Ay thou inimitable Coward and to be felt As for Example Kicks him Bell. Ha ha ha prithee come away 't is scandalous to kick this Puppy without a Man were cold and had no other way to get himself a heat Exit Bell. Sharp Bluff Yery well Very fine But 't is no matter Is not this fine sir Joseph Sir Io. Indifferent agad in my opinion very indifferent I 'd rather go plain all my Life than wear such Finery Bluff Death and Hell to be affronted thus I 'l die before I 'l suffer it draws Sir Io. O Lord his Anger was not raised before Nay dear Captain don't be in Passion now he 's gone Put up put up dear Back 't is your Sir Ioseph begs come let me kiss thee so so put up put up Bluff By Heav'n 't is not to be put up Sir Io. What Bully Bluff Th' Affront Sir Io. No agad no more 't is for that 's put up already thy Sword I mean Bluff Well Sir Ioseph at your entreaty But were not you my Friend Abus'd and Cuff'd and Kick'd Putting up his Sword Sir Io. Ay ay so were you too no matter 't is past Bluff By the immortal Thunder of great Guns 't is false He sucks not vital Air who dares affirm it to this Face Looks big Sir Io. To that Face I grant you Captain No no I grant you Not to that Face by the Lord Harry If you had put on your fighting Face before you had done his Business He durst as soon have kiss'd you as kick'd you to your Face But a Man can no more help what 's done behind his Back than what 's said Come wee 'l think no more of what 's past Bluff I 'll call a Council of War within to consider of my Revenge to come Exeunt SCENE Changes to Silvia's Lodgings Enter Heartwell Silvia SONG I. As Amoret and Thyrsis lay Melting the Hours in gentle Play Ioining Faces mingling Kisses And exchanging harmless Blisses He trembling cry'd with eager haste O let me feed as well as taste I die if I 'm not wholly blest II. The fearful Nymph reply'd Forbear I cannot dare not must not hear Dearest Thyrsis do not move me Do not do not if you Love me O let me still the Shepherd said But while she fond Resistance made The hasty Joy in strugling sled III. Vex'd at the Pleasure she had miss'd She frown'd and blush'd then sigh'd and kiss'd And seem'd to moan in sullen Cooing The sad miscarriage of their Wooing But vain alas were all her Charms For Thyrsis deaf to Loves allarms Bassled and senseless tir'd her Arms. After the Song a Dance of Anticks Silv. Indeed it is very fine I could look upon 'em all day Heart Well has this prevail'd for me and will you look upon me Silv. If you could Sing and Dance so I should love to look upon you too Heart Why 't was I Sung and Danc'd I gave Musick to the Voice and Lise to their Measures Look you here Silvia here are Songs and Dances Poetry and Musick hark how Pulling out a Purse and chinking it sweetly one Guinea rhymes to another And how they dance to the Musick of their own Chink This buys all the 'tother And this thou shalt have this and all that I am worth for the purchase of thy Love Say is it mine then ha Speak Syren Oons why do I look on her Yet I must Speak dear Angel Devil Saint Witch do not rack me in suspence Silv. Nay don't stare at me so You make me blush I cannot look Heart Oh Manhood where art thou What am I come to A Womans Toy at these years Death a bearded Baby for a Girl to dandle O dotage dotage That ever that noble passion Lust should ebb to this degree No reslux of vigorous Blood But milky Love supplies the empty Channels and prompts me to the softness of a Child A meer Infant and would suck Can you love me Silvia speak Silv. I dare not speak till I believe you and indeed I 'm afraid to believe you yet Heart Pox how her Innocence torments and pleases me Lying Child is indeed the Art of Love and Men are generally Masters in it But I 'm so newly entred you cannot distruit me of any skill in the treacherous Mystery Now by my Soul I cannot lie though it were to serve a Friend or gain a Mistress Silv. Must you lie then if you say you Love me Heart No no dear Ignorance thou beauteous Changel'ng I tell thee I do love thee and tell it for a Truth a naked Truth which I 'm ashamed to discover Silv. But Love they say is a tender thing that will smooth Frowns and make calm an angry Face will soften a rugged Temper and make ill-humoured People good You look ready to fright one and talk as if your Passion were not Love but Anger Heart 'T is both for I am angry with my self when I am pleased with you And a Pox upon me for loving thee so swell Yet I must on 'T is a bearded Arrow and will more easily be thrust forward than drawn back Silv. Indeed if I were well assur'd you lov'd but how can I be well assur'd Heart Take the Symptoms And ask all the Tyrants of thy Sex if their Fools are not known by this Party-coloured Livery I am Melancholy when thou art absent look like an Ass when thou art present Wake for you when I should Sleep and even Dream of you when I am Awake Sigh much Drink little Eat less court Solitude am grown very entertaining to my self and as I am informed very troublesome to every-body else If this be not Love it is Madness and then it is pardonable Nay yet a more certain Sign than all this I give thee my Mony Silv. Ay but that is no Sign for they say Gentlemen will give Mony to any naughty Woman to come to Bed to them O Gemini I hope you don't mean so For I won't be a Whore Heart The more is the pity Aside Silv. Nay if you would Marry me you should not come to Bed to me You have such a Beard and would so prickle one But do you intend to Marry me Heart That a Fool should ask such a malicious Question Death I shall be drawn in before I know where I am However I find I am pretty sure of her consent if I am put to it Aside Marry you no no I 'll love you Silv. Nay but if you love me you must Marry me what dont I know my Father lov'd my Mother and was married to her Heart Ay ay in old days People married where they lov'd but that fashion is chang'd Child Silv. Never tell me that I know it is not chang'd by my self for I love you and would Marry you Heart I 'll have my Beard shav'd it shan't hurt thee and we 'l go to Bed Silv. No no I 'm not such a Fool neither bat I can keep my self honest Here I won't keep any thing that
THE Old Batchelour A COMEDY As it is ACTED at the Theatre Royal BY Their MAJESTIES Servants Written by Mr. Congreve Quem tulit ad Scenam ventoso gloria Curru Exanimat lentus Spectator sedulus inflat Sic leve sic parvum est animum quod laudis avarum Subruit aut resicit Horat. Epist. I. Lib. II. LONDON Printed for Peter Buck at the Sign of the Temple near the Temple-gate in Fleet-street 1693. To the Right Honourable Charles Lord Clifford of Lanesborough c. My Lord IT is with a great deal of Pleasure that I lay hold on this first Occasion which the Accidents of my Life have given me of writing to your Lordship For since at the same time I write to all the World it will be a means of publishing what I would have every Body know the Respect and Duty which I owe and pay to you I have so much Inclination to be yours that I need no other Engagement But the particular Ties by which I am bound to your Lordship and Family have put it out of my power to make you any Complement since all Offers of my self will amount to no more than an honest Acknowledgment and only shew a willingness in me to be grateful I am very near wishing That it were not so much my Interest to be your Lordships Servant that it might be more my Merit not that I would avoid being obliged to you but I would have my own Choice to run me into the Debt that I might have it to boast I had distinguished a Man to whom I would be glad to be obliged even without the hopes of having it in my Power ever to make him a return It is impossible for me to come near your Lordship in any kind and not to receive some Favour and while in appearance I am only making an Acknowledgment with the usual underhand dealing of the World I am at the same time insinuating my own Interest I cannot give your Lordship your due without tacking a Bill of my own Priviledges 'T is true if a Man never committed a Folly he would never stand in need of a Protection But then Power would have nothing to do and good Nature no occasion to shew it self and where those Vertues are 't is pity they should want Objects to shine upon I must confess this is no reason why a Man should do an idle thing nor indeed any good Excuse for it when done yet it reconciles the uses of such Authority and Goodness to the necessities of our Follies and is a sort of Poetical Logick which at this time I would make use of to argue your Lordship into a Protection of this Play It is the first Offence I have committed in this kind or indeed in any kind of Poetry tho' not the first made publick and therefore I hope will the more easily be pardoned But had it been Acted when it was first written more might have been said in its behalf Ignorance of the Town and Stage would then have been Excuses in a young Writer which now almost four Years experience will scarce allow of Yet I must declare my self sensible of the good Nature of the Town in receiving this Play so kindly with all its Faults which I must own were for the most part very industriously covered by the care of the Players for I think scarce a Character but receiv'd all the Advantage it would admit of from the justness of Action As for the Criticks my Lord I have nothing to say to or against any of them of any kind from those who make just Exceptions to those who find fault in the wrong place I will only make this general Answer in behalf of my Play an Answer which Epictetus advises every Man to make for himself to his Censurers viz. That if they who find some Faults in it were as intimate with it as I am they would find a great many more This is a Confession which I need not to have made but however I can draw this use from it to my own Advantage that I think there are no Faults in it but what I do know which as I take it is the first step to an amendment Thus I may live in hopes sometime or other of making the Town amends but you my Lord I never can tho' I am ever Your Lordships most obedient and most humble Servant Will. Congreve To Mr. CONGREVE WHEN Vertue in pursuit of Fame appears And forward shoots the growth beyond the Years We timely court the rising Hero's Cause And on his side the Poet wisely draws Bespeaking him hereafter by Applause The days will come when we shall all receive Returning Interest from what now we give Instructed and supported by that Praise And Reputation which we strive to raise Nature so coy so hardly to be Woo'd Flies like a Mistress but to be pursu'd O CONGREVE boldly follow on the Chase She looks behind and wants thy strong Embrace She yields she yields surrenders all her Charms Do you but force her gently to your Arms Such Nerves such Graces in your Lines appear As you were made to be her Ravisher DRYDEN has long extended his Command By Right divine quite through the Muses Land Absolute Lord and holding now from none But great Apollo his undoubted Crown That Empire settled and grown old in Pow'r Can wish for nothing but a Successor Not to enlarge his Limits but maintain Those Provinces which he alone could gain His eldest Wicherly in wise Retreat Thought it not worth his quiet to be great Loose wandring Etherege in wild Pleasures lost And foreign Int'rests to his hopes long lost Poor Lee and Otway dead CONGREVE appears The Darling and last Comfort of his Years May'st thou live long in thy great Masters smiles And growing under him adorn these Isles But when when part of him be that but late His Body yielding must submit to Fate Leaving his deathless Works and thee behind The natural Successor of his Mind Then may'st thou finish what he has begun Heir to his Merit be in Fame his Son What thou hast done shews all is in thy Power And to Write better only must Write more 'T is something to be willing to commend But my best Praise is that I am your Friend THO. SOUTHERNE To Mr. CONGREVE THe Danger 's great in these censorious days When Criticks are so rife to venture Praise When the infectious and ill-natured Brood Behold and damn the Work because 't is good And with a proud ungenerous Spight would try To pass an Ostrocism on Poetry But you my Friend your Worth does safely bear Above their Spleen you have no cause for fear Like a well-metled Hawk you took your flight Quite out of reach and almost out of sight As the strong Sun in a fair Summers day You rise and drive the Mists and Clowds away The Owls and Bats and all the Birds of Prey Each Line of yours like polisht Steel's so hard In Beauty safe it wants
supersinity of your goodness which like an innundation will I hope totally immerge the recollection of my errour and leave me floating in your sight upon the full blown Bladders of repentance by the help of which I shall once more hope to swim into your favour Bows Sharp So h O Sir I am easily pacify'd the acknowledgment of a Gentleman Sir Io. Acknowledgment Sir I am all over acknowledgment and will not stick to show it in the greatest extremity by night or by day in sickness or in health Winter or Summer all Seasons and occasions shall testify the reality and gratitude of you superabundant humble Servant Sir Ioseph Wittoll Knight Hem hem Sharp Sir Ioseph Wittoll Sir Io. The same Sir of Wittoll-hall in Comitatu Bucks Sharp Is it possible Then I am happy to have obliged the Mirrour of Knighthood and Pink of Courtesie in the Age let me embrace you Sir Io. O Lord Sir Sharp My loss I esteem as a trifle repay'd with interest since it has purchas'd me the friendship and acquaintance of the person in the World whose Character I admire Sir Io. You are only pleas'd to say so Sir But pray if I may be so bold what is that loss you mention Sharp O term it no longer so Sir In the Scuffle last Night I only dropt a Bill of a hundred Pound which I confess I came half despairing to recover but thanks to my better Fortune Sir Io. You have found it Sir then it seems I profess I 'me heartily glad Sharp Sir your humble Servant I don't question but you are that you have so cheap an opportunity of expressing your gratitude and generosity Since the refunding so trivial a Sum will wholly acquit you and doubly engage me Sir Io. What a dickens do's he mean by a trival Sum aside But han't you found it Sir Sharp No otherwise I vow to Gad but in my hopes in you Sir Sir Io. Humph. Sharp But that 's sufficient 'T were injustice to doubt the honour of Sir Io. Wittoll Sir Io. O Lord Sir Sharp You are above I 'me sure a thought so low to suffer me to lose what was ventur'd in your service Nay 't was in a manner Pay'd down for your deliverance 't was so much lent you And you scorn ' I le say that for you Sir Io. Nay ' I le say that for my self with your leave Sir I do scorn a dirty thing But agad ' Ime a little out of pocket at present Sharp Pshaw you can't want a hundred Pound Your Word is sufficient any where 'T is but borrowing so much Dirt you have large Acres and can soon repay it Mony is but Dirt Sir Ioseph Mere Dirt. Sir Io. But I profess 't is a Dirt I have wash'd my Hands of at present I have lay'd it all out upon my Back Sharp Are you so extravagant in Cloaths Sir Ioseph Sir Io. Ha ha ha a very good Jest I profess ha ha ha a very good Jest and I did not know that I had say'd it and that 's a better Jest than tother 'T is a sign you and I ha'n't been long acquainted you have lost a good Jest for want of knowing me I only mean a Friend of mine whom I call my Back he sticks as close to me and follows me through all dangers he is indeed Back Breast and Headpiece as it were to me agad he 's a brave Fellow Pauh I am quite another thing when I am with him I don't fear the Devil God bless us almost if he be by Ah had he been with me last night Sharp If he had Sir what then he could have done no more nor perhaps have suffer'd so much had he a hundred Pound to lose Angrily Sir Io. O lord Sir by no means but I might have sav'd a hundred Pound I meant innocently as I hope to be sav'd Sir a damn'd hot Fellow only as I was saying I let him have all my ready Mony to redeem his great Sword from Limbo But Sir I have a Letter of Credit to Alderman Fondlewife as far as two hundred Pound and this Afternoon you shall see I am a Person such a one as you would wish to have met with Sharp That you are I le be sworn aside Why that 's great and like your self Enter Bluffe Sir Jo. Oh here â—â— comes 〈…〉 of Troy welcome my Bully my Back â—gad 〈…〉 Bluff How how my young Knight Not for fear I hope he that knows me must be a stranger to fear Sir Jo. Nay agad I hate fear ever since I had like to have dy'd of a fright But Bluff But Look you here Boy here 's your antidote here 's your Jesuits Powder for a shaking fit But who hast thou got with thee is he of mettle Laying his Hand upon his Sword Sir Jo. Ay Bully a Devilish smart Fellow 'a will sight like a Cock. Bluff Say you so then I honour him But has he been abroad for every Cock will sight upon his own Dunghil Sir Jo. I don't know but I 'le present you Bluff I 'le recommend my self Sir I honour you I understand you love Fighting I reverence a Man that loves Fighting Sir I Kiss your Hilts. Sharp Sir your Servant but you are misinform'd for unless it be to serve my particular Friend as Sir Joseph here my Country or my Religion or in some very Justifiable Cause I 'me not for it Bluff O Lord I beg your pardon Sir I find you are not of my Pallat you can't relish a Dish of Fighting without Sweet Sawce Now I think Fighting for Fighting sake's sufficient Cause Fighting to me 's Religion and the Laws Sir Jo. Ah well said my Hero was not that great Sir by the Lord Harry he says true Fighting is Meat Drink and Cloth to him But Back this Gentleman is one of the best Friends I have in the World and saved my Life last Night You know I told you Bluff Ay! Then I honour him again Sir may I crave your name Sharp Ay Sir my name 's Sharper Sir Jo. Pray Mr. Sharper Embrace my Back very well By the Lord Harry Mr. Sharper he 's as brave a Fellow as Cannibal are not you Bully Back Sharp Hannibal I believe you mean Sir Joseph Bluff Undoubtedly he did Sir faith Hannibal was a very pretty Fellow but Sir Joseph comparisons are odious Hannibal was a very pretty Fellow in those Days it must be granted But Alas Sir were he alive now he would be nothing Nothing in the Earth Sharp How Sir I make a doubt if there be at this Day a greater General Breathing Bluff Oh excuse me Sir have you serv'd a broad Sir Sharp Not I really Sir Bluff Oh I thought so Why then you can know nothing Sir I 'me afraid you scarce know the History of the Late War in Flanders with all its particulars Sharp Not I Sir no more than publick Letters or Gazett's tell us Bluff Gazette Why there again now Why Sir there are not three words of Truth the