Lordship that sounds purely I vow my Aunt will Love me when I am a great Lady look here he is Governess Oh Gemini 't is a dear Man Sir John My little Angel this was kind the place appear'd Gloomy as Shades beneath till your bright Eyes exceeding the Stars created a double Day Luc. O la What fine Words he has Sir My Lord I mean I am a foolish Girl and know not how to answer but I am Young and not unapt to learn Gov. Nay I 'll say that for Miss she was ever as forward as the best of ' em Sir John Pretty Innocence She shall not want Instructions Modell'd by me the World will own her perfect Gov. And truly my Lord she has enough to pay her Teacher Sir John Hold hold Name not Wealth 't is a Dross I despise Luc. Fie Governess Do you think his Lordship Values Money Sir John Not I upon my Honor. Aside to Chris. Get it out of the Old One what she 's worth lest it prove not worth my while to follow her any longer Chris. Yes Sir yes Lucind. Now my Lord the reason why I have a mind to be Married is because I may have a little more freedom I never go any where now but that Old Woman 's at my heels and I have heard 'em say Wives go where they will and do what they will Sir John So sha't thou my dear Miss Aside Marry quotha more Words than One to that Bargain Luc. But when will you meet me here agen then and Run away with me For I was told I shou'd be Run away with They say most Fortunes are Chris. to Sir John Sir Twenty Thousand Pounds when she is at Age. Sir John Aside Very well Gad I 'le Marry her by that time I shall have spent it broke her Heart and be ready for another My dear Blossom how happy am I to have gain'd your Affections Tho' 't is no wonder for the Universality of Women dye for me Luc. For my part you spoke to me for that I like ye else truly Mr. pish my Lord I see as fine things walk here as you Sir John Oh fie Chris. This is true Nature a Baby indeed she has not yet learnt to Dissemble Sir John Can ye get out in a Morning my Dear Luc. Yes any time I am left wholly to my Governess and you won her heart t'other Morning with some Sack promise her some more and she 'l bring me I warrant Sir John There 's that will buy Sack Will ye bring Miss to Morrow by Five-a-Clock Gov. Yes yes she shall wait on your Honour no Body minds us at Home But we 'l serve e'm a Trick Chris. Sir Sir Mrs. Rich and the Company you left are just coming into this Walk Sir John My Dear Dear farewel One of my Relations that I dare not see Farewel this Instant keep these Verses to remember me and to Morrow Luc. Oh Gemini If I forget I 'l be hang'd I shan't sleep all Night for thinking on 't Good b' ye ' Is he not a pure Man Nurse Exeunt Sir John and Chris. Gov. Ay marry is he they shan't think to thrust us up in a Garret we 'l ha' Money and good things as well as your proud Aunt and her Folks Luc. Oh la Mum here 's my Aunt and all they upon our Backs what shall we say now Enter Mrs. Rich Lady la Basset and Mrs. Trickwel Mrs. Rich. This was furiously odd to desert us only with the Whim to show us Airs in Bowing when we meet Luc. Oh la furiously there 's a hard Word I 'll learn my Aunt 's Words that I may appear agreeable to my Lord furiously remember Governess Mrs. Rich. Mrs. Tickwel I am sick of the Park here 's neither the Beaux nor the Bellemond Really when Sir John's gone we search in Vain for Gallantry or a good appearance La Bass. I wonder how he durst quit the place when I was here Mr. Rich. You Mrs. Trick Upon my Life Madam the Ladies are all Mad for this miracle of a Knight I wish your Ladyship had him fix'd in the Matrimonial Noose that the rest may burst with Envy Mrs. Rich. Fear not Mrs. Trickwel I have him with a double Chain Love and Interest ha This Impertinent Girl here Lucind. Pray don't be angry Aunt Mrs. Rich. In the first place leave off that word Aunt and make use of Madam Or stay at home with your Father Lucin. But Aunt since you are my Aunt Why may I not call you Aunt Mrs. Rich. Why I being a Woman of Quality and you but a Citizen's Daughter I cannot in decency be your Aunt without degrading my self in some measure Luc. Oh good Aunt let not that concern you For I shall be a Woman of Quality too in a little time Mrs. Rich. What says the Girl Lucin. 'T is in my power to be as great a Lady as you Aunt at least Mrs. Rich. Child Lucin. I am acquainted with a Lord the handsomest and most obliging in the World I have met him several times in the Park and he 'l Marry me when I please therefore never trouble your self Aunt about my Quality Mrs. Rich. And what 's this Lord's Name Luc. They call him my Lord Fourbind he 's very Rich and of great Quality for he told me so Mrs. Rich. Truly Niece I am very well pleas'd that notwithstanding the mean Education your Father bestow'd on you you have thoughts worthy the honour I do you of suffering you to be my Niece and you are oblig'd to me and my Conversation for this Luc. I have another Obligation to desire Aunt Mrs. Rich. What is that Luc. To Marry as soon as 't is possible if you please Aunt the Gentleman you Love that it may Countenance my Marriage with him I Love that when my Father wou'd chide me I may answer him I have not done worse than my Aunt Mrs. Trick You 'r in the Right what a terrible thing is Example Aside Lucin. But my Aunt must make what hast she can my Lord Fourbind my Lover is most furiously impatient Mrs Rich. Ah! Mrs. Trickwel Now can I be reveng'd of Mr. Rich His Daughter is in Love with a Courtier and a Courtier with her and she 's Distracted to be Marry'd to him if the Father and Mother wou'd but dye with Vexation I shou'd be rid of troublesom Creatures Mrs. Trick But Madam are you resolv'd to assist your Niece in her Design Mrs. Rich. Certainly And I wou'd not for a Thousand Pound lose this excellent occasion of sending Mr. Rich. to Bedlam Mrs. Trick That is very charitable truly Mrs. Rich. Come Ladies let 's home to Dinner this News has pleas'd me My Niece and I will the Example lead Teach City-Dames the way to mend their Breed Chuse for our selves let our dull Parents pray Devoutly Cheat each others Lives betray And whilst they Drudge we 'l briskly throw away ACT IV. Enter Younger Clerimont Cler. WHat a Wretch am
Name and Lodging e'r I 'de accept the favour and now I have a Game to play wherein you must assist me Betty In what ever you desire Oh! Madam Sir John Roverhead is just upon us L. Landsworth What luck is this is there no avoiding the Fop Enter Sir John Roverhead and Chris. his Man Sir John Ha Chris. the beautiful wealthy Widow of the North. Chris. Why Sir she is not Mrs. Rich. Sir John Sagely discover'd but she 's better Mr. Wisdom more desirable and deeper in my Affections Chris. Your Pardon Sir I have done Sir John Stand back adjusting himself to Chris. L. Landsworth What postures the thing uses to make it more ridiculous than nature first design'd it Sir John Now to be florid To Chris. Sure some auspicious Planet rul'd to day for every Star is witness how often when I have made my Visit here I have sigh'd to see your Ladyship L. Lands Still taking Coach or Chair Have I not helpt you out Sir Sir John Lord Madam such beauty Wit and Dress what Man can bear L. Lands Such affectation folly and nonsense what Woman can indure Exit Sir John Ay hey Mrs. Betty what 's the meaning of this Betty The effect of her Country ignorance Sir John It must be so for I think Chris I am nicely Dress'd to day Chris. Ay but perhaps she likes the Inward-man Sir John She 's a fool that 's certain But Mrs. Betty I hope my Affairs stand well with your Lady this was but a trifle whom I address'd too with my universal Gallantry which had she receiv'd I should have laugh'd at my Valet knows 't is my way to all that make an appearance Chris. Under Fifty Sir John Or above if they make an appearance Betty Ay Sir John 't is you alone have the bewitching way Court all the World and catch my unweary Mistress by the by because 't is like Quality Sir John Like that 's degrading I 'de be an original like nothing Betty Nothing sure can be like you Sir John A witty Baggage this we must ingage her Chris. Withal my heart secure you the Mistress and let me alone for the Maid Sir John Well but Mrs. Betty after this idle chat shall we crave leave to see your Mistriss Betty You may and you only she 's at Cards Sir John I protest thou art charmingly dress'd and pretty I vow what Design have you to day Betty Is it to me you speak Sir Sir John To whom else Betty I thought like a Poet you were repeating and design'd the Complement for the next of Quality you met Sir John Fie fie let me dye if you are not the prettiest amiable Creature I know Prythee who makes thy Mantoe's how modestly the little Creature dresses her Head too Betty Ha ha ha this is excess of French breeding But Sir John you forget my Lady expects you Sir John I shall ever forget her when I look upon thee my Life my Soul She threw by her Knotting in haste Sings ho ho ho come along Chris. I 've shot her flying And caught me about my well shap'd wast Sings ho ho ho Exit Singing Betty So this is the high top Fool in my Lady's equipage the favour'd Fool and she has enough in her Train to give a Man of sense the spleen but to hear her Catalogue Well since Fortune has thrown me into this Chamber-maid Station I 'le revenge her Cruelty and plague her Favourites No 〈◊〉 by me shall e'er successful prove My Plots shall help the Man of Sense in Love ACT II. Enter Belvoir meeting Jack Belvoir HOw now Jack is thy Master within Jack No Sir Belvoir No Sir Let me come Morning Noon or Night still I am answer'd No Sir 't was by accident I found his Lodgings and I plainly perceive he is deny'd this is most injurious to our former Friendship quite contrary to the Contract made when we were fellow Students when I was only Clerimonts and Clerimont Belvoirs Jack Ay Sir my Master 's strangely alter'd but I dare not tell Belvoir Come for once I 'le tempt thee to a breach of Trust I may do him service I hear his Father 's dead Jack Ah Sir that 's his grief the very fountain of his Discontment Bell. Trust me Jack few Young Gentlemen use to break their Hearts for such a Loss Jack Yes if they are Younger Brothers and left not worth a Groat 't will go a great way with them a great way indeed Sir Bell. But he was the Old Lord's Favourit who had Land enough without entail to make my Clermont happy Jack Alas Mr. Bellvoir I find you know not our Story Bell. Not the particulars only what I 've heard from fame if thou believest me thy Masters Friend hide nothing from me Jack I do so notwithstanding his Commands you shall hear our misfortunes You know my Master's Elder Brother is a perfect Squire on my Conscience the product of two Virginities such an unaccountable Blockhead that tho' he gave the assured proof of spending his Fathers Estate and did it so ungenteely that he was despis'd by Men of Sense shun'd by all but the unthinking Rabble Rediculous even below Lampooning Bell. Why Jack the Town improves thee beyond the University thou grow'st Witty Jack No 't is the Approach of Poverty whets my Spleen I gad if I am reduc'd to Rags I 'll spare ne'r an Elder Brother of them all tho' he were a Prince Bell. A well a day for the poor Gentlemen in gilt Coaches But proceed to the matter good Friend John Jack Why this Dunce I think I call'd him before shatter Brains Bell. Hold. Jack Whose sole delight lay in his Kindred Hounds who for his Hunting Companions entertain'd all the Lubbers of the four adjacent Parishes till the Country was going to Petition the Parliament for Labourers this Monster of the Woods this Bell. Well what of him Jack Has got every Penny of my Old Lord's Estate whilst my Master the most deserving of his Race tho' I say it that should not is left to Starve Rob Drown or what he pleases Bell. But how came this to pass Jack ha Jack Why that damn'd jilt Fortune or her left-handed Daughter as blind as she Chance Belvoir A mischance upon my word Jack A confounded one My old Lord lay long Bed-rid of the Gout and the Wight I have describ'd liv'd in an Estate some few Miles distant one day Hunting that way he bethought himself and made his sick Father a Visit but knowing he could not sit a moment without talking to his beloved Jowler Ringwood c. takes the whole Kennel along with him into the Chamber whilst the t'other Kennel below I mean the Peasants were so sharp set they scarce left my Lord an unmaul'd Dish to come to his Table Bellvour Horrid filthy Brutes Jack In fine this so exasperated the old Man that in a rage he burnt his Will designing to leave my Master whatever was in his power but the malicious Fates
your Conduct La. Bas. aside Curse on him this is a sensible Fellow and my design 's lost Mr. Rich. And what are you a Lady Errant and this the ' Squire of the body He looks as if he had lived upon Adventures indeed La. Bas. No matter what I am I am mad Mr. Rich. I believe so Mrs. Rich. I shan't recover the fright this twelve month La. Bas. She wou'd bea Woman of Quality and dares not fight By the honour of my Ancestors I 'll go find out Sir John and if he does not change his resolution he and I shall dispute it Come along Vermin Ex. La. B. and Ver. Mr. Rich. Ha ha that wou'd be a pretty Combat in troth he dares not fight a Man This Woman will be an excellent match for him Dost thou yet see thy folly thy own and thy Instructor's folly These things teach thee to appear like the truly Great Alas mistaken wretch they are as far from noble Natures as light from darkness Mrs. Rich. I do begin to find my errour and am mending my Conversation yet think not tho' ye have humbled me you shall e'er bring me back to the City agen No I have still spirit enough to defie the City and all its works By my Stars I 'll never endure a greasie City Feast a set Custard is my aversion of all aversions as Olivia has it Mr. Rich. 'T is impossible to turn the Current of a Womans Will tho' it perpetually runs the wrong way Enter Mrs. Betty Bet. Oh Madam such a piece of Treachery such Perfidiousness have I discover'd Mrs. Rich. In whom My Stars this is a day of wonders Bet. Even Sir John going from your Ladyship in a huff because you smil'd upon the worthy Gentleman in disguise met your Niece she flew upon him with a violent Exclamation My Lord Fourbine your's intirely He answer'd in a passionate tone Ah mon cher I die for ye Mr. Rich. My Daughter Bet. Yes your Daughter and together they whisk'd cross the Gallery to Misses Apartment I left 'em there and came to inform your Ladyship Mrs. Rich. 'T is all Confusion and Amazement Mr. Rich. I am destracted my Daughter I 'll kick him burn his flaxen Wigg dirty his white Coat knock out his butter Teeth wring off his Nose and spoil him for being a Beau for ever Mrs. Rich. Whilst I conceal my self in one of the Closets if this be true Betty I have such a revenge shall make the Town ring on 't Bet. Do Madam aside to Mr. Rich Now Sir now 's the time to clear the house of the Locusts these swarm of Fools Mr. Rich. Set all thy wits at work my good girl Come shew me this happy couple I shall spoil their mirth I'gad Exeunt Enter Sir John Lucinda Chris and Governess Sir Joh. Beyond my wish Mrs. Rich's Niece the World shall applaud my revenge But my dear are you sure none of the Family will interrupt us Lucin. No no they mew me here eternally with that old Woman my Aunt hates a younger face than her own shou'd appear where she is I am not such a Child but I can find that Come hasten Governess pack up all my Jewels we 'll steal out at the back-door bid adieu to my sweet Aunt till my dear Lord and I visit her in a Coach and Six Sir Joh. That 's my Cherubim help Chris help I long to be gone Chris. My Lord we 'll ha down in a twinkling Lucin. But look you my Lord I must tell you my mind in two or three words before we go what you must trust to Do you see I am not furiously in Love as my Aunt says I run away only for more Pleasure more Liberty c. I will go every day to the Play or else to the Park and every time I go to the Park to the Lodge to Chelsey In fine where I please or as I run away with you I 'll run away from you sue for my own Fortune again and live as I please What I have heard how Ladies with Fortunes do Sir Joh. A young Gipsie this who 'd have thought it had been in her aside Mon cher ame you shall have your will Lucin. That you must expect my dear Lord for had I lov'd obedience I had still obey'd my Father And she that begins with her Father generally makes an end with her Husband but that 's furiously modish and therefore so much the better Quick quick good Governess and then ahey for disobedience Enter Mr. Rich and Betty Mr. Rich. And then ahey for disobedience Who is this my Daughter with her ahey for disobedience Lucin. O gemini my Father what shall I do now well I 'll e'en turn sides take my Father's part if he 's uppermost and rail at my Lord furiously Mr. Rich. Art thou the flaring Fop my hopeful Sister 's fond on descended from thy Dutchess Bed-Chamber to steal my Daughter Sir Joh. I am a Gentleman Sir and expect to be us'd like one Mr. Rich. 'T is false thou art not I have trac'd thy Original and found thou art none Lucin. O la not a Gentleman why he swore to me he was a Lord out upon him Sir Joh. Well said Miss I find we may e'en be marching for any friends we have here Thou unpolish'd thing I answer thy Affront with my Mein my Dress my Air all shew the Gentleman and give the lye to thy ill mannered Malice Mr. Rich. Defie me thou thing equip'd Canst thou justifie the worst of Thefts stealing my Child Draw Sir Joh. Your Pardon Sir not before the Lady I may discompose her perhaps the sight of a Sword may fright her into a fit Lucin. O la don't let me hinder ye Mr. Rich. Art thou not a Fool Sir Joh. A Fool alamode Sir Mr. Rich. A Coward Sir Joh. I am a Beau Sir Mr. Rich. All sound and no Sence Sir Joh. I sing tolerably well For who wou'd in a Cellar Dine when he may go to Locket's Mr. Rich. Thou trifling Coxcomb all Wig and no Brains begone this very Instant or I 'll lead thee thus by the Nose I 'll lead thee to a she Fop of thy acquaintance Coxcomb I will therefore make use of thy Heels Sir Joh. Egad this is very uncivil Mr. Rich. I meant it so Sir Joh. I 'll Lampoon thee till your Friends shall fly ye your Neighbours despise ye and the World laugh at ye Mr. Rich. I believe your Wit 's as dangerous as your Courage be gone Insect Lucin. Pretend to be a Lord and baulk a young Womans expectation Bet. Ah poor Sir John ha ha Sir Joh. Has she been a spectator I shall be jear'd to death I will study a revenge shall make you tremble I will thou barbarous Cit. Mr. Rich. Go set your Perriwig to rights fop ha ha Sir Joh. Curses Curses Ah I shall Choak Mr. Rich. Farewell fool you Madam I Exit Sir John shall find a time to discourse with dear Mrs. Betty take
a little of your money to pay my debt and I won't trouble you d' ye see La. Lands Well said Mr. Bridegroom Come Madam few Beaux wou'd be more Complaisant Bet. Madam Sir John Mrs. Rich. Mountains cover my shame What shall I say now La. Lands Say laugh at him as all the World ought Mrs. Cler. Believe me Madam ye have made the better choice Mr. Rich. A thousand times Enter Sir John and Mrs. Trickwell Mrs. Trick You bring me here to see you Triumph I can never believe it you have some trick put upon you Sir John Sir Joh. Have I not her own Note that spight of her Jealousies and her Brother's Tyranny she will this day be married Mrs. Trick She does not say to you Ha! What a World of Company is here Sir Joh. The Brother and the young Gipsie his Daughter I 'll be gone Bel. Nay no retreating Sir John you must at least wish the Lady joy Mrs. Rich. Sha my design 's broke my Plots spoiled can I Triumph at his defeat and show that awkard figure Sir Joh. Madam your Summons brought me hither I hop'd to Joys Mrs. Rich. I hate you and all mankind Luâ—in So do I ye sham Lord ye brag ye bounce ye Bel. Enough good Miss Sir John I perceive you must search for new Gallantries here the Ladies are provided for except this little one who seems to have no inclination Sir Joh. Pax take ye all they were fond I 'm sure Mr. Rich. Come ye young Coquette your Education shall be alter'd I assure ye 't is e'en high time Mrs. Trick Well I believe my booty with yonder fantastical Lady is at an end so I 'll steal off unobserv'd Exit Mrs. Trickwell Enter Lady Basset La. Bas. Where is this Villain This false ungrateful Villain Sir Joh. So another outcry La. Bas. Yes Traytor and a just one Know all this was but a Servant in Sir John Roverhead's Family I drest him in these borrow'd honours knowing Sir John never came to Town I taught him the Modes and Manners here and he has rewarded me with Inconstancy Sir Joh. Hold hold not so fast How came you to be the Honourable the Lady Basset I think 't was I dubb'd ye As I take it ye were but the cast Mistress of Sir Francis Basset when I found ye Mr. Rich. See Sister how the Quality you were fond of expose one an other Mrs. Cler. And seeing this be reconcil'd to your new Spouse who is of a noble Family and I promise to introduce ye to Persons of Merit and Honour La. Lands We shall all be fond of ye for of your self you are Charming and Sensible 'T is only these Wretches have render'd ye ridiculous Mr. Rich. Come give him your hand 't is a gentle punishment for so much vanity Mrs. Rich. Well since my malicious Stars have thus decreed it but d' ye hear I expect to have your Estate in my power and that same Title you talk off look'd into El. Cler. â—â—ackings and so you shall but must not I have your fine parson in my power too ha Mrs. Rich. Has the Thing sence enough to be in Love Cler. Now I hope all 's well and I have prevail'd with my Landlady to give ye a Song La. Lands Do good Mrs. Fidget Mrs. Fid. Any thing to divert ye Toby And adâ—d after that I 'll give 'em a donce Bel. Well sed honest Toby Mrs. Rich. Sir Jan will ye participate our diversion or employ your time in reconciling your self to this inraged Lady Sir Joh. Shame Disappointment and Disreputation light upon you all wou'd all the whole Sex were upon Salisbury Plain and their rigging on fire about their Ears Exit Sir John Mrs. Cler. And that 's the dreadful Curse of a defeated Beau. Follow Madam and put him in a better humour La. Bas. Hang him as I wou'd my self you and all the World Exit Lady Basset Bet. A fair riddance Cler. Now the Song and then the Dance Mr. Rich. Now Sister and Daughter to you I chiefly speak let this days Adventure make ye for ever cautious of your Conversation you see how near these pretenders to Quality had brought you to ruin The truly Great are of a quite different Character The Glory of the World our British Nobles are The Ladies too Renown'd and Chast and fair But to our Citizens Augusta's Sons The Conquering Wealth of both the India's runs Tho' less in Name of greater Power by far Honours alone but empty Scutcheons are Mixt with their Coin the Title sweetly sounds No such Allay as Twenty Thousand Pounds THE END
decreed it otherwise for that very night the anger'd Father dy'd suddenly and all his Wealth fell to that soft-headed Fool in one Swoop and the De'il I say do him good with it Belv. Pho there must be application made to him Jack this must not be suffer'd Jack To his Huntsman apply then for he 's his only Oracle Belvoir Their 's Mrs. Clerimont in Town his first Cousin a vast fortune and one who has a larger share of Wit and Goodness she shall be consulted What a young Gentleman shall never droop for missing a paltry Fortune Jack Dear Sir do your best But now I beg of you to be gone I hear him coming and he will be in such a Passion if he discover I have been talking to you or told he was at home for 't is his humour to hide from all his Friends Belv. Well I 'le not cross him now but certainly find out some way to assist him Farewel honest Jack be sure you prove faithful and kind to him Jack Upon my veracity to my uttermost I only wish to serve him Exit Belvoir Jack stands out of sight Enter Clerimont in Mourning Cler. Mine's not the Mourning of an Heir Oh! my Noble Father sure I should have griev'd enough for thee for thy unspeakable loss without additional Calamities What will become of me must I wait at proud Men's doors and cring for an admittance Can I flatter the puft up Lord and fawn for a vile Office Debase my immortal Soul to feed this moulding Clay 'T is impossible 't is more than Man can bear Jack sir. Cler. What. Jack I thought you call'd Cler. Thou art too officions I have advis'd thee oft to leave me and seek thy fortune where the Goddess smiles I am a Wretch that now is sinking lower than his own dispairing Thoughts can frame Jack Lord Sir is this all the Philosophy you have learn'd think I am the best proficient starving frights not me half so much as parting faith tho' the World is crowded with knaves that an honest Gentleman can scarce breath I 'le jostle stoutly but you shall have Elbow room Cler. Poor Fellow thou differest from the common Tribe of Servants they fly Poverty worse than Infection or else with sawcy Impuence insult Enter a Coachman with a Letter Coachman Is this Mr. Clerimont's Lodging Jack Well and what then how came you here without calling me What 's your Name and what 's your Business Coach Not with you Sawce-box Jack How Sirrah Cler. Peace my Name is Clerimont Coach Then Sir there 's a Lady in my Coach has sent you this she says it requires no Answer Gives a Letter and goes off Cler. Ha Gold fly Jack call him back Jack Pulling in the Coachman Heark-yee you Sneak-nose Hounds-face you have Affronted my Master Coach Why fool I brought him Money Jack I thought so ye Pimp he scorns it Cler. Here return this back tell the Lady she mistakes the Man and I 'll wait upon her where she appoints and convince her that she does Coach Gad a notable Mistake Cler. Rascal no fingering Follow you and take the Number of his Coach if you are not honest Sirrah I shall find a time to cut your Ears off Jack I 'll watch him I warrant Bring Money to my Master Sirrah get you gone Coach Sure they are all distracted Cler. From my Mask in the Play-house By my Life a very Harlot How few in my Circumstances wou'd refuse these offers but my Nature 's quite otherwise I cannot be oblig'd where I contemn nor live so vile a way Not but the temptation 's doubly baited Profit and Pleasure for tho' the Baggage is loose as the wanton Winds yet she is Witty beyond her Sex What a medley's here Reads When I tell ye I am in Love by that modest Air and down cast Look of yours I guess you 'l think me mad and expect according to the Damsels in Romance I should have a Fit of Sickness been at the Point of death e'er made the discovery But Women of my Character are not so nice I am a Mistress have abundance of Money if you have but little a wise Man may pick comfort out of this I send you a Token as an earnest of my future favours agreeable to your wonted Obedience come not to the Coach but meet me at Four in the Park and thank me with your Acceptance Ha ha ha ha I see the Devil 's not wanting on his part he 'de have me a greater Sinner e'er I come to despair The Postscript is the same mad stuff You shall know me by an affected motion in my Walk and a Bell toss with my head humph Enter Jack Jack The Lady 's gone Sir and the Money too Gad Sir tho' to please you I was in a passion yet my mouth water'd plaguily at the Gold Cler. What said the Creature Jack The Creature Gad she was an Angel She pull'd off her Mask I believe to laugh freely for she burst out vehemently and when the Man said you 'd have none on 't she gave her self a swing and cry'd the more fool he drive on Coachman Cler. So merry but 't is her time whilst Youth and Beauty lasts she 'll have Years enough of Sorrow Jack Sir my Landlady's a coming you have us'd her so to sack and Chocolate in a morning that she 'l ne'er fail you Cler. Pish I am sick of her Impertinence Enter Mrs. Fidget Good morrow Mr. Clerimont good Lord still walking with that melancholy air Well well were I such a pretty Gentleman I 'de defy Fortune Cler. Prithee Landlady what would you have me do if you think the Ladies will like me so well take my Picture and hang it out at your Belcony e'en make your best of me if that will content ye Mrs. Fidget Fy fy you might have private Chamber-practice enough if you 'd give your mind to 't Us'd my life if the young handsome Fellows were like you there wou'd never have come so many of them to their Coach and Six Let me tell ye Mr. Clerimont if I thought you had been of this reserv'd Humour I 'de not have let my Lodgings to you I us'd to have Women of Quality to my fine Gentlemen and Suppers dress'd in my House have lasted my Famy a Week besides that put into my hand that shall be nameless else I had ne'er liv'd in the Credit you see me in these Twenty Years in the Parish Cler. Good Mrs. Fidget Mrs. Fidget Nay you shall hear me Brought up my Daughters as I have done As fine Women tho' I say it as any that adorn Covent Garden Church Cler. Church I should rather have thought they 'd adorn the Play-house Mrs. Fidget Now out uponyou Mr. Clerimont my Daughters are never seen at the Play-house I bring them up in the fear of Heaven Jack Yes and they are both Married in the fear of Heaven too For neither of them troubled the Church in that Affair as I have been
from Twatling Square or Covent-Garden or is it the Rich Amorous Banker you left last Sir John I know not what you mean Madam Mrs. Rich. Not what I mean perfidious Man Sir John Upon my Honour Madam I do not understand you Mrs. Rich. See the Obliging List of your Fools Sir Sir John Ha ha ha and has this discompos'd your La'ship only a Frolick at my Lady Jeerwells We were all set to abuse our Friends a Lady put down her List and writ me the Leading Coxcomb at which we laugh'd for half an hour I never knew your Ladyship so out in the practice of Quality in my whole life Why the Wit of the Age lies in Abuses I warrant ye there 's my Lady Tossâ—um did a thousand rediculous things and at last cry'd for very Vexation that none of the Scriblers wou'd put her in Rhime Dogrel Mrs. Rich. I fear I 'me in the wrong Mrs. Trickwell Mrs. Trick I fear so to Sir John is nice at these things extreamly nice Mrs. Rich. Aye but the Verses Mrs. Trickwell Mrs. Trick The Verses Sir John the Verses Sir John Why that was the very Adventure I was coming to laugh with your Ladyship about I must confess I was indiscreet enough to communicate my Heart and Tongue being full of my Passion I went Madam to the Chocolate-house where I met five or six Wits Yes Madam five or six and let not that astonish you for we live in a very fertile Age for Wits Mrs. Rich. And what then Sir Sir John What then Madam Why they told me how that my Lord Fourâ—ines had given these Verses to a Citizen's young Daughter that Mr. Flutter had sent them to a She Friend of his that Sir Richard Welbred had obtain'd favours from his Mistress by these Verses ha ha ha ha Is not this diverting Madam Mrs. Rich. So I suppose you are extreamly vain and pleas'd to see your Works thus Universal Mrs. Trick As we are Madam we leaders of the Town and fronters of the Boxes when we find a Fashion begun by us awkardly aim'd at by all the little Pretenders to Dress Sir John When alass borrow'd Wit like borrow'd Cloaths sits none but the Owners To you and you alone the Song is a propos my Heart is only sensible of so much Fire your Eyes have only power thus to inspire Mrs. Trick How full of Tenderness is all Sir John says Aside I shall deserve the Five hundred Pounds Sir John Mrs. Rich. I grant his Expressions are full of Douceurs but then he wanâ—â— Sincerity and Truth Mrs. Trickwell Mrs. Trick Truth in a Compliment or Courtier oh fie Madam 't is against the Nature of the thing Mrs. Rich. Why de la Bet how charmingly contrary is this to my City-education But canst thou believe Sir John's in love with ought but that dear Shadow of his which he 's Caressing so passionately in the Glass Betty I dare swear that 's his Idol but your Ladyship will not hear me Mrs. Rich. Yes Betty I shall take a time for I am vex'd but scorn to show â—â— Betty Madam Mrs. Rich. Peace see and admit ' em Exit Betty Sir John Setting his Wig in the Glass Pax of this ill-favour'd Curl how many Hairs it exceeds his fellows this Monsieur Cheuruex is a Booby Demme Mrs. Rich. How Concern'd Sir John is in his Justification Madam Mrs. Trick Aside This Fool will lose his Opportunity and I my Money the Glass robs us of your Conversation Sir John Sir John No 't is the Lady robs me of my self I am perpetually studying new Airs only to please her Enter Betty Betty Madam Mrs. Clerimont and a world of Company to wait on you Mrs. Rich. Oh my Stars and are the Indian Curtains drawn the Wax Candles ready the Keys with the gold Strings in the Cabinet-doors Enter Foâ—â—â—â—â— Betty Yes Madam all is in order Mrs. Rich. Why Tam Ralph Waitwell Betty So the Fit of Vanity returns Aside they are Madam where you Commanded ' em Mrs. Rich. Oh Heavens now Sir John shou'd be caught saying fine things to me and he 's practising Grimaces in the Glass Mrs. Trick Sir John here 's Visiters to the Lady Sir John Ha! where Be near me Chriss we will receive ' em Mrs. Rich Shall I be laughing or in a Passion or how dear Mrs. Trickwell quick quick your Instructions Some say I become a Passion rarely Mrs. Trick In no Passion I beseech you Madam but that of Joy to see your Friends Look they are here Mrs. Rich. Well I 'le be advis'd but my City Neighbours sed I chid my Maids with such a Grace they 'd have given all the World to have done like me Enter Belvoir Elder Clerimont Mrs. Clerimont and Toby Eld. Cler. A near place this Toby but our House i' th' Country was nigh as hansome till the Hounds and my Hunts-folks tore it about Toby Aye Master but ye had not near so much Earthen Ware that ye had not ad our Mopsa wou'd make rare work we it Udsnigs she wou'd Mrs. Cler. Why Mr. Bellvoir I am baulk'd in my design of my Visit I intended to have brought the Younger Clerimont and the Lady Landsworth to an interview and his Man has Whisked him away just as we came out of the Coach Bell. We must on now there 's no retreating they look as if they had been setting themselves this hour Mrs. Cler. I have a sudden whim prithee assist Bell. What is 't Mrs. Cler. I 'le make my Lubberly Cozen pass upon that Fantastick Creature for a Beau in disguise Bell. That 's an odd fancy indeed surely 't is impossible Mrs. Rich. Sir John is this the Mode of the Wits to come into ones House ann find all the Discourse among themselves Sir John I am in a Maze Madam let us Accost ' em Mrs. Rich. If you please give me leave Sir John what Honours are these ye heap upon me Ma'me to receive a Visit from the Charming Mrs. Clerimont Mrs. Cler. Charms and Perfections loose their Signification when applyed to any where Mrs. Rich is by Mrs. Rich. Oh Madam Eld. Cler. Aye Toby here 's Words I brought thee in to learn a little Toby Udsnigs 't is rare Master Sir John Mr. Belvoir I cast me at your Feet Belvoir Sir John I kiss your hands Sir John To Cler. Sir I am Yours Toby Nouns what 's he a going to do unbuckle Master's Shooe Eld. Cler. What a plague ye have run your Mop in my Face and e'ne choak'd me with your Powder Sir John A hey the meaning of this my dear Belvoir Belvoir An uncommon Fancy Sir John you cannot find out I perceive Sir John Poyson me 't was the oddest Reception for Pluto's sake what is he Toby What is he Why he is my Master Udsnigs dant provoke en he 'le have a Game at Fifty Coffs we ye as well as e're a Man in Vorty Mile on him El. Cler. Let'n a lone Toby 't is another Oth Libken Souls
a high Wind or a Shower firights into Fits of the Mother I dispise en Mrs. Rich. Oh my Stars who has your Ladyship got with yee Mrs. Cler. Let me beg your private Ear that Man is the greatest Nicest Beau in Christendom Mrs. Rich. Ye amaze me Madam Mrs. Cler. Very true upon my Word That fellow there that looks so like a Johnâ—a Nokes is the Jemmest Valet a Countess has been in Love with him Mrs. Rich. O my Stars can I believe you Mrs. Cle. You may no Creture knows it but my self I beg ye keep it a secret especially from Sir John or murder will ensue Mrs. Rich. I engage oh I love a secret extremely but what could be the occasion Mrs. Cle. A Lady affronted him and he swore never to address again but in this strange disguise because his Mistress chose his rival only for having his Wigg better powder'd he 'll not alter this behaviour nor dress till some other Lady makes him amends He 's my relation I wonder you can't perceive some Airs of greatness thro those Clouds Mrs. Rich. Not I I protest but the more naturally he does it he shows his parts the more Mrs. Cle. He calls his Gentleman Toby Cou'd you think one bred a Page had power to put on such a shuffling Gate Mrs. Rich. 'T is a diverting whimsie now one knows it He he he Sir Joh. Won't ye give me leave to laugh with ye Ladies at those strange figures I beg it of ye for I am ready to burst Mrs. Rich. It may be dangerous Sir John and I advise you to keep your countenance How pretty 't is to know a thing the rest of the Company does not El. Cle. Come Cuz what must we do next we ha' stared about us long enough Madam Ha'yee ne're a Smoaking Room and a Cup of hearty March ha Toby Ay fackins had Master and I been at e're a Gentleman's house i' th' Country by this time we had been half Seas-over Udsnigs Mrs. Rich. Rarely performed I vow Mrs. Cle. Now must I keep up the humour and pretend to direct him Fie Cousin talk of drinking before Ladies you shou'd entertain them with fine Conversation and Songs El. Cle. I dan't pass and I do gi' yee a Song come a Hunting Song Sir Joh. Ridiculous Mrs. Rich. Better and better by my Stars Sir Joh. She seems pleas'd to Mrs. Trick Mrs. Trick I am in the dark Mrs. Rich. Excellent Sir Joh. Excellent abominable Mrs. Cle. Now if you please Madam we 'll pay a Visit to my Lady Landsworth my Cousin said he wou'd return Mrs. Rich. Withal my heart I believe she 's not at home but the opportunity will show my apartments Sir Joh. Madam my hand Mrs. Rich. Your pardon Sir John this Gentleman 's a stranger Sir Joh. Preferr'd to me El. Cle. Stand by Muskcat you see the Gentlewoman likes ye not Toby Well done Master egad he 'll put by a hundred such Limberham'd Beaus as you egad he will cram 'em in a Mouse-hole I fakings Mrs. Cle. Ah poor Sir John e'en take that tatter'd Frigat and be content Mrs. Trick Le ts follow and find out the meaning Sir Joh. Ye Gods and Goddesses Hell Devils and Furies I 'll be reveng'd Toby Ha ha ha what strange Oaths he has Exeunt SCENE Change to younger Cleremont's Lodgings Enter Clerimont and Jack Cle. Where is she how my desires are changed Triumphant Love prevails a thousand fires shot from those fair Eyes have warmed me a thousand Arguments pleading all for Pleasure lead me on the Lord within plants and heaves my bosom whilst circling tides rowl round a pace and give tumultuous joys Jack Ay marry Sir now you look and breath another Man good fortune is your slave she always waits upon the bold Cle. And what know I but the coy Dame who hides her Face at the least word a wry and blushes to be gaz'd on has in her heart looser fires than my gay Mistress How many an honest wretch that ask'd wou'd swear his Arms infolded a Lucrece yet truly hugs in the dissembled Saint a vile Jilt Jack Right Sir right oh I cou'd burn my Cap for joy to see you thus Cle. She 's coming and seems in busie talk let us not disturb her Enter Lady Landsworth and Betty Betty As soon as ever my Lady was ingaged I fled to over-take ye Madam La. Lands 'T was kindly done Yonder he stands methinks I hate him now he has lost that modest sweetness which caught my unwary Soul his looks are wild and lewd and all I ever fear'd in men appears in that deceitful face I would I were away Betty Nay Madam make this last trial since you have gone so far Cle. May I yet approach La. Lands You may I do remember when we parted last 't was on odd terms nature seemed reverst you fled and I pursued in vain I practised all my Charms and tryed my utmost Art in vain your Vertue like the Mountain Snow the nearer I advanced congeal'd the more and in the bloom of youth rigid and cold as frozen Age you awed me with severity Are ye still thus resolv'd Cle. Oh no I am alter'd quite my very Soul 's on fire do not my Eyes speak for me I languish burn and die La. Lands Then we have conquer'd and like Libertines we 'll rove tire every Pleasure tread rounds of joy the Insipid world shall wonder at but never know to taste Jack Nay we shall live a delicious life that 's certain ha my dear Damsel Betty Peace and mind your betters Cle. What musick 's in that voice it dances thro my ears and puts my heart in tune not painted Cherubs not the first dawn of chearful day or opening Spring is half so pleasing Oh thou art Rapture all and all Divine down at thy lov'd sight each Sense drinks deep draughts of joy La. Lands Throw off these mourning weeds and let me dress thee extravagant as my desires like a Queen's favourite for I wou'd be profuse Jack Lard Lard how fine we shall be Cle. If there must be profusion let it be in Love there lay out all thy Stock let days and nights and years serve only to count the acts of Love La. Lands Yes and teach us to deceive my Keeper his Purse must help our Riots his Credulity supply our Mirth Cle. Ah why hast dash'd my rising Extasies with the detested thought that thou art shar'd but in thy Arms I 'll lose the goading torment in those blissful moments I 'm sure thou art only mine my Life my All Embraces her La. Lands Stand off thou Monster viler worse than Man let thy Contagious breath infect at distance I will remove thee from my sight and from my Soul as far as thou art gone from Honour Truth and Honesty Jack Here 's a turn ye Gods why what 's the matter now Cle. Madam La. Lands Speak not nor dare to stay me for I 'll leave thee like thy good Genius in thy