inflict and as long as he pleas'd to afflict both injoying much inward peace and comfort and still fetching cordials out of Gods Word to keep them from fainting Both though their afflictions were heavy defired more the sanctifying of them than their removal and more that they might learn the Lessons God would teach by them than to be rid of them Both were unbottom'd off themselves and their own righteousness and cast their Souls wholly and only on Jesus Christ and his righteousness for life and salvation both as willing to take Jesus Christ as their Prophet to teach them as their King to govern them and subdue them to himself as their Priest to satisfie for them and reconcile them Both proved and tried as silver is tried went as it were through fire and water but now are brought out into a wealthy place Both such as had not their Ark to build when the flood came nor their graces comforts nor evidences to seek when they came to dye but had nothing then to do but to dye having made comfortable provision aforehand against an evil day and improved their time health and strength whilst they had it for the good of their souls Both walked in Heavens way and are now arrived at Heavens happiness both endured the Cross and now receive the Crown and their light afflictions which were but for a moment have but wrought for them a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory 4. Prayer and Meditation and former experiences I Have meditated often on this bed and have had much comfort in several evidences for Heaven and so have sweetly fallen asleep and sweetly awaked again When by reason of weakness I could not pray whilst up when I was in bed I spent a great time of the night in meditation and prayer and was sweetly refreshed And when I cannot speak I lye and think and meditate c. I have had clear evidences for Heaven and Gods loving-kindness hath shone clearly upon me though afterward they have been clouded I remember the days of Gods right hand c. I can truly say I have cryed to the Lord my God and he hath heard me in my distress and delivered me and oh that I could more and more honour him c. The Lord hath been very gracious to me though I have had castings down yet have I had liftings up the Lord hath supported me under great temptations of Satan and much sadness of heart by reason of the Churches sufferings c. 5. Heaven and the future happiness and glory If this earthly house of this tabernacle was dissolved I have a building of God an house not made with hands eternal in the heavens c. 2 Cor. 5 1. What a restless condition am I in When I am in bed then I would be up when up then in bed c. There remains a rest for the people of God Heb. 4.9 And he will carry me through the gates of Death and bring me to his everlasting rest The times of refreshing are coming on a pace c. I have a painful night but shall have a joyful morning I shall be in the embraces of my dear Redeemer there will be none of these tossings to and fro hereafter I shall rest quietly in the bed of the grave c. If the Lord will have me end my days in this condition with pains and weakness Heaven will pay for all there the weary are at rest Being under convulsions these says she are great shogs but God will carry me through them I am not afraid of death but shuck at these pains but who would not go through pains to such a place of rest In my fathers presence are fulness of joy c. Asking her how she did she said I shall be well anon meaning in Heaven And one telling her he hoped she might be better by such a time she replied she hoped so too being in Heaven I am now going and I verily believe I shall go to God I can't speak now I am very weak and low What a condition was I now in if I could not see beyond death and beyond the grave c I would be buried in such a place but no matter where God will raise up my dust again I am going to the heavenly Jerusalem to an innumerable company of Angels c. and into the bosom of my blessed Redeemer and what blessed company are these c One of her Daughters being in the Country and not returning at the time expected Tell her says she I shall meet her in a better place c. Thus the fore-sight and the fore-thoughts of the future glory comforted her under all her afflictions here and one minute now in Heaven makes amends for all her pain and misery here 15. As concerning her carnest desires to be dissolved c. IF the Lord sees good I would fain depart and leave this body of death when will God send his Messenger Is this the night I must depart hence O! what joyful news would that be another night Surely this is the night God will call me home Come Lord Jesus come quickly make kast make hast O my God when wilt thou come O when will that sweet day come I hope it is now nigh what a joyful time will that be to have a total victory over sin I am now going to be married and the Wedding-knot will be tied for everlasting When will my God come What a deal of do is here for my soul to get out of this carcass and how much a do have I to get loose But these shall meet again I earnestly desire earnestly desire to be clothed upon with that house which is from Heaven c. When will my Father send his Waggons to fetch me And telling her she was as a Ship at the Downs waiting for a fair Gale of Wind but when says she will that blessed Gale come And speaking to her of her going to Heaven to her Fathers House she replied she feared not yet Lord send me safe thither And when through weakness we could scarce understand what she said she breath'd home home home and seem'd troubled when any said they hoped she might recover again c. 16. As concerning the ends and reasons of her so earnest desires to be dissolved UPon serious consideration I found that the end why I desired to dye it was not to be freed of my pains or troubles but that I might be freed of sin and no more dishonour God and that I might injoy more of him and be no more discontented under his hand which I am sometimes ready to be I would fain go to Heaven and long to be in Heaven Why Because then I should be freed of Satans temptations and sin no more and that I might have more time to serve God and I am troubled I can have no more here but then I should do nothing but serve God c. And oh what a mercy and happiness would it be to
do that thou maist hold out the longer The loss and hindrance I have been to my family she meant by reason of her long sickness the Lord will make it up to thee and thy Children do but trust in him c. The Lord will direct thee what to do do not trouble thy self beforehand he will make thy way plain before thee She spake to those about her as followeth Make Religion your business walk with God get a Covenant-interest in Christ do not neglect secret prayer I have found much comfort in it prize the Word by which you may be saved hear it as often as possibly you can and hear it and do it Live comfortably and contentedly together It is good to store up Cordials and make provision against times of affliction To give all diligence to make our calling and election sure and we had need in times of health to provide for sickness and death and all little enough It is one thing to talk of death and another thing to be willing to dye c. I would have you all bless God when I am gone that I shall sin no more sorrow no more c. She said to one of her Grandchildren about four years old poor Child the Lord give thee a Covenant-interest in himself If I live I purpose to do my endeavour to teach thee to know God and love God and Jesus Christ but if I dye Sirs do you take care and let him not play on Sabbath-days let all his play-things behind c. To her Daughters Maid she said be instructing these poor Children learn them good things c. the Lord has a blessing in store for my Children and the little ones One of her Daughters being out of the Town and supposing she should see her no more Tell her says she I hope God will carry on the work he has begun and give her grace to fear him c. I would have her labour to get that good work finished and to eye God in all his dealings and to do his will to ask counsel of God for body and soul for temporal and spiritual affairs and let her trust in God Take heed c. God expects we should follow some employment here and not to fall upon business causes to grow melancholly and discontented there are many snares in living out of a calling An idle life is pleasing to the flesh to take no care nor pains but it will be sad afterward c. my dear Husband my dear Children but I can't speak now c. She prayed earnestly for her Husband Children little ones and for Gods Ministers c. I pray all the blessings of Heaven may be upon thee upon soul and body and that he would make up the want of all Relations by himself The Lord bless thee the Lord bless thee out of Sion and recompence all thy love to me a thousand-fold with his tender compassions The Lord prosper thee in the work of thy Ministry that thou maist win many souls to him The Lord make my Children truly gracious and comforts to thee The Lord give them grace and the shinings of his face and that will be better than the life of a Mother The Lord carry my Daughter Shayter who was then near her time through her great work and bless thee my Son and make my Daughter a blessing to thee and the Lord bless the little one and make it an Heir of Heaven one of Christs Lambs I leave my blessing and prayers for the little ones and you all One of her Grandchildren coming to her she said to him Farwell my Lamb my dear Lamb farwell farwell the Lord make thee a comfort to thy Mother And one of her Daughters being near her she prayed the Lord bless thee out of Sion and give thee an everlasting Covenant-interest in himself c. She prayed for Gods Ministers That he would spare their lives incourage them and bless their labours c. More particularly for Dr. Jacomb That God would bless him and his ministry and recompence all the good he had done her she much desired to see him once again who coming to her and praying with her his praiers and presence were very refreshing to her Towards her end she grew somewhat light-headed but still had excellent expressions and spake sensibly of God and the things of God she often cryed O my God O my God pity me O my God help me for thy mercies and compassious sake Remember me O my God how long yet O my God have mercy on me c. The day of my redemption draws nigh and I am now near home my God help me help faith c. The fear of death is taken away blessed be God and the Lord does comfort me and I am comforted within and am glad I am going home c. She spake a great deal more but we could not now well understand what she said Now the doors began to be shut in the streets as Solomon speaks how good is it to open them to purpose whiles we may and the daughters of musick to be brought low and those that look out of the windows to be darkned because she was near to her long home but blessed be God not an everlasting home December 13. she was under great pains and groan'd much and spake little neither could what she spake be understood but she often fixed her eyes stedfastly towards Heaven for some time together Afterward going to prayer by her and begging of God if he saw it good to release her c. she lift up her eyes and one of her hands toward Heaven and the other hand being in one of her Daughters hands she pluck'd it out and lift up that also both eyes and hands with great earnestness and intenseness unto Heaven where her soul was now near entring I was with her that night till about twelve or one of the Clock and not knowing how to bear it to stay with her any longer I then went with a sad heart away from her not expecting to see her here any more alive but blessed be God I enjoyed her so long so truly pious prudent loving tender careful saithful and dearly affectionate Wife but though I departed from her I left her with him whose Angels were now waiting ready to transport her soul into the bosom of her blessed Redeemer But one of her Daughters remained still with her to the last which was not long after I was gone away her Daughter could not get her spirit willing at first to promise to bless God if he would take her to himself But when God had once brought her to be willing she soon after about two a Clock in the morning December 14 1678 expired and went triumphingly to Heaven an entrance being ministred to her abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of her dear Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ And thus she is now entred into peace and is taken away and secured from the evil to come she is passed from
my Bed-side and he snarl'd at me c. but was as a Mastiffchain'd c. Being one Night now long since in extremity of pain Satan set on her with all his might and she had a sore and grievous conflict December 24. 1653 I was called up and found her in so great a conflict that the very Bed did shake under her and she was also withall under sad desertions for God seem'd also to hide his face from her and oh says she unto me speaking of Satan he frighted me he roared upon me like a roaring ramping Lyon he made my bones to shake and my heart to quake and tremble within me he told me God would not hear me though I called on him and cried unto him and now says she to me we must part and God seemeth to hide his face from me and these are but the beginning of sorrows I have grievous pains in my breasts but in a few hours I shall have worse my sins are so many c. Behold said I to her The Lamb of God that takes away the sin of the world John 1.29 But I cannot behold him c. But blessed be God though this assault was sudden and very sore and sharp especially being at such a time when under such grievous pains it was but short for after I had spoken a while to her she recovered some sense of Gods favour her pains were eas'd and Satan rebuked all at once And O what a change was there her extremity was Gods opportunity Psal 30 5 For his anger endureth but a moment In his favour is life Weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning But here it did not indure for a whole night but joy came before the morning and her sighing was turn'd into singing her mourning into musick and her tears into triumph and the fiercer was the storm the sooner was a clam and the sorer the conflict the sooner was the conquest He is said she my God though he seem to hide his face from me and I shall see him again and though he kill me I will trust in him c. Dost not thou said I to her believe whom he loves he loves to the end I do said she believe Lord help thou my unbelief I have often beaten Satan back with the Sword of the Spirit and he hath gone away like a Coward though he hath brought Scripture too c. Satan would have perswaded me once I loved the Word only as it came from thee not for its own sake then I heard it from another but he told me he was a noted man and one whom I knew then I heard it from a stranger and some others and then I told him he was a Lyar c. But blessed be God he was pleas'd in her last sickness weakness and great pains in a great measure wholly to chain up Satan only towards her latter end because of her great weakness she being not able at length to bear it that I should pray by her he would have perswaded her that I thought it was because she did not love prayer c. but that she quickly was satisfied concerning and got over She desired me formerly to bless her God with her that he was pleased in any measure to tread down Satan her strong busy subtle enemy under her feet and to give her some more cause of joy and oh that my sins said she may not cause God to let him loose again upon me c. 4. As concerning her patient and quiet submission under the afflicting hand of God SHE had frequently such humble and submissive expressions as did abundantly declare and evidence the same to mention some of them as that of Eli 1 Sam. 3.4 It is the Lord let him do what seemeth him good My God in Covenant and I would be satisfied with his will and desire earnestly to submit to it and oh my God my Father not my will but thy will be done thy will is better than mine the best will Being call'd upon to sleep she replied it is better suffering the Will of God than sleeping I would do the Will of God but he will have me suffer it I will bear the indignation of the Lord c I desire to resign my will to the Will of my heavenly Father and commend my Spirit into his hand as into the hand of a faithful Creatour The Lord hath given me a quiet submission to his Will and this bears me up and makes me walk cheerfully under all yea it is as it were meat and drink and all to me c. I go up and down and say this is my Fathers Will that it should be so and I should else it may be forget my latter end c. The Lord hath made my chain heavy but I would not complain we may speak to God but not against God for a thousand worlds My pain is so great sometimes that I cannot be merry but I submit and am content to bear what God shall lay upon me all of you wait patiently I am willing to wait Though my pains be so great and so frequent yet when they are but a little off I am cheerful I cannot but wonder at my self Being asked how she found her spirit she answered I bless God in a sweet willing submissive frame to his Will and O! how sweet and blessed a thing is it to have a quiet submissive frame of heart to the Will of God I am sure I have found by experience that when the Lord hath given me an heart willing to submit to his Will sickness of body hath been but a light burden I would fain get patiently to my journeys end Yet a little while he that shall come will come and will not tarry My Life is labour and sorrow wearisom days and nights are appointed unto me yet I am willing to submit to Gods Will and to stay longer and to bear more if he will have me The Lord fit me by all for himself God sees I have need of all this Oh! the bitterness of sin c. If I have more work to do he can raise me up again but if my work be done I submit to the Will of my God c The good Lord help us to cast our burdens upon him and then as he hath promised we may hope he will sustein us Psal 55.22 O! in a submissive frame of heart is much comfort c. 5. As concerning her great zeal for the Glory of God GOD can raise me up again if it may be for his Glory for his Glory that she repeated again and again and that said she I look at most the Glory of my good God that I prefer before my ease and comfort in the World and am willing to live if I may honour him more and I am afraid lest I should dishonour him by distrusting him If I do not go home now but must stay still I desire it may be to the Glory of God to be a
sure you do not neglect to read and pray by your self morning and evening and labour to mind what you are come into the world for Endeavour to get the Lord for thy God make him the chief of thy joy and delight When thou art to pray or read or hear the Word look upon those services as thy priviledg not as thy task as thy duty and yet as thy dignity that thou maist go to the great God of Heaven and Earth as to a gracious and loving Father in Christ When thou findest thy heart backward to any good duty go to God and beg of him to help thee and quicken thee c. Be cheerful and mind thy duty to God the good Lord bless thee and do thy poor soul good so shall it be well with thee for ever Good Child don't neglect to read and pray c. The Lord bless you and keep you bless your soul with spiritual blessings that you may be still doing something to further your souls good Another of her Daughters she thus bespake Redeem all the time that possible you can to secret prayer and often read the Scriptures which will make you wise to salvation and will afford you pleasure at the last when all things here will fail I shall pray for thee and thy dear Sisters that you may all grow in all the graces of the spirit and may be wrought and made meet for the heavenly glory c. 12. As concerning her care to prepare for the Sabbath and her great love to Gods Ministers Word Preached and Ordinances c. IN preparing for the Sabbath I have then been up when others in the Family where I have been have been in bed Of late by reason of my illness and weakness I have lain sometimes longer on Sabbath-day mornings than ordinary but it hath troubled me and the Reason was because sleeping little in the night I found when I rose earlier I was ready afterwards to be sleepy and more unfit for Gods service But if when I had more time and health and strength I had not been more abundant in the service of God and more earnest after Heaven and the things of Heaven than I can be now my spirit would even sink within me Gods Ministers I love dearly yea so dear are they to me that it does me good to see their faces and I could even fall down and kiss their feet and compel them to come into my house and methinks my house is the better when they have been in it Oh I dearly love them Being when I was in the Country invited on a Lecture-day by an honourable person to Dinner the best feast which I had that day was at the hearing of the Word for I had it made appear to me there that I had made entrance into Heaven and I was so comforted that I could have found in my heart to have fallen down at the Ministers feet and have thanked him It did me good at Dinner to hear him speak c. I have never been better satisfied nor pleas'd than when I have been hearing the Word Preached and meditating on it and conferring with the people of God and praying in secret and hearing counsel and direction for my soul and it has been my prayer as I have been going to hear that God would make out some counsel and instruction or reproof to me and the Lord hath heard me counselled me and comforted me I do so love the word of God it is so sweet to me when I meditate on it and I do so love Gods Ministers and it does so rejoice me to think of Mr. Merrills coming to my House A worthy Minister in the Country deoeased I hope he will come I must say as Lidia to Paul If you have judged me to be faithful to the Lord come into my house c. And tell him if I dye I would not have him neglect any more to see such as do so much desire to see him as I do I long to see him c. He is an eminent Minister one who is firm to his principles fears neither mens frowns nor regards their smiles c. He hath been instrumen al of much good and comfort to my soul God was the efficient he the instrument c. I cannot see how the prizing of Gods Word and not to prize Gods Ministers can stand together I am sure I prize both and pray that God would incourage his Ministers Ordinances have been very sweet to me God in and by them hath come to me and met me that I could say with Peter It is good for me to be here And I have thought the time very short I have been hearing the word hath so comforted-me I have gone under trouble but have return'd refreshed Being one day very ill and desiring her to stay at home she answer'd that must be the last place I go to And in a sickness before she said it grieves me I went no longer though she went longer than well she could Oh! how much did she rejoyce and how glad was she to go into the House of the Lord How blessed did she count those who dwelt there Oh! I made account said she to be ready betimes and I shan't get in c. How ready and willing was the spirit when the body was weak I got cold says she by going at such a time to hear but I do not repent for I had a sweet refreshing there blessed be God Thus how lovely amiable and desirable to her were the Tabernacles of the Lord of hosts And how did her soul long yea even saint for his courts I How truly might she say with David Psal 26.8 Lord I have loved the habitation of thy house and the place where thine konour dwelleth and one thing have I desired of the Lord that will I seek after that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life to bekold the beauty of the Lord c. And how truly might she call Sabbaths and Ordinances her delight she had there seen God and his face his power and glory his goings in his sanctuary yea Sabbaths were to her as the Subburbs of Heaven Ordinances are not in Heaven but Heaven she hath many a time met with in Ordinances and she drinks but that Wine new now in Heaven which she began to drink in Ordinances here Matt. 26 29. 13. As concerning some further evidences for Heaven I Have a great deal of comfort in this That I am as willing to take Christ for my Lord as for my Saviour and that I desire and endeavour to my utmost to obey him and have heart-risings against sin both in my self and in others and desire to hate and abhor all appearances of sin I have desired to walk before the Lord in uprightness and have walked with God sincerely though not perfectly and I would not offend God nor dishonour him but have desired to glorify him obâ—y him and to be ruled and
have not felt the ground I have gone upon When my pains are greatest I have usually most peace and that upholds me Not long before her death she told one of her relations that she was so ravished with the contemplation of the love of God in Christ that it did even swallow her up so as that she was not able to bear it nor contain it but was forced to remit and let go her present thoughts thereof And the ground of my comfort is the assurance of the love of God which he hath given me And what is the assurance of Gods love worth It is more worth than a thousand worlds and I will not let it go it makes me for joy as it were to fly up and down Thus Gods Love was better to her than Wine yea than Life and the Love of God and the assurance thereof is indeed a Cordial that will revive when none other can nor will none to that This is the very life of our lives the light of our day the â—un of our firmament the spring of our year the joy of our hearts the solace of our souls the strength comfort and support of our spirits the mercy of mercies the blessing of blessings so much better than life that life it self without it is no better than death But this is life even in death and hence the Prophet David prays for this for his Cordial and comfort Psal 119.76 Let I pray thee thy merciful kindness be for my comfort c. And this was the cordial and comfort of this blessed Saint now in Heaven in all her tryals and afflictions while here 3. The word and promises of God These were to her as a banqueting or house of wine as staying flagons and comforting apples as green pastures and still waters c. Cant. 2.4 5. Psal 23.2 As that word Rev. 3.19 As many as I love I rebuke and chasten And Heb. 12.10 But he for our profit that we might be partakers of his holiness And Rom. 8.28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God c. One night she repeated over to her self several promises which she said God brought to her mind and were a very sweet cordial to her Such as Psal 34.22 The Lord redeemeth the soul of his servants and none of them that trust in him shall be desolate Vers 10. The young lyons do lack and suffer hunger but they that seek the Lord shall not want any good thing Isa 40.11 He shall gather the Lambs with his arm and carry them in his bosom c. Vers 29 He giveth power to the faint and to them that have no might he increaseth strength c. I am much comforted with that promise Isa 43.25 and I would even live upon it I even I am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake and will not remember thy sins c. There were two places of Scripture which did more especially much run in her mind of late and were very comforting to her one was 1 Cor. 15.55 O death where is thy sting O grave where is thy victory c Vers 57 But thanks be to God who giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ The other Job 19.25 26 27 For I know that my Redeemer liveth and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth And though after my skin worms destroy this body yet in my flesh shall I see God Whom I shall see for my self and mine eyes shall behold and not another though my Reins be consumed within me These words were very refreshing to her and were the words discoursed of by Dr. Jacomb at her Funeral though it being propounded to her she acknowledged her great unworthiness that any such thing should be done for her but it might she said do good to the living Those words especially Whom I shall see for my self and mine eyes shall behold and not another she often repeated and was much comsorted by For my self for my self And blessed be God now she sees God for her self even for her self and is in the actual possession of that blessedness of which the contemplation was so sweet to her here She is now seeing God in Heaven in her soul and though after her skin worms destroy her body yet she also shall in due time her body being rais'd see God in her flesh for her self and her eyes shall behold and not another though her reins be consumed within her But her soul is now at present injoying that vision indeed she beholds man no more here with the inhabitants of the world as Hezekiah spake Isa 38 11 neither sees she any more her near and dear relations but she sees a far better sight she sees and injoys God and shall do so for ever and so is now in the participation of the comfort wrapt up in that Scripture and knows experimentally what it is to see God which she had been so long praying and waiting for and to see him for her self for her self and not another as she repeated it Asking her once what it was that comforted her This said she that God hath brought home his promises to my soul and applied them to me he hath said this promise belongs to thee Isa 54.7 8 For a small moment have I forsaken thee but with great mercies will I gather thee In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment but with everlasting kindress will I have mercy on thee saith the Lord thy Redeemer O how full and sweet is this promise c. Thus Gods Word and Promises were very comforting and refreshing to her very sweet yea sweeter than honey and the honey-comb they were her songs in the house of her pilgrimage better to her than thousands of gold and silver and she rejoyced thereat as one that findeth great spoil Psal 119 54 72 162 111. And by those things as Hezekiah said She lived and in all these things was the life of her spirit Isa 38.16 and she might well say as once the Prophet David and as a precious Saint and dear sister of hers long since formerly said Vnless thy Law had been my delights I should then have perished in my affliction Psal 119.2 And the Word of God is the best Cordial in the world Thus that which supported them both was the Word of God and indeed in several respects * Mrs. Elizabeth Moor sometimes of Aldermanbury London who dyed now many years since and at whose funeral Mr. Calamy preached as she desired on those words Psal 119.92 Which Scrmon with several others on the same Text were long since extant And to them we annexed her evidences for Heaven both these dear Sisters and their cases were much a-like both examples of great affliction as also of extraordinary patience in which they possessed their souls both brought to such a sweet humble submissive frame as to be willing to undergo whatever the Lord was pleas'd to
me if my work was done to be gone c. I am afraid lest I should desire to dye to be freed of my pains but I would desire to dye out of love to God and that I may injoy him and be rid of sin more than sorrow and then our graces shall be perfect knowledg perfect love perfect c. 17. As concerning her being above the fears of death SOmetimes formerly she has not though seemingly near to death been so willing to dye but would say Will not God make me more willing to dye before I dye Surely he will I have been more willing c. And so he did in this her last sickness whereby we might have foreseen her death to have been near Asking her whither she was not afraid of death she replied no I am not I do not look upon death singly but as it brings me to rest I must go through that dark entry before I can get to my Fathers house I shall go to my first husband c. Methoughts I saw death as a Messenger coming for me and I told him I would go with him I thought I should have died such a day and methoughts I was troubled to think of living When she was in pain she used to say Is not the sound of his Masters feet behind Physick won't do c. And this she speak as being little concerned therewith She said of her sickness these are but Messengers to bid me prepare c. I bless God I can smile on that grim Messenger God will send his Angels to conduct me safe through that dark entry to my Fathers House A Child is afraid to go through a dark place by himself but God says Fear not for I am with thee c. I am not afraid of death but my passage to my fathers House is rough But having gotten so far onward in my way I am loath to go back again If that sweet Messenger come I will bid him wellcome and shall rejoyce and if you love me indeed you will rejoyce too I am no more afraid of Death than to take the choicest Cordial that is for my good for so is death and I look through it and beyond it and long to be with my dear Lord and Saviour My Children are loath to look out my burial-clothes but they are my wedding-clothes and I hope my Bridegroom is not far of c. Telling her of a friend that would come to see her she replied she will come to my burial Why said I saist thou so She answered why should I not comfort my self that I am going home I long to be at home we shall meet again How sweet will that sleep be when I shall wake in Heaven Seeing one of her Daughters weep why says she weep you would you not have me go to my Father He is sending his holy Angels for me Are they not all ministring spirits sent forth to minister for them who shall be beirs of salvation Heb. 1.14 I have one night less I bless God to be here where is sin and sorrow Seeing Cordial-water brought for her she said she hoped she should not live to drink up half that water and being to take a Powder she asked if it was to sweeten her passage then she would take it but not to stay it but what God will I can scarce swallow my spittle a comfortable forerunner I hope of death And her pains falling into her joynts she rejoycingly said there was something further to help her forward to her journeys end Death is indeed a sowre Messenger but my Fathers Messenger to fetch me home She speaking of her death and how she would have things ordered at her Funeral she spake thereof with a great deal of joy and rejoycing but perceiving me to be troubled she looked smilingly upon me and said I can with as much joy yea with more joy speak of my burial-clothes than ever the day before I was married I could of my wedding-clothes I shall be cloth'd with the White Robe of Christs righteousness and have a Diadem upon my head c. 18. Some few of her breathings as in reserence to her self SHould I not make my moan to my God The Lord give me more patience that I may not dishonour him now at last my God teach me teach me as well as correct me strengthen me c. I want nothing but a thankful fruitful heart an heart more humble holy and more to honour God I would have more grace more faith patience meekness humility more of Heaven more holiness more likeness to God and I beg praiers that the Lord would fit me for what his will is concerning me and inable me to bear what he is pleas'd to lay upon me I am weak but he is strong my strength fails but his never fails Good Lord help me to be still carrying on my great work c. And oh that I might lose nothing in this hot furnace but dross But why say I hot It is no other than what my Father sees good and all shall work together for my good if my corruptions hinder not I am so afraid they should but I earnestly desire they may not and I hope the Lord will rather answer my desires than let it be according to my fears Lead me to the rock that it higher than I. The good Lord fiâ— us for what his good pleasure is and for the greatest trials that can come Here we have no continuing City the good Lord help us to be seeking one to come a City that hath foundations c. The Lord fit us for the day of our death that it may be a good day to us The good Lord sanctifie all his fatherly corrections to me and grant I may by all be made the more meet to partake of the inheritance of the Saints in light that we may live to honour our good God all our days that so when our Lord comes we may be found of him in peace The Lord help us to get our hearts into an heavenly frame that our meditations may be more of those things that concern our souls and will sland us in stead to all eternity c. 19. Some of her Speeches to and Prayers for her Husband as in reference to himself and Children formerly MY Dear be not melancholly but still wait upon God rest quietly upon him he that hath fed us cloth'd us and provided for us will still I hope do it My Dear be not sad or troubled but cast thy burdens upon the Lord he will sustain thee The good lord help us to exercise faith and patience O that we could live more a life of faith and holiness and more sweetly and freely depend upon our good God who never fails his poor Children in any time of need O let us cast all our care upon God who hath and will care for us and ours God hath been a long while weaning thee from me we must part but we shall after a little while