hope_v i_o desire_v to_o forsake_v all_o my_o sin_n now_o the_o scripture_n say_v 1_o joh._n 1._o 9_o if_o we_o confess_v our_o sin_n he_o be_v faithful_a and_o just_a to_o forgive_v we_o our_o sin_n and_o to_o cleanse_v we_o from_o all_o unrighteousness_n and_o prov._n 28._o 13._o whoso_o confess_v and_o forsake_v his_o sin_n shall_v have_v mercy_n i_o hope_v i_o do_v not_o allow_v myself_o in_o any_o sin_n but_o desire_v power_n against_o it_o as_o well_o as_o pardon_v of_o it_o yea_o the_o sin_n i_o be_o most_o incline_v to_o though_o my_o heart_n be_v often_o apt_a to_o go_v out_o after_o it_o the_o lord_n forgive_v it_o yet_o i_o hope_v it_o be_v my_o earnest_a desire_n that_o i_o may_v have_v strength_n against_o it_o the_o lord_n help_v i_o to_o say_v with_o david_n psal_n 18._o 23._o i_o be_v upright_o before_o he_o and_o keep_v myself_o from_o my_o iniquity_n i_o hope_v i_o desire_v from_o my_o soul_n to_o mourn_v for_o heart-sin_n as_o hardness_n and_o deadness_n and_o wander_n and_o distraction_n in_o duty_n etc._n etc._n i_o hope_v this_o be_v a_o good_a sign_n that_o i_o be_o if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o real_o trouble_v for_o secret_a sin_n which_o the_o world_n know_v nothing_o of_o and_o that_o i_o do_v not_o allow_v sinful_a thought_n i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o mourn_v for_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o land_n and_o to_o lay_v to_o heart_n the_o great_a dishonour_v do_v to_o god_n by_o other_o i_o hope_v there_o be_v a_o change_n wrought_v in_o i_o and_o that_o i_o be_o a_o new_a creature_n 2_o cor._n 5._o 17._o if_o i_o be_o a_o new_a creature_n than_o i_o be_o in_o christ_n i_o hope_v so_o because_o there_o be_v such_o strive_n and_o fight_n in_o i_o against_o sin_n such_o struggle_n between_o the_o flesh_n and_o the_o spirit_n there_o be_v certain_o a_o resist_n of_o sin_n if_o my_o heart_n do_v not_o wonderful_o deceive_v i_o now_o mr._n n._n use_v to_o say_v it_o be_v true_a grace_n to_o resist_v sin_n it_o be_v strong_a grace_n to_o conquer_v sin_n i_o consider_v how_o it_o be_v with_o paul_n rom._n 7._o he_o say_v there_o be_v a_o law_n in_o his_o member_n warring_n against_o the_o law_n of_o his_o mind_n and_o the_o evil_a that_o he_o will_v not_o do_v that_o he_o do_v methinks_v it_o be_v so_o with_o i_o sometime_o i_o hope_v this_o strive_v and_o struggle_v be_v a_o sign_n i_o be_o not_o dead_a in_o sin_n and_o trespass_n for_o a_o dead_a man_n strive_v not_o move_v not_o i_o beg_v of_o god_n often_o and_o hearty_o that_o i_o may_v be_v sincere_a and_o upright_a and_o hope_v i_o have_v from_o my_o heart_n many_o time_n pray_v with_o david_n that_o god_n will_v search_v i_o and_o try_v i_o in_o mercy_n and_o find_v out_o if_o there_o be_v any_o way_n of_o wickedness_n in_o i_o if_o there_o be_v any_o sin_n that_o lie_v hide_v in_o my_o soul_n and_o have_v be_v glad_a when_o minister_n have_v come_v to_o examination_n that_o so_o i_o may_v try_v myself_o especial_o in_o my_o young_a year_n when_o i_o hear_v mr._n n._n and_o use_v to_o try_v myself_o by_o character_n that_o he_o lay_v down_o and_o have_v then_o find_v comfort_n and_o great_a hope_n of_o a_o work_n of_o grace_n wrought_v in_o i_o and_o wonder_v how_o those_o that_o hear_v that_o soul-awakening_a minister_n can_v bear_v it_o if_o they_o do_v not_o find_v god_n have_v be_v at_o work_n in_o their_o soul_n i_o do_v remember_v when_o i_o be_v young_a what_o delight_n i_o take_v in_o hear_v that_o good_a man_n and_o have_v be_v as_o it_o be_v in_o a_o corner_n of_o heaven_n i_o have_v often_o have_v my_o heart_n quicken_v warm_v and_o much_o draw_v out_o to_o god_n now_o though_o to_o my_o shame_n i_o may_v write_v it_o i_o have_v abate_v much_o in_o my_o zeal_n and_o love_n to_o god_n and_o his_o way_n since_o i_o have_v have_v more_o to_o do_v with_o the_o world_n and_o a_o family_n to_o provide_v for_o yet_o i_o desire_v to_o remember_v the_o day_n of_o old_a the_o year_n of_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o the_o most_o high_a and_o hope_v i_o may_v take_v comfort_n from_o the_o experience_n i_o have_v have_v former_o remember_v where_o grace_n be_v once_o wrought_v it_o shall_v never_o be_v extinguish_v who_o christ_n love_v once_o he_o love_v to_o the_o end_n and_o that_o god_n never_o repent_v that_o he_o give_v grace_n to_o any_o i_o hope_v though_o by_o my_o sin_n i_o have_v cause_v the_o lord_n much_o to_o depart_v from_o i_o for_o many_o year_n that_o i_o do_v not_o meet_v with_o such_o quicken_a and_o comfort_n in_o duty_n as_o former_o yet_o that_o i_o do_v not_o content_v myself_o in_o this_o condition_n but_o desire_v to_o have_v my_o soul_n follow_v hard_o after_o god_n to_o lament_v after_o he_o and_o do_v i_o hope_v prize_v a_o smile_n from_o he_o and_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n above_o the_o whole_a world_n and_o do_v often_o pray_v with_o david_n psal_n 4._o when_o other_o say_v who_o will_v show_v we_o any_o good_a that_o god_n will_v lift_v up_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n upon_o i_o and_o i_o desire_v with_o the_o spouse_n to_o seek_v he_o who_o i_o hope_v i_o may_v say_v at_o least_o my_o soul_n desire_v to_o love_v i_o hope_v it_o be_v a_o good_a sign_n that_o i_o have_v frequent_a thought_n of_o god_n and_o do_v often_o lift_v up_o my_o heart_n to_o he_o as_o when_o i_o lie_v down_o at_o night_n and_o awake_v in_o the_o morning_n i_o desire_v my_o first_o and_o last_o thought_n may_v be_v with_o god_n i_o hope_v i_o may_v say_v with_o david_n i_o desire_v to_o set_v the_o lord_n always_o before_o i_o psal_n 16._o 8._o i_o hope_v i_o be_o desirous_a and_o willing_a to_o yield_v obedience_n to_o all_o the_o commandment_n of_o god_n and_o not_o to_o pick_v and_o choose_v i_o hope_v i_o will_v not_o allow_v myself_o in_o the_o omission_n of_o any_o duty_n now_o christ_n say_v you_o be_v my_o disciple_n if_o you_o do_v whatsoever_o i_o command_v you_o joh._n 15._o 14._o i_o hope_v i_o have_v from_o my_o heart_n pray_v many_o time_n that_o god_n will_v make_v know_v to_o i_o how_o i_o shall_v walk_v to_o please_v he_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v patient_o to_o continue_v in_o well-doing_n and_o to_o wait_v upon_o god_n though_o i_o do_v not_o meet_v with_o he_o now_o there_o be_v a_o promise_n of_o blessedness_n to_o they_o that_o wait_v for_o he_o isa_n 30._o 18._o and_o the_o promise_n be_v rom._n 2._o 7._o to_o they_o who_o by_o patient_a continuance_n in_o well-doing_n seek_v for_o glory_n and_o honour_n and_o immortality_n that_o god_n will_v give_v eternal_a life_n i_o hope_v i_o desire_v my_o will_n may_v be_v according_a to_o god_n will_n and_o will_v do_v better_a than_o i_o do_v now_o if_o i_o be_o but_o real_o willing_a though_o i_o have_v many_o fail_n and_o fall_v infinite_o short_a yet_o it_o be_v say_v 2_o cor._n 8._o 12._o where_o there_o be_v a_o willing_a mind_n it_o be_v accept_v according_a to_o what_o a_o man_n have_v and_o not_o according_a to_o what_o he_o have_v not_o and_o our_o saviour_n speak_v gracious_o to_o his_o disciple_n when_o he_o find_v they_o asleep_o mat._n 26._o 41._o the_o spirit_n true_o be_v willing_a but_o the_o flesh_n be_v weak_a i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o be_v merciful_a to_o they_o who_o be_v in_o misery_n and_o have_v sometime_o be_v glad_a of_o a_o opportunity_n though_o the_o lord_n forgive_v too_o backward_o at_o other_o time_n now_o our_o lord_n say_v bless_a be_v the_o merciful_a for_o they_o shall_v obtain_v mercy_n mat._n 5._o 7._o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o cleanse_v myself_o from_o all_o filthiness_n of_o flesh_n and_o spirit_n to_o have_v my_o heart_n purify_v now_o it_o be_v say_v bless_a be_v the_o pure_a in_o heart_n for_o they_o shall_v see_v god_n mat._n 5._o 8._o i_o hope_v i_o have_v count_v the_o cost_n what_o it_o may_v cost_v i_o to_o be_v a_o christian_a indeed_o and_o be_o full_o resolve_v in_o the_o strength_n of_o christ_n to_o let_v all_o go_v for_o he_o it_o be_v my_o desire_n and_o earnest_a prayer_n i_o hope_v from_o my_o very_a heart_n that_o if_o god_n call_v i_o to_o it_o i_o may_v be_v enable_v to_o lay_v down_o my_o life_n for_o his_o sake_n now_o christ_n say_v he_o that_o forsake_v house_n or_o brethren_n or_o sister_n or_o father_n or_o mother_n or_o wife_n or_o child_n or_o land_n for_o his_o name_n be_v sake_n shall_v receive_v a_o hundred-fold_n and_o inherit_v everlasting_a life_n mat._n 19_o 29._o and_o he_o that_o lose_v his_o life_n shall_v find_v it_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v if_o i_o be_o call_v to_o it_o to_o
of_o it_o the_o devil_n thanks_o be_v to_o god_n who_o have_v give_v he_o and_o assure_v we_o of_o the_o victory_n through_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n to_o he_o be_v glory_n throughout_o all_o the_o church_n for_o ever_o amen_n the_o character_n and_o trial_n of_o a_o real_a christian_a now_o follow_v out_o of_o his_o own_o paper_n the_o manner_n of_o his_o examine_v his_o heart_n and_o life_n state_n and_o frame_n and_o the_o result_n thereof_o record_v and_o write_v for_o his_o support_n in_o after-difficulty_n some_o may_v be_v excite_v by_o it_o to_o a_o imitation_n and_o other_o find_v encouragement_n by_o what_o relieve_v he_o against_o his_o doubt_n and_o fear_n and_o enable_v he_o to_o persevere_v even_o without_o full_a assurance_n henry_n gearing_n though_o i_o have_v be_v under_o much_o hardness_n and_o deadness_n for_o many_o year_n yet_o i_o think_v good_a for_o my_o encouragement_n here_o to_o record_v god_n goodness_n to_o i_o sometime_o by_o look_v over_o my_o book_n in_o which_o i_o have_v write_v down_o in_o shorthand_n every_o night_n how_o it_o be_v with_o i_o in_o the_o day_n i_o find_v that_o i_o have_v sometime_o be_v quicken_v and_o affect_v in_o prayer_n often_o in_o family-prayer_n at_o night_n on_o the_o lord_n day_n though_o i_o begin_v very_o much_o indispose_v yet_o it_o please_v god_n to_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n in_o earnest_a desire_n and_o i_o have_v have_v some_o melt_n more_a than_o usual_a at_o other_o time_n in_o family-prayer_n at_o night_n i_o have_v be_v more_o than_o ordinary_o affect_v and_o sometime_o under_o the_o word_n preach_v once_o at_o the_o morning_n lecture_n when_o i_o hear_v a_o sermon_n of_o buy_v the_o pearl_n of_o price_n at_o other_o time_n i_o find_v i_o be_v affect_v great_o in_o family_n prayer_n so_o as_o scarce_o to_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v for_o weep_v at_o another_o time_n i_o have_v record_v how_o i_o be_v quicken_v by_o hear_v a_o sermon_n of_o mr._n swinnock_n on_o that_o text_n he_o will_v not_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n at_o several_a other_o time_n have_v have_v lively_a affection_n in_o secret_a prayer_n often_o in_o my_o walk_n to_o clapham_n i_o have_v have_v my_o heart_n draw_v out_o in_o earnest_n fervent_a desire_n after_o god_n once_o repeat_v on_o a_o lord_n day_n evening_n a_o sermon_n on_o that_o text_n behold_v i_o stand_v at_o the_o door_n and_o knock_n and_o whosoever_o open_v to_o i_o i_o will_v come_v in_o and_o sup_v with_o he_o i_o be_v so_o affect_v i_o can_v not_o go_v on_o for_o tear_n but_o be_v fain_o to_o lay_v down_o my_o book_n at_o another_o time_n the_o like_a in_o repeat_v a_o sermon_n of_o the_o redemption_n of_o time_n at_o other_o time_n i_o find_v record_v that_o on_o the_o lord_n day_n i_o go_v to_o family-prayer_n very_o sad_a but_o god_n do_v great_o assist_v i_o and_o my_o soul_n be_v melt_v so_o that_o i_o can_v not_o proceed_v or_o speak_v for_o tear_n at_o other_o time_n in_o prayer_n and_o sometime_o in_o sing_v of_o psalm_n but_o for_o the_o most_o part_n i_o have_v be_v a_o great_a stranger_n to_o joy_n and_o comfort_n ever_o since_o the_o day_n of_o my_o youth_n these_o thing_n i_o write_v march_v 18._o 1689_o be_v remark_n in_o general_a of_o near_o twenty_o year_n past_a as_o to_o what_o i_o have_v write_v in_o this_o little_a book_n it_o be_v first_o in_o shorthand_n and_o never_o intend_v to_o be_v transcribe_v but_o afterward_o i_o consider_v that_o many_o thing_n in_o it_o may_v be_v of_o use_n to_o i_o by_o another_o read_n of_o it_o if_o it_o shall_v please_v god_n to_o lay_v his_o hand_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v not_o myself_o read_v my_o shorthand_n and_o i_o know_v not_o but_o something_o in_o it_o may_v be_v useful_a to_o other_o i_o hope_v and_o pray_v it_o may_v be_v so_o unto_o many_o if_o the_o like_a serious_a spirit_n accompany_v every_o reader_n in_o the_o perusal_n of_o the_o follow_a paper_n as_o he_o have_v in_o write_v they_o beg_v it_o of_o god_n and_o then_o begin_v to_o read_v anno_fw-la 1676_o march_v 28._o have_v have_v in_o my_o thought_n sometime_o to_o keep_v a_o secret_a â—ast_n in_o my_o closet_n chief_o to_o search_v and_o try_v the_o state_n of_o my_o soul_n this_o day_n i_o do_v it_o and_o hope_v i_o do_v set_v about_o it_o in_o the_o integrity_n of_o my_o heart_n my_o chief_a design_n be_v to_o examine_v how_o the_o case_n stand_v between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n whether_o i_o have_v indeed_o a_o work_n of_o save_a grace_n wrought_v in_o i_o and_o that_o i_o may_v get_v corruption_n that_o be_v strong_a more_o mortify_v especial_o the_o sin_n i_o most_o incline_v unto_o and_o that_o i_o may_v be_v enable_v from_o god_n to_o carry_v it_o better_o in_o my_o christian_a course_n both_o in_o my_o family_n and_o in_o secret_a retirement_n to_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n after_o prayer_n that_o god_n will_v help_v i_o to_o try_v myself_o i_o go_v to_o the_o work_n of_o self-examination_n by_o the_o character_n that_o mr._n ambrose_n have_v give_v and_o by_o some_o character_n my_o cousin_n calamy_n lay_v down_o and_o other_o of_o mr._n allen_n mr._n nalion_n and_o mr._n swinnock_n i_o spend_v a_o good_a deal_n of_o time_n herein_o and_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o deal_v impartial_o with_o myself_o and_o do_v beg_v of_o god_n hearty_o that_o i_o may_v make_v a_o right_a judgement_n of_o myself_o i_o endeavour_v to_o keep_v my_o heart_n close_o to_o the_o work_n and_o though_o i_o can_v not_o meet_v with_o great_a comfort_n yet_o upon_o serious_a search_n i_o can_v find_v but_o that_o god_n have_v wrought_v true_a grace_n in_o i_o bless_a be_v his_o name_n i_o hope_v i_o may_v have_v recourse_n to_o this_o day_n while_o i_o live_v for_o support_n in_o any_o case_n i_o do_v also_o read_v over_o the_o covenant_n i_o enter_v into_o with_o the_o lord_n about_o nine_o year_n since_o and_o renew_v my_o covenant_n and_o give_v up_o myself_o afresh_o to_o the_o lord_n and_o take_v he_o for_o my_o god_n and_o portion_n i_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n that_o i_o be_v sincere_a and_o upright_a i_o find_v some_o ease_n and_o quiet_v in_o my_o mind_n afterward_o o_o that_o i_o may_v not_o now_o grow_v careless_a but_o live_v answerable_o and_o remember_v i_o have_v renew_v my_o covenant_n with_o the_o lord_n and_o if_o he_o have_v in_o any_o wise_a speak_v peace_n to_o my_o soul_n let_v i_o not_o again_o return_v to_o folly_n for_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n sake_n an._n 1676_o july_n 27._o look_v over_o my_o book_n where_o i_o enter_v at_o night_n how_o it_o be_v with_o i_o every_o day_n i_o find_v i_o have_v be_v out_o of_o order_n many_o time_n in_o duty_n since_o the_o trial_n of_o myself_o mention_v here_o but_o hope_v i_o do_v desire_v to_o have_v my_o heart_n with_o god_n and_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v sometime_o in_o duty_n to_o draw_v out_o my_o soul_n in_o earnest_n and_o hearty_a desire_n after_o he_o my_o heart_n through_o mercy_n have_v be_v sometime_o though_o too_o seldom_o in_o a_o good_a frame_n the_o lord_n have_v mercy_n on_o i_o and_o grant_v i_o may_v be_v sincere_a and_o upright_a with_o he_o he_o be_v please_v still_o as_o for_o many_o year_n past_a to_o withdraw_v from_o i_o and_o i_o do_v not_o meet_v with_o much_o comfort_n in_o his_o ordinance_n but_o i_o remember_v what_o mr._n n._n use_v to_o say_v that_o grace_n be_v better_a than_o comfort_n god_n grant_v that_o i_o may_v make_v sure_a of_o grace_n and_o act_n and_o exercise_v grace_n and_o wait_v upon_o he_o for_o comfort_n it_o be_v worth_a wait_a for_o all_o the_o day_n of_o my_o life_n the_o lord_n help_v i_o though_o i_o sit_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n to_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n and_o stay_v myself_o on_o my_o god_n the_o lord_n help_v i_o to_o keep_v up_o faith_n and_o hope_n in_o he_o through_o christ_n to_o wait_v and_o trust_v and_o hope_v and_o believe_v still_o against_o hope_n of_o sense_n to_o believe_v in_o hope_n of_o a_o promise_n the_o lord_n make_v i_o careful_a to_o mind_v his_o glory_n and_o do_v my_o duty_n in_o the_o place_n in_o which_o he_o have_v set_v i_o for_o i_o be_o apt_a to_o be_v trouble_v lest_o i_o shall_v fail_v of_o my_o duty_n towards_o those_o commit_v to_o my_o charge_n the_o lord_n in_o mercy_n grant_v i_o may_v set_v to_o his_o work_n with_o all_o my_o may_v and_o get_v my_o work_n do_v before_o my_o day_n of_o life_n be_v end_v and_o that_o my_o heart_n may_v be_v thorough_o take_v off_o from_o this_o world_n and_o i_o may_v prepare_v for_o public_a calamity_n which_o be_v much_o fear_v by_o reason_n of_o the_o
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to_o do_v i_o hope_v i_o do_v most_o hearty_o desire_v to_o take_v christ_n on_o his_o own_o term_n as_o king_n priest_n and_o prophet_n in_o all_o his_o office_n and_o be_o willing_a to_o be_v rule_v by_o he_o as_o well_o as_o save_v by_o he_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o rest_v upon_o jesus_n christ_n alone_o for_o salvation_n and_o own_o no_o other_o saviour_n but_o he_o i_o hope_v i_o have_v the_o faith_n of_o reliance_n to_o rest_v and_o centre_n in_o christ_n i_o hope_v i_o can_v with_o all_o my_o soul_n throw_v myself_o upon_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n and_o if_o i_o perish_v to_o perish_v there_o trust_v in_o he_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o perish_v bless_a be_v god_n i_o be_o often_o lift_v up_o my_o heart_n to_o christ_n o_o my_o dear_a jesus_n bless_a jesus_n on_o thou_o on_o thou_o alone_o i_o rest_v when_o i_o be_o in_o fear_n and_o doubt_n and_o trouble_n i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o say_v with_o the_o church_n in_o the_o lord_n have_v i_o righteousness_n and_o 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of_o god_n in_o it_o at_o least_o some_o quickning_n and_o drawing_n out_o of_o my_o heart_n after_o he_o in_o earnest_a desire_n and_o long_n and_o pant_n after_o he_o yet_o i_o be_o apt_a to_o be_v cast_v down_o my_o conscience_n be_v apt_a to_o accuse_v i_o that_o i_o do_v not_o my_o duty_n and_o be_o fearful_a lest_o death_n come_v of_o a_o sudden_a and_o find_v i_o unready_a and_o thereupon_o be_o great_o trouble_v and_o not_o know_v what_o to_o do_v methinks_v i_o will_v not_o be_v want_v in_o my_o duty_n and_o often_o pray_v that_o god_n will_v show_v i_o my_o duty_n and_o help_v i_o to_o do_v it_o yet_o when_o i_o think_v to_o go_v about_o any_o thing_n there_o come_v such_o a_o multitude_n of_o thing_n into_o my_o mind_n to_o do_v this_o and_o to_o do_v the_o other_o and_o all_o can_v be_v do_v together_o that_o i_o be_o sometime_o almost_o discourage_v and_o tempt_v to_o let_v all_o alone_a the_o lord_n in_o infinite_a mercy_n look_v upon_o i_o for_o christ_n sake_n and_o 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say_v of_o the_o noble_a marquis_n of_o vico_fw-la their_o money_n perish_v with_o they_o who_o think_v all_o the_o wealth_n in_o the_o world_n worth_a one_o hour_n communion_n with_o jesus_n christ_n since_o no_o man_n can_v see_v thou_o and_o live_v lord_n let_v i_o die_v say_v a_o holy_a man_n that_o i_o may_v see_v thou_o and_o be_v with_o thou_o if_o your_o condition_n be_v never_o so_o low_a if_o your_o heart_n be_v low_a it_o be_v well_o enough_o the_o issue_n will_v be_v good_a and_o while_o god_n the_o fountain_n be_v leave_v you_o need_v not_o much_o complain_v for_o want_v of_o a_o break_a cistern_n while_o other_o live_v without_o god_n in_o the_o world_n a_o christian_n shall_v endeavour_v to_o live_v as_o without_o the_o world_n in_o and_o upon_o his_o god_n the_o same_o love_n of_o god_n which_o lead_v one_o christian_a into_o the_o wine-cellar_n and_o give_v he_o assurance_n may_v lead_v another_o into_o a_o prison_n for_o the_o trial_n and_o exercise_n of_o his_o grace_n in_o prayer_n if_o a_o man_n have_v not_o a_o care_n of_o the_o first_o wander_n of_o his_o heart_n from_o god_n he_o will_v hardly_o be_v able_a to_o recover_v himself_o afterward_o it_o be_v a_o memorable_a say_v of_o a_o great_a man_n he_o may_v be_v deceive_v who_o think_v to_o save_v any_o thing_n by_o his_o religion_n more_o than_o his_o soul_n before_o a_o man_n be_v humble_v he_o complain_v of_o god_n unkindness_n to_o he_o but_o afterward_o of_o his_o own_o to_o god_n god_n have_v one_o son_n without_o any_o sin_n our_o bless_a redeemer_n but_o never_o any_o son_n without_o some_o affliction_n and_o suffer_v bless_a be_v god_n we_o have_v any_o thing_n to_o deny_v or_o lose_v or_o count_v nothing_o for_o christ_n a_o believer_n pray_v with_o fervency_n as_o if_o he_o will_v not_o be_v delay_v and_o then_o wait_v patient_o as_o if_o he_o have_v not_o pray_v if_o you_o can_v say_v god_n be_v your_o god_n and_o all_o that_o be_v in_o the_o world_n be_v he_o how_o can_v your_o fear_n want_n if_o he_o be_v not_o all-sufficient_a why_o do_v you_o call_v he_o so_o if_o he_o be_v why_o do_v you_o not_o trust_v in_o he_o if_o the_o lord_n be_v good_a to_o the_o soul_n that_o seek_v he_o how_o good_a be_v he_o to_o the_o soul_n that_o find_v he_o if_o say_v jerom_n my_o father_n and_o mother_n do_v with_o tear_n entreat_v i_o and_o my_o wife_n hang_v about_o my_o neck_n and_o my_o child_n fall_v at_o my_o foot_n to_o beseech_v i_o to_o forsake_v christ_n i_o will_v cast_v they_o all_o off_o father_n mother_n wife_n and_o child_n and_o say_v farewell_o all_o welcome_a christ_n the_o follow_a account_n of_o the_o conversion_n of_o his_o niece_n will_v give_v far_a testimony_n to_o his_o charity_n zeal_n and_o diligence_n to_o promote_v religion_n in_o his_o family_n and_o how_o god_n honour_v he_o by_o the_o lustre_n of_o a_o holy_a example_n to_o recommend_v serious_a godliness_n to_o those_o who_o see_v his_o conversation_n and_o by_o his_o seasonable_a counsel_n to_o assist_v the_o recovery_n of_o one_o who_o under_o great_a conviction_n and_o temptation_n be_v in_o danger_n to_o be_v lose_v by_o too_o long_o conceal_v of_o the_o state_n of_o her_o case_n from_o such_o as_o can_v advise_v and_o direct_v she_o a_o short_a account_n of_o the_o conversion_n of_o mrs._n p._n f._n as_o she_o leave_v it_o under_o her_o hand_n before_o her_o death_n i_o be_o now_o go_v about_o to_o call_v to_o mind_v the_o great_a mercy_n and_o goodness_n of_o the_o lord_n towards_o i_o the_o unworthy_a of_o all_o his_o servant_n to_o record_v his_o lovingkindness_n and_o to_o make_v mention_n of_o the_o many_o and_o great_a deliverance_n i_o have_v have_v i_o know_v not_o where_o to_o begin_v nor_o where_o to_o make_v a_o end_n i_o be_o even_o swallow_v up_o in_o admiration_n and_o ready_a to_o cry_v out_o with_o david_n what_o shall_v i_o render_v to_o the_o lord_n for_o all_o his_o benefit_n especial_o when_o i_o consider_v my_o own_o vileness_n by_o nature_n and_o how_o i_o deserve_v to_o be_v cast_v into_o hell_n as_o soon_o as_o i_o be_v bear_v as_o have_v a_o heart_n full_a of_o sin_n vanity_n and_o rebellion_n against_o god_n be_v conceive_v in_o sin_n and_o bear_v in_o iniquity_n and_o as_o if_o this_o have_v not_o be_v enough_o i_o have_v add_v numberless_a most_o heinous_a transgression_n i_o have_v reason_n to_o bewail_v the_o sin_n of_o my_o thought_n i_o be_v think_v thought_n of_o pride_n and_o vanity_n as_o soon_o as_o i_o can_v think_v i_o be_v run_v away_o from_o god_n as_o soon_o as_o i_o can_v go_v with_o my_o back_n towards_o heaven_n and_o my_o face_n towards_o hell_n after_o i_o come_v to_o year_n of_o discretion_n the_o more_o i_o know_v of_o god_n the_o more_o i_o sin_v against_o he_o the_o sin_n of_o my_o youth_n have_v be_v innumerable_a and_o very_o heinous_a in_o their_o nature_n so_o that_o i_o have_v cause_n to_o pray_v with_o david_n lord_n remember_v not_o against_o i_o the_o sin_n of_o my_o youth_n o_o the_o precious_a time_n i_o have_v lose_v and_o the_o golden_a opportunity_n that_o i_o have_v squander_v away_o the_o light_n and_o love_n the_o mercy_n and_o mean_n of_o grace_n that_o i_o have_v sin_v against_o i_o have_v spend_v the_o best_a of_o my_o year_n in_o the_o service_n of_o sin_n and_o in_o the_o neglect_n of_o the_o great_a concern_v of_o my_o soul_n i_o confess_v when_o i_o be_v but_o a_o child_n since_o i_o have_v any_o understanding_n i_o have_v always_o some_o love_n to_o the_o way_n and_o people_n of_o god_n and_o some_o delight_n in_o holy_a duty_n and_o be_v fearful_a of_o
sin_n especial_o of_o lie_v and_o steal_v and_o play_v upon_o the_o sabbath-day_n i_o delight_v to_o read_v the_o word_n of_o god_n and_o good_a book_n to_o other_o but_o i_o do_v not_o apply_v it_o to_o myself_o as_o when_o i_o read_v that_o scripture_n that_o except_o we_o repent_v we_o shall_v all_o perish_v except_o we_o be_v bear_v again_o we_o can_v see_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n that_o the_o wicked_a shall_v be_v turn_v into_o hell_n etc._n etc._n i_o think_v these_o do_v not_o concern_v i_o because_o i_o be_v guilty_a of_o no_o gross_a sin_n i_o reckon_v my_o condition_n be_v good_a and_o i_o be_v ready_a to_o pity_v other_o but_o i_o be_v not_o sensible_a of_o the_o corruption_n and_o defilement_n of_o my_o nature_n i_o do_v not_o see_v the_o need_n of_o a_o change_n i_o be_v not_o sensible_a of_o my_o undo_a condition_n without_o christ_n i_o see_v not_o his_o excellency_n nor_o have_v any_o desire_n after_o he_o i_o know_v not_o upon_o what_o term_n i_o must_v take_v he_o if_o i_o will_v be_v save_v as_o to_o the_o outward_a duty_n of_o religion_n i_o live_v in_o the_o performance_n of_o many_o of_o they_o but_o as_o for_o the_o more_o inward_a and_o spiritual_a duty_n of_o christianity_n such_o as_o self-examination_n meditation_n self-denial_n mourn_v for_o sin_n and_o watch_v over_o my_o thought_n word_n and_o action_n strict_a observation_n of_o the_o lord_n day_n etc._n etc._n to_o these_o i_o be_v altogether_o a_o stranger_n thus_o i_o go_v on_o in_o rebellion_n against_o god_n have_v a_o form_n of_o godliness_n but_o deny_v the_o power_n and_o if_o god_n have_v then_o cut_v i_o off_o in_o my_o unregeneracy_n certain_o hellfire_n must_v have_v be_v my_o portion_n he_o may_v have_v swear_v in_o his_o wrath_n that_o i_o shall_v never_o enter_v into_o his_o rest_n o_o the_o wonderful_a patience_n and_o forbearance_n of_o the_o lord_n towards_o such_o a_o sinful_a creature_n it_o be_v a_o miracle_n of_o mercy_n i_o be_o yet_o on_o this_o side_n the_o grave_a and_o hell_n it_o be_v of_o the_o lord_n mercy_n that_o i_o be_o spare_v so_o long_o and_o that_o he_o give_v i_o space_n to_o repent_v that_o he_o shall_v afford_v i_o the_o mean_n of_o grace_n and_o send_v his_o holy_a spirit_n to_o strive_v with_o i_o and_o give_v i_o many_o conviction_n and_o all_o to_o reclaim_v i_o and_o bring_v i_o home_o to_o himself_o and_o that_o he_o shall_v not_o only_o give_v i_o space_n to_o repent_v but_o a_o heart_n to_o repent_v that_o he_o shall_v not_o only_o stand_v wait_v and_o knock_v at_o the_o door_n of_o my_o heart_n so_o many_o year_n call_v on_o i_o to_o repent_v but_o that_o he_o shall_v give_v i_o the_o grace_n of_o repentance_n this_o be_v undeserved_a love_n and_o distinguish_a mercy_n for_o i_o be_v dead_a in_o trespass_n and_o sin_n and_o have_v nothing_o but_o my_o misery_n to_o move_v his_o compassion_n i_o walk_v according_a to_o the_o course_n of_o this_o world_n i_o be_v insensible_a of_o my_o danger_n though_o ready_a to_o drop_v into_o hell_n every_o moment_n and_o i_o shall_v certain_o have_v perish_v have_v not_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o open_v my_o eye_n and_o to_o pluck_v i_o as_o a_o firebrand_n out_o of_o the_o burn_a and_o set_v i_o in_o the_o way_n to_o heaven_n for_o which_o i_o can_v never_o sufficient_o adore_v and_o praise_v his_o glorious_a grace_n in_o christ_n to_o i_o a_o vile_a sinful_a creature_n great_a be_v his_o mercy_n towards_o i_o for_o he_o have_v deliver_v my_o soul_n from_o the_o low_a hell_n which_o make_v i_o say_v with_o david_n come_v and_o hear_v all_o you_o that_o fear_v the_o lord_n and_o i_o will_v declare_v what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o soul_n and_o the_o way_n and_o means_n whereby_o he_o be_v please_v to_o work_v upon_o my_o heart_n the_o manner_n of_o my_o conversion_n which_o i_o hope_n be_v true_a and_o real_a be_v as_o follow_v it_o please_v the_o lord_n by_o a_o sad_a providence_n viz._n the_o sickness_n at_o london_n to_o bring_v my_o uncle_n gearing_n and_o his_o family_n from_o thence_o to_o my_o father_n house_n where_o they_o continue_v about_o half_a a_o year_n my_o uncle_n be_v a_o good_a man_n i_o can_v not_o but_o take_v notice_n of_o his_o strict_a and_o circumspect_a walk_v and_o be_v much_o affect_v with_o it_o and_o i_o begin_v to_o think_v sure_o the_o way_n that_o i_o be_o in_o will_v never_o bring_v i_o to_o heaven_n i_o think_v i_o must_v live_v another_o manner_n of_o life_n if_o ever_o i_o will_v be_v save_v i_o have_v many_o conviction_n but_o there_o i_o stay_v but_o go_v no_o further_o i_o keep_v on_o in_o my_o former_a careless_a course_n when_o it_o please_v god_n to_o put_v a_o stop_n to_o the_o plague_n at_o london_n my_o uncle_n return_v with_o his_o family_n and_o i_o go_v with_o he_o and_o continue_v at_o his_o house_n about_o two_o month_n in_o which_o time_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o follow_v i_o with_o new_a conviction_n partly_o by_o the_o good_a example_n of_o my_o uncle_n partly_o by_o many_o excellent_a sermon_n which_o i_o hear_v when_o i_o be_v there_o so_o that_o i_o begin_v in_o good_a earnest_n to_o look_v after_o the_o salvation_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o to_o say_v with_o the_o gaoler_n what_o must_v i_o do_v to_o be_v save_v i_o begin_v to_o be_v very_o desirous_a to_o hear_v the_o word_n i_o take_v all_o opportunity_n to_o hear_v and_o give_v attention_n to_o what_o be_v preach_v after_o another_o manner_n than_o i_o be_v wont_a to_o do_v and_o labour_v to_o make_v application_n of_o it_o to_o myself_o i_o hear_v mr._n vincent_n preach_v upon_o heb._n 12._o 14._o follow_v holiness_n without_o which_o no_o man_n shall_v see_v the_o lord_n urge_v the_o necessity_n of_o it_o as_o the_o only_a way_n to_o heaven_n i_o be_v much_o affect_v therewith_o and_o begin_v to_o think_v i_o must_v set_v about_o the_o work_n of_o a_o thorough_a repentance_n i_o begin_v to_o be_v sensible_a of_o my_o original_a corruption_n and_o that_o i_o have_v be_v guilty_a of_o thousand_o of_o actual_a sin_n those_o which_o before_o i_o count_v small_a i_o now_o look_v upon_o as_o great_a and_o upon_o myself_o by_o reason_n of_o sin_n to_o be_v in_o a_o lamentable_a condition_n i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o get_v out_o of_o this_o sinful_a miserable_a state_n and_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o that_o there_o be_v no_o name_n under_o heaven_n by_o which_o i_o can_v be_v save_v but_o only_o by_o jesus_n christ_n i_o think_v if_o i_o can_v have_v a_o interest_n in_o he_o and_o his_o favour_n i_o shall_v be_v save_v but_o i_o fear_v god_n will_v not_o thus_o have_v mercy_n upon_o i_o because_o i_o have_v go_v on_o so_o long_o in_o sin_n i_o hear_v a_o excellent_a sermon_n upon_o mat._n 11._o 28._o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o be_v weary_a and_o heavy_a load_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_v prove_v first_o that_o sin_n be_v a_o burden_n and_o second_o that_o burden_a sinner_n be_v invite_v to_o come_v to_o christ_n and_o then_o that_o those_o that_o come_v to_o he_o shall_v find_v rest_n for_o their_o soul_n this_o be_v a_o suitable_a word_n to_o my_o soul_n i_o be_v much_o affect_v in_o the_o hear_n of_o in_o for_o i_o feel_v sin_n to_o be_v a_o burden_n no_o my_o conscience_n and_o i_o will_v fain_o have_v rest_n to_o my_o soul_n i_o be_v sensible_a of_o my_o want_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o of_o the_o absolute_a necessity_n to_o be_v interest_v in_o he_o i_o begin_v to_o see_v his_o worth_n and_o excellency_n as_o the_o chief_a of_o ten_o thousand_o altogether_o lovely_a and_o then_o and_o not_o till_o then_o i_o have_v hungering_n and_o thirsting_n after_o he_o so_o that_o i_o can_v say_v none_o but_o christ_n give_v i_o christ_n or_o else_o i_o die_v thus_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n by_o his_o spirit_n to_o work_v upon_o my_o heart_n by_o degree_n to_o open_v my_o eye_n and_o to_o let_v in_o some_o spiritual_a light_n into_o my_o understanding_n which_o be_v dark_a before_o and_o to_o give_v some_o spiritual_a life_n to_o my_o affection_n which_o be_v dead_a before_o but_o o_o the_o enemy_n that_o do_v then_o labour_n to_o hinder_v my_o conversion_n and_o stop_v this_o work_n the_o world_n by_o allurement_n and_o discouragement_n seek_v to_o keep_v i_o off_o from_o christ_n my_o own_o deceitful_a heart_n and_o corrupt_a disposition_n within_o i_o be_v no_o small_a enemy_n and_o hindrance_n to_o the_o work_n of_o grace_n in_o my_o soul_n the_o devil_n the_o great_a adversary_n of_o god_n glory_n and_o our_o happiness_n come_v like_o a_o roar_a lion_n ready_a to_o devour_v i_o so_o that_o i_o
happiness_n for_o ever_o and_o when_o i_o think_v of_o the_o torment_n of_o hell_n the_o fire_n that_o must_v never_o go_v out_o and_o the_o worm_n that_o shall_v never_o die_v this_o i_o look_v upon_o as_o the_o due_a desert_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o as_o my_o portion_n i_o have_v renounce_v all_o my_o own_o righteousness_n i_o can_v see_v nothing_o in_o myself_o but_o what_o deserve_a hell_n i_o wonder_v at_o the_o patience_n of_o god_n to_o i_o i_o can_v justify_v he_o though_o he_o shall_v damn_v i_o i_o think_v myself_o unworthy_a to_o eat_v or_o drink_v or_o breathe_v or_o tread_v upon_o the_o earth_n i_o look_v every_o day_n when_o god_n will_v glorify_v himself_o in_o my_o damnation_n but_o this_o i_o keep_v to_o myself_o though_o other_o can_v not_o but_o take_v notice_n of_o the_o sadness_n of_o my_o spirit_n and_o wonder_v at_o it_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o tell_v any_o how_o it_o be_v with_o i_o my_o heart_n be_v very_o full_a and_o i_o long_v to_o vent_v it_o but_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o god_n i_o dare_v not_o go_v be_v conscious_a of_o my_o own_o vileness_n i_o be_v ashamed_a to_o make_v know_v my_o condition_n to_o man_n it_o be_v so_o bad_a i_o think_v none_o ever_o have_v such_o blasphemous_a thought_n as_o i_o have_v i_o wish_v some_o of_o the_o saint_n do_v know_v my_o condition_n that_o they_o may_v direct_v i_o and_o pray_v for_o i_o but_o i_o can_v not_o tell_v to_o who_o to_o apply_v myself_o thus_o be_v i_o in_o perplexity_n toss_v to_o and_o fro_o and_o not_o comfort_v and_o though_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o uphold_v i_o and_o keep_v i_o from_o fall_v into_o the_o pit_n of_o despair_n yet_o i_o be_v very_o near_o it_o i_o be_v encompass_v about_o with_o so_o many_o and_o great_a temptation_n and_o they_o come_v so_o strong_a upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v not_o hold_v out_o any_o long_a to_o conceal_v my_o trouble_n then_o the_o lord_n put_v it_o into_o my_o mind_n to_o acquaint_v my_o uncle_n gearing_n with_o my_o sad_a condition_n but_o the_o devil_n endeavour_v all_o he_o can_v to_o hinder_v it_o by_o persuade_v i_o that_o it_o be_v a_o foolish_a thing_n to_o declare_v my_o wickedness_n to_o one_o that_o be_v so_o holy_a that_o i_o shall_v but_o purchase_v his_o ill_a opinion_n of_o i_o and_o cause_v he_o to_o hate_v and_o abhor_v i_o and_o do_v myself_o no_o good_a at_o all_o by_o tell_v he_o of_o it_o yet_o still_o i_o have_v a_o desire_n to_o do_v it_o and_o i_o have_v no_o rest_n in_o my_o spirit_n till_o i_o have_v do_v it_o but_o sometime_o i_o want_v a_o opportunity_n and_o sometime_o when_o i_o will_v have_v speak_v i_o can_v not_o but_o at_o last_o a_o fit_a opportunity_n be_v present_v upon_o a_o sabbath-day_n night_n all_o be_v in_o bed_n except_o my_o uncle_n and_o myself_o i_o be_v resolve_v to_o open_v my_o heart_n free_o to_o he_o when_o i_o begin_v to_o speak_v my_o mouth_n be_v as_o it_o be_v stop_v but_o with_o tremble_v i_o force_v myself_o to_o speak_v and_o make_v know_v my_o sad_a condition_n i_o tell_v he_o what_o grievous_a blasphemous_a thought_n i_o have_v and_o that_o i_o be_v afraid_a i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o think_v therefore_o i_o shall_v certain_o be_v damn_v and_o have_v no_o hope_n of_o salvation_n but_o i_o desire_v his_o prayer_n for_o i_o and_o his_o advice_n in_o a_o matter_n of_o such_o consequence_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o affect_v his_o heart_n with_o my_o condition_n he_o tell_v i_o it_o be_v not_o my_o sin_n to_o be_v tempt_v if_o i_o do_v not_o yield_v to_o the_o temptation_n and_o therefore_o it_o shall_v not_o drive_v i_o to_o despair_v of_o god_n mercy_n he_o say_v it_o be_v a_o sign_n i_o have_v not_o commit_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n because_o i_o be_v afraid_a i_o have_v commit_v it_o he_o speak_v much_o of_o the_o gracious_a nature_n of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o willingness_n to_o save_v sinner_n and_o as_o i_o remember_v he_o tell_v i_o of_o many_o and_o great_a sinner_n in_o scripture_n to_o who_o god_n have_v show_v mercy_n as_o manasseh_n and_o mary_n magdalen_n and_o the_o thief_n upon_o the_o cross_n he_o also_o direct_v i_o to_o many_o sweet_a promise_n in_o scripture_n but_o that_o especial_o which_o be_v never_o to_o be_v forget_v ezek._n 36._o 25_o 26._o then_o will_v i_o sprinkle_v clean_a water_n upon_o you_o and_o you_o shall_v be_v clean_o from_o all_o your_o filthiness_n and_o from_o all_o your_o idol_n will_v i_o cleanse_v you_o a_o new_a heart_n also_o will_v i_o give_v you_o and_o a_o new_a spirit_n will_v i_o put_v within_o you_o etc._n etc._n he_o tell_v i_o every_o one_o may_v lay_v hold_n on_o this_o promise_n when_o he_o read_v these_o scripture_n to_o i_o my_o heart_n rejoice_v and_o i_o begin_v to_o hope_n god_n will_v pardon_v i_o and_o give_v i_o a_o new_a heart_n and_o cause_v i_o to_o walk_v in_o his_o way_n he_o also_o give_v i_o very_o good_a counsel_n particular_o to_o be_v constant_a in_o the_o excellent_a duty_n of_o secret_a prayer_n and_o tell_v i_o the_o great_a benefit_n i_o shall_v find_v thereby_o etc._n etc._n now_o have_v make_v know_v my_o condition_n and_o declare_v my_o trouble_n and_o hear_v these_o gracious_a promise_n to_o poor_a sinner_n i_o find_v some_o ease_n and_o satisfaction_n in_o my_o mind_n and_o the_o beginning_n of_o comfort_n in_o my_o soul_n i_o resolve_v to_o put_v these_o duty_n in_o practice_n secret_a prayer_n self-examination_n meditation_n etc._n etc._n but_o i_o be_v altogether_o a_o stranger_n to_o these_o inward_a heart-duty_n i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o perform_v they_o as_o i_o ought_v how_o many_o time_n have_v i_o kneel_v down_o to_o pray_v and_o know_v not_o what_o to_o say_v but_o want_v not_o sigh_n and_o tear_n and_o so_o my_o necessity_n and_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o vileness_n my_o earnest_n desire_v after_o christ_n and_o his_o grace_n put_v word_n into_o my_o mouth_n though_o my_o duty_n be_v miserable_o lame_a and_o defective_a yet_o they_o be_v perform_v with_o much_o earnestness_n and_o importunity_n and_o i_o think_v i_o may_v say_v in_o sincerity_n sure_o then_o my_o heart_n be_v in_o every_o word_n and_o in_o every_o duty_n i_o do_v not_o then_o dally_v with_o god_n i_o be_v in_o good_a earnest_n for_o my_o soul_n and_o that_o promise_v be_v comfortable_a to_o i_o if_o there_o be_v first_o a_o willing_a mind_n it_o be_v accept_v with_o god_n etc._n etc._n i_o find_v that_o scripture_n make_v good_a to_o i_o then_o shall_v we_o know_v if_o we_o follow_v on_o to_o know_v the_o lord_n and_o that_o in_o isa_n 40._o 16._o i_o will_v bring_v the_o blind_a by_o the_o way_n that_o they_o know_v not_o i_o will_v make_v darkness_n light_a before_o they_o and_o crooked_a thing_n straight_o these_o thing_n will_v i_o do_v unto_o they_o and_o not_o forsake_v they_o say_v the_o lord_n these_o and_o such_o scripture_n be_v sweet_a and_o i_o begin_v to_o search_v the_o bible_n to_o find_v they_o and_o when_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o set_v they_o home_o upon_o my_o heart_n they_o be_v as_o cordial_n many_o time_n to_o my_o faint_a soul_n but_o though_o i_o have_v some_o comfort_n and_o support_v yet_o be_v i_o not_o free_a from_o temptation_n and_o trouble_v of_o mind_n my_o spiritual_a enemy_n strive_v hard_a to_o hinder_v my_o godly_a course_n and_o turn_v i_o from_o it_o have_v not_o the_o lord_n be_v strong_a than_o they_o my_o sin_n be_v a_o heavy_a burden_n to_o i_o and_o i_o have_v earnest_a desire_n after_o christ_n yet_o i_o find_v it_o very_o hard_a to_o believe_v satan_n labour_v to_o persuade_v i_o that_o i_o be_v not_o elect_v to_o salvation_n and_o therefore_o whatever_o i_o do_v i_o shall_v never_o be_v save_v this_o be_v no_o small_a trouble_n to_o my_o spirit_n but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o direct_v i_o to_o a_o book_n in_o which_o i_o find_v much_o satisfaction_n concern_v this_o matter_n then_o satan_n tell_v i_o he_o that_o believe_v not_o shall_v be_v damn_v and_o therefore_o because_o i_o be_v full_a of_o unbelief_n and_o doubt_v i_o be_v condemn_v already_o but_o when_o i_o be_v in_o great_a trouble_n about_o this_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o cast_v in_o this_o scripture_n if_o we_o believe_v not_o yet_o he_o abide_v faithful_a he_o can_v deny_v himself_o this_o do_v very_o much_o support_v i_o and_o so_o do_v these_o follow_a promise_n which_o i_o have_v not_o take_v notice_n of_o before_o nor_o apply_v to_o myself_o isa_n 55._o 1._o and_o all_o this_o chapter_n and_o mat._n 11._o 28._o joh._n 7._o 37._o rev._n 22._o 17._o joh._n 3._o 16._o
mat._n 7._o 7._o psal_n 30._o 18._o joh._n 16._o 24._o psal_n 84._o 11._o isa_n 40._o 27._o psal_n 27._o 14._o lament_n 3._o 24_o 25_o 26._o psal_n 147._o 11._o psal_n 26._o 3_o 4._o isa_n 50._o 10._o isa_n 41._o 10._o isa_n 43._o 24_o 25._o isa_n 44._o 22._o 1_o joh._n 1._o 9_o 1_o joh._n 2._o 1._o mark_v 1._o 18_o 19_o rom._n 6._o 14._o ezek._n 34._o 6._o psal_n 103._o 8_o 9_o job_n 17._o 9_o prov._n 4._o 18._o phil._n 1._o 6._o joh._n 10._o 7._o rom._n 16._o 20._o heb._n 4._o 15._o these_o promise_n with_o many_o more_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o give_v i_o in_o the_o time_n of_o my_o distress_n and_o trouble_v of_o spirit_n and_o i_o find_v they_o revive_v cordial_n o_o how_o welcome_a be_v a_o promise_n to_o i_o when_o i_o have_v be_v ready_a to_o despair_v and_o to_o give_v up_o all_o for_o lose_v and_o have_v nothing_o to_o support_v i_o then_o do_v i_o take_v the_o bible_n into_o my_o hand_n and_o desire_v god_n to_o direct_v some_o suitable_a promise_n to_o i_o and_o open_v the_o bible_n the_o first_o place_n i_o have_v cast_v my_o eye_n upon_o have_v often_o be_v a_o precious_a and_o suitable_a promise_n and_o have_v be_v set_v home_o with_o such_o power_n as_o wonderful_o to_o comfort_v i_o once_o be_v under_o great_a fear_n and_o terror_n i_o open_v the_o bible_n and_o the_o first_o place_n i_o fix_v my_o eye_n upon_o be_v isa_n 54._o 4._o fear_v not_o for_o thou_o shall_v not_o be_v confound_v nor_o put_v to_o shame_n thou_o shall_v forget_v the_o shame_n of_o thy_o youth_n thy_o maker_n be_v thy_o husband_n the_o lord_n of_o host_n be_v his_o name_n and_o thy_o redeemer_n the_o holy_a one_o of_o israel_n the_o god_n of_o the_o whole_a earth_n shall_v he_o be_v call_v for_o the_o lord_n have_v call_v thou_o as_o a_o woman_n forsake_v and_o grieve_v in_o spirit_n etc._n etc._n for_o a_o small_a moment_n have_v i_o forsake_v thou_o but_o with_o great_a mercy_n will_v i_o gather_v thou_o in_o a_o little_a wrath_n i_o hide_v my_o face_n for_o a_o moment_n but_o with_o everlasting_a kindness_n will_v i_o have_v mercy_n on_o thou_o say_v the_o lord_n thy_o redeemer_n etc._n etc._n i_o be_v wonderful_o affect_v in_o the_o read_n these_o sweet_a promise_n and_o take_v it_o as_o a_o voice_n from_o heaven_n to_o i_o because_o i_o have_v desire_v some_o such_o suitable_a promise_n at_o another_o time_n be_v in_o great_a trouble_n and_o fear_v i_o shall_v never_o hold_v out_o but_o be_v overcome_v by_o sin_n and_o satan_n i_o open_v my_o bible_n and_o the_o first_o place_n i_o fix_v my_o eye_n upon_o be_v isa_n 41._o 10._o fear_v not_o for_o i_o be_o with_o thou_o be_v not_o dismay_v for_o i_o be_o thy_o god_n i_o will_v strengthen_v thou_o yea_o i_o will_v help_v thou_o yea_o will_v uphold_v thou_o with_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o my_o righteousness_n i_o can_v express_v the_o comfort_n i_o receive_v by_o this_o suitable_a and_o seasonable_a promise_n one_o sabbath-day_n night_n be_v still_o follow_v with_o temptation_n full_a of_o unbelieve_a doubt_n and_o fear_n i_o be_v much_o trouble_v about_o it_o that_o i_o who_o have_v receive_v such_o great_a mercy_n shall_v have_v such_o vain_a thought_n and_o be_v so_o full_a of_o unbelief_n notwithstanding_o the_o experience_n i_o have_v of_o god_n goodness_n and_o mercy_n to_o i_o and_o the_o assurance_n i_o have_v before_o of_o his_o love_n i_o be_v tempt_v to_o think_v that_o i_o be_v not_o elect_v and_o that_o therefore_o all_o i_o do_v be_v to_o no_o purpose_n and_o that_o i_o shall_v never_o be_v save_v this_o be_v a_o subtle_a and_o strong_a temptation_n satan_n do_v not_o only_a labour_n to_o drive_v i_o off_o from_o all_o duty_n but_o to_o weaken_v my_o faith_n and_o bring_v i_o to_o despair_n but_o the_o lord_n who_o have_v many_o time_n before_o wonderful_o rescue_v i_o from_o the_o roar_a lion_n will_v not_o suffer_v i_o to_o be_v foil_v by_o he_o but_o be_v please_v to_o present_v that_o scripture_n to_o my_o eye_n there_o be_v no_o temptation_n have_v take_v you_o but_o such_o as_o be_v common_a to_o man_n and_o god_n be_v faithful_a who_o will_v not_o suffer_v you_o to_o be_v tempt_v above_o what_o you_o be_v able_a but_o will_v with_o the_o temptation_n make_v a_o way_n to_o escape_v that_o you_o may_v be_v able_a to_o bear_v it_o at_o another_o time_n be_v great_o trouble_v with_o unbelief_n that_o place_n in_o the_o revelation_n be_v terrible_a to_o i_o the_o fearful_a and_o unbelieving_a shall_v have_v their_o part_n in_o the_o lake_n that_o burn_v with_o fire_n and_o brimstone_n which_o be_v the_o second_o death_n this_o make_v i_o exceed_o afraid_a i_o think_v if_o the_o fearful_a and_o unbelieve_a shall_v perish_v then_o sure_o i_o shall_v because_o i_o be_v so_o full_a of_o fear_n and_o doubt_n and_o unbelief_n but_o the_o lord_n do_v not_o leave_v i_o in_o this_o great_a streight_n he_o will_v not_o suffer_v i_o to_o be_v overwhelm_v with_o sorrow_n but_o quick_o direct_v i_o to_o a_o suitable_a and_o seasonable_a scripture_n that_o be_v as_o comfortable_a as_o the_o other_o be_v terrible_a 2_o tim._n 2._o 13._o if_o we_o believe_v not_o yet_o be_v abide_v faithful_a he_o can_v deny_v himself_o this_o promise_n be_v very_o sweet_a and_o suitable_a to_o my_o present_a condition_n neither_o do_v i_o remember_v there_o be_v such_o a_o place_n before_o these_o and_o many_o of_o the_o forenamed_a promise_n be_v give_v i_o in_o my_o trouble_n and_o distress_n and_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o by_o his_o spirit_n to_o make_v application_n of_o they_o to_o my_o own_o soul_n for_o my_o consolation_n certain_o i_o may_v say_v with_o david_n i_o have_v faint_v unless_o i_o have_v believe_v to_o see_v the_o goodness_n of_o the_o lord_n in_o the_o land_n of_o the_o live_n the_o sorrow_n of_o death_n do_v compass_v i_o about_o and_o the_o pain_n of_o hell_n get_v hold_v upon_o i_o i_o find_v trouble_n and_o sorrow_n then_o call_v i_o upon_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n o_o lord_n i_o beseech_v thou_o deliver_v my_o soul_n gracious_a be_v the_o lord_n and_o righteous_a yea_o our_o god_n be_v merciful_a i_o be_v bring_v low_a and_o he_o help_v i_o return_v unto_o thy_o rest_n o_o my_o soul_n for_o the_o lord_n have_v deal_v bountiful_o with_o thou_o in_o the_o multitude_n of_o my_o thought_n within_o i_o thy_o comfort_n delight_v my_o soul_n in_o the_o day_n when_o i_o cry_v thou_o answer_v i_o and_o strengthen_v i_o with_o strength_n in_o my_o soul_n blessed_n be_v the_o lord_n because_o he_o have_v hear_v the_o voice_n of_o my_o supplication_n the_o lord_n be_v my_o strength_n and_o my_o song_n my_o heart_n trust_v in_o he_o and_o i_o be_o help_v if_o it_o have_v not_o be_v the_o lord_n who_o have_v be_v on_o my_o side_n when_o satan_n rise_v up_o against_o i_o he_o have_v sure_o swallow_v i_o up_o the_o lord_n have_v call_v i_o out_o of_o darkness_n into_o his_o marvellous_a light_n he_o have_v pluck_v i_o as_o a_o firebrand_n out_o of_o hell_n and_o set_v i_o in_o the_o way_n to_o heaven_n so_o that_o i_o may_v say_v again_o and_o again_o great_a be_v his_o mercy_n towards_o i_o for_o he_o have_v deliver_v my_o soul_n from_o the_o low_a hell_n but_o o_o why_o be_v it_o that_o i_o be_o so_o little_a sensible_a of_o this_o great_a deliverance_n how_o can_v i_o look_v back_o upon_o all_o this_o without_o admire_v the_o free_a grace_n and_o undeserved_a love_n of_o god_n towards_o such_o a_o worthless_a worm_n as_o i_o who_o be_v a_o enemy_n to_o he_o and_o a_o rebel_n against_o he_o and_o have_v nothing_o in_o i_o but_o what_o deserve_a hell_n o_o that_o ever_o the_o lord_n shall_v from_o eternity_n elect_a and_o choose_v i_o to_o salvation_n through_o jesus_n christ_n that_o god_n shall_v pass_v by_o thousand_o and_o let_v they_o alone_o to_o perish_v in_o their_o sin_n and_o cast_v a_o look_v of_o love_n upon_o i_o and_o when_o i_o be_v in_o my_o blood_n say_v unto_o i_o live_v that_o he_o shall_v not_o only_o give_v his_o son_n for_o i_o but_o to_o i_o that_o he_o shall_v take_v i_o with_o the_o prodigal_n from_o the_o trough_n and_o with_o the_o beggar_n from_o the_o dunghill_n and_o make_v i_o a_o heir_n of_o glory_n when_o i_o read_v that_o christ_n flock_n be_v but_o a_o little_a flock_n and_o that_o straight_o be_v the_o gate_n and_o narrow_a be_v the_o way_n that_o lead_v to_o life_n and_o few_o there_o be_v that_o find_v it_o i_o can_v but_o wonder_v that_o i_o shall_v be_v in_o that_o number_n and_o because_o i_o can_v sufficient_o admire_v i_o will_v therefore_o adore_v my_o good_a god_n but_o what_o return_v shall_v i_o
now_o make_v to_o the_o lord_n for_o all_o this_o mercy_n of_o myself_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o think_v a_o good_a thought_n it_o be_v unlikely_a than_o i_o shall_v make_v any_o suitable_a return_n i_o have_v nothing_o of_o my_o own_o but_o sin_n and_o that_o be_v god_n enemy_n which_o he_o perfect_o hate_v i_o be_o not_o my_o own_o for_o i_o be_o buy_v with_o a_o price_n therefore_o if_o i_o give_v myself_o to_o he_o it_o be_v but_o that_o which_o be_v his_o own_o before_o yet_o this_o will_v i_o do_v because_o i_o have_v nothing_o else_o to_o give_v i_o will_v give_v my_o soul_n and_o body_n to_o be_v the_o lord_n expect_v acceptance_n only_o for_o the_o sake_n and_o merit_n of_o jesus_n christ_n sure_o god_n require_v nothing_o of_o i_o but_o what_o he_o have_v first_o give_v to_o i_o all_o that_o he_o require_v be_v but_o the_o reflection_n of_o his_o love_n back_o again_o when_o i_o have_v have_v the_o comfort_n of_o it_o o_o what_o thanks_o and_o praise_n shall_v i_o render_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o say_v with_o david_n bless_v the_o lord_n o_o my_o soul_n and_o all_o that_o be_v within_o i_o bless_v his_o holy_a name_n bless_v the_o lord_n o_o my_o soul_n and_o forget_v not_o all_o his_o benefit_n he_o forgive_v all_o thy_o iniquity_n etc._n etc._n thou_o be_v my_o god_n and_o i_o will_v praise_v thou_o thou_o be_v my_o god_n and_o i_o will_v extol_v thou_o o_o give_v thanks_o unto_o the_o lord_n for_o he_o be_v good_a for_o his_o mercy_n endure_v for_o ever_o for_o he_o satisfy_v the_o long_a soul_n and_o fill_v the_o hungry_a with_o good_a thing_n i_o will_v bless_v the_o lord_n at_o all_o time_n and_o his_o praise_n shall_v be_v continual_o in_o my_o mouth_n i_o will_v love_v the_o lord_n because_o he_o have_v hear_v the_o voice_n of_o my_o supplication_n because_o he_o have_v incline_v his_o ear_n unto_o i_o therefore_o will_v i_o call_v upon_o he_o as_o long_o as_o i_o live_v i_o will_v extol_v thou_o my_o god_n o_o king_n i_o will_v bless_v thy_o name_n for_o ever_o and_o ever_o i_o will_v praise_v the_o lord_n while_o i_o live_v i_o will_v sing_v praise_n to_o my_o god_n while_o i_o have_v any_o be_v and_o now_o when_o i_o look_v back_o upon_o this_o i_o can_v but_o rejoice_v in_o the_o lord_n and_o joy_n in_o the_o god_n of_o my_o salvation_n because_o i_o hope_v i_o have_v go_v through_o the_o pang_n of_o the_o new_a birth_n and_o true_o enter_v in_o at_o the_o strait_a gate_n and_o be_o now_o go_v the_o narrow_a way_n that_o lead_v to_o eternal_a life_n which_o i_o hope_v to_o obtain_v through_o the_o merit_n of_o jesus_n christ_n my_o saviour_n and_o again_o when_o i_o reflect_v and_o look_v back_o upon_o all_o these_o thing_n what_o cause_n have_v i_o to_o bewail_v the_o sin_n of_o my_o youth_n and_o the_o state_n of_o my_o unregeneracy_n which_o be_v spend_v in_o sin_n and_o vanity_n and_o in_o those_o thing_n wherein_o there_o be_v no_o profit_n if_o god_n shall_v remember_v against_o i_o the_o sin_n of_o my_o youth_n he_o may_v write_v bitter_a thing_n against_o i_o if_o i_o shall_v live_v the_o age_n of_o methusalah_n and_o spend_v all_o my_o time_n in_o weep_v the_o tear_n of_o my_o life_n to_o come_v be_v not_o sufficient_a to_o bewail_v the_o sin_n of_o my_o life_n past_a o_o what_o do_v i_o lose_v when_o i_o enjoy_v no_o communion_n with_o god_n how_o much_o rich_a might_n i_o have_v be_v in_o grace_n and_o holiness_n and_o i_o set_v out_o in_o the_o way_n to_o heaven_n soon_o but_o this_o be_v my_o comfort_n though_o i_o do_v not_o come_v in_o at_o the_o first_o hour_n yet_o i_o do_v not_o stay_v till_o the_o last_o this_o be_v the_o lord_n mercy_n but_o my_o sin_n before_o conversion_n be_v not_o all_o the_o sin_n which_o i_o have_v to_o mourn_v for_o but_o the_o sin_n which_o i_o have_v be_v guilty_a of_o since_o and_o in_o some_o measure_n my_o sin_n be_v great_a since_o than_o they_o be_v before_o for_o i_o have_v now_o sin_v against_o clear_a light_n dear_a love_n more_o manifestation_n of_o god_n goodness_n more_o experience_n of_o his_o kindness_n more_o resolution_n to_o obey_v he_o great_a obligation_n to_o serve_v he_o so_o that_o i_o be_o ashamed_a to_o think_v how_o unthankful_a my_o walk_n have_v be_v since_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o some_o desire_n to_o serve_v he_o some_o care_n to_o please_v he_o and_o some_o fear_n to_o offend_v he_o when_o he_o be_v please_v first_o to_o lift_v up_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n upon_o i_o and_o speak_v peace_n to_o my_o soul_n after_o so_o many_o temptation_n and_o trouble_v of_o conscience_n then_o i_o do_v not_o only_o serve_v he_o with_o joy_n and_o thankfulness_n but_o also_o with_o life_n and_o vigour_n o_o how_o be_v my_o heart_n affect_v with_o spiritual_a thing_n when_o i_o pray_v it_o be_v with_o sense_n and_o feel_v it_o be_v not_o only_o in_o word_n but_o i_o pour_v out_o my_o soul_n before_o the_o lord_n when_o i_o hear_v the_o word_n of_o god_n how_o do_v i_o hear_v as_o for_o my_o life_n and_o perform_v every_o duty_n as_o for_o eternity_n i_o do_v not_o look_v upon_o duty_n mere_o as_o a_o task_n but_o account_v it_o a_o great_a privilege_n to_o draw_v nigh_o to_o god_n in_o the_o way_n of_o his_o appointment_n i_o find_v it_o be_v not_o in_o vain_a to_o seek_v he_o i_o be_v even_o fill_v with_o the_o admiration_n of_o his_o love_n and_o the_o consolation_n of_o the_o spirit_n and_o my_o heart_n be_v enlarge_v and_o run_v the_o way_n of_o his_o commandment_n with_o great_a delight_n and_o comfort_n i_o can_v say_v with_o the_o church_n as_o the_o appletree_n among_o the_o tree_n of_o the_o wood_n so_o be_v my_o belove_a jesus_n to_o my_o soul_n i_o sit_v down_o under_o his_o shadow_n with_o great_a delight_n and_o his_o fruit_n be_v sweet_a unto_o my_o taste_n i_o can_v in_o some_o measure_n say_v with_o david_n as_o the_o hart_n pant_v after_o the_o water-brook_n so_o pant_v my_o soul_n after_o thou_o o_o god_n my_o soul_n thirst_v for_o god_n for_o the_o live_a god_n when_o shall_v i_o come_v and_o appear_v before_o god_n o_o god_n thou_o be_v my_o god_n early_o will_v i_o seek_v thou_o my_o flesh_n long_v for_o thou_o in_o a_o dry_a and_o thirsty_a land_n where_o no_o water_n be_v how_o amiable_a be_v thy_o tabernacle_n o_o lord_n of_o host_n my_o soul_n long_v yea_o even_o faint_v for_o the_o court_n of_o the_o lord_n for_o a_o day_n in_o thy_o court_n be_v better_a than_o a_o thousand_o etc._n etc._n my_o soul_n wait_v for_o god_n from_o who_o come_v my_o salvation_n he_o only_o be_v my_o rock_n and_o my_o salvation_n he_o be_v my_o defence_n i_o shall_v not_o be_v great_o move_v in_o god_n be_v my_o salvation_n and_o my_o glory_n the_o rock_n of_o my_o strength_n and_o my_o refuge_n be_v in_o god_n because_o thy_o lovingkindness_n be_v better_a than_o life_n my_o lip_n shall_v praise_v thou_o my_o soul_n shall_v be_v satisfy_v as_o with_o marrow_n and_o fatness_n and_o my_o mouth_n shall_v praise_v thou_o with_o joyful_a li_n with_o my_o whole_a heart_n have_v i_o seek_v thou_o o_o lord_n let_v i_o not_o wander_v from_o thy_o commandment_n thou_o be_v my_o portion_n o_o lord_n i_o have_v say_v i_o will_v keep_v thy_o precept_n for_o with_o they_o thou_o have_v quicken_v i_o o_o how_o love_v i_o thy_o law_n it_o be_v my_o meditation_n all_o the_o day_n how_o sweet_a be_v thy_o word_n to_o my_o taste_n yea_o sweet_a than_o honey_n to_o my_o mouth_n therefore_o i_o love_v thy_o commandment_n above_o gold_n yea_o above_o fine_a gold_n thus_o be_v my_o heart_n fill_v with_o joy_n and_o my_o mouth_n with_o praise_n and_o though_o my_o dwelling_n be_v on_o earth_n yet_o my_o conversation_n be_v in_o heaven_n i_o look_v upon_o all_o thing_n here_o below_o with_o a_o indifferent_a eye_n i_o can_v in_o some_o measure_n say_v with_o paul_n none_o of_o these_o thing_n move_v i_o neither_o count_v i_o my_o life_n dear_a to_o myself_o so_o i_o may_v finish_v my_o course_n with_o joy_n i_o be_v then_o able_a to_o make_v a_o spiritual_a use_n of_o every_o providence_n and_o of_o every_o mercy_n and_o of_o every_o thing_n i_o meet_v with_o i_o find_v the_o assistance_n of_o the_o holy_a spirit_n to_o perform_v spiritual_a duty_n in_o a_o spiritual_a manner_n and_o help_v and_o direct_v i_o to_o some_o duty_n which_o i_o never_o know_v to_o be_v my_o duty_n and_o though_o i_o can_v say_v i_o be_v whole_o free_a from_o temptation_n yet_o i_o can_v say_v whenever_o satan_n begin_v to_o set_v upon_o i_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o see_v that_o it_o
bear_v the_o cross_n as_o well_o as_o receive_v the_o crown_n now_o it_o be_v say_v if_o we_o suffer_v with_o he_o we_o shall_v also_o reign_v with_o he_o 2_o tim._n 2._o 12._o these_o thing_n it_o please_v god_n to_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n as_o some_o ground_n of_o hope_n that_o my_o state_n be_v good_a i_o enter_v these_o thing_n here_o aug._n 11._o 1676._o now_o my_o intention_n be_v if_o it_o please_v god_n to_o make_v use_n of_o other_o help_n and_o search_v my_o heart_n by_o they_o and_o enter_v they_o down_o here_o that_o i_o may_v have_v resort_n to_o they_o in_o a_o time_n of_o need_n anâ—_n the_o lord_n help_v i_o further_o in_o this_o great_a work_n of_o self-examination_n that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v deceive_v for_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n sake_n have_v endeavour_v to_o search_v my_o heart_n thorough_o after_o earnest_a prayer_n to_o god_n i_o hope_v i_o find_v the_o evidence_n of_o grace_n in_o i_o that_o mr._n allen_n have_v lay_v down_o which_o be_v these_o 1._o where_o there_o be_v true_a grace_n there_o be_v a_o hearty_a willingness_n to_o part_v with_o every_o sin_n where_o ever_o there_o be_v this_o breach_n make_v between_o sin_n and_o the_o soul_n it_o be_v grace_n that_o have_v make_v it_o when_o sin_n have_v lose_v the_o will_n it_o have_v lose_v the_o man_n when_o christ_n have_v gain_v the_o will_n he_o have_v gain_v the_o man._n give_v i_o thy_o heart_n be_v the_o same_o as_o be_v willing_a to_o be_v i_o reason_n say_v i_o ought_v to_o turn_v conscience_n say_v i_o must_v turn_v and_o yet_o nothing_o may_v follow_v but_o when_o the_o heart_n say_v i_o will_v turn_v to_o god_n than_o the_o work_n be_v do_v reason_n say_v these_o idol_n ought_v not_o to_o stand_v conscience_n say_v these_o lust_n must_v be_v subdue_v but_o when_o the_o will_n say_v to_o they_o get_v you_o hence_o there_o be_v a_o work_n of_o grace_n begin_v this_o willingness_n discover_v itself_o to_o be_v prevail_v first_o when_o a_o man_n be_v true_o willing_a to_o part_v with_o sin_n there_o will_v be_v resolution_n against_o it_o he_o take_v part_n with_o god_n against_o sin_n and_o use_v all_o mean_n for_o the_o conquer_a of_o it_o second_o this_o resolution_n will_v bring_v forth_o resistance_n a_o heart_n weary_a of_o sin_n will_v fall_v to_o strive_v against_o sin_n gal._n 5._o 17._o the_o flesh_n lust_v against_o the_o spirit_n and_o the_o spirit_n against_o the_o flesh_n those_o two_o be_v contrary_a one_o to_o the_o other_o 2._o where_o ever_o there_o be_v true_a grace_n there_o be_v a_o prefer_n in_o the_o esteem_n and_o choice_n of_o a_o strict_a and_o sincere_a godly_a life_n above_o any_o other_o life_n in_o the_o world_n though_o the_o foolish_a world_n run_v a_o mad_n after_o money_n and_o pleasure_n spend_v their_o day_n waste_v their_o life_n prostitute_v their_o conscience_n throw_v away_o their_o soul_n upon_o these_o thing_n yet_o one_o drachm_n of_o godliness_n one_o day_n spend_v in_o the_o fear_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v better_a than_o all_o this_o psal_n 4._o 6._o there_o be_v many_o that_o say_v who_o will_v show_v we_o any_o good_a but_o lord_n lift_v thou_o up_o the_o light_n of_o thy_o countenance_n on_o i_o say_v a_o gracious_a soul_n thou_o have_v put_v gladness_n in_o my_o heart_n more_o than_o in_o the_o time_n when_o their_o corn_n and_o wine_n increase_v psal_n 17._o 14_o 15._o the_o man_n of_o the_o world_n have_v their_o portion_n in_o this_o life_n their_o belly_n thou_o fille_v with_o thy_o hide_a treasure_n they_o be_v full_a of_o child_n and_o leave_v the_o rest_n of_o their_o substance_n to_o their_o babe_n but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o will_v behold_v thy_o face_n in_o righteousness_n i_o shall_v be_v satisfy_v when_o i_o awake_v in_o thy_o likeness_n the_o man_n of_o this_o world_n as_o they_o seek_v so_o they_o have_v their_o portion_n in_o this_o life_n they_o have_v a_o gallant_a time_n of_o it_o here_o great_a portion_n great_a prosperity_n enough_o to_o spend_v on_o themselves_o and_o leave_v to_o their_o child_n after_o they_o this_o they_o have_v and_o much_o good_a may_v it_o do_v they_o let_v i_o but_o behold_v the_o face_n of_o god_n in_o righteousness_n walk_v before_o the_o lord_n in_o my_o integrity_n keep_v a_o good_a conscience_n live_v in_o the_o obedience_n of_o his_o will_n and_o in_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n and_o then_o let_v they_o take_v the_o corn_n and_o wine_n and_o what_o else_o they_o can_v get_v let_v the_o lord_n be_v i_o and_o i_o shall_v never_o envy_v they_o their_o portion_n psal_n 119._o 30._o i_o have_v choose_v the_o way_n of_o truth_n v._n 111._o thy_o testimony_n have_v i_o take_v as_o my_o heritage_n for_o ever_o observe_v 1._o that_o a_o godly_a man_n settle_a judgement_n be_v that_o a_o godly_a life_n be_v the_o best_a and_o happy_a life_n 2._o that_o a_o godly_a man_n choice_n be_v according_a to_o his_o judgement_n he_o esteem_v the_o fear_n of_o the_o lord_n above_o gold_n and_o he_o choose_v it_o before_o gold_n he_o be_v better_a please_v and_o do_v rather_o take_v up_o with_o the_o mean_a and_o most_o afflict_a condition_n in_o a_o way_n of_o holiness_n than_o with_o the_o most_o plentiful_a and_o prosperous_a estate_n in_o a_o way_n of_o sin_n he_o prefer_v the_o poverty_n of_o christ_n before_o the_o riches_n of_o the_o world_n 3._o godly_a man_n and_o worldly_a man_n may_v be_v know_v one_o from_o the_o other_o by_o the_o choice_n they_o make_v for_o themselves_o he_o that_o make_v a_o worldly_a choice_n be_v a_o worldly_a man_n and_o he_o that_o make_v a_o godly_a choice_n be_v a_o godly_a man._n 3._o whosoever_o have_v true_a grace_n do_v actual_o live_v a_o godly_a life_n the_o tree_n be_v best_a know_v by_o its_o fruit_n the_o sincerity_n of_o our_o purpose_n by_o our_o performance_n he_o that_o do_v righteousness_n be_v righteous_a 1_o joh._n 3._o 7._o a_o godly_a man_n make_v godliness_n the_o business_n of_o his_o life_n religion_n be_v a_o christian_n trade_n a_o man_n trade_n be_v his_o constant_a work_n and_o not_o the_o exercise_n of_o now_o and_o then_o a_o day_n or_o two_o godliness_n be_v a_o christian_n be_v daily_a walk_n do_v not_o inquire_v only_o about_o your_o affection_n what_o your_o desire_n be_v or_o what_o your_o joy_n be_v what_o your_o comfort_n be_v or_o what_o your_o peace_n be_v but_o what_o your_o path_n be_v when_o all_o come_v to_o all_o this_o be_v the_o sure_a mark_n he_o that_o have_v righteousness_n be_v righteous_a he_o that_o do_v not_o righteousness_n be_v not_o of_o god_n mr._n sheppard_n in_o his_o sincere_a convert_n lay_v down_o three_o mark_n wherein_o a_o child_n of_o god_n go_v beyond_o a_o hypocrite_n and_o i_o have_v examine_v my_o heart_n hope_v i_o find_v they_o in_o i_o 1._o no_o hypocrite_n or_o unregenerate_a man_n though_o he_o go_v never_o so_o far_o let_v he_o do_v never_o so_o much_o but_o he_o live_v in_o one_o sin_n or_o other_o secret_a or_o open_a little_a or_o great_a now_o i_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n i_o do_v not_o live_v in_o any_o sin_n 2._o no_o hypocrite_n no_o unregenerate_a man_n ever_o come_v to_o be_v poor_a in_o spirit_n and_o to_o be_v carry_v off_o from_o all_o duty_n unto_o christ_n in_o regard_n of_o dependence_n and_o trust_n if_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o they_o to_o forsake_v and_o break_v loose_a for_o ever_o from_o all_o sin_n yet_o here_o they_o stick_v they_o seek_v to_o save_v themselves_o by_o their_o duty_n without_o christ_n now_o if_o my_o heart_n do_v not_o very_o much_o deceive_v i_o i_o desire_v to_o renounce_v all_o thing_n and_o rest_v only_o on_o christ_n 3._o if_o any_o unregenerate_a man_n come_v unto_o christ_n he_o never_o take_v up_o his_o rest_n in_o christ_n only_o but_o he_o will_v have_v christ_n and_o the_o world_n too_o be_v not_o content_a with_o christ_n alone_o but_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o be_v content_a with_o christ_n alone_o and_o to_o say_v as_o the_o martyr_n none_o but_o christ_n none_o but_o christ_n mr._n d._n in_o his_o book_n of_o the_o lord_n supper_n to_o prove_v that_o one_o have_v a_o principle_n of_o spiritual_a life_n and_o be_v not_o dead_a in_o trespass_n and_o sin_n write_v thus_o can_v thou_o groan_v and_o cry_v to_o the_o lord_n for_o a_o interest_n in_o christ_n and_o will_v nothing_o quiet_a and_o still_v thou_o but_o jesus_n christ_n then_o sure_o thou_o do_v live_v all_o the_o creature_n can_v quiet_v thou_o till_o thou_o have_v hope_n that_o christ_n be_v form_v in_o thou_o sure_o i_o find_v this_o sign_n of_o spiritual_a life_n in_o i_o again_o do_v thou_o grow_v it_o may_v be_v thou_o can_v not_o say_v thou_o have_v more_o grace_n but_o
this_o thou_o find_v thou_o have_v more_o desire_n after_o grace_n that_o be_v more_o grace_n be_v thou_o not_o only_o thankful_a for_o a_o little_a grace_n but_o art_n reach_v after_o more_o do_v thou_o grow_v more_o weary_a of_o thy_o sin_n and_o more_o earnest_a after_o christ_n i_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n it_o be_v thus_o with_o i_o that_o i_o be_o more_o weary_a of_o sin_n and_o desire_v more_o grace_n now_o growth_n be_v a_o sign_n of_o life_n again_o put_v this_o question_n to_o thyself_o do_v i_o hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o christ_n this_o be_v a_o evidence_n of_o spiritual_a life_n dead_a man_n do_v not_o hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o christ_n now_o i_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n i_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o christ_n and_o nothing_o but_o himself_o will_v content_v i_o again_o ask_v thy_o soul_n do_v i_o love_v god_n and_o christ_n or_o do_v i_o not_o these_o mark_v he_o give_v of_o love_n to_o christ_n lord_n i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o be_o grieve_v at_o thy_o absence_n and_o be_o rejoice_v at_o thy_o presence_n lord_n i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o love_v those_o that_o be_v like_o thou_o o_o my_o lord_n i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o love_v the_o place_n and_o duty_n where_o thou_o be_v wont_a to_o meet_v thy_o people_n and_o warm_v their_o heart_n but_o if_o thou_o be_v not_o there_o i_o can_v take_v up_o content_o with_o they_o lord_n i_o humble_o say_v i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o dare_v not_o deny_v but_o i_o be_o grieve_v when_o thou_o be_v dishonour_v by_o myself_o or_o other_o though_o i_o grieve_v for_o this_o less_o than_o i_o shall_v because_o i_o love_v thou_o less_o than_o i_o ought_v lord_n i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o desire_v to_o have_v a_o heart_n that_o shall_v be_v willing_a to_o part_v with_o all_o for_o thou_o thing_n sinful_a in_o themselves_o at_o all_o time_n and_o thing_n lawful_a when_o thou_o call_v i_o to_o it_o once_o more_o i_o humble_o say_v i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o will_v have_v a_o heart_n to_o love_n and_o long_o and_o look_v for_o thy_o come_v and_o appearance_n in_o glory_n mr._n ambrose_n direct_v to_o try_v our_o title_n to_o heaven_n advise_v first_o to_o write_v down_o the_o scripture-marks_a or_o grace_n or_o glory_n and_o mention_n these_o several_a scripture_n follow_v 1_o joh._n 2._o 3._o hereby_o we_o know_v that_o we_o know_v he_o if_o we_o keep_v his_o commandment_n 2_o cor._n 1._o 12._o for_o our_o rejoice_n be_v this_o the_o testimony_n of_o our_o conscience_n that_o in_o godly_a simplicity_n and_o sincerity_n we_o have_v have_v our_o conversation_n in_o the_o world_n 1_o joh._n 3._o 9_o 10._o whosoever_o be_v bear_v of_o god_n sin_v not_o because_o his_o seed_n abide_v in_o he_o neither_o can_v he_o sin_v because_o he_o be_v bear_v of_o god_n in_o this_o the_o child_n of_o god_n be_v manifest_a etc._n etc._n 1_o joh._n 4._o 13._o hereby_o we_o know_v that_o we_o dwell_v in_o he_o and_o he_o in_o we_o because_o he_o have_v give_v we_o of_o his_o spirit_n 1_o joh._n 3._o 14._o we_o know_v that_o we_o have_v pass_v from_o death_n to_o life_n because_o we_o love_v the_o brethren_n james_n 1._o 12._o there_o be_v a_o crown_n of_o life_n the_o lord_n have_v promise_v to_o they_o that_o love_v he_o but_o above_o all_o observe_v these_o text_n follow_v as_o contain_v the_o special_a gospel-condition_n to_o which_o we_o find_v so_o often_o annex_v the_o promise_n of_o justification_n and_o glorification_n joh._n 3._o 16._o god_n so_o love_v the_o world_n that_o he_o give_v his_o only_a beget_v son_n that_o whosoever_o believe_v in_o he_o shall_v not_o perish_v but_o have_v everlasting_a life_n joh._n 5._o 24._o he_o that_o believe_v have_v everlasting_a life_n and_o shall_v not_o come_v into_o condemnation_n but_o be_v pass_v from_o death_n unto_o life_n joh._n 6._o 40._o and_o this_o be_v the_o will_n of_o he_o that_o send_v i_o that_o every_o one_o that_o see_v the_o son_n and_o believe_v in_o he_o may_v have_v everlasting_a life_n joh._n 20._o 31._o these_o thing_n be_v write_v that_o you_o may_v believe_v that_o jesus_n be_v the_o christ_n the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o that_o believe_v you_o may_v have_v life_n through_o his_o name_n act_n 16._o 31._o believe_v on_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n and_o thou_o shall_v be_v save_v rom._n 10._o 9_o 10._o if_o thou_o shall_v confess_v with_o thy_o mouth_n the_o lord_n jesus_n and_o shall_v believe_v in_o thy_o heart_n that_o god_n have_v raise_v he_o from_o the_o dead_a thou_o shall_v be_v save_v heb._n 10._o 39_o we_o be_v not_o of_o they_o who_o draw_v back_o unto_o perdition_n but_o of_o they_o that_o believe_v to_o the_o save_n of_o the_o soul_n 1_o joh._n 5._o 13._o these_o thing_n have_v i_o write_v unto_o you_o that_o believe_v in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n that_o you_o may_v know_v that_o you_o have_v eternal_a life_n from_o the_o first_o text_n we_o gather_v the_o scripture_n mark_v of_o universal_a obedience_n from_o the_o second_o sincerity_n from_o the_o three_o opposition_n against_o and_o abstinence_n from_o sin_n from_o the_o four_o spiritual_a performance_n of_o holy_a duty_n from_o the_o five_o a_o love_n of_o the_o brethren_n from_o the_o six_o a_o love_n of_o christ_n from_o all_o the_o rest_n faith_n in_o christ_n the_o root_n and_o spring_n of_o all_o other_o grace_n and_o necessary_a condition_n of_o pardon_n and_o eternal_a life_n proceed_v we_o now_o to_o put_v the_o question_n to_o ourselves_o but_o be_v sure_o to_o state_n it_o aright_o let_v it_o not_o be_v whether_o there_o be_v any_o good_a in_o we_o at_o all_o for_o so_o we_o shall_v err_v on_o the_o one_o hand_n nor_o yet_o whether_o we_o have_v such_o and_o such_o a_o degree_n and_o measure_n of_o grace_n for_o so_o we_o shall_v err_v on_o the_o other_o hand_n but_o whether_o according_a to_o the_o forementioned_a scripture_n such_o and_o such_o a_o save_a grace_n be_v in_o we_o or_o not_o now_o i_o have_v beg_v of_o god_n his_o help_n to_o try_v the_o state_n of_o my_o soul_n by_o what_o follow_v this_o 17_o of_o august_n 1676._o and_o i_o do_v hope_n i_o find_v the_o true_a mark_n of_o save_a grace_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o desire_v here_o to_o enter_v they_o down_o that_o i_o may_v have_v recourse_n to_o it_o in_o time_n of_o need_n and_o the_o lord_n grant_v i_o be_v sincere_a 1._o o_o my_o soul_n have_v thou_o respect_v to_o and_o do_v observe_v all_o god_n commandment_n do_v thou_o keep_v the_o law_n in_o truth_n and_o sincerity_n though_o not_o in_o gradual_a perfection_n do_v thou_o know_v god_n in_o part_n and_o love_n god_n true_o by_o a_o sincere_a obedience_n do_v thou_o keep_v the_o commandment_n in_o a_o evangelical_n sense_n and_o wherein_o thou_o fail_v do_v thou_o acknowledge_v thy_o fail_n and_o rely_v upon_o christ_n for_o pardon_n be_v thy_o universal_a obedience_n internal_a and_o spiritual_a as_o well_o as_o external_a be_v thy_o delight_n in_o the_o law_n of_o god_n after_o the_o inward_a man_n be_v thy_o obedience_n to_o the_o duty_n of_o both_o table_n do_v thou_o make_v conscience_n of_o particular_a duty_n in_o every_o relation_n 2._o o_o my_o soul_n have_v thou_o sincerity_n and_o uprightness_n of_o heart_n be_v there_o a_o powerful_a change_n of_o the_o whole_a man_n by_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n do_v thou_o do_v what_o be_v good_a upon_o this_o account_n because_o god_n command_v it_o not_o because_o it_o will_v agree_v with_o thy_o end_n and_o advantage_n but_o because_o god_n have_v require_v it_o be_v thou_o diligent_a and_o conscientious_a in_o secret_a duty_n to_o perform_v they_o and_o in_o spiritual_a or_o heart_n sin_n and_o secret_a lust_n to_o avoid_v they_o do_v thou_o serve_v god_n in_o spirit_n do_v thou_o eye_n god_n whether_o in_o private_a or_o public_a do_v thou_o set_v thyself_o zealous_o against_o those_o sin_n thou_o be_v most_o incline_v unto_o do_v thou_o hate_v sin_n most_o in_o thyself_o and_o in_o those_o that_o be_v near_a unto_o thou_o have_v thou_o respect_v to_o all_o god_n commandment_n but_o yet_o to_o the_o duty_n of_o the_o first_o table_n before_o the_o second_o to_o the_o command_v of_o great_a duty_n before_o those_o of_o lesser_a duty_n or_o if_o in_o all_o these_o particular_n thou_o find_v not_o such_o a_o uprightness_n as_o have_v no_o deceit_n or_o falsehood_n or_o carnal_a respect_n at_o all_o join_v with_o it_o for_o as_o all_o other_o grace_n be_v but_o in_o part_n so_o be_v we_o sincere_a and_o upright_o but_o in_o part_n be_v thou_o humble_v under_o thy_o hypocrisy_n and_o spiritual_a guile_n and_o do_v thou_o trust_v only_o to_o christ_n and_o do_v thou_o cry_v as_o david_n do_v for_o truth_n in_o the_o
inward_a part_n do_v thou_o observe_v the_o frame_n of_o thy_o heart_n in_o those_o thing_n which_o none_o but_o god_n know_v 3._o o_o my_o soul_n do_v thou_o oppose_v and_o abstain_v from_o sin_n and_o be_v this_o opposition_n and_o abstinence_n settle_v and_o fix_v in_o thy_o heart_n not_o only_o for_o some_o fit_n and_o season_n but_o be_v it_o the_o habitual_a inclination_n of_o thy_o soul_n be_v there_o in_o thou_o a_o difficulty_n yea_o a_o kind_n of_o impossibility_n to_o sin_n with_o wilfulness_n and_o purpose_a continuance_n or_o with_o such_o a_o universal_a consent_n of_o soul_n as_o wicked_a man_n do_v and_o do_v this_o impossibility_n to_o sin_n arise_v from_o a_o kindly_a work_n of_o grace_n within_o and_o not_o from_o any_o terrible_a restraint_n upon_o thy_o conscience_n without_o do_v thou_o in_o good_a measure_n and_o by_o degree_n not_o only_o leave_v outward_a gross_a sin_n but_o even_o conquer_v and_o crucify_v the_o inward_a body_n of_o sin_n do_v thou_o oppose_v and_o leave_v sin_n because_o of_o the_o evil_a nature_n of_o sin_n because_o it_o be_v contrary_a to_o god_n be_v the_o bent_n and_o inclination_n of_o thy_o heart_n against_o sin_n universal_o do_v thou_o with_o paul_n bewail_v the_o evil_a motion_n of_o thy_o heart_n do_v thou_o with_o hezekiah_n humble_v thyself_o for_o the_o pride_n of_o thy_o heart_n be_v pride_n unbelief_n earthliness_n and_o the_o several_a lust_n of_o thy_o soul_n discover_v and_o crucify_v do_v thou_o abhor_v secret_a sin_n as_o well_o as_o public_a and_o fear_n god_n knowledge_n of_o thy_o sin_n more_o than_o all_o the_o world_n do_v thou_o abhor_v and_o lament_v defect_n in_o holy_a ordinance_n as_o well_o as_o gross_a sin_n neglect_v of_o holy_a duty_n lukewarmness_n and_o distraction_n therein_o do_v thou_o not_o only_o oppose_v sin_n in_o thyself_o but_o set_v against_o it_o in_o other_o do_v thou_o choose_v rather_o to_o suffer_v affliction_n with_o the_o people_n of_o god_n than_o to_o sin_n against_o god_n be_v thou_o such_o a_o one_o that_o thou_o can_v not_o sin_v as_o other_o thou_o dare_v not_o sin_n thou_o have_v a_o averseness_n to_o sin_n do_v thou_o not_o live_v in_o a_o course_n of_o know_a sin_n thou_o sin_v not_o out_o of_o malice_n nor_o make_v a_o trade_n of_o sin_n 4._o o_o my_o soul_n do_v thou_o perform_v duty_n spiritual_o be_v thy_o motive_n and_o end_n spiritual_a in_o thy_o spiritual_a action_n such_o as_o the_o command_n of_o god_n enjoy_v of_o communion_n with_o god_n the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n increase_v of_o grace_n etc._n etc._n be_v there_o zeal_n fervency_n activity_n in_o thy_o performance_n of_o duty_n be_v there_o in_o thou_o a_o free_a inclination_n to_o the_o duty_n that_o god_n require_v be_v there_o in_o thou_o strong_a opposition_n and_o combat_n against_o the_o flesh_n and_o unregenerate_a part_n 5._o o_o my_o soul_n do_v thou_o love_v the_o brethren_n do_v thou_o love_v they_o because_o of_o the_o image_n of_o god_n in_o they_o do_v thou_o love_v they_o because_o they_o be_v godly_a do_v thou_o love_v all_o the_o godly_a rich_a and_o poor_a high_a and_o low_a but_o they_o most_o of_o all_o that_o excel_v most_o in_o purity_n and_o godliness_n be_v thou_o ready_a and_o willing_a to_o own_v they_o as_o brethren_n and_o to_o join_v with_o they_o in_o time_n of_o persecution_n have_v thou_o a_o holy_a zeal_n against_o sinner_n a_o impatiency_n and_o holy_a grief_n at_o the_o wickedness_n of_o other_o do_v thou_o procure_v all_o spiritual_a good_a to_o the_o brethren_n as_o thou_o be_v able_a do_v thou_o pray_v for_o they_o exhort_v they_o provoke_v they_o to_o good_a do_v thou_o bear_v their_o burden_n and_o forbear_v their_o infirmity_n and_o if_o sometime_o thou_o find_v some_o envy_n some_o impatiency_n towards_o some_o of_o the_o brethren_n for_o in_o the_o best_a be_v imperfection_n of_o grace_n yet_o be_v thy_o soul_n trouble_v at_o this_o do_v thou_o pray_v down_o these_o sin_n in_o thy_o heart_n and_o be_v thou_o at_o no_o rest_n till_o it_o be_v otherwise_o with_o thou_o be_v thou_o not_o ashamed_a to_o be_v call_v one_o of_o the_o believer_n one_o of_o the_o holy_a brethren_n in_o time_n of_o persecution_n 6._o o_o my_o soul_n do_v thou_o love_v christ_n do_v thou_o evidence_n this_o love_n by_o keep_v his_o commandment_n and_o by_o accept_v of_o his_o rebuke_n be_v thy_o love_n to_o christ_n a_o strong_a and_o last_a everliving_a and_o continue_a love_n do_v thou_o love_v he_o in_o sincerity_n can_v many_o water_n of_o affliction_n quench_v this_o thy_o love_n nor_o the_o flood_n of_o persecution_n drown_v it_o be_v thy_o love_n a_o transcendent_a love_n surpass_v all_o other_o love_n do_v the_o love_n of_o father_n mother_n wife_n son_n daughter_n brother_n sister_n yea_o and_o of_o thy_o own_o life_n also_o give_v place_n to_o this_o love_n do_v christ_n sit_v in_o the_o throne_n of_o thy_o heart_n and_o do_v all_o these_o sit_v below_o at_o the_o footstool_n do_v thou_o bear_v such_o fervent_a warm_a affection_n to_o christ_n that_o thou_o will_v be_v content_a to_o part_v with_o all_o rather_o than_o part_v with_o he_o can_v thou_o say_v with_o david_n the_o lord_n be_v my_o portion_n and_o who_o have_v i_o in_o heaven_n but_o thou_o and_o who_o on_o earth_n that_o i_o desire_v in_o comparison_n of_o thou_o the_o world_n it_o may_v be_v will_v be_v sometime_o creep_v into_o thy_o affection_n thou_o can_v not_o be_v quite_o free_a from_o the_o love_n of_o the_o world_n yet_o do_v thou_o in_o thy_o ordinary_n settle_a prevail_a judgement_n and_o affection_n prefer_v christ_n before_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n do_v thou_o make_v christ_n the_o end_n of_o thy_o desire_n the_o very_a reason_n why_o thou_o hear_v and_o pray_v do_v thou_o first_o seek_v the_o kingdom_n of_o christ_n and_o his_o righteousness_n if_o thou_o do_v not_o seek_v it_o so_o zealous_o as_o thou_o shall_v yet_o have_v it_o the_o chief_a of_o thy_o desire_n and_o endeavour_n and_o be_v nothing_o else_o desire_v and_o prefer_v before_o it_o be_v thy_o valuation_n of_o it_o so_o high_a that_o thou_o will_v not_o exchange_v thy_o title_n to_o it_o and_o hope_n of_o god_n acceptance_n for_o any_o worldly_a good_a whatsoever_o nay_o be_v thou_o willing_a to_o labour_n and_o suffer_v for_o it_o and_o though_o the_o flesh_n may_v sometime_o shrink_v or_o draw_v back_o yet_o be_v thou_o resolve_v and_o content_a to_o go_v through_o all_o 7._o o_o my_o soul_n do_v thou_o believe_v in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n do_v thou_o find_v that_o thou_o be_v natural_o a_o lose_a condemn_a creature_n and_o do_v thou_o believe_v that_o jesus_n christ_n be_v the_o mediator_n who_o have_v make_v a_o sufficient_a satisfaction_n to_o the_o law_n and_o consider_v that_o in_o the_o gospel_n he_o be_v offer_v without_o exception_n to_o all_o do_v thou_o hearty_o consent_v that_o he_o and_o he_o alone_o shall_v be_v thy_o saviour_n be_v thou_o content_a to_o take_v he_o for_o thy_o king_n to_o govern_v and_o guide_v thou_o by_o his_o law_n and_o spirit_n be_v thou_o willing_a to_o obey_v he_o even_o when_o he_o command_v the_o hard_a duty_n and_o those_o which_o most_o cross_a the_o desire_v of_o the_o flesh_n be_v it_o thy_o sorrow_n when_o thou_o break_v thy_o resolution_n herein_o and_o thy_o joy_n when_o thou_o keep_v close_a in_o obedience_n to_o he_o and_o though_o the_o world_n and_o flesh_n do_v sometime_o entice_v and_o overreach_v thou_o yet_o be_v it_o thy_o ordinary_a desire_n and_o resolution_n to_o obey_v so_o that_o thou_o will_v not_o change_v thy_o lord_n and_o master_n for_o all_o the_o world_n by_o these_o thing_n he_o advise_v to_o try_v and_o bring_v our_o heart_n to_o answer_v suffer_v they_o not_o to_o be_v silent_a nor_o to_o think_v of_o other_o matter_n if_o any_o question_n be_v hard_a through_o the_o darkness_n of_o our_o heart_n yet_o do_v not_o give_v it_o over_o but_o search_v the_o close_o and_o study_v the_o case_n the_o more_o exact_o and_o if_o it_o be_v possible_a let_v not_o our_o heart_n give_v over_o till_o we_o have_v resolve_v the_o question_n and_o tell_v we_o off_o or_o on_o in_o what_o case_n we_o be_v yea_o wrestle_v with_o thy_o heart_n till_o thou_o have_v prevail_v and_o say_v i_o will_v not_o let_v thou_o go_v till_o thou_o have_v answer_v he_o that_o can_v prevail_v with_o his_o own_o heart_n shall_v also_o be_v a_o prevailer_n with_o god_n when_o we_o have_v discover_v the_o truth_n of_o our_o state_n then_o pass_v the_o sentence_n according_o a_o mere_a examination_n will_v do_v we_o little_a good_a if_o we_o proceed_v not_o to_o a_o judgement_n conclude_v as_o we_o find_v either_o we_o be_v true_a believer_n or_o we_o be_v not_o either_o we_o have_v
a_o title_n to_o heaven_n or_o that_o we_o have_v not_o but_o pass_v not_o this_o sentence_n with_o self-flattery_n nor_o from_o melancholy_a terror_n and_o fear_n one_a not_o with_o self-flattery_n alas_o what_o will_v it_o profit_v we_o to_o think_v ourselves_o the_o child_n of_o god_n when_o we_o visible_o express_v the_o power_n of_o sin_n and_o satan_n in_o our_o life_n two_o on_o the_o other_o side_n pass_v not_o this_o sentence_n from_o melancholy_a unbelief_n terror_n and_o fear_n as_o the_o carnal_a man_n fail_v the_o former_a way_n so_o the_o tempt_a christian_n sometime_o fail_v this_o way_n in_o this_o case_n run_v we_o over_o our_o evidence_n again_o and_o again_o and_o proceed_v we_o from_o those_o that_o be_v more_o difficult_a to_o those_o that_o be_v more_o easy_a one_o sign_n perhaps_o may_v be_v more_o easy_o perceive_v than_o another_o and_o if_o we_o can_v but_o discover_v some_o yea_o if_o but_o one_o we_o may_v assure_o gather_v all_o the_o rest_n be_v there_o come_v then_o pass_v on_o now_o to_o sentence_n o_o but_o implore_v the_o spirit_n be_v assistance_n now_o if_o ever_o let_v we_o desire_v he_o to_o shine_v on_o our_o grace_n and_o then_o speak_v ground_o and_o deliberate_o and_o true_o as_o we_o find_v according_a to_o our_o very_a conscience_n do_v not_o conclude_v as_o some_o do_v i_o be_o a_o good_a christian_a or_o as_o other_o do_v i_o be_o a_o reprobate_n or_o a_o hypocrite_n and_o shall_v be_v damn_v when_o we_o have_v no_o ground_n for_o what_o we_o say_v but_o our_o own_o fancy_n or_o hope_n or_o fear_n let_v not_o our_o judgement_n be_v any_o way_n biased_a or_o bribe_v from_o sentence_v aright_o then_o he_o further_o advise_v that_o we_o shall_v labour_v to_o get_v our_o heart_n kind_o affect_v with_o its_o discover_a condition_n according_a to_o the_o sentence_n pass_v on_o it_o do_v not_o think_v enough_o to_o know_v but_o labour_v to_o feel_v what_o god_n have_v make_v we_o to_o see_v if_o we_o find_v ourselves_o renew_v and_o sanctify_v indeed_o o_o let_v we_o get_v this_o warm_a and_o close_o to_o our_o heart_n bethink_v ourselves_o what_o a_o bless_a estate_n have_v the_o lord_n bring_v we_o into_o to_o be_v his_o child_n his_o friend_n to_o be_v pardon_v justify_v and_o entitle_v to_o life_n why_o what_o be_v it_o we_o now_o need_v to_o fear_v but_o sin_v against_o he_o come_v war_n or_o plague_n or_o sickness_n or_o death_n we_o be_v sure_o they_o can_v but_o thrust_v we_o into_o heaven_n thus_o let_v we_o follow_v these_o meditation_n till_o they_o have_v leave_v their_o impression_n on_o our_o heart_n then_o he_o advise_v to_o record_v this_o sentence_n so_o pass_v to_o write_v it_o down_o which_o now_o i_o desire_v to_o do_v this_o 18_o of_o august_n 1676._o have_v search_v and_o try_v my_o heart_n yesterday_o and_o at_o this_o time_n also_o after_o i_o hope_v earneft_v and_o hearty_a prayer_n to_o god_n for_o the_o help_n of_o his_o spirit_n to_o try_v my_o state_n and_o condition_n i_o do_v fall_v again_o to_o the_o work_n of_o self-trial_n by_o the_o forementioned_a particular_n and_o though_o i_o can_v full_o declare_v a_o positive_a answer_n to_o every_o question_n yet_o if_o my_o heart_n do_v not_o very_o much_o deceive_v i_o i_o can_v to_o most_o of_o they_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v i_o beg_v of_o god_n i_o may_v not_o be_v deceive_v it_o be_v some_o comfort_n to_o i_o where_o i_o can_v so_o full_o answer_v some_o of_o they_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v true_o say_v i_o most_o hearty_o desire_v it_o may_v be_v so_o with_o i_o and_o though_o grace_n be_v very_o weak_a in_o i_o which_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o be_v humble_v and_o mourn_v for_o yet_o i_o dare_v not_o deny_v god_n work_n in_o i_o i_o must_v not_o deny_v the_o day_n of_o small-thing_n but_o to_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n must_v own_v sure_o there_o be_v something_o of_o good_a wrought_v in_o i_o by_o his_o holy_a spirit_n and_o my_o comfort_n be_v christ_n will_v not_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n nor_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n mat._n 12._o 20._o i_o be_o not_o now_o affect_v with_o the_o discovery_n of_o my_o condition_n as_o i_o shall_v and_o do_v not_o find_v at_o present_a inward_a comfort_n in_o my_o soul_n i_o be_o and_o have_v be_v much_o under_o the_o withdrawing_n of_o god_n for_o a_o time_n by_o reason_n of_o my_o apostasy_n and_o backslide_n from_o he_o and_o not_o walk_v close_o with_o he_o yet_o i_o desire_v i_o hope_v to_o lament_v after_o the_o lord_n and_o not_o content_v myself_o till_o i_o again_o meet_v with_o he_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o grace_n to_o wait_v on_o he_o in_o a_o way_n of_o duty_n and_o to_o act_v grace_n though_o i_o want_v comfort_n o_o if_o i_o be_o but_o sincere_a and_o wait_v still_o upon_o god_n who_o can_v tell_v but_o he_o may_v return_v with_o comfort_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n the_o lord_n help_v i_o to_o maintain_v faith_n and_o hop_v through_o christ_n though_o i_o sit_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n yet_o to_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n and_o stay_v myself_o on_o my_o god_n isa_n 50._o 10._o the_o lord_n help_v i_o now_o to_o walk_v answerable_a to_o the_o great_a thing_n he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o poor_a soul_n i_o desire_v and_o hope_v i_o may_v have_v recourse_n to_o this_o hereafter_o as_o i_o shall_v have_v need_n and_o that_o it_o may_v be_v of_o comfort_n to_o i_o for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v as_o mr._n ambrose_n advise_v his_o word_n be_v this_o record_n will_v be_v very_o useful_a to_o we_o hereafter_o if_o we_o find_v we_o have_v a_o work_n of_o grace_n in_o we_o what_o a_o help_n will_v it_o be_v against_o the_o next_o temptation_n to_o doubt_v and_o fear_n to_o go_v and_o read_v under_o our_o hand_n this_o record_n may_v we_o not_o think_v if_o at_o such_o a_o time_n i_o find_v the_o truth_n of_o grace_n be_v it_o not_o likely_a to_o be_v now_o the_o same_o and_o these_o doubt_n to_o come_v from_o the_o enemy_n of_o my_o peace_n yet_o trust_v not_o so_o to_o one_o discovery_n as_o to_o try_v no_o more_o especial_o if_o we_o have_v make_v any_o soul_n defection_n from_o christ_n and_o play_v the_o backslider_n see_v then_o that_o we_o renew_v the_o search_n again_o neither_o let_v this_o hinder_v we_o in_o the_o daily_a search_n of_o our_o way_n or_o of_o our_o increase_n in_o grace_n and_o fellowship_n with_o christ_n it_o be_v a_o ill_a sign_n and_o a_o desperate_a vile_a sin_n for_o a_o man_n when_o he_o think_v he_o have_v find_v himself_o gracious_a and_o in_o a_o happy_a state_n to_o let_v down_o his_o watch_n and_o grow_v negligent_a of_o his_o heart_n and_o way_n and_o scarce_o look_v after_o they_o any_o more_o neither_o shall_v we_o give_v over_o in_o discouragement_n if_o we_o can_v at_o once_o or_o twice_o or_o ten_o time_n try_v discover_v our_o case_n but_o follow_v it_o on_o till_o we_o have_v discover_v it_o if_o one_o hour_n or_o day_n will_v not_o do_v take_v another_o if_o one_o minister_n can_v direct_v we_o sufficient_o go_v to_o another_o the_o issue_n will_v answer_v all_o our_o pain_n there_o be_v no_o sit_v down_o discourage_v in_o a_o work_n that_o must_v be_v do_v if_o we_o have_v be_v hypocrite_n or_o ungodly_a person_n all_o our_o life_n yet_o be_v the_o promise_v offer_v to_o we_o by_o christ_n and_o he_o tender_v himself_o to_o we_o to_o be_v our_o lord_n and_o saviour_n neither_o can_v we_o possible_o be_v so_o willing_a to_o accept_v he_o as_o he_o be_v to_o accept_v we_o nothing_o but_o our_o own_o unwillingness_n can_v keep_v our_o soul_n from_o christ_n though_o we_o have_v hitherto_o abuse_v he_o and_o dissemble_v with_o he_o o_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v persuade_v we_o to_o the_o close_a performance_n of_o this_o self-trying_a task_n that_o we_o may_v not_o tremble_v with_o horror_n of_o soul_n when_o the_o judge_n of_o all_o the_o world_n shall_v try_v we_o but_o have_v our_o evidence_n so_o ready_a at_o hand_n and_o be_v so_o able_a to_o prove_v our_o title_n to_o heaven_n that_o the_o thought_n and_o approach_v of_o death_n and_o judgement_n may_v revive_v our_o spirit_n and_o fill_v we_o with_o joy_n and_o not_o apale_fw-la we_o and_o fill_v we_o with_o amazement_n september_n the_o 19_o 1676._o find_v my_o heart_n very_o hard_a and_o dead_a of_o late_a and_o be_v still_o under_o the_o withdrawing_n of_o god_n but_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o hope_v sensible_a of_o it_o and_o desirous_a to_o wait_v upon_o he_o for_o discovery_n of_o his_o love_n and_o favour_n and_o to_o lament_v after_o he_o and_o seek_v he_o in_o his_o ordinance_n for_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v take_v up_o with_o duty_n without_o something_o
by_o faith_n 6._o true_a faith_n work_v patience_n not_o only_a patience_n in_o wait_v but_o patience_n in_o suffer_v there_o be_v a_o patience_n in_o wait_v for_o the_o accomplishment_n of_o the_o promise_n faith_n say_v to_o a_o believer_n the_o thing_n thou_o wait_v for_o be_v worth_a thy_o wait_n for_o they_o the_o comfort_n thou_o desire_v the_o crown_n of_o glory_n thou_o expect_v be_v worth_a wait_a for_o again_o faith_n work_v patience_n in_o suffer_v heb._n 10._o 34._o they_o take_v joyful_o the_o spoil_n of_o their_o good_n know_v they_o have_v in_o heaven_n a_o more_o endure_a substance_n heb._n 11._o 36._o 37._o they_o endure_v the_o trial_n of_o cruel_a mock_n of_o scourge_n of_o bond_n and_o imprisonment_n they_o be_v stone_v saw_v asunder_o tempt_v slay_v with_o the_o sword_n they_o wander_v about_o in_o sheepskin_n and_o goatskin_n be_v destitute_a forsake_a torment_v and_o yet_o their_o faith_n in_o jesus_n christ_n carry_v they_o through_o all_o these_o suffering_n faith_n tell_v the_o soul_n the_o suffering_n of_o this_o present_a life_n be_v not_o worthy_a to_o be_v compare_v with_o the_o glory_n that_o shall_v be_v reveal_v 7._o true_a faith_n will_v work_v a_o undaunted_a profession_n of_o christ_n name_n he_o will_v profess_v christ_n open_o when_o call_v to_o it_o the_o disciple_n profess_v christ_n when_o it_o be_v death_n to_o do_v so_o i_o be_o not_o ashamed_a of_o the_o gospel_n of_o christ_n say_v the_o apostle_n i_o esteem_v the_o reproach_n of_o christ_n better_a than_o the_o glory_n of_o the_o world_n and_o the_o cross_n of_o christ_n better_a than_o the_o crown_n of_o the_o world_n i_o esteem_v his_o crown_n of_o thorn_n better_o than_o all_o other_o in_o this_o world_n i_o bear_v about_o i_o the_o mark_n of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n gal._n 6._o 17._o he_o call_v his_o sorrow_n and_o suffering_n the_o mark_n of_o christ_n i_o esteem_v they_o my_o great_a honour_n god_n forbid_v say_v he_o i_o shall_v glory_v in_o any_o thing_n but_o in_o the_o cross_n of_o jesus_n christ_n thus_o you_o see_v what_o fruit_n faith_n work_v in_o reference_n to_o jesus_n christ_n now_o there_o be_v fruit_n of_o faith_n in_o reference_n to_o ourselves_o as_o these_o follow_v 1._o true_a faith_n work_v abundance_n of_o inward_a peace_n and_o joy_n rom._n 5._o 1._o be_v justify_v by_o faith_n we_o have_v peace_n with_o god_n and_o it_o must_v needs_o be_v so_o because_o that_o faith_n tell_v the_o soul_n the_o bond_n be_v cancel_v that_o sin_n be_v pardon_v the_o burden_n be_v take_v off_o wound_v of_o conscience_n be_v heal_v with_o the_o wound_n of_o christ_n a_o believer_n can_v say_v in_o peace_n will_v i_o lay_v down_o my_o head_n in_o the_o bosom_n of_o christ_n when_o storm_n and_o wave_n arise_v a_o believer_n can_v sit_v in_o his_o ark_n christ_n and_o a_o good_a conscience_n be_v a_o ark_n for_o a_o poor_a soul_n where_o he_o be_v safe_a a_o true_a believer_n have_v always_o the_o ground_n of_o joy_n though_o not_o always_o the_o exercise_n of_o it_o 2._o another_o fruit_n of_o faith_n in_o reference_n to_o ourselves_o be_v boldness_n in_o come_v to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n we_o have_v boldness_n and_o access_n by_o faith_n in_o christ_n ephes_n 3._o 12._o a_o true_a believer_n can_v pour_v out_o his_o soul_n to_o god_n make_v his_o moan_n to_o his_o father_n it_o be_v his_o comfort_n he_o can_v go_v to_o his_o father_n with_o a_o childlike_a boldness_n and_o confidence_n 3._o another_o fruit_n of_o faith_n be_v contempt_n of_o the_o world_n act_v 4._o they_o sell_v their_o possession_n and_o bring_v the_o money_n and_o lay_v it_o down_o at_o the_o apostle_n foot_n they_o regard_v it_o no_o more_o than_o the_o dirt_n under_o their_o foot_n faith_n have_v a_o eagles_n eye_n it_o see_v thing_n a_o far_o off_o and_o a_o eagles_n wing_n to_o carry_v a_o man_n above_o the_o flattery_n and_o the_o frown_n of_o the_o world_n by_o faith_n moses_n fear_v not_o the_o frown_n of_o the_o king_n heb._n 11._o 27._o faith_n let_v a_o man_n see_v there_o be_v better_a to_o be_v find_v in_o christ_n than_o in_o the_o whole_a world_n he_o that_o can_v find_v a_o world_n in_o christ_n will_v be_v willing_a to_o part_v with_o all_o the_o world_n for_o he_o 4._o true_a faith_n will_v produce_v a_o strong_a desire_n of_o strengthen_v and_o increase_n it_o and_o that_o both_o in_o truth_n and_o growth_n it_o will_v make_v a_o man_n still_o be_v search_v his_o heart_n that_o he_o may_v be_v sure_a he_o have_v the_o truth_n of_o faith_n it_o make_v a_o man_n prize_v a_o soul-searching_a ministry_n that_o may_v plough_v up_o the_o fallow_a ground_n of_o his_o heart_n and_o it_o work_v a_o desire_n of_o growth_n also_o it_o make_v a_o believer_n pray_v lord_n increase_v my_o faith_n whether_o thou_o increase_v my_o trade_n and_o wealth_n or_o no_o however_o lord_n increase_v my_o faith_n after_o i_o have_v write_v these_o thing_n i_o go_v into_o my_o closet_n and_o there_o beg_v of_o god_n his_o help_n and_o assistance_n to_o try_v myself_o by_o these_o character_n and_o then_o spend_v a_o little_a time_n go_v over_o they_o and_o try_v my_o state_n by_o they_o and_o i_o bless_v the_o lord_n i_o now_o can_v but_o say_v to_o his_o glory_n that_o i_o find_v they_o in_o some_o measure_n in_o i_o i_o hope_v that_o those_o i_o can_v not_o so_o positive_o answer_v to_o yet_o i_o can_v in_o the_o desire_n of_o my_o soul_n i_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n i_o be_o not_o deceive_v if_o i_o be_o i_o beseech_v he_o for_o christ_n sake_n to_o undeceive_v i_o and_o let_v i_o know_v how_o it_o be_v with_o i_o but_o methinks_v god_n have_v begin_v some_o good_a work_n in_o i_o and_o wrought_v faith_n in_o my_o poor_a soul_n though_o it_o be_v very_o weak_a the_o lord_n humble_v i_o and_o the_o lord_n help_v i_o to_o bless_v his_o holy_a name_n for_o the_o least_o grace_n and_o earnest_o to_o endeavour_v and_o beg_v of_o he_o the_o increase_n of_o it_o i_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n i_o may_v have_v recourse_n to_o what_o i_o have_v do_v this_o day_n and_o what_o be_v enter_v before_o in_o a_o time_n of_o doubt_n and_o fear_n in_o a_o hour_n of_o trouble_n under_o god_n withdrawing_n yea_o that_o i_o may_v have_v comfort_n from_o it_o in_o a_o hour_n of_o death_n the_o lord_n grant_v i_o may_v not_o now_o be_v secure_a and_o careless_a but_o that_o i_o may_v walk_v very_o close_o and_o exact_o before_o he_o to_o his_o praise_n and_o glory_n here_o till_o at_o last_o i_o come_v to_o live_v with_o he_o in_o his_o heavenly_a kingdom_n may_v the_o 9th_o 1678._o i_o spend_v the_o day_n in_o a_o secret_a fast_o one_o end_n among_o other_o i_o propose_v to_o myself_o in_o it_o be_v to_o search_v into_o the_o state_n of_o my_o soul_n again_o also_o that_o i_o may_v be_v enable_v to_o suffer_v for_o christ_n if_o i_o be_o call_v to_o it_o etc._n etc._n i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o be_v sincere_a and_o hearty_a i_o try_v myself_o by_o the_o mark_n and_o character_n before_o set_v down_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v say_v upon_o search_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v wrought_v save_v grace_n in_o i_o it_o be_v i_o hope_v my_o hearty_a prayer_n that_o if_o it_o be_v not_o so_o i_o may_v not_o so_o enter_v it_o here_o but_o i_o turst_z the_o lord_n have_v turn_v i_o from_o darkness_n to_o light_n and_o that_o i_o be_o not_o dead_a in_o sin_n and_o trespass_n but_o there_o be_v a_o principle_n of_o life_n in_o i_o the_o lord_n grant_v i_o may_v not_o be_v deceive_v towards_o the_o close_a of_o the_o day_n i_o read_v over_o my_o covenant_n and_o hope_v i_o do_v from_o my_o very_a heart_n desire_v to_o bewail_v the_o breach_n of_o it_o and_o renew_v it_o with_o the_o lord_n which_o i_o do_v i_o hope_v in_o the_o strength_n of_o his_o grace_n desire_v christ_n may_v be_v my_o surety_n be_v much_o afraid_a of_o my_o be_v deceive_v lest_o it_o shall_v be_v with_o i_o as_o heretofore_o i_o hope_v i_o do_v hearty_o take_v the_o lord_n for_o my_o god_n and_o give_v up_o myself_o unto_o he_o and_o bind_v myself_o to_o forsake_v all_o sin_n and_o to_o live_v more_o to_o his_o glory_n according_a to_o the_o covenant_n i_o enter_v into_o with_o the_o lord_n about_o eleven_o year_n since_o take_v out_o of_o mr._n allen_n be_v book_n i_o bless_v god_n i_o be_v assist_v to_o day_n in_o the_o work_n i_o undertake_v the_o lord_n accept_v of_o i_o through_o christ_n and_o let_v not_o this_o day_n be_v lose_v o_o that_o i_o may_v not_o prove_v false_a and_o hypocritical_a with_o he_o but_o go_v away_o enable_v to_o live_v more_o to_o his_o praise_n here_o till_o i_o come_v
or_o falsehood_n therein_o thou_o will_v discover_v it_o to_o i_o and_o help_v i_o to_o do_v it_o aright_o and_o now_o glory_n be_v to_o thou_o o_o god_n the_o father_n who_o i_o shall_v be_v bold_a from_o this_o day_n forward_o to_o look_v upon_o as_o my_o god_n and_o father_n that_o ever_o thou_o shall_v find_v out_o such_o a_o way_n for_o the_o recovery_n of_o undo_v sinner_n glory_n be_v to_o thou_o o_o god_n the_o son_n who_o have_v love_v i_o and_o wash_v i_o from_o my_o sin_n in_o thy_o own_o blood_n and_o be_v now_o become_v my_o saviour_n and_o redeemer_n glory_n be_v to_o thou_o o_o god_n the_o holy_a ghost_n who_o by_o the_o finger_n of_o thy_o almighty_a power_n have_v turn_v about_o my_o heart_n from_o sin_n to_o god_n o_o dreadful_a jehovah_n the_o lord_n god_n omnipotent_a father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n thou_o be_v now_o become_v my_o covenant-friend_n and_o i_o through_o thy_o infinite_a grace_n be_o become_v thy_o covenant-servant_n amen_o so_o be_v it_o and_o the_o covenant_n which_o i_o have_v make_v on_o earth_n let_v it_o be_v ratify_v in_o heaven_n april_n 11._o 1667._o henry_n gearing_n a_o pathetical_a meditation_n on_o the_o passion_n of_o christ_n take_v out_o of_o mr._n wadsworth_n remain_n 8vo_fw-la abridge_v and_o transcribe_v for_o his_o own_o use_n upon_o sacramental_a occasion_n a_o way_n all_o trifle_a worldly_a business_n i_o must_v go_v see_v my_o bleed_a lord_n come_v now_o my_o soul_n look_v yonder_o thou_o will_v soon_o arrive_v at_o bloody_a golgotha_n where_o thou_o shall_v see_v thy_o bleed_a die_a saviour_n to_o sigh_v and_o linger_v out_o a_o die_a life_n on_o the_o cross_n in_o love_n for_o thou_o this_o this_o might_n o_o my_o soul_n have_v be_v thy_o day_n in_o which_o thou_o may_v have_v drink_v the_o bitter_a cup_n of_o the_o fierce_a anger_n of_o god_n but_o look_v yonder_o there_o he_o go_v that_o must_v drink_v up_o the_o dregs_o and_o all_o for_o thou_o but_o come_v my_o soul_n draw_v up_o a_o little_a near_o stand_v here_o and_o thou_o will_v see_v he_o pass_o look_v there_o he_o go_v with_o a_o train_n of_o virgin_n follow_v but_o see_v how_o cruel_o these_o barbarous_a jew_n do_v use_v he_o they_o make_v he_o bear_v his_o cross_n himself_o see_v how_o they_o laugh_v and_o scoff_n and_o wag_v their_o head_n as_o if_o he_o be_v their_o may-game_n look_v see_v my_o soul_n come_v tell_v i_o what_o thou_o see_v o_o i_o can_v sorrow_n tie_v my_o tongue_n i_o can_v speak_v i_o see_v a_o troop_n of_o virgin_n follow_v he_o their_o weep_a eye_n their_o blubber_a lip_n their_o sigh_n and_o throbbing_n speak_v they_o mourner_n i_o see_v my_o lord_n look_v towards_o they_o and_o kind_o 〈◊〉_d their_o love_a sorrow_n weep_v not_o for_o i_o ah_o can_v they_o do_v less_o than_o weep_v to_o see_v thy_o innocent_a self_n among_o a_o herd_n of_o tiger_n but_o whither_o o_o whither_o o_o you_o blind_a jew_n be_v you_o drag_v this_o my_o lord_n my_o spirit_n begin_v to_o faint_v i_o now_o can_v look_v no_o long_o my_o heart_n now_o begin_v to_o swell_v with_o grief_n it_o must_v now_o break_v or_o i_o must_v vent_v it_o at_o my_o eye_n in_o stream_n look_v see_v the_o hammer_n and_o nail_n the_o hammer_n lift_v up_o to_o strike_v bloody_a man_n thou_o dare_v not_o strike_v sure_a sure_o thou_o do_v not_o know_v who_o hand_n and_o foot_n thou_o be_v now_o pierce_a it_o be_v the_o prince_n and_o saviour_n of_o the_o world_n but_o look_v see_v it_o be_v do_v the_o nail_n be_v drive_v to_o the_o head_n see_v how_o the_o blood_n run_v trickle_v down_o his_o hand_n and_o foot_n and_o see_v how_o harden_a heart_n be_v laugh_v at_o it_o o_o silly_a foolish_a blind_a man_n what_o laugh_v yet_o see_v this_o very_a christ_n you_o now_o mock_v shall_v be_v your_o judge_n but_o come_v again_o look_v and_o see_v my_o soul_n what_o be_v become_v of_o thy_o nail_v and_o crucify_a lord_n ah_o i_o he_o be_v not_o quite_o dead_a look_v how_o he_o gasp_n and_o pant_n for_o life_n o_o how_o pale_a and_o wan_a do_v i_o see_v his_o cheek_n methinks_v he_o shall_v be_v dead_a for_o see_v how_o weak_a his_o neck_n be_v grow_v that_o it_o be_v not_o able_a to_o support_v his_o head_n that_o lie_v a_o die_a on_o his_o bleed_a breast_n what_o yet_o not_o dead_a see_v how_o he_o shake_v and_o stir_v his_o die_a limb_n what_o gasp_n and_o groan_n do_v i_o hear_v he_o fetch_v hark_v hark_v he_o speak_v o_o let_v i_o catch_v the_o last_o breath_n of_o my_o die_a saviour_n what_o say_v my_o lord_n what_o my_o god_n my_o god_n why_o have_v thou_o forsake_v i_o he_o have_v be_v all_o this_o while_n a_o drink_n up_o the_o cup_n his_o father_n give_v he_o the_o bitter_a sour_a cup_n of_o his_o father_n wrath_n which_o i_o and_o all_o the_o world_n have_v else_o drink_v but_o must_v he_o endure_v all_o this_o must_v he_o be_v crown_v with_o thorn_n and_o sweat_n and_o bleed_v and_o die_v and_o all_o for_o i_o this_o i_o stand_v amaze_v at_o but_o there_o be_v necessity_n for_o all_o this_o either_o he_o must_v be_v thus_o deal_v with_o or_o else_o my_o sin_n can_v not_o be_v pardon_v he_o must_v drink_v up_o this_o bitter_a cup_n with_o all_o its_o dregs_o or_o else_o i_o must_v have_v drink_v it_o up_o myself_o it_o be_v i_o that_o sin_v and_o must_v have_v suffer_v this_o curse_a proud_a and_o earthly_a heart_n of_o i_o rebel_v and_o break_v the_o law_n and_o shall_v have_v suffer_v and_o bear_v the_o punishment_n have_v not_o he_o step_v in_o and_o bear_v the_o stroke_n off_o from_o i_o i_o have_v be_v now_o burn_v in_o everlasting_a flame_n and_o be_v linger_a out_o this_o time_n in_o torment_n which_o i_o be_o now_o spend_v in_o the_o sweet_a thought_n of_o my_o escape_n have_v not_o the_o prophet_n say_v all_o this_o in_o isa_n 53._o these_o wound_n stripe_n bruise_n he_o bear_v for_o thou_o o_o amaze_a love_n and_o grace_n the_o son_n of_o god_n love_v i_o better_o than_o his_o life_n be_v ever_o love_n like_v to_o his_o love_n he_o be_v a_o stranger_n to_o i_o why_o do_v he_o not_o let_v i_o die_v but_o he_o love_v i_o i_o be_v a_o pollute_a sinner_n methinks_v he_o shall_v have_v loathe_v i_o but_o he_o do_v wash_v i_o and_o make_v i_o clean_o again_o but_o why_o do_v he_o love_v a_o enemy_n or_o how_o can_v he_o do_v it_o i_o know_v not_o why_o o_o inexpressible_a love_n o_o love_n past_o thought_n he_o love_v because_o he_o will_v love_v what_o ail_v my_o heart_n i_o can_v find_v it_o stir_v what!_o dead_a under_o the_o revive_a thought_n of_o thy_o dear_a redeemer_n arise_v shake_v up_o thyself_o and_o look_v about_o thou_o thou_o do_v not_o sure_o see_v thy_o mercy_n come_v away_o o_o come_v away_o lift_v up_o thy_o drowsy_a head_n i_o will_v make_v thou_o look_v and_o love_n and_o ever_o i_o leave_v thou_o confess_v thou_o love_v he_o suppose_v now_o for_o thy_o sin_n the_o vengeance_n of_o god_n be_v just_a seize_v upon_o thou_o turn_v thou_o into_o hell_n and_o christ_n come_v and_o reveal_v himself_o to_o thou_o sinner_n i_o love_v thou_o i_o say_v thou_o shall_v not_o die_v come_v feel_v my_o heart_n how_o it_o beat_v towards_o thou_o do_v thou_o not_o see_v i_o have_v leave_v my_o throne_n and_o be_o come_v down_o to_o the_o bar_n where_o thou_o stand_v condemn_v but_o why_o do_v thou_o weep_v come_v let_v i_o wipe_v thy_o eye_n and_o bind_v up_o thy_o bleed_a and_o despair_a heart_n i_o tell_v thou_o thou_o shall_v not_o die_v if_o heaven_n will_v have_v blood_n it_o shall_v have_v i_o so_o it_o will_v but_o spare_v thou_o now_o the_o soul_n have_v not_o a_o word_n to_o speak_v against_o this_o love_n thy_o son_n o_o god_n have_v offer_v satisfaction_n and_o thou_o have_v accept_v it_o thou_o o_o my_o saviour_n have_v lay_v down_o thy_o life_n for_o i_o and_o thy_o father_n and_o my_o father_n be_v well_o please_v with_o it_o blood_n be_v pay_v justice_n be_v satisfy_v heaven_n door_n be_v widen_v thy_o arm_n open_v to_o receive_v i_o nothing_o be_v want_v but_o my_o heart_n make_v it_o such_o as_o thou_o will_v have_v it_o and_o then_o take_v it_o to_o thyself_o come_v my_o soul_n the_o father_n thou_o see_v be_v willing_a and_o the_o son_n be_v willing_a give_v but_o thy_o consent_n and_o he_o be_v thou_o for_o ever_o fear_v not_o thy_o hardness_n deadness_n blindness_n loathsomeness_n all_o these_o can_v hinder_v if_o thou_o be_v but_o willing_a what_o stick_v thou_o at_o what_o do_v ail_v half_n of_o this_o ado_n will_v fetch_v a_o heart_n for_o the_o world_n a_o little_a mire_n and_o dirt_n and_o be_v not_o
christ_n far_o better_a the_o dress_n for_o the_o sacrament_n lord_n where_o be_o i_o what!_o all_o the_o child_n of_o the_o bride-chamber_n up_o and_o dress_v and_o i_o slumber_v in_o my_o bed_n tell_v i_o you_o fair_o what_o make_v you_o up_o so_o early_o alas_o our_o lord_n be_v up_o before_o we_o all_o he_o call_v we_o up_o by_o break-of-day_n and_o wonder_v that_o we_o be_v not_o trim_v our_o lamp_n know_v with_o who_o we_o be_v to_o feast_v this_o day_n well_o then_o i_o will_v rise_v up_o too_o o_o what_o a_o show_n do_v these_o bright_a and_o glitter_a saint_n make_v in_o my_o eye_n sure_o they_o do_v not_o thus_o dress_v themselves_o it_o be_v my_o father_n make_v they_o thus_o prepare_v to_o entertain_v his_o son_n but_o where_o be_v my_o clothes_n now_o for_o the_o fair_a sweet_a robe_n of_o thought_n and_o wish_n that_o can_v be_v find_v o_o how_o naked_a be_o i_o but_o where_o be_v my_o silken_a golden_a twist_n of_o faith_n to_o hang_v the_o jewel_n of_o joy_n and_o love_n and_o humility_n upon_o i_o be_o never_o dress_v till_o they_o be_v on_o o_o where_o be_v they_o i_o see_v they_o by_o i_o but_o just_a now_o i_o lay_v they_o by_o my_o heart_n before_o i_o go_v to_o bed_n but_o ah_o i_o fear_v this_o envious_a world_n have_v with_o her_o vanity_n steal_v they_o away_o or_o the_o envious_a devil_n or_o unbelief_n have_v be_v ravel_v or_o snarl_v of_o they_o that_o now_o i_o be_o as_o far_o to_o seek_v as_o ever_o whither_o o_o whither_o shall_v i_o go_v to_o find_v they_o out_o now_o will_v the_o bridegroom_n come_v and_o i_o be_o not_o ready_a i_o can_v dare_v not_o go_v to_o day_n now_o will_v my_o lord_n be_v angry_a and_o ask_v i_o why_o i_o come_v not_o and_o i_o have_v no_o answer_n to_o make_v he_o and_o if_o i_o go_v undress_v he_o will_v ask_v i_o where_o be_v my_o wedding-garment_n and_o than_o i_o shall_v be_v speechless_a ah_o foolish_a simple_a heart_n that_o thou_o shall_v let_v these_o thought_n of_o earth_n so_o entangle_v themselves_o with_o thy_o heavenly_a meditation_n how_o to_o get_v they_o loose_v again_o thou_o know_v not_o this_o by_o care_n thou_o may_v have_v prevent_v now_o what_o help_n lord_n i_o have_v sin_v o_o holy_a father_n pardon_v this_o time_n and_o i_o will_v take_v more_o heed_n o_o come_v and_o untie_v my_o thought_n from_o this_o earth_n and_o come_v and_o dress_v i_o up_o as_o best_o please_v thou_o come_v be_v not_o discourage_v o_o my_o soul_n let_v but_o thy_o attire_n of_o grace_n be_v whole_a that_o be_v sincere_a and_o thy_o god_n and_o saviour_n will_v accept_v thou_o though_o thy_o garment_n be_v not_o so_o much_o perfume_v with_o heaven_n as_o thy_o brethren_n be_v thy_o lord_n know_v all_o have_v not_o talent_n alike_o and_o where_o he_o give_v but_o little_a he_o expect_v but_o little_a thou_o have_v a_o honest_a willing_a serious_a heart_n that_o think_v it_o do_v despise_v and_o trample_v under_o foot_n the_o near_a dear_a pleasure_n profit_n and_o glory_n in_o the_o world_n compare_v with_o he_o that_o give_v himself_o to_o death_n for_o thou_o and_o have_v rather_o anger_v all_o the_o world_n than_o he_o by_o sin_v against_o he_o in_o the_o least_o if_o this_o he_o true_a fear_v not_o thou_o have_v thy_o wedding-garment_n on_o thou_o be_v well_o clad_v as_o mean_v soever_o as_o it_o be_v it_o be_v such_o a_o one_o as_o heaven_n give_v thou_o and_o such_o a_o one_o as_o thy_o dear_a redeemer_n can_v and_o will_v embrace_v thou_o in_o the_o presence-chamber_n fear_v not_o o_o my_o soul_n i_o charge_v thou_o do_v not_o faint_a let_v not_o thy_o weakness_n and_o the_o poverty_n of_o thy_o grace_n discourage_v thou_o see_v how_o thy_o lord_n draw_v nigh_o o_o he_o come_v and_o it_o be_v but_o to_o welcome_v thou_o and_o fall_v about_o thy_o neck_n and_o kiss_v thou_o and_o bid_v thou_o a_o kind_n welcome_o to_o thy_o bleed_a lord_n the_o bread_n welcome_o fair_a take_v and_o eat_v it_o be_v the_o sweet_a dainty_n dear_a morsel_n heaven_n can_v afford_v thou_o welcome_o my_o dear_a to_o the_o table_n of_o thy_o lord_n welcome_o a_o thousand_o time_n i_o bid_v thou_o yea_o welcomer_n than_o thou_o own_o heart_n can_v wish_v take_v eat_v this_o morsel_n it_o cost_v my_o life_n it_o be_v a_o portion_n thy_o father_n send_v unto_o thou_o by_o i_o and_o bid_v i_o remember_v thou_o of_o his_o love_n to_o thou_o he_o bid_v thou_o remember_v a_o father_n love_n i_o a_o saviour_n he_o have_v a_o heart_n to_o give_v thou_o and_o so_o have_v i_o take_v this_o in_o earnest_n of_o they_o both_o in_o one_o take_v free_o if_o thou_o be_v not_o welcome_a i_o will_v have_v tell_v thou_o i_o will_v have_v ask_v thou_o for_o thy_o wedding-garment_n tell_v i_o o_o tell_v i_o do_v thou_o not_o love_v i_o i_o know_v thou_o do_v and_o will_v not_o thou_o take_v the_o cross_n and_o follow_v i_o i_o know_v thou_o will_v i_o hear_v thou_o and_o have_v compassion_n on_o thy_o groan_n i_o know_v thou_o well_o enough_o thou_o be_v i_o and_o i_o be_o thou_o take_v it_o i_o charge_v thou_o eat_v it_o as_o thou_o love_v i_o and_o while_o thou_o feed_v remember_v the_o love_n of_o thy_o dear_a redeemer_n the_o wine_n come_v my_o dear_a i_o have_v drink_v and_o thou_o shall_v pledge_v i_o i_o have_v broach_v my_o side_n and_o draw_v it_o on_o purpose_n for_o thou_o this_o be_v a_o wine_n of_o my_o own_o make_n when_o i_o tread_v the_o winepress_n of_o my_o father_n wrath_n it_o be_v my_o blood_n take_v and_o drink_v it_o sin_n be_v the_o cause_n of_o my_o wound_n but_o to_o thy_o soul_n it_o shall_v prove_v heal_v i_o die_v and_o bleed_v to_o make_v this_o banquet_n for_o thou_o i_o have_v bring_v thou_o into_o my_o wine-cellar_n and_o my_o banner_n over_o thou_o shall_v be_v love_n fear_v not_o take_v and_o drink_v thou_o have_v a_o ulcer_n in_o thy_o heart_n and_o this_o shall_v cure_v it_o thy_o spirit_n be_v faint_a this_o shall_v revive_v thou_o drink_v i_o charge_v thou_o drink_v on_o thy_o love_n and_o loyalty_n to_o i_o i_o command_v thou_o as_o thou_o will_v have_v thy_o heart_n to_o mend_v thy_o wound_n to_o be_v cure_v thy_o spirit_n to_o revive_v thy_o fear_n to_o scatter_v thy_o soul_n to_o love_n and_o obey_v i_o take_v o_o take_v this_o cup_n into_o thy_o hand_n taste_v it_o and_o praise_v my_o name_n memorable_a say_n and_o passage_n collect_v and_o transcribe_v for_o his_o own_o use_n these_o be_v some_o among_o other_o what_o we_o be_v afraid_a to_o do_v before_o man_n we_o shall_v be_v afraid_a to_o think_v before_o god_n because_o our_o secret_a thought_n be_v as_o obvious_a to_o the_o eye_n of_o god_n as_o our_o action_n to_o the_o eye_n of_o men._n god_n show_v more_o mercy_n in_o save_v some_o when_o he_o may_v have_v condemn_v all_o than_o he_o do_v justice_n in_o leave_v some_o to_o perish_v when_o he_o may_v have_v save_v none_o great_a virtue_n without_o sincerity_n of_o heart_n be_v reject_v when_o great_a infirmity_n without_o hypocrisy_n be_v pardon_v a_o good_a intention_n can_v make_v a_o bad_a action_n good_a though_o a_o ill_a intention_n may_v make_v a_o action_n in_o itself_o good_a to_o be_v evil_a he_o who_o presume_v to_o sin_n in_o hope_n of_o repentance_n shall_v be_v sure_a to_o repent_v because_o he_o presume_v they_o who_o presume_v most_o in_o a_o time_n of_o prosperity_n be_v most_o apt_a to_o despair_v in_o adversity_n repent_v one_o day_n before_o thou_o die_v be_v good_a counsel_n i_o know_v not_o when_o that_o day_n will_v be_v therefore_o i_o will_v repent_v to_o day_n lest_o it_o shall_v be_v too_o late_o to_o morrow_n he_o that_o delay_v his_o repentance_n one_o day_n have_v another_o day_n more_o to_o repent_v of_o and_o one_o day_n less_o to_o do_v it_o in_o god_n who_o join_v the_o end_n and_o means_n together_o do_v accomplish_v all_o his_o purpose_n of_o good_a to_o we_o by_o work_v in_o we_o desire_n and_o endeavour_n suitable_a to_o those_o purpose_n better_o go_v to_o heaven_n by_o the_o gate_n of_o hell_n than_o to_o hell_n by_o the_o gate_n of_o heaven_n mourning_n to_o the_o heavenly_a glory_n than_o laugh_v to_o the_o place_n of_o torment_n one_o may_v suffer_v and_o not_o sin_n but_o if_o he_o sin_v he_o shall_v be_v sure_a to_o suffer_v herod_n may_v have_v keep_v his_o oath_n and_o not_o have_v cut_v off_o the_o baptist_n head_n he_o only_o promise_v to_o grant_v what_o she_o ask_v to_o the_o half_a of_o his_o kingdom_n whereas_o the_o prophet_n head_n be_v more_o worth_a than_o the_o whole_a such_o be_v the_o infinite_a extent_n and_o value_n of_o our_o saviour_n merit_n that_o
be_v a_o temptation_n and_o present_o to_o run_v to_o jesus_n christ_n for_o succour_n and_o relief_n and_o to_o apply_v the_o promise_n unto_o my_o soul_n and_o i_o quick_o find_v comfort_n and_o be_v soon_o free_v from_o temptation_n but_o in_o this_o my_o prosperity_n i_o be_v ready_a to_o say_v i_o shall_v never_o be_v remove_v i_o begin_v to_o think_v i_o shall_v never_o be_v in_o adversity_n and_o sometime_o i_o be_v ready_a to_o question_v whether_o i_o be_v one_o of_o god_n child_n because_o i_o have_v no_o affliction_n i_o think_v god_n do_v not_o love_v i_o because_o he_o do_v not_o chasten_v i_o i_o think_v i_o can_v bear_v any_o thing_n he_o shall_v lay_v upon_o i_o as_o i_o value_v not_o life_n so_o i_o fear_v not_o death_n i_o think_v i_o can_v free_o and_o willing_o lay_v down_o my_o life_n for_o christ_n if_o i_o be_v call_v to_o it_o but_o this_o joyful_a lively_a active_a frame_n of_o spirit_n do_v not_o long_o continue_v in_o about_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n it_o begin_v to_o abate_v and_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v more_o cold_a and_o indifferent_a in_o spiritual_a thing_n and_o not_o to_o be_v so_o active_a and_o lively_a as_o before_o this_o be_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o i_o and_o make_v i_o to_o question_v all_o that_o be_v pass_v i_o think_v i_o shall_v still_o have_v grow_v better_a and_o better_o and_o not_o worse_o then_o that_o scripture_n be_v terrible_a to_o i_o 2_o pet._n 2._o 29._o if_o after_o they_o have_v escape_v the_o pollution_n of_o the_o world_n through_o the_o knowledge_n of_o our_o lord_n and_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n they_o be_v again_o entangle_v therein_o and_o overcome_v their_o latter_a end_n be_v worse_a than_o their_o beginning_n and_o that_o scripture_n heb._n 6._o 4._o it_o be_v impossible_a for_o those_o that_o be_v once_o enlighten_v and_o have_v taste_v the_o good_a word_n of_o god_n etc._n etc._n if_o they_o fall_v away_o to_o renew_v they_o again_o to_o repentance_n also_o that_o text_n rev._n 3._o 15_o 16._o because_o thou_o be_v neither_o hot_a nor_o cold_a i_o will_v spew_v thou_o out_o of_o my_o mouth_n i_o be_v much_o sensible_a of_o my_o backslide_n fear_v i_o shall_v turn_v apostate_n have_v not_o that_o sweet_a promise_v interpose_v i_o will_v heal_v their_o backslide_n and_o love_v they_o free_o i_o have_v be_v certain_o swallow_v up_o in_o despair_n satan_n that_o roar_a lion_n come_v upon_o i_o very_o fierce_o but_o that_o scripture_n be_v very_o comfortable_a to_o i_o i_o will_v put_v my_o fear_n into_o their_o heart_n and_o my_o spirit_n into_o their_o inward_a part_n and_o they_o shall_v never_o depart_v from_o i_o and_o who_o he_o love_v he_o love_v to_o the_o end_n and_o he_o that_o have_v begin_v a_o good_a work_n will_v perform_v it_o unto_o the_o day_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o faithful_a be_v he_o that_o have_v call_v you_o who_o will_v also_o do_v it_o these_o and_o other_o scripture_n do_v support_v i_o but_o i_o can_v not_o attain_v to_o my_o former_a lively_a performance_n of_o holy_a duty_n nor_o have_v i_o that_o communion_n with_o god_n in_o holy_a duty_n as_o former_o which_o be_v no_o small_a trouble_n to_o i_o and_o keep_v i_o from_o rejoice_v in_o god_n yet_o i_o can_v say_v but_o i_o have_v sometime_o assurance_n of_o god_n love_n but_o not_o constant_o as_o i_o have_v before_o then_o my_o grandmother_n be_v sick_a i_o go_v to_o be_v with_o she_o at_o my_o uncle_n house_n he_o be_v a_o very_a good_a man_n his_o company_n be_v no_o small_a comfort_n to_o i_o my_o grandmother_n also_o be_v a_o very_a pious_a woman_n be_v always_o speak_v of_o what_o be_v good_a i_o enjoy_v much_o of_o god_n while_o i_o be_v there_o but_o yet_o be_v many_o time_n in_o fear_n about_o my_o spiritual_a state_n and_o much_o trouble_v with_o the_o temptation_n of_o satan_n after_o i_o have_v be_v there_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o visit_v i_o with_o the_o small_a pox_n which_o be_v a_o very_a sore_a disease_n to_o i_o i_o be_v bring_v so_o low_a as_o to_o be_v give_v over_o for_o dead_a by_o most_o if_o not_o all_o that_o see_v i_o and_o once_o they_o think_v i_o have_v be_v actual_o dead_a when_o i_o be_v first_o sick_a i_o begin_v to_o be_v in_o great_a fear_n what_o will_v become_v of_o i_o if_o i_o shall_v die_v but_o this_o cloud_n be_v soon_o blow_v over_o and_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o shine_v upon_o i_o with_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n and_o speak_v peace_n to_o my_o conscience_n and_o when_o i_o be_v as_o weak_a as_o i_o think_v any_o can_v be_v and_o live_v yet_o have_v i_o then_o much_o inward_a joy_n and_o comfort_n the_o promise_n be_v as_o cordial_n to_o my_o faint_a spirit_n that_o promise_n isa_n 41._o 10_o do_v often_o refresh_v i_o fear_v not_o for_o i_o be_o with_o thou_o be_v not_o dismay_v for_o i_o be_o thy_o god_n i_o will_v strengthen_v thou_o i_o will_v help_v thou_o yea_o i_o will_v uphold_v thou_o with_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o my_o righteousness_n that_o also_o psal_n 73._o 25._o my_o flesh_n and_o my_o heart_n fail_v but_o god_n be_v the_o strength_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o my_o portion_n for_o ever_o so_o psal_n 43._o 5._o why_o be_v thou_o cast_v down_o o_o my_o soul_n why_o be_v thou_o disquiet_v within_o i_o hope_v thou_o in_o god_n for_o i_o shall_v yet_o praise_v he_o who_o be_v the_o health_n of_o my_o countenance_n and_o my_o god_n these_o and_o many_o other_o promise_v be_v my_o support_n in_o the_o day_n of_o my_o distress_n i_o have_v then_o such_o assurance_n of_o god_n goodness_n and_o love_n to_o i_o and_o of_o the_o pardon_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n that_o i_o long_v for_o death_n and_o can_v not_o bear_v the_o thought_n of_o live_v any_o long_o i_o have_v such_o fore-tastes_a of_o heaven_n that_o i_o care_v not_o for_o the_o earth_n i_o earnest_o desire_v to_o be_v dissolve_v and_o to_o be_v with_o christ_n which_o be_v best_a of_o all_o i_o think_v if_o i_o shall_v live_v any_o long_a i_o shall_v but_o sin_n against_o god_n and_o that_o i_o can_v not_o glorify_v he_o in_o my_o life_n as_o i_o desire_v i_o think_v if_o he_o shall_v restore_v i_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v enable_v to_o walk_v answerable_o to_o so_o great_a a_o mercy_n these_o and_o other_o such_o reason_n make_v i_o impatient_a of_o life_n and_o long_o for_o death_n i_o be_v angry_a with_o any_o that_o pray_v for_o my_o life_n i_o now_o fear_v that_o i_o do_v sin_n in_o be_v so_o desirous_a of_o death_n and_o not_o submit_v my_o will_n to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n to_o be_v at_o his_o disposal_n whether_o for_o death_n or_o life_n so_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n after_o a_o long_a and_o tedious_a sickness_n to_o raise_v i_o up_o from_o the_o very_a gate_n of_o death_n this_o be_v look_v upon_o as_o almost_o a_o resurrection_n from_o the_o dead_a for_o which_o great_a deliverance_n i_o can_v never_o be_v sufficient_o thankful_a and_o because_o i_o so_o much_o desire_v to_o die_v i_o do_v not_o prize_v my_o life_n and_o this_o deliverance_n as_o i_o shall_v have_v do_v neither_o do_v i_o render_v to_o the_o lord_n according_a to_o the_o mercy_n i_o receive_v from_o he_o i_o desire_v now_o to_o be_v true_o thankful_a to_o the_o lord_n for_o all_o his_o mercy_n and_o to_o show_v forth_o my_o thankfulness_n by_o walk_v more_o close_o with_o he_o all_o the_o day_n of_o my_o life_n the_o follow_a encourage_v consideration_n among_o other_o be_v collect_v by_o he_o out_o of_o several_a book_n and_o sermon_n and_o be_v print_v from_o his_o own_o paper_n in_o hope_n of_o be_v useful_a for_o the_o support_n of_o other_o i._o thou_o that_o complain_v of_o a_o hard_a heart_n and_o fain_o will_v mourn_v for_o thy_o sin_n to_o thou_o i_o say_v be_v not_o discourage_v thy_o hardness_n fear_v and_o feel_v be_v not_o the_o plague_n of_o hardness_n it_o be_v the_o disease_n indeed_o of_o the_o heart_n but_o it_o be_v not_o the_o curse_n it_o shall_v not_o destroy_v thou_o thou_o may_v be_v comfort_v under_o hardness_n feel_v and_o bewail_v and_o pray_v against_o true_a tenderness_n about_o sin_n be_v always_o accompany_v with_o dislike_n and_o hatred_n against_o sin_n and_o with_o watch_v and_o strive_v against_o it_o if_o thou_o have_v so_o much_o tenderness_n bless_v god_n and_o be_v thankful_a ii_o there_o be_v no_o instance_n can_v be_v give_v of_o a_o soul_n utter_o for_o saken_a of_o god_n that_o can_v mourn_v for_o the_o want_n of_o his_o presence_n if_o god_n love_n be_v precious_a to_o thou_o and_o most_o desirable_a be_v
thankful_a it_o be_v not_o grace_n that_o be_v deny_v thou_o but_o only_a comfort_n she_o that_o mourn_v that_o her_o belove_a be_v go_v and_o have_v withdraw_v himself_o be_v a_o spouse_n still_o she_o have_v a_o interest_n in_o the_o bridegroom_n though_o she_o see_v he_o not_o disease_n feel_v in_o the_o soul_n seldom_o prove_v mortal_a desire_v after_o christ_n and_o sanctification_n be_v a_o sign_n of_o no_o utter_a rejection_n the_o soul_n that_o can_v true_o desire_v mercy_n be_v not_o total_o exclude_v mercy_n o_o let_v tempt_v trouble_v soul_n then_o be_v comfort_v the_o bless_a god_n have_v a_o compassionate_a open_a ear_n to_o all_o sensible_a self-bemoaning_a sinner_n jer._n 31._o 18._o i_o have_v sure_o hear_v ephraim_n be_v moan_v himself_o there_o be_v none_o such_o but_o shall_v be_v hear_v of_o god_n they_o shall_v be_v love_v of_o god_n that_o loath_a themselves_o they_o shall_v be_v acquit_v of_o god_n that_o condemn_v themselves_o his_o merciful_a ear_n be_v still_o open_a to_o self-bemoaning_a sinner_n when_o once_o a_o sinner_n come_v to_o himself_o he_o be_v not_o far_o from_o god_n isa_n 40._o 27._o why_o say_v thou_o o_o jacob_n and_o speak_v o_o israel_n my_o way_n be_v hide_v from_o the_o lord_n and_o my_o judgement_n be_v pass_v over_o from_o my_o god_n the_o inward_a thought_n of_o many_o sensible_a sinner_n be_v that_o god_n have_v cast_v they_o off_o and_o shut_v his_o door_n of_o mercy_n upon_o they_o and_o will_v never_o concern_v himself_o more_o in_o their_o salvation_n such_o unkind_a thought_n we_o be_v apt_a to_o have_v of_o a_o good_a god_n when_o conscience_n bring_v our_o sin_n to_o a_o bitter_a remembrance_n well_o now_o say_v god_n why_o say_v thou_o o_o jacob_n the_o word_n be_v a_o reproof_n for_o distrust_n of_o god_n why_o do_v thou_o think_v and_o speak_v so_o unkind_o of_o i_o as_o that_o i_o shall_v cast_v thou_o out_o of_o my_o care_n and_o thought_n my_o way_n be_v hide_v from_o the_o lord._n what_o be_v the_o meaning_n of_o that_o why_o god_n take_v no_o notice_n of_o my_o wretchedness_n to_o commiserate_v my_o condition_n and_o relieve_v i_o he_o care_v not_o what_o become_v of_o i_o or_o my_o way_n and_o my_o way_n be_v hide_v that_o he_o can_v help_v i_o and_o my_o judgement_n be_v pass_v from_o my_o god_n that_o be_v there_o be_v a_o sentence_n of_o death_n pass_v on_o i_o there_o be_v no_o escape_n but_o see_v how_o compassionate_a the_o lord_n speak_v why_o do_v thou_o say_v so_o poor_a soul_n i_o be_o not_o thoughtless_a and_o regardless_o of_o thou_o as_o thou_o say_v v._n 28_o 29._o have_v thou_o not_o know_v and_o hear_v the_o everlasting_a god_n give_v power_n to_o the_o faint_a and_o to_o they_o that_o have_v no_o might_n increase_v strength_n such_o as_o be_v despond_v and_o hopeless_a in_o themselves_o god_n raise_v they_o up_o they_o that_o wait_v on_o the_o lord_n shall_v renew_v their_o strength_n god_n in_o his_o time_n will_v refresh_v every_o weary_a soul_n iii_o the_o covenant_n of_o grace_n be_v god_n free_a offer_n and_o promise_v of_o life_n and_o salvation_n by_o christ_n to_o all_o sinner_n that_o shall_v believe_v in_o he_o it_o be_v a_o gracious_a and_o firm_a obligation_n in_o which_o god_n do_v make_v over_o himself_o and_o all_o his_o goodness_n in_o christ_n to_o all_o believer_n it_o be_v a_o great_a matter_n for_o god_n to_o be_v our_o god_n in_o special_a covenant_n when_o he_o say_v i_o will_v be_v your_o god_n it_o be_v as_o if_o he_o shall_v have_v say_v i_o will_v bestow_v my_o self_n upon_o you_o what_o i_o be_o i_o be_o for_o thou_o my_o spirit_n my_o comfort_n my_o son_n my_o love_n my_o goodness_n my_o assistance_n my_o happiness_n it_o be_v thou_o my_o holiness_n shall_v make_v you_o holy_a my_o wisdom_n shall_v make_v you_o wise_a my_o righteousness_n shall_v make_v you_o righteous_a whatsoever_o a_o god_n can_v do_v for_o his_o people_n i_o will_v do_v for_o you_o you_o shall_v have_v all_o thing_n needful_a for_o you_o all_o thing_n desirable_a all_o that_o you_o can_v expect_v from_o a_o god_n expect_v it_o from_o i_o i_o will_v be_v gracious_a to_o pass_v by_o thy_o unworthiness_n i_o will_v be_v merciful_a to_o pardon_v thy_o sin_n i_o will_v be_v holiness_n to_o change_v thy_o nature_n i_o will_v be_v assistance_n to_o thou_o in_o duty_n i_o will_v be_v comfort_n to_o thou_o in_o trouble_n i_o will_v be_v wisdom_n to_o cure_v thy_o folly_n i_o will_v be_v plenty_n to_o thy_o want_n i_o will_v be_v strength_n to_o thy_o weakness_n i_o will_v give_v a_o blessing_n to_o your_o estate_n i_o will_v be_v providence_n as_o to_o your_o danger_n i_o will_v be_v preservation_n as_o to_o your_o person_n i_o will_v be_v salvation_n to_o your_o soul_n i_o will_v be_v your_o sun_n and_o shield_n i_o will_v be_v your_o recompense_n and_o exceed_v great_a reward_n i_o will_v be_v a_o god_n unto_o you_o i_o will_v be_v your_o god_n and_o guide_v unto_o death_n and_o your_o portion_n for_o ever_o this_o be_v for_o god_n to_o be_v our_o god_n in_o special_a covenant_n iv._o there_o may_v be_v faith_n where_o there_o be_v no_o assurance_n remember_v it_o o_o my_o soul_n for_o thy_o comfort_n and_o make_v a_o right_a use_n of_o it_o thou_o may_v be_v a_o true_a believer_n though_o thou_o be_v but_o a_o weak_a believer_n nay_o though_o thou_o be_v ready_a to_o think_v thyself_o no_o believer_n it_o be_v one_o thing_n to_o have_v a_o interest_n in_o christ_n and_o salvation_n and_o another_o to_o know_v it_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o many_o a_o good_a christian_a to_o trust_v in_o god_n and_o believe_v in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o yet_o in_o time_n of_o desertion_n and_o temptation_n he_o may_v not_o know_v it_o a_o soul_n under_o the_o eclipse_n of_o god_n countenance_n may_v think_v himself_o in_o a_o lose_a condition_n as_o david_n do_v i_o say_v i_o be_o cut_v off_o from_o before_o thy_o eye_n psal_n 31._o 22._o but_o it_o be_v not_o so_o for_o god_n then_o hear_v the_o voice_n of_o his_o supplication_n a_o man_n may_v true_o fear_v the_o lord_n and_o obey_v the_o voice_n of_o his_o servant_n and_o yet_o may_v walk_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n isa_n 50._o 10._o zion_n say_v the_o lord_n have_v forsake_v i_o my_o god_n have_v forget_v i_o isa_n 49._o 14._o but_o it_o be_v not_o so_o there_o may_v be_v faith_n of_o adherence_n where_o there_o be_v not_o faith_n of_o evidence_n the_o soul_n may_v cleave_v fast_o to_o christ_n and_o say_v if_o i_o perish_v i_o will_v perish_v at_o thy_o foot_n hope_v wait_a trust_v though_o thou_o kill_v i_o yet_o i_o will_v trust_v in_o thou_o though_o i_o know_v not_o whether_o thou_o love_v i_o yet_o i_o will_v endeavour_v to_o love_v thou_o there_o may_v be_v faith_n without_o assurance_n otherways_o true_a justify_v faith_n may_v be_v lose_v for_o assurance_n be_v with_o some_o quite_o lose_v at_o least_o for_o a_o time_n but_o true_a faith_n can_v be_v lose_v it_o may_v decay_v but_o not_o fail_v i_o have_v pray_v for_o thou_o that_o thy_o faith_n fail_v not_o say_v christ_n to_o peter_n this_o prayer_n he_o make_v for_o all_o believer_n they_o also_o that_o have_v some_o assurance_n of_o their_o salvation_n have_v it_o not_o in_o the_o same_o measure_n there_o may_v be_v a_o good_a measure_n of_o assurance_n though_o not_o full_a assurance_n there_o be_v a_o probable_a assurance_n i_o mean_v when_o a_o christian_a compare_v his_o heart_n and_o life_n with_o the_o example_n of_o christ_n and_o rule_n of_o the_o word_n find_v that_o though_o he_o have_v some_o reason_n to_o fear_v lest_o he_o shall_v be_v a_o hypocrite_n yet_o he_o see_v more_o cause_n to_o hope_v than_o to_o fear_n when_o after_o he_o have_v search_v himself_o make_v a_o impartial_a trial_n of_o himself_o he_o come_v to_o this_o conclusion_n though_o i_o be_o not_o as_o confident_a i_o shall_v go_v to_o heaven_n as_o i_o be_o that_o there_o be_v a_o heaven_n yet_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o see_v more_o ground_n to_o hope_v that_o my_o sin_n be_v pardon_v and_o that_o i_o be_o in_o a_o state_n of_o salvation_n than_o to_o fear_v it_o be_v otherwise_o when_o i_o reason_v the_o case_n with_o my_o soul_n i_o have_v more_o argument_n for_o i_o than_o against_o i_o and_o can_v say_v if_o i_o die_v this_o moment_n it_o be_v not_o only_o possible_a but_o probable_a that_o i_o shall_v be_v save_v this_o i_o call_v a_o probable_a assurance_n there_o may_v be_v doubt_n and_o fear_n where_o there_o be_v this_o assurance_n because_o doubt_n and_o fear_n do_v not_o always_o proceed_v from_o the_o weakness_n of_o grace_n but_o sometime_o from_o the_o strength_n of_o temptation_n a_o man_n that_o have_v
righteousness_n be_v more_o satisfactory_a and_o please_a unto_o god_n than_o all_o the_o sinner_n wickedness_n be_v injurious_a and_o displease_v to_o he_o o_o this_o be_v a_o very_a sweet_a and_o comfortable_a consideration_n indeed_o there_o be_v no_o such_o evil_a in_o sin_n to_o damn_v thou_o as_o there_o be_v merit_n in_o christ_n blood_n to_o save_v thou_o ix_o to_o despair_v of_o mercy_n be_v a_o great_a sin_n than_o all_o thy_o other_o sin_n this_o make_v thou_o like_o the_o devil_n himself_o it_o be_v the_o glory_n of_o divine_a grace_n to_o triumph_v over_o all_o the_o sinner_n unworthiness_n resolve_v therefore_o i_o will_v yet_o follow_v god_n though_o i_o have_v offend_v he_o come_v on_o i_o what_o will_v i_o know_v he_o be_v god_n and_o not_o man_n who_o can_v help_v nay_o will_v help_v if_o i_o come_v unto_o he_o isa_n 57_o 16._o i_o will_v not_o contend_v for_o ever_o nor_o be_v always_o wroth_a for_o the_o spirit_n will_v fail_v before_o i_o and_o the_o soul_n that_o i_o have_v make_v isa_n 41._o 17._o when_o the_o poor_a and_o needy_a seek_v water_n and_o there_o be_v none_o and_o their_o tongue_n fail_v for_o thirst_n i_o the_o lord_n will_v hear_v they_o i_o the_o god_n of_o israel_n will_v not_o forsake_v they_o when_o it_o come_v to_o fail_v faint_a sink_a die_a then_o come_v help_v be_v much_o in_o prayer_n and_o hold_v on_o wait_v god_n may_v make_v you_o seek_v and_o wait_v a_o long_a time_n aye_o but_o he_o will_v certain_o come_v and_o that_o will_v make_v amends_o for_o all_o x._o how_o shall_v one_o be_v willing_a to_o die_v that_o have_v not_o a_o sense_n of_o god_n love_n i_o answer_v when_o we_o can_v see_v our_o love_n to_o god_n though_o we_o can_v see_v god_n love_n to_o we_o what_o be_v the_o act_n of_o our_o soul_n towards_o god_n when_o we_o can_v see_v no_o love_n in_o his_o dispensation_n towards_o we_o as_o that_o good_a man_n under_o great_a affliction_n and_o dissatisfaction_n about_o the_o love_n of_o god_n at_o last_o break_v out_o if_o i_o do_v not_o love_n god_n why_o do_v i_o follow_v he_o and_o mourn_v after_o he_o if_o thou_o love_v god_n here_o be_v ground_n of_o comfort_n thou_o can_v not_o love_v god_n if_o he_o do_v not_o first_o love_v thou_o it_o be_v a_o memorable_a answer_n of_o mr._n dod_n to_o a_o godly_a minister_n that_o say_v to_o he_o a_o little_a before_o his_o death_n what_o will_v you_o say_v to_o i_o who_o be_o go_v out_o of_o the_o world_n and_o can_v find_v no_o comfort_n he_o reply_v what_o will_v you_o say_v to_o our_o saviour_n that_o be_v go_v out_o of_o the_o world_n and_o find_v no_o comfort_n but_o he_o cry_v out_o my_o god_n my_o god_n still_o this_o speech_n much_o refresh_v that_o godly_a minister_n other_o of_o god_n child_n have_v want_v sensible_a comfort_n at_o their_o death_n yet_o they_o have_v be_v able_a to_o act_v faith_n and_o to_o say_v my_o god_n my_o god_n still_o though_o god_n sensible_a presence_n be_v not_o still_o the_o same_o yet_o his_o word_n and_o promise_n be_v he_o speak_v as_o comfortable_o in_o his_o word_n as_o ever_o he_o can_v deny_v his_o own_o word_n god_n sometime_o withdraw_v comfort_n that_o we_o may_v prize_v his_o word_n more_o and_o depend_v more_o upon_o that_o you_o please_v and_o honour_n god_n most_o when_o you_o can_v venture_v your_o soul_n on_o his_o bare_a word_n and_o promise_n a_o faith_n of_o recumbency_n on_o christ_n in_o the_o want_n of_o comfort_n do_v more_o honour_n god_n than_o the_o high_a faith_n of_o assurance_n why_o shall_v death_n be_v a_o terror_n to_o they_o that_o fear_v god_n none_o need_v to_o fear_v death_n that_o be_v escape_v from_o the_o dominion_n of_o sin_n and_o the_o devil_n can_v you_o say_v you_o do_v not_o love_n christ_n and_o that_o you_o do_v love_n sin_n then_o there_o be_v cause_n enough_o for_o fear_n but_o this_o be_v to_o bely_v the_o bless_a spirit_n the_o godly_a have_v hope_n in_o his_o death_n a_o hope_n of_o life_n even_o at_o the_o point_n of_o death_n a_o godly_a man_n hope_n can_v never_o fail_v he_o he_o may_v want_v sensible_a comfort_n but_o he_o do_v hope_n still_o death_n it_o be_v a_o go_n to_o god_n and_o shall_v a_o godly_a man_n be_v afraid_a of_o go_v to_o his_o god_n again_o it_o be_v a_o sleep_n a_o rest_n be_v weary_a man_n afraid_a of_o rheir_a rest_n and_o of_o go_v to_o sleep_v if_o death_n be_v a_o enemy_n it_o be_v a_o slay_a enemy_n christ_n have_v be_v the_o death_n of_o death_n and_o why_o shall_v that_o have_v terror_n in_o it_o that_o have_v no_o life_n in_o it_o a_o godly_a man_n be_v a_o real_a gainer_n by_o death_n he_o gain_v more_o by_o his_o death_n than_o ever_o he_o get_v all_o his_o life_n long_o viz._n happiness_n and_o joy_n that_o shall_v never_o end_v again_o though_o death_n separate_v relation_n here_o yet_o death_n can_v never_o separate_v the_o godly_a man_n soul_n and_o body_n from_o christ_n both_o still_o continue_v unite_v unto_o christ_n they_o sleep_v in_o jesus_n god_n be_v still_o their_o god_n and_o therefore_o let_v not_o the_o saint_n of_o god_n be_v afraid_a of_o death_n xi_o psal_n 147._o 11._o the_o lord_n take_v pleasure_n in_o they_o that_o fear_v he_o in_o they_o that_o hope_v in_o his_o mercy_n then_o our_o prayer_n please_v god_n when_o they_o be_v put_v up_o to_o he_o in_o faith_n and_o hope_n of_o his_o mercy_n poor_a tremble_a soul_n that_o meditute_v nothing_o but_o terror_n little_o think_v how_o it_o will_v please_v god_n to_o see_v they_o to_o hope_v in_o his_o mercy_n they_o be_v conscious_a to_o themselves_o how_o they_o have_v displease_v god_n but_o hope_v in_o god_n mercy_n and_o he_o will_v take_v pleasure_n in_o thou_o they_o bring_v most_o honour_n to_o god_n that_o be_v most_o admire_a and_o magnify_v of_o his_o mercy_n his_o heart_n be_v most_o set_v on_o mercy_n in_o all_o the_o manifestation_n of_o it_o therefore_o let_v poor_a droop_a soul_n still_o maintain_v hope_n in_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n through_o christ_n xii_o this_o be_v certain_a in_o every_o afflictive_a providence_n to_o believer_n there_o be_v more_o mercy_n than_o wrath_n nay_o it_o be_v all_o mercy_n in_o the_o issue_n and_o not_o in_o revengeful_a wrath_n but_o paternal_a anger_n they_o have_v support_v under_o all_o sometime_o they_o may_v be_v under_o desertion_n and_o no_o comfort_n of_o god_n come_v into_o their_o soul_n they_o be_v ready_a to_o say_v lord_n why_o cast_v thou_o off_o my_o soul_n but_o then_o they_o have_v this_o to_o support_v they_o they_o can_v love_v god_n and_o mourn_v after_o his_o favour_n though_o he_o seem_v to_o be_v go_v from_o they_o they_o can_v look_v after_o he_o and_o long_o for_o his_o return_n and_o this_o be_v such_o a_o effect_n of_o grace_n that_o be_v more_o worth_a than_o the_o whole_a world_n sustentation_n say_v mr._n baines_n i_o thank_v god_n i_o have_v though_o suavity_n i_o have_v none_o sickness_n and_o sorrow_n and_o death_n that_o be_v the_o fruit_n of_o sin_n none_o can_v be_v exempt_v from_o but_o grace_n do_v this_o for_o believer_n the_o curse_n the_o hurt_a the_o venom_n of_o all_o be_v take_v away_o they_o be_v gainer_n by_o all_o 2_o cor._n 4._o 16._o though_o our_o outward_a man_n etc._n etc._n all_o work_n for_o their_o good_a other_o have_v comfort_n with_o a_o curse_n but_o believer_n have_v cross_n with_o a_o blessing_n the_o gild_n of_o sin_n the_o grace_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n do_v quite_o take_v away_o from_o all_o believer_n heb._n 8._o 12._o pardon_v mercy_n clear_v the_o soul_n of_o gild_n what_o comfort_n be_v this_o to_o such_o that_o by_o the_o grace_n of_o justification_n through_o christ_n they_o be_v in_o god_n account_n righteous_a and_o upon_o the_o account_n of_o christ_n their_o righteousness_n they_o may_v come_v into_o god_n presence_n with_o as_o assure_a welcome_n as_o adam_n in_o paradise_n or_o the_o angel_n now_o in_o heaven_n this_o thou_o may_v be_v assure_v of_o that_o christ_n will_v not_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n nor_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax._n though_o thy_o faith_n be_v so_o small_a that_o it_o yield_v not_o light_a to_o other_o nor_o heat_v to_o thy_o own_o heart_n yet_o christ_n discern_v and_o accept_v it_o but_o can_v a_o man_n have_v the_o exercise_n of_o grace_n and_o not_o know_v it_o fear_v god_n and_o not_o discern_v it_o i_o answer_v yes_o some_o grace_n may_v then_o be_v act_v and_o discern_v by_o other_o as_o well_o as_o at_o any_o other_o time_n he_o may_v fear_v god_n as_o true_o and_o as_o much_o as_o ever_o and_o yet_o his_o grace_n may_v not_o have_v light_a to_o discover_v itself_o to_o he_o it_o may_v have_v a_o be_v and_o work_v in_o the_o heart_n when_o it_o be_v not_o clear_a in_o thy_o apprehension_n xiii_o harken_v unto_o the_o voice_n of_o god_n o_o poor_a doubt_v disconsolate_a sinner_n why_o do_v thou_o pass_v sentence_n against_o thyself_o thou_o say_v o_o my_o sin_n be_v very_o many_o well_o but_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n be_v far_o more_o o_o but_o my_o sin_n be_v very_o great_a true_o but_o the_o meroy_n of_o god_n be_v far_o great_a o_o but_o my_o sin_n be_v of_o long_a continuance_n true_o but_o yet_o thy_o sin_n be_v but_o sin_n of_o time_n his_o mercy_n be_v the_o mercy_n of_o eternity_n o_o but_o my_o sin_n be_v great_a than_o you_o be_v aware_a of_o they_o be_v crimson_a scarlet_a sin_n how_o great_a be_v they_o be_v they_o as_o great_a as_o the_o sin_n of_o manasseh_n that_o be_v a_o wizard_n that_o fill_v jerusalem_n with_o blood_n yet_o god_n pardon_v he_o be_v they_o great_a than_o the_o sin_n of_o mary_n magdalen_n out_o of_o who_o be_v cast_v seven_o devil_n and_o yet_o god_n have_v mercy_n for_o she_o o_o but_o i_o fear_v the_o stock_n of_o mercy_n be_v quite_o spend_v no_o his_o mercy_n endure_v for_o ever_o it_o be_v from_o everlasting_a to_o everlasting_a but_o i_o have_v exceed_o abuse_v mercy_n yet_o remember_v that_o though_o thou_o have_v sin_v against_o his_o mercy_n yet_o thou_o have_v not_o sin_v above_o his_o mercy_n isa_n 55._o 8._o my_o thought_n be_v not_o as_o your_o thought_n nor_o my_o way_n as_o your_o way_n as_o the_o heaven_n be_v above_o the_o earth_n so_o be_v my_o thought_n above_o your_o thought_n and_o my_o way_n above_o your_o way_n finis_fw-la finis_fw-la my_o honour_a friend_n mr._n joshua_n gearing_n sen._n