hope I shall be shortly Parrot Come we will go and chide your Husband that he hath been maried a week and his Wife not with child Lady Gosling Yes pray goe chide him and I will bear your company Exeunt Scene 45. Enter the Prince and Princess PRincess Sir pray perswade the unmaried Ladies to dance for I cannot intreat them Prince That 's strange for Ladies will dance without intreating for no intreating will make them sit still Princess It seems they are not in their dancing-humour to day for every one finds some excuse for to deny Prince Let them alone and take no notice of their reserved humours and they will dance without intreating nay they will intreat you they may dance Enter a Gentleman Gentlem. If it please your Highness the Ladies desire you would give them leave to Celebrate your Mariage with their Mirth and to express their Joy with their Dancing Prince We shall take it as a Favour to our Nuptials Exit Gentleman Prince Did not I tell you they would desire to dance Princess Truly I was so ignorant as I knew not so much the nature of our Sex Prince You knew not so much of their follies Exeunt Scene 46. Enter Mistris Parle Mistris Fondly Mistris Trifle Mistris Vanity VAnity Let us strive to make the Bride jealous Parle That 's impossible now but you may not work to good effect some a half a year hence Fondly Why I have known a Bridegroom leer her the next day he was maried Trifle Perchance a Bridegroom may for men are sooner cloy'd than women but a Bride will fondly hang about her Husbands neck a week at least Parle A week nay a moneth for a woman is fond the first moneth sick the second moneth peevish the third moneth coy the fourth moneth false the fifth moneth and Cuckolds her Husband the sixth moneth Fondly Then a maried man sprouts Horns in half a year Parle Yes for they are set the day of his mariage and some half a year after they are budded but not so fully grown as to appear to the publick view Trifle But will nothing hinder the growth Parle No 'faith but Death and Death like a Frost doth nip those tender buds Vanity Which death the mans or the womans Parle The womans for if the man dies and his Widow marries again the dead Husband is horn'd in his Grave and the living Husband is horn'd in his Bed Vanity Then their Horns may be put together as Stags in Rutting-time Fondly I had rather make Horns than talk of Horns therefore I 'll go dance Exeunt Scene 47. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEntlem. Where have you been 2 Gent. At Church 1 Gent. Did a fit of Devotion hurry you to the Church to pray 2 Gent. No 'faith I went not to pray but to joyn a pair of Lovers hands in Wedlocks Bonds for they chose me to be their Father to give them in the Church 1 Gent. What Lovers were they that were so foolish to marry 2 Gent. So honest you mean 1 Gent. There is more folly in 't than honesty in my opinion 2 Gent. Thou art an Infidel nay a very Athiest 1 Gent. I am a Naturalist But who are they that are maried 2 Gent. Why Sir William Holdfast and the Lady Mute 1 Gent. The truth is he is a worthy Person and she is a virtuous and sweet Lady wherefore they deserve each other besides she is an Heir and he hath a great Estate 2 Gent. He hath so 1 Gent. What is the Wedding kept private 2 Gent. Yes there are only two or three Friends but I must goe dine with them therefore fare thee well unless you will go with me for you know you shall be welcome 1 Gent. I know I shall therefore I shall go with you Exeunt Scene 48. Enter the Prince and Princess and all the Ladies and Gallants as Knights and Gentlemen They dance upon the Stage and then go out FINIS EPILOGUE OUr Auth'ress here hath sent me for her pay She 's at the Charge of Wit to make the Play But if you think it not worthy of Praise Nor an Applause of Hands her Fame to raise She doth desire that it in pawn may lie Till redeem'd by a better Comedie The Actors Names The Lord Widower Sir William Lovewell and the Lady Hypocondria his wife Sir Henry Sage and the Lady Chastity his wife Sir Edward Courtly and the Lady Iealousie his wife Sir Humphrey Disagree and the Lady Disagree his wife Sir Thomas Cuckold and the Lady Wanton his wife Sir Timothy Spendall and the Lady Poverty his wife Sir Iohn Dotard and the Lady Driping his wife Sir Francis Inconstant and the Lady Inconstant his wife Sir Iames Hearty the Lady Inconstants Father Monsieur Amorous Monsieur Disguise The Lady Sprightly the Lord Widowers Daughter The Lady Procurer Mistris Forsaken afterwards named Monsieur Disguise Mistris Single sister to the Lady Jealousie Doll Subtilty the Lady Sprightly's Chambermaid Also a Waiting-Gentlewoman Nan Lightheel the Lady Jealousies Maid and likewise a Waiting-Gentlewoman Joan Cry-out the Lady Hypocondria's Chamber-maid and likewise a Waiting-Gentlewoman Briget Greasy Sir John Dottards Kitchin maid and two other Maids of his Three Maid-servants of the Lady Poverty 's Two or three Maid-servants of the Lady Disagree's A Maid-servant to the Lady Inconstant Nic Adviser Sir Francis Inconstants man Roger Trusty Sir William Lovewels man A Serving-man of Sir James Hearty's A Skipper Doctors and others Steward The first Part of the Play called the MATRIMONIAL TROUBLE A COMEDY ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Sir Francis Inconstant and Mistris Forsaken SIr Fran. Incon. When I forsake you let Heaven forsake my Soul Mistris Forsaken I do not doubt you for if I did I could not love you and whilst I love you I cannot doubt you Inconstant O how it wounds my heart to part from you my Thoughts are tortur'd and my Mind is set upon a melancholy Rack Forsaken Since your Journey cannot be conveniently avoided I will please my self with the hopes of your sudden Return Inconstant Farewel sweet Mistris Death is the worst of Nature and your Absence the worst of Fortune Exeunt Scene 2. Enter Master Thrifty the Steward and Briget Greasy the Cook-maid BRiget Greasy Good Master Steward give Order for some Beef-suet to be brought in for there is nor any left in the House and I must make a Venison-pasty and if I should temper my Pasty all with butter you would be angry Thrifty Why cannot you take some of the fat from the Beef-broth for your Crust Briget Yes if every one that eat of it had as fresh a mouth as you or loved drink so well as you do it would serve otherwise it would be too salt for their palats besides I am to make puddings in guts Thrifty If they prove as the last you made the dogs may eat them for the guts stunk so much as no man could eat any of them Briget I 'm sure 't was your fault in that
my affection with all the industry of Life gifts of Fortune and actions of Honour sued for my favour as if he had sued to Heaven for mercy but I as many cruel goddesses do would neither receive his obligations nor regard his vowes nor pity his tears nor hearken to his complaints but rejected his Sute and gave him an absolute denyal whereupon he was resolved to dye as believing no torments could be compared to those of my disdain and since I would not love him living he hoped by dying his death might move my pity and so beget a compassionate remembrance from me wherupon he got secretly neer my chamber-door and hung himself just where I must go out which when I saw I starred back in a great fright but at last running forth to call for help to cut him down in came Monsieur Amorous which hinderance made me leave him hanging there as being ashamed to own my cruelty and he hath been talking or rather prating here so long as by this time my kind Love is dead Visitant O no for Lovers will hang a long time before they dye for their necks are tuff and their hearts are large and hot Contempl. Well pray leave me alone that I may cut him down and give him Cordials to restore life Visitant Faith you must let him hang a little time longer for I have undertaken to make you a sociable Lady this day wherefore you must goe abroad to a friends house with me Contempl. Who I what do you think I will goe abroad and leave my Lover in a twisted string his legs hanging dangling down his face all black and swelled and his eyes almost started out of his head no no pray goe alone by your self and leave me to my Contemplation Visitant Well if you will not goe I will never see you nor be friends with you again Contempl. Pray be not angry for I will go if you will have me although I shall be but a dull companion for I shall not speak one word for wheresoever I am my thoughts will use all their Industry to cut the string and take him down and rub and chafe him against a hot fire Visitant Come come you shall heat your self with dancing and let your Lover hang Contempl. That I cannot for active bodies and active brains are never at once the one disturbs the other Visitant Then it seems you had rather have an active brain than an active body Contempl. Yes for when the brain doth work the understanding is inriched and knowledge is gained thereby whereas the body doth oft-times waste the life with too much exercise Visitant Take heed you do not distemper your brain with too much exercising your thoughts Contempl. All distempers proceed from the body and not from the minde for the minde would be well did not the humours and appetites of the body force it into a distemper Visitant Well upon the condition you will goe you shall sit still and your wit shall be the Musick Contempl. Prethee let me rest at home for to day the strings of my wit are broken and my tongue like a fiddle is out of tune Besides Contemplative persons are at all times dull speakers although they are pleasant thinkers Exeunt FINIS Written by my Lord Marquess of New-castle The Second Part of the Lady Contemplation The Actors Names Lord Title Lord Courtship Sir Fancy Poet Sir Experienced Traveller Sir Humphry Interruption Sir Golden Riches Sir Effeminate Lovely Sir John Argument Sir Vain Complement Master Inquirer Doctor Practice Old Humanity Roger Farmer Thom. Purveyor 2. Beadles Gentlemen and others Lady Amorous Lady Ward Lady Contemplation Lady Conversation Lady Visitant Poor Virtue Mistris Troublesome Mistris Gossip Mistris Messenger Lady Amorous's woman Nurse Careful Maudlin Huswife Roger Farmers wife Mall Mean-bred their daughter Mistris Troublesomes maid Servants and others The Second Part of the Lady Contemplation ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Sir Effeminate Lovely and Poor Virtue EFfeminate Lovely Sweet-heart you are a most Heavenly Creature Poor Virtue Beauty is created and placed oftner in the fancy than in the face Effem. Lovely 'T is said there is a Sympathy in likeness if so you and I should love each other for we are both beautiful Poor Virtue But 't is a question whether our Souls be answerable to our Persons Effem. Lovely There is no question or doubt to be made but that loving souls live in beautiful persons Poor Virtue And do those loving soules dye when their beauties are decayed and withered Effem. The subject pleads it self without the help of Rhetorick for Love and Beauty lives and dies together Poor Virtue 'T is Amorous Love that dies when Beauty is gone not Vertuous Love for as Amorous Love is bred born lives and dies with the appetite so Vertuous Love is Created and shall live with the Soul forever Effem. Lovely You may call it what love you please Poor Virtue It is no love but a disease Exeunt Scene 2. Enter the Lord Courtship and the Lady Ward LOrd Courtship Why did you leave the Lady Amorous company so uncivilly as to go out of the room leaving her all alone Lady Ward I heard your Lordship was coming then I thought it was fit for me to withdraw for I have heard Lovers desire to be alone Lord Courtship Do you desire to be alone with a man Lady Ward I am no such Lover for I am too young as yet but I know not what I shall or may be wrought or brought to but time and good example may instruct and lead me into the way of amorous love Lord Courtship May it so Lady Ward Why not for I am docible and youth is apt to learn Lord Court But before I marry you I would have you learn to know how to be an obedient wife as to be content and not murmure at my actions also to please my humour but not to imitate my practice Lady Ward If I might advise your Lordship I would advise you to take such a Portion out of my Estate as you shall think just or fit and then quit me and choose such a one as you shall like for I shall never please you for though I may be apt to learn what will please my self yet I am dull and intractable to learn obedience to anothers will nor can I flatter their delights Lord Court I finde you have learned and now begin to practice how to talk for now your sober silence seems as dead and buried in the rubbish of follish words But let me tell you a talking wife will never please me wherefore practise patience and keep silence if you would enjoy the happiness of peace The Lord Courtship goes out Lady Ward alone Lady Ward There can be no peace when the mind is discontented Exit Scene 3. Enter Lord Title and Poor Vertue POor Virtue Why do you follow me so much as never to let me rest in peace and quiet alone Is it that you think I have beauty and is it
a Non-pluss they would be glad to be quit of each other yet are ashamed to part so soon and are weary to stay with each other long when a Play entertaines them with Love and requires not their answers nor forceth their braines nor pumps their wits for a Play doth rather fill them than empty them 2. Gentleman Faith most Playes doth rather fill the spectators with wind than with substance with noise than with newes 1. Gentleman This Play that I would have you go to is a new Play 2. Gentleman But is there newes in the Play that is is there new wit fancyes or new Scenes and not taken our of old storyes or old Playes newly translated 1. Gentleman I know not that but this Play was writ by a Lady who on my Conscience hath neither Language nor Learning but what is native and naturall 2. Gentleman A woman write a Play Out upon it out upon it for it cannot be good besides you say she is a Lady which is the likelyer to make the Play worse a woman and a Lady to write a Play fye fye 3. Gentleman Why may not a Lady write a good Play 2. Gentleman No for a womans wit is too weak and too conceived to write a Play 1. Gentleman But if a woman hath wit or can write a good Play what will you say then 2. Gentleman Why I will say no body will believe it for if it be good they will think she did not write it or at least say she did not besides the very being a woman condemnes it were it never so excellent and care for men will not allow women to have wit or we men to have reason for if we allow them wit we shall lose our prehemency 1. Gentleman If you will not goe Tom farewell for I will go set this Play let it be good or bad 2. Gentleman Nay stay I will go with thee for I am contented to cast away so much time for the sake of the sex Although I have no saith of the Authoresses wit 3. Gentleman Many a reprobate hath been converted and brought to repentance by hearing a good Sermon and who knowes but that you may be converted from your erroneous opinion by seeing this Play and brought to confesse that a Lady may have wit Loves Adventures Play The Lord Fatherly The Lord Singularity His Sonne Sir Serious Dumbe Sir Timothy Complement Sir Humphry Bolde Sir Roger Exception Sir Peaceable Studious Foster Trusty The Lady Orphant The Lady Ignorant wife to Sir Peaceable Studious The Lady Bashfull The Lady Wagtaile The Lady Amorous Mrs. Acquaintance Nurse Fondly Foster Trusties wife Lady Orphans Nurse Mrs. Reformers woman to the Lady Bashfull Two Chamber-Maydes Prologue NOble Spectators you are come to see A Play if good perchance may clapped be And yet our Authoresse sayes that she hath heard Some playes though good hath not been so preferr'd As to be mounted up on high raised praise And to be Crown'd with Garlands of fresh hayes But the contrary have been hissed off Out from our Stage with many a censuring scoff But afterwards there understanding cleer'd They gave the praise what they before had jeer'd The same she sayes may to her Play befall And your erroneous censures may recall But all such Playes as take not at first sight But afterwards the viewers takes delight It seemes there is more wit in such a Play Than can be understood in one whole day If for she is well content for her wits sake From ignorance repulses for to take For she had rather want those understanding braines Than that her Play should want wits flowing veynes ACT I. Scene 1. Enter the Lord Fatherly and the Lord Singularity his Son LOrd Singularity Pray Sir do not force me to marry a childe before you know whether she will prove vertuous or discreet when for the want of that knowledge you may indanger the honour of your Line and Posterity with Cuckoldry and Bastardry Lord Fatherly Son you must leave that to fortune Lord Singularity A wise man Sir is to be the maker or spoiler of his own fortune Lord Fatherly Let me tell you Son the wisest man that is or ever was may be deceived in the choosing a wife for a woman is more obscure than nature her self therefore you must trust to chance for marriage is a Lottery if you get a prize you may live quietly and happily Lord Singularity But if I light of a blank as a hundred to one nay a thousand to one but I shall which is on a Fool or a Whore her Follies or Adulteries instead of a praise will found out my disgrace Lord Fatherly Come Come she is Rich she is Rich Lord Singularity Why Sir guilded I Horns are most visible Lord Fatherly 'T is better Son to have a rich whore than a poor whore but I hope Heaven hath made her Chast and her Father being an honourable honest and wise man will breed her vertuously and I make no question but you will be happy with her Lord Singularity But Sir pray consider the inequality of our ages she being but a Child and I at mans Estate by that time she is ready for the marriage bed I shall be ready for the grave and youths sharp appetites will never rellish Age wherefore she will seek to please her pallat else where Lord Fatherly Let me tell you Son should you marry a woman that were as many years older than she is younger than you it were a greater hazard for first old women are more intemperate than young and being older than the husband they are apt to be jealouse and being jealouse they grow malitious and malice seeks revenge and revenge disgrace therefore she would Cuckold you meerly to disgrace you Lord Singularity On the other side those Women that are marryed young Cuckholds there Husbands fames dishonouring them by their ignorant follyes and Childish indiscretions as much as with Adultery And I should assoon choose to be a Cuckhold as to be thought to be one For my honour will suffer as much by the one as the other if not more Lord Fatherly Heaven blesse the Sonne from jealousy for thou art horrible afraid of being a Cuckold Lord Singularity Can you blame me Sir since to be a Cuckhold is to be despised scorned laught and pointed at as a Monster worse than nature ever made and all the Honour that my birth gave me and my education indued me my vertue gained me my industry got me fortune bestowed on me and fame inthron'd me for may not only be lost by my wifes Adultery but as I said by her indiscretion which makes me wonder how any man that hath a Noble Soul dares marry since all his honour lyes or lives in the light heels of his wife which every little passion is apt to kick away wherefore good Sir let me live a single life Lord Fatherly How Son would you have me consent to extinguish the light of my Name and to pull out the root
of my posterity Lord Singularity Why Sir it were better to lye in dark oblivion than to have a false light to devulge your disgrace and you had better pull out the root than to have a branch of dishonour ingrafted therein Lord Fatherly All these Arguments against Marriage is because you would injoy your Mistresses with freedom fearing you should be disturbed by a wife Lord Singularity That needs not for I observe married Men takes as much liberty if not more than Batchellors for Batchellors are affraid they should challenge a promise of Marriage and married Men are out of that danger Lord Father Then that is the reason that Batchellors Court Married wives and Married Men Courts Maides but howsoever Son if all Men should be of your mind there would be no Marring nor giving in Marriage but all must be in Common Lord Singularity That were best Sir for then there could be no Adultery committed or Cuckolds made Lord Fatherly For shame take courage and be not afraid of a Woman Lord Singularity By Heaven Sir I would sooner yield up my life to death thau venture my honour to a womans management Lord Father Well Son I shall not force you with threates or commands to marry against your will and good likeing but I hope Heaven will turn your mind towards marriage and sent thee a loving vertuous and discreet wife Scene 2. Enter the Lady Wagtaile the Lady Amorous Sir Timothy Compliment Sir Humphrey Bold and Sir Roger Exception SIr Timothy Compliment Bright beauty may I be Servant Lady Amorous If I have any beauty it was begot in your Eyes And takes light from your commendations Sir Timothy Compliment You are Lady the Starre of your Sex Lady Amorous No truely I am but a Meteor that soon goeth out Lady Wagtaile Preethy Sir Timothy Compliment and Lady Amorous do not stand prating here but let us go a broad to some place to devert the time Lady Amorous Dear Wagtaile whether shall we goe Sir Timothy Compliment Faith let us go to a Play Sir Humphrey Bold Let 's go to a Tavern Sir Roger Exception What with Ladyes Sir Humphrey Bold Why Ladyes have been in Tavernes before now Sir Roger Exception It were as good to carry them to a Bawdy-house Sir Humphrey Bold As good say you faith now I think of it better it were the only place to pass a way idle time Come Ladyes shall we go Lady Amorous Whether Sir Humphrey Bold To a Bawdy-house Lady Amorous O sve sve Sir Humphrey Bold how wantonly you talk Lady Wagtaile But would you carry us in good earnest to a Bawdy-house Sir Humphrey Bold Why do you question it when every house is a secret Bawdy-house Na Let me tell you there be many Right Worshipfull Nay Right Honourable and most Noble Pallaces made Bawdy-houses Sir Roger Exception Some perchance that are old and ruinous and the right owners out Sir Humphrey Bold No some that are new large and finely furnished and the owners stately proud scornfull and jeering living therein Sir Roger Exception They should take heed of jeering least they be jeered and of being scornfull least they be scorned Sir Humphrey Bold What say you Ladyes are you resolved Lady Wagtaile No No we will not go with you to such places now but I will carry you to a young Lady whose Father is newly dead and hath left her all his Estate and she is become a great heir Sir Roger Exception Perchance Lady she will not receive our visit if her Father be newly dead Lady Wagtaile I perceive you are ignorant of Funerall customes for widdowes heires and heiresses receives visits whilst the Corpes lyes above ground And they will keep them so much the longer to have so many more visitants nay sometimes they will keep them so long as there dissembling is perceived or so long as they stink above ground for if they bury not the Corpes and set empty Coffins for want of imbalming their miserableness will stench up the Nostrils of their vanity Sir Roger Vanity Nay by your savour Lady there are some that are buried whilst they are steeming hot Sir Humphrey Bold Those are only such whose Executors widdowes or widdowers seares they may revive again and rather than that they should do so they will bury them alive Lady Wagtaile You say rightly true Sir Humphrey Bold Sir Timothy Compliment Sweet beautyes let us go to see this Rich heiress Lady Amorous Content Sir Roger Exception But Ladyes are you acquainted with her Lady Wagtaile O no! But you may know that all women rather than want visits they will go to those they never saw nor spoak to but only heares of them and where they live and I can direct the Coachman to this Ladyes Lodging wherefore let us go Sir Humphrey Bold I shall not deny to visit a Rich heiress Sir Roger Exception I shall waite upon you Ladyes but Lady Wagtaile Nay never make buts but let 's go Lady Amorous Pray let us call Sir Serious Dumb to go along with us Lady Wagtaile Faith Amorous you love his Company because he can tell no tales Sir Humphrey Bold Pray call him not but let him alone for I dare sweare he is inventing of some useless and foolish Art Sir Timothy Compliment Is he so inventive say you but if his inventions is useless he invents in vain Sir Roger Exception Why may not a Dumb mans Inventions be as good as a blind for the most usefullest Artes were invented as the learned saith by one born blind Lady Wagtaile Me thinkes a dumb man should not have much wit for by my troath one that is dumb seemes to me like a fool nay one that speakes but little I cannot for my life but condemn him or her for an Ass Sir Humphrey Bold He may be a fool although he may chance to light on some inventions for Artes are oftner produced from chance than wit but let us go and leave him Lady Wagtaile whispers to Sir H. Bold Lady Wagtaile Faith Sir Humphrey Bold we must call him or otherwise my friend Amorous will be out of humour Sir Humphrey Bold Doth she love silence so well Lady Wagtaile No no it is that she loves secrecy so well Exit CHORUS In a minutes time is flown From a Child to Woman grown Some will smile or laughing say This is but a foolish Play By Reason a Comedy should of one dayes action be Let them laugh and so will I At there great simplicity I as other Poets brings Severall Nations Subjects Kings All to Act upon one stage So severall times in one Age Scene 3. Enter the Lady Orphant and Mrs. Acquaintance MIstriss Acquaintance How do you know the Lord Singularity is such a gallant man For he hath been out of the Kingdom this 7. yeares wherefore you could have no acquaintance you being yet very young Lady Orphant Although I have no acquaintance by sight or experienced knowledge yet by report I have for I remembred I heard my Father
Trusty Beshrew your tongue wife for speaking so sharply to our young Lady she was left to our trust care and tender usage and not to be snapt and quarrelled with Nurse Fondly Yes and you would betray your trust to her childish folly Foster Trusty No that I would not neither would I venture or yield up her life to loves melancholly Nurse Fondly Come Come husband you humour her too much and that will spoile her I am sure Ex. Scene 8. Enter Sir Peaceable Studious with a Book in his hand a Table being set out whereon is Pen Ink and Paper After he hath walked a turn or two with his eyes fixt upon the ground he sits down to the Table and begins to write Enter the Lady Ignorant his Wife LAdy Ignorant Lord Husband I can never have your company for you are at all times writing or reading or turning your Globes or peaking thorough your Prospective Glasse or repeating Verses or speaking Speeches to your self Sir P. Studious Why wife you may have my company at any time Nay never to be from me if you please for I am alwaies at home Lady Ignorant 'T is true your person is alwaies at home and fixt to one place your Closet as a dull dead statue to the side of a wall but your mind and thoughts are alwaies abroad Sir P. Studious The truth is my mind sometimes sends out my thoughts like Coye ducks to bring more understanding in Lady Ignorant You mistake Husband for your thoughts are like vain or rather like false Scouts that deceives your understanding imprisons your senses and betrayes your life to a dull solitariness Sir P. Studious 'T is better to live a quiet solitary life than a troublesome and an uneasie life Lady Ignorant What is a man born for but to serve his Countrey side with his friends and to please the effeminate Sex Sir P. Studious You say right wife and to serve his Countrey is to finde out such inventions as is usefull either in Peace or War and to form order and settle Common-wealths by Devizing Laws which none but studious brains e're did or can do T is true practice doth pollish beauty and adorn but neither layes the Foundation nor brings the Materials nor builds the walls thereof and to side with friends is to defend Right and Truth with sound arguments and strong proofs from the tyrannical usurpation of false opinions vain phantasines malicious satires and flattering oratorie and to please the effeminate Sex is to praise their beauty wit vertue and good graces in soft Numbers and smooth Language building up Piramides of poetical praises Printing their fame thereon by which they live to After-ages Lady Ignorant Prithy Husband mistake us not for women cares not for wide mouthed fame and we take more delight to speak our selves whilst we live than to be talked of when we are dead and to take our present pleasures than to abstain our selves for After-ages Sir P. Studeous Well wife what would you have me do Lady Ignorance Why I would have you so sociable as to sit and discourse with our friends and acquaintance and play the good fellow amongst them Sir P. Studious What need we to have any other friends than our selves our studies books and thoughts Lady Ignorance Your studies books and thoughts are but dull acquaintance melancholly companions and weak friends Sir P. Studious You do not wife consider their worth for books are conversable yet silent acquaintance and study is a wise Counsellor and kind friends and poetical thoughts are witty Companions wherein other Societies and Companies are great inconveniences and oftimes produces evil effects as Jealousie Adulterie Quarrels Duels and Death besides slanders backbitings and the like Lady Ignorance Truly Husband you are strangely mistaken for those Societies as I would have you frequent doth Sing Dance Rallie make Balls Masks Playes Feasts and the like and also makes Frollicks or Rubices or Playes at Questions and Commands Purposes or Ridles and twenty such like Pastimes and fine sports they have Sir P. Studious But surely Wife you would not like this kind of life nor I neither especially if we were in one and the same Company for perchance you may hear wanton Songs sung and see amorous glances or rude or immodest Actions and when you dance have a secret nip and gentle gripe of the band silently to declare their amorous affections and when you are at Questions or Commands you will be commanded to kiss the men or they you which I shall not like neither should you or if they are commanded to pull of your Garter which no chast and modest woman will suffer nor no gallant man or honourable husband will indure to stand by to see and if you refuse you disturb the rest of the Company and then the women falls out with you in their own defence and the men takes it as an affront and disgrace by reason none refuses but you This causes quarrels with Strangers or quarrels betwixt our selves Lady Ignorant 'T is true if the Company were not Persons of Quality which were civilly bred but there is no rude Actions or immodest behaviours offered or seen amongst them Besides if you do not like those sports you may play at Cardes or Dice to pass away the time Sir P. Studious But Wife let me examine you have or do you frequent these Societies that you speak so Knowingly Learnedly and Affectionately of Lady Ignorance No otherwise Husband but as I have heard which reports makes me desire to be acquainted with them Sir P. Studious Well you shall and I will bear you company to be an Eye-witness how well you behave your self and how you profit thereby Lady Ignorance Pray Husband do for it will divert you from your too serious studies and deep thoughts which feeds upon the health of your body which will shorten your life and I love you so well as I would not have you dye for this I perswade you to is for your good Sir P. Studious We will try how good it is Ex. Scene 9. Enter Nurse Fondley and Foster Trusty her Husband NUrse Fondly How shall I keep your Journey secret but that every body will know of it Foster Trusty We will give out that such a deep melancholly have seized on her since her Fathers death as she hath made a vow not to see any creature besides your self for two years As for me that I have lived so solitary a life with my solitary Master this Ladies Father that I have few or no acquaintance besides I will pretend some business into some other parts of the Kingdom and I having but a little Estate few will inquire after me Nurse Fondly So in the mean time I must live solitary all alone without my Husband or Nurse-childe which Childe Heaven knows I love better than if I had one living of my own Foster Trusty I am as fond of her as you are and Heaven knows would most willingly sacrifice my old life could
Studious How not to go nor to go no more would you desire me from that which you perswaded me to Nay so much as I could never be quiet disturbing my harmless studies and happy mind crossing my pleasing thoughts with complaining words but I perceive you grow jealouse and now you are acquainted you have no more use of me but would be glad to quit my company that you may be more free abroad Lady Ignorance No Husband truely I will never go abroad but will inancor my self in my own house so you will stay at home and be as you were before for I see my own follies and am ashamed of my self that you should prove me such a fool Sir P. Studious Do you think me so wise and temperate a man as I can on a sudden quit vain pleasures and lawfull follies Lady Ignorance Yes or else you have studied to little purpose Sir P. Studious Well for this day I will stay at home and for the future time I will consider Exeunt Scene 20. Enter two Servants of the Generals I. Servant This boy that came but the other day hath got more of my Lords affection than we that have served him this many years 2. Servant New-comers are alwaies more favoured than old waiters for Masters regards old Servants no more than the Imagerie in an old suit of Hanging which are grown threed-bare with time and out of fashion with change Besides new Servants are more industrious and diligent than old but when he hath been here a little while he will be as lazie as the rest and then he will be as we are I. Servant I perceive my Lord delights to hear him talk for he will listen very a tentively to him but when we offer to speak he bids us to be silent 2. Servant I wonder he should for when we speak it is with gravity and our discourse is sententious but his is meer squibs Enter Affectionata Affectionata Gentlemen my Lord would have one of you to come to him I. Servant Why I thought you could supply all our places for when you are with him he seems to have no use of us Affectionata It shall not be for want of will but ability if I do not serve him in every honest office I. Servant So you will make some of us knaves Affectionata I cannot make you knaves unless you be willing to be knaves your selves 2. Servant What do you call me knave Affectionata I do not call you so Ex. 2. Servant Well I will be revenged if I live Ex. Scene 21. Enter the Lady Bashfull and Reformer her woman REformer Madam I have inquired what this Sir Serious Dumb is and 't is said he is one of the finest Gentlemen in this Kingdom and that his valour hath been proved in the wars and that he is one that is very active and dexterous in all manly exercises as riding fencing vaulting swimming and the like Also that he is full of inventions and a rare Poet and that he hath a great Estate only that he is dumb and hath been so this twelve years and upwards Lady Bashfull Reformer What makes you so industrious to inquire after him surely thou art in love within Reformer In my conscience I liked him very well when he was to see you Lady Bashfull The truth is he cannot weary you with words nor anger you in his discourse but pray do not inquire after him nor speak of him for people will think I have some designe of marriage Reformer I shall obey you Madam Exeunt Scene 22. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata He strokes Affectionata's head LOrd Singularity Affectionata Thou art one of the diligent'st boys that had Affectionata How can I be otherwise Sir since you are the Governour of my soul that commands the Fort of my passion and the Castle of my imaginations which are the heart and the head Lord Singularity Do you love me so much Affectionata So well my Lord as you are the archetectour of my mind the foundation of my thoughts and the gates of my memories for your will is the form your happiness the level and your actions the treasurie Lord Singularity Thy wit delights me more than thy flattery perswades for I cannot believe a boy can love so much Besides you have not served me so long as to beget love Affectionata I have loved you from my infancy for as I suck'd life from my Nurses breast so did I Love from fames drawing your praises forth as I did milk which nourished my affections Lord Singularity I shall strive boy to require thy love Affectionata To requite is to return love for love Lord Singul. By Heaven I love thee as a Father loves a son Affectionata Then I am blest Exeunt Scene 23. Enter two Souldiers 1. SOuldier What is this boy that our General is so taken with 2. Souldier A poor Begger-boy 1. Souldier Can a poor Begger-boy merit his affections 2. Souldier He is a pretty boy and waites very diligently 1. Souldier So doth other boys as well as he but I believe he is a young Pimp and carries and conveys Love-letters 2. Souldier Like enough to for boys are strangely crafty in those imployments and so industrious as they will let no times nor opportunities slip them but they will find waies to deliver their Letters and messages Exeunt Scene 24. Enter the Lady Bashfulls Page and Sir Serious Dumb who gives a Note to the Page to read PAge Sir I dare not direct you to my Lady as you desire me in this Note and if I should tell her here is a Gentleman that desired to visit her she would refuse your visit Dumb gives the young Page four or five pieces of Gold Page I will direct you to the room wherein my Lady is but I must not be seen nor confess I shewed you the way Page and Sir Serious Dumb Exeunt Scene 25. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata LOrd Singularity Come Affectionata sit down and entertain me with thy sweet discourse which makes all other company troublesome and tedious to me thine only doth delight me Affectionata My Noble Lord I wish the plat-form of my brain were a Garden of wit and then perchance my tongue might present your Excellencies with a Posie of flowery Rhethorick but my poor brain is barren wanting Lord Singularity Thou hast an eloquent tongue and a gentle soul Affectionata My Noble Lord I have hardly learn'd my native words much less the eloquence of Language and as for the souls of all mankind they are like Common-wealths where the several vertues and good graces are the Citizens therein and the natural subjects thereof but vices and follies as the thievish Borderers and Neighbour-enemies which makes inrodes factions mutinies intrudes and usurps Authority and if the follies be more than the good graces and the vices too strong for the vertues the Monarchy of a good life falls to ruine also it is indangered by Civil-wars amongst the passions Lord Singularity What
passions indangers it most Affectionata Anger malice and despair Lord Singularity Were you never angry Affectionata I am of too melancholly a nature to be very angry Lord Singularity Why are melancholly persons never angry Affectionata Very seldom my Lord for those that are naturally melancholly doth rather grieve than fret they sooner wast into sighes than fly about with fury more tears flows thorough their eyes than words pass thorough their lips Lord Singularity Why should you be melancholly Affectionata Alas nature hath made me so Besides I find there is not much reason to joy for what we love perchance it loves not us and if it doth we cannot keep it long for pleasures passeth like a dream when pains doth stay as if eternal were Lord Singularity Thou art composed with such harmonie as thy discourse is as delightfull musick wherein the soul takes pleasure Exeunt Scene 26. Enter the Lady Bashfull Sir Serious Dumb following her where Reformer her Woman meets them REformer Madam now the Gentleman is here you must use him civilly and not strive to run away from him wherefore pray turn and entertain him The Lady Bashfull turns to him but is so out of countenance and trembles so much as she cannot speak but stands still and mute All the while he fixes his eyes upon her Reformer Pray speak to him Madam and not stand trembling as if you were like to fall Lady Bashfull My spirits is seized on by my bashfull and innocent fears insomuch as they have not strength to support my body without trembling Reformer Sweet Madam try not speak to him Lady Bashfull Honourable Sir give me leave to tell you that my bashfullness doth smother the senses and reason in my brain and chokes the words in my throat I should utter but pray do not think it proceeds from crimes but an imperfection of nature which I have strove against but cannot as yet rectifie Sir Serious Dumb Civily bows to her and then gives Reformer his Table-book to read She reads Madam He hath writ here that had his tongue liberty to speak all that he could say would be so far below and inferiour to what might be said in your praise as he should not adventure to presume to speak Lady Bashfull I will presume to break my brain but I will invent some ways to be rid of his company He follows her Exeunt ACT. V. Scene 27. Enter the General and sits in a melancholly posture Enters Affectionata and stands with a sad countenance The General sees him LOrd Singularity What makes thee look so sad my boy Affectionata To see you sit so melancholly Lord Singul. Clear up thy countenance for it s not a deadly melancholly though it is a troublesome one Affectionata May I be so bold to ask the cause of it Lord Singul. The cause is a cruel Mistriss Affectionata Have you a Mistriss and can she be cruel Lord Singularity O! Women are Tyrants they daw us on to love and then denies our suits Affectionata Will not you think me rude If I should question you Lord Singul. No for thy questions delights me more than my Mistriss denials grieves me Affectionata Then give me leave to ask you whether your suit be just Lord Singul. Just to a Lovers desires Affectionata What is your desire Lord Singul. To lye with her Affectionata After you have married her Lord Singularity Marry her saist thou I had rather be banish'd from that Sex for ever than marry one and yet I love them well Affectionata Why have you such an adversion to marriage being lawfull and honest Lord Singul. Because I am affraid to be a Cuckold Affectionata Do you think there is no chaste women Lord Singularity Faith boy I believe very few and those that are men knows not where to find them out for all that are not married professes chastity speaks soberly and looks modestly but when they are marryed they are more wild than Bachalins far worse than Satyres making their Husbands horns far greater than a Stags having more branches sprouts thereon Affectionata And doth he never cast those horns Lord Singul. Yes if he be a Widower he casts his horns only the marks remains otherwise he bears them to his grave Affectionata But put the case you did know a woman that was chaste would not you marry her Lord Singul. That is a question not to be resolved for no man can be resolved whether a woman can be chaste or not Affectionata fetches a greater sighe Lord Singul. Why do you sighe my boy Affectionata Because all women are false or thought to be so that wise men dares not trust them Lord Singularity But they are fools that will not try and make use of them if they can have them wherefore I will go and try my Mistriss once again Exeunt Scene 28. Enter the Lady Ignorance and her Maid She hears a noise LAdy Ignorance What a noise they make below they will disturb my Husbands study go and tell those of my Servants that I will turn them away for their carelesness as that they cannot place set or hold things sure but let them fall to maké such a noise Maid I shall maid Ex. Lady Ignorance It shall be my study how to order my house without noise wherefore all my Servants shall be dumb although not deaf and I will take none but such as have corns on their feet that they may tread gently and all my Houshold-vessel shall be of wood for wood makes not such a noise when it chance to fall or is hit against a wall as metal doth which rings like bells when it is but touched neither will I have Houshold-vessels of Earth for earthen-pots pans and the like when they fall and break sounds as if a stonewall fell Ex. Scene 29. Enter the General and three or four Commanders GEneral On my soul Gentlemen the boy is an honest boy and no wayes guilty of this you tax him for Commanders Pardon us my Lord for giving your Excellence notice that the States are jealouse of him for a Spie but we do not any wayes accuse him General Will the States examine him say you Commanders So we hear my Lord General Well Gentlemen pray leave me for this time and I will take care the boy shall be forth-coming whensoever the State shall require him Commanders Your Lordships humble Servants Commanders Ex. The General solus General A Spie it cannot be for he is neither covetous nor malicious revengefull nor irreligious but I will try him Exit Scene 30. Enter the Lady Bashfulls Chamber-maid and Mrs. Reformer her Gentlewoman CHamber-maid Mrs. Reformer pray tell me who that handsome Gentleman is which follows my Lady about Reformer He is one that is Noble and Rich and is in love with my Lady Chamber-maid Truly it is the strangest way of wooing that ever was for my Lady goeth blushing out of one room into another and he follows her at the heels In my conscience my Lady is ashamed to
sit down or to bid him leave her company and surely they must needs be both very weary of walking but sure he will leave her when it is time to go to bed Reformer It is to be hoped he will Enter the Lady Bashfull and Sir Serious Dumb following her Reformer Madam you will tire your self and the Gentleman with walking about your house wherefore pray sit down Lady Bashfull What! To have him gaze upon my face Reformer Why your face is a handsome face and the owner of it is honest wherefore you need not be ashamed but pray rest your self Lady Bashfull Pray perswade him to leave me and then I will Reformer Sir my Lady intreats you to leave her to her self Sir Serious Dumb writes then and gives Reformer his Table-book to read Reformer He writes he cannot leave you for if his body should depart his soul will remain still with you Lady Bashfull That will not put me out of countenance because I shall not be sensible of its presence wherefore I am content he should leave his soul so that he will take his body away He writes and gives Reformer the Book Reformer reads He writes that if you will give him leave once a day to see you that he will depart and that he will not disturb your thoughts he will only wait upon your person for the time he lives he cannot keep himself long from you Lady Bashfull But I would be alone Reformer But if he will follow you you must indure that with patience you cannot avoid Sir Serious Dumb goeth to the Lady Bashfull and kisseth her hand and Ex. Reformer You see he is so civil as he is unwilling to displease you Lady Bashfull Rather than I will be troubled thus I will go to some other parts of the World Reformer In my conscience Madam he will follow you wheresoever you go Lady Bashfull But I will have him shut out of my house Reformer Then he will lye at your gates and so all the Town will take notice of it Lady Bashfull Why so they will howsoever by his often visits Reformer But not so publick Exeunt Scene 31. Enter the General and Affectionata Lord Singularity Affectionata Thou must carry a Letter from me to my Mistriss Affectionata You will not marry her you say Lord Singul. No Affectionata Then pardon me my Lord for though I would assist your honest love by any service I can do yet I shall never be so base an Instrument as to produce a crime Lord Singul. Come come thou shalt carry it and I will give thee 500. pounds for thy service Affectionata Excuse me my Lord Lord Singularity I will give thee a thousand pounds Affectionata I shall not take it my Lord Lord Singul. I will give thee five thousand nay ten thousand pounds Affectionata I am not covetous my Lord Lord Singularity I will make thee Master of my whole Estate for without the assistance I cannot injoy my Mistriss by reason she will trust none with our Loves but thee Affectionata Could you make me Master of the whole World it could not tempt me to do an action base for though I am poor I am honest and so honest as I cannot be corrupted or bribed there-from Lord Singularity You said you loved me Affectionata Heaven knows I do above my life and would do you any service that honour did allow of Lord Singularity You are more scrupulous than wise Affectionata There is an old saying my Lord that to be wise is to be honest Exeunt Scene 32. Enter Sir Peaceable Studious and meets his Ladies maid Sir P. Studious Where is your Lady Maid In her Chamber Sir Sir P. Studious Pray her to come to me Maid Yes Sir Sir P. Studious Exit Enter another Maid to the first 1. Maid Lord Lord What a creature my Master is become since he fell into his musing again he looks like a melancholy Ghost that walks in the shades of Moon-shine or if there be no Ghost such as we fancie just such a one seems her when a week since he was as fine a Gentleman as one should see amongst a thousand 2. Maid That was because he kiss'd you Nan 1. Maid Faith it was but a dull clownish part to meet a Maid that is not ill-favoured and not make much of her who perchance have watch'd to meet him for which he might have clap'd her on the cheek or have chuck'd her under the chin or have kiss'd her but to do or say nothing but bid me call my Lady was such a churlish part Besides it seemed neither manly gallantly nor civilly 2. Maid But it shewed him temperate and wise not minding such frivilous and troublesome creatures as women are 1. Maid Prithy it shews him to be a miserable proud dull fool 2. Maid Peace some body will hear you and then you will be turn'd away 1. Maid I care not for it they will not turn me away I will turn my self away and seek another service for I hate to live in the house with a Stoick Scene 33. Enter the General and Affectionata AFfectionata By your face Sir there seems a trouble in your mind and I am restless until I know your griefs Lord Singularity It is a secret I dare not trust the aire with Affectionata I shall be more secret than the aire for the aire is apt to divulge by retorting Echoes back but I shall be as silent as the Grave Lord Singul. But you may be tortured to confess the truth Affectionata But I will not confess the truth if the confession may any wayes hurt or disadvantage you for though I will not belye truth by speaking falsely yet I will conceal a truth rather than betray a friend Especially my Lord and Master But howsoever since your trouble is of such concern I shall not with to know it for though I dare trust my self yet perchance you dare not trust me but if my honest fidelity can serve you any wayes you may imploy it and if it be to keep a secret all the torment that nature hath made or art invented shall never draw it from me Lord Singul. Then let me tell thee that to conceal it would damn thy soul Affectionata Heaven bless me But sure my Lord you cannot be guilty of such sins that those that doth but barely hear or know them shall be damned Lord Singul, But to conceal them is to be an Actor Affectionata For Heaven sake then keep them close from me if either they be base or wicked for though love prompt me to inquire hoping to give you ease in bearing part of the burthen yet Heaven knows I thought my love so honourable placed on such a worthy person and guiltless soul as I might love and serve without a scandal or a deadly sin Lord Singularity Come you shall know it Affectionata I 'l rather stop my ears with death Lord Singul. Go thou art a false boy Affectionata How false a boy howsoever you think me I have an
honest soul and heart that is ready to serve you in any honest way but since I am deceived and couzened into love by false reports finding the best of man-kind basely wicked and all the World so bad that praise nothing good and strives to poyson vertue I will inancor my self and live on Antidotes of prayers for fear of the infection Lord Singul. And I will not you pray for me Affectionata I cannot chose my Lord for gratitude inforces me First because I have loved you next because I have served you and give me leave to kiss your hand and then there drop some tears at my departure Weeping kneels down and kisses her hand Lord Singularity Rise you must not go away until you have cleared your self from being a spie Affectionata I fear no accusations Exeunt FINIS THE SECOND PART OF LOVES ADVENTURES THe Lord Singularity Sir Serious Dumb Sir Timothy Compliment Sir Humphry Bold Sir Roger Exception Sir Peaceable Studious Foster Trusty Collonels Captains Lieutenants and Corporals Petitioners Officers Messengers Iudges Iuries Servants The Lady Orphant Lady Bashfull Lady Ignorance Lady Wagtail Lady Amorous Nurse Fondly Mistriss Reformer Lady Bashfulls woman Chamber-maids EPILOGUE NOble Spectators you have spent this day Not only for to see but judge our Play Our Authoress sayes she thinks her Play is good If that her Play be rightly understood If not 't is none of her fault for she writ The Acts the Scenes the Language and the Wit Wherefore she sayes that she is not your Debtor But you are hers until you write a better Of even terms to be she understands Impossible except you clap your hands THE SECOND PART ACT I. Scene 1. Enter the Lady Bashfulls Chamber-maid and Mrs. Reformer her woman REformer This dumb Lower is the most diligent'st servant that ever was and methinks my Lady is somewhat more confident than she was for she will sit and read whilst he sits by Maid Doth she read to him Reformer No she reads to herself Maid There comes abundance of Gallants to visit my Lady every day and they have all one answer that is she is not willing to receive visits and they all go civilly away unless Sir Humphry Bold and he rails horribly Reformer I have received from several Gentlemen above 20. Letters a day and as fast as they come she makes me burn them Maid But she reads them first Reformer No I read them to her Maid And doth she answer all those Letters Reformer She never answered one in her life and I dare swear she never will The Lady Bashfull calls as within another Room Reformer Madam Exeunt Scene 2. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata Lord Singularity Affectionata Hast thou forgiven me my fault of doubting of thy vertue so much as to put it to a Tryal Affectionata My Noble Lord have you forgiven my facility and wavering faith that could so easily and in so short a time believe you could be wicked although you did accuse your self Lord Singularity Nay Affectionata I did not accuse my self though I did try thee Affectionata Then I have committed a treble fault through my mistake which requires a treble forgiveness Lord Singularity Thou art so vertuous thou canst not commit a fault and therefore needs no forgiveness Exeunt Scene 3. Enter the Lady VVagtail and Sir Humphry Bold SIr Humpry Bold Madam You have been pleased to profess a friendship to me and I shall desire you will do a friendly part for me Lady Wagtail Any thing that lyes in my power good Sir Humphry Bold Sir Humphry Bold Then pray Madam speak to the Lady Bashfull in my behalf that I may be her Husband Lady Wagtail I will Sir Humphry but she is bashfull yet I was there Yesterday and she entertained me indifferently well but seemed to be wonderfull coy but howsoever I will do my poor indeavour Sir Humphry Sir Humphry Bold Pray do Madam Exeunt Scene 4. Enter Affectionata walking in a melancholly posture his Hat pulled over his brows and his arms inter-folded To him enters the Lord Singularity LOrd Singularity My Affectionata Why walks thou so melancholly He pulls of his Hat to his Lord and Bows Affectionata The cause is not that I lye under an aspersion by reason I lye not under a crime But truly my Lord I am troubled that I am threatened to be tormented for I would not willingly indure pain though I could willingly receive death but as for the aspersions I am no wayes concerned for I make no question but my honest life my just actions and the truth of my words will so clear me at the last as I shall appear as innocent to the World as Angels doth in Heaven Lord Singularity Comfort your self for I will rather suffer death than you shall suffer pain Affectionata Heaven defend you my Lord whatsoever I suffer Ex. Scene 5. Enter the Lady VVagtail and Mistriss Reformer LAdy Wagtail Pray Mistriss Reformer be Sir Humphry Bold's friend to thy Lady and I protest to thee he shall be thy friend as long as he and you live and I do not see any reason your Lady should refuse him for he is both as proper and stout a man as any is living this day in the Land Reformer Indeed Madam I dare not mention it to my Lady for she is so adverse against marriage as she takes those for her enemies as doth but mention it Lady Wagtail Then surely she is not a woman for there is none of the effeminate Sex but takes it for a disgrace to live an old maid and rather than dye one they will marry any man that will have them and the very fear of not marrying is so terrible to them as whilst they are so young as they are not fit to make wives they will miserably cast away themselves to the first that makes a proffer although they be poor base or mean rather than venture to try out their fortunes Reformer But my Lady is not of that humour Lady Wagtail Come come I know thou canst perswade thy Lady if thou wouldst and if you will Sir Humphry Bold will give thee 500 l. to buy thee a Husband for thou hast lived too long a maid I faith Reformer I am not a maid Madam I am a widow Lady Wagtail What a musty widow Reformer I know not whether I am musty but I am a widow Lady Wagtail Let mee tell thee that it is as great a disgrace to live a widow as an old maid wherefore take thee 500 l. to get thee a second Husband Reformer Truly I would not sell my Lady for all the World much less for 500 l. neither would I marry again if I were young and might have my choyce Lady Wagtail Lord bless me and send me out of this house least it should infect me for let me tell thee were my Husband dead to morrow I would marry the day after his Funeral if I could get any man to marry me and so I would serve 20. Husbands
one after another Reformer Your best way were to have 20. Husbands at one time so that your Ladyship might not be a day without Lady Wagtail O fie If women might have twenty Husbands they would have no room for courtly Servants but prithy help Sir Humphry Bold and take his offer and let me speak with the Lady my self Reformer That your Ladyship cannot at this time for my Lady is not well Lady Wagtail Then pray remember my most humble service and tell her I will come to morrow and if she be sick I will talk her well Lady Wagtail Ex. Reformer alone Reformer Dead you would talk her for thou hast an endless tongue Oh! what man is so miserable that is her Husband Reformer Exit Scene 6. Enter two or three Commanders 1. COmmander It is reported that our Generals Page hath behaved himself so handsomly spoke so wittily defended his cause so prudently declared his innocence so clearly and carried his business so wisely as the Venetian States have not only quitted him freely but doth applaud him wonderfully extolls him highly and offers him any satisfaction for the injurie and disgrace that hath been done him but he only desires that the man that had accused him which man was one of the Generals men should be pardoned and not punished 2. Commander I hope our General is well pleased that his beloved boy is not only cleared but applauded 1. Commander O! He doth nothing but imbrace him and kiss him as if he were his only son yet he did gently chide him that he asked pardon for his accusers for said he if all false accusers should be pardoned no honest man would escape free form censure 3. Commander But I hear the States have given order to our General to meet the Turkes again for it is reported by intelligences that they have recruited into a numerous body 2. Commander Faith I think the Turkes are like the tale of the Gyant that when his head was cut off there rise two in the place 1. Commander I think they are like the vegetable that is named threefold the more it is cut the faster it growes 3. Commander I would the Devil had them for me 2. Commander We do what we can to send them to Hell but whether they will quit thee I cannot tell Exeunt Scene 7. Enter the Lord General and Affectionata LOrd Singularity My Affectionata I wonder you could suffer an accusation so patiently knowing you were accused falsly Affectionata The clearnesse of my innocency needed not the fury of a violent passion to defend it neither could passion have rectified an injury Lord Singularity T is true yet passion is apt to rise in defence of innocency and honour Affectionata And many times passion my Lord destroye the life in striving to maintaine the truth and defend the innocent but I find a passionate sorrow that your Lordship must go to indanger your life in the warrs again Lord Singularity The warrs is pastime to me for I hate idlenesse and no imployment pleases me better than fighting so it be in a good cause but you shall stay Affectionata Why my Lord are you weary of my service Lord Singul. Know I am carefull of thy safety thy rest and peace for shouldst thou not come near danger yet the very tragical aspect will terrefie thee to death thou art of so tender a nature so soft and sweet a disposition Affectionata Truly my Lord if you leave me behind you the very fear of your life will kill me where if your Lordyship will let me go love will give me courage Lord Singul. Then let me tell you you must not go for I have adopted you my Son and I have setled all my Estate upon thee where if I am killed you shall be my Heir for I had rather vertue should inherit my Estate than birth yet I charge thee take my Name upon thee as well as my Estate unto thee Affectionata My noble Lord I should be prouder to bear your name than to be Master of the whole World but I shall never be so base to keep my self in safety in hope of your Estate wherefore must intreat your leave to go with you Lord Singul. I will not give you leave but command you to the contrary which is to stay Affectionata I cannot obey you in this for love will force me to run after you Lord Singul. I will have you lash'd if you offer to go Affectionata Stripes cannot stay me Lord Singul. I will have you tyed and kept by force fectionata By Heaven my Lord I 'l tear my flesh and break my bones to get lose and if I have not legs to run I 'l creep thorough the Earth like worms for though I shall move but slowly yet it will be a satisfaction to my soul that I am travelling after you Lord Singularity Affectionata You anger me very much Affectionata Indeed my Lord you grieve me more than I can anger you Affectionata weeps Lord Singularity What do you crie and yet desire to be a souldier Affectionata A valiant heart my Lord may have a weeping eye to keep it company Lord Singularity If no perswasion can stay you you must go along with me Affectionata bows as giving his Lord thanks Exeunt Scene 8. Enter the Lady VVagtail the Lady Amorous Sir Humphry Bold Sir Timothy Compliment to the Lady Bashfull who hangs down her head as out of countenance LAdy Wagtail Faith Lady Bashfull we will have you abroad to Balls and publick meetings to learn you a confident behaviour and a bold speech Fie You must not be bashfull Lady Amorous Our visiting her sometimes hath made her so as she is not altogether so bashfull as she was Enter Sir Serious Dumb who bows first to the Lady Bashfull then to the rest of the Company and then goeth behind the Lady Bashfull and stands close by Mistriss Reformer Lady Amorous Surely Sir Serious Dumb is a domestick servant here he stands and waits as one He bows with an acknowledging face Sir Humphry Bold If she wil entertain such servants as he she is not so modest as she appears Lady perchance if I had come privately alone I had been entertained with more freedom and not have had my suit denied and my person neglected with scorn and he received with respect Sir Serious Dumb comes and gives him a box on the eare they both draw their swords all the women runs away squeeking only the Lady Bashfull stayes and runs betwixt their swords and parts them Sir Timothy Compliment looks on as affraid to stir Lady Bashfull For Heaven sake fight not here to affright me with your quarrels Sir Humphry Bold I will have his heart-bloud Lady Bashfull Good Sir Serious Dumb and Sir Humphry Bold leave off fighting Sir Serious Dumb draws back Lady Bashfull Pray Sir Humphry Bold give me your sword that I may be sure you will not fight Sir Humphry Bold What yield my sword up I will dye first Enter the Ladies
again All speak at one time who is kill'd who is kill'd Sir Humphry Bold presses towards Sir Serious Dumb. Lady Bashfull Good Ladies hold Sir Humphry Bold and I will try to perswade Sir Serious Dumb They hold Sir Humphry Bold Lady Wagtail What you shall not stir I am sure you will not oppose us women Lady Bashfull Noble Sir to give me an assurance you will not fight give me your sword Sir Serious Dumb kisses the hilt of his sword then gives it her Sir Humphry Bold gets lose from the Ladies and goeth to assault Sir Serious Dumb He being an armed the Lady Bashfull seeing him steps betwixt them and with Sir Serious Dumb's sword strikes at Sir Humphry Bold and strikes his sword out of his hand Lady Bashfull What are you not ashamed to assault an unarmed man Sir Humphry Bold runs to take up his sword she also runs and sets her foot upon it Lady Bashfull Let the sword alone for it is my prize and by Heaven if you touch it I will run you thorough with this sword in my hand Sir Humphry Bold runs and catcheth Sir Timothy Compliments sword and offers to make a thrust at Sir Serious Dumb who puts the sword by and beats it down with one hand and with the other strikes it aside then closes with him and being skillfull at Wrestling trips up his heels then gets upon him and having both his hands at liberty wrings out Sir Humphry Bold's sword out of his hand then ariseth and gives the sword to the right owner who all the time trembled for fear and never durst strive to part them Sir Humphry Bold Hell take me but I will be revenged Lady I hope you will give me my sword again Lady Bashfull Never to fight against a woman but my victorious spoils I will deliver to this gallant Gentleman who delivered up his life and honour into my hand when he gave me his sword and I indangered the loss of both by taking it for which my gratitude hath nothing to return him but my self and fortunes if he please to accept of that and me Sir Serious Dumb bows with a respect and kisses her hand Lady Bashfull Sir I wish my person were more beautifull than it is for your sake and my fortune greater with more certainty of continuance as neither being subject to time or accident but this certainly I will promise you which is my chaste and honest life Now Sir pray take these two swords this was yours fear gave me confidence this I won love gave me courage Sir Serious Dumb leads out his Mistriss Exit Sir Humphry Bold I will be revenged Omnes Exeunt ACT II. Scene 9. Enter the Lord General and Affectionata LOrd Singul. Affectionata I hear thou hast bought Arms I am sure thou canst not fight Affectionata I am sure I will do my indeavour my Lord Lord Singularity Why the very weight of thy Arms will sink thee down Affectionata O no my Lord my desire shall beat them up Lord Singul. Alas thou hast no strength to fight Affectionata What strength my active body wants my vigorous spirits shall make good Lord Singul. Prethee my boy do not adventure thy self but stay in my Tent Affectionata That would be a shame for me and a dishonour to you since you have adopted me your son wherefore the World shall never say you have bestowed your favour and your love upon a coward Lord Singularity I well perceive I have adopted a very willfull boy Affectionata Indeed my Lord I have no will but what doth follow you The General strokes Affectionata on the cheek Exeunt Scene 10. Enter Sir Serious Dumb and his Mistriss the Lady Bashfull SIr Serious Dumb. The time I vowed to silence is expir'd and though my thoughts not gloriously attired with Eloquence for Rhetorick I have none yet civil words sit for to wait upon a modest Lady and to entertain an honest mind with words of truth though plain For 't is not Rhetorick makes a happy life but sweet society that 's void of strife Lady Bashfull Sir Rhetorick is rather for sound than sense for words than reason Sir Serious Dumb. Yet my sweet Mistriss I wish my voice were tuned to your eare and every word set as a pleasing note to make such musick as might delight your mind Lady Bashfull Your words slow thorough my ears as smooth clear pure water from the spring of Hellicon which doth not only refresh but inrich my dull insipid brain Scene 11. Enter a Captain and his Corporal COrporal The Turks never received such a blow as they have this time Captain A pox of them they have made us sweat Corporal Why Captain sweating will cure the Pox and though you curse the Turks yet it is we that live in Italy that is diseased with them Captain The truth is we lost more health in the Venetian service than we gain wealth Corporal Nay faith Captain we do not only lose our health but wast our wealth for what booties we get from the Turks the Courtezans gets from us Captain For that cause now I have gotten a good bootie I will return into mine own Country and buy a Corporal A what Captain Captain An Office in civil Government Corporal But you will never be civil in your Office Captain That needs not to be for though all Magisterial Offices bears a civil Authority yet the Officers and Magistrates therein are more cruel and ravenons than common souldiers Corporal Verily Captain I think common Souldiers are more mercifull and just than they Captain Verely Corporal I think you will become a Puritan Preacher Corporal Why should you think so Captain Captain First because you have got the Pox and that will make you Preach in their tone which is to speak thorough the nose the next is you have left the ranting Oaths that Souldier's use to swear and use their phrases as verily my beloved brethren which brethrens souls they care not for nor thinks thereof for though they speak to the brethren they Preach to the sisters which edifies wonderfully by their Doctrine and they gain and receive as wonderfull from their female Hocks for those Puritan Preachers have more Tithes out of the Marriage-bed than from the Parish-stock Corporal If it be so beneficial Captain I had rather be a Puritan Preacher than an Atheistical States-man Captain Faith Corporal I think there is not much Religion in either but if there be it lies in the States-man for he keeps Peace the other makes War Corporal If they make wars they are our friends for we live by the spoils of our enemies Captain 'T is true when as we get a victory or else our enemies lives on the spoil of us for though we have no goods to lose yet we venture our lives neither do we live on the spoil of our enemies but only in forreign wars for in civil wars we live by the spoil of our Friends and the ruining of our Country Corporal Then
we are only obliged to Preachers for civil wars Captain Faith Corporal we are obliged to them for both for as their factious Doctrine causes a Rebellion by railing on the Governours and Governments so their flattering Sermons sets a Prince on fire who burns in hot ambition to conquer all the World Corporal These latter Preachers you mention Captain are not Puritan Preachers but Royal Preachers Captain You are right Corporal for they are divided in two parts although their Doctrine meets at one end which is in war Corporal Captain you have discovered so fully of Preachers that if you will give me leave I will preach to our Company Captain Out you rogue will you raise a war amongst our selves causing a mutinie to cut one anothers throats Corporal Why Captain it is the fashion and practice for Souldiers to Preach now adayes Captain That is amongst the Rebel party to keep up their faction and to strengthen the flank thereof but amongst the Royal party the Preaching Ministers turn fighting Souldiers incouraging with their good example as by their valliant onsets and not the Souldiers Preaching Ministers Corporal Why Captain the Royal party needs no incouragement the justice of their cause is sufficient Captain You say right they want not courage to fight but they want conscience to plunder Besides the Royal party is apt to give quarter which should not be for Souldiers should destroy all they take in Civil-wars by reason there is no gain to be made of their Prisoners as by the way of Ransoms but if we stay from our Company our General will preach such a Sermon as may put us into despair of his favour and indanger our lives at the Council of war Exeunt Scene 12. Enter three or four Commanders 1. COmmander I think our Generals new made son is a spirit for when the General was surrounded with the Turks this adopted Son of his flew about like lightening and made such a massacre of the Turks as they lay as thick upon the ground as if they had been mushromes 2. Commander Certainly the General had been taken Prisoner if his Son had not rescued him for the General had adventured too far into the enemies body 1. Commander 'T is strange and doth amaze me with wonder to think how such a Willow-twig could bore so many mortal holes in such strong timber'd bodies as the Turks 2. Commander By him one would believe miracles were not ceast 3. Commander Well for my part I will ask pardon of my General for condemning him privately in my thoughts for I did think him the most fond I will not say what for adopting a poor Beggar-boy for his son and setled all his Estate which is a very great one upon him 1. Commander The truth is he is a very gallant youth and if he lives and continues in the wars he will prove a most excellent Souldier 2. Commander Certainly he sprung from a Noble Stock either by his Fathers side or by his Mothers 1. Commander By his behaviour he seems Nobly born from both 3. Commander And by his poverty Nobly born from neither 1. Commander Mean persons may have wealth and Noble births be Beggars Exeunt Scene 13. Enter Affectionata in brave cloths Hat and Feather and a Sword by his side and a great many Commanders following and attending him with their Hats off the whilst he holds off his Hat to them AFfectionata Gentlemen I beseech you use not this ceremonie to me it belongs only to my Lord General Commanders Your merits and gallant actions deserves it from us Besides it is your due as being the Generals adopted Son Affectionata My Lords favour may place a value on me though I am poor in worth and no wayes deserves this respect 1. Commander Faith Sir had it not been for you we had lost the battel Affectionata Alas my weak arm could never make a conquest although my will was good and my desire strong to do a service 2. Commander Sir the service was great when you rescued our General for when a General is taken or kill'd the Armies are put to rout for then the common Souldiers runs away never stayes to fight it out Affectionata I beseech you Gentlemen take not the honour from my Lord to give it me for he was his own defence and ruine to his enemies for his valiant spirits shot thorouh his eyes and struck them dead thus his own courage was his own safety and the Venetians victory Enter a Messenger from the Venetian-States to Affectionata he bows to him Messenger Noble Sir the Venetian-States hath made you Lieutenant General of the whole Armie and one of the Council of War where they desire your presence Affectionata The honours they have given me is beyond my management Messenger Exit As Affectionata was going forth enters some poor Souldiers Wives with Petitions offers to present them to Affectionata 1 Wife Good your Honour speak in the behalf of my Petition 2. Wife And mine 3. Wife And mine Affectionata Good women I cannot do you service for if your Petitions are just my Lord the General will grant your request and if they be unjust he will not be unjust in granting them for my intreatie nor will I intreat therefore Wives If it please your Honour we implore Mercy not Justice Affectionata Where Justice and Wisdom will give leave for Mercy I am sure my Lord will grant it otherwise what you call mercy will prove cruelty and cause ruine and destruction Wives We beseech your Honour then but to deliver our Petitions Affectionata For what are they Wives For the lives of our Husbands Affectionata Are they to be executed Wives They are condemned and to be hanged to morrow unless the General gives them pardons Affectionata What are their crimes 1. Wife My Husband is to be hanged for plundering a few old rotten Houshold-goods Affectionata Give me your Petition necessity might inforce him 2. Wife My Husband is to be hanged for disobeying his Captain when he was drunk Affectionata When which was drunk your Husband or his Captain Wife My Husband Affectionata Disobedience ought to be severely punished yet because his reason was drowned in his drink and his understanding smothered with the vapour thereof whereby he knew not what he did I will deliver your Petition Affectionata And what is yours 3. Wife My Husband is to be hanged for ravishing a Virgin Affectionata I will never deliver a Petition for those that are Violaters of Virginity I will sooner act the Hang-mans part my self to strangle him Affectionata And what is your Husbands crime 4. Wife My Husband is to be hanged for murther Affectionata O horrid They that murther ought to have no mercy given to them since they could give no mercy to others Wives Good your Honour Affectionata Nay never press me for I will never deliver your Petition Wives Exeunt Enter Commanders that were to be Cashiered to Petition Affectionata 1. Captain Noble Sir I come to intreat you to be
Come fellow-souldiers are you ready to march 2. Commander Whether 1. Commander Into our own native Country for our General is sent sol home 3. Commander Except there be wars in our own Country we cannot go with him 1. Commander I know not whether there be wars or peace but he obeys for he is preparing for his journey 2. Commander Who shall be General when he is gone 3. Commander I know not but I hear the States offers to make our young Lieutenant-General General but he refuseth it 2. Commander Would they would make me General 3. Commander If thou wert General thou wouldst put all method out of order 1. Commander Faith Gentlemen I would lead you most prudently and give you leave to plunder most unanimously 1. Commander And we would fight couragiously to keep what we plunder 2. Commander Come let us go and inquire how our affairs goeth Exeunt Scene 22. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata LOrd Singularity Now Affectionata we have taken our leave of the States I hope thy mind is at peace and freed from fears of being staid Affectionata Yes my my Lord Lord Singularity They did perswade thee much to stay Affectionata They seemed much troubled for your Lordships departure Lord Singularity Truly I will say thus much for my self that I have done them good service and I must say thus much for them that they have rewarded me well Affectionata I have heard my Lord that States seldom rewards a service done wherefore I believe they hope you will return again and sees you for that end Lord Singularity I shall not be unwilling when my Country hath no imployment for me Affectionata Methinks my Lord since you have gotten a fame abroad you should desire to live a setled life at home Lord Singularity A setled life would seem but dull to me that hath no wife nor children Affectionata You may have both If you please my Lord Lord Singularity For children I desire none since I have thee and wives I care not for but what are other mens Enter a Messenger with a Letter to the Lord Singularity Lord Singularity From whence comest thou friend Messenger From Rome my Lord Lord Singularity If you please to stay in the next room I shall speak to you presently Messenger Exit The Lord Singularity breaks up the Letter and reads Lord Singularity Affectionata From whence do you think this Letter comes Affectionata I cannot guess my Lord Lord Singularity From the Pope who hath heard so much of thy youth vertue wit and courage as he desires me to pass thorough Rome im my journey home that he might see thee Affectionata Pray Heaven his Holynesse doth not put me into a Monastery and force me to stay behind you Lord Singularity If he should I will take the habit and be incloistered with thee but he will not inforce a youth that hath no will thereto Affectionata Truly my Lord I have no will to be a Fryer Lord Singularity Indeed it is somewhat too lazie a life which all heroick Spirits shames for those loves liberty and action But I will go and dispatch this Messenger and to morrow we will begin our journey Exeunt Scene 23. Enter the Lady Wagtail and the Lady Amorous LAdy Wagtail Faith Amorous it had been a victory indeed worth the bragging off if we could have taken Sir Peaceable Studious Loves prisoner and could have infettered him in Cupid's bonds Lady Amorous It had been a victory indeed for I will undertake to inslave five Courtiers and ten Souldiers sooner and in less time than one studious Scholar Lady Wagtail But some Scholars are more easily taken than the luxurious Courtiers or deboist Souldiers Lady Amorous O no! for Luxurie and Rapine begets lively Spirits but a study quenches them out Lady Wagtail One would think so by Sir Peaceable Studious but not by some other Scholars that I am acquainted with Lady Amorous But confess Lady Wagtail do not you find a studious Scholar dull company in respect of a vain Courtier and a rough Souldier Lady Wagtail I must confess they that study Philosophy are little too much inclined to morality but those that study Theologie are not so restringent Lady Amorous Well for my part since I have been acquainted with Sir Peaceable Studious I hate all Scholars Exeunt Scene 24. Enter three Men as the Inhabitants of Rome 1. T Is a wonder such a youth as the Lord Singularity's Son is should have so great a wit as to be able to dispute with so many Cardinals 2. Man The greater wonder is that he should have the better of them 1. Man 'T is said the Pope doth admire him and is extreamly taken with him 2. Man If Iove had so much admired him he would have made him his Ganimed 1. Man He offered to make him a living Saint but he thanked his Holyness and said he might Saint him but not make him holy enough to be a Saint for said he I am unfit to have Prayers offered to me that cannot offer Prayers as I ought or live as I should then he offered him a Cardinals hat but he refused it saying he was neither wise enough nor old enough for to accept of it for said he I want Ulisses head and Nestors years to be a Cardinal for though less devotion will serve a Cardinal than a Saint yet politick wisdom is required 3. Man Pray Neighbours tell me which way and by what means I may see this wonderfull youth for I have been out of the Town and not heard of him 2. Man You cannot see him now unless you will follow him where he is gone 1. Man Why whether is he gone 2. Man Into his own Country and hath been gone above this week 3. Man Nay I cannot follow him thither Exeunt Scene 25. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata as being in the Country Lord Singularity Affectionata you have promised me to be ruled by me in every thing so that you may not part from me Affectionata I have my Lord and will obey all your commands so far as I am able Lord Singularity Then I am resolved now I am returned into my own Country to get thee a wife that thy fame and worthy acts may live in thy Posterity Affectionata Iove bless me a wife by Heaven my Lord I am not man enough to marry Lord Singul. There is many as young as you that have been Fathers and have had children Affectionata If they were such as I am they might father Children but never get them Lord Singularity Thou art modest Affectionata but I will have you marry and I will chose thee such a wife as modest as thy self Affectionata Then we never shall have children Sir Lord Singul. Love and acquaintance will give you confidence but tell me truly Affectionata didst thou never court a Mistriss Affectionata No truly Sir Lord Singularity Well I will have you practice Courtship and though I will not directly be your Band or Pimp yet I
cozens us by reason one effect may be produced from many several causes and several effects proceeds from one cause Lord Singularity But thy tears seems as if they were produced from some passion Affectionata Indeed they are produced from passions and appetites for passions are the rayes of the mind and appetites the vapour of the senses and the rayes of my mind hath drawn up the vapour of my senses into thick moist clouds which falls in showering tears Lord Singularity Tell me thy griefs and thy desires that I may help the one and ease the other Affectionata Alas my Lord I cannot for they lye in the conceptions and conceptions ariseth like mysts and my thoughts like clouds lyes one above another Lord Singularity Come come let reason the Sun of the soul verifie those misty conceptions and disperse this dull humour that the mind may be clear and the thoughts serene Affectionata I will strive to bring in the light of mirth Exeunt Scene 35. Enter the Lady VVagtail the Lady Amorous and Sir Humphry Bold LAdy Wagtail Good Sir Humphry Bold carry us to the Court of Iudicatures to hear the great Tryal which is said to be to day Sir Humphry Bold You would go to hear the condemnation of an old man and his old wife Lady Wagtail No we would go to hear the confessions as whether they have murthered the young Lady that is missing or not Sir Humphry bold Why that you may hear from other relations as well as from their own mouths and so save you so much pains and trouble as you will have to get a place and to stand so long a time as the examining accusing confessing freeing or condemning which will require so long a time as Ladies will find great inconveniencies and be put mightily to it Lady Wagtail But I long to hear and see the manner of it Sir Humphry Bold I will wait upon you but you will be very much crouded Lady Amorous I had rather see them hanged if they be guilty than hear them judged and condemned Sir Humphry Bold Why a condemning Judge is the chief Hang-man for he hangs with his word as the other with a cord Lady VVagtail Will the Lord Singularity be there Sir Humphry Bold Yes certainly for he is the man that doth accuse them Lady Amorous And will his Son be there Sir Humphry Bold I know not that Exeunt Scene 36. Enter the Iudges and Iury-men as in a Court of Judicature the Lord Singularity Foster Trusty and Nurse Fondly and many others to hear them JUdges Who accuses these persons of murther Lord Singularity I my Lord Foster Trusty We beseech your Honours not to condemn us before you have found us guilty Lord Singularity It is a proof sufficient my Lord they cannot clear themselves or produce the party that was delivered to their trust and care Iudges Jurie do you find them guilty or not Iuries Guilty my Lord Iudges Then from the Jurie we can Enter Affectionata drest very fine in her own Sexes habit and stops the Iudges sentence Affectionata Hold condemn not these innocent persons for their fidelity constancy and love I am that maid they are accused to murther and by good circumstances can prove it All the Assembly Iudges and Iurie seems as in a maze at her beauty and stares on her The Lord Singularity as soon as he seeth her starts back then goeth towards her his eyes all the time sixt on her speaking as to himself Lord Singularity Sure it is that face He takes her by the Hand and turns her to the light are not you my Affectionata whom I adopted my Son Affectionata Shame stops my breath and chokes the words I should utter Lord Singularity For Heaven sake speak quickly release my fears or crown my joyes Affectionata My Lord pray pardon loves follies and condemn not my modesty for dissembling my Sex for my designs were harmless as only to follow you as a servant For by Heaven my Lord my only desire was that my eyes and my eares might be fed with the sight of your person and sound of your voice which made me travel to hear and to see you But since I am discovered I will otherwise conceal my self and live as an Anchoret from the view of the World Lord Singularity Pray let me live with you Affectionata That may not be for an Anchoret is to live alone Lord Singularity If you will accept of me for your husband we shall be as one Affectionata You have declared against marriage my Lord Lord Singularity I am converted and shall become so pious a devote as I shall offer at no Alter but Hymens and since I am your Convert refuse me not Affectionata I love too well to refuse you He kneels down on one knee and kisses her hand Lord Singularity Here on my knee I do receive you as a blessing and a gift from the Gods He riseth Affectionata Most Reverend Judges and Grave Jury sentence me not with censure nor condemn me to scandals for waiting as a Man and serving as a Page For though I dissembled in my outward habit and behaviour yet I was alwaies chaste and modest in my nature Exeunt Scene 37. Enter the Lady VVagtail and Lady Amorous LAdy Wagtail Now Lady Amorous is your mind a Mirtel-grove and your thoughts Nightingals to entertain the Idea of your Adonas Lady Amorous Her discovery hath proved the boar that kill'd him but I desire much to be army Adonas Funeral which is the Lady Orphants wedding Lady Wagtail I am acquainted with some of the Lord Singularity's Captains and Officers and I will speak to some of them to speak to the Lord Singularity to invite us Lady Amorous I pray do for since my Adonas is dead I will strive to inamour Mars which is the Lord Singularity himself Lady Wagtail Faith that is unfriendly done for I have laid my designs for himself Lady Amorous I fear both of our designs may come to nothing he is so inamoured with his own She-Page or female Son Exeunt Scene 38. Enter Nurse Fondly and Foster Trusty NUrse Fondly O Husband This is the joyfullest day that ever I had in my whole life except at mine own wedding Foster Trusty Indeed this day is a day of Iubile Nurse Fondly Of Iuno say you but Husband have you provided good chear and enough for here are a world of Guests come more than was invited and you being Master Steward will be thought too blame if there be any thing wanting Foster Trusty If you be as carefull to dress the Brides Chamber as I to provide for the bridal Guest you nor I shall be in a fault Nurse Fondly I saith if you have done your part as I have done my part we shall deserve praise Foster Trusty I saith we are almost so old that we are almost past praise Nurse Fondly None can merit praise but those in years for all Worthy Noble and Heroick Acts requires time to do them and who
Doctor help may be found in giving directions and ordering the cordial Doctor So I understand you would have my counsel what you should do and my industry to order and get a meeting between Monsieur Discretion and you and to make the match betwixt you Volante You understand me right Doctor VVell I will study the means and trye if I can procure thee a man Volante Good fortune be your guide Doctor And Monsieur Discretion your Husband Ex. Scene 41. Enter Madamosel Caprisia alone CApris. Thoughts be at rest for since my love is honest and the person I love worthy I may love honourably for he is not only learned with study experienced with time and practice but he is natures favourite she hath endued his soul with uncontrouled reason his mind with noble thoughts his heart with heroick generosity and his brain with a supream wit Besides she hath presented his judgement and understanding with such a clear Prospective-glasse of speculations and such a Multiplying-glass of conception as he seeth farther and discerns more into natures works than any man she hath made before him She slops a little time then speaks But let me consider I have us'd this worthy Gentleman uncivilly nay rudely I have dispised him wherefore he cannot love me for nature abhors neglect and if he cannot love me in honesty he ought not to marry me and if I be not his wife for certain I shall dye for love or live a most unhappy life which is far worse than death Hay ho Enter Madam la Mere her Mother Mere What Daughter sick with love Capris. O Mother love is a Tyrant which never lets the mind be at rest and the thoughts are the torments and when the mind is tormented the body is seldom in health Mere Well to ease you I will go to this Lord Generosity and pray him to give you a visit Capris. By no means Mother for I had rather dye with love than live to be despised with scorn for he will refuse your desires or if he should come it would be but to express his hate or proudly triumph on my unhappy state Madamosel Caprisia goes out Madamosel Mere alone Mere She is most desperately in love but I will endeavour to settle her mind Ex. Scene 42. Enter Doctor Freedom and Madamosel Volante DOctor Am not I a good Doctor now that hath got you a good Husband Volante Nay Doctor he is but a Suiter as yet Doctor Why do not you woe upon the Stage as the rest of your Comorades doth Volante O fye Doctor Discretion never whines our love in publick Doctor So you love to be in private Volante Why Doctor the purest love is most conceal'd it lyes in the heart and it warms it self by its own fire Doctor Take heed for if you keep it too tenderly and close it may chance to catch cold when it comes abroad Volante True love ought to keep home and not to gossip abroad Enter a Servant-maid Servant-maid Madam Monsieur Discretion is come to visit you Volante Come Doctor be a witnesse of our contract Doctor I had rather stay with your maid Volante She hath not wit to entertain you Doctor Nor none to anger me Volante Pray come away for no wise man is angry with wit Doctor I perceive if I do not go with you that you will call me fool Ex. Scene 43. Enter Monsieur Comorade and Monsieur Bon Compaignon BOn Compaignon Comorade what cause makes you so fine to day Comorade I am going to two weddings to day Bon Compaignon Faith one had been enough but how can you divide yourself betwixt two Bridals Comorade I shall not need to divide my self since the Bridals keeps together for they are marryed both in one Church and by one Priest and they feast in one house Bon Compaignon And will they lye in one bed Comorade No surely they will have two beds for fear each Bride-groom should mistake his Bride Bon Compaignon VVell I wish the Bride-grooms and their Brides joy and their Guests good chear Comorade VVill not you be one of the Guests Bon Compaignon No for a Bon Compaignon shuns Hymens Court neither will Hymen entertain him But who are the Brides and Bride-grooms Comorade Monsieur Nobilissimo and Madamosel Doltche and Monsieur Perfection and Madamosel Solid Bon Compaignon Is Monsieur Profession a Guest there Comorade No for he swears now that he hates marriage as he hates death Bon Compaignon But he loves a Mistress as he loves life Ex. Scene 44. Enter Monsieur Generosity and Madamosel Caprisia he following her GEnerosity Lady why do you shun my company in going from me praystay and give my visit a civil entertainment for though I am not worthy of your affection yet my love deserves you civility Capris. I know you are come to laugh at me which is ignobly done for heroick generous spirits doth not triumph on the weak effeminate Sex Generosity Pray believe I am a Gentleman for if I loved you not yet I would never be rude to be uncivil to you or your Sex But I love you so well as when I leave to serve you with my life may nature leave to nourish me fortune leave to favour me and Heaven leave to blesse me and then let death cast me into Hell there to be tormented Capris. I am more obliged to your generous affections than to my own merits Generosity The ill opinion of your self doth not lessen your vertues and if you think me worthy to be your Husband and will agree we will go strait to Church and be marryed Capri. I shall not refuse you Ex. FINIS PROLOGUE THE Poetress sayes that if the Play be bad She 's very sorry and could wish she had A better plot more wit and skill to make A Play that might each several humour take But she sayes if your humours are not fixt Or that they are extravagantly mixt Impossible a Play for to present With such variety and temperiment But some will think it tedious or find fault Say the Design or Language is stark naught Besides the loose unsetled brains she fears Seeth with squint eyes and hears with Asses ears But she is confident all in this round Their understandings clear and judgements sound And if her Play deserves not praise she knows They 'l neither scoff in words nor preposterous shows Without disturbance you will let it dye And in the Grave of silence let it lye Youths Glory and Deaths Banquet THE FIRST PART 1. THe Lord de L'amour 2. Sir Thomas Father Love 3. Master Comfort Sir Thomas Father Loves Friend 4. Master Charity the Lord de L'amours Friend 5. Adviser the Lord de L'amours man 6. A Iustice of Peace 1. The Queen Attention 2. The Lady Incontinent Mistriss to the Lord de L'amour 3. The Lady Mother Love wife to Sir Thomas Father Love 4. The Lady Sanparelle daughter to Sir Thomas Father and Lady Mother Love 5. The Lady Innocence the affianced Mistriss
or Wife to the Lord de L'amour 6. Passive the Lady Innocences maid 7. Falshood an informer to maids of the Lady Incontinent Physitians Natural Philosophers Moral Philosophers young Students Souldiers Lovers Mourners Virgins Servants and others ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Sir Thomas Father Love and his wife the Mother Lady Love MOther Love Husband you have a strange nature that having but one child and never like to have more and this your childe a daughter that you should breed her so strictly as to give her no time for recreation nor no liberty for company nor freedom for conversation but keeps her as a Prisoner and makes her a slave to her book and your tedious moral discourses when other children have Play-fellows and toyes to sport and passe their time withall Father Love Good wife be content doth not she play when she reads books of Poetry and can there be nobler amiabler finer usefuller and wiser companions than the Sciences or pleasanter Play-fellows than the Muses can she have freer conversation than with wit or more various recreations than Scenes Sonets and Poems Tragical Comical and Musical and the like Or have prettier toyes to sport withall than fancie and hath not the liberty so many hours in the day as children have to play in Mother Love Do you call this playing which sets her brain a working to find out the conceits when perchance there is none to find out but are cheats and cozens the Readers with empty words at best it fills her head but with strange phantasmes disturbs her sleep with frightfull dreams of transformed bodyes of Monsters and ugly shaped vices of Hells and Furies and terrifying Gods of Wars and Battles of long travels and dangerous escapes and the pleasantest is but dark groves gloomy fields and the happiest condition but to walk idly about the Elizium fields and thus you breed your daughter as if your Posterity were to be raised from a Poets phantastical brain Father Love I wish my Posterity may last but as long as Homers lines Mother Love Truly it will be a fine airey brood No no I will have her bred as to make a good houswife as to know how to order her Family breed her Children govern her Servants entertain her Neighbours and to fashion herself to all companies times and places and not to be mewed and moped up as she is from all the World insomuch as she never saw twenty persons in one company in all her life unless it be in pictures which you set her to stare on above an hour everyday Besides what Father doth educate their Daughters that office belongs to me but because you have never a Son to tutor therefore you will turn Cotqucan and teach your daughter which is my work Father Love Let me tell you Wife that is the reason all women are fools for women breeding up women one fool breeding up another and as long as that custom lasts there is no hopes of amendment and ancient customs being a second nature makes folly hereditary in that Sex by reason their education is effeminate and their times spent in pins points and laces their study only vain fashions which breeds prodigality pride and envie Mother Love What would you have women bred up to swear swagger gaming drinking Whoring as most men are Father Love No Wife I would have them bred in learned Schools to noble Arts and Sciences as wise men are Mother Love What Arts to ride Horses and fight Dewels Father Love Yes if it be to defend their Honour Countrey and Religion For noble Arts makes not base Vices nor is the cause of lewd actions nor is unseemly for any Sex but baseness vice and lewdnesse invents unhandsome and undecent Arts which dishonours by the practice either Sex Mother Love Come come Husband I will have her bred as usually our Sex is and not after a new fashioned way created out of a self-opiniated that you can alter nature by education No no let me tell you a woman will be a woman do what you can and you may assoon create a new World as change a womans nature and disposition Enter the Lady Sanspareille as to her Father as not thinking her Mother was there Sanspareille O Father I have been in search of you to ask you a question concerning the Sun When she sees her Mother she starts back Mother What have you to do with the Sun and lives in the shade of the Worlds obscuritie Sansp. VVhy Madam where would you have me live can I live in a more serene aire than in my Fathers house or in a purer or clearer light than in my Parents eyes or more splendrous than in my Parents company Mother I would have you live at Court there to have honour favour and grace and not to lose your time ignorantly knowing nothing of the VVorld nor the VVorld of you Sansp. Can I live with more honour than with my Father and You or have more favour than your loves or is there a greater grace than to be Daughter of vertuous Parents can I use or imploy my time better than to obey my Parents commands need I know more than honesty modesty civility and duty As for the VVorld mankind is so partial to each self as they have no faith on the worth of their Neighbour neither doth they take notice of a Stranger but to be taken notice of Mother Love Yes yes your beauty will attract eyes and ears which are the doors to let in good opinion and admiration Sansp. Had I a tongue like a Cerces-wand to charm all ears that heard me it would straight transform men from civil Obligers to spitefull Detractors or false Slanderers my beauty may only serve but as a bribe to tempt men to intrap my youth and to betray my innocency Mother To betray a fools-head of your own Lord Lord how the dispositions of Youth is changed since I was young for before I came to your Age I thought my Parents unnaturall because they did not provide me a Husband Sanspareille If all youth were of my humour their dispositions are changed indeed for Heaven knows it is the only curse I fear a Husband Mother Love Why then you think me curst in Marrying your Father Sansp. No Madam you are blest not only in being a Wife a condition you desired but being marryed to such a man that wishes could not hope for Mother Love Why then my good Fortune may encourage you and raise a hope to get the like Sansp. O no! It rather drives me to dispair beleiving there is no second Mother Love Come come you are an unnatural Child to flatter your Father so much and not me when I endured great pains to breed bear and nurse you up Sansp. I do not flatter Madam for I speak nothing but my thoughts and that which Love and duty doth allow and truth approve of Father Love Come come Wife the Jeerals wit will out-argue both ours Ex. Scene 2. Enter the
none Company but Cowards and Fools and slothful conscientious Persons neither is she usefull but for indifferent imployments for what is of extraordinary worth Patience doth but disgrace it not set it forth for that which is transcendent and Supreme Patience cannot reach Wherefore give me Fury for what it cannot raise to Heaven it throwes it straight to Hell were you never there Friend No nor I hope shall never come there Father Love Why Sir I was there all the last Night and there I was tortured for chiding my Daughter two or three times whilst she lived once because she went in the Sun without her Mask another time because her Gloves were in her Pocket when they should have been on her Hands and another time because she slep'd when she should have studied and then I remember she wept O! O! those pretious tears Devil that I was to grieve her sweet Nature harmless Thoughts and Innocent Soul O how I hate my self for being so unnaturally kind O kill me and rid be of my painful life Friend He is much distracted Heaven cure him Exeunt Scene 18. Enter two Gentlemen 1. Gentleman The Miracle is deceas'd the Lady Sanspareile I hear is dead 2. Gent. Yes and it 's reported her Statue shall be set up in every College and in the most publick places in the City at the publick charge and the Queen will build a Sumptuous and Glorious Tomb on her sleeping Ashes 1. Gent. She deserves more than can be given her 2. Gent. I hear her death hath made her Father mad 1. Gent. Though her death hath not made every one mad like her Father yet it hath made every one melancholy for I never saw so general a sadness in my life 2. Gent. There is nothing moves the mind to sadnesse more than when Death devours Youth Beauty Wit and Virtue all at once Ex. Scene 19. There is a Hearse placed upon the Stage covered with black a Garland of Ciprus at the head of the Herse and a Garland of Mirtle at one side and a Basket of Flowers on the other Enter the Lady Innocence alone drest in White and her hair hound up in several coloured Ribbons when she first comes in speaks thus LAdy Innocence O Nature thou hast created bodies and minds subject to pains torments yet thou hast made death to release them for though Death hath power over Life yet Life can command Death when it will for Death dares not stay when Life would passe away Death is the Ferry-man and Life the waftage She kneels down and prayeth But here great Nature I do pray to thee Though I call Death let him not cruel be Great Jove I pray when in cold earth I lye Let it be known how innocent I die Then she rises and directs her self to her Herse Here in the midst my sadder Hearse I see Covered with black though my chief Mourners be Yet I am white as innocent as day As pure as spotlesse Lillies born in May My loose and flowing hair with Ribbons ty'd To make Death Amorous of me now his Bride Watchet for truth hair-colour for despair And white as innocent as purest Ayre Scarlet for cruelty to stop my breath Darkning of Nature black a type of death Then she takes up the Basket of Flowers and as she strews them speaks Roses and Lillies 'bout my Coffin strew Primroses Pinks Violets fresh and new And though in deaths cold arms anon I lye weeps I 'le weep a showr of tears these may not dye A Ciprus Garland here is for my head To crown me Queen of Innocence when dead A Mirtle Garland on the left side plac't To shew I was a Lover pure chast Now all my saddest Rites being thus about me And I have not one wish that is without me She placeth her self on her Herse with a Dagger or pointed knife in her hand Here on this Herse I mount the Throne of death Peace crown my soul my body rest on earth Yet before I dye Like to a Swan I will sing my Elegie She sings as she is sitting on the Herse thus Life is a trouble at the best And in it we can find no rest Ioyes still with sorrows they are Crown'd No quietnesse till in the ground Man vexes man still we do find He is the torture of his kind False man I scorn thee in my grave Death come I call thee as my slave Here ends my Lords Writing And just then stabs her self In the mean time the Lord de l'Amour comes and peeps through the Curtain or Hanging and speaks as to himself whilst she is a dying Lord de l'Amour I will observe how she passes away her time when she is alone Lady Innocence Great Iove grant that the light of Truth may not be put out with the extinguisher of Malice Lord de l'Amour How she feeds her melancholy He enters and goeth to her What are you acting a melancholy Play by your self alone Lady Innocence My part is almost done Lord de l'Amour By Heaven she hath stabb'd her self Calls Help Help Lady Innocence Call not for help life is gone so farr t is past recovery wherefore stay and hear my last words I die as judging it unworthy to out-live my honest Name and honourable Reputation As for my accusers I can easily forgive them because they are below my Hate or Anger neither are worthy my revenge But you for whom I had not only a devout but an Idolatrous Affection which offered with a zealous Piety and pure Flame the sincerity of my heart But you instead of rewarding my Love was cruel to my life and Honour for which my soul did mourn under a Veil of sadnesse and my thoughts covered with discontent sate weeping by But those mourning Thoughts I have cast off cloathing my self with Deaths pale Garments As for my pure Reputation and white Simplicity that is spotted with black Infamy by Hellish slander I have laid them at Heavens Gates just Gods to scoure them clean that all the World may know how innocent I have been But Oh! farewel my fleeting Spirits pure Angels bear away Lord de l'Amour O speak at the last Are you guilty or not Lady Innocence I am no more guilty of those crimes laid to my charge than Heaven is of sin O Gods receive me Oh! Oh! Dies Lord de l'Amour Great Patience assist me Heart hold life in Till I can find who is guilty of this sinn Ex. The Herse drawn off the Stage Scene 20. Enter Sir Thomas Father Love brought in a Chair as sick his Friend by him Mr. Comfort Friend How are you now Father Love O Friend I shall now be well Heaven hath pitty on me and will release me soon and if my Daughter be not buryed I would have her kept as long out of the Grave as she can be kept that I might bear her company Friend She cannot be kept longer because she was not unbowelled Father Love Who speaks her
several way Also her life was like a Monarchy where Reason as sole King did govern al her actions which actions like as Loyal Subjects did obey those Laws which Reason decreed Also her life was like Ioves Mansions high as being placed above this worldly Globe from whence her Soul looked down on duller earth mixt not but viewed poor mortals here below thus was her life above the world because her life prized not the Trifles here Perchance this Noble Company will think I have said too much and vainly thus to speak That Fathers should not praise their Children so Because that from their Root and Stock did grow Why may not Roots boast if their Fruites be good As hindering worth in their own Flesh and blood Shall they dissemble to say they are naught Because they are their own sure that 's a fault Unpardonable as being a lye that 's told Detracting lyes the baser lyes I hold Neither can strangers tell their life and worth Nor such affections have to set them forth As Parents have or those that 's neer of Kin Virtuous Partiality sure that 's no sin And virtue though she be lovliest when undrest Yet she is pleas'd when well she is exprest But Oh! my words have spent my stock of breath And Life 's commanded forth by powerful Death When I am dead this company I pray The last rites done me by my daughter lay And as her soul did with the Muses flye To imitate her in her a verse I dye He falls back in his Chair and is dead Mr. Comfort Noble Friends you heard his request which was to be buryed in his daughters grave and whilst you show your charity in laying the Corps of his daughter in the grave I will carry out his body and put it into a Coffin and then lay him in the same grave The Company said Do so Goes out with the body The whilst the Virgins take up the Lady Sanspareiles Herse and whilst they are putting it into the grave this Song following was sung Tender Virgins as your Birth Put her gently in the earth What of Moral or Divine Here is lapt up in this shrine Rhetorick dumb Philosophy Both those arts with her did dye And grieved Poets cannot choose But lament for her their Muse When she was putting into the Grave this Song following was sung Her Tomb her Monument her Name Beyond an Epitaph her Fame Death be not proud imbracing more Now than in all thy reign before Boasting thy Triumphs since thou must But justly glory in her dust Let thy Dart rust and lay it by For after her none 's sit to dye After this her Peal is Rung on Lutes by Musicians And the Company goes out Scene 23. A Tomb is thrust on the Stage then the Lord de l'Amour enters LOrd de l'Amour Now I am free no hinderance to my own Tragedy He goeth to the Tomb This Tomb her sacred Body doth contain He draws his Sword then he kneels down by the Tomb and then prayes Dear Soul pardon my crimes to thee they were crimes of ignorance not malice Sweet gentle Spirits flye me not but stay And let my Spirits walk thy Spirits way You lov'd me once your Love in death renew And may our soules be as two Lovers true Our Blood 's the Bonds our wounds the Seals to Print Our new Contract and Death a witnesse in 't He takes his Sword Had I as many lives as Poors in skin He sacrifize them for my ignorant sin As he speaks he falls upon his Sword Enter his Friend Master Charity He seeing him lye all in blood almost dead runs to him and heaves him up Friend I did fear this which made me follow him but I am come too late to save his life O my Lord speak if you can Lord de l'Amour Friend lay me in this Tomb by my affianced Wife for though I did not usher her to the grave I will wait after her Dyes EPILOGUE Noble Spectators now you have seen this Play And heard it speak let 's hear what now you say But various judgements various sentences give Yet we do hope you 'l sentence it may live But not in Prison be condemn'd to lye Nor whipt with censure rather let it dye Here on this Stage and see the Funeral Rites Which is to put out all the Candle lights And in the grave of darknesse let it rest In peace and quiet and not molest The harmlesse soul which hopes Mercury may Unto the Elizium fields it safe convey But if you sentence life the Muses will Attend it up unto Parnassus Hill If so pray let your hands here in this place Clap it as an applause the triumph grace FINIS These Verses the Lord Marquesse writ This Song the Lord Marquesse writ This Song was writ by the Lord Marquesse This Song was writ by the Lord Marquesse of New-castle The first Part of the Lady Contemplation The Actors Names Lord Title Lord Courtship Sir Experience Traveller Sir Fancy Poet Sir Golden Riches Sir Effeminate Lovely Sir Vain Complement Sir Humphrey Interruption Mr. Adviser Doctor Practise and other Gentlemen Tom Purveyer Roger Farmer Old Humanity Servants and others The Lady Contemplation The Lady Conversation The Lady Visitant The Lady Ward The Lady Virtue Lady Amorous Mrs. Troublesome Mrs. Governesse the Lady Virtues Attendant Nurse Careful Nurse to Lady Ward Maudlin Huswife Roger Farmers wife Mall Mean-bred the daughter Nan Scape-all Maid to the Lady Virtue The first Part of the Lady Contemplation ACT I. Scene 1. Enter the Lady Contemplation and the Lady Visitant VIsitant What Lady Contemplation musing by your self alone Contemplation Lady Visitant I would you had been ten miles off rather than to have broken my Contemplation Visitant Why are you so godly to be so serious at your Devotion Contemplation No faith they were Contemplations that pleas'd me better than Devotion could have done for those that contemplate of Heaven must have death in their mind Visitant O no for there is no Death in Heaven to disturb the joyes thereof Contemp. But we must dye before we come to receive those joyes and the terrifying thoughts of Death take away the pleasing thoughts of Heaven Visitant Prethee let me know those pleasing thoughts Contemplation I did imagine my self such a Beauty as Nature never made the like both for Person Favour and Colour and a Wit answerable to my Beauty and my Breeding and Behaviour answerable to both my Wisdome excelling all And if I were not thus as I say yet that every one should think I were so for opinion creates more and perfecter Beauties than Nature doth And then that a great powerful Monarch such a one as Alexander or Caesar fell desperately in love with me seeing but my Picture which was sent all about the world yet my Picture I did imagine was to my disadvantage not flattering me any wayes yet this Prince to be inamoured with this shadow for the substance sake Then Love perswaded
grieve for your Father since he dyed in the defence of his King and Country Virtue T is true and I glory in his valiant loyal Actions yet I cannot choose but mourn for the losse of his life and weepe upon his death Governess Methinks the greatest cause you have to weep is for the loss of your Estate which the Enemy hath seized on and you left only to live on Charity Poor Virtue I cannot mourn for any thing that is in Fortunes power to take away Governess Why Fortune hath power on all things in the World Poor Virtue O no she hath power on nothing but base dross and outward forms things moveable but she hath neither power on honest hearts nor noble Souls for 't is the Gods infuse grace and virtue nor hath she power or Reason or Understanding for Nature creates and disposes those nor doth she govern Wisdome for Wisdome governs her nor hath she power on Life and Death they are decreed by Heaven Governess And will you weep at Heavens decree Poor Virtue The Heavens decrees hinder not humanity nor natural affection Governess Well ever since your Mother dyed I have governed your Fathers House and pleased him well but since he is kill'd and that there is nothing for me to govern I will take my leave of you and seek another place and I hope fortune will favour me so as to direct me to some Widdower or old Batchelour which desires a comely huswifly woman to order their private affairs Poor Virtue I wish you all happiness and if I were in a condition I would make you a present Exeunt Scene 3. Enter two Gentlemen 1. GEntleman Sir My Lord is so busy since his Fathers Death with Stewards Atturnies and such like about ordering his Estate as I am loath to disturb him but as soon as he hath done speaking to them I will wait upon you to my Lord 2. Gentleman Sir I shall wait my Lords leasure Enter the Lady Ward and Nurse Careful they pass over the Stage 2. Gent. Sir what pretty young Lady is that which passes by 1. Gent. She is a great Heiress and was Ward to my old Lord and he upon his Death-bed charged his Son my young Lord to marry her 2. Gent. Surely small perswasions might serve turn for her Virtue is Rhetorick enough to perswade nay to force affection 1. Gent. Yet my Lord is discontented he would rather choose for himself than that his Father should have chosen for him for it is the Nature of Mankind to reject that which is offered though never so good and to prize that they cannot get although not worth the having 2. Gent. Of what Quality of Birth and Nature and disposition is she of 1. Gent. She is Honourably Born and seems to be of a sweet disposition but of a Melancholy Nature Enter a Servant Servant Sir my Lord desires the Gentleman would be pleased to walk in Exeunt ACT II. Scene 4. Enter the Lady Contemplation and Sir Humphrey Interruption INterruption Lady what makes you so silently sad Contemplation Pardon me Sir I am not sad at this time for my thoughts are merry and my spirits lively Interrupt. There is no appearance of mirth in you for mirth hath alwayes a dancing heel a singing voyce a talking tongue and a laughing face Contempl. I have such merry Companions sometimes but I seldome dance sing talk or laugh my self Interrupt. Where are those Companions I desire to be acquainted with them and keep them Company Contempl. You cannot keep them Company for the place they inhabit in is too little for your Corporal body to enter besides they are so curious choyce and nice Creatures as they will vanish at the very sight of you Interrupt. Why Lady I am none of the biggest sized Men nor am I of a terrible aspect I have seen very fine and delicate Creatures Contempl. But you never saw any of these Creatures Interrupt. Pray where do they dwell and what are their Names I long to visit them Contempl. They dwell in my head and their Sirnames are called thoughts but how you will visit them I cannot tell but they may visit you Interrupt. Faith Lady your relation hath made me despair of an enterview but not a friendly entertainment if you please to think well of me Contempl. Thoughts are free and for the most part they censure according to fancy Interrupt. Then fancy me such a one as you could like best and love most Contempl. That I cannot doe for I love those best which I create my self and Nature hath taught me to prize whatsoever is my own most although of smaller valew than what 's anothers although of greater worth Interrupt. Then make me yours by creating me anew Contempl. That is past my skill but if you will leave me alone I will think of you when you are gone for I had rather of the two entertain you in my thoughts than keep you Company in discourse for I am better pleased with a solitary silence or a silent solitariness than with a talking conversation or an entertaining talking for words for the most part are rather useless spent than profitably spoke and time is lost in listning to them for few tongues make Musick wanting the Cords of Sense or sound of Reason or singers of Fancy to play thereon Interrupt. But you will injure your wit to bury your wit in solitary silence Contempl. Wit lives not on the tongue as language doth but in the brain which power hath as Nature to create Interrupt. But those are aery not material Creatures Contempl. 'T is true but what they want in substance they have in variety for the brain can create Millions of several Worlds fill'd full of several Creatures and though they last not long yet are they quickly made they need not length of time to give them form and shape Interrupt. But there is required Speech to express them or they are made in vain if not divulged Contempl. Speech is an enemy to Fancy for they that talk much cannot have time to think much and Fancies are produced from thoughts as thoughts are from the minde and the minde which doth create the thoughts and the thoughts the fancies is as a Deity for it entertains it self with it self and only takes pleasure in its own works although none other should partake or know thereof but I shall talk a World out of my head wherefore farewel Ex. Scene 5. Enter Poor Virtue and her Maid Nan Scrapeall NAn Scrapeall Now your Estate is seized on you have not means to keep a Servant as to pay them for their service Poor Virtue No truly Nan but that which grieves me most is that I have not wherewithall to reward thee for thy past service Nan Scrapeall I have served you these seven years and have had nothing but my bare wages unless it were some of the worst of your cast Clothes for Mrs. Governess took order I should have none of the best but I hope
I do esteem of such Riches as Money as I do of Marriage and in my nature I do hate them both for a man is enslaved by either wherefore I would shun them if I could and turn them out of doors but that some sorts of necessity and conveniency inforce me to entertain them the one for Posteritie sake the other for subsistence of present life besides convenient pleasures Lady Am. The Lady Ward who is to be your wife seems of a very dull disposition Lord Court She is so but I like her the better for that for I would have a deadly dull Wife and a lively Mistresse such a sprightly Lady as you are Lady Am. In truth my Lord I am of a melancholy Nature Lord Court Certainly Madam you onely know the Name not the Nature for your Nature is alwayes fresh and sweet and pleasant as the Spring Lady Am. O no my mind is like to VVinter and my thoughts are numb and cold Lord Court If your thoughts were so cold your words would be as if they were frozen between your lips all your discourse would melt by drops not flow so smoothly and swiftly into mens eares as they at all times do Lady Am. T is true I am merry when I am in your company but in your absence I am as dull as a cloudy day and as melancholy as dark night Lord Court I cannot believe so well of my self as that my company can be the light of your mirth but I know that your company is the Sun of my life nor could I live without it Ex. Scene 11. Enter the Lord Title Sir Effeminate Lovely and Sir Golden Riches LOrd Title This is a barren Country for in all this progresse I have not seen a pretty Country wench Effeminate Lovely Nor I Golden Riches Nor I Lord Title If an person can tell it is Tom Purveyer Enter Tom Purveyer Now Tom Purveyer are there no pretty wenches in this part of the Countrey Tom Purveyer Yes that there are an it please your Lorship and not far off two as pretty wenches as are in the Kingdome and no dispraise to the rest They all speak All Where where Tom Purveyer Hard by here at a Farmers House the one is his Daughter the other is his Servant-Maid All Prethee Tom show us the house Tom Purveyer Not all at once but one after another All Nay faith Tom let us all see them at once but we will Court them apart Tom Purveyer Content Exeunt Scene 12. Enter the Lady Conversation and Sir Fancy Poet LAdy Conversation What is the reason that Mercury is feign'd to be the patron of Thieves Sir Fancy Poet That is to be the patron of Scholars for Scholars are the greatest Thieves stealing from the Authours they read to their own use Lady Convers. And why are Scholars counted the greatest Thieves Sir Fancy Poet Because that they steal the Spirits or life of renown out of the treasury of Fame when all other sorts of Thieves steal but the goods of Fortune which is nothing but a Corporal dross Convers. And why is he feigned the talkative God Sir Fancy Poet Because Scholars talk more than other men and most commonly so much as they will let none speak but themselves and when there is a Company of Scholars together they will be so fierce in disputes as they will be ready to go to cuffs for the Prerogative of their opinion Convers. The Prerogative of the tongue you mean but why are Scholars apt to talk most Sir Fancy Poet Because they overcharge their heads with several Authors as Epicures do their Stomacks with variety of meats and being overcharged they are forced to vent it forth through the mouth as the other through the gut for the tongue as a Feather tickles the throat of Vainglory vomiting out the slime of Learning into the ears of the hearers but some heads as Stomacks which are naturally weak are so grip'd by reason it doth not disgest well as they vent nothing but windy Phrases and other brains which are hot and moist by reason of a facil memory disgest so fast as they do nothing but purge loose Sentences and other brains that are too dry and Incipid are so costive as their restringency strains out nothing but strong lines Convers. What is that Non-sense Sir Fancy Poet Indeed they are hard words without sense Convers. What makes a good Poet Sir Fancy Poet A quick Fancy Convers. What makes a good Oratour Sir Fancy Poet A ready Tongue Convers. What makes a good Physician Sir Fancy Poet Much Practice Convers. What makes a good Divine Sir Fancy Poet A Holy Life Convers. What makes a good States-Man Sir Fancy Poet Long experience great observance prudent industry ingenuous wit and distinguishing judgment Convers. What makes a good Souldier Sir Fancy Poet Change of Fortune Courage Prudence and Patience Convers. What makes a good Courtier Sir Fancy Poet Diligence Flattery and time-serving Convers. VVhat makes a good Prince or Governour Sir Fancy Poet Justice Clemency Generosity Courage and Prudence mixt together Convers. VVhat makes a good VVoman Sir Fancy Poet A Poet Convers. VVhy a Poet Sir Fancy Poet By reason the Poetical wits convert their natural defects into sweet graces their follies to pure innocencies and their Vices into Heroick Virtues Convers. By these descriptions you make as if women were more obliged to Poets than to Nature Sir Fancy Poet They are so for where Nature or Education makes one good or beautiful VVoman Poets make ten besides Poets have not only made greater numbers of beautiful women but perfecter beauties than ever Nature made Convers. Then let me tell you that women make Poets for women kindle the masculine brains with the fire of Love from whence arises a Poetical flame and their Beauty is the fuel that feeds it Sir Fancy Poet I confess were there no women there would be no Poets for the Muses are of that Sex Exeunt ACT IV. Scene 13. Enter Roger Farmer and Maudling his Wife MAudling Huswife Truly Husband our Maid Poor Virtue is a very industrious Servant as ever I had in my life Roger Farmer Yes wife but you were angry with me at first because I perswaded you to take her Maudling Huswife VVhy she seem'd to be so fine a feat as I thought she would never have setled to her work Roger Farmer Truly VVife she does forecast her business so prudently and doth every thing so orderly and behaves her self so handsomely carryes her self so modestly as she may be a Pattern to our Daughter Maudling Huswife I am a better Pattern my self Exeunt Scene 14. Enter Poor Virtue with a Sheephook as comming from tending her sheep and the Lord Title meets her LOrd Title Fair Maid may I be your Shepheard to attend you Poor Virtue I am but a single Sheep that needs no great attendance and a harmless one that strayes not forth the ground I am put to feed Lord Title Mistake me not fair Maid I
desire to be your Shepheard and you my fair Shepheardess attending loving thoughts that feed on kisses sweet folded in amorous arms Poor Virtue My mind never harbors wanton thoughts nor sends immodest glances forth nor will infold unlawful love for chastity sticks as fast unto my Soul as light unto the Sun or heat unto the fire or motion unto life or absence unto death or time unto eternity and I glory more in being chast than Hellen of her beauty or Athens of their learning and eloquence or the Lacedemonions of their Lawes or the Persians of their Riches or Greece of their Fables or the Romans of their Conquests and Chastity is more delightfull to my mind than Fancy is to Poets or Musick to the Ears or Beauty to the Eyes and I am as constant to Chastity as truth to Unity and Death to life for I am as free and pure from all unchastity as Angels are of sin Poor Virtue goes out Lord Title alone Lord Title I wonder not so much at Fortunes gifts as Natures curiosities not so much at Riches Tittle and power as Beauty VVit and Virtue joyn'd in one besides she doth amaze me by expressing so much learning as if she had been taught in some famous Schools and had read many histories and yet a Cottager and a young Cottager t is strange Ex. Scene 15. Enter the Lord Courtship and Mr. Adviser ADviser My Lord doth my Counsel take good effect Lord Courtship Yes faith for she seems to take it very patiently or elce she is so dull a Creature as she is not sensible of any injury that 's done her Adviser How doth she look when you adress and salute your Mistriss Lord Courtship She seems to regard us not but is as if she were in a deep contemplation of another world Adviser I think she is one of the fewest words for I never heard her speak Lord Courtship Faith so few as I am in good hope she is tongue-tyed or will grow dumb Adviser That would be such a happiness as all married men would envy you for Lord Courtship They will have cause for there is nothing so tedious as talking women they speak so constraintly and utter their Nonsence with such formality and ask impertinent questions so gravely or else their discourse is snip snap or so loud and shrill as deafs a mans ears so as a man would never keep them Company if it were not for other reasons Adviser Your Lordship speaks as if you were a woman-hater Lord Courtship O Pardon me for there is no man loves the Sex better than I yet I had rather discourse with their beauty than their wits besides I only speak of generalities not particularities Ex. Scene 16. Enter the Lady Contemplation and Sir Humphrey Interruption INterruption Lady pray make me partaker of some of your conceptions Contempl. My conceptions are like the tongue of an extemporary Oratour that after he hath spoke if he were to speak upon the same subject he could hardly do it if it were not impossible just to speak as he did as to express the same subjects in the same expressions and way of his natural Rhetorick for the sense may be the same but the expressions way of Rhetorick wil hardly be the same but 't is likely will be very different and so differing as not to be like the same but the same premeditated Rhetorick will many times serve to many several designs or preaching pleading or speaking the Theam or cause being altered This is the difference betwixt extemporary Oratory and premeditated Oratory the one may be spoke as many times as an Orator will and make the same Oratory serve to many several Subjects the other being not fixt but voluntary vanishes out of the remembrance the same many times do my conceptions Interrup. But I hope all are not vanished some remain wherefore pray expresse or present any one of your conceptions after what manner of way you please Contempl. Why then I will tell you I had a conception of a Monster as a Creature that had a rational soul yet was a Fool It had had a beautiful and perfect shape yet was deformed and ill-favoured It had clear distinguishing senses and yet was sencelesse It was produced from the Gods but had the nature of a Devil It had an eternal life yet dyed as a Beast It had a body and no body Interrup. What Monster call you this Contempl. I call him Man Interrup. This is a Man of your own conception Contemp. A man of Natures creating is as monstrous for though man hath a rational soul yet most men are fools making no use of their reason and though Man hath a beautiful and perfect shape yet for the most part they make themselves deformed and ill-favoured with antick postures violent passions or brutish vices and man hath clear distinguishing Senses yet in his sleep or with fumes or drink he is sencelesse Man was produced immediately from the Gods yet man being wicked and prone to evil hath by evil wickednesse the nature of a Devil Man 't is said shall live for ever as having an eternal life yet betwixt this life and the other he dyes like a Beast and turns to dust as other Creatures do but the only difference between the man Nature creates and the man my Conceptions create is that Natures man hath a real substance as a real body whereas my conceptive man is only an Idea which is an incorporal man so as the body of my concepted man is as the soul of Natures created man an incorporality Ex. Scene 17. Enter the Lord Title and Mall Mean-bred LOrd Title Well I have lost my first Course in Love and now like an angry bloody Gray-hound I will down with the first I meet were she as innocent as a Dove or as wise as a Serpent down she goes Enter Mall Mean-bred But soft here 's Loves game and I le flye at her Fair One for so you are Mall Mean-bred Truly Sir I am but a Blouse Lord Title Think better of your self and believe me Mall Mean My Father hath told me I must not believe a Gentleman in such matters Lord Title Why sweetest I am a Lord Mall Mean A Lord Lord blesse your Worship then but my Father gave me warning of a Lord he said they might nay say and swear too and do any thing for they were Peers of the Realm there was no medling with them he said without a Rebellion blesse me from a Lord for it is a naughty thing as they say I know not Lo. Title Do you value me so little when I can make you an Apocryphal Lady Mall Mean The Apocrypha forsooth is out of my Book I have been bred purer than to meddle with the Apocrypha the Gods blesse us from it and from all such ill things Lo. Title Well in short will you love me Mall Mean I am so ashamed to love a Lord forsooth that I know not how to behave my self Lo. Title
I will teach you Mall Mean If your Honour will take the pains to teach a poor ignorant Country Maid I will do the best I can to learn forsooth but will it not be too much pains for your Honour do you think Lo. Title No no it will be both for my Honour and my pleasure and for the pleasure of my Honour Mall Mean-bred Blesse us how the Lords doe It backward and forward at their pleasure the finest that ever was but what would your Honour have of me Lo. Title By this kiss I le tell you He goes to kiss her she seems nice and coy Mall Mean O fie fie good your Honour do not scandalize your lips to kisse mine and make me so proud as never to kisse our Shepherd again He offers Mall Mean No fie Lo. Title I will and must kisse you He strives Mall Mean-bred Nay good your Honour good your Honour He kisses her What are you the better now But I see there is no denying a Lord forsooth it is not civil and they are so peremptory too the Gods blesse them and make them their Servants Lo. Title This kisse hath so inflamed me therefore for Loves sake meet me in the Evening in the Broom close here Mall Mean I know the Close forsooth I have been there before now Lo. Title Well and when we meet I will discover more than yet I have done Mall Mean So you had need forsooth for nothing is discovered yet either on your side or mine but I will keep my promise Lo. Title There spoke my better Angel so adiew Mall Mean An Angel I will not break my word for two angels and I hope there will be no dew neither God shield you forsooth Ex. Here ends my Lord Marquesse Scene 18. Enter Sir Effeminate Lovely following Poor Virtue Sir Effeminate Lovely Fair Maid stay and look upon my person Poor Virtue Why so I do Effem. Love And how do you like it Poor Vir. As I like a curious built house wherein lives a vain and self-conceited owner Effem. Love And are not you in love with it Poor Vir. No truly no more than with a pencilled Picture Effem. Love Why I am not painted Poor Vir. You are by Nature though not by Art Effem. Love And do you despise the best and curiousest Works of Nature Poor Vir. No I admire them Effem. Love If you admire them you will admire me and if you admire me you will yield to my desires Poor Vir. There may be admiration without love but to yield to your desires were to abuse Natures VVorks Effem. Love No It were to enjoy them Poor Vir. Nature hath made Reason in man as well as Sence and we ought not to abuse the one to please the other otherwise man would be like Beasts following their sensualities which Nature never made man to be for she created Virtues in the Soul to govern the Senses and Appetites of the Body as Prudence Justice Temperance and Conscience Effem. Love Conscience VVhat is that natural fear Poor Vir. No it is the tenderest part of the Soul bathed in a holy dew from whence repentant tears do flow Effem. Love I find no such tender Constitution nor moist Complexion in my Soul Poor Vir. That is by reason the Fire of unlawful Love hath drunk all up seared the Conscience dry Effem. Love You may call it what Fire you will but I am certain it is your Beauty that kindles it and your Wit that makes it flame burning with hot desires Poor Vir. Pray Heaven my Virtue may quench it out again Poor Virtue goes out Lovely alone Effem. Love I am sure Nature requires a self-satisfaction as well as a self-preservation and cannot nor will not be quiet without it esteeming it beyond life Ex. Scene 19. Enter the Lady Ward and Nurse Careful Lady Ward I wonder my Lord Courtship he being counted a wise man should make me his Baud if he intends to make me his Wife and by my troth Nurse I am too young for that grave Office Nurse Careful How ignorantly you speak Child it is a sign you have been bred obscurely and know little of the world or rather it proves your Mother dyed before you could speak or go otherwise you would be better experienced in these businesses Lady Ward My Mother Nurse Heaven rest her soul she would never have made me a Baud Nurse Careful No why then she would not do as most Mothers do now a dayes for in this age Mothers bring up their daughters to carry Letters and to receive messages or at lest to watch at the door left their Fathers should come unawares and when they come to make some excuse and then the Mother laughs and sayes her daughter is a notable witty Girle La. Ward What for telling a lye Nurse Careful Yes when it is told so as to appeare like a truth Lady Ward But it is a double fault as to deceive the Father and be a Baud to the Mother Nurse Careful Why the Mother will execute the same Office for the daughter when she is marryed and her self grown into years for from the age of seven or eight years old to the time they are maryed the Daughter is a Baud to the Mother and from the time of their marriage to the time of their Mothers death the Mother is a Baud to the Daughter but if the Mother be indifferently young and hath a young tooth in her head as the old saying is they Baud for each other Lady Ward But why doth not the Mother Baud for her Daughter before she is marryed Nurse Care O there is reason for that for that may spoil her fortune by hindering her marriage for marriage is a Veile to cover the wanton face of adultery the like Veil is Baud-mothers and Baud-daughters for who would suspect any lewdnesse when the Mother and the Daughter is together La. Ward And are not Sons Pimps for their Fathers as Daughters are for their Mothers Nurse Careful No saith Boys have facility or ingenuity as Girles have besides they are kept most commonly so strictly to their Bookes when Girles have nothing else to do but when they have cast away their Books and come to be marryed men then they may chance to Pimp for their Wives Lady Ward O fie Nurse surely a man will never play the Pimp to Cuckold himself Nurse Care O yes if they be poor or covetous or ambitious and then if they have a handsome woman to their wife they will set her as a bait to catch their designs in the trap of Adultery or patient quiet simple fearful men will if they have a Spritely wise they will play the Pimp either for fear or quiet for such men to such wives will do any thing to please them although it be to Cuckold themselves La. Ward But surely Nurse no Gentleman will do so Nurse Gare. I know not who you call Gentleman but those that bear up high and look big and vant loud and walk
proud and carry the out-side of a Gentleman will do so La. Ward Certainly Nurse they are but Bastard Gentry or else they are degenerated Nurse Careful An incipid Branch may spring from a sound Root many a withered and rotten Plum may hang on a good Tree La. Ward And do Wives play the Bauds for their Husbands as the Husbands play the Pimps for their Wives Nurse Care Most often for they will make Gossiping meetings on purpose for their Husbands to Court other women for they know when their Husbands minds are fill'd with amorous love they will not muse upon their actions nor examine their wayes besides when as the Husband would take his liberty without disturbance he will wink at the liberty his wife takes and so will be procures for each other and the Ladys acquaintance are Confidents La. Ward Confidents what is that Nurse Nurse Careful Why it is thus two Ladies make friendship or at least call Friends and if any man desires to be a Courtly Servant to one of them he addresses himself to the other and expresses what Passions and Affections he hath for her friend and so makes his complaints and affections known to her whereupon she recommends his addresses and service to her Friend thus doing a friendly Office by carrying and declaring his professions and returning her Friends civil answers appointing places for each others love-meetings the other will do as much for her La. Ward Why this is a Baud Nurse Care O peace Child for if any body heard you say so they would laugh at you for a Fool but 't is a sign you never was a Courtier for I knew a young Lady that went to Court to be a Maid of Honour and there were two young Ladies that were Confidents to each other and a great Prince made love to one of them but adddrest himself to the other as being her Friend this young Maid askt why he did so it was answered she was the Princes Mistresse Confident and just as you ask me what said she is a confident a Baud whereupon the whole Court laught at her and for that only question condemned her to be a very Fool nay a meer Changling La. Ward VVell Nurse say what you will Confident is but a Courtly name for a Baud Ex. Scene 20. Enter Sir Effeminate Lovely and Mall Mean-bred SIR Effeminate Lovely Those wandering Stars that shine like brightest day are fixt on me the Center of your love This following Scene was writ by the Lord Marquess of New-castle Mall Mean-bred O Heavens Sir Effem. Lovely Happy to touch those Lillies in your cheeks mingled with Roses loves perfumed bath Mall Mean-bred They grow forsooth in our Garden Sir Effem. Lovely You are the Garden of all sweets for love your blushing lips of the Vermillion die and those twin cherries give me leave to taste Mall Mean-bred Truly Sir I understand no Latin but I will call our Vicar to you and he shall expound Sir Effem. Lovely No dearest Dear my lovely Dear my dearest Love my lovelyest Dear Mall Mean-bred I never cost you any thing as yet Sir Sir Effem. Lovely Why then no Lady of Arcadie bred Mall Mean-bred Truly Sir this is as our Vicar saith like Hebrew without poynts to be read backwards say any thing forward in Notthingham-shire speak that I may guess at and I will answer your VVorship though truly it is as fine as ever I understood not Effem. Lovely Why then sweet heart I love you and would gladly enjoy you Mall Mean-bred O fie enjoy is a naughty word forsooth if it please you Effem. Lovely It would please me your thoughts of what you mince Mall Mean-bred Thoughts are free forsooth and I love whole joints without mincing Effem. Lovely Why then in plain English I would have your Maiden-head Mall Mean-bred O dear how will you get it can you tell Truely truely I did not think such naughty words would come forth of so fine a Gentlemans mouth Effem. Lovely But tell me truely do you think me fine Mall Mean You will make me blush now and discover all so fine cloaths the Taylor of Norton never made such and so finely made unbottoned and untrust doth so become you but I do hang down my head for shame and those Linnen Boot-hose as if you did long to ride do so become you and your short Coat to hang on your left arm O sweet O sweet and then your Hat hid with so fine a Feather our Peacocks tailes are not like it and then your hair so long so finely curled and powder'd in sweets a sweeter Gentleman I never saw My love 's beyond dissembling so young so fresh so every thing I warrant you O Sir you will ravish me but yet you cannot Effem. Lovely O how you have made me thankfulnesse all over for this your bounty to me wherefore my earthly Paradise let us meet in the next Close there under some sweet Hedge to tast Loves aromatick Banquet at your Table Mall Mean O Sir you blushes I consent farewel do not betray me then you must not tell Farewell my sweetest granting of my sute Shall still inslave me and be ever mute Here ends my Lord Marquesse's Scene Ex. Scene 21. Enter Poor Virtue and Sir Golden Riches following her Golden Riches Stay lovely Maid and receive a Fortune Poor Virtue I am Fortune proof Sir she cannot tempt me Gold Rich. But she may perswade you to reason Poor Virtue That she seldome doth for she is alwayes in extremes and Extremes are out of Reason's Schools That makes all those that follow Fortune Fooles Gol. Rich. What do you Rime my pretty Maid Poor Virtue Yes Rich Sir to end my discourse Golden Riches I will make you Rich if you will receive my gifts Poor Virtue I love not gifts Sir because they often prove bribes to corrupt Gold Rich. Why what do you love then Poor Vir. I love Truth Fidelity Justice Chastity and I love obedience to lawful Authority which rather than I would willingly and knowingly infring I would suffer death Gold Rich. Are you so wilful Poor Vir. No I am so constant Gold Rich. But young Maid you ought not to deny all gifts for there are gifts of pure affection Love-gifts of Charity gifts of Humanity and gifts of Generosity Poor Virtue They are due debts and not gifts For those you call gifts of pure Love are payments to dear deserving friends and those of Charity are payments to Heaven and those of Humanity are payments to Nature and those Generosity are payments to Merit but there are vain-glorious gifts covetous gifts gifts of fear and gifts that serve as Bauds to corrupt foolish young Virgins Gold Rich. Are you so wise to refuse them Poor Vir. I am so virtuous as not to take them Ex. ACT V. Scene 22. Enter the Lady Contemplation and Lady Visitant Visitant What still musing O thou idle creature Contemp. I am not idle for I busie my self with my own fancies Visitant Fancies are like
a servant to my Mr. and Mrs. I must be dutiful and careful to their commands and on their employments they have put to me wherefore I must leave you Sir and go fold my sheep Lord Title I will help you Exeunt Scene 24 Enter Sir Golden Riches and Mall Mean-bred GOlden Rich. Sweet-heart I have no Sonnets This Scene was written by my Lord Marquiss of Newcastle Songs or stronger Lines with softer Poesie to melt your Soul nor Rhetorick to charm your Eares or Logick for to force or ravish you nor lap 't in richer cloaths embalm'd in Sweets nor Courtly Language but am an Ancient Squire by name Sir Golden Riches which hath force in all things and then in Love for Cupid being blinde he is for feeling and look here my Wench this purse is stuff'd with Gold a hundred pounds Mall Mean-bred Let me see poure it on the ground Gold Rich. I will obey thee Look here my Girl He poures it on the ground Mall Mean-bred O dear how it doth shine forsooth it almost blinds mine eyes take it away yet pray let it stay truly I know not what to do with it Gold Rich. No why it will buy you rich Gowns ap'd in the Silk-worms toyls with stockings of the softer silk to draw on your finer legs with rich lace shooes with roses that seem sweet and garters laced with spangles like twinckling Stars embalm your hair with Gessimond Pomaetums and rain Odoriferous Powders of proud Rome Mall Mean-bred O Heaven what a Wench shall I be could I get them But shall we have fine things of the Pedlar too Gold Rich. Buy all their packs and send them empty home Mall Mean-bred O mighty I shall put down all the Wenches at the May-pole then what will the Bag-piper say do you think Pray tell me for he is a jeering knave Gold Rich. Despise the Rural company and that windy bag change it for Balls with greatest Lords to dance and bring the Jerkin Fiddles out of frame Mall Mean-bred Then I shall have a Mail-Pillion and ride behind our Thomas to the dancing Gold Rich. No you shall ride in rich gilt Coaches Pages and Lacquies in rich Liveries with Gentlemen well cloath'd to wait upon you Mall Mean-bred And be a Lady then I will be proud and will not know Thomas any more nor any Maid that was acquainted with me Gold Rich. You must forget all those of your Fathers house too for I 'll get a Pedigree shall fit you and bring you Lineally descended from Great Charlemain Mall Mean-bred No I will have it from Charls wayn my Fathers Carter but I would so fain be a Lady and it might be I will be stately laugh without a cause and then I am witty and jeer sometimes and speak nonsense aloud But this Gold will not serve for all these fine things Gold Rich. Why then we will have hundreds and thousands of pounds until you be pleas'd so I may but enjoy you in my Arms Mall Mean-bred No Maid alive can hold our these Assaults Gold is the Petarr that breaks the Virgins gates a Souldier told me so VVell then my Lord Title farewel for you are an empty name and Sir Effeminate Lovely go you to your Taylor make more fine cloaths in vain I 'll stick to Riches do then what you will The neerest way to pleasure buy it still Exeunt Scene 25. Enter the Lady Ward alone LAdy Ward Why should Lord Courtship dislike me Time hath not plowed wrinkles in my face nor digged hollows in my cheeks nor hath he set mine eyes deep in my head nor shrunk my sinews up nor suck'd my veins dry nor fed upon my flesh making my body insipid and bate neither hath he quenched out my wit nor decay'd my memory nor ruin'd my understanding but perchance Lord Courtship likes nothing but what is in perfection and I am like a house which Time hath not fully finished nor Education throughly furnished Scene 26. Enter Poor Virtue and Sir Golden Riches meets her comming from Mall Mean-bred Golden Riches Sweet-heart refuse not Riches it will buy thee friends pacifie thy enemies it will guard thee from those dangers that throng upon the life of every creature Poor Virtue Heavenly Providence is the Marshal which makes way for the life to pass through the croud of dangers and my Vertue will gain me honest friends which will never forsake me and my humble submission will pacifie my enemies were they never so cruel Gold Rich. But Riches will give thee delight and place thee in the midst of pleasures Poor Virtue No it is a peaceable habitation a quiet and sound sleep and a healthful body that gives delight and pleasure and 't is not riches but riches many times destroy the life of the body or the reason in the soul or at least bring infirmities thereto through luxury for luxury slackens the Nerves quenches the Spirits and drowns the Brain and slackned Nerves make weak Bodies quenched Spirits timorous Minds a drowned Brain a watry Understanding which causeth Sloth Effeminacy and Simplicity Gold Rich. How come you to know so much of the world and yet know so few passages in it living obscurely in a Farmers house Poor Virtue The Astronomers can measure the distance of the Planets and take the compass of the Globe yet never travel to them nor have they Embassadors from them nor Liegers to lie therein to give Intelligence Gold Rich. How come you to be so learnedly judicious being so young poor and meanly born and bred Poor Virtue Why Fire Air Water and Earth Animals Vegetables and Minerals are Volumes large enough to express Nature and make a Scholar learn to know the course of her works and to understand many effects produced therefrom And as for Judgment and Wit they are brother and sister and although they do not alwayes and at all times agree yet are they alwayes the children of the Brain being begot by Nature Thus what Wit or Knowledge I have may come immediatly from Nature not from my Birth or Breeding but howsoever I am not what I seem Exeunt Scene 27. Enter the Lady Contemplation and the Lady Visitant Visitant What makes you look so sad Contempl. Why Monsieur Amorous's visit hath been the cause of the death of one of the finest Gentlemen of this Age Visitant How pray Contempl. Why thus my Imagination for Imagination can Create both Masculine and Feminine Lovers had Created a Gentleman that was handsomer and more beautiful than Leander Adonis or Narcissus valianter than Tamberlain Scanderbeg Hannibal Caesar or Alexander sweeter-natur'd than Titus the delight of mankinde better-spoken and more eloquent than Tully or Demosthenes wittyer than Ovid and a better Poet than Homer This man to fall desperately in love with me as loving my Vertues honouring my Merits admiring my Beauty wondring at my Wit doting on my Person adoring me as an Angel worshipping me as a Goddess I was his Life his Soul his Heaven This Lover courted
that you are in love with why to cure your disease I will deform it or do you think I have wit to cure that Imagination I will put my tongue to silence I am sure it cannot be my Vertue that inflames you to an intemperance for Vertue is an Antidote against it But had you all the beauty in Nature squeez'd into your form and all the wit in Nature prest into your brain and all the prosperities of good fortune at your command and all the power of Fate and Destiny at your disposal you could not perswade me to yield to your unlawful desires for know I am honest without self-ends my virtue like to Time still running forward my chastity fix'd as Eternity without circumferent lines besides it is built on the foundation of Morality and roof'd and ciel'd with the faith of Religion and the materials thereof are Honour which no subtil Arguments can shake the one nor no false Doctrine can corrupt or rot the other neither is the building subject to the fire of unlawful love nor the tempestuous storms of torments nor the deluge of poverty nor the earthquakes of fear nor the ruines of death for so long as my Soul hath a being my Chastity will live But were you as poor as I even to move pity or so lowly and meanly born at might bring contempt and scorn from the proud yet if your mind and soul were endued with noble qualities and heroical vertues I should sooner embrace your love than to be Mistris of the whole World for my affection to merit hath been ingrafted into the root of my Infancy which hath grown up with my yeares so that the longer I live the more it increases Lord Title You cannot think I would marry you although I would lie with you Poor Virtue I cannot but think it more possible that you should marry me than I to be dishonest Lord Title Thou art a mean poor wench and I nobly descended Poor Virtue What though I am poor yet I am honest and poverty is no crime nor have my Ancestors left marks of infamy to shame me to the world Lord Title Thy Ancestors what were they but poor peasants wherefore thou wilt dignifie thy Race by yielding to my love Poor Virtue Heaven keep them from that dignity that must be gained by my dishonesty no my chastity shall raise a Monumental Tomb over their cold dead ashes Poor Virtue goes out Lord Title alone Lord Title What pity it is Nature should put so noble a soul into a meanborn body Exit Scene 4. Enter the Lord Courtship and the Lady VVard LOrd Courts Pray go visit the Lady Amorous and if her husband be absent deliver her this letter Lady Ward Excuse me my Lord Lord Courts Wherefore Lady Ward I am no Carrier of Love-letters Lord Courts But you shall carry this Lady Ward But I will not Lord Courts Will you not Lady Ward No I will rather endure all the torments that can be invented Lord Courts And you shall for I will torture you if you do not for I will have you drawn up high by the two thumbs which is a pain will force you to submit The Lady Ward falls into a passion Lady Ward Do so if you will nay scrue me up into the middle-Region there will I take a Thunderbolt and strike you dead and with such strength I 'll fling it on you as it shall press your soul down to the everlasting shades of death Lord Courts Sure you will be more merciful Lady Ward No more than Devils are to sinful souls there will I be your Bawd to procure you variety of torments for I had rather be one in Pluto's black Court caused by my own revenge than to be a Bawd on earth which is a humane Devil Lord Courts You are mad Lady Ward Might every word I speak prove like a mad dogs bite not only to transform your shape and turn your speech to barks and howlings but that your soul may be no other than the souls of beasts are Lord Courts You are transformed from a silent young Maid to a raging Fury Lady Ward May all the Furies that Hell inhabites and those that live on earth torment your minde as racks do torture bodies and may the venom of all malice spleen and spight be squeez'd into your soul and poyson all content your thoughts flame like burning oyl and never quench but be eternally a fiery Animal and may the fire feed onely on your self and as it burns your torments may increase The Lady Ward goes out Lord Courtship alone Lord Courts She is mad very mad and I have only been the cause Exit Scene 5. Enter the Lord Title and Poor Virtue LOrd Title Fairest will not you speak Poor Virtue My words have betrayed my heart as discovering the secrets therein wherefore I will banish them and shut the doors of my lips against them Lord Title What for saying you love me Sweet why do you weep Poor Virtue weeps Poor Virtue Tears are the best Cordials for a heart opprest with grief Lord Title I should hate my self if I could think I were the cause But pray forbear to weep Poor Virtue Pray give my grief a liberty my tears are no disturbance they showre down without a ratling noise and silent fall without a murmuring voice but you disturb me Wherefore for pity-sake leave me and I will pray you may enjoy as much prosperity as good fortune can present you with and as much health as Nature can give you and as much tranquillity as Heaven can infuse into a mortal creature Lord Title Neither Fortune Nature nor Heaven can please me or make me happy in this world without you Poor Virtue O you torment me Exit the Lord follows her Scene 6. Enter Sir Humphry Interruption to the Lady Contemplation SIr Humphry Inter. Surely Lady Contemplation your thoughts must needs be very excellent that they take no delight but with themselves Lady Contempl. My thoughts although they are not material as being profitable yet they are innocent as being harmless Sir Humphry Inter. Yet your thoughts do the world an injury in burying your words in the grave of silence Lady Contempl. Let me inform you that sometimes they creep out of their graves as Ghosts do and as Ghosts walk in solitary places so I speak to my solitary self which words offend no ears because I speak to no ears but my own and as they have no flatterers to applaud them so they have no censurers to condemn them Sir Humphrey Inter. But you bury your life whilst you live retir'd from company Lady Contempl. O no for otherwise my life would be buried in company for my life never enjoys it self but when it is alone and for the most part all publick societies are like a discord in Musick every one playing several contrary parts in their actions speaking in several contrary notes striking on several contrary subjects which makes a confusion and a confused noise is
pure Gold and Innocency as Marble white and Constancy as undissolving Diamonds and Modesty as Rubies red Love shall the Altar be and Piety as Incense sweet ascend to Heaven Truth as the Oil shall feed the Lamp of Memory whereby the flame of Fame shall never goe out Exit Sir Golden Riches alone Sir Gold Rich. And is She gone are Riches of no force Then I wil bury my self within the bowels of the Earth so deep that men shall never reach me nor Light shall find me out Exit Scene 22. Enter Mistris Messenger and the Lady Amorous's woman and Lord Courtship MIstris Messenger My Lord my Lady the Lady Amourous remembers her Service to you and sent me to tell you her Husband is gone out of Town and She desires to have the happiness of your company Lord Courtship Pray present my Service in the humblest manner to your Lady and pray her to excuse me for though I cannot say I am sick yet I am far from being well Mistris Messen. I shall my Lord Exeunt Scene 23. Enter the Lord Title and then enters a Servant to him SErvant My Lord there is an old man without desires to speak with you Lord Title Direct him hither Servant goes out Enter Old Humanity Lord Title Old man what have you to say to me Old Humanity I am come to desire your Lordship not to persecute a poor young Maid one that is friendless and your Lordship is powerful and therefore dangerous Lord Title What poor Maid do you mean Old Human. A Maid call'd Poor Virtue Lord Title Do you know her Old Human. Yes Lord Title Are you her Father Old Human. No I am her servant and have been maintain'd by her Noble Family these threescore years and upwards Lord Title Ha her Noble Family what or who is She Old Humanity She is a Lady born from a Noble Stock and hath been choisely bred but ruin'd by misfortunes which makes her poorly serve Lord Title Alas he weeps Who were her Parents Old Human. The Lord Morality and the Lady Piety Lord Title Sure it cannot be But why should I doubt her Beauty Wit and sweet Demeanour declares her Noble Pedigree The Lord Morality was a Famous man and was a great Commander and wise in making Lawes and prudent for the Common Good He was a Staff and Prop unto the Common-wealth til Civil Wars did throw it down where he fell under it But honest friend how shall I know this for a truth Old Human. Did not your Lordship hear he had a Child Lord Title Yes that I did an only Daughter Old Human. This is She I mention and if Times mend will have her Fathers Estate as being her Fathers Heir but to prove it and her Birth I will bring all those servants that liv'd with her and with her Father and all his Tenants that will witness the truth Lord Title When I consider and bring her and her Actions to my minde I cannot doubt the truth and for the news thou shalt be my Adopted Father and my Bosome-friend I 'll be a staff for thy Old Age to lean upon my shoulders shall give strength unto thy feeble limbs and on my neck shalt lay thy restless head Old Human. Heaven bless you and I shall serve you as my Old Age will give me leave Exit Lord Title leading him forth Scene 24. Enter Lord Courtship and the Lady VVard LOrd Courts Thou Celestial Creature do not believe that I am so presumptuous to ask thy love I only beg thy pardon that when my body lies in the silent grave you give my restless soul a pass and leave to walk amongst sad Lovers in dark and gloomy shades and though I cannot weep to shew my penitence yet I can bleed He offers her a Dagger Here take this Instrument of Death for only by your hands I wish to die Give me as many Wounds as Pores in skin That I may bleed sufficient for my sin Lady VVard It seems strange to me that you a wise man or at least accounted so should fall into such extreams as one while to hate me to death and now to profess to love me beyond life Lord Courts My Debaucheries blinded my Judgment nor did I know thy worth or my own errour until thy wise wit gave the light to my dark understanding and you have drawn my bad life and all my unworthy actions therein so naturally in your discourse as now I view them I do hate my self as much as you have cause to hate me Lady VVard I only hate your Crimes but for those excellent Qualities and true Virtues that dwell in your Soul I love and honour and if you think me worthy to make me your Wife and will love me according as my honest life will deserve your affections I shall be proud of the Honour and thank Fortune or Heaven for the Gift Lord Courts Sure you cannot love me and the World would condemn you if you should and all your Sex will hate you Lady VVard The World many times condemns even Justice her self and women for the most part hate that they should love and honour Lord Courts But can you love me Lady VVard I can and do love you Lord Courts How happy am I to enjoy a world of Beauty Wit Virtue and sweet Graces Leads her forth Exeunt Scen. 25. Enter the Lord Title and Roger Farmer and Maudlin Huswife his Wife LOrd Title Honest Roger and Maudlin I present you with a kind Good-morrow Roger Present me Bless your Lordship I should present you with a couple of Capons Lord Title 'T is a salutation when you salute but how do you then Roger Very well I thank your Honour How do you Lord Title Well enough of Complements I am come with a Petition to you Roger What is that is 't please your Honour Lord Title A Sute Roger Byrlaken I have need of one for I have but poor and bare cloathing on Lord Title No Roger it is a request and desire I have you should grant Roger Grant or to Farm let no Sir I will not part with my Lease Lord Title Roger you understand me not therefore let me speak with Maudlin your Wife Roger There she is Sir spare her not for she is good metal I 'll warrant your Honour wipe your lips Maudlin and answer him every time that he moves thee and give him as good as he brings Maudlin were he twenty Lords hold up your head Maudlin be not hollow Maudlin I 'll warrant you Husband I 'll satisfie him Lord Title Honest Maudlin Maudlin That 's more than your Lordship knows Lord Title Why then Maudlin Maudlin That 's my name indeed Lord Title You have a maid here in your house Maudlin I hope so forsooth but I will not answer for no Virgin in this wicked world Roger Well said Maudlin Nay your Honour will get nothing of my Maudlin I 'll warrant you Lord Title Well this supposed Maid is Poor Virtue that 's her name
Courts It is beyond the power of Iove to please the various humours of Woman-kind Exit Scene 29. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEntleman There was never so many Noble Persons Married in one day in one City I think before those that are to Marry to morrow 2 Gentlem. Who are they 1 Gentlem. Why do you not hear 2 Gentlem. No 1 Gentlem. Surely you have been either dead or deaf 2 Gentlem. I have been in the Country 1 Gentlem. That is some reason indeed but the Newes of the City uses to travel in Letters on Post-horses into the Country 2 Gentlem. No faith for the most part they come in slow Waggons but tell me who those are that are to be Maried to morrow 1 Gentlem. Why first there is the Lord Title and the Lady Virtue Secondly the Lord Courtship and the Lady VVard Thirdly there is Sir Famit Poet and the Lady Contemplation Fourthly the Lady Conversation and Sir Experienc'd Traveller And fifthly the Lady Visitant and Sir Humphry Interruption 2 Gentlem. I will do my endeavour to see them all for I will go to each Bridal House 1 Gentlem. How will you do so being all maried on a day 2 Gentlem. Why I will bid Good-morrow to the one and I will goe to Church with another and dine with the third and dance the afternoon with the fourth and see the fifth a bed 1 Gentlem. That you may do Exeunt Scene 30. Enter Mistris Troublesome and her Maid MIstris Troubles Lord there are so many Weddings to be to morrow as I know not which to go to Besides I shall displease those I go not to being invited to them all Maid If you would displease neither of them you must feign your self sick and go to none of them Mistris Troubles None of them say you that would be a cause to make me die for I would not but be a guest to one of them for any thing could be given me But I am resolved to go to the Lady Conversation and Sir Experienc'd Travellers Wedding for there there will be the most company and it is company that I love better than the Wedding-cheer for much company is a Feast to me Maid Truly Mistris I wonder you should delight in company you being in years Mistris Troubles Out you naughty Wench do you say I am old Maid No indeed I did not name old Mistris Troubles Then let me tell you that those women that are in years seek company to divulge their Wit as youth to divulge their Beauty and we Aged Wits may chance to catch a Lover from a young Beauty But I should applaud my own wit if it could contrive to bring each Bride and Bridegroom into one Assembly making Hymen's Monarchy a Republick where all should be in common Maid So Mistriss you would prove a Traytor to Hymen which is a Bawd Mistris Troubles Faith I will turn you away for your boldness Enter Mistris Gossip O Mistris Gossip you are welcome what Newes Mistris Gossip I am come to tell you that the five Bridals meet with their Guests and good Cheer at the City-Hall and make their several Companies Joyning as one as one Body and there will be such Revelling as the like was never before Mistris Troubles Iuno be thanked and Venus be praised for it for I was much perplex'd concerning their Divisions till you came and brought me this good Newes of their Corporation Exeunt Scene 31. Enter the Lord Title and the Lady Virtue as his Bride both of them richly attired and Old Humanity following them LOrd Title Come Old Humanity and be our Father to ioyn and give us in the Church and then when we are Maried we will live a Country-life I as a Shepherd and this Lady as my Fair Shepherdess Exeunt Scene 32. Enter the Lady Ward as a Bride and her Nurse Nurse Careful NUrse Careful My dear Child you appear as a sweet budding Rose this morning Lady Ward Roses are beset with thorns Nurse I hope I am not so Nurse Caref. By 'r Lady your Husband may prove a thorn if he be not a good man and a kind Husband but Oh my heart doth ake Lady Ward Wherefore doth it ake Enter Lord Courtship as a Bridegroom Lord Courts Come Sweet are you ready for it is time to go to Church it is almost twelve a clock Lady Ward I am ready but my Nurse doth affright me by telling me her heart doth ake as if she did fore-know by her experien'd age some ill fortune towards me or that I shall be unhappy in my mariage Lord Courts Her heart doth not ake for you but for her self because she cannot be a young fair bride as you are as being past her youth so that her heart doth ake out of a sad remembrance of her self not for a present or a future cause for you Nurse Caref. Well well I was young indeed and a comely bride when I was maried though I say it and had a loving bridegroom Heaven rest his soul Exeunt Scene 33. Enter the Lady Visitant as a Bride to the Lady Conplation another Bride LAdy Visit. Come I have brought all my bridal guests hither to joyn with yours for we will go to Church together Wherefore prethee come away our Bridegrooms and our Guests stay for you Lady Contempl. I will go to them by and by Lady Visit. Why I hope you do not stay to muse upon Phantasmes saith Mariage will banish them out of your head you must now imploy your time with Realities Lady Contempl. If I thought Mariage would destroy or disturb my Contemplations I would not marry although my Wedding-guests were come and my Wedding-dinner ready drest and my Wedding-cloaths on nay were I at the holy Altar I would return back Lady Visit. That would be such an action as all the Kingdome would say you were mad Lady Contem. I had rather all the World should not only say I were mad but think me so rather than my self to be unhappy Lady Visit. Can want of Contemplation make you unhappy Lady Contem. Yes as unhappy as a body can be without a soul for Contemplation is the life of the soul and who can be happy that hath a dead soul Lady Visit. By my troth I had rather be dead than have such a dull life Enter Maid Maid Madam the Bridegroom is coming hither Lady Contempl. I will prevent him and meet him Exeunt Scene 34. Enter the two Gentlemen 1 GEntlem. Come away come away they 'l be all married before we shall get to Church 2 Gentlem. There will be enough Witnesses we may well be spared but so I share of the Feast I care not whether they be married or not 1 Gentle The truth is the benefit to us will be only in eating of their meat and drinking of their wine 2 Gentlem. And I mean to be drunk but not for joy of their Mariages but for pleasure of my Gusto Exeunt Scene 35. Enter the five Couples and all the Bridal Guests The Bridegrooms and
the Brides dance and the while the Bridal Torches are held in their hands Then a Poet speaks thus to them Speaker What Lines of Light doe from those Torches spin Which winds about those Ladies whiter skin But from their Eyes more Splend'rous Beams doe run As bright as those that issue from the Sun Wherein the lesser Lights wax dull and dim Or like as Minnes in an Ocean swim Enter Mall Mean-bred MAll Mean-bred By your good leave Gentlefolks The Lord Marquiss writ this Scene I am come here to complain of this Hog-grubber Sir Golden Riches who did tempt me with Gold till he had his desire you know all what it is and I like an honest woman as it were kept my word and performed truly as any woman could do Speak canst thou detect me either in word or deed and like a false and covetous wretch as thou art performed nothing with me as thou shouldst have done I am sure of that Is 't not a truth speak coverous wretch speak Sir Gold Rich. Why what did I promise you Mall Mean-bred Why thou didst promise me an hundred pounds in gold shew'd it me and then took it away again nay further thou saidst I should be a Lady and have a great parimanus Coach gilt with neighing Horses and a Coachman with a Postilion to ride afore Nay nay I remember well enough what you said you talkd of Gesemond Pomatum and Roman Gunpowder for my hair and fine gowns and stockings and fine lac'd silk garters and roses shining like Stars God bless us Sir Gold Rich. Did I did I Mall Mean-bred Yes that you did you know what you did and how you did and so do I and Gentlefolks as I am a true woman which he knows I am I never had more than this white fustion wastecoat and three pence to buy me three penyworth of pins for he would allow me no incle to tie it withall and this old flannel peticoat that was his great Grandmothers in Eighty eight I am no two-legg'd creature else Sir Gold Rich. But I bought you velvet to gard it withall Mall Mean-bred Yes that 's true an old black velvet Jerkin without sleeves that had belonged to one of Queen Elizabeth her learned Counsel in the Law of blessed Memory primo of Her Reign and you bought it of an old Broker at Nottingham and as I am a true Christian woman if our Neighbour Botcher could almost few it on it was so mortified Sir Gold Rich. I bought you shooes and ribbons to tie them withall She shewes her shooes Mall Mean-bred Look Gentlefolks a pair of wet-leather shooes that have given me a Cold and two leather points that he calls ribbons like a lying false man Sir Gold Rich. I am sure I bought you stockins and garters Mall Mean-bred Old Doncaster-stockins that I was fain to wash my self with a little borrow'd sope and they were footed with yellow fustion too and the garters he talks of were lists of cloth which a Taylor gave me for my New-years-gift and I cannot chuse but grieve to see his unkindnesse I gave you satisfaction often but you never satisfied me I will take it upon my death Sir Gold Rich. Go Gill Flirt pack away hence Mall Mean-bred Nay that puts me in mind of the Pedlars pack you promis'd me and I never had so much bought as that I might whissle for them but I will follow thee to Hell but I will have something more out of thee than I have had or else I will make all the Town ring of me Enter two Beadles Sir Gold Rich. Here Beadles take her to the Correction-house Bridewell and let her be punished Mall Mean-bred Is it so thou miscreant well I thought to be thy Bride and not Bridewel I never thought it in my conscience Here ends my Lords writing Lord Title Pray stay Enter Thom. Purveyor The Lord Title whispers to Thom. Purveyor then turns to Mall Mean-bred Lord Title Mall although you deceived me and broke your promise you I will not only save you from the punishment you were to suffer at the Correction-house but I will give thee a Husband here lusty Thom. Purveyor to whom for taking thee to Wife I will give him a lease of fifty pounds a year Here Tom take her and go marry her Mall Mean-bred Heaven bless your Honour Tom. Come Mall let us go Wed for fifty pounds a year is better than thy Maiden-head Exeunt FINIS This Scene was written by the Lord Marquiss of Newcastle The First Part of the Play called WITS CABAL The Actors Names Monsieur Heroick Monsieur Tranquillities Peace Monsieur Vain-glorious Monsieur Satyrical Monsieur Censure Monsieur Sensuality Monsieur Inquisitive Monsieur Busie Monsieur Frisk Liberty the Lady Pleasure's Gentleman-Usher Madamoiselle Ambition Madamoiselle Superbe Madamoiselle Pleasure Madamoiselle Bon' Esprit Madamoiselle Faction Grave Temperance Governess to Madamoiselle Pleasure Madamoiselle Portrait Mother Matron Wanton Excess Ease Idle Surfet Waiting-maids to Madamoiselle Pleasure Flattery Madamoiselle Superbe's waiting-maid Servants and others The First Part of the Play called WITS CABAL ACT I. Scene I. Enter Madam Ambition alone Ambition I would my Parents had kept me up as birds in darkness when they are taught to sing Artificial Tunes that my ears only might have been imploy'd and as those Teachers whistle to birds several times so would I have had Tutors to have read to me several Authors as the best Poets the best Historians the best Philosophers Moral and Natural the best Grammarians Arithmeticians Mathematicians Logicians and the like Thus perchance I might have spoke as eloquently upon every subject as Birds sing sweetly several tunes but since my Education hath been so negligent I wish I might do some noble Action such as might raise a monumental Fame on the dead Ashes of my Fore-fathers that my Name might live everlastingly Exit Scene 2. Enter Madamoiselle Superbe and Flattery her Woman Madam Superbe I hate to be compared to an inferiour or to have an inferiour compared to me wherefore if I were Iove I would damn that creature that should compare me to any thing lesse than my self Flattery Your Ladyship is like a Goddess above all comparison wherefore I think there is none worthy to match in Mariage with you unless there were some Masculine Divine Creature on Earth to equal you as surely there is none Superbe I shall not willingly marry unless it were to have a command over my Husband Flattery But Husbands Madam command Wives Superbe Not those that are Divine Creatures Flattery Husbands Madam are Reprobates and regard not Divinity nor worship Earthly Deities Superbe Whilst they are Suters they worship and women command their wooing servants Flattery The truth is all Suters do worship with an Idolatrous zeal but their zeals tire at length as most zeals do and men are content to be commanded whilest they are Courting servants and do obey with an industrious care and with an humble and respectful Demeanor a submissive and awful Countenance
misfortune to me Marry Pray Sir be not so dejected nor look so pale I dare warrant you the News that his Barb hath won the Race will be a sufficient Cataplasm to take away his Stitch The Father and Son-in-law meet a servant Pere How doth my Son and daughter Servant I think they are both well Sir Pere Why do not you know and yet dwell in the same House Servant No indeed not I for I only saw my young Master go towards my Ladies lodging but I did not follow to inquire of their healths for feat they should be angry and think me bold Enter Madam Soeur's Maid Pere Where is you Lady Maid In her Chamber I think Sir Pere Do you but think so do you not know 'T is a sign you wait not very diligently Maid Why Sir I met my young Master going to his Sisters Chamber and he sent me on an Errand and when I came back the outward doors were lock'd so as I could not get in any ways Marry The doors lock'd say you Maid Yes Sir Marry Let them be broken open Pere O my doubts foretell à miserable Tragedy The door seems to be broke open the servant seeing the murder'd Couple cries out Murther murther Monsieur Pere falls down dead at the sight while the servant strives to recover life in the old man Monsieur Marry runs to his murder'd wife and falls to the ground and kisses her and then tears his hair and beats his breast and being as distracted rises hastily and catches up the bloody sword to kill himself his servants hold and hinder him from that Act. Marry Villains let go she shall not wander in the silent shades without my company besides my soul will croud through multitudes of souls that flock to Charons Boat to make an easie passage for her pure soul wherefore let go I command you as being your Master let go The servants still scuffle for to get away the sword in come more servants and carrie him out as being distracted Monsieur Pere not to be recover'd is carried out with the two murder'd bodies Enter three Servants 1 Servant This is so strange an Accident that hardly Story can mention the like 2 Servant I wonder how they came murder'd the door being lock'd and none but themselves if it had been thieves they would have robbed them as well as murder'd them 1 Servant I believe my young Master was the Thief that did both rob and murther 3 Servant Well I could tell a story that I heard listning one day at my Ladies Chamber-door but I will not 1 Servant Prethee tell it us 3 Servant No I will not you shall excuse me for this time Exeunt Scene 47. Enter Monsieur Sensible and Madamoiselle Amor SEnsible Daughter I am come to bring you a Medicine to take out the sting of Love Amor What is it Sir Sensible Why Monsieur Frere hath most wickedly kill'd himself She staggers Madam Amor Although I cannot usher him to the Grave I 'll follow him Falls down dead Sensible Help help for Heavens sake help Enter Servants Sensible O my Child is dead O she is dead she is dead Carry her to her Bed Exit Father and Servants Enter two servants running and meeting each other 1 Servant O my Lady is quite dead and past all cure and her Father I think will die also 2 Servant I am sure there is a sad a sad House to day Exeunt FINIS EPILOGUE IF subtile Ayr the Conduit to each ear Hearts passion mov'd to draw a sadder tear From your squees'd brains on your pale cheeks to lie Distill'd from every Fountain of each eye Our Poetress hath done her part and you To make it sadder know this Story 's true A plaudity you 'l give if think it fit For none but will say this Play is well writ The Lord Marquess of New Castle writ this EPILOGUE The Actors Names SIR Thomas Letgo Sir William Holdfast Sir Henry Courtly Master Diswader Sir VVilliam Holdfast's Friend The Lady Prudence Daughter and Heir to the Lord Sage The Lady Mute the affianced Mistress to Sir Thomas Letgo The Lady Liberty Sir Thomas Letgo's Amoretta The Lady Jealousie Sir Henry Courtly's Lady The Lady Gravity The Lady Parrot The Lady Minion The Lady Geosling Mistress Parle Mistress trifle Mistress Vanity Mistris Fondly Three of four old Ladies the Mothers to the four young Ladies Two grave Matrons The VVooers As the Soldiers the Country Gentleman the Courtier the Bashfull and his Friend the Amorous the Divine the Lawyer the Citizen the Farmer the Stranger All VVooers Gentlemen Merchants Fortune-tellers Maskers PROLOGUE OUr Auth'ress says to make a Play is hard To censure freely men are not afraid Opinions easily do pass upon The wit of others though themselves have none And envie rounds the sense and words about Hoping some errors it may soon find out But streams of wit do not so often flow As salt rough censures which to billows grow And swell so big till they in pieces fall In their own ruines they are buried all But if our Authors Play deserves a praise She will not thank you though you give her bays Because she knows it is her right and due And justice to receive the same from you Wherefore she says if you do take delight To read her Play or acted to your sight The bounty doth proceed from her alone Her wit doth pleasure give to every one The Play if bad she doth desire no praise The Cypress will receive instead of bays THE PUBLICK VVOOING ACT I. Scene 1. Enter two men 1 MAn 'T is reported that the great Mogul hath War with the Parthians and a man of our Nation is General of all his Forces 2 Man Me thinks it is too great an Honour and Trust to give to a stranger 1 Man But it is reported he hath behav'd himself so wisely honestly nobly and valiantly as he hath gained the favour of the Emperour and love of the Souldiers and also respect from all the inferiour Princes 2 Man Who should this man be 1 Man I cannot learn for the Merchants from whom I had this report know not what his right name is for they think he goeth by a cover'd name 2 Man Surely he is of a very mean Birth that he is asham'd to own his name 1 Man It seems so but let his Birth be poor or great he hath a Generous Soul for they say he is very bountiful and lives in great magnificence and carries himself as if he were Princely born He is the whole discourse upon the Exchange and the Merchants do cry him up like to another Iulius Caesar 2 Man It seems they fare the better for his being their Countryman and he to be the Emperours Favourite 1 Man 'T is like enough 2 Man Nay you may be assur'd they have a Fee of Obligation if they praise him so much Of what Age do they say he may be 1 Man They say is in the prime of his years a
very handsom man well-behav'd and of a ready wit 2 Man 'T is strange it should not be known of what Parentage he is of 1 Man It is not known as yet Exeunt Scene 2. Enter two Men 1 MAn Sir were not you a servant to the Lord of Sage 2 Man Yes Sir 1 Man He was a Wise and a Noble Person 2 Man He was so Heaven rest his Soul 1 Man 'T is said he hath left but one only Child and she a Daughter which Daughter is sole Heir to all his Estate 2 Man She is so 1 Man And it is also reported she will be woo'd in publick or else she 'l never wed 2 Man The Report is true Sir for I am now going to invite all her Friends and acquaintance to whom she desires to publish her resolutions 1 Man Is she resolv'd of it 2 Man She hath vow'd it 1 Man Pray favour me so much as to give me a Character of her 2 Man She is Virtuous Young Beautiful Graceful and hath a supernatural Wit and she hath been bred and brought up to all Virtuosus which adorns her Natural Gifts she lives magnificently yet orders her Estate prudently 1 Man This Lady may be a sample to all her Sex Exeunt Scene 3. Enter two Grave Matrons 1 Matron Mistris Simple is the very'st Fool that ever I tutor'd or instructed 2 Matron Do you mean a fool by imprudence or a fool that speaks improperly 1 Matron I do not know what her imprudence may be but in her words there is no coherence 2 Matron Alas she is young and youth is a Cage of Ignorance and boys and girls are like birds which learn from their tutors and tutoresses artificial tunes which are several Languages Sciences Arts and the like But the truth is of all sorts of Birds the Cocks are more apt to learn than the Hens 1 Matron If she can be taught sense I am much mistaken for she hath not a reasonable capacity to learn 2 Matron Why then she hath a defect in Nature as a Changeling 1 Matron I think so 2 Matron Why should you think so since youths capacity cannot be measured by their Educators for Time is the only measure of the rational capacity And to prove it some boys and girls will be so dull as to seem stupid to Learning and yet in their strength of years may prove very rational understanding and wise men or women besides the Brain is like to the Air 't is sometimes thick with mysty Errours sometimes dark with clouds of Ignorance and sometimes clear with Understanding when as the Sun of Knowledge shines and perchance you heard her speak when her Brain was cloudy and dark 1 Matron So dark as her words could not find the right way to sense 2 Matron Perchance if you hear her speak some other times when her Brain is clear you may hear her speak wisely 1 Matron It is so unlikely she should ever speak wisely as it is near to impossible 2 Matron Indeed unlikely and impossible do some way resemble each other But let me tell you the Brain is like the Face it hath its good days and its bad for Beauty and Wit have not only their times and seasons but their foul and fair days 1 Matron You say true for the choisest Beauties that ever were or are will somtimes look worse than at other times nay so ill they will look sometimes as they might be thought they were not Beauties 2 Matron The like for Wit for certainly the greatest Wit that ever was or is may sometimes be so dull and unactive as it might be thought they were so far from being Wits as they might be judged Fools And certainly the most Eloquent Orators that ever were have spoke at some times less Eloquently than at other times insomuch that at some times although the subject of their Discourse is so full of Matter and Reason as might have oyl'd their Tongues smooth'd their Words and enlighten'd their Fancy yet they will speak as if their Wits had catch'd cold and their Tongues had the numb Palsy on which their words run stumbling out of their mouths as insensible when as at other times although the subject of their discourse be barren or boggy woody or rocky yet their Wit will run a Race without stop or stay and is deck'd and adorn'd with flowry Rhetorick And certainly the wisest men that ever were have given both themselves and others worse counsel sometimes than at other times and certainly the valiantest man that ever was had sometimes more courage than at other times But yet although a valiant man may have more courage at one time than another yet he is at no time a coward nor a wise man a fool 1 Matron But Orators may chance to speak non-sense 2 Matron They may so and many times do 1 Matron Why then may not a Valiant man be at some times a Coward and a Wise man a Fool as well as Orators to speak non-sense 2 Matron Because Valour Judgment and Prudence are created in the Soul and is part of its Essence I do not mean every soul but the souls of Valiant and Wise men for souls differ as much as bodies some are created defective others perfect but words are only created in the mouth and are born through the lips before the soul of sense is enter'd or inbodied therein 1 Matron An Orators tongue is powerful 2 Matron An Orators tongue doth rather play on Passions than compose the Judgment or set notes to the Reason like as a Fidler that can play tunes on musical Instruments but is no Musician to compose and set tunes But there are many men that have eloquent tongues but not witty souls they have the Art of words but not the Spirit of wit Exeunt Scene 4. Enter the Lady Prudence and a company of Ladies and Knights whom she had invited to hear her Resolutions She stands by her self and speaks Lady Prudence Kind Friends and worthy Acquaintance you may think it strange and perchance take it ill I invite you only to a simple Discourse for to declare a vain Vow as you may judge it so to be which Vow I made since my Father the Lord Sage's death The Vow is never to receive a Lovers Address or to answer a Lovers Sute but in a publick Assembly and 't is likely the World will laugh at this as ridiculous or condemn it for pride or scorn it as self-conceit But if they will be pleased to weigh it in Judgements Scales they will find it poysed with a good Intention and make a just weight of Conveniency against unaccustomariness for though it is not usual yet it is very requisite especially to such young women which are Orphans who like small and weak Vessels that are destitute of Guide or Pilot are left on the wide Sea-faring World to ruinous waves and inconstant weather even so young women are to the Appetites of greedy men and their own inconstant and changing Natures and
VVherefore Lady take me and make your self happy and me No Musk nor Civet courtly words I use Nor Frenchez-pan promises to abuse Your softer Sex nor Spanish sweets to tell And bribe your quicker nostrils with the smell Or let a false tear down my cheek to fall And with dissembling kneeling therewithall Sigh my self into Air these fools disdain These quarter-wits O kick them back again Nor am I like a Justice of the Peace That woo's you just as he would buy a lease Nor like an Heir whose Tutor for his sake So many lyes of Joynter-houses make Nor like a Lawyer that would fain intail And when he 's try'd doth make a Jeofail Nay thousands more that always do dissemble For your sake make my loving heart to tremble Lest you should be deceiv'd Admired Lady fear not my Profession All my Drum-heads I 'll beat them to soft silence And every warlike Trumpet shall be dumb Our feared Colours now shall be torn off And all our Armour be condemn'd to rust Only my Sword I 'll wear the badge of man Por to defend you and your Honour-still Then Madam take me thus your loving Vassal When lying bragging Castrils will forsake you Oh take a man and joy in him for life A Sword-man knows the virtue of a Wife Here ends my Lord Marquisses writing The Lady Prudence's Answer Lady Prudence Gallant Sir should I accept of your Sute I should be either an Enemy to my self or you or my Country As for my self should I marry a Souldier I should be tormented with the cruellest passions for if I love my Husband as sure I shall I shall be perpetually frightned with his dangers grieved for his absence despair of his life Every little misfortune will be as his Passing-Bell I shall never be at rest asleep nor awake my Dreams will present him to my view with bleeding wounds mangled body and pale visage I shall be widow'd every minute of an hour in my own thoughts for as the Senses are to the Body so the thoughts are to the Mind and Imaginations in these or the like cases are as strong as a visible presence for passions live in the Soul not in the senses for a man is as much grieved when he hears his friend is dead or kill'd as if he saw him dead or slain for the dead friend lives in the mind not the mind in the dead friend But with these Dreams and Imaginations I shall grow blind with weeping weak with sighing sick with sorrowing and deaf with listning after reports And should you desist from that noble Profession for my sake I should prove as a Traitor to my Country by taking away part of the strength and support leaving the weakness to the force of the Enemy for a good Souldier is a strong Fort and Bulwark of Defence Indeed a skilful Commander is to be prefer'd before a numerous Army for a number of men without Order are like dust which the least puff of wind blows about so an Army not being well commanded is quickly dispers'd and suddenly routed upon the least errour besides should you desist you would bury your name in Oblivion when by your valiant Actions and prudent Conduct your memory will be placed in Fames high Tower and writ in large Characters of praise 'T is true should I marry I should prefer my Husbands honour before his life yet would I not willingly marry a man whose life shall be set at the stake and Fortune still throwing at it for that would make me live miserably And who would wilfully make themselves miserable when Nature forbids it and God commands it not Exit Lady The Lover goes sighing out Scene 3. Enter the Lady Parrot and the Lady Minion LAdy Parrot Shall we go and visit the Lady Gravity Minion No she lives so solitary a life as we shall meet no company there for none go to visit her Lady Parrot Then let us goe to the Lady Liberty there we shall meet company enough for all the Ladies in the Town go to visit her Minion If she hath no men-visiters I will not add to the number of her Lady visiters Parrot You may be sure she hath Masculine Visiters or else the Ladies would never go to see her for it is to meet the men the Ladies go to see her and not for her own sake Minion And the men go to see the Ladies Parrot I believe some do yet men are better company in the company of their own Sex than in the company of women Minion By your favour the contrary Sex agree best and are better pleased together than men with men or women with women But if the Lady Liberties House be the General Rendezvouz for Men and Women let us go Parrot Content Exeunt Scene 8. Enter Mistris Trifle and Mistris Vanity VAnity O my dear Heart Trifle O my dear Joy how glad am I to see thee But where have you been that you came later than you promis'd for if you had not sent me word you would come to me to day I had gone to you Vanity Why where do you think I have been Trifle I know not where to think Vanity I have been at a Silk-mans shop to buy me a new Gown but I would not choose it before I had shewn thee my patterns Trifle Let me see them She shews them Vanity What do you think of this stuff Trifle This is out of Fashion besides 't is not a Mode-colour Vanity What think you of this Tabby Trifle The colour is good but it is not of a good water Vanity What think you of this Sattin Trifle The Sattin is a good glossy Sattin but the colour is too pale Vanity But pale colours 't is said are Allamode in France Trifle Who says so Vanity A Gentleman told me so which is newly come out of France Trifle Then he perchance could have told you all the French Fashions Vanity So he did most particularly for he said he went into France for no other purpose but to see and observe Fashions Trifle I believe he only observed mens Fashions being a man and not womens Fashions Vanity Nay he swore he observ'd the womens Fashion more than the mens by reason he knew it would make him more acceptable to our Sex at his return not onely for Discourse-sake but for the kind rewards he should have for his Intelligence which rewards he hath found so full and plentiful as he hath made such a beneficial Journey as he will go once every year and stay a moneth or two and then return Trifle For Ioves sake send him to me Vanity I will but prethee choose my Gown Trifle Let the Gentleman that came out of France choose your Gown for he can put you into the French Fashion Exeunt Scene 9. Enter the Lady Prudence and the Amorous VVooer They take their places and the Assembly about them VVOoer Sweet Lady your Beauty hath wounded my heart imprisoned my senses and hath inslav'd my soul so as I
am wholly in your power Prudence I will mask my beauty and set you free Wooer A mask may shadow your beauty but cannot extinguish it no more than a dark cloud can the bright Sun And as the Sun begets life and gives light so your beauty begets love and gives delight to all that do behold it Prudence And as Time brings Death Darkness and Obscurity so Age brings wrinckles and Absence forgetfulness burying love in the ruines of Beauty Wooer My love can never die nor hath time power to vade your beauty Prudence Nothing escapes Times tyranny but what the soul possesses Wooer You are the soul of beauty and beauty the soul of love Prudence Such souls have no Eternity but die as bodies do Wooer O save my soul and love me Prudence 'T is not in my power for love is free and resolute it can neither be commanded nor intreated Exeunt Scene 10. Enter the Lady Liberty Sir Thomas Letgo Sir William Holdfast the Lady Parrot the Lady Minion Master Disswader Sir VVilliam Holdfasts Friend being met at a Feast at Sir Thomas Letgo's House LEtgo Ladies you are become melancholy of a sudden I hope you are not tyr'd with dancing Liberty Yes saith we want divertisements wherefore prethy Sir Thomas Letgo send for thy affianced Mistris to make sport Letgo I am asham'd she should be seen or made known to this noble company Liberty O divulge her by all means that the World may know you do despise her and that you will marry her only because she is rich and to obey your Fathers commands Letgo I will obey your commands and send for her He sends for her in the mean time he is talking to another Enter the Lady Mute holding down her head and looking simply Liberty Sir Thomas Letgo your wise Mistris is come to welcome your Guests Letgo She wants words to express her self and Wit to entertain them Liberty Your Father knew you wanted not Wit so much as Wealth Letgo Many Fathers leave their sons nothing but their follies and vices for their Inheritance But my Father not having Vices or Follies enough of his own hath left me another mans Fool for an Annuity Parrot Is she a fool Liberty O yes for she seldom speaks Parrot That 's a great sign of simplicity indeed Liberty She is a meer Changeling for when she doth speak it is but when she is question'd and then for the most part she gives but one answer to all sorts of questions Parrot What Answer is that Liberty Her Answer is she cannot tell Holdfast Lady there may be such questions ask'd as are beyond a wise mans understanding to resolve But perchance she is sceptick that doubts all things All the company laugh Liberty What do you judge the scepticks fools Holdfast A man may judge all those to be fools that are not scepticks Liberty I judge all those that think her not a fool are fools Holdfast Then Lady I am condemn'd for I cannot give sentence against any of your Sex neither in thoughts or words Exeunt ACT II. Scene 11. Enter the Lady Prudence and the Country Gentleman as Suter They take their places the Assembly about them This wooing part of the Country Gentleman was written by the Marquiss of Newcastle Country Gentleman Madam though I no Courtier am by Education Yet I more truth may speak and here declare Your charming Eyes turn wanton thoughts to virtue Each modest smile converts the sinfull'st soul To holy Matrimony and each Grace and Motion Takes more than the fairest Face I am not young not yet condemn'd to age Not handsome nor yet I think ill-favour'd I do not swell with riches nor am poor No Palaces yet have Conveniences What though Poetick Raptures I do want My Judgment 's clearer than those hotter brains To make a Joynture out of verse and songs Or thirds in Oratory to endow you The Mean betwixt Extremes is Virtue still If so then make me happy and your self Courtiers may tell you that you may enjoy And marry pleasure there each minutes time There is all freedom for the female Sex Though you are bound yet feel not you are ty'd For liberty begins when you 'r a Bride Your Husband your Protection and the Court Doth cure all jealousie and fonder doubts Which there are laught at as the greatest follies If not by most yet they 'r thought mortal sins 'T is Heaven on Earth for Ladies that seem wise But you are vertuous and those ways despise Therefore take me that honour you for that Here ends my Lord Marquisses writing Prudence Worthy Sir could I perswade my Affection to listen to your sure you should not be deny'd but it is deaf or obstinate it will neither take your counsel nor be intreated But since you wooe so worthily I shall esteem you honourable as well you deserve Exeunt Scene 12. Enter the Lady Parrot and the Lady Minion PArrot Sweet Madam I could not pass by your house for my life but I must enter to see you although I was here but yesterday Minion Dear Madam I am very much joy'd to see you for I am never well but in your company They sit down both in one Couch Parrot When did you see the Lady Gravity Minion I have not seen her these two days Parrot Lord she is the strangest Lady that ever I knew in my life her company is so uneasie and let me tell you as a secret she hath a very ill Reputation Minion If I thought that I would not keep her company Parrot Since I heard that Report I have shunn'd her company as much as I could Minion Even so will I for I would not keep any body company that I thought were not chaste for a World But who is her servant can you tell Parrot 'T is commonly reported Sir Henry Courtly is her servant Minion Out upon him he is the veriest Whoremaster in all the Town nay if she keeps him company I will not come near her I 'll warrant you Parrot Nor I although she would fain be dear with me and seeks all the ways she can to be great with me sending her Gentleman-Usher every day to me with a How do you Minion No pray do not be dear nor great with her but let you and I be dear and great and that will anger her to the heart Parrot That it will faith therefore let us go to morrow together and visit her to let her see how dear and great friends we are Minion Content Parrot Agreed Enter Sir Henry Courtly as to visit the Lady Minion Minion Lord Sir Henry Courtly I have not seen you these three days Courtly I was here yesterday Madam to wait upon you but you were abroad then I went to wait upon you my Lady Parrot but you were also from home Parrot So then I had but the reversions of the Lady Minions Visit Courtly I can be but in one place at one time Madam Minion Why should you take it ill Madam that he should
visit me first Parrot Because I know no reason but that he should visit me before you Minion Why my place is before yours Parrot But the love and esteem I have for him is to be preferr'd before your place Minion How do you know but that I have as much Affection for him as you have And I am sure I have and more Parrot Don't you believe her Sir Henry Courtly for 'faith she said but even now that you were the veriest Whoremaster in all the Town and cry'd Out upon you Minion And she said she would forbear the Lady Gravitie's company by reason you did visit her which was scandalous Parrot What do you betray me in your own house when you said the same and if I be not mistaken before me Minion If you tell what I say I will tell what you say Courtly Ladies whatsoever you have said or will say of me I shall take it well for it is an honour to be mentioned by fair Ladies although in the severest sense or manner or sharpest words Parrot What do you take her part against me Minion No no I perceive well enough that he takes your part against me for which he is a most unworthy man Parrot No he partially takes your part which is base Courtly I will assure you Ladies it is not my nature or disposition to delight in your displeasures but my desire is to please all your Sex and I indeavour in my practice and behaviour to that end wherefore if I cannot please it is not my fault Minion So you make us Women strange creatures as not to be pleased Courtly No Madam men want those excellent Abilities or good Fortunes which should or could please you Parrot Faith Madam he will have much to do to desend himself against us both Minion Nay if you will joyn with me we shall be too hard for him Parrot That I will and help to beat him with Arguments Courtly For fear I should argue my self more out of your favours than I am already I will take my leave of your Ladyships for this time They both follow him and say nay stay slay Exeunt Scene 13. Enter the Lady Prudence and the Courtier They take their places and the Assembly about them COurtier Lady you are the Sun of Beauty from whence all your Sex receive a light which without that would sit in darkness you only give them lustre you are the only Godess men adore and those men which do not so if any such men be they are damned to censure As for my self Ladies have judged me handsom and for my persons sake have given me favours nay they have wooed my love with great Expences maintained my Vanities and paid my Debts ruin'd their own and Husbands Honour and Estate and all for love of me yet do I sue to you with great Humility though many of your Sex have courted me and let me tell you fair Lady that Courtiers Wives have freer Access to Masks Plays Balls and Courtly Pleasures than other Ladies have who beg and strive and often are beaten back in rude disgrace All which fair Lady if you summ up right You 'l find a Courtiers Wife hath most delight Prudence Fair Sir could Person Courtship Garb or Habit win my love you should nor could not be deny'd But since my Affection is not to be won by any outward Form or Courtly Grace I cannot grant your sute besides the lives that Courtiers live agree not with my humour for I had rather travel to my Grave with ease than inconveniently Progress about tiring my body out lying in nasty lodgings feeding on ill drest meat that 's got by scrambling but at the best a Courtiers life to me is most unpleasant to sit up late at Masks and Plays to dance my time away in Balls to watch for Grace and favour and receive none to gape for Preferments Offices and Honours but get none to waste my Estate with Fees Gifts and Braveries to run in debt prodigally to receive Courtships privately to talk loud foolishly to betray friendship secretly to profess friendship commonly to promise readily to perform slowly to flatter grosly to be affected apishly no Prudent Brain or Noble Heart would interweave the thred of life with such vain Follies and unnecessary Troubles besides I had rather be Mistris of my own House were it a Cottage poor than serve the Gods if Gods were like to men Exeunt Scene 14. Enter Mistris Parle and Mistris Vanity VAnity My dear Comrade what thinkst thou will the Gentleman we met at Madam Gravities lodging marry me think you Parle I know not Vanity I verily believe he will Parle What reason have you to believe he will Vanity A very good reason which is he look'd upon me two or three times and at one time very stedfastly Parle If a man should marry all the women he looks on he will have more Wives than Solomon and the great Turk adding the number of their Concubines But the more earnestly the Gentleman look'd on you the greater sign he thought not of you for thoughts are buried in fix'd eyes Vanity You speak out of spight because I am thought handsomer than you Parle I had rather your Beauty should lie in your own others thoughts than it should be visible to the view of the World or to be inthrown on a multitude of Praises but howoever I am not spightful and therefore pray think not so for telling you my opinion of your no-lover Vanity You love your Jest better than your Friend Parle That 's an old saying but I love a plain truth better than a flattering lye Exeunt Scene 15. Enter the Lady Prudence and the Bashful Suter and his Friend Mr. Spokesman and the Assembly The Suter makes two or three legs wipes his lips and blows his nose with his handkerchief hems twice or thrice and trembling begins to speak BAshfull Suter Madam Madam Madam This Scene the Lord Marquiss writ Prudence Speak Sir what is 't you would say Spokesman Madam his Love and Modesty doth check his speech Prudence Then speak you for him His Friend goes and stands behind him and speaks the dumb Gentleman the while acts his Speech Spokesman Madam your Presence with you sparkling Eyes Hath dazel'd him and struck him dumb with Love Like to a bottle too much fill'd I doubt Though 's mouth 's turn'd downward nothing will come out Or like a Bag-pudding in love he 's curst So stuff'd so swell'd and yet he cannot burst Or like a glass with Spirits of high price No drop can fall when 't is congeal'd to Ice Sweet Lady thaw him then take him apart And then his Tongue will tell you all his Heart And gush it forth with more force far than those Who dribble all their love away in Prose Prudence I 'm all for Publick Wooing so no stain Upon my Reputation will remain With a dumb Husbands curse I 'll ne'r be caught But a dumb Wife a blessing may be
and to obey and every Holyday you shall in Arbors sit shadow'd from hot Sun-beams whilst Country Maids and Country Men which Lovers are shall dance upon the grassy Green to the sound of the Horn-pipe Bag-pipe and such breathing Musick whose pleasant Strains and plain-set Notes rebound in Ecchos from the high-cast Banks the lofty Hills hollow Woods and murmuring Streams besides other Rural sports to entertain your Eyes and Ears and recreate your Minde with Mirth and harmless Plays to pass your Time withall No life so pleasant as the Country Life No woman so happy as the Farmers VVife Prudence Honest Friend could I as easily perswade my Affections to your Person as I could to the condition of a Shepherdesses life or Farmers wife you should be the only man I would choose but since I cannot I must only return you thanks for your good liking in that you have preferr'd me in your choise for which may neither nipping Frost nor burning Sun nor blasting winds nor weeds nor snails nor worms destroy your Labours nor ravenous Wolves nor crafty Foxes nor Polcats Weesels Kites or any such like Vermin fright or rob you of your young tender breed may all your grounds and flocks increase a treble-fold your fleeces long and thick your corn firm and full-car'd your grass sweet and broad-bladed your trees so full of fruits that every branch may bow under its load and may your plenty store all the Kingdom that neither want nor famine may be fear'd or felt may all your Country Neighbours and labouring Swains respect you as their Chief obey you as their Lord and worship you as their God Pan Exeunt Scene 22. Enter Sir William Holdfast meeting the Lady Mute she seeming as in a studious Thought HOldfast Lady you are in a serious Contemplation Pray what are you thinking of Mute I have heard that thoughts are free but I perceive they cannot pass without questioning Holdfast I would not boldly intrude upon them my humble desire is I might partake of the Excellency of them Mute I suppose you think my Contemplation is of Heaven and not of the World for there is no subject which can make Thought excellent but what is Divine for the World corrupts them Nature deceives them and Speech betrays them Holdfast If your speech never betrays more than it doth now which only expresses your Wit you may well pardon it but I now finde you are not so ignorantly simple as you are thought to be through your silence Mute I confess I have practis'd silence for I am of years fitter to learn than to talk and I had rather be thought ignorantly simple for being silent than to express folly by too much speaking Holdfast But I wonder you will suffer you self to be laugh'd at for a Natural Fool when your wit is able to defend you from scorns and scoffs and is able to maintain its own Arguments Mute If I had Wit there would be no Honour in the Arguing no more than for a Valiant man to fight with Cowards so wit to dispute with fools But I had rather they should laugh at me than I should weep for my self yet there were none in that company that laugh'd at me but were older than I and the older they are the more faults they have committed and if they laugh at me for my little wit I will scorn them for their many faults and hate them for their vices Holdfast The truth is 't is only fools that commit many faults and take delight in their own follies and do themselves hurt with their own errors and not those that have Wit for they have Ingenuity and Prudence to foresee and so escape errours and the mischiefs that may follow But you appear by not expressing your self to your disadvantage and your silence doth you wrong Mute I care not how I appear in my outward Aspect so my Life be honest my Actions just my Behaviour modest my Thoughts pure and that I obey to the utmost of my power the Laws and Customs of Duty Morality Divinity and Civility But 't is a sign of a foolish Age when silence is thought ignorant simplicitie and modesty accounted a crime when in Antient Times Youth was taught sober Attention and it was impos'd upon Scholars to keep silence five years before they were suffer'd to speak that they might afterwards be able to Teach and not always live to learn as School-boys which they would always be if they spent their time in words and not study and observe And silence is a discretion that few women practise being more apt to talk than men for women are fuller of words than thoughts but words should be weighed by Judgment in the ballance or scales of Sense and deliver'd by the tongue through the lips by Retail which cannot be if they throw them out so fast for there is required Reason Time and Understanding besides unstopped Ears to hear them But though mine Enemies laugh at me for a Fool yet I have so much Honesty Innocencie and Modesty to guard and defend my Reputation as they cannot wound that with their sharp words nor laughing faces Exeunt Scene 23. Enter the Lady Prudence and her strange Wooer a man that had a wooden Leg a patch on his Eye and Crook-back'd unhandsome snarled Hair and plain poor Cloaths on He takes the Wooers place and the Assembly about gazing with smiling faces at the sight of such a Wooer Strange Wooer Lady I come not now to plead with flourishing Rhetorick to make that which is false to appear like truth or paint a foul cause with fair smooth words But my cause of request is honest and what I shall speak is truth nor do I strive to hide my Deformities or Vices As for my outward deformities they are visible to your Eyes but Vices live in the Appetites Passions and Affections which are only exprest by the Actions and therefore the easier may be dissembled from the most part of the World yet not from Heaven to whom I am to make a just account And since my sins are only to the Gods and not you fair Godess I shall not at this time make a publick confession of them but I am come here to present you with my love which love is as pure as unspotted Angels it hath no by-respects unto your Wealth Beauty or Birth but barely and meerly to your Virtue in truth I come a wooing to your Soul not to your Body but yet mistake me not I would not have them parted I cannot say my Estate or Birth deserves you nor have I merits equal to your worth but since my love is as pure as your virtue it will be an equal Match And though you see my body a deformed bulk yet I am not asham'd of it because the owner which is my Mind is honest for I never betray'd my King or Country Mistris or Friend nor any Trust that was impos'd unto me by any although a Foe I never shut my
and quite from my Patience which makes me miserable and Misery is worse than Death for Death is a cessation of pain and Misery a torment of life But if this Report be true I will lay more curses on his head than a long penitential life shall be able to take off Exit Enter the two Maids of Sir John Dotard 1 MAid Lord Briget is so proud since she is preferr'd to be my Masters Laundry-maid as she will touch none but my Masters linnen 2 Maid She is become very fine upon her preferment I am sure it is not five or ten pound wages that will or can maintain her at that rate she goes for she hath had to my knowledge two new pair of shooes within three weeks of each other whereupon I told her that the shooes that she cast by would be very strong and serviceable if they were cobled and her Answer was what did I think she would wear cobled shooes I told her why not now as well as she did for she us'd to send her shooes to be cobled three or four times over and her wastcoat to be patch'd and her petticoats to be new-border'd and her stockings to be heel'd as the rest of us did and I knew of no Lands that had befallen her and therefore she may doe the same still 1 Maid And what said she then 2 Maid She bid me meddle with my own matters and not meddle with her and I dare not offend her for fear I should be turn'd away nay she is so proud as she turns her head aside when Richard the Carter comes to kiss her and she strives to shun his company when once within a short time she would make haste to wash her dishes that she might have time to sit in Richards Lap and there they would sit colling and kissing until the sea-coal-site was burn'd out 2 Maid But now she sits in a better seat Exeunt Scene 8. Enter Mistris Forsaken in mans Apparel naming her self Monsieur Disguise MOnsieur Disguise I cannot believe he will prove so false and perjurious but this Disguise I hope will bring me to discover the Truth And if he be false for his sake may all the Masculine Sex be slaves to the Effeminate Sex not bound by Love but by base servile fear may they long after the power but never get it may women govern the World and when they command the men dare not disobey and be despis'd for their reward may their Jealousies disturb their Rest their Cares increase their Labours may they work like Horses fawn like Dogs and bear like Asses But if he be constant may all the Masculine Sex be bless'd for his sake may all women desire admire and love him may Pleasure imbrace him Health preserve him and Time attend him may he be arm'd with Power crown'd with Peace and all Obedience bow to his command may the sound but of his Name bring joy to all hearts may all be pleas'd for his Birth pray for his Life and fear his Death may good Fortune trace his ways whilst he tides upon the wings of a glorious Fame Exeunt Scene 9. Enter Sir Francis Inconstant as in another Country with his new Mistris INconstant Sweet Mistris you are the Elixar of Beauty all other women are as unrefin'd metal like base coyn New Mistris Whilst I am unmarry'd you 'l flatter me but when I am your Wife you will change your complemental discourse to quarrelling disputes or insulting commands Inconstant O never never your Eye shall direct all my Actions your Commands shall rule my Life and your Pleasures shall be my onely Delight Exeunt Scene 10. Enter Sir James Hearty and his Man HEarty Here take this Note that you may not forget the Guests that are to be invited to my Daughters Wedding The man takes the Note and looks on it Can you read it Man I cannot tell Sir Hearty Let me hear if you can or not Man Imprimis Sir William Lovewell and the Lady Hypocondria his Wife Item Sir Henry Sage and the Lady Chastity his Wife Item Sir Edward Courtly and the Lady Iealousie his Wife and Mistris Iane Single her Sister Item Sir Thomas Cuckold and the Lady Wanton his Wife Item Sir Humphey Disagree and the Lady Disagree his Wife Item Sir Timothy Spendall and the Lady Poverty his Wife Item the Lady Procurer Item Monsieur Amorous Hearty Well read well read As for the Lord Widower I know he will not come for I hear his Lady is newly dead This is the Nature of the World some marry and some die Man Troth Sir of the two Evils I think it is better to die than to marry Hearty I am not of your mind for I had rather have a ruddy plain soft Wench to be my Bed-fellow than pale grim lean numb cold Death But go your way about this Imployment the whilst I will give direction for the Entertainment Exeunt Scene 11. Enter the Lord VVidower and the Lady Sprightly his Eldest Daughter and other small Children and Doll Subtilty all weeping LOrd We have reason to weep for you my Children have lost a good Mother and I a loving Wife and her servants a kind Lady but we cannot alter Heavens Decrees wherefore we must take comfort in what is and not grieve for what cannot be helpt And now Daughter Sprightly you must be as my Wife Friend and Daughter all in one for as your Mother did when she had health govern my Family so must you now she is dead and you must take care of your young Brothers and Sisters and Heaven will reward thee with a good Husband and Children of your own And as for her Maid here who hath taken great pains all the time of your Mothers sickness ought to be rewarded for her care wherefore Daughter let her wait upon you as she did upon your Mother Doll Subtilty I thank your Lordship Exeunt Scene 12. Enter all the Bridal Guests and pass over the Stage as thorough a Room Scene 13. Enter Monsieur Disguise as from the sea MOnsieur Disguise Surely the Fates have conspired against me the winds were so cross just like men sometimes for us and sometimes against us Enter a Skipper Have you found out the Gentlemans lodging Skipper Yes Sir Disguise And was he at home Skipper He hath that which will invite him to stay at home and keep him from wandring abroad for some time Sir Disguise What 's that Skipper A fair Wife Sir for a drunken Serving-man told me that one Sir Francis Inconstant had maried his Masters Daughter and that the Wedding-Feast would continue a Week if not a Fortnight Disguise And was the man drunk that told you so Skipper Yes surely he seem'd so to me Disguise Then perchance he might tell you a lye Skipper He was not so drunk but that he might tell a truth Disguise Prethee Friend do me one favour more and then I will pay thee for thy pains Skipper What you please to command me
Sir Disguise Then inquire for a mans-Tailor to make me some Cloaths for I am not Accoutred fit for a Bridal-House Skipper I shall Sir Exeunt Scene 14. Enter two Maids of Sir John Dotards 1 MAid 'Faith I will go and inquire out a new service for I will never be box'd by my fellow-servant that was although now she is prefer'd to be House-keeper 2 Maid How came the quarrel betwixt you 1 Maid Why now forsooth she is come to Order and to Rectifie she 's not only grown light-finger'd but fine-finger'd as to touch nothing that is not bright-scour'd nor then neither without her gloves and she calld for a candle and a candlestick to carry into my Masters Chamber and I for haste run up with the candle and forgot the candlestick and had left it behind me when I came what said she do you bring a candle without a candlestick Alas said I I have forgot it but hold you the candle said I and I will run and fetch the stick strait and so I put the candle into her hand with that she up with her hand and gave me a box on the ear what said she do you give me a greasie candle to hold I will teach you more manners said she against the next time I being heated at the blow she gave me cold her that she had forgot since the Mouse bit her greasie face when she was asleep taking it for a candles-end or a piece of bacon with that she flew upon me and I at her where in the combat we made such a noise as my Master came forth of his Chamber and parted us and then he bid me get me out of his house but kiss'd her and pray'd her to pacifie her anger and not to distemper her self with a rude wench as I was 2 Maid And what said she then 1 Maid Why she told my Master I was a naughty Baggage a dirty Slur a base Whore and all the ill names she could but I will not suffer this for I will be gone 1 Maid Nay let us stay until we are provided of other Services Exeunt Scene 15. Enter Monsieur Disguise alone MOnsieur Disguise And is he maried O that I could pull out that part of my Brain which imprints his memory for the wrongs he hath done me are so great and heavy as I wish I could unload my Soul and build a Pyramide of Curses that may stand as a mark of his Infamy She studies a little time then speaks I had rather banish my self than live in disgrace in my own Countrey Exit ACT II. Scene 16. Enter the Lord VVidower and Doll Subtilty SUbtilty 'Faith my Lord your Daughter is so jealous of me as she sayes I am always in your Lordships Chamber Lord Why so thou art most commonly although not always Subtilty But yet it is not fit Children should examine their Parents actions and it were an indiscretion in Parents to allow of it Lord She is young she is young Subtilty Wherefore your Lordship should have a care to have her prudently govern'd and if she be too young to govern her self how can she govern so great a Family as your Lordships is Lord O she hath but the name my Steward governs all Subtilty Yes but the Mistris of the House governs the Steward and the Steward gives Orders as an Inferiour Officer delivering the Superiours commands Lord You say true wherefore you that have some more experience should counsel her Subtilty O my Lord 't is not manners for me to give her counsel neither will she take it from me for when I humbly offer her my Advice she checks me and threatens to turn me away Lord Doth she so But I will have her to take counse and to know she is too young to order after her own childish fancy Subtilty Indeed my Lord she wants years which should make her experienc'd Sweet child she is fitter to dress Babies and order a Closet than govern a great Family which is a little Common-wealth Lord Well I will order her otherwise Exeunt Scene 17. Enter the Bride the Bridegroom Sir James Hearty and all the Bridal Guests Then enters a servant to the Bridegroom Sir Francis Inconstant SErvant Sir there is a young Gentleman desires to speak with your Worship Inconstant What manner of man is he Servant A sweet-fac'd young man by my Troth Sir Inconstant Of what Country seems he to be Servant Of your own Countrey Sir Inconstant Direct him in Enter Monsieur Disguise Disguise Sir I was commanded by a young Lady to give you this Letter Sir Francis reads it and in the reading seems very much troubled Inconstant She writes as if she were dying when she writ this letter Disguise She was dying indeed for the last act she did was to give me this letter and the last words she spoke were Pray see this letter safe convey'd and so she dy'd Lady Inconstant What makes you so pale on a sudden Husband Sir Fran. Incon. I am not well and therefore I must goe to my Chamber But pray Sweet-heart stay you here lest my being ill shoald disturb our Guests Lady Inconstant Do you think I can entertain them if you be sick Sir Fran. Incon. I am not so sick as to be nurs'd although not so well as to delight in company for I am rather melancholy than any other way distemper'd Lady Inconst. What makes you melancholy Sir Fran. Incon. Why a dear Friend of mine is dead He sighs a great sigh But Sweet-heart pray excuse me to the company and pray let this Gentleman my noble Friend be well treated Lady Inconst. I shall obey your command Sir Francis goes out Sir Iam. Hearty What is my Son-in-law gone Lady Inconst. Sir he desires you and the rest of the company would excuse him for he hath heard of the death of a Friend which makes him so melancholy as he saith that his dull and indispos'd humour would disturb the mirth of our noble Friends Sir Iam. Hearty 'T is a sign he is young that he is so tender-natur'd and so soft-hearted to mourn and grieve for those that die but when he comes to Age he will only commend his friends that are dead but not grieve for them for Pity wears out as Age increases Lady Inconst. Pray Sir let me intreat you to be one of our Guests Disguise You shall command me Lady Sir Tho. Cuckold Nay since the Gentleman hath brought such Newes as hath banished the Bridegroom from the Company he shall now supply his place Sir Hum. Disagree Soft Sir he may at the Board but not in his Bed Sir Hen. Courtly He looks so modestly as if he would play the part of a Bride rather than a Bridegroom Disguise Lady will you accept of my modest service Lady Inconst. Sir I must not refuse Modesty Exeunt Scene 18. Enter two Maid-servants of Sir John Dotards 1 MAid 'T is no wonder that Briget Greasie is so proud now being maried to my Master he
having made her a Lady Lord Lord to see the fortune that some have over others why if my Master would have maried one of his Maids he might have chosen a prettier wench amongst any of us all than she is 2 Maid Yes 'faith for she was thought the veriest Puss of us all for she is neither snout-fair nor well-shap'd she hath splay-feet and chilblainheels 1 Maid Nay all will grant she was the dirtiest slut in the House for there was never a man-servant but would cry so at her when they kiss'd her besides she was the veriest fool amongst us But Lord what Wealth and Honour will do for now she is a Lady she looks as if she never wash'd a dish or scour'd a kettle or spit 2 Maid But I wonder how she came to be his Wife she might have served as her Betters have done before her I am sure there was Nan a pretty pert cleanly Maid who was kind and willing to do any thing either to serve our Master or fellow servants 1 Maid O but Nan had not an old woman that us'd to come to her to get suet and scraps as Briget had and this old woman they say counsell'd Briget to seem nice and coy 2 Maid I wonder what Richard the Carter will say who was turned out of his service because he should not share with my Master 1 Maid 'Faith I heard that Richard was told of her Advancement and 't is said he laugh'd and said my Master had a hungry stomach that he could feed of his leavings but by his Troth he was glad she was become a Lady for now he could say he had kiss'd and courted a Lady as well as the best Gallant of them all Exeunt Scene 19. Enter the Lord Widower and the Lady Sprightly his Daughter LOrd Daughter although you do govern my Family very well for your years yet you are young and wanting Experience may be cozened and though I have a great Estate yet it will be all consum'd if Order and Method be not put into practice wherefore I would have you take the counsel of Mistris Dorothy Subtilty to assist you Lady Who is that my Lord Lord Why do not you know her she that waited on your Mother Lady Pardon me my Lord I did not know her by that Title for she was plain Dol Subtilty when she waited on my Mother and not knowing of her advancement from a Chambermaid to a Gentlewoman I might easily mistake besides she is not so much older as to have much more experience than my self perchance she may have more craft which was learned her in her poverty than I who have been bred at the Horn of Plenty that knew no scarcity nor sharking necessity Lord You have a sharp tongue when spight moves it but let me hear no more of these words but do as I command you Lady I never disobey'd you as I do know Lord Well no more words Exeunt Scene 20. Enter the Bride and all the Bridal Guests they dance and Monsieur Disguise dances with the Bride Sir Spendall seems to whisper Monsieur Disguise in the Ear being half drunk SPendall Sir but that you look more like a woman than a man you might give the Bridegroom more cause to be melancholy for the living than the dead but let me intreat you young Gentleman that you strike not his Head as your News hath done his Heart for I perceive the Brides eyes are fix'd upon you and from the root of a fix'd eye grows Horns when they are set in a maried Head Disguise There is no fear Spendall Yes Sir as long as there are doubts there are fears Disguise There is no doubt Sir Spendall But that she will be Sir Disguise What Sir Spendall What you please Sir and let me tell you young Gentleman that as long as there are women there will be Lovers and Cuckolds Disguise And let me tell you Sir that as long as there are men there will be Fools and Drunkards Lady Inconstant Sir I doubt we have invited you rather to your trouble than your delight Disguise Madam you are the Treasure of Pleasure and Delight which none can receive but from your Bounty nor enjoy but by your Favour Exeunt Scene 21. Enter the Lady Sprightly and Dol Subtilty LAdy Sprightly What had you to do to contradict my commands Dol Subtilty They were not fit to be obey'd wherefore they were forbid The Lady gives Dol a box on the Ear Lady There take that to remember I forbid you to forbid my commands Dol. I will declare your blows to some that shall revenge me Enter the Lord Widower Lord What are you so light-finger'd 'T is time to get you a Husband to govern and rule your high spirit Lady No pray Sir get me no Husband for if my Father takes part against me surely a Husband will be worse natur'd Lord So you will say I am unnatural Lady No Sir I only say it is not my undutifulness that displeases you but some that hath more wit than I or at least good fortune to please you better Lord VVell pray study your Book and VVork and leave the Houshold Affairs to my disposal Lady Sir I took the Office as my duty to your commands not for Delight Pleasure Ease or Profit and I shall surrender it up again upon the same account and with all the trouble care labour vexations and disquiets belonging thereunto Lord In doing so you will do very well Exeunt Scene 32. Enter the Lady Hypocondria as being frightly sick and her Husband Sir VVilliam Lovewell LOvewell Heaven bless you wife what makes you so extremely pale and to seem so affrighted Hypocon. O Husband I have an Imposthume broken within me and the bag will rise and choke me Lovewell Heaven forbid Hypocon. O I am choak'd I am choak'd I cannot fetch my breath She takes her breath very short Sir VVilliam Lovewell in a great fright calls for help Enter some servants Lovewell O send for Doctors strait for my wife is ready to die They go out running he standing by the Chair his Wife sits in trembling and quaking Lovewell How are you dear VVife how do you feel your self now how are you Hypocondria O very ill but yet me thinks I can fetch my breath a little better than I could I believe the Imposthume-bag is fallen down wherefore I will go to bed Lovewell Pray do VVife He leads her out and she goeth softly Exeunt Scene 23. Enter Sir Henry Sage and the Lady Chastity his Wife SAge Sweet-heart I was in your Bed-chamber and in your Cabinet-chamber and missing you in both I was afraid I must have been forc'd to have hir'd a Cryer to have proclamed my loss Chastity Many a Wife doth proclame her Husbands loss without the help of a Cryer for the Wives Adulterous Acts proclame her Husband a Cucold and the loss of his Honour Sage But I am not afraid of that for I am confident of thy Chastity although the old
lovingly Lord what a disquietous house have we had Sir Humphry and his Lady make a noise within as being fallen out again 2 Maid Hark what noise is that They hearken and hear the Shovel and Tongs slung about Iuno bless us I think they 'l fling the house out at the windows The Lady calls for help 1 Maid Run run Iane they are fallen out again and will kill each other 2 Maid O call the Chaplin to part them for we shall never do it Call him call him Exeunt Maids in a frighted haste Scene 31. Enter the Lady Hypocondria's Maid in a frighted haste And enter Roger Trusty Sir VVilliam Lovewel's Man MAid O Trusty where is my Master my Lady is so ill as we think she 'll die for she faith that she is in an Apoplexy Trusty If she were in an Apoplexy she could not speak Maid Hold thy prating Fool for hers is a speaking Apoplexy Trusty You are a Slut for calling me Fool Maid You are a Knave for calling me Slut Trusty Am I so there 's for you for calling me Knave He kicks her she cries out in comes more servants Then follows the Lady Hypocondria running after them Hypocondria What in the name of Iuno is the matter what Thieves are enter'd or is my house on fire 2 Maid No Madam only Roger and Ioan are beating one another Hypocondria May the Devil beat them for frighting me so Enter Sir William Lovewell Lovewell My dear VVife what is the cause you sent for me in such haste Hypocondria O Husband I was dying of an Apoplexie my Spirits were stopt and my Brain was smother'd in a cloud of gross vapours but your Man and my Maid falling out they fell a bearing each other and she crying out for help did so affright me as I came running hither thinking Thieves had broken in or Fire had broken out of our house which fright hath unstopt the Sluce-passages and dispers'd the Vapour Lovewell I perceive a bad Cause may sometimes produce a good Effect if their fighting hath cured you Hypocondria Yes but I will turn away my Maid for crying and quarrelling and making such a noise Lovewell That were unjust for should the sick Patient that had been sick to death when he was restored to health banish the Physician that restored him without a Fee No he ought to have his Fee doubl'd or trebl'd so you ought not onely to keep your Maid but to double or treble her wages Trusty It were more just to treble my wages than hers for I was the cause of the Out-cry for when I beat her she roared and her voice thorough her throat made as great a rumbling noise as a foul chimney set on fire and in my Conscience as much sooty flegm fell from her head as from a Cooks Chimney and when she scolded her words were so harsh as they creeke just so as when a door is taken off the hinges which made my Lady strait apprehend either Fire or Thieves or both Lovewell No you deserve nothing by reason a man ought not to strike a woman Roger Trusty Why Sir she would sooner have been hang'd about my neck than have cried if I had kiss'd her instead of kicking her Lovewell Hold your prating and learn to be civiller to women Exeunt all but Roger and Joan. Trusty If I had kiss'd you Ioan as I perceive my Master would have had me done you had been silent and in your silence my Lady would have died and then my Master had been a lusty Widower and a free Wooer and a fresh man as one may say where now he is bound to a sickly Wife and this is the reason my Master would not increase my wages which if I had kiss'd you I had been inriched by my Masters favour wherefore Ioan I will kiss thee but kick thee no more Ioan. Go hang your self it is too late now you should have kiss'd me before Exeunt ACT IV. Scene 32. Enter the Waiting-woman and Chambermaid of the Lady Jealousie GEntlewoman You are a strange wench to make the Posset-curd so tough that now my Lady hath eat it it lies so hard so hard in her stomach as it cannot digest Maid Tough say you I am sure to my taste it was as tender as Cream Gentlewoman Well in my Ladies stomach it proves as hard as stone wherefore you must go and burn some Claret-wine for her with Cloves Mace and Nutmegs and make it very sweet with fine loaf-sugar presently presently Maid But if my Lady hath one meat after another so quick she will not be able to hold all in her stomach by reason her stomach must of necessity overflow Gentlewoman If the wine make her stomach to overflow it will be like washing the mouth and rubbing the teeth after meat the which will scour her stomach clean Maid Nay if the stomach be not scour'd and cleans'd somtimes it would be very foul by reason it is so often us'd Gentlewoman And if it be scour'd too often it will wear it out as the Learned say But Nan go your ways and burn the wine otherwise my Lady will chide Exeunt Scene 33. Enter Monsieur Amorous and the Lady Procurer as Visitants to the Lady VVanton LAdy Procurer Well Monsieur Amorous now I have brought you to this Lady I will leave you to make your Complements the whilst I will go Madam to your woman to Mistris Watcher and chide her for not sending me that you promis'd me Wanton She is much asham'd for her forgetfulness and had rather die than see you Exit Lady Procurer Monsieur Amorous seems to stagger as being weak and faint almost ready to fall into a Swoun then takes his handkerchief and wipes his face as if he did sweat Wanton Are not you well Sir Amorous A sudden passion hath surrounded my Heart and hath surprized my Senses sending out cold damp sweats over all my body Wanton Sir will you drink any cordial water He kisses her hand Amorous Lady it was your Beauty that struck me with a trembling fear and made my spirits faint but this delicious kiss that I have taken from your hand restores me more and gives me greater strength than all the Spirits Chymists can extract Wanton I perceive now it was a dissembling fit and not a real sickness Amorous Misconstrue not my Admirations and Affections which do adore and worship you Wanton If we women should believe the words of men they would make us more conceited of our selves than yet we are Amorous There are not thoughts to equal your great Beauty nor words for to express it Enter the Lady Procurer in great haste Procurer Madam Madam your Husband is comming your Husband is comming Wanton For Venus sake stay by me Madam that my Husband may see I have a woman in my company Enter Sir Thomas Cuckold Sir Thomas and Monsieur Amorous congee to one another Amorous Sir my ambition grew impatient to be acquainted and to render my self and offer my
service to you Sir Cuckold Sir I am your most humble Servant and shall strive by all the ways I can to appear worthy your favours The Ladies speak familiarly Wanton Lord Lady Procurer how are you drest to day in a most careless fashion Procurer It is the mode it is the mode to go undrest Cuckold Wife this is not a fit room to entertain this noble Gentleman Sir will you be pleas'd to walk into another room Amorous All rooms are fine Sir where you and your Virtuous Lady are Exeunt Sir Thomas Cuckold and Monsieur Amorous Procurer 'Faith if I had not come running in before your Husband he had catch'd you Lady Wanton claps the Lady Procurer on the cloaths VVanton 'Faith Procurer thou art such another Lady-wag as all the Town cannot match thee Procurer I was I was but now I am grown old I am grown old but I was born to do good Offices Exeunt Scene 34. Enter two Maids of the Lady Poverty 's 1 MAid I wonder my Lady is able to stay in the room with my Master his vomiting hath so fumed the room as there is such a stink that by my troth I am almost strangled with the smell of the corrupted drink 2 Maid Alas poor Lady she is forc'd to stay for fear he should be outragious in his drunken humour for if she stirs or speaks he swears as if he would draw the Devils out of Hell 1 Maid Hell is not so bad as to be where he is now he is drunk Enter another Maid 3 Maid My Master is asleep and my Lady would have you make lesse noise and not to talk so loud for fear you should awake him 1 Maid If he be asleep we may make what noise we will or can make he will not wake until such time as the fume or vapour of wine be out of his head no sound can enter But I wonder my Lady will take such care of him when he hath no respect to her but transforms himself from man to beast every day indeed she sees him only a beast not a man for before he is wholy sober he rises to go to a Tavern to be drunk again 2 Maid If my Master transforms himself into a beast ere that he comes to my Lady he imitates Iove for he transform'd himself into a Bull for the sake of fair Europa 1 Maid But not into a drunken roaring Bull as my Master is 3 Maid 'Faith if I were my Lady I would hold by his Horns and then let him roar and drink and whore as much as he will 1 Maid Yes so she might chance to be drench'd in a Bathing-tub as Europa in the Sea Exeunt Scene 35. Enter Nan the Lady Jealousies Chamber-maid and her Master Sir Henry Courtly meets her and kisses her Enter the Lady Jealousie and sees him LAdy Iealousie So Husband I perceive Nan is in your favour Nan runs out of the room Courtly 'Faith Wife Nan is a careful and industrious Wench for she strives to serve us both for she makes you candles and feeds me with kisses Lady Iealousie Or rather Husband you feed Nan and Nan feeds me Courtly Faith the truth is I need you both Lady Iealousie But Nan hath the greatest share that makes her so proud and I so sickly But since you are so liberal to her and so sparing to me I will board elsewhere and so as I may carve where I like best Courtly Sure Wife you will not Lady Iealousie Surely Husband I will do my endeavour Courtly What to be a Whore Lady Iealousie Yes if being a whore will make you a Cuckold Exeunt Scene 36. Enter the Lady Hypocondria and her Maid LAdy Hypocondria My Husband hath been a long time abroad pray Iove he be safe if he should chance to have a quarrel and fight a hundred to one but he is killd for otherwise he would have come home do you think he is well Ioan Maid You need not fear for my master is of so civil a behaviour and of so sweet a disposition as he can have no enemies Lady Hypocon. O But he is a man that is very valiant and one that is very sensible of disgrace and affronts Maid Truly I believe you have no reason to fear Lady Hypocon. Do you but believe so nay then you doubt and therefore I know he is kill'd and I will go and find out the murtherer and kill him my self The Lady Hypocondria offers to run out of the room as in a frighted passion the maid stops her Maid My Noble Lady do not run in this passion for all the idle men and women and boyes and girles will run after you as thinking you mad for they make no difference betwixt melancholy and madnesse Lady Hypocon. I am not able to overcome this fear I shall die Maid Pray stay and send out one of our men to inquire where he is Lady Hypocon. Call Roger Trusty The Maid goes out The Lady alone Lady Hypocon. O You defendant Gods assist my Husband Enter Joan and Roger Trusty Lady Hypocon. Trusty go presently and seek out your master and bring me word where he is and how he doth and be sure if you see a grim look't fellow near him that you stir not from your Master but wait upon him home for fear some trechery should beset him Trusty Who shall bring you word of his health or sicknesse life or death Lady Hypocon. Death do you say O you have heard he is kill'd Trusty By Pluto I have heard no such thing Lady Hypocon. Why do you talk of death then Trusty Because you send me to know whether he be dead or alive Lady Hypocon. That is true wherefore let one of the Foot-boyes go along with you to bring me an answer but be sure you stay with your Master Trusty I shall Lady Hypocon. Make all the haste you can to find him Exeunt Scene 37. Enter Sir Henry Sage and the Lady Chastity SIr Hen. Sage Is the Lady Procurer a Baud say you Lady Chastity A perfect one I think for she pleaded as earnestly as Lawyers for a fee Sir Hen. Sage No doubt but she hath as much reason for sure she doth it for gain not out of love to wicked basenesse but I believe poverty perswades her or rather inforces her Chastity No surely it is an inborn or at least an inbred baseness for neither death nor torments can inforce nor riches nor preferrments allure a noble mind to such base acts but some are so unworthy or rather wicked as to delight to intice and to pervert all they can get acquaintance with Sir Hen. Sage And some doe it to hide their own faults thinking to bury them under the vices of others or smother them in the presse of a multitude but let me advise you not to entertain her company any more Chastity I believe she will not visit me again Exeunt Scene 38. Enter the Lady Sprightly and one of her women LAdy Sprightly Lord Lord this nasty
given us warning to be gone wherefore we must seek out new services 2 Maid My Lady is so good a Lady as I wish I could serve her so as to maintain her since she is not able to maintain a servant 1 Maid But since we cannot maintain her nor she us we must leave her Exeunt Scene 43. Enter Roger Trusty to his Lady all in a sweat with running she seeing him come in such haste cries out HYpocondria O help me help me you merciful Powers to destroy me and let me not outlive my Husband Trusty 'T is like the Gods will hear your prayers for ten to one my Master out-lives you Hypocon. VVhy is he alive Trusty Yes and alive's like Hypocon. VVhat makes you sweat so Trusty To bring you the good news of his well-being and to prove the old Proverb a Lyar which sayes Bad Newes hath wings and good Newes no legs Hypocon. Where did you meet your Master Trusty In Westminster-Hall Hypocon. How did he look Trusty Healthful and well Hypocon. Did he seem angry or pleas'd merry or sad Trusty Why he neither seem'd angry nor pleas'd merry nor sad which I wonder'd at for in Lawyers Courts and places of Judicature I never saw any face but was cloathed with a merry green countenance or a sad black countenance or a red cholerick face or a pale malicious face but my Masters face appeared like naked Truth and clean Temperance wash'd white with Innocency being plump with health and smooth with plenty Hypocon. But why did you leave him Trusty VVhy he commanded me so to doe and to run every step to tell you he was comming home and I chose as the wisest to run although I sweat for it than stay and have a broken Head Hypocon. VVell I give you here a twenty-shilling-piece to dry your sweat with a cup of Sack Exi Lady Trusty May all my labours be rewarded thus Maid Ioan. I perceive you take the gift as a due reward and not as my Ladies bounty Trusty Hold your prating what need we thank the Gods if Saints merit Heaven Exeunt Scene 44. Enter the Lady Sprightly and the Lord VVidower her Father LAdy Sprightly Sir I desire you would not think me undutiful to ask you a question for I hope I am not so much in your disfavour as not to resolve me since it is in your power Widower VVell what is 't that you would know Sprightly VVhether you are maried or not Widower VVhat if I am Mariage is lawful Sprightly Yes Sir but I doubt whether it be honourable or not for 't is said you are maried to my Chamber-maid Dol Subtilty Widower Perchance I am Sprightly Then I desire your Lordship will let me marry too Widower VVith all my heart and I shall do my part towards thy mariage but to whom would you be maried Sprightly Your Butler Sir Widower Out upon thee base Girl would you marry a Tapster Sprightly Why Sir a Tapster is as good as a piss-pot emptier besides they say you have done the fellow wrong for she they say was his by promise and if Conscience hath right he ought to have her and perhaps did not Ambition come in the way Affection might prevail wherefore to gratifie him you ought in justice to bestow me upon him Widower Well because you shall not marry my Butler I will not marry your Maid for the truth is I never had so low a thought But let me tell you it is in the way of disobedience to question a Fathers Actions and a presumption for a Child to think their Father is not wise enough to govern himself besides Children were ingrateful to Parents to desire that from them which they cannot or will not keep to themselves as neither to suffer a Father to marry or keep a Mistress Do Children think a Father is bound to so many Children and no more Sprightly Sir I dare answer for the part of Children that they would be well content that their Father should have Mistrisses but they would be unwilling and griev'd that their Fathers should be their Mistrisses slave whereby they incaptivate their Children or ruine their Estates Widower Well then inquire no more after any Mistris I shall have until you are incaptivated FINIS The Actors Names Sir William Lovewell and the Lady Hypocondria his wife Sir Henry Sage and the Lady Chastity his wife Sir Edward Courtly and the Lady Jealousie his Wife Sir Humphrey Disagree and the Lady Disagree his Wife Sir Thomas Cuckold and the Lady Wanton his wife Sir Timothy Spendall and the Lady Poverty his wife Sir Francis Inconstant and the Lady Inconstant his wife Monsieur Amorous The Lady Procurer Monsieur Disguise Mistris Single sister to the Lady Jealousie Master Make-peace Sir Humphrey Disagree's Friend Master Perswader the Lady Disagree's Chaplin Nan Lightheel and Many other Maid-Servants of the several Ladies Roger Trusty man to Sir VVilliam Lovewel and other men-servants of his and the rest of the Knights Raillery Jester the Lady Jealousies Fool THE Second Part of the PLAY Called the MATRIMONIAL TROUBLE A COME-TRAGEDY ACT I. Scene 1. Enter the Lady Procurer and Sir Henry Sage LAdy Procurer Sir Henry by reason my Lady is gone abroad I make bold to visit you Sage I perceive I am oblig'd to my Wifes absence for your Visit Madam Procurer 'Faith to tell you the truth we women had rather visit men when they are alone than when they have company Sage Then men and women agree better with particular than with the general Procurer They do so yet they love varietyes best Sage That 's natural for the Senses to delight in variety Procurer It is so and yet our Civil and Divine Laws have forbid the use of Varieties which me thinks is very unconscionable and unnatural Sage But if some of the natural Appetites and Actions were not restrain'd by Laws no Comman-wealth could subsist Procurer How did the Lacedemonians subsist they liv'd all in common and had not all Greece been imbroyl'd with VVars their Common-wealth might have lasted to this day Sage The Lacedemonians had stricter Lawes than the Common-wealth which we live in and are of for though they gave more liberty and freedom to some Actions than our Governments do yet they were stricter in others and breakers of their Lawes were more severely punish'd even in the smallest breach than the breakers of our Laws are almost in the greatest breach Procurer I am sure the Maker of the Lacedemonian Laws was a wise man and a kind-hearted man in Decreeing for the Increase of Mankind yet by some of his Laws he seem'd but a Sloven for he banish'd all curiosity and neatness and I believe many conveniences Also he seem'd to be a man of a weak stomach Sage He rather seem'd of a strong stomach and a greedy appetite by the course diet he brought men to live with but for my part If I should judge of the Lacedemonians Laws I should judge that they strove to bring men to
me weep doubting you Love me not you are so Jealous Monsieur Esperance By Heaven I love thee beyond my Soul wherefore forbear to weep if thou canst stop thy tears Madamoiselle Esperance Tears may be stopt unless they flow from an unrecoverable loss which Heaven forbid mine should yet sorrow oft doth stop the Spring from whence tears rise or else the Eyes do weep themselves quite blind Monsieur Esperance Pray dry yours Exeunt Scene 16. Enter Madamoiselle Bon alone MAdamoiselle Bon. O Man O Man How various and Inconstant are you all how cruell to betray our faint and unexperienced Sex bribing our Judgments with flattering words obscure our reasons with Clouds of Sighs drawing us into belief with protestations bind us with promises and vows forcing us to yield up our affections then murther us with scorn and bury us in forgetfullness but O how happy was I before I was betrayed by Love my heart was free my thoughts were pleasant and my humour gay but now my mind is a Garrison of cares my thoughts like runaways are wanderers Grief on my heart his heavy taxes layes Which through my Eyes my heart those taxes payes Exit Scene 17. Enter Madamoiselle Amor and at a distance seeth Monsieur Nobilissimo she speaks first as to her self MAdamoiselle Amor Love and Discretion sight duels in my mind one makes me Mute the other doth perswade me to prefer my Sute but why should I be nice to speak or be ashamed to woo with words when all our Sex doth woo with several dresses and smiles each civil courtesy doth plead Loves Sute then I will on Love give me Courage and Mercury guide my tongue She goeth as towards the Lord Nobilissimo Amor Noble Sir impute it rather as a folly to my Sex and Youth and not any impudence of Nature if that my Innocency discovers my passion and affection not having Craft or subtilty to conceal them but I must plainly tell you no sooner did I see you and hear you speak but loved but yet mistake me not I dote not on your person but your mind for sure your Noble Soul shot fire through my Eyes into my Heart there flames with pure affection but for this confession perchance you will set me as a mark of scorn for all to shoot their scofs at and in derision pointing will laugh and say there is the Maid that wooed a Man Nobilissimo Is this to me Lady Amor It cannot be to any other Nature could make but one and that was you Nobilissimo If this be real you do profess the Gods should they have sent an Angel down to offer me their Heavenly Mansion it had not been so great a gift as your affection Amor Do you not hate me then Nobilissimo Nothing I Love so well Amor And will you Love me ever Nobilissimo Yes ever for when my Body is dissolved Love shall live in my dust in spight of Death Amor And will you love none but me Nobilissimo An intire and undivided affection can be placed but upon one and that is you Amor May your constancy be as firm as my Love pure Exeunt Scene 18. Enter Madamoiselle La Belle and her four Suters Admiration Ambition Vainglory and Pride ADmirat Dear Mistriss stay that I may gaze upon you Then bow my knee as to the rising Sun Heave up my hands as when to Heaven I pray But being amaz'd know not one word I say Yet superstitiously I shall adore As my chief Goddess shall thy love implore And being worship'd you are deifi'd Your Godhead in your Beauty doth recide Vainglory Thou absolute Beauty for thy dear sake Of Lovers hearts a foot-stool shall be made A Cushion soft with Hopes fill'd full then laid For thee to stand and triumph on fair Maid And Lovers Souls shall from their bodyes fly For thee a Couch when weary on to ly Pride Thy Lovers tears for to invite thy rest In murmuring streams fall on thy marble brest And gentle sighs like whispering winds shall blow And fan thy Cheeks that Poets fire may glow Loves Melancholy thoughts like Clouds of night Like as thy Curtains drawn before thy sight For fear the Sun should trouble out of spight Thy Eyes repose being the greater light Ambition Sweet Beauty thou in a glorious Throne shall set The spangled Heaven seems but thy Counterfeit Thy Charriot shall be stuck with Eyes all gazing And oyld with Eloquent tongues that runs with praysing Drawn by large strong well shapt Commendations Guided by Fame about two several Nations La Belle Admiration Vainglory Pride and Ambition Why do you woo Beauty that is Deaf and Dumb That hears no praise nor adoration It seeth no hands heav'd up nor tears that fall It hath no tongue to answer Love withall It hath no Life no Soul where passion lies It neither gives nor takes instructions wise It is no solid Body you admire No substance but a shadow you desire FINIS THE ACTORS NAMES Monsieur Nobilissimo Monsieur Heroick his Brother Monsieur Esperance Monsieur Phantasie Monsieur Amy. Monsieur Poverty and other Gentlemen Madamoiselle Esperance Madamoiselle La Belle Madamoiselle Amour Madamoiselle Grand Esprit Madamoiselle Bon Madamoiselle Tell-truth Madamoiselle Spightfull Madamoiselle Malicious Madamoiselle Detractor THE SECOND PART OF NATURES three DAUGHTERS Beauty Love and Wit ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Madamoiselle Grand Esprit and her Audience GRand Esprit Great Fame my Prayers I direct to thee That thou wilt keep me in thy memory And place my Name in the large brazen Tower That neither Spight nor Time may it devour And write it plain that every age may see My Names inscrib'd to live eternally Let not Malice obstruct my Wit with spight But let it shine in its own clear light Noble and Right Honourable I divide my discourse into three parts as namely Vanity Vice and Wickedness Vanity lives in the Customs and Manners of men and Wickedness in the Souls of men Vices in the Senses of men as vain habits evill appetites and wicked passions as for Vanity and Vice they are commodities that are sold out of the Shops of Idleness Vice is sold by wholesale but Vanities are sold by retail the Buyers of these Commodities are Youth the Merchants are evil Customs and ill examples the Masculine youth buyes more Vice than Vanity and the Effeminate youth buyes more Vanity than Vice but they all buy as salt as they can be sold they will spare for not cost and will give any prices although it be their Healths Lives Fortunes or Reputations as for Wickedness it is inlayed into the soul like as Mosaick work and so close it is wrought therein as it makes it appear to be the soul it self but evill Education and Custome are the Artificers of this work and not natural Creation or divine infusion or inspiration from whence the Soul proceeds or is produced for neither the Gods nor Nature is the Author of Wickedness but Vanity Vice and
declared she will never marry Malicious That is all one for men will persue their desires and live of Hopes so long as there is any left Spightfull Well the worst come to the worst we shall only live old Maids Tell-truth But not old Virgins Exeunt Scene 20. Enter Madamoiselle Grand Esprit her two Sisters Madamoiselle Amor and Madamoiselle La Belle as Brides and Monsieur Nobilissimo and Monsieur Heroick his Brother as Bridegrooms and a Company of Bridal guests all as her Audience GRand Esprit Great Hymen I do now petition thee To bless my Sisters not to favour me Unless I were thy subject to obey But I am Diana's and to her do pray But give me leave for to decide the cause And for to speak the truth of marriage laws Or else through ignorance each man and wife May rebels prove by Matrimonial strife Noble and Right Honourable From the root of Self-love grows many several Branches as Divine Love Moral Love Natural and Sympathetical Love Neighbourly and Matrimonial Love Divine Love is the Love to the Gods Moral Love is the Love to Virtue Natural Love is the Love to Parents and Children Sympathetical Love is of Lovers or Friendships Neighbourly Love is the Love of Acquaintance and true Matrimonial Love is the Love of United Souls and Bodyes but I shall only insist or discourse at this time for my Sisters sakes of Matrimonial Love this Matrimonial Love is the first imbodyed Love that Nature created for as for Divine Love and Moral Love they are as incorporeal as the Soul and Sympathetical and Matrimonial Love which I will joyn as Soul and Body were before Natural or Neighbourly Love for Marriage beget Acquaintance and none lives so neer nor converses so much as man and wife and there was a Sympathy and Conjunction of each Sex before there were Children and there could be no Parents before there were Children thus Matrimonial Love was the first substantial Love and being the Original and producing Love ought to be honoured and preferr'd as the most perfect and greatest Love in Nature but mistake me not Noble and Right Honourable when I say the greatest Love in Nature I mean not the Supernatural Love as Divine Love as to the Gods but this Matrimonial Love I say is to be the most respected as the Original Love like as Nature is to be honoured and preferred before the Creatures she makes so Matrimonial Love ought to be respected first as being the cause of Friendly Sociable Neighbourly and Fatherly Love wherefore man and wife ought to forsake all the world in respect of each other and to prefer no other delight before each others good or content for the Love of Parents and Children or any other Love proceeding from Nature ought to be waved when as they come in Competition with the Love man and wife for though Matrimonial Love is not such a Divine Love as from man to the Gods yet it is as the Love of Soul and Body also it is as a Divine Society as being a Union but Right Honourable to tell you my opinion is that I belive very few are truly married for it is not altogether the Ceremony of the Church nor State that makes a true marriage but a Union and indissoluble Conjunction of Souls and Bodyes of each Sex wherefore all those that are allowed of as man and wife by the Church State and Laws yet they are but Adulterers unless their Souls Bodyes and Affections are united as one for it s not the joyning of hands speaking such words by Authentical persons nor making of vows and having Witnesses thereof that makes a true marriage no more than an Absolution without a Contrition makes a holy man wherefore dear Sisters and you two Heroick Worthies marry as you ought to do or else live single lives otherwise your Children will be of a Bastard kind and your associating but as Beasts which are worse than Birds for they orderly chuse their Mates and lovingly fly and live together and equally labour to build their nest to feed their young and Sympathetically live and love each other which order and love few married persons observe nor practice but after all this even those marriages that are the perfectest purest lovingest and most equallest and Sympathetically joyned yet at the best marriage is but the womb of trouble which cannot be avoided also marriage is the grave or tomb of Wit for which I am resolved for my part to live a single life associating my self with my own Thoughts marrying my self to my own Contemplations which I hope to conceive and bring forth a Child of Fame that may live to posterity and to keep a-live my Memory not that I condemn those that marry for I do worship married persons as accounting them Saints as being Martyrs for the good cause of the Common-wealth Sacrificing their own Happiness and Tranquillity for the weal publick for there is none that marries that doth not increase their Cares and Pains but marriage Unites into Familyes Familyes into Villages Villages into Cities Cities into Corporations Corporations into Common-wealths this increase keeps up the race of Mankind and causes Commerce Trade and Traffick all which associates men into an Agreement and by an Agreement men are bound to Laws by Laws they are bound to Punishments by Punishments to Magistrates and by Magistrates and Punishments to Obedience by Obedience to Peace and Defence in which Center of Peace my dear Sisters I wish you may live and be guarded with the Circumference of Defence that nothing may disturb or indanger you or yours and that you may live in true marriage and increase with united love blest with Virtuous Children and inrich'd with prudent Care and Industry also I wish and pray that Jealousy may be banished from your Thoughts Pains and Sickness from your Bodyes Poverty from your Familyes evill Servants from your Imployments Disobedience from your Children And that Death may not rob you of your breed But after your life your Children may succeed FINIS An Epilogue spoken by the Lady True-Love O How my heart doth ake when think I do How I a modest Maid a man did woo To be so confident to woo him here Upon the publick Stage to every Ear Men sure will censure me for mad if not To be in some unlucky Planet got Or else will tax me of dishonesty As seeming like a bold immodesty Well I have woo'd yet am I not despis'd But am by Virtuous honour highly priz'd Because my Love was spotless pure and Chast And on a noble worthy man was plac'd Then why should I blush weep or yet repent Or shun the wooing part to represent But rather joy and glory in my choice If you approve my Act pray giv 't a voice THE ACTORS NAMES The Arch-Prince The Lord Dorato The Lord Melancholy the Lord Doratoes Son Sir Thomas Gravity the Lord Doratoes Brother The Lady Gravity Sir Thomas's Wife The Lady Perfection the Lady Gravities
him to stir out no not so much as out his Lodgings but that 's not all for they will not suffer him to think for their Tongues disturb all his Meditations the one fills his Ears and Head with promises the other rants in threats the Prince strives to hire him with Wealth and Honour to marry his Neece and his Father stands ready if he denyes to load him with Curses 2 Man The Princes Hire will sooner bring him to consent than the Fathers Load Exeunt Scene 15. Enter Father and Son LOrd Dorato Son if you disobey my commands concerning this marriage as to refuse it by heavens fair light I swear I will load you with so many Curses as shall sink you down to Hell The Father goes out Lord Melancholy alone Lord Melancholy By Heavens fair light I swear I wish I were covered with the darkness of Death but my Fathers Curses may exclude me from Heavens blessings Enter a Servant Servant My Lord your Father desires your presence Exeunt Scene 16. Enter Mistriss Odd-Humour and her Maid Nan MIstriss Odd-Humour O Nan I have had such a misfortune as never was Nan What misfortune Mistriss Odd-Humour Why I was sitting in that little Chair you know I take delight to sit in and was singing of Ballads not expecting that any stranger would come into my Chamber without my notice but as I was sitting and singing in comes my Father and the Gentleman you told me of that was to be my Husband whereat I was so surprized as I forgot the Chair was so little I could not readily part from it I started up in a fright and run away the Chair being so little in the seat stood so close to me as it went a-long with me and my back being towards my Father and the Gentleman saw the Chair as it stuck to me the Gentleman seeing the Chair hanging there told my Father that he perceived that I his Daughter was of so lazy a Nature that rather than stay or want a seat I would have a Chair tyed to my breech whereupon he hath broak the agreement he made with my Father and my Father for anger hath vowed to break or burn my Chair O Nan what shall I do to save my Chair for to lose both Chair and Husband will be too great a loss Nan Which had you rather lose the Gentleman or the Chair Mistriss Odd-Humour O the Gentleman Nan for he will not do me half so much service as the Chair hath done me he will never bear with me as the Chair hath bore me and I perceive by his she humour and Courteous Nature that he would sooner break my head with a Chair than ease my hips with a Seat therefore good Nan devise some way to save my Chair from Execution and the fates I hope as a blessing to me have made the Chair a means to break the marriage betwixt this Gentleman and me Nan It seems he loves an active wife Mistriss Odd-Humour Faith all Fools love busy women Nan The best way is to speak to your Mother to pacify your Father Mistriss Odd-Humour I will take your advice Exeunt Scene 17. Enter the Lady Perfection LAdy Perfection And is he married Heavens send him joy and me patience Heaven Crown his life with Happiness and mine with Peace and may he have posterity that may live long and flourish high that may keep alive his memory though I should be forgotten in the grave yet Heaven grant his fame may live eternally Enter Lady Gravity Lady Gravity Daughter have you heard of your Husbands marriage Lady Perfection Yes Madam Lady Gravity 'T is reported that the Princess whom he is married to is ill-favoured foolish and peevish Lady Perfection He is too wise to consider outward favour and for wit he hath enough for himself and his wife and his sweet and noble Nature and behaviour will equalize her peevish humour Lady Gravity There are Balls Masks and Playes to be extraordinary for the joy of this marriage wherefore Daughter I desire you to adorn your self and appear in those Assemblyes Lady Perfection I shall obey you Madam Exeunt Scene 18. Enter Lord Melancholy and an old Servant of his SErvant I wonder your Lordship should be so Melancholy that hath wealth at will it is enough for such poor men as I to be Melancholy Lord Melancholy I would thou hadst my wealth so I had thy freedome Servant O Sir there is no Freedome in Poverry Lord Melancholy Nor no Poverty in Freedome for freedome is the wealth of the Gods Servant If it pleased the Gods would I was bound to Riches Lord Melancholy I wish thou wert so I was free of my Princesses Shackels Exeunt Scene 19. Enter Sir Thomas Gravity and his Lady LAdy Husband the Arch-Prince hath sent a Messenger to give us notice he will come and visit my Daughter Sir Thomas Gravity I hear he is much enamored with your Daughters Beauty since he saw her at the last Ball Lady I will go to her and make her dress her self fine to entertain him Sir Thomas Gravity Her Beauty is bravery enough wherefore she needs no other adornment but what Nature hath drest her in Lady But Art gives additions Exeunt Scene 20. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. The Emperor I hear is sending Embassadors to the Arch-Prince to treat of a marriage betwixt the Arch-Prince and the Emperors Daughter 2 Gent. The report is that she is a fair and Virtuous Lady and the Prince will have great advantages by the alliance with the Emperour 1 Gent. He will so wherefore I hope and pray that the match may be for the good of this Kingdome Exeunt Scene 21. Enter the Arch-Prince and the Lady Perfection ARch-Prince Fair Lady grant me your love and I will ask no more but what accompanyes it your person which I will make an equal to my self Lady Perfection Gracious Sir had I a Virgins Love and Person pure to equal it I would present it to your Highness but both my Love and Person have been wedded unto another man and though the Law hath made a divorce yet Death hath not dissolved the marriage Arch-Prince Heaven hath given you Virtue which keeps your person pure and like a precious Diamond doth remain for though it hath or should have several purchasers yet doth it lose nothing of its value or worth and though you have been wedded to another man your Virtuons Chastity is still as pure as in your Virgins Estate and by the Laws your person is set free and for the Love you gave may be called back or drawn away since 't is not entertained Lady Perfection 'T is true I am Chast and so I will remain and though the law hath set my person free my conscience is not yet at liberty nor will that love I gave away return no more than life that 's past rise from the Urn wherefore most noble Sir ask me not for that which I have not to give you Arch-Prince Equal
consent makes a happy marriage wherefore I desire your free consent but know if you refuse it t is in my power to have you without your consent either for a Mistriss or for a Wife Lady Perfection You have no power the power lives within my self for I can take away my life and a dead Mistriss or a dead Wife would neither be conversable nor pleasurable death is not amiable 't is rather a terrour than a delight Arch-Prince I will leave my Sute to your consideration ponder on it well and take good advice my Sute is honest and just a deniall may inveterate my passion and turn my pure love into a raging flame Exeunt Scene 22. Enter the Lord Melancholy he walks about the Room with his Hat pull'd over his forehead his Arms foulded his Eyes bent towards the ground then enters his Father to him the Lord Dorato LOrd Dorato Why how now Son shall I never find you with Company but always alone in a musing Melancholy posture Lord Melancholy I never did love much Company Sir Lord Dorato But methinks in honesty you might love the Company of your Wife Lord Melancholy Were my liberty equal to my Love I should not be often from her Lord Dorato Why who bars you from that liberty Lord Melancholy The Laws Sir Lord Dorato So I perceive you are discontented because you are barr'd from your Whore Lord Melancholy You are my Father but should another man have said so much I would make him prove it with his blood Lord Dorato Why the Laws have proved it Lord Melancholy Oh Heavens that Fathers should be so cruell have not you made me unhappy by forcing me to those actions that neither Conscience Honesty nor Honour can approve of and yet will you disturb my Life trouble my Thoughts and torture me with words Lord Dorato No no I love you so well as I would have you so happy as to be delighted with mirth and not to bury your self in Melancholy and despise those blessings Heaven bestows upon you as Wealth and Honour besides the blessing of Posterity for your Lady proves to be fruitfull being big with Child Lord Melancholy I am so unhappy my self I desire none but to please you Lord Dorato Come come pray let me perswade you to go to your wife the Princess and sit and talk with her for she is displeased she hath no more of your Company she complains and sayes she seldome sees you Lord Melancholy Her humour and mine are so different that we are happyest when we are fardest asunder Lord Dorato Let me tell you Son that all women love to be flattered and when they are not they are peevish cross and froward and therefore you must flatter her Lord Melancholy I must have a Tutor first to teach me Sir for I understand not the Art of flattery I never practise it Lord Dorato Time and Company Ambition and Covetousness will teach you that but the best Tutor is Cupid and the best Tutoress is Venus and you have been a lover Son Lord Melancholy Yes Sir in Hymens Court and there they use not much flattery Lord Dorato Not so much as in Venus and Cupids Courts but yet there are flatterers enough in Hymens both Male and Females but pray Son go to the Princess your wife Exeunt Scene 23. Enter Lady Perfection and her Nurse LAdy Perfection Nurse I hear the Arch-Prince is resolved to have me if not by fair perswasions by force Nurse And what woman would not be perswaded to be an Arch-Princess they need no inforcement Lady Perfection Not I unless I could be perswaded to be an Arch-Whore and if you went about to perswade me you would be an Arch-Bawd Nurse Come come there is none durst call you so is you were the Arch-Princesses nor call me Bawd neither Lady Perfection But they would think me so and think you a Bawd Nurse Thoughts are free and every one may think their pleasure and therefore let me perswade you in spite of thoughts to be an Arch-Princess Lady Perfection If I thought you did not speak in jest I should hate you in earnest Nurse What for giving you good Counsel Lady Perfection No for giving me wicked Counsel but I will give you better Counsel and my self too Nurse What Counsel is that Lady Perfection To forsake the World and to go to Heaven Nurse Faith I would not go to Heaven unless the Gods call me I love this World very well I have been long acquainted with it and I would not willingly part from an old friend Lady Perfection The World did never befriend any Body besides thou art so old as thy friend the World is run away from thee Nurse But howsoever I will stay in it as long as I can The Nurse goes out Enter the Lady Gravity Lady Gravity Daughter I am come to perswade you not to reject a good fortune for Fortunes favours are not profered every day Lady Perfection Nor are her favourites surer to continue in her favour long Lady Gravity But if I should command you to receive the Arch-Princes addresses and to consent to be his wife I hope you will not be less obedient to me than the Lord Melancholy hath been to his Father Lady Perfection If he to obey his Father forgot or neglected his obedience to Heaven you must pardon me if I do not follow his precepts not that I accuse him for perchance his Conscience hath acquitted him and set him free from fault and so from blame but mine doth not acquit me wherefore dear Mother do not perswade me against my Conscience I have had misfortunes enough to trouble my life I shall not need to add the guilt of Conscience and what can outward Title do me good what pleasure can I take when that my Mind or Soul is tortured with black guilt Lady Gravity No Heaven forbid I should perswade you against your Conscience but how will you avoid or escape the Princes inforcement Lady Perfection I have thought of a way that best suits with my Condition and Disposition which is to take a Religious habit and enter into a Religious Order for though I cannot vow Virginity nor a single life having a Husband and been used as a VVife yet I can vow Chastity and retirement and if I could be permitted into an Nunnery as perchance I cannot yet I would not go into any of them for there is too much Company in ordinary Nunneryes and I love solitariness wherefore I will live a kind of a Hermits life only my Nurse and I and that- little Tower my Father built for pleasure shall be my Cloyster and before it is publickly known I will send or go to the Fathers of the Church and acquaint them and strait Incloyster my self and there I shall be safe for the Prince dares not commit Sacrilege for Gods and men would rise against him if he did Lady Gravity Nor I dare not oppose your holy design Lady Perfection Dear Mother
speak not of it whilst I am in Lady Gravity I shall not betray the trust of my Child Exeunt Scene 24. Enter Mistriss Odd-Humour and her Maid Nan MIstriss Odd-Humour Nan have you saved the life of my Chair Nan Yes Mistriss but I was forced to tell a ly for it Mistriss Odd-humour God forgive thee Nan for I do and thank thee for my Chair but my Father doth so chide me as he makes me half a weary of my life and swears I have got the Green-Sickness with sitting lasily on that Chair Nan Truly Mistriss I think you have a spice of it for they that have the Green-Sickness have Odd-Humours for I know one that had it and the greatest pleasure she took in the VVorld was to smell musty Bottels and I knew another that took the like to smell old Shooes and I knew another that would eat the Leather of old Shooes and another that would eat Coals and they would refuse the best meat that could be eaten to eat such like things and the strangness is of that Disease that every several person in that Disease hath a several Odd-Humour or Appetite to several tasts and smells and they are never quiet or pleased but when they are eating or smelling such meats or sents they think of nothing else Mistriss Odd-Humour Faith Nan I doubt then I have a spice of that Disease for when I am a broad I long to be at home to sit in my Chair Nan Indeed all of that Disease are like longing women with Child and they will be sick if they have not their longing only those in the Green-Sickness take more delight in extravagant Appetites or Humours than women with Child usually do Mistriss Odd-Humour Nay some Childing women are as extravagant as those in the Green-Sickness for some long to eat Tar and the like meats and I heard of one woman who coming from Market wherein she had bought Butter as she was going home she followed a man with a Bald head and it did appear to her to be so smoth and slick as she long'd to clap on a pound of her Butter upon that Bald Crown and was sick untill she had done so and then was well and some Childing women long to give their Husbands boxes or blowes on the Ears or Cheeks Nan 'T is dangerous for Husbands to have their Childing wives apt to long for fear they should long to make them Cuckolds Mistriss Odd-Humour Faith women will long to make their Husbands Cuckolds whether they are with Child or not Nan But they dare not make known their longing no more than you dare sit in your Chair for fear your Father should discover it Mistriss Odd-Humour I will take such times as wives do to Cuckold their Husbands as in their Husbands absence so I will sit in my Chair when my Father is abroad and you shall be the spy to watch his coming home then give me warning or notice thereof Nan So I shall be as the Bawd between the Chair and you Mistriss Odd-Humour Why Nan a Bawd is one of the most thriving professions that is and let me tell thee that Pimping and Bawding is in such esteem and respect in this age as great persons doe not scorn to be of that profession nay they will bawd and pimp gratis rather than not be imployed Nan It seems then they take delight in the imployment Mistriss Odd-Humour Oh yes those that take delight in secrecy take delight in bawdery the same delight Adulterours take for 't is not so much out of love to each others person as to meet by stealth and to have obscure entercourses as to lay their designs subtily to make excuses readily to meet privately for all the pleasure is in lying designing and abusing and if it were not for the delight to deeds of darkness there would not be an Adultery committed in any Age but every one takes delight to act the part of a Mountebank or Jugler to coosen deceive or delude Nan But some take delight to act the Fool Mistriss Odd-Humour Oh that 's a natural part to most of the World they need no art to reach them but come Nan le ts go see if my Father be gone abroad Nan But if your Father be abroad your Mother will be at home Mistriss Odd-Humour She will be no hinderance for my Mother will wink at my Extravagant follyes and my Childish humours Exeunt ACT III Scene 25. Enter the Arch-Prince and the Lord Dorato ARch-Prince I wonder the Messenger is not returned from the Lady Perfection Lord Dorato I hope your Highness doth not intend to marry her Arch-Prince Why not she is a virtuous Lady Lord Dorato She is but my Sons leavings Arch-Prince Virtue cannot be sullyed Lord Dorato But Sir pray consider the advantages that you will lose by refusing the Emperors Daughter besides the Emperor will take it as an affront and will endeavour to revenge it with Fire and Sword for certainly he will make a war with you Arch-Prince Why if he should I make no question but I shall be able to incounter him at least to resist him Lord Dorato But now Sir you live in a happy peace wherein all your Subjects grow rich and your Kingdome flourishes with plenty and your Highness lives in pleasure and magnificence all which a VVar may bring to ruine there is nothing got by VVars Sir the venturers are losers wherefore good Sir consider what danger at least trouble you will bring upon your self by this Marriage Enter Messenger Arch-Prince How comes it you staid so long Messenger I could no see the Lady Arch-Prince Would no she be seen Messenger No Sir but after a long stay the Lady her Mother came to me to receive your Highnesses Letter and the Message your Highness sent by me which when I had delivered she bid me present her humble duty to your Highness and to pray you to put her Daughter out of your thoughts at least not to think of her for a VVife for she had taken a Religious Habit and had put her self into a Religious Order wherein she would pray for your Highness as long as she lived The Prince stamps Arch-Prince Oh Fool that I was that I did not prevent it Lord Dorato Your Highness did not know she would enter into a Religious Habit and Order Arch-Prince But I might have mistrusted it by her refusal but I will endeavour to get her out perchance she hath not made her Vows yet Exeunt Scene 26. Enter the Lord Melancholy alone LOrd Melancholy And is she entered into a Religious Order I am glad of it for it will be some ease and rest unto my restless Soul that she is safe and well secured Enter a Lady Attendant Lady My Lord the Princess desires your Company for she hath grumbling pains as if she would fall in labour Exeunt Scene 27. Enter two Ladyes 1 LAdy Have you seen the new Devote yet 2 Lady Yes with much ado for she will
Marriage Nuptials but are you ready Wife for our second Marriage Lady Perfection I am now ready to go into the Bed of Earth Enter two Fathers which take hold of the Lord Melancholy and pull him gently from the Grate Religious Father Hold and stain not this sacred places with murderers blood Lady is this the Devotion profess wickedly to murther your self Lady Perfection Father know I accounted self Death no wickedness and I will venture on my own belief Religious Father But the Church hath power to absolve you now if you desire personly to meet Lady Perfection Yes such power as the Laws had to dissolve our Marriage but the Churches absolving can no more acquit my Conscience from my Devoted Vow than the Laws could from my Marriage Vow Religious Father Pray give us leave to plead Lady Perfection Take it Religious Father You have vowed Chastity and a retir'd Incloystered life Lady Perfection I have so Religious Father Why then marry this Lord again and let him make the same Vow and enter into the same Cloyster and into the same Religious Order of Chastity and being Man and Wife you are but as one person so that if you be constant and true to your selves you keep the Vow of Chastity for what is more Chast than lawfull Marriage and Virtuous Man and Wife Lady Perfection Husband are you willing to make the Vow of Chastity and to live an Incloystered life Lord Melancholy I am all will to that Vow and life for so I shall enjoy thy Soul and Body and good Father re-marry us and then I will thank you for Life and Wife Religious Father First you shall make your Vow then take a Religious Habit and then be re-married and go along with us and we will order you fixt for to enter into this Religious Order of Chastity and if you be both happy in life as sure you will thank your Nurse who hearing your cruell and as I may say irreligious design informed us and placing us within a Loby we heard you and saw you though you knew not that we did so for you had barr'd the outward Door but being within we were ready to come forth and hinder you as we did Lord Melancholy Well Father since you have hindered our Deaths pray make me sit to enjoy Life my Heaven of Life or Life of Heaven Religious Father Come then Exeunt Scene 36. Enter Mistriss Odd-Humour and her Maid Nan Mistriss Odd-Humour weeps NAn Why do you weep Mistriss Mistriss Odd-Humour Because my Father will have me marry Nan Many young Maids weep because they cannot get Husbands but few weep to enjoy one Mistriss Odd-Humour I do not cry because I shall have a Husband but because I shall have a Foot to my Husband Nan There are few wise Husbands and fewer wise Men Mistriss Odd-Humour What difference is betwixt a wise Husband and a wise Man Nan Why a wise Husband is to rule and govern his Wife well but a wise Man is to rule and govern himself well and there is more that can tell how to rule and govern others than themselves like as there may be good Kings and not good Men and good Men and not good Kings or as there may be good Teachers as Preachers and not good practisers so this Gentleman you are to marry may be a wise Husband although not a wise Man Mistriss Odd-Humour But he will be both a foolish Husband and a foolish Man Nan If he prove a foolish Husband you have no reason to cry for then you will have the more Liberty Mistriss Odd-Humour The more liberty to be a Fool you mean Nan Indeed liberty to women makes them rather foolish than wise for women know not how to use liberty discreetly for when they have liberty they run beyond the bounds of discretion Mistriss Odd-Humour Faith if I marry this same Gentleman that my Father sayes I shall I shall run beyond the bounds of Matrimony Nan That is to run into your Neighbours Bed Exeunt Scene 37. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. Do you hear of the new Religious Order 2 Gent. What new Religious Order 1 Gent. Why the Order of Chastity in marriage 2 Gent. That 's a new Order indeed never heard of before at least not practised but this Order if it continue will make marriage as Religious in life as the marriage of Saints 1 Gent. Why the marriage of men and women is a type of the marriage of Saints 2 Gent. But the type often commits Adultery and for my part I would not be one of that Religious Order 1 Gent. No for on my Conscience I believe you would disorder the Order 2 Gent. But who hath brought up this foolish new Order 1 Gent. The Lord Melancholy and the Lady Perfection who are re-married and have both vowed Chastity in marriage and an Incloystered life and have taken a Religious Habit 2 Gent. The more unwise they that will bind themselves so strictly 1 Gent. So honestly 2 Gent. I hate honesty that way or that way of honesty 1 Gent. You hate that way of honesty because you love the wayes of Adultery Exeunt Scene 38. Enter the Arch-Prince and the Lord Dorato as at the Grate the Curtain is drawn and there appears the Lord Melancholy and the Lady Perfection his Wife as two Religious Devotes both in Religious Habits like to the Normitans they bow like the Religious with their heads downwards and bodyes bent forward ARch-Prince I come not to complain nor reprove your Chast wife for denying my Sute nor am I come only to give you joy of your new marriage but your new Religious Order of Chastity in marriage which Order I believe that few besides your self will enter into Lord Melancholy Then few will be so happy Sir as we are Arch-Prince Indeed happiness lives more in Cloysters than in Courts or Cities or private families but my Lord Dorato your Father here will want the comfort of your Company which should be a Partner with him in the Rule and Government of his Family and Fortunes Lord Melancholy I have left him a Grand-Son Sir to be a comfort to him in my absence and I wish he may prove as obedient to him as I have done Lord Dorato Faith Son the first time of your marriage was without my knowledge or consent but howsoever now I wish you joy and for your sake I will never cross Matrimonial Love whilst I live and I hope God will bless you both so as that you may beget a Religious Generation Arch-Prince All the Children they beget and bring up must be of the Religious Orders Lord Dorato If they will follow their Parents purities and precepts they will Arch-Prince There may proceed from these two a great Generation which may spread all over the World and be famous for Piety and Acts of Devotion Lord Melancholy I hope your Highnesses words are Prophecies of what is to come Arch-Prince I wish they prove so farewell all happiness dwell
with you both Both Long may your Highness live and flourish They kneel to their Father Lord Dorato My blessing on you both Exeunt FINIS THE ACTORS NAMES Sir William Admirer and many other Gentlemen Lady Peaceable Lady Solitary Lady Censurer Lady Examination Lady Bridlehead Lady Kindeling Lady Gadder Lady Faction and a Matron THE COMICAL HASH ACT I. Scene 1. Enter a Company of young Gentlemen and two or three young Ladyes as the Lady Gadder the Lady Kindeling and the Lady Bridlehead KIndeling My Dear Gadder Gadder My sweet Kindeling They imbrace and kiss each other Gentleman Faith Ladyes Nature never made women to kiss each other and therefore 't is unnatural and being unnatural it is unlawfull and being unlawfull it ought to be forbidden Gadder Yes you would have us kiss you men Gentleman No Ladies we men will kiss you women if you please to give us leave Bridlehead You will take leave sometimes Gentleman 'T is when we think we shall not be refus'd or at least not to be disfavour'd for it The Ladies kiss again Gentleman VVhat kissing again faith Ladies you will make us believe by your often kissing that you desire we should kiss you and with that belief we may run into an error if it be an error to kiss a fair Lady Kindeling Fye fye you men are odd Creatures Gentleman No you women are odd Creatures when you are not with us men Kindeling Preethy Gadder and Bridlehead let us go do something to pass away our time Gadder VVhat shall we do Bridlehead Let us go to Cards Gadder Faith I have made a Vow not to play for money Bridlehead VVe will play for Sweet-meats Kindeling No preethy let us play for a Sack Possit Gadder O no we will play for Sweet-meats Kindeling I say a Sack Possit Gadder Let the most voices carry it Gentleman I will speak for the men we say a Sack Possit for that will make us both good Company in the eating the Possit and after 't is eaten whereas Sweet-meats will make us heavy and dull Gadder Well then let us go play for a Sack Possit Bridlehead Faith a Sack Possit will make me drunk Gentleman You will be the better Company Lady Kindling Fye Bridlehead you should not say drunk but your head giddy Gentleman That is better than to be drunk for a giddy head hath a light heel Exeunt Scene 2. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. The Lord Poverty is a gallant Noble person 2 Gent. They are gallant and Noble that are Rich and titled Honour without Means is like a Body without a Soul 1 Gent. You are mistaken friend it is rather a Soul without a Body 2 Gent. Alas titled Honour without Means to maintain it is despised 1 Gent. If the person hath Merit worthy of his titled Honour that titled Honour is worthy to be respected and bowed to by all inferiour persons nay put the case that Honourable titles are placed upon Unworthy persons yet all ought to give respect to those Titles and to do homage thereunto though not unto the Person yet because it comes from a lawfull and Supreme power as Natural rays of light do from the Sun and those that strive through envy and through spite for to Eclipse the light deserve to be in a perpetual darkness so those that do detract from titled Honours ought never to be honoured with Titles or respect 2 Gent. Why 't is not only I that have no such titles of Honour that speaks against them but those that do possess them and their fore-fathers long before them 1 Gent. They that do so ought to be degraded as being unworthy to wear the badge or mark of their fore-fathers Merits or heroick Acts for they do shew they have none of their own but those that get their own Honours by their own Merits and worthy Actions deserve them best for they like as a clear and glorious day appear for oft-times their posterity like Clouds begot from gross and drowsie Earth strive to quench out their Fathers flaming Honours and by their Baseness obscure the light of their fore-fathers great and glorious Fame and in the end bury themselves in dark Oblivion as vanishing to nothing as being never mentioned nor remembred but those that for their loyalty and their fidelity unto their King and Country have hazarded lives and lost their liberties and Estates and are grown poor for Honesties sake and Virtuous causes yet they in after Ages will live with great renown for 't is not in the power of spite to pull them down for the Gods give Fame to Noble Actions as Kings give titled Honours though men that are base will not relieve them yet Fame will remember them and though base men will rail against them yet Fame will praise them and though they dye with Poverty and should end their lives in a foul Ditch yet shall that Ditch be honoured by their Death more than the rich unworthy man be honoured by his stately Tombs and costly Funerals Exeunt Scene 3. Enter the Lady Solitary and the Lady Examination EXamination What 's the matter with you to day Lady Solitary you look as if you were in a married humour Solitary Why Lady Examination what humour is a married humour Examination Why a masse of ill humours mixt or put together as a lumpish dumpish dull stupid humour or a pievish fretting pining whining humour or a brawling yawling quarrelling scoulding humour or a jealous suspicious humour or a fawning feigning dissembling humour Solitary If these humours are woven into the marriage knot I will never marry for I would be loth to have the peace of my life strangled in discontent for whosoever be subject to these humours can never be happy Examination You will change your mind and rather live with these humours than without a Husband but I am come now to fetch you abroad for their is a Company of sociable Ladyes and gallants that have made a meeting some league of where there will be Mirth Jollity Plenty and Pleasure and they desire you will be sociable for once and go along with them Solitary Would you have the Body which is the habitation of the Mind a wanderer travelling from place to place disturbing the mind with unprofitable journeys Examination No I would have it remove so as it may always situate it self in a wholsome profitable plentifull pleasant and pleasurable place Solitary I perceive you prefer the pleasures of the Body before the delight of the Mind Examination Why the mind can take no delight without the body for the body gives the mind a being and habitation for there would be no mind if there were no body but if there could be a mind without a body yet the mind could receive no delight without the pleasure of the body for the pleasure of the body is the delight of the mind and not the delight of the mind the pleasure of the body for the mind doth never give nor return wherefore come away and leave
no comfort left upon the Earth Let me consider Vegitable birth The new born virgin Lilly of the day In a few hours dyes withers away And all the odoriferous flow'rs that 's sweet Breath but a while and then with Death do meet The stouter Oak at last doth yield and must Cast his rough skin and crumble all to dust But what do Sensitives alas they be Beasts Birds and flesh to dy as well as we And harder minerals though longer stay Here for a time yet at the last decay And dye as all things else that 's in this World For into Deaths Arms every thing is hurll'd Alass poor man thou' rt in the worst Estate Thou diest as these yet an unhappier fate Thy life 's but trouble still of numerous passions Torments thy self in many various fashions Condemn'd thou art to vexing thoughts within When Beasts both live and dye without a sin O happy Beasts than grasing look no higher Or are tormented with thoughts Flaming fire Thus by thy self and others still annoid And made a purpose but to be destroyed Poor Man Here ends my Lord Marquesses Verses Muses some short time then kneels to the Tomb again and prayes as to her self then rises and bows to the Tomb so Exit Scene 14. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. What news Sir of our Armies abroad 2 Gent. Why Sir thus in the time of our Masculine Armies recruiting the Female Army had taken the Fort they besieged where upon the taking of that Fort many considerable Towns and strong holds surrendred and submitted to the Female Army whereupon the Lady Victoria sent to her Husband to bring his Army when the General and all the Masculine Army came to the Female Army much mirth and jesting there was betwixt the Heroicks and Heroickesses and so well they did agree as the Female Army feasted the Masculine Army and then gave the possession of the surrendred Towns to the Lord General and the Lady Victoria and all her Army kept themselves in and about the Fort laying all their victorious spoils therein and whilst the Masculine Army is gone to Conquer the Kingdome of Faction they stay there upon the Frontiers passing their time in Heroick sports as hunting the Stags wild Boars and the like and those that have the good Fortune to kill the Chase is brought to the Fort and Trenches in Triumph and is Queen untill another Chase is kill'd but we hear the Masculine Army goeth on with victorious success 1 Gent. I am very glad to hear it Exeunt Scene 15. Enter Doll Pacify and Nell Careless NEll Careless O Doll I hear thy Lady is married and not only married but she hath married a very young man one that might be her Grand-Son or Son at least Doll Pacify Yes yes my Lady doth not intend to live with the dead as your Lady doth but to have the Company and pleasure of that which hath most life which is a young man Nell Careless Her marriage was very sudden Doll Pacify So are all inconsiderated marriages but happy is the wooing that is not long a doing Nell Careless If I had been your Lady I would have prolonged the time of my wooing for the wooing time is the happiest time Doll Pacify Yes if she had been as young as you or your Lady but time bids my Lady make haste Exeunt Scene 16. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. Do you hear the news 2 Gent. What news 1 Gent. Why the news is that all the Kingdome of Faction hath submitted to the Kingdome of Reformation and that the Armies are returning home 2 Gent. I am glad of it Exeunt Scene 17. Enter Madam Passionate alone MAdam Passionate O unfortunate woman that I am I was rich and lived in plenty none to control me I was Mistriss of my self Estate and Family all my Servants obeyed me none durst contradict me but all flattered me filling my Ears with praises my Eyes with their humble bow and respectfull behaviours devising delightfull sports to entertain my time making delicious meats to please my palat sought out the most comfortable drinks to strengthen and encrease my Spirits thus did I live luxuriously but now I am made a Slave and in my old Age which requires rest and peace which now Heaven knows I have but little of for the minstrels keep me waking which play whilst my Husband and his Whores dance and he is not only contented to live riotously with my Estate but sits amongst his Wenches and rails on me or else comes and scoffs at me to my face besides all my Servants slight and neglect me following those that command the purse for this idle young fellow which I have married first seized on all my goods then let Leases for many lives out of my Lands for which he had great fines and now he cuts down all my VVoods and sells all my Lands of Inheritance which I foolishly and fondly delivered by deed of gift the first day I married devesting my self of all power which power had I kept in my own hands I might have been used better whereas now when he comes home drunk he swears and storms and kiks me out of my warm Bed and makes me sit shivering and shaking in the Cold whilst my Maid takes my place but I find I cannot live long for age and disorders bring weakness and sickness and weakness and sickness bring Death wherefore my marriage Bed is like to prove my grave whilst my Husbands Curses are my passing Bell hay ho Exit Scene 18. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. I hear the Army is returning home 2 Gent. Yes for they are returned as far back as to the Effeminate Army and all the Masculine Commanders have presented all the Female Commanders with their spoils got in the Kingdome of Faction as a tribute to their heroical acts and due for their assistance and safety of their lives and Country 1 Gent. And do not you hear what privileges and honours the King and his Counsel hath resolved and agreed upon to be given to the Female Army and the honours particularly to be given the Lady Victoria 2 Gent. No 1 Gent. Why then I will tell you some the Lady Victoria shall be brought through the City in triumph which is a great honour for never any one makes triumphs in a Monarchy but the King himself then that there shall be a blank for the Female Army to write their desires and demands also there is an Armour of gold and a Sword a making the hilt being set with Diamonds and a Chariot all gilt and imbrodered to be presented to the Lady Victoria and the City is making great preparation against her arrival 2 Gent. Certainly she is a Lady that deserves as much as can be given either from Kings States or Poets Exeunt Scene 19. Enter the Lady Jantil as being sick brought by two men in a Chair and set by the Tomb of her dead Lord and many Servants and Friends about her weeping MAdam Iantil. VVhere