poore Signior I see the Springle of her beautie hath alreadie caught the Woodcocke of his affections Pet Wel I see he that wil haue the commoditie of good wits in his companie must indure the discommoditie of ieastes wit is like the heate of blood in youth 't wil breake out Ruff, True Signior though it bee but on a Scab but come shall we goe Pet I my Heroique spirits I le followe yee Exeunt Actus Quintus Enter Petoune one way and Nan the Page another way Nan O Signior Petoune what newes Pet. Faith ill newes the two Florentine Ladies with Maister Sparke and Maister Ruffell were all poysoned yesterday at a feast by your Lord Piso and the Knight but the Ladies haue recouered their health but Sparke and Ruffell are dead and their burial is committed to Fleire your Lord the Knight are committed to prison shal to morrow be arraign'd for the murther and tride by the Ciuill-lawe because your Lord is a stranger and claimes to be tride by the law of nations Nan Faith Signior I am very sorry for my Lord Pet I protest sir so am I for them both Nan Well Signior I le commit you to God Pet Let the whole band of Angels be centinells to your safetie sweet sir Exeunt Enter Fleire at one doore and a Seruingman at another Fle, I pray sir doth Iustice Ferrio dwell heere Ser, Yes sir a dwells heere Fl. Are you towards him sir Ser. I am a poore Gentleman whose fortunes much depend vpon his fauours and indeede sir I am his Clarke Fle. I pray sir your name Seru. My name is Mittimus sir Fle, Good Maister Mittimus I would very willinglie speake with your Maister Ser. Indeede sir hee 's not well but if you please to send by me the substance of your busines I shall very carefullie deliuer it Fle, Truely Maister Mittimus my businesse is but this to morrow the Italian Lord and Sir Iohn Haue-little are to be araign'd and your maister beeing the chiefe Iudge of the Court without this presence or licence the rest can do nothing wherefore Doctor Caius intreates to know his pleasure in this businesse Mitti: Sir I shall deliuer your message and will returne his answere to you presently Fle: Good maister Mittimus therein shall you much obleige me to be thankfull O all-directing power yeeld good aspect And to my purpose giue a blessed ende My intent is good O let it so succeede And be auspicious still to each good deede Ente Seruingman with a Ring Ser: Sir my maister hath receiued your message hath sent this Ring as a token to Doctor Caius desiring him since my maisters health will not permit him to be present to proceede alone to iudgement and so commends his loue to him Fle: Good maister Mittimus I shall both deliuer your maisters commendations and the Ring Exeunt seuerally Enter Lord Piso with a Torch a Night-cap and his Doublet open In prison Piso. Still tonguelesse night put off thy sable robe Thou needs not mourne my villanies were done By day thou hadst no hand in them O I am great as is a woman that is neare her time And life 's the burthen that I beare But t' is a bastard for that I am asha'md on 't The Law I hope is a skilfull midwife and will soone deliuer me grim Iustice doe thy worst Thy crueltie shall prooue a curtesie And baile me out of prison Lie there thou selfe-consuming Taper true patern of my life I haue consumde my selfe for others as thou hast done for mee and nowe shee has extinguisht my life as I this light O how obedient was my bountie still To her commaund my liberalitie Did fatten mischiefe and hath made her prowde O that too much of any thing shuld be so ill in euery thing The Suns all seeng eye with too much vntemperate heate makes wither what it made to flourish The earth being mother to all wholsome hearbes With too much fatnesse oft produceth weedes A sute of cloath doth keepe the bodie warme When richer garments makes the wearer proude O the meanes the sweetest Musicke Contentment reuels when that string is toucht But O the time will come she will repent My death for when she lookes on vices face Vnmaske like mine she will detest and loath it For this is truth and euermore hath bin None can forsake before he knowes his sinne Exit Enter Fleir Sharke and Ruffell Fle. Come come thou didst but dreame thou wert in hell Sp: I tell thee I was in hell Ruff. And so was I too I le be sworne Fle. And how long was 't ere thou camest thither Sp. Me thought t' was long as long as a suit hangs here in the Law ere it be ended Fle: But I prethee how broad was the way to hell Sp: As broad as the space between two lines in a Chauncerie bill Fle. O sir there 's the conscience on 't say the Plaintiffe be in one line and the defendant in an other they being enemies wer 't either conscience or honestie in the Clearke to thrust them no neare togither that they might goe togither by th' eares but yfaith what good fellowship was there in hell Sp: O the diuels are excellent companions thei le drink your Dutch captains or Court Ladies spunges Fle: Who didst see there Sp. Faith I saw the foure sonnes of Aymon and they were Porters euer since there was a companie made of am Fle. Why are there a companie of Porters in hell Sp, O I the Diuels are but our Apes man Fle, But didst thou see more of them that were damn'd Sp. Yes I sawe a Citizen damn'd for refusing a desperate debt because t' was tendred him on a Sabboth Fle, I hope wee shall haue no more Citizens damn'd for that fault Spar. There was a poore mercinarie woman damn'd because shee forsooke her Trade and turnd Puritane Fle. And good reason why coulde not shee haue kept her Trade and beene a Puritane as well as a Puritane keepe her Religion and yet bee of her Trade Spar. There was a Ladie damn'd because shee neuer painted a Puritane for saying Grace without turning vppe the white of his eyes A Tailer for neuer hauing scabbie fingers A Vintner for making greate two pennie-woorths of Sugar But there was a Innes of Court man damn'd and I was sorie for him Fle. Why was he damn'd Sp: Alas for a small fault Fle. I prethe what wa st Spar: For hauing alwayes money in his purse Fle. Were there no Lawyers in hell Spar. There were none of your great Lawyers as your Serieants and Benchers for they take counsaile of too manie good Angells to come there but your young punie Lawyers they were in swarmes like Gnats in Summer Fle, Why are there so manie of them there Sp. Alas man they seldom conuerse with a good Angell scarce once in a whole Michaelmasse Tearme and if a come a stayes not long with am to feede these soules for they are faine to sende
for sooth I bought it for his Ladyships seruice Fro. T' was well done you may weare it by your office what is your Cloake linde through Gent. No but t is of a good depth in Fro. T is well done too your Ladies loue to haue it Linde a good depth in t is for their credit What are these siluer hangers of your owne Gent. No I borrow'd these but I haue a payre of mine owne Fro. They are in trouble are they Gent. No truely they are at mending Fro. Nay though they be t is no shame you haue beene long out of seruice perchance Gen. Some three monthes Fro. Birlady t is a long time but can you indure to walk some halfe a day in the Hall or the great Chamber while some great Lord is busie with your Lady in an inner roome you may sleepe an houre or two as your Citizens wiues doe at a Sermon to passe away the time but you must haue a care to wake at the rushing of a Satten gown or the creaking of a doore that if your Lady come you may be presently vp and bare Gent. Yes sure I could doe it well Enter Florida Fro. You must stand stiffe vp and holde vp your head t is the chiefest thing belongs to your place looke heere comes the elder Lady Madam heere 's the Gentleman that Sir Iohn Haue-little commended to your Ladyshippe for a Gentleman Vsher Fl. Let him draw neere vs Gent. The Knight commends his deere affection and by me makes tender of his humble seruice to your Ladyship Fr. Kisse your hand and goe forward vpon her Deliuers a Letter Flo. We accept it haue red it you are beholding to the knight and he hath spared no paines to make your worthy partes well knowne to vs draw neere vs hence foorth we accept you as our owne and so wee bid you welcome are you a Gentleman Gent. Yes sure Madam for I was both borne begotten in an Innes Court Fro. Sure Madam then hee s a Gentleman for he that 's but admitted to the house is a Gent. much more he that 's begotten in the house Flo. You are the more welcome and our bounty shall deserue your industrie Exit Flo. Gent. Is the Lady a Princesse that she speakes vs and we so much Fr. No she saies so meaning her selfe and her Sister for they are both one and such things as they haue they vse in common and must stand bare before them both looke heere comes the tother Lady Enter Felecia Madam heere 's the Gentleman that Sir Iohn Haue-little commended to your Ladyshipp for a Gentleman Vsher Fe. We like him hee 's welcome what good parts haue you haue you the tongues Gent. Not very well Madam Fr. Yes Madam a has the Scottish tongue very perfectly a has some skill in the Irish tongue too Fe: That 's a wilde speech Fr. Nay I le warrant your Ladyship hee le not run away has traueld Madam too a sayes for a has been in Wales Fe. Has a no skill in the French tongue Gent. Some little skill Madam Fr. No sure Madam I think your Ladyship hath more knowledge of the French then he Fe. Well wee will at more leasure suruey your good partes and make thereof the best for our owne vse Exit Gent I pra'y what wages doe these Ladyes giue Fr. Faith your wages wil be much about the nature of your office verye bare standing wages I thinke some fortie shillings a yeare Gent Why how meane they I shall liue in their seruice Fr. Why by their countenance I ha knowne a Lord hath giuen his foole nothing but his countenance to liue by and I can tell you t 'as proou'd a good Court-maintenance too Gent. Countenance I hope I haue a countenance good inough of mine owne I neede not serue for one Fr. In troth and so a has for a Gentleman-vsher I must needs say a verie harmelesse silly countenance Gent. Yet faith I meane to trie their bountie Fr. Come will you walke in sir I le follow you Gent. Verie willingly Fr. This is braue yfaith a shall go bare before mee too a will serue vs all three when wee are abroad Exeunt Enter Mistresse Susan and Nan sisters Su. Come sister come wee were not borne to stand t' is against the nature of our sexes kinde come sit and tell me how many suters you haue and which you most doe loue and I will tell you all mine and which I most respect Nan Faith I haue a dozen at the least and their deserts are all so good I know not which I should loue most and one last day did court me thus O had my tongue the influence to lead thy faire thoughts as thy faire lookes do mine then shouldst thou be his prisoner who is thine I seeing my poore Gentleman likely to be drownd in the depth of Hellespont deliuered him this verse to catch hold of O be not faire and so vnkinde misshapen stuffe is of behauiour boystrous and rough Sus. But come what was a for a man Nan What was a for a man Why a was a man for a woman what should a be and yfaith he was a neate lad too for his beard was newly cut bare marry it showed something like a Medow newly mowed stubble stubble Su. Well I haue a suter too if hee had as much witte as liuing it may bee I should finde in my heart to loue him Nan What i' st Sir Iohn Haue-little that gallant Knight that Courts delicate Ladies spare not the sweate of my bodie man was made to labour vse my creation women to bear I le vse yours Birds to flye Fish to swimme c. And then sweares by my cōscience Lady I esteem you as I doe money which buyes euerye thing and that 's but like a Puncke for euery man has to doe with it Su. No Sister no t is not he for I thinke his wit cannot cal his wealth Maister nor his wealth his wit and yet they are both Seruants to a foole Nan Faith who is 't Sister i' st a proper man hath hee a good face Su: T is the person and conditions I respect and not face for euery Boy has a good face and it s not worth a hayre No Sister no my loue is more worthier then words canne vtter I cannot simpathize his rare perfections with any earthye substance this Globe of durt produceth nothing worthye of his comparison so soules perfection so refines his body as you would thinke an Angell were his sire his discourse behauiour and humanitie attracts to him my soules felicitie Nan Pray' heauen it bee not mine nay come who is your loue tell me Su: Nay who is yours speake first Nan Yet agen Su: If it be mine my heart will breake mine is Maister Nan Who who who Su: Ruffell Nan Pray God 't be true Su: In troth t is he Nan And mine is Maister Sparke and looke heere they come Enter Spark Ruffell Piso Knight and Petoune
am away strayght to pay for the feeding of their Horses there was a Chamber-maide damb'd for keeping her virginitie till shee was marryed and there were many Soldiers damb'd for saying their prayers when they were drunke Fl: But what didst thou see in hell Ruff, O I sawe a Scriuener damb'd for procuring a Gentleman money Gratis but I came in an excellent time Fle, What time wa' st Ruff, In a gossipping time for Proserpina was newllie brought a bed of two twins Fl: Two twins what were they Ruff, A Sergeant and a Yeoman but shee has put them out to nurse Fle, I prithee where Ruff: Faith at the Counter in Wood-street and the slaues will sucke alreadie like little Horsleaches Fl: But when will she haue am home that shee may be rid of am Ruff: Faith shee 's an vnnaturall Mother shee cares not greatlie if they neuer come home but the deuill their Father hee loues am well hee le haue am home againe ere long Fle: Which is the elder Brother Ruff, O the Sergeant the Deuill allowes him the better maintenance for hee has more to the dressing of his meate Fle. Well Gentlemen since by the heauens pleasure I haue bin appointed to saue your liues let mee intreate you to keepe your selues secret till the sequell of this action shall neede your presence Ruff, Come le ts goe wee le onely follow your directions Exeunt Enter two Iudges with their traine and sit downe Iaylor VVil 't please yee haue the prisoners brought foorth Caius VVee can doe nothing till wee heare from Doctor Ferrio to knowe his pleasure in these proceedings 2. Iudges Was any man sent to him Caius Yes Fleire the Lady Floridaes man which is not yet returned Enter a Iaylor Iaylor Reuerend Iudges heere 's a Doctor at doore desires admittance Caius Intreate him to come in Enter Fleire like a Doctor Fle, Learned Doctors Doctor Ferrio commends him to you and because sicknesse hath laide so strong a hand vpon his weake decrepit bodye which dooth detayne his presence hee intreates you to accept of mee in his place and as assurance of his earnest desire thereof he has sent this well knowne ring as a token to you Caius Sir wee knowe the ring and you are verie welcome and so I pra'y assume his place Iaylor Is it your pleasure the Prisoners be brought footh Caius I both of them Enter Piso Knight two Ladies two wenches Nan and Sue Petoune Fromaga Caius My Lord you are heere indited of a hatefull crime I am verie sorry to see you in this sort stand here Pis. Thrice Reuerend Iudges and therefore honored Lords I must confesse that like a skilfull dancer I haue truely footed folly yet like a learner in my course of life trod much out of measure I haue liu'd like an vnbackt colt proud and wanton my tree of life hath borne more leaues then fruite I neuer was deboash'd steard away my daies even in a sea of sinne Caius And in that sea my Lord you bore so great a saile as you haue ouer set your barke of life and heere you are accused my Lord euen of a hatefull crime so is the Knight there for poisoning two Gentlemen Sparke and Ruffell how doe you answere this my Lord Pis. Alas my Lord this is soone answered for though that I haue surfeited on sinne yet haue I not bin drunke with blood Caius What say you Knight Kni: The crime is great I must confesse my Lord but I am sure the proofe can be but little Cai: Ladies you know moste and therefore t is fittest most you speake Fl. Why then my Lord this is all we can say this Lord and knight feasted diuers of vs their friendes but foure of vs he drench'd with such a dramme which soone made two discharge the debt they owd to nature Pis. O conscience wouldst thou giue me leaue Fal: And wee no doubt my Lordes had long ere this breath'd out our liues like them but that we had the lesser quantisie for being esteemed the weaker vessels they thought the lesser blow would breake vs Kni: O had not death arrested me Fle: VVhy then my Lord wee thus must now proceede they that spilt innocent blood themselues must bleed but Ladies I haue heard you had a man cald Fleire what 's become of him Flo He was sent to Doctor Ferrio and we neuer saw him since Fl, Doe you know his hand Ladies Fel. Very well Fle. I pray looke heere then Flo This is his hand indeede Fel. I very perfectly doe know it to be his Fle Why then vppon this hand I heare arrest you both vpon your liues Both Who wee Fle, I you Ladies my Lord I pray you reade this letter Cai: Reuerend Iudges God wil by some meanes punish euerie sinne and though against my will yet by my conscience I am enforced to vnmaske my Ladies vilianies the murther for which the Lord and Knight are like to die was first plotted by them the two Pages with my selfe did heare it the Prisoners in this action are inforc't by Sacrament to be secret and thus intreating heauen in Iustice still to ayde you Yours Fleere a Florentine Caius Is this true my Lord 2 Iudg They are sworne not to reueale it Fle. But being reueald they may affirme it Both T is too true my Lord Fle, Where are the Pages Both Heere my Lord Fle. How say you boyes to this letter Both The letter speakes nothing but the truth Fle: Wel Ladies then we heere pronounce this sentence that you must die among the rest Flo You powers deuine I know doe plainely see Heauens starrie eyes sees all our villanie And God in Iustice murther will reueale But were I now my life for to beginne I de be an honest wife to you wherefore forgiue me deerest Lord Pis, Lady I doe euen as I hope to be forgiuen Fel. Show mercy heauen my sinnes doe thee offend There 's none can say hee 's happie till his end Forgiuenesse Knight and since the law on vs Hath laid so strickt a hand O let me be Thy wife before I die and were I now A thousand yeares to liue I would be honest Louing none but thee Kni. I doe forgiue you Lady with my soule Enter a Messenger with Letters to Piso. Mes. Long liue my honored Lord and mighty Duke of Florence Pis, So a will as long as 't please the Hang-man Mes, My honored Lord your Father is deceased and the state of Florence by me hath sent their Letters and allegiance Pis. Let them call backe the banisht Signior Antifront whome they we and al haue wrong'd O could I liue but to inquire him out in satisfaction of his wronges I de marry his eldest Daughter and whilst a liu'd a should be restored to his estate but O hee 's Fleire showes himselfe to be Antifront Fle. Heere my Lord I taxe you to your word Signior Antifront yet liues And heere 's his elder Daughter whome himselfe But now condemn'd to die and heere 's the younger Left for you the poisoned men are heere a liue againe Who did but dreame of death but yet doe Liue t' enrich a nuptiall bed to you two And now since euerie thing so well doth sort Let all be pleas'd in this our comicke sport Where 's Petoune he shal haue his Mistris too He most deserues for he did hotly woe If we part friendes your hands vnto vs lend What was not well wee le next striue to amend Exeunt Omnes FINIS
and sit downe Pis. I graunt it Nan And I am sure my Lord where ere the bodie comes the taile first takes his place and sits downe and therefore I hope t is the worthiest part of the body Pis. O that I had the reason of a Sailor to knowe her like a rocke that I might saile from her and auoide her or as a vertuous man knowes sinne to loath and leaue it And yet shee 's wondrous faire I would she were as honest kinde vsage may reclaime her from her sinne and make her stoupe vnto her Husbands will as doth a wel-mand Hauke vnto the lure Na: O I shee has bin man'd alreadie she knowes the lure and will come to any call Pis. O but her beautie may excuse the folly of her youth t is want of maintenance hath ouerthrowne her want and pride are two notorious bawdes want makes the noblest creature sell her soule for golde and pride doth make the gallants stoope to lust Na. And often sels pure honestye to clad her taile in glittering brauerie Pis. And t is well done let euerie member weare that which it won why shold the head studdy to maintaine the foote Nan Or the foote trot to maintaine the head Pis. Why should not euery member like a mechanicke man in a common-wealth labour in his own trade to maintaine it selfe then since euery thing must liue I wil no more condemne beautie for being clad in luxurye but hencefoorth I will loue her and let my passion smoothly swimme along the streame of loues affection hencefoorth I will no more with foule and hated thoughts abuse so rare a creature whose behauiour and discourse inchantes the eares of men and driues the world into a wonder ay me Na. Faith my Lord you l nere win a woman by sighing crossing your armes and crying aye mee the onely way to wiN them is to care little for am when they are sad doe yee sing when they sing and are merrie then take your time put am too 't if they will so if not let them snick vp if you will walke in my Lord I le shew ye manie principles I learn't of my Mother they may doe your lordship good Pis. Go go I will but O vnhappie fate When youth and weakenes must support our state Exeunt Enter Fleire one way Sparke Ruffell and Petoune another way Sp: How now Fleire Ruff: Saue you Fleire Flei, Saue ye Gallants O Signior Petoune shall you and I be friendes agen Sp: Why are ye enemies Fle, No great enemies a quarrell rose betweene vs Pet I doe not like such quarrels a struck mee sir and I protest and sweare to you sir by this Trinidado had I not taken the box on my cheeke a had broke my Pipe Sp: Why didst not strike him agen Ruff: O no his Father 's a Iustice Flei, Nay if the Father be of the peace I see no reason the Sonne should fight Ruff What a Coward Signior fye a coward Fl. A Coward why that 's his onely vertue for a Coward abuseth no man but a makes him satisfaction for if a wrōg all men a giues al men leaue to beate him hee 's like a whetstone he sets an edge on another yet a wil not cut himselfe Ruff. Come come we must needes haue you friendes thou 'st doe him some good offices Fl. Who I with all my heart but what i' st sir what i' st Ruff: Thou shalt commend his loue to Madā Fromaga Fl: His loue to her what Signior in loue with my Ladies Antient Sp: Why her Ancient Fl: Because shee carries her colours for her but t is in a box but signior you shall haue a good match on 't though she be not rich yet shee 's an ancient woman and is able to get her liuing by midwiferie and I can tell yee t is not the worst trade going considering how young and olde and all doe their good wils to set them a worke and t is a good hearing better they gette then the Lawyers for your midwiues liue by the agreement betweene partie and partie the falling in of louers but the Lawyers liue by the falling out of friendes Pet I pray sir what may she be worth Flo. Worth let me see shee hath three yellow perewigs of her own she hath a Fan with a short siluer handle about the length of a Barbors siringe she has a Looking-glasse too but that has plaid the prodigall Cittizen with her t is broken and much other goods of the same nature Sp. But come Signior how will you woe her Pet. I will tell her she is so wise that neither age nor time could cousen her of beautie Fl, And by my faith that will doe well Pet. I will tell her that I loue her most for the whitenes of her skin Fl: But you may not say the sweetnes of her breath for that stinks Pet. I will praise the smallness of her fingars Fl. But I assure you you may better praise the length of her nailes Pet. I am affraide that being olde shee has a drye hand Fl, That 's certaine but she has a very moiste nose you may praise her for that but my Gallants why are ye such strangers at our little Court Sp: Because thy Ladies liue like the Beadles of Bridewell Fl, How 's that sir Sp: By the sinnes of the people Ruff. They say the Lord Piso hath bin a good Clyent to thy elder Ladie of late Fl, The more foole hee why your good Client is but like your studdie gowne sits in the colde himselfe to keep the Lawyer warme Sp. And what fees hast thou out of their trade Fl, Faith my fee's are like a puny Clarkes a penny a sheete Sp, How a peny a sheete Fle, Why if any lie with them a whole night I make the bed i th' morning and for that I haue two pence and that 's a peny a sheete Ruff, What Gallants vse to come to your house Fl: All sortes all nations and all trades there is first Maister Gallant your Britaine Maister Metheglins your Welchman Mounsieur Mushroome the Frenchman Signior Fumada the Spaniard Maister Oscabath the Irishman and Maister Shamrough his Lackey O and Maister Slopdragon the Dutchman Then for your Trades-men there comes first Maister Saluberrimum the Phisitian Maister Smooth the Silk-man Maister Thimble the Taylor Maister Blade the Cutler and Maister Rowell the Spurrier but Maister Match the Gunner of Tower-hill comes often he has taught my Ladies to make fire-workes they canne deale in Chambers alreadie as well as all the Gunners that make am flye off with a traine at Lambeth whē the Maior and Aldermen land at Westminster but come Signior you haue Tobacco and I le giue you a Cup of Muld-sacke and wee le ene goe drinke a health to our Mistresses Exeunt Finis Act. Tertii Actus Quartus Enter the two Ladies Piso and Knight and Fromaga one way Sparke Ruffell Petoune and Fleire another way Flo Health to