family Codsh Come bear up and fight well 't is nothing but God take me if you offer to flinch or fight scurvily I will be in the body of you my self Sir John Oh Sir let me tell you under the Rose you have done very ill to train a man out under pretence to walk and then bring him to fight that has no disposition to 't let me tell you that I love to live in peace and quietness with all men well Beati pacifici I say Cousin you are a bloody minded man Codsh Come bear up thou shalt get Honour Enter Justice and Colonel Sir John A Pox of Honour if it cannot be had without venturing ones life for 't I ventured nothing but my money for my Knighthood Just I 'le send a Hue and Cry after him there 's no overtaking him Col. Come Gentlemen did you think we ran from ye Just Run quoth he I 'le have a Leg or an Arm I assure you before I part with you run with a washing blow I will cut off his left Ear. Sir John Oh Lord bless me Cousin a Raven flew over my head and croaked besides the Salt was spilt towards me at dinner to day what shall I do Let 's put it off till a more lucky day Codsh No putting off I tell you Col. Come Gentlemen make ready you shall find we are no Cowards Just Come dispatch I long to be at it come Mr. Codshead I must wait upon you Sir John What a Pox if I must die I had as good die fighting a Devil take 'em for provoking me to this I 'le be the death of one of 'em if I can Enter Footpad and Rogues at a distance Footpad Let 's wait here for the spoil of the field now is the time run in and plunder They fight and olose and tumble down and struggle upon the ground the Rogues come in and take away their Swords 1 Rogue Lye still all of ye or we will stick you to the ground Col. How now Rogues what 's the matter 2 Rogue Such another word and I will cut your throat Sir John Ha I see fighting's nothing but 't is a scurvy thing to be rob'd often it Footpad Come faggot them quickly Just Oh Rogues ha this was the Beggar Footpad Your upper Garments we have but now off with your Breeches we must ease you of the vanity of fine Cloaths 3 Rogue
These must into our Wardrobe Codsh Oh you Rogues if I were loose Footpad Who are the greatest Rogues ye or we You were committing Murder contrary to Law and we steal contrary to Law 4 Rogue Shall we strip off their Shirts too they are of very good Holland Footpad No hang 't we 'l leave them decently farewel Gentlemen the next that comes will unloose you 1 Rogue Your Servant Gentlemen 2 Rogue Your Servant your Servant ha ha Ex. Rogues Sir John This is fine Honour i'faith but I see fighting's nothing any Blockhead may do it Enter an Old Woman Just Oh good Woman help us help us Woman What are you not well Codsh Not very well that 's the truth on 't Woman For ought I know you may have the Plague Col. No no nothing but some sprinklings of the Pox as Gentlemen should have Woman Mercy on me what a pickle you are in almost as naked as you were born who bound you thus Sir John Thieves Thieves prethee no questions but unbind us Woman Marry here 's Cord enough to hang them all if you could catch them poor hearts why you have hardly enough left to hide hum your hum what de call ' em Just A small matter will do that now Woman The more'â— the pity I would have 'em hid better now first undone help his Fellows pray give me the Lines to hang my Linen on they shall hang something till they can light on the right owners Col. Come on Gentlemen we have fought and since we have satisfied our Honours let 's be friends Codsh Come with all our hearts Sir John Faith Cousin if I had my Sword I have a great mind to have t'other 〈…〉 it Woman Come Sweet-heart come to my house and I 'le get you such things as I have to warm ye Just Thou art a good Woman come Gentlemen we 'l cover our nakedness a little and then to the Widows where we have Cloaths Exeunt omnes Enter Doctor and Crambo and a Servant or two waiting Doct. Come on Johnson has wrought very well I shall recover you again Cramb. Do you think so Doctor this Spleen is a cruel thing Doct. You have a spice of the Pox too you will never be perfectly well till you flux but I 'le patch you up to write well enough for the present Cramb. Ha here 's Gold in my Pocket how came this here this is the Cordial this will make me write better by your favour than Quick-silver what good Angel has done this Enter Lady Haughty and Isabella Lady How now Doctor how does your Patient Doct. Your Ladiship is come to see the last operation give me the Bottle of Burgundy Wine drink iustly give the some more Wine to anoine his Temples so so now for my Charms He anoints 〈…〉 Doctor Ye Gods this Poet now restore Or else he never will write more Him with Poetick flames inspire And give him a Celestial fire Give him fresh Fancies new unknown Ne're let him write but what 's his own A Poet is not made but born All helps of reading he should scorn Ne're vexes Authors but will look On the whole World that â—â— his Book Let him not here languishing lye Restore him now or let him dye The Poet starts up on a sudden Crambo How 's this I find my self renew'd And all obstructions that were crude Quite banisht from my head and heart My â—ealth I find in every part My blood flows high and swells each vein I 'm brought to common sense again All fames are dissipated clear My Fancies flame does now appear To Isab In it 's full lustre This power lyes I' th' radiant beams of your bright Eyes Enter Nan. Nan. Oh Madam we are undone undone Lady What 's the matter Nan. Oh your Ladiship 's Closet-lock has been pick't and your little Casket with Jewels is stollen Lady My Jewels stollen Oh misfortune whom should we suspect Nan. It seems the two Fidlers that sung and play'd when Mr. Crambo was sick stole out of the house of a sudden and took no leave besides they were lurking hereabouts Lady Send one immediately for Gervas my Grange-man he is Constable let him make speedy search for ' em Nan. I will Madam Enter Margery Marg. Oh Madam your gilt Caudle-cup is stollen what shall I do Enter Butler Butl. Madam I beg upon my knees you 'l pardon me Lady For what Butl. There 's forty pounds worth of Plate stollen out of the Buttery Isab Unconscionable Rogues to steal so much Lady Let 's to my Closet perhaps they have stollen more Cousin send out my Servants every way in search for ' em Ex. all but Doctor and Crambo Enter Justice Colonel Sir John and Codshead in Ruggs Mantlos c. Doct. Whom have we here Cramb. What 's this an Interlude Mr. Codshead what 's the matter Codsh Oh are you recover'd Cramb. Rob'd Sir John Ay rob'd stript just as you see Cramb. Ha ha ha Doct. I took you for Highlanders ha ha Sir John De ' you hear If you laugh I will sight with you both Gentlemen let me tell you that Doct. Be not angry Sir the House is rob'd of Plate and Jewels and Lord knows what my Lady has sent to search Just I have sent a Hue and Cry by Gervas the Constable but I am plaguily cold let 's in to dress us a little and drink a Bottle to comfort us Col. I am damnably cold come let 's in Cramb. Come on Rob'd quoth he ha ha ha Exeunt omnes Enter Footpad solus Footpad So I have sent my fellow Rogues away to dispose of the Cloaths and some transitory Moveables and have appointed 'em to meet elsewhere for this place will be too hot for us Here has been a brave harvest but I have sunk and cheated my Comerades of all the Jewels and Plate Omnia mea mecuns porto These Riches make me ambitious if I live six months longer I shall do my business for ought I know be able to buy a place for any Rogue may have a place that will give money enough let me see a place in the Custom-house to take Bribes and cheat the King there or an Office in some Court in Westminster-Hall where the formality and noise may hide my Roguery A noise within of follow follow But hark what noise is that by Heaven it is a Hue and Cry my ambition is nipt in the bud What shall I do for my life Enter a Fisherman Footpad Honest Fellow what art thou Fish A poor Fisher I came to see if the fish will bite in this part of the Brook Footpad Death what shall I do Good honest Fisherman change Coats and Hats with me and give me thy tackling and here 's three pieces for thee quickly A great noise of follow follow Fish With all my heart and thank you too The noise continues Footpad Quick and be gone say nothing there 's the money Fish Thank you Sir Exit Fisher Footpad I will sit unconcern'd and
i'faith Col. Again your Explanation Doct. I profess it is as good as Damon languebat or the Devil was sick or Cum socio mingas aut saltem mingere fingas Col. But good Mr. Crambo let 's hear something of your own Cramb. I write very little of my own I borrow most Col. That 's a civil word for stealing for such borrowers never pay again Cramb. I 'le try if I can remember Where is the Man Ah hum Where is the Man Pish I protest I have such a treacherous memory Oh I have it Where is the Man that never heard Of Dido Carthage Queen Doct. Where is the man strange Just Admirable Where is the man oh lofty very lofty Cramb. Let me see Where is the Man that never heard Of Dido Carthage Queen whose Castle Walls Did loudly echo to her amorous sighs Doct. Oh admirable The Walls echo to her sighs Just Then the loud Echo to a sigh strong pithy Codsh Fine fine very fine the Devil take me Col. Why an Echo to a sigh is nonsense Gentlemen a loud Echo is worse Doct. Oh fy it is Poetical Just Very Poetical Cramb. Ay ay 't is Poetical Col. That which you mean by Poetical is nonsensical I find but come hither Waiter did you ever hear of Dido Carthage Queen Footman No by my Troth Sir not I never in my life I hope your Worship does not think so ill of me for i'faith some body has done me some ill office I never was acquainted with her in my life Just Oh 't is very fine the Colonel's Genius does not lie this way Oh very fine Pray let 's hear some more on 't Where is the man that never heard Of Dido Carthage Queen Col. taking James Here is the man that never heard Of Dido Carthage Queen Just Is 't possible Doct. What an unlucky Fellow 's this Just Oh Heaven there 's the best line that ever was spoiled by a Footman Sir John steals behind the Justice and pins him to the Chair Cramb. Lord how ignorance will overthrow Learning sometimes who would write in this Age Col. Come Justice I find you are very forward let 's hear you recite some of your Works Just Come on Colonel I 'de have you know when I was at the University I was as arch a Scab as notable a Wag as any was in the Colledge Sir John Come on Justice i'faith but put about a Glass I begin to be almost tipsied i'faith Cramb. So am I too a little overjoy'd Just Now you shall hear my University Verses the heat of my Youth I made an Elegy upon one Mr. Murrials Horse that died there Oh cruel Mors That kill'd the Horse Of Mr. Murial Oh Scholars all Of Pembrook Hall Come to his Burial Sir John Very good i'faith Just Nay when I was a young man nothing could scape me nothing i'faith Col. Ha ha very witty to 't again Justice Just Well then there was a Man his Wife Son and Daughter that died I writ this on ' em Here lies John Sanderson and here lies his Wife Here lies his Dagger and here lies his Knife Here lies his Daughter and here lies his Son And oh oh oh oh for John Sanderson Ha ha what say you hum Col. Excellent at Epitaphs both of Man and Beast Just Then some Rogues stole Sheep from one Mr. Prat I made these upon good Mr. Prat. Your Weathers were fat We thank you for that We left the Skins To buy your Wife Pins Thank her for that We left the Horns Vpon the Thorns Look you to that Ha ha there was not such a Rakehel in the Town again They saw I could not be a Divine and so I was sent to the Inns of Court i'faith Codsh I will steal away and go to my Lady Ex. Codshead Just Then at London I had such a fancy at Rebuses Libels and Lampoons this whorson riming would not leave me I made this upon one Rawly What 's indigested with the word of disgrace Is the Gentleman's name that hath a bad face Raw is indigested and ly the word of disgrace Rawly had I been catcht I had been firkt i'faith Then upon one Noel The word of denial and the Letter of fifty Is the Gentleman's name that will never be thristy No the word of denial and L. the Letter of fifty Noel Had I been known I had been paid i'faith but Wit will have its fling in spight of the Privy Council i'faith it will Cramb. I must beg leave to be gone I dare not drink more Ex. Crambo Col. Ay prethee go thou art a damn'd dull Fellow Sir John What a pox is this one of your Wits Go they are dull Fellows the Clinchers are rare men indeed give me your harmless Joques You shall hear a Clincher run from Dioper Napkin Nipkin to King Pippin i'faith in Wit I have heard a Dean do it Col. Did you ever keep company with a Dean Sir John Yes yes and with Privy Councellors too but they are too grave for me they will be asking what navigable Rivers what Commodities our Country abounds in what Market-Towns how they are inclin'd who governs the Country best but you little think what manner of man I think the wittiest man I ever met with in my life Just No i'faith Sir John fore God Colonel I begin to be as drunk as a Drum Sir John I 'le tell you now you talk of a Drum the Devil take me 't was a Drummer I spoke of Col. A Drummer a witty man Sir John Ay the wittiest Rogue my intimate friend I call him Tom and he calls me Jack for all I am a Knight he can break a jest upon his Drum would make you split your sides Col. How so Sir John He will purr upon the Velum and then rap upon the wood makes all the people laugh and forty other excellent qualities he is the best company in the world he will act any thing in the world he will act a stubble Goose flying over a Gutter he will act a company of Hogs justling in straw for room but he was old Dog at a Parret and a Turkeycock Just This is a rare man indeed Sir John On this is nothing why as well as living Creatures he would act any thing that had not life in it as a Pig upon the Spit nay I have seen him act a Windmil Col. A Windmil Sir John A Windmil any thing in the world a Weather-cock a Cart-wheel ungreas'd a door off the Hinges but he has the finest Songs in the world he sings this rarely And then he did as he was wont For he took her fast by the ha ha ha So Gentleman-like so civil it comes off without any scurrility in the world Col. Methinks 't is rude Sir John Oh by your favour Sir he means nothing if wicked interpretation wrest it who can help it Just In troth it is very pretty Sir John Oh 't is pity that the Author is forgot he was certainly the best Lyrick