with_o such_o conceit_n as_o these_o i_o shall_v think_v that_o god_n do_v mock_v at_o these_o my_o prayer_n say_v and_o that_o in_o the_o audience_n of_o the_o holy_a angel_n this_o poor_a simple_a wretch_n do_v hanker_v after_o i_o as_o if_o i_o have_v nothing_o to_o do_v with_o my_o mercy_n but_o to_o bestow_v it_o on_o such_o as_o he_o alas_o poor_a fool_n how_o be_v thou_o deceive_v it_o be_v not_o for_o such_o as_o thou_o to_o have_v favour_n with_o the_o high_a 90._o then_o have_v the_o tempter_n come_v upon_o i_o also_o with_o such_o discouragement_n as_o these_o you_o be_v very_o hot_a for_o mercy_n but_o i_o will_v cool_v you_o this_o frame_n shall_v not_o last_v always_o many_o have_v be_v as_o hot_a as_o you_o for_o a_o spirit_n but_o i_o have_v quench_v their_o zeal_n and_o with_o this_o such_o and_o such_o who_o be_v fall_v off_o will_v be_v set_v before_o my_o eye_n than_o i_o shall_v be_v afraid_a that_o i_o shall_v do_v so_o too_o but_o think_v i_o i_o be_o glad_a this_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n well_o i_o will_v watch_v and_o take_v what_o heed_n i_o can_v though_o you_o do_v say_v satan_n i_o shall_v be_v too_o hard_a for_o you_o i_o will_v cool_v you_o insensible_o by_o degree_n by_o little_a and_o little_a what_o care_v i_o say_v he_o though_o i_o be_v seven_o year_n in_o chill_v your_o heart_n if_o i_o can_v do_v it_o at_o last_o continual_a rock_n will_v lull_v a_o cry_a child_n asleep_o i_o will_v ply_v it_o close_o but_o i_o will_v have_v my_o end_n accomplish_v though_o you_o be_v burn_v hot_a at_o present_a yet_o if_o i_o can_v pull_v you_o from_o this_o fire_n i_o shall_v have_v you_o cold_a before_o it_o be_v long_o these_o thing_n bring_v i_o into_o great_a straits_n for_o as_o i_o at_o present_a can_v not_o find_v myself_o fit_a for_o present_a death_n so_o i_o think_v to_o live_v long_o will_v make_v i_o yet_o more_o unfit_a for_o time_n will_v make_v i_o forget_v all_o and_o wear_v even_o the_o remembrance_n of_o the_o evil_a of_o sin_n the_o worth_n of_o heaven_n and_o the_o need_v i_o have_v of_o the_o blood_n of_o châ—ist_n to_o wash_v i_o both_o out_o of_o mind_n and_o thought_n but_o i_o thank_v christ_n jesus_n these_o thing_n do_v not_o at_o present_a make_v i_o slack_v my_o cry_n but_o rather_o do_v put_v i_o more_o upon_o it_o like_o she_o who_o meet_v with_o the_o adulterer_n deut._n 22.25_o in_o which_o day_n that_o be_v a_o good_a word_n to_o i_o after_o i_o have_v suffer_v these_o thing_n a_o while_n i_o be_o persuade_v that_o neither_o death_n nor_o life_n etc._n etc._n shall_v separate_v we_o from_o the_o love_n of_o god_n which_o be_v in_o christ_n jesus_n rom._n 8.38_o and_o now_o i_o hope_v long_a life_n shall_v not_o destroy_v i_o nor_o make_v i_o miss_v of_o heaven_n 91._o yet_o i_o have_v some_o support_n in_o this_o temptation_n though_o they_o be_v then_o all_o question_v by_o i_o that_o in_o the_o three_o of_o jeremiah_n at_o the_o fiâ—st_n be_v something_o to_o i_o and_o so_o be_v the_o consideration_n of_o the_o five_o verse_n of_o that_o chapter_n that_o though_o we_o have_v speak_v and_o do_v evil_a thing_n as_o we_o can_v yet_o we_o shall_v cry_v unto_o god_n my_o father_n thou_o be_v the_o guide_n of_o my_o youth_n and_o shall_v return_v unto_o he_o 92._o i_o have_v also_o once_o a_o sweet_a glance_n from_o that_o in_o â—_o cor._n 5.21_o for_o he_o have_v make_v he_o to_o be_v sin_n for_o we_o who_o know_v no_o sin_n that_o we_o may_v be_v make_v the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n in_o he_o i_o remember_v also_o that_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v sit_v in_o a_o neighbour_n house_n and_o there_o very_o sad_a at_o the_o consideration_n of_o my_o many_o blasphemy_n and_o as_o i_o be_v say_v in_o my_o mind_n what_o ground_n have_v i_o to_o think_v that_o i_o who_o have_v be_v so_o vile_a and_o abominable_a shall_v ever_o inherit_v eternal_a life_n that_o word_n come_v sudden_o upon_o i_o what_o shall_v we_o say_v to_o these_o thing_n if_o god_n be_v for_o we_o who_o can_v be_v against_o we_o rom._n 8.31_o that_o also_o be_v a_o help_n unto_o i_o because_o i_o live_v you_o shall_v live_v also_o joh._n 14.19_o but_o these_o be_v but_o hint_n touch_n and_o short_a visit_n though_o very_o sweet_a when_o present_a only_o they_o last_v not_o but_o like_a to_o peter_n sheet_n of_o a_o sudden_a be_v catch_v up_o from_o i_o to_o heaven_n again_o act._n 10.16_o 93._o but_o afterward_o the_o lord_n do_v more_o full_o and_o gracious_o discover_v himself_o unto_o i_o and_o indeed_o do_v quite_o not_o only_o deliver_v i_o from_o the_o guilt_n that_o by_o these_o thing_n be_v lay_v upon_o my_o conscience_n but_o also_o from_o the_o very_a filth_n thereof_o for_o the_o temptation_n be_v remove_v and_o i_o be_v put_v into_o my_o right_a mind_n again_o as_o other_o christian_n be_v 94._o i_o remember_v that_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v travel_v into_o the_o country_n and_o muse_v on_o the_o wickedness_n and_o blasphemy_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o consider_v of_o the_o enmity_n that_o be_v in_o i_o to_o god_n that_o scripture_n come_v in_o my_o mind_n he_o have_v make_v peace_n by_o the_o blood_n of_o his_o cross_n col._n 1.20_o by_o which_o i_o be_v make_v to_o see_v both_o again_o and_o again_o and_o again_o that_o day_n that_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n be_v friend_n by_o this_o blood_n yea_o i_o see_v that_o the_o justice_n of_o god_n and_o my_o sinful_a soul_n can_v embrace_v and_o kiss_v each_o other_o through_o this_o blood_n thiâ—_n be_v a_o good_a day_n to_o i_o i_o hope_v i_o shall_v not_o forget_v it_o 95._o at_o another_o time_n as_o i_o be_v set_v by_o the_o fiâ—e_n in_o my_o house_n and_o muse_v on_o my_o wretchedness_n the_o lord_n make_v that_o also_o a_o precious_a word_n unto_o i_o for_o as_o much_o then_o as_o the_o child_n be_v partaker_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n he_o also_o himself_o likewise_o take_v part_n of_o thâ—_n same_o that_o through_o death_n he_o may_v destroy_v he_o that_o have_v the_o power_n of_o death_n that_o be_v the_o devil_n and_o deliver_v those_o who_o through_o the_o fear_n of_o death_n be_v all_o their_o life_n time_n subject_a to_o bondage_n heb._n 2.14_o 15._o i_o think_v that_o the_o glory_n of_o these_o word_n be_v then_o so_o weighty_a on_o i_o that_o i_o be_v both_o once_o and_o twice_o ready_a to_o swoon_v as_o i_o sit_v yet_o not_o with_o grief_n and_o trouble_n but_o with_o solid_a joy_n and_o peace_n 96._o at_o this_o time_n also_o i_o sit_v under_o the_o ministry_n of_o holy_a mr._n gifford_n who_o doctrine_n by_o god_n grace_n be_v much_o for_o my_o stability_n this_o man_n make_v it_o much_o his_o business_n to_o deliver_v the_o people_n of_o god_n from_o all_o those_o false_a and_o unsound_a rest_n that_o by_o nature_n we_o be_v prone_a to_o take_v and_o make_v to_o our_o soul_n he_o press_v we_o to_o take_v special_a heed_n that_o we_o take_v not_o up_o any_o truth_n upon_o trust_n as_o from_o this_o or_o that_o or_o another_o man_n or_o man_n but_o to_o cry_v mighty_o to_o god_n that_o he_o will_v convince_v we_o of_o the_o reality_n thereof_o and_o set_v we_o down_o therein_o by_o his_o own_o spirit_n in_o the_o holy_a word_n for_o say_v he_o if_o you_o do_v otherwise_o when_o temptation_n come_v if_o strong_o you_o not_o have_v receive_v they_o with_o evidence_n from_o heaven_n will_v find_v you_o want_v that_o help_n and_o strength_n now_o to_o resist_v as_o once_o you_o think_v you_o have_v 97._o this_o be_v as_o seasonable_a to_o my_o soul_n as_o the_o former_a and_o latter_a rain_n in_o their_o season_n for_o i_o have_v find_v and_o that_o by_o sad_a experience_n the_o truth_n of_o these_o his_o word_n for_o i_o have_v feel_v no_o man_n can_v say_v especial_o when_o tempt_v of_o the_o devil_n that_o jesus_n christ_n be_v lord_n but_o by_o the_o holy_a ghost_n wherefore_o i_o find_v my_o soul_n through_o grace_n very_o apt_a to_o drink_v in_o this_o doctrine_n and_o to_o incline_v to_o pray_v to_o god_n that_o in_o nothing_o that_o pertain_v to_o god_n glory_n and_o my_o own_o eternal_a happiness_n he_o will_v suffer_v i_o to_o be_v without_o the_o confirmation_n thereof_o from_o heaven_n for_o now_o i_o see_v clear_o there_o be_v a_o exceed_a difference_n betwixt_o the_o notion_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n and_o the_o revelation_n of_o god_n in_o heaven_n also_o a_o great_a difference_n between_o that_o faith_n that_o be_v feign_v and_o according_a to_o man_n wisdom_n and_o of_o that_o which_o come_v by_o a_o man_n be_v bear_v thereto_o of_o god_n mat._n 16.15_o 16._o 1_o john_n 5.1_o 98._o
very_a deep_a pause_n about_o the_o most_o fearful_a state_n my_o sin_n have_v bring_v i_o to_o and_o after_o long_o muse_v i_o lift_v up_o my_o head_n but_o i_o think_v i_o see_v as_o if_o the_o sun_n that_o shine_v in_o the_o heaven_n do_v grudge_v to_o give_v i_o light_n and_o as_o if_o the_o very_a stone_n the_o street_n and_o tile_n upon_o the_o house_n do_v bend_v themselves_o against_o i_o o_o how_o happâ—_n now_o be_v every_o creature_n over_o i_o be_v for_o they_o stooâ—_n fast_o and_o keep_v their_o station_n but_o i_o be_v go_v anâ—_n lose_v 143._o then_o break_v out_o in_o the_o bitterness_n of_o my_o soul_n i_o say_v with_o a_o grievous_a sigh_n how_o can_v god_n comfort_v such_o a_o wretch_n as_o i_o i_o have_v no_o soon_o say_v it_o but_o this_o return_v upon_o i_o as_o a_o echo_n do_v answer_v a_o voice_n this_o sin_n be_v not_o unto_o death_n at_o which_o i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o have_v be_v raise_v out_o of_o a_o grave_n and_o cry_v out_o again_o lord_n how_o can_v thou_o find_v out_o such_o a_o word_n as_o this_o for_o i_o be_v fill_v with_o admiration_n at_o the_o firness_n and_o also_o at_o the_o unexpectedness_n of_o the_o sentence_n 144._o now_o i_o be_v in_o hope_n that_o my_o sin_n be_v not_o unpardonable_a but_o that_o there_o may_v be_v hope_n for_o i_o to_o obtain_v forgiveness_n but_o o_o how_o satan_n now_o diâ—_n lie_v about_o he_o for_o to_o bring_v i_o down_o again_o but_o he_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n do_v it_o neither_o this_o day_n nor_o the_o most_o part_n of_o the_o next_o for_o this_o good_a sentence_n stand_v like_o a_o mill-post_n at_o my_o back_n yet_o towards_o the_o evening_n of_o the_o next_o day_n i_o feel_v this_o word_n begin_v to_o leave_v i_o and_o to_o withdraw_v its_o supportation_n from_o i_o and_o so_o i_o return_v to_o my_o old_a fear_n again_o but_o with_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o grudge_v and_o peevishness_n for_o i_o fear_v the_o sorrow_n of_o it_o 145._o but_o the_o next_o day_n at_o evening_n be_v under_o many_o fear_n i_o go_v to_o seek_v the_o lord_n and_o as_o i_o pray_v i_o cry_v to_o he_o in_o these_o word_n o_o lord_n i_o beseech_v thou_o show_v i_o that_o thou_o have_v lâ—ved_v i_o with_o a_o everlasting_a love_n jer._n 31.3_o i_o have_v no_o soon_o say_v it_o but_o with_o sweetness_n it_o return_v upon_o i_o i_o have_v love_v thou_o with_o a_o everlasting_a lâ—ve_n now_o i_o go_v to_o bed_n at_o quiet_a also_o when_o i_o awake_v the_o next_o morning_n it_o be_v fresh_a upon_o my_o soul_n 146._o but_o yet_o the_o tempter_n leave_v i_o not_o for_o it_o can_v not_o be_v so_o little_a as_o a_o hundâ—ed_o time_n that_o he_o that_o day_n do_v labour_n to_o break_v my_o peace_n o_o the_o combat_n and_o conflict_n that_o i_o do_v then_o meet_v with_o as_o i_o strive_v to_o hold_v by_o this_o word_n that_o of_o esau_n will_v fly_v in_o my_o face_n like_v to_o lightning_n i_o shall_v be_v sometime_o up_o and_o down_o twenty_o time_n in_o a_o hour_n yet_o god_n do_v bear_v i_o up_o and_o keep_v my_o heart_n upon_o this_o word_n from_o which_o i_o have_v also_o for_o several_a day_n together_o very_a much_o sweetness_n and_o comfortable_a hope_n of_o pardon_n for_o thus_o it_o be_v make_v out_o to_o i_o i_o love_v thou_o whilst_o thou_o be_v commit_v this_o sin_n i_o love_v thou_o before_o i_o love_v thou_o still_o and_o i_o will_v love_v thou_o for_o ever_o 147._o yet_o i_o see_v my_o sin_n most_o barbarous_a and_o a_o filthy_a crime_n and_o can_v not_o but_o conclude_v and_o that_o with_o great_a shame_n and_o astonishment_n that_o i_o have_v horrible_o abuse_v the_o holy_a son_n of_o god_n wherefore_o i_o feel_v my_o soul_n great_o to_o love_n and_o pity_v he_o and_o my_o bowel_n to_o yearn_v towards_o he_o for_o i_o see_v he_o be_v still_o my_o friend_n and_o do_v reward_v i_o good_a for_o evil_a yea_o the_o love_n and_o affection_n that_o then_o do_v burn_v within_o to_o my_o lord_n and_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n do_v work_v at_o this_o time_n such_o strong_a and_o hot_a desire_n of_o revengement_n upon_o myself_o for_o the_o abuse_n i_o have_v do_v unto_o he_o that_o to_o speak_v as_o then_o i_o think_v have_v i_o have_v a_o thousand_o gallon_n of_o blood_n within_o my_o vein_n i_o can_v free_o have_v spill_v it_o all_o at_o the_o command_n and_o foot_n of_o this_o my_o lord_n and_o saviour_n 148._o and_o as_o i_o be_v thus_o in_o muse_v and_o in_o my_o study_n how_o to_o love_v the_o lord_n and_o to_o express_v my_o love_n to_o he_o that_o say_v come_v in_o upon_o i_o if_o thou_o lord_n shall_v mark_v iniquity_n o_o lord_n who_o shall_v stand_v but_o there_o be_v forgiveness_n with_o thou_o that_o thou_o may_v be_v fear_v psal._n 130.4_o these_o be_v good_a word_n to_o i_o especial_o the_o latter_a part_n thereof_o to_o wit_n that_o there_o be_v forgiveness_n with_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o may_v be_v fear_v that_o be_v as_o than_o i_o understand_v it_o that_o he_o may_v be_v love_v and_o have_v in_o reverence_n for_o it_o be_v thus_o make_v out_o to_o i_o that_o the_o great_a god_n do_v setâ—_n foâ—_n high_a a_o esteem_n upon_o the_o love_n of_o his_o poor_a creature_n thâ—â—_n rather_o than_o he_o will_v go_v without_o their_o love_n he_o will_v pardon_v their_o transgression_n 149._o and_o now_o be_v that_o word_n fulfil_v on_o i_o and_o i_o be_v also_o refresh_v by_o it_o then_o shall_v they_o be_v ashamed_a and_o confound_v and_o never_o open_v their_o mouth_n any_o more_o because_o of_o their_o shame_n when_o i_o be_o pacify_v towards_o thou_o for_o all_o that_o thou_o have_v do_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n ezek._n 16.36_o thus_o be_v my_o soul_n at_o this_o time_n and_o as_o i_o then_o do_v think_v for_o ever_o set_v at_o liberty_n from_o be_v again_o afflict_v with_o my_o former_a guilt_n and_o amazement_n 150._o but_o before_o many_o week_n be_v over_o i_o begin_v to_o dispond_v again_o fear_v lest_o notwithstanding_o all_o that_o i_o have_v enjoy_v that_o yet_o i_o may_v be_v deceive_v and_o destroy_v at_o the_o last_o for_o this_o consideration_n come_v strong_a into_o my_o mind_n that_o whatever_o comfort_n and_o peace_n i_o think_v i_o may_v have_v from_o the_o word_n of_o the_o promise_n of_o life_n yet_o unless_o there_o can_v be_v find_v in_o my_o refreshment_n a_o concurrence_n and_o agreement_n in_o the_o scripture_n let_v i_o think_v what_o i_o will_v thereof_o and_o hold_v it_o never_o so_o fast_o i_o shall_v find_v no_o such_o thing_n at_o the_o end_n for_o the_o scripture_n can_v be_v break_v john_n 10.35_o 151._o now_o begin_v my_o heart_n again_o to_o take_v and_o fear_v i_o may_v meet_v with_o disappointment_n at_o the_o last_o wherefore_o i_o begin_v with_o all_o seriousness_n to_o examine_v my_o former_a comfort_n and_o to_o consider_v whether_o one_o that_o have_v sin_v as_o i_o have_v do_v may_v with_o confidence_n trust_v upon_o the_o faithfulness_n of_o god_n lay_v down_o in_o those_o word_n by_o which_o i_o have_v be_v comfort_v and_o on_o which_o i_o have_v lean_v myself_o but_o now_o be_v bring_v those_o say_n to_o my_o mind_n for_o it_o be_v impossible_a for_o those_o who_o be_v once_o enlighten_v and_o have_v taste_v the_o heavenly_a gift_n and_o be_v make_v partaker_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o have_v taste_v the_o good_a word_n of_o god_n and_o the_o power_n of_o the_o world_n to_o come_v if_o they_o shall_v fall_v away_o to_o renew_v thâ—m_n again_o unto_o repentance_n heb._n 6._o for_o if_o we_o sin_v wilful_o after_o we_o have_v receive_v the_o knowledge_n of_o the_o truth_n there_o remain_v no_o more_o sacrifice_n for_o sin_n but_o a_o certain_a fearful_a look_v for_o of_o judgement_n and_o fiery_a indignation_n which_o shall_v devour_v the_o adutrsary_n heb._n 10._o even_o as_o esau_n who_o for_o one_o morsel_n of_o meat_n sell_v his_o birthright_n for_o you_o know_v how_o that_o afterward_o when_o he_o will_v have_v inherit_v the_o blessing_n he_o be_v reject_v for_o he_o find_v no_o place_n of_o repentance_n though_o he_o seek_v it_o careful_o with_o tear_n heb._n 12._o 152._o now_o be_v the_o word_n of_o the_o gospel_n force_v from_o my_o soul_n so_o that_o no_o promise_n or_o encouragement_n be_v to_o be_v find_v in_o the_o bible_n for_o i_o and_o now_o will_v that_o say_n work_n upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o afflict_v i_o rejoice_v not_o o_o israel_n for_o joy_n as_o other_o people_n hos._n 9.1_o for_o i_o see_v indeed_o there_o be_v cause_n of_o rejoice_v for_o those_o that_o hold_v to_o jesus_n but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o have_v cut_v myself_o off_o by_o my_o transgression_n and_o leave_v
know_v the_o time_n will_v come_v that_o i_o shall_v be_v afflict_v with_o fear_n that_o there_o be_v no_o place_n leave_v for_o i_o in_o his_o bosom_n do_v before_o speak_v this_o word_n and_o leave_v it_o upon_o record_n that_o i_o may_v find_v help_n thereby_o against_o this_o vile_a temptation_n 57_o in_o the_o light_n and_o encouragement_n of_o this_o word_n i_o go_v a_o pretty_a while_n and_o the_o comfort_n be_v the_o more_o when_o i_o think_v that_o the_o lord_n jesus_n shall_v think_v on_o i_o so_o long_o ago_o and_o that_o he_o shall_v speak_v they_o word_n on_o purpose_n for_o my_o sake_n for_o i_o do_v then_o think_v very_o that_o he_o do_v on_o purpose_n speak_v they_o to_o encourage_v i_o withal_o 58._o after_o this_o i_o find_v by_o read_v the_o word_n that_o those_o that_o must_v be_v glorify_v with_o christ_n in_o another_o world_n must_v be_v call_v by_o he_o here_o call_v to_o the_o partake_n of_o a_o share_n in_o his_o word_n and_o righteousness_n and_o to_o the_o comfort_n &_o first-fruit_n of_o his_o spirit_n and_o to_o a_o peculiar_a interest_n in_o all_o those_o heavenly_a thing_n which_o do_v indeed_o fore-fit_a the_o soul_n for_o that_o rest_n and_o house_n of_o glory_n which_o be_v in_o heaven_n above_o 59_o here_o again_o i_o be_v at_o a_o very_a great_a stand_n not_o know_v what_o to_o do_v fear_v i_o be_v not_o call_v for_o think_v i_o if_o i_o be_v not_o call_v what_o then_o can_v do_v i_o good_a but_o oh_o how_o i_o now_o love_v those_o word_n that_o speak_v of_o a_o christian_n call_v as_o when_o the_o lord_n say_v to_o one_o follow_v i_o and_o to_o another_o come_v after_o i_o and_o oh_o think_v i_o that_o he_o will_v say_v so_o to_o i_o too_o how_o glad_o will_v i_o run_v after_o he_o 60._o i_o can_v now_o express_v with_o what_o long_n and_o break_n in_o my_o soul_n i_o cry_v to_o christ_n to_o call_v i_o thus_o i_o continue_v for_o a_o time_n all_o on_o a_o flame_n to_o be_v convert_v to_o jesus_n christ_n and_o do_v also_o see_v at_o that_o day_n such_o glory_n in_o a_o convert_a state_n that_o i_o can_v not_o be_v content_v without_o a_o share_n therein_o gold_n can_v it_o have_v be_v get_v for_o gold_n what_o can_v i_o have_v give_v for_o it_o have_v i_o have_v a_o whole_a world_n it_o have_v all_o go_v ten_o thousand_o time_n over_o for_o this_o that_o my_o soul_n may_v have_v be_v in_o a_o convert_a state_n 61._o how_o lovely_a now_o be_v every_o one_o in_o my_o eye_n that_o i_o think_v to_o be_v convert_v man_n and_o woman_n they_o shine_v they_o walk_v like_o a_o people_n that_o carry_v the_o broad_a seal_n of_o heaven_n about_o they_o oh_o i_o see_v the_o lot_n be_v fall_v to_o they_o in_o pleasant_a place_n and_o they_o have_v a_o goodly_a heritage_n but_o that_o which_o make_v i_o sick_a be_v that_o of_o christ_n in_o mark_n he_o go_v up_o into_o a_o mountain_n and_o call_v to_o he_o who_o he_o will_v and_o they_o come_v unto_o he_o mark_v 3.13_o 62._o this_o scripture_n make_v i_o saint_n and_o fear_n yet_o it_o kindle_a fire_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o which_o make_v i_o fear_n be_v this_o lest_o christ_n shall_v have_v no_o like_n to_o i_o for_o he_o call_v who_o he_o will_v but_o on_o the_o glory_n that_o i_o see_v in_o that_o condition_n do_v still_o so_o engage_v my_o heart_n that_o i_o can_v seldom_o read_v of_o any_o that_o christ_n do_v call_v but_o i_o present_o wish_v will_v i_o have_v be_v in_o their_o clothes_n will_v i_o have_v be_v bear_v peter_n will_v i_o have_v be_v bear_v john_n or_o will_v i_o have_v be_v by_o and_o have_v hear_v he_o when_o he_o call_v they_o how_o will_v i_o have_v cry_v o_o lord_n call_v i_o also_o but_o oh_o i_o fear_v he_o will_v not_o call_v i_o 63._o and_o true_o the_o lord_n let_v i_o go_v thus_o many_o month_n together_o and_o show_v i_o nothing_o either_o that_o i_o be_v already_o or_o shall_v be_v call_v hereafter_o but_o at_o last_o after_o much_o time_n spend_v and_o many_o groan_n to_o god_n that_o i_o may_v be_v make_v partaker_n of_o the_o holy_a and_o heavenly_a call_n that_o word_n come_v in_o upon_o i_o i_o will_v cleanse_v their_o blood_n that_o i_o have_v not_o cleanse_v for_o the_o lord_n dwell_v in_o zion_n joel_n 3.21_o these_o word_n i_o think_v be_v send_v to_o encourage_v i_o to_o wait_v still_o upon_o god_n and_o signify_v unto_o i_o that_o if_o i_o be_v not_o already_o yet_o time_n may_v come_v i_o may_v be_v in_o truth_n convert_v unto_o christ._n 64._o about_o this_o time_n i_o begin_v to_o break_v my_o mind_n to_o those_o poor_a people_n in_o gedford_n and_o to_o tell_v they_o my_o condition_n which_o when_o they_o have_v hear_v they_o tell_v mr._n gifford_n of_o i_o who_o himself_o also_o take_v occasion_n to_o talk_v with_o i_o and_o be_v willing_a to_o be_v persuade_v of_o i_o though_o i_o think_v but_o from_o little_a ground_n but_o he_o invite_v i_o to_o his_o house_n where_o i_o shall_v hear_v he_o confer_v with_o other_o about_o the_o deal_n of_o god_n with_o the_o soul_n from_o all_o which_o i_o still_o receive_v more_o conviction_n and_o from_o that_o time_n begin_v to_o see_v something_o of_o the_o vanity_n and_o inward_a wretchedness_n of_o my_o wicked_a heart_n for_o as_o yet_o i_o know_v no_o great_a matter_n therein_o but_o now_o it_o begin_v to_o be_v discover_v unto_o i_o and_o also_o to_o work_v at_o that_o rate_n for_o wickedness_n as_o it_o never_o do_v before_o now_o i_o evident_o find_v that_o lust_n and_o corruption_n will_v strong_o put_v forth_o themselves_o within_o i_o in_o wicked_a thought_n and_o desire_n which_o i_o do_v not_o regard_v before_o my_o desire_n also_o for_o heaven_n and_o life_n begin_v to_o fail_v i_o find_v also_o that_o whereas_o before_o my_o soul_n be_v full_a of_o longâ—ngs_n after_o god_n now_o my_o heart_n begin_v to_o hanker_v after_o every_o foolish_a vanity_n yea_o my_o heart_n will_v not_o be_v move_v to_o mind_n that_o that_o be_v good_a it_o begin_v to_o be_v careless_a both_o of_o my_o soul_n and_o heaven_n it_o will_v now_o continual_o hang_v back_o both_o to_o and_o in_o every_o duty_n and_o be_v as_o a_o clog_n on_o the_o leg_n of_o a_o bird_n to_o hinder_v she_o from_o fly_v 65._o nay_o think_v i_o now_o i_o grow_v worse_o and_o worse_o now_o be_o i_o further_o from_o conversion_n then_o ever_o i_o be_v before_o wherefore_o i_o begin_v to_o sink_v great_o in_o my_o soul_n and_o begin_v to_o entertain_v such_o discouragement_n in_o my_o heart_n as_o lay_v i_o as_o low_a as_o hell_n if_o now_o i_o shall_v have_v burn_v at_o a_o stake_n i_o can_v not_o believe_v that_o christ_n have_v love_n for_o i_o alas_o i_o can_v neither_o hear_v he_o nor_o see_v he_o nor_o feel_v he_o nor_o savour_v any_o of_o his_o thing_n i_o be_v drive_v as_o with_o a_o tempest_n my_o heart_n will_v be_v unclean_a the_o canaanite_n will_v dwell_v in_o the_o land_n 66._o sometime_o i_o will_v tell_v my_o condition_n to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n which_o when_o they_o hear_v they_o will_v pity_v i_o and_o will_v tell_v i_o of_o the_o promise_n but_o they_o have_v as_o good_a have_v tell_v i_o that_o i_o must_v reach_v the_o sun_n with_o my_o finger_n as_o have_v bid_v i_o receive_v or_o rely_v upon_o the_o promise_n and_o as_o soon_o i_o shall_v have_v do_v it_o all_o my_o sense_n and_o feeling_n be_v against_o i_o and_o i_o see_v i_o have_v a_o heart_n that_o will_v sin_n and_o lay_v under_o a_o law_n that_o will_v condemn_v 67._o these_o thing_n have_v often_o make_v i_o think_v of_o that_o child_n which_o the_o father_n bring_v to_o christ_n who_o while_o he_o be_v yet_o a_o come_n to_o he_o be_v throw_v down_o by_o the_o devil_n and_o also_o so_o rend_v and_o tear_v by_o he_o that_o he_o lay_v and_o wallow_v foam_v luke_n 9.42_o maâ—â—_n 9.20_o 68_o further_o in_o these_o day_n i_o shall_v find_v mâ—_n heart_n to_o shut_v itself_o up_o against_o the_o lord_n and_o against_o his_o holy_a word_n i_o have_v find_v my_o unbelief_n to_o set_v as_o iâ—_n be_v the_o shoulder_n to_o the_o door_n to_o keep_v he_o out_o and_o that_o too_o even_o then_o when_o i_o have_v with_o many_o 〈◊〉_d bitter_a sigh_n cry_v good_a lord_n break_v it_o open_a lord_n break_v these_o gate_n of_o brass_n and_o cut_v these_o bar_n of_o iron_n asunder_o yet_o that_o word_n will_v sometime_o create_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o peaceable_a pause_n i_o gird_v thou_o though_o thou_o have_v not_o know_v i_o 69._o but_o all_o this_o while_n as_o to_o the_o act_n of_o sin_v i_o never_o be_v more_o tender_a
i_o i_o can_v have_v enlarge_v much_o in_o this_o my_o discourse_n of_o my_o temptation_n and_o trouble_n for_o sin_n as_o also_o of_o the_o merciful_a kindness_n and_o work_n of_o god_n with_o my_o soul_n i_o can_v also_o have_v step_v into_o a_o stile_n much_o high_a than_o this_o in_o which_o i_o have_v here_o discourse_v and_o can_v have_v adorn_v all_o thing_n more_o theâ—_n here_o i_o have_v seem_v to_o do_v but_o i_o dare_v not_o god_n do_v not_o play_v in_o convince_a of_o i_o the_o devil_n do_v not_o play_v in_o tempt_v of_o i_o neither_o do_v i_o play_v when_o i_o sink_v as_o into_o a_o bottomless_a pit_n when_o the_o pang_n of_o hell_n catch_v hold_n upon_o i_o wherefore_o i_o may_v not_o play_v in_o my_o relate_n of_o they_o but_o be_v plain_a and_o simple_a and_o lay_v down_o the_o thing_n as_o iâ—_n be_v he_o that_o like_v it_o let_v he_o receive_v it_o and_o he_o that_o do_v not_o let_v he_o produce_v a_o better_a farewell_o my_o dear_a child_n the_o milk_n and_o honey_n be_v beyond_o this_o wilderness_n god_n be_v merciful_a to_o you_o and_o grant_v you_o be_v not_o slothful_a to_o go_v in_o to_o possess_v the_o land_n jo._n bunyan_n grace._n abound_v to_o the_o chief_a of_o sinner_n or_o a_o brief_a relation_n of_o the_o exceed_a mercy_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n to_o his_o poor_a servant_n john_n bunyan_n in_o this_o my_o relation_n of_o the_o merciful_a work_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o soul_n it_o will_v not_o be_v amiss_o if_o in_o the_o first_o place_n i_o do_v in_o a_o few_o word_n give_v you_o a_o hint_n of_o my_o pedigree_n and_o manner_n of_o bring_v up_o that_o thereby_o the_o goodness_n and_o bounty_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o â—ay_v be_v the_o more_o advance_v and_o magnify_v before_o â—he_n son_n of_o man_n 2._o for_o my_o descent_n then_o it_o be_v as_o be_v well_o know_v â—y_a many_o of_o a_o low_a and_o inconsiderable_a generation_n â—y_a father_n house_n be_v of_o that_o rank_n that_o be_v meanâ—st_v and_o most_o despise_a of_o all_o the_o family_n in_o the_o â—and_n wherefore_o i_o have_v not_o here_o as_o other_o to_o boast_v of_o noble_a blood_n or_o of_o a_o high-born_a state_n according_a to_o the_o flesh_n though_o all_o thing_n consider_v i_o magnify_v the_o heavenly_a majesty_n for_o that_o by_o thiâ—_n door_n he_o bring_v i_o into_o this_o world_n to_o partake_v oâ—_n the_o grace_n and_o life_n that_o be_v in_o christ_n by_o the_o gospel_n 3._o but_o yet_o notwithstanding_o the_o meanness_n and_o inconsiderableness_n of_o my_o parent_n it_o please_v god_n to_o put_v it_o into_o their_o heart_n to_o put_v i_o to_o school_n to_o learn_v both_o to_o read_v and_o write_v the_o which_o i_o also_o attain_v according_a to_o the_o rate_n of_o other_o poor_a man_n child_n though_o to_o my_o shame_n i_o conâ—ess_v i_o do_v sooâ—_n loose_v that_o little_a i_o learn_v and_o that_o even_o almost_o utter_o and_o that_o long_a before_o the_o lord_n do_v work_v hiâ—_n gracious_a work_n of_o conversion_n upon_o my_o soul_n 4._o as_o for_o my_o own_o natural_a life_n for_o the_o time_n that_o i_o be_v without_o god_n in_o the_o world_n it_o be_v indeed_o accord_v to_o the_o course_n of_o this_o world_n and_o the_o spirit_n that_o now_o work_v in_o the_o child_n of_o disobedience_n it_o be_v my_o delight_n to_o be_v take_v captive_a by_o the_o devil_n at_o his_o will_n be_v fill_v with_o all_o unrighteousness_n the_o which_o do_v also_o so_o strong_o work_v and_o put_v forth_o itself_o both_o in_o my_o heart_n and_o life_n and_o thaâ—_n fâ—om_o a_o child_n that_o i_o have_v but_o few_o equal_n especial_o consider_v my_o yeaâ—s_n which_o be_v tender_a be_v few_o both_o for_o curse_v swear_v lie_v and_o blaspheme_v the_o holy_a name_n of_o god_n 5._o yea_o so_o settle_v and_o root_v be_v i_o in_o these_o thing_n that_o they_o become_v as_o a_o second_o nature_n to_o i_o the_o which_o as_o i_o also_o have_v with_o soberness_n consider_v since_o do_v so_o offend_v the_o lord_n that_o even_o iâ—_n my_o childhood_n he_o do_v scare_v and_o affright_v i_o witâ—_n fearful_a dream_n and_o do_v terrify_v i_o with_o dreadful_a vision_n for_o often_o after_o i_o have_v spend_v this_o and_o thâ—_n other_o day_n in_o sin_n i_o have_v in_o my_o bed_n be_v great_o afflict_v while_o asleep_o with_o the_o apprehension_n oâ—_n devil_n and_o wicked_a spirit_n who_o still_o as_o i_o theâ—_n think_v labour_v to_o draw_v i_o away_o with_o they_o of_o which_o i_o can_v never_o be_v rid_v also_o i_o shall_v at_o â—hese_fw-mi year_n be_v great_o afflict_v and_o trouble_v with_o â—he_n thought_n of_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n and_o that_o â—oth_v night_n and_o day_n and_o shall_v tremble_v at_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o fearful_a torment_n of_o hell-fire_n still_o â—earing_v that_o it_o will_v be_v my_o lot_n to_o be_v find_v at_o last_o â—mongst_a those_o devil_n and_o hellish_a fiend_n who_o be_v â—here_o bind_v down_o with_o the_o chain_n and_o bond_n of_o eternal_a daâ—knâ—ss_n 6._o these_o thing_n i_o say_v when_o i_o be_v but_o a_o child_n do_v so_o distress_n my_o soul_n that_o when_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o my_o many_o sport_n and_o childish_a vanity_n amid_o my_o â—ain_a companion_n i_o be_v often_o much_o cast_v down_o and_o afflict_v in_o my_o mind_n therewith_o yet_o can_v i_o not_o let_v go_v my_o sin_n yea_o i_o be_v so_o overcome_v with_o despair_n of_o life_n and_o heaven_n that_o then_o i_o shall_v often_o wish_v either_o that_o there_o have_v be_v no_o hell_n or_o that_o i_o have_v be_v a_o devil_n suppose_v they_o be_v only_a tormentor_n that_o if_o it_o must_v needs_o be_v that_o i_o indeed_o go_v thither_o i_o may_v be_v rather_o a_o tormentor_n then_o torment_v myself_o 7._o a_o while_n after_o these_o terrible_a dream_n do_v leave_v i_o which_o also_o i_o soon_o forget_v for_o my_o pleasure_n do_v quick_o cut_v off_o the_o remembrance_n of_o they_o as_o if_o they_o have_v never_o be_v wherefore_o with_o more_o greediness_n according_a to_o the_o strength_n of_o nature_n i_o do_v still_o let_v loose_v the_o reins_o to_o my_o lust_n and_o delight_v in_o all_o transgression_n against_o the_o law_n of_o god_n so_o that_o until_o â—_o come_v to_o the_o state_n of_o marriage_n i_o be_v the_o very_a ringlead_a of_o all_o the_o youth_n that_o keep_v i_o company_n inâ—o_o all_o manner_n of_o vice_n and_o ungodliness_n 8._o yea_o such_o prevalency_n have_v the_o lust_n and_o fruit_n of_o the_o flesh_n in_o this_o poor_a soul_n of_o i_o that_o have_v not_o â—_o miracle_n of_o precious_a grace_n prevent_v i_o have_v not_o only_o perish_v by_o the_o stroke_n of_o eternal_a justice_n but_o â—ad_v also_o lay_v myself_o open_a even_o to_o the_o stroke_n of_o those_o â—aws_n which_o bring_v some_o to_o disgrace_n and_o open_a shame_n before_o the_o face_n of_o the_o woâ—ld_n 9_o in_o these_o day_n the_o thought_n of_o religion_n waâ—_n very_o grievous_a to_o i_o i_o can_v neither_o endure_v it_o mâ—_n self_n nor_o that_o any_o other_o shall_v so_o that_o when_o i_o hauâ—_n but_o see_v some_o read_n in_o those_o book_n that_o concern_v chistian_a piety_n it_o will_v be_v as_o it_o weâ—e_v a_o pâ—ison_n to_o i_o tâ—en_o i_o say_v unto_o god_n depart_v from_o i_o for_o i_o desire_v not_o the_o knowledge_n of_o thy_o way_n job_n 21.14_o 15._o 〈◊〉_d be_v now_o void_a of_o all_o good_a consideration_n heaveâ—_n and_o hell_n be_v both_o out_o of_o sight_n and_o mind_n anâ—_n as_o for_o save_v and_o damn_v they_o be_v least_o in_o my_o thought_n o_o lord_n thou_o know_v my_o life_n and_o my_o wayâ—_n be_v not_o hide_v fâ—om_n thou_o 10._o yet_o this_o i_o well_o remember_v that_o though_o 〈◊〉_d can_v myself_o sin_n with_o great_a delight_n and_o ease_v and_o also_o take_v pleasure_n in_o the_o vileness_n of_o my_o companion_n yet_o even_o then_o if_o i_o have_v at_o any_o time_n see_v wicked_a thing_n by_o those_o that_o profess_a goodness_n iâ—_n will_v make_v my_o spirit_n tremble_v as_o once_o above_o alâ—_n the_o rest_n when_o i_o be_v in_o my_o height_n of_o vanity_n yeâ—_n hear_v one_o to_o swear_v that_o be_v reckon_v for_o a_o relious_a man_n it_o have_v so_o great_a a_o stroke_n upon_o my_o spirit_n as_o it_o make_v my_o heart_n to_o ache_v 11._o present_o after_o this_o i_o change_v my_o condition_n into_o a_o marry_a state_n and_o my_o mercy_n be_v to_o light_v upon_o a_o wife_n who_o father_n be_v count_v godly_a this_o woman_n and_o i_o though_o we_o come_v together_o aâ—_n poor_a as_o poor_a may_v be_v not_o have_v so_o much_o as_o a_o dish_n or_o spoon_n betwixt_o we_o both_o yet_o this_o she_o have_v for_o her_o part_n the_o plain_a man_n pathway_n to_o heaven_n
scripture_n forenamed_a in_o thâ—_n hebrew_n will_v be_v set_v before_o i_o as_o the_o only_a sentence_n that_o will_v keep_v i_o out_o of_o heaven_n theâ—_n again_o i_o shall_v begin_v to_o repent_v that_o ever_o that_o thought_n go_v through_o i_o i_o shall_v also_o think_v thus_o with_o myself_o why_o how_o many_o scripture_n be_v there_o against_o i_o there_o be_v but_o three_o or_o four_o and_o can_v god_n miss_v they_o and_o save_v i_o for_o all_o they_o sometime_o again_o i_o shall_v think_v o_o if_o it_o weâ—e_v not_o for_o these_o three_o or_o four_o word_n now_o how_o may_v i_o be_v comfort_v and_o i_o can_v hardly_o forbear_v at_o sometime_o but_o to_o wish_v they_o out_o of_o the_o book_n 164._o then_o methinks_v i_o shall_v see_v as_o if_o both_o peter_n and_o paul_n and_o john_n and_o all_o the_o writer_n do_v look_v with_o scorn_n upon_o i_o and_o hold_v i_o in_o derision_n and_o as_o if_o they_o say_v unto_o i_o all_z our_o word_n be_v truth_n one_o of_o as_o much_o force_n â—s_v another_o it_o be_v not_o we_o that_o have_v cut_v you_o off_o but_o you_o have_v cast_v away_o yourself_o there_o be_v none_o of_o our_o sentence_n that_o you_o must_v take_v hold_v upon_o but_o these_o and_o such_o as_o these_o it_o be_v impossible_a there_o remain_v no_o more_o sacrifice_n for_o sin_n heb._n 6._o and_o it_o have_v be_v better_a for_o they_o not_o to_o have_v know_v the_o will_n of_o god_n than_o after_o they_o have_v know_v it_o to_o turn_v from_o the_o holy_a commandment_n deliver_v unto_o they_o heb._n 10._o for_o the_o scripture_n can_v be_v break_v 2_o pet._n 2.21_o 165._o thus_o be_v i_o confound_v not_o know_v what_o to_o do_v nor_o how_o to_o be_v satisfy_v in_o this_o question_n whether_o the_o scripture_n can_v agree_v in_o the_o salvation_n of_o my_o soul_n i_o quake_v at_o the_o apostle_n i_o know_v their_o word_n be_v true_a and_o that_o they_o must_v stand_v for_o ever_o 166._o and_o i_o remember_v one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v in_o divers_a frame_n of_o spirit_n and_o consider_v that_o these_o frame_n be_v still_o accord_v to_o the_o nature_n of_o the_o several_a scripture_n that_o come_v in_o upon_o my_o mind_n 〈◊〉_d this_o of_o grace_n than_o i_o be_v quiet_a but_o if_o that_o of_o esaâ—_n then_o torment_v lord_n think_v i_o if_o both_o these_o scripture_n will_v meet_v in_o my_o heart_n at_o once_o i_o wonder_v which_o of_o they_o will_v get_v the_o better_a of_o i_o so_o methinks_v i_o have_v a_o long_a mind_n that_o they_o may_v come_v both_o together_o upon_o i_o yea_o i_o desire_v of_o god_n they_o may_v 167._o well_o about_o two_o or_o three_o day_n after_o so_o they_o do_v indeed_o they_o boulteâ—_n both_o upon_o i_o at_o a_o time_n and_o do_v work_v and_o struggle_v strange_o in_o i_o for_o a_o while_n at_o last_o that_o about_o esau_n birthright_n begin_v to_o wax_v weak_a and_o withdraw_v and_o vanish_v and_o this_o about_o the_o sufficiency_n of_o grace_n prevail_v with_o peace_n and_o joy_n and_o as_o i_o be_v in_o a_o muse_n about_o this_o thing_n that_o scripture_n come_v home_o upon_o i_o mercy_n rejoice_v against_o judgement_n 168._o this_o be_v a_o wonderment_n to_o i_o yet_o true_o i_o be_o apt_a to_o think_v it_o be_v of_o god_n for_o the_o word_n of_o the_o law_n and_o wrath_n must_v give_v place_n to_o the_o word_n of_o life_n and_o grace_n because_o though_o the_o word_n of_o condemnation_n be_v glorious_a yet_o the_o word_n of_o life_n and_o salvation_n do_v far_o exceed_v in_o glory_n 2_o cor._n 3.8_o 9_o 10_o 11._o mar._n 9.5_o 6_o 7._o john_n 6.37_o also_o that_o moses_n and_o elias_n must_v both_o vanish_v and_o leave_v christ_n and_o his_o saint_n alone_o 169._o this_o scripture_n also_o do_v now_o most_o sweet_o visit_v my_o soul_n and_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o o_o the_o comfort_n that_o i_o have_v have_v from_o this_o word_n in_o no_o wise_a as_o who_o shall_v say_v by_o no_o mean_n for_o no_o thing_n whatever_o he_o have_v do_v but_o satan_n will_v great_o labour_v â—o_o pull_v this_o promise_n from_o i_o tell_v of_o i_o that_o christ_n do_v not_o mean_v i_o and_o such_o as_o i_o but_o sinner_n of_o a_o low_a rank_n that_o have_v not_o do_v as_o i_o have_v do_v but_o i_o shall_v answer_v he_o again_o satan_n here_o be_v in_o this_o word_n no_o such_o exception_n but_o he_o that_o come_v he_o â—â—ny_v he_o him_z that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o and_o this_o i_o well_o remember_v still_o that_o of_o all_o the_o slight_n that_o satan_n use_v to_o take_v this_o scripture_n from_o i_o yet_o he_o never_o do_v so_o much_o as_o put_v this_o question_n but_o do_v you_o come_v aright_o and_o i_o have_v think_v the_o reason_n be_v because_o he_o think_v i_o know_v full_a well_o what_o come_v be_v for_o i_o see_v that_o to_o come_v aright_o be_v to_o come_v as_o i_o be_v a_o vile_a and_o ungodly_a sinner_n and_o to_o cast_v myself_o at_o the_o foot_n of_o mercy_n condemn_v myself_o for_o sin_n if_o ever_o sataâ—_n and_o i_o do_v strive_v for_o any_o word_n it_o be_v for_o this_o in_o john_n he_o pull_v and_o i_o pull_v but_o god_n be_v praise_v i_o get_v some_o sweetness_n from_o it_o 170._o but_o notwithstanding_o all_o these_o help_n and_o bless_a word_n of_o grace_n yet_o that_o of_o esau_n sell_v of_o his_o birthright_n will_v still_o at_o time_n distress_v my_o conscience_n for_o though_o i_o have_v be_v most_o sweet_o comfort_v and_o that_o but_o just_a before_o yet_o when_o that_o come_v into_o mind_n it_o will_v make_v i_o fear_v again_o i_o can_v not_o be_v quite_o rid_v thereof_o it_o will_v every_v day_n be_v with_o i_o wherefore_o now_o i_o go_v another_o way_n to_o woâ—k_v even_o to_o consider_v the_o nature_n of_o this_o blashemous_a thought_n i_o mean_v if_o i_o shall_v take_v the_o word_n at_o the_o large_a and_o give_v they_o their_o own_o natural_a force_n and_o scope_n even_o every_o word_n therein_o so_o when_o i_o have_v thus_o consider_v i_o find_v that_o if_o they_o be_v fair_o take_v they_o will_v amount_v to_o this_o that_o i_o have_v free_o leave_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n to_o his_o choice_n whether_o he_o will_v be_v my_o saviour_n or_o no_o for_o the_o wicked_a word_n be_v these_o let_v he_o go_v if_o he_o will_n then_o that_o scripture_n give_v i_o hope_n i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o heb._n 13.5_o o_o lord_n say_v i_o but_o i_o have_v leave_v thou_o than_o it_o answer_v again_o but_o i_o will_v not_o leave_v thou_o for_o this_o i_o thank_v god_n alâ—o_o 171._o yet_o i_o be_v grievous_a afraid_a he_o shall_v and_o find_v it_o exceed_v hard_o to_o trust_v he_o see_v i_o hâ—d_v so_o offend_v he_o i_o can_v have_v be_v excee_v glad_a that_o this_o thought_n have_v never_o be_v fall_v foâ—_n than_o i_o think_v i_o can_v with_o more_o ease_n and_o freedom_n abundance_n have_v lean_v upon_o his_o grace_n i_o see_v it_o be_v with_o i_o as_o it_o be_v with_o joseph_n brother_n the_o guilt_n of_o their_o own_o wickedness_n do_v often_o fill_v they_o with_o fear_n that_o their_o brother_n will_v at_o last_o despise_v they_o gen._n 50.15_o 16_o 17_o 18._o 172._o but_o above_o all_o the_o scripture_n that_o yet_o i_o do_v meet_v with_o that_o in_o the_o twenty_o of_o joshua_n be_v the_o great_a comfort_n to_o i_o which_o speak_v of_o the_o slayer_n that_o be_v to_o fly_v for_o refuge_n and_o if_o the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n pursue_v the_o slayer_n then_o say_v moses_n they_o that_o be_v the_o elder_n of_o the_o city_n of_o refuge_n shall_v not_o deliver_v he_o into_o his_o hand_n because_o he_o smite_v his_o neighbour_n unwitting_o and_o hate_v he_o not_o afore-time_o o_o bless_a be_v god_n for_o this_o word_n i_o be_v convince_v that_o i_o be_v the_o slayer_n and_o tâ—at_v the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n pursue_v i_o that_o i_o feel_v with_o great_a terror_n only_o now_o it_o remain_v that_o i_o inquire_v whether_o i_o have_v â—ight_a to_o enter_v the_o city_n of_o refuge_n so_o i_o find_v that_o he_o must_v not_o who_o lie_v in_o wait_n to_o shed_v blood_n but_o he_o who_o unwitting_o or_o that_o do_v unawar_n shed_v blood_n even_o he_o who_o do_v not_o hate_v his_o neighbour_n before_o wherefore_o 173._o i_o think_v very_o i_o be_v the_o man_n that_o must_v enter_v for_o because_o i_o have_v smite_v my_o neighbour_n unwitting_o and_o hate_v he_o not_o afore-time_o i_o hate_v he_o not_o afore-time_o no_o i_o pray_v unto_o he_o be_v tender_a of_o sin_v against_o he_o yea_o and_o against_o this_o wicked_a temptation_n i_o
have_v strive_v for_o a_o twelvemonth_n before_o yea_o and_o also_o when_o it_o do_v pass_v through_o my_o heart_n it_o do_v it_o in_o spite_n of_o my_o tooth_n wherefore_o i_o think_v i_o have_v right_a to_o enter_v this_o city_n and_o the_o elder_n which_o be_v the_o apostle_n be_v not_o to_o deliver_v i_o up_o this_o therefore_o be_v greaâ—_n comfort_v to_o i_o and_o do_v give_v i_o much_o ground_n of_o hope_n 174._o yet_o be_v very_o critical_a for_o my_o smaâ—t_n have_v make_v i_o that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o ground_n be_v sure_a enough_o to_o bear_v i_o i_o have_v one_o question_n that_o my_o soul_n do_v much_o desire_n to_o be_v resolve_v about_o and_o that_o be_v whether_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o any_o soul_n that_o have_v indeed_o sin_v the_o unpardonable_a sin_n yet_o after_o that_o to_o receive_v though_o but_o the_o least_o true_a spiritual_a comfort_n from_o god_n through_o christ_n the_o which_o after_o i_o have_v much_o consider_v i_o find_v the_o answer_n be_v no_o they_o can_v not_o and_o that_o for_o these_o reason_n 175._o first_o because_o those_o that_o have_v sin_v that_o sin_n they_o be_v debar_v a_o share_n in_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n and_o be_v shut_v out_o of_o that_o they_o must_v needs_o be_v void_a of_o the_o least_o ground_n of_o hope_n and_o so_o of_o spiritual_a comfort_n for_o to_o such_o there_o remain_v no_o more_o sacrifice_n for_o sin_n heb._n 10.26_o 27._o second_o because_o they_o be_v deny_v a_o share_n in_o the_o promise_n of_o life_n they_o shall_v never_o be_v forgive_v neither_o in_o this_o world_n nor_o in_o that_o which_o be_v to_o come_v mat._n 12.31_o three_o the_o son_n of_o god_n exclude_v they_o also_o from_o a_o share_n in_o his_o bless_a intercession_n be_v for_o ever_o ashamed_a to_o own_v they_o both_o before_o his_o holy_a father_n and_o the_o bless_a angel_n in_o heaven_n mark_v 8._o 176._o when_o i_o have_v with_o much_o deliberation_n consider_v of_o this_o matter_n and_o can_v not_o but_o conclude_v that_o the_o lord_n have_v comfort_v i_o and_o that_o too_o after_o this_o my_o wicked_a sin_n then_o methinks_v i_o dare_v venture_v to_o come_v nigh_o unto_o those_o most_o fearful_a and_o terrible_a scripture_n with_o which_o all_o this_o while_n i_o have_v be_v so_o great_o affright_v and_o on_o which_o indeed_o before_o i_o dare_v scarce_o cast_v my_o eye_n â—ea_o have_v much_o ado_n a_o hundred_o time_n to_o forbear_v wish_v of_o they_o out_o of_o the_o bible_n for_o i_o think_v they_o will_v destroy_v i_o but_o now_o i_o say_v i_o begin_v to_o take_v some_o measure_n of_o encouragement_n to_o come_v close_o to_o they_o to_o read_v they_o and_o consider_v they_o and_o to_o weigh_v their_o scope_n and_o tendence_n 177._o the_o which_o when_o i_o begin_v to_o do_v i_o find_v their_o visage_n change_v for_o they_o look_v not_o so_o grim_o on_o i_o as_o before_o i_o think_v they_o do_v and_o first_o i_o come_v to_o the_o six_o of_o the_o hebrew_n yet_o tremble_v for_o fear_v it_o shall_v strike_v i_o which_o when_o i_o have_v consider_v i_o find_v that_o the_o fall_v there_o intend_v be_v a_o fall_v quite_o away_o that_o be_v as_o i_o conceive_v a_o fall_n from_o and_o a_o absolute_a denial_n of_o the_o gospel_n of_o remission_n of_o sin_n by_o christ_n for_o from_o they_o the_o apostle_n begin_v his_o argument_n ver_fw-la 1_o 2_o 3._o second_o i_o find_v that_o this_o fall_v away_o must_v be_v open_o even_o in_o the_o view_n of_o the_o world_n even_o so_o as_o to_o put_v christ_n to_o a_o open_a shame_n three_o i_o find_v that_o those_o he_o there_o intend_v be_v for_o ever_o shut_v up_o of_o god_n both_o in_o blindness_n hardness_n and_o impenitency_n it_o be_v impossible_a they_o shall_v be_v renew_v again_o unto_o repentance_n by_o all_o these_o particular_n i_o find_v to_o god_n everlasting_a praise_n my_o sin_n be_v not_o the_o sin_n in_o this_o place_n intend_v 178._o then_o i_o consider_v that_o in_o the_o ten_o of_o the_o hebrew_n and_o find_v that_o the_o wilful_a sin_n there_o mention_v be_v not_o every_o wilful_a sin_n but_o that_o sin_n which_o do_v throw_v off_o christ_n and_o then_o his_o commandment_n too_o second_o that_o must_v also_o be_v do_v open_o before_o two_o or_o three_o witness_n to_o answer_v that_o of_o the_o law_n ver_fw-la 28._o three_o this_o sin_n can_v be_v commit_v but_o with_o great_a despite_n do_v to_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n despise_v both_o the_o dissuasion_n from_o that_o sin_n and_o the_o persuasion_n to_o the_o contrary_a but_o the_o lord_n know_v though_o this_o my_o sin_n be_v devilish_a yet_o it_o do_v not_o amount_v to_o these_o 179._o and_o as_o touch_v that_o in_o the_o twelve_o of_o the_o hebrew_n about_o esau_n sell_n his_o birthright_n though_o this_o be_v that_o which_o kill_v i_o and_o stand_v like_o a_o spear_n against_o i_o yet_o now_o i_o do_v consider_v first_o that_o his_o be_v not_o a_o hasty_a thought_n against_o the_o continual_a labour_n of_o his_o mind_n but_o a_o think_v consent_v to_o and_o put_v in_o practice_n likewise_o and_o that_o too_o after_o some_o deliberation_n gen._n 25._o second_o it_o be_v a_o public_a and_o open_a action_n even_o before_o his_o brother_n if_o not_o before_o many_o more_o this_o make_v his_o sin_n of_o a_o far_o more_o heinous_a nature_n then_o otherwise_o it_o will_v have_v be_v three_o he_o continue_v to_o slight_v his_o birthright_n he_o do_v eat_v and_o drink_v and_o go_v his_o way_n thus_o esau_n despise_v his_o birthright_n yea_o twenty_o year_n after_o he_o be_v find_v to_o despise_v it_o still_o and_o esau_n say_v i_o have_v enough_o my_o brother_n keep_v that_o thou_o have_v to_o thyself_o gen._n 33.9_o 180._o now_o as_o touch_v this_o that_o esau_n seek_v a_o place_n of_o repentance_n thus_o i_o think_v first_o this_o be_v not_o for_o the_o birthright_n but_o for_o the_o blessing_n this_o be_v clear_a from_o the_o apostle_n and_o be_v distinguish_v by_o esau_n himself_o he_o have_v take_v away_o my_o birthright_n that_o be_v formerly_z and_o now_o he_o have_v take_v away_o my_o blessing_n also_o gen._n 27.36_o second_o now_o this_o be_v thus_o consider_v i_o come_v again_o to_o the_o apostle_n to_o see_v what_o may_v be_v the_o mind_n of_o god_n in_o a_o new-testament_n stile_n and_o sense_n concern_v esau_n sin_n and_o so_o far_o as_o i_o can_v conceive_v this_o be_v the_o mind_n of_o god_n that_o the_o birthright_n signify_v regeneration_n and_o the_o blessing_n the_o eternal_a inheritance_n for_o so_o the_o apostle_n seem_v to_o hint_n leave_v there_o be_v any_o profane_a person_n as_o esau_n who_o for_o one_o morsel_n of_o meat_n sell_v his_o birthright_n as_o if_o he_o shall_v say_v lest_o there_o be_v any_o person_n among_o you_o that_o shall_v cast_v off_o all_o those_o bless_a beginning_n of_o god_n that_o at_o present_a be_v upon_o he_o in_o order_n to_o a_o new_a birth_n lest_o they_o become_v a_o esau_n even_o be_v reject_v afterward_o when_o they_o will_v inherit_v the_o blessing_n 181._o for_o many_o there_o be_v who_o in_o the_o day_n of_o grace_n and_o mercy_n despise_v those_o thing_n which_o be_v indeed_o the_o birthright_n to_o heaven_n who_o yet_o when_o the_o deciding-day_n appear_v will_v cry_v as_o loud_o as_o esau_n lord_n lord_n open_a to_o we_o but_o then_o as_o isaac_n will_v not_o repent_v no_o more_o will_v god_n the_o father_n but_o will_v say_v i_o have_v bless_v these_o yea_o and_o they_o shall_v be_v bless_v but_o as_o for_o you_o depart_v you_o be_v worker_n of_o iniquity_n gen._n 27.32_o luk._n 13_o 25_o 26_o 27._o 182._o when_o i_o have_v thus_o consider_v these_o scripture_n and_o find_v that_o thus_o to_o understand_v they_o be_v not_o against_o but_o according_a to_o other_o scripture_n this_o still_o add_v further_o to_o my_o encouragement_n and_o comfort_n and_o also_o give_v a_o great_a blow_n to_o that_o objection_n to_o wit_n that_o the_o scripture_n can_v not_o agree_v in_o the_o salvation_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o now_o remain_v only_o the_o hinder_a part_n of_o the_o tempest_n for_o the_o thunder_n be_v go_v beyond_o i_o only_o some_o drop_n do_v still_o remain_v that_o now_o and_o then_o will_v fall_v upon_o i_o but_o because_o my_o former_a fright_n and_o anguish_n be_v very_o sore_a and_o deep_a therefore_o it_o do_v oft_o befall_v i_o still_o as_o it_o befall_v those_o that_o have_v be_v scare_v with_o fire_n i_o think_v every_o voice_n be_v fire_n fire_n every_o little_a touch_n will_v hurt_v my_o tender_a conscience_n 183._o but_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v pass_v in_o the_o field_n and_o that_o too_o with_o some_o dash_v on_o my_o conscience_n fear_v lest_o yet_o all_o be_v not_o right_a sudden_o
this_o sentence_n fall_v upon_o my_o soul_n thy_o righteousness_n be_v in_o heaven_n and_o methinks_v withal_o i_o see_v with_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o soul_n jesus_n christ_n at_o god_n right_a hand_n there_o i_o say_v as_o my_o righteousness_n so_o that_o wherever_o i_o be_v or_o whatever_o i_o be_v a_o do_v god_n can_v not_o say_v of_o i_o he_o want_v my_o righteousness_n for_o that_o be_v just_a before_o he_o i_o also_o see_v moreover_o that_o it_o be_v not_o my_o good_a frame_n of_o heart_n that_o make_v my_o righteousness_n better_o nor_o yet_o my_o bad_a frame_n that_o make_v my_o righteousness_n worse_o for_o my_o righteousness_n be_v jesus_n christ_n himself_o the_o same_o yesterday_o to_o day_n and_o for_o ever_o heb._n 13.8_o 184._o now_o do_v my_o chain_n fall_v off_o my_o leg_n indeed_o i_o be_v loose_v from_o my_o affliction_n and_o iron_n my_o temptation_n also_o flee_v away_o so_o that_o from_o that_o time_n those_o dreadful_a scripture_n of_o god_n leave_v off_o to_o trouble_v i_o now_o go_v i_o also_o home_n rejoice_v for_o the_o grace_n and_o love_n of_o god_n so_o when_o i_o care_v home_o i_o look_v to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v find_v that_o sentence_n thy_o righteousness_n be_v in_o heaven_n but_o can_v not_o find_v such_o a_o say_v wherefore_o my_o heart_n begin_v to_o sink_v again_o only_o that_o be_v bring_v to_o my_o remembrance_n he_o be_v make_v unto_o we_o of_o god_n wisdom_n righteousness_n sanctification_n and_o redemption_n by_o this_o word_n i_o see_v the_o other_o sentence_n true_a 185._o for_o by_o this_o scripture_n i_o see_v that_o the_o man_n christ_n jesus_n as_o he_o be_v distinct_a from_o we_o as_o touch_v his_o bodily_a presence_n so_o he_o be_v our_o righteousness_n and_o sanctification_n before_o god_n here_o therefore_o i_o live_v for_o some_o time_n very_o sweet_o at_o peace_n with_o god_n through_o christ_n o_o methinks_v christ_n christ_n there_o be_v nothing_o but_o christ_n that_o be_v before_o my_o eye_n i_o be_v not_o now_o only_o for_o look_v upon_o this_o and_o the_o other_o benefit_n of_o christ_n apart_o as_o of_o his_o blood_n burial_n or_o resurrection_n but_o consider_v he_o as_o whole_a christ_n as_o he_o in_o who_o all_o these_o and_o all_o his_o other_o virtue_n relation_n office_n and_o operation_n meet_v together_o and_o that_o on_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o god_n in_o heaven_n 186._o it_o be_v glorious_a to_o i_o to_o see_v his_o exaltation_n and_o the_o worth_n and_o prevalencie_n of_o all_o his_o benefit_n and_o that_o because_o of_o this_o now_o i_o can_v look_v from_o myself_o to_o he_o and_o shall_v reckon_v that_o all_o those_o grace_n of_o god_n that_o now_o be_v green_a in_o i_o be_v yet_o but_o like_o those_o crack'd-groat_n and_o four-pence-half-penny_n that_o rich_a man_n carry_v in_o their_o purse_n when_o their_o gold_n be_v in_o their_o trunk_n at_o home_n o_o i_o see_v my_o gold_n be_v in_o my_o trunk_n at_o home_n in_o christ_n my_o lord_n and_o saviour_n now_o christ_n be_v all_o all_o my_o wisdom_n all_o my_o righteousness_n all_o my_o sanctification_n and_o all_o my_o redemption_n 187._o further_o the_o lord_n do_v also_o lead_v i_o into_o the_o mystery_n of_o union_n with_o this_o son_n of_o god_n that_o i_o be_v join_v to_o he_o that_o i_o be_v flesh_n of_o his_o flesh_n and_o bone_n of_o his_o bone_n and_o now_o be_v that_o a_o sweet_a word_n to_o i_o in_o ephes._n 5.3_o by_o this_o also_o be_v my_o faith_n in_o he_o as_o my_o righteousness_n the_o more_o confirm_v to_o i_o for_o if_o he_o and_o i_o be_v one_o than_o his_o righteousness_n be_v i_o his_o merit_n my_o his_o victory_n also_o i_o now_o can_v i_o see_v myself_o in_o heaven_n and_o earth_n at_o once_o in_o heaven_n by_o my_o christ_n by_o my_o head_n by_o my_o righteousness_n and_o life_n though_o on_o earth_n by_o my_o body_n or_o person_n 188._o now_o i_o see_v christ_n jesus_n be_v look_v on_o of_o god_n and_o shall_v also_o be_v look_v upon_o by_o we_o as_o that_o common_a or_o public_a person_n in_o who_o all_o tâ—e_v whole_a body_n of_o his_o elect_n be_v always_o to_o be_v consider_v and_o reckon_v that_o we_o fulfil_v the_o law_n by_o he_o die_v by_o he_o rose_z from_o the_o dead_a by_o he_o get_v the_o victory_n over_o sin_n death_n the_o devil_n and_o hell_n by_o he_o when_o he_o die_v we_o die_v and_o so_o of_o his_o resurrection_n thy_o dead_a man_n shall_v live_v together_o with_o my_o dead_a body_n shall_v they_o arise_v say_v he_o isa._n 26._o and_o again_o after_o two_o day_n he_o will_v revive_v we_o and_o the_o three_o day_n we_o shall_v live_v in_o his_o sight_n hos._n 6.2_o which_o be_v now_o fulfil_v by_o the_o sit_v down_o of_o the_o son_n of_o man_n on_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o the_o majesty_n in_o the_o heaven_n according_a to_o that_o to_o the_o ephesian_n he_o have_v raise_v we_o up_o together_o and_o make_v we_o sit_v together_o in_o heavenly_a place_n in_o christ_n jesus_n ephes._n 2.6_o 189._o ah_o these_o bless_a consideration_n and_o scripture_n with_o many_o other_o of_o a_o like_a nature_n be_v in_o those_o day_n make_v to_o spangle_v in_o my_o eye_n praise_v you_o the_o lord_n god_n in_o his_o sanctuary_n praise_v he_o in_o the_o firmament_n of_o his_o power_n praise_v he_o for_o his_o mighty_a act_n praise_v he_o according_a to_o his_o excellent_a greatness_n psal._n 150.1_o 2._o 190._o have_v thus_o in_o few_o word_n giâ—en_v you_o a_o taste_n of_o the_o sorrow_n and_o affliction_n that_o my_o soul_n go_v under_o by_o the_o guilt_n and_o terror_n that_o this_o my_o wicked_a thought_n do_v lay_v i_o under_o and_o have_v give_v you_o also_o a_o touch_n of_o my_o deliverance_n therefrom_o and_o of_o the_o sweet_a and_o bless_a comfort_n that_o i_o meet_v with_o afterward_o which_o comfort_n dwell_v about_o a_o twelvemonth_n with_o my_o heart_n to_o my_o unspeakable_a admiraration_n i_o will_v now_o god_n will_v before_o i_o proceed_v any_o further_a give_v yoâ—_n in_o a_o word_n or_o two_o what_o as_o i_o conceive_v be_v the_o cause_n of_o this_o temptation_n and_o also_o after_o thaâ—_n what_o advantage_n at_o tâ—e_v last_v it_o become_v unto_o my_o soul_n 191._o for_o the_o cause_n i_o conceive_v they_o be_v principal_o two_o of_o which_o two_o also_o i_o be_v deep_o convince_v all_o the_o time_n this_o trouble_n lie_v upon_o i_o the_o first_o be_v foâ—_n that_o i_o do_v not_o when_o i_o be_v deliver_v from_o the_o temptation_n that_o go_v before_o still_o pray_v to_o god_n to_o keep_v i_o from_o temptation_n that_o be_v to_o come_v for_o though_o as_o i_o can_v say_v in_o truth_n my_o soul_n be_v much_o in_o prayer_n before_o this_o trial_n seize_v i_o yet_o than_o i_o pray_v only_o or_o at_o the_o most_o principal_o for_o the_o removal_n of_o present_a trouble_n and_o for_o fâ—esh_a discovery_n of_o love_n in_o christ_n which_o i_o see_v afterwards_o be_v not_o enough_o to_o do_v i_o also_o shall_v have_v pray_v that_o the_o great_a god_n will_v keep_v i_o from_o the_o evil_a that_o be_v to_o come_v 192._o of_o thâ—s_n i_o be_v make_v deep_o sensible_a by_o the_o prayer_n of_o holy_a david_n who_o when_o he_o be_v under_o present_a mercy_n yet_o pray_v that_o god_n will_v hold_v he_o back_o from_o sin_n and_o temptation_n to_o come_v for_o then_o say_v he_o shall_v i_o be_v upright_o and_o i_o shall_v be_v innocent_a from_o the_o great_a transgression_n psal._n 19.13_o by_o this_o very_a word_n be_v i_o gauâ—ed_v and_o condemn_v quite_o through_o this_o long_a temptation_n 193._o that_o also_o be_v another_o word_n that_o do_v much_o condemn_v i_o for_o my_o folly_n in_o the_o neglect_n of_o this_o duty_n heb._n 4.16_o let_v we_o therefore_o come_v bold_o to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n that_o we_o may_v obtain_v mercy_n and_o find_v grace_n to_o help_v in_o time_n of_o need_n this_o i_o have_v not_o do_v and_o therefore_o be_v suffer_v thus_o to_o sin_n and_o fall_v according_a to_o what_o be_v write_v pray_v that_o you_o enter_v not_o into_o temptation_n and_o tru_o this_o veâ—y_a thing_n be_v to_o this_o day_n of_o such_o weight_n and_o awe_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o dare_v not_o when_o i_o come_v before_o the_o loâ—d_n go_v off_o my_o knee_n until_o i_o entreat_v he_o for_o help_n and_o mercy_n against_o the_o â—_z that_o be_v to_o come_v and_o i_o do_v beseech_v thou_o reader_n that_o thou_o learn_v to_o beware_v of_o my_o negligence_n by_o the_o affliction_n that_o for_o this_o thing_n i_o do_v for_o day_n and_o month_n and_o year_n with_o sorrow_n undergo_v 194._o another_o cause_n of_o this_o temptation_n be_v that_o i_o have_v tempt_v god_n and_o on_o this_o manner_n do_v i_o do_v it_o upon_o a_o
the_o king_n contrary_a to_o the_o law_n esth._n 4.16_o i_o think_v also_o of_o benhadad_n servant_n who_o go_v with_o rope_n upon_o their_o head_n to_o their_o enemy_n for_o mercy_n 1_o kin._n 20.31_o etc._n etc._n the_o woman_n of_o canaan_n also_o that_o will_v not_o be_v daunt_v though_o call_v dog_n by_o christ_n mat._n 15.22_o etc._n etc._n and_o the_o man_n that_o go_v to_o borrow_v bread_n at_o midnight_n luk._n 11.5_o 6_o 7_o 8_o etc._n etc._n be_v great_a encouragement_n unto_o i_o 206._o i_o never_o see_v those_o height_n and_o depth_n in_o grace_n and_o love_n and_o mercy_n as_o i_o see_v after_o this_o temptation_n great_a sin_n do_v draw_v out_o great_a grace_n and_o where_o guilt_n be_v most_o terrible_a and_o fierce_a there_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n when_o show_v to_o the_o soul_n appear_v most_o high_a and_o mighty_a when_o job_n have_v pass_v through_o his_o captivity_n he_o have_v twice_o as_o much_o as_o he_o have_v before_o job_n 42.10_o bless_a be_v god_n for_o jesus_n christ_n our_o lord_n many_o other_o thing_n i_o may_v here_o make_v observation_n of_o but_o i_o will_v be_v brief_a and_o therefore_o shall_v at_o this_o time_n omit_v they_o and_o do_v pray_v god_n that_o my_o harm_n may_v make_v other_o fear_v to_o offend_v lest_o they_o also_o be_v make_v to_o bear_v the_o iron_n yoke_v as_o i_o 207._o now_o i_o shall_v go_v forward_o to_o give_v you_o a_o relation_n of_o other_o of_o the_o lord_n deal_n with_o i_o of_o his_o deal_n with_o i_o at_o sundâ—y_a other_o season_n and_o of_o the_o temptation_n i_o then_o do_v meet_v withal_o i_o shall_v begin_v with_o what_o i_o meet_v with_o when_o i_o first_o do_v join_v in_o fellowship_n with_o the_o people_n of_o god_n in_o bedford_n after_o i_o have_v propound_v to_o the_o church_n that_o my_o desire_n be_v to_o walk_v in_o the_o order_n and_o ordinance_n of_o christ_n with_o they_o and_o be_v also_o admit_v by_o they_o while_o i_o think_v of_o that_o bless_a ordinance_n of_o christ_n which_o be_v his_o last_o supper_n with_o his_o disciple_n before_o his_o death_n that_o scripture_n do_v this_o in_o remembrance_n of_o i_o luk._n 22.19_o be_v make_v a_o very_a precious_a word_n unto_o i_o for_o by_o it_o the_o lord_n do_v come_v down_o upon_o my_o conscience_n with_o the_o discovery_n of_o his_o death_n for_o my_o sin_n and_o as_o i_o then_o feel_v do_v as_o if_o he_o plunge_v i_o in_o the_o virtue_n of_o the_o same_o but_o behold_v i_o have_v not_o be_v long_o a_o partaker_n at_o that_o ordinance_n but_o such_o fierce_a and_o sad_a temptation_n do_v attend_v i_o at_o all_o time_n therein_o both_o to_o blaspheme_v the_o ordinance_n and_o to_o wish_v some_o deadly_a thing_n to_o those_o that_o then_o do_v eat_v thereof_o that_o lest_o i_o shall_v at_o any_o time_n be_v guilty_a of_o consent_v to_o these_o wicked_a and_o fearful_a thought_n i_o be_v force_v to_o bend_v myself_o all_o the_o while_n to_o pray_v to_o god_n to_o keep_v i_o from_o such_o blasphemy_n and_o also_o to_o cry_v to_o god_n to_o bless_v the_o bread_n and_o cup_n to_o they_o as_o it_o go_v from_o mouth_n to_o mouth_n the_o reason_n of_o this_o temptation_n i_o have_v think_v since_o be_v because_o i_o do_v not_o with_o that_o reverence_n at_o first_o approach_n to_o partake_v thereof_o 208._o thus_o i_o continue_v for_o three_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n and_o can_v never_o have_v rest_n nor_o ease_n but_o at_o last_o the_o lord_n come_v in_o upon_o my_o soul_n with_o that_o same_o scripture_n by_o which_o my_o soul_n be_v visit_v before_o and_o after_o that_o i_o have_v be_v usual_o very_o well_o and_o comfortable_a in_o the_o partake_n of_o that_o bless_a ordinance_n and_o have_v i_o trust_v therein_o discern_v the_o lord_n body_n as_o break_v for_o my_o sin_n and_o that_o his_o precious_a blood_n have_v be_v shed_v for_o my_o transgression_n 209._o upon_o a_o time_n i_o be_v somewhat_o incline_v to_o a_o consumption_n wherefore_o about_o the_o spring_n i_o be_v sudden_o and_o violent_o seize_v with_o much_o weakness_n in_o my_o outward_a man_n insomuch_o that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v not_o live_v now_o begin_v i_o afresh_o to_o give_v myself_o up_o to_o a_o serious_a examination_n after_o my_o state_n and_o condition_n for_o the_o future_a and_o of_o my_o evidence_n for_o that_o bless_a world_n to_o come_v for_o it_o have_v i_o bless_v the_o name_n of_o god_n be_v my_o usual_a course_n as_o always_o so_o especial_o in_o the_o day_n of_o affliction_n to_o endeavour_v to_o keep_v my_o interest_n in_o life_n to_o come_v clear_a before_o my_o eye_n 210._o but_o i_o have_v no_o soon_o begin_v to_o recall_v to_o mind_v my_o former_a experience_n of_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n to_o my_o soul_n but_o there_o come_v flock_v into_o my_o mind_n a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o transgression_n among_o which_o these_o be_v at_o this_o time_n most_o to_o my_o affliction_n namely_o my_o deadness_n dulness_n and_o coldness_n in_o holy_a duty_n my_o wander_n of_o heart_n my_o wearisomeness_n in_o all_o good_a thing_n my_o want_n of_o love_n to_o god_n his_o way_n and_o people_n with_o this_o at_o the_o end_n of_o all_o be_v these_o the_o fruit_n of_o christianity_n be_v these_o the_o token_n of_o a_o bless_a man_n 211._o at_o the_o apprehension_n of_o these_o thing_n my_o sickness_n be_v double_v upon_o i_o for_o now_o be_v i_o sick_a in_o my_o inward_a man_n my_o soul_n be_v clog_v with_o guilt_n now_o also_o be_v all_o my_o former_a experience_n of_o god_n goodness_n to_o i_o quite_o take_v out_o of_o my_o mind_n and_o hide_v as_o if_o it_o have_v never_o be_v nor_o see_v now_o be_v my_o soul_n great_o pinch_v between_o these_o two_o consideration_n live_v i_o must_v not_o die_v i_o dare_v not_o now_o i_o sink_v and_o fall_v in_o my_o spirit_n and_o be_v give_v up_o all_o for_o lose_v but_o as_o i_o be_v walk_v up_o and_o down_o in_o the_o house_n as_o a_o man_n in_o a_o most_o woeful_a state_n that_o word_n of_o god_n take_v hold_v of_o my_o heart_n you_o be_v justify_v free_o by_o his_o grace_n through_o the_o redemption_n that_o be_v in_o christ_n jesus_n rom._n 3.24_o 212._o now_o be_v i_o as_o one_o awaken_v out_o of_o some_o troublesome_a sleep_n and_o dream_n and_o listen_v to_o this_o heavenly_a sentence_n i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o hear_v it_o thus_o expound_v to_o i_o sinner_n thou_o think_v that_o because_o of_o thy_o sin_n and_o infirmity_n i_o can_v save_v thy_o soul_n but_o behold_v my_o son_n be_v by_o i_o and_o upon_o he_o i_o look_v and_o not_o on_o tâ—ree_n and_o will_v deal_v with_o thou_o according_a as_o i_o be_o please_v with_o he_o at_o this_o i_o be_v great_o lighten_v in_o my_o mind_n and_o make_v to_o understand_v that_o god_n can_v justify_v a_o sinner_n at_o any_o time_n it_o be_v but_o look_v upon_o christ_n and_o impute_v of_o his_o benefit_n to_o we_o and_o the_o work_n be_v forthwith_o do_v 213._o and_o as_o i_o be_v thus_o in_o a_o muse_n that_o scripture_n come_v with_o great_a power_n upon_o my_o spirit_n not_o by_o work_n of_o righteousness_n that_o we_o have_v do_v but_o according_a to_o his_o mercy_n he_o save_v we_o etc._n etc._n 2_o tim._n 1_o 9_o tit._n 3.5_o now_o be_v i_o get_v on_o high_a i_o see_v myself_o within_o the_o arm_n of_o grace_n and_o mercy_n and_o though_o i_o be_v before_o afraid_a to_o think_v of_o a_o die_a hour_n yet_o now_o i_o cry_v let_v i_o die_v now_o death_n be_v lovely_a and_o beautiful_a in_o my_o sight_n for_o i_o see_v we_o shall_v never_o live_v indeed_o till_o we_o be_v go_v to_o the_o other_o world_n o_o methinks_v this_o life_n be_v but_o a_o slumber_n in_o comparison_n of_o that_o above_o at_o this_o time_n also_o i_o see_v more_o in_o those_o word_n heir_n of_o god_n rom._n 8.17_o then_o ever_o i_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o express_v while_o i_o live_v in_o this_o world_n heir_n of_o god_n god_n himself_o be_v the_o portion_n of_o the_o saint_n this_o i_o see_v and_o wonder_v at_o but_o can_v tell_v you_o what_o i_o see_v 214._o at_o another_o time_n though_o just_a before_o i_o be_v pretty_a well_o and_o savoury_a in_o my_o spirit_n yet_o sudden_o there_o fall_v upon_o i_o a_o great_a cloud_n of_o darkness_n which_o do_v so_o hide_v from_o i_o the_o thing_n of_o god_n and_o christ_n that_o i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o have_v never_o see_v or_o know_v they_o in_o my_o life_n i_o be_v also_o so_o overrun_v in_o my_o soul_n with_o a_o senseless_a heartless_a frame_n of_o spirit_n that_o i_o can_v not_o feel_v my_o soul_n to_o move_v or_o stir_v after_o grace_n and_o life_n
by_o christ_n i_o be_v as_o if_o my_o joyns_n be_v break_v or_o as_o if_o my_o hand_n and_o foot_n have_v be_v tie_v or_o bind_v with_o chain_n at_o this_o time_n also_o i_o feel_v some_o weakness_n to_o seize_v my_o outward_a man_n which_o make_v still_o the_o other_o affliction_n the_o more_o heavy_a and_o uncomfortable_a 215._o afr_o i_o have_v be_v in_o this_o condition_n some_o three_o or_o four_o day_n as_o i_o be_v sit_v by_o the_o fire_n i_o sudden_o feel_v this_o word_n to_o sound_v in_o my_o heart_n i_o must_v go_v to_o jesus_n at_o this_o my_o former_a darkness_n and_o atheism_n flee_v away_o and_o the_o bless_a thing_n of_o heaven_n be_v set_v within_o my_o view_n while_o i_o be_v on_o this_o sudden_a thus_o overtake_v with_o surprise_n wife_n say_v i_o be_v there_o ever_o a_o such_o scripture_n i_o must_v go_v to_o jesus_n she_o say_v she_o can_v not_o tell_v therefore_o i_o sit_v muse_v still_o to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v remember_v such_o a_o place_n i_o have_v not_o sit_v above_o two_o or_o three_o minute_n but_o that_o come_v bolt_v in_o upon_o i_o and_o to_o a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o angel_n and_o withal_o hebrew_n the_o twelve_o about_o the_o mount_n zion_n be_v set_v before_o my_o eye_n 216._o then_o with_o joy_n i_o tell_v my_o wife_n o_o now_o i_o know_v i_o know_v but_o that_o night_n be_v a_o good_a night_n to_o i_o i_o never_o have_v but_o few_o better_a i_o long_v for_o the_o company_n of_o some_o of_o god_n people_n that_o i_o may_v have_v impart_v unto_o they_o what_o god_n have_v show_v i_o christ_n be_v a_o precious_a christ_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o night_n i_o can_v scarce_o lie_v in_o my_o bed_n for_o joy_n and_o peace_n and_o triumph_n through_o christ_n this_o great_a glory_n do_v not_o continue_v upon_o i_o until_o morning_n yet_o that_o twelve_o of_o the_o author_n to_o the_o hebrews_n heb._n 12.21_o 22_o 23._o be_v a_o bless_a scripture_n to_o i_o for_o many_o day_n together_o after_o this_o 217._o the_o word_n be_v these_o you_o be_v come_v to_o mount_v zion_n to_o the_o city_n of_o the_o live_a god_n to_o the_o heavenly_a jerusalem_n and_o to_o a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o angel_n to_o the_o general_a assembly_n and_o church_n of_o the_o first-born_a which_o be_v write_v in_o heaven_n to_o god_n the_o judge_n of_o all_o and_o to_o the_o spirit_n of_o just_a man_n make_v perfect_a and_o to_o jesus_n the_o mediator_n of_o the_o new_a testament_n and_o to_o the_o blood_n of_o sprinkle_v that_o speak_v better_a thing_n than_o that_o of_o abel_n through_o this_o bless_a sentence_n the_o lord_n lead_v i_o over_o and_o over_o first_o to_o this_o word_n and_o then_o to_o that_o and_o show_v i_o wonderful_a glory_n in_o every_o one_o of_o they_o these_o word_n also_o have_v oft_o â—â—nce_v this_o time_n be_v great_a refreshment_n to_o my_o spirit_n bless_a be_v god_n for_o have_v mercy_n on_o i_o a_o brief_a account_n of_o the_o author_n call_v to_o the_o work_n of_o the_o ministry_n 218._o and_o now_o i_o be_o speak_v my_o experience_n i_o will_v in_o this_o place_n thrust_v in_o a_o word_n or_o two_o concern_v my_o preach_v the_o word_n and_o of_o god_n deal_v with_o i_o in_o that_o particular_a also_o for_o after_o i_o have_v be_v about_o five_o oâ—_n six_o year_n awaken_v and_o help_v to_o see_v both_o the_o want_n and_o worth_a of_o jesus_n christ_n our_o lord_n and_o enable_v to_o venture_v my_o soul_n upon_o he_o some_o of_o the_o most_o able_a among_o the_o saint_n with_o we_o i_o say_v the_o most_o able_a for_o judgement_n and_o holiness_n of_o life_n as_o they_o conceive_v do_v perceive_v that_o god_n have_v count_v i_o worthy_a to_o understand_v something_o of_o his_o will_n in_o his_o holy_a and_o bless_a word_n and_o have_v give_v i_o utterance_n in_o some_o measure_n to_o express_v what_o i_o see_v to_o other_o for_o edification_n they_o desire_v i_o and_o tâ—at_a with_o much_o earnestness_n that_o i_o will_v be_v willing_a at_o sometime_o to_o take_v in_o hand_n in_o one_o of_o the_o meeting_n to_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o exhortation_n unto_o they_o 219._o the_o which_o though_o at_o the_o first_o it_o do_v much_o dash_n and_o abash_v my_o spirit_n yet_o be_v still_o by_o they_o desire_v and_o entreat_v i_o consent_v to_o their_o request_n and_o do_v twice_o at_o two_o several_a assembly_n but_o in_o private_a though_o with_o much_o weakness_n and_o infirmity_n discover_v my_o gift_n among_o they_o at_o which_o they_o not_o only_o seem_v to_o be_v but_o do_v solemn_o protest_v as_o in_o the_o sight_n of_o the_o great_a god_n they_o be_v both_o affect_v and_o comfort_v and_o give_v thanks_o to_o the_o father_n of_o mercy_n for_o the_o grace_n bestow_v on_o i_o 220._o after_o this_o sometime_o when_o some_o of_o they_o do_v go_v into_o the_o country_n to_o teach_v tâ—ey_n will_v also_o that_o i_o shall_v go_v with_o they_o where_o though_o as_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o nor_o dare_v not_o make_v use_n of_o my_o gift_n in_o a_o open_a way_n yet_o moâ—e_n private_o still_o as_o i_o come_v among_o the_o good_a people_n in_o those_o place_n i_o do_v sometime_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o admonition_n unto_o they_o also_o the_o which_o they_o as_o the_o other_o receive_v with_o rejoice_v at_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n to_o me-ward_n profess_v their_o soul_n be_v edify_v thereby_o 221._o wherefore_o to_o be_v brief_a at_o last_o be_v still_o desire_v by_o the_o church_n after_o some_o solemn_a prayer_n to_o the_o lord_n with_o fast_v i_o be_v more_o particular_o call_v forth_o and_o appoint_v to_o a_o more_o ordinary_a and_o public_a preach_v the_o word_n not_o only_o to_o and_o among_o they_o that_o believe_v but_o also_o to_o offer_v the_o gospel_n â—o_o those_o that_o have_v not_o yet_o â—eceived_v the_o faith_n thereof_o about_o which_o time_n i_o do_v evident_o find_v in_o my_o mind_n a_o secret_a prick_n forward_o thereto_o though_o i_o bless_v god_n not_o for_o desire_v of_o vain_a glory_n for_o at_o that_o time_n i_o be_v most_o sore_o afflict_v with_o â—he_n fiery_a dart_n of_o the_o devil_n concern_v my_o eternal_a state_n 222._o but_o yet_o can_v not_o be_v content_a unless_o i_o be_v find_v in_o the_o exercise_n of_o my_o gift_n unto_o which_o also_o i_o be_v great_o animate_v not_o only_o by_o the_o continual_a desire_n of_o the_o godly_a but_o also_o by_o that_o say_n of_o paul_n to_o the_o corinthian_n i_o beseech_v you_o brethren_n you_o know_v the_o household_n of_o stephanas_n that_o it_o be_v the_o firsâ—_o fruit_n of_o achaia_n and_o that_o they_o have_v addict_v themselves_o to_o the_o ministry_n of_o the_o saint_n that_o you_o submit_v yourselves_o unto_o such_o and_o to_o every_o one_o that_o help_v with_o we_o and_o labour_v 1_o cor._n 16.15_o 16._o 223._o by_o this_o text_n i_o be_v make_v to_o see_v that_o the_o holy_a ghost_n never_o intend_v that_o man_n who_o have_v gift_n and_o ability_n shall_v bury_v they_o in_o the_o earth_n but_o rather_o do_v command_n and_o stir_v up_o such_o to_o the_o exercise_n of_o their_o gift_n and_o also_o do_v commend_v those_o that_o be_v apt_a and_o ready_a so_o to_o do_v they_o have_v addict_v themselves_o to_o the_o ministry_n of_o the_o saint_n this_o scripture_n in_o these_o day_n do_v continual_o run_v in_o my_o mind_n to_o encourage_v i_o and_o strengthen_v i_o in_o this_o my_o work_n foâ—_n god_n i_o have_v be_v also_o encourage_v from_o several_a other_o scripture_n and_o example_n of_o the_o godly_a both_o specify_v in_o the_o word_n and_o other_o ancient_a history_n act._n 8.4_o &_o 18·24_n 25_o etc._n etc._n 1_o pet._n 4.10_o rom._n 12.6_o fox_n act_n and_o mon._n 224._o wherefore_o though_o of_o myself_o of_o all_o the_o saint_n the_o most_o unworthy_a yet_o i_o but_o with_o great_a fear_n and_o tremble_a at_o the_o sight_n of_o my_o own_o weakness_n do_v set_v upon_o the_o work_n and_o do_v according_a to_o my_o gift_n and_o the_o proportion_n of_o my_o faith_n preach_v that_o bless_a gospel_n that_o god_n have_v show_v i_o in_o the_o holy_a word_n of_o truth_n which_o when_o the_o country_n understand_v they_o come_v in_o to_o hear_v the_o word_n by_o hundred_o and_o that_o from_o all_o part_n though_o upon_o sundry_a and_o divers_a account_n 225._o and_o i_o thank_v god_n he_o give_v unto_o i_o some_o measure_n of_o bowel_n and_o pity_n for_o their_o soul_n which_o also_o do_v put_v i_o forward_o to_o labour_v with_o great_a diligence_n and_o earnestness_n to_o find_v out_o such_o a_o word_n as_o might_n if_o god_n will_v bless_v lay_v hold_v of_o and_o awaken_v the_o conscience_n in_o which_o also_o the_o good_a lord_n have_v respect_n to_o the_o desire_n of_o his_o
have_v be_v make_v upon_o it_o 249._o just_o thus_o i_o see_v it_o be_v and_o will_v be_v with_o they_o who_o have_v gift_n but_o want_v saving-grace_n they_o be_v in_o the_o hand_n of_o christ_n as_o the_o cymbal_n in_o the_o hand_n of_o david_n and_o as_o david_n can_v with_o the_o cymbal_n make_v that_o mirth_n in_o the_o service_n of_o god_n as_o to_o elevate_v the_o heart_n of_o the_o worshipper_n so_o christ_n can_v use_v these_o gift_a man_n as_o with_o they_o to_o affect_v the_o soul_n of_o his_o people_n in_o his_o church_n yet_o when_o he_o have_v do_v all_o hang_v they_o by_o as_o lifeless_a though_o sound_v cymbal_n 250._o this_o consideration_n therefore_o together_o with_o some_o other_o be_v for_o the_o most_o part_n as_o a_o maul_v on_o the_o head_n of_o pride_n and_o desire_n of_o vainglory_n what_o think_v i_o shall_v i_o be_v proud_a because_o i_o be_o a_o sound_a brass_n be_v it_o so_o much_o to_o be_v a_o fiddle_n have_v not_o the_o least_o creature_n that_o have_v life_n more_o of_o god_n in_o it_o than_o these_o beside_o i_o know_v it_o be_v love_n shall_v never_o die_v but_o these_o must_v cease_v and_o vanish_v so_o i_o conclude_v a_o little_a grace_n a_o little_a love_n a_o little_a of_o the_o true_a fear_n of_o god_n be_v better_a than_o all_o these_o gift_n yea_o and_o i_o be_o full_o convince_v of_o it_o that_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o a_o soul_n that_o can_v scarce_o give_v a_o man_n a_o answer_n but_o with_o great_a confusion_n as_o to_o method_n i_o say_v it_o be_v possible_a for_o they_o to_o have_v a_o thousand_o time_n more_o grace_n and_o so_o to_o be_v more_o in_o the_o love_n and_o favour_n of_o the_o lord_n than_o some_o who_o by_o virtue_n of_o the_o gift_n of_o knowledge_n can_v deliver_v themselves_o like_o angel_n a_o brief_a account_n of_o the_o author_n imprisonment_n 251._o have_v make_v profession_n of_o the_o glorious_a gospel_n of_o christ_n along_o time_n and_o have_v preach_v the_o same_o about_o five_o year_n i_o be_v apprehend_v at_o a_o meeting_n of_o good_a people_n in_o the_o country_n among_o who_o have_v they_o let_v i_o alone_o i_o shall_v â—â—ve_v preach_v that_o day_n but_o they_o take_v i_o away_o from_o among_o they_o and_o have_v i_o before_o a_o justice_n who_o after_o i_o have_v offer_v security_n for_o my_o appear_v at_o the_o next_o session_n yet_o commit_v i_o because_o my_o surety_n will_v not_o consent_v to_o be_v bind_v that_o i_o shall_v preach_v no_o more_o to_o the_o people_n 252._o at_o the_o session_n after_o i_o be_v indict_v for_o a_o upholder_n and_o maintainer_n of_o unlawful_a assembly_n and_o conventicle_n and_o for_o not_o conform_v to_o the_o national_a worship_n of_o the_o church_n of_o england_n and_o after_o some_o conference_n there_o with_o the_o justice_n be_v sentence_v to_o perpetual_a banishment_n because_o i_o refuse_v to_o conform_v so_o be_v again_o deliver_v â—p_n to_o the_o gaoler_n hand_n i_o be_v have_v home_o to_o prison_n again_o and_o there_o have_v lie_v now_o above_o five_o year_n and_o a_o quarter_n wait_v to_o see_v what_o god_n will_v suffer_v these_o mâ—n_z to_o do_v with_o i_o 253._o in_o which_o condition_n i_o have_v continue_v wiâ—h_v much_o content_n through_o grace_n but_o have_v meet_v with_o many_o tuâ—nings_n and_o going_n upon_o my_o heart_n both_o fâ—om_n the_o lord_n satan_n and_o my_o own_o corruption_n by_o all_o which_o glory_n be_v to_o jesus_n christ_n i_o have_v also_o receive_v among_o many_o thing_n much_o conviction_n instruction_n and_o understanding_n of_o which_o at_o laâ—ge_n i_o shall_v not_o here_o discourse_n only_o give_v you_o in_o a_o hint_n or_o two_o a_o word_n that_o may_v stir_v up_o the_o godly_a to_o bless_v god_n and_o to_o pray_v for_o i_o and_o also_o to_o take_v encouragement_n shall_v the_o case_n be_v their_o own_o not_o to_o fear_v what_o man_n can_v do_v unto_o they_o 254._o i_o never_o have_v in_o all_o my_o life_n so_o great_a a_o inlet_n into_o the_o word_n of_o god_n as_o now_o they_o scripture_n that_o i_o see_v nothing_o in_o before_o be_v make_v in_o this_o place_n and_o state_n to_o shine_v upon_o i_o jesus_n christ_n alâ—o_o be_v never_o more_o reâ—l_a and_o apparent_a then_o now_o here_o i_o have_v see_v he_o and_o feel_v he_o indeed_o o_o that_o word_n we_o have_v not_o preach_v unto_o you_o cunning_o devise_v fable_n 2_o pet._n 1_o 16._o and_o that_o god_n raise_v christ_n from_o the_o dead_a and_o give_v he_o glory_n that_o your_o faith_n and_o hope_n may_v be_v in_o god_n 1_o pet._n 1.20_o be_v bless_a word_n unto_o i_o in_o this_o my_o imprison_a condition_n 255._o these_o three_o or_o four_o scripture_n also_o have_v be_v great_a refreshment_n in_o this_o condition_n to_o i_o joh._n 14.1_o 2_o 3_o 4._o joh._n 16.33_o col._n 3.3_o 4._o heb._n 12.22_o 23_o 24._o so_o that_o sometime_o when_o i_o have_v be_v in_o the_o favour_n of_o they_o i_o have_v be_v able_a to_o laugh_v at_o destruction_n and_o â—o_o fear_v neiâ—her_o the_o horse_n nor_o his_o rider_n i_o have_v have_v sweet_a sight_n of_o the_o forgiveness_n of_o my_o sin_n in_o this_o place_n and_o of_o my_o be_v with_o jesus_n in_o another_o world_n o_o the_o mount_n zion_n the_o heavenly_a jerusalem_n the_o innumerable_a company_n of_o angel_n and_o god_n the_o judge_n of_o all_o and_o the_o spirit_n of_o just_a man_n make_v perfect_a and_o jesus_n have_v be_v sweet_a unto_o i_o in_o this_o place_n i_o have_v see_v that_o here_o that_o i_o be_o persuade_v i_o shall_v never_o while_o in_o this_o world_n be_v able_a to_o express_v i_o have_v see_v a_o truth_n in_o that_o scripture_n who_o have_v not_o see_v you_o love_v in_o who_o though_o now_o you_o see_v he_o not_o yet_o believe_v you_o rejoice_v with_o joy_n unspeakable_a and_o full_a of_o glory_n 1_o pet._n 1.8_o 256._o i_o never_o know_v what_o it_o be_v for_o god_n to_o stand_v by_o i_o at_o all_o turn_n and_o at_o every_o offer_n of_o satan_n etc._n etc._n as_o i_o have_v find_v he_o since_o i_o come_v in_o hither_o for_o look_v how_o fear_n have_v present_v themselves_o so_o have_v support_n and_o encouragement_n yea_o when_o i_o have_v start_v even_o as_o it_o be_v at_o nothing_o else_o but_o my_o shadow_n yet_o god_n as_o be_v very_o tender_a of_o i_o have_v not_o suffer_v i_o to_o be_v molest_v but_o will_v with_o one_o scripture_n and_o another_o strengthen_v i_o against_o all_o insomuch_o that_o i_o have_v often_o say_v be_v it_o lawful_a i_o can_v pray_v for_o great_a trouble_n for_o the_o great_a comfort_n sake_n eccles._n 7.14_o 2_o cor._n 1.5_o 257._o before_o i_o come_v to_o prison_n i_o see_v what_o be_v a_o come_n and_o have_v especial_o two_o consideration_n wâ—rm_v upon_o my_o heart_n the_o first_o be_v how_o to_o be_v able_a to_o endure_v shall_v my_o imprisonment_n be_v lonâ—_n and_o tedious_a the_o second_o be_v how_o to_o be_v able_a to_o encounter_v death_n shall_v that_o be_v here_o my_o portion_n for_o the_o first_o of_o these_o that_o scripture_n col._n 1.11_o be_v great_a information_n to_o i_o namely_o to_o pray_v to_o god_n to_o be_v strengthen_v with_o all_o might_n according_a to_o his_o glorious_a power_n unto_o all_o patience_n and_o long-suffering_a with_o joyfulness_n i_o can_v seldom_o go_v to_o prayer_n before_o i_o be_v imprison_v but_o for_o not_o so_o little_a as_o a_o year_n together_o this_o sentence_n of_o sweet_a petition_n will_v as_o it_o be_v thrust_v itself_o into_o my_o mind_n and_o persuade_v i_o that_o if_o ever_o i_o will_v go_v through_o long-suffering_a i_o must_v have_v all_o patience_n especial_o if_o i_o will_v endure_v it_o joyful_o 258._o as_o to_o the_o second_o consideration_n that_o say_v 2_o cor._n 1.9_o be_v of_o great_a use_n unto_o i_o but_o we_o have_v the_o sentence_n of_o death_n in_o ourselves_o that_o we_o may_v not_o trust_v in_o ourselves_o but_o in_o god_n that_o raise_v the_o dead_a by_o this_o scripture_n i_o be_v make_v to_o see_v that_o if_o ever_o i_o will_v suffer_v right_o i_o must_v first_o pass_v a_o sentence_n of_o death_n upon_o every_o thing_n that_o can_v proper_o be_v call_v a_o thing_n of_o this_o life_n even_o to_o reckon_v myself_o my_o wife_n my_o child_n my_o health_n my_o enjoyment_n and_o all_o as_o dead_a to_o i_o &_o myself_o as_o dead_a to_o they_o 259._o the_o second_o be_v to_o live_v upon_o god_n that_o be_v invisible_a as_o paul_n say_v in_o another_o place_n the_o way_n not_o to_o faint_v be_v to_o look_v not_o at_o the_o thing_n that_o be_v see_v but_o at_o the_o thing_n that_o be_v not_o see_v for_o the_o thing_n that_o be_v see_v be_v temporal_a but_o the_o thing_n that_o be_v not_o see_v they_o
be_v eternal_a and_o thus_o i_o reason_v with_o myself_o if_o i_o provide_v only_o for_o a_o prison_n than_o the_o whip_n come_v at_o unaware_o and_o so_o do_v also_o the_o pillory_n again_o if_o i_o provide_v only_o for_o these_o than_o i_o be_o not_o fit_a for_o banishment_n further_o if_o i_o conclude_v that_o banishment_n be_v the_o worst_a then_o if_o death_n come_v i_o be_o surprise_v so_o that_o i_o see_v the_o best_a way_n to_o go_v through_o suffering_n be_v to_o trust_v in_o god_n through_o christ_n as_o touch_v the_o world_n to_o come_v and_o as_o touch_v this_o world_n to_o count_v the_o grave_a my_o house_n to_o make_v my_o bed_n in_o darkness_n to_o say_v to_o corruption_n thou_o be_v my_o father_n and_o to_o the_o worm_n thou_o be_v my_o mother_n and_o sister_n that_o be_v to_o familiarize_v these_o thing_n to_o i_o 260._o but_o notwithstanding_o these_o help_n i_o find_v myself_o a_o man_n and_o compass_v with_o infirmity_n the_o part_n with_o my_o wife_n and_o poor_a child_n have_v oft_o be_v to_o i_o in_o tâ—is_fw-la place_n as_o the_o pull_v the_o flesh_n from_o my_o bone_n and_o that_o not_o only_o because_o i_o be_o somewhat_o too_o too_o fond_a of_o these_o great_a mercy_n but_o also_o because_o i_o shall_v have_v often_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n the_o many_o hardship_n misery_n and_o want_n that_o my_o poor_a family_n be_v like_a to_o meet_v with_o shall_v i_o be_v take_v from_o they_o especial_o my_o poor_a blind_a child_n who_o lie_v neaâ—er_v my_o heart_n than_o all_o i_o have_v beside_o o_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o hardship_n i_o think_v this_o may_v go_v under_o will_v break_v my_o heart_n to_o piece_n 261._o poor_a child_n think_v i_o what_o sorrow_n be_v thou_o like_v to_o have_v for_o thy_o portion_n in_o this_o world_n thou_o must_v be_v â—eaten_v must_v beg_v suffer_v hunger_n cold_a nakedness_n and_o a_o thousand_o calamity_n though_o i_o can_v now_o endure_v the_o wind_n shall_v blow_v upon_o thou_o but_o yet_o recall_v myself_o think_v i_o i_o must_v venture_v you_o all_o with_o god_n though_o it_o go_v to_o the_o quick_a to_o leave_v you_o o_o i_o see_v in_o this_o condition_n i_o be_v as_o a_o man_n who_o be_v pull_v down_o his_o house_n upon_o the_o head_n of_o his_o wife_n and_o child_n yet_o think_v i_o i_o must_v do_v it_o i_o must_v do_v it_o and_o now_o i_o think_v of_o those_o two_o milch_n cow_n that_o be_v to_o carry_v the_o ark_n of_o god_n into_o another_o country_n and_o to_o leave_v their_o calf_n behind_o they_o 1_o sam._n 6.10_o 11_o 12._o 262._o but_o that_o which_o help_v i_o in_o this_o temptation_n be_v divers_a consideration_n of_o which_o thâ—ee_o in_o special_a here_o i_o will_v name_v the_o first_o be_v the_o consideration_n of_o those_o two_o scripture_n leave_v thy_o fatherless_a child_n i_o will_v preserve_v they_o alive_a and_o let_v thy_o widow_n trust_n in_o i_o and_o again_o the_o lord_n say_v very_o it_o shall_v go_v well_o with_o thy_o remnant_n very_o i_o will_v cause_v the_o enemy_n to_o entreat_v thou_o well_o in_o the_o time_n of_o evil_n etc._n etc._n 263._o i_o have_v also_o this_o consideration_n that_o â—f_o i_o shall_v now_o venture_v all_o for_o god_n i_o engage_v god_n to_o take_v care_n of_o my_o concernment_n but_o if_o i_o forsake_v he_o and_o his_o way_n for_o fear_v of_o any_o trouble_n that_o shall_v come_v to_o i_o or_o i_o than_o i_o shall_v not_o only_o falsify_v my_o profession_n but_o shall_v count_v also_o that_o my_o conceâ—nments_n be_v not_o so_o sure_a if_o leave_v at_o god_n foot_n while_o i_o stand_v to_o and_o for_o his_o name_n as_o they_o will_v be_v if_o they_o be_v under_o my_o own_o tuition_n though_o with_o the_o denial_n of_o the_o way_n of_o god_n this_o be_v a_o smart_a consideration_n and_o be_v as_o spur_n unto_o my_o flesh_n that_o scripture_n also_o great_o help_v it_o to_o fasten_v the_o more_o upon_o i_o where_o christ_n pâ—ays_v against_o judas_n that_o god_n wouâ—d_v disappoint_v he_o in_o all_o his_o selfish_a thought_n which_o move_v he_o to_o sell_v his_o master_n pray_v read_v it_o sober_o psal._n 109.6_o 7_o 8_o etc._n etc._n 264._o i_o have_v also_o another_o consideration_n and_o that_o be_v the_o dread_n of_o the_o torment_n of_o hell_n which_o i_o be_v sure_a they_o must_v partake_v of_o that_o for_o fear_n of_o the_o cross_n do_v shrink_v from_o their_o profession_n of_o christ_n his_o word_n and_o law_n â—efore_o the_o son_n of_o man_n and_o of_o the_o glory_n that_o he_o have_v prepare_v for_o those_o that_o in_o faith_n and_o love_n and_o patience_n stand_v to_o his_o way_n before_o they_o these_o thing_n i_o say_v have_v help_v i_o when_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o misery_n that_o both_o myself_o and_o my_o might_n for_o the_o sake_n of_o my_o profession_n be_v expose_v to_o have_v lie_v pinch_v on_o my_o mind_n 265._o when_o i_o have_v indeed_o conceit_v that_o i_o may_v be_v banish_v for_o my_o profession_n than_o i_o have_v think_v of_o that_o scripture_n they_o be_v stone_v they_o be_v saw_v asunder_o be_v tempt_v be_v slay_v with_o the_o sword_n they_o wander_v about_o in_o sheepskin_n and_o goatskin_n be_v destitute_a afflict_a torment_a of_o who_o the_o world_n be_v not_o worthy_a for_o all_o they_o think_v they_o be_v too_o bad_a to_o dwell_v and_o abide_v among_o they_o i_o have_v also_o think_v of_o that_o say_n the_o holy_a ghost_n witness_v in_o every_o city_n that_o bond_n and_o affliction_n abide_v i_o i_o have_v very_o think_v that_o my_o soul_n and_o it_o have_v sometime_o reason_v about_o the_o sore_a &_o sad_a estate_n of_o a_o banish_a and_o exile_a condition_n how_o they_o be_v expose_v to_o hunger_n to_o cold_a to_o peril_n to_o nakedness_n to_o enemy_n and_o a_o thousand_o calamity_n and_o at_o last_o it_o may_v be_v to_o die_v in_o a_o diâ—ch_n like_o a_o poor_a forlorn_a and_o desolate_a sheep_n but_o i_o thank_v god_n hitherto_o i_o have_v not_o be_v move_v by_o these_o most_o delicate_a reason_n but_o have_v rather_o by_o they_o more_o approve_v my_o heart_n to_o god_n 266._o i_o will_v tell_v you_o oâ—_n a_o pretty_a business_n i_o be_v once_o above_o all_o the_o rest_n in_o a_o very_a faâ—t_n and_o low_a condition_n for_o many_o week_n at_o which_o time_n also_o i_o be_v but_o a_o young_a prisoner_n and_o not_o acquaint_v with_o the_o law_n have_v this_o lay_n much_o upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o my_o imprisonment_n may_v end_v at_o the_o gallow_n for_o aught_o that_o i_o can_v tell_v now_o therefore_o satan_n say_v hard_o at_o i_o to_o beat_v i_o out_o of_o heart_n by_o suggest_v thus_o unto_o i_o but_o how_o if_o when_o you_o come_v indeed_o to_o die_v you_o shall_v be_v in_o this_o condition_n that_o be_v as_o not_o to_o savour_v the_o thing_n of_o god_n not_o to_o have_v any_o evidence_n upon_o your_o soul_n for_o a_o better_a state_n hereafter_o for_o indeed_o at_o that_o time_n all_o the_o thing_n of_o god_n be_v hide_v from_o my_o soul._n 267._o wherefore_o when_o i_o at_o first_o begin_v to_o think_v of_o this_o it_o be_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o i_o for_o i_o think_v with_o myself_o that_o in_o the_o condition_n i_o now_o be_v in_o i_o be_v not_o fit_a to_o die_v neither_o indeed_o do_v think_v i_o can_v if_o i_o shall_v be_v call_v to_o it_o beside_o i_o think_v with_o myself_o if_o i_o shall_v make_v a_o scrable_a shifâ—_n to_o clamber_v up_o the_o ladder_n yet_o i_o shall_v either_o with_o quake_v or_o other_o symptom_n of_o faint_n give_v occaâ—ion_n to_o the_o enemy_n to_o reproach_v the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o his_o people_n for_o their_o timerousness_n this_o therefore_o lay_v with_o great_a trouble_n upon_o i_o for_o methinks_v i_o be_v ashamed_a to_o die_v with_o a_o pale_a face_n and_o totter_a knee_n for_o such_o a_o cause_n as_o this_o 268._o wherefore_o i_o pray_v to_o god_n that_o he_o will_v coâ—fort_v i_o and_o give_v i_o strength_n to_o do_v and_o suffer_v what_o he_o shall_v call_v i_o to_o yet_o no_o comfort_n appear_v but_o all_o continue_v hide_v i_o be_v also_o at_o this_o time_n so_o real_o possess_v with_o the_o thought_n of_o death_n that_o oft_o i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o be_v on_o the_o ladder_n with_o the_o rope_n about_o my_o neck_n only_o this_o be_v some_o encouragement_n to_o i_o i_o think_v i_o may_v have_v now_o a_o opportunity_n to_o speak_v my_o last_o word_n to_o a_o multitude_n which_o i_o think_v will_v come_v to_o see_v i_o die_v and_o think_v i_o if_o it_o must_v be_v so_o if_o god_n will_v but_o convelt_v one_o soul_n by_o my_o very_a last_o word_n i_o shall_v for_o count_v my_o life_n throw_v away_o nor_o lose_v
show_v i_o that_o none_o can_v enter_v into_o life_n â—ut_v thoâ—e_o that_o be_v in_o downright_a earnest_n and_o â—nless_a also_o they_o leave_v this_o wicked_a world_n behind_o â—â—em_n for_o here_o be_v only_o room_n for_o body_n and_o soul_n â—ut_v not_o for_o body_n and_o soul_n and_o sin_n 44._o this_o resemblance_n abode_n upon_o my_o spirit_n many_o day_n all_o which_o time_n i_o see_v myself_o in_o a_o sorlorn_a and_o sad_a condition_n but_o yet_o be_v provoke_v to_o a_o vehement_a hunger_n and_o desire_v to_o be_v one_o of_o that_o number_n that_o do_v sit_v in_o this_o sunshine_n now_o also_o i_o shall_v pray_v where_o ever_o i_o be_v whether_o at_o home_n or_o a_o broad_a in_o house_n or_o field_n and_o shall_v also_o often_o with_o lift_v up_o of_o heart_n sing_v that_o of_o the_o fifty_o first_o psalm_n o_o lord_n consider_v my_o distress_n for_o as_o yet_o i_o know_v not_o where_o i_o be_v 45._o neither_o as_o yet_o can_v i_o attain_v to_o any_o comfortable_a persuasion_n that_o i_o have_v faith_n in_o chirst_n but_o instead_o of_o have_v satisfaction_n here_o i_o begin_v to_o find_v my_o soul_n to_o be_v assault_v with_o fresth_n doubt_v about_o my_o future_a happiness_n especial_o with_o such_o as_o these_o whether_o i_o be_v elect_v but_o how_o if_o the_o day_n of_o grace_n shall_v now_o be_v past_a and_o go_v 46._o by_o these_o two_o temptation_n i_o be_v very_o much_o afflict_v and_o disquiet_v sometime_o by_o one_o and_o sometime_o by_o the_o other_o of_o they_o and_o first_o to_o speak_v of_o that_o about_o my_o question_v my_o election_n i_o find_v â—t_a this_o time_n that_o though_o i_o be_v in_o a_o flame_n to_o find_v the_o way_n to_o heaven_n and_o glory_n and_o though_o nothing_o can_v beat_v i_o off_o from_o this_o yet_o this_o question_n do_v so_o offend_v and_o discourage_v i_o that_o i_o be_v especial_o at_o sometime_o as_o if_o the_o very_a strength_n of_o my_o body_n also_o have_v be_v take_v away_o by_o the_o force_n and_o power_n thereof_o this_o scripture_n also_o do_v seem_v to_o i_o tâ—_n trample_v upon_o all_o my_o desire_n it_o be_v neither_o in_o he_o that_o will_v nor_o in_o he_o that_o run_v but_o in_o god_n thâ—â—_n show_v mercy_n rome_n 9_o 47._o with_o this_o scripture_n i_o can_v not_o tell_v what_o to_o do_v for_o i_o evident_o see_v that_o unless_o the_o great_a god_n of_o hiâ—_n infinite_a grace_n and_o bounty_n have_v voluntary_o chosâ—_n i_o to_o be_v a_o vessel_n of_o mercy_n though_o i_o shall_v desire_v and_o long_o and_o labour_n until_o my_o heart_n do_v break_v 〈◊〉_d good_a can_v come_v of_o it_o therefore_o this_o wouâ—â—_n still_o stick_v with_o i_o how_o can_v you_o tell_v you_o be_v â—lected_v and_o what_o if_o you_o shall_v not_o how_o then_o 48._o o_o lord_n think_v i_o what_o if_o i_o shall_v not_o indeed_o it_o may_v be_v you_o be_v not_o lay_v the_o tempter_n it_o may_v be_v so_o indeed_o think_v i._o why_o then_o â—aid_n satan_n you_o have_v as_o good_a leave_n off_o and_o strive_v no_o further_o for_o if_o indeed_o you_o shall_v not_o be_v elect_v and_o choose_v of_o god_n there_o be_v no_o talk_n of_o your_o be_v save_v for_o it_o be_v neither_o in_o he_o that_o will_v nor_o in_o he_o that_o run_v but_o in_o god_n that_o show_v mercy_n 49._o by_o these_o thing_n i_o be_v drive_v to_o my_o wit_n end_n not_o know_v what_o to_o say_v or_o how_o to_o answer_v these_o temptation_n indeed_o i_o little_o think_v that_o satan_n have_v thus_o assault_v i_o but_o that_o rather_o it_o be_v my_o own_o prudence_n thus_o to_o start_v the_o question_n for_o that_o the_o elect_a only_o attain_v eternal_a life_n that_o i_o without_o scruple_n do_v hearty_o close_a withal_o but_o that_o myself_o be_v one_o of_o they_o there_o lay_v all_o the_o question_n 50._o thus_o therefore_o for_o several_a day_n i_o be_v great_o assault_v and_o perplex_v and_o be_v often_o when_o i_o have_v be_v walk_v ready_a to_o sink_v where_o i_o go_v with_o faintness_n in_o my_o mind_n but_o one_o day_n after_o i_o have_v be_v so_o many_o week_n oppress_v and_o cast_v down_o therewith_o as_o i_o be_v now_o quite_o give_v up_o the_o ghost_n of_o all_o my_o hope_n of_o ever_o attain_v life_n that_o sentence_n fall_v with_o weight_n upon_o my_o spirit_n look_v at_o the_o generation_n of_o old_a and_o see_v do_v ever_o any_o trust_n in_o god_n and_o be_v confound_v 51._o at_o which_o i_o be_v great_o lighten_v and_o encourage_v in_o my_o soul_n for_o thus_o at_o that_o very_a instant_n it_o be_v expound_v to_o i_o begin_v at_o the_o begin_n of_o genesis_n and_o read_v to_o the_o end_n of_o the_o revelation_n see_v if_o you_o can_v find_v that_o there_o be_v any_o that_o ever_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n and_o be_v confound_v so_o come_v home_o i_o present_o go_v to_o my_o bible_n to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v find_v that_o say_n not_o doubt_v but_o to_o find_v it_o present_o for_o it_o be_v so_o fresh_a and_o with_o such_o strength_n and_o comfort_n on_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o be_v as_o if_o it_o talk_v with_o i_o 52._o well_o i_o look_v but_o i_o find_v it_o not_o only_o it_o abide_v upon_o i_o then_o i_o do_v ask_v first_o this_o good_a man_n and_o then_o another_o if_o they_o know_v where_o it_o be_v but_o they_o know_v no_o such_o place_n at_o this_o i_o wonder_v that_o such_o a_o sentence_n shall_v so_o sudden_o and_o with_o such_o comfort_n and_o strength_n seize_v and_o abide_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o yet_o that_o none_o can_v find_v it_o for_o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o it_o be_v in_o holy_a scripture_n 53._o thus_o i_o continue_v above_o a_o year_n and_o can_v not_o find_v the_o place_n but_o at_o last_o cast_v my_o eye_n into_o the_o apocrypha-book_n i_o sound_v it_o in_o ecclesiasticus_fw-la this_o at_o the_o first_o do_v somewhat_o daunt_v i_o but_o because_o by_o this_o time_n i_o have_v get_v more_o experience_n of_o the_o love_n and_o kindness_n of_o god_n it_o trouble_v i_o the_o less_o especial_o when_o i_o consider_v that_o though_o it_o be_v not_o in_o those_o text_n that_o we_o call_v holy_a and_o canonical_a yet_o for_o as_o much_o as_o this_o sentence_n be_v the_o sum_n and_o substance_n of_o many_o of_o the_o promise_n it_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o to_o take_v the_o comfort_n of_o it_o and_o i_o bless_v god_n for_o that_o word_n for_o it_o be_v of_o god_n to_o i_o that_o word_n do_v still_o at_o time_n shine_v before_o my_o face_n 54._o after_o this_o that_o other_o doubt_n do_v come_v with_o strength_n upon_o i_o but_o how_o if_o the_o day_n of_o grace_n shall_v be_v pass_v and_o go_v how_o if_o you_o have_v overstood_a the_o time_n of_o mercy_n now_o i_o remember_v that_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v walk_v into_o the_o country_n i_o be_v much_o in_o the_o thought_n of_o this_o but_o how_o if_o the_o day_n of_o grace_n be_v pass_v and_o to_o aggravate_v my_o trouble_n the_o tempter_n present_v to_o my_o mind_n those_o good_a people_n of_o bedford_n and_o suggest_v thus_o unto_o i_o that_o these_o be_v convert_v already_o they_o be_v all_o that_o god_n will_v save_v in_o those_o part_n &_o that_o i_o come_v too_o late_o for_o these_o have_v get_v the_o blessing_n before_o i_o come_v 55._o now_o be_v i_o in_o great_a distress_n think_v in_o very_a deed_n that_o this_o may_v well_o be_v so_o wherefore_o i_o wenâ—_n up_o and_o down_o bemoan_v my_o sad_a condition_n count_v myself_o far_o worse_o than_o a_o thousand_o fool_n for_o stand_v off_o thus_o long_o and_o spend_v so_o many_o year_n in_o sin_n as_o i_o have_v do_v still_o cry_v out_o oh_o that_o i_o have_v turn_v soon_o oh_o that_o i_o have_v turn_v seven_o year_n ago_o it_o make_v i_o also_o angry_a with_o myself_o to_o think_v that_o i_o shall_v have_v no_o more_o wit_n but_o to_o trifle_v away_o my_o time_n till_o my_o soul_n and_o heaven_n be_v lose_v 56._o but_o when_o i_o have_v be_v long_o vex_v with_o this_o fear_n and_o be_v scarce_o able_a to_o take_v one_o step_n more_o just_a about_o the_o same_o place_n where_o i_o receive_v my_o other_o encouragement_n these_o word_n break_v in_o upon_o my_o mind_n compel_v they_o to_o come_v in_o that_o my_o house_n may_v be_v fill_v and_o yet_o there_o be_v room_n luke_n 14.22_o 23._o these_o word_n but_o especial_o they_o and_o yet_o there_o be_v room_n be_v sweet_a word_n to_o i_o for_o true_o i_o think_v that_o by_o they_o i_o see_v that_o there_o be_v place_n enough_o in_o heaven_n for_o i_o and_o moreover_o that_o when_o the_o lord_n jesus_n do_v speak_v these_o word_n he_o then_o do_v think_v of_o i_o and_o that_o he_o