thenceforth silent though I looked on it as my duty formerly he told me no he vvould have me speak but it must be by a Brother for a stander by may see more then he that plaies the game promising likewise if I did speak by him to deliver my words in the same manner as I spake them After this it pleased the Lord to exercise me with a smarting affliction the death of a dear child the suddennesse of the stroke and some other circumstances made it a very melting affliction When my Bovvels vvere yerning towards my child I called to remembrance the Lords tender bowels towards his children for whom he had given his only Son when I considered the breach that the Lord had made in my family I beheld how terrible it was to make a breach in his family Then the worke I was ingaged in this Sin of Separation appeared nakedly unto me to be no other then a vvounding of Christs body vvhich is his Church the Church vvhich he hath purchased vvith his ovvn blood I then looked on Separation to be a dividing of Christ Truly I beheld it vvith terror this sin of vvounding of Christ it made a vvound in my soule vvhich vvas kept open in a terrible manner the Lord bringing to my remembrance his Justice and severity and vvrath revealed from heaven on families and nations yea on his ovvn people ever since the beginning of the vvorld as also his Judgments vvhich are in the earth to this day from Genesis to the Revelation vvas brought to my remembrance and kept hard upon me Having these Impressions on my Spirit I vvas almost overwhelmed and in mine ovvn apprehension upon the Borders of Hell vvhere the Lord made me to behold the Execution of his vvrath upon sinners I could then have told vvhat hel vvas I felt the flashings of helfire in my soule the vvrath of God that lay hard upon me the effects vvhereof vvere very terrible insomuch as I was even swallowed up only the Lord was pleased to keep me following after him resolving to lie at his feet though he should spurne me to hell Having thus been under a sentence of death with the very terrors of hell in my soule providence so ordering it I came by following the people where Mr. FORD preached I no sooner came into the Congregation but I was so exceedingly troubled as that I vented my selfe in Passionate teares fearing lest I might be unfit to hear but in prayer recovered my selfe His text was in John 16 last Be of good cheere I have overcome the world He instanced in all the enemies of the new creature the World the God of this world Sin Death and Hell the Lord setting it home every sentence was to me as the rivetting of the nailes set on by the great master of Assemblies and in prayer afterward the Lord so providing those very particulars which were the burden of my soule were put up unto God I went out of the congregation with another frame of spirit then when I came in blessing the Lord for giving his Son Jesus Christ who hath loved us and washed us from our sins in his own blood and hath made us Kings and Priests unto God But afterwards I began to question whether I had not taken that which did not belong unto me Christ then speaking comfort to his disciples in reference to that hardship they were to meet with in the world among the rest of their sufferings this was one that they should be put out of the Synagogues yea the time would come that whosoever killed them would think he did God good service which things Christ told them that they might not be offended But yet the Sermon being in generall of all the Enemies of the new Creature I could not put it off Furthermore the appearance of God was so remarkable in the change of my spirit as that I could not but take it home that Sins of the right hand and left hand and separation also and death and hell should be cast into the lake that burneth with fire and brimstone that in the meane time Christ hath overcome the world the Prince of this world is judged condemned already only the execution is deferred till the time appointed by the father And as for sufferings that we must look for them having such provision so remarkably laid in before I cannot but take notice of it at present But then I could not conceive how it was likely for me to suffer in that kind there being then so much love pretended But now the time is come and therefore I mention it Christ saieth these things have I spoken unto you that when the time shall come you may remember that I told you of them Now I can make application of all the Sermon which is food for my faith to live upon although I suffer as an evill doer I mention it with admiration that the Lord even then when he spake peace unto me after my being convinced of Separation should lay also provision against Excommunication But now after my conviction of Separation it troubled me very much because I knew not how to avoid it my fear was lest I should be constrained to live in it had I presently come off I should have made a breach there They pretended so much love unto me as I knew not which way to break this bond which the Apostle calls the bond of perfectnesse wherefore I resolved to wait upon the Lord for the opening a way unto me which he did afterwards in manner following The Lord was making such abundant Provision for me in Mr. Ford's ministry I did constantly attend thereon hearing him once a Lords day for the most part unlesse it were when we had the Sacrament of the Lords Supper administred among us This was my practice ever since he came to this City of which Mr. Stucley took no great notice before he was in office but afterward both he and the people were displeased with me for it on which began the quarrell on my part between us Mr. Stoneham being a stranger was employed to take me off from this practice who at first pretended that it did very much trouble him but since he hath told me that he wished that he had never been put upon it He sent a Messenger unto me to perswade me to leave Mr. Ford's ministry I then shewed my grounds for that practice what provision I found there and how the Lord had made that ministry effectuall unto me and withall that when I came among them I took up a resolution to attend upon that ministry The same day in a publique meeting they accused me first of Contention and secondly for my hearing Mr. Ford which as the Elder said the Church neither could nor would bear however they would not medle with it for that time As to the Article of Contention I appealed to the Church and charged them to be faithfull as they would answer it another day in making it known
according to my best Remembrance is this On the day before being munday after dynner Mr. Stonham and his wife came to visit me Before I could come to them my husband in discoursing with them sayed that I had heard Mr. Ford the day before when I came into the Roome Mr Stonham looked on me with an Angry countenance and would scarce Speak whereupon I asked his wife what did aile him who ansvvered that he vvas not vvell pleased vvith me for my goeing avvay to heare she told me likevvise that he did not like Mr Eveleighs maide and farther added that she heard that I had somewhat against her she is said I a stranger unto me and therefore it is my desire that she may be kept off one week longer untill I have informed my selfe concerning her Then said she do you be present at the meeting to speak to have her kept off this she desired with much earnestnesse On the Tuesdaie following after dinner Mr Spraigue the younger came to me frō Mr Stoneham as he said who had been with him the day before and desired him to take me off from hearing Mr Ford. To this end among other things he told me that those sheep which had been used to meane feeding were not fit for fat pasture it was the way to bring them to the scab he likewise spake something about Mr Eveleighs maid and earnestly desired me to be at the meeting I told him that I then lay under some trouble of spirit and so could not be fit for such an Imployment however upon his earnest intreaty I fitted my selfe to goe When I was come they began contrarie to their usuall practice to talke of the maid before ever the Lord had been sought unto in prayer Mr Owen sitting at the table neer me I willed him to acquaint them that it was my desire she might be kept off a week longer as I remember untill I had informed my selfe concerning her Mr Eveleigh presently replyed that he would give Testimony for her I told him that a master or superior was not so fit to give Testimony for a servant or inferior and withall instanced in Gehazi who carried himselfe fairly in his masters presence After this one Ambrose a shoomaker was proposed who it seemes wrought with Ganicle concerning whom Mr Eveleigh asked me whether I had any thing against him I answered that I had nothing and also that though he were a stranger unto me yet I had heard a good report of him upon which Ganicle said that I would take his Testimony for his man and not Mr Eveleighs for his maid yea said Mr Eveleigh that is the very thing because it is my Testimony therefore she will not take it adding farther that it was scandalous and that I was offensive or contentious and had hindred their proceedings for many yeares insomuch as he could not partake with me in the Ordinances untill he was satisfied I replyed that this would not be borne and that if my carriage had bin so offensive I should have heard of it in some other place and in some other manner and then I presently appealed to all the Congregation desiring them to be faithfull unto me as they would Answer it another day by declaring wherein my carriage had been offensive and what evils they had seen in me And when I perceived they were unwilling to meddle in it I told them plainly that I would come no more among them unless they would satisfie me herein At length Mr Stoneham began his prayer after this manner Lord we have waited for a prayer and now thou hast given us in a prayer it may be the returne of many prayers and then bewailed that the serpent was gotten into the garden After the prayer Mr. Eveleigh and my selfe were to withdraw but Mr Eveleigh before he went out told them he left it to the Church to determine whether I were not contentious Two things said he I have against her Contention and her going away to hear Mr Ford which the Church neither can nor will bear And he farther charged John Whitehorne the chiefest then in this businesse that he should insist upon Contention and if he wanted an Instance that he should name Agnes Pullen When we were withdrawne the generality of them said they did believe I was a good woman c. But then they were asked againe whether through a mixture of Corruption it might not tend to Contention to which this reply was made That they did not know but it might Mr. Stoneham told me that they would not for a world charge me with contention but did fear lest through a mixture of Corruption it might tend thereunto Many of them were offended with the Elders dealing so disorderly with me but knew not how to help it and desired me to take no notice of it By all which it appeares 1 That they were very much displeased with me for hearing others besides our own Officers though they were unwilling to quarrell with me openly about it Mr. Eveleigh t is true accused me thereof at this meeting but as I am informed some of them did very much dislike his mentioning of that particular and refused to medle with it because they thought it fitter to be concealed then that it should be publickly taken notice of 2 That it is very probable they had a resolution some of them to quarrell with me about Mr. Eveleigh's maid in case I could not be prevailed with to leave off hearing of other ministers why else should they be so earnest with me after I had given a sufficient Excuse for my absence to be present at the meeting why else should Mr. Stoneham use such expressions in his prayer 3 That although Mr Eveleigh at this time when the Quarrell brake out accused me of Contention yet that the Quarrell did not begin in my contentious spirit and sowing divisions is apparent 1 Because I did no more then Mr. Stoneham approved of and Mris. Stoneham desired me to do so that I could be no more contentious in opposing Mr. Eveleighs mayd then they 2. This businesse was ended in three daies they had nothing after this against me but my hearing other ministers as Mr. Eveleigh himselfe told me 4 And therefore notwithstanding the quarrell brake out at the time when I opposed Mr. Eveleigh's maid yet it is very apparent that it began was continued carried on and increased even to a breach only for my hearing of another minister for as to the charge of lying I never heard of it till my coming off as I have already declared In the next place he takes shame to himselfe that he did not sooner excite the church to their duty as to the last Remedy for the healing of this woman c. Resol I believe in the end he will see more cause to take shame to unto himselfe in that he hath so rashly excited them to this censure before he ever discharged the duty of admonition Let him consider whether
SVSANNA'S Apologie against the ELDERS OR A Vindication of SVSANNA PARR one of those two Women lately Excommunicated by Mr LEWIS STVCLEY and his Church in Exeter Composed and Published by her selfe for the clearing of her own Innocency and the Satisfaction of all others who desire to know the true Reason of their so rigorous Proceedings against her Whose hatred is covered by deceit his wickednesse shall be shewed before the whole Congregation Prov. 26.26 They shall put you out of the Synagogues yea the time cometh that whosoever killeth you will think that he doth God service Joh. 16.2 Let us go forth therefore unto him without the Campe bearing his reproach Heb. 13.13 Printed in the Year 1659. To the Impartiall READER IT is a thorny path and a myrie way that I am compelled to walke in a way wherein there is a danger of loosing more in all likelyhood rather then of regaining what is already lost A way the walking wherein all the comfort I have is the hope of getting out of it at last and so it concerns me to hasten as fast as I can In it I meet with the Enemies Sword covered over with zeale for God and his glory when as nothing of this hath appeared in the least either in the worke or in the managing thereof Satan is now transformed into an Angel of light But my hope is that he will in the end appear to be no other than he is a prince of darknesse a black grisely Divel Jealousy and censorious Slander the discovery of which is the worke I am at present engaged in the designe of this following Vindication a worke it is no lesse difficult and dangerous then troublesome and unpleasing in respect of my selfe who write the things vvhereof I write and the persons against whom I write Weaknesse is entailed upon my Sex in generall and for my selfe in particular I am a despised worme a woman full of naturall and sinfull infirmities the chiefest of Sinners and least of Saints should the Lord contend with me I must lay my hand upon my mouth I must acknowledge him to be just and righteous in suffering them to deale thus with me neither should I put my selfe to the trouble of a Vindication but leave the clearing of my Innocency to that day which he hath appointed to judge the world in righteousnesse I have cause to remember and be ashamed before the Lord there being Iniquity even in my holy things yet as to them my heart doth not reproach mee but on the contrary I have great cause of rejoycing in the uprightnesse of my heart as to the things of God and in my abundant love and affections unto them my heart was enlarged in love towards them and therefore my mouth was opened upon all occasions for their good though I was of a stamering Tongue slow of speech and wanted eloquence yet the desire I had of their perfection made me forward to speake to them in generall and in particular the Lord knowes I lie not my conscience also bearing me witnesse I mourned with them that mourned rejoyced with them that rejoyced when any were under temptations or afflictions I did labour to sympathiz◠with them as if they were mine owne and did engage for them at the Throne of Grace as for my selfe And as for that which I did oppose among them it was matter of mourning unto mee when I apprehended the glory of Christ and their particular interest could not stand together I then withstood them resolving not to spare any that stood in the way of Christ and the Gospels enlargement It is my comfort that the Lord seeth not as man seeth man looketh on the outward appearance but the Lord looketh on the heart not he that commendeth himselfe but he whom the Lord commendeth is approved Though they have proceeded to Censure me and have been full of Cursing and bitternesse returning evill for good yet I shall pray Lord lay not this sin to their charge they know not what Spirit they are of Besides my personall weaknesses the many Family-cares that lie upon me must needs unfit me for such a worke and very much disinable me to write even of those things which were newly done and fresh in my memory much more to write of these which they charged me with being some of them transacted Seaven or Eight yeares since In the laying down of which if my memory should fail me I need not tell thee if thou knowest Mr. Stucley and his Congregation what an improvement they will make thereof for the justifying of their late unchristian Censure of whom I have cause to complaine as the Church in the words of Jeremiah Lam. 3.53 they have cut off my life in the dungeon and cast a stone upon me which they threaten to eternity Surely they who have been so wicked as to censure me without any ground will not stick to take hold of the least occasion for the maintaining of it and though I have in part been cleared by the Ministers of Exeter from their forged accusations who received me jointly into communion with them yet my Adversaries being so crafty cruell and powerfull it will be no hard matter for them to beare downe all their gain-sayers whosoever shall dare to contradict them unlesse the Lord himselfe take them in hand and then though they are mightier then I yet they will find to their cost that he is higher then they to him I have committed my way in him is my trust therefore my confidence is that he will bring it to passe seeing my undertaking is not so much for my selfe as for the Lord for his servants and for his people It cannot be whatever Mr Stucley sayes to the contrary p. 46. of his answer to Mr Toby Allen. but that a slur is cast by their censuring mee on the Ministers and people of God in this City it must needs reflect very much on them who have received such a daughter of Belial such a lyer c. as he tels the world confidently enough I am into communion and fellowship with them I looke on it as my duty to keep the house of God pure to the uttermost of my power which in this case I cannot doe without clearing my selfe from those crimes layd to my charge Had Mr Stucley dealt ingeniously with his Readers in discovering the right and true grounds of his Excommunication viz my hearing another Minister whiles I was with them and after my leaving them my refusing to returne unlesse I might have the liberty of communion with other of Gods people in this City then it would have been apparent that their censuring mee was no other then the smiting of the watchmen for seeking after my beloved and so have freed mee from a great deale of trouble But seeing he hath dealt so craftily as to omit them and lay other things to my charge in their place it will be worth the while a little to uncase him in his cōparisons for
it let others judge they having dealt so basely with mee as to accuse me of lying when I went unto them a little before to give them a reason why I left them A burnd child we say dreads the fire I had been burnd once by adventuring singly among them therefore I durst not do it againe the second time So that Mr Stucley needed not here to insert this parenthesis if my memory faile me not it would have done better in all the other Articles of his accusation in which if his memory did not faile him he will never be able to free himselfe from that for which he pretends he hath Excommunicated mee But that I did not refuse to heare the Church the severall answers I gave to the messengers sent me can witnesse Besides when M. Eveleigh came to acquaint mee with the Fast in order to Excōmunication I desired that the businesse my might be referred to Mr Forde and Mr Bartlet who had formerly heard it and after the Fast I told two other of their members that they should bring it to a new tryall before the Ministers of Exeter with whom I was in Communion promising to stand to their determination The letter likewise Mris Allen and my selfe sent the Church doth witnesse sufficiently that neither of us refused to heare the Church Unto this Charge he addes that of separation Charge And though shee had lifted up her right hand to heaven to walk in fellowship with us yet hath she separated from us and to this day sought not reconciliation neither hath shee expressed Repentance for her Sinne c. Resol This is likewise confest and acknowledged that I Seperated from them The grounds of my Separation are layed downe in my narrative To which I shall farther adde 1. That there was a clause in our first Engagement binding every one of us not to rest in the light then received but to Studie to knowe the minde of God and live up to it and so accordingly haveing Studied the minde of God concerning our separation from other Churches of Christ I founde it to be Sinfull and therefore durst no longer to continue therein 2. If I engaged so to walke in fellowship with you as to deny it to others of Gods people of which there are many I hope in this Citty I am Sorry for it and to shew my Repentance I have reformed by leaveing your Society in which I could not continue without the guilt of Sin If a man should promise yea Sweare to that which is Sin he had better to break then to keepe his oath yea we were likewise engaged to hold communion with other Churches of Christ But this is now denyed unlesse it be with those that are Congregationall As for what he addes concerning my not expressing repentance for my sin c. Resol I shall answer with Job c. 27. God forbid that I should justify you by confessing that which I am not guilty of till I die I will not remove my integrity from me My righteousnesse as to your impeachment I hold fast and will not let it goe my heart shall not reproach me for basely submitting to any thing against my conscience so long as I live In pag. 23. He speaks of my undervaluing Excommunication slighting it in these words viz. The other meaning me as little valued this Institution of Christ for as I am informed she said Excommunication was but as the breaking of a horse over the hedge c. Resol I have been heretofore and am at present so far from slighting excommunication rightly administred as that it makes me tremble to behold my selfe accused thereof as if I slighted the ordinance it selfe I look on it as an ordinance of Jesus Christ as that Sword which he hath given his Church for the cutting off contagious members as that which he hath appointed and ordained to as high an end for ought I know as any other ordinance viz the destruction of the flesh that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus And as for the slighting expression concerning this ordinance with which he chargeth me I say it is a notorious slander as he hath laid it down the truth is that to some who spake about excommunication I told them how it had been formerly abused in this nation by many who as it was reported would excommunicate for such a Trespasse as a horse to break over a hedge and farther added that I valued an unjust excommunication no more then I did that and because I look on Mr Stucleys late excommunication as such therefore do I set light by it as Luther did by the Popes bull for which he was never charged by any Protestant in doing of which I am no more to be condemned for slighting this ordinance in generall then he It will be found upon triall that Mr Stucley hath a farre lower esteeme of this ordinance then my selfe otherwise he would never have so abused it as he hath for the promoting his own interest and carnall designes which is the ready way to make it contemptible in the Judgment and opinion of those who are not well acquainted with it Thus I have done with the true account and now returne to what he saith farther concerning me in his answer to Mr Toby Allen pag. 45. Her Crimes and contumacy being very great the Church thought themselves obliged to suspend her from Communion before ever she joyned in the Sacrament with any other Resol That this Suspension was for no other crimes or contumacy then my leaving them and my refuseing to returne unto them And therefore it was not thought sufficient to debarre me from communion with others of Gods people in this City by those who heard the whole businesse and throughly examined the Circumstances thereof Char. In the next place he chargeth Mr Allen with a lye for affirming That the Quarrell between the Church and me began because I had a mind to heare some other ministers which he saith is abominably false and farther that this was no particular for which I was ever admonished by the Church in pag. 45.46 And again he saith That the Quarrell began in my contentious Spirit and sowing Divisions and was increased by lying Res 1 That I was admonished for hearing other ministers by the Church it is manifest by what is allready set down 2 That the quarrell did not begin in my contentious Spirit and sowing divisions nor was encreased by lying it is also apparent as for lying I was never charged with it till I left them and as for contention c. I never medled with Church affaires after the officers were chosen unlesse it were once in reference to a person proposed when Ganicle interrupted me The Qurarell Brake out at a Tuesdayes meeting Mr. Stucley was absent from that meeting and so knowes nothing of it but by the report of others it so much concerning mee I have reason to know it better then others The account whereof