Selected quad for the lemma: lord_n
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A34389
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Conversion exemplified in the instance of a gracious gentlewoman now in glory / written from her own mouth and appointment, by her dearest friend ...
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1669
(1669)
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Wing C5981; ESTC R21188
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30,026
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78
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it became me to lodge mine there also what ever my personal qualifications were The station in which I stood had at another time occasioned a long slumber to me wherein I had not my former sense of the working of Grace nor fellowship with Christ The vexation that it gave me kept me from total stupidity but it continued longer than such â—â—ts used to do for I found not that genuine frame of mind which I had formerly to God and his wayes Then was I wonderfully broken in upon from Isa 54. 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11. especially that which setled me as upon a Mountain was the tenth verse where it is said For the Mountains shall depart and the Hills be removed but my kindness shall not depart from thee neither shall the Covenant of my Peace be removed saith the Lord that â—ath mercy upon thee This was so remarkable a passage as I went to seek a place to pour out tears of joy issuing from a heart melted with love If ever I experienced true contrition and a heart of stone turned into a heart of flesh it was at this time I was at another time much affected from the consideration of God's familiar dealing with sinning man in those intimate expressions of love and alluring invitations by which he seeks to draw men after him exprest under such taking objects Prov. 8. 17 18. 19 20 21. I love them that love me and those that seek me early shall find me Riches and Honour are with me yea durable Riches and Righteousness My fruit is better than Gold yea than much fine Gold and my revenue than choise Silver I lead in the way of righteousness in the midst of the paths of judgement that I may cause those that love me to inherit substance and I will fill their treasures In a time of darkness and perplexity of heart by reason of it I was insulted over by Satan as if he had obtained now a conquest over me Then did the Spirit of God suggest these words unto me Micah 7. 8. Rejoyce not against me O mine enemy though I fall I shall rise again when I sit in darkness the Lord shall be a light unto me Many other comforts at sundry times from several Scriptures were given in fitted to the temptation that I was at such times under which I have sinfully forgotten the Lord pardon me in much mercy Some I can give the better account of because I wrote them in a Paper-book which I have now by me as 1 John 8. 9. If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins Here pardon of sin is annexed to confession of sin and it is a very comfortable place when rightly understood made use of for it implies the knowledge of a ransome for sin and Faith in a redeemer for by the tenure of the Law sin is uupardonable Cursed saith it is every one that continueth not in all things written in the book of the Law to do them Hence no sorrow for sin turning from sin crying for pardon of sin can obtain it without the Mediation of him who hath made his soul an offering for sin But the common use that people make if it who confess sin formally and resolve to practise it subsâ—â—tâ—ally is an abhorrence to God and all that have the Image of God stampt on them We have done those things say they which we ought not to have done and we have left â—ndâ—ne those things which we ought to have done and miâ—ht add we resolve so to do still else what means their returning from the solemnity of their Devotions to Swearing Drunkenness Whoredom and all abominations that lye in the way of their lustful hearts It hath troubled me sorely to hear carnal people make the way to Heaven so broad and easie in their discourse point-blank against what Christ said of it and it is a concluding argument they know it not That God is merciful and Christ dyed â—or sinners are precious truths and of concernment to faln man none greater Yet do multitudes encourage themselves from them to live in sin and thereupon perish for one who obtains Salvation by them I have been often quickned to duty from Heb. 6. 12. Be not slâ—thful but followers of thâ—s who through Faith and Patience inherit the Promises I found Faith and Patience of absolute necessity in all obedience whethet active or passive Nor may I omit the encouragement to obedience laid down vers 17. and 18. of that Chapter wherein God is willing more abundantly to shew unto the heirs of the Promise the immutability of his Counsels confirmed it by an Oath that by two immutable things in which it is not possible for God to lye they might have strong consolation who are fled for refuge to the hope set before them Where I further noee a distinguishing character of a sound Believer he is said here to fly for refuge to the hope set before him For I do not think that in time of sore distress under the burthen of sin any but such as in whom Christ dwels can fly to him for refuge though they may have other great accomplishments such as to be enlightned to taste the Heavenly Gift to be partakers of the holy Ghost and taste the good Word of God and the Powers of the World to come as is said of some vers 4. 5. The words also Heb. 7. 25. have been of standing support to me He is able to save them to the uttermost that come to God through Him seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them And thus much of the mâ—â—remarkable things which besel me before the beginning of my long sickness About the beginning of April in the year 58. I was taken with a violent cold which was exceeding common at that time since when I cannot say that I have had one healthy day as before but distempers have increased upon me with very troublesome Effects and Symptoms Under this visitation I have had great experience of God's gracious dealing with me in my weakness I had recourse to the words of the Prophet Jer. 9. 23 24. Thus saith the Lord Let not the strong man glory in his strength c. But let him that glorieth glory in this that he understandeth and knoweth me that I am the Lord who exercise Loving-kindness Judgement and Righteousnâ—ss in the Earth Also the saying of the Apostle Jam. 1. 12. was of great use to me Blessed is the man that endureth temptation for when he is tryed he shall receive the Crown of Life which the Lord hath promised to them that love him While these things past on sinding in my self many signs of approaching mortality I was very conversant in the more serious thoughts of Eternity and I oâ—t was thinking with my self Oh that I had a crevice in at which to look that I might see the state of souls departed Satan who loses no opportunity took the hint of these thoughts because I
did sometime utter them and interposed this suggestion That there was no such enjoyment of God after death as men talked on and to make it good instanced in those who were raised from the dead as Lazarus Doâ—cas and those that arose at the Resurrection of Christ and went into the City and appeared to many none of all which made any report of what they had seen which no doubt they would have done if they had been partakers of such happiness as some speak of My curiosity in this God reproved in the words spoken to Job Chap. 38. 17. Have the gates of death been opened unto thee or hast thou seen the doors of the shadow of death As if he should say The things thou enquirest after are secrets not to be pryed into In the beginning of that Chapter I also read how God argued Job and in him me into a conviction of what a poor worm man is as being unable to search into or give an account of his wonders wrought without number And for my confirmation in the belief of the happiness of Saints departed presented to me John 14. 1. Let not your hearts be troubled ye bâ—liâ—ve in God believe also in me In my Fathers House are many Mansions if it were not so I would have told you I go to prepare a place for you and if I go to prepare a place for you I will come again and receive you to myself that where I am there ye may be also This instructed me and hinted to me my atheism and unbelief as the proper root of such thoughts as I had been tampering with it thereupon humbled me and drew me nearer to Christ One thing I may not here omit being a very confiderable note for practical direction Upon a certain day about this time the Lords Supper was to he câ—lehrated by the Church â— Wesiâ—inâ—â—er into the fellowship of which I had through great mercy obtained â—dmissâ—â—n In the morning before I went I had a great indispâ—sâ—dness to go and would â—â—ve been glad of any slight hinderance yet 〈◊〉 up by confiâ—â—ring Heb. 10. 25. Forsake â—â—â— the assembling of your selves â—â—â—â—ther as the manner of some is I went when I came theâ—e Mr. Roe the Pastor of that Church was carrying on a discourse the subject of which was Sanctified Affections in the prosecution of which before and after that day he spent much time That which he spake then was by the presence of God much set upon my heart notwithstanding the dead frame I came thither in Sermon being ended I went to the place where the Church met to break Bread that I might likewise partake of that Institution There God met me with greater enlargement of heart in the sense of his rich Grace set forth in that Ordinance than to my remembrance I ever had before or since It put me into a deep mourning over a sinful heart and made me press after a more clear manifestation of my being at peace with him by a holy conversation To this God gave in a promise containing both Micah 7. 19. He will subdue our iniquities and thou wilt cast all our sins into the depth of the Sea To bury sin in the satisfaction made for it and to subdue it in respect of the reign of it are the highest attainments on this side Heaven where the remains of it will in like manner be removed That perfection which some pretend unto is to common observation an imaginary dream For while their Conversations are compared to that rule the least transgrestion whereof is sin their imperfections are so far from being concealed as indeed they appear to be worse spots than the spots of God's Children These being the most remarkable things which I remember did attend my being at Whitehal I think it my duty to say something of the mind I brought thither and the change wrought in it there My birth and education was from those who had dependance upon the Court of the late King whose interest was so much woven into his that in the late miserable Wars they did adhere to him to the great reducement of their Families of which I being one had a deep share of suffering and was accordingly imbittered against the instruments of it I came not only out of the Country with this mind but I brought it into his Family who had been a chief instrument of those great Changes against whose person partly upon the former reason but principally from the stories I had heard of him I had sufficient prejudice Now that I may right him for the wrong I have done him in my thoughts and it may be in my words too sometimes I cannot so comfortably leave the world without declaring what I found from him wherein if I could sufficiently demonstrate how little I am by assed by carnal worldly motives that which I say would gain the greater acceptance That many of his â—ctions had that either for the matter of them opr maner in which or end to which they were done as to provoke God to pour contempt and suffering upon him and his in the view of the world since his death and that most justly for God doth nothing unjustly is most evidert teaching us to tremble before him alwayes For even our God is a consuming fire Yet nothwithstanding I should bury the truth in unrighteousness did I not from many observations declare that he was in my opinion a man of greater Faith and Holiness than is almost to be found among the sons of men One who had the clear understanding of Gospel-truth and lived in the power of it the times of his surprizal in strong temptation excepted One to whom Christ was dear and every thing that seemed to have any thing of Christ stampt on it without distinctions of this or that Sect. Whence I have heard knowing men say and I believe truly That he was apt to indulge pretenders to Holiness to the apparent hurt of his outward interest as fearful to beat down any thing which God would have stand And hath been heard to say That there were few Sects among Christians in which something of God was not to be found which must not be destroyed How some of them did requite him I doubt not but they have had leisure since to consider or will have And as to the Cause which he was so great a paâ—â—on of it was Publick Reformation which when the means to effect it is vindicated from those just scandals which Professors of Religion have brought upon it I doubt no more of the resurrection of it than of mine own at the last day And when wicked men have finished their transgressions and fill'd their measures they shall receive the reward of them God will judge me very shortly as to what I say herein and hath judged some already of whom I speak and will judge the rest before another Age be past and that will not be long to Him therefore and his righteous Judgement I