Embroidery but whether it was the workmanship of the Itch Pox or Measles I could not perfectly discover and â—lose by him was this Inscription Many a good Fortune goes to wrack And so does many an able bâ—ck With following Whores Cards Dice We 're Pox'd and beggar'd in aâ—trice A ha said I by these Rimes methinks the Poets should not be far off and the word was hardly out of my mouth when I discovered millions of them through a Park-Pale and so I stopt to look upâ—n them It sâ—â—ms in Hâ—ll they are not call'd Poets now but Fools One of them shew'd me the Women's Quarter there hard by and askt me what I thought of it and of the handsome Ladies in it Is it not true says he that a Buxome Lass is a kind of half-Chambermaid to a man when she has stript him and brought him to Bed she has done her business and never troubles her self any further about the helping him up again and dressing him How now said I have ye your Quirks and Conceipts in Hell In troth ye are pleasant I thought your edge had been taken off With that out stept the most miserable Wretch of the whole Company laden with Irons Ah! quoth he I would to God the first Inventer of Rimes and Poetry were here in my Place and then he went on with this following and sad Complaint A Complaint of the Poets in Hell Oh this damn'd trade of Versifying Has brought us all to Hell for lying For writing what we do not think Meerly to make the Verse cry clink For rather than abuse the meeter Black shall be white Paul shall be Peter One time I call'd a Lady Whore Which in my Soul she was no more Than I am a brave Lass no Beggar And true as ever man laid leg o're Not out of malice Iove's my witness But meerly for the Verses fitness Now we 're all made said I if luck hold And then I call'd a fellow Cuckold Though the Wife was or I 'll be hang'd As good a Wench as ever twang'd I was once plaguely put to 't This would not hit that would not do 't At last I circumcis'd 't is true A Christian and baptiz'd a Iew. Nay I 've made Herod Innocent For Riming to Long-Parliament Now to conclude we are all damn'd ho For nothing but a game at Crambo And for a little jingling pleasure Condemn'd to Torments without measure Which is a little hard in my sense To fry thus for Poetick Licence 'T is not for sin of Thought or Deed But for bare sounds and words we bleed While the Cur Cerberus lies growling In consort with our catterwowling So soon as he had done There is not in the world said I a more ridiculous phrensie than yours to be poetizing in Hell The humour sticks close sure or the fire would have fetcht it out Nay cry'd a Devil these Versifiers are a strange Generation of Buffons The time that others spend in Tears and Groans for their sins and follies these Wretches employ in Songs and Madrigals and if they chance to light upon the critical minute and get a snap at a Lady all 's worth nothing unless the whole Kingdom ring of it in some miserable Sing-song or other under the name forsooth of Phillis Chloris Sylvia or the like and the goodly Idol must be deckt and drest up with Diamond Pearl Rubies Musque and Amber and both the Indies are too little to furnish Eyes Lips and Teeth for this Imaginary Goddess And yet after all this magnificence and bounty it would put the poor Devil's credit upon the stretch to take up an Old Petty-coat in Long-Lane or a pair of Cast-shooes at the next Coblers Beside we can give no Account either of their Countrey or Religion They have Christian Names but most Heretical Souls They are Arabians in their Hearts and in their Language Gentiles but to say the Truth they fall short of the right Pagans in their Manners If I stay here a little longer said I to my self This spiteful Devil will hit me over the Thumbs e're I 'm aware for I was half Jealous that he took me already for a piece of a Poet. For fear of being Discover'd I went my way and my Next Visit was to the Impertinent Devotes whose very Prayers are made up of Impiety and Extravagance Oh! what Sighing was there and Sobbing Groning and Whining Their Tongues were ty'd up to a perpetual Silence Their Souls Drooping and their Ears condemn'd to hear eternally the hideous cryes and Reproaches of a wheasing Devil greeting them after this manner Oh Ye Impudent and Profane Abusers of Prayer and Holy Duties that treat the Lord of Heaven and Earth in His own house with leâ—â— respect then ye would do a Merchant upon the Change sneaking into a Corner with your Execrable Petitions for fear of being over-heard by your Neighbours and yet without any scruple at all ye can Expose and offer them up to that Eternal Purity shameless Wretches that ye are Lord says one take the Old man my Father to thy self I beseech Thee that I may have his Office and Estate Oh that this Vncle of mine would but march off There 's a Fat Bishoprick and a good Deanery I would the Devil had the Incumbent so I had the Dignity Now for a lusty Pot of Guinneys or a Lucky hand at Dice if it be thy pleasure and then I would not doubt of good Matches for my Children Lord make me His Majesties Favourite and Thy Servant that I may get what 's Convenient and keep what I have gotten Grant me This and I do here engage my self to entertain six Blew-Coats and Bind them out to good Trades to set up a Lecture for every day of the Week to give one Third part of my clear gains to Charitable Vses and another toward the Repairing of Pauls and to pay all honest Debts so far as may stand with my Private Convenience Blind and Ridiculous Madness for Dust and Ashes thus to reason and Condition with the Almighty for Beggars to talk of Giving and obtrude their Vain and unprofitable Offerings upon the Inexhaustible fountain of Riches and Bounty To Pray for Those things as Blessings which are commonly showr'd down upon us for our Confusion and Punishment And then in Case your Wishes take effect what becomes of all the Sacred Vows and Promises ye made in storms perhaps Sickness or Adversity so soon as ye have gain'd your Port recover'd your Health or Patch'd up a Broken Fortune you shew your selves all of ye a pack of Cheats Your Vows and Promises are not worth so many Rushes They are forgotten with your Dreams and to keep a Promise upon Devotion that you made out of Necessity is no Article of your Religion Why do ye not ask for Peace of Conscience Encrease of Grace The Aid of the Blessed Spirit But you are too much taken up with the Things of this World to attend those spiritual Advantages and Treasures
Streets which did not yet hinder but that he had still the Ayr and Appearance of one that deserv'd much Honour and Respect Good Father said I to him why should you envy me my Enjoyments Pray'e let me alone and do not trouble your self with me or my doings You 're past the pleasure of Life your self and can't endure to see other people merry that have the world before them Consider of it you are now upon the point of leaving the world and I am but newly come into 't But 't is the Trick of all Old men to be carping at the Actions of their Iuniors Son said the old man smiling I shall neither hinder nor envy thy Delights but in pure pity I would fain reclaim Thee Do'st thou know the Price of a Day an hour or a Minute Did'st ever examine the value of Time If thou had'st thou would'st employ it better and not cast away so many blessed Opportunities upon Trifles and so Easily and Insensibly part with so inestimable a Treasure What 's become of thy past hours have they made thee a Promise to come back again at a Call when thou hast need of them Or can'st thou show me which way they went No No They are gone without Recovery and in their Flight methinks Time seems to turn his Head and laugh over his shoulder in Derision of those that made no better use of him when they had him Do'st thou not know that all the Minutes of our life are but as so many Links of a Chain that has Death at the End on 't and every Moment brings thee nearer thy Expected End which perchance while the word is speaking may be at thy very door And doubtless at thy rate of Living it will be upon thee before thou art aware How stupid is He that Dyes while he Lives for fear of Dying How wicked is He that Lives as if He should never Dye and only fears Death when he comes to feel it which is too late for comfort either to Body or Soul And He is certainly none of the Wisest that spends all his days in Lewdness and Debauchery without considering that of his whole Life any Minute might have been his last My Good Father said I I am beholding to you for your Excellent Discourses for they have deliver'd me out of the Power of a Thousand Frivolous and Vain Affections that had taken possession of me But who are You I pray'e And what is your Business here My Poverty and These Rags quoth he are enough to tell ye that I am an honest man a Friend to Truth and one that will not be Mealy-Mouth'd when he may speak it to Purpose Some call me the Plain-Dealer Others the Vndeceiver General You see me all in Tatters Wounds Scars Bruises And what is all This but the Requital the World gives me for my Good Counsel and Kind Visits And yet after all this endeavour to get shut of me they call themselves my Friends though they Curse me to the Pit of Hell as soon as ever I come neer them and had rather be hang'd then spend one Quarter of an hour in my Company If thou hast a Mind to see the World I talk of come along with me and I 'l carry thee into a place where thou shalt have a full Prospect of it and without any Inconvenience see all that 's in 't or in the People that dwell in 't and look it through and through What 's the Name of this place quoth I. It is call'd said he The Hypocrites Walk and it crosses the World from one Pole to t'other It is large and Populous for I believe there 's not any man alive but has either a House or a Chamber in 't Some live in 't for altogether Others take it only in Passage for there are Hypocrites of several sorts but all Mortals have more or less a Tang of the Leaven That fellow there in the Corner came but to'ther day from the Plow-Tayl and would now fain be a Gentleman But had not he better pay his Debts and walk alone then break his Promises to keep a Laquay There 's another Rascal that would fain be a Lord and would venture a Voyage to Venice for the Title but that He 's better at building Castles in the Air then upon the Water In the mean time he puts on a Nobleman's Face and Garb he swears and Drinks like a Lord and keeps his Hounds and Whores which 't is fear'd in the end will devour their Master Mark now that piece of Gravity and Form He walks ye see as if he mov'd by Clock-work His words are few and Low He makes all his Answers by a Shrug or a Nod. This is the Hypocrite of a Minister of State who with all his Counterfeit of Wisdom is one of the veriest Noddies in Nature Face about now and mind those Decrepit Sots there that can scarce lift a Leg over a Threshold and yet they must be Dying their Hair Colouring their Beards and playing the young fools again with a Thousand Hobby-horse Tricks and Antick Dresses On the other side Ye have a Compaâ—y of Silly Boys taking upon them to govern the world under a Vizor of Wisdom and Experience What Lord is That said I in the Rich Clothes there and the fine Laces That Lord quoth he is a Taylor in his Holy-day Clothes and if He were now upon his Shop-bord his own Scissers and Needles would hardly know him And you must understand that Hypocrisy is so Epidemical a Disease that it has laid hold of the Trades themselves as well as the Masters The Cobler must be saluted Mr. Translater The Groom names himself Gentleman of the Horse The fellow that carries Guts to the Bears writes One of his Majesty's Officers The Hangman calls himself a Minister of Iustice. The Mountebank an Able man A Common Whore passes for a Courtisan The Bâ—wd acts the Puritan Gaming Ordinaries are call'd Academies and Bawdy-houses Places of Entertainment The Page stiles himself the Child of Honour and the Foot-boy calls himself My Lady's Page And every Pick-Thank names himself a Courtier The Cuckold-maker passes for a Fine Gentleman and the Cuckold himself for the best natur'd Husband in the World And a very Ass commences Master-Doctor Hocus Pocus Tricks are call'd Slight of Hand Lust Friendship Vsury Thrift Cheating is but Gallantry Lying wears the Name of Invention Malice goes for Quickness of Apprehension Cowardice Meekness of Nature and Rashness carryes the Countenance of Valour In fine this is all but Hypocrisy and Knavery in a Disguise for Nothing is call'd by the right Name Now there are beside these certain General Appellations taken up which by long Usage are almost grown into Prescription Every little Whore takes upon her to be a Great Lady Every Gown-man to be a Counseller Every Huffe to be a Soldat Every Gay thing to be a Cavalier Every Parish-Clerk to be a Doctor and Every writing-Clerk in the Office must be call'd Mr
Iudas No No. There have been many since the Death of my Master and there are at this Day more wicked and ungrateful Ten thousand times then my self that buy the Lord of Life as well as sell him scourging and Crucifying him daily with more Spite and Ignominy then the Iews The Truth is I had an Itch to be fingering of Money and Bartering from my Entrance into the Apostleship I began you know with the Pot of Oyntment which I would fain have sold under colour of a Relief to the Poor And I went on to the selling of my Master wherein I did the World a greater good then I intended to my own irreparable ruine My Repentance now signifies Nothing To conclude I am the only Steward that 's condemn'd for Selling All the rest are damn'd for Buying And I must entreat you to have a better Opinion of me for if you 'l look but a little lower here you 'l find people a Thousand times worse then my self Withdraw draw then said I for I have had talk enough with Iudas I went down then some few steps as Iudas directed me and There I saw a world of Devils upon the March with Rods and Stirrup-leathers in their Hands lashing a Company of handsome Lasses stark naked and driving them out of Hell which me thought was pity and if I had had some of them in a Corner I should have treated them better With the Stirrup-Leathers they disciplin'd a Litter of Bawds I could not Imagine why These of all others should be expell'd the place and ask't the Question Oh says a Devil These are our Factresses in the world and the best we have so that we send them back again to bring more Grist to the Mill And indeed if it were not for Women Hell would be but thinly peopled for what with the Art the Beauty and the Allurements of the Young Wenches and the Sage Advice and Counsel of the Bawds they do us very great services Nay for fear any of our Good Friends should tire upon the Rode they send them to us on Horse-back or bring them themselves e'en to the very Gates lest they should miss their way Pursuing my journey I saw a good way before me a large Building that lookt me thought like some Enchanted Castle or the Picture of Ill-Luck It was all ruinous the Chimneys down the Planchers all to pieces only the Bars of the Windows standing The Doors all bedaw'd with dirt and patcht up with Barrel-Heads where they had been broken The Glass gone and here and there a Quarrel supply'd with Paper I made no doubt at first but the house was forsaken but coming nearer I found it otherwise by a horrible confusion of tongues and noises within it As I came just up to the Door one open'd it and I saw in the house many Devils Thieves and Whores One of the craftiest Jades in the Pack placed her self presently upon the Threshold and made her address to my Guide and me Gentlemen says she how comes it to pass I pray'e that people are damn'd both for giving and taking The Thief is condemn'd for taking away from another and we are condemn'd for giving what is our own I do not find truly any injustice in our Trade and if it be lawful to give every one their own and out of their own why are we condemn'd We found it a nice point and sent the Wench to Counsel learned in the Law for a resolution in the Case Her mentioning of Thieves made me inquire after the Scriveners and Notaries Is it possible said I that you should have none of them here for I do not remember that I have seen so much as one of them upon the way and yet I had occasion for a Scrivener and made a search for one I do believe indeed quoth the Devil that you have not found any of them upon the Road. How then said I what are they all sav'd No no cry'd the Devil but you must understand that they do not foot it hither as other mortals but come upon the Wing in Troops like Wild-geese so that 't is no wonder you see none of them upon the way We have millions of them but they cut it away in a trice for they are damn'dly rank-wing'd and will make a flight in the third part of a minute betwixt Earth and Hell But if there be so many said I how comes it we see none of them For that quoth the Devil we change their names when they come hither once and call them no longer Notaries or Scriveners but Cats and they are so good mousers that though this place is large old and ruinous yet you see not so much as a Rat or a mouse in Hell how full soever of all other sorts of Vermine Now ye talk of Vermine said I are there any Catchpoles here No not one says he How so quoth I when I dare undertake there are five hundred Rogues of the Trade for one that 's ought The Reason is says the Devil that every Catchpole upon Earth carries a Hell in 's Bosom You have still said I crossing my self an aking tooth at those poor Varlets Why not cry'd he for they are but Devils incarnate and so damn'dly verst in the art of tormenting that we live in continual dread of losing our places and that his Infernal Majesty should take these Rascals into his Service I had enough of this and travelling on I saw a little way off a great enclosure and a world of Souls shut up in 't some of them weeping and lamenting without measure others in a profound silence And this I understood to be the Lovers Quarter It sadn'd me to consider that Death it self could not kill the lamentations of Lovers Some of them were discoursing their passions and teizing themselves with fears and jelousies casting all their miseries upon their appetites and phansies that still made the Picture infinitely fairer than the Person They were for the most part troubled with a simple disease call'd as the Devil told me I Thought I askt him what that was and he answer'd me it was a Punishment suitable to their Offence for your Lovers when they fall short of their Expectations either in the pursuit or enjoyment of their Mistresses they are wont to say Alas I Thought she would have lov'd me I Thought she would never have prest me to marry her I Thought she would have been a Fortune to me I Thought she would have given me all she had I Thought she would have cost me nothing I Thought she would have askt me nothing I Thought she would have been true to my Bed I Thought she would have bin dutiful and modest I Thought she would never have kept her Gallant So that all their Pain and damnation comes from I thought This or That or So or So. In the middle of them was Cupid a little beggarly Rogue and as naked as he was born only here and there cover'd with an odd kind of
have Demurrer upon Pretence that He had got a Soul was none of his Own and that his Body and Soul were not fellows At length when the whole Congregation came to understand that This was the Day of Iudgment it was worth the while to observe what shifting and shuffling there was among the Wicked The Epicure and Whore-master would not own his Eyes nor the Slanderer his Tongue because they 'd be sure to appear in Evidence against them The Pick-Pockets ran away as hard as they could drive from their own Fingers There was one that had been Embalm'd in Egypt and staying for his Tripes an Old Usurer askt him if the Bags were to rise with the Bodies I could have laught at this Question but I was presently taken up with a Crowd of Cut-purses running full speed from their own Ears that were offer'd them again for fear of the sad Stories they expected to hear I saw all this from a Convenient Standing and in the Instant There was an Outcry at my Feet Withdraw Withdraw The word was no sooner given but down I came and immediately a great many Handsom Ladies put forth their Heads and call'd me Clown for not paying them that Respect and Ceremony which belong'd to their Quality now you must know that the Women stand upon their Pantoffles even in Hâ—ll it self They seem'd at first very Gay and Frolick and truly well enough pleas'd to be seen Naked for they were cleaâ—-skin'd and well-made But when they came to understand that this was the great Day of Accompt Their Consciences took Check and all the Jollity was dasht in a moment Whereupon they took to the Valley miserably Listless and oâ—t of Humour There was One among the rest that had had seven Husbands and promis'd every one of them never to marry again for she could never love any thing else she was sure This Lady was casting about for Fetches and Excuses and what answer she should make to that Point Another that had been as Common as Ratcliff Highway would neither Lead nor Drive and stood Huming and Hawing a good while pretending she had forgot her Night-Geer and such Fooleries but spight of her heart she was brought at last within sight of the Throne where she found a world of her old Acquaintance that she had carry'd part of their way to Hell who had no sooner set Eye on her but they fell a Pointing and Hooting that she took up her Heels and Herded her self in a Troop of Serjeants After This I saw a many People driving a Physician along the bank of a River and these were only such as He had unnecessarily dispatcht before their time They follow'd him with Cries of Iustice Iustice and forc'd him on toward the Iudgment-Seat where they arriv'd in the end with much ado While This pass'd I heard methought upon my left-hand a Paddling in the Water as if one had been Swimming and what should this be but a Iudge in the middle of a River washing and rinsing his hands over and over I askt him the meaning of it and he told me that in his life time he had been often dawb'd in the Fist to make business slip the better and he would willingly get out the Grease before he came to hold up his hand at the Bar. There follow'd next a Multitude of Vintners and Taylers under the Guard of a Legion of Devils arm'd with Rods Whips Cudgels and other Instruments of Correction and These Counterfeited themselves Deaf and were very loth to leave their Graves for fear of a worse lodging As they were passing on up started a little Lawyer and askt whither they were going They made answer that they were going to give an accompt of their Works With that the Lawyer threw himself flat upon his Belly in his hole again if I am to go downward at last says he I am thus much onward of my way The Vintner sweat as he walkt 'till one drop follow'd another That 's well done cry'd a Devil at 's Elbow to purge out thy water that we may have none in our Wine There was a Tayler wrapt up in Sarcenets crook-finger'd and Baker-leg'd spake not one word all the way he went but Alas Alas how can any man be a Thief that dies for want of Bread But his Companions gave him a Rebuke for Discrediting his Trade The next that appeared were a Band of High-way-men following upon the Heels one of another in great Distrust and Jealousie of Thieves among themselves These were fetcht up by a Party of Devils in the turning of a Hand and lodg'd with the Taylers for said one of the Company your High-way-man is but a Wild Tayler They were a little Quarrelsome at first but in the Conclusion they went down into the Vally and Kennell'd quietly together After these came Folly with her Gang of Poets Fidlers Lovers and Fencers the People of all the World that Dream the least of a Day of Reckoning These were disposed of among the Hangmen Iews Scribes and Philosophers There were also a great many Sollicitors wondring among themselves that they should have so much Conscience when they were Dead and none at all Living In fine the Word was given Silence The Throne being erected and the great Day come a Day of Comfort to the Good and of Terror to the Wicked The Sun and the Stars waited on the Foot-stool the Wind was still the Water quiet the Earth in suspense and Anguish for fear of her Children And in brief the whole Creation was in Anxiety and Disorder The Righteous they were employ'd in Prayers and Thanksgivings and the Ungodly in framing of Shifts and Evasions to Extenuate their Pains The Guardian Angels were at hand on the one side to acquit themselves of their Duties and Commissions And on the other side were the Devils hunting for more matters of Aggravation and Charge against Offenders The Ten Commandments had the Guard of a Narrow-Gate which was so strait that the most mortify'd body could not pass it without leaving a good part of his skin behind him On one Hand there were in Multitudes Disgraces Misfortunes Plagues Griefs and Troubles All in a Clamour against the Physicians The Plague Confest indeed that she had struck many but 't was the Doctor did their business Melancholy and Disgrace said the like and Misfortunes of all sorts made open Protestation that they never brought any man to his Grave without the Help and Advice of a Doctor So that the Gentlemen of the Faculty were call'd to Accompt for those they had kill'd They took their Places upon a Scaffold with Pen Ink and Paper about them and still as the Dead were call'd some or other of them answered to the Name and declarâ—d the Year and Day when such a Pâ—tient pass'd thâ—ough his Hand They began the Inquiry at Adam who methought was severely chidden about an Apple Alas cry'd Iudas that was by if that were such a fault what will become of me that sold
and betray'd my Lord and Master Next came the Patriarchs and then the Apostles who took their Places by St. Peter It was worth the Noting that at this Day there was no Distinction between Kings and Beggars before the Iudgment-Seat Herod and Pilate so soon as they put out their Heads found it was like to go hard with Them My Judgment is Just quoth Pilate Alack cry'd Herod What am I to trust to Heaven is no place for me and in Limbo I should fall among the Innocents I have murder'd so that without more ado I must e'en take up my Lodging in Hell The Common Receptacle of notorious Malefactors There came in immediately upon this a kind of a sowre rough-hewn fellow Look ye says he stretching out his Arm here are my Letters The Company wonder'd at the Humour and askt the Porter what he was which he himself over-hearing I am quoth he a Master of the Noble Science of Defence and plucking out several seal'd Parchments These said he are the Attestations of my Exploits At which word all his Testimonials fell out of his Hand and a Couple of Devils would fain have whipt them up to have brought them in Evidence against him at his Tryal but the Fencer was too Nimble for Them and took them Up himself At which time an Angel offer'd him his Hand to help him in but He for fear of an Attaque leapt a step backward and with great agility alonging withall Now says he if ye think fit I 'l give ye a Tast of my skill The Company fell a laughing and This Sentence was past upon him That since by his Rules of Art He had occasioned so many Duels and Murders He should Himself go to the Devil by a Perpendicular Line He pleaded for Himself that He was no Mathematician and knew no such Line but while the word was in his Mouth a Devil came up to him gave him a turn and a half and down he Tumbled After Him came the Treasurers and with such a Cry following them for what they had Cheated and Stoln that some said the Thieves were coming Others said No And the Company was divided upon 't They were much troubled at the word Thieves and desired the Benefit of Counsel to plead their Cause And very good Reason said one of the Devils Here 's a Discarded Apostle that has Executed both Offices Let them take him Where 's Iudas When the Treasurers heard that They turn'd aside and by chance spy'd in a Devil's Hand a Huge Roll of Accusations ready drawn into a formal Charge against them With That One of the boldâ—st among them Away Away cry'd he with these Informations Wee 'l rather come in and Compound though iâ— were for Ten or Twenty Thousand years in Purgatory Ha! Ha! quoth the Devil a cunning Snap that drew up the Charge If ye are upon those Terms ye are hard put to 't Whereupon the Treasurers being brought to a forc't Put were e'en glad to make the best of a bad bargain and follow the Fencer These were no sooner gone but in came an unlucky Pastry-man They askt him if he would be try'd That 's e'en as 't hitts said he At that Word the Devil that manag'd the Cause against him prest his Charge and laid it Home to him that He had put off Catts for Hares and filled his Pyes with Bones instead of Flesh and not only so but that he had sold Horse-flesh Dogs and Foxes for Beef and Mutton Upon the Issue it was prov'd against him that Noah never had so many Animals in his Ark as this poor fellow had put in his Pyes for we read of no Rats and Mice there so that he e'en gave up his Cause and went away to see if his Oven were hot Next came the Philosophers with their Syllogisms and it was no ill Entertainment to hear them Chop Logic and put all their Expostulations in Mood and Figure But the Pleasantest people in the World were the Poets who insisted upon it that they were to be try'd by Iupiter And to the Charge of Worshiping false Gods their Answer was that through Them they worship't the True One and were rather mistaken in the Name than in the Worship Virgil had much to say for himself for his Sicelides Musae But Orpheus interrupted him who being the Father of the Poets desir'd to be heard for them all What He cry'd one of the Devils Yes for teaching that Boyes were better Bed-fellows than Wenches But the Women had comb'd his Coxcomb for him if they could have Catch't him Away with him to Hell Once again then they cry'd and let him get out now if He can So they all fil'd off and Orpheus was their Guide because he had been there once before So soon as the Poets were gone there knockt at the Gate a Rich Penurious Chuffe but 't was told him that the Ten Commandments kept it and that he had not kept them It is Impossible quoth he under favour to prove that ever I broke any One of them And so He went to Justify himself from Point to Point He had done This and That and He had never done That nor T'other but in the End he was deliver'd over to be â—ewarded according to his Works And then came on a Company of House-breakers and Robbers so Dextrous some of them that they sav'd themselves from the very Ladder The Scriveners and Atturneys observing That Ah! thought they if we could but pass for Thieves now And yet they set a Face good enough upon the Business too And then Iudas and Mahomet taking Notice of their Confidence began to hope well of Themselves for said they We are well enough if any of these fellows come off whereupon they advanc'd boldly with a Resolution to take their Tryal Which set the Devils all a laughing The Guardian-Angels of the Scriveners and Atturneys mov'd that the Evangelists might be of their Counsel which the Devils oppos'd for said they we shall insist only upon matter of Fact and leave them without any possibility of Reply or Excuse We might indeed content our selves with the bare proof of what they are for 't is Crime enough that they are Scriveners and Atturneys With That the Scriveners deny'd their Trade alleging that they were Secretaries and the Atturneys call'd themselves Sollicitors All was said in Effect that the Case would bear but the best part of their Plea was Church-membership And in fine after several Replications and Rejoynders they were all sent to Old Nick save only Two or Three that found Mercy Well cry'd one of the Scriveners This 't is to keep ill Company The Devils called out then to clear the Bar and said they should have occasion for the Scriveners Themselves to enter Protestations in the Quality of Publick Notaries against Lawless and Disorderly people but the poor Wretches it seems could not hear on that Ear. To say the Truth the Christians were much more troublesome than the Pagans which the Devils took