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may_v be_v for_o his_o honour_n glory_n and_o service_n which_o i_o beseech_v the_o lord_n of_o heaven_n to_o make_v i_o fit_a for_o and_o faithful_a in_o and_o to_o prepare_v my_o soul_n for_o that_o glory_n which_o be_v to_o be_v reveal_v j._n r._n ii_o experience_n of_o r._n w._n i_o will_v declare_v what_o the_o lord_n have_v do_v for_o i_o first_o in_o my_o youth_n my_o father_n be_v a_o godly_a man_n in_o dublin_n in_o ireland_n bring_v up_o his_o child_n very_o religious_o but_o for_o my_o part_n though_o i_o be_v well_o educate_v and_o instruct_v yet_o i_o be_v very_o disobedient_a be_v young_a and_o
the_o shape_n of_o it_o i_o declare_v unto_o they_o as_o before_o and_o they_o tell_v i_o that_o it_o be_v jesus_n christ_n that_o have_v appear_v in_o the_o shape_n of_o a_o child_n and_o that_o he_o have_v overcome_v death_n and_o hell_n for_o i_o then_o i_o cry_v out_o and_o say_v bless_a be_v jesus_n christ_n for_o evermore_o and_o do_v entreat_v those_o people_n that_o be_v there_o with_o my_o father_n that_o they_o will_v go_v to_o prayer_n for_o i_o that_o those_o comfortable_a revelation_n which_o i_o have_v see_v and_o my_o faith_n in_o christ_n may_v never_o depart_v from_o i_o yet_o for_o three_o year_n after_o i_o have_v many_o ebbing_n and_o flow_n and_o much_o fear_v possess_v i_o so_o that_o satan_n will_v tell_v i_o i_o be_v more_o afraid_a of_o hell_n than_o of_o offend_a god_n but_o i_o bold_o sit_v up_o in_o my_o bed_n and_o tell_v satan_n he_o be_v a_o liar_n and_o that_o i_o will_v rather_o be_v damn_v than_o deny_v jesus_n christ_n and_o so_o christ_n do_v appear_v very_o comfortable_o to_o i_o and_o have_v and_o do_v deliver_v i_o out_o of_o many_o trouble_v very_o often_o and_o how_o to_o speak_v of_o they_o i_o know_v no_o end_n yet_o satan_n like_o a_o cunning_a sophister_n have_v be_v tamper_n with_o i_o to_o despair_v of_o christ_n but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o bring_v many_o promise_n into_o my_o mind_n and_o the_o example_n also_o of_o mary_n magdalen_n and_o of_o the_o woman_n of_o canaan_n believe_v that_o as_o jesus_n christ_n be_v gracious_a to_o they_o so_o he_o will_v also_o be_v to_o i_o and_o christ_n have_v often_o time_n reveal_v unto_o i_o that_o his_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o i_o as_o he_o say_v unto_o paul_n i_o can_v speak_v but_o little_a of_o jesus_n christ_n but_o yet_o i_o be_o full_o persuade_v in_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o shall_v think_v myself_o very_o happy_a even_o to_o give_v my_o life_n for_o the_o glory_n and_o honour_n of_o his_o name_n if_o the_o lord_n will_v count_v i_o but_o worthy_a of_o such_o a_o favour_n and_o i_o will_v not_o for_o all_o the_o kingdom_n in_o the_o world_n and_o the_o pomp_n thereof_o be_v in_o such_o a_o condition_n again_o and_o now_o my_o soul_n do_v desire_v to_o give_v up_o itself_o unto_o god_n and_o to_o walk_v in_o the_o strict_a course_n that_o his_o word_n do_v prescribe_v e._n r._n xii_o experience_n of_o t._n m._n about_o the_o fourteen_o year_n of_o my_o age_n i_o be_v put_v out_o to_o be_v a_o aprentice_n but_o be_v place_v with_o a_o master_n in_o who_o i_o see_v little_a of_o god_n his_o way_n be_v contrary_a to_o the_o way_n of_o god_n which_o be_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o my_o spirit_n and_o the_o more_o because_o some_o rude_a people_n drink_v swear_v and_o be_v very_a debauch_a with_o he_o three_o or_o four_o year_n after_o there_o grow_v great_a dispute_n among_o some_o person_n about_o episcopacy_n presbytery_n independency_n and_o the_o like_a which_o make_v i_o question_n with_o my_o own_o thought_n which_o be_v the_o true_a way_n to_o worship_n god_n i_o apply_v myself_o to_o mr._n t._n the_o minister_n and_o other_o yet_o be_v not_o satisfy_v but_o after_o great_a perplexity_n of_o spirit_n i_o meditate_a with_o myself_o and_o wonder_v what_o will_v be_v the_o end_n of_o my_o trouble_n for_o they_o have_v be_v many_o especial_o temptation_n to_o despair_v of_o salvation_n but_o afterward_o be_v return_v back_o from_o my_o master_n to_o my_o father_n house_n lie_v down_o once_o upon_o a_o bench_n i_o fall_v asleep_a and_o dream_v that_o i_o be_v in_o a_o green_a meadow_n where_o i_o see_v various_a form_n of_o creature_n some_o furious_a other_o very_a please_a yet_o all_o of_o they_o seem_v monstruous_a and_o change_v their_o shape_n often_o and_o behold_v myself_o alone_a in_o the_o midst_n of_o they_o i_o be_v grievous_o trouble_v and_o then_o there_o seem_v to_o appear_v a_o great_a red_a dragon_n before_o it_o come_v at_o i_o i_o think_v a_o little_a child_n be_v put_v in_o my_o arm_n which_o be_v so_o beautiful_a and_o comely_a that_o i_o admire_v it_o and_o be_v so_o take_v with_o behold_v it_o that_o it_o put_v the_o fear_n of_o the_o dragon_n for_o the_o present_a out_o of_o mind_n but_o the_o dragon_n afterward_o draw_v near_o and_o sore_o affright_v i_o but_o both_o myself_o and_o the_o child_n be_v take_v away_o and_o carry_v up_o a_o hill_n and_o the_o dragon_n pursue_v we_o and_o be_v often_o ready_a to_o fall_v in_o run_v up_o the_o hill_n i_o fear_v that_o the_o dragon_n will_v catch_v i_o but_o my_o strength_n be_v come_v to_o i_o i_o get_v up_o to_o the_o top_n of_o the_o hill_n and_o the_o dragon_n make_v up_o after_o i_o when_o i_o be_v get_v up_o to_o the_o top_n there_o appear_v a_o brightness_n from_o heaven_n which_o gush_v forth_o like_o a_o stash_n of_o lightning_n and_o split_v the_o dragon_n in_o piece_n at_o which_o i_o rejoice_v exceed_o then_o the_o child_n be_v put_v into_o my_o arm_n again_o and_o i_o ask_v it_o what_o be_v its_o name_n it_o iay_v emanuel_n i_o ask_v who_o be_v its_o father_n it_o say_v i_o be_o i_o ask_v who_o be_v its_o mother_n it_o say_v eternity_n i_o ask_v from_o whence_o he_o come_v he_o say_v from_o my_o father_n out_o of_o heaven_n i_o ask_v to_o who_o he_o come_v and_o what_o be_v his_o errand_n here_o he_o say_v to_o save_v that_o which_o be_v lose_v and_o return_v again_o i_o ask_v he_o if_o he_o will_v dwell_v with_o i_o while_o he_o stay_v he_o say_v he_o can_v not_o be_v detain_v according_a to_o that_o frame_n and_o figure_n he_o be_v in_o but_o after_o death_n he_o will_v dwell_v with_o i_o in_o another_o frame_n the_o thought_n of_o death_n grieve_v i_o but_o the_o child_n bid_v i_o not_o to_o weep_v at_o it_o for_o in_o this_o world_n that_o which_o be_v beauty_n must_v be_v destroy_v and_o that_o which_o be_v contemptible_a must_v be_v exalt_v i_o than_o see_v myself_o very_o contemptible_a and_o poor_a and_o trouble_v and_o in_o these_o thought_n the_o child_n be_v take_v away_o from_o i_o then_o my_o father_n come_v into_o the_o room_n make_v a_o noise_n whereat_o i_o awake_v much_o distract_v and_o trouble_v in_o my_o thought_n and_o so_o perplex_v that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v and_o the_o more_o by_o seek_v to_o understand_v what_o i_o have_v see_v because_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o be_v satisfy_v in_o some_o doubt_n that_o lay_v very_o sad_a and_o heavy_a upon_o my_o soul_n but_o i_o have_v since_o find_v much_o comfort_n out_o of_o god_n word_n where_o christ_n say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o be_v weary_a and_o heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n and_o the_o lord_n say_v i_o have_v call_v thou_o by_o name_n and_o again_o he_o say_v in_o another_o place_n i_o will_v bear_v in_o thou_o a_o poor_a and_o afflict_a people_n and_o they_o shall_v serve_v i_o and_o in_o esay_n he_o say_v i_o will_v gather_v my_o lamb_n with_o my_o arm_n and_o gentle_o lead_v those_o that_o be_v with_o young_a and_o then_o he_o have_v promise_v that_o he_o will_v never_o lay_v more_o upon_o his_o people_n than_o he_o will_v enable_v they_o to_o bear_v and_o i_o have_v these_o effect_n of_o my_o faith_n 1._o my_o heart_n be_v lead_v out_o to_o love_n god_n who_o be_v eternal_a and_o invisible_a and_o incomprehensible_a i_o love_v he_o in_o all_o his_o dispensation_n towards_o i_o and_o in_o the_o mean_a creature_n though_o never_o so_o despise_v i_o desire_v to_o own_o god_n where_o ever_o i_o see_v he_o 2._o i_o find_v my_o heart_n very_o full_a in_o duty_n yet_o i_o have_v be_v sometime_o trouble_v by_o some_o choleric_a distemper_n that_o have_v transport_v i_o in_o some_o dispute_n which_o i_o be_o very_o sorry_a for_o and_o resolve_v to_o leave_v 3._o i_o love_v the_o lord_n who_o have_v hear_v my_o prayer_n and_o now_o at_o last_o satisfy_v i_o in_o every_o scruple_n of_o my_o conscience_n 4._o my_o desire_n be_v to_o walk_v according_a to_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n all_o the_o day_n of_o my_o life_n t._n m._n xiii_o experience_n of_o j._n h._n many_o year_n ago_o i_o have_v some_o yerning_n after_o the_o truth_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o be_v in_o the_o country_n and_o hear_v mr._n young_a a_o minister_n in_o leicestershire_n preach_v twice_o a_o day_n the_o word_n wrought_v so_o on_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o take_v great_a delight_n to_o hear_v he_o but_o be_v jeer_v by_o the_o people_n for_o a_o puritan_n i_o do_v leave_v off_o hear_v for_o a_o time_n and_o be_v in_o the_o town_n near_o mr._n young_a sometime_o as_o i_o go_v abroad_o i_o
distraction_n in_o my_o mind_n and_o i_o show_v my_o discontent_n and_o condition_n to_o he_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o if_o i_o have_v but_o a_o mind_n to_o seek_v god_n and_o to_o repent_v he_o be_v gracious_a and_o will_v receive_v i_o to_o mercy_n the_o thing_n that_o i_o do_v earnest_o beg_v of_o god_n be_v to_o know_v christ_n crucify_v for_o i_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o indeed_o be_v best_a of_o all_o and_o after_o some_o good_a instruction_n from_o he_o and_o other_o i_o be_v much_o delight_v to_o frequent_v the_o meeting_n of_o god_n servant_n and_o good_a sermon_n and_o i_o find_v many_o good_a operation_n upon_o my_o heart_n after_o very_o strong_a conflict_n whicn_o i_o have_v thus_o for_o about_o three_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n lie_v in_o my_o bed_n wake_v all_o the_o night_n and_o call_v upon_o god_n to_o direct_v i_o to_o ask_v at_o his_o hand_n those_o thing_n which_o may_v be_v for_o his_o glory_n and_o my_o comfort_n and_o beg_v that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o a_o settle_a heart_n that_o may_v not_o be_v distract_v with_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n in_o the_o morning_n i_o fall_v tnto_o a_o slumber_n with_o god_n still_o in_o my_o thought_n in_o which_o i_o hear_v as_o it_o be_v a_o voice_n from_o heaven_n speak_v to_o my_o heart_n and_o say_v thus_o ask_v of_o god_n a_o perfect_a upright_a heart_n to_o walk_v in_o his_o presence_n which_o when_o i_o be_v full_o awake_a i_o take_v to_o be_v the_o motion_n of_o god_n spirit_n upon_o my_o conscience_n which_o do_v fill_v i_o with_o much_o joy_n provoke_v i_o to_o pray_v to_o the_o lord_n to_o grant_v i_o that_o grace_n and_o about_o two_o year_n since_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o a_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n in_o a_o great_a measure_n than_o before_o and_o my_o repentance_n be_v more_o spiritual_a and_o my_o hatred_n of_o sin_n more_o real_a and_o i_o find_v a_o sore_a combat_n betwixt_o the_o flesh_n and_o the_o spirit_n be_v more_o sensible_a how_o i_o have_v stray_v from_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o do_v yet_o come_v short_a of_o my_o duty_n therein_o and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o can_v not_o live_v according_a to_o that_o which_o god_n have_v reveal_v of_o his_o will_n to_o i_o whilst_o i_o be_v thus_o trouble_v in_o spirit_n i_o hear_v some_o thing_n in_o several_a sermon_n preach_v by_o master_n b._n touch_v the_o sin_n of_o our_o natural_a corruption_n and_o what_o holiness_n god_n repuire_v of_o we_o and_o i_o hear_v mr._n c._n show_v that_o we_o shall_v strive_v to_o enter_v in_o at_o the_o narrow_a gate_n which_o wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o very_a great_a sense_n of_o my_o sin_n in_o these_o conflict_n i_o meet_v with_o many_o discouragement_n and_o satan_n tempt_v i_o to_o despair_n but_o the_o lord_n sustain_v i_o i_o consider_v that_o as_o a_o sinner_n i_o deserve_v nothing_o but_o damnation_n but_o my_o comfort_n be_v in_o christ_n and_o my_o grief_n be_v interlace_v with_o comfort_n sometime_o i_o be_v in_o sorrow_n two_o or_o three_o day_n and_o then_o again_o find_v comfort_n and_o often_o pray_v unto_o the_o lord_n to_o lay_v no_o more_o weight_n upon_o i_o than_o he_o will_v give_v i_o strength_n to_o bear_v and_o i_o find_v the_o lord_n to_o be_v my_o shield_n and_o buckler_n and_o remember_v many_o promise_n from_o the_o lord_n in_o which_o to_o this_o day_n i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v and_o still_o do_v find_v much_o comfort_n as_o psal_n 34.19_o many_o be_v the_o affliction_n of_o the_o righteous_a but_o the_o lord_n deliver_v he_o out_o of_o they_o all_o i_o have_v have_v many_o affliction_n for_o my_o sin_n but_o none_o but_o christ_n righteousness_n be_v my_o comfort_n in_o who_o i_o trust_v for_o deliverance_n ezekiel_n 33.11_o as_o i_o live_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n i_o have_v no_o pleasure_n in_o the_o death_n of_o the_o wicked_a but_o that_o the_o wicked_a turn_n from_o his_o evil_a way_n and_o live_v turn_v you_o turn_v you_o from_o your_o evil_a way_n for_o why_o will_v you_o die_v o_o you_o house_n of_o israel_n matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n ezekiel_n 18.30_o repent_v and_o turn_v yourselves_o from_o all_o your_o transgression_n so_o iniquity_n shall_v not_o be_v your_o ruin_n isaiah_n 43.25_o ay_o even_o i_o be_o he_o that_o blot_v out_o thy_o transgression_n for_o my_o own_o sake_n and_o will_v not_o remember_v thy_o sin_n these_o and_o divers_a other_o promise_n i_o praise_v god_n i_o have_v have_v comfort_n from_o and_o as_o the_o fruit_n of_o my_o faith_n and_o my_o love_n to_o god_n i_o have_v these_o evidence_n wrought_v by_o his_o spirit_n through_o faith_n in_o my_o heart_n as_o a_o further_a manifestation_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n 1._o i_o believe_v in_o the_o promise_v of_o the_o free_a mercy_n of_o god_n in_o the_o merit_n of_o christ_n and_o can_v apply_v they_o with_o comfort_n to_o my_o own_o soul_n as_o i_o by_o faith_n 2._o my_o heart_n and_o my_o mind_n affect_v god_n above_o all_o the_o pleasure_n and_o joy_n in_o the_o world_n and_o when_o i_o think_v of_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n in_o relation_n to_o god_n i_o think_v that_o without_o god_n all_o be_v but_o vain_a and_o vanity_n 3._o when_o i_o think_v of_o my_o cross_n and_o affliction_n in_o the_o world_n than_o i_o lift_v up_o my_o heart_n to_o god_n in_o christ_n and_o can_v say_v have_v thou_o i_o have_v all_o thing_n if_o i_o have_v christ_n i_o have_v enough_o 4._o my_o heart_n rejoice_v in_o duty_n and_o my_o soul_n do_v more_o rejoice_v in_o hear_v the_o word_n than_o in_o worldly_a pleasure_n 5._o i_o have_v the_o peace_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o conscience_n which_o be_v more_o to_o i_o than_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o make_v i_o set_v the_o world_n at_o naught_o and_o it_o be_v my_o prayer_n that_o i_o may_v never_o be_v without_o that_o peace_n of_o god_n whatever_o befall_v i_o 6._o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o a_o content_a mind_n in_o what_o condition_n soever_o he_o bring_v i_o to_o and_o his_o spirit_n work_v upon_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o do_v not_o repine_v against_o his_o will_n e._n l._n xx._n experience_n of_o j._n b._n some_o time_n ago_o a_o child_n of_o i_o about_o six_o year_n of_o age_n when_o i_o have_v bid_v he_o go_v forth_o to_o play_v he_o have_v come_v in_o again_o very_o solitary_a because_o other_o child_n will_v swear_v and_o be_v rude_a i_o will_v ask_v he_o robert_z what_o ail_v you_o why_o do_v you_o not_o go_v to_o play_v he_o will_v answer_v that_o he_o have_v no_o fellow_n to_o play_v withal_o but_o such_o as_o will_v swear_v and_o the_o like_a and_o they_o can_v be_v say_v he_o god_n child_n i_o will_v say_v why_o not_o child_n then_o he_o will_v say_v no_o mother_n though_o i_o be_o but_o a_o little_a way_n in_o my_o book_n yet_o i_o have_v learn_v that_o god_n will_v not_o pardon_v such_o sin_n as_o swear_v i_o have_v sometime_o say_v yes_o child_n i_o hope_v god_n will_v pardon_v they_o else_o god_n help_v thy_o father_n and_o god_n help_v we_o all_o then_o he_o have_v reply_v mother_n with_o great_a repentance_n god_n can_v forgive_v for_o his_o mercy_n be_v great_a but_o good_a mother_n let_v we_o forbear_v that_o which_o be_v evil_a and_o many_o time_n i_o have_v such_o conference_n with_o that_o child_n that_o see_v i_o trouble_v about_o it_o he_o have_v say_v good_a mother_n be_v content_a their_o parent_n be_v such_o and_o they_o must_v needs_o learn_v after_o they_o i_o think_v upon_o my_o child_n word_n and_o have_v before_o often_o offend_v god_n on_o the_o lord_n day_n and_o the_o thought_n of_o other_o fail_n in_o my_o conversation_n it_o wrought_v great_a trouble_n upon_o my_o heart_n so_o that_o i_o be_v much_o afflict_v in_o soul_n consider_v that_o my_o child_n so_o young_a shall_v give_v i_o such_o instruction_n which_o have_v prove_v a_o blessing_n to_o bring_v i_o home_o to_o he_o i_o do_v then_o make_v some_o doubt_n whether_o god_n will_v forgive_v i_o those_o sin_n and_o about_o that_o time_n hear_v dr._n usher_n preach_v several_a sermon_n and_o particular_o upon_o that_o text_n that_o we_o be_v but_o sojourner_n and_o traveller_n here_o and_o show_v that_o we_o be_v not_o at_o home_n therefore_o we_o must_v keep_v on_o in_o the_o straight_a way_n to_o heaven_n and_o take_v heed_n of_o the_o broad_a way_n which_o lead_v to_o hell_n this_o and_o other_o mean_v since_o do_v throw_v i_o down_o low_o under_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n yet_o not_o without_o sometime_o some_o
therefore_o see_v i_o be_o not_o my_o own_o i_o be_o buy_v with_o a_o price_n therefore_o i_o desire_v to_o glorify_v god_n with_o my_o soul_n and_o body_n which_o be_v the_o lord_n say_v with_o mary_n in_o luke_n 1._o my_o soul_n do_v magnify_v the_o lord_n and_o my_o spirit_n do_v rejoice_v in_o god_n my_o saviour_n who_o have_v regard_v the_o low_a estate_n of_o his_o handmaid_n 8._o though_o former_o my_o soundation_n be_v build_v upon_o the_o sand_n and_o therefore_o easy_o overthrow_v yet_o now_o i_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n i_o be_o establish_v by_o faith_n build_v upon_o that_o rock_n which_o be_v the_o love_n of_o god_n my_o saviour_n christ_n be_v the_o corner_n stone_n isa_n 28.16_o behold_v i_o lie_v in_o zion_n a_o stone_n a_o try_a stone_n he_o that_o believe_v shall_v not_o make_v haste_n 9_o i_o wait_v upon_o the_o will_n of_o my_o heavenly_a father_n in_o all_o his_o dispensation_n for_o a_o more_o full_a enjoyment_n of_o jesus_n christ_n in_o my_o soul_n which_o i_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o and_o i_o have_v the_o promise_n of_o my_o god_n that_o i_o shall_v be_v fill_v and_o have_v taste_v i_o have_v find_v the_o lord_n be_v gracious_a and_o more_o to_o be_v desire_v than_o thousand_o of_o world_n 10._o i_o believe_v not_o upon_o other_o word_n but_o as_o in_o john_n 4.42_o as_o some_o say_v to_o the_o woman_n of_o samaria_n now_o we_o believe_v not_o because_o of_o thy_o say_n for_o we_o have_v hear_v he_o ourselves_o and_o know_v that_o this_o be_v indeed_o the_o christ_n the_o saviour_n of_o the_o world_n 11._o as_o david_n say_v i_o have_v faint_v unless_o i_o have_v believe_v to_o see_v the_o goodness_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o i_o believe_v therefore_o have_v i_o speak_v for_o i_o be_v great_o afflict_v as_o the_o apostle_n say_v you_o be_v complete_a in_o christ_n therefore_o i_o reckon_v myself_o in_o he_o 12._o the_o lord_n have_v clear_v it_o to_o i_o that_o i_o be_o a_o believer_n i_o be_o confident_a that_o christ_n jesus_n do_v pray_v to_o his_o father_n for_o i_o in_o the_o 17._o of_o john_n say_v i_o pray_v not_o for_o these_o only_a hut_a for_o they_o that_o shall_v believe_v through_o their_o word_n that_o they_o may_v be_v one_o even_o as_o we_o be_v one_o therefore_o thou_o be_v my_o god_n and_o i_o will_v praise_v thou_o for_o thou_o have_v hear_v i_o and_o be_v become_v my_o salvation_n thus_o in_o some_o measure_n i_o have_v weak_o hint_v out_o a_o reason_n of_o the_o hope_n that_o be_v in_o i_o trust_v in_o my_o god_n that_o as_o he_o have_v take_v away_o the_o guilt_n of_o sin_n out_o of_o my_o conscience_n so_o in_o his_o due_a time_n he_o will_v take_v away_o all_o sin_n from_o my_o conversation_n as_o he_o have_v give_v i_o a_o pardon_n for_o sin_n so_o he_o will_v overpower_v all_o my_o corruption_n that_o i_o may_v live_v more_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o the_o glory_n of_o his_o grace_n wherein_o he_o have_v make_v i_o accept_v in_o the_o belove_a and_o that_o i_o shall_v become_v over_o sin_n satan_n self_n and_o all_o thing_n opposite_a to_o grace_n more_o than_o a_o conqueror_n through_o he_o that_o have_v love_v i_o and_o wash_v i_o from_o my_o sin_n in_o his_o blood_n for_o to_o he_o be_v all_o thing_n possible_a and_o he_o be_v the_o wise_a masterbuilder_n who_o will_v not_o only_o begin_v but_o will_v go_v on_o to_o accomplish_v his_o own_o work_n d._n r._n xxviii_o experience_n of_o a._n o._n i_o have_v undergo_v sad_a trouble_n of_o spirit_n for_o my_o sin_n which_o i_o have_v have_v a_o great_a fight_n and_o sense_n of_o and_o shed_v many_o tear_n for_o and_o desire_v to_o be_v true_o sorry_a for_o they_o and_o hate_v they_o and_o to_o have_v no_o more_o communion_n with_o they_o about_o two_o year_n i_o lay_v under_o very_o great_a temptation_n and_o be_v ready_a to_o despair_v and_o for_o several_a night_n can_v not_o take_v any_o rest_n in_o my_o bed_n but_o be_v very_o weak_a with_o weep_v and_o much_o grieve_v for_o my_o evil_a thought_n yet_o the_o lord_n draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o call_v upon_o he_o and_o hope_v in_o he_o for_o mercy_n but_o i_o have_v many_o sore_a conflict_n insomuch_o that_o i_o can_v not_o lie_v in_o the_o chamber_n alone_o i_o make_v what_o use_n i_o can_v of_o opportunity_n to_o desire_v comfort_n from_o such_o godly_a christian_n as_o i_o can_v meet_v withal_o to_o counsel_v i_o in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o i_o labour_v to_o hearken_v to_o they_o but_o find_v my_o heart_n very_o dull_a and_o heavy_a for_o a_o time_n until_o about_o three_o year_n since_o i_o begin_v to_o find_v comfort_n from_o some_o sermon_n that_o i_o hear_v and_o book_n that_o i_o read_v and_o some_o thought_n that_o the_o lord_n settle_v upon_o my_o heart_n by_o his_o spirit_n hope_v that_o there_o be_v mercy_n for_o i_o and_o i_o do_v believe_v that_o i_o have_v all_o the_o prayer_n of_o all_o the_o saint_n in_o the_o world_n put_v up_o to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n for_o i_o and_o that_o my_o saviour_n have_v satisfy_v for_o my_o sin_n and_o through_o he_o god_n be_v reconcile_v to_o i_o and_o in_o particular_a i_o find_v comfort_n from_o these_o and_o some_o other_o promise_n john_n 16.35_o jesus_n say_v unto_o they_o i_o be_o the_o bread_n of_o life_n he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o shall_v never_o hunger_n and_o he_o that_o believe_v on_o i_o shall_v never_o thirst_v verse_n 37._o all_o that_o the_o father_n give_v i_o shall_v come_v to_o i_o and_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o john_n 14.1_o let_v not_o your_o heart_n be_v trouble_v you_o believe_v in_o god_n believe_v also_o in_o i_o jerem._n 31.23_o but_o this_o shall_v be_v the_o covenant_n that_o i_o will_v make_v with_o the_o house_n of_o israel_n after_o those_o day_n say_v the_o lord_n i_o will_v put_v my_o law_n in_o their_o inward_a part_n and_o write_v it_o in_o their_o heart_n and_o i_o will_v be_v their_o god_n and_o they_o shall_v be_v my_o people_n and_o i_o do_v find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o testimony_n of_o my_o believe_v &_o that_o i_o do_v love_n god_n wrought_v in_o i_o by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n by_o these_o particular_n 1._o i_o love_v god_n not_o through_o slavish_a fear_n but_o for_o his_o name_n and_o glory_n so_o that_o i_o can_v leave_v all_o for_o he_o and_o nothing_o be_v so_o dear_a and_o precious_a unto_o i_o as_o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o nothing_o so_o great_a a_o joy_n to_o i_o as_o that_o christ_n who_o die_v for_o i_o have_v not_o leave_v i_o 2._o i_o find_v such_o comfort_n from_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o by_o his_o spirit_n revive_v my_o droop_a heart_n and_o fill_v my_o empty_a soul_n and_o when_o my_o poor_a spirit_n be_v even_o faint_v away_o i_o find_v comfort_n from_o his_o glorious_a power_n and_o presence_n 3._o when_o i_o can_v come_v to_o ordinance_n it_o be_v a_o grief_n to_o i_o and_o when_o i_o be_o in_o duty_n it_o be_v a_o grief_n to_o i_o that_o i_o be_o so_o dull_a and_o find_v no_o more_o enlargement_n yet_o my_o affection_n be_v groan_v after_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n in_o duty_n and_o i_o have_v a_o great_a longing_n to_o receive_v more_o of_o christ_n and_o i_o find_v more_o comfort_n when_o my_o heart_n be_v enlarge_v in_o duty_n than_o in_o any_o other_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o i_o know_v that_o all_o my_o comfort_n be_v from_o jesus_n christ_n 4._o what_o i_o desire_v to_o enjoy_v i_o seek_v to_o enjoy_v it_o in_o god_n through_o peace_n of_o conscience_n that_o it_o may_v be_v to_o the_o comfort_n of_o my_o faith_n for_o god_n be_v pure_a and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o i_o that_o i_o câ—n_v serve_v my_o god_n no_o better_o 5._o i_o do_v not_o fear_v death_n for_o my_o faith_n be_v so_o settle_a in_o god_n that_o i_o long_o to_o be_v with_o my_o saviour_n when_o he_o shall_v be_v please_v to_o call_v i_o to_o he_o christ_n have_v dye_v for_o i_o to_o take_v away_o the_o fear_n of_o the_o second_o death_n a._n o._n xxix_o experience_n of_o m._n w._n i_o have_v from_o my_o childhood_n desire_v to_o serve_v the_o lord_n and_o to_o make_v his_o commandment_n my_o rule_n to_o walk_v by_o and_o i_o think_v once_o that_o i_o can_v have_v say_v with_o the_o young_a man_n in_o the_o gospel_n all_o these_o have_v i_o keep_v from_o my_o youth_n but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o visit_v i_o with_o a_o grievous_a sickness_n even_o unto_o death_n and_o then_o my_o heart_n tell_v i_o that_o i_o be_v a_o great_a sinner_n and_o my_o conscience_n accuse_v i_o that_o i_o have_v
when_o god_n have_v take_v away_o my_o child_n 3._o when_o i_o have_v be_v under_o fear_n that_o god_n will_v take_v away_o my_o deaf_a husband_n by_o some_o dangerous_a sickness_n which_o he_o lie_v under_o 4._o when_o i_o have_v be_v under_o great_a fear_n in_o the_o time_n of_o our_o civil_a war_n 5._o when_o i_o have_v be_v under_o spiritual_a desertion_n by_o god_n hide_v his_o face_n and_o favour_n from_o i_o or_o by_o reason_n of_o weakness_n and_o want_v in_o grace_n or_o by_o reason_n of_o strong_a and_o prevail_a corruption_n or_o by_o reason_n of_o satan_n temptation_n in_o all_o these_o case_n i_o have_v experience_v god_n gracious_a dispensation_n towards_o i_o of_o which_o i_o shall_v set_v down_o a_o few_o it_o please_v god_n for_o many_o year_n to_o keep_v i_o for_o the_o most_o part_n in_o a_o sad_a and_o desolate_a estate_n and_o condition_n not_o clear_o evidence_v the_o certain_a assurance_n of_o his_o love_n to_o my_o soul_n so_o that_o many_o time_n i_o question_v whether_o i_o be_v a_o child_n of_o god_n or_o no_o whether_o i_o have_v part_n in_o jesus_n christ_n or_o no_o whether_o i_o shall_v ever_o attain_v to_o life_n and_o salvation_n or_o no_o and_o this_o make_v i_o walk_v with_o a_o droop_a and_o disconsolate_a spirit_n so_o that_o i_o can_v have_v no_o sure_a comfort_n in_o any_o thing_n but_o though_o heaviness_n endure_v for_o a_o night_n yet_o joy_n come_v in_o the_o morning_n when_o the_o lord_n cause_v the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n to_o shine_v upon_o i_o which_o be_v better_a than_o life_n it_o please_v god_n upon_o the_o death_n of_o my_o young_a child_n that_o it_o lay_v very_o heavy_a upon_o my_o spirit_n in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o be_v bring_v oft_o upon_o my_o knee_n to_o beg_v support_n from_o god_n and_o to_o crave_v his_o grace_n and_o assistance_n that_o i_o may_v not_o break_v out_o to_o speak_v or_o act_v any_o thing_n whereby_o god_n name_v may_v be_v dishonour_v or_o the_o gospel_n discredit_v and_o that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o make_v up_o this_o outward_a loss_n with_o some_o more_o durable_a and_o spiritual_a good_a and_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o return_v a_o gracious_a and_o speedy_a answer_n to_o these_o my_o request_n for_o though_o i_o lie_v long_o under_o the_o burden_n of_o that_o loss_n yet_o the_o lord_n in_o his_o due_a time_n do_v sweet_o manifest_v his_o special_a love_n to_o my_o soul_n assure_v i_o that_o he_o be_v my_o gracious_a and_o reconcile_a father_n in_o christ_n whereby_o my_o love_n to_o he_o be_v much_o increase_v and_o even_o inflame_v so_o that_o by_o his_o grace_n it_o wrought_v in_o i_o more_o diligence_n and_o carefulness_n to_o maintain_v and_o preserve_v these_o evidence_n of_o his_o love_n and_o to_o yield_v a_o lively_a submission_n unto_o his_o will_n as_o well_o in_o suffer_v as_o in_o do_v as_o also_o by_o avoid_v whatsoever_o may_v provoke_v he_o to_o withdraw_v the_o evidence_n of_o his_o love_n from_o i_o without_o the_o sense_n whereof_o i_o can_v take_v little_a or_o no_o comfort_n in_o any_o thing_n and_o furthermore_o i_o bless_v god_n for_o it_o and_o speak_v it_o to_o the_o praise_n and_o glory_n of_o his_o rich_a and_o free_a grace_n my_o prayer_n and_o earnest_a desire_n have_v be_v answer_v by_o god_n give_v i_o comfortable_a assurance_n both_o from_o the_o testimony_n of_o his_o holy_a word_n and_o the_o witness_n of_o his_o bless_a spirit_n of_o my_o eternal_a and_o everlasting_a salvation_n in_o and_o by_o jesus_n christ_n yet_o have_v i_o not_o be_v without_o fear_n and_o doubt_v many_o time_n through_o want_n of_o look_v over_o my_o evidence_n or_o by_o neglect_v to_o keep_v a_o narrow_a watch_n over_o my_o heart_n or_o from_o some_o weakness_n of_o my_o faith_n and_o all_o through_o my_o own_o default_n and_o negligence_n the_o lord_n pardon_v it_o and_o make_v i_o more_o circumspect_a for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v by_o all_o these_o i_o have_v gain_v this_o experience_n 1._o that_o god_n be_v true_a and_o faithful_a in_o make_v good_a all_o his_o promise_n seasonable_o unto_o we_o as_o that_o all_o thing_n shall_v work_v together_o for_o our_o good_a and_o that_o god_n will_v never_o leave_v we_o nor_o forsake_v we_o etc._n etc._n 2._o that_o it_o be_v not_o in_o vain_a to_o wait_v upon_o god_n and_o to_o seek_v unto_o he_o in_o our_o strait_n who_o be_v more_o ready_a to_o hear_v than_o we_o be_v to_o ask_v 3._o that_o i_o desire_v to_o see_v yea_o the_o lord_n have_v show_v i_o the_o vanity_n and_o uncertainty_n of_o the_o most_o satisfy_a comfort_n that_o this_o world_n can_v afford_v and_o what_o a_o emptiness_n there_o be_v in_o they_o that_o so_o i_o may_v and_o i_o desire_v so_o to_o do_v keep_v wean_v affection_n towards_o they_o and_o to_o sit_v loose_a from_o they_o that_o i_o may_v be_v ready_a to_o part_v with_o they_o when_o god_n call_v they_o from_o i_o or_o i_o from_o they_o again_o in_o regard_n of_o bodily_a weakness_n and_o sickness_n my_o experience_n have_v be_v these_o 1._o that_o as_o a_o break_a shoulder_n can_v bear_v no_o burden_n so_o the_o least_o distemper_n when_o the_o heart_n be_v not_o in_o a_o holy_a frame_n and_o temper_n be_v a_o burden_n insupportable_a if_o god_n hide_v his_o face_n from_o we_o and_o withdraw_v the_o evidence_n of_o his_o love_n and_o deny_v to_o assist_v we_o by_o his_o strength_n we_o can_v neither_o do_v nor_o suffer_v any_o thing_n and_o on_o the_o contrary_a i_o find_v by_o experience_n that_o i_o can_v with_o much_o cheerfulness_n holy_a submission_n and_o willingness_n bear_v great_a distemper_n when_o i_o enjoy_v the_o favour_n of_o god_n in_o they_o so_o that_o then_o i_o can_v ready_o say_v good_a be_v the_o work_n of_o the_o lord_n as_o well_o as_o his_o word_n and_o i_o will_v bear_v the_o indignation_n of_o the_o lord_n because_o i_o have_v sin_v against_o he_o micah_n 7.9_o and_o job_n 13.15_o though_o he_o slay_v i_o yet_o will_v i_o trust_v in_o he_o 2._o i_o find_v by_o experience_n also_o that_o by_o my_o pain_n and_o sickness_n i_o be_v the_o better_a able_a to_o sympathize_v with_o and_o to_o pity_n and_o pray_v for_o other_o in_o the_o like_a case_n 3._o hereby_o i_o learn_v the_o more_o to_o prize_v health_n and_o that_o upon_o several_a account_n namely_o because_o in_o health_n we_o have_v liberty_n and_o opportunity_n to_o enjoy_v the_o public_a ordinance_n with_o other_o of_o god_n people_n whereby_o the_o grace_n of_o true_a christian_n be_v quicken_v strengthen_v and_o increase_v in_o we_o which_o otherwise_o by_o reason_n of_o our_o corrupt_a nature_n be_v apt_a to_o grow_v cold_a and_o languish_v as_o will_v our_o body_n if_o they_o want_v food_n again_o because_o in_o health_n we_o enjoy_v the_o benefit_n and_o the_o comfort_n of_o sweet_a and_o quiet_a sleep_n which_o much_o refresh_v and_o cheer_v and_o which_o common_o we_o want_v in_o sickness_n last_o because_o in_o health_n we_o find_v sweet_a satisfy_v comfort_n in_o the_o use_n of_o god_n good_a creature_n whereas_o in_o sickness_n the_o dainty_a food_n be_v loathsome_a and_o troublesome_a the_o consideration_n of_o these_o thing_n make_v i_o the_o more_o to_o prize_v health_n to_o be_v very_o thankful_a for_o it_o and_o the_o more_o careful_a to_o employ_v and_o improve_v health_n and_o strength_n to_o god_n glory_n and_o the_o furtherance_n of_o my_o own_o salvation_n in_o regard_n of_o public_a danger_n i_o have_v have_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o experience_n of_o god_n goodness_n towards_o i_o and_o my_o several_a time_n for_o when_o in_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o civil_a war_n and_o distraction_n 1642._o i_o be_v sometime_o overwhelm_v with_o weak_a and_o distrustful_a fear_n occasion_v by_o my_o not_o act_v faith_n upon_o the_o promise_n and_o not_o remember_v my_o former_a experience_n nor_o consider_v god_n love_n power_n and_o fidelity_n to_o his_o child_n in_o perform_v his_o so_o many_o gracious_a promise_n make_v unto_o they_o in_o all_o estate_n and_o condition_n and_o to_o i_o among_o the_o rest_n hereupon_o i_o resolve_v by_o god_n grace_n and_o assistance_n not_o to_o give_v way_n to_o this_o distrust_n and_o diffidence_n pray_v god_n to_o assist_v i_o therein_o and_o find_v more_o courage_n than_o former_o so_o far_o as_o i_o know_v my_o own_o heart_n though_o true_o the_o heart_n be_v very_o deceitful_a as_o i_o have_v find_v by_o sad_a experience_n the_o lord_n teach_v i_o and_o enable_v i_o to_o rely_v upon_o he_o with_o more_o courage_n and_o constancy_n and_o more_o to_o live_v by_o faith_n upon_o his_o promise_n than_o former_o i_o have_v do_v indeed_o i_o have_v be_v apt_a to_o fall_v into_o new_a fear_n upon_o approach_a danger_n yet_o upon_o