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A38482 The English Spira being a fearful example of an apostate who had been a preacher many years and then apostatized from his religion, miserably hanged himself, October the 13th, 1684 : giving an account of his dispair, and divers conferences had with him, by several ministers and others of his friends : together with his answer, and papers written by his own hand / left attested by Mr. T. Plant, Mr. H. Collings, Mr. B. Dennis, Mr. B. Keach. 1693 (1693) Wing E3121; ESTC R37321 41,094 57

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till about July last About August last I gave him another Visit and then found him tho' naturally of a strong Constitution and lively Spirit so exceedingly shaken that the horror of the sight made such deep impressions as I think will at seasons recur and set it self before me afresh as long as I live His Speech was very regular which discovered his Memory to be good and that his Distemper had not seized his Head but his Heart He freely discoursed the grief of ●is Mind expressing and setting forth his Condition to be most deplorable as having no hopes of salvation I laid before him with the greatest tenderness the freeness and riches of Gods Grace chusing to argue from his own former declared Opinion against limiting of it but could fasten no word of consolation or hope upon him With some Reluctancy he granted me liberty to pray with him but said his Spirit was shut up he could not pray and while I was praying he often groaned and after I had ended told me God would make him a terrible Example to this present Age and tho' he was full of benignity yet he was also a terrible God being provoked These Expressions and the horror that appeared in his Eyes and all parts of his body drew many tears from mine Eyes and rendred the Spectacle so dreadful that I cannot say as is reported of one that visited Francis Spira that he would go a thousand miles to see another Spira but on the contrary I desire I may never see the like Spectacle again whilst I live in this world He told me he thought either in a dream or when he was awake he could not tell which that I should say to him If he died the common death of all men the Lord had not spoken by me I answered He better knew the temper of my Spirit and Principles than to conceive such a thought of me or that I should take up the words of the Prophet of God divinely inspired and apply them to him but all I could say abated nothing of the horror of his Soul that I could perceive This Comment I make upon it that if any Atheist in the world who had formerly known this man and had conversed with him in these his Agonies he would have seen sufficient to have convinced him that there is a Power besides and so much above Nature as can with a touch shake and disorder and turn into confusion the strongest constitution of body by ministring and fastning terrible things upon the Soul That when God wounds the Spirit of a man neither he himself can bear it nor can any other aid him Therefore it is a fearful thing to fall under the Wrath of the living God who is a consuming Fire and can at his pleasure awaken a stupid Conscience and revive upon it the memory and horror of such sins as seem to be past over and forgotten My Prayer is that this man being made as a Pillar of Salt may warn the present and future Ages of the danger of sinning against the present Light of their Understandings The Effect of a Conference between Mr. John Child and Mr. B. K. ABout the middle of July 1684. Mr. B. K. went to see Mr. Child not hearing the least report of any trouble he was then under and after some discourse which passed between them Mr. K. occasionably mentioned that Book called A Second Argument telling Mr. Child he was reported to be the Author thereof which he presently acknowledged and cried out against himself in a bitter manner saying What he had done therein was out of Malice and Revenge against those People and seemed to abhor himself for casting such abominable Reproaches upon them whom he said he knew deserved it not and presently desired Mr. K. to go up stairs with him which he did and then he farther signified to him his deplorable condition and what horror and anguish of Soul he lay under and that there was no mercy for him And Mr. K. being on a sudden surprized with his deep expression of horror of which he had heard nothing it did amaze him yet he endeavoured with the utmost of his ability to comfort him by shewing the greatness of Gods mercy to true penitent persons together with the infinite worth and value of Christ's Bloud telling him withal that he was glad to find he had the sence of his great Evil on his heart or words to that effect and that he hoped this breaking was in order to healing But Mr. Child said he doubted of that And all the Words and Arguments Mr. K. could use to satisfie him were in vain so that at that time it being late at night he took his leave of him Mr. K. Soon after he came to seek me at my house but then I could not stay long with him But a few days after when he sent for me I went and found him in bed rowling and tumbling up and down in a lamentable manner enough to pierce ones heart I said to him Mr. Child I thought by your deportment when you was at my house the burden was pretty well off or to that effect Mr. Child No no my burden is greater than I can bear I would fain be satisfied as touching one thing Mr. K. What is that Mr. Jo. Child Whether my sin may not be that against the Holy Ghost Mr. K. I hope and believe it is not Mr. Child But I wrote the Book out of malice Mr. K. There is a great deal of difference between doing a thing out of malice and prejudice against the Lord's People and acting out of malice against Christ himself or doing despight to the Spirit of Grace I do not doubt but that you always had holy and reverent dread and respect to the Name of God tho' you might take up a great offence against some of his People Mr. Child I have often had that Scripture brought to me Psal 50.19 20. Thou givest thy mouth to evil and with thy tongue thou forgest deceit Thou sittest and speakest against thy brother and slanderest thy mothers son And of that which follows Consider this ye that forget God lest I tear you in pieces Mr. K. But pray observe tho' you should be guilty of that great evil there mentioned yet there is ground of hope in that you are exhorted to consider I used many Arguments to perswade him to rely on the mercy of God thro' Christ mentioning that passage of the Prophet David Forgive me my sin for it is great and how wonderfully he had manifested and magnified the attribute of his mercy in pardoning great and bloudy sinners Mr. Child Breaking forth into bitter tears cried out I know that the Majesty of Heaven is a good and gracious Being yet when provoked stretching forth his hands in a frightful manner he is a terrible God Mr. K. I think it is necessary that you retract what you have written in that Book for that I think nothing short of it will be