reconciled me unto thee when thou didst abhor me for my sins thou didst send him from heaven to me to shew that thou art ready to heare him for us therefore in him I come unto thee in him I will call upon thee O my Redeemer Preserver and my Saviour to thee be praise with the Father and the Holy Spirit for ever Amen Who shall stay mee from my Father and my Brother and my Comforter I Owe God a death as his Son died for me ever since I was borne I have been sayling towards this Haven and gathering patience to comfort this houre therefore shall I be one of those guests now that would not come to the banquet when they were invited what hurt is in going to Paradice I shall lose nothing but the sense of evil and anon I shall have greater joyes then I feele pains for my head is in Heaven already to assure me that my soule and body shall follow after O Death where is thy sting why should I fear that which I would not escape because my chiefest happiness is behind and I cannot have it unlesse I go unto it I would goe through Hell to Heaven and therefore if I march but through death I suffer lesse then I would for God my pains do not dismay me because I travell to bring forth eternall life my sins do not affright me because I have Christ my Redeemer the Judge doth not astonish me because the Judges Son is my Advocate the Devill doth not amaze me because the Angels pitch about mee the grave doth not grieve me because it was my Lords bed O that Gods mercies to me might move others to love him for the less I can expresse it the more it is the Prophets and Apostles are my forerunners every man is gone before me or else he will follow after me if it please God to receive mee into Heaven before them that have served him better I owe more thanks to him and because I have deferred my repentance till this houre wherby my salvation is cut off if I should dye suddenly lo how my God in his mercifull providence to prevent my destruction calleth me by a lingring sickness which stayeth till I be ready and prepareth me to my end lik a Preacher and makes me by wofull pains wery of this beloved world lest I should depart unwillingly like them whose death is their damnation so he loveth me whilst he beateth mee that his stripes are Plaisters to salve me therefore who shal love him if I forsake him this is my whole desire now to strengthen my body with my heart and to be contented as God hath appoynted untill I glorifie him or he glorifie mee If I live I live to sacrifice if I die I die a sacrifice for his mercy is above my iniquity therefore if I should fear death it were a signe that I had not faith nor hope as I professed but that I doubted of Gods truth in his promise whether he will forgive his penitent sinners or no. It is my Father let him doe what seemeth good in his sight Come Lord Jesus for thy servant commeth I am willing help my unwillingnesses For the Morning NOw that the day star doth arise Beg we of God with huÌ„ble cries Hurtfull things to keep away While we duly spend the day Our tongues to guide so that no strife May breed disquiet in our life To shut and close the wandring eye Lest it let in vanity To keep the heart as pure and free From â—â—nd and troubled fantasie To tame proud flesh while we deny it A full cup and wanton diet That when the day light shall go out Time bringing on the night about We by leaving worldly wayes May in silence sing God prayse Amen Come Holy Ghost our soules inspire And lighten with celestiall fire Thou the anointing spirit art Who dost thy sevenfold gifts impart Thy blessed unction from above Is comfort life and fire of love 〈…〉 with perpetuall light The … nesse of my blinded sight Anoâ—â—t and cheere my soyled face With the abundance of thy grace Keep 〈◊〉 my â—oes give peace at hom Where thou art guide no ill can com Teach mee to know the father son And thee of both to be but one That through the Ages all along This may be my endles song Prayse to thy Eternall Merit Father Son and Holy Spirit A Prayer for the Morning O Lord be mercifull unto mee a miserable sinner O Lord I beseech thee let thine eares bee attentive unto the prayer of thy servant that desires to feare thy name and prosper I pray thee thy servant this day And good Lord I beseech thee send thy holy Spirit into my soule so to teach mee to pray unto thee that both my selfe and my prayers may be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and my Redeemer And good Lord I beseech thee to remove all my sinnes out of thy sight that they may neither hinder my prayers from ascending up unto thee nor thy mercies from descending downe upon me And good Lord I humbly beseech thee to banish out of my heart and soule all evil thoughts and desires all fond love and affection all carnall lust and concupiscence and whatsoever else may any way hinder mee from the true love and worship of thy divine and sacred Majesty O Eternall God maker and high possessour both of Heaven and Earth looke downe I humbly beseech thee with pity and compassion upon a poor miserable distressed sinner who am not worthy to lift up my eyes towards the throne of thy divine and sacred Majesty much lesse worthy of any of thy mercies and gracious blessings which continually from time to time thou hast beene pleased to bestow upon mee for O Lord so many and so mighty are my sinnes wherewith I have offended thy divine and sacred Majesty both in thought word deed and desire that if thou shouldst enter into judgement with mee and deale with mee according to thy justice and my desert I must expect nothing but eternall death and damnation But I most humbly beseech thee for Jesus Christ his sake that it wil please thee to have mercy upon me and to pardon me all my sinnes and offences and to remove all those judgements away from mee which my sinnes have deserved and give mee grace ever heerafter to amend my ungodly life and to love and serve and honour thee truly faithfully and unfeignedly without pride presumption vaine glory and hypocrisie from these and all other deadly sinnes good Lord deliver me And good Father I give thee most humble thanks for all thy mercies and gracious blessings which continually from time to time thou hast been pleased to bestow upon me more especially for that it hath pleased thee this night past to preserve me from all evills notwithstanding all my sinnes and ill deserts Lord thou mightest have made my bed my grave and throwne my soule into the deep pit of hell hadst thou dealt with mee according
to thy justice and my desert but good Father as thou hast given me time so I beseech thee for Jesus Christ his sake to give me grace to repent and amend my ungodly life and to spend those remnant of dayes which thou hast appointed me to live only in thy service And to that end O Lord I humbly beseech thee withdrawe my heart and soule from the love of the world and worldly vanities and wholly devote it unto the love and service of thy divine Majesty And good Father I humbly beseech thee for Jesus Christ his sake that it wil please thee to continue thy loving favour unto me in preserving me this day from all sin and wickednesse from all evill thoughts words deeds and desires and from all evill and misfortune both of soule and body good Lord sanctifie my soul and body this day and evermore to thy service Lord blesse and prosper all my proceedings all my thoughts words deeds and desires and grant that they may all bee directed to the honour and glory of thy Name the good of others and the peace and comfort of my owne soule and conscience when I shall come before thee to make my last accounts Lord keep me in thy faith fear and love and give me grace to live in thy feare and die in thy favor and good Lord I humbly beseech thee to grant mee the use of my sight senses and limbs whilest I live in this transitory life that I may bee the better inabled to serve thee Lord bee mercifull to thy whole Church and chosen people every where and in thy good time establish thy true Religion and Worship amongst us which is agreeable to thy holy wil and word And now good Lord Into thy hands I humbly commend my soule and body my life and all that ever I have to be guided directed and protected by thee good Lord suffer me not this day to doe any thing to displease thee but let thy holy spirit guide and direct mee thy holy Angels pitch their tents round about mee to keepe and protect mee from all the assaults of my enemies both bodily and ghostly this day and ever Good Lord shew me the way wherein I shall walke and the thing that I shall doe and give mee grace to walke humbly faithfully and sincerely before thee this day and all the dayes of my life grant this O most mercifull Father and whatsoever else thou in thy divine wisedome knowest most needfull for me and that for the merits of thy deare sonne my Saviour Jesus Christ to whom with the Father and the holy and blessed Spirit be ascribed all honour prayse power and glory world without end Amen O Lord pardon the imperfection of my Prayers Dum expiro spero For the Evening BLessed Savior Lord of all Vouchsafe to heare when we call And now to those propitious be That in prayer bow to thee Still to be kept from misery Great ruler of the day and night On our darknes cast thy light And let thy passion pardon win For what we have offended in Thought or word or deed of sin And as thy mercy wipes away What we have done amisse to day So now the night returns again Our bodies and our souls restrain From being soild with sinfull stain Let not dull sleepe oppress our eyes Nor us the enemy surprise Nor fearfull dreames our minds affright While the blacknes of the night Holds from us the cheerfull light To thee who doest by rest renew Our wasted strength we humbly sue That when we shall unclose our eies Pure and chaste we may arise And make our morning sacrifice Honour Lord to thee be done O thou blessed Virgins Son With the Father and the Spirit As is thine eternall merit Ever and ever to inherit Amen An Evening Prayer for a private Family O Eternall and most glorious Lord God Creator and Maker of Heaven and Earth we the most miserable most sinfull and most unworthy of all thy creatures do here presume to present our selves before the Throne of thy most glorious Majesty from the bottome of our hearts humbly acknowledging our vile wickedness and upon our knees beg pardon of thy gracious and most glorious Majesty for all our sins past committed in thought word or deed against thy divine Majesty And as in duty we are bound we give thee glory and praise for all thy mercies and good blessings from time to time bestowed upon us and more especially and in particular we laud and magnifie thy great and most glorious Name for that thou hast preserved us safe this day past from all evils and from all dangers both of body and soule and hast bestowed thy blessings upon us both spirituall and temporall for which as for all the rest of thy good gifts and benefits which either this day past or at any other time thou hast been graciously pleas'd to bestow upon us we magnifie thy great and glorious Name beseeching thee that with thy blessings thou wilt give us thy Grace that we may live to glorifie thy great and most mighty Name for them all And good Lord wee beseech thee passe by our great manifold and most numberlesse sins and transgressions Lord grant us true repentance for them all and grant us grace ever hereafter to serve and please thee in newnesse of life all the the dayes we have to live in this our Pilgrimage Lord teach us so to number our dayes that we may apply our hearts unto wisedome and grant us grace good Father that we may so spend our remainder of dayes that we have to live in this world that they may be to the glory of thy great Name and to the salvation of our own souls for Jesus Christs sake And as thou hast been a mighty and most glorious Lord God in preserving and keeping of us all the dayes and times of our life hitherto and especially this day past so good Lord vouchsafe to take us all this night into thy most glorious protection Lord defend and keep us from all evils and from all dangers that may happen unto us either bodily or ghostly Lord let thy holy Angels guard us to deliver us from all evils Lord blesse us all with the quiet rest and sleep of our bodies Save us good Lord waking and keepe us sleeping that wee may wake in Christ and rest in peace Blesse us that both sleeping and waking we may be thine O Lord leave us not to our selves nor forsake us utterly but in thy blessed time make us to be sheep of that flocke whereof our blessed Lord and Saviour Christ Jesus is the great Shepheard Hear us good Lord in these our weak most imperfect prayers grant us them and what else thou in thy mighty wisdome knowest to be most necessary for us and that for the glory of thy great Names sake for thy mercy sake and for our blessed Lord and Saviour Christ Jesus sake in whose most blessed name and words we further call upon thee
that thou shouldst raine downe fire and brimstone from out of heaven to devoure me or to open the earth under mee to swallow mee up quicke into hell but thou art gratious and full of compassion and rich in mercies therefore do men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings I have none in Heaven to flie unto but thee nor in Earth of whom I may receive any comfort but at thy favourable hands which are stretched out day and night to receive all that by earnest repentance turne to thee being ready to ease all those that are laden with the burden of their sinnes and to refresh their distressed consciences In the multitude of thy mercies I approach unto thee O Lord desiring hee to looke downe from the height of thy sanctuary upon mee poore and wretched sinner and to wipe away all mine offences and to blot out all my misdeeds especially these my ungratious uncleane and ungodly sinnes which I have confessed unto thee O Lord oh let them not come up in remembrance before thee nor be imputed to me for ever for thy sonnes sake O Lord in whom thou art well pleased in whom thou wast fully satisfied upon the Crosse for my sinnes grant mee free pardon and remission of that I have so foolishly by my exceeding frailty committed against thy divine Majâ—sty and worke in my heart an utter detestation of all my sinnes that I may ever heerafter keep my selfe pure and unspotted for thy kingdom Thou that art able to make of stones children to Abraham mollifie I pray thee my stony heart that all maner of son-like affections may bee imprinted therein pluck up O good Father these roots of bitterness that no unsavory fruit may come off the tree which then by thy owne hand hast planted I desire I looke I call I cry for thy assistance that I may conquer all my unruly and disordinate motions and desires and affections O blessed Saviour that hast granted so many Petitions upon earth to them that were carefull for the body fulfill I pray thee this my desire not for health nor strength nor riches nor honour nor for food nor apparrell but for thy heavenly grace and inspiration yea let mee lose all those rather then be left in my sinfull flesh that I should be ruled any longer thereby Mortifie in me good Father the old body of sinne and give unto mee a new body purged from dead works to serve the living God renew my spirit dayly that I may cast away the works of darknesse let it be enough O mercifull Father that my weaknesse heeretofore hath been made knowne unto mee lest I should be too proud Now let thy strength appeare in putting this my enemy under my feet that thereby I may be bold to put my confidence in thee Why should my body made by thy hand and my soule framed according to thy Image be given as a prey into the hands of Sathan Deliver mee O Lord from the snares of the hunter and preserve mee from the hands of mine enemy who lieth in wait for my spirituall life and laboureth my everlasting destruction so shall I prayse thee for thy goodnesse and magnifie thy Name for giving mee conquest over my adversary that is too strong for mee To thee I â—…ie for succour till this tempest be overpast hide me I pray thee under thy shield and buckler that noâ—e of the fiery darts of Satan take hoâ—â— of me Good Lord for the lovâ— thou bearest to mankinde for thy Sonnes sake who hath taken our nature upon him grant that I may not bee tempted above my strength and that in all temptations I may flie unto thee giving thee most humble and hearty thankes for that thou hast given a desire to withstand my sinfull flesh which thy worke I beseech thee for thy Name sake to perfect and fully accomplish Amen A Meditation of the glory of the new Jerusalem VNto the spring of endles life My fainting soule doth thirst Full faine the cloyster of her flesh With speed she wisheth burst She seeks she sues she strives exild Her Countrey to obtaine Wailing that nothing heer she finds But misery and paine Contemplating the glory which She when she sinned lost Her woes increas her grief the more To think how dear they cost For who can utter with what joy That happy peace delights Wher Palaces stand stately rear'd With living Margarites With gold the lofty turrets shine And chambers glittering bright And all the frame with only jems And pretious stones is dight The streets the City out are pav'd With gold as crystall cleene Where dirt nor raies nor dung annoyes Nor any filth is seene Stormy winter scorching summer Come never there to brawle Rose flowers spring continually With spring continuall Lillies still white and saffron ruddy And balsome sweating growes Meads alwayes green corn alwayes grown And hony in rivers flows Sweet spices breath out fragrant smells Rich liquors and perfumes Fair orchards overshaded stand With fruit that neer consumes No varying course of sun or moon Or stars comes in their sight The Lamb is to that happy City A never fayling light Nor night nor morn nor time is there But a continuall day Wher Saints in glory shine like suns And glittering beams display In triumphs crownd together they With joy conjubilate And the battels of their vanquishd foe Secured now relate Purg'd clean from either blot or spot They grudge of flesh seele none For flesh made now spirituall With the spirit grees in one Abounding with untroubled peace No scandalls them annoy Who freed from mutabilty Their center re-enjoy Where now they present see that truth Which mortall eyes neer saw And from the everlasting spring A living sweetnes draw Where ere they goe they still retain The same unaltred state Fair lively cherefull subject to No change of chance or fate Whose health no sicknes doth decay Whose youth no age doth waste Whose being without passing is For passing now is past They spring they bloom they florish still From all corruption free Mortality is swallowed up By Immortality Who knowing him who all doeth know Can ignorant not be Who in each others patent breasts All inmost secrets see The same they will the same they nill One mind the same of all Though according to their severall paines Their guerdon's severall Thus what 's anothers Charity By love so makes her owne That what is proper to every one To all is common growne Wher ere the body's the Eagles there Are duly congregated And with it are those blessed soules And Angels recreated One bread both Country Citizens Doth feed one bread they crave Still hungry and yet alwayes full Still wishing what they have Whom no saciety doth cloy Whom hunger doth not bite With apetite they ever eat And still have appetite There the melodious singing voyce New harmonies concents Their ears are lull'd with sweetest sounds Of rarest Instruments To him by whoÌ„ they conquered have Due praises there they
as he in his holy and Heavenly and most blessed Gospel hath taught us saying Our Father c. Let thy mighty hand and outstretched arme O Lord be still our defence thy mercy and loving kindnes in Jesus Christ thy deare sonne our salvation thy true and holy word our instruction thy grace and holy spirit our comfort and consolation unto the end and in the end Amen When we enter into our bed IN the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ who was crucified upon his Crosse and layd into his grave for me I lay me downe to rest he blesse me keepe me and rayse me up again and bring mee at last to life eternall Amen I will lay me downe in peace and take my rest for it is thou Lord only that makest me dwell in safety Have mercy upon mee O Lord now and at the howre of death Preserve mee while I am waking and defend mee when I am sleeping that my soule may continually watch for thee and both body and soule may rest in thy peace for evermore Amen An admonition before wee goe to sleepe PErmit not sluggish sleep To close your waking eye Till that with judgement deepe Your dayly deeds you try He that his sin in conscience keeps When he to quiet goes More desperat is then he that sleeps Amidst his mortall foes At night lie downe Prepare to have Thy sleep thy death Thy bed thy grave Awake arise Thinke that thou hast Thy life but lent Thy breath a blast O thou God Almighty Father of all mercy Fountaine of all pity Grant I beseech thee Of thy great clemency On me to have mercy Now and at the howre of death Amen Proverbs of Solomon Chap. 10. TReasures of wickednesse profit nothing but righteousnesse delivereth from death The Lord will not suffer the soule of the righteous to famish but hee casteth away the substance of the wicked Blessings are upon the head of the Just but violence covereth the mouth of the wicked The memory of the just is blessed but the name of the wicked shall rot The blessings of the Lord it maketh rich and he doth adde no sorrowes with it The fear of the Lord increaseth the daies but the years of the wicked shall be diminished The patient abiding of the righteous shal be gladnesse but the hope of the wicked shall perish The righteous shall never be removed but the wicked shall not dwell in the Land Chap. 11. RIches availe not in the day of wrath but righteousnesse delivereth from death The righteousness of the just shall deliver them but the transgressors shal be taken in their owne net He that is mercifull rewardeth his owne soule As righteousness leadeth to life so he that followeth evill seeketh his owne death They that are of a froward heart are abomination to the Lord but they that are upright in the way are his delight He that trusteth in riches shall fall but the righteous shall flourish as a leafe Chap. 13. THe hope that is deferred is the fainting of the heart but when the desire commeth it is a tree of life He that despiseth the word he shal be destroyed but he that feareth the Commandements he shal be rewarded Chap. 14. IN the fear of the Lord is an assured strength and his Children shall have hope The feare of the Lord is a Well-spring of life to avoyd the snares of death Chap. 15. THe Lord is far from the wicked but he heareth the prayer of the righteous The feare of the Lord is the instruction of wisdome and before honour goeth humility Chap. 16. COmmit thy workes unto the Lord and thy thoughts shal be directed By mercy and truth iniquity shall be forgiven and by the feare of the Lord they departed from evill Age is a crowne of glory when it is found in the way of righteousnesse He that is slow to anger is better then the mighty man and he that ruleth his own mind is better then he that winneth a City Chap. 17. A Joyfull heart causeth good health but a sorrowfull minde drieth the bones Chap. 18. THe name of the Lord is a strong towre the righteous runneth to it and is exalted The spirit of man will sustain his infirmity but a wounded spirit who can beare Chap. 19. HEE that hath mercy upon the poore lendeth unto the Lord and the Lord will recompence him that which he hath given The feare of the Lord leadeth to life and he that is filled therewith shall continue and shall not be visited with evill Chap. 21. HEE that followeth after righteousnesse and mercy shall finde life righteousnesse and glory Chap. 22. THe reward of humility and the fear of God is riches glory and life My son give me thy heart and let thine eyes delight in my wayes Chap. 28. HEE that hideth his sins shall not prosper but he that confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy Blessed is the man that feareth alway but he that hardneth his heart shall fall into evill He that walketh uprightly shal be saved but he that is froward in his wages shall fall at once Job Chap. 28. THe feare of the Lord is wisdome and to depart from evill is understanding Ecclesiastes Chap. 7. A Good Name is better then a good Oyntment and the day of death then the day that one is born It is better to go to the house of mourning then to the house of feasting because this is the end of all men and the living shall lay it to heart Anger is better then laughter for by a sad look the heart is made better The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth The end of a thing is better then the beginning thereof and the patient in spirit is better then the proud in spirit In the day of wealth be of good Comfort and in the day of affliction consider Surely there is no man just upon the earth that doth good and sinneth not Ecclesiasticus Chap. 1. THe fear of the Lord is glory and gladnesse and rejoycing and a joyfull Crowne The fear of the Lord maketh a merry heart and giveth gladness and joy and long life Who so feareth the Lord it shall go well with him at the last and he shall finde favour in the day of his death Who so feareth the Lord shall prosper and in the day of his end he shall be blessed A patient man will suffer for a time and then he shall have the reward of joy Chap. 2. YE that feare the Lord love him and your hearts shal be lightned Consider the old generations of men ye children and marke them them well was there ever any confounded that put his trust in the Lord or who hath continued in his feare and was forsaken or whom did he ever dispise that called upon him For God is gracious and mercifull and forgiveth sins and saveth in the time of trouble and is a defender for all them that seek him in
Medicina Animae Or The LAMENTATION And CONSOLATION of a Sinner Together with severall Collections out of the Holy Scriptures By Joshua Mullard I sayd I will confesse my sinnes unto the Lord and so thou forgavest the wickednesse of my sin Psa 32.6 LONDON Printed by Tho. Harper 1652. To the Reader GEntle Reader I began some part of this Penitentiall Meditation long since when it pleased Almighty God to give me a sight of my sinnes and grace to hate and forsake them It may seeme strange that I should make a publicke confession of them when they are only knowne to Almighty God and my selfe But I find David confessing his Adultery and Manasses his Idolatry and S. Paul confessing himselfe to be the greatest of sinners and also I finde that whosoever confesseth his sinnes and forsaketh them shall find mercy I must confesse I did not intend to publish them but that I was prest by many of my friends to it but more especially when I had read the judgement pronounced against the unprofitable servant that hid his Talent Matth. 25.30 I thought it more safety to shew my imperfections to men then to disobey my Redeemer and to lose my Talent I desire thee Reader to read it all over before thou censure and to pardon the imperfections thou meetst with J. M. Medicina Animae Or The great Wound cured Being Pious Meditations and Prayers on the Lamentation and Consolation of a Sinner CHAP. I. O Who shall give water to my head and a fountaine of teares to my eyes that I may bee able to bewayle the losses of my soule with greefe agreeable thereunto for there is a manifest and great cause of sorrow when with the sight of my minde I doe behold my ancient dayes and my youthfull years in this Meditation my spirit hath fayled mee for I know what I was nay rather what I should have beene and understand what I am and fear what I shall be And the lesse I sorrow so much more doe I feare I would to God I sorrowed more that I might fear less But woe to me O Lord for now a long time thou smitest and yet I sorrow not Thou callest me and yet I heare not thou knockest and yet I open not the barre of my hard heart unto thee The sorrows of Death compassed mee round about and being filled with many sorrowes without I feele inwardly no sorrow that may work unto salvation and I feele not onely sorrowes of old age but I am a man of sorrow from my youth upward and all my dayes are full of travell and griefe and yet I sorrow because that alwayes sorrowing I cannot sorrow as I ought to sorrow O marvellous and unspeakable wisdome of the heavenly Physitian O wonderfull goodnesse of the most mercifull God! O singular benefit of him that is the Giver of all good things for thou O Lord givest unto me sorrow lest I should parish in pleasures and that I may learn to rejoyce without offence thou givest me sorrow for a time that I may not suffer everlasting paine thou afflictest my body that thou mayst save my soule Thou scourgest that thou mayest heale thou killest that thou mayest quicken But alas how unwillingly doe I receive thy salve out of the secret hand of thy mercy and being ignorant doe not acknowledge the sovereigne medicine of healthfull sorrow wherein thou art mercifully severe against me and how doe I acknowledge it if earnestly I desire to be delivered from sorrow who without sorrow cannot bee healed for how can hee bee healed without sorrow who by delight is made sicke Therefore O Lord make mee to sorrow and teach mee a saving sorrow that my griefe may bee turned into joy and that I may rejoyce in thy salvation CHAP. II. DAyes passe away and yeeres slide away but I unhappy man after so many corruptions of my soule after so most grievous and long follies doe not yet repent nor am not afflicted for my sinnes but continue the often falling into them againe and care not for rising from heaping new unto old and greater unto lesse What shall I doe O Lord or whither shall I goe when my last time shall come where shall I be hidden from thy wrathfull countenance or whither shall I flie away from thy face when thou shalt call mee unto judgement and require of me an account of the talent bestowd upon me what shall I answer unto thee or how shall I excuse my negligence when thou shalt sit upon thy throne of Majesty and command me to give an account of my stewardship to the uttermost farthing Surely I have nothing to say but Lord I beseech thee to answer for me for who am I that I should answer to thee in judgement but if thou compell me to answer I wil say as a man confounded trembling and fearing O Lord I have gayned nothing thereupon but have wickedly and vainely mispent and consumed thy talent by my base living I should better have sayd by dying but then I thought I lived but I was dead because I lived without thee my true life yea the life of a wicked man may rather bee called death then life I may say I sooner began to die then live first I did not understand what life was when I had forsaken the life of lives and fountaine of life And mallice did supplant my yong age in manifold wickednesses I was scarce come out of my mothers womb but I was already a sinner comming into the world being yet ignorant of sinne I did bewaile the sinnes wherein my parents begot me neyther did I altogether leave bewailing others sinnes when I committed my own which I knew and did not bewayle Being an Infant I followed iniquity and spent my childhood wherin I should have beene pure impurely There breathed slimy vapours from the sinfull corruptions of my flesh and the spring of my youth did shadow my heart that it could not discerne light from darknesse and the clearnesse of the mind from the mist of lust and trayterous and crafty pleasures did carry my weake and forgetfull loose age into the headlong rocke of lust so as I boyled up in wicked desires to be satisfied in Hell From my childhoode I grew to growing yeeres neither was I sooner growing towards youth then my wickednesse did grow ripe and I was bold to grow wild in divers inordinate lusts by the which beeing drawn by the griefe of wickednesse I was drowned to death and destruction the evill and wicked daies of my growing years passed on and I grew towards youth but I returned backwards in filthiness and vanity And as I was elder I was a yong man and came to bee a man but Vice alwaies flourished in me instead of Vertue I waxed old and grey and did not walk in thy waies but as a child being now an Old man I lived childishly Where then at any time have I bin innocent that I should bee judged of thee according to the time of my
innocency though thou didst appoint it me unto judgement for thou art just O Lord and righteous in all thy judgements for thou rendrest to every one according to his works and I feare all mine because they are the workes of darkness And I have been a worker of iniquity from the beginning and have alwaies willingly followed the works and paths of unrighteousness I have wallowed in sin as the Swine in filthiness and as the Prodigall was fed with Husks so was I delighted with filthy and evill words and grieved with earnest and profitable sayings I did communicate with those that wrought iniquity and did banquet with the chief of them and did glory in sin Being mighty in iniquity I loved to excuse and could not accuse my selfe and made heavy my heart and the more incurable is my sinne for that I did not thinke my selfe to be a sinner Neither did I not onely seek a medicine for my soule which was sick unto death but refused it being offered yea with an unreverent and untamed minde was wroth against them that would minister it unto me I despised them that reproved me and imbraced them that spake pleasing unto me and delighted in their speeches that had not their hearts right unto me I studied devices and lies in all things and loved rather darkness then light Behold O Lord I have delivered my selfe unto thee this is the course of my life wherein I have deserved thy wrath this will I answer unto thee when thou shalt ask of me But do not remember the offences of my youth nor my ignorances O Lord and enter not into judgement with thy servant for no living creature shall be justified in thy sight but if thou wilt enter because thou art a God that loveth judgment doe judgement unto me but not justice and judge me according to the judgement of those that love thy name that I may sing unto thee mercy and judgement Remember O Lord that though I am wicked yet I am thy servant and the son of thy handmaid and do not looke into the multitude of my sinnes but unto the greatness of thy mercies and when thou shalt be angry with me for my wickednesse remember thy mercy and be not angry with me for ever but have mercy upon thy afflicted servant that my soule may praise thee and confess thy mercifulness CHAP. III. VVOE unto mee wretched man because I have made my Redeemer angry with me and I have rebelliously neglected his Law and I have willingly forsaken the right way and as a sheepe that refuseth the shepheard I have been carried far and wide round about through dry unwatered places wandring in the wildernesse of wickednesse and not in the right way I have gone to all rough and unaccessible places and every where was anguish and tribulation I have beene wearied in the way of iniquity and perdition and have walked in hard wayes seeking rest and finding none because I did not seek thee O Lord but was in a barren land in the country of Death where is no rest but continuall labor affliction of spirit dwelleth there I dwelt in anguish with pleasures and amongst thornes did I make my bed and sleep in death and hoped for rest in torments now therfore what shal I doe whither shall I turne my selfe in these great dangers All the hopes of my youth are faln down and I am like one that suffereth shipwrack who having lost all his wealth swimmeth away naked being tost with the wind and sea and am driven far from the haven of happiness and doe not take hold of the way of salvation but am carried away on the left hand the enemy had placed nets for me which way soever I went and snares for my feet and I despised them and walked securely in slippery places and flattered my selfe in sins I thought youth was not held by the lawes of death and being deceived by this confidence I followed the filthy desires of the flesh and gave the reines beyond the measure of sensuality following it wheresoever the force thereof did carry me and sayd like a foole in my heart Wherefore doest thou think of the end before the middle thou hast many dayes yet remayning and mayst bee converted when thou listest so waxed I old in sin and a most wicked custome was turned into nature and now as a bondslave to sinne I serve as it were chayned and as a mad man haling his owne flesh seeketh to hurt himselfe all reason of deliberation being quenched so I more grievously and dangerously have hated my owne soule for the impenitency of my heart and obstinate wilfulnesse hath layd violent hands upon me and hath distracted and disturbed my poore distressed soule and so having brought unto my selfe the horrour of Hell every day more and more according to the hardnesse of my impenitent heart I doe heap up wrath against the day of wrath I have made triall sometimes to shake off the old yoke but am not able because it cleaveth to my bones Oh that at length it may fall from my necke that I may love thee though late It shall surely fall away if thou command O Lord and send me help from above I confesse I have not deserved it but thou O most gracious giver who makest the Sun to rise indifferently upon the good as also upon the bad and grantest temporall blessings to the unworthy even when they aske them not how canst thou deny spirituall things to those that require them have mercy upon me therfore O Lord and fulfill the desires of a poore penitent sinner thou that art rich in mercy and wont cheerefully to have mercy and doest purge the will from evil custome and hearest the groanings of those that are bound and loosest us from the bonds which wee have made to our selves unlesse wee refuse thy mercy Give thy right hand unto the worke of thy hands that when I fall I may not be bruised and that I may not be drawn into the deep pit of perdition Deliver mee from the mouth of the cruell Lion that is ready for the prey and gapeth for my soule that hee may devour it for thou onely art my protector and my deliverer and in thy mercy is my hope let thy mercy therefore be shewed unto me as I have trusted in thee Lord in thee do I put my whole trust and confidence Lord let me never be confounded CHAP. IV. MY nights pass away in grief and vex mee with innumerable terrors my Conscience shaketh mee while I am awake and I am tormented therewith as if I were wounded with a two edged sword my sleep is troubled with divers illusions bringing me no rest but travell I watch all night in my thoughts and when as being wearied I do endeavour to give some sleep to my eye-lids by and by sleep departeth from my eies and when I sleep I sleep alwayes in sorrow being wakened with an unquiet weariness from the Care of the day and all
my inward parts are inflamed without rest the meat which before I desired is made abominable to my soule and my drink is mingled with teares and confusion is before my eyes and redness in my cheekes when I remember how grievously I have offended thee O my God and in how many thoughts deeds and desires I have abused my strength and thy gifts I have spent in vanity Everlasting cares have consumed me and being carried hither and thither with sensless cogitations I have spent my time I feigned to my self dreams sometimes and rejoyced and vanished away being deluded in vanities and madness To conclude I lived in all kinde of pleasure in the world being banished far from the delights of thy house and if at any time the fear of death and the last judgement did quicken my sloath and for a little time call me from the deep gulph of pleasures by and by I returned as a dog to his vomit being dead in them I yet live and abiding in death I hasten to death and see death swift by comming to mee But let thy mercy quickly prevent me before the terrible day of misery and calamity doe come the great and bitter day that though I die I may live and declare thy mercies above all thy workes Look back Lord and behold how my soule lieth in her concupiscence sicke of the Palsey and is evill vexed therewith deliver it from death that it may cleave to thee alone who art only the true life and leaving all others follow thee that art above all say unto my soule O Lord God of my salvation be it unto thee as thou desirest make mee to heare this thy voyce a voyce of rejoycing and salvation that I may run after thee and take hold of thee and not let thee go untill thou sendest mee whole away for being sick to whom should I go but to thee that I may be cured or who can heale my infirmities but he that for me and mankind came down from Heaven that they may be healed of their griefs who can quicken but he that can mortifie and quicken all things who can save but thou O my God and Saviour save mee therefore and quicken me thou that art the life and salvation everlasting of all that put their trust in thee and to thee that art without beginning be glory without end To thee bee Praise and Honour to thee be continuall Worship and thanksgiving thou art the everlasting Spring of mercy for I was gone far from thee and did run away and yet thou doest speedily come to him that is sick and doth run away when he doth call upon thee and dost grant his health before thou hearest his sighs for to bee willing to bee healed is enough that thou shouldest heale and to bee willing to live that thou shouldest grant life and in the blessings of thy sweetness dost prevent the desires of a sinner that doth know himselfe therefore I will say unto thee I know my iniquity and what it is to know because all my bones are vexed within me and my soule is very much troubled for my sin Behold I lay all my iniquities before thy sight O my God that thou mightest heale and cure my soule because it hath sinned against thee for thou art a God that desirest not the death of a sinner but rather that hee should be converted and live for the dead shall not praise thee O Lord but wee that live doe blesse thee O Lord and do confesse that thy mercy is everlasting and thy compassions never faile CHAP. V. I Have revealed my miseries to thee O Lord not to make knowne my wayes unto thee that didst not know them all from the beginning and hast numbred all my steps for thou knowest the hidden places of darknesse and all things are naked open to thy eye and thou doest not only see but discerne the lurking places of our thoughts and the marrow of our affections but I uncover that thou mayest cover and protect I reveale that thou mayst hide and give mee an humble and contrite spirit and by the offering of this sacrifice which is most acceptable unto thee be mercifull unto me and forgive me my sins I have spoken many and great things and yet sayd little for the worme of my conscience doeth pricke mee in more I would to God it might draw away the rottenness that by grieving it might consume it and withall bee it selfe consumed but woe is mee for when I think I have made an end of telling my evills then am I constrayned as it were to begin againe and my memory being full of uncleanesse doeth abundantly remember much more filthinâ—sse for I have sinned above the number of the sands of the seas and if I had a hundred tongues and a hundred mouthes I shall scarse answer one of a thousand thousand yet that increaseth all my griefe that I cannot remember all my filthiness past and the fleshly corruptions of my soule for while I forget new sins I forget the old but those that I remember I will not hide not that I will love them again more but that I may love thee more earnestly O my God and that I remembring my wicked waies in the bitterness of my remembrance thou mayest be sweet unto me by the pardon of them But I have not purged the old but rather from them did spring up many new sinnes for the which I am as it were cast out from before thy face O my God and being deprived of the comfort of thy presence I fall almost into desperation knowing not whither I goe and who will look upon my face if thou turn away from me and as a Reprobate deprive me of thy sight I shall undoubtedly become hatefull unto all men and as a wanderer and a runnagate in the Land I shall be made a slave unto them when they shall aske of mee where is thy God and wherfore hath he put thee from him what shall I doe therfore O wretched man that I am or what shall I say when I see my self estranged from thy protection and forsaken in the midst of my enemies that fight mightily against me I will seek thy face O Lord and with sighes and teares beseech thee not to leave me nor in anger to depart from thy servant for all mine enemies follow me as a fugitive to destroy my soule and therefore I must seeke refuge at thy hands to whom I flie O my God my strength my health my refuge in the day of tribulation for as there is no God besides thee so there is no Saviour besides thee Thou therfore O Lord that knowest all my miseries and from whom the workes of my weaknesse are not hidden cast behind thy back all my offences and doe not remember all my old iniquities but save me according to thy mercy from all those that persecute mee and deliver mee because there is none can redeem me and save me but thou O Lord who savest all
that trust in thee and deliverest the poore from the mighty and from the hands of them that are stronger then he Hide not therefore thy face from mee O Lord neither despise me my saving God my strength and my deliverer for I am poor and in misery and thine eies look upon the poore and if thy justice seeke me hide me in the bosome of thy mercy wherin thou hast with long suffering beene with me and invited me to repentance for thou art long suffering and very patient and exceeding mercifull above all my wickedness yea nothing is more proper to thee O Lord then to spare and therefore thou hast mercy upon all and drawest the sonnes of men to repentance because thou canst do all and thou sparest all because they are thine O Lord thou lovest souls turn me therefore unto thee and deliver my poore afflicted soule from danger that my mouth may bee filled with thy praise and say unto thee Blessed be thou O Lord who hast not suffered me to be delivered into the hands of my adversaries except thou O Lord hadst been my Helper they had swallowed me up quicke my soule as a sparrow was delivered from the snare of the Fowler the snare is broken and I am delivered CHAP. VI. O Wretched man that I am what shall doe for the great wild Beast hath almost devoured my soule and I have been made a prey to the enemy he hath spoyled me of all those goods wherewith thou O Lord hast beautified me and I am afraid to appear before thee I departed rich and beautifull from thy face and went wandring after filthiness in a corrupt way and in the wickednesse of my heart my soule is made black and the excellent colour thereof is changed and I have so impoverished and deformed my self by wearing the foul garment of sinne according to the likeness of Adams offence as thou O Lord wilt not know mee according to the image wherein thou hast created mee and wilt not suffer mee as a scab'd sheepe to dwell among the sheepe of thy pasture How then shall I presume to returne to the presence of thy Divine Majesty in whose sight the Heavens are not cleane but empty vile and unclean or how shall I presume to communicate amongst thy chosen people being made foolish by offending I desire to return unto thee though ashamed and afrayd trusting to thy mercy for thou art a sweet Father to thy Sonne that did travel into a farre Countrey be more sweet to him when he returneth from a long pilgrimage O my God I want power to come to thee for I am kept fast bound by a most cruell robber not with strong iron but with iron of my own will wherof the enemy hath made a chaine for me and bringeth my heart into sorrow slavery and bitterness my refuge is far from mee for salvation is far from sinners and I am compelled to die in most miserable bondage unless thou O Lord looking down from Heaven dost help me I stick fast in the slimy filth of the earth and a tempest of temptations even like the wavs of the cruel sea hath overwhelmed me and almost drowned me so that I am in despair of avoyding these eminent dangers unless thou O Lord shalt take me up for the more I endeavour to rise the more I am bruised I am both within and without troublesome to my selfe and every where I do find domestick enemies that doe beat mee down I looke on the right hand and on the left and see none to whom I may commit my selfe in safety but every where feare doth shake me and to whomsoever I come I find not a faithfull friend and how should I find any when my selfe doe not keep my faith given to my God I have sought meanes to comfort mee in my afflictions and calamities and there was none of my deare friends that would comfort mee but I met with friends that were full of words nay dumb rather and therefore dumb O my God because thy word did not sound from their lips who did condemn my wants without Compassion and did falsely provoke strife against me I have often consented to foolish deceivers and swerving from the right Path I ignorant agreed to their opinions and by little and little was brought to such toyes and madness as though by the helpe of thy Grace I never departed from thy true Religion yet I did believe in many fables which makes me unexcusable for that when I knew thee to bee alwaies a God in truth I did not worship thee in spirit and in truth but changed this truth into lies and served the creature rather then the Creator and sought my selfe and my pleasures in corruptible things But thou O Lord and my Saviour proceed on and as thou hast made me by true faith to acknowledge thee awaken me up from the sleep of sin that I never sleep unto death lighten kindle and lift up my heart unto thee that in thy light I may behold the everlasting light the unquenchable light that never faileth the sweet and delightfull light that I may see and rejoyce and covet that light and to know that nothing is to be loved besides thee but in thee and for thee Thou O Lord art the true light that dost illuminate all men comming unto thee cause this light to rise in my darkness and make me to desire to see thy salvation that my soule being melted away with the force of love may attain to thy saving health and thirst after thy delights My soule I say but let me not call it thine because thou didst make it and give iâ— unto mee and mine because I receiced it from thee keep therefore thy creature which thou hast especially framed according to thine owne Image and suffer not thy precious gift which thou hast purchased with thy most precious bloud to perish but upon my body and members worke what it pleaseth thee let my flesh be cloathed with rottennesse and my bones consumed with worms but I beseech thee O Lord onely to spare my soul and stretch not out thy hand against it but bring me back againe into the way before the going down of the Sun for it groweth towards the evening of my age wherefore compell me to come unto thee if to call bee too little compell mee as it pleaseth thee so I may come and not perish not for my selfe who have so often abused thy mercy and made my selfe unworthy thereof but for thy holy name sake take from mee a stony heart and give unto me a heart of flesh and place thy spirit in the midst of mee that I may walke in thy Precepts and keep thy Judgements I come too late unto thee O Lord I confesse I would to God I had come sooner but I know and am assured that thou prescribest no time to those that come so they come at last and thou receivest the last as gently as thou dost the first for although thou hatest sin
I am often angry with my selfe because I am weary to live when I am not weary to sinne I know my folly and am confounded and being confounded I reproove my selfe saying O carnall lover why doest thou so long walke in the mire of concupisence why art thou so carefully busie for earthly things and doest so earnestly desire those goods that shall perish or by what reason callest thou them goods which thou gainest with so much labour and the great hurt of thy soule and being gayned possessest in feare and being possessed losest with griefe and sorrow O my soule why dost thou forget thy own proper estate and nobility and art not ashamed to endure a miserable and shamefull bondage under the corruption of thy corporall sence why art thou deceived with the unfaithfull promises of the world the chiefest good whereof is a mist or vapour that appeareth but a little season and vanisheth as vanity of vanities Blush and be ashamed O miserable sinner how often hast thou departed from thy Creator and turned to deceitfull creatures and comming againe to thy selfe behold with the sight of thy minde how cruelly thy soule hath bowelled her selfe of her owne bowells whilest with an inordinate desire catching at a vile prize of Flies she hath like the Spider made nets for her owne selfe of her owne bowels againe and againe I say blush at that where thou hast had no fruite and lament thy lost time and yeeld thy soule unto God with these speeches I rayle against my self when being inwardly admonished I enter into my selfe and consider with my heart what I have lost and what I have found and I finde that I doe not that good which I like but the evill that I will that I doe for my Enemies hold my will and doe keepe me being fashioned according to the former desires of ignorance captive under the law of sinne but thou O Lord of vertues and the tower of my strength doe not withdraw thy help from me looke Lord unto my defence and protect mee under thy wings left I fall in the sight of my adversaries and my enemies rejoycing against me say I have prevayled against him Breake the bonds of my reproach under which I have beene made crooked and loose the cords of my sinnes wherewith I am strongly bound O most mighty Lord and make knowne thy power to thy enemies that I may offer unto thee a sacrifice of gladnesse saying who shall speake to the power of the Lord or what shall declare his prayses that delivereth my soule from death and my feet from sliding who hath saved me from the Lions mouth and from the devouring Dragon To whom shall I flie but to thee O Lord upon whom all our Fathers have called and have beene saved to thee I say who never deceivest them that trust in thee and let any mans hand be against me for I will feare no evill because thou art with me O Lord all my desires are before thee blot out and put away whatsoever is displeasing unto thee renew create and confirme whatsoever thou hast given me that casting away all carnall and unprofitable desires the sinner may bee accepted in the desires of his heart and coveting to enjoy thee the onely treasure my request may come before thy face and I may bee confident to say unto thee Grant unto mee O God the desire of my soule for I know and am assured that no man can desire thee but by thy selfe nor come to thee unlesse thou draw him draw me therfore O Lord and grant unto mee that I may begin in a good desire that I may end and perfect it in a good worke before my old custome oppresse my new desires and my former will strengthned by age conquer my new will cloth me therfore O Lord I humbly beseech thee in the precious garment of thy salvation and put off the vile clothing of my wicked life wherein being deprived of thee I walke according to the ancient conversation of the old man but being newly clothed in thee and become a new man I may with a new spirit serve thee in a new life and in the sweet smell of thy oyntments running unto thee I may rejoice in Jesus my Saviour CHAP. VIII O Lord Jesus Christ the sonne of the living God who with thy hands stretched forth on the Crosse hast drunke the cup of thy Passion for the redemption of all mankind succour mee this day I beseech thee behold O Lord I that am needy doe come to thee that art wealthy I that am full of misery do approach to thee replenished with mercy suffer mee not therefore to depart voyd or as one worthy to be despised I begin hungry let me not end empty I approach as one hunger starved let mee nor depart unfed and if I sigh before I eat grant that I may eat at least after I have sighed first therefore O blessed Saviour I confesse against my selfe mine iniquity behold O Lord for that I was conceived and born in sinne and thou hast washed and sanctified me from the same and I after this have defiled my selfe with greater offences because those sins wherin I was borne were of necessity but those in which I afterward lay wallowing were voluntary this notwithstanding thou not being unmindfull of thy mercy and goodness hast drawne me from wickednes and from the fellowship of sinners inspiring mee with thy grace to follow thee in the company of those that seeke thy face who walke the direct way that leadeth to felicity but I ungratefull and forgetfull of so many benefits received have after my entrance into a Religious way committed many sinnes and abominations and where I ought to have amended my faults and to have repented for them in stead therof I have added sin upon sin these O Lord are the faults by which I have dishonored thee and defiled my selfe to wit Pride Presumption Vain-glory and Hypocrisie and many other sinnes almost infinite by which my unhappy soule is troubled and afflicted rent and destroyed Behold O Lord mine iniquities have overwhelmed my head being unto me a grievous burthen unsupportable to be endured insomuch as if thou whose property is to pardon and to shew mercy doe not lift mee up with the right hand of thy mercy I shall wofully sink down into the gulph of eternall misery behold O Lord God and see how my ghostly enemy doth insult over mee saying God hath forsaken him I will pursue and take him because there is none that can deliver him how long O Lord wilt thou thus leave me turn back and deliver my soul O save me for thy mercy sake take pitty of me thy son whom thou hast begotten in the great grief of thy passion and doe not so looke to my wickednesse that thou forget thy goodnesse what Father is there that seeing his son in danger doth not endeavour to set him free or what son is there whom his Father doth refuse to correct with the
staffe of his pitty wherefore O Lord and Father albeit I am a sinner yet I doe not cease to be thy Son because thou hast made me and new made me again like as I have sinned so correct mee and amend me commit me to the care and custody of thy only begotten Son Jesus Christ our Lord Is it possible for a woman to forget the childe of her own wombe and albeit she should forget it yet thou O most mercifull Father hast promised not to forget the same Behold I cry and thou dost not heare mee I am afflicted with griefe and thou dost not comfort me what shall I doe or say being in this extream misery alas I am altogether comfortless and which is worse am chased from thy presence wretch that I am from how great good into how great evill am I fallen whither did I attempt to go and whither am I come where am I and where am I not how is it that I that did sigh after Heaven do now sigh through so great tribulation I have sought comfort and have found affliction and truly it is better for me not to be then to be without thee O sweet Saviour It is better not to live then to live without thee the onely true life where are now O Lord Jesu thine accustomed mercies wilt thou bee displeased with me alwaies be appeased I beseech thee and take pitty of me and turne not away thy loving face from me who to redeeme mee hast not turned away thy face from those that did mocke and spit upon thee I confesse that I have sinned and my conscience doth adjudge mee worthy of damnation neither is my repentance sufficient to make satisfaction nevertheless it is a thing infallible that thy mercy doth surmount all offences whatsoever be it never so abhominable wherefore O most mercifull Lord I beseech thee enter not into judgement with thy servant but according to the multitude of thy mercies blot out mine iniquities wo be to me at the day of judgement when the Bookes of our Consciences shall be opened wherein our actions are registred when of mee it shall be openly proclaimed see here the man and his deeds committed what shal I do O Lord my God at that dreadfull day when the Heavens shal reveal my iniquities and the earth shal bear witnesse against me verily I shal be mute and able to say nothing but holding downe my head through shame and confusion I shall stand before thee shaking and blushing alas what shall I say I will call and cry unto thee O Lord my God why am I consumed being silent nevertheless if I speake my griefe will not cease and if I hold I shall inwardly be tormented with unspeakable bitterness weep O my soule and make lamentation as a yong married woman for the death of her new married husband weep and bewaile thy misery for that thy Bridegroome which is Christ hath forsaken thee O anger of the Almighty rush not upon mee because thou canst not be contained in me verily there is nothing in me that is able to contain thee take pitty of me lest I despaire of thy mercy that by despairing of my selfe I may finde comfort in thee and albeit I have done that for which thou mayest justly condemne me yet thou hast not lost thy accustomed property of shewing mercy and pitty thou O Lord dost not desire the death of sinners neither dost thou take pleasure in the perdition of those that die nay rather that those that were dead might live Thou thy selfe hast died and thy death hath been the death of that death that was due to sinners and if thou dying they have lived grant O Lord I beseech thee that thou living I may not die let thy heavenly hand help mee and deliver mee from the hands of those that hate me lest they insult and rejoyce over me saying we have devoured him How is it possible O blessed Saviour that ever any one can despaire of thy mercy who when wee were thy enemies hast redeemed us with thy most precious bloud and reconciled us to God Behold O Lord protected with the shaddow of thy mercy I run craving pardon to the throne of thy glory calling and knocking untill thou take pitty on mee for if thou hast called as to pardon even when wee did not seek it by how much more shall we obtaine pardon if we ask it remember not thy justice O blessed Saviour towards mee thy creature remember not thine anger towards mee guilty but bee mindfull of thy mercy towards me in misery forget my Pride provoking thee to displeasure and weigh my wretchedness imploring thy favour for what doth thy sacred Name Jesus signifie but only a Saviour wherefore O Saviour Jesu be thou my succour and protection and say unto my soule I am thy salvation I doe presume very much of thy divine bounty because thou thy selfe dost teach us to aske seeke and knocke at the doore of thy mercy wherefore I doe aske seeke and knock at thy doore as by thy word thou hast commanded mee to do thou therefore that willest me to aske grant that I may receive thou that dost bid me seek grant me likewise to find thou that dost teach me to knock open unto mee knocking at the doore of thy mercy recover me being diseased repair me being crazed raise mee being dead vouchsafe likewise so to direct and governe all my sences thoughts and actions in that which is pleasing unto thee that I may from henceforth faithfully serv thee and that I may live and give my selfe wholely unto thee I know O Lord that by reason thou hast made me I do owe my selfe unto thee and by reason thou hast redeemed me and hast been made man for me I do owe if I had it to give thee much more then my self unto thee by how much greater then mee thou art who hast given thy self for me I have nothing else to give thee neither can I give thee this without thee take mee therefore and draw mee unto thee that I mâ—y be thine by immitation and affection like as I am by condition and creation CHAP. IX TAke pity O Lord take pity O mercifull Saviour of mee a most miserable sinner doing things worthy of blame and worthily suffering for the same being by thee daily afflicted for that continually I am found to offend if I ponder the evill which I daily commit that which I endure is nothing in comparison of it that which I have done being much more grievous then my affliction thou art just O Lord and right is thy judgement all thy judgements are just and true thou O Lord our God art just and full of goodness neyther is there in thee any wickedness because when we doe offend thou doest not unjustly and cruelly afflict us who when wee were not hast powerfully made us and when for our sins wee were guilty of damnation thou hast by thy wonderfull mercy and goodness set us in a state of
salvation I know O Lord God and am assured that our life is not governed by the unadvised Influence and concurrence of secondary causes but is wholly disposed and ordered by thy Almighty providence wherfore I humbly pray and beseech thee that thou wilt not deale with me according to mine iniquities by which I have deserved thy anger but according to thy manifold mercies which surmount the sinnes of the whole world take pity on me thou O Lord who doest punish mee outwardly give mee alwayes an invincible patience inwardly to the end I may never cease to prayse thee take pity of me O Lord take pity of me and helpe me like as thou knowest to bee expedient for mee both in soule and in body thou who knowest all things and art able to do all things whatsoever it pleaseth thee CHAP. X. O God most powerfull and potent over the spirits or soules of all flesh whose eyes behold all the wayes of the children of Adam from the day of their birth unto the day of their death to the end thou mayst render to every man according to his actions be they good or evill Teach mee I beseech thee how to confesse unto thee my poverty because I have heeretofore vanted that I was rich and need nothing not knowing that I was poore blind naked wretched and in misery for that I thought my selfe to bee something when I was nothing I sayd with my selfe I shall become a wise man and I became a foole I thought my selfe to bee prudent and discreet and I was deceived for that I now perceive that it is a gift gratis by thee given without whom wee can do nothing thus O Lord by leaving me and proving me thou hast taught me to know my self not to respect of tiâ—e that thou mightst know me but in respect of mee that I might know my selfe because I thought my selfe to bee something of my selfe and sufficient of my selfe neither did I perceive that it was thou that diddest governe me untill thou didst for a while forsake me whereupon I forthwith fell by which I did see and know that it was thou that didst governe me and that my fall hapned through my own fault and my … ing to grace by means only of thy grace Thou hast opened mine eyes O divine light thou hast awakened and inlightned me so that now I see that mans life is a temptation upon earth neither hath frayle flesh or any mortall man living just occasion to glory of himselfe before thee or to presume of his justification since all the good we have be it little or great proceedeth wholly and freely from thee neyther can wee attribute any thing justly to our selves saving only our iniquity Whereof then shall any mortall man glory shall he glory of his iniquity this is not glory but meere misery shall hee therefore glory of his goodnesse shall he glory of that which is anothers Because all goodness and glory is thine O Lord and belongeth unto thee he therfore that usurpeth that glory to himselfe that is due to thee is a theefe and a robber and like unto the Divell who desired to bereave thee of thy glory for hee that desireth to bee praysed in respect of the gift which thou hast given him and doeth not seeke thy glory therein but his owne albeit in respect of thy gift hee bee praysed of men yet by thee bee is thought worthy of blame for that with that gift which thou hast given him hee hath not sought thy glory but his owne but hee that is praysed of men being by thee thought worthy of blame will not bee defended by men when thou shalt condemne him Thou therefore O Lord who didst forme me in my mothers womb permit me not to fall into that reproachfull infamy as to be upbrayded as one that would bereave thee of thy glory who art the authour of all goodnesse and to thee is due all glory but to us shame and misery who according to our deserts are worthy of all wretchedness were it not that thou dost take pity upon us Thou O Lord art pitifull indeed full of compassion towards all men and hating nothing of those things which thou hast made bestowing on us many benefits inriching us with thy greatest gifts because thou doest favour those that are friendless making them abound with the riches of thy goodnes I know O Lord and confesse that they onely that acknowledge themselves to be poor and needy and confesse unto thee their poverty shal be inriched by thee insomuch that they that imagine themselves rich being indeed poore and needy are not to expect any spirituall gift or grace from thee wherefore O Lord my God I doe acknowledge and confess unto thee my poverty rendring unto thee all glory because all the good that is done by me proceedeth wholy from thee I confesse O Lord that I am nothing else but meere vanity the shadow of death a darke bottomles dungeon a voyd and unprofitable plot of ground bringing forth nothing without thy blessing the naturall fruite thereof being confusion sinne and eternall death and damnation all the good that ever I had before I had it from thee is wholly thine and proceeds from the hands of thy liberality When I have stood upright it hath beene by thy assistance when I have fallen it hath beene through my own negligence when I was fallen likewise I should for ever have remayned in misery if thou hadst not raysed me and being blinde I should for ever have been blind if thou hadst not inlightned me when I was fallen I should never have risen if thou hadst not with thy hand raised me yea after thou hadst raysed mee I should have fallen immediately if thou hadst not upheld mee I should likewise have perished many times and beene utterly undone if thou hadst not governed me Thus O Lord and in this manner hath thy grace and mercy prevented me from time to time and continually delivering mee from all mishaps that might have befallen me preserving me from perills that are past delivering me out of those that are present and strengthening mee against those that are to come cutting in sunder before me the snares of sinne removing likewise all causes and occasions of the same for if thou haddest not afforded me this favour I should have committed all sorts of sins what soever because I know O Lord that there is no sinne committed by one man which another could not likewise doe the same if mans Creatour by whom he was made doe not assist him Thou therefore hast caused and commanded me to abstaine from iniquity giving mee grace that I might beleeve in thee for thou O Lord didst direct me to do that which was to thy glory and my owne salvation giving mee grace and understanding that I might avoyde many grievous sins that I was inclinable to CHAP. XI REmember O Lord I beseech thee thy mercies shewed towards me of old time through which thou hast prevented
mee with the blessings of thy sweetnesse even from the beginnings for thou O Lord and my hope from the very time that I was a suckling yea before I was borne hast provided and prepared the waies that I should walk in and by them attain to the glory of thy heavenly Kingdome thou hast knowne mee before thou didst forme mee in my mothers belly and before I issued out of my mothers wombe thou hast preordained of mee whatsoever seemed good to thy divine pleasure I know not O Lord what things are written of me in thy Booke in the secret of thy Consistory which make me to feare exceedingly but thou knowest them all particularly because that which I expect by succession of dayes and times a thousand yeeres hence to bee fulfilled in the sight of thy Eternity is already accomplished and that which is to come is already done but I for that I know not these things living heer in a darke and obscure night cannot but feare and tremble whilest I see sundry dangers on every side assaulting me troupes of enemies pursuing me and infinite miseries of this life invironing me And were it not that the ayd of thy grace doth succour me in these my manifold tribulations I should soon fall into desperation but I have a great hope and confidence O my God in thee who art a God of unspeakable mercy and pity and the consideration of thy infinite mercies are no small comfort unto mee in my miseries The former tokens likewise of thy love and mercies shewed towards me before my nativity but appearing now especially doe put mee in hope for the time to come to receive more ample and greater favours from the hands of thy bountifull liberality which thou doest reserve for thy friends and those that love thee to the end that my hope may rejoice in thee O Lord my God with a sacred and lively cheerefulnesse with which thou doest continually comfort my old disconsolate years CHAP. XII O God of Gods O Lord in mercy surmounting the malice of men I know thou wilt not alwaies be silent then I meane when a flaming fire shall burne before thee and a terrible tempest shall showre down round about thee when thou shalt call both Heaven and earth to judge and discerne thy people and lo in the presence of so many millions of people all mine iniquities shall be revealed before so many troops of Angels all my abominations shall be displayed not only of my actions but likewise of my words and cogitations there shall I poore wretch stand to be judged by so many as have gone before me in doing good I shall by so many accusers be thought worthy of Hell as have given mee example to live well I shall be convinced by so many witnesses as have admonished me by their wholsome speeches and by their godly pious conversation have carried themselves worthy of imitation O my Lord I know not what to say I know not what to answer and albeit I am as yet free from that terrible danger neverthelesse my conscience doth afflict me the hidden secrets of my heart do torment mee coveteousnesse doth presse me pride doth accuse me envy doeth consume mee concupiscense doeth enflame me lust doeth molest me gluttony doth disgrace me drunkennesse doth convince me detraction doth rent me anger doth disturbe me behold O my deliverer who hast delivered me out of the hands of cruell people behold with whom I have lived from the day of my birth with whom I have studied and with whom I have kept promise those very studies which heertofore I affected doe condemne mee which in times past I praysed do now dispraise me These are the friends to whom I have assented the teachers whom I have obeyed the masters whom I have served the counsellours whom I have beleeved and the familiar acquaintance to whom I have consented Woe is me O my God for that my abode heere is prolonged woe is me O my light for that I have lived with those that live in darkness and seeing holy David sayd so much how much more may I bee able to say my soule hath dwelt too long in a strange land O my God my force my fortress no man can be justified in thy sight my hope is not in the sons of men Whom wouldest thou finde justified if thou shouldest judge severely setting mercy aside neither is there any thing whereof a just man may vaunt or which can bring him to glory unlesse thou prevent him before hand with thy mercy and pitty I therefore O my Saviour believe what I have heard that it is thy goodnesse that doth draw mee to repentance thy holy lips have told it me No man can come to me unless my Father who hath sent me draw him Seeing therefore it hath pleased thee to instruct me and by instruction hast vouchsafed mercifully to informe me I beseech thee with all the forces of my heart and mind O Almighty Father together with thy most beloved Son I beseech thee likewise O most blessed Saviour with the holy and blessed Spirit vouchsafe to draw me unto thee that I may run after thee and forsaking all things transitory I may only adhere unto thee and devote my soule and body only to thy service Who is like unto thee O Lord my God thou art great in sanctity terrible and worthy to be praised doing things that deserve to be admired too too late have I knowne thee O true light too late have I known thee and the cause was for that there was a great and dark cloud before my eies that delighted in vanity which hindered me from beholding the Sun of justice and the Light of all verity I was wrapt in darknesse being the child of darkness I loved darkness because I knew not the light I was blind and loved blindness and walked through one darknes into another who hath delivered me from thence where I remained as a blind man sitting in darknesse and in the shaddow of death who hath taken me by the hand and led met forth of the same who is he that hath thus enlightened me I sought him not and he called me but who is he thou art he O Lord my God being most mercifull and pittifull yea the father of mercies and God of all comfort Thou O Lord my God most holy art he that hath done the same whom I confesse with my whole heart rendring thanks to thy holy Name I did not seeke thee thou hast sought me I did not call upon thee thou hast called me Thou hast thundred from Heaven with a great voyce into the internall care of my heart saying let light be made and light was made whereupon that great and dark cloud which had covered my eies departed and was dissolved whereby I have seene thy light and known thy voyce I said truly O Lord thou art my God who hast delivered mee out of darkness and from the shaddow of death calling mee into the admirable
Jesus I most humbly beseech thee to indue me with thy holy spirit that I may forget all my wicked inclinations and that I may offend thee no more but remain constant to my good intentions proposed at this time I confesse unto thee O Lord that it was thy meer mercy and goodness that thou hadst not cut me off many times before this in the height of my horrid sins and cast me immediatly into Hell for all eternity O Lord thou hast had mercy upon me being but poore dust and ashes and thou art pleased at this instant to reforme my deformities and to keep me from sudden death and despaire lest I should bee swallowed up in the deep O Lord I humbly confesse that before thou didst give me a sight of my sinnes and hearty sorrow and repentance for them I was going headlong to Hell carrying all my sins along with mee but thou O my Lord and my God didst call me back unto thee who art the way the truth and the life and didst inlighten my cloudy mind with the brightness of thy light that seeing my relf at the brink of Hell thou hast pulled mee backe by thy divine mercy and providence that I may live to see thy glory what shall I therefore render unto thee my most mercifull Saviour for the marvellous waies that thou hast used to correct and direct my waies into the way of salvation I was carried away with vanities O my God and made my waies farre from thee but thou O Lord moved with mercy didst call back my filthy life from the durt of earthly pleasures and didst restraine my untamed minde with the bit and bridle of the calamities and labour of this wretched world that I might understand my own misery and come unto thee I will therefore glory in my infirmities and afflictions that thy grace may dwell in mee O Lord to whom I owe all that I am for that thou hast forgiven me many heynous and grievous sins and for those great benefits and most holy blessings by which my poore soule shall be saved I doe give unto thee most humble thanks upon the knees of my heart and in gratitude for thy gracious favours I doe most willingly offer my poor life to be sacrificed for thee my liberty and all my worldly substance and my most humble prayers saying Bless the Lord O my soule and doe not forget all his benefits who is mercifull to all thine iniquities and healeth all thine infirmities who hath redeemed thy life from death who crowneth thee with loving kindnesses and tender mercies Behold O Lord how I am comforted with thy mercies and thou hast so inlightened me that I now desire to imbrace thee before all the pleasures which have waited upon my miserable life therefore I humbly beseech thee O most mercifull Father not to faile in helping me that I also by thy grace may not faile in confessing thy mercy unto me and I desire thee to accept of my broken and contrite heart and my sorrowfull soule for my sins past and grant unto me thy fear that I may never do any thing to displease thee but conceiving hope by thy promises of thy mercy I may henceforth bee cherished and delighted with heavenly things O Lord protect mee under the shaddow of thy wings and cherish me in the bosome of thy mercy for while I live in this valley of tears I will cry unto thee O my God and my helper in time of trouble and need that thou deliver mee from all temptations unto the end and that thou wilt nourish mee as thy childe who having received the strength of thy vertue so long as I shall run in the course of this world forgetting that which is behind and earnestly bending my selfe to thy holy blessings by thy grace and protection I may goe on to the appointed place that thou hast prepared for those that love Christ Jesus our Lord who liveth and reigneth with thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit God world without end Amen A Preparative to Prayer WHen to thy God thou speak'st O creature mean Lift up pure hands lay down all foul desires Fix thoughts on heaven present a conscience clean Such holy Balme to mercies throne aspires Confesse faults guilt crave pardon for thy sin Tread holy Paths call grace to guide therein It is the spirit with reverence must obey Our Makers will to practise what he taught Make not the flesh thy Councell when thou pray 'T is enemy to every vertuous thought It is the foe we dayly feed and cloath It is the Prison that the soule doth loath Even as Elias mounting to the sky Did cast his mantle to the earth behind So when the heart presents the prayer on high Exclude the world from traffique with the minde Lips neare to God and ranging hearts within Is but vain babling and converts to sin Like Abraham ascending up the Hill To sacrifice his servants left below That he might act the great Commanders Will Without impeach to his obedient blow Even for the soule remote from earthly things Should mount salvations shelter mercies wings Nothing more gratefull in the highest eies Nothing more firme in danger to protect us Nothing more forcible to pierce the skies And not depart till mercy do respect us And as the soule life to the body gives So prayer revives the soule by prayer it lives A Prayer BEcause I have sinned O Lord and done wickedly in thy sight and provoked thee to anger by my abominable wickednesse making my body which thou hast ordayned as a vessell of thy honour an instrument of most detestable filthinesse O Lord be mercifull unto me and pardon me this great wickednesse looke not upon me good Father with the eyes of justice neither do thou draw against me the sword of judgement for now shall I that am but dust stand in thy presence when thy wrathfull indignation commeth foorth as a whirlewind and thy heavy displeasure as a tempest seeing the earth trembleth the depths as discovered and the very heavens are shaken when thou art angry Exercise not therefore thy fury against me that am but chaffe before the winde and as stubble before a flaming fire though I have sinned grieuously in thy sight preferring my wicked desire before thy holy commandements esteeming the pleasure of a moment before eternall and everlasting joyes nay which is worse making more account of vileness and vanity and extreame folly and madnesse then of the glory and majesty of the most excellent wonderful and blessed God nothing dreading his displeasure whose wrath maketh the Divels to quake and burneth unquenchable unto the bottomles pit of hell whose might is so great that by the breath of his nostrills hee can in the twinkling of an eye destroy a thousand worlds yet am I bold prostrating my self before the throne of thy Majesty heartily to beseech and humbly to intreat thee that thou wilt not deale with mee according to my merits for I have deserved
truth Chap. 6. HOld friendship with many nevertheless have but one Councellor of a thousand Depart from thy enemies and bee wary of thy friends Chap. 7. LEt not them that weep be without comfort Bur mourne with such as mourne Whatsoever thou takest in hand remember the end and thou shalt never do amiss Chap. 8. DEspise not a man that turneth himselfe away from sin nor cast him not in the teeth withall but remember that we are all worthy of blame Chap. 9. TRy thy neighbor as near as thou canst and ask Counsell of the wise Let thy talk be with the wise and all thy communication in the Law of the most high Let just men eat and drink with thee and let thy rejoycing be in the fear of the Lord. Chap. 10. GOd destroyeth the memoriall of the proud and leaveth the remembrance of the humble Pride was not created in men neither wrath in the generation of women The feare of the Lord is the glory as well of the rich and the noble as of the poore It is not meet to despise the poore man that hath understanding neither is it convenient to magnifie the rich that is a wicked man The great man and the Judge and the man in authority are honourable yet is there none greater then he that feareth the Lord. Chap. 11. VVIsdome setteth up the head of him that is low and maketh him to sit among great men Commend not a man for his beauty neither despise a man in his outward appearance Be not proud of clothing and rayment and exalt not thy selfe in the day of honour for the works of the Lord are wonderfull and glorious secret and unknown are his works among men Blame no man before thou hast inquired the matter understand first and then reforme righteously Give no sentence before thou hast heard the Cause neither interrupt men in the midst of their tales Prosperity and adversity life and death poverty and riches come of the Lord. The gift of the Lord remaineth for the godly and his good will giveth prosperity for ever In thy good state remember adversity and in adversity forget not prosperity For it is an easie thing unto the Lord in the day of death to reward a man according to his wayes The adversity of an houre maketh one to forget pleasure and in a mans end his works are discovered Judge no man blessed before his death Chap. 12. VVHen thou wilt doe good know to whom thou dost it so shalt thou be thanked for thy benefits Do good unto the righteous and thou shalt find great reward though not of him yet of the most high Bind not two sins together for there shall not one be unpunnished Chap. 14. BLessed is the man that hath not falne by the word of his mouth and is not tormented with the sorrow of sinne Blessed is the man that is not condemned in his conscience and is not falne from his hope in the Lord. Doe good unto thy friend before thou dye and according to thy ability stretch out thy hand and give him He that feareth the Lord will doe good and he that hath the knowledge of the Law will keep it sure Chap. 21. MY son hast thou sinned do so no more but pray for the former sins that they may be forgiven thee Flye from sinne as from a serpent for if thou commest neare it it will bite thee the teeth thereof are as the teeth of a Lyon to slay the soules of men All iniquity is as a two edged sword the wounds where of cannot be healed The prayer of the poore going out of the mouth commeth unto the ears of the Lord and justice is done unto him incontinently Whoso hateth to be reformed is in the way of sinners but he that feareth the Lord converteth in heart Chap. 23. ACcustom not thy mouth to swearing for in it there are many falls neither take up for a custome the naming of the Holy one for thou shalt not bee unpunished for such things A man that useth much swearing shall be filled with wickednesse and the plague shal never go frō his hous when he shall offend his fault shal be upon him and if he acknowledge not his sinne he maketh a double offence and if he sweare in vaine he shall not be innocent but his house shall be full of plagues Who shall set a watch before my mouth and a seale of wisdome upon my lips that I fall not suddenly and that my tongue destroy me not O Lord Father and Governour of my whole life leave me not to the Counsell of the wicked and let mee not fall by them Who will correct my thought and put the doctrine of wisdome in mine heart lest my ignorances increase and my sins abound to my destruction and lest I fall before my adversaries and my enemies rejoyce over mee whose hope is far from thy mercy O Lord Father and God of my life leave me not in their imaginations neither give me a proud looke but turne away from thy servant a haughty minde Take from me vaine hope and concupiscence and retaine him in obedience that desireth continually to serve thee Let not the greedinesse of the belly nor lust of the flesh hold me and give not me thy servant over into an impudent minde FINIS