Invok Ds'heart I shall turn Idolater and forty to one be dam'd about it Oh! thou dear sweet pretty portraite of my Parradise Indeed Kisses Eagerly the Picture L. Sans. To enjoy which Imaginary Paradice then My Lord for the present I 'll leave ye to go and Play an After-Game with my Jealous Matrimony yonder the result of it and where we next shall meet I 'll send you word in a Billet in the mean time Adieu Seducer of this heart of mine Guill Joy Great as thou to me be always thine Exeunt SCENE III. Enter Sanserre Dress'd in his Ladies Night-Goâ—n and Petticaote and Nightcloths A Pistol in his Hand Sans. No Bolting yet And th' usual hour past sure she 's grown palâ—'d to her New Amoretto methinks he else would be more Punctual Here is a hot Remembrancer shall meet his Glowing Passion with a quicker Flame Stay let me think a litâ—le what I'm doing Eternal Devil Are these the Joys of Marriage Here am I trick'd up like a Summer Bawd Dress'd in the Tawdry Trappings of her Function to take Revenge on a young Hotbrain'd Fellow for onely managing the Common Fortune Intail'd on most of the Dull Fools that Marry Cuckold Damnation Cuckold horrid sound in that dear Bed where for my Term of Life I fix'd my Pleasure and my Soul's repose to meet a Toad for such to me 's another tho dress'd in all the Pride of Lavish Nature is the worst of Torments and extreamest Hell the Window 's open What 's that A Country Wench appears and a Fellow at the Window 't is he sure the shade o' th' Trees eclipse my light I 'll go nearer that he may Lure me to him for 't is certainly he Now do I expect to be Harrangu'd with some Lovers Amorous Couplet beginning with Mimicks a Lovers whining Voâ—ce So Walk'd Clarindâ— midst the Mirtle Grove Like the Queen-Mother of the Stars above And I 'll Answer like Vulcan with Bullet and Fire Wench Well 't is a pure Song I 'll say 't Good Honny Roger Teach it me it once more Roger. Come with all my heart Strike up then hem hem Sans. Hah What 's that Roger Sings There was Andrew and Susan Rebecca and Will Wench Roger and Sisly and William and Mary Rog. There was Kate of the Kitchin and Kit of the Mill. Wench Iohn the Ploughman and Ione of the Dairy Roger. To Sollace their Hearts and to Sweeten their Labour Wench All met on a time with a Pipe and a Tabor Sans. How Nothing but two dirty Devils Singing a Dam'd Ballad sure I have not mistook the Window Ds'death what a Squaling Noise the Quean makes Hah agen A Plague on ye stop your Braying or I 'll Shoot They Squeak and Exit Daub Oh my Lord we are ruin'd your Design by some means or other has taken Aire and they â—re turning it yonder all into Raillery there 's a Window and a Garden it seems at t'other side o' th' House which that Dunce Sir Blunder mistook for this and another Lady there too Sans. Ds'death What with another Painted Night-gown and Petticoat Daub So it seems my Lord besides I saw my Lord Guillamour and your Brother Brissac this moment at the Door shaking hands and Laughing till they shook agen and by what I can guess by him he 's bringing him in Sans. The Devil he is D'sdeath I shall be the Laughing-stock of the whole Town the very Footmen will Point at me and ten to one in three days time have another Horrid Ballad made of the Noble Duke and Sung to as Confounded a Tune at my own Window Run Daubray and shut the Dining-Room Door that I may sneak up the Back-stairs into my Chamber before they come Daub Ah 't is impossible my Lord they are got as far as the Garden already and see here comes my Lady Enter Dutchess Sanserre Sans. What a Devil shall I say unto her now D. Sans. So Mrs. Daubry this is very fine Confidence indeed the first Week my Lord has Entertain'd ye What Creature Have you been so Sawâ—y to Dress in my Clothes Ha let me see Turns him about ah in the Name of Virtue is this possible By that Bak'd Pear-colour'd Complection and that Stubbl'd Chin this must be a Man O thou odious Creature How dare you bring your filthy odious Fellows here to Dâ—bâ—uch my things with Sans. I must brush through with it some way or other Aside Well Madam I must Cleer Mrs. Daubray And pray reform your Mistake 't is I. D. Sans. How my Lord bless me my Lord In the Name of Virtue what Riddle 's this What means this Metamorphosis Sans. Humph I think I 've got a Lye will fit her Aside Why my Brother Bâ—issac intends to bring the Fiddles here this Evening and I intended to Surprize the Company in Masquerade being mighty frollicksome to day D. Sans. Frolliksome my Lord What with your Pistol there Your Frollick I find would have had more of Revenge in 't then Mirth base Man Must I always be the Miserable Subject of your horrid Jealousy Jealousy that has always made you as Ridiculous to the World as it will now be found to be in this Charming Disguise Heaven that you could but see your self how you look Sans. Like a Witch in an Extasie I believe A Plague upon this head-geer here would the Devil had the Inventor D. Sans. But 't is Satisfaction enough to me to know that the shame that constantly attends this Frenzy is always sufficient Punishment which your Grace will apprehend better when your Visitors within shall enter in the mean time let me Teach ye this Poetical Maxime Let him whose Jealous Brain his Wife suspects E're he Expose her Fame prove her defects He that want's Proof and on his Doubt relies Will sink his own but her Esteem shall rise There 's a short Touch for ye and so I leave you to your Baiting Sir Exit Daub I 'll go and seek the Butler and get a Gill of Comfort for I 'm ready to faint with Fretting as I 'm a true Woman Exit Sans. 'T is so here they come A Plague upon 'em and now am I to be half suffocated with the Fulsome Jokes of that Eternal Old Coxcomb Brissac D'sdeath Is there no Avenue nor Shelter here What would I give to be a Rat now for two minutes A Rabbit with a Burrow near me or any other Vermin so I had but a Hole to creep into Enter Brissac Tonnere Lady Brissac Guillamour Sir Blunder and Vandosme Sess. Come before the Fiddles play their Parts Le ts all resolve by consent to have a Merry touch or two at my Lord Prithee mind me sweet Empress thou Soveraign Queen of all my Faculties as the Poet sayes do but observe me a little To Tonnere And you my bold Britton Stick by me d' ee hear I 'll Joke him into a Fit of an Ague To Guillamour but hold-first a word with you Sir Blunder L.
Well my Lord and what of that Guill Hah the Duke de Sanserre and Fiesque here By heaven and my Picture that I lost and have fretted so about open in his hand Fies 'T is of a Lady and infinitely beautiful Sans. Do I know her prithee let me see it Guill rushes between Guill ' Dsheaâ— and death not for a hundred thousand Worlds my Lord. I must beg your pardon to concern my self in this matter 't is the Picture of a Relation of mine which I lost out of my Pocket She 's a Nun in Brussels and excluding her self frâ—m the World oblig'd me upon Oath to keep her Picture from all Eyes The priviledge this accident has given yoo already my Lord is past my power of hindering but Fiesque as you are a man of Honour Fies And is not your Honour a little tainted my Lord in being false to her that gave this Picture and does not the discovery of your flight here at my Quarry oblige me to a Revenge â—side Guill Upon me what you please but considering the Lady's quality and merit to all men of honour her reputation ought to be sacred Sans. But there may be a very great reason for my seeing it perhaps my Lord I have lost a Picture too Guill You can't lose my Picture my Lord therefore I must beg your excuse besides my Relation here has a very long Nose which is not customary my Lord in your French family Sans. My French Family have as good Noses and Faces belonging to 'em as eâ—re an English Family in Christendom and now I think more onâ—t I believe I am concerned in the Picture Guill Not in this I once more am positive Fies Nay that 't is his Picture I must joyn with him there but as to the Lady she may be related to both for ought I know However to deal like a Man of Honour the property being his I must restore it to him gives it to him And now my Lord pray a word in private Sans. The property may be only his indeed and it is not impossible that it may be mine too but then methinks 't is unnatural to believe that this Wild English Colt can have his Leaps with both of 'em tho I once had an account of a hot fellow of that Naâ—ion that debauch 〈◊〉 whole Family together the Mother two Aunts three Daughters and four Nieceâ— all at a time â—ut damn him this is not authentick enough to prove his double intrigue here My Letter to morrow therefore to Vandosm must dissolve my doubt I 'll go and write it instantly Exit Sans. Fies The Duke is gone dissatisfyâ—d and now my Lord I think you have reason to say I am a man of honour Guill That I shall always say I hope too I have satisfy'd you as to my proceedings with your Mistress Vandosm I fear you and I are but two of her Lovers my Lord what discovery happens more upon my honour you shall know and so your humble Servant Exit Guillamour Fies As far as Generosity by your own example obliges me I am yours too but you shall give me leave to be even with you if I can Mistress for Mistress 't is fit I should be rewarded either by mâ—rit or stratagem here is the Letter still which I find he has forgot this with my cunning management may give me a sweet revenge and serve him in his kind too Let me see Hah in a Poetical strain by Heaven I have heard indeed she had a pretty talent that way Reads If in the Marriage-state be Harmony 'T is then like Musick when the parts agree And Wives like Lutes when fumbled on will soon Iarring in Artless hands grow out of Tune You dear Musician have the only way To touch my heart-strings right and sweetly play Oh charming Creature and above mortally happy Guillamour was there ever any thing so tender but now for the Postscript Reads I shall be in the Arbor at the end of the Garden every night about ten which is the only time I have to undress and my Husband spares me to play at Chess with his old Steward the Maid will be at the back door to be your Guide in the dark if your heart inclines you to wast one short hour in my Conversation Come therefore and be sure to make no noise So these are as plain instructions as heart can wish and I am resolved to supplant this happy Lover come what will on 't if I can but get in first 't will be easie to lock him out and I 'll be as punctual as the moment A cheat in Love does no dishonour bear For so you win doâ—t any way 't is fair Exit SCENE II. Enter Tonnerre and Lady Brissac as from Cards L Briss. Hang the Cards I never have any luck when I play with you Tonn Quite contrary for you never have better luck than when you play with me L Briss. I won't play out the Game I 'm resolv'd you shan't conquer me now Tonn What now You 're got into your Petticoats agen you think to bully me Gad if you had been in Breeches I 'd have had satisfaction Besides I wonder you should talk of Conquering I 'm suâ—e at the end of the play you have always the better of me L Briss. Pish you are always wresting ones words to your own silly meaning if I should talk of a Charnel-house on my Conscience your lewd fancy would turn it to a House of good entertainment Tonn No Child not unless we had some Flesh there too to make up our entertainment to have a Regalia of all Bones only is fitter for a Hound than a Whore master L Briss. Come come let 's go into my Sister's Closet and unbridle her Pegasus she 's making Verses there Tonn With all my heart Oh I love a Billet in Rhime from a sweet Lady with all my Soul Exeunt Enter Daubray Daub So now I think my intelligence to my Lord will be worth discovery for the first that went into my Lady's Closet was a man I am sure I have observ'd him up and down here for two or three days together and just now I found his Coat and Breeches in an Alcove above Stairs and who now to keep his Intrigue the more secret is gone to her in a female dress This is a discovery worth Gold Faith and I 'll give my Lord an account of it immediately â—xit Re-enter Lady Sanserre Lady Brissac and Tonnerre reading a Paper Tonn Tho reason his strong power imparts If passions keep their Torrent still If spight of all our Praying Arts Love gains a Conquest o're our hearts Where is the use of our Freâ— Wills What Poetical Sophistry too gad Madam you ought to be Arraign'd before Apollo by all his Sons for usurping their Masculine prerogative Methinks your Province should be Loves soft Government or Wits Fairy â—and and not grave sophistical Arguments Why does not your Ladyship write a Play L Sans. Because like a new
believe I must call some body that shall be nameless to Council too about the management of my Conjugal Gentleman for he begins to be Obstreperously Jealous And when once they are so they cease to be Husbands and turn Jaylors for my part I had as live be in the Bastile and order'd to feed upon Bread and Water as be Confin'd to the sneaking allowance that a Parsimonious Husband shall bestow on me Tonn Oh pox a Husband's allowance like a Prison Basket will Starve those that have nothing else to subsist on L. Bris. I 't is well that we Women have sometimes Courage enough to usurp the Priviledge of Free-born Subjects and Enjoy by Wit what our Husbands won't grant us by good Nature for then the Pleasure of deserving 'em is a Substantial happiness Now do's my codel'd Matrimony securely believe that I am at home looking after the Rose-cakes or licking my Clammy Fingers after potting up the Marmalade of Quinces when God knows I am here under his Nose dress'd en Cavalier ready for the Plays the Musick the Walks and I may be for variety by to morrow to please my self will be in a Fruit Garden twenty Mile off with a very good Friend Tonn Ay gad and I hope at night dear Madam be better pleas'd in a better Place with a very good friend D. Sans. All Entertainments are priz'd as the Apetite is inclin'd Count now if the Peaches Apricocks and Frontiniack Grapes the Viand delicate of the day shall regale my Sister better than your night treat Lord How Sneakingly you 'd look in the Morning L. Bris. I Swear he relishes So much of our Sex by wearing Petticoats so long that if we chance to be straightn'd for Lodging And I should be forâ—'d to Roost with him I Vow I should fancy I was going to bed to my Nurse you 'd be a very Nurse Count. Tonn Such a Confounded Nurse I should make too Child gad I fear thou wouldst never be able to endure me For I should be plaguy Cross if you tumbled or squawl'd in the Night time if you 'd take the Nipple quietly you might but if I gave ye any thing with a Spoon the Devil take me D. Sans. I don't know what sort of Nurse the Count would make Sister but by his way of talking he would make an Excellent Midwife or else some Gossip Hostess Oh! he would make a delicate Gossip at a City Christning for he talks just as they do to one another in a Lying-in-Room Tonn Ay or as you do to one another in your dressing Rooms L. Bris. Come come prithee leave this unprofitable Chat and show me the Garden and Rarities I waâ—rant there 's twenty new Monsters come since I was ere besides I have been so long tormented in the Country with the lowing of Cows bleating of Sheep and Cawing of Rooks that the least of the Town diversion's a Calf with four Legs or a Russia Ram with a long Tail will be a Rarity to me or else let 's go to the Opera No no Stay the Water-works the Water-works Oh God! but then they say there 's the rarest Italian Rope-dancer come over And a wonderful Creature that has three or four Sexes D'slife I've no patience till I see them all D. Sans. What altogether Sister Prithee let 'em be seen one after another if you Love me Tonn The greatest Rarity you can see Madam in this Disguise will be your Husband making Love to me he 's to bring the Fiddles here by and by prithee dear Angel see that first for my Satisfaction L. Bris. With all my heart and I 'll Man it so I warrant he never knows me I 'll venter what his Instinct can do for once I believe I may be a true or a false Princess as I please I need not fear any discovery he can make by his Lyon like vertue Exeunt Tonn and Brissac L. Sans. 'T is a wild giddy-headed Creature and I must take care to govern her Indiscretion for my own sake let me see Looks on Watch. 'T is almost the hour that by apointment I am to meet my dear Guillamour at the window on the other side the Garden an assignation I would not break to be Mistress of Versailes bless me Is not this he or do my Eyes Dazle Enter Guillamour and L. Buske Guill That 's Impossible but mine do always dazle when they meet thy Luster thou brightest and most Lovely of thy kind L. Sans. Heavens my Lord you amaze me How durst you venture hither my Husband being here and knowing his Humour Guill Led by resistless Love and a kind Genius that helps a Lover still on bâ—ld adventures to unriddle the Mistery know my better Angel that the Marquess has casually had Information of our Window-Intreague but my good Old friend Sessac happening to be there at the time of the Discovery and finding the Jealous Marquess was resolv'd to surprize us was coming in all hast to give me caution whom I luckilly met Just as we saw your Coach return home Mrs. L. Buske here being at the Window I beckon'd her down the rest which will make you Laugh and the reason of my ventring hither you shall have from her L. Busk Ha ha ha yes if I have breath enough to tell it for laughing ha ha ha be pleas'd to know thâ—n Madam that Mrs. Danbray the new Spy that my Lord has lately Eâ—â—ertain'd has been dressing him up in your blew Night-gown and head-â—â—othes in which he makes so awkard a Figure t' would make one Dye to see him he 's just gon to the Window that opens upon the wall thâ— other side of the Garden I got so near that I found his business waâ— to watch for my Lord here and that he would stay at his Post some hours which made me assure him that he might venture to you without danger Guill Ay Gad and for that Assurance there 's a Token of my Love for thee Ha ha ha Was there ever so provoking an Adventure Faith Madam it is but reasonable we should Pay this diligent Watchman for his Waiting L. Sans. I am for having him deserve a little more first we can at last but Pay him alltogether Guill Gad for the Honour of my dear Country England I 'm of a Temper that desires to render every one his due methinks I long to be out of his Debt L. Sans. For Punctual Payment of such kind of Debts I have heard indeed that your Englishmeâ— are very Consciencious if Câ—ckoldome would pay a Cittizen's Bill the good Apron-man need never stir over his own Threshold to Dun ye But come my Lord not to discourage your Generous Intentions quite I 'll make ye a Present of my Picture here the Shadow that you have so long desir'd but I charge ye to think of no Substances at least for a certain time that I shall prefix What 't is but reason you should Invoke your Saint before you enter your Paradice Guill
haâ—'t a smack at yourChops before ten say I amthe Son of a Mastiff who now Subscribe my self The obsequious puppy and languishing Lapdog Blunder-Bosse Sir Blun. Right Rogue in great Letters at bottom ha ha ha Gad it makes me laugh to think how fast the Wit flowâ—d from me why the Devil dost not laugh how canst forbear why ye grave Hermaphrodite thou doâ—t not laugh at me Tonn Ha ha ha ha Gad but I do Sir and more then that I 'll secure ye all that know ye shall laugh at ye Sir Blund Gad I 'le send it to London by the next Post and have it Printed in the next Collection of Letters that come out by the topping Wits there I know a Bookseller that will give any rate for 't to set off the rest De Fies Why faith your stile will be very particular Sir Blunder Sir Blun. Pox on 't I if there were a thousand tho I 'm told there is but one comes to her A Count they say but a pitiful sneaking Puppy De Fies What says the Dog Tonn Nay Fiesque is this your temper aside to him Sir Blun. Well with â—e good 〈◊〉 scoundrel Iâ—ll go and dispatch this away immediately and afterwards if e're I meet any Count there I 'll kick the Son of a Whore to Attoms Exit Sir Blund De Fies Oh Slave ' dsheart must I bear this and not cut his Throat Tonn Ye must he is not worth your anger besides remember friend this fool is to be the touchstone to try the nature of that Jilt Vandosme and so procure thy happiness and freedom Come let 's go and take a turn or two in the Garden and then come again perhaps she may have dispatcht her new Intrigue by that time and return De Fies Hard fate my Curse is want of Liberty And yâ—t 't will be a greater to be free Exeunt Enter Sanferre and Grossiere Sans. Not within sayst thou Sweet heart Gross No indeed my Lord Oh dear upon my veracity she 'll be extreamly concerned to be from home when your Grace does her this honour of a Visit but she 's so teized about recovering an Estate from some kindred of hers and the troublesome Lawyers do so plague her every day that I speak sincerely my Lord she 's hardly ever at quiet for ' em Sans. She s so incomparable a Beauty that I should rather have thought her Lovers than her Lawyers had plagu'd her Gross Lovers alas upon my veracity my Lord her head 's upon something else but she seldom stays loâ—g out and if your Grace pleases to take a turn or two in the Garden I 'll run and inform you the very minute she comes Sans. Ay with all my heart Gross Your Grace's most humble Servant I 'll go watch her coming Exit Gross Sans. This is a subtle Quean for all her simpering and train'd to lye she 's one o' th' Devils Scrutores cramm'd full of secret sins and never open'd but by the potent Master-Key calâ—'d Gold However I am arm'd and if I can by cunning or some expence discover from her Mistress who I perceive is great with Guillamour what I suspect bâ—tween him and my Wife I have my ends the Viper shall then leave gnawing me to prey on them If she comes to nights the time if not a Letter fill'd with Golden promises and the present of some Jewel shall charm her in the morning Beauty mans chiefest blessing all must own Which we dull Husbands hope is ours alone But oh what torments does that wretch endure That doubts his power that blessing to secure Exit Re-enter Grossiere with Vandosme peeping Van. Are you sure the Coast is clear Gross Yes yes very sure they are all gone into the Garden and if the truth were known with heavy hearts Vand. Ay 't is all one I had rather their hearts were out than I had lost this dear minute Gross Well Madam I see I shall never leave your service till I 'm quite damn'd about it This is the three and twentieth lye I have told to day for ye Lord have mercy upon me what will become of my Soul Vand. O prethee go and employ thy Soul in adding to the Musical performance within that 's all the use thou hast for 't that I know of for my part I have not thought of my own this seven year Come my dear Lord. Exit Grossiere Enter Guillamour They sit down Love's Rapture A Song I. Ye pretty Birds that Chirp and Sing Ye Trees and Plants that Bud and Grow Ye fragrant Flowers that bless the Spring Tell me whence comes it you do so Hark hark they answer 't is Celestial Fire The Gods call Love that does us all inspire II. That sacred Flame that sweetly Charms My Soul when lovely Cinthia sings That all Creation Labour warms And Matter to Perfection brings The busie useless Sun may cease to shine 'T is Love that sheds the Influenoe Divine Second Movement Then Lovers love on and get Heaven betimes He that Loves well attones for the worst of his Crimes Jove's Gate is lock'd fast on the Sordid and Base But the generous Lover is sure of a Place And the Nymph her Elizium need question no more When her Saint has a Key to open the door Guil. Dear sweetest Creature I am charm'd to follow thee Oh I shall tire thee my Dear Besides Fiesque may come Vand. And go when he does come he has prov'd that already Oh my dear Lord there is vast difference between the man loves me and him I love Fiesque is witty honest brave and generous I know he loves me too even to dispairing but what 's all this when inclination shuns him I have no relish of his entertainment he always treats me with a pall'd repast which tho it feeds me yet still it leaves me hungry Guil. And shall not I be pall'd too and insipid when your nice fancy 's pleased to change the Diet Vand. Oh no you are a Regalia where there 's all variety your Tongue your Face your Shape your Charming Air your Motion Mein your every look's a Banquet Y' are like that sweet Tree in the Sunny Continent where all the best Spices grow together and if you â—an but bloom with Flowers of Constancy Guill Oh enough of em to make a tollerable Nosegay never fear Child Dear Dutchess I beg thy pardon for Iâ—m a very lying Rogue aside Vand. Could you but love me only for your sake I 'd sacrifice the rest of human kind but you are an Englishman and of a Nation famous for Levity full of wavering fancies you are ne're contented with the present good tho Ruin follows still the vice of changing Guill Gad she has nick'd us to a hair right as she had the Spirit of Prophesy The very Women now have found us out This is our blessed Character all the World over Enter Grossiere hastily and whispers Vandosme Vand. Gurse on him the impertinent is come back Come my â—ord let
Thieves 't is true and they might be Cuckold-makers Damn that thought how it stings me oh how insupportable a Torment is doubt in a condition of Life from which men ought to expect all quiet and security They may talk of Local-hells I know not where but that poor Husbands Bosoms feels the hottest that doubts and yet must Love How now Enter Daubray Daubray Daub Ay my Lord I have been labouring to do you service ever since the last time I saw ye and now I think I may truly say my intelligence is to the purpose for I have unrevell'd such a secret Sans. Hast thou come then give it me at once I hate a lingring pain Daub 'T is this my Lord I observed yesterday when your Grace was gone out a young dapper sparkish Fellow with my Lady Sans. So Daub And to day my Lord he was here agen but had disguis'd himself I suppose cunningly to prevent my discovery in Women's Cloaths Sans. Women's Cloaths good Daub But for all his subtlety I suspected at first it was the face agen and to be sure of it I watcht matters so closely that going into La Busque's Closet after she had come out and thinking he was hid there amongst my Lady's foul Linnen what did I find there my Lord but this vile Garment the very same that I saw him wear the day before shews a pair of Breeches Sans. The Devil Daub Ay the Devil indeed as you say my Lord for it puts me so in mind of an ill Husband I had once who was always a very infirm consumptive person and it brings such things into my head that I vow to Gad I hate the Garment of all others I have a perfect aversion for the Garment Sans. A plague on the Gaâ—ment it brings some things into â—y head too that are not very divertive But come to the purpose dear diligence can I think'st thou surprize this young dog with her Daub Without sail my Lord come in with me and I 'll put your Lordship in a way immediately Sans. Dispatch then I 'll follow thee Oh thou absurd Philosop â—e that against human ills did preach up patience how art thou baffled here A Cuckolds case I find poor lazy Drone was â—e're thy study Plâ—gue Death and Hell What strange new unknown punishment shall I contrive for 〈◊〉 hah let me see keep her from Meat a month â—nd starve Concupisceâ—â—â— no that won't do or shaâ—l I cut her piece meal that 's impossible her impudence has so case-hardned her that she 'll exceed the valliant Greek of old and prove her self all o're impenetrable Well then to smoother her with her own Pillow the accessary Pillow good then to the Forum like renowned Brutus and tell the weighty reason with laâ—ge Caveat To all the Human Race that hapless vary Their blessed State run mad with fool and marry Exit The end of the fourth Act. ACT V. SCENE I. Enter Guillamour and La Busque Guill IF thou art tame and passive after such injustice done thee thou art not what I took thee for a Girl of Wit and Spirit let thy Lady therefore know thou canst resent an injury what to deny giving the Purse I ordered thee 't was base 't was sordid La B. She puts me off hourly with telling me she has another Business for me to do first but if ever I have a finger in her business till I finger the Purse my Lord I wish it may rot I know her love of Play too well and how like Birdlime Money sticks to her I never hardly had any Wages of her but she 'd borrow it agen in two days time she s the very Devil at that trick Guill ' Dsheart and that very trick would ruine thee in a little time Come come Sweet-heart she 's all over ingratitude join therefore with me and let us revenge our selves she has basely us'd thee for all thy diligent Services Take now the opportunity and right thy self she has also been ingenerously false to me and my Love and for my part I am resolved Iâ—ll ne're forgive her La B. Gad if I have not the Purse between this and seven a Clock at night I will have my revenge I will discover something that Well I say no more Guill So the secret is bubling upwards 't will come out presently t'other ten Pistoles and she disgorges aside How say no more gad but thou shalt say more and discover all too and let the Purse be damn'd with her ingratitude here 's gives her Gold something in lieu of it which influencing Conscience and improving thy good Nature shall Bribe thee to be mine Come come the discovery Nay nay no demurring Child but out with it fear her not from hencefoâ—th Iâ—ll take care of thee La B. Why truly I must needs say your Lordship has taken the only and most moving method in the world to engage me Looking on the Gold Guill Ay no doubt onâ—t the Conjurer Gold can never fail in charming aside La B. Which is your Lordship's tender applying it to my Conscience for Conscience I assure your Lordship goes a great still looking on his Gold way with me and really that was always the main thing I blam'd in my Lady If the Woman had had but a Conscience I could never have betrayâ—d her secret but to be so horridly unconscientious to keep my Purse from me in the first place Guill Ha ha the Purse still that Purse lies damnably heavy upon her Stomach all will out I find aside La B. Then in the next place to use your own words to be ungenerously false to so fine a person as your Lordship Guill Oh your humble Servant La B. So well made so beautiful a person as your Lordship Guill Nay nay sweet Mrs. L Busque what d' ye mean La B. Nay more so beautiful so super-fine a person as your Lordship Guill Oh fye this is too much by half La B. It really shews that the Woman had no Conscience at all nor will I any longer bear her the fidelity usual Therefore know my Lord that for all her Oaths Tears and Prostitutions she really has Jilted ye Guill Damn her I believe as much now do but teâ—l we with whom Lâ— B. Ay dear my Lord you shall know all and more than all if I could express it for I find my Conscience prompts me exceedingly Does not your Lordship remember a young smock'd fac'd dapper Spark that came into the Garden with old Count Brissâ—â—'s company that Evening the Duke was laughed at for being found in his Wife's cloaths Guill I do death and the devil i' st he La B. Most certainly my Lord and who has cunningly ever since to keep the Intreague the closer daily kept her Company disguisâ—d in a Womans Habit and is this instant with her in her apartment yonder Guill Hah in Womans Habit sayst thou why this is a secret worth Gold indeed curst hellish treacherous Creature this is her Truth and
Constancy in the Devil's name henceforth let that dull Animal that will proclaim himself and Ass with Ears Believe damnd Woman when the vows and swears La B. For further proof retire into this Closet my Lord I 'll warrant you see some bolting presently Guill I 'll follow thee and â—tifle Rage a moment that I may let it loose with greater gust upon her Exeunt Enter Daubray with Sanserre and Brissac Daub They are certainly together my Lord but to make the proof more plain be pleas'd your self to peep through the Key-hole of the Bed-chamber whilst the Count and I go another way and watcht the door of the Drawing Room Sans. Do do and if I find 'em here I 'll come and call ye Damnation these are the joys of Marriage Now Count I hope I shall convinec ye what a Viper I 've so long cherish'd in my Bâ—som Briss. Well well letâ—s see the proof the proof I know yâ—ur Lordship's Eyes sometimes see double therefore gad I 'll not believe a word till I see the proof I love an Intrigue too well to have it slander'd with doubts and surmizes the proof the proof my Lord. Sans. Away then to the Drawing-room-door Iâ—ll this wâ—y Daub Softly softly my Lord. Exeunt at several doors Re-enter Sanserre hastily Saus 'T is so by the spirit of Cuckoldom there thâ—â— are close together and Cooing like two Pidgeons just going to Bill I could â—ot see my Wife for the Bed-Curtains but the young rampant Fornicator I saw plainly in his female Trappings wagging his Commâ—de I suppose eagerly expâ—essâ—ng sâ—me new lewdness to her Death and Hell where shall I get a Gridiron bâ—g enough to broyl him on but hush another Minute for that Iâ—ll first go and call Bâ—issâ—e to be Witness of her Infamy now sure I shall convince the increâ—ulous old Coxcomb if this peeping proof be not plain enough the Devil take all Ogling Ex. Enter Tonnerre Tonn What happiness ordain'd to bless Mâ—rtâ—lity can viâ— with that of the successful Lover to him Guilâ—â—mour from the Closet Oh my full heart by Heaven my Joys so swell my surchargâ—d Bosom I have hardly breath left to express my Rapâ—ure Guill Then least the unruly passion should boyl over give me leave Sir to bring ye some allay Tonn Hah my Lord Guillamour Tonn turns about and starts Guil. The same Sir and whither you had knowledge of my Pretensions to the Lady you come from or not I have not leasure now to examin 't is enough for me to tell ye that I have found my self abus'd by her and your unexpressible happiness as you term it is the sequel of her unexemplary baseness to me which I am now come hither to revenge and expose Fon. Death and Hell has he been intrigu'd with my Countess this is a discovery amazes me hearkee my Lord pray let me ask you a question now They talk apart Enter Sanserre and Brissac Sans. Daâ—bray will watch the Drawing-room door close enough so that they canâ—t slip from us that way and for this passage Count hah what do I see by all my pangs 't is he and Guillamour a brace of the Court 's rankest Cuckold-makers Furies and Hell she deals with 'em in couples but if they scape me now draw Count Bris. Draw what a plague does he mean is not that my dear sweet luscious charming Empress that stands there Dsheart 't is she I 'm sure now Draw oons the man's mad apâ—rt stairing at Tonn theâ— runs to her Sans. Come Sir draw for tho such Villany deserve no fair play I scâ—orn to take advantage nay nay no evasion draw quickly Guill My Lord I 've something to discover that perhaps may satisfie ye without it Sans. Your life Sir can only satisfie draw or I 'll nail ye to the Wall Guill Nay then I will have play for 't fight here Toâ— 'T is lucky however to have the old fool Sessac here I know he will deâ—end me aside Bris. Hey day why my Lord ' dsdeath are ye both bewitch'd nay then then Gad Iâ—ll put ye out of your tricks I 'll spoil your fencing hah now my Lord parts them beats Sanserreâ— s Sword out of his hand and takes it up you shall stockado no more till I think fit if your Lordships please to go to Cuffs you maâ— Sans. Damnâ—d chance goes to fall upon Tonn and Brissac guards her with both Swords yet I have Fingers left to tear your Devilship your Strumpets covering shant ' disguise ye longer nor shelter the lewd Monster underneath Bris. What raving stark mad ' dsheart do ye know what ye are going to do oons keep back you had best he that ofâ—ers to touch my dear Empress shall have both these Pokers in his guts the next moment What a Devil are ye bewiâ—châ—d my Lord what ofâ—er to strike a Woman Sans A Woman a Wizard poor old deluded Wittal clear your Eye-sight and understanding look agen is that a Woman Guill Be a little curâ—ous in your observation old Count and let her prove her self a Woman if she can Bris. Prove her self a Woman Theyâ—re both posâ—est Begad why this is Impudence unparrelleled A plague on ye for a couple of â—ewd Fitchews how would you have her prove Sans. Shew that stubbled Chin a little nearer to your blind Eyes look closer ye old dotard have Women beards Bris. Beards oons what care I what is that to my dear Empress here oons you dont think to make me believe that she is not femina propria do ye Dost hear Goddess prithee shew em a Bubby Convinâ—e 'em presently with the sight of a pretty Nipple or so do Faith why pox on â—em they have the confidence to hint here that thou the treachery of all my Joys art no Woman Ton. if I were otherwise their Insolencies should hear from me in another manner tell em that from me Count. Bris. Ah dear dear charmer do ye hear that ye brainless Peers do ye hear that Sans. If you were otherwise death hell and furies do not I know Bris. Oons know what ye will my Lord keep back or guards her Sans. Confound his folly why I tell thee old stupidity once more that this is a Man a young rampant Rake-hell lewd as the Devil who wearing that Womanâ—s disguise there to keep himâ—elf unknown intrigues with your damnâ—d Sister my damnâ—d Wife and abuses me I saw him scarce two Minutes since in her Apartment with her and will instantly go and fetch her to prove the truth of all and make that incredulous Pate of yours once in your life believe the things you see Exit Sanserre Bris. Hamp Gad now I look better upon her That Chin those broad Shoulders and those pair of Mutton Fists do shew somewhat more mannish than I imaginâ—d Hearkee what shall I call ye if instead of Female Trinkets I do hereafter find you of the Male-gender Ton. I shall have one of those two Pokers ungender me I suppose I am in a very