¶ One and thyrtye Epigrammes wherein are brieflye touched so manye abuses that maye and ought to be put away Compiled and Imprinted by Robert Crowley dwellinge in Elye rentes in Holburne Anno domini 1550. i. Cor. xiiii What so euer ye do let the same be done to edifie wythall Gala vi If I shoulde studye to please men than coulde I not be the seruaunt of Christe The Boke to the Reader IF bokes may be bolde to blame and reproue The faultes of al menne boeth hyghe and lowe As the Prophetes dyd whom Gods spirite did moue Than blame not mine Autor for right well I knowe Hys penne is not tempered vayne doctrine to sowe But as Esaye hath bidden so muste he neades crye Esai 5◠And tell the Lordes people of their iniquitie Now if I do the worldlinges in anye poynte offende In that I reproue them for their wyckednes It is a plaine token they wyll not emende I take all the wyse men of the earth to wytnes To them therfore mine Autor biddeth me confesse That sith they be determined styll in their synne to dwell Iohn iii. He accounteth them no better than fire brandes of hell Wherefore he bade me bid them holde them contente He hath not written to them that will not emende For to the willinge wicked no prophete shall be sente Excepte it be to tell them that at the laste ende They shall be sure and certayne wyth Satanas to wende For before suche swyne Mat. vii no pearles maye be caste That in the filthye puddell take all their repaste To suche onely therfore I muste his message do As haue not their delite in wickednes to dwell But when they heare their fault are sorye they dyd so And louingely imbrace suche men as do them tell Luke v. Reformynge euermore their lyfe by the gospell To these men am I sente and these I truste will take My warnynge in good parte and their euill forsake Iohn viii He that is of God heareth the worde of God Finis ¶ The table of the cōtentes of thys boke A Of Abbayes Of Alehouses Of Allayes Of Almes houses B Of Balyarrantes Of Baudes Of Beggers Of Bearebaytinge Of Brawlers Of Blasphemous swearers C Of Colliers Of Commocioners Of Commune drunckardes Of commune lyers D Of Dyce players Of Double beneficed men E Of Thexcheker F Of Fatterers Of Fole Of Forestallers G Of Godles men I Of Idle persons Of Inuenters of straunge newes L Of Laye men that take tythes Of Leasemongers M Of Marchauntes Of Men that haue diuers offices N Of Nice wyues O Of Obstinate Papistes R Of Rente raysers V Of Vayne writers Of Vnsausiable Purchasers Of Vsurers Of Abbayes AS I walked alone and mused on thynges That haue in my time bene done by great kings I bethought me of Abbayes that sometyme I sawe Whiche are nowe suppressed all by a lawe O Lorde thought I then what occasion was here To prouide for learninge and make pouertye chere The landes and the Iewels that hereby were hadde Would haue foūd godly prechers whiche might well haue ladde The people aright that nowe go astraye And haue fedde the pore that famishe euerye daye But as I thus thought it came to my mynde That the people wyll not se but delite to be blynde Wherfore they are not worthy good preachers to haue Nor yet to be prouided for but styll in vayne to craue Than sayd I O Lorde God make this time shorte Mat. 24. For their sakes onely Lorde that be thy chosen sort Of Alehouses NEades must we haue places for vitailes to be solde For such as be sicke pore feble and olde But lorde to howe greate abuse they be growne In eche lyttle Hamlet village and towne They are become places of waste and excesse An herber for such menne as lyue in idlenes And lyghtlye in the contrey they are placed so That they stande in mens waye whan they shoulde to churche go And than suche as loue not to heare their faultes told By the minister that readeth the new testamente and olde Do turne into the alehouse and let the churche go Yea and men accounted wise and honeste do so But London God be praysed all menne maye commend Whiche doeth nowe this greate enormitie emende For in Seruice tyme no dore standeth vp A cōmendation of London Where suche men are wonte to fyll canne and cuppe Woulde God in the contrey they woulde do the same Eyther for goddes feare or for worldely shame How hallow they the Saboth that do the time spende In drynkinge and idlenes tyll the daye be at an ende Not so well as he doeth that goeth to the plowe Or pitcheth vp the sheues from the carte to the mowe Mat. xiii But he doeth make holye the Sabothe in dede That heareth Goddes worde and helpeth suche as nede Of Allayes TWo sortes of Allayes in London I finde The one agaynste the lawe and the other againste kinde The firste is where bowlinge forbidden menne vse And wastynge their good do their laboure refuse A dispraise of London But in London alas some men are deuillishelye Suffered to professe it as an arte to lyue by Well I wyll saye no more but suche as lyue so And officers that suffer them shall togither go To Satan their fire for of god they are not Who commaundeth to laboure syxe dayes ye wotte Exo. xxiii And the seuenth he commaundeth all menne to sanctifie In beynge well occupied and not idlelye The other sorte of Allayes that be agaynste kynde Allayes agaynste kynde Do make my herte wepe whan they come to my mind For there are pore people welmoste innumerable That are dryuen to begge and yet to worcke they are able If they might haue althinges prouided aright Alas is not thys a greate ouer syght Ye Aldermen and other that take Allaye rente Why bestowe ye not the riches that god hath you sente In woule or in flaxe to finde them occupied That nowe lye and begge by euerye highe waye side And you that be chiefe and haue the commune treasure Why can you neuer finde a time of leasure To se where the treasure will finde them workinge To the profit of the Citye in some maner thinge But alas this my tale is to deafe men tolde For the charitie of rich men is nowe thorowe colde And this is a Citye in name but in dede It is a packe of people that seke after mede Loke the diffinitiō of a citye you that be serued For officers and all do seke their owne gaine But for the wealth of the commons not one taketh paine An hell without order I maye it well call Where euerye man is for him selfe and no manne for all Of Almes houses A Marchaunte that longe tyme hadde bene in straunge landes Returned to hys contrey whiche in Europe standes And in his returne hys waye laye to passe By a Spittle house not farre from where his dwelling was He loked for
this hospitall but none coulde he se For a Lordely house was builte where the hospitall shoulde be Good Lorde sayd this marchauÌ„t is my contrey so wealthy That the verye beggers houses be builte so gorgeouslye Than by the waye syde hym chaunced to se A pore manne that craued of hym for charitie Whye quod thys Marchaunt what meaneth thys thynge Do ye begge by the waye and haue a house for a kynge Alas syr quod the pore man we are all turned oute And lye and dye in corners here and there aboute Men of greate riches haue bought our dwellinge place And whan we craue of them they turne waye their face Lorde God quod this marchauÌ„t in Turkye haue I bene Yet emonge those Heathen none such crueltie haue I sene The vengeaunce of god muste fall no remedye Vpon these wicked men and that verye shortelye Of Baylife Arrantes A Baylife there was in the weste contrey That did as they do in all quarters men saye He serued with one wryte an whole score or twayne And toke in hande to excuse them hauinge pence for hys payne And when he should warne a quest in sessions to appeare He woulde surely warne them that woulde make him no cheare And than take a bribe to make answere for them But when he metie his frendes than woulde he saye but hem But such as had no cheare nor money to paye Were sure to trudge to the sessions alwaye The baylifes hadlande Ye must geue him some thynge to sowe his hadlande Or else ye can haue no fauoure at his hande Some puddyngis or Baken or chese for to eate A bushell of barley some malt or some wheate His hadland is good grownd and beareth all thynge Be it Baken or beffe stockefyshe or lynge Thus pore men are pold and pyld to the bare By such as shoulde serue them to kepe them from care Of Bawdes THe bawdis of the stues be turned all out But some thinke they inhabit al England through out In tauerns and tiplyng houses many myght be founde If officers would make serch but as they are bounde Well let them take heede I wyll say no more But when god reuengeth he punisheth sore An horrible thynge it is for to fall Into that Lordis handis Hebr. x. that is eternall Of Beggers THe Beggars whome nede compelleth to craue Ought at our handis some reliefe to haue But such as do counterfayt haueynge theyr strength To labour if they luste beyng knowne at the length Ought to be constrayned to worcke what they can And lyue on theyr laboures as besemeth a christyan And if they refuse to worcke for theyr meate i. Tim iii Then ought they to faste as not worthy to eate And such as be sore and wyll not be healed Oughte not many case to be charished I heard of two beggars Of two beggers that vnder an hedge sate who dyd wyth longe talke theyr matters debate They had boeth sore legges most lothsome to se Al rawe from the fote welmost to the knee My legge quod the one I thank god is fayre So is myne quod the other in a colde ayre For then it loketh rawe and as redde as any bloud I would not haue it healed for any worldis good For were it once whole my lyuinge were gone And for a sturdye begger I shoulde be take anone No manne woulde pittye me but for my sore legge Wherfore if it were whole I might in vaine begge I shoulde be constrained to laboure and sweate And perhaps sometime wyth schourges be beate Well sayde the tother lette vs take hede therefore That we let them nor heate but kepe them styll sore An other thynge I hearde of a begger that was lame Of an other begger Muche like one of these if it were not the same Who syttinge by the fire wyth the cuppe in hys hande Began to wonder whan he shoulde be a good husbande I shall neuer thriue quod this beger I wene For I gate but xvi.d to daye and haue spente eyghtene Well let the worlde wagge we muste neades haue drynke Go fyll me this quarte pot full to the brynke The tonge muste haue bastinge it wyll the better wagge To pull a goddes penye out of a churles bagge Yet cesse not to gyue to all wythoute anye regarde Thoughe the beggers be wicked thou shalte haue thy rewarde Of Bearbaytynge WHat follye is thys to kepe wyth daunger A greate mastyfe dogge and a foule ouglye Beare And to this onelye ende to se them two fyght Wyth terrible tearynge a full ouglye syght And yet me thynke those men be mooste foles of all Whose store of money is but verye smale And yet euerye sondaye they wyll surelye spende One penye or two the bearwardes liuyng to mende At Paryse garden eche sondaye a man shall not fayle Parise garden To find two or thre hundredes for the bearwardes vaile One halpenye a piece they vse for to giue When some haue no more in their purse I beleue Well at the laste daye theyr conscience wyll declare That the pore ought to haue all that they maye spare Eccle. iiii For God hathe commaunded that what we maye spare Be geuen to the pore that be full of care If you giue it therefore to se a Beare fyght Be ye sure goddes curse wyl vpon you lyght Of Brawlers A Brawler that loueth to breake the kinges peace And seke his owne sorowe his fansye to please Is lyke a curre Dogge that setteth vpon Eche mastyfe and hounde that he maye light on He getteth hym hatered of euerye manne And meteth with his maister euer nowe and than To hurte other menne he taketh greate payne He turneth no manne to profite or gayne Except it be the Surgian or the Armorer The Baylife the constable or the Iayler This is a worthye membre in a commune wealthe That to worcke other wo will lose his owne health What other men will iudge I can not tell But if he scape Tiburne I thinke he wyll hange in hell Of Blasphemous swerers THe sonne of Syrach wryteth playnelye Eccl. xxiii Of suche menne as do sweare blasphemouselye The manne that sweareth muche shall be fylled sayeth he Wyth all wicked maners and iniquitie In the house of that manne the plage shall not cease He shall be styll plaged eyther more or lesse Math. v. Christe biddeth all hys affirme and denye Wyth yea yea nay naye affirmynge no lye What so euer ye adde more sayeth he cometh of euyll And is of the wycked suggestion of the deuill But we can not talke wythouten othes plentye Some sweare by gods nayles hys herte and hys bodye And some sweare his fleshe hys bloude and his fote And some by his guttes hys lyfe and herte rote Some other woulde seme all swearynge to refrayne And they inuente idle othes such is their idle brayne By cocke and by pye and by the gose wynge By the crosse of the mouse fote and by saâ—ncre chyckyn And some
we counte hym not wyse That seketh not by all meanes that he canne deuise To racke offices togither wythoute anye staye But Christe shal say to these menne at the laste daye Geue accoūts of your Baliwickes ye menne wythoute grace Luke xvi Ye that sought to be rulers in euerye place Geue accountes of your Baliwike for come is the daye That ye muste leaue youre offices and walke your fathers waye Of Nice wyues THe sonne of Sirache of women doeth saye Eccl. xxvi That their nicenes hordom is perceiued alwaye By their wanton lokes and liftynge vp of eyes And their lokinge ascoye in moste wanton wise And in the same Iesus Syrach I fynde That the gate and the garment Eccle. xi do declare the mynd If these thyngis be true as no doubt they be What shold we thynk of the womē that in London we se For more wanton lokis I dare boldly saye Were neuer in Iewish whores then in London wines this day and if the gate and the garmentis do shew any thynge Our wyues do passe theyr whoris in whorlyke deckyng I thyncke the abhominable whores of the stewes Dyd neuer more whorelyke attyerments vse A cappe on hir head lyke a sowes mawe Such an other facion I thyncke the Iewe neuer saw Then fyne geare on the forehead set after the new tryk Though it cost a crown or two what then they maye not stycke If theyr heyre wyl not take colour then must thei by newe And laye it oute in tussockis this thynge is to true At ech syde a tussocke as bygge as a ball A very fayre syght for a fornicator bestiall Hyr face faire paynted to make it shyne bryght And hyr bosome all bare and moste whorelyke dight Hyr mydle braced in as smale as a wande And some bye wastes of wyre at the paste wyues hande A bumbe lyke a barrell wyth whoopes at the skyrte Hyr shoes of such stuffe that maye touche no dyrte Vpon hyr whyte fyngers manye rynges of golde Wyth suche maner stones as are most dearlye solde Of all their other trifles I wyll saye nothynge Leaste I haue but small thanckes for thys my writynge All modeste Matrons I truste wyll take my parte As for nice whippers wordes shall not come nye my hert I haue tolde them but trueth let them saye what they wyll I haue sayde they be whore like and so I saye still Of Obstinate Papistes AN obstinate Papiste that was sometyme a Frier Hadde of his Friers cote so greate a desire That he stale out of England and wente to Louayne And gate his Fryers cote on his foles backe agayne A wilfull Begger this papist wyll be A fole and a fryer and thus is one man three Would god all the papistis that he lefte behynd Where wyth him in fryes cotis accordyng to theyr kynde Or els I would they were wyth theyr father the pope For whylse they be in England they do but lyue in hope And except they myght get the Bible boke burned Into dispeyre theyr hope wyll shortly be turned God graunte them the grace this hope to forsake And their naturall prynce for their heade to take Forsakinge the Pope wyth all hys peltrye Whiche of longe tyme they haue sette so much by Of rente raysers A Manne that had landes of tenne pounde by yere Surueyed the same and lette it out deare So that often pounde he made well a score Moe poundes by the yere than other did before But whan he was tolde what daunger it was To oppresse hys tenauntes he sayde he did not passe For thys thynge he sayde full certaynelye he wyste That wyth hys owne he myghte alwayes do as he liste But immediatlye I trowe thys oppressoure fyl sicke Luke xvi Of a voyce that he hearde geue accountes of your Baliwicke Of Vayne wryters vaine talkers and vaine hearers OF late as I laye and lacked my reste At suche time as Titan drewe faste to the Easte Thys sayinge of Christe came into my minde Whyche certayne and true all maner menne shall fynde Of euerye idle worde ye shall geue a rekeninge Mat. xii Be it spoken by mouthe or put in wrytynge O Lorde thought I then what case be they in That talke and write vaynely and thinke it no sinne Than slombred I a little and thoughte that I sawe Thre sortes of vayne menne condempned by gods lawe The one was a writer of thynges nought and vayne And an other a talker and thys was theyr paine The wryter hadde the crowne of hys heade opened Whose braynes wyth a stycke the talker styrred And he wyth boeth handes drewe the talkers tonge so that without hys mouthe it was an handefull longe The thirde was an herkener of fables and lyes Whose eares were almost drawen vp to hys eyes Of vnsaciable purchasers AN vnreasonable ryche manne dyd ryde by the way Who for lacke of menne hadde wyth hym a boye And as he paste by a pasture most pleasaunte to se Of late I haue purchased thys grounde Iacke quod he Marye maister quod the boye men saye ouer all That your purchase is greate but your housholde is smal Why Iacke quod this riche man what haue they to do Woulde they haue me to purchase and kepe greate house to Luk. xiiii I can not tell quod the boye what maketh them to brawle But they saye that ye purchase the Deuill his dame and all Of Vsurers A Certaine man hadde landes little thoughe it were And yet wold faine haue liued lyke a gentlemans peare Of thys lande he made sale and toke readye golde And let that for double the rente of the lande that was solde Than came there a broker and saide if he woulde do As he woulde aduise hym he shoulde make of one penye two Marye that woulde I fayne do quod this vsurer than I praye the teache me the feate if thou can You shall sayde thys broker lende but for a monethes day And be sure of a suffitiente gage alwaye Wyth a plaine bill of sale if the day be not kept And se that ye do no causes accepte Than muste you be sure that your intereste be One penye for a shyllynge and thre pence for three So by the yeres ende twelue moneths geue twelue pens For the vse of a shyllinge lo I haue tolde you al sens Than saide this vsurer this matter goeth well For my twentye pounde lande that I chaunced to sell I shall haue foure hundred pounde rente by the yere To lyue lyke a Lorde and make iolye chere Than came there a Prophete and tolde thys manne plaine That heauen is no place Psal xv for suche vnlawefull gayne Why sir quod this Vsurer it is my liuynge Yea syr quod this Prophet but it is not youre calling You are called to liue after twentye pounde by yere And after that rate ye shoulde measure your chere Tyll god did encrease you by his mercifull wayes By encreasynge youre corne and youre cattell in the leyes Whych encrease wyth your landes you are bounde to employe To the profite of all them that do dwell you bye Ye are not borne to your selfe neither maye you take That thinge for youre owne where of God did you make But Stuarde and Baylife that shall yelde a rekeninge At the daye of Iudgemente Luke xvi for euerye thynge And do ye not doubte but then ye shall knowe Whether ye maye your goodes at youre pleasure bestowe And whether ye maye vse wayes wicked and yll To encrease your riches at youre owne will But chieflye to lende youre goodes to vsurie Is a thinge that you shall moste dearelye abye For Christe saieth in Luke that the Heathen do so Luke vi Take hede lest ye flytte frome pleasure to woe Finis