Vertue but I 'm afraid 't is to some more happy Lover Oliv. Why I have never enjoy'd you If Love were my Business might I not find it with you I never heard before that any thing besides Possession brought Satiety Wil. Did you never stay so long for your Dinner that your A petite was lost when you came to it methinks I see you reasoning with it then surveying me And crying ' twon't do it this the Treat I long'd for Oliv. Your comparison might hold indeed if you cou'd prove I had stay'd my Stomach before I came to Dinner But my Husband 's no such inviting Dish and I can assure you too provident to allow me much variety Enter Smyrna sick in his Night-Gown led by Pulse Pulse He 's a meer Quack and so you 'l say when you see him if you make use of him he 'l certainly be the Death of you Smyr Ay Doctor Pulse not unlikely Oliv. Oh Heavens defend me here 's my Husband Lord Mr. Smyrna you have affrighted me out of my Wits my very Heart beats in my Body Doctor Pulse said you were all in a Sweat and I 'm afraid you 'l catch your Death by rising in the Cold. Smyr 'T will be very well Mistress if I find your Heart agree with your Tongue But what Quack have you brought me here Nay face about Doctor I don't doubt your Experience nor Murdering by the Rules of Art Mercy on us Ay marry Sir this is like a Wife indeed What Mr. Wildman turned Physician Friend Pulse you need never have troubled your head about this business my Wife meant to keep this able Doctor to her self this Gentlemans design lay in supplanting me not you Wil. Impudence must carry me through aside Doctor your Patient is certainly Distracted a meer Frenzy has seized him Feel but his Pulse ay he 's fitter for his Bed than any place else I can't commend your Judgment in suffering him to rise in this desperate Condition let 's force him back to his Chamber Smyr If I am mad 't is horn mad you 'd carry me to my Chamber that you might Iye with my Wife in hers Pray Doctor Wildman be pleas'd to march I shall be able to wait upon you down and secure the Doors after you Be pleas'd to lead the way without further Ceremony I must own 't is uncivil but I make bold by your own example for I fear you have bin more so than welcome with a certain Acquaintance of yours Oliv. 'T is as I say Doctor retrieve your blunder or I am lost Pulse Never fear it Madam apart to Pulse Wild. Brother Doctor won't you assist me The Gentlemans unruly see how he struggles O Sir if you did but understand your own good you 'd to go Bed else you 're a lost Man Smyr Pulse Pulse Friend Pulse I say will you let me be murder'd by this Rogue this Villain Wildman I 'm almost strangl'd help help there I say I won't be carried from my Wife Wife Wife Where are you Pray Sir be satisfied and think me Cuckold enough for the first time Oliv. O dear Husband be perswaded and go to Bed you look strangely wild Phoe. Ay Master if you did but see your self what an altered Man your are bless me one wou'd not know you again Smyr Thanks to honest Whoring Mr. Wildman I always thought Horns wou'd bring a strange Alteration Pulse Good Lord what a Frenzy is this to mistake a Physician for a Lover To bed with him by all means and let him have some Cooling Tysans and refreshing Juleps to allay the heat of the Distemper perhaps a little sleep may restore him Your Hand Master Doctor Smyr Nay if you are in the same Song too I must be mad indeed When a man is to be made a Cuckold nothing can prevent it But pray let Master Doctor with the Whoring Countenance be dismist Phoe. He has never bin well since that Rogue of a Fortune-teller bewitch'd him Pulse Nay if that be his case it may be beyond our Art Brother best send for some godly Divine to Pray over him Oliv. That shall be my Care God restore him Doctor Pulse Phoebe lend your Hand he 'l struggle But we must prevail 't is for his good Smyr What 's the Devil in you all I am no more mad than any of you only a Cuckold and a little troubled at that Calamity no further Frantick I profess Pulse That 's enough of all Conscience In in with him Smyr Murder help Murder Murder They carry him off strugling Re-enter Wildman Wild. I have enough of the sport and had much rather see Olivia return Enter Phoebe Phoe. My Lady Sir desires you would please to be gone she 's resolved to stay by my Master for the better quieting of him But don't let this dishearten you your affairs shall go better than they have done or I 'll lose my Place and my Reputation too Wild. No I 'm at length convinc'd Olivias Virtue shou'd be rather Cherished than Seduced tho' I see whose ever Title we have to it we can be no more sure of Love than Money 't is not ours till we have it in Possession Exeunt omnes SCENE II. Lady Young Loves House SONG and MUSICK TO Love and all its Sweets adieu To glittering Hopes and glowing Fires To Eyes that Swore she wou'd be true And yield Philander his Desires Those Dear those faithless persur'd Eyes Those Fatal sweet deluding things The Shepherd now forgiving Dyes And dying mournfully he Sings Kinder Death than Cruel she Haste oh haste to set me free Enter Sir Amorous who throws down his Hat unbuttons his Coat crosses his Arms hangs down his Head and walks despairingly then enter Lady Young Love and Marina L. Y. L. They have given us but a Melancholy Song Daughter upon our Wedding day None here but Sir Amorous Lord Sir what can be the reason of this disorder Jesu forbid that so handsom a young Gentleman shou'd have as much despair in his Heart as Person Marina go and bid Isabel be sure to mind what I told her Mar. Yes Madam Well done Mother get as large a share of the Sex as you can I 'll not stay to dispute your Title Exit Marina L. Y. L. What don't you know me Sir Amorous Bless me what not answer me Sir Am. Too well Madam I know you as the cause of all my ills the glorious cause of my undoing L. Y. L. Lord my mind misgave me when I heard that mournful Song Sir Am. I must confess 't was dull unfit for Brides and cou'd but dead your thoughts L. Y. L. But Sir Amorous what is the real occasion of this Sadness Sir Am. Let me dye Madam if your Ladiship does not ridicule my sufferings Have you forgot what I told you last Night that and a thousand times more lyes heavy on my Heart to day and unless you resolve to see me dead you must not marry Mr. Wilmore He a Wretch insensible of all
People that wou'd not go out of their Road tho' to be less odious Mor. They were famously set out I warrant you Ori. O most unsuitably the very sight of their Trappings wou'd have made you died of heat of all things I hate Winter Cloaths in Summer what say you Beliria Bel. That there are a sort of People that think Finery never out of season Orin Lard Marina I finish't a Copy of Verses last night which I have sent to half a score of my Friends for their approbation I bestow'd the last upon admirable Sir Amorous Courtal but I 'le send you one of them Mor. You 'l not fail Ori. Lard Madam what do you take me for Beliria must come in too for a Judge Bel. Pray what was the Subject Mor. I know none so Entertaining as her self Ori. O Madam your most grateful Servant 't was upon the different Addresses I have had made to me of late O Jesu such a glut of Foppery and Mankind I long to breath a little of the Country Air that I may get rid of this Town Lumber and entertain my Muse alone with the reflections of what she has left behind Mor. But who is that Sir Amorous Courtall he 's sprung up since my reign Ori. O Gud a very pretty Gentleman Marina so Airy so well Drest so Handsom Bel. See how Opinions differ if you 'l take mine Marina he 's the most out-cast Fop in Nature he once made the Campagne but all he remembers of it is running to Breda which has given him fears enough to keep at home all his life after Mar. Orinda Will you favour me with your Company to night we have Musick and Dancing Ori. I 'le wait upon you anon 't is my Lady Junket's Visiting day and she 'l never pardon me if I omit my Devoir Bel. O that old Gossipping thing she 'l never have lost the relish of youth but wishes so well too 't she 'l bring young loving things together in spight of their Hearts Ori. Fye Beliria Gude I hate you for being so censorious because she allows the freedom of her Apartment to Quality of both Sexes A Lady of her age can't be friendly or so but presently she is thought procurish Bel. O very friendly and then so grateful one Treat shall make her yours all her life after Enter Sir Amorous Courtall Wildmore and Wildman Wil. Ladies your humble Servant 't is a delicate Evening Mar. Sir your Servant see Beliria Orinda is stealing away go after and bring her back Bel. I have ill Nature enough to break an Appointment and I fancy here is one Ex. after Orinda Wil. To Mar. I have that to say which it concerns you to know favour me but with an opportunity after Supper and let Beliria know nothing of it Mar. In the Garden I 'le expect you Wil. Ten thousand ages till then O Marina do not fail me my Heart will suffer unspeakably if you shou'd Mor. No more take my word I 'le be there Enter Orinda and Beliria Ori. O Jesu sure Beliria you have lost your senses who wou'd be seized thus Bel. Together and so thoughtful I see the growing evil Aside Sir Am. Let me be nothing Madam if ever I saw any thing so killing as your Eyes they have Charms my Heart never understood before Mar. Yours is a general gallantry to the whole Sex Sir Amorous Orin Lard Sir Amorous what a loss shou'd we have had if you had made the Campagne Sir Am. I must confess I staid in pure Charity to the fair Sex to expose them by my absence was an inhumanity my Heart cou'd not agree to Mar. I fancy Sir Amorous you are very fortunate in Amours Sir Am. Let me expire Madam if I have any reason to complain but those fair Eyes makes me forget every thing but themselves Bel. I swear Mrs. Wildman you talk pleasantly come Marina shall we not be going Mar. When you please Orinda we must not leave you behind Wil. You 'l give me leave to wait on you to your Coach Ladies Wild. Sir Amorous not so fast come back Ex. Monet Wild. Sir Am I 've a word with you Sir Am. Pax on you let me go I must wait upon the Ladies 't is such an omission that I shall never be pardon'd nor deserve the Esteem of a Gentleman amongst them Wild. You may appologize for that anon I call'd you back to give you a little Advice Sir Am. Be sudden then I cannot live divided from Marina Wild. The old fire that flames upon sight of every new Face but I design you for another who exceeds her in advantages as much as you do all the Play-house Beaus in Dress and Gallantry Sir Am. No ill Comparison who is it I dye to know Wild First then she 's prodigious rich wears extravagant fine Cloaths and has the best way of putting them on Sir Am. O of all things I love a Lady well Drest let me be nothing if one that is other does not look mean and as if she were to be loved according Wild. Then she 's Amorous and will no doubt be presently taken with you Sir Am. ' Pshaw Pax so they all tell me I cou'd have bated her that part of the Character 't is surfeiting Wild. Her Fortune however is enviting if you apply your self to her she 's rich enough to reward your labour Sir Am. Let me expire if thou dost not talk scandalously I hope 't is not Matrimony thou hint'st at Wild. Why you 're too much a Man of Mode to make the burthen uneasie to you a Civil Husband and so forth is all that a Wife can rationally expect from you Sir Am. Gad now I think on 't Cold Civility to a Wife gives one a good air let me dye if I cou'd be fond of an Angel that I was once Married to but to be seen abroad with her were an extravagance I shou'd never forgive my self for Wild. Or if it shou'd happen once in an Age I fancy you you wou'd make just such meen as my Lord Stately and his Lady when they are together in one Coach at Hyde-Park Sir Am. Just for all the World or let me expire let me never breath if I have not been passionately in love with her uneasie Frowns and even ravish't to find during the whole Park time she had not bestow'd one word nor look upon her Lord one wou'd have sworn but by her Frowns she had not known him to be so near her Wild. Gad I think he matches her his lolling back in his Coach without glance or motion speaks as much mortification as her sulleness the best we can conclude is that they 'r heartily weary of one another Sir Am. Shew me that Married Couple who are not but then there 's good Management in those Affairs as in all others Is it reasonable to disgust one self with a Wives Company only to oblige the Town with Matter for remark let her take her Coach and leave me the freedom of
down as sueh in a Chair Tim. From Hell's deep Center hither am I come To warn thee Mortal of thy heavy doom Thy Wife is Chaste yet shalt thou not believe Thy Visionary Doubts thy Mind deceive Therefore remain accurst and may'st thou find Thy constant plague in thy suspicious Mind Descends Oliv. Mr. Knowlittle accept of this Gratuity my Husband faints Lord I wish his fears have not taken away his use of Hearing He 'll never remember what the Devil said to him Know Sir Sir How fares it with you Oliv. Lord How do you do dear Husband I 'm frighted out of my Wits I 'll never venture to the Devil again with you you shall e'en go by your self next time for me Smyr Ay poor Wife as thou say'st thou wilt I believe for sake me in all Perils but is he gone are you sure Know Gone Yes Sir what do you think by vertue of my Art I can lay as well as raise This 't was to be incredulous and undervalue the Mysteries of Knowledge I was sorced to use extraordinary means to convince you O the Blindness snd Stony-heartedness of the Ignorant Smyr Pray let a Coach be call'd I 'm very ill but Master Fortune-Teller your Skill in the Black-Art shan't make me believe my Wife the Fairer Oliv. 'T is the Capricio of all Old Men Jealous of every thing that 's Younger than themselves Know Ay poor Lady Heaven endow you with Patience There 's a Coach Sir Smyr Is there come Wife good Night Friend Know Sir your Servant Madam your Servant Tim. wait upon the Gentry to the Coach Ex. Smy Oliv. Tim. Verily this Evening has helped the Morning and both together made a good Day few better Enter Tim. Now Tim. thou didst it admirably Tim. Ay Master did not I He little thinks that from my hiding place I over-heard all he said but how did the Habit set upon me Know As like as the Devil cou'd be every one in there way Tim. all Trades have their Cheats and this is to be said for ours we do it with their own consents Tim. Ay Master better this than worse every thing wou'd fain live and we do but our honest endeavours thereto Know Come let 's go in and pray to morrow may but prove as good a Day Exeunt Omnes SCENE II. Lady Young Loves House Enter Sir Rustick Wildman and Belira Wild. TO Morrow Sir Rustick is the happy day Sir Rus Be-gad I long for the Sack-posset and throwing the Stocking that was the Fashion when I was Married and a good Sociable one too I mean to make use of it still He he he I have bin telling her how eager all the young Fellows will be of hitting the Bride in the Face but be-dad I hope I shall hit her better somewhere else before George I 'll try to get a Nap in this Chair and Dream of to Morrow before to Morrow comes Bel. Sir Rustick is falling asleep over his Wooing When we force Nature beyond her self she must return for a recruit Wild. Be-gad Madam You don't know what an Insipid Fellow I am this way I never Love taking fruitless pains If I had not a real Inclination for you the Devil take me I if wou'd pretend it For where 's the satisfaction of dissembling when that which shou'd be a reward to our endeavours disgusts our Inclinations Bel. You Men of the Town never value a Woman for her self 't is only to increase the Wretched number tho' your selves are never the better for it Wild. That 's only seen amongst the Loose Idle part of Mankind who not setting a value upon their own Reputations think it no fault to Expose a Lady Bel. Well not disputing any further your Talent of Secrecy what Security can you give of your Sincerity Wild. Your Charms and the opinion the World has of my Sense Be-gad wou'd you have a more undoubted one If a Woman be very handsome and meets with a Man who has Wit enough to know and value it the Consequence speaks it self and needs no Corroborating Evidence Bel. Well enough of this to Night I receive you for my Lover and as such you must do me what Service I desire Wilmore and you are mighty Friends Has he told you nothing of his concern for Marina Wild. He 's to Marry her Mother Besides Child I never care to hear those sort of secrets for fear they shou'd expect mine in return Bel. However indifferent your are I 'll tell you one tho' the Report runs of to Morrow Wilmore must Marry my Lady Young Love privately this Night and if you please you shall have the Honour of bestowing her upon him Wild. Your Commands wou'd make greater difficulties easie but Pox why this haste to bring a young Fellow into slavery Does he know the Design Bel. She carried him hence to tell him I can't imagine how she 'l bring it about for I fancy one must be a good deal out of Countenance to let a young Fellow know one has a mind to lye with him one Night sooner than he design'd Wild. Ay or desired for if I were to be Mr. Bridgroom that wou'd be my Case always with an old Woman But where is he now Bel. Shut up with her in her Closet if you 'l stay a Moment I 'll go see what 's become of ' em Exit Belira Bel. If we don't take care this Gipsey will be too cunning for us all Pox take Sir Amorous Where can he stay Enter Isabel Isa Is Madam Belira here My Lady Enquires for her Wild. No Child she 's just gone but here 's a Friend of yours wou'd be glad to see you at my Lodgings Isa I assure you Mr. Wildman you are mistaken in me I wou'd not be a Whore if you wou'd keep me a Coach and Six Horses to tend me all days of my Life Wild. Nay now I 'm sure you lye Exit Isabel Enter Wilmore Wil. Pox take all old Amorous Women I stinck of Petter as bad as her self I fancy it to be like our Perriwiggs that retain the scent of Tobacco after being in a City Coffee-House Belira has told you Wild. Yes yes Have you seen Marina Wil. Where shou'd I see her in her Mother's Closet Be-gad you wou'd have laught your self to Death to hear her break the business to me She was in so good a Humour that had I not wanted Witnesses she wou'd have sign'd without consulting her Oracle Belira VVild. 'T is pity the Poor Lady shou'd be disappointed of a Husband Sir Amorous shall Marry her VVil. But how I don't think it feasible VVild. We 'll try to turn our Modern Comedy-Plots into good sober earnest and make her Marry one for another VVil. Impossible Belira is her shadow and not to be deceived They stay Supper for us my appointment holds with Marina the Musick will amuse the rest of the Company if possible don't let Belira follow us VVild. If she follows you I 'll follow her I assure you
your Charms And who seeks his Happiness in anothers Arms. L. Y. L. He Lord he 's the Modestest Gentleman so Civil he never prest for the least Favour no not for a Kiss and that you 'l say's but a small one but when he cou'd not decently avoid it Sir Am. A Wretch is it possible Madam that the Transports of a Man when alone with so fine a Woman Oh Madam Were it but permitted me But why do I vainly meditate on any thing but Death L. Y. L. Death Heaven forbid Indeed I am very sorry I was not acquainted with you before things came to this extremity But as to Mr. Wilmore he is so bashful and so modest Lord you wou'd not believe any thing else in him Sir Am. All that a Rival can say will be suspected But say I clear'd it to you what then shall be my reward L. Y. L. Indeed I shou'd be furiously angry to find him so cold only to me Sir Am. If your Ladyship will let me wait upon you to the Garden I 'll clear the matter to you Exeunt Omnes SCENE Changes to the Garden Wilmore Belira meets him Wil. DO you remember our last Discourse Belira Bel. Can I ever forget any thing where you 'r concern'd Wil. Then I must tell you I 'm resolved to Marry where I best can like not for conveniency alone 't is sinful and you and I and all must live to dye Bel. So godly one wou'd think your Time were come You have forgot sure Marina is to marry your Father Sir Amorous and Lady Young Love appear absconding Wil. She never will Belira therefore if you have Loved shew it in this only proof I ever ask't and let me marry her Bel. How dare you think the question much less to ask it I only live for you in hopes of you and when those hopes are gone I 've done with life the heavy load will not be worth the bearing the very thought has loosn'd it and I want pow'r to answer Wil. No Tears Belira we will be always Friends your Honour shall be safe and you my chiefest care Bel. What can pay Love but Love Marinas Arms will make you cold to mine nor can I stoop to share your hurt O yet consider e're it be too late think on the Wreck the ruin of your Fortune the flowing Tides of Poverty that ruins all it covers and lastly think on an unhappy Wretch whose only fault is desperate Love of you Wil. I 've thought on all and nicely weighed the Sense the consequence is this I Love Marina and rather than not marry her wou'd be undone therefore if you can save me 't will be Noble and like the Love you promised Bel. What Generosity canst thou hope to find where only injuries are given what suffering tame deluded Monster dost thou think me My Wrongs have waked that Rage which Wonder had be-calm'd and I am now prepared to dash thy hopes and prove thee Traytor to thy Vows and me Wil. Be wise Belira We live not now in those Romantick constant days where their first Mistress was their last I lik'd you once and still esteem you but Vows that are made in Love are writ in sand It 's impossible to recal a Lovers Heart when once 't is made a Present to another shou'd it return 't wou'd sooner Love a third Bel. Thou needst not seek for Arguments to kill my Hopes thus I blow them from me Farewel for ever both to thy Love and them thou hast Lov'd me little but thou knowst me less Vengeance is due to thy mistake I only live to wish and hope to see it take your Minion Love her as long as you are used to Love a Woman and then let want of Wealth and Liberty pursue you Be poorly Wretched and Wretched Poor and may you hate the cause as bad as I do Curse for her sake the very name of Woman yet think on me and sigh for such a Friend But may no Friend be found till scorned at home thou seekest abroad some Wretched Death unknown Going to Lady Young Love Sir Amorous meets her L. Y. L. What have I heard and seen Belira Is it possible it shou'd be you Bel. Villain hast thou betray'd me Madam I warn you from that Traytor Wilmore Exit Belira L. Y. L. Mr. Wilmore I am sorry I was so long your pretence Sir Amorous This discovery has done me mighty Service and I am sorry I cannot express my Gratitude to you Wil. I have too justly offended your Ladyship ever to hope Forgiveness I only beg your Anger may not fall upon Marina she 's an Innocent cause L. Y. L. The Age is quite Debauch'd Jesu who shall we trust after this Belira naught and with modest Mr. Wilmore I am in such amaze I can't recover my self Enter Wildman and Marina Wild. What 's the matter I met Belira in a mighty rage she ran to this Ladies Chamber with a drawn Sword 't was lucky I was in the way else she had murdered her Mar. I shan't recover the fright this month Mr. Wildman has saved my life Wil. He shall always command mine for it but what 's become of her Mar. When she saw her self Defeated she sent for a Chair and went away in it I have not yet troubled my self to know where L. Y. L. No 't is no matter since my House is rid of her I shall take care who I entertain a good opinion of again Wild. Prithee Wilmore no Chagrin This was my Plot I durst not trust thee with it and therefore advised thee to meet her in the Garden I knew thy soft Nature wou'd not suffer thee to Expose an ill Woman tho' to make thy self happy in a good Wil. If you had 't wou'd never have come to this my Pity is due to an unhappy Woman who had never bin such if She had not known me Wild. You 'l make Marina Jealous Wil. I hope not she wou'd not have me Barbarous Enter Sir Rustick Good-heart Sir Rus Where are ye all Before George the Canonical hour will be past yonder 's the other Young Gentlewoman gone away Distracted Wild. Sir Rustick here 's a new Scene of Affairs Marina Swears She has more mind to be your Daughter than your Wife and that 't is better to Drink Caudle by a young Fellow than be oblig'd to make it for an Old Sir Rus Be-gad I don't believe a word of this You are not of his mind Sweet-heart Mr. Priest-Craft is ready to spoil your sport Sir and begin ours L. Y. L. Indeed Sir Amorous you have convinc'd me of the reality of your Passion and were it not for the talk of the Town you shou'd find me not so insensible as you imagine Sir Am. Let me be nothing Madam if this unexpected Marriage will not put them all out of Countenance and baulk their Spleen they are prepared by Mr. Wilmore's concern for your Daughter to laugh at your Ladyship No Wedding Let me expire if it wou'd