sure you do not neglect to read and pray by your self morning and evening and labour to mind what you are come into the world for Endeavour to get the Lord for thy God make him the chief of thy joy and delight When thou art to pray or read or hear the Word look upon those services as thy priviledg not as thy task as thy duty and yet as thy dignity that thou maist go to the great God of Heaven and Earth as to a gracious and loving Father in Christ When thou findest thy heart backward to any good duty go to God and beg of him to help thee and quicken thee c. Be cheerful and mind thy duty to God the good Lord bless thee and do thy poor soul good so shall it be well with thee for ever Good Child don't neglect to read and pray c. The Lord bless you and keep you bless your soul with spiritual blessings that you may be still doing something to further your souls good Another of her Daughters she thus bespake Redeem all the time that possible you can to secret prayer and often read the Scriptures which will make you wise to salvation and will afford you pleasure at the last when all things here will fail I shall pray for thee and thy dear Sisters that you may all grow in all the graces of the spirit and may be wrought and made meet for the heavenly glory c. 12. As concerning her care to prepare for the Sabbath and her great love to Gods Ministers Word Preached and Ordinances c. IN preparing for the Sabbath I have then been up when others in the Family where I have been have been in bed Of late by reason of my illness and weakness I have lain sometimes longer on Sabbath-day mornings than ordinary but it hath troubled me and the Reason was because sleeping little in the night I found when I rose earlier I was ready afterwards to be sleepy and more unfit for Gods service But if when I had more time and health and strength I had not been more abundant in the service of God and more earnest after Heaven and the things of Heaven than I can be now my spirit would even sink within me Gods Ministers I love dearly yea so dear are they to me that it does me good to see their faces and I could even fall down and kiss their feet and compel them to come into my house and methinks my house is the better when they have been in it Oh I dearly love them Being when I was in the Country invited on a Lecture-day by an honourable person to Dinner the best feast which I had that day was at the hearing of the Word for I had it made appear to me there that I had made entrance into Heaven and I was so comforted that I could have found in my heart to have fallen down at the Ministers feet and have thanked him It did me good at Dinner to hear him speak c. I have never been better satisfied nor pleas'd than when I have been hearing the Word Preached and meditating on it and conferring with the people of God and praying in secret and hearing counsel and direction for my soul and it has been my prayer as I have been going to hear that God would make out some counsel and instruction or reproof to me and the Lord hath heard me counselled me and comforted me I do so love the word of God it is so sweet to me when I meditate on it and I do so love Gods Ministers and it does so rejoice me to think of Mr. Merrills coming to my House A worthy Minister in the Country deoeased I hope he will come I must say as Lidia to Paul If you have judged me to be faithful to the Lord come into my house c. And tell him if I dye I would not have him neglect any more to see such as do so much desire to see him as I do I long to see him c. He is an eminent Minister one who is firm to his principles fears neither mens frowns nor regards their smiles c. He hath been instrumen al of much good and comfort to my soul God was the efficient he the instrument c. I cannot see how the prizing of Gods Word and not to prize Gods Ministers can stand together I am sure I prize both and pray that God would incourage his Ministers Ordinances have been very sweet to me God in and by them hath come to me and met me that I could say with Peter It is good for me to be here And I have thought the time very short I have been hearing the word hath so comforted-me I have gone under trouble but have return'd refreshed Being one day very ill and desiring her to stay at home she answer'd that must be the last place I go to And in a sickness before she said it grieves me I went no longer though she went longer than well she could Oh! how much did she rejoyce and how glad was she to go into the House of the Lord How blessed did she count those who dwelt there Oh! I made account said she to be ready betimes and I shan't get in c. How ready and willing was the spirit when the body was weak I got cold says she by going at such a time to hear but I do not repent for I had a sweet refreshing there blessed be God Thus how lovely amiable and desirable to her were the Tabernacles of the Lord of hosts And how did her soul long yea even saint for his courts I How truly might she say with David Psal 26.8 Lord I have loved the habitation of thy house and the place where thine konour dwelleth and one thing have I desired of the Lord that will I seek after that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life to bekold the beauty of the Lord c. And how truly might she call Sabbaths and Ordinances her delight she had there seen God and his face his power and glory his goings in his sanctuary yea Sabbaths were to her as the Subburbs of Heaven Ordinances are not in Heaven but Heaven she hath many a time met with in Ordinances and she drinks but that Wine new now in Heaven which she began to drink in Ordinances here Matt. 26 29. 13. As concerning some further evidences for Heaven I Have a great deal of comfort in this That I am as willing to take Christ for my Lord as for my Saviour and that I desire and endeavour to my utmost to obey him and have heart-risings against sin both in my self and in others and desire to hate and abhor all appearances of sin I have desired to walk before the Lord in uprightness and have walked with God sincerely though not perfectly and I would not offend God nor dishonour him but have desired to glorify him obâ—y him and to be ruled and
me betimes an hatred of what was evil and a love of what was good and I then dearly loved those that feared the Lord and spake of what was good but I could not delight in vain Company I was fearful to offend God c. It is good to set out and begin with God betimes I chose God when I was young and then my endeavour was to do what he commanded me and I was grieved when I slipped my greatest sorrow was for sin and nothing troubles me more now than that I ran no swifter then in the ways of God If my work was now to do and my evidences to seek what a sad condition was I in And if I had not spent more time for Heaven when I had time and health and strength it would even sink me now Thus this blessed Saint Remembred her Creatour in the days of her Youth Eccles 12.1 he had her golden age the prime of her Years the chief and choice of her days and who indeed should have these but God who is the best and chiefest of all And there was in her whilst a Child found some good thing towards the Lord God of Israel 1 Kings 14.13 and then even while young and tender she began to seek after the God of her godly Parents 2 Chron. 34.3 whose care it was to train her up betimes in the way she should go and she bare the yoke in her youth and so did not bear the reproach of her youth Lam. 3.27 Jer. 3.19 in neglecting then to do God service and to mind her everlasting concerns when was the chief time for it but had the comfort of her youth And this is Gods due the chief and choice of our days The first of the first fruits were to be offered to God Exod. 23.19 repeated 34 26. and youth is the time which of all times God does chiefly require and most delight in his Soul desires the first ripe fruit Micah 7.1 and early fruits are very acceptable c. God prizes the services of young ones and it exceedingly pleases him to see plants grown up even in their youth Psal 144.12 and he especially bespeaks young ones to give him the heart my Son give me thine heart c. Proverbs 23.26 So my Daughter you young ones c. and this is given as one Reason why that title my Son is so often used in the Book of Proverbs because God does there especially speak to young ones c. and we while young experiencing bounty and kindness from God there 's all the reason he should have duty and service from us Can we while we are young live without him And why therefore should we not then live unto him and as he is the guide of our youth so make him the God of our youth and truly our whole time is so short all our days so few but as an hands breadth Psal 39.5 that God may well have all and a poor pittance too for him who intends an eternity of felicity for us O how many have repented they began no sooner but who ever repented for beginning so soon And is it not safest to begin betimes is not youth the seasonning age And does not the vessel retain longest the savour of what it is first seasoned with When Children grow crooked at first while young they are hardly ever set straight again afterwards Few instances of old ones converted c. Besides old age says one is the time to spend grace Youth to get it old age to reap the fruit of Holiness youth to sow the seed of it and are not young ones in their youth dedicated and consecrated to God by virtue of their Baptism and is it not Sacriledg to impropriate the service of that to sin and Satan that is dedicated to God And do not young ones die as well as old and are there not Skulls in Golgotha of all sizes How many are taken away in the very prime of their days and flower of their age And young ones must appear before God at the great day of judgment as well as elder I saw the dead says John both small and great stand before God Rev. 20.12 they were all there c. And how well was it therefore for this precious Soul she began so soon 2. As concerning her sense of sin and sorrow for her soul-distempers THE distempers of my body trouble me and I am ready to complain because of pain but they do not sad me but the distempers of my soul they much sad me yea even sink me I am very much troubled with this body of sin and death and that I can do and receive no more good When I pray for health and the removing of the distempers of my Body then methinks I pray but slenderly in comparison but when I pray for the removing of the distempers of my Soul then I pray most earnestly so that when I have begun I know not how as it were to make an end yea I am so earnest in desiring God to cure the one that I am ready to forget to beg of him the cure of the other Sorrow for other things makes me sleep the more but when it is for sin I cannot sleep but the night is as the day Going once to a Lecture and hearing a Minister speaking of the signs of a Child of God and he answering a Christians complaint as concerning his sins But how says he dost thou wear them as a Gold chain or ornament or as an Iron chain and as Fetters that manacle thee and as that thou would'st fain be rid of c This though very sad and much troubled before so that she was loath to have gone What should such a one as I do going I shall but fill up room and do no good c. Yet this so comforted her that said she I even laughed for joy and though going late I stood all the while yet after that I was not weary I am much troubled at my unbelief impatiency And she being once in a special manner but tempted to a sin she had such an abhorrency thereof that it eaus'd her as she told me to shed a Thousand tears and it was as if a Sword had been run into her c. And how often did she complain not of her sikness but sius c 3. As concerning Satans temptations and his fierce onsets formerly WHen I was very young I had sometimes neglected prayer and I dream'd one night the Devil was pulling me to Hell and I trembled and quak'd and methoughts I was even at the Pits brink but some Scriptures comforted me and afterward to prevent the same I would get Scriptures by heart when I went to bed Satan hath often formerly much troubled me and I have been afraid of that roaring Lyon that when I went to sleep he would devour me but the Lord methoughts told me though he was mine enemy yet he was in Chains and so I have found him me thought I saw him at
my Bed-side and he snarl'd at me c. but was as a Mastiffchain'd c. Being one Night now long since in extremity of pain Satan set on her with all his might and she had a sore and grievous conflict December 24. 1653 I was called up and found her in so great a conflict that the very Bed did shake under her and she was also withall under sad desertions for God seem'd also to hide his face from her and oh says she unto me speaking of Satan he frighted me he roared upon me like a roaring ramping Lyon he made my bones to shake and my heart to quake and tremble within me he told me God would not hear me though I called on him and cried unto him and now says she to me we must part and God seemeth to hide his face from me and these are but the beginning of sorrows I have grievous pains in my breasts but in a few hours I shall have worse my sins are so many c. Behold said I to her The Lamb of God that takes away the sin of the world John 1.29 But I cannot behold him c. But blessed be God though this assault was sudden and very sore and sharp especially being at such a time when under such grievous pains it was but short for after I had spoken a while to her she recovered some sense of Gods favour her pains were eas'd and Satan rebuked all at once And O what a change was there her extremity was Gods opportunity Psal 30 5 For his anger endureth but a moment In his favour is life Weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning But here it did not indure for a whole night but joy came before the morning and her sighing was turn'd into singing her mourning into musick and her tears into triumph and the fiercer was the storm the sooner was a clam and the sorer the conflict the sooner was the conquest He is said she my God though he seem to hide his face from me and I shall see him again and though he kill me I will trust in him c. Dost not thou said I to her believe whom he loves he loves to the end I do said she believe Lord help thou my unbelief I have often beaten Satan back with the Sword of the Spirit and he hath gone away like a Coward though he hath brought Scripture too c. Satan would have perswaded me once I loved the Word only as it came from thee not for its own sake then I heard it from another but he told me he was a noted man and one whom I knew then I heard it from a stranger and some others and then I told him he was a Lyar c. But blessed be God he was pleas'd in her last sickness weakness and great pains in a great measure wholly to chain up Satan only towards her latter end because of her great weakness she being not able at length to bear it that I should pray by her he would have perswaded her that I thought it was because she did not love prayer c. but that she quickly was satisfied concerning and got over She desired me formerly to bless her God with her that he was pleased in any measure to tread down Satan her strong busy subtle enemy under her feet and to give her some more cause of joy and oh that my sins said she may not cause God to let him loose again upon me c. 4. As concerning her patient and quiet submission under the afflicting hand of God SHE had frequently such humble and submissive expressions as did abundantly declare and evidence the same to mention some of them as that of Eli 1 Sam. 3.4 It is the Lord let him do what seemeth him good My God in Covenant and I would be satisfied with his will and desire earnestly to submit to it and oh my God my Father not my will but thy will be done thy will is better than mine the best will Being call'd upon to sleep she replied it is better suffering the Will of God than sleeping I would do the Will of God but he will have me suffer it I will bear the indignation of the Lord c I desire to resign my will to the Will of my heavenly Father and commend my Spirit into his hand as into the hand of a faithful Creatour The Lord hath given me a quiet submission to his Will and this bears me up and makes me walk cheerfully under all yea it is as it were meat and drink and all to me c. I go up and down and say this is my Fathers Will that it should be so and I should else it may be forget my latter end c. The Lord hath made my chain heavy but I would not complain we may speak to God but not against God for a thousand worlds My pain is so great sometimes that I cannot be merry but I submit and am content to bear what God shall lay upon me all of you wait patiently I am willing to wait Though my pains be so great and so frequent yet when they are but a little off I am cheerful I cannot but wonder at my self Being asked how she found her spirit she answered I bless God in a sweet willing submissive frame to his Will and O! how sweet and blessed a thing is it to have a quiet submissive frame of heart to the Will of God I am sure I have found by experience that when the Lord hath given me an heart willing to submit to his Will sickness of body hath been but a light burden I would fain get patiently to my journeys end Yet a little while he that shall come will come and will not tarry My Life is labour and sorrow wearisom days and nights are appointed unto me yet I am willing to submit to Gods Will and to stay longer and to bear more if he will have me The Lord fit me by all for himself God sees I have need of all this Oh! the bitterness of sin c. If I have more work to do he can raise me up again but if my work be done I submit to the Will of my God c The good Lord help us to cast our burdens upon him and then as he hath promised we may hope he will sustein us Psal 55.22 O! in a submissive frame of heart is much comfort c. 5. As concerning her great zeal for the Glory of God GOD can raise me up again if it may be for his Glory for his Glory that she repeated again and again and that said she I look at most the Glory of my good God that I prefer before my ease and comfort in the World and am willing to live if I may honour him more and I am afraid lest I should dishonour him by distrusting him If I do not go home now but must stay still I desire it may be to the Glory of God to be a
greater blessing to my Relations and to get clearer evidences for Heaven c. So tender was she of the honour of God that when says she carnal people come to see me though I am ill and weak yet I strive all I can then to bear up and to be cheerful for why should they think the God of Israel is not a good God c I am willing to live if I may honour my God more and do him better service and receive more good then I desire he would spare me c. but if he please not to prolong my life I desire to submit to his Will I am afraid lest I should dishonour him by thinking my time long c. Where she lived before there being an Ale-house at next door where God was much dishonoured and his Name blasphemed it was a very great trouble and affliction to her and when she was removed though by reason of her great weakness and illness it was not without much danger and difficulty she very much rejoyced that now she should not dye among swearers and blasphemers O says she that we could more and more depend upon our good God and honour him more in a way of believing who hath manifested himself a God so ready to help and deliver his poor Servants in the time of their streights O that I could more and more honour him and it is the grief of my soul when any distrustful thoughts do arise and my great fear is lest I should dishonour God either by distrust or impatiency When thou art absent I want thy company but yet am contented may it be for Gods Glory and then it will be for our mutual good c. 6. As concerning her thankfulness and her being much in blessing and praising God ALways when I awake the first word I say is Blessed be God if I be at ease I bless him and if in pain I bless him it is no worse and I find much comfort in blessing of God and trusting in him And if God sees it good I should yet live I would live to praise him and speak good of his name I bless God he helps me to bear what he lays upon me I bless God my pains are not so great to day as they have been now my strength is less Dost not thou see God is making my passage ea sie I bless God Blessed be the Lord for ever that he will take such pains with such a poor worm to fit me for Heaven He is a God at hand and not a far off neither hath been as a stranger he hath given me much patience and quiet submission to his Will all along to him be the glory thereof When I am in great extremity and never a part free yet blessed be God he lays no more on me then he inables me to bear I bless God I find much comfort in my soul which does much support me Fearing she might too much waste her spirits with speaking I desired her to forbear but I cannot said she but speak good of my God whiles I can speak When I am gone though God should bring further affliction upon thee and thy family yet be thankful whatever you do be thankful Being one night under grievous pains she quietly resign'd her self up to God saying if he please to give me rest I will thank him if not I will submit to him That night prov'd a comfortable night to her c. She would often have that expression I desire to bless our good God and to be very thankful to our good God that word good God she often had and what do I do complaining when I have enjoyed so much health c. But it was not much she ever injoyed but a little is much to a truly thankful heart who looks upon it self as never deserving the good it receives but more than deserving the evil it suffers and he also turning that unto good Thus that which is her whole work now in Heaven was much her work here on Earth to be blessing and praising and giving thanks to God and that in every thing even when God was sharply afflicting her She had her Psalms of praise in the wilderness her songs in the night What then has she now in that inheritance of the Saints in light She glorified God in the fires Isa 25.15 That is in and under great afflictions What does she now in that place of refreshings Those Angels and heavenly Heroes about the Throne whom she is now praising and singing Hallelujah's with in Heaven she much conformed to even here on Earth here below and now she is wholly taken up with that blessed delightful work above where it is Hallelujah and again Hallelujah Blessing honour glory and power be unto him that sitteth upon the throne and unto the Lamb for ever and ever Amen Rev. 5.13 7. As concerning her weanedness from the World I am leaving this pitiful poor world this low valley the Lord hath weaned me from the things here below I could not say what it was I delighted in here but my delight was in God and in his sweet Word c. When I lived in the Countrey the Casement being one day open I was â—ooking into the Garden and I thought thus with my self Many they much delight in Gardens and Flowers c. but methinks I have no delight in these nor in any outward thing though the most I have had in any outward thing hath been in Gardens and to walk in the Fields Trouble me no more with these things I am now leaving all here below let me only mind now how to get to that heavenly Sion above c. I am seeking a City to come an habitation with God in whose presence is fulness of joy and at whose right band are pleasures for evermore Psal 16.11 Thus her way was above and she was still looking not at the things which are seen which are temporal but at the things which are not seen which are eternal 2 Cor. 4.18 By faith she overcame the world and was carried after higher and better things even those things hoped for and not seen which Faith is the substance and evidence of Heb. 11.1 These things were poor mean low vile things to her better being discovered even spiritual heavenly and eternal the things within the vail She was cloth'd with the Sun had true faith in Christ the Sun of righteousness with which she was adorn'd and now the Moon the World and all the mutable things thereof are under her feet and she treads on the worlds trash c. 8. As concerning her Humility Meekness Lowly-mindedness Charity c. I Am a dry stick a worm a poor worm a poor worthless worm I have nothing but in Christ I have all And his yoke she had taken upon her Matt. 11.29 and learn'd of him the lesson of meekness and lowly-mindedness There is says she a little Gold and a great deal of Dross Hearing how ill another was what am
inflict and as long as he pleas'd to afflict both injoying much inward peace and comfort and still fetching cordials out of Gods Word to keep them from fainting Both though their afflictions were heavy defired more the sanctifying of them than their removal and more that they might learn the Lessons God would teach by them than to be rid of them Both were unbottom'd off themselves and their own righteousness and cast their Souls wholly and only on Jesus Christ and his righteousness for life and salvation both as willing to take Jesus Christ as their Prophet to teach them as their King to govern them and subdue them to himself as their Priest to satisfie for them and reconcile them Both proved and tried as silver is tried went as it were through fire and water but now are brought out into a wealthy place Both such as had not their Ark to build when the flood came nor their graces comforts nor evidences to seek when they came to dye but had nothing then to do but to dye having made comfortable provision aforehand against an evil day and improved their time health and strength whilst they had it for the good of their souls Both walked in Heavens way and are now arrived at Heavens happiness both endured the Cross and now receive the Crown and their light afflictions which were but for a moment have but wrought for them a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory 4. Prayer and Meditation and former experiences I Have meditated often on this bed and have had much comfort in several evidences for Heaven and so have sweetly fallen asleep and sweetly awaked again When by reason of weakness I could not pray whilst up when I was in bed I spent a great time of the night in meditation and prayer and was sweetly refreshed And when I cannot speak I lye and think and meditate c. I have had clear evidences for Heaven and Gods loving-kindness hath shone clearly upon me though afterward they have been clouded I remember the days of Gods right hand c. I can truly say I have cryed to the Lord my God and he hath heard me in my distress and delivered me and oh that I could more and more honour him c. The Lord hath been very gracious to me though I have had castings down yet have I had liftings up the Lord hath supported me under great temptations of Satan and much sadness of heart by reason of the Churches sufferings c. 5. Heaven and the future happiness and glory If this earthly house of this tabernacle was dissolved I have a building of God an house not made with hands eternal in the heavens c. 2 Cor. 5 1. What a restless condition am I in When I am in bed then I would be up when up then in bed c. There remains a rest for the people of God Heb. 4.9 And he will carry me through the gates of Death and bring me to his everlasting rest The times of refreshing are coming on a pace c. I have a painful night but shall have a joyful morning I shall be in the embraces of my dear Redeemer there will be none of these tossings to and fro hereafter I shall rest quietly in the bed of the grave c. If the Lord will have me end my days in this condition with pains and weakness Heaven will pay for all there the weary are at rest Being under convulsions these says she are great shogs but God will carry me through them I am not afraid of death but shuck at these pains but who would not go through pains to such a place of rest In my fathers presence are fulness of joy c. Asking her how she did she said I shall be well anon meaning in Heaven And one telling her he hoped she might be better by such a time she replied she hoped so too being in Heaven I am now going and I verily believe I shall go to God I can't speak now I am very weak and low What a condition was I now in if I could not see beyond death and beyond the grave c I would be buried in such a place but no matter where God will raise up my dust again I am going to the heavenly Jerusalem to an innumerable company of Angels c. and into the bosom of my blessed Redeemer and what blessed company are these c One of her Daughters being in the Country and not returning at the time expected Tell her says she I shall meet her in a better place c. Thus the fore-sight and the fore-thoughts of the future glory comforted her under all her afflictions here and one minute now in Heaven makes amends for all her pain and misery here 15. As concerning her carnest desires to be dissolved c. IF the Lord sees good I would fain depart and leave this body of death when will God send his Messenger Is this the night I must depart hence O! what joyful news would that be another night Surely this is the night God will call me home Come Lord Jesus come quickly make kast make hast O my God when wilt thou come O when will that sweet day come I hope it is now nigh what a joyful time will that be to have a total victory over sin I am now going to be married and the Wedding-knot will be tied for everlasting When will my God come What a deal of do is here for my soul to get out of this carcass and how much a do have I to get loose But these shall meet again I earnestly desire earnestly desire to be clothed upon with that house which is from Heaven c. When will my Father send his Waggons to fetch me And telling her she was as a Ship at the Downs waiting for a fair Gale of Wind but when says she will that blessed Gale come And speaking to her of her going to Heaven to her Fathers House she replied she feared not yet Lord send me safe thither And when through weakness we could scarce understand what she said she breath'd home home home and seem'd troubled when any said they hoped she might recover again c. 16. As concerning the ends and reasons of her so earnest desires to be dissolved UPon serious consideration I found that the end why I desired to dye it was not to be freed of my pains or troubles but that I might be freed of sin and no more dishonour God and that I might injoy more of him and be no more discontented under his hand which I am sometimes ready to be I would fain go to Heaven and long to be in Heaven Why Because then I should be freed of Satans temptations and sin no more and that I might have more time to serve God and I am troubled I can have no more here but then I should do nothing but serve God c. And oh what a mercy and happiness would it be to
me if my work was done to be gone c. I am afraid lest I should desire to dye to be freed of my pains but I would desire to dye out of love to God and that I may injoy him and be rid of sin more than sorrow and then our graces shall be perfect knowledg perfect love perfect c. 17. As concerning her being above the fears of death SOmetimes formerly she has not though seemingly near to death been so willing to dye but would say Will not God make me more willing to dye before I dye Surely he will I have been more willing c. And so he did in this her last sickness whereby we might have foreseen her death to have been near Asking her whither she was not afraid of death she replied no I am not I do not look upon death singly but as it brings me to rest I must go through that dark entry before I can get to my Fathers house I shall go to my first husband c. Methoughts I saw death as a Messenger coming for me and I told him I would go with him I thought I should have died such a day and methoughts I was troubled to think of living When she was in pain she used to say Is not the sound of his Masters feet behind Physick won't do c. And this she speak as being little concerned therewith She said of her sickness these are but Messengers to bid me prepare c. I bless God I can smile on that grim Messenger God will send his Angels to conduct me safe through that dark entry to my Fathers House A Child is afraid to go through a dark place by himself but God says Fear not for I am with thee c. I am not afraid of death but my passage to my fathers House is rough But having gotten so far onward in my way I am loath to go back again If that sweet Messenger come I will bid him wellcome and shall rejoyce and if you love me indeed you will rejoyce too I am no more afraid of Death than to take the choicest Cordial that is for my good for so is death and I look through it and beyond it and long to be with my dear Lord and Saviour My Children are loath to look out my burial-clothes but they are my wedding-clothes and I hope my Bridegroom is not far of c. Telling her of a friend that would come to see her she replied she will come to my burial Why said I saist thou so She answered why should I not comfort my self that I am going home I long to be at home we shall meet again How sweet will that sleep be when I shall wake in Heaven Seeing one of her Daughters weep why says she weep you would you not have me go to my Father He is sending his holy Angels for me Are they not all ministring spirits sent forth to minister for them who shall be beirs of salvation Heb. 1.14 I have one night less I bless God to be here where is sin and sorrow Seeing Cordial-water brought for her she said she hoped she should not live to drink up half that water and being to take a Powder she asked if it was to sweeten her passage then she would take it but not to stay it but what God will I can scarce swallow my spittle a comfortable forerunner I hope of death And her pains falling into her joynts she rejoycingly said there was something further to help her forward to her journeys end Death is indeed a sowre Messenger but my Fathers Messenger to fetch me home She speaking of her death and how she would have things ordered at her Funeral she spake thereof with a great deal of joy and rejoycing but perceiving me to be troubled she looked smilingly upon me and said I can with as much joy yea with more joy speak of my burial-clothes than ever the day before I was married I could of my wedding-clothes I shall be cloth'd with the White Robe of Christs righteousness and have a Diadem upon my head c. 18. Some few of her breathings as in reserence to her self SHould I not make my moan to my God The Lord give me more patience that I may not dishonour him now at last my God teach me teach me as well as correct me strengthen me c. I want nothing but a thankful fruitful heart an heart more humble holy and more to honour God I would have more grace more faith patience meekness humility more of Heaven more holiness more likeness to God and I beg praiers that the Lord would fit me for what his will is concerning me and inable me to bear what he is pleas'd to lay upon me I am weak but he is strong my strength fails but his never fails Good Lord help me to be still carrying on my great work c. And oh that I might lose nothing in this hot furnace but dross But why say I hot It is no other than what my Father sees good and all shall work together for my good if my corruptions hinder not I am so afraid they should but I earnestly desire they may not and I hope the Lord will rather answer my desires than let it be according to my fears Lead me to the rock that it higher than I. The good Lord fiâ— us for what his good pleasure is and for the greatest trials that can come Here we have no continuing City the good Lord help us to be seeking one to come a City that hath foundations c. The Lord fit us for the day of our death that it may be a good day to us The good Lord sanctifie all his fatherly corrections to me and grant I may by all be made the more meet to partake of the inheritance of the Saints in light that we may live to honour our good God all our days that so when our Lord comes we may be found of him in peace The Lord help us to get our hearts into an heavenly frame that our meditations may be more of those things that concern our souls and will sland us in stead to all eternity c. 19. Some of her Speeches to and Prayers for her Husband as in reference to himself and Children formerly MY Dear be not melancholly but still wait upon God rest quietly upon him he that hath fed us cloth'd us and provided for us will still I hope do it My Dear be not sad or troubled but cast thy burdens upon the Lord he will sustain thee The good lord help us to exercise faith and patience O that we could live more a life of faith and holiness and more sweetly and freely depend upon our good God who never fails his poor Children in any time of need O let us cast all our care upon God who hath and will care for us and ours God hath been a long while weaning thee from me we must part but we shall after a little while
do that thou maist hold out the longer The loss and hindrance I have been to my family she meant by reason of her long sickness the Lord will make it up to thee and thy Children do but trust in him c. The Lord will direct thee what to do do not trouble thy self beforehand he will make thy way plain before thee She spake to those about her as followeth Make Religion your business walk with God get a Covenant-interest in Christ do not neglect secret prayer I have found much comfort in it prize the Word by which you may be saved hear it as often as possibly you can and hear it and do it Live comfortably and contentedly together It is good to store up Cordials and make provision against times of affliction To give all diligence to make our calling and election sure and we had need in times of health to provide for sickness and death and all little enough It is one thing to talk of death and another thing to be willing to dye c. I would have you all bless God when I am gone that I shall sin no more sorrow no more c. She said to one of her Grandchildren about four years old poor Child the Lord give thee a Covenant-interest in himself If I live I purpose to do my endeavour to teach thee to know God and love God and Jesus Christ but if I dye Sirs do you take care and let him not play on sabbath-Sabbath-days let all his play-things behind c. To her Daughters Maid she said be instructing these poor Children learn them good things c. the Lord has a blessing in store for my Children and the little ones One of her Daughters being out of the Town and supposing she should see her no more Tell her says she I hope God will carry on the work he has begun and give her grace to fear him c. I would have her labour to get that good work finished and to eye God in all his dealings and to do his will to ask counsel of God for body and soul for temporal and spiritual affairs and let her trust in God Take heed c. God expects we should follow some employment here and not to fall upon business causes to grow melancholly and discontented there are many snares in living out of a calling An idle life is pleasing to the flesh to take no care nor pains but it will be sad afterward c. my dear Husband my dear Children but I can't speak now c. She prayed earnestly for her Husband Children little ones and for Gods Ministers c. I pray all the blessings of Heaven may be upon thee upon soul and body and that he would make up the want of all Relations by himself The Lord bless thee the Lord bless thee out of Sion and recompence all thy love to me a thousand-fold with his tender compassions The Lord prosper thee in the work of thy Ministry that thou maist win many souls to him The Lord make my Children truly gracious and comforts to thee The Lord give them grace and the shinings of his face and that will be better than the life of a Mother The Lord carry my Daughter Shayter who was then near her time through her great work and bless thee my Son and make my Daughter a blessing to thee and the Lord bless the little one and make it an Heir of Heaven one of Christs Lambs I leave my blessing and prayers for the little ones and you all One of her Grandchildren coming to her she said to him Farwell my Lamb my dear Lamb farwell farwell the Lord make thee a comfort to thy Mother And one of her Daughters being near her she prayed the Lord bless thee out of Sion and give thee an everlasting Covenant-interest in himself c. She prayed for Gods Ministers That he would spare their lives incourage them and bless their labours c. More particularly for Dr. Jacomb That God would bless him and his ministry and recompence all the good he had done her she much desired to see him once again who coming to her and praying with her his praiers and presence were very refreshing to her Towards her end she grew somewhat light-headed but still had excellent expressions and spake sensibly of God and the things of God she often cryed O my God O my God pity me O my God help me for thy mercies and compassious sake Remember me O my God how long yet O my God have mercy on me c. The day of my redemption draws nigh and I am now near home my God help me help faith c. The fear of death is taken away blessed be God and the Lord does comfort me and I am comforted within and am glad I am going home c. She spake a great deal more but we could not now well understand what she said Now the doors began to be shut in the streets as Solomon speaks how good is it to open them to purpose whiles we may and the daughters of musick to be brought low and those that look out of the windows to be darkned because she was near to her long home but blessed be God not an everlasting home December 13. she was under great pains and groan'd much and spake little neither could what she spake be understood but she often fixed her eyes stedfastly towards Heaven for some time together Afterward going to prayer by her and begging of God if he saw it good to release her c. she lift up her eyes and one of her hands toward Heaven and the other hand being in one of her Daughters hands she pluck'd it out and lift up that also both eyes and hands with great earnestness and intenseness unto Heaven where her soul was now near entring I was with her that night till about twelve or one of the Clock and not knowing how to bear it to stay with her any longer I then went with a sad heart away from her not expecting to see her here any more alive but blessed be God I enjoyed her so long so truly pious prudent loving tender careful saithful and dearly affectionate Wife but though I departed from her I left her with him whose Angels were now waiting ready to transport her soul into the bosom of her blessed Redeemer But one of her Daughters remained still with her to the last which was not long after I was gone away her Daughter could not get her spirit willing at first to promise to bless God if he would take her to himself But when God had once brought her to be willing she soon after about two a Clock in the morning December 14 1678 expired and went triumphingly to Heaven an entrance being ministred to her abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of her dear Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ And thus she is now entred into peace and is taken away and secured from the evil to come she is passed from