the Drawers make a Bonfire before the Door say the Plenipo's have sign'd the Peace and the Bank of England â—s grown honest Exeunt SCENE opens Lord Rake Sir Iohn c. at a Table drinking All. Huzza Lord R. Come Boys Charge again So Confusion to all order Here 's Liberty of Conscience All. Huzza Lord R. I 'll Sing you a Song I made this morning to this purpose Sir I. 'T is wicked I hope Col. B. Don't my Lord tell you he made it Sir I. Well then let 's ha't Lord R. Sings I. WHat a Pother of Late Have they kept in the State About setting our Consciences free A Bottle has more Dispensation in Store Than the King and the State can decree II. VVhen my Head 's full of VVine I o'er flow with Design And know no penal Laws that can curb me VVhat e'er I devise Seems good in my Eyes And Religion ne'er dares to disturb me III. No saucy remorse Intrudes in my Course Nor Impertinent notions of Evil So there 's Claret in store In Peace I 've my VVhore And in Peace I jog on to the Devil All Sing So there 's Claret c. Lord R. Rep. And in Peace I jog on to the Devil Lord R. Well how do you like it Gentlemen All. O Admirable Sir I. I wou'd not give a fig for a Song that is not full of Sin â—nd Impudence Lord R. Then my Muse is to your taste But drink away The Night steals upon us we shall want time to be Lewd in Hey Page sally out Sirrah and see what 's doing in the Camp we 'll beat up their Quarters presently Page I 'll bring your Lordship an Exact account Ex. Pagâ— Lord R. Now let the spirit of Clary go round Fill me a Brimmer Here 's to our forlorn-hope Courage Knight Victory attends you Sir I. And Lawrells shall Crown me Drink away and be damn'd Lord R. Again Boys to'ther Glass and damn Morality Sir I. drunk Ay damn Morality and damn the Watch. And let the Constable be married All. Huzza Re-enter Page Lady R. How are the Streets inhabited Sirrah Page My Lord it 's Sunday night they are full of Drunken Citizens Lord R. Along then Boys we shall have a feast Col. B. Along Noble Knight Sir I. Ay along Bully and he that says Sir Iohn Brute is â—ot as Drunk and as Religious as the Drunkenest Citizen of 'em all is a liar and the Son of a Whore Col. Bul. Why that was bravely spoke and like a free-born Englishman Sir I. What 's that to you Sir whether I am an English man or a French man Col. B. Zoons you are not angry Sir Sir I. Zoons I am angry Sir for if I am a Free-born English man what have you to do even to talk of my Privileges Lord R. Why prithee Knight don't quarrel here leave private Animosities to be decided by day light let the night be imployed against the publick Enemy Sir I. My Lord I respect you because you are a man of Quality But I 'll make that fellow know I am within a hairs breadth as absolute by my Priveleges as the King of France is by his prerogative He by his prerogative takes money where it is not his due I by my Privelege refuse paying it where I owe it Liberty and Property and Old England Huzza Exit Sir I. reeling all following him All. Huzza SCENE A Bed-Chamber Enter Lady Brute and Bellinda Lady B. Sure it 's late Bellinda I begin to be sleepy Bell. Yes 't is near twelve Will you go to Bed Lady B. To bed my Dear And by that â—â—me I 'm fallen into a sweet sleep or perhaps a sweet Dream which is better and better Sir Iohn will come home roaring drunk and be over-joy'd he finds me in a Condition to be disturb'd Bell. 〈◊〉 in need â—â—t â—ear him he 's in for all night 〈◊〉 The Servant 's in he 's gone to drink with my Lord Rake Lady B. Nay t is not very likely indeed such suitable â—ompany should part presently What Hogs Men turn Bellinda when they grow 〈◊〉 or Women Bell. And what Owles they are whilst they are fond of ' em Lady B. But that we may forgive well enough because they are so upon our Accounts 〈◊〉 We ought to do sâ— indeed But 't is a hard matter For when a man is really in love he looks so uâ—sufferably silly that tho a Woman lik'd him well enough before she has then 〈…〉 o to endure the sight of him And this I take to be the reason why Lovers are so generally ill used Lady B. Well â—own now I 'm well enough pleased to see a man look like an Ass for me Bell. Ay I 'm pleas'd he should look like an Ass too That is I 'm pleased with my self for making him look so Lady B. Nay trâ—â—y I think it 〈◊〉 find some other way to express his Passion 't would be more to his advantage Bell. Yes For then a Woman might like his Passion and him too Lady B. Yet Bellinda after all A Woman's life would be but a dull business if 't were not for Men And Men that can look like Asses toâ— We shou'd never blame Fate for the shortness of our days our time wou'd hang wretchedly upon our hands Bel. Why truly they do help us off with a good share on 't For were there no Men in the World O' my Conscience I shou'd be no longer a dressing than I 'm a saying my prayers Nay tho it were Sunday For you know that one may go to Church without Stays on Lady B. But don't you think Emulation might do something for every Woman you see desires to be finer than her Neighbour Bell. That 's only that the men may like her better than her Neighbour Noâ— if there were no men adieu fine Petticoats we shou'd be weary of wearing ' em Lady B. And adieu Plays we shou'd be weary of seeing ' em Bell. Adieu Hide-Park the Dust wou'd Choak us Lady B. Adieu St. Iames's Walking wou'd Tire us Bell. Adieu London the smoak wouâ—d stifle us Lady B. And adieu going to Church for Religion wou'd ne'er prevail with us Both. Ha ha ha ha ha Bell. Our Confession is so very hearty sure we merit Absâ—lution Lady B. Not unless we go through with 't and confess all So prithee for the Ease of our Consciences let 's hide nothing Bel. Agreed Lady B. Why then I confess That I love to sit in the Fore-front of a Box. For if one sits behind there 's two Acts gone perhaps before one's found out And when I am there if I perceive the Men whispering and looking upon me you must know I cannot for my Life forbear thinking they talk to my Advantage And that sets a Thousand little tickling Vanities on Foot Bel. Just my Case for all the World but go on Lady B. I watch with Impatience for the next Jest in the Play that I may laugh and shew my white Teeth If
Heartfree has bewitch'd me Madamoiselle You can't imagine how odly he mixt himself in my thoughts during my Rapture e'en now I vow 't is a thousand pities he is not more polishâ—d Don't you think so Madam Matam I tink it so great pity dat if I was in your Ladyship place I take him home in my House I lock him up in my Closet and I never let him go till I teach him every ting dat fine Laty expect from fine Gentelman Lady F. Why truly I believe I shou'd soon subdue his Brutality for without doubt he has a strange penchant to grow fond of me in spight of his Aversion to the Sex else he wou'd ne'er have taken so much pains about me Lord how proud wou'd some poor Creatures be of such a Conquest But I alas I don't know how to receive as a favour what I take to be so infinitely my due But what shall I do to new mould him Madamoiselle for till then he 's my utter aversion Madam Matam you must laugh at him in all de place dat you meet him and turn into de ridicule all he say and all he do Lady F. Why truly Satyr has been ever of wonderous use to reform ill manners Besides 't is my particular Talent to ridicule folks I can be severe strangely severe when I will Madamoiselle Give me the Pen and Ink I find my self whimsicall I 'll write to him or I ll let it alone and be severe upon him that way Sitting down to write Rising up again Yet active severity is better than passive Sitting down 'T is as good let alone too for every lash I give him perhaps he 'll take for a favour Rising Yet 't is a thousand pities so much Siting Satyr should be lost Siting But if it shou'd have a wrong effect upon him 't would distract me Rising Well I must write tho' after all Siting Or I 'll let it alone which is the same thing Rising Madam La Voilá determinée Exeunt The End of the Second Act. ACT the Third SCENE Opens Sir Iohn Lady Brute and Bellinda rising from the Table Sir I. HEre take away the things I expect Company But first bring me a Pipe I 'll smoak to a Servant Lady B. Lord Sir Iohn I wonder you won't leave that nasty Custom Sir I. Prithee don't be Impertinent Bel. to Lady I wonder who those are he expects this afternoon Lady B. I 'd give the World to know Perhaps 't is Constant he comes here sometimes If it does prove him I 'm resolved I 'll share the visit Bel. We 'll send for our Work and sit here Lady B He 'll choak us with his Tobacco Bel. Nothing will choak us when we are doing what we have a mind to Lovewell Enter Lovewell Love Madam Lady B. Here bring my Cousin's work and mine hither Exit Love and Re-enters with their Work Sir I. Whu Pox can't you work somewhere else 〈◊〉 We shall be carefull not to disturb you Sir Bel. Your Pipe would make you too thoughtfull Unkle if you were left alone Our prittle prattle will Cure your Spleen Sir I. Will it so Mrs. Pert Now I believe it will so increase it sitting and smoaking I shall take my own House for a Paper-Mill Lady B. to Bel. aside Don't let 's mind him let him say what he will Sir I. A Womanâ—s Tongue a cure for the Spleen Oons aside If a Man had got the Headach they 'd be for applying the same Remedy Lady B. You have done a great deal Bellinda since yesterday Bel. Yes I have work'd very hard how do you like it Lady B. O' 't is the prettiest Fringe in the World Well Cousin you have the happiest fancy Prithee advice me about altering my Crimson Petticoat Sir I. A Pox o' your Petticoat here 's such a prating a man can't digest his own thoughts for you Lady B. Don't answer him Aside Well what do you advise me Bel. Why really I would not alter it at all Methinks 't is very pretty as it is Lady B. Ay thatâ—s true But you know one grows weary of the prettiest things in the world when one has had 'em long Sir I. Yes I have taught her that Bel. Shall we provoke him a little Lady B. With all my heart Bellinda don't you long to be Married Bel. Why there are some things in 't I could like well enough Lady B. What do you think you shou'd dislike Bel. My Husband a hundred to one else Lady B. O ye wicked wretch Sure you don't speak as you think Bel. Yes I do Especially if he smoak'd Tobacco He looks earnâ—stly at ' em Lady B. Why that many times takes off worse smells Bel. Then he must smell very ill indeed Lady B. So some Men will to keep their Wives from coming near ' em Bel. Then those Wives shou'd Cuckold 'em at a Distance He rises in a fury throws his Pipe at 'em and drives 'em out As they run off Constant and Heartfree enter Lady B. runs against Constant Sir I. Oons get you gone up stairs you confederating Strumpets you or I 'll Cuckold you with a Vengeance Lady B. O Lord he 'll beat us he 'll beat us Dear Dear Mr. Constant save us Exeunt Sir I. I 'll Cuckold you with a Pox. Const. Heavens Sir Iohn what 's the matter Sir I. Sure if Woman had been ready created the Devil instead of being kick'd down into Hell had been Married Heart Why what new plague have you found now Sir I. Why these two Gentlewomen did but hear me say I expected you here this afternoon upon which they presently resolved to take up the Roon o' purpose to plague me and my Friends Const. Was that all why we shou'd have been glad of their Company Sir I. Then I should have been weary of yours For I can't relish both together They found fault with my smoaking Tobacco too and said Men stunk But I have a good mind to say something Const. No nothing against the Ladies pray Sir I. Split the Ladies Come will you sit down Give us some VVine Fellow You won't smoak Const. No nor drink neither at this time I must ask your pardon Sir I. What this Mistress of yours runs in your head I 'll warrant it 's some such squeamish Minx as my Wife that 's grown so dainty of late she finds fault even with a Dirty shirt Heart That a woman may do and not be very dainty neither Sir I. Pox o' the women let 's drink Come you shall take one Glass tho' I send for a Box of Lozenges to sweeten your mouth after it Const. Nay if one Glass will satisfy you I 'll drink it without putting you to that expence Sir I. Why that 's honest Fill some Wine Sirrah So Here 's to you Gentlemen A VVife's the Devil To your being both married They drink Heart O your most humble Servant Sir Sir I. VVell how do you like my VVine Const. 'T is very good indeed Heart
the Poet has been dull and the Jest be long a coming I pretend to whisper one to my Friend and from thence fall into a little short Discourse in which I take Occasion to shew my Face in all Humours Brisk Pleas'd Serious Melancholy Languishing Not that what we say to one another causes any of these Alterations But Bel. Don't trouble your self to explain For if I 'm not mistaken you and I have had some of these necessary Dialogues before now with the same Intention Lady B. Why I 'll swear Bellinda some People do give strange agreeable Airs to their Faces in speaking Tell me true Did you never practice in the Glass Bel. Why did you Lady B. Yes Faith many a time Bel. And I too I own it Both how to speak my self and how to look when others speak But my Glass and I cou'd never yet agree what Face I shou'd make when they come blurt out with a nasty thing in a Play For all the Men presently look upon the Women that 's certain so laugh we must not though our Stays burst for 't Because that 's telling Truth and owning we understand the Jest. And to look serious is so dull when the whole House is a laughing Lady B. Besides that looking serious do's really betray our Knowledge in the Matter as much as laughing with the Company wou'd do For if we did not understand the thing we shou'd naturally do like other People Bel. For my part I always take that Occasion to blow my Nose Lady B. You must blow your Nose half off then at some Plays Bel. Why don't some Reformer or other beat the Poet for 't Lady B. Because he is not so sure of our private Approbation as of our publick Thanks Well sure there is not upon Earth so impertinent a thing as Womens Modesty Bel. Yes Mens Fantasque that obliges us to it If we quit our Modesty they say we lose our Charms and yet they know that very Modesty is Affectation and rail at our Hypocrisie Lady B. Thus one wou'd think 't were a hard Matter to please 'em Neice Yet our kind Mother Nature has given us something that makes amends for all Let our Weakness be what it will Mankind will still be weaker and whilst there is a World 't is Woman that will govern it But prithee one word of poor Constant before we go to Bed if it be but to furnish Matter for Dreams I dare swear he 's talking of me now or thinking of me at least tho' it be in the middle of his Prayers Bel. So he ought I think for you were pleas'd to make him a good round Advance to day Madam Lady B. Why I have e'en plagu'd him enough to satisfie any reasonable Woman He has besieg'd me these two Years to no Purpose Bel. And if he besieg'd you two Years more he 'd be well enough paid so he had the plundering of you at last Lady B. That may be but I 'm afraid the Town won't be able to hold out much longer for to confess the Truth to you Bellinda the Garrison begins to grow mutinous Bel. Then the sooner you capitulate the better Lady B. Yet methinks I wou'd fain stay a little longer to see you fix'd too that we might start together and see who cou'd love longest What think you if Heartfree shou'd have a Month's Mind to you Bel. Why Faith I cou'd almost be in Love with him for despising that foolish affected Lady Fancyfull but I 'm afraid he 's too cold ever to warm himself by my Fire Lady B. Then he deserves to be froze to Death Wou'd I were a Man for your sake my dear Rogue Kissing her Bel. You 'd wish your self a Woman again for your own or the Men are mistaken But if I cou'd make a Conquest of this Son of Bacchus and rival his Bottle What shou'd I do with him he has no Fortune I can't marry him and sure you wou'd not have me commit Fornication Lady B. Why if you did Child 't wou'd be but a good friendly part if 't were only to keep me in Countenance whilst I commit You know what Bel. Well if I can't resolve to serve you that way I may perhaps some other as much to your Satisfaction But pray how shall we contrive to see these Blades again quickly Lady B. We must e'en have Recourse to the old way make 'em an Appointment 'twixt jest and earnest 't will look like a Frolick and that you know's a very good thing to save a Woman's Blushes Bel. You advise well but where shall it be Lady B. In Spring-Garden But they shan't know their Women till their Women pull off their Masques for a Surprize is the most agreeable thing in the World And I find my self in a very good Humour ready to do 'em any good turn I can think on Bel. Then pray write 'em the necessary Billet without farther Delay Lady B. Let 's go into your Chamber then and whilst you say your Prayers I 'll do it Child Exeunt The End of the Third ACT. ACT IV. SCENE Covent-Garden Enter Lord Rake Sir John c. with Swords drawn Lord R. IS the Dog dead Bully No damn him I heard him wheeze Lord R. How the Witch his Wife howl'd Bully Ay she 'll alarm the Watch presently Lord R. Appear Knight then come you have a good Cause to fight for there 's a Man murder'd Sir Iohn Is there Then let his Ghost be satisfied For I 'll sacrifice a Constable to it presently and burn his Body upon his wooden Chair Enter a Taylor with a Bundle under his Arm. Bully How now What have we got here A Thief Taylor No an 't please you I 'm no Thief Lord R. That we 'll see presently Here let the General examine him Sir Iohn Ay Ay Let me examine him and I 'll lay a Hundred Pound I find him guilty in spight of his Teeth for he looks like a sneaking Rascal Come Sirrah without Equivocation or mental Reservation tell me of what Opinion you are and what Calling for by them I shall guess at your Morals Taylor An 't please you I 'm a Dissenting Journeyman Taylor Sir Iohn Then Sirra you love Lying by your Religion and Theft by your Trade And so that your Punishment may be suitable to your Crimes I 'll have you firsâ— gagg'd and then hang'd Taylor Pray good worthy Gentlemen don't abuse me indeed I 'm an honest Man and a good Workman tho' I say it that shou'd not say it Sir Iohn No Words Sirrah but attend your Fate Lord R. Let me see what 's in that Bundle Taylor An 't please you it 's the Doctor of the Parish's Gown Lord R. The Doctor 's Gown Heark you Knight you won't stick at abusing the Clergy will you Sir Iohn No I 'm drunk and I 'll abuse any thing but my Wife and her I name with Reverence Lord R. Then you shall wear this Gown whilst you charge the Watch. That tho'
Const. So I think we are about the time appointed Let us walk up this wâ—y Exeunt Lady Fancy Good Thus far I have Dogg'd 'em without being discover'd 'T is infallibly some Intrigue that brings them to Spring-Garden How my poor Heart is torn and wrackt with Fear and Jealousie Yet let it be any thing but that Flirt Bellinda and I 'll try to hear it But if it prove her All that 's Woman in me shall be employ'd to destroy her Exeunt after Constant and Heartfree Re-enter Constant and Heartfree Lady Fancyfull and Madamoiselle still following at a Distance Const. I see no Females yet that have any thing to say to us I 'm afraid we are banter'd Heart I wish we were for I 'm in no Humour to make either them or my self merry Const. Nay I 'm sure you 'll make them merry enough if I tell 'em why you are dull But prithee why so heavy and sad before you begin to be ill us'd Heart For the same Reason perhaps that you are so brisk and well pleas'd because both Pains and Pleasures are generally more considerable in Prospect than when they come to pass Enter Lady B. and Bellinda mask'd and poorly dress'd Const. How now who are these Not our Game I hope Heart If they are we are e'en well enough serv'd to come hunting here when we had so much better Game in Chase elsewhere Lady Fancy to Mademoiselle So those are their Ladies without doubt But I 'm afraid that Doily Stuff is not worn for want of better Cloaths They are the very Shape and Size of Bellinda and her Aunt Madamois So day be inteed Matam Lady Fancy We 'll slip into this close Arbor where we may hear all they say Exeunt Lady Fancy and Madamoiselle Lady B. What are you afraid of us Gentlemen Heart Why truly I think we may if Appearance don't lye Bel. Do you always find Women what they appear to be Sir Heart No Forsooth but I seldom find 'em better than they appear to be Bel. Then the Outside 's best you think Heart 'T is the honestest Const. Have a care Heartfree you are relapsing again Lady B. Why does the Gentleman use to rail at Women Const. He has done formerly Bel. I suppose he had very good Cause for 't They did not use you so well as you thought you deserv'd Sir Lady B. They made themselves merry at your Expence Sir Bel. Laugh'd when you Sigh'd Lady B. Slept while you were waking Bel. Had your Porter beat Lady B And threw your Billet doux in the Fire Heart Hey day I shall do more than rail presently Bel. Why you won't beat us will you Heart I don't know but I may Const. What the Devil 's coming here Sir Iohn in a Gown And drunk I'faith Enter Sir John Sir Iohn What a Pox here 's Constant Heartfree and two Whores I gad O you covetous Rogues what have you never a spare Punk for you Friend But I 'll share with you He seizes both the Women Heart Why what the Plague have you been doing Knight Sir Iohn Why I have been beating the Watch and scandalizing the Clergy Heart A very good Account truly Sir Iohn And what do you think I 'll do next Const. Nay that no Man can guess Sir Iohn Why if you 'll let me sup with you I 'll treat both your Strumpets Lady B. aside O Lord we are undone Heart No we can't sup together because we have some Affairs elsewhere But if you 'll accept of these two Ladies we 'll be so complaisant to you to resign our Right in ' em Bel. aside Lord what shall we do Sir Iohn Let me see their Cloaths are such damn'd Cloaths they won't pawn for the Reckoning Heart Sir Iohn your Servant Rapture attend you Const. Adieu Ladies make much of the Gentleman Lady B. Why sure you won't leave us in the Hands of a drunken Fellow to abuse us Sir Iohn Who do you call a drunken Fellow you Slut you I 'm a Man of Quality the King has made me a Knight Heart runs off Heart Ay ay you are in good Hands Adieu adieu Lady B. The Devil's Hands Let me go or I 'll For Heaven's sake protect us She breaks from him runs to Constant twitching off her Mask and clapping it on again Sir Iohn I 'll Devil you you Jade you I 'll demolish your ugly Face Const. Hold a little Knight she swoons Sir Iohn I 'll swoon her Const. Hey Heartfree Re-enter Heartfree Bellinda runs to him and shews her Face Heart O Heavens My dear Creature stand there a little Const. Pull him off Iack. Heart Hold mighty Man look you Sir we did but jest with you These are Ladies of our Acquaintance that we had a mind to frighten a little but now you must leave us Sir Iohn Oons I won't leave you not I. Heart Nay but you must though and therefore make no words on 't Sir Iohn Then you are a couple of damn'd uncivil Fellows And I hope your Punks will give you sauce to your Mutton Exit Sir John Lady B. Oh I shall never come to my self again I 'm so frightned Const. 'T was a narrow scape indeed Bel. Women must have Frolicks you see whatever they cost ' em Heart This might have prov'd a dear one tho' Lady B. You are the more oblig'd to us for the Risque we run upon your Accounts Const. And I hope you 'll acknowledge something due to our Knight Errantry Ladies This is the second time we have deliver'd you Lady B. 'T is true and since we see Fate has design'd you for our Guardians 't will make us the more willing to trust our selves in your Hands But you must not have the worse Opinion of us for our Innocent Frolick Heart Ladies you may command our Opinions in every thing that is to your Advantage Bel. Then Sir I command you to be of Opinion That Women are sometimes better than they appear to be Lady Brute and Constant talk apart Heart Madam you have made a Convert of me in every thing I 'm grown a Fool I cou'd be fond of a Woman Bel. I thank you Sir in the Name of the whole Sex Heart Which Sex nothing but your self cou'd ever have aton'd for Bel. Now has my Vanity a devilish Itch to know in what my Merit consists Heart In your Humility Madam that keeps you ignorant it consists at all Bel. One other Compliment with that serious Face and I hate you for ever after Heart Some Women love to be abus'd Is that it you wou'd be at Bel. No not that neither But I 'd have Men talk plainly what 's fit for Women to hear without putting 'em either to a real or an affected Blush Heart Why then in as plain Terms as I can find to express my self I cou'd love you even to Matrimony it self a-most I-gad Bel. Just as Sir Iohn did her Ladyship there What think you Don't you believe one Month's time might bring you
fortifie one another in their Impudence But if that Drunken Fool her Husband be to be found in e'er a Tavern in Town I 'll send him amongst ' em I 'll spoil their Sport Madamois En Verite Matam ce seroit domage Lady Fancy 'T is in Vain to Oppose it Madamoiselle therefore never go about it For I am the steadiest Creature in the VVorld when I have determin'd to do Mischief So Come along Exeunt SCENE Sir John Brute's House Enter Constant Heartfree Lady Brute Bellinda and Lovewell Lady B. But are you sure you don't Mistake Lovewell Love Madam I saw 'em all go into the Tavern together and my Master was so drunk he cou'd scarce stand Lady B. Then Gentlemen I believe we may Venture to let you Stay and Play at Cards with us an Hour or two for they 'll scarce part till Morning Bell. I think 't is pity they shou'd ever part Const. The Company that 's here Madam Lady B. Then Sir the Company that 's here must remember to part it self in time Const. Madam we dont intend to forfeit your future Favours by an indiscreet Usage of this The moment you give us the Signal we sha'n't fail to make our Retreat Lady B. Upon those Conditions then Let us sit down to Cards Enter Lovewell O Lord Madam here 's my Master just staggering in upon you He has been Quarrelsom yonder and they have kick'd him out of the Company Lady B. Into the Closet Gentlemen for Heaven's â—ake I 'll wheedle him to Bed if possible Const. and Heart run into the Closet Enter Sir John all Dirt and Bloody Lady B. Ah ah he 's all over Blood Sir Iohn What the Plague do's the Woman Squall for Did you never see a Man in Pickle before Lady B. Lord where have you been Sir Iohn I have been at Cuffs Lady B. I fear that is not all I hope you are not wounded Sir Iohn Sound as a Roche Wife Lady B. I 'm mighty glad to hear it Sir I. You know I think you Lye Lady B. I know you do me wrong to think so then For Heaven 's my Witness I had rather see my own Blood trickle down than yours Sir Iohn Then will I be Crucify'd Lady B. 'T is a hard Fate I shou'd not be believ'd Sir Iohn 'T is a damn'd Atheistical Age Wife Lady B. I am sure I have given you a Thousand tender Proofs how great my Care is of you Nay spite of all your Cruel Thoughts I 'll still persist and at this moment if I can perswade you to lie down and Sleep a little Sir Iohn Why do you think I am drunk you Slut you Lady B. Heaven forbid I shou'd But I 'm afraid you are Feaverish Pray let me feel your Pulse Sir Iohn Stand off and be damn'd Lady B. Why I see your Distemper in your very Eyes You are all on fire Pray go to Bed Let me intreat you Sir Iohn Come kiss me then Lady B. Kissing him There Now go Aside He stinks like Poison Sir Iohn I see it go's damnably against your Stomach And therefore Kiss me again Lady B. Nay now you fool me Sir Iohn Do 't I say Lady B. Aside Ah Lord have mercy upon me Well There Now will you go Sir Iohn Now Wife you shall see my Gratitude You give me two Kisses I 'll give you two Hundred Kisses and tumbles her Lady B. O Lord Pray Sir Iohn be quiet Heavens what a Pickle am I in Bell Aside If I were in her Pickle I 'd call my Gallant out of the â—oset and he shou'd Cudgel him soundly Sir Iohn So Now you being as dirty and as nasty as my self We may go Pig together But first I must have a Cup of your Cold Tea Wife Going to the Closet Lady B. O I 'm ruin'd 〈…〉 there my Dear 〈◊〉 I 'll warrant you I 'll find some my Dear 〈…〉 Open the Door the Lock 's spoil'd I have been 〈…〉 the Key this half hour to no purpose I 'll send for 〈…〉 Morrow Sir Iohn There 's ne'er a Smith in Europe can Open a Door with more Expedition than I can do As for Example Pou. He bursts Open the Door with his foot How now What the Devil have we got here Constant Heartfree And two VVhores again I gad This is the worst Cold Tea that ever I met with in my Life Enter Constant and Heartfree Lady B. aside O Lord what will become of us Sir Iohn Gentlemen I am your very humble Servant I give you many Thanks I see you take Care of my Family I shall do all I can to return the Obligation Const. Sir how odly soever this Business may appear to you you wou'd have no Cause to be uneasie if you knew the Truth of all things your Lady is the most virtuous Woman in the World and nothing has past but an Innocent Frolick Heart Nothing else upon my Honour Sir Sir Iohn You are both very Civil Gentlemen And my Wife there is a very Civil Gentlewoman therefore I don't doubt but many Civil things have past between you Your very humble Servant L. B. Aside to Const. Pray be gone He 's so drunk he can't hurt us to Night and to Morrow Morning you shall hear from us Const. I 'll Obey you Madam Sir when you are Cool you 'll understand Reason better So then I shall take the Pains to Inform you If not I wear a Sword Sir and so good-b'uy to you Come along Heartfree Sir Iohn Wear a Sword Sir And what of all that Sir He comes to my House Eats my Meat Lies with my Wife Dishonours my Family Gets a Bastard to Inherit my Estate And when I ask a Civil Account of all this Sir says he I wear a Sword Wear a Sword Sir Yes Sir says he I wear a Sword It may be a good Answer at Cross-Purposes But 't is a Damn'd One to a Man in my Whimsical Circumstance Sir says he I wear a Sword To Lady B. And what do you wear now ha tell me Sitting down in a great Chair What you are Modest and cant Why then I 'll tell you you Slut you You wear an Impudent Lewd Face A Damn'd Designing Heart And a Tail and a Tail full of He falls fast asleep snoaring Lady B. So Thanks to Kind Heaven he 's fast for some Hours Bell. 'T is well he is so that we may have time to lay our Story handsomly for we must Lie like the Devil to bring our selves off Lady B. What shall we say Bellinda Bell. Musing I 'll tell you It must all light upon Heartfree and I. We 'll say he has Courted me some time but for Reasons unknown to us has ever been very earnest the thing might be kept from Sir Iohn That therefore hearing him upon the Stairs he run into the Closet tho' against our Will and Constant with him to prevent Jealousie And to give this a good Impudent face of Truth that I may deliver you from the Trouble you
THE Provok'd Wife A COMEDY Books Printed for and lately Published by Richard VVellington at the Lute in St. Paul's Church-Yard FAmiliar Letters Written by Iohn Late Earl of Rochester in two Volumes each Volume may be had singly Ovid's Travestie or a Burlesque on Ovid's Epistles by Captain Alexander Radcliff The whole Works of that Excellent Physitian Dr. Tho. Sydenham Englished Poems on several occasions with a Satyre on the Play-House by Mr. Robert Gould The Histories and Novels of the late Ingenious Mrs. Behn Collected into one Volume A Discourse of the Nature and Faculties of Man in several Essays with Reflections upon the occurrences of Humane Life by Tim. Nourse Gent. The Family Physâ—cian or a Collection of Choice and Approved Remedies for the Cure of all Diseases incident to Humane Bodies usefull in Families and Serviceable to Country People To which is added the true English Wine Cellar being the Right Method of making English Wines or Metheglin with a Collection of the Choicest Cosmetick Remedies for Preserving the Beauty and Complection of Ladies never before Published By George Heartman Servant to Sir Kenelm Digby till he Died. A General History of the Diseases of Infants and Children by Iohn Peachey of the College of Physicians Plautus's Comedies Englished by Mr. Eachard The Art of Knowing ones self or a Diligent search into the Springs of Morality written in French by Iames Abbadie D. D. faithfully Englished Next week will be Published an End to the Controversie between the Church of England and Dissenters in which all their Pleas for Separation from the Church of England are proved to be Insufficient from the Writings of the most Eminent among the Dissenters themselves And their Separation Condemn'd by the Reformed Churches THE Provok'd Wife A COMEDY As it is Acted at the New Theatre IN Little Lincolns-Inn-Fields By the Author of a New Comedy call'd the Relapse or Virtue in Danger LONDON Printed by I. O. for R. Wellington at the Lute in St. Paul's Church Yard and Sam. Briscoe in Covent-Garden 1697. ADVERTISEMENT ☞ Plays lately published Anatomist or Sham-Doctor Rule a Wise and have a Wife Rover or the Banish'd Cavalier The Younger Brother or Amorous Jilâ—â— Spanish Wives a Farce Unnatural Brother a Tragedy Triumphs of Virtue a Trage-Comedy All Printed for Richard Welâ—ington at the Lute in St. Paul's Church-Yard Where you may be furnished with most Plays Next Week will be published the Plot and no Plot A new Comedy Written by Mr. Dennâ—â— PROLOGUE To the Provok'd Wife spoke by Mistress Bracegirdle SInce 't is the Intent and Business of the Stagâ— To Copy out the Follies of the Age To hold to every Man a Faithful Glass And shew him of what Species he 's an Ass. I hope the next that teaches in the School Will shew our Author he 's a scribling Fool. And that the Satyr may be sure to Bite Kind Heav'n Inspire some venom'd Priest to Write And grant some Vgly Lady may Indite For I wou'd have him lash'd by Heav'ns I would Till his presumption swam away in Blood Three Plays at once proclaims a Face of Brass No matter what they are That 's not the Case To Write three Plays ev'n that 's to be an Ass. But what I least forgive he knows it too For to his Cost he lately has known you Experience shews to many a Writers smart You hold a Court where mercy ne're had part So much of the old Serpent's Sting you have You Love to Damn as Heav'n Delights to Save In Foreign Parts let a bold Voluntiere For publick Good upon the Stage appear He meets ten thousand Smiles to Dissipate his Fear All tickle on th' adventuring young Beginner And only scourge th' incorragible Sinner They touch indeed his Faults but with a hand So gentle that his Merit still may stand Kindly they Buoy the Follies of his Pen That he may shun 'em when he Writes again But 't is not so in this good natur'd Town All 's one an Ox a Pâ—et or a Crown Old England's play was always knocking Down EPILOGUE By another Hand Spoken by Lady Brute and Bellinda Lady B. NO Epilogue Bell. I Swear I know of none Lady Lord How shall we excuse it to the Town Bell. Why we must e'en say something of our own Lady Our own Ay that must needs be precious stuff Bell. I 'll lay my life they 'll like it well enough Come Faith begin Lady Excuse me after you Bell. Nay pardon me for that I know my Cue Lady O for the World I would not have Precedence Bell. O Lord Lady I Swear Bell. O Fye Lady I 'm all Obedience First then know all before our Doom is fixt The Third day is for us Bell. Nay and the Sixt. Lady We speak not from the Poet now nor is it His Cause I want a Rhime Bell. That we solicite Lady Then sure you cannot have the hearts to be severe And Damn us Bell. Damn us Let 'em if they Dare. Lady Why if they should what punishment Remains Bell. Eternal Exile from behind our Scenes Lady But if they 're kind that sentence we 'll recal We can be grateful Bell. And have wherewithall Lady But at grand Treaties hope not to be Trusted Before Preliminaries are adjusted Bell. You know the Time and we appoint this place Where if you please we 'll meet and sign the Peace Drammatis Personae Constant. Mr. Verbrugen Heartfree Mr. Hudson Sir Iohn Brute Mr. Betterton Treble A Singing Master Mr. Bowman Rasor Vallet de Chambre to Sir I. B. Mr. Bowen Justice of the Peace Mr. Bright Lord Rake Companion to Sir I. B. Coll. Bully Companion to Sir I. B. Constable and Watch. Lady Brute Mrs. Barry Bellinda her Neice Mrs. Bracegirdle Lady Fancyfull Mrs. Bowman Madamoiselle Mrs. Willis Cor. and Pipe Servants to Lady Fancy THE Provok'd Wife ACT the First Scene Sir John Brute's House Enter Sir John solus WHAT cloying meat is Love when Matrimony's the Sauce to it Two years Marriage has debaucht my five Senses Every thing I see every thing I hear every thing I feel every thing I smell and every thing I taste methinks has Wife in 't No Boy was ever so weary of his Tutor no Girl of her Bib no Nun of doing Penance nor Old Maid of being Chast as I am of being Married Sure there 's a secret Curse entail'd upon the very Name of Wife My Lady is a young Lady a fine Lady a Witty Lady a Virtuous Lady and yet I hate her There is but one thing on Earth I loath beyond her That 's fighting Wou'd my Courage come up but to a fourth part of my Ill Nature I 'd stand buff to her Relations and thrust her out of Doors But Marriage has sunk me down to such an Ebb of Resolution I dare not draw my Sword tho even to get rid of my Wife But here she comes Enter Lady Brute Lady Do you Dine at home to day Sir Iohn Sir Ioh. Why do you expect
the Blows fall upon you the Scandal may light upon the Church Sir Iohn A generous Design by all the Gods give it me Takes the Gown and puts it on Taylor O dear Gentlemen I shall be quite undone if you take the Gown Sir Iohn Retire Sirrah and since you carry off your Skin go home and be happy Taylor pausing I think I had e'en as good follow the Gentleman 's friendly Advice For if I dispute any longer who knows but the whim may take him to Case me These Courtiers are fuller of Tricks than they are of Money they 'll sooner cut a Man's Throat than pay his Bill Exit Taylor Sir Iohn So how d' ye like my Shapes now Lord R. This Will do to a Miracle he looks like a Bishop going to the Holy War But to your Arms Gentlemen the Enemy appears Enter Constable and Watch. Watchman Stand Who goes there Come before the Constable Sir Iohn The Constable's a Rascal and you are the Son of a Whore Watchman A good civil Answer for a Parson truly Constable Methinks Sir a Man of your Coat might set a better Example Sir Iohn Sirrah I 'll make you know there are Men of my Coat can set as bad Examples as you can do you Dog you Sir John strikes the Constable They knock him down disarm him and seize him Lord R. c. run away Constable So we have secur'd the Parson however Sir Ioh. Blood and Blood and Blood Watchman Lord have Mercy upon us How the wicked Wretch Raves of Blood I 'll warrant he has been murdering some body to Night Sir Iohn Sirrah There 's nothing got by Murder but a Halter My Talent lies towards Drunkenness and Simony Watchman Why that now was spoke like a Man of Parts Neighbours It 's pity he shou'd be so Disguis'd Sir Iohn You Lye I am not Disguis'd for I am Drunk barefâ—c'd Watchman Look you there again This is a mad Parson Mr. Constable I 'll lay a Pot of Ale upon 's Head he 's a good Preacher Constable Come Sir out of Respect to your Calling I shan't put you into the Round-house but we must Secure you in our Drawing-Room till Morning that you may do no Mischief So Come along Sir Iohn You may put me where you will Sirrah now you have overcome me But if I can't do Mischief I 'll think of Mischief in spite of your Teeth you Dog you Exeunt SCENE a Bed-Chamber Enter Heartfree solus What the Plague Ail's me Love No I thank you for that my heart's Rock still Yet 't is Bellinda that disturbs me that 's positive Well what of all that Must I love her for being troublesome at that rate I might love all the Women I meet I gad But hold tho' I don't love her for disturbing me yet she may disturb me because I love her Ay that may be faith I have dream't of her that 's certain Well so I have of my Mother therefore what 's that to the purpose Ay but Bellinda runs in my Mind waking And so do's many a damn'd thing that I don't care a Farthing for Methinks tho' I would fain be talking to her and yet I have no Business Well am I the first Man that has had a Mind to do an Impertinent thing Enter Constant. Const. How now Heartfree What makes you up and Dress'd so soon I thought none but Lovers quarrell'd with their Beds I expected to have found you snoaring as I us'd to do Heart Why faith Friend 't is the Care I have of your Affairs that makes me so thoughtful I have been studying all Night how to bring your Matter about with Bellinda Const. With Bellinda Heart With my Lady I mean And faith I have mighty hopes on 't Sure you must be very well satisfy'd with her Behaviour to you Yesterday Const. So well that nothing but a Lover's Fears can make me doubt of Success But what can this sudden Change proceed from Heart Why you saw her Husband beat her did you not Const. That 's true A Husband is scarce to be born upon any terms much less when he fights with his Wife Methinks she shou'd e'en have Cuckolded him upon the very spot to shew that after the Battel she was Master of the Field Heart A Council of War of Women would infallibly have advis'd her to 't But I confess so agreeable a Woman as Bellinda deserves a better usage Const. Bellinda again Heart My Lady I mean What a-pox makes me blunder so to day aside A Plague of this treacherous Tongue Const. Prithee look upon me seriously Heartfree Now answer me directly Is it my Lady or Bellinda employs your careful Thoughts thus Heart My Lady or Bellinda Const. In Love by this Light in Love Heart In Love Const. Nay ne'er deny it for thou'lt do it so awkerdly 't will but make the Jest sit heavier about thee My Dear Friend I give thee much Joy Heart Why prithee you won't perswade me to it will you Const. That she 's Mistress of your Tongue that 's plain and I know you are so honest a Fellow your Tongue and Heart always go together But how but how the Devil Pha ha ha ha Heart Hey day Why sure you don't believe it in earnest Const. Yes I do because I see you deny it in jest Heart Nay but look you Ned a deny in jest a gadzooks you know I say a when a Man denies a thing in jest a Const. Pha ha ha ha ha Heart Nay then we shall have it What because a Man stumbles at a word Did you never make a Blunder Const. Yes for I am in Love I own it Heart Then so am I. Now laugh till thy Soul 's glutted with Mirth Embracing him But dear Constant don't tell the Town on 't Const. Nay then 't were almost pity to laugh at thee after so honest a Confession But tell us a little Iack. By what new-invented Arms has this mighty Stroak been given Heart E'en by that unaccountable Weapon call'd Ie ne sçai quoy For every thing that can come within the Virge of Beauty I have seen it with Indifference Const. So in few words then the Ie ne sçai quoy has been too hard for the Quilted Petticoat Heart I gad I think the Ie ne sçai quoy is in the Quilted Petticoat at least 't is certain I ne'er think on 't without a a Ie ne sçai quoy in every Part about me Const. Well but have all your Remedies lost their Virtue have you turn'd her In-side out yet Heart I dare not so much as think on 't Const. But don't the two Years Fatigue I have had discourage you Heart Yes I dread what I foresee yet cannot quit the Enterprize Like some Soldiers whose Courage dwells more in their Honour than their Nature On they go tho' the Body trembles at what the Soul makes it Undertake Const. Nay if you expect your Mistress will use you as your Profanations against her Sex deserve you
tremble Justly But how do you intend to proceed Friend Heart Thou know'st I 'm but a Novice be friendly and advise me Const. Why look you then I 'd have you Serenade and a write a Song Go to Church Look like a Fool Be very Officious Ogle Write and Lead out And who knows but in a Year or two's time you may be call'd a troublesome Puppy and sent about your Business Heart That 's hard Const. Yet thus it oft falls out with Lovers Sir Heart Pox on me for making one of the Number Const. Have a Care Say no Saucy things 't will but augment your Crime and if your Mistress hears on 't encrease your Punishment Heart Prithee say something then to encourage me you know I help'd you in your Distress Const. Why then to encourage you to Perseverance that you may be thoroughly ill us'd for your Offences I 'll put you in Mind That even the coyest Ladies of 'em all are made up of Desires as well as we and tho' they do hold out a long time they will Capitulate at last For that thundering Engenier Nature do's make such havock in the Town they must Surrender at long Run or Perish in their own Flames Enter a Footman Sir There 's a Porter without with a Letter he desires to give it into your own Hands Const. Call him in Enter Porter Const. What Io Is it thee Porter An 't please you Sir I was Order'd to Deliver this into your own Hands by two well-shap'd Ladies at the New-Exchange I was at your Honour's Lodgings and your Servants sent me hither Const. 'T is well Are you to carry any Answer Porter No my noble Master They gave me my Orders and whip they were gone like a Maiden-head at Fifteen Const. Very well there Gives him Money Porter God bless your Honour Exit Porter Const. Now let 's see what honest trusty Io has brought us Reads If you and your Play-fellow can spare time from your Business and Devotions don't fail to be at Spring-Garden about Eight in the Evening You 'll find nothing there but Women so you need bring no other Arms than what you usually carry about you So Play-fellow Here 's something to stay your Stomach till your Mistresses Dish is ready for you Heart Some of our old Batter'd Acquaintance I wont go not I. Const. Nay that you can't avoid There 's honour in the Case 't is a Challenge and I want a Second Heart I doubt I shall be but a very useless one to you for I 'm so dishearten'd by this Wound Bellinda has given me I don't think I shall have Courage enough to draw my Sword Const. O if that be all come along I 'll warrant you find Sword enough for such Enemies as we have to deal withal Exeunt Enter Constable c. with Sir John Constable Come along Sir I thought to have let you slip this Morning because you were a Minister but you are as Drunk and as Abusive as ever We 'll see what the Justice of the Peace will say to you Sir Iohn And you shall see what I 'll say to the Justice of the Peace Sirrah They Knock at the Door Enter Servant Constab. Pray Acquaint his Worship we have got an unruly Parson here We are unwilling to expose him but don't know what to do with him Servant I 'll Acquaint my Master Exit Servant Sir Iohn You Constable What damn'd Justice is this Constab. One that will take Care of you I warrant you Enter Iustice. Iustice. Well Mr. Constable What 's the Disorder here Constab. An 't Please your Worship Sir Iohn Let me speak and be damn'd I 'm a Divine and can unfold Mysteries better than you can do Iustice. Sadness Sadness a Minister so Over-taken Pray Sir Give the Constable leave to speak and I 'll hear you very patiently I assure you Sir I will Sir Iohn Sir You are a very Civil Magistrate Your most humble Servant Constab. An 't Please your Worship then he has attempted to beat the Watch to Night and Swore Sir Iohn You Lye Iustice. Hold pray Sir a little Sir Iohn Sir your very humble Servant Constab. Indeed Sir he came at us without any Provocation call'd us Whores and Rogues and laid us on with a great Quarter-Staff He was in my Lord Rake's Company They have been playing the Devil to Night Iustice. Hem Hem Pray Sir May you be Chaplain to my Lord Sir Iohn Sir I presume I may if I will Iustice. My meaning Sir is Are you so Sir Iohn Sir You mean very well Iustice. He hem hem Under favour Sir Pray Answer me directly Sir Iohn Under favour Sir Do you use to Answer directly when you are Drunk Iustice. Good lack good lack Here 's nothing to be got from him Pray Sir may I crave your Name Sir Iohn Sir My Name 's He Hycops Hyccop Sir Iustice. Hyccop Doctor Hyccop I have known a great many Country Parsons of that Name especially down in the Fenns Pray where do you live Sir Sir Iohn Here and there Sir Iustice. Why what a strange Man is this Where do you Preach Sir Have you any Cure Sir Iohn Sir I have a very good Cure for a Clap at your Service Iustice. Lord have mercy upon us Sir Iohn Aside This Fellow do's Ask so many Impertinent Questions I believe I gad 't is the Justice's Wife in the Justice's Clothes Iustice. Mr. Constable I Vow and Protest I don't know what to do with him Constab. Truly he has been but a troublesom Guest to us all Night Iustice. I think I had e'en best let him go about his Business for I 'm unwilling to expose him Constab. E'en what your Worship thinks fit Sir Iohn Sir not to interrupt Mr. Constable I have a small Favour to ask Iustice. Sir I open both my Ears to you Sir Iohn Sir your very humble Servant I have a little Urgent Business calls upon me And therefore I desire the Favour of you to bring Matters to a Conclusion Iustice. Sir If I were sure that Business were not to Commit more Disorders I wou'd release you Sir Iohn None By my Priesthood Iust. Then Mr. Constable you may Discharge him Sir Iohn Sir your very humble Servant If you please to Accept of a Bottle Iust. I thank you kindly Sir but I never drink in a Morning Good-buy to ye Sir good-buy to ye Sir Iohn Good-buy t' ye good Sir Exit Iustice. So now Mr. Constable Shall you and I go pick up a Whore together Constab. No thank you Sir My Wife 's enough to satisfie any reasonable Man Sir Iohn Aside He he he he he the Fool is Married then Well you won't go Constab. Not I truly Sir Iohn Then I 'll go by my self and you and your Wife may be Damn'd Exit Sir John Constable gazing after him Why God-a-marcy Parson Exeunt SCENE Spring-Garden Constant and Heartfree Cross the Stage As they go off Enter Lady Fancyfull and Madamoiselle Mask'd and Dogging ' em
shou'd have if I had a good Opinion enough of hers to believe she cou'd do as much by me For to do 'em Right after all the Wife seldom rambles till the Husband shews her the way Const. 'T is true a Man of real Worth scarce ever is a Cuckold but by his own Fault Women are not naturally lewd there must be something to urge 'em to it They 'll cuckold a Churle out of Revenge A Fool because they despise him a Beast because they loath him But when they make bold with a Man they once had a well grounded Value for 't is because they first see themselves neglected by him Heart Nay were I well assur'd that I shou'd never grow Sir Iohn I ne'er shou'd fear Bellinda â—d play my Lady But our Weakness thou know'st my Friend consists in that very Change we so impudently throw upon indeed a steadier and more generous Sex Const. Why Faith we are a little Impudent in that Matter that 's the Truth on 't But this is wonderful to see you grown so warm an Advocate for those but t'other Day you took so much pains to abuse Heart All Revolutions run into Extreams the Bigot makes the boldest Atheist and the coyest Saint the most extravagant Strumpet But Prithee advise me in this good and Evil this Life and Death this Blessing and Cursing that is set before me Shall I marry or die a Maid Const. Why Faith Heartfree Matrimony is like an Army going to engage Love 's the forlorn Hope which is soon cut off the Marriage-Knot is the main Body which may stand Buff a long long time and Repentance is the Rear-Guard which rarely gives ground as long as the main Battle has a Being Heart Conclusion then you advise me to whore on as you do Const. That 's not concluded yet For tho' Marriage be a Lottery in which there are a wondrous many Blanks yet there is one inestimable Lot in which the only Heaven on Earth is written Wou'd your kind Fate but guide your Hand to that though I were wrapt in all that Luxury it self cou'd cloath me with I still shou'd envy you Heart And justly too For to be capable of loving one doubtless is better than to possess a Thousand But how far that Capacity's in me alas I know not Const. But you wou'd know Heart I wou'd so Const. Matrimony will inform you Come one Flight of Resolution carries you to the Land of Experience where in a very moderate time you 'll know the Capacity of your Soul and your Body both or I 'm mistaken Exeunt SCENE Sir John Brute's House Enter Lady Brute and Bellinda Bel. Well Madam what Answer have you from ' em Lady B. That they 'll be here this Moment I fansie 't will end in a Wedding I 'm sure he 's a Fool if it don't Ten Thousand Pound and such a Lass as you are is no contemptible Offer to a younger Brother But are not you under strange Agitations Prithee how do's your Pulse beat Bel. High and low I have much ado to be Valiant feel very strange to go to Bed to a Man Lady B. Um it do's feel a little odd at first but it will soon grow easy to you Enter Constant and Heartfree Lady B. Good Morrow Gentlemen How have you slept after your Adventure Heart Some careful Thoughts Ladies on your Accounts have kept us waking Bel. And some careful Thoughts on your own I believe have hindred you from sleeping Pray how do's this Matrimonial Project relish with you Heart Why Faith e'en as storming Towns does with Soldiers where the Hopes of delicious Plunder banishes the Fear of being knock'd on the Head Bel. Is it then possible after all That you dare think of downright lawful Wedlock Heart Madam you have made me so Fool-hardy I dare do any thing Bel. Then Sir I challenge you and Matrimony's the Spot where I expect you Heart 'T is enough I 'll not fail Aside So Now I am in for Hobs's Voyage a great Leap in the Dark Lady B. Well Gentlemen this Matter being concluded then have you got your Lessons ready For Sir Iohn is grown such an Atheist of late he 'll believe nothing upon easie Terms Const. We 'll find ways to extend his Faith Madam But pray how do you find him this Morning Lady B. Most lamentably morose chewing the Cud after last Night's Discovery of which however he had but a confus'd Notion e'en now But I 'm afraid his Vallet de Chamber has told him all for they are very busie together at this Moment When I told him of Bellinda's Marriage I had no other Answer but a Grunt From which you may draw what Conclusions you think fit But to your Notes Gentlemen He 's here Enter Sir John and Rasor Const. Good Morrow Sir Heart Good Morrow Sir Iohn I 'm very sorry my Indiscretion shou'd cause so much Disorder in your Family Const. Disorders generally come from Indiscretions Sir 't is no strange thing at all Lady B. I hope my Dear you are satisfied there was no wrong intended you Sir Iohn None my Dove Bel. If not I hope my Consent to marry Mr. Heartfree will convince you For as little as I know of Amours Sir I can assure you one Intrigue is enough to bring four People together without further mischief Sir Iohn And I know too that Intrigues tends to Procreation of more kinds than one One Intrigue will beget another as soon as beget a Son or a Daughter Const. I am very sorry Sir to see you still seem unsatisfy'd with a Lady whose more than common Vertue I am sure were she my Wife shou'd meet a better Usage Sir Iohn Sir If her Conduct has put a trick upon her Vertue her Vertue 's the Bubble but her Husband 's the Loser Const. Sir You have receiv'd a sufficient Answer already to justifie both her Conduct and mine You 'll pardon me for medling in your Family Affairs but I perceive I am the Man you are jealous of and therefore it concerns me Sir Iohn Wou'd it did not concern me and then I shou'd not care who it concern'd Const. Well Sir if Truth and Reason won't content you I know but one way more which if you think fit you may take Sir Iohn Lord Sir you are very hasty If I had been found at Prayers in your Wife's Closet I shou'd have allow'd you twice as much time to come to your self in Const. Nay Sir if Time be all you want We have no Quarrel Heart I told you how the Sword wou'd work Sir John muzes upon him Const. Let him muze however I 'll lay Fifty Pound our Foreman brings us in Not Guilty Sir Iohn Aside 'T is well 't is very well In spight of that young Jade's Matrimonial Intrigue I am a downright stinking Cuckold Here they are Boo Putting his Hand to his Forehead Methinks I could Butt with a Bull. What the plague did I marry her for I knew she did not