against all Impenitent Rejectors of him of which number I was one and looking on him as a God of infinite power able to cast me into Hell in a moment and I remaining a Subject of his wrath in a state of unbelief it made me fear exceedingly but withal considering that still to remain in this condition nothing but destruction could be expected as also that there was no flying from his presence before whom all places persons and things are open and bare and from whom nothing can be hid Hell and destruction being open and known to him how much more the hearts of the Sons of Men I hence concluded my condition to be exceeding sad and then considering what a Rebel I had been setting at nought his counsels and casting his Laws behind my back yea despising hating and contemning him it made me afraid to go to him But seeing no way to go from him and my self in this desperate condition I must needs be ruin'd by him if I came not unto him He at last led me to this resolution of flying to him begging mercy at his hands for the sake of Christ as one who saw my self in the High-way to Hell and knowing that his right hand would easily find out all his Adversaries that had hated and opposed him So that there would be no escaping but by flying to Christ there being NO OTHER NAME UNDER HEAVEN GIVEN FOR SALVATION UNTO POOR SINNERS BUT THIS ONELY And so out of this great depth I was inabled to look towards his holy Temple crying to him for mercy without which I saw I was undone for ever so I continued crying to him and striving with my own soul to hope that the Lord would for Christs sake shew mercy to me because he had shewed mercy to very vile sinners though I knew none so vile as I being the chief of sinners having long despised and rejected that mercy that then I sought yet seeing what a woefull condition I should for ever be in without it I cryed to him for it and then had some Meditations given in of the way of God's shewing mercy considering how he had found out a way for mercy and truth to meet together in Christ for the Salvation of poor sinners yea the chief of sinners and the Lord brought at that time some passages to my remembrance that I had heard about the City of refuge provided in the time of the Law which was then minded typed out Christ as the City of refuge prepared of God for poor pursued sinners to flie unto from that wrath that all would be else concluded under to Eternity And the Lord also was gratiously pleased to enable me to have recourse to Christ as the onely refuge left for my poor soul begging hard for mercy upon his account and the account of what he had done and suffered for such poor sinners as I was and I was helpt also to consider the large extent of his mercy to the vilest of sinners and suddenly after I was gratiously helpt to hope in his mercy and supported and incouraged from that good word then brought with power upon my soul (p) John 3.7 He that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out which did greatly support me in good hopes of mercy from him and after that this other good word was brought in with great power upon my heart (q) Heb. 7.25 Wherefore he is able to save to the uttermost all that come unto God by him seeing he ever lives to make intercession for them This also added much to the ground of my hope in his mercy that though I had been such a Rebel and great transgressor as I had been yet he having said he would in no wise cast out any that came to him was able to save to the uttermost it much upheld and comforted my soul in looking towards him Another Scripture brought in at the same time to my heart was (r) Esai 43.12 13. I am God and besides me there is no Savior I will work and none shall let it whence I was inabled to believe that he was able to do all things by the word of his power and to break through all oppositions that stand in his way that he was able to break down every strong hold and subject every high thought to his obedience I then had Meditations of the heights and depths lengths and bredths of that infinite mercy that was in Jesus Christ and the Lord by such Meditations on his holy word did greatly incourage strengthen and raise up my poor weak unworthy soul very often and powerfully repeating these Scriptures last mentioned over and over to my poor soul and now was my soul greatly refreshed in hopes of his mercy to me but a little after the same night Her first Assault after comfort received I was sorely assaulted again to call in question all the hopes I had of mercy from the Lord in the sense of which I was made to cry yea roar out in bitter distress to the Lord striving not to let go my hold but to call to mind what he had before spoken Namely That those that come to him he will in no wise cast out together with the rest of the Scriptures before mentioned given in at first for my incouragement and the Lord again in this sore conflict brought in all those Scriptures afresh upon my heart and so relieved me gratiously at this time also Her second Assault But yet the tempter continued his assaults tempting me yet to cast off my confidence in the Lord as also to blaspheme God But the Lord upheld me by putting and keeping under his everlasting Armes By which I was stayed upon him trusting in him and was not left to the will of mine Enemy but was inabled still to hope in his mercy and hang upon that word of his promise He that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out then the Lord was pleased eminently to proclaim his name unto my soul The Lord the Lord God pardoning iniquity transgression and sin And thus I was inabled through his infinite mercy and by his Almighty Power to stay my self upon him by hoping still in his mercy for ever blessed be his name And the same Scriptures were kept on my heart all the first day of the week following with great life and power succouring me against Satans temptations that this day also I was assaulted with sometimes to cast away my confidence as aforesaid from thoughts of what I had been and done against Christ but the Lord inabled me to withstand that temptation also by his good word in which he had caused me to trust namely He that comes to me I will in no wise cast out As also that he would work and none should let So that I went to God through Christ desiring he would inable my soul to follow hard after him begging in order thereto that he would uphold me causing my soul to
Brother Allen I can do no lesse then bear my testimony that to those who judge us faithful it may out of the mouth of two or three witnesses be established Yet because many may be subject with Thomas called Dydimus to question what their eyes see not and their fingers feel not These shall advertise any who do esteem soul-concernments of the greatest consequence and desire to be informed more perfectly in some part of the truth hereof for the help of their own souls or as natural members of the body of Christ to administer some assistance unto their sister the subject of this ensuing treatise towards her continued walking uprightly and humbly with her God That she is the third Daughter of James Huish Esquire of Sidbury in the County of Devon To whom God Almighty to save hath already granted an hopeful place in his house to the joy of the faithful Churches in Christ Jesus who have more diligently then some in our dayes weighed the truth of their high and heavenly calling in the Balance of the sanctuary and inquired into their soveraigne love to Christ and sutable conversation to the word of God before they gave the right hand of Fellowship unto them One of the three now is not but having witnessed unto death a good confession before many witnesses and running best at last even in these worst dayes of declining wherein Sun-shine and worldly Professors are so puzzled and put to their shifts how to get with credit again into their wider place out of the faithful Churches is fallen asleep in Jesus whom God will bring with him at his coming and her works shall follow her In her stead hath God seasonably raised this her Sister to supply the breach made in the visible body of Christ and in the Spirit of many faithful members who having sorely lamented their too little improvement of her and some other dear Friends lately taken from the evil to come of whom this world yea the Churches or many amongst them yet in too much Fellowship with the world I fear were not worthy will learn wisedome I trust to know their day for treasuring the Gold granted us though through Earthen Vessels and better improve the small remnant of Gods Elect amongst the great bodies of outward Israel who remain yet amongst them This blessed workmanship in Christ Jesus was through his good providence as her Sister from a Child instructed in the holy Scriptures by their truely vertuous Mother which education the Lord Sanctified to make her very serious in her infancy restraining her from common foolish and vain communication She was at about fourteen years old first sensibly assaulted by the tempter and that furiously as you will perceive by the Sequel And from thenceforward you have her own Relation to which I shall refer the serious Reader but must remind many of the poor mourning Saints in Ireland what they have often heard from her which may perhaps prove helpful to them and other dejected souls according to my earnest wish to whose use her rest and shelter through rich grace after a fourteen years sad stormy Voyage and bewildered wandering is now Dedicated For I judge her deep casting down and powerful raising up was not onely for her sake and private uses but as a Pillar should be erected for common caution against unbelief and every sin which cost her so dear and for encouragement out of such dismal deeps to look yet unto God's holy Temple and to flee for hope and refuge alwayes onely to our one strong-hold And whoso is wise and will observe these things even they shâ—ll understand the loving kindnesse of the Lord. Psal 107.43 Let us remember then what a meeting in of almost all the complaints of the deserted darkened and disconsolate ones on Scripture record have refted on her poor soul to the sore afflicting also of some of yours before the Throne of God who did defer but not deny to answer your poor Prayers on her behalf but at last hath heard after you have heard her bemoaning herself as Hâ—man the Ezrahite Psalm 88.6 Thou hast layed me in the lâ—west Pit in darknesse in the deep thy wrath lieth hard upon me and thou hast afflicted me with all thy Waves I am afflicted and ready to die from my youth up while I suffer thy terrours I am distracted verse 15. with Job 7.3 4. So am I made to possesse months of Vanity and wearysome nights are appointed to me when I lie down I say When shall I arise and the night be gone I am full of tossings to and fro unto the dawning of the day mourning without the Sun c. Chapter 30.28 with Hezekiah reckoning till morning that as a Lion so would he break all my bones from day even till night wilt thou make an end of me Isai 38.13 And he hath both spoken to me and himself hath done it I shall go softly all my years in the bitternesse of my soul Yea with David she might have said I mâ—y tell all my bones Psal 22.17 and agâ—in my heart is smitten and withered like grasse so that I forget to eat my bread by reason of the voice of my groaning my bones cleave to my skin And Psal 102.4 5. and again When I kept silence my bones waxed old through my roaring all the day long for day and night thy hand was heavy upon me my moisture is turned into the drought of Summer Psal 32.3 4. and with the Church Lam. 3.18 My strength and my hope is perished from the Lord nay with the desperate hath she not said in the hearing of many There is no hope Jer. 18.12 And with Cain My punishment is greater then I can bear Or my Iniquity is greater then that it may be forgiven I have sinn'd unpardonably you sin in praying for me I am undone and rejected I know the very time when it was sealed to me I know it I am sure I am damned for ever c. Oh! how have we been terrified together in our assemblings on her behalf who have seen her sorrow and disability to speak unlesse sometimes in such like Language against her soul and our seeking her Salvation who was as a very fearful spectacle pining away even like to an Anatomy before us and how many of us like the Friends of Job came at first to mourn and comfort her but fainted left off relinquished her concluding hopelessely how hath a whole Church flagged in their Faith herein who resolved to fast and pray for her until deliverance fainted and left off yea drop'd away as weary or ashamed how have some holy women skilfull in mourning assembled what private indeavours by some obtaining her to their houses have been assayed but all as water spilt upon the ground in their esteemes Yea to the glory of the grace of God alone herein who then loves to approve himself most favorable to his chosen when they are most friendless helpless destituâ—e most stand in need of
that Scripture was given in (k) Titus 3.4 After the kindnesse and love of God our Saviour towards man appeared not by works of righteousnesse which we have done but according to his mercy he saved us by the washing of regeneration and renewing of the holy Ghost which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour So that I saw our Sanctification was the Fruit of his purchase for us and Free-gift to us it being one great end in his laying down his life that he might redeem purifie to himself a peculiar people zealous of good works I had many Meditations also (l) Ezek. 16.6 c. about the Lords passing by us when we lay polluted in our blood and cast out to the loathing of our persons in the day we were born that then he should say to us Live and that this should be the time of love and spreading his skirt over us as also to consider that the promise of Christ (m) Gen 3.15 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman and between thy seed and her seed It shall bruise thy head and thou shalt bruise his heel was given to fallen man in that nick of time of the greatest misery which he had brought on himself and posterity I had then also many Meditations of God's power by which he is able to keep us through faith unto Salvation with many promises given in to that purpose as that (n) Psalm 34.22 none that trust in him shall be desolate As also that was made sweet to my soul (o) Isai 33.16 17. namely His place of defence shall be the munition of Rocks bread shall be given him and his Waters shall be sure and thine eyes shall see the King in his Beauty and behold the Land that is very far off These were MEAT TO ME INDEED at that time Thus to consider the safety of believers as founded upon the Rock of ages And also that Scripture (p) Isai 26.12 Lord thou wilt ordain peace for us for thou also hast wrought all our works in us and likewise that (q) Prov. 10.3 the Lord will not suffer the soul of the righteous to famish but he casts away the substance of the wicked And r Prov. 10.29 the way of the Lord is strength to the upright but destruction shall be to the workers of Iniquity And that s John 14. â—7 Peace I leave with you my peace Is give unto you not as the world giveth give I unto you Let not your heart be troubled neither let it be afraid And t John 14.13 because I live you shall live also And u Job 5.19 he shall deliver thee in six troubles yea in seven there shall no evil touch thee And w Isai 58.11 their souls shall be as a watered Garden that God hath blessed And x Isai 27.3 I the Lord do keep it I will water it every moment lest any hurt it I will keep it night and day With these promises was my soul refresh'd greatly this night and from hence was I led to meditate on the great care love and tender pity of the Lord towards his poor people in making so many pretious promises for support and succour for his poor Saints which made me even with Astonishment admire his grace herein and then was that good word brought in sweetly refreshing me y Isai 41.17 When the poor and needy seek water and there is none and their tongue faileth for thirst I the Lord will hear them I the God of Israel will not forsake them I then called to mind how largely my soul had experienc'd the truth of that word that even when I was ready to fail and sink my soul even scorcht up with the heat of the wrath of the Lord without any refreshment yea without a heart to seek it he made good this to me For ever blessed be his name and the Riches of his grace made known in Christ to my soul And now did the Lord bring my soul to this Well of consolation and made me drink abundantly of the River of his pleasures streaming out in these promises and gave me Fruit indeed from the Tree of Life feeding me from that word also (z) Isai 55.3 I will make an everlasting Covenant with you even the sure mercies of David Which I saw were sure indeed as laid no in Christ for believers Eâ—en in him whom God hath exalted as a Prince and a Saviour to give repentance unto Israel for remission of sins who himself was tempted that he might be able to succour those that are tempted Whom God hath raised from the dead that our liâ—e and hope might be in him who hath called poor and weary souls to come to him for rest and hath made me amongst others largely experience the truth of that word in causing my soul to find rest onely in him after a long and sore travail and wearysome journey Yet again this first day of the week I was assaulted in hearing the word Preached Her sixth Assault from Satan with many filthy suggestions cast in to cause me to undervalue the grace of God made known And this was both forenoon and afternoon but yet I was gratiously helpt to strive against them and to cry out to the Lord for help and assistance to resist the wicked one begging The Lord would not suffer me to dishonour his holy name by consenting to the temptors suggestions and then I call'd to mind that word wherein he had caused me to trust Namely (a) Heb. 13.5 That he vvould never leave me nor forsake me but vvould put his fear so in my heart as I should not depart from him neither should the Gates of Hell prevail against me And thus by flying to him as my Sanctuary I was inabled to resist and overcome my Enemies who else had been too hard for me I had also this day Her seventh Assault from Satan while I was hearing some sad considerations about falling avvay after grace received which made my soul to tremble in the thoughts of it to think how dishonourable that would be to the name of God but I had some hopes in his word which supported and strenghthened me against these fears Namely That the Lord vvould keep me by his Povver through faith unto Salvation and would also according to his Covenant put his fear in my heart that I should not at least utterly depart from him but yet had many fears that if he should but eclipse his love to my soul that might also be to the dishonour of his name and an occasion of stumbling to others which also made my soul full of fears in the thoughts of it But this somewhat flay'd me that he who hath begun a good work will finish it and will be careful of his own glory which in my souls upholding is so much concerned She is helped to consider what she owed unto the Lord for all
this late redeemed captive and other pretious ones to admire the Riches of God's infinite grace and say as in Rom. 11.33 O the depth of the Riches both of the wisedom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgements and his wayes past finding out And in the mean time may hereby be helped to put some check to their own troubled thoughts at least so far as not to make them as is too usual the Rule and measure of those infinite transcendent thoughts and wayes of God towards them And truely the bringing forth of such a glorious work as this out of such a barren Womb of apprehended impossibilities when even Faith hopes and hearts of the strongest failed concerning it I cannot but think was given in at such a season to raise our Faith and hope in the Lord by looking upon this signal mercy at a pledge and pattern of what God will yet do not onely for poor disconsolate souls in like conditions but also for the recovery and raising his publicke works so far gone back in these Nations in this sad declining day as causeth many of Zions Friends to speak sadly and doubtfully of them as they of Christ Luke 24.20 21 22 23. Who were sad in the sense of his being taken from them as in v. 17. and to be mourning as Mary in John 20.13 And some of them are ready to faint with crying Lord how long and Help Lord as in Psal 12.1 While their Enemies insult as in Lament 2.16 Saying Certainly this is the day that we looked for And as in Psa 35.20 21. are devising deceitful matters against them that are quiet in the Land and yet are subject to say as in Jer. 50.7 They offend not c. Yea some of Zions pretended lovers raised and lifted up it 's to be feared too highly by her are dealing unkindly with her and that under highest pretences of real affection to the name and cause of God and interest of his people as in Isai 66.5 Saying Let the Lord be glorified c. all so much involved in our late publicke transactions but now almost all given up into the hands of those that hate reproach and scorn them which is a sad cause of lamentation and O that it may lie with due sense upon the hearts of all Zions mourners to spread before the Lord as a lamentation and more especially the causes of it some of which are mention'd as I judge Lament 1.8 9. Jerusalem hath grievously sinn'd c. That so we may be led thereby to the cure which I fear we much want as they of old Jer. 8.6 They spake not aright no man repented him of his wickedness saying What have I done Ah! the Lord hath yet a work to do on Mount Zion before the rod can will be removed as in Isa 10.12 Wherefore it shall come to passe that when the Lord hath performed his whole work upon Mount Zion and on Jerusalem c. And were that done judgement would soon return to Righteousnesse and all the upright in heart should follow it But alluding to the Acts 26.8 I would yet say Why should it be thought a thing incredible that God should raise the dead considering what he hath done in this late captives case and what is Prophesied and promised he will do more publickely in the most needful season Isai 5.9 from the first to the sixteenth much our case as thou maiest read at leasure and yet his cure reacheth it mention'd in v. 17. compare also Isa 51.3 where he hath promised to comfort Zion with all her waste places c. and in v. 22 23. Thus saith thy Lord the Lord and thy God that pleadeth the cause of his people Behold I have taken out of thine hand the cup of trembling even the dregs of the cup of my fury thou shalt no more drink it again but I will put it into the hand of them that afflict thee c. And many other pretious words of the like import which I shall not mention here being well considered doth afford us in this vally of Achor a door of hope But that I may not detain thee from this Feast of fat things the best of which is last according to Christs old Method John 2.10 I shall haste to a close in the words of the Psalmist Psal 107.43 Whoso is wise and will observe these things even they shall understand the loving kindnesse of the Lord Which that my soul with thine may be taught to do and improve accordingly I beg thy earnest supplications for me at the throne of grace who am the most unworthy to make mention of the name of the Lord or any concerns of his yet desire to be found in this evil day bearing my part with his poor Mourners having much cause under the sence of my own and sight of other abominations abounding in this day calling to that duty Yet cannot but rejoyce in this great deliverance wrought for this poor soul hoping and longing for the remaining deliverances purchased for and promised to whole Zion which the Lord hasten in his time even so AMEN W. ALLEN Sand in Devon the second day of the first Moneth 1657. To every true Mourner over his own and Zion's sins and sorrows especially to such in the Churches of Christ in Ireland to whom the soul-sinking sorrows of Mistrisse Deborah Huish the Subject of the ensuing treatise was well known John Vernon their Brother in Christ and Companion in Heavinesse for Zions sake wisheth grace for strength in weaknesse to wait still in weeping and supplication until the times of refreshment shall come from the presence of the Lord Amen Even so come Lord Jesus come quickly Amen BEloved you have herewith brought unto you an Olive-branch shewing forth the floods abatement and the rest and safety of the soul that is entered into the Ark of God the ransome of a poor Prisoner out of the Pit indeed in which there was no water which will be I know the more welcome to some of you I hope only to the praise and glory of God on high because you so long wept before his Heavenly Throne and made your humble supplication to him almost unto fainting for her who was bound of Satan so many years yet that the height and depth length and breadth of the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord might be the more admired of all and magnified herein And this Monument of mercy may remain in the Churches throughout all ages towards the support of such as sit in darknesse and see no light I am willing though most unworthy to adde my mite towards the compleating this account of the grace of God extended to my poor late distressed Sister Mistrisse Deborah Huish who is now made rich in Faith through grace and the wise Virgin-subject of this ensuing Relation to the truth of which as delivered by her with much fear and joy with trembling received and faithfully written from her lips by my dear
succour from him let me adde further this observaâ—ion to yours that a special Friend whose affection led him further and longer at a certainty then mine or any I observed to weep for her and to reprove others for fainting and neglects of her before him yet lately wrote from Ireland to me his despairing also concerning her at the very interim God our God who comforteth those that are cast down was surely succoring her and incouraging his poor mourning fainting followers whose Spirits were willing though the Flesh was weak as he will further do in their sight unto publick admiration for those who in this evil time shall go forth weeping bearing pretious seed according to his promise Psal 126.5 6. and their Prayers in the fourth verse Yea when there is but little Faith in the Earth for alas how have we even we that were nearest related also left off our hope for this poor soul Yea how have I to my shame that had the charge of her failed most herein I must say indeed to my abasement the weights and fear of her untimely end the cares of keeping her from any Instrument to accomplish it and the dread of divers kinds that so long encompassed me concerning her with the trouble we had to get her eat her bread and to gaining her under hearing the word of God which is more necessary with the discouraging influence of living under the dayly droppings of those many dismal predictions she uttered of her suddain and certain ruine destruction after more then three years care of the kind aforesaid and so many attempts and faintings Alas Paimed now at no more in my own mind then to get her safe again delivered into her dear Parents hands that my face might not be covered with shame according to my fear of her untimely end at such distance from them which being accomplished by the good hand of God in our safe Voyage through his special grace who led us and our little ones through his stormy deep and after some hazzards landed us in safety which I wish we may not let slip alas she almost fell out of my memory and was seldom in my Prayer the Lord grant me the mercy of her earnest supplications for which Jobs Friends were made humbly to apply to him through like frailty towards him in his sorrow as I have reason to impute to my self towards her herein Thus hath the Lord our God stained the pride of all glory as he shall yet more publickely do unto his praise and give grace to the humble that they who glory might onely glory in him as the great end of his works of wonder his great Salvations and the operations of the Almighty in the Earth that the faint who relie on the Lord may be revived that youths and every confident one may faint and be humbled before him Wherefore Beloved I beg the best effects in every heart of this unspeakable mercy and to the glory of God in the highest which I trust is the onely end why my poor Brother and Companion in mourning for our own sins and shortnesse and for yours also which have the greatest hand in hiding good things yea the expected publicke Salvations also from us have agreed by the Advice of divers who are also in the dust for Zion in this dark declining day to recommend this token of good from God our Father and yours unto you towards the support of your sinking souls in his cloudy gloomy houre with our poor Epistles full of affection to your pretious souls affixed to this gratious earnest of releasing drooping dying Captives who shall draw nigh to and alone depend on God And these I trust shall come to every hand with some effect of our earnest Prayer that the Lord God Almighty to save would accompany it and greatly bless this grain of Mustard seed to make it grow and multiply unto the Faith and refreshment of many the abasement of all and the glorious exaltation of our King who sitteth at the right hand of the Father for us and sends the Comforter to succour his feeble ones in earnest of his care of those who cast their care upon him who onely hath the healing Medicines and will surely right soon therewith visit such in every Nation When all the proud how high soever and they who still do wickedly shall be as stubble before him Mal. 4.1 2. 2 Sam. 22.28 Oh that this pretious answer to your supplications in the best season might be now improved as a prop to uphold your hands with the Rod of God therein in this doubtful day that Amalek may not prevail Oh! wrestle fervently in the unspeakable priviledge of Faith and with Christ in your Armes present your weepings and spread your supplications before the Father in other distressed cases still before you by this incouragement yea let us improve it to publicke as well as private benefit for surely patterns of mercy should be so made use of 2 Cor. 1.10 And call for Faith in the path of them as the most natural improvement 1 Tim. 1.16 Heb. 13.5 as well as to dread the expectation of a contrary portion in the contrary path Psal 125.5 And as the Declaration of Judgements with the cause assigned or the way into them warneth all and speaks incouragement to none so the manifestation of grace and the path thereof is an incouragement to all in the same path and Spirit which was eminently seen of old in God's special presence with Israel in driving back Jordan by his mighty Power for their present deliverance and their adversaries destruction for which they erected Pillars of praise to encourage the future Faith and hope of faithful ones that should follow God fully as his Servant Joshua did Yet could not Israel then have the least ground to expect the driving back of Jordan again or removing other difficulties to have incouraged their retreat or furthered any humane design to which they were sometimes subject through unbelief Neither in our dayes have any persons ground to suppose much lesse to conclude that the Lords eminent presence in the high places of the field scil Naasby and other parts with his people while they faithfully followed him can now yeeld any incouragement to expect the like presence of God while they are turning back and declining from him Neverthelesse new appearances of the like glorious presence with the truely humble followers of the Lord as the matter should require might again be safely expected from the Majesty on high who by the former no doubt manifested his right-hand Power for the strengthening of the Faith and hope of all upright followers of him according to Psal 33.8 9 10 11. and Psal 36.6 7 8 9. and Mic. 6.5 And the very end of the Lords deferring to relieve Lazarus whom he loved until he was dead and laid in the Grave and so no visible hopes left unto his Disciples touching his present resurrection was to the intent they might believe Joh.
such might never hold their peace nor give the Lord rest but in the strength of Jacob by weeping and supplication wrestle with the Mighty one of Jacob till he return in pitty unto Zion to their own souls and to all the distressed who wait upon him and to the stopping the mouth of all Iniquity in the Nations so lately rescued by his hand even till the dry bones live and the heart of those that weep now greatly rejoyce and flourish like an herb and the hand of the Lord be known towards his Servants and his indignation towards his Enemies yea to that effect in Isai 66.12 For thus saith the Lord Behold I will extend peace to her as a River c. and Jer. 30.21 And their Nobles shall be of themselves c. That the glory of the Lord may be redeemed in the Land Let us still wait on the Arm of the Lord who caused Ahasuerus to be restless in the night till he had read the records of the Chronicles of the good service of Mordecai to the changing his heart from his wicked decree and turning it against his treacherous Flatterers and who have taught us to remember his hand upon the haughty of old and to plead it in future distresse as in Isai 51.9 Awake awake put on strength Oh Arm of the Lord awake as in the antient dayes c. For hereby hath he gratiously given us a fresh proof of his Power to performe whatever may make to our relief and comfort in every condition whether we be incompassed with publicke or private distresses wherefore I have somewhat enlarged upon this opportunity of Printing on this occasion which otherwayes I love not thus variously to improve this instance though some men may esteem them unnecessary diversions for the begetting of Faith in God by this Example of dread and incouragement which can onely inable to meet him acceptably in humiliation and before the decree be gone forth as against Shilâ—e of old and Judah who perished with the signes of God's presence in their hand through their not observing aright to Sanctifie his name who had made them so strong and successeful against their Adversaries And seeing the Lord alone can heal our sicknesse and our wound and the breach upon us which is wide as the Sea let every true Mourner humbly approach before him on the behalf of our selves and whole Zion the Prophets Rulers Judges Laws Customes of these Nations on the behalf of the afflicted deserted unbelieving divided and thereby liable to be destroyed people and to turn the heart of those that are enraged and ready to do evil because it is in the Power of their hands to do it for now all men almost see our sicknesse and our wound how foolish many Physitians and our false refuges have proved Let us therefore now cease not only from Babylon Egypt Ashur Horses Armies fenced Cities c. But also from those other fair shews in the flesh to which some fearful Friends would compel us to conform which have too oft deceived us Neither let us humour the lusts of men and multitudes nor be found in the indirect path of fretting proud wrath envying and grudging one against another nor in rash ingaging submitting to traditions temporizing c. But in deep humiliation and brokennesse of soul let us be as Doves of the Valley every one mourning over his Iniquities which is the most hopeful path of refreshment from his presence who hath hereby shewed us his right hand which will certainly relieve and that right soon those that truely sowe in teares for according to his faithful word Psal 126.5 6. He that goeth forth and weepeth bearing pretious seed shall doubtlesse return again with rejoycing bringing his sheaves with him When the Blossome of pride shall wither and the bands of mockers will be made strong Let my soul and yours be imbarked with those that weep this day before the Lord chusing affliction with his people rather then with those who rejoyce now and are not sensible of the afflictions of Joseph but make merry with the nakednesse of Noah and that the Counsel given us for support in Isai 26.20 21. may be accompanied with the residue of the Spirit for our guidance and succour as being given us to be a word of gratious Counsel for such a day as this And that though Satan be seen yet further to fall as lightening from Heaven We may chiefly rejoyce in that our names are written in the Book of Life And now to be still freely admitted with this precious soul to that Feast that fadeth not for evermore is the humble and earnest desire on the behalf of himself and all Saints of The unworthiest of those who yet stand by Faith through the upholding grace of God JOHN VERNON TO THE READER READER THou hast here presented to thy view and serious consideration an eminent pattern of Goâ—'s faithfulnesse in fulfilling that good word Matth. 12.20 A bruised reed shall he not break and smoaking Flax shall he not quench till he send forth Judgemâ—nt unto Victory Which may help to confirme thee in that great truth that there is nothing too hard for him Gen. 18.14 compared with Job 42.2 Who can and will work when he pleaseth and none shall let it Esai 43.13 Neither the height of Satan's malice nor the depth of sinners misery can hinder the free Communication of his mercy to such as look for Salvation from him to which all are freely invited Esai 45.22 And although I judge two such testimonies as are annexed to this treatise sufficâ—ent to satisfie such as know them of the truth of what they assert Yet I having been by the providence of God for some years past an eye and ear-witness in the Family to the sad and deplorable condition of this poor soul now inriched from above who is the subject of the insuling Narrative I have thought meet to adde my mite and thereby signifie my consent to the truth of what is contained in the two foregoing Epistles concerning the late distressed state of that Daughter of Abraham now loosed by the loving kindnesse of the Lord. She hath been indeed for a long season in the depth of misery as to her inward man being bound in affliction and Iron by the Tempter who was suffered to assault and buffet her poor soul even to despair of all help or hope and making her often to conclude that her sins were greater then could be forgiven but that God who is rich in mercy hath appeared gratiously in his own time to hear and answer the Prayers of his people in her behalf in relieving her poor soul and making her to see and acknowledge to his praise that the former suggestions concerning him and her souls irrecoverable estate was from the Father of lies whose work it is to intice and tempt souls unto sin and then wound them in the sence of it endeavouring by all means to perswade such that they have out-sinn'd
as an Instrument of her enlargement concurr'd to prevent her Two or three of our observations while she related this unto us we cannot but mind the Reader of 1. That having layen so long as the Narrative mentioneth under such â—error of soul And having now newly received her enlargement she was so filled with admiration at the exceeding Riches of the grace of God in her deliverance as that it many times stopt her Spirit for a considerable season and she could in all appearance have dwelt long between sentence and sentence in a secret inward silent lifting up of her soul to God in thanks-giving 2. We observed very much faithfulness and tendernesse of soul in her faithfulnesse in that she dwelt as long upon and spake as largely to the darkest passages of her blaspheming God and maligning his people though doubtlesse the remembring of such things was with grief of soul to her as in speaking to the highest manifestations of the grace of God in her present enjoyments of her soul expressing her self to the same effect with the Apostle Rom. 5.20 Where sin abounded grace did much more abound Tendernesse In that with very much circumspection she endeavoured to keep even to a tittle both to the matter and Method of Gods dealing with her And if at any time she or any else who knew her in her afflicted estate and endeavoured to help her memory slipt she would presently correct both herself and them and state the matter aright and in its place before she would let it passe 3. That her rejoycing was mixed with much holy fear and trembling still esteeming her self as a poor Worm before the Mighty God of Israel though exalted to many glorious Priviledges through his rich grace We might speak further what we observed of the crafty wiles of Satan in the manner of his working with her poor soul first training her on from sin to sin and from degree to degree still forestalling her with a perswasion that she was already both in the sin and in the degree which he would train her into And when by that slight he had got her further on then perswading her that she had out-sinned all grace so endeavouring to destroy all hope And indeed this is our common observation of the working of Satan to wit That to persons that are in a wretched state and insensible thereof he lesseneth sin and wideneth grace that they may run the more greedily in their evil wayes making out to them as if the gate of grace opening to life were wide enough for all persons to passe in at with all their sins But to those persons that are brought to the sight of their sins and their wretchednesse thereby he wideneth sin and narroweth grace making out to them as though their sins though not against the Holy Ghost are greater then can be forgiven in both which he is a grievous deceiver Also we might here more largely shew the Reader what subtle slights Satan used with this Servant of the Lord to hinder her obedience to the Commandments of Christ and particularly to that of Baptisme presenting it as a poor low thing c. But as to that we shall in this place onely give thee notice that when she was in the highest revelations and had the most sealing Testimonies of the grace of God to her soul She was then led forth most affectionately to own the Lord Jesus in that despised Ordinance and appointment of his as may be seen more at large in the Narrative it self suitable to that word given to Paul after his great revelations of grace Act. 22.16 where it was said unto him by the Spirit And now why tarriest thou arise and be Baptized and wash away thy sins calling on the name of the Lord. What we shall further say in this matter shall be onely to signifie that upon the whole she desiring to give up her self to the Lord to walk in all his Commandments blamelessely and to have fellowship and communion with his people in the exercise of all the Gospel-Priviledges instituted by Christ their King and Head for his Body the Church and particularly with this Congregation to watch and be watched over by them She was with universal satisfaction accepted and accordingly Baptized and received Many fierce Assaults hath the Enemy of her peace made against her since the chain of her bondage was broken but against all the Lord hath made very gracious provision through the word bringing home through the Power of his Spirit many sull promises to her soul and establishing her through them To the God of Peace who through his own Rich and free love after many years horrour of soul is become her Peace do we desire to commit all his chosen Vessels to honour for his calling in his season unto and for his establishing and growth of those that are called in the truth as it is in Jesus which Jesus we desire to own as our King our Crown and hope of glory and to whose appearing with that glorious Kingdom we desire to be dayly better prepared That at his coming we may have the honour to be of that blessed number that shall wait upon him with Hallelujahs singing forth praise glory and honour to the Father and to the Lamb for ever and ever Amen Your Friends and Brethren in the hope of the Gospel Hen. Parson Jo. Owen Jam. Hill 1658. The Captive taken from the strong or a true Relation of the gratious Release of Mistriss DEBORAH HUISH by the Arme of the Almighty from under the power of the Tempter by whose firy Conflicts she had been sorely vexed for about fourteen years as it was faithfully written from her own Mouth c. ABout fourteen years ago I was cast into deep despair by reason of blasphemous thoughts cast into my mind when I was applying my self to the reading the word of the Lord which thoughts were despising slighting and contemning God his word works and wayes with which being frequently assaulted I came to gather Conclusions that God had past an irrecoverable decree against me for my final condemnation and though I had reluctancy in my heart against such thoughts yet many times I did give my consent to them and approved of them and from thence came to have great horrour seize upon me for many dayes and nights after Causing me to conclude these to be but the fore-runners of that great destruction from the Lord which I judged was prepared for me and such thoughts as these at first were continually almost born in with great weight upon my soul about which time my Sister Anne Vernon then Huish observing my dejected frame desired to know the cause I told her then that God had rejected me for my blasphemous thoughts I had conceived against him worse then any Devil but my Sister indeavored to perswade me these thoughts were not mine but the Devil 's this gave me some respit for a little time bur I was suddenly assaulted again and
have continued under such assaults eversince more or less till the time hereafter specified when the Lord of his free Mercy began to make way for my escape I do also remember that I had not onely despising slighting thoughts of God but also of his people calling them in my thoughts though not with my lips lyars But when I did think I consented to such thoughts then horrour would seize upon me even to overwhelme me and in this condition I remained till my going into Ireland which was about June 1654. After my coming there the Lord visited me with the Small-pox and in that time of sicknesse I thought I had some refreshment from the Lord by consulting his word but was suddenly after assaulted with more and worse blasphemous thoughts then ever before and then did verily believe I was possessed with the Devil and did think I talked with him and heard him say that God loved to torment and bring misery upon his Creatures which thoughts were so pressing upon me that I was ready to wish the destruction of the Almighty and did to my thinking hate him crying out in the hearing of many I am undone to Eternity and so remaineth till lately And so dreadful were these last mentioned thoughts to my soul that from that time I concluded I had committed the sin against the holy Ghost which before I did onely think I had but now was confirmed in it and began to think I had really trampled under foot the blood of Jesus Christ and had done despite to the Spirit of grace and thence concluded that nothing now remained but a fearful looking for of vengeance that should devour the Adversary and this put me into unexpressible torments night and day thinking the Devil would come and fetch me away and I believed I was certain of it and when any went to pray for me I thought that hastened my destruction and therefore I hated them for it and had in my mind many sad wishes as to those that prayed for me counting Hell my portion and that I should by such means be sooner cut off and that they sin'd in praying I having sin'd against the holy Ghost thought they ought to hate me but not pray for me I did also think I alwayes heard a fearful sound in my ears especially when it was windy or rainy weather and then thought I should be cast into Hell presently which made an unexpressable torment of mine to think of it and yet under all the means used to seek God for me I found no benefit But at Dublin when dayes were set apart to seek God for me I dreaded those dayes above all other thinking verily that God was ingaged in honour to come out against me in fierce indignation as also against such as sought him on my behalf and I did many times think the Lord in a way of judgement would turn me into some filthy hateful Monster or other as a Memorial of his just displeasure against me and all the time that prayers were put up for me which was very frequent in Dublin as also discourses very often with me I could not perceive that any ever took the least hold on my heart but still I had that Scripture oft on my thoughts (a) Psal 65.5 By terrible things in righteousnesse wilt thou answer them which I understood to be some answer in a way of judgement as to me I had also that Scripture much on my heart (b) Matth. 12.31 32. He that sins against the holy Ghost shall never be forgiven in this world nor in that which is to come And as to reading the Scriptures my heart was much averse to it oneiy sometimes out of compassion to others I did read and sometimes did mind them what the casting off the Scriptures had cost me who is now rejected for ever wishing them to take heed of the like but it was very seldome that I did this and long ere I could bring my heart to it I do also remember when I lived at Clantarfe in Ireland and used to go to Dublin sometimes to hear the word I have often thought when I went I should be destroyed ere I came back again and when I did hear I strove all I could to forget what I heard or read having my expectations of Hell so heightened by all such means that I could not endure it would have given any thing I might never have gone to have heard or prayed more it did so increase the torments of my soul And when I came into the place where I used to hear I stâ—ll expected to hear some sudden voice from Heaven declaring my destruction and did think many times that the wind arose just as I came to that place to hear and did believe the Lord must needs appear in judgement against me for coming and sitting as one of his people among them whom I in my heart hated and would long that the duties might be ended that I might be free from those feares that were upon me while there I do also remember that almost every thing did afright me either a cloudy day the Sun or Moon Eclipsed or the Suns rising red in a morning or the wind blowing high All these I thought were signes of my destruction that I did believe the Lord would execute upon me for my hatred against him and his wayes And indeed such an inveterate hate I had against him that I judged I loathed and abhorred the doing good to any saying in my self that the Lord would damn and destroy me and why should I do any good I also wished many times I had never been born or had never had eyes to see or ears to hear or else had been made the most contemptible Creature in the world because when they die there is an end of them but when I die my misâ—ry then begins I also wished I might â—â—ever hear any one speak more from the Scriptures to me for I reckoned all that had spoken to me either in sicknesse or in health would be witnesses against me and so aggravate my sin and misery because I had such warnings and had not harkened to them but to the Devil and especially Mr. Patient a Minister of the word in Dublin coming to me in the time of my sicknesse and speaking of the great danger of an impenitent state if the Lord should cut the thrid of life that such persons would drop immediately into Hell the which he endeavoured to demonstrate to me that I thought he would be the principal witnesse against me of all that had spoke with me so that I now saw my self without hope and the mercy of the Lord utterly taken from me not as it was from Saul but far worse I having sinned against far greater light and more warnings and after such tasts and enlightnings to fall away it was impossible to renew me again unto repentance but concluded I should suddainly be destroyed and that without remedy This being my case I
remember after my sickness in Dublin aforementioned what fretful hateful thoughts I had of God saying in my mind I wil do this or that in despight of God and I could not think otherwise and such a hateful bent of spirit I had against the Lord that I was oft ready to say in my heart I will curse God and die and at last through the strength of temptation I was so far prevailed upon as I did in my thoughts curse God and all I could think of that belonged to him and then concluded my self damned indeed and that I was sure of it and then said to my self I am now sure I have committed the sin against the holy Ghost which is unpardonable and should now to Eternity be tormented with the Devil and his Angels and this sorely afflicted and overwhelmed me in so much that I was once tempted to cast my self down out of a window to kill my self onely the dread of Hell I thought deterred me from it I did also strive to put horrour out of my mind all I could by enjoying outward comforts but alas these were all imbittered to me when I saw the end of such comforts I did also sometimes endeavour to divert these thoughts by businesse I set my self about but being sometimes hot at work I should have the heat of Hell-fire thereby brought to my mind and the terriblenesse of that represented to me But the greatest ease I had in these distracting terrours was by setting my self upon businesse but found my self so continually harrased with thoughts of Hell that my heart grew hard and stupid so that though I knew that was my portion yet I was unsensible of it unlesse at sometimes when horrour would violently break in upon me especially at such times as I was forced to go to hear when I still expected God to witnesse against me by some sore judgement from Heaven which upon every dark and stormy day especially I expected and did oft times judge I saw flashes of fire come upon my face putting me in mind of that horrible pit of darknesse I should one day fall into And many times when I went to bed I have been afraid to sleep lest I should be cast into Hell ere I waked again to prevent which I have oft resolved not to sleep onely sometimes through a stupid senslesse frame I should lye down and sleep not thinking of my danger but when I waked I wondered I was not in Hell yet could not be thankful for it but still thought I should be there shortly and though I lived never so long yet to be there at last would swallow up all this time as if it had not been and all the comforts I now enjoyed would but aggravate my sorrow and misery then when I shall be deprived of all and suffer for what I now enjoy upon which account all my comforts were bitter to me and when I tasted any thing I still thought what I should tast ere long in Hell which made me hardly able to eat my meat for I should thus reason Why should I eat and drink when I am in dayly expectation of being cast into Hell and then was that Scripture brought to mind (c) Esa 57.20 21. The wicked are like the troubled Sea that cannot rest whose waters cast up mire and dirt there is no peace to the wicked And many times when I have been at work suddain flashes of Hell have been as it were darted into my soul so that I have run out of the room where I was and would have run out of the Lords presence also if I could but alas my foul had no refuge to flye to from him nor can I remember that I had a heart so much as to seek for mercy onely in some great distresses sometimes I think I have used the words LORD HAVE MERCY UPON ME but without any hope or expectation of obtaining what I prayed for but concluded God would not save me unlesse he would deny himself and his word and though an Angel from Heaven should have told me of mercy I could not have believed it being so confident of the contrary and therefore I would tell those that endeavoured to fasten counsel comfort upon me it was but a casting Pearls before Swine and holy things to Dogs which God forbids And when several good women in Dublin did meet to seek the Lord on my behalf I thought sometimes especially once in Mistriss Patients house I smell'd Brimstone burning and expected nothing but destruction in the sence of which I did tremble exceedingly out of that deep horrour that was on my soul but still I got no sensible good in any of these meetings and when I have seen the mist ascend sometimes that minded me of that Scripture where 't is said (d) Rev. 14.11 The smoak of their torment ascendeth up for ever And I have oft as I have judged seen Michaels meeting-house in Dublin where we met to hear full of smoak all which I judged sealed and confirmed my destruction I do also remember when my dear Sister Allen died at Dublin in Ireland I had little or no sence of that with other like heavy stroaks of the Lord about that time upon divers other pretious ones but did believe they were taken away for my sake because they prayed for me and that I was onely left to fill up the measure of my Iniquity and therefore the Lord stopped many of their mouths by death that they might not pray any more for me but that I might be left to heap up wrath and aggravate my misery I do likewise remember one morning particularly at Dublin when I being in bed and called to rise I did believe verily I saw grievous flashes of lightning flie in my face which put me in strange honour And also another morning seeing the Sun rise in a misty frosty morning very red I had that Scripture come into my mind (e) Joel 2.31 of the Suns being turned into blood before the great and notable day of the Lord which I believed was then near to my destruction Another time being at a Christian Friends Mistriss Roe's house in Dublin in the night season I heard a voice as I judged over my head a great voice to which I hearkened and was thereby put into great horrour thinking it to be the Devil come to fetch me away and at last through anguish of soul was put into great trembling and sweat by reason of which I spake to Mistriss Roe who told me it was the people that lay over my head that talked But I did not believe her but still thought it was the Devil and towards morning I heard a ratling of Chains as I thought which I judged to be the Devils hasting to fetch me away with great rejoycing that they had got me then I asked Mistriss Ree what that noise was who told me it was onely people opening Shop-windows but that satisfied not me but I remained still
had done I should suddenly be destroyed and that without remedy And hearing that passage mentioned out of Hannah's Song (l) 1 Sam. 2.10 The Enemies of the Lord shall be broken to pieces out of Heaven will he thunder upon them And I being as I judged one of his Enemies it did sorely terrify me After this on the six and twentieth day of the eleventh Moneth in the night season my soul was much took up with thoughts about my sad estate and I was brought to conclude I was a Subject of the Lords displeasure and should lie under the weight of his wrath to Eternity And this sorely terrified me to think what a sad thing it was to be cast out of Gods sight and that for ever and tormented with the Devil and his Angels and this for ever without any hopes of release or dram of comfort This I thought to be a pit indeed in which was no water not the least refreshment but unsupportable miseries and that to Eternity and it seemed strange to me that I was out of Hell so long considering what I had been and done against the Lord and also considering his infinite power who could in a moment cast me there who had so provoked him as I had done I came then to suppose this with my self were I now in Hell and had but a possibility of escape what means would I use to escape that horrible Pit I also considered again being once there there was was no Redemption for ever considering what great danger I was in dayly of being cast there were the thrid of my life cut which might suddenly be and so I drop into Hell past recovery I being not yet there and believing no Redemption from thence when there I came then to think if yet there were any possibility of using means for my escape I would try for if I lie still I shall certainly perish and if I attempt the use of means and misse obtaining what I seek for I can but perish and many very great sinners have escaped through mercy therefore I would try and the Lord encouraged me from those words of Esther (m) Esth 4.16 I will go in to the King if I perish I perish As also the resolution of the Lepers (n) 2 King 2.4 In the Siege of Samaria to use the means though without hope of successe I being in such a deplorable condition was prest to up and be doing seeing the danger of lying still at last I came to resolve to go hear at a Meeting in Sydbury but I could not pray for a blessing believing my Prayer was abominable to the Lord and I had also after I had resolved much ado to go considering I was but an Hypocrite and such a one should not stand before God also considering what my thoughts against God were and had been I went with great fears on my heart thinking as formerly the Lord would meet me in a way of rebuke witnessing against me but then I thought also I could but perish and I had had such thoughts of the Lords witnessing against me formerly which I had been mistaken in and so might be in these and still urged this to my heart To abide in a way of unrighteousnesse is nothing but death onely in a way of righteousnesse is life so that I had great fears each way of going or staying But considering my nights resolution I fear'd if I went not I should be found a Mocker of God and so I went but when I came there my fears were renewed again as to the Lords witnessing against me but I strove against them by calling to mind former mistakes of this kind and endeavoured to hear attentively and after a while the Lord abated my fears aforesaid and afterwards almost clean removed them The Subject spoken of at that time was sloth which having been so much my souls disease I was very sorely reproved by it especially afterward when I seriously Meditated upon it but yet I resolved to wait in the use of means blessing God as I was able for what I heard this day but yet remained in a very helplesse condition having little or no hope of deliverance This night afterwards at prayers in the Family I had my heart affected with some expressions used in Prayer about the dreadfulnesse of Christs appearing to his Adversaries for their rejecting him in his tenders to them On the seven and twentieth day at night I had many fears on my heart in so much that I was afraid to stay in any room and would if I could have fled from the presence of God it was so terrible to me And about twelve of the Clock at night I came into my Sister Vernons Chamber but horrour so seized on me in all places as I was forced once this night to go and cry to the Lord for mercy but whilst I was in my Sisters Chamber I heard one walking in another room near which made me afraid to go back again believing it was the Devil but after understanding it to be one of the Maids that was up I return'd again then into the Chamber somewhat freed from my fears and went to bed but having got cold with being up I found my self much distempered both in my body and head And kept my Bed the next day till night Then I got up for refreshment for a while but remember not any remarkable passage farther this night but had many sad grieving thoughts for my rejecting Christ which were often on my heart this day and also I had a little view of the excellency of Christ and spake to some in the Family of it in these words His Fruit is better then Life which I thought aggravated my Iniquity in rejecting him besides whom there is not another that can save and that I should reject him it sorely afflicted me But I had sometimes that day these words He waits to be gratious which somewhat incouraged and revived me to wait And it grieved me exceedingly for my rejecting him his word and counsel who shall be the desire of Nations yea that Tree of Life whose Leaves are for the healing of Nations with whom is Riches and Honour yea dureable Riches and Righteousnesse All these representations of Christ to me heightened my sin and grief for my rejecting him And even broke my heart in the sence of it most part of this day On the eight and twentieth day following I heard again in the Family from the 28. Chapter of the Proverbs the first Verse of which Chapter took hold on me as such a one as there is mentioned fleeing from the Lord as from my pursuer which I have many a time done but in that discourse it was shewn that despair is the High-way to Hell which much dwell'd with me in the night season and awakening in the night and hearing the wind blow hard it sorely terrifyed me being the voice as I thought of God my terrible Judge considering him as a consuming fire
experience the truth of his word that it doth and shall indure for ever that I might be able from experience to witness to it as so enduring by his never failing nor forsaking me But that I might know him as a God that keeps Covenant and mercy for ever with his people which last words were this day made sweet to my Meditation Also this day hearing in the Family from Psalm 63.8 My soul followeth hard after thee thy right hand upholds me I was able to say I had experienced right hand upholdings and my soul was now taught to beg earnestly for a heart inabled to follow hard after him that hath so upheld that I might follow him resolutely patiently expectingly and constantly as was then minded in that Sermon I also begged I might be kept low in my own eyes under the receipt of mercy looking on the Lord Jesus as the Spring and Fountain of all in me and to me owning the freenesse of his grace to me Especially considering what a Rebel I had been against him and how justly he might have cast me off for ever had it not pleased him to advance riches of grace to me a poor vile undone Creature who desires his name alone may have all the glory and since he hath shewed this mercy to me my souls great fears are lest I should sacrifice to my self But I desire I may for ever be kept in the sence of my own unworthinesse of the least mercy from him upon any other account then the good pleasure of his own will made known in and by Christ to poor sinners Her third Assault Yet this night I was assaulted again with many blasphemous thoughts darted into my soul against God by the tempter causing fears and faintings sometimes Yet I strove against them crying to the Lord for help to resist the Devil desiring he would also work such a holy fear in my heart as I might never more dishonour him who had so gratiously helpt me out of such depths to look towards him and to hope in his mercy who was pleased this night again very gratiously to support me with the same promises at first given in and now again afresh as it were repeated and confirm'd further to my soul And by these he now also upheld me against departing from him after great striving and strugling to keep my hold on the promises I had also a pretious view of the love of God given into my soul though the vilest of sinners which did greatly refresh me enabling me more fully to believe in him and this Scripture (s) 2 Cor. 5.21 was much set upon my heart That he hath made him to be sin for us who knew no sin that we might be made the Righteousnesse of God in him As also that (t) 1 Cor. 1.30 He is made unto us of God Wisdome Righteousnesse Sanctification and Redemption So that I was inabled now to see my self justified and acquit in the sight of God through Christ from all my iniquity which was now hid and covered and God in Christ well pleased with me upon the account of his righteousnesse onely so that I was being thus refreshed inabled to admire his grace to such a poor worthlesse Creature as I was and I had my soul then much enlarged in desires after him that I might be kept in time to come from dishonouring him by unbelief or any other way who had been so gratious yea rich in mercy to one so unworthy yea even unto me who had been such a bitter Enemy unto him Oh this did much commend his love to my soul causing me the more to admire it by reflecting upon what I had been and what I had done against him On the second day of the week I was also carried on for the most part in a holy Admiration of his kindnesse to me Desiring I might still be inabled to depend on him and his grace manifested through Christ Jesus to me and might be inabled still to press hard after him from the manifestation of his love through Christ to my soul as also that I might be inabled to give glory to God by believing and that I might never more by an evil heart of unbelief depart or fly from the Lord or dishonour him by hearkning to the voice of the tempter but might hear and know his voice and follow him and no more the voice of strangers but onely him who had been so abundantly gratious to such an unworthy Creature who never deserved the least dram of his grace or mercy but the greatest of his wrath and fury to be poured out upon me And that such a sence of my undone condition and his right-hand-help extended to me in it might teach me for ever to ascribe grace glory to his name that only it also was now my souls Request that I might be inbled to return thanks in truth to him by my unfeigned obedience to all his commands also by searching after the more clear knowledge of his will in any thing wherein I might yet be dark or ignorant desiring that I might neither despise neglect or contemn any of his Commands though reckoned small or contemptible in the eye of the world but that what ever his mind is I should do I might be inabled to honour him therein freely and sincerely though never so weakly and might never willingly neglect any Command of his but might with full purpose of heart cleave to him and his wayes no more sinfully to depart from them whatever I may be exposed to that the truth and integrity of my heart might even appear to the glory of God in my being sound a follower of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises The second day of the week at night I had a more large view of the Lords love and more refreshings then I had before And I was now inabled to see that all sorts of good was laid up for me in Christ both for soul and body from that Scripture (u) Col. 1.19 For it pleased the Father that in him should all fulnesse dwell And this fulnesse I saw was laid up in him for all believers and I was made to see that all that good contained in any of the promises it was in him and by him given out to believers through the promises and that it should be enjoyed by believers in him with unspeakable safety and certainty he never failing any that trust in him for he hath said None that trust in him shall be desolate nor should any be able to pluck them out of his hand nor out of his Fathers hand who is greater then he These with many other pretious promises did then flow in abundantly to my soul carrying me out of my self by faith to him so that I was inabled to resign up my self and commit the keeping of my soul and all that I have and am to him whom I had found thus faithful and also able to keep what
consumed which was because he had made an everlasting Covenant on my behalf in Christ Jesus my Lord in all things well ordered and sure and that he was ever mindful of his Covenant Oh! this was sweet and this even this was the reason I was not cast off in my rebellions because he hath loved me with an everlasting love therefore with loving kindnesse hath he drawn me and that for his own name sake he deferr'd his anger that he cut me not off nor did he retain his anger for ever because mercy pleased him he delighted to be gratious The coming in of these did even satisfie my soul as with Marrow in the thoughts of his infinite Eternal unchangeable love Which I saw indeed was the reason of my not being consumed because he is God and changeth not and in his protection and infinite love and mercy my soul did now rejoyce seeing its safety under the shadow of his Wings believing I should for ever be kept by him and he would uphold me with the right hand of his righteousnesse and would never fail nor forsake me but would rest in his love The sixth day I was kept up much in the sense of love peace and joy afforded me the night before from God my gratious Father my soul still trusting in his word with which he had refreshed and supported me And still I was inabled to believe to my great comfort That his word should endure for ever from which word last mentioned I have been inabled to plead with God in my conflicts after this manner Lord thou hast promised that they that come to thee thou wilt in no wise cast out and if so then canst thou not turn away from doing thy people good but wilt according to thy good word sprinkle them with clean water and from all their idols and Iniquities thou wilt cleanse them yea thou wilt take away the stony heart and give them hearts of Flesh with thy Laws writen in them and thy fear put so into their inward parts as they shall not depart from thee this Lord is thy word in which thou hast caused my soul to trust Thus have I been inabled to plead his new Covenant-mercy to my souls support and upholding in straits blessed be his name This night I had a good nights rest and was much refresh'd on the seventh day in the morning with thoughts much enlarged upon the great good laid up by the Lord for them that fear him and had many promises presented afresh to my soul for future encouragement so that I was inabled through his grace to admire his infinite love in Jesus Christ and to have my soul fully satisfied in that onely and to testifie my satisfaction therein by desiring and endeavouring for ever to be to the praise of his rich grace made known to me by being dedicated wholly to his service Whose workmanship I am being created in Christ Jesus to good works to the end we should walk in them Giving glory and honour to Christ Who alone is worthy to receive it from us having redeemed us out of all kindreds and tongues c. and having wash'd us in his own Blood and made us Kings and Priests unto God the Father and we shall Reign for evermore I also considered it was for this end that he gave himself to redeem us that we might be a peculiar people to himself zealous of good works And to this end I desired My soul might have Fellowship with him in his death sufferings and resurrection being made conformable to him in his death and raised up and brought forth by the power of his Spirit in the Fellowship of his resurrection Fifth Assault from Satan But this seventh day at night I was again assaulted with blasphemous thoughts and tempted to slighty and low thoughts af all his grace and love made known to me And was seized with much fear as I am usually in all these conflicts lest I should be overcome and dishonour God by hearkning consenting to the suggestions of his and my Enemy But the Lord this night also was not wanting to me but did uphold me in waiting upon him inabling me to seek to him rest upon him his word in which he had caused my soul to trust And in this way he came in to me manifesting himself exceeding gratious to my relief and helped me to vanquish those temptations giving me strength against them and inabling me to speak to his praise what he had done for my soul to the end it might be recorded yet when I came this night to speak of these things that so they might be recorded I was much afraid I should not be able being much straitened and shut up but the Lord opened my heart and my mouth spake through his assistance to his praise The seventh day at night I went to bed late and when I awaked in the morning the Lord made my Meditations of him to be sweet to me causing me much still to rejoyce in the love of God my Saviour My first Meditation being of his infinite love and wisdom in finding out a way for recovering and reconciling poor lost fallen man to himself and such a way wherein mercy and truth might meet together righteousnâ—sse and peace might kâ—sse each other And this Scripture was much on my heart g 1 Joh. 1.9 If we confesse our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins And that was sweet to see it was not onely mercy but faithfulnesse and justice to forgive sins unto poor penitent sinners for the sake of Christ The Mediator between God and man in whom God saw himself and Justice fully satisfied and the poor believer might see himself fully acquitted as if he had not sinned And all this I saw as the Fruit of Christs death and resurrection he having in our stead fully discharged our debts which we else could never have satiâ—fied by whom onely we receive the Atonement I had also a far more pretious and inlarged discovery of these things then I am now able to mention with many choice Scriptures brought to my mind as to this head Namely (h) Psalm 68.18 Thou hast ascended on high Thou hast led captivity captive Thou hast received gifts for men yea for the rebellious also that the Lord God might dwell among them and that by Christ all hand-writings that were against us were taken out of the way and nailed to his Cross who hath spoiled principalities and Powers triumphing over them openly And that by him the sting of death and strength of the Law were taken away According to his good word (i) 1 Cor. 15.55 56 57. Oh Death I will be thy death O Grave I will be thy destruction The sting of death is sin and the strength of sin is the Law But thanks be to God who giveth us the Victory through our Lord â—esus Christ Oh! these Scriptures were FOOD AND STRENGTH to my soul At this time also