did at the newes of Iosephs life and prosperity It is enough wee are full and so fully satisfied with this heavenly Manna even this very food of Angels that here doe wee sit downe and feed our selves perhaps some houres at a time on this Celestiall sweetnesse Our silent thoughts now take their holy scem To walke about the new Ierusalem And marke â—ow there each precious stone doth vy Which may give brightest lustre to the eye How doe wee desire to rest and dwell continually in this Paradise of contemplation even as Saint Peter did when hee saw how fine it was to be in the Mount and said Lord let us make three Tabernacles and dwell here to dwell here it were good indeed but that verily may not be there is no dwelling in Heaven whilst wee are in the flesh no looking for a continuall joy sweetnesse and content in this vale of misery and therefore since that thorow the whole scope of this life wee are ordained rather to a religious travaile and labour then to quiet and ease doubtlesse the resting our selves so over-much in this satiety of Ioy doth us more harme then good in that it makes us the more to forget to take the paines to goe to an other Heaven hereafter who are thus as it were in a present Heaven here already the satisfying fruition of Contemplation doth call away our thoughts from the necessary care of Mortification flattering many times the due sense of sinne and giving us as I may say a kind of Liberty and Priviledge to doe amisse For we shall thereby thus think to our selve when we are so often and so much over taken with sinne there is a fatall necessity of sinning in all men and therefore notwithstanding that how many and whatsoever our sinnes be wee make no doubt but it is well enough with us and that wee must needs be sufficiently in the favour of God to whom he doth afford such divine familiarity and such heavenly Comforts the which perswasion of our selves although it may be true in some sense true I meane that these inward gifts of mind are generally a token of Gods favour yet surely thus I say doth the sweetnesse and selfe-conceit thereof make us often times the more slacke not so diligently to seeke to mortifie our corrupt affections not so seriously thinking how this illumination of mind this Tree of Knowledge may bring forth the fruit of good workes how to become humble to become patient to become chaste to become temperate c. Iames and Iohn were busying their minds about who should be on the right hand and who on the left of Christ in his Kingdome but our Saviour cals them neerer home to the matter in hand to thinke rather on suffering with him and that present Condition of difficulty which they must undergoe well knowing that the gazing too much on that easie and sweet part of religion might make them to omit the weightier and more materiall part which is to beare the Crosse and drink of his Cup. Well as experience of spirituall understanding grows on so our phansie will be apt to abide more constant in our meditations upon anything and be more aboundantly fruitfull with variety of considerations specially if other affairs give us Liberty to spend our time freely upon it our Melancholly thoughts perhaps for some moneths together will be mainly employed and taken up sometimes with the notions of this subject sometimes of that fot a while it may be wee shall be altogether to contemplate of Death and Mortality our phansie will hang only on Graves on Sculs on Passing-bels sadly weighing how truly it is said of David that man is a thing of nought his time passeth away like a shadow and that of Iob in his seventh Chapter My dayes are swifter then a Weavers shuttle and are spent without hope O remember that my life is wind mine eye shall no more see good the eye of him that hath seene mee shall see me no more c. ringing ringing out the Knell of death to our soules in this or the like manner O thou devouted soule Amidst the pleasures joyes triumphs And hopes now in this life begun Thinke every morning that ere night Thy Sun may set thy life be done Amidst the cares the dolefull griefs And feares that on this life attend Thinke every morning that ere night Thy Sun may set thy liâ—e may end Another while perchance we shal take pleasure in guilding over our thoughts with the glorious lustre of the world to come the beatificall vision the beauty of the Saints according to that of Daniel They that be wise shall shine as the Firmament and they that turne many to righteousnes as the stars for ever and ever Sometimes our seriousnesse is very much affected with Bels the Melancholy rising and falling of the sound doth methinkes lively imprint into our fancie the Emblem of mans inconstancie and the fading succession of the times and ages of this world she wing that which S. Iohn speaks in the 1. Epistle the second Chapter How the world passeth away and the lustt thereof but hee that doth the will of God abideth for ever the warbling out of tunes in our mind the hearing or modulâ—ting of melodious songs which have been ancient will revive unto our phansie the times and things that are past making us exceeding sad and dumpish at the remembrance of them and ready sometimes to let fall teares because that golden Flower of time that spring-tide of delight is so soon past and gone three is an end with it and alas woe is us it shall never O never returne again Farewell adieu ye pleasant youthfull houres Which did our life so sweetly crowne with flowers Many times againe doth the consideration of Eternity and that endlesse statâ— of the soule after this life drive these or the like Meditatâ—ons intentively to our hearts O Lord how much doth it concerne us with most exact care to take heed how we order our selves whilst wee live here when as according to our living in this world our soules must needs enter into such an endlesse and unalterable a condition the very beholding of which though but a farre off doth make all our sense as it were gidy and amaz'd at the exceeding height depth and extent thereof The sight of a dead mau if peradventure anatomized and cut up before us or else but shrowded lying prostrate or the like doth usually worke so reall an efficacie in our thoughts that it deeply casteth us into a loathing abasement and vile esteeme of our selves it may be for a good while after confidering thus that notwithstanding Man doth carry such estate with him is so sumptuously adorned and so full of magnificent shew in this life yet is hee in substance but a peece of carrion even so contemptible a thing that he would disdain being alive to but touch himselfe if he were dead O man how canst thou be proud that art nothing but
a bag of dung a sinke of filth and corruption me thinks the very meanest creatures are more happy then we for loe O Lord they continue perfect in that state thou hast created them they live not in sinne against their Maker they die in innocencie but man alas unhappy man liveth in sinne dieth in trouble O finne thou art the worst of all evils thou art worst then death worse then Hell sure better were it to have no being at all then that our being should be offensive to that God which hath bestowed it on us In the time of plague and infectious sicknesse in likâ— manner doe our Meditations more consideratively enlarge themselves how are our thoughts then not a little swollen up with sadnesse and griefe at the tender apprehension of the solitary and forsaken estate of those poore soules who are imprisoned and shut up in the infected houses thinking thus with our selves O Lord how happy are wee on whom the Sun shines thus merrily the Sunne of Gods favour wee have health wee have Liberty wee have Plenty of all things at our hearts desire but they poore wretches are inclosed within the shadow of death their feet like good Iosepâ—s are in the stocks and the Iron thereof entreth into their soules the hardnesse of misery maketh their very hearts to bleed for as Iob saith Tbe arrowes of the Almighty are within them and the poyson thereof drinketh up their spirits O how can wee forget to have compassion on such misery as this The seâ—ious deepnesse of our mind doth also thus frequently close up in our Meditations the departing day and Lord thou hast added one day more unto this our life which thou mightst long ere this have shortned and cut off Lord prepare us for our end and make us willinger to die then yet wee are that when as wee shall have brought all our dayes to a period as we have now this day wee may be ready and well content to depart out of this world to thine eternall mercy and that wee be patiently resolved that this face these hands and this whole body of ours after a while it may put on corruption be clothed with blacknesse and deformity and so with the fatall necessity of all Mankind naturally to be composed into Mortality and be gathered to our Fathers to rest with them in the dust untill thine appointed time Vntill that shrill awaking Trumpet sound At the last day to raise us from the ground The Melancholly Man is a man full of thoughts his phansie is as it were alwayes in a constant Motion no sooner doe wee discharge our braines of these diviner thoughts and meditations specially our mind being at leisure from worldly things but forth with it is in action either with some idle or ill employment either wee are building of Castles in the ayre or framing of Vtopiaes and the Idea's of one thing and of another of Monarchies of Paradises and such like pleasing dreams of phansie or else wee are on the otherside snarling our thoughts with the toyls of sinne Each sense of ours to the heart Proves Traytor to let in Temptation with his fatall dart The Harbinger of sinne How often thus doe the allurmeents of pleasure involve our minds in a restlesse unquietnesse untill wee give satisfaction thereunto how often doth the provocations of lust follow our thoughts till wee commit Adultery with the Baby of our owne fancie how often again doth impatiency haunt us till wee are engaged in wrath and distemper how often doth the love of Riches torment us into the consent of injustice This is the difference wee may find in our soules betwixt good and evill when wee are affected with good things wee are ready as I say to poure out our braines into an abundance of Consideration thereupon but when as wee goe to make use thereof in the practise of our lives such difficulties and impossibilities doe stand in the way that it is even against our stomack then to tâ—inke upon it when contrariwise wee are affected with evill things it may be wee are not ready to spend so many thoughts upon them but wee may easily observe our pronenesse to imprint them in our actions For good wee are as the fruitlesse Fig-tree all whose sap is but enough to bear leaves none for fruit so that in manner all our goodnesse goes out into thoughts meditations and desires little or none at all into practise and performance but for evill wee are more fruit then leaves the practick part of our soules doth here out-goe the speculative Facilis descensus av Aâ—rni Nature hath made it easie for us to goe downwards in the paths of death and destruction and yet notwithstanding by Gods mercy sin doth not over-come us to fulfill it in the lusts and full swing thereof we are not at ease and rest with it it doth discontent and trouble us there is no perfect quietnesse in our soules whilst it prevailes within us although sometimes for want of carefull diligence it taketh such advantage of us that t is long and difficult ere wee can wind our selves out of the snare therof I say long and difficult ere we can throughly untie those knots of perversenesse and impiety which Sathan when hee gets time and liberty doth cunningly contrive within us Here we may note the wisely-confirm'd maturity of years and better acquaintance wiâ—h the nature of things as it doth helpe forward our continuance in grace in that it becomes longer being made cleane by repentance ere we shall now fall backe into sinne I meane into more grosse and frequent sinnes so likewise it advantageth our continuance in sinne in that it becomes the longer also being in the state of wrath ere wee can be duly reconciled againe by true repentance and the reason hereof without question is chiefly to bee conceived for that ripenesse of age makes nature more solid stiffe and unmoveably set in its course being the right subject of constant seriousnesse and Melancholy as on the other-side youth is vainely wavering and according to the Poet Cereuâ— in vitium slecti c. Like wax that 's quickly wrought to any shape And pliable to any alteration Againe touching the settlednesse of our courses in this spiâ—ituall condition of the soule it is alwayes to be observed that the more unhappily finne doth prevaile over us and the longer it doth continue with us the more we are disheartned and loth to repent by reason that difficulty and bad successe doth daunt the courage and deter from that which easinesse and happy proceeding doe make to delight in thus likewise in other things it is usually seene that hee who thrives delights to be a good Husband prosperity backs on the endeavour and sweetnes a mans labour In like manner also when we have good successe in Religion it makes us the more religious the be ter wee thrive in it the more wee are in love with it that which wee have already quickens the appetite and
whets on the affection with a greater longing having truly tasted how good it is we can with David say Oh how sweet are thy words unto our taste yea sweeter then honey unto our mouth our soule can then handsomly reilish all holy duties and religious exercises and wee doe delight in the performance thereof as in particular the frequenting the Church the hearing of Sermons the holy Law and Testimonies of the Lord doe not now seeme a burden but as a pleasure unto us O Lord me thinkes thy words to us doe shine A sweet direction in the paths divine In receiving the word we can suck out a secret sweetnesse and comfortable benefit there from it becomes nourishable unto us the Rod of Gods justice and the staffe of his mercies bound up together in his booke doe pleasantly lead forth our soules besides the waters of Comfort but specially is our Melancholy soule most in imately affected with such Scripture which presseth home the due understanding of our momentany and mortall Condition and with funerall exercises which more lively set forth the same Salomon saith It is better to goe into the house of mourning c. and he gives the cause for that is the end of all men and the living will lay it to his heart wee shall I say bee thus alwayes apt on such occasions to fix the sad consideration of death most neerly to us and sure mee thinkes there can be no thoughts that doe concerne us more then those of our end of our last day neither can wee bestow any of the time of our life better or to more purpose then in the digging of our Graves I meane the providing for our end for though perhaps wee may live a great deale longer yet verely wee are no men of this world thy grace O Lord hath so removed our affections from these transitory things that with Saint Paul Wee are daily dying in our thoughts and desiring rather to be dissolved and to be with Christ then to live here not waiting expecting and looking for a long continuance upon earth but farre more for a happy departure Life 's not our joy at death 's our chiefest ayme By life wee lose by death wee hope to gaine Also in this prosperity of Religion doe wee alwayes apprehend a more gratious satisfaction in our prayers supplications the spirit of devotion so filleth and fatteth our soule with goodnesse that wee are wont abundantly to rejoyce therein above all other things striving to lift up our soules often in private devotion in so much that if leisure serve wee shall be ready to offer up the incense of our zeale unto God in admiring his mercy setting forth our unworthinesse desiring farther his grace and heavenly benediction to grow stronger and stronger in his feare and love and the like requests and Petitions often times even often times peradventure in a day not only in short ejaculations but even in pretty laâ—ge formes of expression for no sooner doe wee feele the sacred fire of Devotion flaming upwards and aspiring unto heaven but presently wee seriously betake our thoughts to prayer and thanksgiving by the way it may be here considerable whether for our constant devotion in private as morning and evening and the like many short ejaculations are more fit to carry up our affections unto God or otherwise some one long and large continued forme the former way through its often cuttings off being in dangsr to make us degenerate into alazie and forgetfull seldomnesse of praying the latter thorough its tedious continuance into an unadvised dulnesse in praying and therefore not much approving of either betweene both of these two or three moderate formes with an acute and strong winged brevity are me thinkes more convenient to present our cause before the Almighty in an unvariable constancy and in a piously devout apprehension but to keepe on our way Now againe in like manner are we most divinely studious and diligent to make the full benefit and advantage of that time which is properly set apart for Gods service labouring to build up others and to be built up strong in our selves as by hearing exhorting and discoursing with truly pious and religious men rejoycing in this comfortable Communion of Saints I meane the communicating acquaintance and assisting fellowship of our inner man one with another or else againe perhaps more privately managing our soules by reading as in the Bible Practise of Piety Gerrards Meditations or the like by Meditating Consulting and walking with the Almighty in spirituall thoughts ending the Sabbath dayes usually in such high and serious actions occupying our selves in that only which may tend either to improve Knowledge try Faith exercise Charity examine Conscience and the like communing thus as David hath it secretly in our owne hearts in our Chambers and being still quiet from outward perturbations thereby effectually to entertaine these heavenly Guests And therefore duly apprehending this Celestiall happinesse of the mind shal we use to long for the Sabbath before it come preferring it in esteeme above all the other dayes of the week and calling it as in the 58. of Isaiah the thirteenth verse A delight unto us the Holy of the Lord c. accounting the holy rest of this Sabbath here to be a lively Emblem and as it were a taste of that glorious rest in the eternall Sabath hereafter The due frequenting and solemne use of four a clock prayers on Saturdayes afternoone is me thinkes a worthy sweet and seasonable exercise as being an excellent preparation against the Sunday to lay aside the thoughts the cares and busines of our Calling and truly were it generally more observed and taken notice of no doubt Religion might fare far the better for it but sure The Root of evill is the love of Gold And that is it Religion is so cold Because we cannot spare the time from gaine For Heaven therefore we take but little paine To goe on as this irradiating beam of divine grace doth cloath our minds with a light and delight in spirituall things whereby not only our thoughts ate set a worke on purer objects but also our outward behaviour and conversation is ready to do its part too in Religion our tongues not vaine or offensive but ayming their words for the most part to pious and good discourses aptly applying ordinary things in our talke to some godly use or religious observation our feet not swift to go after folly nor our hand dealing with deceit I say as this illuminative beame of divine Grace doth enlighten our thoughts making us full of high and heavenly wisedome in all our wayes so in like manner it warmeth our affection towards others melting the bowels of our compassion into a more then superficiall charitableness and loving mindednesse unto all men whereby with tendernesse we alwayes construe their lives and actions in the better sense and doe sincerely wish pray for and desire even the salvation of every one but specially zealous
of the good of our friends as of our own and therefore are we almost ready with David many times to cry out O Absalom my Sonne my Sonne my Father my Child my Wife my Brother my Friend poore soule would to God I had dyed for thee and as sorrowing so againe rejoycing for no other prosperity so much as for their souls happinesse and that too not so much for any private relation betwixt them and us as for that we know it is most â—cceptable unto God because we doe now verily make an higher account of Gods glory then of our own good and therefore do we as it were bear on our shoulders the care of Gods people heartily praying that all as well as our selves may thus taste and see how gracious the Lord is how full of mercy and compassion so true find we that of Saint Iohn in 1. Epistle the 4. Chapter That he who loveth God must love his neighbour also This is the Touch-stone to a sacred soule Whereby the truth of her Religion 's knowne If that her neighbours griefe she can condole With as due sense as if it were her owne Bonum est sui diffusivum T is the nature of true goodnesse to be willing to have others participate of it sure then he is not really good in himselfe who is nigardly streightned in his bowels of affection towards others but hee who hath perfectly received within himselfe that good which commeth downe from the Father and Fountaine of all Goodnesse cannot but be so full in himselfe in his owne heart that hee must needs run over with a liberall good will and affection of good unto others His Liberality of affection unto others doth also reach ir selfe forth into a godly patience in bearing the injuries wrongs of men we can be reasonable well content to put up these sufferings which the malice of our fellow creatures doth inflict because wee know them to be sent to us by Gods appointment and wee have so much trust and confidence in his love towards us that wee cannot thinke he will suffer any thing to light on us for our hurt with whom wee are so dearely joyned in our inner men beleeving that as he hath sent affliction for our advantage so he will not suffer us to be tempted above what wee shall thorough his mercy be able to undergoe that he wil be sure to have that care of us as to take it away againe in due season when it shall be most convenient for us And here O Lord considering thy diligent care over us in all the dangers and chances of this life wee cannot but truly say O what is man what is man that thou art thus mindfull of him or the Sonne of man that thou visitest him with such abundant of loving kindnesse one would thinke with the Poet that Non vacat exiguis rebus adesse Iovi That then O Lord who art so farre above the earth so farre surpassing that innumerable number of stars in the Heaven the least of which is much bigger then many worlds nay so farre surpassing those Heavens of stars and many millions of Heavens besides even farther then all the capacities of mankind are able any wayes to conceive or imagine one would think I say in humane reason that thou that art so exceeding and infinitly great and glorious should not be at leisure so much as to thinke on such poor atomes such contemptible nothings as we are much lesse to take notice of us with such affection of love O Lord the greatnesse of thy love is not to be imagined We may take notice in our soules experience that the prosperous successe of religion and the long uninterrupted continuance of grace within us as it maketh us bold with God thorough his mercies so it maketh us also humble bold I say not proud although nature bee very frequently apt and endeavouring in us to take too much upon her and to mistake Gods gifts and graces for her own proper powers faculties endowments as bold so I say again it maketh us humble in our own selvs and weaknesse such is the amiable brightnesse of the divine Essence that the more wee apprehend the infinitenesse and purity thereof the more wee seem in our selves to admire to want and to thrist after it and even with unsatiable love to desire perfection for this neerer apprehension of the Almighty who giveth us light more clearely to see the grosnesse and obliquity of our own imperfections whereby with humility we loath and abhorre what we are of our selves so that our least sins in the time of grace seeme greater then our greatest in the time of sinne And therefore doe wee now use at such time with a more then ordinary love and admiration to value Gods blessings at a higher rate our thoughts being full of thankfulnesse for that plenty of goodnesse which at other times perhaps wee can scarce thinke on O Lord if wee consider it thy mercies thy sweet mercies are renewed unto us not only every morning but every moment what minute is there that we are not greatly beholding unto thee O Lord. In that wee live in that wee draw our hreath In that wee are not in eternall death T is all thy mercies as liberty and wealth Our food our rayment and our saving health Thus farre the prosperous gale of Gods favour doth carry us pleasantly on in the course of Religion but when the storme ariseth wee are presently overwhelmed with the boysterous Waves of wrath of lust of distrustfull feare of impatiency and the like so that we were never formerly so blessedly refreshed with that heavenly calme as we are now againe miserably troubled and tossed with this unhappy tempest there is no constancy to be lookt for in this life but specially is our unhappy nature most unconstant to persist in these more divine and sin-forsaking courses it may be we may with sufficient deliberation vow resolve and goe on a while to use such and such means and helps as perchance Fasting Watching or the like for the prevention of our frequent fals and to keepe on in a lesse floating and uncertaine manner in our way to Heaven but alas usually either these courses are quickly left of againe or else they be so dull and lazily performed that the continuance of them is to little purpose so that three or foure moneths at a time is a great while for us to be free men lively and at our owne disposall â— the service of God and then doubtlesse after our old course must we returne with shame like fooles unto the stocks or as saith the Apostle Like the dog unto hiâ— vomit and the Sow unto her wallowing in the mire but now the wonted use and long acquainted experience of sinning in time doth dull the sense of conscience making sinne not to be so strange and fearful a thing unto â—â— as in former times in the minority of our dayes O youth thou thou I say art
the night be gone and we are full of tossings to and fro untill the dawning of the day and with David in the 38. Psalm we may most truly say that there is no soundnesse in our flesh by reason of thy wrath neither is there any rest unto our bones by reason of our sin for our iniquities are gone over our beads and are a sore burthen too beavy for us to bear a heavy burthen too heavy as well for our enfeebled bodies as distempered souls The Soul and Body like two Turtle Doves Doe both in one affeâ—tion syrapathize What moves the one the other quickly moves Each in the others love both lives and dyes As the Soule so I say the body sustaineth an heavy portion of this spirituall misery for we doe here with in time usually grow so weak even truly as they say so weak as water being what with griefe and abstinence from ordinary food wasted and pined away to nothing but skin and bone neither have our bones also any rest in them for they are ready to ake as we but lye in our Beds and are exceedingly dryed up like a Potsheard such is the feeble wearinesse and laxation of our limbs that kneeling any whit long at Prayer when we rise we shall be ready to fâ—ll backwards so that as David in the 22. Psalme just so we are even powred out like water and all our bones are out of joyne if we sit a while more then ordinary such a benummed stiffenesse and deadnesse doth seize upon us that we shall hardly perhaps be able without help to stand upright Againe thus are we grown old I say old with griefe and are become as it is said Like a dead man that is forgotten The continuall sighing and anguish of minde seemes to presse and oppresse our flomackes as if some heavy weight did lye hard upon it thy hand O Lord presseth us so sore that it is uneasie for us to fetch our breath and lo it may be we are wholly for many daies together as in a constant feavour of distemper I have known the water of such a distressed soul only through this intollerable trouble of mind and Conscience to look so ill that a wise and well experienced Pyhsitian hath given his opinion of it that he never saw so bad and disturbed an estate in all his life before O the sad case O the sorry and miserable condition of man that is thus wounded with the sting of conscience for his sin Behold how David complaines and laments in his 39. Psalm O take away thy plague from me for I am even cansumed by meanes of thy heavy band When thou with rebuke dost chasten man for sinne thou makest his beauty to consume away like as it were a moath fretting a garment every man therefore is but vanity O man unhappy man who can sufficiently bemoane thee What heart is there can chuse but smart to see this thy misery and here to shew the griese that I now conceive Ob that my tongue could speake forth teares of blood And eyes run down with waters like a floud But to go on for we may not stay here I say to go on with the Story of our darting and affrighting thoughts when any grievous and terrour-striking flash doth dart into our minds we are presently apt thereupon to ponder and examine with our selves whether it be worse and of greater impiety then those that we have formerly had and for the most part ever the last doth seem to be the worst somtimes it may be we may thus think with our selves why what be they but bare thoughts they be not wishes desires or reall actions of the mind And then perchance the next time these thoughts do come unto us in manner of wishes which for the present through the sudden passion of feare doth confound us with such an amazement that we cannot at all tell what to think or do we are so quite out of heart with those and our other dismayments for any hope of salvation that me thinks it is but a folly to perswade our selves of comfort Well when the thoadâ— of this overwhelming tempest is somwhat allayed and past over we shall perhaps begin to consider again being loath to be drowned that grant they be wishes or be they what they will be never so bad yet we cannot help it it is not in our power to dispose of our own thoughts though they do come thus unhappily unto us we desire them not we had rather be rid of them and then vvhen vve have so far pretty vvell resolved our selves for the time rather then our melancholly fancy shall be at any rest or intermission from tormenting doubts and terrors our half bewitcht imagination our imagination I may vvell say as half bewitcht vvill also send for them and bring them into mind and then there is not the least shevv of hope any more to be caught hold by then vve are quite strucken down into Hell vvith an utter confusion of despaire vve have hitherto strived against might and all in vain too but deceive our selves with hope without question such is our perswasion and conceit we must needs be damned if ever any were damned we are now shut under Hatches past hope of recovery utterly forsaken and cast off from Grace and sure we now count it an advantage and â—he onely height of our hope if we might but be in a lesser degree of Condemnation we doe take it as a benefit to us not to be placed in the extreamest condition of Hell this this is but a poore hope a cold comfort God knows and yet even this so poore a hope can we hardly grant our selves O now shall we think how happy is that soule that is but in probability of salvation Oh it is not preferment credit rich apparell or outward pleasures the common joyes and felicities of this world that stand high in our esteem we can now value these earthly things truly as they are even as nothing we envy not the happinesse of those that have them nor are we discontent to be without them give us O Lord give us this one thing The comfort of thy grace again The hope of salvation and we looke for no more hither hither are our desires our cares our thoughts only bent here is the only treasure we aime at There 's no content without it to be had There 's nothing with it that can make us sad Two things are here well to be observed by the way First that the meerly reasoning and reflecting thoughts of Conscience doe never cause such sharp fits of dispaire in the soule of man as those which are also partly darting and affrighting the second is That dispaire in the understanding is nothing so great an impiety against God as is dispaire in the Will with an impatient resolution a dispairing motion or opinion as a desperate sin To return again to the disconsolate amazement of our souls labouring in dispaire this poore hope as
I say of being in a lesser degree of Condemnation we cannot grant unto our selves for we shall reason chiefly thus If God be most just as he must needs be he cannot but distribute equall right and Justice unto all men and so he may not spare any one person more then other for any favour or respect whatsoever but only for their good behaviour and as they have better husbanded their time and his gifts in them for will the righteous God of all the world judge partially No verily he is truth it selfe farre be it from the Lord as it is in the 34. of Iob and the 10 verse that he shouâ—d doe wickednesse and from the Almighty that he should commit iniqutty for the worke of a man shall he render unto him and cause every man to finde according to his wayes and though there be mercy to be found in Christ for the greatest sinners yet are we notwithstanding me thinks to make account that God certainly requires our good behaviour in amendment of life according to that of Saint Paul in the second to the Corinthians the 5. Chapter If any man be in Christ he is a new creature As the Father is Truth so is the Son and if we meane to be the better for him and come thorough him as the way into Heaven we must follow him as he is the way and the truth in newnesse of life and therefore how can we who be thus in the greatest state of sinne as we conceive our selves to be both in the former passage of our life as also especially now for these present thoughts and tormenting impieties of minde but needs expect and look for the greatest Condemnation of all men so true is that Heathen but wise speech Se judice nemo nocens absolvitur There is no advocate can plead our cause When Conscience once doth prosecute the Lawes For nay yet further me thinkes we doe so much hate what we are and applaud Truth and Justice that unlesse we might be free from sinne from this wretched and hellish condition of minde though God himselfe should now call us into Heaven we would surely stand without we could not nor would not come in unlesse he would shew the like mercy upon all unlesse all other men were biddâ—n come in too whom we are of opinion to be farre more fit for it then our selves Well this thought and conceit as it hath some reason in it in that we cannot deject our selves as low as our sins deserve we knovv so much of our selves that vve cannot but think all others better then our selves vvho are so exceedingly bad in our selves I say againe as it hath reason in it duely considering the unhappy state of sin and this transcendent unhappinesse of the minde vvhich is novv so full of the Hell of tormenting distempers and dispaire that we cannot thinke our selves possibly capable of that most holy place and glorious condition vvhich is only fit for the purity of Saints and Angels yet is there no question a kind of close stubbornnesse usually joyned vvith it even in this our lovvest dejection thus I say there may be though vve doe not all perceive it too much stomack in us too much stomack as much as to say Since that God hath not delivered us from these sinnes and vvretched untovvardnesses vve are therefore as it vvere carelesse to be delivered from the punishment as if a Father for some discontent should shut his Child out of doores for an houre or tvvo though perchance the Father aftervvards vvould let him come in yet forsooth he vvill not but in a mogging humour lyes abroad all night So verily in this aforesaid passage and conclusion of minde as I conceive it is not much unlike vvith us as if God had fcarce dealt vvell enough vvith us to let us fall into these snares of sin and distraction therefore novv peradventure in this case vve doe not much care for mercy our Melancholly forsaken soule as David in the 77. Psalm refuseth comfort and as Iacob at the supposed nevves of â—osephs death in the 37. of Genesis vvould not take comfort of his friend so now either we cannot or will not take comfort from others it is hard to tell â—ruely vvhich is the cause for sin These motions have so deep a secresie The truth thereof there 's none can well discry As I say let the cause be vvhat it vvill be either reall or imaginary or deluding for note this that the excesse of Melancholly in many of us is altogether a strong distempered delusion of phansie however sure enough it is to our seeming that vve are not able to receive it because vvhatsoever is said to us by any of our friends or others in the vvay of comforting us novv in this our extream distresse of mind for the most part it is all in vaine and to no purpose as touching the sins vvhich lye upon our consciences like mountaines of Lead too heavy for us to beare If it be urged and applyed that St. Peter forsvvare Christ his deare Lord and Master after that he had a long time received so many gracious courtesies from him after that he had been an ancient Apostle full of heavenly vvisedom and understanding that David committed both Murder and Adultery in his elder age after he had familiarly vvalked vvith God many yeares together and yet both these so great offenders vvere easily forgiven Againe that our Saviour Christ came into this World for nothing else dyed for no other purpose but only to save sinners and that he delighted in mercy whilst he vvas here amongst us rejoâ—cing to doe his Fathers vvork that great vvork of mercy as appeareth by his generall Proclamation Come unto me all yee that are weary and heavy laden c. and as it eminently appeareth by his manner of conversation upon earth by being usually amongst and familiar with Publicans and sinners by his favourable and kind speech and behaviour to that Woman taken in Adultery to Mary Magdalen and the like Nay â—et once further if it be urged and pressed unto our Consciences that the mighty Jehovah even the Lord God himselfe in his ovvne vvords hath spoken by the Prophet Ezekiel As I live saith the Lord God I desire not the death of the wicked And againe most Patheâ—tcally by the Prophet Isaiah Though your sins were as crimson they shall be made as white as snow though they were red like scarleâ— they shall be as wooll If you vvill I say if you vvill at last but endeavour to be reclaimed if the consent c. as it follovves in the next verse intimating that it is not the greatnesse of our sins that can seperate his mercy from us if there be any desire or inclination to good be it never so little even as nothing for he will not quench the smoking flax nor breake che bruised reed Alas it must needs be a very little fire that doth but make the flax to smoak when as
it is so combustable a thing that the least sparke is able to set it in a flame Alas the brickle reed being bruised and crusht into shivers it is a very little hold-fast that it hath it is as good as quite broken off and yet he will not breake it off it shall grow together againe become firme and usefull Such is the exceeding mercy of the Lord to poor sinners even beyond all humane likelihood and capacity When man doth see no hope or life at all Our God can then revive us with a call And yet loe all these comfortable perswasions can doe no good all this is but Surdâ— cavere to sing as it were to a dead man this nor nothing of this fits our Disease it comes not aneer me thinks unto our case it agrees not with our malady though Christ came into the world to save sinners and though the Lord hath given most large and mercifull promises in the Scripture for the comfort of sinners yet this is nothing to us this concernes not such sinners as we such grievous such constant such highly rebellious sinners if others have sinned grievously and yet are saved certaine there was a farre greater reason for it in their other towardlinesse to good or the like then that we can find in our selves Mark it it is this our present untowardnesse that alwaies puts us into the greatest plunges of despaire and thus our thoughts stand fully possest with nothing else but that we are remedilesse wretches desperate miscreants and utterly forsaken of God And no marvaile that thorough this sad unhappinesse of mind that we we miserable wretched and sinfull souls are thus forsaken when as our blessed Saviour himself in that his great agony of trouble and distresse of minde on the Crosse cryed out My God my God why hast thou forsaken me No marvaile I say that we who are the greatest of sinners should be forsaken and left alone to sinke into unmercifull despaire when as he that was no sinner at all even one with God himselfe with the imputative burden of our sins Cryed out as if he had been left destitute and even ready to yeeld under them My God my God why hast thou forsaken me But to goe on O the strength of Melancholly or rather indeed the strength of sin and a convicted Conscience In Melancholly natures there are no Arguments and Reasons of the most skilfull Divines that can ease our hearts or refresh our souls in this extreamity of trouble perhaps moderate Physick convenient employment and the constant company direction and guidance of some wise understanding party may be necessary outward helps for us but verily the best inner comfort that at any time we doe gather though usually it be but little is as I have formerly said by those that are or have been afflicted with troubles and disturbance of mind somewhat alike us in the same kind either by a full understanding of the event passages and condition of their trouble or else by conference with them if it may be and communicating our estates and maladies together Take 't for a rule that that Physician still In all Diseases fits the Patient best Whos 's owne experience doth improve his skill And it confirmes with a probatum est The experience I say of others misery is the best satisfaction we can find in our own and truly we do not meet with a better or more generally soveraign salve in the comparing of all our judgments experiences together then in the midst of all our grievous tortures and distresse of mind to strive wholly to rest our selves as quiet as contented and as patient as we may and to tarry the Lords leasure Our souls our bodies and all are in thine hands O God deale with us as it shall seeme good in thine eyes if thou hast ordained and prepared us for Heaven blessed be thy Name if thou hast given us over and that we are like Tares bound up and fitted for Hell blessed also be thy Name it is doubtlesse for thy glory and it is but our just desert come life come death come Heaven come Heâ—l the Will of the Lord be done we are not able to sustaine the care of our selves all the strength of our poor souls and bodies is not sufficient to take a full charge or undergoe care enough to preserve the least creature in the world much lesse of so noble a creature as is the soul of man Since therefore we are not sufficient for these things we must doe the best we may and cast the rest of our care upon God humbly resigning over our selves unto him that so he may beare that care for us which our weak and narrow â—ouls cannot beare for themselves Sure we doe not a little offend God I am verily of the mind in being over much discontented and impatiently grieved as many times we are in our selves â—ot though in the bitternesse of our misery being perswaded to be content and to be resolved with more quietnesse of mind we shall usually not without reason plead for our grieving and taking on so deeply O Lord how can we be quiet and at rest to sustaine such a Hell in our breasts Can we carry fiery coals in our bosome and not be burnt therewith Can our soul be rackt with such tormenting anguish of impious thoughts and despairing terrours and yet not weep sigh and abundantly complaine thereof Doth not Hezekiah in the 38. of Esay Chatter like a Crow and a Swallow and mourn like a Dove for the feare of cutting off of a few momentary daies and can we be sufficiently impatient with griefe to be cut off from the Land of the living even all hope of Heaven for ever Shall Rachell mourne for the losse of her Children so that she will not be comforted and can we weep and cry out enough for the losse of our souls unto all Eternity Nay can we endure but so much as to conceive the Devill haling â—erking and tormenting any of our deare friends either living or departed this life I say to see their distracted looks to heare their lamentable and intolerable cryes and not to have our bowels melt within us and we can endure to see our selves turned out from the face of God for ever to burne and fry most deservedly with everlasting paines in Hell fire O let us alone at the thoughts of these things to poure out our selves into Oceans of tears and to roare even roare aloud forthe very disquietnesse of our hearts I say O let us houle cry out and make a moane Able to break the very hearts of stone So just cause have we in this case me thinks to forrow without measure nay more if it were possible then to the very death Is there any cause of sorrow like this cause Weep not for me that labour may be spared to weep for other things but weep for our selves there is cause enough that is truly to be wept for and nothing else but
and conversation here whilest they were upon earth accounting highly of them as holy and blessed Saints with a most reverend respect of their deeds and sayings and making much reckoning and esteem of whatsoever was theirs and belonged unto them Our serious thoughts do Canonize their fame With the remembrance of a sacred name And as Ioseph in the last of Genesis fell upon his dead fathers face wept upon him and kissed him so do we fall upon the blessed remembrance of our forefathers not with a little affection of respect weeping upon them and kissing them with an holy love and reverence of mind After this manner the Antients in Scripture seem to expresse their speciall reguard to the pions antiquity of their friends departed in using to say The God of Abraham of Isaac and of Iacob as if they would intimate their piety and devout affection to be the more unto him because he was their fathers God But O the strange effects of Melancholly in this diseased state of the soul our affections are now over-weeningly moved with every thing often times by reason of the usuall passion of the heart we are so weakened in the ordinary power and ability of nature that we shall even as weakly and childishly shrinke in our selves and be affraid of any thing as is the sucking child that lies in its mothers arms Againe somtimes our conceipt doth so much deifie the respect of holy things persons and places and we stand so far off from them in reverence of mind that we dare not draw neer as it were to touch so much as the very hemme or outside thereof In like manner many times the common splendor of the Sky and Element thorough the habituall terrour and consternation of our mind seemeth too bright for us nay our spirits are usually so much taken off therewith that we cannot abide to lift up our eyes to behold the lustre of it the seeing and hearing of divers ordinary things now and then puts us into such strange turmoyles and distempered fits of mind that it is most wonderfull to imagine it In many of us the evill thoughts and disturbances of our fancy do at length multiply into a greater and greater variety and we become full of all sorts of vaine and tormenting imaginations whatsoever almost savours of either rebellion against God or the despairing state of soul or body it is a chance but one time or other it comes into ourheads besides at length perchance many fooleries of mind and frivolous whimsies which verily at this time do not a little trouble and disturbe us amongst the rest when this trouble of mind and Conscience continues with us long it is so altogether tedious and irksome that we shall many a time turne thus our thoughts within our selves Lord how shall we hold out in this case Will this trouble continue with us as long as we live Shall we alwaies abide this Hell upon earth We have sometimes emboldened our selves to hope and hope againe to attaine some quieter temper of mind and more contentfull condition all is we see utterly in vaine we shall sure never enjoy comfort any more Alas this is a miserable thing O shall we never see an end of this O never never this doth cut the heart This never ah so strange a word it is It kills us with a never dying smart Verily me thinks it is altogether in vaine for us to expect any end hereof we shall never be otherwise for as he that is cast upon the Sea and when he listetn up his head to swim out is presently knockt down againe that he must needs be drowned so even so it seems to be with us we are cast upon this sea of trouble and despaire and when we do but even begin to lift up our heads with the least hope of amendment then presently do these despairing doubts and amazing thoughts strike us down againe that it is no remedy but we must needs be drowned drowned for ever and go down to Hell and the Grave in this misery Our day is gone our joyes departed qnite Our Sun is set in everlasting night This Similitude of being drowned after that we have been long in this case doth so well fit us that it will or perchance some such like often come into our minds and therefore being as we suppofe in this remedilesse condition out of all hope of being setled in mind againe and being shut out as it were from the joy of the living and never like to re-attaine the common hope of all men the possibility of salvation therefore as I say being thus forsaken wretches monsters of men and marked out for Hell we neglect all care of our selves our desolate and quite comfortlesse souls hardly giving us leave to take any use of the Creatures not so much as regarding our necessary Cloaths the dressing our selves our Victuals or any thing we are unworthy O unworthy to tread on the ground our hearts are so much smitten down and even withered like Grasse thâ—t we forget to eat our bread our tears are now become our meat and drink in this day of trouble and peradventure almost every night we water our beds with the abundance of them Thou hast broken O Lord thou hast broken our hearts with grief O remember that we poor wretches are but Grasse and wilt thou pursue the dry stubble Sometimes it may be we shall be so farre dejected with a Dove-like solitarinesse of mind that we are even upon a resolution to exclude our selves wholly out of the society of men to be private and alone still continually to keep our Chamber or the like and never to go abroad in company any more thinking what shall we do abroad to meddle or make with any thing who are thus as it were dead men and out of the common condition of men we will set up our expectation therefore only now to wait and look for out end we will do nothing else that shall be our whole businesse as it was lobs in his 14. Chapter when he said All the dayes of mine appointed time will I wait and do nothing else but wait till my change come thus I say we are shut up from the joy of life and like David in the 88. Psalm Free even altogether free among the dead like unto them that be wounded and lye in the Grave which be out of remembrance and are cut away from thy hand thou hast laid us verily as in the lowest pâ—t in a place of darknesse and in the deep thine indignation lyeth hard upon us and thou hast vexed us with all thy stormes Many times is our apprehension so dangerously out of joynt and contrary to all good duties especially most of all when we are at Church when we are going to the publike Service of God receiving the Sacrament or the like that we shall ruminate thus in our minds amongst all the rest of our unhappinesses how much do we dishonour God to come to this
dust What man liveth and shall not see death or shall deliver his soul from the hand of Hell Omnes eadem sorte premimur Mine thine his and every ones Lot is cast the houre and the minute of our lives is limited farre off it cannot be for it commeth or is comming how soon we cannot tell Watch therefore even watch continually since yee know not the houre Vitae summa brevis spem nos veâ— at incboare longam The whole summe of our life is but short how then can we expect death to be farre off David calls our life a shadow Job a smoake Salomon a Ship In a Ship saith a Father whether we sit or stand we are alwaies carried towards the Haven so our life is ever moving towards death no houre but the Sun goes Westward no moment but our age hastens to its end to its long end it will quickly come the longest day hath his night Methusalem hath his moâ—tuus est and he dyed I say the longest day hath its night and here it puts me in minde of that our Proverbiall saying All the life-long day the day fitly expressing our life and our life a day a day only a summers day towards the evening the Sun shines out most bright and glorious and loe presently it is downe such is the shortnesse and sudden departure of our life that David in like manner hath most aptly expressed it by a tale We bring our yeares saith he to an end even as it were a tale that is told for when it goes pleasantly on and we expect to heare more of it before we are aware on 't it is ended thus as it were In the midst of life we are in death and are cut away like the flower which fadeth in a moment verily therefore all flesh is Grasse and the glory thereof but as the flower of the field and yet such is most times our folly so to build up our thoughts here upon Earth as if we had an Eternity to live for ever whereas do but we duely consider it every day that goes over our heads bids us be in readinesse for death gives a sufficent Item of Mortality Immortalia nesperes monetannus almain c. So many daies so many moneths so many yeares past and gone so many passing Bells so many Funerals celebrated before our eyes must needs forbid us to expect a long time Saint Chrysostome saith That nothing hath deceived men so much as the vaine hope of a long life who knoweth the Sun may set at the morning of our life or at noone if at neither of these yet be sure the Evening commeth and then it will set The Lord bids Moses in the 19. Chapter of Exodus To prepare the people against the third day although we passe over the first day our youth and the second day our middle age yet at furthest we must be ready against the third day our old age the first or the second day may be our last the third day must needs be our last and therefore saith Seneca Omnis dies sicut ultima est ordinanda Every day ought so to be ordered as if we should not live a day longer Me thinkes Saint Austines experience should be a sufficient warning to us for saith he Experti sumus multos ' expirasse expectantes reconciliari We have seene many to have been cut off whilst they have but begun to make their reconciliation with God too too many alas there be whose Sun hath set ere they thought it to be their Mid-day Let us take heed that death steale not on us as a thiefe in the night Lucius Caesar dyed in the morning putting on his Cloathes Alphonsus a young man dyed as he was riding on his Horse We need not seeke after forraigne Examples there be too many of the same nature at home with us How many have we seene before our eyes some to be snacht from their pleasures some from their sinnes some from their worldly employments whereas they have made their accounts of many years to come so true is that of the Poet Nemo tam divos habuit faventes Crastinum ut possit polliceri diem The Gods no man did ere such favour give That he was sure another day to live There is no certainty of this life not for a dâ—y not for an houre no not so much as for a moment God hath many means to take us away even in an instant as we go up and downe as we sleep as we do but draw our breath any how good is it therefore that we have a Memento mori alwaies at all times hanging over our heads like that Sword in the Story which hung by a Horse haire over the head of him that sate at Feast putting us in a due feare and warning of the continuall danger that we are in I say alwaies hanging over our heads and so imprinted in our thoughts that we may seriously remember how short our time is how soone our night commeth It is Platoes Opinion That a wise mans life is nothing but a continuall thinging or meditating upon death Philip King of Macedonia had his Page three times every morning to tell him Philip remember that thou art a man that thou art mortall that thâ—u must dye O excellent Memento and most worthy to be imitated the Emperour of Constantinople was wont sitting in his Royall Throne to have a Mason come to him with his Tooles in his hand asking What kind of stone he would have his Tombe made of intimating that he should not forget how soone all that his Royall pompe might be buried in the Grave And here me thinks I cannot but repeat The famous Act of Saladine the great Who amidst his noble Victories and conquering Triumphs had so much minde of his death and the true end of all earthly glory that he appointed his winding sheeâ— to be carried upon a Speare before him at his Funerall thorough out the City proclaiming thus his intention of minde All these my Riches glorious Pompe and Traine When Dâ—â—th is come they are to me in vaine This Winding sheet is all that I shall have Along with me to carry to the Grave The good Father was so mindfull of Mortality that he had alwaies ringing in his eares Surgite mortui venite ad judicium Rise yee dead and come to Judgement to the end he might husband his time so worke in this day of his life here that he might not be found an unprofitable Servant when his night came Iohannes Godfridus had these words engraven in Gold Every day I stand at the doore of Eternity And in divers parts of his House he had set up the bones and Sculls of dead men that so his eyes if it were possible might have no other Object to behold then of mortality Sure there are no thoughts doe more concerne us Mortalls then those of Death O then Teach us so Lord to number our daies that wa may apply our hearts unto wisedom