conscience_n conform_v to_o those_o invention_n of_o man_n in_o god_n worship_n for_o which_o i_o can_v see_v no_o warrant_n in_o all_o the_o scripture_n i_o think_v and_o judge_v it_o my_o duty_n now_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n call_v i_o to_o be_v try_v to_o be_v as_o open_v free_a and_o plain_a in_o declare_v to_o you_o in_o the_o presence_n and_o hear_v of_o the_o same_o relation_n who_o have_v hear_v you_o to_o i_o these_o two_o thing_n first_o that_o i_o hope_v better_a thing_n of_o you_o than_o to_o see_v you_o act_n so_o unnatural_o in_o let_v your_o child_n perish_v for_o want_v of_o necessary_n for_o life_n and_o that_o because_o i_o dare_v not_o act_n against_o my_o conscience_n second_o that_o in_o case_n you_o do_v resolve_v to_o persist_v in_o this_o your_o resolution_n i_o be_o as_o fix_o resolve_v in_o cast_v myself_o on_o the_o promise_n and_o providence_n of_o god_n what_o ever_o come_v of_o i_o in_o this_o world_n and_o before_o i_o will_v act_n herein_o against_o the_o light_n of_o god_n word_n and_o the_o dictate_v of_o my_o conscience_n within_o i_o hope_v i_o shall_v be_v enable_v to_o choose_v rather_o to_o die_v with_o lazarus_n on_o a_o dunghill_n for_o want_v of_o bread_n my_o father_n to_o his_o death_n keep_v his_o resolution_n and_o i_o through_o the_o special_a grace_n of_o god_n have_v be_v enable_v to_o keep_v i_o and_o i_o hope_v ever_o shall_v after_o this_o about_o three_o day_n i_o have_v a_o great_a and_o sharp_a dispute_n with_o my_o lord_n which_o continue_v three_o hour_n and_o a_o half_a by_o my_o lord_n chamber_n clock_n the_o subject_a of_o our_o discourse_n be_v about_o set_a form_n of_o prayer_n whether_o the_o word_n of_o god_n will_v warrant_n ordinary_a and_o fallible_a man_n to_o compose_v set_a form_n of_o prayer_n and_o by_o humane_a authority_n to_o impose_v the_o same_o on_o the_o conscience_n of_o the_o people_n my_o lord_n peremptory_o affirm_v that_o god_n word_n do_v warrant_n this_o and_o i_o as_o stiff_o deny_v that_o it_o do_v for_o proof_n of_o the_o affirmative_a my_o lord_n quote_v luke_o 11._o 2._o when_o you_o pray_v say_v our_o father_n etc._n etc._n sir_n say_v my_o lord_n here_o be_v a_o positive_a command_v to_o prove_v what_o i_o have_v affirm_v to_o this_o i_o shall_v humble_o offer_v two_o thing_n to_o your_o lordship_n serious_a consideration_n first_o the_o apparent_a differnece_n between_o the_o two_o evangalist_n in_o set_v down_o the_o word_n of_o this_o prayer_n luke_n say_v when_o you_o pray_v say_v our_o father_n etc._n etc._n matthew_n as_o appear_v mat._n 6._o 9_o say_v after_o this_o manner_n therefore_o pray_v you_o etc._n etc._n i_o can_v understand_v say_v i_o how_o your_o lordship_n can_v reconcile_v these_o two_o evangelist_n so_o as_o peremptory_o to_o conclude_v from_o the_o place_n now_o quote_v that_o it_o be_v the_o mind_n of_o christ_n that_o these_o word_n be_v to_o be_v impose_v on_o believer_n as_o a_o prayer_n or_o as_o their_o prayer_n second_o by_o way_n of_o humble_a and_o submissive_a enquiry_n do_v your_o lordship_n firm_o believe_v that_o the_o form_n now_o quote_v to_o prove_v the_o affirmative_a be_v in_o itself_o a_o complete_a and_o perfect_a prayer_n contain_v all_o the_o part_n of_o necessary_a prayer_n i_o grant_v it_o sir_n reply_v my_o lord_n i_o believe_v it_o be_v a_o complete_a and_o a_o perfect_a prayer_n contain_v in_o it_o all_o the_o part_n of_o necessary_a prayer_n i_o likewise_o humble_o presume_v that_o your_o lordship_n take_v it_o for_o grant_v that_o it_o be_v the_o mind_n of_o christ_n that_o this_o form_n of_o prayer_n be_v to_o be_v impose_v on_o believer_n as_o their_o prayer_n i_o grant_v it_o sir_n say_v my_o lord_n i_o take_v it_o for_o grant_v that_o it_o be_v the_o mind_n of_o christ_n that_o that_o form_n shall_v be_v impose_v on_o believer_n as_o their_o prayer_n then_o my_o lord_n reply_v i_o if_o the_o form_n now_o mention_v be_v a_o complete_a perfect_a prayer_n to_o which_o nothing_o need_v to_o be_v add_v and_o that_o the_o same_o be_v to_o be_v impose_v on_o believer_n as_o their_o prayer_n and_o that_o by_o christ_n own_o authority_n to_o i_o it_o be_v very_o plain_a that_o for_o any_o man_n to_o make_v or_o impose_v any_o other_o prayer_n on_o themselves_o or_o other_o it_o be_v a_o manifest_a breach_n and_o violation_n of_o that_o command_n of_o christ_n i_o will_v instance_n in_o a_o plain_a case_n for_o illustration_n sake_n the_o ten_o commandment_n in_o the_o law_n moral_a i_o doubt_v not_o but_o your_o lordship_n own_v they_o to_o be_v a_o most_o perfect_a complete_a rule_n of_o righteousness_n contain_v all_o the_o part_n of_o our_o duty_n to_o god_n and_o man._n i_o grant_v they_o to_o be_v so_o say_v my_o lord_n in_o the_o next_o place_n say_v i_o i_o question_v not_o but_o your_o lordship_n as_o ready_o grant_v that_o this_o perfect_a rule_n of_o righteousness_n be_v command_v and_o enjoin_v by_o god_n own_o authority_n i_o grant_v that_o also_o say_v my_o lord_n they_o be_v command_v and_o enjoin_v by_o god_n own_o authority_n then_o say_v i_o the_o case_n be_v plain_a and_o can_v be_v deny_v that_o for_o any_o to_o command_v or_o appoint_v any_o rule_n of_o righteousness_n beside_o those_o which_o in_o themselves_o be_v complete_a and_o perfect_a and_o which_o be_v enjoin_v and_o command_v by_o god_n own_o authority_n it_o be_v a_o manifest_a breach_n and_o violation_n of_o the_o supreme_a law_n to_o which_o nothing_o may_v be_v add_v and_o from_o which_o nothing_o may_v be_v detract_v without_o incur_v the_o displeasure_n and_o curse_v of_o god_n deut._n 4._o 2._o and_o 12._o 32._o pro._n 30._o 6._o rev._n 22._o 18._o 19_o from_o prayer_n my_o lord_n fall_v off_o to_o discourse_n of_o the_o liturgy_n and_o ceremony_n in_o general_n the_o which_o he_o handle_v almost_o in_o all_o the_o particular_n of_o they_o and_o with_o such_o advantageous_a success_n on_o my_o side_n that_o my_o lord_n at_o length_n grow_v weary_a and_o lest_o off_o he_o have_v i_o doubt_v not_o find_v that_o scripture_n in_o psal_n 8._o 2._o make_v good_a that_o day_n but_o whether_o he_o become_v sensible_a thereof_o yea_o or_o not_o sure_o i_o be_o that_o i_o find_v that_o sweet_a promise_n in_o luke_n 21._o 15._o make_v good_a to_o i_o that_o day_n of_o which_o such_o notice_n be_v take_v that_o hardly_o any_o of_o my_o relation_n dare_v attack_v i_o any_o more_o except_z in_o a_o way_n of_o reproach_n and_o rail_a against_o the_o fanatic_n and_o the_o new_a religion_n i_o have_v espouse_v since_o i_o leave_v the_o church_n the_o good_a lord_n be_v for_o ever_o exalt_v and_o praise_v for_o his_o mercy_n and_o faithfulness_n to_o his_o poor_a and_o despise_a child_n in_o a_o time_n of_o need_n this_o be_v the_o last_o encounter_n i_o have_v with_o my_o lord_n about_o religion_n for_o that_o very_a night_n i_o take_v my_o leave_n of_o my_o lord_n render_v humble_a and_o hearty_a thanks_o to_o his_o lordship_n for_o all_o his_o expression_n of_o love_n and_o kindness_n wherewith_o i_o meet_v under_o his_o roof_n since_o i_o become_v a_o member_n of_o his_o family_n it_o be_v endless_a to_o relate_v the_o many_o and_o sharp_a trial_n to_o which_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n call_v i_o that_o i_o may_v be_v bring_v up_o in_o in_o the_o school_n of_o the_o cross_n and_o fit_v for_o the_o service_n to_o which_o i_o be_v afterward_o call_v out_o of_o all_o which_o his_o never_o never_o fail_v providence_n bring_v and_o deliver_v i_o shall_v i_o expose_v in_o print_n the_o many_o straits_n and_o difficulty_n wherewith_o i_o have_v occasional_o be_v exercise_v from_o the_o time_n of_o my_o close_n with_o christ_n in_o the_o gospel_n to_o the_o time_n of_o my_o call_n to_o the_o ministry_n together_o with_o the_o method_n providence_n take_v to_o bring_v i_o off_o and_o work_v my_o escape_n and_o deliverance_n i_o believe_v it_o will_v be_v matter_n of_o joy_n and_o rejoice_v to_o humble_a and_o serious_o religious_a soul_n but_o my_o intend_a brevity_n force_v i_o to_o omit_v many_o particular_n which_o will_v i_o do_v not_o question_v be_v of_o great_a use_n both_o to_o myself_o and_o other_o from_o what_o i_o have_v here_o publish_v concern_v god_n deal_v with_o i_o let_v the_o follow_a observation_n be_v practical_o improve_v to_o god_n eternal_a praise_n observation_n i._o see_v and_o take_v notice_n what_o a_o sweet_a and_o harmonious_a concurrence_n there_o be_v between_o god_n elect_v purpose_n of_o grace_n and_o his_o providential_a dispensation_n the_o foundation_n of_o all_o god_n gracious_a deal_n with_o a_o elect_v sinner_n be_v his_o own_o gracious_a purpose_n fix_v in_o eternity_n jer._n 31._o 3_o the_o lord_n have_v appear_v
shall_v be_v a_o honour_n to_o the_o family_n and_o a_o man_n of_o no_o ordinary_a figure_n in_o the_o orb_n of_o the_o church_n chap._n iii_o set_v forth_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n seize_v i_o in_o the_o very_a height_n of_o my_o confidence_n of_o be_v in_o a_o good_a and_o sure_a state_n of_o salvation_n what_o sad_a work_n it_o make_v with_o i_o and_o what_o mean_v i_o use_v for_o help_n and_o relief_n under_o its_o kill_n and_o sink_a weight_n when_o i_o be_v about_o twenty_o one_o year_n of_o age_n in_o the_o very_a heat_n and_o height_n of_o my_o zeal_n in_o prosecute_a that_o righteousness_n consist_v of_o that_o negative_a and_o positive_a obedience_n which_o the_o law_n moral_n enjoin_v and_o require_v as_o the_o condition_n of_o life_n and_o salvation_n it_o please_v god_n to_o send_v forth_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n to_o seize_v i_o to_o the_o end_n i_o may_v be_v instruct_v and_o full_o convince_v how_o vain_a my_o confidence_n of_o be_v save_v and_o go_v to_o heaven_n in_o that_o self_n please_a way_n of_o legal_a righteousness_n be_v the_o manner_n of_o it_o be_v thus_o be_v on_o the_o day_n call_v easter_n monday_n at_o my_o cathedral_n devotion_n in_o the_o place_n call_v christ_n church_n in_o dublin_n a_o place_n i_o constant_o frequent_v to_o morning_n and_o evening_n service_n and_o a_o place_n which_o i_o more_o zaelous_o love_v and_o venerate_v than_o any_o place_n in_o the_o world_n beside_o for_o that_o i_o very_o conceit_v in_o myself_o it_o be_v as_o the_o very_a entrance_n into_o heaven_n itself_o after_o the_o service_n be_v end_v one_o dr._n golborn_n preach_v his_o text_n be_v in_o ephes_n 5._o 14._o wherefore_o he_o say_v awake_v thou_o that_o sleep_v and_o arise_v from_o the_o dead_a and_o christ_n shall_v give_v thou_o light_n a_o good_a and_o choice_a text_n but_o how_o well_o or_o ill_o handle_v i_o must_v acknowledge_v myself_o to_o have_v be_v at_o that_o time_n a_o very_a incompetent_a judge_n to_o say_v or_o determine_v about_o the_o middle_n of_o the_o sermon_n as_o near_o as_o i_o can_v guess_v there_o be_v dart_v into_o my_o mind_n this_o sad_a and_o kill_a thought_n viz._n that_o i_o have_v the_o day_n before_o receive_v the_o sacrament_n unworthy_o which_o sad_a thought_n be_v back_v with_o that_o of_o 1_o cor._n 11._o 29_o for_o he_o that_o eat_v and_o drink_v unworthy_o eat_v and_o drink_v damnation_n to_o himself_o not_o descern_v the_o lord_n body_n this_o sad_a and_o dismal_a thought_n back_v as_o i_o say_v with_o that_o scripture_n just_a now_o quote_v not_o any_o word_n speak_v by_o the_o preacher_n be_v that_o which_o seize_v my_o mind_n and_o let_v in_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n upon_o i_o no_o soon_o have_v i_o look_v this_o 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d oâ—_n forerunner_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n in_o the_o face_n compare_v it_o with_o the_o place_n already_o mention_v but_o i_o conclude_v myself_o a_o lose_a and_o a_o undo_v man_n my_o spirit_n be_v in_o such_o a_o amaze_a fright_v and_o over_o whelming_a consternation_n to_o think_v that_o i_o be_v most_o certain_o damn_a to_o all_o intent_n and_o purpose_n that_o indeed_o i_o very_o think_v all_o the_o people_n in_o the_o place_n be_v a_o swarm_n or_o a_o legion_n of_o devil_n which_o god_n in_o revengeful_a wrath_n have_v send_v from_o the_o bottomless_a pit_n to_o guard_v and_o attend_v my_o guilty_a soul_n thither_o the_o apprehension_n i_o have_v of_o be_v damn_a and_o send_v to_o hell_n so_o rack_v and_o torment_v my_o spirit_n that_o i_o find_v myself_o unable_a to_o stay_v till_o sermon_n be_v end_v away_o i_o run_v out_o of_o that_o place_n to_o shun_v as_o i_o then_o think_v those_o swarm_n of_o devil_n which_o i_o strong_o conceive_v be_v to_o guard_v i_o to_o hell_n as_o soon_o as_o i_o come_v to_o my_o lord_n of_o santry_n where_o i_o than_o live_v i_o enter_v my_o chamber_n with_o a_o sad_a and_o heavy_a heart_n god_n know_v to_o my_o knee_n i_o go_v with_o a_o intent_n to_o pray_v if_o so_o be_v there_o may_v be_v any_o scrap_n of_o hope_n of_o my_o escape_v being_n eternal_o damn_a but_o alas_o what_o tongue_n or_o pen_n can_v relate_v the_o pass_n and_o condition_n i_o be_v then_o at_o my_o reason_n my_o conscience_n and_o my_o very_a speech_n be_v as_o it_o be_v plunge_v and_o drown_v in_o the_o gulf_n of_o despair_n so_o that_o i_o can_v neither_o utter_v a_o word_n in_o prayer_n nor_o yet_o consider_v what_o i_o shall_v do_v to_o relieve_v my_o bleed_a soul_n in_o that_o sore_a distress_n i_o dare_v not_o abide_v in_o my_o chamber_n fear_v to_o see_v and_o feel_v the_o devil_n actual_o to_o seize_v i_o to_o the_o minister_n of_o the_o parish_n i_o go_v from_o who_o hand_n i_o receive_v the_o sacrament_n but_o the_o day_n before_o not_o know_v but_o that_o he_o may_v administer_v some_o kind_n of_o relief_n to_o one_o in_o my_o condition_n he_o observe_v the_o gastliness_n of_o my_o look_n and_o take_v notice_n that_o somewhat_o ail_v i_o he_o ask_v i_o how_o i_o do_v to_o which_o i_o can_v not_o reply_v he_o press_v to_o know_v what_o the_o matter_n be_v i_o at_o length_n in_o a_o very_a abrupt_a and_o break_a manner_n tell_v he_o that_o i_o be_v full_a of_o the_o apprehension_n and_o fear_n that_o i_o be_v a_o damn_a man_n and_o that_o there_o be_v no_o hope_n of_o mercy_n for_o such_o a_o one_o as_o i_o be_v the_o minister_n somewhat_o surprise_v at_o so_o sudden_a and_o so_o great_a a_o change_n since_o but_o the_o day_n before_o he_o begin_v to_o examine_v what_o great_a and_o heinous_a sin_n one_o of_o my_o age_n and_o one_o in_o so_o encourage_v circumstance_n as_o i_o be_v in_o can_v be_v guilty_a of_o which_o shall_v occasion_v such_o sad_a despair_n he_o mention_v some_o text_n of_o scripture_n thereby_o hope_v to_o have_v give_v some_o relief_n to_o my_o weary_a gasp_a soul_n but_o all_o in_o vain_a god_n time_n of_o heal_v i_o be_v not_o yet_o come_v and_o find_v by_o my_o frequent_a come_n to_o he_o for_o ease_n and_o comfort_n to_o how_o little_a purpose_n he_o have_v labour_v with_o i_o he_o at_o length_n advise_v i_o to_o ride_v into_o the_o country_n to_o visit_v my_o father_n and_o other_o relation_n and_o by_o that_o mean_n as_o also_o by_o exercise_v myself_o with_o such_o exercise_n as_o i_o former_o delight_v in_o as_o shoot_v with_o the_o gun_n and_o angle_a to_o divert_v my_o melancholy_a thought_n this_o i_o be_v glad_a to_o hear_v of_o my_o own_o inclination_n lead_v so_o strong_o to_o it_o in_o order_n to_o the_o effect_n of_o which_o i_o address_v myself_o to_o my_o lord_n housekeeper_n entreat_v she_o to_o acquaint_v my_o lord_n that_o in_o regard_n of_o some_o present_a indisposition_n under_o which_o i_o labour_v and_o in_o order_n to_o my_o health_n i_o have_v not_o only_o a_o inclination_n but_o be_v advise_v to_o visit_v my_o father_n in_o the_o country_n in_o order_n whereto_o i_o think_v it_o convenient_a to_o acquaint_v his_o lordship_n therewith_o to_o the_o end_n i_o may_v obtain_v not_o only_o his_o lordship_n free_a consent_n but_o also_o the_o liberty_n of_o a_o horse_n to_o perform_v my_o intend_a journey_n the_o housekeeper_n no_o soon_o deliver_v my_o request_n to_o my_o lord_n but_o my_o lord_n command_v she_o to_o call_v i_o up_o into_o his_o chamber_n as_o soon_o as_o i_o receive_v the_o command_n i_o fall_v immediate_o into_o a_o great_a sweat_n and_o sore_o tremble_v up_o i_o go_v and_o be_v enter_v into_o the_o chamber_n my_o lord_n lock_v the_o chamber_n door_n and_o lay_v his_o hat_n on_o a_o cabinet_n sit_v down_o in_o his_o chair_n and_o with_o a_o earnest_n and_o pierce_a eye_n look_v on_o a_o pretty_a while_n before_o he_o speak_v i_o all_o the_o while_n sweat_v and_o quake_v at_o length_n my_o lord_n begin_v with_o james_n what_o ail_v you_o what_o be_v the_o matter_n i_o hear_v you_o go_v private_o to_o minister_n there_o be_v somewhat_o ail_v you_o what_o be_v it_o i_o perceive_v by_o my_o lord_n discourse_n that_o the_o minister_n of_o the_o parish_n have_v acquaint_v my_o lord_n with_o my_o case_n i_o find_v myself_o far_o more_o uneasy_a than_o before_o my_o sweat_n and_o trembleing_n of_o soul_n increase_a upon_o i_o my_o lord_n continue_v query_v what_o ail_v you_o james_n tell_v i_o what_o be_v the_o matter_n i_o be_v so_o overwhelm_v in_o my_o spirit_n that_o my_o speech_n be_v swallow_v up_o as_o job_n say_v job_n 6._o 3._o but_o my_o lord_n not_o let_v i_o alone_o but_o with_o earnest_a importunity_n press_v to_o know_v what_o i_o ail_v i_o at_o length_n as_o a_o poor_a condemn_a caitiff_n hang_v by_o a_o
twine_n thread_n over_o hell_n mouth_n roar_v out_o as_o if_o my_o bowel_n have_v burst_v out_o of_o my_o body_n cry_v with_o great_a and_o unutterable_a groan_n and_o tear_n my_o good_a lord_n dear_a my_o lord_n i_o be_o afraid_a i_o be_o a_o undo_v creature_n i_o be_o a_o damn_a man_n there_o be_v no_o mercy_n for_o i_o my_o lord_n perceive_v by_o my_o look_n and_o speech_n that_o i_o be_v in_o good_a earnest_n wound_v with_o tear_n in_o his_o eye_n and_o with_o the_o great_a concernedness_n for_o i_o begin_v to_o play_v the_o spiritual_a physician_n ask_v i_o with_o great_a earnestness_n what_o gross_a and_o cry_v sin_n as_o adultery_n murder_n and_o the_o like_a can_v one_o of_o my_o year_n be_v guilty_a of_o as_o to_o occasion_v my_o fall_n into_o despair_n of_o mercy_n and_o say_v my_o lord_n admit_v you_o be_v guilty_a of_o such_o and_o great_a abomination_n what_o reason_n have_v you_o for_o despair_n you_o must_v know_v that_o jesus_n christ_n the_o son_n of_o god_n come_v into_o the_o world_n not_o to_o lay_v a_o load_n on_o you_o but_o to_o take_v your_o load_n off_o you_o quote_v mat._n 11._o 29._o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o be_v weary_a and_o heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_v with_o many_o other_o text_n of_o scripture_n and_o comfortable_a expression_n he_o labour_v to_o relieve_v and_o ease_v my_o burden_a and_o sink_a soul_n but_o all_o in_o vain_a god_n time_n of_o cure_v my_o deep_a and_o desperate_a wound_n be_v not_o come_v as_o touch_v my_o purpose_n of_o go_v into_o the_o country_n my_o lord_n tell_v i_o i_o may_v use_v my_o freedom_n but_o that_o his_o judgement_n and_o advice_n be_v that_o it_o be_v better_o for_o i_o to_o stay_v than_o to_o go_v into_o the_o country_n and_o that_o because_o of_o the_o great_a disadvantage_n which_o by_o go_v will_v accrue_v to_o i_o in_o my_o study_n my_o lord_n have_v declare_v his_o judgement_n what_o have_v be_v best_a for_o i_o to_o do_v i_o tell_v his_o lordship_n i_o be_v resolve_v to_o take_v his_o advice_n what_o ever_o come_v of_o i_o and_o according_o i_o do_v my_o sore_a continual_o raw_a day_n and_o night_n and_o cease_v not_o yea_o my_o soul_n refuse_v to_o be_v comfort_v according_a to_o that_o of_o the_o psalmist_n in_o the_o like_a case_n psal_n 77._o 2._o in_o the_o day_n of_o my_o trouble_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n my_o sore_a run_v in_o the_o night_n and_o cease_v not_o my_o sell_v refuse_v to_o be_v comfort_v i_o seem_v to_o follow_v and_o to_o ply_v my_o study_n rather_o for_o fashion_n sake_n and_o for_o fear_v my_o lord_n and_o my_o father_n shall_v suspect_v that_o i_o love_v idleness_n rather_o than_o any_o love_n i_o have_v thereto_o or_o hope_n that_o ever_o it_o will_v turn_v to_o any_o account_n for_o good_a to_o myself_o or_o other_o when_o at_o any_o time_n i_o look_v into_o a_o book_n instead_o of_o hee_v or_o mind_v what_o be_v in_o the_o book_n the_o eye_n of_o my_o gnaw_a guilty_a conscience_n be_v fix_v on_o the_o many_o sin_n i_o have_v commit_v against_o god_n insomuch_o that_o all_o the_o sin_n of_o my_o youth_n be_v in_o all_o their_o black_a and_o aggravate_v circumstance_n lay_v and_o hold_v before_o i_o as_o a_o looking-glass_n to_o show_v i_o what_o a_o monstrous_a sinner_n i_o be_v according_a to_o that_o of_o david_n psal_n 51._o 3._o for_o i_o acknowledge_v my_o transgression_n and_o my_o sin_n be_v ever_o before_o i_o endless_a be_v the_o toss_n and_o rowlings_n of_o my_o weary_a soul_n from_o one_o sad_a confusion_n and_o despair_a thought_n to_o another_o innumerable_a almost_o be_v the_o sorry_a prayer_n such_o as_o they_o be_v and_o other_o duty_n which_o i_o daily_o perform_v to_o keep_v and_o relieve_v my_o despair_v soul_n with_o but_o all_o in_o vain_a which_o cause_v i_o to_o conclude_v that_o i_o have_v be_v much_o want_v in_o the_o trade_n of_o work_n and_o that_o have_v i_o not_o be_v so_o i_o may_v have_v be_v acquaint_v with_o peace_n and_o comfort_n before_o now_o to_o the_o trade_n of_o do_v i_o again_o address_v myself_o resolve_v not_o to_o omit_v or_o leave_v undo_v any_o thing_n which_o i_o understand_v by_o read_v or_o hear_v to_o be_v matter_n of_o duty_n pray_v understand_v by_o the_o book_n for_o i_o know_v no_o better_a read_v fast_v and_o attend_v the_o most_o lively_a preacher_n frequent_v sacrament_n give_v alm_n to_o the_o poor_a of_o what_o money_n my_o lord_n and_o other_o relation_n hand_v out_o to_o i_o that_o place_n in_o dan._n 4._o 7._o be_v oft_o in_o my_o thought_n according_a to_o which_o i_o give_v away_o whatever_o i_o get_v yea_o so_o addict_v to_o relieve_v the_o poor_a and_o needy_a be_v i_o that_o i_o will_v give_v away_o my_o very_a apparel_n when_o i_o have_v no_o money_n and_o all_o this_o from_o a_o pharisaical_a and_o superstitious_a conceit_n that_o by_o those_o act_n of_o duty_n and_o service_n i_o shall_v recompense_n god_n for_o those_o sin_n which_o like_o a_o millstone_n on_o the_o back_n of_o a_o man_n be_v sink_v my_o soul_n into_o the_o gulf_n of_o desperation_n i_o do_v abound_v more_o and_o more_o in_o strict_a and_o circumspect_a walk_v according_a to_o do_v and_o live_v the_o condition_n and_o tenure_n of_o the_o first_o covenant_n of_o work_n under_o which_o i_o be_v labour_v for_o life_n the_o more_o i_o wrought_v at_o the_o trade_n of_o duty_n the_o further_o i_o find_v myself_o from_o peace_n which_o do_v cause_v i_o to_o conclude_v that_o my_o case_n be_v certain_o desperate_a and_o that_o it_o be_v peculiar_o my_o own_o and_o that_o none_o that_o belong_v to_o god_n be_v ever_o in_o such_o a_o condition_n as_o i_o find_v myself_o to_o be_v in_o i_o then_o renew_v my_o old_a practice_n of_o go_v to_o minister_n acquaint_v they_o with_o the_o deplorable_a and_o wretched_a state_n and_o condition_n i_o be_v in_o and_o earnest_o beg_v their_o advice_n and_o council_n what_o one_o in_o my_o sad_a circumstance_n have_v best_a to_o do_v in_o order_n if_o it_o be_v possible_a to_o escape_v eternal_a damnation_n oh_o that_o kill_a word_n damnation_n when_o ever_o i_o hear_v read_v or_o think_v of_o it_o how_o do_v it_o rack_n and_o torment_v my_o spirit_n as_o fear_v it_o will_v be_v my_o portion_n for_o ever_o as_o the_o principle_n from_o which_o i_o act_v in_o order_n to_o heal_v and_o cure_v be_v do_v and_o live_v so_o those_o spiritual_a physician_n to_o who_o i_o address_v myself_o for_o council_n and_o comfort_n in_o this_o despair_n of_o soul_n be_v as_o ignorant_a in_o the_o mystery_n of_o the_o new_a birth_n as_o ever_o be_v nicodemus_n joh._n 3._o 4._o they_o put_v i_o on_o do_v those_o duty_n in_o and_o about_o which_o i_o have_v labour_v before_o even_o to_o weariness_n the_o name_n of_o those_o dignitaries_n of_o the_o church_n to_o who_o i_o apply_v myself_o together_o with_o what_o their_o say_n be_v be_v too_o tedious_a to_o relate_v and_o therefore_o i_o here_o pass_v they_o by_o only_o i_o think_v fit_a to_o acquaint_v the_o reader_n with_o the_o great_a and_o superlative_a ingenuity_n and_o dexterous_a skilfulness_n in_o heal_v a_o sinsick_a soul_n which_o one_o of_o they_o above_o the_o rest_n have_v attain_v to_o to_o his_o everlasting_a fame_n be_v it_o speak_v the_o thing_n be_v thus_o after_o i_o have_v acquaint_v the_o bishop_n for_o of_o no_o low_a a_o degree_n be_v he_o with_o the_o sad_a and_o lamentable_a condition_n my_o soul_n be_v in_o but_o he_o forthwith_o exhort_v i_o to_o get_v a_o book_n style_v the_o whole_a duty_n of_o man_n and_o when_o i_o have_v get_v it_o i_o shall_v come_v to_o he_o for_o further_a instruction_n the_o book_n i_o forthwith_o procure_v and_o to_o his_o lord_n bishop_n i_o repair_v who_o find_v that_o i_o have_v get_v the_o book_n take_v it_o out_o of_o my_o hand_n and_o turn_v to_o a_o prayer_n appoint_v for_o one_o of_o the_o night_n in_o the_o week_n with_o great_a earnestness_n charge_v i_o that_o when_o i_o be_v ready_a to_o go_v to_o bed_n that_o i_o be_v sure_a to_o kneel_v down_o by_o my_o bedside_n and_o say_v that_o prayer_n the_o which_o be_v do_v according_a to_o his_o lordship_n direction_n but_o to_o how_o great_a purpose_n i_o leave_v the_o judicious_a and_o experience_a christian_a to_o judge_n have_v thus_o apply_v myself_o to_o seven_o or_o eight_o of_o the_o able_a and_o most_o fame_a of_o the_o father_n and_o dignitaries_n of_o the_o church_n of_o england_n then_o in_o dublin_n and_o find_v by_o woeful_a and_o sad_a experience_n how_o little_a they_o understand_v my_o case_n and_o how_o vast_o short_a they_o prove_v in_o help_v i_o in_o my_o extremity_n i_o conclude_v my_o
felicity_n when_o at_o any_o time_n i_o hear_v they_o talk_v boast_o of_o the_o honour_n and_o credit_n of_o the_o family_n i_o can_v not_o forbear_v express_v my_o contempt_n of_o the_o same_o tell_v they_o to_o their_o very_a face_n that_o the_o blood_n of_o jesus_n not_o the_o blood_n of_o my_o progenitor_n according_a to_o the_o flesh_n be_v that_o which_o make_v i_o noble_a and_o true_o honourable_a and_o that_o he_o or_o she_o who_o be_v advance_v to_o the_o high_a degree_n of_o honour_n whereto_o a_o earthly_a king_n can_v possible_o advance_v and_o be_v not_o wash_v in_o the_o lamb_n blood_n the_o high_a their_o honour_n and_o greatness_n be_v the_o great_a and_o more_o intolerable_a will_v be_v the_o doom_n and_o condemnaton_n of_o such_o when_o by_o death_n they_o go_v hence_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o disrelish_v and_o discover_v what_o small_a èsteem_n i_o have_v of_o the_o liturgy_n and_o ceremony_n of_o the_o church_n of_o which_o i_o have_v former_o be_v so_o extreme_o zealous_a three_o thing_n chief_o occasion_v this_o first_o the_o apprehension_n i_o have_v of_o the_o purity_n and_o holiness_n of_o god_n nature_n which_o require_v a_o worship_n suit_v to_o his_o own_o pure_a and_o spiritual_a be_v according_a to_o that_o in_o joh._n 4._o 24._o second_o i_o considere_v that_o no_o worship_n can_v possible_o find_v acceptance_n with_o god_n but_o such_o a_o worship_n as_o be_v stamp_v with_o god_n own_o institution_n which_o i_o be_v then_o apprehensive_a and_o be_o now_o more_o full_o convince_v the_o liturgy_n and_o ceremony_n of_o the_o church_n be_v not_o the_o same_o be_v devise_v by_o man_n and_o impose_v by_o human_a authority_n without_o any_o the_o least_o warrant_n from_o the_o word_n of_o god_n according_a to_o esa_n 8._o 20._o esa_n 29._o 13._o mat._n 15._o 8._o 9_o three_o the_o sad_a experience_n i_o have_v of_o the_o vusuitableness_n of_o such_o a_o worship_n to_o a_o awaken_v and_o a_o renew_a soul_n while_o i_o be_v in_o a_o natural_a state_n ignorant_a of_o god_n and_o the_o nature_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o thing_n true_o spiritual_a i_o be_v exceed_v zealous_a in_o do_v and_o perform_v that_o service_n which_o now_o i_o find_v be_v of_o little_a avail_n either_o to_o a_o please_a god_n or_o profit_v a_o awaken_v conscience_n the_o spirit_n of_o god_n have_v in_o effectual_a call_v teach_v and_o convince_v i_o that_o no_o worship_n or_o ordinance_n in_o religion_n can_v be_v food_n to_o nourish_v and_o satisfy_v a_o hungry_a soul_n but_o such_o worship_n as_o be_v institute_v by_o and_o suit_v to_o please_v god_n god_n will_v be_v find_v saving_o of_o none_o but_o those_o who_o seek_v he_o in_o the_o way_n of_o his_o own_o institution_n according_a to_o prov._n 8._o 32._o 1_o pet._n 2._o 2._o soon_o after_o this_o the_o care_n and_o providence_n of_o christ_n my_o chief_a sheppard_n direct_v i_o to_o attend_v the_o ministry_n of_o mr._n samuel_n mather_n with_o who_o i_o afterward_o sit_v down_o in_o full_a communion_n to_o my_o soul_n great_a comfort_n and_o edification_n in_o the_o knowledge_n of_o christ_n notice_n be_v take_v in_o the_o family_n where_o i_o live_v that_o i_o discontinue_v go_v to_o the_o cathedral_n worship_n the_o which_o i_o common_o attend_v with_o a_o more_o than_o ordinary_a zeal_n sometime_o three_o time_n and_o sometime_o four_o time_n in_o the_o same_o day_n and_o that_o i_o be_v not_o see_v at_o the_o parish_n church_n on_o sabbath_n day_n or_o at_o the_o sacrament_n as_o i_o use_v to_o do_v the_o eye_n of_o my_o observer_n be_v upon_o i_o to_o watch_v i_o what_o way_n i_o take_v in_o religion_n innumerable_a be_v the_o taunt_n and_o scoff_v cast_v on_o that_o way_n of_o worship_n which_o i_o have_v espouse_v and_o close_v with_o through_o all_o which_o i_o be_v carry_v with_o invincible_a courage_n many_o and_o sharp_a be_v the_o combat_n wherewith_o i_o encounter_v from_o my_o own_o relation_n especial_o the_o lord_n of_o santry_n in_o who_o family_n i_o then_o live_v and_o my_o father_n his_o brother_n who_o by_o their_o authority_n over_o i_o and_o the_o greatness_n of_o their_o learning_n and_o part_n between_o which_o and_o i_o there_o be_v no_o more_o compare_n than_o between_o the_o sun_n and_o a_o little_a twinkle_a star_n do_v frequent_o attack_v i_o to_o bring_v i_o back_o to_o the_o forsake_v church_n of_o england_n but_o all_o in_o vain_a one_o time_n above_o all_o other_o my_o lord_n observe_v that_o i_o absent_v not_o only_o the_o public_a worship_n but_o that_o of_o his_o family_n also_o send_v up_o his_o secretary_n another_o brother_n son_n to_o call_v i_o to_o prayer_n in_o the_o family_n on_o night_n my_o cousin_n deliver_v my_o lord_n command_v i_o reply_v that_o i_o be_v under_o some_o indisposition_n and_o therefore_o pray_v my_o cousin_n to_o excuse_v i_o to_o my_o lord_n down_o he_o go_v and_o no_o soon_o have_v he_o deliver_v my_o answer_n but_o up_o he_o come_v again_o with_o the_o same_o message_n from_o my_o lord_n i_o throw_v he_o off_o the_o second_o time_n with_o the_o same_o excuse_v allege_v that_o i_o can_v not_o come_v this_o answer_v bring_v to_o my_o lord_n the_o second_o time_n he_o in_o a_o great_a rage_n send_v up_o my_o cousin_n with_o a_o peremptory_a command_n that_o i_o must_v come_v to_o prayer_n my_o cousin_n stand_v some_o considerable_a time_n expect_v that_o i_o will_v answer_v my_o lord_n peremptory_a command_n but_o my_o answer_n be_v that_o see_v my_o lord_n have_v so_o plain_o impose_v on_o my_o conscience_n in_o command_v i_o to_o act_n against_o my_o conscience_n i_o think_v it_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o declare_v that_o until_o i_o better_o understand_v it_o to_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o obey_v his_o lordship_n in_o a_o thing_n of_o this_o nature_n than_o as_o yet_o i_o do_v i_o neither_o can_v nor_o will_v go_v to_o join_v in_o prayer_n with_o the_o family_n this_o reply_n come_v to_o my_o lord_n ear_n he_o let_v i_o alone_o for_o that_o night_n the_o next_o day_n my_o lord_n take_v i_o to_o task_n examine_v very_o strict_o and_o demand_v of_o i_o a_o reason_n wherefore_o i_o come_v not_o to_o prayer_n with_o the_o family_n see_v they_o never_o use_v the_o common-prayer_n in_o the_o family_n to_o who_o i_o make_v this_o reply_n my_o lord_n it_o be_v not_o from_o any_o aversion_n i_o have_v to_o prayer_n that_o keep_v i_o back_o from_o come_v to_o prayer_n with_o the_o family_n but_o the_o great_a dissatisfaction_n lodge_v in_o my_o conscience_n for_o my_o lord_n say_v i_o shall_v i_o under_o my_o present_a light_n and_o conviction_n go_v on_o my_o knee_n to_o join_v in_o such_o a_o service_n where_o god_n be_v so_o notorious_o dishonour_v and_o his_o glorious_a name_n so_o great_o profane_v my_o conscience_n will_v like_o a_o flame_n of_o fire_n fly_v in_o my_o face_n the_o lord_n then_o demand_v of_o i_o what_o i_o can_v object_n against_o the_o service_n perform_v in_o the_o family_n to_o who_o i_o reply_v that_o the_o chief_a objection_n i_o make_v be_v against_o the_o person_n who_o perform_v the_o service_n the_o lord_n demand_v what_o i_o have_v to_o object_n against_o the_o person_n who_o pray_v in_o the_o family_n to_o who_o i_o reply_v that_o i_o object_v against_o he_o for_o two_o thing_n first_o that_o he_o be_v a_o rot_a arminian_n deny_v the_o doctrine_n of_o election_n and_o justification_n by_o the_o alone_o impute_v righteousness_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o that_o he_o also_o hold_v fall_v from_o grace_n second_o for_o that_o he_o be_v in_o his_o life_n and_o conversation_n a_o notorious_a drunkard_n and_o a_o common_a curser_n and_o swearer_n etc._n etc._n my_o lord_n then_o demand_v why_o i_o do_v not_o come_v to_o family_n prayer_n when_o his_o son_n james_n say_v prayer_n reader_n thou_o must_v know_v that_o when_o the_o chaplain_n will_v be_v drink_v and_o ryot_v abroad_o sometime_o my_o lord_n son_n will_v be_v command_v to_o read_v one_o of_o the_o evening_n prayer_n at_o the_o end_n of_o some_o bibles_n to_o this_o i_o answer_v that_o his_o son_n be_v but_o a_o child_n and_o do_v not_o understand_v what_o he_o read_v lord_n have_v mercy_n on_o i_o say_v my_o lord_n who_o will_v you_o have_v pray_v in_o my_o family_n my_o lord_n say_v i_o i_o humble_o conceive_v no_o man_n living_n be_v fit_a for_o a_o service_n of_o this_o nature_n than_o your_o lordship_n the_o great_a god_n have_v make_v your_o lordship_n king_n and_o lord_n over_o your_o own_o family_n and_o have_v endue_v your_o lordship_n with_o such_o incomparable_a gift_n of_o knowledge_n and_o learning_n and_o i_o hope_v of_o grace_n too_o and_o pray_v sir_n say_v my_o lord_n how_o will_v you_o have_v i_o pray_v my_o lord_n