my affection with all the industry of Life gifts of Fortune and actions of Honour sued for my favour as if he had sued to Heaven for mercy but I as many cruel goddesses do would neither receive his obligations nor regard his vowes nor pity his tears nor hearken to his complaints but rejected his Sute and gave him an absolute denyal whereupon he was resolved to dye as believing no torments could be compared to those of my disdain and since I would not love him living he hoped by dying his death might move my pity and so beget a compassionate remembrance from me wherupon he got secretly neer my chamber-door and hung himself just where I must go out which when I saw I starred back in a great fright but at last running forth to call for help to cut him down in came Monsieur Amorous which hinderance made me leave him hanging there as being ashamed to own my cruelty and he hath been talking or rather prating here so long as by this time my kind Love is dead Visitant O no for Lovers will hang a long time before they dye for their necks are tuff and their hearts are large and hot Contempl. Well pray leave me alone that I may cut him down and give him Cordials to restore life Visitant Faith you must let him hang a little time longer for I have undertaken to make you a sociable Lady this day wherefore you must goe abroad to a friends house with me Contempl. Who I what do you think I will goe abroad and leave my Lover in a twisted string his legs hanging dangling down his face all black and swelled and his eyes almost started out of his head no no pray goe alone by your self and leave me to my Contemplation Visitant Well if you will not goe I will never see you nor be friends with you again Contempl. Pray be not angry for I will go if you will have me although I shall be but a dull companion for I shall not speak one word for wheresoever I am my thoughts will use all their Industry to cut the string and take him down and rub and chafe him against a hot fire Visitant Come come you shall heat your self with dancing and let your Lover hang Contempl. That I cannot for active bodies and active brains are never at once the one disturbs the other Visitant Then it seems you had rather have an active brain than an active body Contempl. Yes for when the brain doth work the understanding is inriched and knowledge is gained thereby whereas the body doth oft-times waste the life with too much exercise Visitant Take heed you do not distemper your brain with too much exercising your thoughts Contempl. All distempers proceed from the body and not from the minde for the minde would be well did not the humours and appetites of the body force it into a distemper Visitant Well upon the condition you will goe you shall sit still and your wit shall be the Musick Contempl. Prethee let me rest at home for to day the strings of my wit are broken and my tongue like a fiddle is out of tune Besides Contemplative persons are at all times dull speakers although they are pleasant thinkers Exeunt FINIS Written by my Lord Marquess of New-castle The Second Part of the Lady Contemplation The Actors Names Lord Title Lord Courtship Sir Fancy Poet Sir Experienced Traveller Sir Humphry Interruption Sir Golden Riches Sir Effeminate Lovely Sir John Argument Sir Vain Complement Master Inquirer Doctor Practice Old Humanity Roger Farmer Thom. Purveyor 2. Beadles Gentlemen and others Lady Amorous Lady Ward Lady Contemplation Lady Conversation Lady Visitant Poor Virtue Mistris Troublesome Mistris Gossip Mistris Messenger Lady Amorous's woman Nurse Careful Maudlin Huswife Roger Farmers wife Mall Mean-bred their daughter Mistris Troublesomes maid Servants and others The Second Part of the Lady Contemplation ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Sir Effeminate Lovely and Poor Virtue EFfeminate Lovely Sweet-heart you are a most Heavenly Creature Poor Virtue Beauty is created and placed oftner in the fancy than in the face Effem. Lovely 'T is said there is a Sympathy in likeness if so you and I should love each other for we are both beautiful Poor Virtue But 't is a question whether our Souls be answerable to our Persons Effem. Lovely There is no question or doubt to be made but that loving souls live in beautiful persons Poor Virtue And do those loving soules dye when their beauties are decayed and withered Effem. The subject pleads it self without the help of Rhetorick for Love and Beauty lives and dies together Poor Virtue 'T is Amorous Love that dies when Beauty is gone not Vertuous Love for as Amorous Love is bred born lives and dies with the appetite so Vertuous Love is Created and shall live with the Soul forever Effem. Lovely You may call it what love you please Poor Virtue It is no love but a disease Exeunt Scene 2. Enter the Lord Courtship and the Lady Ward LOrd Courtship Why did you leave the Lady Amorous company so uncivilly as to go out of the room leaving her all alone Lady Ward I heard your Lordship was coming then I thought it was fit for me to withdraw for I have heard Lovers desire to be alone Lord Courtship Do you desire to be alone with a man Lady Ward I am no such Lover for I am too young as yet but I know not what I shall or may be wrought or brought to but time and good example may instruct and lead me into the way of amorous love Lord Courtship May it so Lady Ward Why not for I am docible and youth is apt to learn Lord Court But before I marry you I would have you learn to know how to be an obedient wife as to be content and not murmure at my actions also to please my humour but not to imitate my practice Lady Ward If I might advise your Lordship I would advise you to take such a Portion out of my Estate as you shall think just or fit and then quit me and choose such a one as you shall like for I shall never please you for though I may be apt to learn what will please my self yet I am dull and intractable to learn obedience to anothers will nor can I flatter their delights Lord Court I finde you have learned and now begin to practice how to talk for now your sober silence seems as dead and buried in the rubbish of follish words But let me tell you a talking wife will never please me wherefore practise patience and keep silence if you would enjoy the happiness of peace The Lord Courtship goes out Lady Ward alone Lady Ward There can be no peace when the mind is discontented Exit Scene 3. Enter Lord Title and Poor Vertue POor Virtue Why do you follow me so much as never to let me rest in peace and quiet alone Is it that you think I have beauty and is it
be not so cruel to me as to lay my Wives indisposition to my charge Lady Wagtaile But we will and we will draw up an Accusation against you unless you confess and ask pardon Sir P. Studious Will you accuse me without a Witness Lady Wagtail Yes and condemne you too Sir P. Studious That were unjust if Ladies could be unjust Lady Amorous O Madam we have a witness her blushing is a sufficient witness to accuse him Besides her melancholly silence will help to condemn him Lady Ignorance Pardon me Ladies for when any of our Sex are offended or angered whether they have cause or not they will rail louder than Ioves thunder Lady Amorous So will you in time Lady Wagtail Let us jumble her abroad Come Madam we will put you out of your dull humour Lady Ignorance No Madam Pray excuse me to day in truth I am not well Lady Amorous No let us let my Lady alone but let us take her Husband and tutour him Sir P. Studious Ladies give me leave to praise my self and let my self and let me tell you I am as apt a Scholar as ever you met with and as willing to learn Lady Amorous Farewell Madam we will order Sir P. Studious and try what disposition he is of and how apt to be instructed Lady Ignorance Pray do Madam he promiseth well Ex. Scene 16 Enter Foster Trusty and the Lady Orphant LAdy Orphant Now we are come into the Armie how shall we demean our selves like poor Beggers Foster Trusty By no means for though you beg well yet you will never get what you come for with begging for there is an old saying that although all charity is love yet all love is not charity Lady Orphant It were the greatest charity in the World for him to love me for without his love I shall be more miserable than poverty can make me Foster Trusty But poverty is so scorned and hated that no person is accepted which she presents Nay poverty is shunn'd more than the Plague Lady Orphant Why it is not infectious Foster Trusty Yes faith for the relieving of necessity is the way to be impoverished Lady Orph. But their rewards are the greater in Heaven Foster Trusty 'T is true but their Estates are less on earth Lady Orphant But blessings are more to be desired than wealth Foster Trusty Well Heaven bless us and send us such fortune that our long journey may prove successfull and not profitless and because Heaven never gives blessings unless we use a prudent industry you shall put your self into good clothes and I will mix my self with his followers and servants and tell them as I may truely that you are my Son for no mans Son but mine you are was so importunate as you would never let me rest until I brought you to see the Lord Singularity and they will tell him to let him know his fame is such as even young children adore him taking a Pilgrimage to see him and he out of a vain-glory will desire to see you Lady Orphant But what advantage shall I get by that Enter the Lord Singularity and many Commanders attending him Foster Trusty Peace here is the General Commander The enemie is so beaten as now they will give us some time to breath our selves General They are more out of breath than we are but the States are generous enemies if they give them leave to fetch their wind and gather strength again Lady Orphant Father stand you by and let me speak She goeth to the General and speaks to him Heaven bless your Excellencie Lord General From whence comest thou boy Lord Orph. From your native Countrey General Cam'st thou lately Lady Orph. I am newly arrived General Pray how is my Countrey and Countrey-men live they still in happy peace and flourishing with plenty Lady Orph. There is no noise of war or fear of famine General Pray Iove continue it Lady Orphant It is likely so to continue unless their pride and luxurie be gets a factious childe that is born with war and fed with ruine General Do you know what faction is Lady Orph. There is no man that lives and feels it not the very thoughts are factious in the mind and in Rebellious passions arises warring against the soul General Thou canst not speak thus by experience boy thou art too young not yet a mans Estate Lady Orphant But children have thoughts and said to have a rational soul as much as those that are grown up to men but if souls grow as bodies doth and thoughts increases with their years then may the wars within the mind be like to School-boys quarrels that falls out for a toy and for a roy are friends General Thou speakest like a Tutour what boyish thoughts so ever thou hast but tell me boy what mad'st thee travel so great a journey Lady Orph. For to see you General To see me boy Lady Orph. Yes to see you Sir for the Trumpet of your praise did sound so loud it struck my ears broke open my heart and let desire forth which restless grew until I travelled hither General I wish I had merits to equal thy weary steps or means for to reward them Lady Orph. Your presence hath sufficiently rewarded me General Could I do thee my service boy Lady Orph. A bounteous favour you might do me Sir General What is that boy Lady Orph. To let me serve you Sir General I should be ingratefull to refuse thee chose thy place Lady Orph. Your Page Sir if you please General I accept of thee most willingly Captain But Sir may not this boy be a lying couzening flattering dissembling treacherous boy General Why Captain there is no man that keeps many servants but some are lyers and some treacherous and all flatterers and a Master receives as much injurie from each particular as if they were joyned in one Lady Orph. I can bring none that will witness for my truth or be bound for my honesty but my own words General I desire none boy for thy tongue sounds so sweetly and thy face looks so honestly as I cannot but take and trust thee Lady Orph. Heaven bless your Excellence and fortune prosper you for your bounty hath been above my hopes and equal to my wishes General VVhat is thy name Lady Orph. Affectionata my Noble Lord General Then follow me Affectionata Ex. ACT IV. Scene 17. Enter the Lady Bashfull and Reformer her woman Enter Page PAge Madam there was a Gentleman gave me this Letter to deliver to your Ladyships hands Lady Bashfull A Letter I pray Reformer open it and read it for I will not receive Letters privately Page Exit Reformer The superscription is for the Right Honourable the Lady Bashfull these present The Letter MADAM Since I have had the honour to see you I have had the unhappiness to think my self miserable by reason I am deprived of speech that should plead my suit but if an affectionate soul chaste thoughts lawfull desires and a fervent heart can
Come fellow-souldiers are you ready to march 2. Commander Whether 1. Commander Into our own native Country for our General is sent sol home 3. Commander Except there be wars in our own Country we cannot go with him 1. Commander I know not whether there be wars or peace but he obeys for he is preparing for his journey 2. Commander Who shall be General when he is gone 3. Commander I know not but I hear the States offers to make our young Lieutenant-General General but he refuseth it 2. Commander Would they would make me General 3. Commander If thou wert General thou wouldst put all method out of order 1. Commander Faith Gentlemen I would lead you most prudently and give you leave to plunder most unanimously 1. Commander And we would fight couragiously to keep what we plunder 2. Commander Come let us go and inquire how our affairs goeth Exeunt Scene 22. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata LOrd Singularity Now Affectionata we have taken our leave of the States I hope thy mind is at peace and freed from fears of being staid Affectionata Yes my my Lord Lord Singularity They did perswade thee much to stay Affectionata They seemed much troubled for your Lordships departure Lord Singularity Truly I will say thus much for my self that I have done them good service and I must say thus much for them that they have rewarded me well Affectionata I have heard my Lord that States seldom rewards a service done wherefore I believe they hope you will return again and sees you for that end Lord Singularity I shall not be unwilling when my Country hath no imployment for me Affectionata Methinks my Lord since you have gotten a fame abroad you should desire to live a setled life at home Lord Singularity A setled life would seem but dull to me that hath no wife nor children Affectionata You may have both If you please my Lord Lord Singularity For children I desire none since I have thee and wives I care not for but what are other mens Enter a Messenger with a Letter to the Lord Singularity Lord Singularity From whence comest thou friend Messenger From Rome my Lord Lord Singularity If you please to stay in the next room I shall speak to you presently Messenger Exit The Lord Singularity breaks up the Letter and reads Lord Singularity Affectionata From whence do you think this Letter comes Affectionata I cannot guess my Lord Lord Singularity From the Pope who hath heard so much of thy youth vertue wit and courage as he desires me to pass thorough Rome im my journey home that he might see thee Affectionata Pray Heaven his Holynesse doth not put me into a Monastery and force me to stay behind you Lord Singularity If he should I will take the habit and be incloistered with thee but he will not inforce a youth that hath no will thereto Affectionata Truly my Lord I have no will to be a Fryer Lord Singularity Indeed it is somewhat too lazie a life which all heroick Spirits shames for those loves liberty and action But I will go and dispatch this Messenger and to morrow we will begin our journey Exeunt Scene 23. Enter the Lady Wagtail and the Lady Amorous LAdy Wagtail Faith Amorous it had been a victory indeed worth the bragging off if we could have taken Sir Peaceable Studious Loves prisoner and could have infettered him in Cupid's bonds Lady Amorous It had been a victory indeed for I will undertake to inslave five Courtiers and ten Souldiers sooner and in less time than one studious Scholar Lady Wagtail But some Scholars are more easily taken than the luxurious Courtiers or deboist Souldiers Lady Amorous O no! for Luxurie and Rapine begets lively Spirits but a study quenches them out Lady Wagtail One would think so by Sir Peaceable Studious but not by some other Scholars that I am acquainted with Lady Amorous But confess Lady Wagtail do not you find a studious Scholar dull company in respect of a vain Courtier and a rough Souldier Lady Wagtail I must confess they that study Philosophy are little too much inclined to morality but those that study Theologie are not so restringent Lady Amorous Well for my part since I have been acquainted with Sir Peaceable Studious I hate all Scholars Exeunt Scene 24. Enter three Men as the Inhabitants of Rome 1. T Is a wonder such a youth as the Lord Singularity's Son is should have so great a wit as to be able to dispute with so many Cardinals 2. Man The greater wonder is that he should have the better of them 1. Man 'T is said the Pope doth admire him and is extreamly taken with him 2. Man If Iove had so much admired him he would have made him his Ganimed 1. Man He offered to make him a living Saint but he thanked his Holyness and said he might Saint him but not make him holy enough to be a Saint for said he I am unfit to have Prayers offered to me that cannot offer Prayers as I ought or live as I should then he offered him a Cardinals hat but he refused it saying he was neither wise enough nor old enough for to accept of it for said he I want Ulisses head and Nestors years to be a Cardinal for though less devotion will serve a Cardinal than a Saint yet politick wisdom is required 3. Man Pray Neighbours tell me which way and by what means I may see this wonderfull youth for I have been out of the Town and not heard of him 2. Man You cannot see him now unless you will follow him where he is gone 1. Man Why whether is he gone 2. Man Into his own Country and hath been gone above this week 3. Man Nay I cannot follow him thither Exeunt Scene 25. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata as being in the Country Lord Singularity Affectionata you have promised me to be ruled by me in every thing so that you may not part from me Affectionata I have my Lord and will obey all your commands so far as I am able Lord Singularity Then I am resolved now I am returned into my own Country to get thee a wife that thy fame and worthy acts may live in thy Posterity Affectionata Iove bless me a wife by Heaven my Lord I am not man enough to marry Lord Singul. There is many as young as you that have been Fathers and have had children Affectionata If they were such as I am they might father Children but never get them Lord Singularity Thou art modest Affectionata but I will have you marry and I will chose thee such a wife as modest as thy self Affectionata Then we never shall have children Sir Lord Singul. Love and acquaintance will give you confidence but tell me truly Affectionata didst thou never court a Mistriss Affectionata No truly Sir Lord Singularity Well I will have you practice Courtship and though I will not directly be your Band or Pimp yet I
or Wife to the Lord de L'amour 6. Passive the Lady Innocences maid 7. Falshood an informer to maids of the Lady Incontinent Physitians Natural Philosophers Moral Philosophers young Students Souldiers Lovers Mourners Virgins Servants and others ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Sir Thomas Father Love and his wife the Mother Lady Love MOther Love Husband you have a strange nature that having but one child and never like to have more and this your childe a daughter that you should breed her so strictly as to give her no time for recreation nor no liberty for company nor freedom for conversation but keeps her as a Prisoner and makes her a slave to her book and your tedious moral discourses when other children have Play-fellows and toyes to sport and passe their time withall Father Love Good wife be content doth not she play when she reads books of Poetry and can there be nobler amiabler finer usefuller and wiser companions than the Sciences or pleasanter Play-fellows than the Muses can she have freer conversation than with wit or more various recreations than Scenes Sonets and Poems Tragical Comical and Musical and the like Or have prettier toyes to sport withall than fancie and hath not the liberty so many hours in the day as children have to play in Mother Love Do you call this playing which sets her brain a working to find out the conceits when perchance there is none to find out but are cheats and cozens the Readers with empty words at best it fills her head but with strange phantasmes disturbs her sleep with frightfull dreams of transformed bodyes of Monsters and ugly shaped vices of Hells and Furies and terrifying Gods of Wars and Battles of long travels and dangerous escapes and the pleasantest is but dark groves gloomy fields and the happiest condition but to walk idly about the Elizium fields and thus you breed your daughter as if your Posterity were to be raised from a Poets phantastical brain Father Love I wish my Posterity may last but as long as Homers lines Mother Love Truly it will be a fine airey brood No no I will have her bred as to make a good houswife as to know how to order her Family breed her Children govern her Servants entertain her Neighbours and to fashion herself to all companies times and places and not to be mewed and moped up as she is from all the World insomuch as she never saw twenty persons in one company in all her life unless it be in pictures which you set her to stare on above an hour everyday Besides what Father doth educate their Daughters that office belongs to me but because you have never a Son to tutor therefore you will turn Cotqucan and teach your daughter which is my work Father Love Let me tell you Wife that is the reason all women are fools for women breeding up women one fool breeding up another and as long as that custom lasts there is no hopes of amendment and ancient customs being a second nature makes folly hereditary in that Sex by reason their education is effeminate and their times spent in pins points and laces their study only vain fashions which breeds prodigality pride and envie Mother Love What would you have women bred up to swear swagger gaming drinking Whoring as most men are Father Love No Wife I would have them bred in learned Schools to noble Arts and Sciences as wise men are Mother Love What Arts to ride Horses and fight Dewels Father Love Yes if it be to defend their Honour Countrey and Religion For noble Arts makes not base Vices nor is the cause of lewd actions nor is unseemly for any Sex but baseness vice and lewdnesse invents unhandsome and undecent Arts which dishonours by the practice either Sex Mother Love Come come Husband I will have her bred as usually our Sex is and not after a new fashioned way created out of a self-opiniated that you can alter nature by education No no let me tell you a woman will be a woman do what you can and you may assoon create a new World as change a womans nature and disposition Enter the Lady Sanspareille as to her Father as not thinking her Mother was there Sanspareille O Father I have been in search of you to ask you a question concerning the Sun When she sees her Mother she starts back Mother What have you to do with the Sun and lives in the shade of the Worlds obscuritie Sansp. VVhy Madam where would you have me live can I live in a more serene aire than in my Fathers house or in a purer or clearer light than in my Parents eyes or more splendrous than in my Parents company Mother I would have you live at Court there to have honour favour and grace and not to lose your time ignorantly knowing nothing of the VVorld nor the VVorld of you Sansp. Can I live with more honour than with my Father and You or have more favour than your loves or is there a greater grace than to be Daughter of vertuous Parents can I use or imploy my time better than to obey my Parents commands need I know more than honesty modesty civility and duty As for the VVorld mankind is so partial to each self as they have no faith on the worth of their Neighbour neither doth they take notice of a Stranger but to be taken notice of Mother Love Yes yes your beauty will attract eyes and ears which are the doors to let in good opinion and admiration Sansp. Had I a tongue like a Cerces-wand to charm all ears that heard me it would straight transform men from civil Obligers to spitefull Detractors or false Slanderers my beauty may only serve but as a bribe to tempt men to intrap my youth and to betray my innocency Mother To betray a fools-head of your own Lord Lord how the dispositions of Youth is changed since I was young for before I came to your Age I thought my Parents unnaturall because they did not provide me a Husband Sanspareille If all youth were of my humour their dispositions are changed indeed for Heaven knows it is the only curse I fear a Husband Mother Love Why then you think me curst in Marrying your Father Sansp. No Madam you are blest not only in being a Wife a condition you desired but being marryed to such a man that wishes could not hope for Mother Love Why then my good Fortune may encourage you and raise a hope to get the like Sansp. O no! It rather drives me to dispair beleiving there is no second Mother Love Come come you are an unnatural Child to flatter your Father so much and not me when I endured great pains to breed bear and nurse you up Sansp. I do not flatter Madam for I speak nothing but my thoughts and that which Love and duty doth allow and truth approve of Father Love Come come Wife the Jeerals wit will out-argue both ours Ex. Scene 2. Enter the
out Here ends my Lord Marquesses FINIS This written by my Lord Marquess THE SECOND PART OF Youths Glory and Deaths Banquet ACT I. Scene 2. Enter the Lord de l'Amour and the Lady Innocence the Lord de l'Amour seems to appear angry LAdy Innocence My Lord what makes you frown on me surely I never willingly offended you Lord de l'Amour But the report I hear of you offends me Lady Innocence I hope my behaviour is not lyable to any aspertion or evil censure for as you have used me civily so I have behaved my self modestly Lord de l'Amour I perceive you are a subtil insinuating young Lady Lady Innocence Think me not subtil for being so brod as not to slight your Love not so uncivil as to scorn your noble favours but strive to merit your worthy affections but if I have erred in my endeavours pray pardon me and if you please to tell me my errour I shall rectify it Lord de l'Amour I hear you will speak more lyes than tell truths Lady Innocence Truly I am too strict a Votary to truth to tell a lye Lord de l'Amour I should be glad you were vowed one of her Order Lady Innocence I am so and have taken the habit of sincerity upon me Lord de l'Amour Tell me truly do you never use to lye Lady Innocence If you have opinion that I never or seldome speak truth let me say what I will you will still believe it is a lye but truly I did never tell a lye as I do know of but did alwayes speak truth Lord de l'Amour I hear to my great grief you have many faults pray mend them Lady Innocence I am sory there are so many ill reports or rather aspersions laid on me as to grieve you but surely youth cannot commit many faults but Age that hath had time to commit faults in but if you can believe my faults surmounts not all accounts I shall desire to know them Lord de l'Amour Examine yourself and you will find them Lady Innocence I shall call a particular Councel and make a General search and what thoughts words or actions I can find guilty or prove Criminal I shall condemn and sacrifice them on the Altar of Repentance and crave mercy and forgiveness Lord de l'Amour Pray do so Ex. Lady Innocence alone 'T is strange his humour should be so suddenly changed from loving professions kind expressions and pleasing smiles to sharp words and angry frowns and that he should seem to love me as much as he did now to believe me so little as it seems he doth I hope it is only the superfluities of his affections that runs into the indiscretion of jealousie Ex. Enter Sanspareile and her Audience As soon as she hath taken her standing place A Messenger Enters Messenger The Queen of Attention is come to be one of your Audience The Company makes a bustle Enter the Queen of Attention and her Train Sir Thomas Father Love kneels down and kisses her hand Queen I am come to hear and see your Daughter whom fame reports to be the wonder of this Age Father It had been more proper and fit for my Daughter to have waited at your Court-Gates untill your Majesty had comanded her into your presence than for your Majesty to come hither to hear and see her but she being a plain bred girle durst not be so bold Queen If your Daughters wit be answerable to her beauty she is a wonder indeed Sanspareile comes off from the place where she stands and makes 3. Obeysances and coming near kneels down and kisses the Queens hand Lady Sanspareile Madam this gracious honour and honourable grace is beyond the management of my young years the evil of my weak confidence and the compass of my little wit and my obscure breeding hath made me so Ignorant that I know not in what manner I should behave or address myself towards your Majesty but if I commit faults in misbehaviour pray impute it to my ignorant youth and not to disobedience Queen I see nothing yet in your behaviour but that you may be not only a pattern for young but also for grave Age to take example from Sanspareile Madam the generosity of your Maiesties Nature the Magnificence of your Majesties mind and the Charity of your Majesties disposition gives an overflowing commendation like to the goodness of the Gods that gives more to the Creature than the Creature can deserve Queen Let me tell you young Lady your speeches are as pleasing to the eare as your beauty is delightfull to the eye Sanspareile Your Majesty is like a Deity can turn or translate words like poor Mortals into a glorified sence like as into a glorified body Queen Sir Thomas Father Love if your Daughter speak at all times and alwayes so eloquently I should not wonder you let her speak in publick Father I beseech your Majesty that you will rather judge me an over fond Father which is natural than a vain opiniatour in that I give her liberty to speak in publick Queen If it were a vanity it might be well forgiven but pray let me hear her speak Sanspareile makes three obeysances as she steps back from the Queen to her standing-place and then ascends Sanspareile Great Queen I nor no other should offer or dare to speak before or to such Supreme persons as your Majesty without a sore premeditation for the words and behaviours of speakers should be fitted to the degrees and qualities Powers Offices and Authorities of the Auditory But your Majesties commands makes that an obedient duty that would otherwayes be a presumption wherefore on the ground of duty I speak at this time before your Majesty but the Royalty of your person the brightnesse of your beauty the fame of your vertues and the glorious splendour of your Majestical Grandeur hath so amazed me that my understanding is as it were blind which will cause my tongue to stagger and my words to run stumbling out of my mouth but I hope your Justice will pardon them For as Divine Justice belongs to the Gods moral Justice to Nature so humane Justice to Monarchial Princes which justice is weighed and measured out according to merit or desert be they good or bad For which Justice Gods and Princes are both feared and loved and Justice is the chief Pillar or upholder of Monarchical States and Common-wealths for without Justice there can be no Government and without Government there can be no Rule and without Rule there can be no peace and where peace is not there will be warrs and warrs causeth ruine and destruction But for the most part those Kingdomes that have arrived to the height of Glory declines or falls to ruine The reason is that a low condition is necessitated and weak wherefore they seek for help to strengthen themselves which makes or rather forces every particular person to associate unite either by Laws of Covenants to which they submit
their affections in their peiced Petticoates and buries their Husbands love in their dirty raggs And from the Dunghill of dirty raggs and grave of soul Linnen is their Husbands transformed to beastly Adulteries stealing by degrees out of one Form into another as from a doting Husband to a fond Husband form a fond to a discreet Husband from a discreet to a careful Husband from a careful to a carelesse from a carelesse to a disliking from a disliking to a hating and then they begin to wander As first an eye glances from an eye glance to an admirer from an admirer to a professour from a professour to a dissembler from a dissembler to an Adulterer then for the dresses and garments of his Mistress First from clean to new from new to fine from fine to brave from brave to glorious from glorious to fantastical from fantastical to profusely various from profusely various to any dirty Slut But his wife on the other side if his wife desires appears handsome and practises civil behaviour and endeavours to be fine takes care to be cleanly observes to be fashionable her Husband straight becomes jealouse although she doth this for his sake and to keep his affection yet he thinks it is for the affection and sake of some other man which causeth private discontents from private discontents to quarreling disputes from quarreling disputes to publick exclamations from publick exclamations to open defiance from open defiance to devorcement and though I cannot say this by or from experience having it only from relation yet I do as faithfully believe it as if I were experienced therein On which faith I made a vow never to marry since I hear men are so hard to please and apt to change wherefore if I were marryed instead of discoursing of several arguments I should be groaning and sighing and weeping with several pains and vexations and instead of a silent solitary contemplation a clamorous quarrelsome conversation instead of a peaceable life I should be alwayes in civil warrs and instead of being happy I should be miserable for mariage is like a ship which always lyes on the roughest Bilows of the Sea rouling from side to side with discontents sailing uncertainly with inconstancy and various winds But noble civil kind and affectionate Gentlemen as I have told you I have made a vow never to marry and surely marriage is not so happy an estate or so pleasing a condition of life as to perswade me to break my vow neither can flattering Rhetorick nor inticing beauty nor adoring admiring deploring praying weeping Suters perswade me no not a bleeding Suter were I sure he would dye did he not enjoy me for I will never be so dishonourable perjurious and impious to break the holy Laws and pull the Virgin Altars down built in the conscience on which are vows offered to Gods on high Should I blow out that with faint inconstancy that pure bright Vestal Fire of innocency from whence the Essence of chast thoughts ascends to Heaven high But rather than I would break my vow I wish my ears as deaf as death that hears no flattering sounds nor sad complaints nor terrifying threats my eyes as dark as night least light should bring some false deluding object in for to deceive me my heart like Adamant so hard love cannot enter nor pity nor compassion wound but howsoever I connot be wife to you all wherefore since I cannot be every mans wife I will dye every mans Maid But I must tell this Noble Assembly their meeting hath occasioned a quarrel here for bashfulnesse and confidence hath fought a Duel in my Cheeks and left the staines of bloud there After her Respects Ex. All her Audience her Lovers goeth out silently some lifting up their eyes others their hands some striking their hands on their breast and the like Ex. Scene 6. Enter the Lady Innocence alone WHilst I was in his favour my mind was like a pleasant Garden where several Phancies like several Birds did make sweet melody and in this Garden a large high Tree of Noble ambition grew whereon hung fruits of hopes but low misfortunes now hath cut it down and therewithall have built a house where melancholly dwels darkened with Clouds of discontents and winds of sighs and showers of tears doth blow and powre thereon She weeping and sighing Ex. Scene 7. Enter the Lady Incontinent and the Lord de l'Amour LAdy Incontinent Faith you will be well wived for your affianced is known to be a Lyer and feared she will be a Whore and proved a Thief Lord de l'Amour How a Thief Lady Incontinent Why she hath stolen my Pearl Chain worth a thousand Pounds Lord de l'Amour T is impossible Lady Incontinent It is not impossible to prove a Thief Lord de l'Amour No for there is too many to misse but sure it is impossible she should prove one she is so honourably born and I never heard but she was Vertuously bred Lady Incontinent By your favour Covetousnesse or Necessity may tempt Honourable Births and corrupt minds that with plenty would be honest enough Lord de l'Amour I grant misery may prove some Noble souls sprung from Honourable stocks yet not to be so wickedly base as to steal although so unworthy as to shark Lady Incontinent Why sharking is next Neighbour to stealing or as near Kindred as an Equivocation is to a Lye Lord de l'Amour But she was never so necessitated as to make her either a shark or a Thief having alwayes plenty Lady Incontinent But she is covetous and youth that is fond of all things they see desires to enjoy all things they have not and will endeavour by any means or wayes to compass their desires Lord de l'Amour I never found my Youth prompt to any such Acts Lady Incontinent Without more discourse she hath stole my Chain and I can prove it She goeth out alone Lord de l'Amour alone T is strange I know not what to think or how to iudge which of the two Ladies is a Divel for surely one of them is Ex. ACT III Scene 8. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEntleman The Lady Sanspareile is the miracle of this age the world doth not parrallel her with the like for her behaviour is graceful and becoming her Countenance modest and wife her speech Majestical and witty yet grave and learned and her Oratory is after a New way 2 Gent. It is reported that there are many men come from all parts of the world to hear her aad those that cannot understand this Language comes only to see her so famous is she to all the world 1 Gent. She is a great Honour to our Nation 2 Gent. I hear she doth intend to plead in the behalf of poor Suiters and hath asked leave of the Queen to be a pleader at the Barr for all such as suffered wrong as injustices and for such Clients as hath just causes but hath not means to follow the Law as to see
pure Gold and Innocency as Marble white and Constancy as undissolving Diamonds and Modesty as Rubies red Love shall the Altar be and Piety as Incense sweet ascend to Heaven Truth as the Oil shall feed the Lamp of Memory whereby the flame of Fame shall never goe out Exit Sir Golden Riches alone Sir Gold Rich. And is She gone are Riches of no force Then I wil bury my self within the bowels of the Earth so deep that men shall never reach me nor Light shall find me out Exit Scene 22. Enter Mistris Messenger and the Lady Amorous's woman and Lord Courtship MIstris Messenger My Lord my Lady the Lady Amourous remembers her Service to you and sent me to tell you her Husband is gone out of Town and She desires to have the happiness of your company Lord Courtship Pray present my Service in the humblest manner to your Lady and pray her to excuse me for though I cannot say I am sick yet I am far from being well Mistris Messen. I shall my Lord Exeunt Scene 23. Enter the Lord Title and then enters a Servant to him SErvant My Lord there is an old man without desires to speak with you Lord Title Direct him hither Servant goes out Enter Old Humanity Lord Title Old man what have you to say to me Old Humanity I am come to desire your Lordship not to persecute a poor young Maid one that is friendless and your Lordship is powerful and therefore dangerous Lord Title What poor Maid do you mean Old Human. A Maid call'd Poor Virtue Lord Title Do you know her Old Human. Yes Lord Title Are you her Father Old Human. No I am her servant and have been maintain'd by her Noble Family these threescore years and upwards Lord Title Ha her Noble Family what or who is She Old Humanity She is a Lady born from a Noble Stock and hath been choisely bred but ruin'd by misfortunes which makes her poorly serve Lord Title Alas he weeps Who were her Parents Old Human. The Lord Morality and the Lady Piety Lord Title Sure it cannot be But why should I doubt her Beauty Wit and sweet Demeanour declares her Noble Pedigree The Lord Morality was a Famous man and was a great Commander and wise in making Lawes and prudent for the Common Good He was a Staff and Prop unto the Common-wealth til Civil Wars did throw it down where he fell under it But honest friend how shall I know this for a truth Old Human. Did not your Lordship hear he had a Child Lord Title Yes that I did an only Daughter Old Human. This is She I mention and if Times mend will have her Fathers Estate as being her Fathers Heir but to prove it and her Birth I will bring all those servants that liv'd with her and with her Father and all his Tenants that will witness the truth Lord Title When I consider and bring her and her Actions to my minde I cannot doubt the truth and for the news thou shalt be my Adopted Father and my Bosome-friend I 'll be a staff for thy Old Age to lean upon my shoulders shall give strength unto thy feeble limbs and on my neck shalt lay thy restless head Old Human. Heaven bless you and I shall serve you as my Old Age will give me leave Exit Lord Title leading him forth Scene 24. Enter Lord Courtship and the Lady VVard LOrd Courts Thou Celestial Creature do not believe that I am so presumptuous to ask thy love I only beg thy pardon that when my body lies in the silent grave you give my restless soul a pass and leave to walk amongst sad Lovers in dark and gloomy shades and though I cannot weep to shew my penitence yet I can bleed He offers her a Dagger Here take this Instrument of Death for only by your hands I wish to die Give me as many Wounds as Pores in skin That I may bleed sufficient for my sin Lady VVard It seems strange to me that you a wise man or at least accounted so should fall into such extreams as one while to hate me to death and now to profess to love me beyond life Lord Courts My Debaucheries blinded my Judgment nor did I know thy worth or my own errour until thy wise wit gave the light to my dark understanding and you have drawn my bad life and all my unworthy actions therein so naturally in your discourse as now I view them I do hate my self as much as you have cause to hate me Lady VVard I only hate your Crimes but for those excellent Qualities and true Virtues that dwell in your Soul I love and honour and if you think me worthy to make me your Wife and will love me according as my honest life will deserve your affections I shall be proud of the Honour and thank Fortune or Heaven for the Gift Lord Courts Sure you cannot love me and the World would condemn you if you should and all your Sex will hate you Lady VVard The World many times condemns even Justice her self and women for the most part hate that they should love and honour Lord Courts But can you love me Lady VVard I can and do love you Lord Courts How happy am I to enjoy a world of Beauty Wit Virtue and sweet Graces Leads her forth Exeunt Scen. 25. Enter the Lord Title and Roger Farmer and Maudlin Huswife his Wife LOrd Title Honest Roger and Maudlin I present you with a kind Good-morrow Roger Present me Bless your Lordship I should present you with a couple of Capons Lord Title 'T is a salutation when you salute but how do you then Roger Very well I thank your Honour How do you Lord Title Well enough of Complements I am come with a Petition to you Roger What is that is 't please your Honour Lord Title A Sute Roger Byrlaken I have need of one for I have but poor and bare cloathing on Lord Title No Roger it is a request and desire I have you should grant Roger Grant or to Farm let no Sir I will not part with my Lease Lord Title Roger you understand me not therefore let me speak with Maudlin your Wife Roger There she is Sir spare her not for she is good metal I 'll warrant your Honour wipe your lips Maudlin and answer him every time that he moves thee and give him as good as he brings Maudlin were he twenty Lords hold up your head Maudlin be not hollow Maudlin I 'll warrant you Husband I 'll satisfie him Lord Title Honest Maudlin Maudlin That 's more than your Lordship knows Lord Title Why then Maudlin Maudlin That 's my name indeed Lord Title You have a maid here in your house Maudlin I hope so forsooth but I will not answer for no Virgin in this wicked world Roger Well said Maudlin Nay your Honour will get nothing of my Maudlin I 'll warrant you Lord Title Well this supposed Maid is Poor Virtue that 's her name
Courts It is beyond the power of Iove to please the various humours of Woman-kind Exit Scene 29. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEntleman There was never so many Noble Persons Married in one day in one City I think before those that are to Marry to morrow 2 Gentlem. Who are they 1 Gentlem. Why do you not hear 2 Gentlem. No 1 Gentlem. Surely you have been either dead or deaf 2 Gentlem. I have been in the Country 1 Gentlem. That is some reason indeed but the Newes of the City uses to travel in Letters on Post-horses into the Country 2 Gentlem. No faith for the most part they come in slow Waggons but tell me who those are that are to be Maried to morrow 1 Gentlem. Why first there is the Lord Title and the Lady Virtue Secondly the Lord Courtship and the Lady VVard Thirdly there is Sir Famit Poet and the Lady Contemplation Fourthly the Lady Conversation and Sir Experienc'd Traveller And fifthly the Lady Visitant and Sir Humphry Interruption 2 Gentlem. I will do my endeavour to see them all for I will go to each Bridal House 1 Gentlem. How will you do so being all maried on a day 2 Gentlem. Why I will bid Good-morrow to the one and I will goe to Church with another and dine with the third and dance the afternoon with the fourth and see the fifth a bed 1 Gentlem. That you may do Exeunt Scene 30. Enter Mistris Troublesome and her Maid MIstris Troubles Lord there are so many Weddings to be to morrow as I know not which to go to Besides I shall displease those I go not to being invited to them all Maid If you would displease neither of them you must feign your self sick and go to none of them Mistris Troubles None of them say you that would be a cause to make me die for I would not but be a guest to one of them for any thing could be given me But I am resolved to go to the Lady Conversation and Sir Experienc'd Travellers Wedding for there there will be the most company and it is company that I love better than the Wedding-cheer for much company is a Feast to me Maid Truly Mistris I wonder you should delight in company you being in years Mistris Troubles Out you naughty Wench do you say I am old Maid No indeed I did not name old Mistris Troubles Then let me tell you that those women that are in years seek company to divulge their Wit as youth to divulge their Beauty and we Aged Wits may chance to catch a Lover from a young Beauty But I should applaud my own wit if it could contrive to bring each Bride and Bridegroom into one Assembly making Hymen's Monarchy a Republick where all should be in common Maid So Mistriss you would prove a Traytor to Hymen which is a Bawd Mistris Troubles Faith I will turn you away for your boldness Enter Mistris Gossip O Mistris Gossip you are welcome what Newes Mistris Gossip I am come to tell you that the five Bridals meet with their Guests and good Cheer at the City-Hall and make their several Companies Joyning as one as one Body and there will be such Revelling as the like was never before Mistris Troubles Iuno be thanked and Venus be praised for it for I was much perplex'd concerning their Divisions till you came and brought me this good Newes of their Corporation Exeunt Scene 31. Enter the Lord Title and the Lady Virtue as his Bride both of them richly attired and Old Humanity following them LOrd Title Come Old Humanity and be our Father to ioyn and give us in the Church and then when we are Maried we will live a Country-life I as a Shepherd and this Lady as my Fair Shepherdess Exeunt Scene 32. Enter the Lady Ward as a Bride and her Nurse Nurse Careful NUrse Careful My dear Child you appear as a sweet budding Rose this morning Lady Ward Roses are beset with thorns Nurse I hope I am not so Nurse Caref. By 'r Lady your Husband may prove a thorn if he be not a good man and a kind Husband but Oh my heart doth ake Lady Ward Wherefore doth it ake Enter Lord Courtship as a Bridegroom Lord Courts Come Sweet are you ready for it is time to go to Church it is almost twelve a clock Lady Ward I am ready but my Nurse doth affright me by telling me her heart doth ake as if she did fore-know by her experien'd age some ill fortune towards me or that I shall be unhappy in my mariage Lord Courts Her heart doth not ake for you but for her self because she cannot be a young fair bride as you are as being past her youth so that her heart doth ake out of a sad remembrance of her self not for a present or a future cause for you Nurse Caref. Well well I was young indeed and a comely bride when I was maried though I say it and had a loving bridegroom Heaven rest his soul Exeunt Scene 33. Enter the Lady Visitant as a Bride to the Lady Conplation another Bride LAdy Visit. Come I have brought all my bridal guests hither to joyn with yours for we will go to Church together Wherefore prethee come away our Bridegrooms and our Guests stay for you Lady Contempl. I will go to them by and by Lady Visit. Why I hope you do not stay to muse upon Phantasmes saith Mariage will banish them out of your head you must now imploy your time with Realities Lady Contempl. If I thought Mariage would destroy or disturb my Contemplations I would not marry although my Wedding-guests were come and my Wedding-dinner ready drest and my Wedding-cloaths on nay were I at the holy Altar I would return back Lady Visit. That would be such an action as all the Kingdome would say you were mad Lady Contem. I had rather all the World should not only say I were mad but think me so rather than my self to be unhappy Lady Visit. Can want of Contemplation make you unhappy Lady Contem. Yes as unhappy as a body can be without a soul for Contemplation is the life of the soul and who can be happy that hath a dead soul Lady Visit. By my troth I had rather be dead than have such a dull life Enter Maid Maid Madam the Bridegroom is coming hither Lady Contempl. I will prevent him and meet him Exeunt Scene 34. Enter the two Gentlemen 1 GEntlem. Come away come away they 'l be all married before we shall get to Church 2 Gentlem. There will be enough Witnesses we may well be spared but so I share of the Feast I care not whether they be married or not 1 Gentle The truth is the benefit to us will be only in eating of their meat and drinking of their wine 2 Gentlem. And I mean to be drunk but not for joy of their Mariages but for pleasure of my Gusto Exeunt Scene 35. Enter the five Couples and all the Bridal Guests The Bridegrooms and
Here on this Figure Cast a Glance But so as if it were by Chance Your eyes not fixt they must not stay Since this like Shadowes to the Day It only represent's for Still Her Beuty 's found beyond the Skill Of the best Paynter to Imbrace Those louely Lines within her fure View her Soul's Picture Iudgment will Then read those Lines which Shee hath writt By Phancy's Pencill drawne alone Which Peece but Shee Can justify owne PLAYES Written by the Thrice NOBLE ILLUSTRIOUS AND Excellent Princess THE LADY MARCHIONESS OF NEWCASTLE LONDON Printed by A. Warren for Iohn Martyn Iames Allestry and Tho. Dicas at the Bell in Saint Pauls Church Yard 1662 THE DEDICATION TO those that do delight in Scenes and wit I dedicate my Book for those I writ Next to my own Delight for I did take Much pleasure and delight these Playes to make For all the time my Playes a making were My brain the Stage my thoughts were acting there THE EPISTLE DEDICATORY MY LORD MY resolution was that when I had done writing to have dedicated all my works in gross to your Lordship and I did verily believe that this would have been my last work but I find it will not unless I dye before I have writ my other intended piece And as for this Book of Playes I believe I should never have writ them nor have had the Capacity nor Ingenuity to have writ Playes had not you read to me some Playes which your Lordship had writ and lye by for a good time to be Acted wherein your Wit did Create a desire in my Mind to write Playes also although my Playes are very unlike those you have writ for your Lordships Playes have as it were a natural life and a quick spirit in them whereas mine are like dull dead statues which is the reason I send them forth to be printed rather than keep them concealed in hopes to have them first Acted and this advantage I have that is I am out of the fear of having them hissed off from the Stage for they are not like to come thereon but were they such as might deserve applause yet if Envy did make a faction against them they would have had a publick Condemnation and though I am not such a Coward as to be affraid of the hissing Serpents or stinged Tongues of Envy yet it would have made me a little Melancholy to have my harmless and innocent Playes go weeping from the Stage and whipt by malicious and hard-hearted censurers but the truth is I am careless for so I have your applause I desire no more for your Lordships approvement is a sufficient satisfaction to me My Lord Your Lordships honest Wife and faithfull Servant M. N. TO THE READERS NOBLE READERS I Must ask pardon for that I said I should not trouble you with more of my works than this Book of Playes but since I have considered with my self there is one work more which is very fit for me to do although I shall not be able to do it so well as the subject will deserve being the Life of my Noble Lord but that work will require some time in the gathering together some several passages for although I mean not to write of all the particulars of these times yet for as much as is concerning that subject I shall write of it will be requirable but it is a work that will move so slowly as perchance I shall not live to finish it but howsoever I will imploy my time about it and it will be a satisfaction to my life that I indeavour it M. N. TO THE READERS NOBLE READERS THe reason why I put out my Playes in print before they are Acted is first that I know not when they will be Acted by reason they are in English and England doth not permit I will not say of Wit yet not of Playes and if they should yet by reason all those that have been bred and brought up to Act are dead or dispersed and it would be an Act of some time not only to breed and teach some Youths to Act but it will require some time to prove whether they be good Actors or no for if they are not bred to it whilst they be young they will never be good Actors when they are grown up to be men for although some one by chance may have naturally a facility to Action and a Volubility of Speech and a good memory to learn and get the Parts by heart or wrote yet it is very unlikely or indeed impossible to get a whole Company of good Actors without being taught and brought up thereto the other reason is that most of my Playes would seem tedious upon the Stage by reason they are somewhat long although most are divided into first and second Parts for having much variety in them I could not possibly make them shorter and being long it might tire the Spectators who are forced or bound by the rules of Civility to sit out a Play if they be not sick for to go away before a Play is ended is a kind of an affront both to the Poet and the Players yet I believe none of my Playes are so long as Ben Johnson's Fox or Alchymist which in truth are somewhat too long but for the Readers the length of the Playes can be no trouble nor inconveniency because they may read as short or as long a time as they please without any disrespect to the Writer but some of my Playes are short enough but the printing of my Playes spoils them for ever to be Acted for what men are acquainted with is despised at lest neglected for the newness of Playes most commonly takes the Spectators more than the Wit Scenes or Plot so that my Playes would seem lame or tired in action and dull to hearing on the Stage for which reason I shall never desire they should be Acted but if they delight or please the Readers I shall have as much satisfaction as if I had the hands of applause from the Spectators M. N. TO THE READERS NOBLE READERS ALthough I expect my Playes will be found fault with by reason I have not drawn the several persons presented in a Circular line or to a Trianglar point making all the Actors to meet at the latter end upon the Stage in a flock together likewise that I have not made my Comedies of one dayes actions or passages yet I have adventured to publish them to the World But to plead in my Playes behalf first I do not perceive any reason why that the several persons presented should be all of an acquaintance or that there is a necessity to have them of one Fraternity or to have a relation to each other or linck'd in alliance as one Family when as Playes are to present the general Follies Vanities Vices Humours Dispositions Passions Affections Fashions Customs Manners and practices of the whole World of Mankind as in several persons also particular Follies Vanities Vices Humours Passions
a Non-pluss they would be glad to be quit of each other yet are ashamed to part so soon and are weary to stay with each other long when a Play entertaines them with Love and requires not their answers nor forceth their braines nor pumps their wits for a Play doth rather fill them than empty them 2. Gentleman Faith most Playes doth rather fill the spectators with wind than with substance with noise than with newes 1. Gentleman This Play that I would have you go to is a new Play 2. Gentleman But is there newes in the Play that is is there new wit fancyes or new Scenes and not taken our of old storyes or old Playes newly translated 1. Gentleman I know not that but this Play was writ by a Lady who on my Conscience hath neither Language nor Learning but what is native and naturall 2. Gentleman A woman write a Play Out upon it out upon it for it cannot be good besides you say she is a Lady which is the likelyer to make the Play worse a woman and a Lady to write a Play fye fye 3. Gentleman Why may not a Lady write a good Play 2. Gentleman No for a womans wit is too weak and too conceived to write a Play 1. Gentleman But if a woman hath wit or can write a good Play what will you say then 2. Gentleman Why I will say no body will believe it for if it be good they will think she did not write it or at least say she did not besides the very being a woman condemnes it were it never so excellent and care for men will not allow women to have wit or we men to have reason for if we allow them wit we shall lose our prehemency 1. Gentleman If you will not goe Tom farewell for I will go set this Play let it be good or bad 2. Gentleman Nay stay I will go with thee for I am contented to cast away so much time for the sake of the sex Although I have no saith of the Authoresses wit 3. Gentleman Many a reprobate hath been converted and brought to repentance by hearing a good Sermon and who knowes but that you may be converted from your erroneous opinion by seeing this Play and brought to confesse that a Lady may have wit Loves Adventures Play The Lord Fatherly The Lord Singularity His Sonne Sir Serious Dumbe Sir Timothy Complement Sir Humphry Bolde Sir Roger Exception Sir Peaceable Studious Foster Trusty The Lady Orphant The Lady Ignorant wife to Sir Peaceable Studious The Lady Bashfull The Lady Wagtaile The Lady Amorous Mrs. Acquaintance Nurse Fondly Foster Trusties wife Lady Orphans Nurse Mrs. Reformers woman to the Lady Bashfull Two Chamber-Maydes Prologue NOble Spectators you are come to see A Play if good perchance may clapped be And yet our Authoresse sayes that she hath heard Some playes though good hath not been so preferr'd As to be mounted up on high raised praise And to be Crown'd with Garlands of fresh hayes But the contrary have been hissed off Out from our Stage with many a censuring scoff But afterwards there understanding cleer'd They gave the praise what they before had jeer'd The same she sayes may to her Play befall And your erroneous censures may recall But all such Playes as take not at first sight But afterwards the viewers takes delight It seemes there is more wit in such a Play Than can be understood in one whole day If for she is well content for her wits sake From ignorance repulses for to take For she had rather want those understanding braines Than that her Play should want wits flowing veynes ACT I. Scene 1. Enter the Lord Fatherly and the Lord Singularity his Son LOrd Singularity Pray Sir do not force me to marry a childe before you know whether she will prove vertuous or discreet when for the want of that knowledge you may indanger the honour of your Line and Posterity with Cuckoldry and Bastardry Lord Fatherly Son you must leave that to fortune Lord Singularity A wise man Sir is to be the maker or spoiler of his own fortune Lord Fatherly Let me tell you Son the wisest man that is or ever was may be deceived in the choosing a wife for a woman is more obscure than nature her self therefore you must trust to chance for marriage is a Lottery if you get a prize you may live quietly and happily Lord Singularity But if I light of a blank as a hundred to one nay a thousand to one but I shall which is on a Fool or a Whore her Follies or Adulteries instead of a praise will found out my disgrace Lord Fatherly Come Come she is Rich she is Rich Lord Singularity Why Sir guilded I Horns are most visible Lord Fatherly 'T is better Son to have a rich whore than a poor whore but I hope Heaven hath made her Chast and her Father being an honourable honest and wise man will breed her vertuously and I make no question but you will be happy with her Lord Singularity But Sir pray consider the inequality of our ages she being but a Child and I at mans Estate by that time she is ready for the marriage bed I shall be ready for the grave and youths sharp appetites will never rellish Age wherefore she will seek to please her pallat else where Lord Fatherly Let me tell you Son should you marry a woman that were as many years older than she is younger than you it were a greater hazard for first old women are more intemperate than young and being older than the husband they are apt to be jealouse and being jealouse they grow malitious and malice seeks revenge and revenge disgrace therefore she would Cuckold you meerly to disgrace you Lord Singularity On the other side those Women that are marryed young Cuckholds there Husbands fames dishonouring them by their ignorant follyes and Childish indiscretions as much as with Adultery And I should assoon choose to be a Cuckhold as to be thought to be one For my honour will suffer as much by the one as the other if not more Lord Fatherly Heaven blesse the Sonne from jealousy for thou art horrible afraid of being a Cuckold Lord Singularity Can you blame me Sir since to be a Cuckhold is to be despised scorned laught and pointed at as a Monster worse than nature ever made and all the Honour that my birth gave me and my education indued me my vertue gained me my industry got me fortune bestowed on me and fame inthron'd me for may not only be lost by my wifes Adultery but as I said by her indiscretion which makes me wonder how any man that hath a Noble Soul dares marry since all his honour lyes or lives in the light heels of his wife which every little passion is apt to kick away wherefore good Sir let me live a single life Lord Fatherly How Son would you have me consent to extinguish the light of my Name and to pull out the root
one after another Reformer Your best way were to have 20. Husbands at one time so that your Ladyship might not be a day without Lady Wagtail O fie If women might have twenty Husbands they would have no room for courtly Servants but prithy help Sir Humphry Bold and take his offer and let me speak with the Lady my self Reformer That your Ladyship cannot at this time for my Lady is not well Lady Wagtail Then pray remember my most humble service and tell her I will come to morrow and if she be sick I will talk her well Lady Wagtail Ex. Reformer alone Reformer Dead you would talk her for thou hast an endless tongue Oh! what man is so miserable that is her Husband Reformer Exit Scene 6. Enter two or three Commanders 1. COmmander It is reported that our Generals Page hath behaved himself so handsomly spoke so wittily defended his cause so prudently declared his innocence so clearly and carried his business so wisely as the Venetian States have not only quitted him freely but doth applaud him wonderfully extolls him highly and offers him any satisfaction for the injurie and disgrace that hath been done him but he only desires that the man that had accused him which man was one of the Generals men should be pardoned and not punished 2. Commander I hope our General is well pleased that his beloved boy is not only cleared but applauded 1. Commander O! He doth nothing but imbrace him and kiss him as if he were his only son yet he did gently chide him that he asked pardon for his accusers for said he if all false accusers should be pardoned no honest man would escape free form censure 3. Commander But I hear the States have given order to our General to meet the Turkes again for it is reported by intelligences that they have recruited into a numerous body 2. Commander Faith I think the Turkes are like the tale of the Gyant that when his head was cut off there rise two in the place 1. Commander I think they are like the vegetable that is named threefold the more it is cut the faster it growes 3. Commander I would the Devil had them for me 2. Commander We do what we can to send them to Hell but whether they will quit thee I cannot tell Exeunt Scene 7. Enter the Lord General and Affectionata LOrd Singularity My Affectionata I wonder you could suffer an accusation so patiently knowing you were accused falsly Affectionata The clearnesse of my innocency needed not the fury of a violent passion to defend it neither could passion have rectified an injury Lord Singularity T is true yet passion is apt to rise in defence of innocency and honour Affectionata And many times passion my Lord destroye the life in striving to maintaine the truth and defend the innocent but I find a passionate sorrow that your Lordship must go to indanger your life in the warrs again Lord Singularity The warrs is pastime to me for I hate idlenesse and no imployment pleases me better than fighting so it be in a good cause but you shall stay Affectionata Why my Lord are you weary of my service Lord Singul. Know I am carefull of thy safety thy rest and peace for shouldst thou not come near danger yet the very tragical aspect will terrefie thee to death thou art of so tender a nature so soft and sweet a disposition Affectionata Truly my Lord if you leave me behind you the very fear of your life will kill me where if your Lordyship will let me go love will give me courage Lord Singul. Then let me tell you you must not go for I have adopted you my Son and I have setled all my Estate upon thee where if I am killed you shall be my Heir for I had rather vertue should inherit my Estate than birth yet I charge thee take my Name upon thee as well as my Estate unto thee Affectionata My noble Lord I should be prouder to bear your name than to be Master of the whole World but I shall never be so base to keep my self in safety in hope of your Estate wherefore must intreat your leave to go with you Lord Singul. I will not give you leave but command you to the contrary which is to stay Affectionata I cannot obey you in this for love will force me to run after you Lord Singul. I will have you lash'd if you offer to go Affectionata Stripes cannot stay me Lord Singul. I will have you tyed and kept by force fectionata By Heaven my Lord I 'l tear my flesh and break my bones to get lose and if I have not legs to run I 'l creep thorough the Earth like worms for though I shall move but slowly yet it will be a satisfaction to my soul that I am travelling after you Lord Singularity Affectionata You anger me very much Affectionata Indeed my Lord you grieve me more than I can anger you Affectionata weeps Lord Singularity What do you crie and yet desire to be a souldier Affectionata A valiant heart my Lord may have a weeping eye to keep it company Lord Singularity If no perswasion can stay you you must go along with me Affectionata bows as giving his Lord thanks Exeunt Scene 8. Enter the Lady VVagtail the Lady Amorous Sir Humphry Bold Sir Timothy Compliment to the Lady Bashfull who hangs down her head as out of countenance LAdy Wagtail Faith Lady Bashfull we will have you abroad to Balls and publick meetings to learn you a confident behaviour and a bold speech Fie You must not be bashfull Lady Amorous Our visiting her sometimes hath made her so as she is not altogether so bashfull as she was Enter Sir Serious Dumb who bows first to the Lady Bashfull then to the rest of the Company and then goeth behind the Lady Bashfull and stands close by Mistriss Reformer Lady Amorous Surely Sir Serious Dumb is a domestick servant here he stands and waits as one He bows with an acknowledging face Sir Humphry Bold If she wil entertain such servants as he she is not so modest as she appears Lady perchance if I had come privately alone I had been entertained with more freedom and not have had my suit denied and my person neglected with scorn and he received with respect Sir Serious Dumb comes and gives him a box on the eare they both draw their swords all the women runs away squeeking only the Lady Bashfull stayes and runs betwixt their swords and parts them Sir Timothy Compliment looks on as affraid to stir Lady Bashfull For Heaven sake fight not here to affright me with your quarrels Sir Humphry Bold I will have his heart-bloud Lady Bashfull Good Sir Serious Dumb and Sir Humphry Bold leave off fighting Sir Serious Dumb draws back Lady Bashfull Pray Sir Humphry Bold give me your sword that I may be sure you will not fight Sir Humphry Bold What yield my sword up I will dye first Enter the Ladies
will send you amongst the effeminate Sex where you may learn to sport with Ladies as well as fight with Turks Affectionata speaks softly to her self pray Jove they do not search me Exeunt Scene 26. Enter the Lady Wagtail and the Lady Amorous LAdy Wagtail I can tell you news Lady Amorous What news Lady Wagtail Sir Serious Dumb can speak again Lady Amorous I am sorrow for that for now he may tell tales out of School Lady Wagtail If he do we will whip him with the rods of tongues which is more sharp than the rods of wyer Lady Amorous We may whip him with words but we our selves shall feel the smart of reproch Lady Wagtail How simply you talk as if reproch could hurt a woman when reproch is born with us and dyes with us Lady Amorous If reproch have no power of our Sex why are all women so carefull to cover their faults and so fearfull to have their crimes divulged Lady Wagtail Out of two reasons first because those of the masculine Sex which have power as Fathers Uncles Brothers and Husbands would cut their throats if they received any disgrace by them for disgrace belongs more to men than women The other reason is that naturally women loves secrets yet there is nothing they can keep secret but their own particular faults neither do they think pleasure sweet but what is stollen Lady Amorous By your favour women cannot keep their own faults secret Lady Wagtail O yes those faults that may ruine them if divulged but they cannot keep a secret that is delivered to their trust for naturally women are unfit for trust or council Lady Amorous But we are fit for faction Lady Wagtail The World would be but a dull World if it were not for industrious factions Lady Amorous The truth is that if it were not for faction the World would lye in the cradle of Peace and be rock'd into a quiet sleep of security Lady Wagtail Prithee talk not of quiet and peace and rest for I hate them as bad as death Lady Amorous Indeed they resemble death for in death there is no wars nor noise Lady Wagtail Wherefore it is natural for life neither to have rest nor peace being cantrary to death Exeunt ACT IV. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata AFfectionata My Lord I hear the King hath invited you to attend him in his progress this Summer Lord Singularity Yes but I have made my excuse and have got leave to stay at home for I will tell thee truly that I had rather march ten miles with an Artillery than travel one with a Court and I had rather fight a battel than be bound to ceremony or flattery which must be practised if one live at Court Besides I have been bred to lead an Armie and not to follow a Court And the custom of the one have made me unacquainted and so unfit for the other for though I may truly say I am a good Souldier yet I will confess ingenuously to thee I am a very ill Courtier Affectionata I think they are the most happiest that are least acquainted with a great Monarchs Court Lord Singularity I will tell thee a discourse upon this theam in the time of Henry the eighth of England there were many Courtiers of all degrees about him and the theam of their discourse was who was the happiest man in England So all the Nobles and inferiour Courtiers agreed unanimously it was his Majesty and it could be no man else and they all said that their judgements was so clear in that point that it could not admit of a contradiction or dispute Said Henry the eighth by the body of our Lord you are all mistaken then said one of the Courtiers I beseech your Majesty to tell us who is the happiest man By the Lord said the King that Gentleman that lives to his profit and dare moderately spend for his pleasure and that neither knows me nor I know him he is the happiest man in the Kingdom and I am of Henry the eights opinion but howsoever it were better to be such a one that goeth with the bagge and baggage of an Armie than one of the tail of a Court Affectionata But your Lordship would not refuse to be as the chief as to be a Favourite for a Favourite is more sought feared and flattered than the King himself Lord Singularity I think I should not refuse to be a Favourite by reason a Favourite is a General to command Martial and Conduct in all affairs both at home and abroad in peace and in war and all by the power and authority of the commission of Favourites Affectionata Which Commission hath a greater and larger extent than any other Commission Lord Singularity You say right for it extends as far as the Kings power Exeunt Scene 27. Enter the Lady Bashfull and Reformer her woman REformer Madam shall your wedding be private or publick Lady Bashfull Private Reformer I wonder you will have it private Lady Bashfull Why do you wonder Reformer Because the wedding-day is the only triumphant day of a young maids life Lady Bashfull Do you call that a triumphant day that inslaves a woman all her life after no I will make no triumph on that day Reformer Why you had better have one day than none Lady Bashfull If my whole life were triumphant it would be but as one day when it was past or rather as no day nor time for what is past is as if it never were and for one day I will never put my self to that ceremonious trouble which belongs to feasting revelling dressing and the like Reformer I perceive your Ladyship desires to be undrest upon the Wedding-day Lady Bashfull No that I do not but as I will not be carelesly undrest so I will not be drest for a Pageant show Exeunt Scene 28. Enter the Lord Singularity and AFfectionata AFfectionata I think there is no Family more methodically ordered prudently governed than your Lordships Lord Singularity It were a disgrace to my profession if I should not well know how to command for a good Commander in the field can tell how to be a good Manager in his private Family although a prudent Master of a Family knows not how to be a skilfull Commander in the field but a prudent Master must have a trusty Steward so a knowing General must have a carefull and skilfull Lieutenant-General or else he will be very much troubled also both Master and General must have other Officers or else they will not find their Accounts or Conquests as he hopes or expects For neither General nor Master can order every particular command nor rectifie every particular errour himself for a Generals Office is only to direct order and command the chief Officers and not the common Souldiers So the Master of a Family is only to direct order and command his Steward he the rest of the Officers and the common servants every one must order those that belongs
to their several Offices Affectionata Then the common Servants are like the common Souldiers Lord Singularity They are so and are as apt to mutiny if they be not used with strickt discipline Thus if a Master of a Family have the right way in the management of his particular affairs he may thrive easily have plenty live peaceably be happy and carry an honourable port with an indifferent Estate when those of much greater Estates which knows not nor practices the right method or rules and governs not with strictness his servants shall grow factious mutinous and be alwaies in bruleries by which disorders his Estate shall waste invisible his servants cozen egregiously he lives in penurie his servants in riot alwaies spending yet alwaies wanting forced to borrow and yet hath so much that if it were ordered with prudence might be able to lend when by his imprudence he is troubled with stores yet vex'd with necessity Affectionata I should think that no man ought to be a Master of a Family but those that can govern orderly and peaceably Lord Singularity You say right for every Master of a Family are petty-Kings and when they have rebellions in their own small Monarchies they are apt to disturb the general Peace of the whole Kingdom or State they live in for those that cannot tell how to command their own Domesticks and prudently order their own affairs are not only uselesse to the Common-wealth but they are pernicious and dangerous as not knowing the benefit and necessity of obedience and method Exeunt Scene 29. Enter the Lady VVagtail and the Lady Amorous Lady Wagtail The Lord Singularity hath brought home the sweetest and most beautifullest young Cavalier as ever I saw Lady Amorous Faith he appears like Adonas Lady Wagtail Did you ever see Adonas Lady Amorous No but I have heard the Poets describe him Lady Wagtail Venus and Adonas are only two poetical Ideas or two Ideas in poetical brains Lady Amorous Why Ideas hath no names Lady Wagtail O yes for Poets christens their Ideas with names as orderly as Christians Fathers doth their children Lady Amorous Well I wish I were a Venus for his sake Lady Wagtail But if you were only a poetical Venus you would have little pleasure with your Adonas Lady Amorous Hay ho He is a sweet youth Lady Wagtail And you have sweet thoughts of the sweet youth Lady Amorous My thoughts are like Mirtle-groves to entertain the Idea of the Lord Singularity's Son Lady Wagtail Take heed there be not a wild-boar in your Mirtle Imagenarie Grove that may destroy your Adonas Idea Lady Amorous There is no beast there only sweet singing-birds called Nightingals Exeunt Scene 30. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata AFfectionata Pray my Lord what Lady is that you make such inquiry for Lord Singularity She is a Lady I would have thee marry One that my Father did much desire I should marry although she was very young and may be now about thy years I hear her Father is dead but where the Lady is I cannot find out Affectionata Perchance she is married my Lord Lord Singularity Then we should find her out by hearing who she hath marryed Affectionata But if she be not marryed she being as old as I I am too young for her for Husbands should be older than their wives Lord Singularity But she is one that is well born well bred and very rich and though thou art young in years yet thou art an aged man in judgment prudence understanding and for wit as in thy flourishing strength Affectionata Perchance my Lord she will not like me as neither my years my person nor my birth Lord Singularity As for thy years youth is alwayes accepted by the effeminate Sex and thy person she cannot dislike for thou art very handsom and for thy birth although thou art meanly born thou hast a noble nature a sweet disposition a vertuous soul and a heroick spirit Besides I have adopted thee my Son and the King hath promised to place my Titles on thee and hath made thee Heir of my whole Estate for to maintain thee according to those Dignities Affectionata But I had rather live unmarried my Lord if you will give consent Lord Singularity But I will never consent to that and if you be dutifull to me you will marry such a one as I shall chose for you Affectionata I shall obey whatsoever you command for I have nothing but my obedience to return for all your favours Lord Singularity Well I will go and make a strickt inquiry for this Lady Lord Singularity Exit Affectionata alone Affectionata Hay ho what will this come to I would I were in my Grave for love and fear doth torture my poor life Heaven strike me dead or make me this Lords wife Exeunt Scene 31. Enter the Lady Wagtail and the Lady Amorous LAdy Amorous How shall we compass the acquaintance of the Lord Singularity's Son Lady Wagtail Faith Amorous thou lovest boys but I love men wherefore I would be acquainted with the Lord Singularity himself Beside his adopted Son was a poor Beggar-boy 't is said and I cannot love one that is basely born Lady Amorous His birth may be honourably though poor and of low and mean descent for if he was born in honest wedlock and of honest Parents his birth cannot be base Lady Wagtail O yes for those that are not born from Gentry are like course brown bread when Gentry of ancient descent are like flower often boulted to make white mancher Lady Amorous By that rule surely he came from a Noble and Ancient Race for I never saw any person more white and finely shap'd in my life than he is and if fame speaks true his actions have proved he hath a Gentlemans soul But say he were meanly born as being born from a Cottager yet he is not to be despised nor disliked nor to be lesse esteemed or beloved or to be thought the worse of for was Lucan lesse esteemed for being a Stone-Cutter or his wit lesse esteemed or was King David lesse esteemed or obeyed for being a Shepheard or the Apostles lesse esteemed or believed for being Fisher men Tent-makers or the like or the man that was chosen from the Plough to be made Emperour I say was he lesse esteemed for being a Plough-man No he was rather admired the more or was Horace esteemed or his Poems thought the worse for being Son to a freed man which had been a slave or was Homer lesse admired or thought the worse Poet for being a poor blind man and many hundred that I cannot name that hath gained fame and their memories lives with Honour and Admiration in every Age and in every Nation Kingdom Country and Family and it is more worthy and those persons ought to have more love and respect that have merit than those that have only Dignity either from favour of Princes or descended from their Ancestors for all derived Honours are poor and mean in
cozens us by reason one effect may be produced from many several causes and several effects proceeds from one cause Lord Singularity But thy tears seems as if they were produced from some passion Affectionata Indeed they are produced from passions and appetites for passions are the rayes of the mind and appetites the vapour of the senses and the rayes of my mind hath drawn up the vapour of my senses into thick moist clouds which falls in showering tears Lord Singularity Tell me thy griefs and thy desires that I may help the one and ease the other Affectionata Alas my Lord I cannot for they lye in the conceptions and conceptions ariseth like mysts and my thoughts like clouds lyes one above another Lord Singularity Come come let reason the Sun of the soul verifie those misty conceptions and disperse this dull humour that the mind may be clear and the thoughts serene Affectionata I will strive to bring in the light of mirth Exeunt Scene 35. Enter the Lady VVagtail the Lady Amorous and Sir Humphry Bold LAdy Wagtail Good Sir Humphry Bold carry us to the Court of Iudicatures to hear the great Tryal which is said to be to day Sir Humphry Bold You would go to hear the condemnation of an old man and his old wife Lady Wagtail No we would go to hear the confessions as whether they have murthered the young Lady that is missing or not Sir Humphry bold Why that you may hear from other relations as well as from their own mouths and so save you so much pains and trouble as you will have to get a place and to stand so long a time as the examining accusing confessing freeing or condemning which will require so long a time as Ladies will find great inconveniencies and be put mightily to it Lady Wagtail But I long to hear and see the manner of it Sir Humphry Bold I will wait upon you but you will be very much crouded Lady Amorous I had rather see them hanged if they be guilty than hear them judged and condemned Sir Humphry Bold Why a condemning Judge is the chief Hang-man for he hangs with his word as the other with a cord Lady VVagtail Will the Lord Singularity be there Sir Humphry Bold Yes certainly for he is the man that doth accuse them Lady Amorous And will his Son be there Sir Humphry Bold I know not that Exeunt Scene 36. Enter the Iudges and Iury-men as in a Court of Judicature the Lord Singularity Foster Trusty and Nurse Fondly and many others to hear them JUdges Who accuses these persons of murther Lord Singularity I my Lord Foster Trusty We beseech your Honours not to condemn us before you have found us guilty Lord Singularity It is a proof sufficient my Lord they cannot clear themselves or produce the party that was delivered to their trust and care Iudges Jurie do you find them guilty or not Iuries Guilty my Lord Iudges Then from the Jurie we can Enter Affectionata drest very fine in her own Sexes habit and stops the Iudges sentence Affectionata Hold condemn not these innocent persons for their fidelity constancy and love I am that maid they are accused to murther and by good circumstances can prove it All the Assembly Iudges and Iurie seems as in a maze at her beauty and stares on her The Lord Singularity as soon as he seeth her starts back then goeth towards her his eyes all the time sixt on her speaking as to himself Lord Singularity Sure it is that face He takes her by the Hand and turns her to the light are not you my Affectionata whom I adopted my Son Affectionata Shame stops my breath and chokes the words I should utter Lord Singularity For Heaven sake speak quickly release my fears or crown my joyes Affectionata My Lord pray pardon loves follies and condemn not my modesty for dissembling my Sex for my designs were harmless as only to follow you as a servant For by Heaven my Lord my only desire was that my eyes and my eares might be fed with the sight of your person and sound of your voice which made me travel to hear and to see you But since I am discovered I will otherwise conceal my self and live as an Anchoret from the view of the World Lord Singularity Pray let me live with you Affectionata That may not be for an Anchoret is to live alone Lord Singularity If you will accept of me for your husband we shall be as one Affectionata You have declared against marriage my Lord Lord Singularity I am converted and shall become so pious a devote as I shall offer at no Alter but Hymens and since I am your Convert refuse me not Affectionata I love too well to refuse you He kneels down on one knee and kisses her hand Lord Singularity Here on my knee I do receive you as a blessing and a gift from the Gods He riseth Affectionata Most Reverend Judges and Grave Jury sentence me not with censure nor condemn me to scandals for waiting as a Man and serving as a Page For though I dissembled in my outward habit and behaviour yet I was alwaies chaste and modest in my nature Exeunt Scene 37. Enter the Lady VVagtail and Lady Amorous LAdy Wagtail Now Lady Amorous is your mind a Mirtel-grove and your thoughts Nightingals to entertain the Idea of your Adonas Lady Amorous Her discovery hath proved the boar that kill'd him but I desire much to be army Adonas Funeral which is the Lady Orphants wedding Lady Wagtail I am acquainted with some of the Lord Singularity's Captains and Officers and I will speak to some of them to speak to the Lord Singularity to invite us Lady Amorous I pray do for since my Adonas is dead I will strive to inamour Mars which is the Lord Singularity himself Lady Wagtail Faith that is unfriendly done for I have laid my designs for himself Lady Amorous I fear both of our designs may come to nothing he is so inamoured with his own She-Page or female Son Exeunt Scene 38. Enter Nurse Fondly and Foster Trusty NUrse Fondly O Husband This is the joyfullest day that ever I had in my whole life except at mine own wedding Foster Trusty Indeed this day is a day of Iubile Nurse Fondly Of Iuno say you but Husband have you provided good chear and enough for here are a world of Guests come more than was invited and you being Master Steward will be thought too blame if there be any thing wanting Foster Trusty If you be as carefull to dress the Brides Chamber as I to provide for the bridal Guest you nor I shall be in a fault Nurse Fondly I saith if you have done your part as I have done my part we shall deserve praise Foster Trusty I saith we are almost so old that we are almost past praise Nurse Fondly None can merit praise but those in years for all Worthy Noble and Heroick Acts requires time to do them and who
was ever wise that was young Foster Trusty And few are praised that are old for as fame divulgeth merits so time wears out praise for time hath more power than fame striving to destroy what fame desires to keep The truth is time is a Glutton for he doth not only strive to destroy what fame divulgeth but what himself begets and produceth Exeunt Scene 39. Enter the Lord Singularity and the Lady Orphant as Bride and Bride-groom and a company of Bridal-guests Enter Musitians and meets them MUsitioners We desire your Excellence will give us leave to present you with a Song written by my Lord Marquiss of New-Castle Lord Singularity Your present could have never been less acceptable by reason it will retard my marriage Lady Orphant Pray my Lord hear them Lord Singularity Come come dispatch dispatch He seems not to listen to them All the time his eyes fixt on the Bride SONG Love in thy younger age Thou then turn'd Page When love then stronger grew The bright sword drew Then Love it was thy fate To advise in State My Love adopted me His childe to be Then offered was my hap A Cardinals Cap Loves juglings thus doth make The Worlds mistake Lord Singularity By Heaven Musitioners you are all so dillotarie with your damnable and harsh prologue of tuning before you play as the next Parliament will make it felony in Fidlers if not treason when your Great Royal Eares begin with a Pox to you Musitians Why my Noble Lord we have done Lord Singularity By Heaven there spake Apollo Give them ten Pieces Musitians Madam an Eppilanian we have more to express our further joy and then we will pray for blessings on you both Lord Singularity O! It will be my funeral song you rogues know all delays doth kill me and at this time your best Musick sounds harsh and out of tune Lady Orphant Pray let them sing that one song more so ends your trouble of them Lord Singularity Begin quick quick SONG O Love some says thou art a Boy But now turn'd Girl thy Masters joy Now cease all thy fierce alarms In circles of your loving arms Who can express the joys to night 'T wil charm your senses with delight Nay all those pleasures you 'l controul With joyning your each soul to soul Thus in Loves raptures live till you Melting dissolv into a dew And then your aery journey take So both one constellation make The Song done the Musick playes as the Bride and Bridegroom goeth FINISH The women in the mean time squeeks Gives him the two swords The Comedy named the Several Wits The wise Wit the wild Wit the cholerick Wit the humble Wit The Names of the Persons MOnsieur Generosity Monsieur Nobilissimo Monsieur Perfection Monsieur Importunate Monsieur Bon Compaignon Monsieur Profession Monsieur Comorade Monsieur Discretion Monsieur Compliment Doctor Freedom a Doctor of Physick Madam Mere Madamosel Caprisia Madamosel Doltche Madamosel Solid Madamosel Volant A Grave Matron Madamosel Doltches Nurse Two Maid-servants PROLOGUE THis Play I do present to Lady wits And hope the wit each several humour fits For though all wit be wit as of wit kind Yet different be as men not of one mind For different men hath different minds we know So different Wits in different humours flow The cholerick Wit is rough and salt as brine The humble Wit flows smooth in a strait line A wise Wit flows in streams fresh pure and clear Where neither weeds nor troubled waves appear But a wild wit in every ditch doth flow And with the mudde doth soul and filthy grow THE COMEDY NAMED THE SEVERAL WITS ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Madamosel Caprisia and her maid MAID Madam Monsieur Importunate is come to visit you Madam Caprisia Did not I tell you I would receive no visits to day Maid I did tell him that you desired to be excused but he said he would not excuse you for he must see you Madam Capris. Go tell him I have taken Physick Maid I did tell him so but he said he would stay untill it had done working Madam Capris. I would it were working in his belly Ex. Scene 2. Enter Madamosel Volante and Monsieur Bon Compaignon BOn Compaignon Lady hearing of your great wit I am come to prove report Madam Volante You will find him a lyer Sir Bon Compaignon I had rather report should be a lyer than I a Lover Madam Volante Why then we agree in a mind for I had rather be thought a fool than to be troubled with a fools company Bon Compaignon You need not be troubled with that for love is strongest absented Madam Volante O! but there is an old Proverb that love will break thorough stone-walls wherefore if you be in love you will haunt me like a Fairy no locks nor bolts will keep you out for fairy love will creep thorough a creavice Bon Compaignon Faith Lady I find now that love is the Queen of Fayries for it hath crept thorough the key-hole of my eares and hath got into my head and their dances such roundelayes as makes my brain dissie Madam Volante If once your brain begins to be dissie your senses will stagger and your reason will fall down from its feat and when the reason is displaced and the wit is distemper'd the mind become mad and to prevent the mischief that may follow I will depart in time Ex. Scene 3. Enter Madamosel Caprisia as at the door meets Monsieur Importunate he stops her passage MOnsieur Importunate You shall not pass untill you have paid me a tribute Madam Caprisia What Tribute Monsieur Importunate A kiss Madam Capris. I will pay no such tribute for I will bring such a number of words armed with such strong reasons as they shall make my way Monsieur Importunate Your words will prove poor Pilgrims which come to offer at the Altar of my lips Madam Capris. Nay rather than so they shall come as humble Petitioners and as it were kneeling at your heart shall with innocency beg for gentle civility Monsieur Importunate I will shut the gates of my ears against them and my lips as a bar shall force them back being a precise factious rout Madam Capris. Satire shall lead my sharp words on break ope those gates and anger like consuming fire shall both destroy your will and base desire Monsieur Importunate I will try that Madam Capris. But I will rather make a safe retreat than venture least your rude strength might overcome my words She goeth back he follows her Monsieur Importunate I will march after at the heels of you Ex. Scene 4. Enter Madamosel Doltche and Monsieur Compliment DOltche Sir you prayse me so much as I may doubt or rather believe you flatter me for it is not possible to be so rare a creature as you express me to be unless I were something divine perchance I may be worthy of some of your inferiour Prayses but not all your high and mighty ones Monsieur Compliment You are more
by reason they put on their civilest demeanors gracefullest garbs modestest countenance and speaks their most choycest phrases or words when they meet strangers all which makes them appear to their advantage when after acquantaince they will seem but vulgar as when they are used to their ordinary garbs countenances and phrases and that their natures and dispositions were known they will appear to be no better than their Neighbours nay perchance not so good the like will Madamosel Doltche appear to you Matron I do suppose she looks more familiar on her acquaintance than strangers and it is likely she looks more grave and sober on strangers than on her known friends and familiars yet those several looks and countenances may be as pleasing and obliging the one as the other for though the one may be more kind the other may be more respectfull for every ones countenance and behaviour is to be ordered according to the several degrees or relations of several persons and to several persons and to several sexes or according to their condition state life and fortune and according to the times and occasions for women are or should be more free and confident to and in the company of women than men and men are more respectfull in their discourse and behaviour to women than to their own Sex and a merry countenance in a sad condition or state of life or fortunes would not be seemly mirth in the house of mourning would be inhumane or to dance or sing over the Graves of their Parents Children Husbands Wives or Friends would be unnatural or to be merry in the time of a general calamity as in time of VVars Plagues or Famine or Deluges or to be sad or froward in a general rejoycing but a sad countenance and a grave behaviour is as fitting and seems comely and handsome in a time of calamity as a merry countenance and a dancing behaviour in a time of rejoycing for tears becomes the face sometimes as well as smiles and blushing may appear and expresse a modest nature to strangers when to familiar acquaintantances blushing might be thought an accuser or witnesse of some crime yet bashfull eyes at all times becomes modest Virgins Volante I hate bashfull eyes for they are like to troubled waters thick and unsteady rouling from place to place without an assurance for modest Virgins may look upon the VVorld with a confident brow if they have no guilt to stain their cheeks with blushes and surely amongst well-bred persons there is none so rude injurious or uncivil to force the bloud to rise or stop the light in causing bashfull eyes but such as condemns a confident countenance in Virgins faces my eye of understanding will cast a despising glance on such ridiculous fools and the tongue of reason condemns them Ex. Scene 31. Enter Madam la Mere and Madamosel Caprisia her daughter MERE I wonder Daughter you should be so rudely uncivil to Monsieur Generosity to use him so unkindly as to entertain him with scornfull words and disrespectfull behaviour Capris. Why did he come to visit me Mere To offer his service and to professe his affection to your person and vertue Capris. I care not for his service or affection Mere But he is a person of an honourable Title and can make you a great Lady Capris. Give me leave to tell you Mother that nature hath given me Titles of Honour Wit and Beauty to which all men will bow to with respect Titles from Kings poor petty things to those Mere But Daughter let me tell you that wit and beauty without modesty civility and vertuous courtesie may insnare facile fools and allure fond persons but not perswade the judicious to esteem you nor the constant to sue to you nor true love to desire you you may have vain Boasters and amotous Flatterers to court you but none that is wise or honourable will marry you and to use this Noble Lord so disrespectfully who is indued with vertue and adorned with the graces and beloved of the Muses is a crime unpardonable Capris. Mother the Muses and the Graces are Witches which enchants the soul and charms the Spirits and makes the Senses extravagant and the actions desperate Mere Methinks they should charm you if they have such power Capris. My humour is a Spell against all such charms Ex. Scene 32. Enter Monsieur Profession and Monsieur Comorade his Friend COmorade You are well met for I was going to your lodging to see you Profession And I am now going home and therefore let us go together Comorade Where have you been Profession At a house you often resort to Comorade What at a Bawdy-house Profession Yes Comorade Why how durst you venture Profession Why Comorade Why why if your angelical Mistresse should come to hear of it Faith she would bury your heart again Profession Yes is it were not out of her power Comorade Why hath she not the Possession Profession No saith Comorade How comes that to passe Profession I know not how but upon some dislike it grew weary and by some opportunity it found it stole home and since it hath promised never to leave me again for it hath confessed to me it hath been most miserably tormented with doubts fears jealousies and despairs Comorade Prethee let me tell thee as a friend that thy heart is a false lying heart for there inhabits no torments amongst angelical bodies Profession By your favour in Plutoes Court there be Angels as well and as many as in Ioves But let me tell you that if I did not love you very well I would call you to an account for calling my heart a false lying heart Comorade Prethee pacifie thy self for I am sure I have had but a heartless friend of thee all the time of thy hearts absence and if I should rayle of thy heart thou hast no reason to condemn me but prethee tell me had not thy heart some pleasure sometimes to mitigate the torments Profession No saith for my heart tells me that what with rigid vertue cruel scorn and insulting pride it never had a minutes pleasure nor so much as a moment of ease and if that there were no more hopes of happiness amongst the Gods in Heaven than there is amongst the Goddesses on Earth it would never desire to go to them or dwell amongst them Nay my heart says it should be as much affraid to go to Heaven and to be with the Gods as mortals are to go to Hell to be with Divels Comorade But if pleasure and happiness is not to be found with vertue nor with the Gods where shall we seek for it Profession I will tell you what my heart saith and doth assure me that is that pleasure lives alwaies with vice and that good fellowship is amongst the damned and it doth swear it is a most melancholly life to live with those that are called the blessed which are the Goddesses on Earth Comorade Why then let us return to the house from
the Lawyers she will plead for them gratis 1 Gent. It is a pious and Noble Act 2 Gent. Also her Father hath challenged all the eloquent Oratours of our Nation to make Orations extemporately likewise he hath challenged the most famous Schollars and learned men to dispute with her 1 Gent. Her Father is most doatingly fond of her 2 Gent. He hath reason and out of love to her he is building a very fine Library to lay in all her Works for they say she writes much and hath writ many excellent Works 1 Gent. She deserves a Statue for her self as well as a Library for her Works Ex. Scene 9. Enter the Lady Innocence and Adviser the Lord de l'Amours Man ADviser Madam my Lord and the Lady Incontinent hath sent me to tell you you must come to be examined about the Chain Lady Innocence I am so shrunk up with fear that methinks I could thrust my self into a Nut-shell to hide myself Adviser Faith if you could it would not conceal you for they would crack the Nut-shell and find you out Adviser goes out Lady Innocence alone O that Innocency should tremble as much as guilt with fear but if they did but know how little I value the riches of the world they would not believe I should steal so frivolous a thing Enter as to the Lady Innocence the Lord de l'Amour the Lady Incontinent and a Iustice and the Ladies two Maids Informer and Falshood Lord de l'Amour The Lady Incontinent hath brought a Iustice who hath power to make you confesse She falls a shaking Lady Incontinent You may perceive her guilty she trembles and shakes looks so pale Lady Innocence Pray judge me not guilty by my countenance bring it not as a witnesse against me for the childish fears in my heart causeth a trembling which like an Earthquake shakes my body and makes my breath as pent up Air that pants for passage striving to get forth and my innocent bashfulnesse or my bashful innocency makes my eyes like perturbed lights that see nothing cleerly my words to flow like rough and broken streams for my mind is so troubled and my passions in such a storm as my words can neither flow easie nor free Lady Incontinent Here be two that will witnesse that she stole the Chain Falshood I will swear she took the Chain of Pearl and put it in her pocket and so went out of the room with it Lord de l'Amour Why did not you follow her and take it from her Falshood I thought she would bring it again for I never suspected she would deny it Lord de l'Amour And will you witnesse the same Informer Informer I will witnesse I saw it in her hand looking on it Lord de l'Amour What say you for your self Lady Innocence Lady Innocence I say my accusements doth not make me guilty of a crime but I confess I took the Chain in my hand out of a curiosity and trial of my judgment or skill to see whether I could find any defect in somuch valued esteemed and high-prized a thing as Pearl but not any wayes out of a covetous Appetite as to steal it nor had I any tempting thoughts thereto nor wisht I that or the like should be lawfully given me Lord de l'Amour What did you with it when you had done viewing it Lady Innocence I laid it on the Table from whence I took it off Lady Incontinent But here are those that will swear you carried it away with you Maids Yes that we will Lady Innocence I cannot alwayes avoid a false accusation Lord de l'Amour Will you swear you did not Lady Innocence Yes If my Oath will be taken Lady Incontinent Well you did take it that is certain wherefore you were best confess it or you shall be wrackt to make you confess it Lady Innocence I will never bear false-witness against my self I will dye first Lady Incontinent My Lord pray let her be carried away and be whipt until the be forced to confess it Lady Innocence Let me killed first for to be whipt is base and is only fit for Gally-slaves or those that are born from Slaves but to be kill'd is Noble and gives an Honourable triumph Iustice. Young Lady you are heer accus'd by two Witnesses and unless you can bring Evidence to clear you you are liable to punishment Lady Innocence Truly Sir I have but two invisible Witnesses Conscience and Innocency to plead for me and Truth my Judge who cannot be brib'd although it may be over-powr'd by false and slanderous reports Iustice. But it is imagin'd by your best friends you are guilty Lady Innocence Neither my friends nor enemies can create me a Criminal with their Imaginations Lord de l'Amour But speak are you guilty Lady Innocence To what purpose should I speak for what can I say to those that make it their delight to accuse condemn and execute or what justice can I expect to have where there is no equity wherefore to plead were a folly when all hopes are cut off to desire life a double misery if I must indure Torments but silence and patience shall be my two Companions the one to help me in my suffering the other to cut of impertinencies She goes out from them Lord de l'Amour What think you Justice is she guilty Lady Incontinent Why should you make a question when it hath been proved by Witnesses Come Justice Come and drink a Cup of Sack and give your opinion then The Lady Innocence comes as passing by alone Lady Innocence I am so confidently accus'd of this Theft as I am half perswaded I did take the Chain but that Honour and Honesty sayes I did not Ex. Scene 10. Enter Sir Thomas Father Love at one door and a servant-Maid at the other door SIr Thomas Father Love Where is your Mistriss the people do flock about the house to see her as I think they will pull it upon my head if she shews not her self to them wherefore call her The Maid goes out Enter the Lady Sanspareile Sir Thomas Father Love Come Come Child there are such expectations without for thee but what makes thee to look so heavy Lady Sanspareile Truly Sir I am not well Sir Thomas Father Love Not well Heaven bless thee where art thou Sick Lady Sanspareile I cannot say I am very sick or in any great pain but I find a general alteration in me as it were a fainting of spirits Sir Thomas Father Love Prethee say not so thou dost so affright me but thou art not very sick art thou Lady Sanspareile I hope I shall be better Sir Sir Thomas Father Love My dear Child go to bed whilst I send for some Doctors to thee Ex. Scene 11. Enter the Lady Innocence alone TO whom shall I powre out my sad complaint for all do them a Melancholy mind O Gods how willingly would I be buried in the grave with dust and feast the worms rather than live amongst
mankind Oh! Oh! that these Melancholy damps arising from my afflicted Soul could extinguish the Lamp of life or that my sad and grieved thoughts that feed upon my troubled Spirits could bite with sorrows teeth the thread of life asunder She sits down on the ground leaning her Cheek on her hand and weeps Enter to her her Maid Passive Passive My sweet Mistriss why do you weep Lady Innocence The spring of grief doth send forth streams of tears to wash off my disgrace and the foul spots which slandring tongues have stain'd or rather slain'd my reputation for which my eyes did they not weep would seem unnaturally unkind but my dead reputation is imbalm'd with salt tears bitter groans shrowded in sorrows and intomb'd in misery Passive My dear Lady you are imbalm'd with the pretious gums of Virtue and sweet spices of wit wrapt up in youth and beauty and are intombed or rather inthroned in honest hearts wherefore waste not your self with grief for certainly the world will condemn your Accusers and not you Lady Innocence Those feeble hopes cannot my spirits uphold they give no light of comfort to my mind for black despair like Melancholy night mustles my thoughts and makes my Soul as blind O but why do I thus mourn in sad complaints and do not curse Fortune Fates and destiny their Wheels there spindel threads and Chains She heaves up her hands and lifts up her eyes May Nature great turn all again to nought That nothing may with joy receive a thought She goes out in a very Melancholy posture Passive alone She is deeply Melancholy Heavens ease her mind Ex. Scene 12. Enter 2. or 3. Doctors 1. DOctor The Lady Sanspareile cannot live for the hath no pulse 2. Doctor No she is descending to the grave 3. Doctor But had we best tell her Father so 1. Doctor No by no means as yet 2. Doctor Why not he will know when she is dead Enter the Lady Mother Love as to the Doctors Lady Mother Love Mr. Doctors What do you mean to let my Daughter dye will you not prescribe something to give her 1. Doctor Madam we shall do our best you may be confident Lady Mother What if you prescribed a Glister or a Purge 1. Doctor I shall not need Madam Lady Mother Why if any one be sick they ought to have some remedies applyed to them 2. Doctor We shall consider what course is best to be taken Lady Mother Love For Gods sake do not neglect her Ex. Enter Sir Thomas Father Love to the Doctors Sir Thomas Father Love Mr. Doctors what is your opinion of my Daughter 1. Doctor Truly Sir she is very dangerous sick Sir Thomas Father Love I can find no pulse she hath 2. Doctor Nor we Sir that makes us doubt her Father Love Pray consult about her what is best to be done 1. Doctor We shall Sir Ex. Scene 13. Enter the Lord de l'Amour and the Lady Innocence LOrd de l'Amour What makes you look so gastly pale Lady Innocence I am so ashamed of my accusation as my bashfullness is beyond all blushing as greatest griefs are beyond all tears it causes my limbs to tremble face look pale like Death's assault making my courage fail Lord de l'Amour Perchance you are asham'd to confess so base a crime you may confess to me for I shall strive to hide your faults and cover them with some excuse wherefore confess for though it be a fault to steal yet it is a double fault to hide it with a Lye and by these crimes you do offend the Gods nor will their anger be remov'd unless you confess and ask pardon Lady Innocence Your Doctrine is very good and Application well applied had I been Guilty but being Innocent they are vainly uttered Lord de l'Amour I hope you will agree to resign the interest you have to me if I should desire you Lady Innocence Saints never offred up their Souls to God more willingly than I all interest to you not but that I love you yet I should be loath to be bound to one that hath so ill an opinion of me as you have Lord de l'Amour The World would condemn me if I should marry you to stain my Posterity with your Crimes Lady Innocence O Heavens is my scandal of so deep a dye as to stain Predecessors and Posterity yours may avoid it but my Predecessors are spotted all over She goes out weeping Lord de l'Amour I cannot chuse but love her although I fear she is guilty but I perceive she is resolv'd not to confess as being asham'd of it Ex. Scene 14. Enter the Lady Sanspareile in a bed as being sick the bed drawn on the stage and her Father kneels by the bed-side whilst she speaks as dying SAnspareile Let spotless Virgins bear me to my grave and holy Anthems sing before my Herse and soft-toucht Instruments to play the while and keep just time with tears that trickling fall from the sad eyes of my most sorrowful friends and one my Coffin spread upon a covering of smooth Sattin white to signify here how I lived a Virgin pure I lived and dyed and let my works which I have wrought and spun out of my brain be given to times Library to keep alive my name And set a Lilly-Garland on my Herse On every leaf therein stick on a verse And when my Coffin to the grave you bring Let Poets on my Herse some verses fling For whilst I liv'd I worship'd Nature great And Poets are by Nature favoured I in the Muses Arms desire to Dye For I was bred up in their Company And my request 's to them when I am dead I may amongst them be remembered But death drawes near my destiny is come Father farewell may time take up my years which death cuts off and add them to your life Peace keep your mind and Comfort give you rest He weeps But why do you weep dear Father my life 's not worth your tears yet Heavens doe weep and mingle with dull earth their Cristal streams and earth 's refresht thereby so is not death for death is ever dry Father O Child O Child my heart will break Sanspareile Sir why do you sigh and groan and grieve that I must dye life is perpetual and death is but a change of shape Only I wish that Death may order it so That from your rootes I may your flower grow I fear not Death nor am I loath to dye Yet I am loath to leave your Company But O the Muses stay my dying lips to close Farewel Dyes Her Father starts up from her Bed-side and stares about the Bed and the dead Lady is drawn off the stage Father What art thou sted dear Soul where dost thou goe stay and I will bear thee Company Stares about Where art thou Soul why mak'st thou such great haste I pray thee stay and take thy aged Fathers Soul along with thee left it should wander in the dark and gloomy
grieve for your Father since he dyed in the defence of his King and Country Virtue T is true and I glory in his valiant loyal Actions yet I cannot choose but mourn for the losse of his life and weepe upon his death Governess Methinks the greatest cause you have to weep is for the loss of your Estate which the Enemy hath seized on and you left only to live on Charity Poor Virtue I cannot mourn for any thing that is in Fortunes power to take away Governess Why Fortune hath power on all things in the World Poor Virtue O no she hath power on nothing but base dross and outward forms things moveable but she hath neither power on honest hearts nor noble Souls for 't is the Gods infuse grace and virtue nor hath she power or Reason or Understanding for Nature creates and disposes those nor doth she govern Wisdome for Wisdome governs her nor hath she power on Life and Death they are decreed by Heaven Governess And will you weep at Heavens decree Poor Virtue The Heavens decrees hinder not humanity nor natural affection Governess Well ever since your Mother dyed I have governed your Fathers House and pleased him well but since he is kill'd and that there is nothing for me to govern I will take my leave of you and seek another place and I hope fortune will favour me so as to direct me to some Widdower or old Batchelour which desires a comely huswifly woman to order their private affairs Poor Virtue I wish you all happiness and if I were in a condition I would make you a present Exeunt Scene 3. Enter two Gentlemen 1. GEntleman Sir My Lord is so busy since his Fathers Death with Stewards Atturnies and such like about ordering his Estate as I am loath to disturb him but as soon as he hath done speaking to them I will wait upon you to my Lord 2. Gentleman Sir I shall wait my Lords leasure Enter the Lady Ward and Nurse Careful they pass over the Stage 2. Gent. Sir what pretty young Lady is that which passes by 1. Gent. She is a great Heiress and was Ward to my old Lord and he upon his Death-bed charged his Son my young Lord to marry her 2. Gent. Surely small perswasions might serve turn for her Virtue is Rhetorick enough to perswade nay to force affection 1. Gent. Yet my Lord is discontented he would rather choose for himself than that his Father should have chosen for him for it is the Nature of Mankind to reject that which is offered though never so good and to prize that they cannot get although not worth the having 2. Gent. Of what Quality of Birth and Nature and disposition is she of 1. Gent. She is Honourably Born and seems to be of a sweet disposition but of a Melancholy Nature Enter a Servant Servant Sir my Lord desires the Gentleman would be pleased to walk in Exeunt ACT II. Scene 4. Enter the Lady Contemplation and Sir Humphrey Interruption INterruption Lady what makes you so silently sad Contemplation Pardon me Sir I am not sad at this time for my thoughts are merry and my spirits lively Interrupt. There is no appearance of mirth in you for mirth hath alwayes a dancing heel a singing voyce a talking tongue and a laughing face Contempl. I have such merry Companions sometimes but I seldome dance sing talk or laugh my self Interrupt. Where are those Companions I desire to be acquainted with them and keep them Company Contempl. You cannot keep them Company for the place they inhabit in is too little for your Corporal body to enter besides they are so curious choyce and nice Creatures as they will vanish at the very sight of you Interrupt. Why Lady I am none of the biggest sized Men nor am I of a terrible aspect I have seen very fine and delicate Creatures Contempl. But you never saw any of these Creatures Interrupt. Pray where do they dwell and what are their Names I long to visit them Contempl. They dwell in my head and their Sirnames are called thoughts but how you will visit them I cannot tell but they may visit you Interrupt. Faith Lady your relation hath made me despair of an enterview but not a friendly entertainment if you please to think well of me Contempl. Thoughts are free and for the most part they censure according to fancy Interrupt. Then fancy me such a one as you could like best and love most Contempl. That I cannot doe for I love those best which I create my self and Nature hath taught me to prize whatsoever is my own most although of smaller valew than what 's anothers although of greater worth Interrupt. Then make me yours by creating me anew Contempl. That is past my skill but if you will leave me alone I will think of you when you are gone for I had rather of the two entertain you in my thoughts than keep you Company in discourse for I am better pleased with a solitary silence or a silent solitariness than with a talking conversation or an entertaining talking for words for the most part are rather useless spent than profitably spoke and time is lost in listning to them for few tongues make Musick wanting the Cords of Sense or sound of Reason or singers of Fancy to play thereon Interrupt. But you will injure your wit to bury your wit in solitary silence Contempl. Wit lives not on the tongue as language doth but in the brain which power hath as Nature to create Interrupt. But those are aery not material Creatures Contempl. 'T is true but what they want in substance they have in variety for the brain can create Millions of several Worlds fill'd full of several Creatures and though they last not long yet are they quickly made they need not length of time to give them form and shape Interrupt. But there is required Speech to express them or they are made in vain if not divulged Contempl. Speech is an enemy to Fancy for they that talk much cannot have time to think much and Fancies are produced from thoughts as thoughts are from the minde and the minde which doth create the thoughts and the thoughts the fancies is as a Deity for it entertains it self with it self and only takes pleasure in its own works although none other should partake or know thereof but I shall talk a World out of my head wherefore farewel Ex. Scene 5. Enter Poor Virtue and her Maid Nan Scrapeall NAn Scrapeall Now your Estate is seized on you have not means to keep a Servant as to pay them for their service Poor Virtue No truly Nan but that which grieves me most is that I have not wherewithall to reward thee for thy past service Nan Scrapeall I have served you these seven years and have had nothing but my bare wages unless it were some of the worst of your cast Clothes for Mrs. Governess took order I should have none of the best but I hope
I desire you will let her live with me this Poor Virtue Maudlin God bless you Honour from her it is not fit for a Lord and a great Noble-man to meddle with Virtue your Honour should not foul your fingers with her Besides she will never stay in a great mans house neither is it fit she should and your Honours servants will hate her like the Devil for she will please no body as she should do a very peevish ill-natur'd girle forsooth she is Lord Title Why how doth she agree then with you Maudlin Alas forsooth if it please your Honour Virtue may live in a Cottage when she will be whipt out of a Court or a great Lords Palace they may talk of her but they will never give her leave to live and board with them It may be they give their Chaplain leave to talk of her a Sundays or so forsooth but talk's but talk for they forget her the six days after and never mind her for indeed she is a very peevish girle and not fit for Gentlefolks company that 's the truth of it hardly for poor folks Lord Title VVhy you agree well with her Maudlin Nay by the faith of my body do I not for I can hardly goe to Market and be merry as I use to be and all long of her peevishnesse nay I cannot goe to order one of our busie Thrashers but she troubles me or to speak with the Carter but she whip in presently or discourse with the Plough-man about his plough-share how he should order it for my advantage but she troubles me or about our Husbandman how and where he should sow his Seed but she vexes me still Such a life the Gods help me as I am e'en weary of my self Speak Roger is it not true Roger True Maudlin as steel I never was merry since she vvas in my house the May-pole is dovvn since she came Maudlin I Roger that 't is the more the pity Roger And the Towns Green is a Meadow and the poor Big-pipers cheeks are fallen into a Consumption hardly wind to speak vvithall the Morris-dancers bells are silenc'd and their crosse garters held superstitious idolatrous and profane the May-Lord and his Lady depos'd and the Hobby-horse is forgotten nay the Whitson-Lord and Lady are banish'd Merry Wakes abolish'd and the poor Ale-wives beggar'd Maudlin I I and all since this melancholy girle Virtue came into our house She cries I cannot choose but cry Lord Title Thou art true Maudlin then Maudlin Yes with small beer that 's the calamity of it therefore blesse every good subject from so melancholy a thing as this girle Virtue is But we have a Daughter and it please your Honours worship that will give you good content and please most of your Houshold for she is a lusty Wench though I say 't that should not say 't Did you but see her swim like a Tench on our Town-green incircling the May-pole and at the end of a Horn-pipe when she is to be kiss'd how modestly the wryes her head away but so as to be civil nay she hath been well Educated my own natural Daughter for indeed Roger I was with Child with her before you maried me Roger Peace Maudlin all Truths are not to be spoken of for should that be many a Worshipful Person would be very angry but our Vicar made all well betwixt thee and me Maudlin But I beseech your Honour take my Daughter for you will find her another manner of woman than Virtue is for she is not like her ifaith nor any thing that belongs to her she is better blest than so Lord Title No I will have Poor Virtue or none Roger Faith if you have Virtue you are sure to have her poor for I never knew any of her Family rich the Gods do not blesse them I think in this world but if you will have her take her shall he not Maudlin Maudlin Yes Husband and the house is well rid of her and let us bless our selves for it for now we shall be like our Neighbours again we will not abate them an hair the best in the Parish shall not live merryer than we will now for all Sports Why Vanity and Sin Husband is the Liberty of the Subject and the seven Deadly Sins are the Fundamental Laws of the Kingdome from the greatest to the least if poor folks might have their right Well your Honour shall have her but you will be as weary of her as we have been the Gods bless your Honour but alas you do not know what this Girle Virtue is Lords have no guess at her Lord Title Well Maudlin let me have her I desire no more Maudlin Nor we neither if it pleases your Honour and so the Gods give you good of her Roger Let me speak to his Honour Maudlin Lord Title Do so Roger Roger I give your lordship many thanks Lord Title For what Roger For ridding our house of this troublesome Girl Lord Title And I thank you for it too Roger VVhen thanks on all sides happen we are eas'd Lord Title And I with your Poor Virtue am well pleas'd The Lord goes out As they were going forth Maudlin speaks Maudlin Mark the end of it Roger Roger Yes Maudlin the End Crowns the Work Exeunt Here ends my Lord Marquiss's Scene ACT IV. Scene 26. Enter the Lady Visitant to the Lady Contemplation who was musing to her self LAdy Visit. What always musing Shall I never find thee in a sociable humour Lady Contempl. I would you had come sooner or stayd longer away Lady Visit. Why prethee Lady Contempl. I will tell you A while since there came the Muses to visit me being all either mad or drunk for they toss'd and tumbl'd me and rumbl'd me about from one to the other as I thought they would a divided me amongst them At last came in the Sciences to visit me with sober Faces grave Countenances stayd and formal Behaviours and after they had Saluted me they began to talk very seriously to me their Discourse being Rational Probable Wise Learned and Experienc'd but all the while the Muses would not let me alone one pull'd me to Dance another to Sing another to play on Musick others to recite Verses speak Speeches and Act parts of Plays and the like Whereupon I gravely turned the incorporal head of my rational Soul nodding it to them to be quiet and let me alone but still they playd with me At last my Thoughts which are the language of the Soul spoke to them and pray'd them to forbear until such time as the Sciences were gone but they would not be quiet nor silent doe what I could but would interrupt the Sciences in the midst of their Discourse with their idle Rimes light Fancies and odd Numbers insomuch as the Sciences departed Whereupon the Muses did rejoyce and skip and run about as if they had been wilde And in this jocund humour in came the Arts even a whole Common-wealth for there were not
hope I shall be shortly Parrot Come we will go and chide your Husband that he hath been maried a week and his Wife not with child Lady Gosling Yes pray goe chide him and I will bear your company Exeunt Scene 45. Enter the Prince and Princess PRincess Sir pray perswade the unmaried Ladies to dance for I cannot intreat them Prince That 's strange for Ladies will dance without intreating for no intreating will make them sit still Princess It seems they are not in their dancing-humour to day for every one finds some excuse for to deny Prince Let them alone and take no notice of their reserved humours and they will dance without intreating nay they will intreat you they may dance Enter a Gentleman Gentlem. If it please your Highness the Ladies desire you would give them leave to Celebrate your Mariage with their Mirth and to express their Joy with their Dancing Prince We shall take it as a Favour to our Nuptials Exit Gentleman Prince Did not I tell you they would desire to dance Princess Truly I was so ignorant as I knew not so much the nature of our Sex Prince You knew not so much of their follies Exeunt Scene 46. Enter Mistris Parle Mistris Fondly Mistris Trifle Mistris Vanity VAnity Let us strive to make the Bride jealous Parle That 's impossible now but you may not work to good effect some a half a year hence Fondly Why I have known a Bridegroom leer her the next day he was maried Trifle Perchance a Bridegroom may for men are sooner cloy'd than women but a Bride will fondly hang about her Husbands neck a week at least Parle A week nay a moneth for a woman is fond the first moneth sick the second moneth peevish the third moneth coy the fourth moneth false the fifth moneth and Cuckolds her Husband the sixth moneth Fondly Then a maried man sprouts Horns in half a year Parle Yes for they are set the day of his mariage and some half a year after they are budded but not so fully grown as to appear to the publick view Trifle But will nothing hinder the growth Parle No 'faith but Death and Death like a Frost doth nip those tender buds Vanity Which death the mans or the womans Parle The womans for if the man dies and his Widow marries again the dead Husband is horn'd in his Grave and the living Husband is horn'd in his Bed Vanity Then their Horns may be put together as Stags in Rutting-time Fondly I had rather make Horns than talk of Horns therefore I 'll go dance Exeunt Scene 47. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEntlem. Where have you been 2 Gent. At Church 1 Gent. Did a fit of Devotion hurry you to the Church to pray 2 Gent. No 'faith I went not to pray but to joyn a pair of Lovers hands in Wedlocks Bonds for they chose me to be their Father to give them in the Church 1 Gent. What Lovers were they that were so foolish to marry 2 Gent. So honest you mean 1 Gent. There is more folly in 't than honesty in my opinion 2 Gent. Thou art an Infidel nay a very Athiest 1 Gent. I am a Naturalist But who are they that are maried 2 Gent. Why Sir William Holdfast and the Lady Mute 1 Gent. The truth is he is a worthy Person and she is a virtuous and sweet Lady wherefore they deserve each other besides she is an Heir and he hath a great Estate 2 Gent. He hath so 1 Gent. What is the Wedding kept private 2 Gent. Yes there are only two or three Friends but I must goe dine with them therefore fare thee well unless you will go with me for you know you shall be welcome 1 Gent. I know I shall therefore I shall go with you Exeunt Scene 48. Enter the Prince and Princess and all the Ladies and Gallants as Knights and Gentlemen They dance upon the Stage and then go out FINIS EPILOGUE OUr Auth'ress here hath sent me for her pay She 's at the Charge of Wit to make the Play But if you think it not worthy of Praise Nor an Applause of Hands her Fame to raise She doth desire that it in pawn may lie Till redeem'd by a better Comedie The Actors Names The Lord Widower Sir William Lovewell and the Lady Hypocondria his wife Sir Henry Sage and the Lady Chastity his wife Sir Edward Courtly and the Lady Iealousie his wife Sir Humphrey Disagree and the Lady Disagree his wife Sir Thomas Cuckold and the Lady Wanton his wife Sir Timothy Spendall and the Lady Poverty his wife Sir Iohn Dotard and the Lady Driping his wife Sir Francis Inconstant and the Lady Inconstant his wife Sir Iames Hearty the Lady Inconstants Father Monsieur Amorous Monsieur Disguise The Lady Sprightly the Lord Widowers Daughter The Lady Procurer Mistris Forsaken afterwards named Monsieur Disguise Mistris Single sister to the Lady Jealousie Doll Subtilty the Lady Sprightly's Chambermaid Also a Waiting-Gentlewoman Nan Lightheel the Lady Jealousies Maid and likewise a Waiting-Gentlewoman Joan Cry-out the Lady Hypocondria's Chamber-maid and likewise a Waiting-Gentlewoman Briget Greasy Sir John Dottards Kitchin maid and two other Maids of his Three Maid-servants of the Lady Poverty 's Two or three Maid-servants of the Lady Disagree's A Maid-servant to the Lady Inconstant Nic Adviser Sir Francis Inconstants man Roger Trusty Sir William Lovewels man A Serving-man of Sir James Hearty's A Skipper Doctors and others Steward The first Part of the Play called the MATRIMONIAL TROUBLE A COMEDY ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Sir Francis Inconstant and Mistris Forsaken SIr Fran. Incon. When I forsake you let Heaven forsake my Soul Mistris Forsaken I do not doubt you for if I did I could not love you and whilst I love you I cannot doubt you Inconstant O how it wounds my heart to part from you my Thoughts are tortur'd and my Mind is set upon a melancholy Rack Forsaken Since your Journey cannot be conveniently avoided I will please my self with the hopes of your sudden Return Inconstant Farewel sweet Mistris Death is the worst of Nature and your Absence the worst of Fortune Exeunt Scene 2. Enter Master Thrifty the Steward and Briget Greasy the Cook-maid BRiget Greasy Good Master Steward give Order for some Beef-suet to be brought in for there is nor any left in the House and I must make a Venison-pasty and if I should temper my Pasty all with butter you would be angry Thrifty Why cannot you take some of the fat from the Beef-broth for your Crust Briget Yes if every one that eat of it had as fresh a mouth as you or loved drink so well as you do it would serve otherwise it would be too salt for their palats besides I am to make puddings in guts Thrifty If they prove as the last you made the dogs may eat them for the guts stunk so much as no man could eat any of them Briget I 'm sure 't was your fault in that
you did not bring me wherewithall to make them until such time as the guts began to putrifie Thrifty No no you are a Slut and did not take all the dung out of them nor wash nor scrape nor cleanse them as they should have been but you order the guts as you do the dishes the one is dungy the other greasie besides my Master complains that his Fowl taste rank and his Brawn tasts strong and his Beef tasts musty and that 's because you are so lazy as not to shift your Brawn into fresh Sousing-drink nor make the brine strong enough in the powdring-tub nor thrust your fingers far enough into the Fowls rumps to draw them clean besides when they are roasted they are as dry as a chip for want of basting-butter besides your sluttery is such as you will poyson all the House for in one place I find a piece of butter and a greasie comb full of nitty hairs lying by it and in another place flour and old-worn stockings the feet being rotted off with sweat and in a third place a dish of cold meat cover'd with a foul smock and your durty shooes for the most part stand upon the Dresser-board where you lay the hot meat besides by your carelesness you do waste and spoil so much as it is unsufferable for you will fling whole ladlefuls of dripping into the fire to make the fire blaze underneath the pot and because you have not the profit of the Kitchin-stuff you will never scrape the Dresser-board nor Dripping-pans nor lick the Platters Trays or Scummers Frying-pans Skillets Gridirons Spits Ladles Kettles or any of the Kitchin-vessels as you should doe but wash them all with hot water at first without taking off the grease before-hand Briget Well if you do not like me pray pay me my wages and I will be gone I 'm sure I never serv'd in any place for so small wages and few vails as in this service I 'm sure 't is no ways beneficial to me Thrifty I 'm sure you 'l make it beneficial one way or another for you have your female Factors that lie abroad to whom you send Commodities by your She-porters that come hither every day to transport them Thus you traffique upon my Masters Cost and my Reputation for I am thought the worse of either as believing I am a false Steward or a negligent one Thus a True man is thought a Knave for by your stealing I am thought a Thief Briget You are a base man for saying I steal I never was accounted a Thief in my life but always trusty and true in what Service soever I lived The Steward goes out and Briget Greasie left as crying Then enters her Master Sir John Dotard and looks earnestly upon her and then speaks as to himself Dotard She 's a pretty Wench if she had but clean cloaths on by Venus she would be very handsome a Silk Gown would make her a rare Beauty her Tears fall on her Nose and Cheeks like gentle showers of rain on Roses and Lillies sweet O she is a heavenly Creature He speaks to her Sweet-heart where do you live Briget In your Worships House Dottard And whose servant are you Briget Your Worships Dotard How long have you served me Briget A Quarter and 't please your Worship Dotard In what place serve you Briget In the Kitchin an 't please you Dotard What makes you cry Briget Your Worships Steward hath wrong'd me Dotard How hath he wrong'd thee Briget He says I stole your Worships Kithin-stuff when the Gods know I am as innocent as the child that is newly born Dotard He is a Knave for saying so and I will have him turn'd out of his Authority for saying so wherefore cry no more fair Maid for thou shalt be preferr'd to a higher Office Briget I thank your Worship Exeunt Scene 2. Enter Mistris Forsaken and a Gentleman FOrsaken Sir did you come lately from Changeland Gentlem. Yes Lady Forsaken Pray did you not see a Gentlemon in that Country ha 〈…〉 Francis Inconstant Gentlem. I am very well acquainted with him Lady for he is my most noble Friend Forsaken I hope he is well Gentlem. So well Madam as he is resolv'd to marry Forsaken That he might do if it were for no other reason but for a Nurse to tend him if he should chance to be sick Gentlem. By your favour Lady it were dangerous for a sick man to be maried especially to a fair young Lady Forsaken But pray Sir is he to marry a Lady in that Country Gentlem. So he told me Forsaken Did he tell you so himself Gentlem. Yes Madam I had it first from his own mouth Forsaken Is she handsome Gentlem. Truly I did not see her Forsaken Is she rich Sir Gentlem. Truly I heard not what portion she had but I suppose if she had been rich her wealth would have made her famous Forsaken Nor you have not heard whether she is discreet or witty nor of what humour she is Gentlem. No indeed Lady I heard not any body speak of her but himself and that was only That he was to marry a young Lady in that City he was in and that he thought would be the cause to perswade him to settle in that Country Forsaken How long a time is required to go to that place where he is Gentlem. According as the wind is If the wind be good twelve hours sail will land a passenger and some eight hours riding from the shore will bring them to the City Forsaken Will you please to walk in and rest your self Exeunt Scene 4. Enter two servant-maids of Sir John Dotards 1 MAid Lord there is such a quarrel about the falling out of Briget Greasie and Master Steward as it is wonderful for my Master chides Briget cries and Master Steward maintains his words as they do so offend and misprove as you would bless your self 2 Maid I will go listen and hear them Exeunt Scene 5. Enter the Lord VVidower and Doctors LOrd My VVife Master Doctor is very ill Doctor She is so for her Disease is not to be cured my Lord for we cannot restore the decays of vital parts for as they consume life draws towards an end Lord But pray do your endeavour to prolong her like as long as you can Doctor We shall my Lord to the utmost of our skill Your Lordships humble servant Exit Doctor Enter Dol Subtilty the Ladies Chamber-maid Dol Subtilty My Lady desires to speak with your Lordship Lord And I desire to speak with your Ladiship Subtilty I am ready to hear your Lordships commands Lord And are you as ready to obey them Subtilty Yes so far as my duty doth oblige me Lord Well then pray do not forget when you are call'd to pay that duty where you owe it Exeunt Scene 6. Enter Mistris Forsaken alone MIstris Forsaken If this News could deprive me of my life it would have made me happy but it hath almost depriv'd me of my Reason
me weep doubting you Love me not you are so Jealous Monsieur Esperance By Heaven I love thee beyond my Soul wherefore forbear to weep if thou canst stop thy tears Madamoiselle Esperance Tears may be stopt unless they flow from an unrecoverable loss which Heaven forbid mine should yet sorrow oft doth stop the Spring from whence tears rise or else the Eyes do weep themselves quite blind Monsieur Esperance Pray dry yours Exeunt Scene 16. Enter Madamoiselle Bon alone MAdamoiselle Bon. O Man O Man How various and Inconstant are you all how cruell to betray our faint and unexperienced Sex bribing our Judgments with flattering words obscure our reasons with Clouds of Sighs drawing us into belief with protestations bind us with promises and vows forcing us to yield up our affections then murther us with scorn and bury us in forgetfullness but O how happy was I before I was betrayed by Love my heart was free my thoughts were pleasant and my humour gay but now my mind is a Garrison of cares my thoughts like runaways are wanderers Grief on my heart his heavy taxes layes Which through my Eyes my heart those taxes payes Exit Scene 17. Enter Madamoiselle Amor and at a distance seeth Monsieur Nobilissimo she speaks first as to her self MAdamoiselle Amor Love and Discretion sight duels in my mind one makes me Mute the other doth perswade me to prefer my Sute but why should I be nice to speak or be ashamed to woo with words when all our Sex doth woo with several dresses and smiles each civil courtesy doth plead Loves Sute then I will on Love give me Courage and Mercury guide my tongue She goeth as towards the Lord Nobilissimo Amor Noble Sir impute it rather as a folly to my Sex and Youth and not any impudence of Nature if that my Innocency discovers my passion and affection not having Craft or subtilty to conceal them but I must plainly tell you no sooner did I see you and hear you speak but loved but yet mistake me not I dote not on your person but your mind for sure your Noble Soul shot fire through my Eyes into my Heart there flames with pure affection but for this confession perchance you will set me as a mark of scorn for all to shoot their scofs at and in derision pointing will laugh and say there is the Maid that wooed a Man Nobilissimo Is this to me Lady Amor It cannot be to any other Nature could make but one and that was you Nobilissimo If this be real you do profess the Gods should they have sent an Angel down to offer me their Heavenly Mansion it had not been so great a gift as your affection Amor Do you not hate me then Nobilissimo Nothing I Love so well Amor And will you Love me ever Nobilissimo Yes ever for when my Body is dissolved Love shall live in my dust in spight of Death Amor And will you love none but me Nobilissimo An intire and undivided affection can be placed but upon one and that is you Amor May your constancy be as firm as my Love pure Exeunt Scene 18. Enter Madamoiselle La Belle and her four Suters Admiration Ambition Vainglory and Pride ADmirat Dear Mistriss stay that I may gaze upon you Then bow my knee as to the rising Sun Heave up my hands as when to Heaven I pray But being amaz'd know not one word I say Yet superstitiously I shall adore As my chief Goddess shall thy love implore And being worship'd you are deifi'd Your Godhead in your Beauty doth recide Vainglory Thou absolute Beauty for thy dear sake Of Lovers hearts a foot-stool shall be made A Cushion soft with Hopes fill'd full then laid For thee to stand and triumph on fair Maid And Lovers Souls shall from their bodyes fly For thee a Couch when weary on to ly Pride Thy Lovers tears for to invite thy rest In murmuring streams fall on thy marble brest And gentle sighs like whispering winds shall blow And fan thy Cheeks that Poets fire may glow Loves Melancholy thoughts like Clouds of night Like as thy Curtains drawn before thy sight For fear the Sun should trouble out of spight Thy Eyes repose being the greater light Ambition Sweet Beauty thou in a glorious Throne shall set The spangled Heaven seems but thy Counterfeit Thy Charriot shall be stuck with Eyes all gazing And oyld with Eloquent tongues that runs with praysing Drawn by large strong well shapt Commendations Guided by Fame about two several Nations La Belle Admiration Vainglory Pride and Ambition Why do you woo Beauty that is Deaf and Dumb That hears no praise nor adoration It seeth no hands heav'd up nor tears that fall It hath no tongue to answer Love withall It hath no Life no Soul where passion lies It neither gives nor takes instructions wise It is no solid Body you admire No substance but a shadow you desire FINIS THE ACTORS NAMES Monsieur Nobilissimo Monsieur Heroick his Brother Monsieur Esperance Monsieur Phantasie Monsieur Amy. Monsieur Poverty and other Gentlemen Madamoiselle Esperance Madamoiselle La Belle Madamoiselle Amour Madamoiselle Grand Esprit Madamoiselle Bon Madamoiselle Tell-truth Madamoiselle Spightfull Madamoiselle Malicious Madamoiselle Detractor THE SECOND PART OF NATURES three DAUGHTERS Beauty Love and Wit ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Madamoiselle Grand Esprit and her Audience GRand Esprit Great Fame my Prayers I direct to thee That thou wilt keep me in thy memory And place my Name in the large brazen Tower That neither Spight nor Time may it devour And write it plain that every age may see My Names inscrib'd to live eternally Let not Malice obstruct my Wit with spight But let it shine in its own clear light Noble and Right Honourable I divide my discourse into three parts as namely Vanity Vice and Wickedness Vanity lives in the Customs and Manners of men and Wickedness in the Souls of men Vices in the Senses of men as vain habits evill appetites and wicked passions as for Vanity and Vice they are commodities that are sold out of the Shops of Idleness Vice is sold by wholesale but Vanities are sold by retail the Buyers of these Commodities are Youth the Merchants are evil Customs and ill examples the Masculine youth buyes more Vice than Vanity and the Effeminate youth buyes more Vanity than Vice but they all buy as salt as they can be sold they will spare for not cost and will give any prices although it be their Healths Lives Fortunes or Reputations as for Wickedness it is inlayed into the soul like as Mosaick work and so close it is wrought therein as it makes it appear to be the soul it self but evill Education and Custome are the Artificers of this work and not natural Creation or divine infusion or inspiration from whence the Soul proceeds or is produced for neither the Gods nor Nature is the Author of Wickedness but Vanity Vice and
Daughter Mistriss Odd-Humour Two Fathers of the Church Gentlemen Maid-Servants Men-Servants A Nurse THE RELIGIOUS ACT I. Scene 1. Enter two Maid-Servants Kate and Joan. KAte My Masters Nephew and my Ladyes Daughter are the kindest lovers for so young ones as that ever I knew Ioan. I believe you never knew such young ones for she is not above ten years of age and he but thirteen or fourteen Kate He addresseth himself in that Country manner and pleads his Love-sure with such affectionate respect and she gives Audience with such modest attention as one would think they were older by a douzen years a-piece than they are Ioan. They have been bred together and they have not been acquainted with the Vanityes and Vices of the World which makes love the more pure Kate My Lady desires my Master that he would give consent his Nephew may marry her Daughter Ioan. She hath reason for he is the only Son of his Father my Masters Brother the Lord Dorato who is very rich and is in great favour with the Arch-Prince of the Country Kate Why so is my Ladyes Daughter the only Child of her Parents and she is Heir to her Fathers Estate Ioan. Yes but her Father left so many Debts when he dyed as the Estate will not be so great as it is thought to be Kate But by that time she is of Age the Debts may be paid Ioan. But my Lady hath a great Jointure out of it that will be a hindrance to the payment ôf Debts Kate Well I believe whether they have their friends consent or not they will marry they love so very much each other Ioan. Perchance so and then repent when they come to elder years that they marryed so young Kate Faith that they may do if they were double their Age for few marry that repent not Ioan. Well come away and leave them to repentance Kate Nay stay they are not married yet Exeunt Scene 2. Enter Sir Thomas Gravity and his Lady LAdy Pray Husband give your Nephew leave to marry my Daughter Sir Thomas Gravity Time enough Wife they are young and may stay this seven years and indeed they are so young as it is not fit they should marry besides I have not absolute power to dispose of my Nephew for though my Brother left him to my care and breeding when he went Ambassadour to the Emperour because his Wife was dead and none so fit to leave him with as I yet to marry him without his Fathers Knowledge or Consent will not be taken well nay perchance he may be very angry Lady Come come he will not displease you with his anger for fear he may lose that you have power to give from him which is your Estate which you may leave to him or his Son having no Children of your own wherefore pray Husband grant my request Sir Thomas Gravity Well wife I will consider it Lady Nay if you consider you will find so many excuses as you will deny my request with excuse Sir Thomas Gravity Faith if I do consent to this marriage it will be to be rid of my Nephews and your importunity Lady You may be sure we will never let you be quiet Sir Thomas Gravity I believe you Exeunt Scene 3. Enter MIstriss Odd-Humour and her Maid Nan Mistriss Odd-Humour Nan give me my work and my little armed Chair The Maid goeth out and strait enters with a little low wicker armed Chair she sits in it but is forced to crowd her self into it the Chair being too little for her seat Nan Lord Mistriss you take great pains to crowd into that Chair I wonder you can take delight to sit so uneasily Mistriss Odd-Humour O custome is a second Nature for I using to sit in this Chair from my Childhood I have a Natural Love to it as to an old acquaintance and being accustomed to sit in it it feels easier She works the whilst she sits and speaks than any other seat for use and custome makes all things easy when that we are unaccustomed to is difficult and troublesome but I take so much delight to sit and work or Sing old Ballads in this Chair as I would not part from it for any thing Nan Yes you would part with your little old Chair for a proper young Husband who would set you on his knees Mistriss Odd-Humour By my faith but I would not for I should find more trouble and less case on a young Husbands knees than on my old Chairs Seat Nan But if you should sit in this Chair when you were marryed your Husband must kneel down if he would kiss you Mistriss Odd-Humour Why then this Chair will learn a Husband humble submission and obedience which Husbands never knew but Nan prethee fetch me some of my old Ballads to sing for I am weary of working One calls Nan in another room Nan Mistriss your Mother calls you She strives to get out of the little Chair hitching first on one side and then on the other side wringing her self by degrees out the whilst speaks Mistriss Odd-Humour I had as lieve be whipt as stir Nan You have reason you labour so much and ring your self so hard as whipping would be less pain for your Chair is now sitter for your Head than your Britch Mistriss Odd-Humour Not unless to break my head for a Chair is not a fit rest for the head for then the heels would be upwards and so I might be thought a Light-heeld wench for light things fly or ly upwards Nan Why the head that is the uppermost part of the body is not light Mistriss Odd-Humour Yes when 't is mad or drunk Exeunt Scene 4. Enter the Lord Dorato Ambassador and a Man with Letters LOrd Dorato How doth my Brother and my Son Man Very well my Lord The Lord reads a Letter Lord Dorato How is this my Son marryed to my Brothers Wives Daughter without my Knowledge or Consent to a Girl whose Estate hath more Debts than Lands and who knows how she will prove when she is a woman and my Son to marry a wife before he hath wit to govern a wife to put a clog to his heels to hinder his Travell for Knowledge sure my Brother is mad dotingly mad to be perswaded by a foolish woman his wife for I know it was her insinuating perswasions that made him agree to the marriage O I could curse the time I sent my Son to him and my self for trusting him to educate and govern him who hath bred him to be as foolish as himself O foolish Son and more foolish Brother by how much being older but I will break the marriage-knot asunder or disinherit my Son or marry and get another that may prove more wise and happy to me Do you know of my Sons marriage Man Yes Sir for t is much talk'd of and of the extraordinary love betwixt the young couple Lord Dorato A couple of young Puppyes and their Unckle an old Al 's O the
him to stir out no not so much as out his Lodgings but that 's not all for they will not suffer him to think for their Tongues disturb all his Meditations the one fills his Ears and Head with promises the other rants in threats the Prince strives to hire him with Wealth and Honour to marry his Neece and his Father stands ready if he denyes to load him with Curses 2 Man The Princes Hire will sooner bring him to consent than the Fathers Load Exeunt Scene 15. Enter Father and Son LOrd Dorato Son if you disobey my commands concerning this marriage as to refuse it by heavens fair light I swear I will load you with so many Curses as shall sink you down to Hell The Father goes out Lord Melancholy alone Lord Melancholy By Heavens fair light I swear I wish I were covered with the darkness of Death but my Fathers Curses may exclude me from Heavens blessings Enter a Servant Servant My Lord your Father desires your presence Exeunt Scene 16. Enter Mistriss Odd-Humour and her Maid Nan MIstriss Odd-Humour O Nan I have had such a misfortune as never was Nan What misfortune Mistriss Odd-Humour Why I was sitting in that little Chair you know I take delight to sit in and was singing of Ballads not expecting that any stranger would come into my Chamber without my notice but as I was sitting and singing in comes my Father and the Gentleman you told me of that was to be my Husband whereat I was so surprized as I forgot the Chair was so little I could not readily part from it I started up in a fright and run away the Chair being so little in the seat stood so close to me as it went a-long with me and my back being towards my Father and the Gentleman saw the Chair as it stuck to me the Gentleman seeing the Chair hanging there told my Father that he perceived that I his Daughter was of so lazy a Nature that rather than stay or want a seat I would have a Chair tyed to my breech whereupon he hath broak the agreement he made with my Father and my Father for anger hath vowed to break or burn my Chair O Nan what shall I do to save my Chair for to lose both Chair and Husband will be too great a loss Nan Which had you rather lose the Gentleman or the Chair Mistriss Odd-Humour O the Gentleman Nan for he will not do me half so much service as the Chair hath done me he will never bear with me as the Chair hath bore me and I perceive by his she humour and Courteous Nature that he would sooner break my head with a Chair than ease my hips with a Seat therefore good Nan devise some way to save my Chair from Execution and the fates I hope as a blessing to me have made the Chair a means to break the marriage betwixt this Gentleman and me Nan It seems he loves an active wife Mistriss Odd-Humour Faith all Fools love busy women Nan The best way is to speak to your Mother to pacify your Father Mistriss Odd-Humour I will take your advice Exeunt Scene 17. Enter the Lady Perfection LAdy Perfection And is he married Heavens send him joy and me patience Heaven Crown his life with Happiness and mine with Peace and may he have posterity that may live long and flourish high that may keep alive his memory though I should be forgotten in the grave yet Heaven grant his fame may live eternally Enter Lady Gravity Lady Gravity Daughter have you heard of your Husbands marriage Lady Perfection Yes Madam Lady Gravity 'T is reported that the Princess whom he is married to is ill-favoured foolish and peevish Lady Perfection He is too wise to consider outward favour and for wit he hath enough for himself and his wife and his sweet and noble Nature and behaviour will equalize her peevish humour Lady Gravity There are Balls Masks and Playes to be extraordinary for the joy of this marriage wherefore Daughter I desire you to adorn your self and appear in those Assemblyes Lady Perfection I shall obey you Madam Exeunt Scene 18. Enter Lord Melancholy and an old Servant of his SErvant I wonder your Lordship should be so Melancholy that hath wealth at will it is enough for such poor men as I to be Melancholy Lord Melancholy I would thou hadst my wealth so I had thy freedome Servant O Sir there is no Freedome in Poverry Lord Melancholy Nor no Poverty in Freedome for freedome is the wealth of the Gods Servant If it pleased the Gods would I was bound to Riches Lord Melancholy I wish thou wert so I was free of my Princesses Shackels Exeunt Scene 19. Enter Sir Thomas Gravity and his Lady LAdy Husband the Arch-Prince hath sent a Messenger to give us notice he will come and visit my Daughter Sir Thomas Gravity I hear he is much enamored with your Daughters Beauty since he saw her at the last Ball Lady I will go to her and make her dress her self fine to entertain him Sir Thomas Gravity Her Beauty is bravery enough wherefore she needs no other adornment but what Nature hath drest her in Lady But Art gives additions Exeunt Scene 20. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. The Emperor I hear is sending Embassadors to the Arch-Prince to treat of a marriage betwixt the Arch-Prince and the Emperors Daughter 2 Gent. The report is that she is a fair and Virtuous Lady and the Prince will have great advantages by the alliance with the Emperour 1 Gent. He will so wherefore I hope and pray that the match may be for the good of this Kingdome Exeunt Scene 21. Enter the Arch-Prince and the Lady Perfection ARch-Prince Fair Lady grant me your love and I will ask no more but what accompanyes it your person which I will make an equal to my self Lady Perfection Gracious Sir had I a Virgins Love and Person pure to equal it I would present it to your Highness but both my Love and Person have been wedded unto another man and though the Law hath made a divorce yet Death hath not dissolved the marriage Arch-Prince Heaven hath given you Virtue which keeps your person pure and like a precious Diamond doth remain for though it hath or should have several purchasers yet doth it lose nothing of its value or worth and though you have been wedded to another man your Virtuons Chastity is still as pure as in your Virgins Estate and by the Laws your person is set free and for the Love you gave may be called back or drawn away since 't is not entertained Lady Perfection 'T is true I am Chast and so I will remain and though the law hath set my person free my conscience is not yet at liberty nor will that love I gave away return no more than life that 's past rise from the Urn wherefore most noble Sir ask me not for that which I have not to give you Arch-Prince Equal
consent makes a happy marriage wherefore I desire your free consent but know if you refuse it t is in my power to have you without your consent either for a Mistriss or for a Wife Lady Perfection You have no power the power lives within my self for I can take away my life and a dead Mistriss or a dead Wife would neither be conversable nor pleasurable death is not amiable 't is rather a terrour than a delight Arch-Prince I will leave my Sute to your consideration ponder on it well and take good advice my Sute is honest and just a deniall may inveterate my passion and turn my pure love into a raging flame Exeunt Scene 22. Enter the Lord Melancholy he walks about the Room with his Hat pull'd over his forehead his Arms foulded his Eyes bent towards the ground then enters his Father to him the Lord Dorato LOrd Dorato Why how now Son shall I never find you with Company but always alone in a musing Melancholy posture Lord Melancholy I never did love much Company Sir Lord Dorato But methinks in honesty you might love the Company of your Wife Lord Melancholy Were my liberty equal to my Love I should not be often from her Lord Dorato Why who bars you from that liberty Lord Melancholy The Laws Sir Lord Dorato So I perceive you are discontented because you are barr'd from your Whore Lord Melancholy You are my Father but should another man have said so much I would make him prove it with his blood Lord Dorato Why the Laws have proved it Lord Melancholy Oh Heavens that Fathers should be so cruell have not you made me unhappy by forcing me to those actions that neither Conscience Honesty nor Honour can approve of and yet will you disturb my Life trouble my Thoughts and torture me with words Lord Dorato No no I love you so well as I would have you so happy as to be delighted with mirth and not to bury your self in Melancholy and despise those blessings Heaven bestows upon you as Wealth and Honour besides the blessing of Posterity for your Lady proves to be fruitfull being big with Child Lord Melancholy I am so unhappy my self I desire none but to please you Lord Dorato Come come pray let me perswade you to go to your wife the Princess and sit and talk with her for she is displeased she hath no more of your Company she complains and sayes she seldome sees you Lord Melancholy Her humour and mine are so different that we are happyest when we are fardest asunder Lord Dorato Let me tell you Son that all women love to be flattered and when they are not they are peevish cross and froward and therefore you must flatter her Lord Melancholy I must have a Tutor first to teach me Sir for I understand not the Art of flattery I never practise it Lord Dorato Time and Company Ambition and Covetousness will teach you that but the best Tutor is Cupid and the best Tutoress is Venus and you have been a lover Son Lord Melancholy Yes Sir in Hymens Court and there they use not much flattery Lord Dorato Not so much as in Venus and Cupids Courts but yet there are flatterers enough in Hymens both Male and Females but pray Son go to the Princess your wife Exeunt Scene 23. Enter Lady Perfection and her Nurse LAdy Perfection Nurse I hear the Arch-Prince is resolved to have me if not by fair perswasions by force Nurse And what woman would not be perswaded to be an Arch-Princess they need no inforcement Lady Perfection Not I unless I could be perswaded to be an Arch-Whore and if you went about to perswade me you would be an Arch-Bawd Nurse Come come there is none durst call you so is you were the Arch-Princesses nor call me Bawd neither Lady Perfection But they would think me so and think you a Bawd Nurse Thoughts are free and every one may think their pleasure and therefore let me perswade you in spite of thoughts to be an Arch-Princess Lady Perfection If I thought you did not speak in jest I should hate you in earnest Nurse What for giving you good Counsel Lady Perfection No for giving me wicked Counsel but I will give you better Counsel and my self too Nurse What Counsel is that Lady Perfection To forsake the World and to go to Heaven Nurse Faith I would not go to Heaven unless the Gods call me I love this World very well I have been long acquainted with it and I would not willingly part from an old friend Lady Perfection The World did never befriend any Body besides thou art so old as thy friend the World is run away from thee Nurse But howsoever I will stay in it as long as I can The Nurse goes out Enter the Lady Gravity Lady Gravity Daughter I am come to perswade you not to reject a good fortune for Fortunes favours are not profered every day Lady Perfection Nor are her favourites surer to continue in her favour long Lady Gravity But if I should command you to receive the Arch-Princes addresses and to consent to be his wife I hope you will not be less obedient to me than the Lord Melancholy hath been to his Father Lady Perfection If he to obey his Father forgot or neglected his obedience to Heaven you must pardon me if I do not follow his precepts not that I accuse him for perchance his Conscience hath acquitted him and set him free from fault and so from blame but mine doth not acquit me wherefore dear Mother do not perswade me against my Conscience I have had misfortunes enough to trouble my life I shall not need to add the guilt of Conscience and what can outward Title do me good what pleasure can I take when that my Mind or Soul is tortured with black guilt Lady Gravity No Heaven forbid I should perswade you against your Conscience but how will you avoid or escape the Princes inforcement Lady Perfection I have thought of a way that best suits with my Condition and Disposition which is to take a Religious habit and enter into a Religious Order for though I cannot vow Virginity nor a single life having a Husband and been used as a VVife yet I can vow Chastity and retirement and if I could be permitted into an Nunnery as perchance I cannot yet I would not go into any of them for there is too much Company in ordinary Nunneryes and I love solitariness wherefore I will live a kind of a Hermits life only my Nurse and I and that- little Tower my Father built for pleasure shall be my Cloyster and before it is publickly known I will send or go to the Fathers of the Church and acquaint them and strait Incloyster my self and there I shall be safe for the Prince dares not commit Sacrilege for Gods and men would rise against him if he did Lady Gravity Nor I dare not oppose your holy design Lady Perfection Dear Mother
Husband is taken away from her as his wife was from him but leaving this siege let us return to our own homes Exeunt Scene 33. Enter the Lord Melancholy as the Grate of the Cloyster of the Lady Perfection then she draws the Curtain before the Grate and appears to him LOrd Melancholy Madam yesterday when you were pleased to speak with me as now through this Grate you were pleas'd to tell me your Vows were so binding as they could not be dissolved wherefore I am not now come to examine or perswade nor to trouble your Devotions or to hinder your Meditations but to take my last leave for I shall never see you more at least not in this VVorld Lady Perfection Are you going to Travel Lord Melancholy I cannot say my body is going a far Journey I know not what my Soul may do Lady Perfection Shall not they go together Lord Melancholy No Death will make a divorce as the Law did betwixt you and I Lady Perfection Are you resolved to dye Lord Melancholy Yes Lady Perfection VVhy so Lord Melancholy To be at rest and peace for know that ever since I was last married my life hath been a Hell my Mind was tortured with thoughts of discontent and though I am releast from what I did dislike my mind is restless still for what it would enjoy this resolution is not new it hath been long considered for since I cannot live with that I love better than life I le try whether the passions of the Soul doe with the Body dye if so Death will be happy because it hath no sense nor feeling Lady Perfection How long have you been resolved of leaving life Lord Melancholy I have pondered of it ever since I was last Married but was not resolved untill you enter'd into this Order Lady Perfection Can I not perswade you to live Lord Melancholy Not unless you break your Vow Lady Perfection That I may not do Lord Melancholy Nor can I perswade you for I love your Constancy Lady Perfection Will you grant me one request before you dy Lord Melancholy Yes any thing but what may hinder my dying Lady Perfection Swear to me you will Lord Melancholy I swear by Heaven and Love I will Lady Perfection Then the time you are resolved to dye come hither and dye here that I may bear you Company dying the same minute if I can that you do Lord Melancholy How Lady Perfection Nay you have sworn it and if it be best for you it will be so for me for when you are dead I shall possess those torments that you in life feel now and if you love me so well as you express you do you will not desire to leave me to endure that you cannot suffer Lord Melancholy 'T is fit you should live to be a President to the World Lady Perfection Were I a President fit for the World to follow yet the World would not practice my precepts it is too bad to follow what is good and since my life cannot better the World and Death will ease my life of that which will trouble and afflict it I am resolv'd to dye And in the grave will bear you Company Lord Melancholy I do accept of thy dear Company Heaven so joyn our Souls they never may be separated and to morrow we will leave the World Lady Perfection Let me advise you concerning the manner of our Deaths get a Sword pointed sharp at both ends and when we are to dye put one end of the Sword through this grate and just when you set your heart to the end towards you I will set mine to the end towards me and thrusting forward as to meet each other the several points will make several passages or wounds into our several or rather our own united hearts and so we dye just together Lord Melancholy I shall follow your advice and be here to morrow at the time Which time will seem to me like as an Age Till that our Souls be fled forth from their Cage Lady Perfection My Soul will fly your Soul to imbrace And after Death may hope a resting place Exeunt ACT V. Scene 34. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. You here the match is concluded betwixt the Emperors Daughter and our Prince 2 Gent. Yes and I hear that the Lord Dorato was a great Instrument to help the match forward 1 Gent. Methinks they should need no other Instrument to forward the match than the Princes interest 2 Gent. 'T is true but the Princes affection being placed upon another Lady it was hard first to draw off those affections and then to place them anew besides the Death of his Neece was some hinderance 1 Gent. All great Princes doe soon cast off all Funeral sadness but the Lord Dorato methinks takes the Death of his Daughter to heart 2 Gent. 'T is a doubt whether he will continue in such great favour with the Prince now his Neece is dead 1 Gent. There is no likelyhood he should be in less favour since the Princess Death for it was the favour he had with the Princess that caused the match with his Son besides he hath left a Son which the Prince no doubt will favour the Grandfather the more for the Childes sake 2 Gent. I wonder whether the Lord Melancholy the Princesses Husband will marry again for he had ill fortune with his Wives 1 Gent. Methinks he hath had good Fortune for the Laws have quitted him of one and Death of the other but that Husband hath ill fortune that neither Law nor Death will free him from Exeunt Scene 35. Enter the Lord Melancholy at the Grate the Curtains open and appears the Lady Perfection he takes the Sword out of the sheath LOrd Melancholy Sweet here 's that will quit us of all trouble Lady Perfection Indeed life is a trouble and nothing is at rest but what lyes in the grave Lord Melancholy Are you not affraid of the sight of a murthering Sword Lady Perfection No more than you are affraid of the sight of the glorious Sun Lord Melancholy You seem to have a courage above you Sex Lady Perfection My love is above Life as far as my Courage is beyond Fear I neither fear Death nor consider Life but can imbrace the one and fling away the other for Loves sake Lord Melancholy Then dear Wife for so you are my heart did never own another I wish our breaths and bloods might intermix together and as Deaths Ceremonies might joyn our Souls Whilst he speaks he puts one end of the Sword through the Grate she takes hold of it Lady Perfection They 'r joyned already by love and Death's sufficient to bring them both together and our bloods 't is like will run in trickling streams upon this Sword to meet and intermix Whilst he holds the Sword in one hand he unbuttons his Doublet with the other hand so she unties her Cord about her Gown Lord Melancholy These Buttons are like troublesome guests at